Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Guest: Mawaan Rizwan

Release Date: September 10, 2025
Episode Theme: “Your Dream Meal” — With surreal, playful, and heartfelt choices from comedian, writer and BAFTA-winner Mawaan Rizwan

Overview

In their signature style of irreverent food chat and digression, Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome Mawaan Rizwan to the Dream Restaurant. Mawaan brings a uniquely nostalgic and eccentric menu, blending sincere childhood memories with surreal fantasies (Teletubby food, anyone?), alongside stories about his creative process, family, communal living, and a love-hate relationship with English cuisine. This is an episode filled with laughter, memorable quotes, and much discussion about the texture and sensation of food—the crackle, the skin, the crispy scrapings.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Introduction & Banter

[03:54–06:23]

Ed and James reminisce about Mawaan’s Taskmaster appearances—most notably, his “making the cow disappear” trick and the infamous “helium in an egg” attempt.
They joke about the “Secret Ingredient”: If a guest chooses an egg filled with helium, they’ll be ejected from the Dream Restaurant.
Mawaan is lauded as a BAFTA winner for his show “Juice” and discusses shared glory and imposter syndrome over creative awards.

Quote:
“He tried to put helium in an egg.”
—Ed Gamble, [04:49]

2. Setting the Scene / Food Nostalgia and Rituals

[06:31–13:45]

Mawaan opens with, “My body is ready,” as the Dream Restaurant begins.
He describes his habit of not eating all day before a special meal—snacking on crisps for “empty calories,” so he stays hungry but not starving.
Discussion ensues about nutrition misunderstandings, bold cycling along canals, London life, and mangoes' cultural importance.

Quote:
“You know when you just have loads of potatoes and it fills you up?”
—Mawaan Rizwan on “big potato lunch,” [07:30]

Insight:
Mawaan reflects a food philosophy of balancing anticipation and satisfaction—holding out for the big experience but not going overboard with hunger.

3. Awards, Anxiety, and the Surreal

[12:01–14:50]

Brief, comic detour on naming conventions (‘series’ vs ‘season’) and the pressures of following up a BAFTA-winning show.
Mawaan gets real about imposter syndrome, wishing “to make my show in a cave, not be compared to anyone.”
“Juice” Series 2 will be even weirder, leaning into horror-comedy and stylistic risk.

Quote:
“Let me just make a show and then don’t compare it to anything and don’t tell me it’s good.”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [12:52]

4. Mango Chutney, Mangoes & Food Authenticity

[13:50–17:22]

Mawaan confesses he “hates juice” and mango chutney, calling the latter “just sugar,” despite loving real mangoes.
Dissection of how “mango” flavor in products is rarely accurate (“Mango shower gel is apple. Mango vape: triple mango is triple pineapple and apple.”)
Joyful exaltation of Asian/Pakistani/Jamaican mangoes—presented in shops with gold tinsel and pride.

Quote:
“If it was in that other room, we could smell it from here.”
—Mawaan on superior mangoes, [15:15]

5. Still or Sparkling (and Communal Living Lessons)

[17:22–20:57]

Mawaan picks still water, branding sparkling “chaos” and recounting a pseudo-historical tale of carbonated water.
Lentil lore: breaking down why lentils must be soaked for gas avoidance, relayed from his years in a communal “commune” ("not wild wild country; it was a shit house") in Shadwell, complete with gas incidents.
Extension into communal sharing habits, and Mawaan’s quasi-leader potential (“I think you’re charismatic enough; you could convince some people to do that.”)

Quote:
“You gotta soak your lentils, girls. And you gotta do it like, all night.”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [19:15]

6. Dream Menu Selections

Poppadoms or Bread

[25:17–28:08]

Without hesitation: “Poppadoms, all day; give me the crackle.”
Describes poppadoms as the perfect sensory, textural food—associating the sound with pleasure ("food is all about the sensuality, the sounds").
Ritual: prefers taking a whole poppadom, biting so it “goes everywhere,” relishing the mess.
Favourite dips: yogurt (raita), achar (Urdu for pickle), mango pickle (“that tastes like mango”), but never mango chutney.

Quote:
“I want poppadom in my—everywhere. I want to be finding it in my beard for weeks. You gotta make a mess.”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [27:47]

Starter: Tubby Toast (with Tubby Custard dip)

[33:04–40:21]

Childhood fantasy: The pink “tubby custard” and toast from Teletubbies. Wants the dish to look “plasticky and fake, like on the show.”
Describes the imagined taste: crispy, glossy-glazed toast (“like a thick poppadom with glazing… maybe royal icing”), pink custard that is “not too sweet, like Krispy Kreme filling but pink.”
Teletubby Land is an emblem of escape and comfort—but he doesn’t want the Teletubbies around (“just my friends and the baby sun; Nunu the Hoover can stay for cleanup”).

Quote:
“It needs to look really plasticky… Because it looked so fake, and that’s why it was so delicious.”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [37:08]

Main Course: English Food (Penne with Baked Beans, Butter, and Sweetcorn)

[42:19–47:22]

The ultimate “English Day” treat from his childhood: penne pasta mixed with a whole block of butter, Heinz baked beans, and sweetcorn.
Cites textural variety (“soft beans, a little bite from sweetcorn”), and claims the dish is “pure happiness, and it tasted like happiness.”
Sometimes topped with grated cheddar (“the weak fridge cheese”) for extra Englishness.

Quote:
“My mum would make English food… She’d get penne pasta, a whole block of butter, can of beans, can of sweet corn. There’s your English food and it tasted like happiness.”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [42:53]

Side Dish: Cheese Scrapings (“Dragonda”)

[50:17–53:35]

“Greatest pleasure” is the crispy, crusty burnt cheese scrapings from the edge of a cheese bake—wants an entire plate of them, “done up like a fancy meal.”
Prefers them from lasagna, especially with Edam cheese for good melting.
The side dish is humorously given a French-adjacent fancy title (“Dragonda”—dragon d’er, drag on the plate).

Quote:
“If you do any kind of cheese bake, the crusty bit on the side, that’s a bit burnt—the pan scraping—I want a whole plate of that.”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [50:36]

Drink: Faluda with Pistachio Ice Cream

[58:13–59:13]

Picks faluda, a South Asian dessert drink made with rose water, rose milk, vermicelli noodles, basil seeds, and a scoop of ice cream (“the gayest drink you’ll ever drink”—fluorescent pink, “amazing”).
Pistachio ice cream preferred “because green and pink.”
The pairing logic: “If McDonald’s can give you a milkshake with your meal, I can have faluda.”

Quote:
“Faluda—it’s the gayest drink you’ll ever drink. It’s amazing. Like, fluorescent pink.”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [58:57]

Dessert: Russell Tovey’s Bicep Cake

[66:34–71:16]

Recalls “the best cake [he] ever tasted”—a hyper-realistic cake version of Russell Tovey’s arm, made for a scene in Mawaan’s show “Juice.”
The cake: perfect Victoria sponge with fondant/marzipan exterior painted to look like Tovey’s flesh/veins.
Wishes for Russell placed on the table, arm presented “with a sprig of mint in the palm”—the whole theatre and absurdity contributing to the taste.

Quote:
“Something that looks like an arm when you bite into it… It was incredible. The jam was just jamming, the buttery top was just buttery topping… it was so good, man.”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [68:15]

7. Food, Ritual, and Playfulness

[71:16–72:41]

The menu is read back—Mawaan sheepishly acknowledges its juvenile surrealism, but also its sincerity and inventiveness.
Ed and James express genuine fascination and desire to taste these items, especially the cheese scrapings, Teletubby food, and the “English food.”

8. Memorable Tangents & Quotes

On dreams: “I have nightmares about hiding a body somewhere and I’ve not even done that.” ([21:50])
On seeing his therapist in public: “We nodded at each other like spies.” ([24:45])
On nostalgia and escapism: “Life’s easy in Tubby Land.” ([35:45])
On pragmatic culinary invention: “I’m obsessed with making the byproduct the main meal.” ([55:35])

Timestamps for Notable Moments

Taskmaster & Secret Ingredient: [04:43]
Mawaan’s method for pre-meal hunger: [07:00–07:44]
Mangoes, Gold Tinsel, and Asian Shop Rituals: [15:11–16:09]
Commune & Lentil Soaking Wisdom: [19:15–20:31]
Popcorn/food mess rituals: [28:08]
Dream Starters (Teletubby Food Jeopardy): [33:04–40:21]
English Food Main Course: [42:19–47:22]
Greatest Pleasure—Cheese Scrapings: [50:17–53:35]
Faluda Description: [58:13–59:13]
Russell Tovey Arm Cake: [66:34–71:16]

Final Words & Tone

This episode exemplifies Off Menu’s blend of comedic chaos, pop culture nostalgia, culinary honesty, and guest-led tangents. Mawaan Rizwan’s menu is whimsical but rooted in the sensory, textural, and emotional “crackle” that makes food memorable. From poppadoms and childhood penne-and-bean concoctions to surreal arm-cake and faluda, every dish is presented with affectionate detail and a big laugh.

Closing Quote:
“Now that’s a menu. That’s good, isn’t it?”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [72:02]

Hosts’ Take:
“The cheese scrapings: stroke of genius for me… I would also try the custard skin, considering the amount of effort that went into making… What a guy.”
—James Acaster, [73:40]*

Menu Summary

Water: Still
Bread/Poppadom: Poppadoms (whole, for the “crackle”), all dips except mango chutney
Starter: Tubby Toast and Tubby Custard (imaginary Teletubby food)
Main: “English Food” — Penne pasta, block of butter, Heinz baked beans, sweetcorn, (optional: grated cheddar)
Side: Cheese scrapings (“Dragonda”) from the edge of a lasagna, preferably with Edam, elegantly plated
Drink: Faluda (rose milk, vermicelli, basil seeds, pistachio ice cream)
Dessert: Ultra-realistic Russell Tovey bicep cake, marzipan and Victoria sponge, presented with a mint sprig

For a full journey through both the absurd and the affectionate, this episode is essential listening for food, comedy, and Taskmaster fans alike.

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Guest: Mawaan Rizwan

Release Date: September 10, 2025
Episode Theme: “Your Dream Meal” — With surreal, playful, and heartfelt choices from comedian, writer and BAFTA-winner Mawaan Rizwan

Overview

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Introduction & Banter

[03:54–06:23]

Ed and James reminisce about Mawaan’s Taskmaster appearances—most notably, his “making the cow disappear” trick and the infamous “helium in an egg” attempt.
They joke about the “Secret Ingredient”: If a guest chooses an egg filled with helium, they’ll be ejected from the Dream Restaurant.
Mawaan is lauded as a BAFTA winner for his show “Juice” and discusses shared glory and imposter syndrome over creative awards.

Quote:
“He tried to put helium in an egg.”
—Ed Gamble, [04:49]

2. Setting the Scene / Food Nostalgia and Rituals

[06:31–13:45]

Mawaan opens with, “My body is ready,” as the Dream Restaurant begins.
He describes his habit of not eating all day before a special meal—snacking on crisps for “empty calories,” so he stays hungry but not starving.
Discussion ensues about nutrition misunderstandings, bold cycling along canals, London life, and mangoes' cultural importance.

Quote:
“You know when you just have loads of potatoes and it fills you up?”
—Mawaan Rizwan on “big potato lunch,” [07:30]

Insight:
Mawaan reflects a food philosophy of balancing anticipation and satisfaction—holding out for the big experience but not going overboard with hunger.

3. Awards, Anxiety, and the Surreal

[12:01–14:50]

Brief, comic detour on naming conventions (‘series’ vs ‘season’) and the pressures of following up a BAFTA-winning show.
Mawaan gets real about imposter syndrome, wishing “to make my show in a cave, not be compared to anyone.”
“Juice” Series 2 will be even weirder, leaning into horror-comedy and stylistic risk.

Quote:
“Let me just make a show and then don’t compare it to anything and don’t tell me it’s good.”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [12:52]

4. Mango Chutney, Mangoes & Food Authenticity

[13:50–17:22]

Mawaan confesses he “hates juice” and mango chutney, calling the latter “just sugar,” despite loving real mangoes.
Dissection of how “mango” flavor in products is rarely accurate (“Mango shower gel is apple. Mango vape: triple mango is triple pineapple and apple.”)
Joyful exaltation of Asian/Pakistani/Jamaican mangoes—presented in shops with gold tinsel and pride.

Quote:
“If it was in that other room, we could smell it from here.”
—Mawaan on superior mangoes, [15:15]

5. Still or Sparkling (and Communal Living Lessons)

[17:22–20:57]

Mawaan picks still water, branding sparkling “chaos” and recounting a pseudo-historical tale of carbonated water.
Lentil lore: breaking down why lentils must be soaked for gas avoidance, relayed from his years in a communal “commune” ("not wild wild country; it was a shit house") in Shadwell, complete with gas incidents.
Extension into communal sharing habits, and Mawaan’s quasi-leader potential (“I think you’re charismatic enough; you could convince some people to do that.”)

Quote:
“You gotta soak your lentils, girls. And you gotta do it like, all night.”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [19:15]

6. Dream Menu Selections

Poppadoms or Bread

[25:17–28:08]

Without hesitation: “Poppadoms, all day; give me the crackle.”
Describes poppadoms as the perfect sensory, textural food—associating the sound with pleasure ("food is all about the sensuality, the sounds").
Ritual: prefers taking a whole poppadom, biting so it “goes everywhere,” relishing the mess.
Favourite dips: yogurt (raita), achar (Urdu for pickle), mango pickle (“that tastes like mango”), but never mango chutney.

Quote:
“I want poppadom in my—everywhere. I want to be finding it in my beard for weeks. You gotta make a mess.”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [27:47]

Starter: Tubby Toast (with Tubby Custard dip)

[33:04–40:21]

Childhood fantasy: The pink “tubby custard” and toast from Teletubbies. Wants the dish to look “plasticky and fake, like on the show.”
Describes the imagined taste: crispy, glossy-glazed toast (“like a thick poppadom with glazing… maybe royal icing”), pink custard that is “not too sweet, like Krispy Kreme filling but pink.”
Teletubby Land is an emblem of escape and comfort—but he doesn’t want the Teletubbies around (“just my friends and the baby sun; Nunu the Hoover can stay for cleanup”).

Quote:
“It needs to look really plasticky… Because it looked so fake, and that’s why it was so delicious.”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [37:08]

Main Course: English Food (Penne with Baked Beans, Butter, and Sweetcorn)

[42:19–47:22]

The ultimate “English Day” treat from his childhood: penne pasta mixed with a whole block of butter, Heinz baked beans, and sweetcorn.
Cites textural variety (“soft beans, a little bite from sweetcorn”), and claims the dish is “pure happiness, and it tasted like happiness.”
Sometimes topped with grated cheddar (“the weak fridge cheese”) for extra Englishness.

Side Dish: Cheese Scrapings (“Dragonda”)

[50:17–53:35]

“Greatest pleasure” is the crispy, crusty burnt cheese scrapings from the edge of a cheese bake—wants an entire plate of them, “done up like a fancy meal.”
Prefers them from lasagna, especially with Edam cheese for good melting.
The side dish is humorously given a French-adjacent fancy title (“Dragonda”—dragon d’er, drag on the plate).

Quote:
“If you do any kind of cheese bake, the crusty bit on the side, that’s a bit burnt—the pan scraping—I want a whole plate of that.”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [50:36]

Drink: Faluda with Pistachio Ice Cream

[58:13–59:13]

Picks faluda, a South Asian dessert drink made with rose water, rose milk, vermicelli noodles, basil seeds, and a scoop of ice cream (“the gayest drink you’ll ever drink”—fluorescent pink, “amazing”).
Pistachio ice cream preferred “because green and pink.”
The pairing logic: “If McDonald’s can give you a milkshake with your meal, I can have faluda.”

Quote:
“Faluda—it’s the gayest drink you’ll ever drink. It’s amazing. Like, fluorescent pink.”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [58:57]

Dessert: Russell Tovey’s Bicep Cake

[66:34–71:16]

Recalls “the best cake [he] ever tasted”—a hyper-realistic cake version of Russell Tovey’s arm, made for a scene in Mawaan’s show “Juice.”
The cake: perfect Victoria sponge with fondant/marzipan exterior painted to look like Tovey’s flesh/veins.
Wishes for Russell placed on the table, arm presented “with a sprig of mint in the palm”—the whole theatre and absurdity contributing to the taste.

7. Food, Ritual, and Playfulness

[71:16–72:41]

The menu is read back—Mawaan sheepishly acknowledges its juvenile surrealism, but also its sincerity and inventiveness.
Ed and James express genuine fascination and desire to taste these items, especially the cheese scrapings, Teletubby food, and the “English food.”

8. Memorable Tangents & Quotes

On dreams: “I have nightmares about hiding a body somewhere and I’ve not even done that.” ([21:50])
On seeing his therapist in public: “We nodded at each other like spies.” ([24:45])
On nostalgia and escapism: “Life’s easy in Tubby Land.” ([35:45])
On pragmatic culinary invention: “I’m obsessed with making the byproduct the main meal.” ([55:35])

Timestamps for Notable Moments

Taskmaster & Secret Ingredient: [04:43]
Mawaan’s method for pre-meal hunger: [07:00–07:44]
Mangoes, Gold Tinsel, and Asian Shop Rituals: [15:11–16:09]
Commune & Lentil Soaking Wisdom: [19:15–20:31]
Popcorn/food mess rituals: [28:08]
Dream Starters (Teletubby Food Jeopardy): [33:04–40:21]
English Food Main Course: [42:19–47:22]
Greatest Pleasure—Cheese Scrapings: [50:17–53:35]
Faluda Description: [58:13–59:13]
Russell Tovey Arm Cake: [66:34–71:16]

Final Words & Tone

Closing Quote:
“Now that’s a menu. That’s good, isn’t it?”
—Mawaan Rizwan, [72:02]

Menu Summary

For a full journey through both the absurd and the affectionate, this episode is essential listening for food, comedy, and Taskmaster fans alike.

Mawaan Rizwan

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Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Guest: Mawaan Rizwan

Overview

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Introduction & Banter

2. Setting the Scene / Food Nostalgia and Rituals

3. Awards, Anxiety, and the Surreal

4. Mango Chutney, Mangoes & Food Authenticity

5. Still or Sparkling (and Communal Living Lessons)

6. Dream Menu Selections

Poppadoms or Bread

Starter: Tubby Toast (with Tubby Custard dip)

Main Course: English Food (Penne with Baked Beans, Butter, and Sweetcorn)

Side Dish: Cheese Scrapings (“Dragonda”)

Drink: Faluda with Pistachio Ice Cream

Dessert: Russell Tovey’s Bicep Cake

7. Food, Ritual, and Playfulness

8. Memorable Tangents & Quotes

Timestamps for Notable Moments

Final Words & Tone

Menu Summary

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Guest: Mawaan Rizwan

Overview

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Introduction & Banter

2. Setting the Scene / Food Nostalgia and Rituals

3. Awards, Anxiety, and the Surreal

4. Mango Chutney, Mangoes & Food Authenticity

5. Still or Sparkling (and Communal Living Lessons)

6. Dream Menu Selections

Poppadoms or Bread

Starter: Tubby Toast (with Tubby Custard dip)

Main Course: English Food (Penne with Baked Beans, Butter, and Sweetcorn)

Side Dish: Cheese Scrapings (“Dragonda”)

Drink: Faluda with Pistachio Ice Cream

Dessert: Russell Tovey’s Bicep Cake

7. Food, Ritual, and Playfulness

8. Memorable Tangents & Quotes

Timestamps for Notable Moments

Final Words & Tone

Menu Summary