Montaigne - Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Transcript

James Acaster (0:00)

I'm on tour. I'm on tour until August and there are still tickets available@jamesacaster.com I'm looking at you Glasgow, Belfast. Oh, there was somewhere else. Just please go on the website to buy tickets.

Montaigne (Jess) (0:14)

Please.

James Acaster (0:14)

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Montaigne (Jess) (0:19)

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Montaigne (Jess) (0:31)

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Ed Gamble (1:27)

howdy folks. This episode of Off Menu is brought to you by Boar's Head. The Friar's Turkey Breast.

James Acaster (1:32)

Imagine a backyard tradition, okay? A sun drenched afternoon, a massive vat of bubbling oil, and a man named Big Dave wearing goggles.

Ed Gamble (1:41)

It's a lot of effort for a bird.

James Acaster (1:42)

It's a lot of effort for a lunch, isn't it? Well, what if I told you that the Boar's Head has brought that exact backyard tradition right to the deli counter?

Ed Gamble (1:51)

Well, I'd say, James, you've finally lost it. And I think you lost it a while ago. But this is beyond the pale.

James Acaster (1:56)

Boar's Head brings to the deli the taste of deep fried turkey. It's all the seasoning and that golden fried glory of the Friar's Turkey Breast. But without Big Dave having to set up a perimeter in your garden.

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster: Montaigne (May 6, 2026)

Overview:

In this vibrant episode of Off Menu, hosts Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome acclaimed Australian musician Montaigne (Jess Cerro) into their “dream restaurant,” inviting them to build their ideal meal from starter to dessert—while dishing on music, queerness, vegetables, veganism, and more. The trio riff on everything from horror films and British history to heavy toast and the peculiarities of vegan Bloody Marys, all in classic Off Menu fashion: wickedly funny and affectionately chaotic.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Banter & Montaigne’s Introduction

The hosts enthuse about Montaigne's music, especially the new album It’s Hard to Be a Fish.
- James: “Every one of their albums, I’d say, has got better and better. Bearing in mind, started well. I loved the debut album.” (03:31)
They reveal the secret ingredient is “fish,” inspired by Montaigne’s album, but joke it’s unlikely to be a risk for a vegan guest (05:49).

On Horror Films, Australia & Life in the UK

Discussion of Australia’s reputation for scary horror films and its bleak, isolated landscapes.
- Montaigne: “When you get a bit more inland, it gets very sparse, gets very small populations. I feel like that’s good fodder for that sort of like what’s gonna happen kind of situation.” (08:41)
Montaigne shares UK touring experiences and reflects on differences with Australian audiences and cities.
- Montaigne: “It’s nice to come to a place where people are like, they’re buying tickets and they’re loving it.” (09:59)
Memorable chat about visiting Bristol and learning deeper local history, such as the Colston statue (10:15–12:30).

Making Music, Family, and the “Fish” Metaphor

Montaigne explains the personal, metaphorical meaning behind It’s Hard to Be a Fish, relating it to their queerness, family breakup, and personal growth.
- “The album is kind of about that... the grief of sort of having to disconnect yourself from your parents while they’re still alive... being on a shipwreck and then floating in the ocean, deciding where you’re gonna go next.” (15:00)
- “We’re like all fish, man. Yeah, we’re all being hunted by someone or something.” (17:56)
- Uses “fish” as a metaphor for queerness and fluidity: “There’s a lot of interesting stuff happening in the ocean. The males get pregnant. That’s cool... It reveals to us the world is not very clear cut... I liked it as an idea, like as a representation for queerness.” (19:09)

Dream Menu Choices

Water:

Sparkling, “for the high-brow restaurant experience” (19:50).
- “If you’re paying that much money, you’re getting the sparkling water.” – Montaigne (20:31)
Fun tangent about fancy restaurants possibly decanting cheap water. Penn & Teller’s “Bullshit” TV show gets name-checked. (21:34)

Bread vs. Poppadoms:

“Bread! I eat poppadoms very rarely... but bread is as a vegan, especially, an all the time thing.” (25:57)
Describes favorite “liquid heavy toast” at home: baked beans, tomatoes, kale, pickled onions, and more loaded onto sourdough. Hosts delight in this “liquid heavy toast” concept (26:47–27:33).
Dream restaurant bread: classic focaccia, served with sea salt, oil, and maybe balsamic vinegar. (31:18)

Starter:

Trio of vegetables—leek, fennel, celeriac—each cooked expertly, with sauce/jus. (32:57)
- Montaigne: “Like just done really well with like a little sauce and a jus…leek is lemony, fennel roasted or as kebab, celeriac pureed or as kebab.” (33:24)
- Expresses unabashed love for vegetables: “Not many people love vegetables. I love them.” (34:57)

Veggie Advocacy: The Lettuce Tangent

Advocates for extra lettuce with burgers—so you can “top up” and mop up extra sauce. (35:51)
- “It should be socially acceptable and free to ask for extra lettuce.” – Montaigne (37:56)
Draws laughter and debate from the hosts, who mostly disagree but appreciate the passion.

Main Course:

Home-cooked lentil Bolognese (rich with red wine, tomato, onion). Prefers brown lentils.
- “It's honestly better than like a regular like beef Bolognese... you can eat a lot of it and you don’t feel gross in your tummy.” (40:10)
- Vegan parmesan on top; agrees a heavier pasta like fettuccine is good but can be tricky to cook. (41:00)

Side Dish:

Blackened carrots from Smith & Daughters (Melbourne), with herb yogurt and Aleppo pine nut butter—memorable for inspiring nearly antisocial behavior:
- “I almost turned into that guy. These carrots are so delicious.” (51:29)
- Reflects on the importance of just ordering more when you love a dish.

Drink:

Bloody Mary—loves spice and tomato, not fussy on elaborate garnishes, just wants a classic celery stick.
- “My dream drink’s pretty basic. I think it’s just a Bloody Mary. I love Bloody Mary. I love tomato anything.” (58:30)
Laughs about always suffering with chili in banh mi sandwiches, “snot down here, tears, like everything… but I just have to.” (60:37)

Dessert:

Smith & Daughters vegan tiramisu. “That was... one of the most delicious things I’ve ever eaten in my whole life... they actually do this you can just buy it from the fridge and you take it home. And I did that as well and it was as good from the fridge.” (65:03–65:35)
Talks vegan baking, sweet tooth changes over time, and nostalgia for “decadent” choc chip cookies eaten in the cinema: “[As a kid] just eat the whole thing. That was the best.” (70:29)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Fish Metaphor: “We’re like all fish, man. Yeah, we’re like all being hunted by someone or something.” – Montaigne, 17:56
On Queerness & Ocean Metaphor: “Fish is a term that is...slang among trans people sometimes. I liked it as an idea, as a representation for queerness…seahorses, the males get pregnant. That’s cool.” – Montaigne, 18:42–19:09
Burger Lettuce Rant: “All burgers should come with a pile of shredded lettuce on the side, so when you’re eating a burger, if you want to top up, you can...you can just mop it up with the lettuce.” – Montaigne, 35:51
Vegan Lentil Bolognese: “It's honestly better than a regular beef Bolognese or mince...It's so delicious and it’s so cheap. Just make it at home.” – Montaigne, 40:09
Dessert Sweet Tooth: “I have a pretty sweet tooth, but I can't hoof it like I used to... three bites, I'm like, okay, that's good. Like, I enjoyed that and that's enough.” – Montaigne, 64:49
Dream Drink: “My dream drink’s, like, pretty basic. I think it’s just a Bloody Mary. I love Bloody Mary. I love tomato. Honestly, like, close second tomato juice.” – Montaigne, 58:30
Smith & Daughters Vegan Tiramisu: “That was the most, one of the most delicious things I’ve ever eaten in my whole life.” – Montaigne, 65:24

Timestamped Highlights

[03:25] James shares discovering Montaigne’s music in his “2016 project” phase.
[05:49] “Fish” is chosen as the secret ingredient, referencing Montaigne’s album.
[08:41] Montaigne explains Australia’s horror aesthetic and landscape isolation.
[10:15–12:30] Discussing Bristol’s history, Colston statue, and local museums.
[15:00–19:46] Montaigne unpacks the album It’s Hard to Be a Fish, family estrangement, queerness, and compassion through “fish” metaphor.
[19:50] Picks sparkling water; group muses on restaurant water practices.
[25:57] Bread vs. poppadoms: “Bread, for me” as a vegan, with detailed sourdough and “liquid heavy toast” home ritual.
[32:57] Starter: “A really nice leek, fennel, celeriac... with a little sauce and a jus.”
[35:51] Montaigne's “extra lettuce with burgers” dream.
[40:09] Main course: vegan lentil Bolognese, home recipe, rich and comforting.
[51:29] Montaigne describes almost anti-social carrot-hoarding at Smith & Daughters: “These carrots are so delicious…wanted to eat all of this.”
[58:30] Dream drink: Bloody Mary, crisp and spicy; sadness at bar over-elaboration.
[65:24] Dessert love: Smith & Daughters vegan tiramisu.
[76:25] Discussion of Montaigne’s independence from her label and reliance on Bandcamp/Patreon for income.

Wrap-Up and Reflections

Meal Recap: Sparkling water, focaccia bread, trio of vegetable starters (leek, fennel, celeriac), lentil Bolognese (made by her partner), blackened carrots (Smith & Daughters), Bloody Mary, and vegan tiramisu (also Smith & Daughters).
Personal Touch: Menu reflects Montaigne’s veganism, love of vegetables and simple, well-cooked food, plus nods to music, queerness, and personal growth.
Outro: Hosts thank Montaigne, promote their album and tour, and reflect on music vs. food talk and their own attempts at being “cool around musicians.”
- Ed: “Thank you very much to Montaigne for coming on the pod. Go and have a listen to It’s Hard to Be a Fish.” (80:09)

Further Recommendations

Find Montaigne: Bandcamp, Patreon, and tour tickets at montaignemusic.com
Discover Smith & Daughters: Iconic Melbourne vegan cuisine, highly praised in this episode.
Listen to It’s Hard to Be a Fish: For fans of thoughtful, emotional, sonically adventurous music.

This episode is a playful, thoughtful tour through identity, food, and fandom—vegetable-forward, vegan-delicious, and full of bright confessional warmth, delivered with Off Menu’s signature wit and Montaigne’s candid charm.