Nicola Coughlan (Tasting Menu – Live at the Royal Albert Hall)

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster – Live at the Royal Albert Hall: Nicola Coughlan (Tasting Menu)

Episode Date: July 13, 2026
Guest: Nicola Coughlan
Setting: Live show at the Royal Albert Hall

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Episode Overview

This live episode features actress Nicola Coughlan (Derry Girls, Bridgerton) returning to the "Off Menu" podcast, but this time with a twist: instead of choosing her own dream meal, she’s tasting the menu of previous guest Siobhán McSweeney. The show combines classic Off Menu food chat, chaotic banter, and behind-the-scenes tales from Nicola’s personal and professional life, all with the raucous energy of a packed Royal Albert Hall.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Nicola’s Return & Recap of Her First Episode

• The Infamous Lockout: Nicola recaps being locked out of her flat during her last Off Menu appearance over Zoom, including the ordeal of breaking into her neighbor’s flat to retrieve a spare key ([09:21]).
• On the Tasting Menu Format: The hosts explain Nicola will be reacting to and discussing Siobhán McSweeney’s previous menu, not her own ([14:22]).

2. Food, Snacks & Dressing Room Antics

• The hosts reminisce about the thoughtfulness of the Plosive team providing guest-specific drinks/snacks backstage ([03:08]).
• Banter on how Ed and James handle dressing room snacks (“If we go in and there’s ... chockies and stuff ... I don’t want that there.” –Ed Gamble [03:57]).

3. Menu Reveal: Siobhán McSweeney’s Choices

Water

• Siobhán’s pick: Sparkling water left open overnight (“flat sparkling water”) ([21:14]).
• Nicola’s reaction: “It’s old spoon water. It has a weird taste, like a spoon has been in it, doesn’t it?” ([21:46]).

Poppadoms or Bread

• Siobhán prefers “shards” of poppadoms from bursting through a giant crown of them, plus Irish soda bread with Band & Co-Op butter ([25:28]).
• Nicola: “I would like Siobhán to do it ... I’d watch her pretty much do anything.” ([28:30]).

Starter

• Siobhán’s menu and Nicola’s original both feature garlicky crab claws – a first for the show ([38:09]).
• Shared memory: Nicola and Siobhán once had them together, hungover in West Cork ([38:13]).

Main Course

• Siobhán’s pick: Sausage and chips with Chef's Ketchup from Skibbereen Old Folks Home, Barry’s tea, and very precise milk ([46:16]).
• Nicola: “Well, I hate it. ...I also don’t eat pork… I saw a pig in a sink having a bath… I can never eat pork again.” ([46:18])
• Further explanation: Nicola details Siobhán’s time living in a care home after an accident, and her penchant for planking (the exercise) with the cast ([47:14]).

Side Dish

• "Included with the main" – no separate side ([55:03]).
• Nicola: “That is so Siobhán ... I told you.” ([55:11]).

Drink

• Siobhán: Frozen margarita rimmed with chili Doritos dust ([57:10]).
• Nicola’s reaction: “That’s the broken up ice thing over again, you’re chewing your drink.” ([57:45]) and debates if Siobhán actually meant Tajín.

Dessert

• Siobhán: Black Forest gateau, “sneaked” (i.e., stolen) from a German kitchen ([67:18]).
• Nicola: “It’s a weird dessert, isn’t it? ...I don’t love a boozy dessert.” ([67:49])
• Siobhán’s origin story: Stolen from a fridge at a kitchen job in Germany ([69:13]).

4. Iconic Food Tangents & Backstage Laughs

• Crab Claws in West Cork: Nicola and Siobhán’s memorable, hungover meal ([38:13])
• Pop Culture: Bridgerton’s impact on weddings (“Now everyone uses the string quartet music playing pop hits ... every fucking wedding.” –Ed Gamble [55:29])
• Mascot Rankings: Extensive debate on food mascots (Tayto “Chicken”, Tony the Tiger, Rick Ricecore, Fido Dido) ([71:00]).
• Childhood Nicknames: The awkwardness of trying to get cool nicknames to stick (Blade, Achy, Sugar Nikki, etc.) ([33:27], [34:49]).

5. Nicola’s Caffeine Limitation & Caffeine Chat

• Nicola: “I’m very sensitive to caffeine ... even a cup of tea will make me shake.” ([49:02])
• Ed: drinks coffee before bed, attributing it perhaps to undiagnosed ADHD ([49:33]).

6. Celebrity Reality Shows & Travel Stories

• Discussion of shows like “Celebrity Hunted,” “Alone,” “Naked and Afraid,” and their lack of appeal for Nicola ([41:44], [41:53]).
• Amusing stories about Disney theme parks, including Nicola’s Mandalorian crush and Ed’s Daisy Duck encounter ([65:51]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On specialty foods backstage:
  “...They thanked me and James so much... I didn’t even know it had happened.”
  – James Acaster ([03:14])

• On childhood food memories:
  “Pistachios remind me of my dad’s bare feet.”
  – James Acaster ([05:55])

• On flat sparkling water:
  “It’s old spoon water.”
  – Nicola Coughlan ([21:46])

• On secretive eating:
  “Making a crisp sandwich silently, in secret is the moment you push it down. Right.”
  – Ed Gamble ([69:44])

• On the peculiarities of English vs. Irish butter:
  "I don’t like English butter. ...It’s all about the Irish butter."
  – Nicola Coughlan ([29:05])

• On childlike wonder at Disney:
  “My sister and I did get sort of giggly around the Mandalorian… Is the Mandalorian my boyfriend?”
  – Nicola Coughlan ([65:54])

• On reality show ‘Alone’:
  “Men are always like, I think I’m going to be amazing at this .... the women have built, like a tiny village.”
  – Nicola Coughlan ([41:44])

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [09:21] – Nicola recounts her disastrous first remote Off Menu appearance
• [21:14] – Nicola’s horror at Siobhán’s “flat sparkling water” drink
• [25:28] – Introduction to Siobhán’s poppadoms, bread, and “bursting through” concept
• [38:09-38:13] – Surprise that Nicola and Siobhán share dream starters & their West Cork crab story
• [46:18] – Nicola’s reaction to the Skibbereen Old Folks Home sausage and chips main
• [49:02] – Caffeine chat: Nicola’s hypersensitivity, Ed’s legendary tolerance
• [55:29] – Bridgerton string quartets “ruining weddings”
• [57:10] – Frozen margarita with Doritos dust
• [67:18] – Black Forest gateau from the Black Forest, “sneaked”
• [69:40] – Childhood crisp sandwiches and the secret joy of sneaky snacks
• [71:00+] – Mascot debates (Tayto, Tony the Tiger, etc.)

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Bridgerton, Behind-the-Scenes & WhatsApp Groups

• Upcoming Bridgerton filming and the antics of changing group WhatsApp icons to faces of cast members and dogs ([52:10]).
• James jokes: “What would you do ... if the new group [icon] is Blade?”
  Nicola: “A new gentleman has come to town.” ([53:02])

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Tone and Atmosphere

Spirited, silly, and affectionate. The hosts and guest riff on food, friendship, and awkward childhood stories, with plenty of playful teasing (“Don’t say that around Blade!”), affectionate nostalgia, and mutual admiration. The energy of the live audience brings out more raucous riffing and crowd engagement.

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Summary Table: Nicola Coughlan Reacts to Siobhán McSweeney’s Menu

| Course | Siobhán’s Choice | Nicola’s Reaction | |-------------|------------------------------------------------------|---------------------------------------------------| | Water | Flat sparkling water (left open overnight) | “Old spoon water... has a weird taste” | | Bread/Pop | “Bursting through” poppadoms, Irish soda bread, Co-op butter | Delighted for Siobhán to do the bursting | | Starter | Garlicky crab claws in butter | Shared food memory, “Just so good” | | Main | Sausage and chips w/ Chef’s ketchup, Barry’s tea | Hates pork (piglet bath!), dislikes meal, “rubbish”| | Side | None (included with main) | No objection, “That is so Siobhán” | | Drink | Frozen margarita rimmed with chili Doritos dust | Questions logic, prefers classic salty rim | | Dessert | Black Forest gateau “sneaked” from the fridge | Prefers non-boozy dessert, enjoys sneaky eating |

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Recommended if you enjoy: food comedy, behind-the-scenes tales, and a hearty dose of Irish/British banter with a showbiz twist.

Transcript

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[James Acaster]

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[Ed Gamble]

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[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast. Bonus A bonus live episode from the Royal Albert Hall.

[James Acaster]

James the Royal Albert Hall. We did six shows there. Absolutely bonkers. This is our second matinee. Yes, of course.

[Ed Gamble]

Nicola Coughlan is Nicola Coughlan a returning guest to do a tasting menu.

[James Acaster]

The first time Nicola came on was over Zoom. She locked herself out of her house.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So we're quite keen to have Nicola. A live episode where there's zero chance of that happening.

[Ed Gamble]

Would have been funny, though.

[James Acaster]

Would have been. Would have been very funny.

[Ed Gamble]

Lock yourself out the Royal Albert Hall.

[James Acaster]

You know what I've just remembered as well is that. Cause I remember like popping in and saying hi to Nicola before the show. And there was like, each guest had some snacks and stuff in there. Yeah. And Benito had gone out of his way to make sure they had stuff that related to their initial episode.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it was very nice. It was pretty nice. And the guests were always. When they saw that, they thanked me and James so much.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. We got so many thank yous, I didn't even know it had happened.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And they were like, oh, just like, you got my dream drink there. And sometimes it was a cocktail that they had mentioned and like Bonito had got all the ingredients for the dream drink and made sure that they got their dream cocktail before going on at the Royal Albert Hall. Very, very nice.

[Ed Gamble]

Really, really thoughtful.

[James Acaster]

Really thoughtful. The whole plosive team arranged that, made sure it happened.

[Ed Gamble]

These are. These guys are the best in the biz.

[James Acaster]

They're the best in the biz. And I guess we're just lucky to be on this train, you know?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

They didn't get us our favorite dream things in our dressing room.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, they did get us quite a

[James Acaster]

lot in the dressing room, like naked bars and stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

But that's probably what you've asked for in the past.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. So I've been very clear. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But because if in the past, I think if they've got us like nice snacks, like chockies and stuff. Yeah, you go, I don't want that there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Eat all of it. I feel sick.

[James Acaster]

You say that too. We both say, this is Ed and I. If we go in and there's. Oh, fuck sake, Bonito.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, thank you.

[James Acaster]

We're just going to look like a couple of fucking idiots now with a royal upper horn. It's all bloated like we just eat a load of fucking chocolate. Oh, thank you, mate. Yeah, they look ugly as fuck.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. The guy can't win.

[James Acaster]

He can't win and he never will. And he knows that. Yeah, he knows that he can't win with us.

[Ed Gamble]

Doesn't deserve to.

[James Acaster]

I tell you who can win. Nicola Coughlan.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

A fantastic guest, a returning guest, being given the menu of A previous guest in what we have dubbed the tasting menu.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, there'll be loads of callbacks in the show to the first half, so don't worry about that. You're not stupid, you just weren't there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, that's actually. Get that on a T shirt. Sell that as merch at the next one. We did sell merch of these as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great. Merch flew off like hotcakes.

[Ed Gamble]

Flew like hotcakes. In fact, the next time we do live shows, we're going to sell hotcakes.

[James Acaster]

We should sell hotcakes because it's a podcast. It kind of suits it, doesn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Because it's food podcast. Yeah, food podcast. So let's do hotcakes next time and we'll see how well they sell. Yeah, I bet that would sell well.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the off menu tasting menu of Nicola Coughlan.

[James Acaster]

Anyone have anything to eat in the break? Shout out if you had anything brilliant to eat. Chat out the exact thing you had to eat.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, why the fuck did you do that, James? Did you pick up on any of those things?

[James Acaster]

Nope.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, cool. Great. Great. Panther.

[James Acaster]

A man up there. Shout it again.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Pistachios.

[James Acaster]

Pistachios.

[Ed Gamble]

Amazing to hear someone go through puberty live, isn't it? Pistachios.

[James Acaster]

Some pistachios. Pistachios remind me of my dad's bare feet.

[Ed Gamble]

Cool. Let's crack on with the episode. What you on about?

[James Acaster]

He used to eat pistachios in front of a football focus in his bare feet on a Saturday. Yeah, Just walk in the living room and he'd be there eating the pistachios. And the skin of the pistachios was the same as the bottom of his feet.

[Ed Gamble]

It's amazing being a parent. It must be incredible. You're just trying to have a nice relaxing Saturday. Little do you know you're scarring your child for life.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I'm gonna tell everyone in the Royal Albert hall in 30 years time.

[Ed Gamble]

He's not in today, is he?

[James Acaster]

He's not in, no, no. He's hanging out with my mum for Mother's Day, as is tradition. Oh, man, I hope you're not his mum.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you say, I hope she's not his mum?

[James Acaster]

You know, why else would he be with her for Mother's Day?

[Ed Gamble]

What a fear. What a new fear. You've unlocked that. It turns out your mum's your dad's mum and then is she also your mum?

[James Acaster]

I don't even want to think about it. Then I hope none of that's happened. Let's just get the guest on.

[Ed Gamble]

Would you like me to kick off the podcast in only the way I know how?

[James Acaster]

Yes. Kick it off proper. Ed. I'm sorry that I said what I just said.

[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Taking whatever's in the fridge of conversation, dumping it into the pastor of humor, and then hoping that James doesn't cuck your dad with your mum.

[James Acaster]

I promise I won't. I promise I will not do that ever. This is the off menu podcast. Every single week, Ed, Gamble and I, we invited a guest after the favorite ever start. And bagels, dessert side dish and drink. Not in that order. But this week, we are giving someone else's menu to someone else.

[Ed Gamble]

Come on, man. You can. You know what this is? We've done this before.

[James Acaster]

My dad's my son.

[Ed Gamble]

Hang on. Your dad's your son? Oh, no, no, that's not what you said. You're worried that your. Your mum's your. Your dad's mum. You're worried that your mum's your grandma or that you're your dad's brother. At no point did you say that your dad's your son. Cause that means you had sex with your mum. No, you had sex with your mum and your dad's your brother.

[James Acaster]

My family trees are circle.

[Ed Gamble]

What an awful way to bring on a special guest. We cannot wait to welcome her back on the podcast. She's absolutely brilliant. James, you got to do this with me. Come on.

[James Acaster]

Please welcome to the stage, Nicola Coughlan.

[Ed Gamble]

Right there in the middle, please. Nicola. It's Nicola Coughlin, everyone. So excited to have you here. Nicola, welcome back.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Fancy cans of water. Thanks so much.

[Ed Gamble]

Of course, yeah. We. We treat our guests well. You get a can of water. Only one, though. Only one.

[James Acaster]

We don't open it for you before you. Come on.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I'm gonna really enjoy it.

[Ed Gamble]

It's your first time, actually in the flesh on the pod.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Because you did it on Zoom. The first time you did it.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's quite eventful.

[Ed Gamble]

It was quite eventful, yes. I don't know if anyone remembers this happening in Nicola's episode, but Nicola locked herself out of her flat during the episode.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I think I'd sent something off with a courier, so I wasn't expecting a caller. And then we were having a chat and the doorbell kept going. I was like, oh, God. And my friend said, you know, you can put your door on the latch. Which I was like, wow. This new invention that no one's ever done. So I put the door on the latch, went downstairs, talked to the driver, then came back up and my door was closed.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And I was like, wow, everything I own is in that flat. And they are on Zoom. And then my neighbor, my old neighbor, used to have leave a key in her door because she had a cat. So I had to sort of break in, go through her flat, find a spare key and come back. And you can kind of tell if you look at the menu that I had, because it was super normal and I had prepared. And then it all sort of went to shit and it sort of started talking about imaginary food from Hook.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I got off that podcast record and was like, they'll never let me do anything again in the world. In general, it's. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But here you are.

[James Acaster]

Here I am.

[Ed Gamble]

You remember your first job since the podcast? No.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's been really tough.

[James Acaster]

I remember it was quite the same feeling sitting on that Zoom. And you were like, so, let's go and get something. I'll be back in a second. And you went. And then it just got longer and longer and we were there just, like, talking to each other. Then every now and again, Benito would go a bit worried about network. I should be back.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Bonito also being in my neighbor's flat, just rummaging through it while a cat was like. I was like, this is bad. This is really bad.

[James Acaster]

So I didn't know that you broke into your neighbor's flat.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Sort of.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Nicola Coughlan]

She used to leave a key in the door in case her cat got into trouble. I don't know how I would know. I just, like, sense it'd be like, oh, yeah. But, yeah, that was the idea where

[Ed Gamble]

my brain went there is that she was leaving the key in the door for the cat to use if it got in trouble.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It was also that. Do you want to talk about your mum being.

[James Acaster]

Not really.

[Nicola Coughlan]

We can make space for that if that's something.

[James Acaster]

No, no, we can. We can just. Just breeze past that, please.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for saying you.

[Ed Gamble]

I did. James, we can't start the podcast properly until you're a genie.

[James Acaster]

Sorry. Yeah, I've got to do my proper entrance. Hold on a second.

[Nicola Coughlan]

This is far more exciting than Zoom.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a bit more exciting than Zoom. Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't look, right?

[Ed Gamble]

No, that was amazing. Nicola looked away and went, oh, I shouldn't look, should I?

[Nicola Coughlan]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

As if this is the equivalent of seeing a genie naked.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Sort of feels like it. It felt inappropriate. So we're like, oh, Jesus.

[Ed Gamble]

It does feel a bit inappropriate for you guys. This is very impressive. For these guys, not so much.

[James Acaster]

Someone just took my photo for a guy with his phone up.

[Ed Gamble]

Now, Nicola, I don't know how you would get a genie out of a lamp, but if you would. If you would like to rub the lamp, you're very welcome to.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I feel like it should be this bit, right?

[Ed Gamble]

Rub whatever bit you like. Here we go. Oh, something's happening. Something's happening.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, wow.

[Ed Gamble]

Welcome, Nicola Coughlan. Back to the King.

[James Acaster]

Next time we give us some time. Wow.

[Nicola Coughlan]

That was amazing.

[Ed Gamble]

Pretty cool, right?

[Nicola Coughlan]

I loved it.

[James Acaster]

I inhaled a lot of that smoke today. A little bit light headed.

[Nicola Coughlan]

You.

[James Acaster]

When you came on the pod last time.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

You described a something you'd seen Robbie Williams eat.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

You weren't sure what it was. And for ages, Benito's entire timeline on Twitter was just people telling him what it was. Did you have that as well?

[Nicola Coughlan]

If anyone sends the words oat cake to me again, just get away from me.

[Ed Gamble]

Stop.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yes. My whole life I didn't know what it was and then I know it too much now, if that's possible. But Robbie Williams, when I was a child, I watched him eating this wrap, which for some reason seemed like the most exotic thing in the world. And it was a stoke oat cake, which I still haven't had. Are they good? Yeah, that sounds good. I'm taking that to not be negative.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

But I was just in Manchester actually, and my sister was like, you need to go stuck on Trent and get one. I didn't quite. But one day we should have got

[James Acaster]

you one, really, for today.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I know.

[Ed Gamble]

Can you sort that out? Say again?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, sounds good. Is it good?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. We fucking know what it is.

[James Acaster]

Just to be clear, this bit started with Nicholas saying, I know all too well what it is now. Savory pancake. Did you originally, when that episode went out, did you tweet that to the podcast? Anton? Nikola. Anyway, cool. What a way to find out.

[Nicola Coughlan]

We have shamed her into silence.

[James Acaster]

The only words a person knows is savory pancake and cheese and bacon. Time to say anything else, I'm afraid. Oh, back again. Forget it. There's absolutely no way we're carrying this on. Yeah, we know where this is going.

[Ed Gamble]

It's someone learning English and their duolingo's broken only taught them savory pancake. Guess that's what you just say in every situation. Savory pancake.

[James Acaster]

Now we're gonna give you another guest's menu.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Is There any guests?

[Nicola Coughlan]

I have no clue.

[James Acaster]

Anyone you'd hope for?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Not Joel Dummett, no. I think anyone would be good. You've had very fancy guests on, haven't you?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, some pretty fancy guests.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Like Michelle Obama. You're like, okay, well, I know you have. Not yet, but I'm sure one day.

[Ed Gamble]

One day, surely it's gonna happen.

[Nicola Coughlan]

In fact, guys, she's here tonight. Michelle.

[Ed Gamble]

She's in the lamp.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I had a great Michelle Obama story recently when, like, her, I think his name's Barack Obama, went to hubby.

[Ed Gamble]

Hubby, she calls him.

[James Acaster]

They went, like, to this, like, I think it was a. Let's say a burger restaurant, for sake of argument. And the owner came over and was like, michelle, so good to see you again. We haven't seen. And they. They used to date and they were catching up and he went away. And Barack Obama's like, if you stay with that guy, you'd have ended up in a burger restaurant. She went, if I stay with that guy, he'd be president, United States of America. It's good stuff.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's really good.

[James Acaster]

Happy Mother's Day, everyone.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Michelle.

[Ed Gamble]

I can't wait for us to get Michelle Obama on the podcast. And when she starts to tell that story, you go, yeah, yeah, I've heard this one.

[James Acaster]

I said that to Stephen Graham. Started telling the story. I said, I know this. Ed absolutely tore me to ribbons over Graham loving it. And then I beat him up.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that bit didn't make the pod, but you beat him up, didn't you?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, beat him up in one interrupted take.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And that's what Ad Essence is about. Yeah, yeah, it's great.

[James Acaster]

Right? We're gonna reveal now whose menu you're gonna be eating.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Feel nervous today?

[James Acaster]

This afternoon, Nicola Cochrane, we are going to be giving you the off menu menu offshore.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, that's thrilling.

[Ed Gamble]

The thing we've been putting photos up of the people whose menus they are, and today Benito's picked one that makes it really look like Siobhan's on a video call about to speak to us. Really does or has recorded a message for us. That might be a good idea, actually, for the show.

[James Acaster]

That would have been good.

[Nicola Coughlan]

We should have just spent the last five months working with Siobhan again on a play. And then I used to come home quite late in the evening at like 11pm and put on pottery throwdown.

[Ed Gamble]

You just couldn't be away from her for too long.

[Nicola Coughlan]

No separation anxiety. Like my. Like, ah, here she is again. Here she is. And it's really funny, because I was like, God, it's such a great program. She went, it is. And I said, I just love seeing you. Come on. She was like, so do I. That's the kind of Michelle Obama, Siobhan McSweeney self love we should all have.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, that's interesting because my only contact with Siobhan after the podcast has been every year I message her a compliment about something she's done. Like, I'll see her on a show and be like, brilliant on that and then I'll see her on something else. I saw her on Irish Traces and I was like, I should message her about that. And I went back and the last thing I sent to her was a compliment about sitcom.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, she's fantastic. Family came over to watch the play that we were in and all they cared about was meeting Siobhan afterwards. And my nephew, who I said the last time you reminded me of still still stands. Very much.

[James Acaster]

Yes, compliment received.

[Ed Gamble]

James is a real nephew character.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Real nephew character. He was 11 at the time, he's now 16 because of how time works. But yeah, he sat Siobhan down and pitched loads of traitors ideas for her, but she listened to all of them very kindly after a three hour show. So she's a real one. She's great.

[James Acaster]

Last time I saw Siobhan, I was walking down the street and she was cycling the other way. And I went, hi, Siobhan. And she cycled right past me

[Nicola Coughlan]

the other day. I said to her, like, there's a whole, you know, people talk a lot about Irish actors at the minute. They're doing really well. And she goes, well, I'm sick of it. Because, like, you kind of never know when Siobhan will turn on a thing. She'd be like, no, it's too much now. So I'm sorry for any Irish person here as working, you know, thinks we've been culturally celebrated. It's done. Yeah, it's over. There's too much of us.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

One of us, Jessie Buckley, is gonna get the Oscar tonight. And then just let's finish it there. We've had enough. Let's give the Swedes a chance.

[James Acaster]

I say, you know who I hope wins the Oscar?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Cats. Just general cats.

[James Acaster]

All cats that Jesse Buckley apparently hates.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, yes, of course.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, I thought you meant the film Cats.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I thought you meant just Cats on the street.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Didn't she say the cat, like, pooped on her pillow? That seems like a pointed attack.

[James Acaster]

She said she hates cats. And she said to her husband, it's either the cats or me, or I leave or the cats leave to the Hudson.

[Nicola Coughlan]

You don't. Who do you. So you want just a cat to win an Oscar? That would be an incredible moment at the Oscars. Like, they open it and they're like, it's cats. And then all the cats start coming on stage like an army. And Jesse really goes, ah. And runs away.

[James Acaster]

It's the low rumbling and. And then they all go in there.

[Ed Gamble]

The whole audience swarmed by cats.

[Nicola Coughlan]

My friend who is here, who is a huge fan of the podcast, went to see the movie Cats and was under the influence of something, and she fell very slowly down the stairs. During Memories.

[James Acaster]

For your water course, you just chose still water.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, I want that, but I want ice. Why do. What's our problem? Americans are like, I don't like lukewarm water. I'm like, me neither. You're correct about that. Gun safety, incorrect. Ice and water, deadly. Correct.

[James Acaster]

Thank you for claiming that up.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And that's why I've come here today. This is not gonna be fun. It's gonna be very sweet. But you know what I mean. Why lukewarm water is gross.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I mean, one person whoops as if everyone else disagrees, but I think, well, thank you.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It feels nice to have a friend.

[Ed Gamble]

It's too much ice in America, though. I mean.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And it's too soft.

[Ed Gamble]

Didn't mean it like that. But I also do mean that that's. That suggests that there is a level of ice that I'm happy with.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And there should be, because they put. They make it like a slushie in America. It's. They do.

[James Acaster]

Egg's talking about something else. Yeah. The ice raids.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. And actual ice, though.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And there should be some.

[James Acaster]

It should be.

[Ed Gamble]

It gets a bit slushy, otherwise.

[Nicola Coughlan]

That went so far over my head, it nearly knocked the set over. It's incredible.

[Ed Gamble]

But, yes, when they make it like a. When they make it like a slushy. Slushy. Oh, no.

[Nicola Coughlan]

A slushy.

[Ed Gamble]

I've panicked. When they use the frozen. Normally the frozen water comes in cubes, doesn't it? Yes, but sometimes they grind up the frozen water and put it in, and

[Nicola Coughlan]

then you're sort of talking to someone, and then you're eating ice at them, and it's like. It's an awkward. But I would like ice, please. Can I have it?

[James Acaster]

Well, no, because this isn't your dream menu. It's Siobhan's. So you're getting sparkling water left open overnight.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Why?

[James Acaster]

Sounds nice.

[Ed Gamble]

Doesn't it.

[James Acaster]

That's basically still water.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's the worst. It tastes like sparkling water. Tastes like salty in a really bad way and then left overnight. So what? It's like. It's got a few weird bubbles in it that you're not expecting.

[James Acaster]

Oh, no, it's gone completely flat. This is basically still water. It's what you wanted.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's still water, but I think

[Nicola Coughlan]

it has a weird taste, like a spoon has been in it, doesn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Why was it? What was her reasoning?

[James Acaster]

That's a good question.

[Ed Gamble]

I think she genuinely likes. She liked the flavor of flat sparkling water.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So she wanted to leave it open overnight and drink it in the morning. So you've still got that. Because technically you would have thought that flat sparkling water just is still water.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

But it's really not, is it? It's like you say it's got that.

[Nicola Coughlan]

No, it's old spoon water.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

With random surprise bubble.

[Ed Gamble]

It's spoon water.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's not good. I don't know. I kept trying to convince Siobhan to drink electrolytes. I think when you're doing a show for a long time and every day I'd be like, do you want an electrolyte? She'd be like, I don't. I had my Baraka. And I'd be like, all right, so she does like a Baraka. I know that, but that is unforgivable choice.

[James Acaster]

I had a baroka this morning before I got in the car and I felt queasy. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's pretty rock and roll at this run of shows.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Big party. Yeah. Pretty cool.

[James Acaster]

Pretty bad.

[Ed Gamble]

I bought some off brand barocca and it's. It just doesn't hit the same.

[Nicola Coughlan]

My friend Jason, who does my hair, he always recommends me really expensive things that I get addicted to.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

So there's a current brand of electrolytes that I keep having. And then I found out that you're not meant to drink them in the wrong amount of water because it's really bad for you. I just kept putting them in any receptacle and going, I'm sure this is fine. And I think I had like really dangerous salt levels.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. It's just salt, isn't it? Basically salt. Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

But I was like, well, I need to do this every day for at least two months until I forget about it and never do it again.

[James Acaster]

But you were putting them in things that weren't water.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, no, just things that weren't proper cups. I'd find things in my dressing room in the theater. Like a champagne glass I sort of taken from the bar upstairs and have it in that and come out, they'd be like, oh, what's she like? And then I'd be poisoning myself with salt.

[James Acaster]

So if that's bad for you, you

[Nicola Coughlan]

need to put them in a specific amount of water. I didn't know or check that. So I was just down in salt, like nobody's business.

[Ed Gamble]

Were you thinking Nicola was putting it on, like, scrambled eggs and stuff?

[James Acaster]

I thought you were saying. Yeah, you would just, like, put it in a Dr. Pepper or something.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I did inhale a good deal of it this morning. It's very. And I'm listening to a podcast about anthrax. Side note. But it just. It's bad timing because I sort of put it in water and it went up into my nose and I was coughing and I was like, anthrax. But you don't know what happened with anthrax, do you? I won't go on about this, but I am really into the podcast. But, like, anthrax just happened and then it's over. And we were like, who did it? Do we know? Maybe someone knows. Anyway, so I finished the podcast and I'll come back.

[Ed Gamble]

Anthrax was massive.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, it was massive.

[Ed Gamble]

It was in people putting in letters and stuff.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I was a school child in Ireland and I was like, I don't know how this is going to affect me.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

How am I going to continue about my life?

[Ed Gamble]

Anthrax and quicksand, huge things in my life.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, my God. And then throwing the Bermuda Triangle. You're having a spiral for yourself. You're really on something.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's the thing now with, like, email is like. It's kind of like phased out. Anthrax.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But if you got. If you got a letter now, you open it. Right. Because you're excited to get a letter.

[James Acaster]

No, actually, I don't think the last time I got a good letter was everything in the post is like bills or statements that I told my bank to stop sending me and they don't listen to.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I got a card, my name nicely written on an envelope to my house the other day. And I was like, someone's trying to kill me. I was like, oh, my God. And I brought in. I sat on the couch on my own, really dramatically, was like, okay, here I go. Open up with my best friend's mum. Was like, thank you for my birthday flowers. And I was like, oh, there's something wrong with my brain.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

But, yeah, letters are scary. Anyways, water.

[James Acaster]

Well, for poppadoms or bread you wanted. Oh, it's great stuff. Maltese bread with olive oil, salt and balsamic vinegar.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Now, there is an explanation for this and we are going to have to go through it. But, Siobhan, this is what you're going to have. Siobhan's dream. Poppadoms. A bread is shards of poppadoms throughout the meal with mother's Irish soda. Bread and band and Co Op butter.

[Nicola Coughlan]

What does she mean, shards? Is someone throwing them at her?

[James Acaster]

She is burst through a giant poppadom. Yes.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

She starts off in a box of poppadoms. Like, she. Like all the walls and ceilings are a box and it's. This episode was mental. Right. And then she wants to bust out the side of the wall and all the shards of poppadoms are around her and then she can pick up and eat all the shards throughout the meal.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, that's fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's pretty good, right?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I think that's going to be on the next series of Irish Traitors. The coffins are going to be made out of poppadoms.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Inevitably.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Also, don't you find, like, I love poppadom so much, but then I will eat so many of the dips that every time the curry comes, I'm like, what is that? I don't want that. Why is that there? That's there to shame me. It's just so nice.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And a tiny little bit of. But do you ever do sometimes some takeaways send you, like, a salad in a small plastic bag.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Tied really tightly. Has everyone ever got. Oh, yum. Oh, brilliant. I was really hoping I'd get that, the surprise.

[James Acaster]

But I got. So I ordered a takeaway and there was a little brown paper bag and they'd written in felt tip on it, you are loved. And I opened it and it was the brownest, mankiest apple I've ever seen in my life.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I've had that happen to me. It's from a place. It's like Middle Eastern wraps or something.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it was. It was. It was.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And it was a weird apple and they wrote it. Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's that. I think this is the same place. It's Jakob's Kitchen, actually.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yes, it is that. We are the only two people that's ever happened to.

[Ed Gamble]

You are loved.

[James Acaster]

I like Jakob's Kitchen, but they've got to stop the apple thing because they feel loved. When I thought about that news for

[Ed Gamble]

you guys, that was anthrax.

[Nicola Coughlan]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

You've fallen for it when they're putting you are loved on it, you suckers, you are loved.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's all adding up.

[Ed Gamble]

So they're pulling that trick on multiple people, then that you are loved and then offloading their monkey apples.

[Nicola Coughlan]

But I felt annoyed because I did. It was a manky apple that I didn't want and I felt shamed by it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Because then you couldn't return their love because they want you to send the core back.

[Nicola Coughlan]

We should go to Jakob's Kitchen with so many apples and be like, you're loved.

[James Acaster]

You're loved.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Just to see how it happened.

[James Acaster]

I immediately took a photo of it. The disgusting apple next to the you are loved bag, and I sent it to Joe Lycett and asked him if he could do a painting of it. Still hasn't done it yet, but it's a very Joe Lycett style painting.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

But if you ever were eating a shawarmonga, God, I'd really love an old apple.

[James Acaster]

I'd really go nice with this. Do you want it? So I'm giving you a choice here. Do you want to be the one bursting through the giant poppadom or do you want Siobhan to do that? Because Siobhan has said that she does that and then eats it throughout the meal. So technically her meal is. Siobhan has jumped through the popping up and smashed it up. But obviously you could do it as well. Who would you rather?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, I would like Siobhan to do it because as I said, I used to work with her for five months in a row and then go home and watch her on the television. So I'd watch her pretty much do anything.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And she'd know she'd be good at it and she'd tell you. So I would enjoy the whole experience. Experience.

[James Acaster]

She said she'd want to clean herself beforehand. So as this is the phrase she used to not make dirty.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's the least I would hope for. So. Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

You don't want Siobhan to make dirty poppadom.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Absolutely not. And I never have. I would like that to be on the record.

[James Acaster]

Mother's Irish soda bread. Bandon Co Op butter. Have you had that before?

[Nicola Coughlan]

That's a cork thing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I have not had it. I don't. I will agree that I don't like English butter. Do all you want. You're incorrect.

[Ed Gamble]

There's a lot of.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's all about the Irish butter.

[Ed Gamble]

Proud English people here today.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's. It's. But it's like I have Some lure pack in my fridge and I'm just like, what is this white?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think that's English.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Is it Lurpac? Oh, it's Danish.

[Ed Gamble]

It's Danish, isn't it?

[Nicola Coughlan]

But English people like Lurpak. I feel confident making that broad statement.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, Lurpak's very popular here. I've got Lurpak in the fridge, I'm ashamed to admit.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, why don't you have Kerrygold or this Carnot gold?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, look, I'm going to be honest with you. Butter is quite often. It needs to be convenient. I need to be able to spread it straight away. Lurpak spreadable. I'm using the Kerrygold. You get it out of the fridge, you have to leave it for six hours before it's not a house brick.

[Nicola Coughlan]

But you need a butter dish.

[Ed Gamble]

I do need a butter dish, but I feel weird about leaving dairy out of the fridge all day.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's got so much salt in it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Also just growing up, we always had it out and people question, like, is that safe? I'm like, I assume so, I'm not dead. Yeah, I think it's fine.

[James Acaster]

Right. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I believe Siobhan's butter, the Band and Co Op butter, she said was. There's something about the constituent parts of it that means you can put it in the fridge and it stays soft in the fridge. And it's the only butter in the world that can do that.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I feel worried about it. Do you feel worried about it?

[James Acaster]

That sounds great.

[Nicola Coughlan]

No, but is it chemicals?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I'm worried about it, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, no, no, I'm worried about it. You guys are very worried about chemical attacks.

[James Acaster]

There might be anthrax in this butter.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's mainly about anthrax.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I think I've just remembered a Chemical Alley. Do you remember Chemical Alley? You don't hear from that guy anymore.

[Nicola Coughlan]

That sounds familiar.

[Ed Gamble]

He was one of the bad lads from the papers. I can't remember which regime. Benito, pull up a picture of Chemical Alley.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Does anyone else remember Chemical Ali? He's dead. Is he cool. Cheers.

[James Acaster]

Which one?

[Ed Gamble]

Which. Which side was he on? Iraq.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Chemical Alley. I just don't think we should give those guys a nickname.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, that and especially a really cool one.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a fucking cool nickname. Chemical Alley.

[Nicola Coughlan]

He's with all his friends. He's like, guys, they're calling me. It's so stupid. It's so stupid. They're calling me Chemical Alley. Like, you guys shouldn't ever call me that. But if you do, I'll get why you're doing it. Like, I could wear it on a T shirt. But I won't. I won't. But I might.

[Ed Gamble]

I was thinking I might write to the Chemical Brothers and see if I can join.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Have you ever tried to give yourself a nickname?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. It's terrible experience.

[Ed Gamble]

Me and my. Me and my friend Henry Bot when we were at school. I knew you'd like that.

[James Acaster]

Henry Bot. Of course I like that.

[Ed Gamble]

When we were at school, we used to watch the Bill every.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Sure.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it was three times a week. Maybe. Maybe twice a week. We used to watch the Bill all the time. And then we were like, we want to be, like, cool detectives. Like, the Bill, of course. Because they were all the coolest. The coolest police. So we decided to make some criminal files for ourselves and then for the criminals that we were chasing.

[Pura Ad Voice]

Sure.

[Ed Gamble]

So that we didn't have nicknames within that, but we also had separate nicknames because we watched the film Three Ninjas, High Noon at Mega Mountain, which is an absolute classic. Some of Hulk Hogan's finest work. And they had nicknames in that. And so he was. His nickname was Hands because he said he was good at catching. And my nickname was Blade. And we tried it for one day at school. I remember the day where we were like, call each other that and then other people will pick up on it. And I was like, hey, Hans. And he went, all right, Blade. And then we both sort of went, ugh.

[Pura Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

We're like, we're not doing that.

[James Acaster]

So hold on. His name was Hans because he was good at cat.

[Dani Pellegrino]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Why were you Blade?

[Ed Gamble]

I didn't. I don't think I got that far. I think I'd quite like to have carried a knife.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Like a switchblade sort.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

For sure.

[Ed Gamble]

Thing I was into.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And so just be clear again. Yeah. The story about the bill is irrelevant.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I liked it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you see the pivot halfway through where I remembered that there wasn't to do with that. And I'd actually revealed far too much because I didn't actually want to go into the building because very few police keep their criminal records in a Dennis the Menace folder.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Were you in the fan club?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, big time.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Me, too.

[Ed Gamble]

Loved the bit of the fan club.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Badges and badges.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Any nicknames that you tried to make happen?

[James Acaster]

No, I never tried to get a nickname going. I really desperately wanted people to give me a nickname. But I remember in music class once, Mr. Taylor, on the first day of music in year seven was like, we're gonna go around the room and you've all got to make your names into, like a jingle, into songs to show that just music, you know, get you thinking musically and we'll learn everyone's names that way. And it got to me and he said, you can use nicknames if you want. I was like, right, I've got to think of. I can't just say James. How pathetic. I was like, right, I gotta think of a nickname. So he got to me and I went, achy, achy, Achy. And it was like just frozen going, I need to change schools. Eggy, Eggy, Eggy, Achy, Achy, Achy.

[Ed Gamble]

So was Eggy going to be your nickname or was it Eggy, Eggy, Eggy every time.

[James Acaster]

Achy, not eggy.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Eggy, like egg caster.

[Ed Gamble]

It sounds like Eggy, Eggy, Eggy, man. Anyone else think they heard Eggy, Eggy, Eggy?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Achy was what I was trying to get going, which is not really a cool name.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

I'm so achy. It comes out. Very good nickname now, after I've run around the stage and can't get my breath back.

[Ed Gamble]

What about you? What about you, Nicola? Did you.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I really wanted to, I just didn't know how to do it. But then, you know, everyone got their first emails when they were at 13, 14. I was like, this is it. This is my chance.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And for some reason, I enjoyed the Sugar Babes. Right. I wasn't a huge fan of them. It's really important that you know that. So my first email was suga s u g a nikki hotmail.com.

[Ed Gamble]

beautiful.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And I was like, sugar Nikki. Do you think I ever uttered those words out of the embarrassment? No, I couldn't. But I really felt like I could do something with that and it never. It never went anywhere.

[James Acaster]

Oh, Jammy Rock. Jimmy rock@yahoo.

[Ed Gamble]

Mouthforwar69hotmail.com.

[Dani Pellegrino]

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[James Acaster]

He's dribbling the ball with everything on the line. He's driving down the pitch. He's facing price hikes and cuts past him. Carrier contracts, tries to block him. Oh, he leaves him in the dust. He's at the edge of the box. He cuts past the nonstop group chat, trash talk. He clears on goal. He shoots no unlimited data for $25 a month.

[Ed Gamble]

Forever.

[James Acaster]

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[Ed Gamble]

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[James Acaster]

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[James Acaster]

Your starter when you came on was garlic crab claws in butter. That's nice.

[Nicola Coughlan]

They're so good. I've had them many times since.

[James Acaster]

They're excellent. But that's not what we're getting today. You're getting Siobhan McSweeney's starter, which is Crabcorn from the summer of 1996. And we like them throughout the meal as well.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I like this throughout the meal.

[James Acaster]

Did you know that you and Siobhan have the same dream starter?

[Nicola Coughlan]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

That's the first time this has happened.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Really?

[Ed Gamble]

It's pretty exciting.

[Nicola Coughlan]

We had them together. We had them in Western Cork together.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Nicola Coughlan]

But not the same ones for mine. But they were garlicky buttery crab claws and some Irish soda bread, possibly with that butter. Where am I? What's going on? Yeah, they're Just so good. We were quite hungover and we had them. It's, you know, like just a demented hungover meal that you would never eat again. But at the time you're like, there's no better combination than this.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

So it was garlic, crab claws, wedges and curry sauce. It was absolutely fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

That does sound really good.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It was thrilling. Yeah, I loved it.

[James Acaster]

It does sound good.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, this is brilliant.

[James Acaster]

When you and Siobhan were eating the crab claws together.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Were you sharing a big bowl of them or were you just like.

[Nicola Coughlan]

We were just quite hungover because we. West Cork is an amazingly beautiful place, but it's quite remote. So we went to this pub that Shivani, the guy that owned it, and then we ended up there past closing. And then we'd been given a number of like, oh, here's. That's Potty's number. Now he's led you a ring when this is. This is done and bring you home. And then we were like, we had no reception so we like, can we use the landline to ring party? And they're like, whose number do you have? Pauli? I should know. Potty goes to bed at 10pm no, you won't get Pauly. And we were like, okay. And Sean was like, well, that's it, now we're here, we're stuck here. So we were in this pub and we were there until like 6am and Siobhan was singing but Potty was in bed so nobody could come and get us. And so the next day was when we were eating. So it was somewhat non verbal, I would say.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd been a pretty. We had that when we were on the run.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. When we did Celebrity Hunted, was that

[Nicola Coughlan]

the most stressful thing in the world?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, and we showed it, you know, we really. We committed so hard to it, Nick. So it was. It was pretty full on.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Did they really not? I haven't seen it.

[Ed Gamble]

What do you. What do you reckon? Do you think we committed to it or do you think we hold forced around like a couple of goofballs?

[Nicola Coughlan]

I think maybe the latter. Yeah. Okay. I would enjoy that.

[Ed Gamble]

Messed around like a couple of lunk heads for the whole thing.

[James Acaster]

Some other people took it quite seriously. Yeah. And it probably was quite stressful for them, but like most of us, I think pretty much everyone on that series wasn't taking it seriously. Was the first series where everyone got caught?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, fantastic.

[James Acaster]

We lay low in a pub one night and I'm really, really glad they didn't Use any of that footage. So I remember we had to do a diary at the end of the day.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh.

[James Acaster]

Because they were like, at the end of every day, do a diary, Ed. And I just felt, no, tell them. And I dread to think what we were saying would have been awful with the director just as drunk as us.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Do you think that the people, like, the crews really sometimes just get sick of people and give, like, the team clues as to where they are? Like, they're in the services on the M6. Like, just, come on.

[James Acaster]

I'm done.

[Ed Gamble]

100%. It's so funny how excited the hunters are to catch you as well. They're so invested in it. They, like, chased me down the street and got me. They're like, yes, we got you, gambler.

[James Acaster]

In your face.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm like, I have been pissing about for a week. How did you not get me immediately? We were released from Shrewsbury Prison and the first thing we did was went to a restaurant in Shrewsbury. This is not difficult, guys.

[Nicola Coughlan]

But, you know, sometimes you realize, like, how different people are to. You're like, I couldn't be excited or care or whatever. Huntsman, like, have you watched alone? Has anyone watched that show where they basically drop people into the wilderness to survive? And the men are always like, I think I'm going to be amazing at this. And day three are like, yeah, my wife probably needs me to come back now. And the women have built, like a tiny village. And they're like, so, you know, this is all fine.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

But also those people. I'm like, I would never want to do that. If they're like, we're gonna drop you in the Canadian wilderness. I'm like, no, you're not.

[James Acaster]

You wouldn't do it.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Would. I know.

[James Acaster]

Would you do any of those shows?

[Nicola Coughlan]

No.

[James Acaster]

You want to do Hunted?

[Nicola Coughlan]

No, I want to be on the couch. It's so nice.

[Ed Gamble]

So you do Gogglebox. Oh, maybe that's literally what you just.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I don't want to work, I think is what I've realized. Trying to make me work and I want to have a break. I think this is what I'm getting at in my brain.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you seen that show? Naked and Afraid? Do you know this show?

[Nicola Coughlan]

I've heard of it. I've not seen it.

[Ed Gamble]

It's where they drop them into the witness. Middle of the wilderness. But the twist is they're butt naked.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I bet the men get sepsis, like, immediately just by looking at something.

[Ed Gamble]

People get really ill.

[Nicola Coughlan]

They have to just take. The women are, like, down to Tiny twigs and they're, like, singing along and they're really. Psychologically, the men just die. Not literally, but very nearly.

[Ed Gamble]

I would never do a show like that.

[James Acaster]

You indeed. Naked and afraid.

[Ed Gamble]

No. Also, I'm diabetic. I've lost one episode. Be like, you're not allowed anything. You got to be completely naked. Not even my insulin. Get out there, naked boy.

[James Acaster]

I'd like to do just the normal name. Naked Attraction. Still a thing. A normal. A normal one.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Just the normal.

[James Acaster]

Not the celebrity one.

[Ed Gamble]

But, like, I don't. There's. There's two versions of Naked Attraction. They've never done Celebrity and Junior. Those are the.

[James Acaster]

They should do a celebrity one because then it would be like, you don't know who it is until the end.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Who do you think? They get at it. And I was like, that's a really damning indictment. Whoever.

[James Acaster]

You might say straight away, as soon as they see your dick. That's James.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. You see the feet, James A Castler's dad. That's pistachios, baby.

[James Acaster]

Little pistachio feet. Gross. So your main course that you chose was Robbie Williams's Stoke on Trent Mystery Rap. But we know what it is now.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you. Have you met Robbie Williams since? Have you interacted?

[Nicola Coughlan]

No, I've never met any. Take that.

[Ed Gamble]

That would be exciting, though. One day it's going to happen and you have to bring up the. Okay.

[Nicola Coughlan]

But I, like, as a child, didn't realize, like, how homoerotic those videos were. There was one of them. Do you remember, like, the first one was like, do what you like. And there's like a band first video in which they were getting their bums washed by a mop.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Nicola Coughlan]

That's the first take, that video, I swear to God.

[Ed Gamble]

Pull that up, put it on the big screen.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. And then they made a more PG version of it, which they didn't have their bums out. But as a child, you're like, this is brilliant. Sure.

[James Acaster]

That just makes me think they've got really dirty bums.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, I know.

[James Acaster]

It's not sexy. That was everyone's dream, man.

[Ed Gamble]

Some people would probably find it sexy to have a dirty bum and wash it with a mop. Stop.

[Nicola Coughlan]

For every foot.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I agree.

[Ed Gamble]

James does a shoe for every foot.

[James Acaster]

Yes, for every foot. And I'm sure that people. There are people out there who love a dirty bum wash with a mop. But it surprises me that they achieved such mainstream success.

[Nicola Coughlan]

That was the debut single as well.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Good on them.

[Ed Gamble]

Who was. Can you remember in the video because I can't quite remember all the details. Who was the mop? Who was.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I want to say Gary Barlow. I haven't seen it in a video.

[Ed Gamble]

So was Gary Barlow fully clothed, cleaning the other guy's bunch?

[Nicola Coughlan]

I think does that. Can anyone verify that? I don't know whether that's. Gary was mopping the bums.

[James Acaster]

Of course he would.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Which is not a thing. This morning I woke up and thought I would say on stage at the Royal Albert Hall.

[Ed Gamble]

Did Gary. Was Gary. Did Gary have trousers on? Oh, so his bum was out as well.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Who was holding them up? A lady.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you just said Gary was holding. So did Gary then mop his own bum? Fascinating. We'll find out when Benita puts it on the big screen at the end of the show.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Like a witch on a broomstick. Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

They're all in a line on the ground. I can't stop seeing it.

[Ed Gamble]

He does it now. He still does it live, Gary Barlow, but it's when he's singing a million love songs. Benito, get us a mop for the end of the show as well.

[James Acaster]

Get us a mop. We're gonna wash our bums. Siobhan McSweeney's dream main course, which you will be eating, is sausage and chips with chef's ketchup from Skip Skibbereen. Skibbereen Old Folks Home. And a cup of water. Cup of tea. Barry's tea bag, Chalk water, one spoonful of semi skimmed milk.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, I hate it.

[James Acaster]

You hate it?

[Nicola Coughlan]

I think it's rubbish.

[James Acaster]

Why do you hate this? Why don't you like sausage and chips with chef's ketchup from Skippering Old Folks Home.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I feel like almost the questions need to be asked. I feel like it answers itself. I also don't eat pork, which I explained why the last time I spoke to you guys, which is genuinely because I saw a video of a pig in a sink having a bath. A baby pig. And it was so cute that I literally viscerally went, I can never eat pork again. And that was like about eight years ago.

[Ed Gamble]

Gary Barlow washing his bum with a lot.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I'll never mop a bum again. So I can't have the sausage. I'm so mash.

[James Acaster]

Why?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, yeah, she kind of did she live in an old folks home for a bit. She did. That's why she lived there. She hurt her leg. And she lived in an old folks house.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Siobhan's. Laura's. When that memo come. Not memo, memoir.

[Ed Gamble]

She really busted her leg up, didn't she?

[Nicola Coughlan]

She really busted her leg up.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And she'll show you the pictures and it's. You have to because it's. You can't be like. You have to be like, oh, it's so awful. But it's like, it looks like. But she's great now.

[James Acaster]

She's great now.

[Nicola Coughlan]

She could plank for ages. Side note, she used to plank every day.

[James Acaster]

Oh, really?

[Nicola Coughlan]

She's a serious planker.

[James Acaster]

Have you seen her plank?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Does that? Have I seen her plank with your own eyes. Every day on the play, she'd do a 30 second plank and make everyone get on the ground. And sometimes I just run away. I don't want to do it.

[James Acaster]

Well, in the aisle, on the plane.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Play during the play.

[Ed Gamble]

Play. Oh, sorry, Nicola, you're saying play. James thinks you're saying plane. I'm watching it all unfold. It's fantastic to watch this happen.

[James Acaster]

Well, you can't plank on a plane.

[Pura Ad Voice]

Sure

[Ed Gamble]

some people do, man. You need to see people on long haul flights doing like full yoga in the, in the galley area.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, but remember planking as well?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

What was that about? What were we all thinking?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but was that, that wasn't like the exercise planking.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It was lying flat on the thing.

[Ed Gamble]

That's fucking stupid.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Or was it? Should we bring it back?

[James Acaster]

Oh yeah. So hold on. So it wasn't actually core strength, it was just lying flat on stuff.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Just lying flat on the thing on the plank. Yes, she did do that. She did. Your real planks.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

This is important to, you know right now, the state of the world. There's a lot of stuff that we despair over. But it's good to remember that we've got through, you know, not worse, but bad things. The Harlem shade are no longer a part of our lives. So if we can get through people pretending to be plants for no reason.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Hopefully we can get through this too.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Shall pass.

[James Acaster]

Nothing springs to mind. That's funny. What about the Barry's tea bag? Surely you like that?

[Nicola Coughlan]

I'm so annoyed. I was very sensitive to caffeine. I'm very sensitive to caffeine.

[James Acaster]

Very sensitive.

[Nicola Coughlan]

She likes these specific Barry's tea bags that are like. It's like the strong blend black Barry tea. So that would make me have the shakes.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you have any caffeine ever, as you avoid caffeine?

[Nicola Coughlan]

I have like a Diet Coke in the afternoon. That's about the height of it. If I have a caffeinated coffee, I'm like, I'm gonna die just because I know I'm about to die and I'll sweat and it's just not fun.

[Ed Gamble]

I'll drink it before bed. I drink coffee before bed.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Adhd?

[Ed Gamble]

Undiagnosed. But. But yeah, I'd rather just, you know, keep having my coffee before bed.

[Nicola Coughlan]

What kind of coffee is it? Americano.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, like a sort of espresso, Like a double espresso. I'll have it after a meal and then go home and go to bed. I mean, you can call it adhd, I can call it being a fucking legend.

[James Acaster]

Uh oh, Blade has joined the chat,

[Ed Gamble]

if you want.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Coming up the rear, the Zingers.

[Ed Gamble]

I could. You can welcome Blade into the chat if you like.

[James Acaster]

Hello, Blade, welcome to the chat.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, what's up?

[James Acaster]

What's your dream? Main course, Blade. Pussy. Real shame that

[Ed Gamble]

Blade's gone now, by the way. Blade's gone.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't ask him the rest of his courses because they're remarkably similar.

[James Acaster]

The cup of tea was made with cork water.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Is that my. Well, no. London water is terrible, isn't it? Yeah, it's really hard water and it's really bad.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, really bad.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I know. Edinburgh water is pretty amazing. You know when you're with fringe, you're like, it's really good stuff. Your hair, you're like, oh my God, I'm a mermaid. And then you come back here and it's all sort of. So, okay, I can get along with the water fine. I won't have gripe with that.

[James Acaster]

And the one spoonful of semi skimmed

[Nicola Coughlan]

milk, is she measuring it out in a spoon? Yeah, she's mad. What's she doing?

[James Acaster]

It's a very precise cup of tea there.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Very precise. That's. Do I have to eat it in an old folks home as well?

[Ed Gamble]

I think so.

[James Acaster]

It's from the old folks home.

[Nicola Coughlan]

From the old folks home.

[James Acaster]

But you can go there. I mean, I'm sure you'd like to go and see the old folks home where your friend got better.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, sure, yeah, why not? And she often would send pictures of in the show in the evening, what she was having. She would have like an egg and a piece of bread and we'd all go, oh, that looks lovely, Siobhan. Sometimes you really know what to say. Or like, she'd be like, here's some cheese. You'd be like, oh, brilliant.

[James Acaster]

Who's on this group chat?

[Nicola Coughlan]

The cast of the play, the playboy of the Western world that we just did.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you got a Bridgerton group chat as well?

[Nicola Coughlan]

There's different ones every season. So the new season is starting filming soon. I was nearly about to say when and then I realized someone from Netflix would be like, shut up. At some point in the future there will be a new season, but there's a new one every season.

[Ed Gamble]

Amazing.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And is the icon on the WhatsApp group, is it the person who the season's following?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yes. It's generally like a weird. When it was the season I was the lead on, it was a picture of me holding a little dog and the dog's face was Luke Newton, who was my co star.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And the previous season was a similar thing. It was Siobhan Ashley as the Queen of England with Johnny Bailey as a corgi dog with his face. Season one was probably something a bit more series and then season four didn't have a picture.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, that's a shame.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I know. Season five, who knows? Open for suggestions.

[Ed Gamble]

Who knows?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Who knows?

[James Acaster]

Season four. Were you all starting to lose enthusiasm for the show, do you think?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Absolutely not. I think it was just a lot of new people that no one felt confident enough to sort of pick a group photo.

[James Acaster]

What would you do if you haven't seen the script yet and then you go on the new group and the picture is of Blade

[Nicola Coughlan]

as new gentleman has come to town.

[Ed Gamble]

What's up, Bridgerton?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would really love that. It would be great coming on a motorbike. We just don't explain it. It's an anachronism. We're like, and what? It's Bridgerton, guys, we can do what we want.

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[James Acaster]

Now, the side dish. You. You had the bangarang loops. This is post getting locked out.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. You can see things took a turn.

[James Acaster]

Now. We told Bonito we didn't need to make a slide for this, but he's done it anyway. So side dish included with main.

[Nicola Coughlan]

That is so siob. Well, I told you. I told you. What? Schwoz.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I don't know why you'd have to say it again. Yeah, so that's. Okay. So straight onto the drink like it's a dream restaurant. So she can have literally anything.

[Ed Gamble]

It's included with the main.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Perfect.

[Ed Gamble]

I was going to ask another quick question about Bridgerton.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yes, please.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you aware that you've ruined most weddings I've been to? Because now everyone uses the string quartet music playing pop hits. Everyone at every fucking wedding.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yes. This is what I think of. I'm like, if I get married, my wedding music is going to have to be like screamo, like, something. It's gonna have to be so unbridged or I'll feel like I'm at work. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Ed Gamble]

Just so no one ever has to listen to Poker Face played on a violin again.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. I'm gonna have to wear, like, a Mr. Blobby suit. Everyone's gonna have to. There's gonna be no flowers. Or I'm gonna be like, oh, another day at the studio.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's gonna have to be like a German brutalist style wedding. That can be.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, I will tell you the shock I had because we don't know what songs they're gonna pick.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And there was the scene we filmed, which was like a big intimacy proposal scene in a carriage. And I watched it for the first time and I was like, I wonder what song that is. Is that Pit Bull? Okay, Right. And now that song will follow me Till the day I die.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that scene was mad, man. Me and my wife had to shut the blinds in our living room.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. Imagine your mother trying to watch it and you're like, ha ha. It's all fake.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. He's called Pitbull. Ignore what's going on on the screen. Listen to the tunes.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Give me everything tonight. Beautiful. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Disgusting.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I know. I'm sorry.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry, James.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Shame, shame.

[Ed Gamble]

James is a prude.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, don't be watching that then.

[James Acaster]

No, no, no, thank you. We're vaulted. Be ashamed of yourselves. Sullying the good name of Netflix. You had a basil margarita as your drink.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. Delicious.

[James Acaster]

Siobhan McSweeney chose a frozen margarita with chili Doritos dust.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Doritos. I celebrated too soon.

[James Acaster]

So, you know, with a frozen margarita or any margarita, you can get the salt around the rim or the chili salt. Siobhan wants the dust from the bottom of a Doritos packet.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Is she thinking about like Tahin, the like smoky spicy salt or did she genuinely want.

[James Acaster]

I think she genuinely just the end of the. The dust.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Why am I even questioning? She's a woman who knows what she wants. But no, what it. That's crunchy. That's. That's the. That's the broken up Iceland over again. You're chewing your drink.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I quite like the idea of it, if I'm honest. I love Tahin. I think that's cool. I don't know why it suddenly exploded.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Tajin's everywhere now. You can't get away from Tahin. I got.

[James Acaster]

I know what that is.

[Ed Gamble]

You'd recognize it. It comes in bottles. It's like.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's a funny shaped little bottle with a white lid and a green and red and white label. Maybe it's the Mexican flag because it has the bird in it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And then there's a picture in a

[James Acaster]

bottle of lemon juice. I can't get it out of my head.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's like this big. I was wondering was she thinking of that and said dust from Doritos? But no, she. That's what. Is what she wants.

[Ed Gamble]

She wants.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Sure. Okay.

[James Acaster]

She wants the dust from a packet and just like roll the. The glass around in there and then with every sip you'll get some Dorito dust. Like that chili salty flavor.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. I mean, I like a salty. A salty. You can't say I like a salty rim. And I couldn't think of any other way to say it, so I just had to come out. It was such an intrusive thought. I was like, just say Salty rim.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't say that around Blade.

[Nicola Coughlan]

How do you know I haven't? But you often get that Joker song, salt, like the thing here. Like, the more you have, you just sort of have that Chelsea smile, but it's just salt on your face.

[James Acaster]

Chelsea smile. What a beautiful reference.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I'm pretty street and cool.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, I know. I know what you mean. My dad ate some, like, chicken wings once and looked like the Joker from Dark Knight. That specific joker. And my dad just always too proud. So you. I said, dad, that's all over your face. He went, yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

That's the only way to deal with this one.

[James Acaster]

Get rid of it.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I was rewatching the Greatest show in the World the other day. Vanderpump Rules. Who? Have you seen it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Oh, my God.

[Ed Gamble]

I've interviewed Lisa Vanderpump in. In her restaurant.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Did you have a little bit of a crush?

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Incorrect answer, but continue for context.

[Ed Gamble]

At the time, I was doing a TV show where I had to pretend to be 51st in line to the throne.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yes, I know this.

[Ed Gamble]

So we interviewed Lisa Vanderpump. She's one of the only people who called us out that we were not real.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And she was holding. Her dog at the time was called Chiggy. Which is Chiggy.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Her dog was called Chiggy.

[James Acaster]

Rip My agent's name.

[Nicola Coughlan]

You hate him.

[James Acaster]

My agent is called Chiggy.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, I thought you said you hate him. You hate the dead dog.

[James Acaster]

No, I don't.

[Nicola Coughlan]

The new Jessie Buckley, ladies and gentlemen.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, the opposite. She hates the live cats. I hate dead dogs.

[Ed Gamble]

Chiggy was one of those really fucked up dogs with like, oh, he was, God love him, lolling out. It did not look well when I. I didn't interview him. I interviewed Lisa Vanderpump. But, yeah, she really called us on it. She was like, you're not. You're not members of the Royal family. I know Earl Spencer and said, I'm going to go and call Earl Spencer. And the only other person who called us out was Gwyneth Paltrow's guru, classic him, Shaman Durek. He called us out because I, to be fair, I did push it too far. He does a thing where he says, I'm going to get all the poison out of you. And I drunk loads of Pepsi Max before we filmed. So I did a massive burp in his face and he said, I will not be part of this. This is some sort of AB Fab. That was his only reference for comedy was Ab Fab.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, it's pretty good. Though.

[Ed Gamble]

So we left.

[James Acaster]

Joe, the twist is that Ed is a member of the Royal family to the extent that he's in the Epstein files.

[Ed Gamble]

Excuse me, I'm not in the episode Epstein Files because I'm a member of the Royal family. I. I earned my way into the Epstein files. It's not nepotism. I worked hard.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I was like, why did I bring that up? Someone on Vanderpump had a stain on their shoulder and I was like, that's so stupid. And then the next day, I got one in the exact same place and I went, oh, look at me in my glass house. But it brought us on a beautiful journey. I'm glad.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What is Vanderbilt? What is it?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, it's so good. It's a reality show that's so good because it's basically based on a real group of friends who are all in relationships and friendships together. And it's just like a hotbed of misogyny and adultery. And it's 10 seasons. Well, it's more than 10, but anyway. But it's brilliant.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Every season you're like, I can't believe. It's just. It's just so quotable.

[James Acaster]

What's the best thing that's happened on Vanderpump Rules?

[Nicola Coughlan]

There was a huge cheating scandal. A guy dated a girl for 10 years and cheated under with her best friend. And his name is Tom Sandoval. So it was referred to as scandal. And when it explodes, it's crazy. Yeah. She says to him, his ex girlfriend now says, I want you to hear this from the mouth of the woman who loved you. You mean nothing. And it's like Shakespeare wishes

[Ed Gamble]

Lisa Vanderpump was one of the original Real Housewives of Beverly Hills as well.

[Nicola Coughlan]

She looks like this darling. Like she sort of. Come on. Come on, Jax. No, I can't be. Yeah, I love her.

[James Acaster]

I have heard of that. Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, she was an offshoot of that, but it's.

[James Acaster]

It's.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I dare I say, far better.

[James Acaster]

Wow. Wow. That's rare.

[Ed Gamble]

It's rare we get an exclusive on the pod, but that's going to be splashed all over the tabloids.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I don't even care. I'll just say it.

[James Acaster]

It's like if Joey was better than. Than Friends.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's. No, I resent that comparison. No, it's. It's its own thing. It reinvented the genre.

[James Acaster]

Oh, it's not an offshoot like Joey was.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, it is a bit, but not funny.

[James Acaster]

Well, I think you're gonna like that. That drink, because it's basically the same.

[Ed Gamble]

I had a cocktail the other night in New York which was a white kimchi martini. So it's like the juice from white kimchi.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

With the booze and then chili oil. And it was like drinking a pot of chili oil. And every sip I had, I forgot what it was like and I went, oh, completely changed my mind through every. Halfway through every sip. Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Have you ever had like a cocktail with pickle juice?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Is it good?

[James Acaster]

Real good. Although actually the last time I did that I was at Disneyland in California. And we could only find one place that did booze. And one of the things they did was like a pickle juice and beer thing. I was like, yeah, that'd be great. And the first sip was amazing. But then I did realize it was basically half and half and there was a lot of pickle juice in that. But I was so desperate for the booze at that point that I was. I just drank the whole pint. So I had half a pint of pickle juice with this beer.

[Ed Gamble]

I love what a Brit abroad you turn into when you go away. You're just in Disney World. Go, yeah, most magical place in the earth. Where's the fucking booze at?

[James Acaster]

There's a certain point where I can't take it anymore. It's the people in the outfits depress me.

[Ed Gamble]

Hang on, what? What do you mean?

[James Acaster]

Because the characters coming out.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's like, oh, and they go so magical. It's not magical. That's like a grown up bacon inside of that.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

They're just like. And I just know that behind it their face is so sad.

[Nicola Coughlan]

But you know you're not allowed dressed as a Disney character if you go to Disneyland. Right. I didn't know this.

[James Acaster]

You can't really, because.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, because if you're like rubbish Cinderella that, you know, is like smoke and a fag and a child sees it, they'll cry. So that's why people wear the ears.

[Dani Pellegrino]

Oh.

[Ed Gamble]

Instead of.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. So you're like bland. And also if you're a princess or a prince or one of them things that they have, you are not allowed to ever break character.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Ever.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I saw one of them who was like, meant to be Alice. And she was. And it started raining and the actor started improvising going, oh, what is this? Tea from the sky? And I was like, alice doesn't think that Alice is from the world.

[Ed Gamble]

She knows what rain is.

[James Acaster]

She the Mad Hatter who might say that, but not Alice. She's going, learn how to Improvise with Before you stand around in the rain.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, God. Go for a pint somewhere. Where does booze.

[James Acaster]

I drink a pint of pickle juice.

[Ed Gamble]

The only time my wife's been outwardly jealous of something that happened was when we were at Disneyland in Japan and I met Daisy Duck. And after we had a photo, she came over to me and went, she fancied you. I don't even know if it was a lady in that. You can't.

[James Acaster]

You were wearing just a top and no bottoms. That's her type.

[Nicola Coughlan]

My sister and I did get sort of giggly around the Mandalorian.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, really?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, we were just sort of like. It was one of those things we didn't quite say right away. And then he had the baby Yoda with him and stuff. And then we walked away and we were both a bit like, is the Mandalorian my boyfriend? Like, what?

[James Acaster]

Just the worst part. Well, the worst part is in adults

[Nicola Coughlan]

get excited to see him to meet Mickey Mouse. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Like someone will walk out dressed as Goofy and you see a grown up. Goofy's here. Goofy's not here. That's not Goofy. It's a sad man in an outfit who hates his life. It's not Goofy. I get excited. Like, it's Goofy. But like, the people in the outfits think that everyone's that excited to see them. I hate when they interact with me. And they'll come over and be like, ugh, like, don't, mate. I'm here for the roller coasters. I like that bit.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I brought my niece and nephews to Disney and that started happening. They come over during your meals. But my nephew was maybe 7 at the time, but he started getting up as if he was taking a photo for them. So they'd come over like Cinderella come over and he'd be like, oh, God, thank you. I was like, you don't need to do this. You're good. You're fine.

[James Acaster]

Let's get onto your dessert, shall we? Now, you wanted to have a hot apple tart with ice cream made by an old Irish woman. Quite nice.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Stand by that.

[James Acaster]

But you're gonna have Siobhan McSweeney's dream dessert, which is a Black forest gateau from the Black Forest brackets.

[Ed Gamble]

Sneaked.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Sneaked. Please expand.

[James Acaster]

Stolen. I think preferably from like someone's windowsill or something.

[Dani Pellegrino]

Something.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Although you wouldn't leave it to cool. I guess a Black Forest gate.

[Nicola Coughlan]

She sounds like a villain from a Ladybird book. Like she's scampering around. Yeah, London.

[Ed Gamble]

I could Imagine us sneaking, Sneaking a Black Forest ghetto still.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, but it's, I, It's a weird dessert, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Black Forest ghetto.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I, A bit.

[Ed Gamble]

I just heard someone go, no, no,

[Nicola Coughlan]

I'm really sorry, I'm really sorry about that.

[James Acaster]

Why? No, you like it. You love it. Is it your dream dessert?

[Ed Gamble]

It is.

[James Acaster]

Look at that.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I'm sorry.

[Ed Gamble]

That should warm up Sweeney.

[Nicola Coughlan]

But there's like chocolate and cream and cherries and booze. Booze.

[James Acaster]

Oh, my.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I don't like, I don't love a boozy dessert.

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Nicola Coughlan]

I like the, the booze on the side, but the dessert, not so boozy at all.

[Ed Gamble]

I agree. I'm not. Maybe I've just not may. Steady on. Maybe I've just not had a good Black Forest gateau. But I think every time I've had one, it's been too like, you know what I mean? You know those cakes where you put the knife and it goes.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Like it's an inflatable cake.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It feels like quite 80s to me. Like it's what they would serve on Wall Street. No, I, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, like it's like on Wall street, the guys are like, and we'll get Black Forest to finish or something. I don't know.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah, that bit from, from Wolf of Wall Street.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. What? You don't, you don't remember? He's eat a huge bowl of Black Forest ghetto in front of him.

[Ed Gamble]

They're just face down in the Black Forest ghetto.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah,

[James Acaster]

yeah. Well, would you like it on Wall Street? You said it in the Black Forest, but not. It doesn't say that Siobhan's eating it in the Black Forest. So if it's been stolen from the Black Forest from someone, has she, Is

[Nicola Coughlan]

this something she's had in real life that she's.

[Ed Gamble]

There we go. She would sneak it from the fridge. When she worked in a kitchen in Germany, she did it. She would sneak it. She would sneak it. That's why it tastes good.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It tastes so good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. When you sneak food from the fridge, it does taste.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, my God. When I was a kid, I used to sneak down to the kitchen to make crisp sandwiches at night.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Like really soft, cheap white breads.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Kerrygold butter potato crisps in a sandwich. Like so. And it did taste better because making

[Ed Gamble]

a crisp sandwich silently, in secret is the moment you push it down. Right.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And that's the danger.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you got to push it down.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

You got. Oh, it's the best bit. I, I, I tried to Write material about this. It never worked. So I don't know why I'm now launching into it the Royal Al. What. What crisps are you. Were you using?

[Nicola Coughlan]

I like the salt and vinegar potatoes. Most people go cheese and onion, but I like. I like vinegary salty.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. Good. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Potatoes ones are good.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So theme park.

[Nicola Coughlan]

No, I love that. There is one, though.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I'll tell you something, though, that'll make me seem more stupid than when I didn't realize you were talking about ice before us is that as a child, I. The tato mascot is a potato with a face.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And I, as a child, thought it was a chicken. So I once said to someone as an adult, like, well, you know, like the tato chicken. And they went, what? And I was like. With the chicken that's on the. I think because I. For some reason, my mind, I was like, there's a chicken on corn flakes. So chicken and food. Lilo.

[Ed Gamble]

So did you just assume. Because it's like, I guess the color's about right for, like, a roast chicken. Did you assume it was a roast chicken that had all its limbs torn off?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. No, it had limbs.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah. But not like wing. Not like traditional chicken.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Nothing. No feathers or any avian.

[Ed Gamble]

Does he have limbs?

[Nicola Coughlan]

The Tato potato man.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

But then there's two types of tato. There's potato from the Republic of Ireland we call the Free Stato. And then Northern Irish potato.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And the Northern Irish tato. The Tato man just has a head of a potato and the. And a body of a human.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, I hate that. Yeah, that's really scary.

[Nicola Coughlan]

He looks really intense.

[James Acaster]

Don't wait in on this.

[Ed Gamble]

No,

[James Acaster]

let Nicola talk about this. But don't you offer a penny a piece.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Sorry.

[Nicola Coughlan]

But yeah. And it doesn't look as much like a chicken now, so please don't look at it now and really judge me. You have to look at, like, a 90s packet. It was a very rudimentary drawing. Yeah. The Tato chicken is not a thing. It's a. It's a potato.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a potato.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. Very much so.

[James Acaster]

Who would you rather be friends without the two tato mascots?

[Nicola Coughlan]

The chicken.

[James Acaster]

Who out of all the, like, the mascots of, like, food. I think. I think. I mean, the answer is Coco the Monkey, isn't it? That's who everyone would like to be friends with.

[Nicola Coughlan]

The way Tony the Tiger came so aggressively into my head, like, I didn't, like, even think the thought I Just went, Tony the Tiger.

[James Acaster]

Too much. It'd be too much.

[Nicola Coughlan]

He's my best friend, so. I feel like you shouldn't have said that in front of me.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I did want to when I was a kid. I wish I didn't want to be called Ed. I wanted to be called Rick because I thought Rick. Rick Ricycle was so cool.

[Nicola Coughlan]

The Ricycle guy?

[Ed Gamble]

The astronaut.

[Nicola Coughlan]

The astronaut, Yeah. I didn't know that was his name.

[Ed Gamble]

He's fucking incredible. Incredible. He's an astronaut and he's got his own cereal.

[James Acaster]

The name's Blade. Rick Blade.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Rick Ricecore is a badass.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

What about. Remember he was such a big deal? Fido dido.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

From 77 up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Easy to draw. That's why. It was a very clever bit of branding. Fido Dado was awesome.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Fido Dido.

[James Acaster]

I tell you who you would hate is the little lure pack man who plays the trombone.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You hate Lurpac.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I hate that guy. I catch a tie. What about Cornelius, the chicken from Cornflakes?

[Ed Gamble]

Is he called Cornelius?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Indeed he is.

[James Acaster]

Is he?

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[James Acaster]

Doesn't look like he has a name. The rest of them look like they're actually Cornelius. Doesn't look like an actual character.

[Ed Gamble]

No, he's just a drawing.

[Nicola Coughlan]

He's a general chicken, isn't he?

[James Acaster]

He's a stencil.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah. But if you were on children's bikes all over the world, do you remember that bike clip that every week you'd be like, what's the toy? It's a bike clip again.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's always a bite clip.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I. I used to have that in the spoke. It sound really cool. People would know. Achy's coming.

[Ed Gamble]

Here comes Achy.

[James Acaster]

Actually, the chicken in this boat didn't do Eggy any favors. Everyone thought I was.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Do you think you're going to rename this off menu with Ay and Blade?

[Ed Gamble]

Achy and Blade is great. Off menu with Ay and Blade.

[James Acaster]

Then we'll finally get our manosphere audience. Yeah. Believe that.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, that seems a perfect place to end the show. Nicola, you've been absolutely fantastic. Thank you so much for coming back. Once more for Nicola, everybody. Thank you so much, guys. Thank you very much. Happy Mother's Day. We'll see all of you tonight, I think. Bye. Bye.

[James Acaster]

See you all later.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, there we are, Another Royal Albert hall with the wonderful Nicola Coughlan.

[James Acaster]

There we are. Thank you, Nicola, so much for coming on. Obviously you should watch everything that Nicholas done. Bridgerton, Derry Girls and Nicholas in the next series, the anthology series I Am.

[Ed Gamble]

I Am Helen.

[James Acaster]

I Am Helen is Nicolas. One fantastic series. Looking forward to seeing Nicolae in that.

[Ed Gamble]

And she's in the Magic Faraway Tree.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

She plays Selkie.

[James Acaster]

Andrew Garfield's in that. My man. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Clairfoy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Big mood. James. Channel 4.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, watch that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I mean, so much stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Camilla, who writes that, came to the Royal Albert hall, so it all links up.

[James Acaster]

Oh, thank you, Camila, for coming along.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you very much for listening. Goodbye.

[James Acaster]

Goodbye, Sam.