The Paper Ep 7: I Love You

Summary

Office Ladies Podcast Summary

Episode: The Paper Ep 7: I Love You
Air Date: February 18, 2026
Hosts: Jenna Fischer & Angela Kinsey
Summary by Podcast Summarizer

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Episode Overview

Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey return for their re-watch podcast, diving into episode seven of the series "The Paper," titled "I Love You." In this recap, they unpack the episode’s main plotlines—boss Marv’s temporary move into the newsroom, Ned’s obvious “daddy issues,” and a subplot involving Esmeralda, Ken, and some classic office scheming. The episode includes personal anecdotes, behind-the-scenes tidbits, and insightful, often humorous tangents about everything from toilet seat etiquette to their unyielding loyalty to a certain brand of toilet paper.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Warm-Up Banter & Personal Updates

• Snacks & Energy ([02:34]): Angela credits her chipper mood to yogurt-covered gummy bears from Odyssey while Jenna complains about “egg overload” due to a high-protein ChatGPT breakfast recommendation.
  • Jenna: “I never wanna eat another egg for the rest of my life.” [05:00]
• Egg Debacle: Jenna describes her attempt at building lean body mass and turning to ChatGPT for meal ideas, leading to comedic protein excess.
  • Angela (teasing Jenna): “You’re egg heavy.” [05:25]

2. Fan Chit Chat: Toilet Seat Etiquette ([06:01])

• Question from Jonathan S. (Tampa, FL): Who’s responsible for raising or lowering the toilet seat when at least one household member stands to urinate?
• Roundtable Responses:
  • Matt: "Everyone's responsible for lowering the seat. Should be lowered at all times. This was one of the three main things I think my mom taught me…" [06:25]
  • Angela: “My mom was like, men live their lives by the pecker between their legs.” [07:10]
  • Jenna applies “toilet seat math,” rationalizing that three out of four bathroom uses (women’s and most men’s) require the seat down.
• Urinal Anecdotes: Angela shares about urinals in her family’s homes and Jenna raves about her early-adopter bidet.
• Squatty Potty Review: Mixed opinions—Angela and Jenna thumbs down, Matt unimpressed.

3. Episode Recap: “The Paper” Ep 7 – I Love You ([13:40])

• Plot Summary ([13:48]):
  • Marv (played by Alan Havey) works in the newsroom while his office is painted, triggering staff reactions to authority and Ned’s “daddy issues.”
  • Esmeralda and Ken conspire together against Marv and Ned.
• Behind-the-scenes (Jen Salata, Director):
  • Jen discusses realizing she’d directed Alan Havey before on "The Office" and choosing the perfect “sad basset hound” card for a key prop. ([16:41]; [18:03])

4. Favorite Scenes & Memorable Moments

• Conference Room Antics: The staff fakes an energetic brainstorming meeting to impress Marv—a callback to “Boys and Girls” from "The Office," where Michael manipulates clapping/laughter. ([15:14])
• The Epic “I Love You” Exchange:
  • Marv absentmindedly says, “Love you,” to Ned, who then repeats it aloud, basking in much-needed affirmation.
    • Angela: “It washed over him. Like, man, he needed that sort of affirmation from someone.” [32:34]
• Esmeralda & Ken Plot ([45:58]):
  • They scheme to “remove Marv,” lamenting, “The ass protects the lips. We need to remove the ass.” [46:31]
  • Nate the janitor overhears, prompting further coverup shenanigans—culminating in an improvised “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” prayer with Marv. ([56:15])

5. Recurring Tangents & Deep Dives

• Toilet Paper AMA Deep Dive ([26:04]):
  • Angela dives into an AMA with a toilet paper salesman, sharing insights about ply, marketing to women ages 20-45, and brand loyalty.
  • Jenna and Angela both declare fierce loyalty to Cottonelle (“I might…go buy a four pack of Cottonelle, because I just. I don’t want any other toilet paper.” [29:24])
• Premature Obituaries ([22:24]):
  • Fascinating facts about obituaries written or released preemptively, with anecdotes about Rowan Atkinson and P.T. Barnum.
• Wardrobe Watch:
  • Mare’s cashmere sweater, retailing for $1,569, is discussed in detail—further proof of the show’s meticulous costuming. [19:26]

6. Listener Participation: “Around the Town” ([38:33])

• Small Town Mayor Max: Katie G. shares how her town’s mayor is a Golden Retriever.
• Egg Shortages: Trish M. writes in about a local egg shortage, sparking laughs about “egg lords” and the wish to road-trip as mom-detectives to Arkansas.

7. Notable Quotes & Cringe Highlights

• Chef’s Kiss: Jenna debuts “Chef’s Kiss of the Week,” giving top honors to Ken & Esmeralda’s desperate, improvised playwriting coverup:

  Ken: “We are practicing a play…”
  Esmeralda: “…It was a loyalty test because janitors, more than anyone, they have to be loyal…” ([51:46])

• Cringe City: Ned and Marv’s childlike “I love you” exchange, and Ned’s meltdown in front of the staff, push Scott’s Tots-level discomfort.
  • Jenna: “This is cringier to me than Scott’s Tots.” ([48:12])
• Emotional Touchstone:
  • Marv on true love: “True love isn’t something you just say. It’s based on, like, a long time together…You don’t have to say it to people that you actually love.” ([58:13])
  • Ann’s subtle devotion to Marv, her (married) boss, leads to quiet fan speculation about their relationship ([59:23])

8. End of Episode & Reflections

• Closing Beat: Show ends with after-hours texts between Ned and Mare, suggesting reconciliation (“For what it’s worth, he said love you first.” [60:31])
• Meta-Commentary:
  • Repeated humor about how the team manages to put out a daily paper despite clear lack of story ideas.
• Cottonelle Toilet Paper Epilogue: Jenna shares a photo of herself with her beloved toilet paper after months without it during the pandemic—a fitting, lighthearted close. ([61:12])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Fan Chit Chat on Toilet Seats: 06:01
• Bidets & Urinals Anecdotes: 09:58
• Episode Recap Begins: 13:40
• Director Jen Salata’s Alan Havey Story: 15:55
• Basset Hound Card BTS Tidbit: 18:03
• Mare’s Sweater & Wardrobe Watch: 19:01 – 20:53
• Obituary Deep Dive: 22:24 – 24:09
• Toilet Paper Brand Loyalty: 26:04 – 31:13
• “I Love You” Cringe Scene: 32:24 – 33:09
• Esmeralda & Ken’s Plot: 45:58 – 47:07
• Ken & Esmeralda Coverup (Chef’s Kiss): 51:46 – 52:41
• Improvised “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot”: 56:15
• Marv’s “True Love” Talking Head: 58:13

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Notable Quotes

• Angela’s Mom’s Wisdom:

  “Men live their lives by the pecker between their legs.” — Angela’s mom [07:10]

• Jenna on Toilet Paper:

  “I might…go buy a four pack of Cottonelle… I don’t want any other toilet paper.” [29:24]

• Jenna (on the basset hound apology card):

  “What did you do today? I had to pick sad basset hound card.” — reflecting on TV production detail [18:39]

• Ken & Esmeralda Plotting:

  Esmeralda: “The ass protects the lips. We need to remove the ass.” [46:37]

• Marv on Love:

  “True love isn’t something you just say. It’s based on, like, a long time together.” [58:13]

• Jenna, newly cringed:

  “This is cringier to me than Scott’s Tots.” [48:12]

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Episode Themes and Takeaways

• Workplace Dynamics: The episode explores authority, affirmation-seeking, and “daddy issues” through Ned and Marv’s dynamic.
• Authenticity in Comedy: The cast and director discuss the delicate line between cringe and sincere comedy, crediting Domhnall Gleeson’s performance.
• Devoted Friendships & Quirky Fixations: Listener letters, fashion finds, and the hosts’ endearing obsessions (from Cottonelle to bidets) ground the show in real-life relatability.
• BTS Gold: Director’s tales, wardrobe deep dives, and cast chemistry highlight the uniqueness of the “Office Ladies” recap style.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

If you love a mix of TV breakdown, genuine friendship, offbeat tangents, and behind-the-scenes insights, this is a jam-packed, classic “Office Ladies” installment. Jenna and Angela bring relatable laughs (and some wince-inducing secondhand embarrassment) as they dissect the comedic anatomy of “The Paper” episode 7, “I Love You,” with memorable commentary on everything from workplace rituals to the emotional awkwardness of seeking your boss’s approval.

No need to set up a fake conference room meeting—you’ll get all the juicy tidbits right here.

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End of summary

Transcript

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[Jenna Fisher]

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[Angela Kinsey]

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[Jenna Fisher]

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[Angela Kinsey]

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[Jenna Fisher]

I'm Jenna Fisher.

[Angela Kinsey]

And I'm Angela Kinsey.

[Jenna Fisher]

We were on the Office together and we're best friends. And now we're doing the ultimate office lovers podcast just for you.

[Angela Kinsey]

Each week we will dive deeper into the world of the office with exclusive interviews, behind the scenes details, and lots of BFF stories.

[Jenna Fisher]

We're the Office Lady 6.0. Hello.

[Angela Kinsey]

Hello. I want to wish you guys all the best day Ever.

[Jenna Fisher]

You're very chipper.

[Angela Kinsey]

I am.

[Jenna Fisher]

Nice. I love it.

[Angela Kinsey]

I had some of those yogurt covered gummy bears.

[Jenna Fisher]

Wait, what?

[Angela Kinsey]

You haven't had a yogurt covered gummy bear.

[Jenna Fisher]

It sounds medicinal.

[Angela Kinsey]

It's not.

[Jenna Fisher]

These are regular gummy bears covered in yogurt.

[Matt]

It looks thc, isn't it?

[Jenna Fisher]

There's none.

[Angela Kinsey]

There's none.

[Jenna Fisher]

I'm like, is this explaining things?

[Angela Kinsey]

I got them in, like, at Christmas.

[Jenna Fisher]

From who?

[Angela Kinsey]

From Odyssey.

[Matt]

To be fair, Odyssey, you got energy. Does them as well. Subdued today.

[Angela Kinsey]

Wait, you got them as well? They were in our Christmas basket that they sent. That was so nice. And I was digging through that random snacks drawer in the pantry. Josh was like, we gotta clean out this snacks drawer. He decided to do it five minutes before I was walking out the door. But I was like, I'll take these yogurt curly gummies. And I ate them in the car. I don't know what to tell you. They're really good. I mean, they're a couple months old, but they held up.

[Jenna Fisher]

Okay. I'll look for them.

[Angela Kinsey]

Highly recommend. How are you today?

[Jenna Fisher]

Well, lady, I've been better.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh.

[Jenna Fisher]

And I'll tell you why. Oh, I am so full of eggs.

[Angela Kinsey]

Eggs.

[Jenna Fisher]

I don't think I've ever consumed so many eggs. Why? And I'm sad about it. It's not going great for me.

[Angela Kinsey]

I'm so confused by this. Did you just make yourself a huge old omelet this morning?

[Jenna Fisher]

So I'm trying to eat more protein to build my lean mass with my weight lift. And so I asked Chatgpt.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh, no.

[Jenna Fisher]

To suggest why some high protein meals.

[Angela Kinsey]

What'd it say?

[Jenna Fisher]

It said that a great breakfast is two eggs plus three quarters of a cup of egg whites.

[Angela Kinsey]

Ew.

[Jenna Fisher]

Scrambled. And a piece of toast with some avocado.

[Angela Kinsey]

What, are you gonna go chop down a tree? Doesn't look like a lady.

[Jenna Fisher]

Can I show you a picture of how many eggs I ate this morning? I made them and I was like, this would serve a family. That's a large plate.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah.

[Jenna Fisher]

And I ate em.

[Angela Kinsey]

You ate all of them?

[Jenna Fisher]

I did it.

[Angela Kinsey]

Do you feel a little gross? You do?

[Jenna Fisher]

I never wanna eat another egg for the rest of my life. I went to chatgpt and I wrote.

[Angela Kinsey]

I'm like, screw you.

[Jenna Fisher]

I said, hey, that was too many eggs for me. Could I get a different breakfast that's just as high in protein but less volume? And so it gave me some other suggestions. I'll try. Maybe tomorrow. But I still. I'm not over It. It was three hours ago. Yeah.

[Angela Kinsey]

You're egg heavy.

[Jenna Fisher]

I am?

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah.

[Jenna Fisher]

I should have had the gummy bear things you're talking about. I'd be in a better mood, except.

[Angela Kinsey]

I'm probably going to, like sugar crash in like, 15 minutes.

[Jenna Fisher]

Well, my body better be making muscle right now. That's all I have to say.

[Angela Kinsey]

All right, Bodi, get on it.

[Jenna Fisher]

Listen, let's get to our fan chit chat. Question of the week. This one is coming in from Jonathan S. In Tampa, Florida. Jonathan wanted us to read his suggestion, and here's what it is. Jonathan says, who is responsible for raising and lowering the toilet seat when at least one person in the household stands up to urinate?

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh, well, Jonathan, this sounds like you're ready to pick a fight. This might get spicy.

[Jenna Fisher]

Well, I have the answer to this question, and no one will ever have to wonder again.

[Angela Kinsey]

Okay.

[Jenna Fisher]

But I'd like you guys to weigh in as well.

[Angela Kinsey]

Okay. Well, we've got two gals and two dudes here today. Matt, Sam, can I say something? Yes, Matt.

[Matt]

To me, this one's a no brainer. Everyone's responsible for lowering the seed. Should be lowered at all times. This was one of the three main things I think my mom taught me from my childhood. It was don't smoke cigarettes, don't drink and drive, and lower the toilet seat every time.

[Jenna Fisher]

So your mom's point is, if you raise it, then lower it.

[Matt]

Correct. No brainer. Yep, same with my mom. And don't use your teeth to open things packages. You only get one set of teeth.

[Jenna Fisher]

My gosh, I love how this is segued into advice from our moms. This is terrific.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah. My mom was like, it's the bathroom etiquette. You lower the seat. If you raised it, you lower it. She also said, Angela, men live their lives by the pecker between their legs.

[Jenna Fisher]

Remember that? So you. Okay.

[Angela Kinsey]

She told me that when I was 16. I was like, oh, is this your version of a sex talk?

[Matt]

I was gonna say. And you picked up zero sexual phrases since then. That's the last one someone said to you that made sense.

[Angela Kinsey]

That my mom said to me. And I wasn't quite sure what a pecker was, but I figured it.

[Jenna Fisher]

Great. Here's my thing. It's math. I can bring it down to math.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh, you like math?

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah. And you know what? I love this. If you raise it, then you lower it, I think is a great way to think about it. But here's another way to think about it. For the most part, women pee sitting down. And poo sitting down. Both of the things they're doing on the toilet require the seat to be down.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yes.

[Jenna Fisher]

Men in general pee standing up, and they poo sitting down.

[Angela Kinsey]

Some pee sitting down, though.

[Jenna Fisher]

Some do fine. Well, that makes my argument even stronger. But what I'm saying is that two of the two things that women do on the toilet are seated. One of the two things. So there's four things happening on a toilet. So three out of the four times someone goes to a toilet, the seat needs to be down.

[Angela Kinsey]

So this is math Curious. Sam, Matt, have you guys ever peed sitting down?

[Matt]

Yeah, absolutely. That's music festivals all the time at porta potties.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh, interesting. Why then?

[Jenna Fisher]

Why is that when you're sitting.

[Matt]

I'm usually.

[Jenna Fisher]

That's when I'm standing to pee.

[Matt]

I'm usually rolling on squatting. I'm usually rolling at the point. So I'm usually on mushrooms or something where I need. I need to be sitting down. I need my full attention to not sitting eping on myself.

[Jenna Fisher]

I see.

[Matt]

Yes. Wow. This is in the past.

[Jenna Fisher]

Of course in the past. Got it.

[Angela Kinsey]

Now, this is kind of random, but my grandfather, they added on a little, like, side room to their house for, like, a little home office, and they put a bathroom in it, and he wanted a urinal. So they had a toilet, and they had a urinal. And he was so excited about it, and we, as kids were just fascinated by it.

[Jenna Fisher]

I was like, what is that thing?

[Angela Kinsey]

Like the girls, Anyway. And then my dad, when my mom and dad built their house out on our farm, My dad was like, I want a urinal. So there is a urinal in my mom and dad's bathroom next to the toilet.

[Matt]

I mean, it's incredible.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah, I feel that. That feels like how I needed my bidet. I'm, like, mesmerized by that story and in awe of it in a positive way.

[Matt]

I don't want to get us too far off topic, but what kind of bidet do you have? Or what kind of. Is it like an aftermarket one that attaches?

[Jenna Fisher]

No, no, It's a porcelain bidet that's built into the floor.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Jenna Fisher]

It's a full other.

[Matt]

That's incredible thing.

[Jenna Fisher]

Next to my toilet.

[Matt]

That's awesome.

[Jenna Fisher]

In hindsight, I could have easily just done the one that attaches to my toilet. This was, like, 15 years ago, and I didn't really know about that one.

[Matt]

Sure. Well, you were an early adopter. Yeah, that's a bidet adopter.

[Angela Kinsey]

They had them in our house in indonesia. But it was my Barbie fountain.

[Jenna Fisher]

I rented a home with a bidet, and I got so attached to it. When I bought my house, I was like, I need it.

[Angela Kinsey]

Well, now they have the fancy toilet where the bidet's, like, part of the toilet. Toto toilet.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah.

[Matt]

All right, while we're all here, why are we all on squatty potties?

[Angela Kinsey]

Yay.

[Matt]

Nay.

[Jenna Fisher]

Oh, nay.

[Angela Kinsey]

Josh got one, and it's fad. He gets into fads, guys. He's like, this is how we're supposed to go.

[Matt]

Yeah. I remember when they were very popular. I didn't notice a difference either.

[Angela Kinsey]

It didn't work for me. My legs aren't long enough. It put me in an odd position. We can be done talking about all this now. Jonathan, thank you so much for writing in. Clearly, we all had a lot to say about that. Thanks for sending in your chit chat.

[Jenna Fisher]

All right, why don't we take a break, and then when we come back, we are going to break down the paper. Episode 7 titled I Love youe.

[Angela Kinsey]

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[Jenna Fisher]

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[Angela Kinsey]

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[Angela Kinsey]

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[Angela Kinsey]

Well welcome back to I love you season one, episode seven written by Alex Edelman and directed by Jennifer Salata.

[Jenna Fisher]

I'm going to give you a summary. Okay, Marv is temporarily relocated to the newsroom. You remember Marv. He's like the head honcho, the big.

[Angela Kinsey]

Boss, the older gentleman.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yes. So his move down to the newsroom while his office is being painted or whatever forces the staff to confront their issue with authority figures. And it brings up daddy issues for Ned.

[Angela Kinsey]

Boy, does it.

[Jenna Fisher]

Meanwhile, Esmeralda and Ken team up to solve a mutual problem. I'll leave it at that.

[Angela Kinsey]

Well, we reached out to director Jennifer Salata and she sent us in some great tidbits. We're going to share them throughout. You guys all know that have been listening. Jen is part of our office family for many years and it was so great to hear her voice.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yes.

[Angela Kinsey]

We're going to start with what I'm calling a fakie conference room meeting. So Marv and his team, they're there. They're in the big bullpen and they're watching. And Ned is in the conference room with his crew and he's like, okay, he's watching us. He's watching us like jump up and down. High five. Clap. Oh my gosh. Point. Yes. Woo hoo. And they're just acting like they're having this really great, awesome brainstorming meeting for ideas for the paper. And Nicole says, why don't we just have a real meeting? Adam thinks it's the most fun meeting they've ever had.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah, but it worked.

[Angela Kinsey]

Marv is watching them from across the room and goes, wow, impressive.

[Jenna Fisher]

You know what this reminded me of?

[Angela Kinsey]

What?

[Jenna Fisher]

The scene from Boys and Girls when Jan and all the ladies are in the Conference room. And Michael literally gathers all the men in the bullpen. And he's like, okay, now everybody clap. Everybody clap. Laughing, laughing. The difference is that Jan was not buying it at all. No, Marv was convinced. Jan, not so much.

[Angela Kinsey]

Not so much.

[Jenna Fisher]

Well, now Ned is going to leave the conference room. He's going to welcome Marv. He's like, oh, I didn't even know you were there. Ha. Yeah. And he kind of sucks up to.

[Angela Kinsey]

Him a little bit.

[Jenna Fisher]

He does. And I want to shout out Alan Havey, who plays Marv. He's excellent in this episode. Jen actually sent us in an audio clip about working with him, so. So I think we should hear it.

[Jennifer Salata]

I directed episode 107 of the paper, and I got to work with Alan Havey, who played Marv, who was Ned's boss. And he was brilliant, and I loved working with him. And I thought that I just recognized him from tv, maybe from Mad Men or from movies that he's done. And it wasn't till much later, like, embarrassingly later, that I realized, oh, my God. I directed him on the Office. On the episode called Promos, ninth season of the Office. He played Esther's dad, and he was trying to, like, swindle Dwight in some tractor deal. And he was also fantastic in that. Two very different roles. But I did not realize that I had worked with him before, and he was just such a delight in the character of Marv in dealing with Ned and his daddy issues.

[Jenna Fisher]

You know, it's so funny, Angela. The first time I saw him on the paper, I had forgotten that he played Esther's dad as well. I just remembered him from Mad Men. But he's so different.

[Angela Kinsey]

He's so different. And we both had that moment of, like, oh, crap, that was. Oh, my God. But, you know, in that episode, he has, like, a baseball hat on. He's a little unshaven. He.

[Jenna Fisher]

Totally different. Yes.

[Angela Kinsey]

But what a great actor. Listen, we're gonna get to it about Ned's daddy issues, but there is something about Alan and the way he portrays Marv that I'm like, it's like my dad. I'd like to spend an afternoon with him.

[Jenna Fisher]

He does. I mean, he's perfect casting.

[Angela Kinsey]

Mm.

[Jenna Fisher]

In this scene, Ned is basically just kissing up to Marv.

[Angela Kinsey]

Ken is annoyed by it. But then Ken joins in on kissing up to Marv.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yes. Then the next scene, Ned is in his office, and he's watching Mare through the blinds. He's given her a card. It's an apology card. It's a Photo of a basset hound. The card was originally supposed to say, sorry I missed your birthday, but Ned crosses out some letters and writes some stuff in. So now it says, sorry I missed identified your sexuality, and Mer throws it in the trash.

[Angela Kinsey]

Well, Jen had a little story to share about choosing this particular card. Let's listen to it.

[Jennifer Salata]

One tiny little behind the scenes moment that I just remembered today was that when Ned gave Mare a card that said, I'm sorry I misidentified your sexuality, I remember being presented from our awesome props department a bunch of basset hound cards and basset hound images to put on the card and trying to figure out which sad basset hound looked most like sad Donal or sad Ned. And that was just delightful. And one of those what are our jobs Moment. This is amazing.

[Angela Kinsey]

What'd you do today? I had to pick sad basset hound card.

[Jenna Fisher]

Such attention to detail.

[Angela Kinsey]

I know. Well, now Mare has a talking head and she basically says, you know what? I don't need to be friends with everyone I work with. And then she kind of goes after the documentary crew. She's like, do you guys ever ask questions about journalism? Yeah, I guess they don't.

[Jenna Fisher]

Apparently not.

[Angela Kinsey]

I do have a wardrobe check for you.

[Jenna Fisher]

What is it?

[Angela Kinsey]

I loved Mare's sweater.

[Jenna Fisher]

Sweater. I did too.

[Angela Kinsey]

Right?

[Jenna Fisher]

Yes.

[Angela Kinsey]

Okay. So I went on this website, it's called wornontv.net w o r n warnontv.net to see if they might have the details. And they did what? Here you go. It is a cashmere sweater made by Marnie and they're out of the UK. I want you to guess what it retails for.

[Jenna Fisher]

$175.

[Angela Kinsey]

1,569.

[Jenna Fisher]

Mayor can't afford that.

[Angela Kinsey]

I know. And that's USA dollars. So I went to the website because I'm like, that can't be right. And I selected the US version, you know, and that's how much that sweater costs. The Marnie color block cashmere jumper.

[Jenna Fisher]

Wow. And we're sure that she's not wearing, like someone's knockoff version of this cashmere sweater? It's for sure the one. It's really beautiful.

[Angela Kinsey]

It's beautiful.

[Jenna Fisher]

I noticed it.

[Angela Kinsey]

And I mean, I will share in stories because I have the link to it. It is the sweater.

[Jenna Fisher]

I don't think I could wear a thousand dollar cashmere sweater and leave the house. I mean, we all know what I did with my watch that I thought was worth anything.

[Angela Kinsey]

You put it.

[Jenna Fisher]

You locked it in a safe deposit box. If something st too expensive, I Don't understand how people spend thousands of dollars on handbags. Like, how do you ever take it anywhere?

[Angela Kinsey]

That's how I feel about sunglasses. Like, I am going to drop them, shove them in a purse by accident. Here it is. Look, I have a picture of it. The website is called Farfetch. There it is. That's it. That's it.

[Jenna Fisher]

I didn't realize the one sleeve was all burgundy. Yeah, well, yeah, I couldn't wear it. I buy the knockoff version. Probably wouldn't fit as well. That's how they get you.

[Angela Kinsey]

That's how they get you.

[Jenna Fisher]

So next up, Marv is talking to Adam. And Adam says, marv, look at this old newspaper article. There's this profile of you as a young businessman. And Marv is like, oh, my gosh, where'd all my hair go? And Adam's like, I don't know. That was a real question.

[Angela Kinsey]

And then he says, oh, we also have an obituary ready to go for you. So when you die, it's all set. It's like, all I could think about is like, how they have the super bowl winners baseball hats ready.

[Jenna Fisher]

Oh, my God. We talk about that all the time.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah. So they're like, ready to go, but they don't know who's winning, but they all immediately have a baseball hat.

[Jenna Fisher]

It's so wasteful because there's like all.

[Angela Kinsey]

This merchant that then tossed, trashed.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah, I think about that every time I see them put the hats on within three seconds of winning.

[Angela Kinsey]

I know. But anyway, they have his obituary ready to go.

[Jenna Fisher]

I mean, he lets Marv read it, and Marv's a little bummed out by it. He's like, oh, maybe my life hasn't been as meaningful as I'd hoped now that I read it in black and white.

[Angela Kinsey]

I mean, I think it's like two paragraphs. It doesn't seem like they put a lot of effort into it.

[Jenna Fisher]

You know, when I worked at the local television station in college, we had some pre edited obituary packages.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh, yeah. Like, they've got the video montage ready. And the whole thing, especially if someone.

[Jenna Fisher]

Is maybe sick or like a very famous person is very old, they kind of have it ready to go. I remember thinking, my gosh, it's just so bleak.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah.

[Jenna Fisher]

But this led me on a deep dive of what? Did you know that there is a Wikipedia page that is a list of prematurely released obituaries of famous people? Yeah, I mean, the famous people are on the Wikipedia page. I don't know if it's happened to non Famous people. It probably has if they for some reason had a pre written obituary. But did you know that Rowan Atkinson has falsely been reported as dead three times in 2016, 2017 and 2018.

[Angela Kinsey]

What the heck?

[Jenna Fisher]

I don't know. He's still alive.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah.

[Jenna Fisher]

And he's had to like, say, hey, everybody, hey, guess what? I don't know why that's happening to him. Kirk Douglas had a draft of his obituary leaked on people.com in November of 2014, and it still had the headline do not publish. And he didn't actually die for another six years. He was 103 when he passed away.

[Angela Kinsey]

Crazy.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah. But then this one really got me. P.T. barnum had a premature obituary published, but it was his request, I guess. When he took to his deathbed, he said he would sure love to read what the papers would say about him. So they printed his obituary two weeks before his actual death.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh, he wanted to be like, basically privy to his own.

[Jenna Fisher]

Well, that's the thing. I mean, people have sometimes said, like, why can't I be at my funeral? Like, can I hear all the speeches? And how much people loved me? It's kind of a shame. I miss it.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah.

[Jenna Fisher]

So I guess that was his way of getting that. But Marv was not interested in reading his premature obituary. It bummed him out.

[Angela Kinsey]

It really did. Now we have a little sort of runner of people reacting to Marv being in the bullpen. Like Detrick freezes around him. Adalola says, oh, I don't suck up to people. But then she's super overly chipper and smiley. And then we're going to have a scene between Esmerelda and Ned. She's got a stack of stories that Marv approved, but Ned's like, wait, I had sort of scrapped some of those.

[Jenna Fisher]

I have a question.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah?

[Jenna Fisher]

Why is Ned killing any stories? Do they have so much content that he can just kill stories? I feel like we're in a beggar's can't be choosers situation here.

[Angela Kinsey]

We 100% are. This whole episode starts with a completely EMP dry erase board with the word story ideas and nothing under it.

[Jenna Fisher]

And I'm like, how are they putting out a newspaper every day? Like, I feel like they would be lucky to have a single weekend paper, not a Sunday paper. Too thick, a Saturday once a week paper.

[Angela Kinsey]

What's happening around town? Well, here's the thing. Ned is going to go approach Marv about it. And Marv is talking to Kimberly. And as Ned approaches, he's like, hey, buddy, how you doing? You know, Kimberly here, she just sold her one millionth roll of Softies.

[Jenna Fisher]

I noticed she was wearing the sweatshirt with the gray sheep that you pointed.

[Angela Kinsey]

Out the Softies logo. Well, Ned is not impressed that she has sold 1 million rolls. But I was, and it got me going to the Internet lady.

[Jenna Fisher]

What did the Internet say? Are you gonna tell me, like, how far 1 million rolls of toilet paper stretches? No, I'm sorry. Is it to the moon?

[Angela Kinsey]

No, I'm sorry, I don't know that. But I did Google real toilet paper salesman. Just that. Okay, Real life toilet paper salesman. And it brought me to one of those AMAs.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yep.

[Angela Kinsey]

You know, online. And I was fascinated by it.

[Jenna Fisher]

What did you learn?

[Angela Kinsey]

I mean, so much. But I'm gonna read you just a few things. So this fella started off the AMA with this. I am a toilet paper salesman. I manufacture, sell, and distribute private label bath tissue paper towels, napkins, and facial tissue. People peppered him with all kinds of questions. Also, they did a lot of poop bits. This guy had to put up with some poop bits. But here's one for you. One person said, do you get a lifetime supply of bath tissue, paper towels, napkins, and facial tissue?

[Jenna Fisher]

Well, I would think so.

[Angela Kinsey]

He said, I actually haven't paid for toilet paper and paper towels in four years, and I live in a house with three other roommates and we go through quite a bit.

[Jenna Fisher]

Wow.

[Angela Kinsey]

So there's that. Also, someone said, what ply do you mostly sell and what is your preferred ply of toilet paper? He says that they mostly make two ply. He prefers it as well. The one ply is for the people who only use one sheet count as the determining factor during the purchase. One ply is typically a thousand sheet roll and feels like sandpaper. Two ply is absorbent and soft. And frankly, most two ply rolls are made as matches to brand names. For there are roles that his company makes for the Family Dollar store that are comparable to Angelsoft, which is the number one seller in the U.S. but theirs cost $2 less. Huh. Huh, Right. Also, you might be curious what sort of target demographics they really reach out to when they're doing their marketing. And this fellow said, we target women mostly ages 20 to 45. So you and I are out. We're out. They tend to do the shopping. And after 45, Freddie, this is us. Jenna.

[Jenna Fisher]

What?

[Angela Kinsey]

They tend to be stuck in their ways. So you're not getting them to buy something new. Anyway, it was very interesting. And then they Talked about how 2ply uses a little bit of glue to make it 2ply. And the process and how much money they make and whether something's embossed or have graphics, what graphics they choose and why. It was very interest.

[Jenna Fisher]

I'm really attached to my toilet paper.

[Angela Kinsey]

You're exactly what he said during the.

[Jenna Fisher]

Pandemic when toilet paper wasn't really widely available.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh, yeah.

[Jenna Fisher]

And they didn't have my toilet paper for months.

[Angela Kinsey]

For months.

[Jenna Fisher]

When I finally got my toilet paper back, I took a photo of myself hugging it.

[Angela Kinsey]

You sent it to me.

[Jenna Fisher]

I know.

[Angela Kinsey]

It's on my camera roll. Wait, what is your TP of choice?

[Jenna Fisher]

Cottonell.

[Angela Kinsey]

Cottonelle.

[Jenna Fisher]

I don't want Charmin. I don't want angelsoft. I don't want any of your other toilet paper.

[Angela Kinsey]

We clearly aren't sponsored by a toilet paper company. Wait, what about it?

[Jenna Fisher]

I like the little grooves in it, the ridges. Yeah, but it's exactly soft enough. It's exactly right. I really like it. If I go stay at, like, an Airbnb and sometimes even a hotel in any city, I might, if I'm going to be there long enough, go buy a four pack of Cottonelle, because I just. I don't want any other toilet paper. This guy's never selling me his toilet paper.

[Angela Kinsey]

He knows that. He's not even going after you.

[Jenna Fisher]

I'm not going to bother. You know, during the pandemic, Rain was like, I've got a lead on toilet paper. Did I ever tell you this?

[Angela Kinsey]

No.

[Jenna Fisher]

Oh, my God.

[Angela Kinsey]

He texted you.

[Jenna Fisher]

He texted me, if you need it, I've got a lead on toilet paper. It's just funny to me that I got that from Rain. And he was like, there's this bamboo toilet paper, and you can get a whole box of it right now. And I was like, you're kidding me. This is amazing. We're gonna get toilet paper. And so I ordered it. I have never hated a toilet paper more. I hated it so much.

[Angela Kinsey]

Too grainy.

[Jenna Fisher]

I don't even. I was like, who likes this? I wrote them back angry. I was like, rain, you like this. You like this toilet paper? Like, say it to me, like, with a straight face, like, you're loving this toilet paper. He's like, I love it. I love how it feels like. I have no complaints about it. I'm like, well, I don't understand you. Like, it's a big rift in our friendship. This toilet paper.

[Angela Kinsey]

You know, he's also a little crunchy.

[Jenna Fisher]

I guess so. Well, anyway, so I didn't want to be wasteful So I didn't throw it away. And every once in a while. Every once in a while, like a.

[Angela Kinsey]

Roll makes you high up on our.

[Jenna Fisher]

Shelf in our laundry room. I don't know how it even gets down, and it enrages me. I'm so angry.

[Matt]

By the way, a million rolls of toilet paper will get you about 8% of the way to the moon.

[Jenna Fisher]

Thank you, Sam.

[Matt]

Sure.

[Jenna Fisher]

All right, well, we can move on. I found that fascinating, lady.

[Angela Kinsey]

I really did, too. I read the whole ama. Josh just texted me. We used Cornell toilet paper. Cornell. I can't believe.

[Jenna Fisher]

Cornell.

[Angela Kinsey]

Cornell. From the.

[Jenna Fisher]

From the.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh, he then cut. He edited Cottonelle.

[Jenna Fisher]

You use Cottonelle?

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh, yes. I didn't even know.

[Jenna Fisher]

Well, you know what? I can come to your house and go to the bathroom.

[Angela Kinsey]

You know what? You've never complained about the toilet paper at my house. And now I know why. I didn't even know what we used.

[Jenna Fisher]

Why do I feel like Josh only loves Cottonelle as well? I feel like the Cottonelle people.

[Angela Kinsey]

Cottonelle people. He's very specific. In fact, I am remembering one time he was out of town and I bought a bunch of toilet paper, and he was like, what is this?

[Jenna Fisher]

He's a Cottonelle person.

[Angela Kinsey]

He just sent me a link. He said, ang, the Cottonelle toilet paper features a unique cleaning ripple texture that removes more with each wipe, leaving you feeling clean and refreshed. It's a popular product.

[Jenna Fisher]

I mean, I knew it. I knew it.

[Esmeralda]

Okay.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yes, I do.

[Angela Kinsey]

All right. Anyway, Ned is now with Marv, and he's saying to him, you know, having you here is kind of disrupting things. And Marv is like, I totally understand. I'm sorry if I overstepped. You don't need Grandpa giving out sweets. Big boss Daddy with the fancy tie. I get it. And then he starts to leave his office, and he's like, be good, kiddo. Love you.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah.

[Angela Kinsey]

She says, love you. He's like, on his phone, he's kind of distracted.

[Jenna Fisher]

And Ned kind of follows Marv out to the bullpen and he says, I love you.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh, yeah. It washed over him. Like, man, he needed that sort of affirmation from someone.

[Jenna Fisher]

It's very awkward in the bullpen.

[Angela Kinsey]

It's super awkward.

[Jenna Fisher]

And this whole thing, it's very complicated because also, we've got Ken and Esmeralda. They're sort of watching all of this happen.

[Angela Kinsey]

Judgey. Watching from a distance.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yes. And so there's a lot happening here. So Jen sent in an audio clip where she talked about planning this very complicated shoot of all these multiple locations. And it has a very surprise ending. I liked it.

[Jennifer Salata]

I remember how difficult it was for me to figure out how to block the scene where Ned pulled Marv into the conference room. And then Ken and Esmeralda and Nicole were listening outside, and Adalola and Travis were also listening outside, trying to figure out where to put the cameras so that they wouldn't see each other. But. But then also have the camera movement feel real and feel fluid was really challenging. And I would go down on set all the time when the actors were there and also when the actors weren't there and just try to think of how, you know, would I put the cameras here? Would I put the cameras here? And one time that I was down there, I think the actors must have not been there. So it was kind of dark on the set and I was kind of sprawled out with my diagrams. And I ended up seeing. Seeing like this sort of shadowy figure walking down across the set and into Esmeralda's office. And then coming out, and I looked up and it was Susie, who's the production designer extraordinaire. And I was like, what are you doing here? Like, I'm. What am I doing here? What are you doing here? And she was eating lunch and she went to Esmeralda's office because she knew that Esmeralda had some good Italian olive oil because Sabrina's Italian and Susie is Italian, and Susie was like, this is the only good olive oil on this whole lot. So I don't know if that'll be interesting to listeners, but it just delighted me a little behind the scenes tidbit of how things are on set.

[Angela Kinsey]

I love knowing that.

[Jenna Fisher]

Me too. If we ever get to visit again, I want to go try that olive oil.

[Angela Kinsey]

Right?

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah.

[Angela Kinsey]

It does remind me how I always knew if I wanted a little piece of candy that Phyllis had candy in her desk drawer instead of the office.

[Jenna Fisher]

Exactly.

[Angela Kinsey]

Well, why don't we take a break and when we come back, we've got more of this Ned, I love you business. Plus a little around the town. True story. For years, the USA medical team had to bring their own scrubs to the Olympics. But when they head to Milan for this year's Winter Games, Team USA will once again be wearing the official medical uniform designed by figs. And now everyone else can wear them too.

[Jenna Fisher]

This collection from FIGS introduces their most durable fabric yet, Fiber X. It's lightweight and breathable with moisture wicking anti static and antimicrobial properties that transition seamlessly from hospital corridors to City streets to the great outdoors.

[Angela Kinsey]

We're talking high performance functionality in style, worthy of the podium, but equally good in the exam room. New and bestselling styles are available in red, white and blue.

[Jenna Fisher]

Check out the limited edition Team USA collection and get 15% off your first order at WearFigs.com with code FIGSRX.

[Angela Kinsey]

That's WearFigs.com, code FIGSRX.

[Jenna Fisher]

Lady. There is a mom at my school and she has I don't know how many different pairs of eyeglasses and they coordinate with her outfits in this really amazing way. And I asked her, how are you doing that? And she said, I get all my glasses at Warby Parker.

[Angela Kinsey]

I love Warby Parker. I just got a pair of glasses there if you have a narrow face and I do. So I get the narrow width and I just got a pair. They're called the Wilkie Black Matte Eclipse.

[Jenna Fisher]

Well, I went on their app and it's really awesome. You put your face and you can just cycle through all the glasses and see what they look like.

[Angela Kinsey]

I know, it's great.

[Jenna Fisher]

I think I'm going to get a pair of prescription sunglasses.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh yeah, I have a pair. Warby Parker gives you quality and better looking prescription eyewear at a fraction of the going price. Our listeners get 15% plus free shipping when they buy two or more pairs of prescription glasses at warbyparker.com officeladies that's.

[Jenna Fisher]

15% off when you buy two pairs of glasses at warbyparker.community officeladies after you.

[Angela Kinsey]

Purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. So I have a little fashion thing I've been doing lately.

[Jenna Fisher]

What is it?

[Angela Kinsey]

Okay, I don't know if you've noticed, but next to my watch on my wrist, I've started stacking a few little bangle y bracelets.

[Jenna Fisher]

It looks good, right?

[Angela Kinsey]

So I have this gold one on right now that I love. It's called the Penelope bracelet by Jenny Bird. Have you been on their website? It's so great.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yes, I have earrings. Coming from Jenny Bird. Jenny Bird is amazing.

[Angela Kinsey]

What I'm learning is that one great little jewelry accent can make you look put together.

[Jenna Fisher]

It's true. This is a thing that stylists have taught me over the years. If you add a piece of jewelry or like a belt maybe or just you don't just get dressed, you then there's an extra step.

[Angela Kinsey]

Right. So it's like, oh, maybe I'm just in like a regular t shirt and jeans. But I've got this great little bracelet that makes me look like I'm like, mm, look at me. I'm. So here's the thing. Their pieces are lightweight. They're comfortable. They go with everything. They're not fussy, but they make you look fantastic. And I like that because I'm not a fussy person.

[Jenna Fisher]

You're not a fussy person. You can get 20% off your first order with Jenny Bird by visiting jenny-bird.com and use code officeladies at checkout. We are back and it's time for office ladies. Around the town, Sam. Around the town. There it is.

[Angela Kinsey]

I love the fireworks.

[Jenna Fisher]

I do, too. Our first bit of news is coming in from Katie G. In Idyllwild, California. Katie says, I live in a very small town in Southern California called Idyllwild. Our town's mayor is a dog. Yes, I'm serious. He is a golden retriever named Mayor Max and is somewhat of a local celebrity. He even has his own calendar.

[Angela Kinsey]

How cute is that? Mayor Max, Mayor Max. Our next around the town comes from Megan W. In West Fargo, North Dakota. Megan says my 10 year old son Bo earned his first degree black belt in taekwondo. He worked his way up through the tiger and junior programs. The final part of the test is breaking boards. Students have three attempts to break the boards, one with your hand and the other with your foot. He crushed, literally and figuratively the boards on his first try.

[Jenna Fisher]

Bo, congratulations. This is fantastic. And finally, Trish M. From Skagway, Arkansas says on Friday, January 16, somebody made a Facebook post complaining that somebody else had bought all the eggs from the grocery store.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh, Jenna, this is very topical.

[Jenna Fisher]

Oh, my gosh. It was heavily implied that it was the local K cafe and there was a call to boycott in protest. The owner of the cafe then said he has his eggs delivered. The whole town was up in arms over the egglord. So many memes and AI pictures were made. Trish says, I love living in a small town.

[Angela Kinsey]

Trish, Trish, the hubbub.

[Jenna Fisher]

Did you ever figure it out who bought all the eggs? It wasn't me, Trish. It wasn't me. I promise.

[Matt]

I was just gonna ask Jenna, are you sure you're not the egg lord of Skagway, Arkansas? Also, if there was ever a mom detective's case, this is it.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh.

[Jenna Fisher]

Oh, my gosh. We've gotta go to Skagway, Arkansas and solve this case.

[Angela Kinsey]

I want someone to design us a tricked out van like a minivan. We road trip to Arkansas we're gonna.

[Jenna Fisher]

Figure out who ate all these eggs.

[Angela Kinsey]

Well, you guys, thank you so much for writing in your around the Towns. We're gonna continue sharing these as we break down the Paper. They're just such a bright spot. I really enjoy him.

[Jenna Fisher]

I do, too. All right, let's keep breaking down this episode of the Paper. Everyone's gonna weigh in on how they feel about Ned telling Marv, I love you.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah, they kind of just all tease him. Nicole walks up to Detrick and does a spoof of that famous quote, you know, by Julia Roberts character. You know the one. I'm just gonna play it, okay?

[Jenna Fisher]

Oh, okay. And don't forget, I'm also just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

[Angela Kinsey]

So Nicole spoofs that, and Detrick's like, you know what? I don't think you should joke about this. And she's like, relax, I was just quoting Love, actually. And now are you ready for a reason 110. Why? I don't think Nicole deserves Detrick. Yes, he said it's from Notting Hill, but whatever. Yeah, he knew it was from Notting Hill.

[Jenna Fisher]

Of course, the reason she's just a girl is because she's explaining, just because I'm a famous actress, I'm also just a regular person who has feelings and wants to be loved, Right? Not love. Actually, Nicole.

[Angela Kinsey]

Actually, Nicole.

[Jenna Fisher]

So I know in this episode, Ned is saying I love you to this father figure who is his boss.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah.

[Jenna Fisher]

But it just got me curious in general about just I love you. Like, when do people say I love you in a relationship?

[Angela Kinsey]

Got it.

[Jenna Fisher]

So what is your guess? How long do you think people typically wait after they've started dating to say I love you?

[Angela Kinsey]

Six months.

[Jenna Fisher]

Okay, Sam, Matt, four to five.

[Angela Kinsey]

And, Sam, you're with me on six months.

[Matt]

Yeah, I'm gonna second that.

[Jenna Fisher]

Okay, well, according to research performed by eharmony, the average amount of time in Australia. I guess this was an Australian poll. Is two months.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh.

[Jenna Fisher]

And 1 in 10 people say it less than a week into a new romance.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh, well, they should pump the brakes.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's love bombing.

[Jenna Fisher]

Okay, well, according to Psychology Today, there was a study published in 2011 in the journal of Sociological Psychology, and they said that the typical amount of time was three to four months. And they broke down. Who was more likely to say, I love you first, men or women? Can you guys guess?

[Angela Kinsey]

Women, Sam.

[Matt]

Women, Matt. I'm gonna say men just to spice things up.

[Angela Kinsey]

Well, I would only say women because I feel like women are More at ease expressing their emotions.

[Jenna Fisher]

Well, Matt is correct. Men, on average, men say I love you six weeks earlier than women. It took men about three months to say I love you, and women, it took five.

[Angela Kinsey]

Huh.

[Jenna Fisher]

There was also a study conducted across Europe that found that men took on average 107 days to say I love you, whereas women took 122 days. Okay, there you go.

[Angela Kinsey]

Well, I found that very interesting.

[Jenna Fisher]

I did, too.

[Angela Kinsey]

Also, people in Australia. You get to it.

[Jenna Fisher]

People in Australia are ready to love you after two months.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah. So, yeah, that's nice.

[Jenna Fisher]

Go, Australia.

[Angela Kinsey]

I know. Well, the sort of ribbing continues. Barry makes fun of Ned Adalola, asks him if his dad and Marv belong to the same yacht club. And I just want to note, for anyone working on the paper, I feel like Ned's show bible would have a big entry with this episode.

[Jenna Fisher]

Okay.

[Angela Kinsey]

Ned says, okay, my dad doesn't have a yacht. He's a pilot. He owns a Piper Cub twin engine. He once had a crash land in a field like Harrison Ford.

[Jenna Fisher]

That's definitely show bible material.

[Angela Kinsey]

Father flies planes and doesn't say I love you. Yeah, there you go. Continuing with Ned's show bible, Mar is going to say, look, it's not my job to talk about Ned or the fact that his dad cheated on his mom and forgot his birthday two weeks ago and recently started blood thinners. How does Mar know all of this? I mean, how much are her and Ned talking about? Real personal stuff.

[Jenna Fisher]

I guess a lot.

[Angela Kinsey]

A lot. Ned is going to address the bullpen and basically be like, stop making fun of me. And then he kind of pokes fun at Barry in an awkward way. He's just getting things way more cringy. And Oscar has a talking head. I loved it. And we haven't heard a ton of Oscar talking heads yet in the series, so I want to play it.

[Esmeralda]

Ned seems to be working through something.

[Jenna Fisher]

Today, which he definitely should be doing, but maybe not at work.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah.

[Jenna Fisher]

Mm.

[Angela Kinsey]

He's kind of having this emotional spiral.

[Jenna Fisher]

Well, now we're gonna cut down to. Is this their sort of version of a warehouse? I guess Ken and Esmeralda have sneaked off to talk.

[Angela Kinsey]

I loved this scene, and I pulled a clip of it.

[Jenna Fisher]

I love it so much. I'm so glad you did. It's not my chef's kiss of the week. I've decided to start a new bit lady called chef's kiss of the week, where I highlight my absolute favorite moment from the episode. But this is my chef's kiss number two.

[Angela Kinsey]

Okay. Well, I titled it Plotty McPlotters.

[Jenna Fisher]

I can't wait.

[Esmeralda]

Well, I knew Ned was ambitious, but I love you.

[Ken]

My God, how will I get him fired now that he seduced the old man?

[Esmeralda]

Well, there's no way of squeezing between Ned's lips and Marv's arse, is there? We need to get rid of one.

[Ken]

The lips.

[Esmeralda]

No, the ass protects the lips. We need to remove the ass. We need to get rid of Marv.

[Angela Kinsey]

The ass protects the lips.

[Jenna Fisher]

I love them together.

[Angela Kinsey]

So they're gonna come up with a plan. They're gonna take Marv out. They see their opportunity to replace him. Yeah, well, they think they're making all these plotting and schemes in private, but then the camera pulls back and we reveal the janitor is napping and has heard the whole thing. Yeah, it's Nate, the building's janitor. And he just chimes in and goes, this sounds risky to me.

[Jenna Fisher]

Now we're gonna cut to the little lunchroom. We've seen them eating here before. This is where they get their salads. There's obviously, like, a little place where you can get sandwiches and salads in the building. And Marv is having lunch with his secretary, Ann.

[Angela Kinsey]

Love her.

[Jenna Fisher]

Ned is gonna enter and he's gonna, like, kneel down at their table, get real low, and he's gonna say, hey, Marv, I'm gonna be leading a story meeting pretty soon. Like, do you wanna come watch? Do you wanna watch me?

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah. And then he, like, dabs his food and says, too much grease. We need you healthy, lady.

[Jenna Fisher]

This is when this episode, like, it had been a little hard for me, but when I got to this point, yeah. I was like, oh, my God, this is cringier to me than Scott's Tots. When he says, do you wanna come watch me? I started turning in on myself. And then from this point forward, it just became almost unbearable for me. To me, this is truly, like Scott's Tots level cringe.

[Angela Kinsey]

Well, there's someone who agrees with you, lady, about the cringe factor matching Scott's Tots. It's Elizabeth M. From West Lafayette, Indiana. Elizabeth says, quote, I loved watching the paper, but this episode was so hard for me. This felt like a worse Scott's Tots because Domhnall Gleason plays this poor man desperate for attention and approval so well. I was wondering if, you know, how he prepared to play this episode so earnestly with a lesser actor. This whole episode could come off gimmicky and insincere. But Gleason really Makes you believe everything his character does.

[Jenna Fisher]

I think that's why it's so hard to watch, is because he's so believable.

[Angela Kinsey]

He's so earnest.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yes. Like, he's playing it so incredibly real that it just.

[Angela Kinsey]

Ew. And also, I think he's playing it so honest. I need someone to pull him aside and be like, hey, I'm just checking in on you.

[Jenna Fisher]

Well, that would be mayor. If they weren't on the outs, if they weren't fighting. That's the thing. He would not have gotten this far if Mare was engaged with him.

[Angela Kinsey]

Right?

[Jenna Fisher]

Right.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah.

[Jenna Fisher]

Well, next up, Esmeralda and Ken have pulled Nate aside. They're like, did you overhear us? He's like, yes. They're like, did you hear the whole plan? He's like, I did.

[Angela Kinsey]

And now they've got to win him over.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yes.

[Angela Kinsey]

They need him on their side and not, like, sharing this with anyone else.

[Jenna Fisher]

So they're like, what if we give you, like, a great new job and all you have to do is never tell anyone what you heard? They're like, we could make you the head of marketing.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah.

[Jenna Fisher]

And I love this part where he says. He's like, you know what? Gosh, I just want to make sure I could do, like, a good job at this new job, you know? Like, he's like, I want that, but, like, will I be good at it? They're like, you'll be great. So sweet. Nate is played by comedian Nate Jackson, and he's really good in this.

[Angela Kinsey]

He's super funny in it. Well, now we're in this conference room meeting when Ned is pitching story ideas, and he pitches one about the toll roads, and no one likes it. It doesn't sound interesting. And then Marv is going to pipe up, and he pitches the idea of jeep week. Jeep, like the car, Right?

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah.

[Angela Kinsey]

And everyone is really enthusiastic, and Ned's like, no, no, no. But the toll roads. And everyone's like, we want. And then there's this back and forth, and ultimately, Marv is going to excuse himself, and Ned is furious with his team, and he's like, you made me look stupid in front of the boss because he's like a little kid.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah, exactly. Well, next up, we're going to have a Nate talking head. He is so excited about his new job as head of marketing. He's explaining some of the research he's already done. He really feels like Enervate is not taking advantage of their social media. Ken and Esmeralda are coming down the hallway, and they see Nate talking to the camera crew, and they quickly run up, and they're like, oh, what are you talk to the camera crew now?

[Angela Kinsey]

Mm.

[Jenna Fisher]

And Nate's like, yeah, but it's fine. I mean, the camera crew, they already know about your evil plan. They asked me about it.

[Angela Kinsey]

So now Esmeralda and Ken spiral, and they do this ridiculous joint talking head where they say, you know what? We were just practicing a play. Cause we're writing a play. We were practicing a possible scenario for one of the characters. And, yeah, they are backpedaling, backpedaling.

[Jenna Fisher]

This is my chef's kiss moment of the episode.

[Ken]

We are practicing a play.

[Esmeralda]

Well, we're writing a play.

[Ken]

Yes.

[Esmeralda]

Is the truth. We are writing a play together. Our first.

[Angela Kinsey]

Our first.

[Esmeralda]

And we were just. Hello. We're just trying to work out what one of the characters would do in a certain scenario.

[Ken]

Yes, In a certain scenario, these characters would take over, which is a very common plot in so many places.

[Esmeralda]

Well, a mutiny, basically. I mean, it's been done to death, so why not, you know, do that again?

[Jenna Fisher]

Why not?

[Angela Kinsey]

But.

[Ken]

But not.

[Jenna Fisher]

But not.

[Ken]

We could do anything else. We could do a movie about a musical about. A movie about a musical about YouTube.

[Jenna Fisher]

Right.

[Esmeralda]

What it was was, it was a loyalty test.

[Jennifer Salata]

Yes.

[Esmeralda]

We were testing Nate's loyalty.

[Ken]

It was a loyalty test because janitors, more than anyone, they have to be loyal. Got to be loyal because of the stuff they find in the trash or in the toilets.

[Jenna Fisher]

I just thought it was amazing.

[Angela Kinsey]

They just kept expanding and expanding and their crazy silliness to cover up this, like, moment.

[Jenna Fisher]

And none of it seemed like lines. Like, none of it seemed like dialogue. It really seemed like two people in, like, a furious backpedal.

[Angela Kinsey]

I love this pairing.

[Jenna Fisher]

Same.

[Angela Kinsey]

I could watch way more Ken and Esmeralda up to hijinks.

[Jenna Fisher]

I have to imagine they absolutely love getting to do scenes together.

[Angela Kinsey]

They have such great chemistry. Well, this next scene is the one I titled Cringe much? Ned writes the Jeep story, and he walks up to Marv and hands it to him, and he goes, here it is. But I hated it. And Marv is like, well, then fine, just scrap it. He's the editor. So then Nate, like, dramatically crumples it up and tries to throw it towards the trash, and he misses. And then Marv grabs another piece of paper and crumples it up and says, here, try it again. And then it's so weird. Ned's like, I don't like you. You're mean. I don't love you. It's so awkward, Lady.

[Jenna Fisher]

Just hearing you describe it is uncomfortable. This was the scene that I was like, I don't even know.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah. And then Marv just apologizes and leaves, and I'm like, I don't know. Like, Ned would be fired. Right.

[Jenna Fisher]

Here's what this episode did for me. It really took me on this ride because I was on, like, one of my favorite comedy rides ever with Esmeralda and Ken. And then I was brought into this just, like, cringe city with Ned and this jeep and this Marv and the throwing of the trash. But then right after that, they put me back on the comedy ride with Marv's secretary Ann storming in and shaming Ned.

[Angela Kinsey]

It was so great. She was like, make it right, Ned. She's like, go up to Marv and make this right. And she said, also, that obituary didn't do him justice.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yes. Oscar is going to come in and be a bit of a voice of reason, and he's going to tell Ned. I agree with Anne.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah.

[Jenna Fisher]

You need to fix things. But then Lady Ned thinks that the way they're going to fix things is by writing a better obituary.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah. And then all I could think of is he gets the whole team in on it. They group write this obituary, and I'm like, you know what? I'm staring at an empty whiteboard. There's no stories going on. This is my point.

[Jenna Fisher]

This is my point. How do they do it? A daily paper with multiple articles.

[Angela Kinsey]

This one was going to be real thin. Well, while all of that's going on, Ken and Esmeralda are Operation Cover Our Tracks. So they're going to meet with Marv and they're going to tell him that Nate the janitor is taking drugs. The hard stuff that makes him invent crazy stories of conspiracy. And you see this news wash over Marv and how saddened he is by it and concerned. And I just was reminded, just in this moment of what a fantastic actor Allen Harvey is. He's so good.

[Jenna Fisher]

He's so good. And Marv is gonna go up to Nate.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah. We see this scene in the distance where it looks like they're knelt in prayer. Yeah. And Nate kind of looks up and winks at them, and then they start to sing. It's kind of an amazing moment. And Jen has a little behind the scenes for you about it. Let's hear it.

[Jennifer Salata]

One moment that was improvised. I'm not sure exactly by who, but there was an improvised moment between Marv and Nate when they were praying. Nate started singing Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. I don't know if that was his idea or if it was Alan's idea, but I'm pretty sure it came from one of the two of them. In that moment, they both started singing the song, and it was just so brilliant. So that was one of my favorite improvised moments in that episode.

[Angela Kinsey]

I mean, that's so great.

[Jenna Fisher]

Wow.

[Angela Kinsey]

Nate sings with this rich voice, and then Marv just instantly comes right in.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah.

[Angela Kinsey]

Amazing.

[Jenna Fisher]

You know what I'm wondering, though?

[Angela Kinsey]

What?

[Jenna Fisher]

I mean, so that was improvised, which means they used it and then they had to pay for it.

[Angela Kinsey]

They had to get the song rights.

[Jenna Fisher]

Exactly.

[Angela Kinsey]

Well, now I think the final nail in the cringe coffin is Ned is going to present Marv with the obituary. And he begins to read it, and Marv just stops him. And he's like, hey, whatever this is, we don't need to talk about it. We don't need to do this, okay? I'm not going to shut the paper down because of this personal issue that you're having. I'm not your dad.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah. He's like, the only reason I would shut this paper down is if it stopped making money.

[Angela Kinsey]

And he said, you know what? I just found out that this really sweet man is battling a drug addiction. I'm gonna put my energy there.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah.

[Angela Kinsey]

And Ned's like, okay. And he leaves the obituary with him. I do wanna point out, at 20 minutes and 3 seconds, a Pepsi can on Marv's desk.

[Jenna Fisher]

Really?

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh. Presented like Pepsi can.

[Jenna Fisher]

Do you think that was left behind?

[Angela Kinsey]

No, I think it's product placement.

[Jenna Fisher]

Do you think it's on purpose?

[Angela Kinsey]

Yes.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yes.

[Angela Kinsey]

Come on. It's so blatantly in the shot.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah, but wow.

[Angela Kinsey]

Oh, yeah.

[Jenna Fisher]

Huh.

[Angela Kinsey]

I mean, maybe that's how they paid for a swing Postweeter.

[Jenna Fisher]

Maybe it is. They're like, someone get me a Pepsi. Well, Marv is going to have this talking head that is. Oh, it's so good. He says, listen, true love isn't something you just say. It's based on, like, a long time together. Kids don't understand that. You don't have to say, say it to people that you actually love. And then Ann knocks on the window behind him and says, like, marv, don't forget to take those vitamin D pills. And Marv turns back to camera, he kind of smiles, and he's like, 42 years. Couldn't do it without her. My brother's wife. We got a fan letter from Colette F. In Reno, Nevada, who said, I cannot wait to hear you ladies talk about season one, episode seven of the paper. I love you. Particularly the end with Ann and Marv. They are clearly in love with each other. Right. And she's married to his brother. I just love their relationship because you can see clearly how much they care for each other. It's sweet. And seems to not cross the line. Oh, Colette. I agree.

[Angela Kinsey]

I do, too. I mean, they eat lunch together every day. They spend all day together. I mean, it doesn't cross the line, but you do wonder. I mean, we learned in this episode that Marv has no children. Has he never been married? Has he held a candle for this woman all these years and didn't ever want to break his brother's heart and is just content to work side by side with her?

[Jenna Fisher]

That is so old fashioned romantic.

[Angela Kinsey]

I know.

[Jenna Fisher]

That's like, out of one of your movies that you like Age of Innocence.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yes. I love that book. Just to be able to admire her every day is enough.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah. Just from afar.

[Angela Kinsey]

Well, it's now after hours. The documentary crew is still there. Nate is vacuuming the floor. Everyone else has left. And the camera zooms in on a computer screen and we see these text messages popping up between Ned and Mare. I guess she's turned in a story. He says, thank you. And then she says, basically, for what it's worth, he said, love you first.

[Jenna Fisher]

And then Ned is like, right.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yes. He feels seen. He's like, right. And then they go back and forth. He's like, well, thanks for not piling on. And she's like, oh, I've been saving him up. And then she just does a series of texts, kind of making fun of him for having this dad issue with Marvin. And that's how it ends.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah. Maybe she's forgiving him.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yes.

[Jenna Fisher]

Yeah.

[Angela Kinsey]

Mm. And I guess Ned and Marv are gonna be okay.

[Jenna Fisher]

It seems like it.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah.

[Jenna Fisher]

Well, there you have it, everybody. That was episode seven of the paper. We've only got three more of these left.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah. Big, big thank you to Jen Salata for answering our questions. She's always just the absolute best. And I loved hearing her voice.

[Jenna Fisher]

Guess what I found?

[Angela Kinsey]

What?

[Jenna Fisher]

I just looked through my photos and I found that picture of me that I sent you next to the Cottonelle. It's from September 23, 2020. That's how long it took me to find my favorite toilet paper.

[Angela Kinsey]

Months.

[Jenna Fisher]

Look, there it is.

[Angela Kinsey]

Yeah. You were very happy. You're so happy there.

[Jenna Fisher]

I know.

[Angela Kinsey]

You and Josh and your Cottonelle.

[Jenna Fisher]

I love it so much.

[Angela Kinsey]

We're not even sponsored by them, you guys.

[Jenna Fisher]

Maybe we should be.

[Angela Kinsey]

All right. Well, we'll see you next week. Thanks again to Jen and we hope you have a good one.

[Jenna Fisher]

See you next week. Thank you for listening to Office Ladies.

[Angela Kinsey]

Office Ladies is a presentation of Odyssey and is produced by Jenna Fisher and Angela Kinsey.

[Jenna Fisher]

Our senior producer is Matt Beagle, our audio engineer is Sam Keefer and our associate producer is Ainslie Bubaco.

[Angela Kinsey]

Odyssey's executive producer is Living Leah Reese Dennis.

[Jenna Fisher]

Office Ladies was mixed and mastered by Bill Schultz.

[Angela Kinsey]

Our theme song is Rubber Tree by Creed Bratton.

[Jenna Fisher]

Did you know that you can buy your car completely online on Autotrader?

[Angela Kinsey]

Really? Just visit autotrader.com filter and search through dealer listings for the car you want, make, model, color and all the features that matter to you. Go ahead, get picky.

[Jenna Fisher]

Whether you're into subcompacts with heated cup holders, crossovers with all wheel drive pickups with kicking sound systems, or SUVs that can survive whatever chaos your kids unleash, just drop in your info and you'll only see cars in your budget. Really?

[Angela Kinsey]

Once you find your one and only, you can do the whole deal online and have the car delivered to your driveway. Or you can pick it up at the dealership and drive your new ride right off the lot. Really.

[Jenna Fisher]

AutoTrader makes it easy to buy your car online because the whole process is designed around your wants and must haves.

[Angela Kinsey]

Autotrader Buy your car online really?

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