Ologies with Alie Ward

Episode: Field Trip: My Butt, a Colonoscopy Ride Along & How-To Encore

Date: March 17, 2026
Host: Alie Ward

Episode Overview

In this vulnerable, hilarious, and practical episode, Alie Ward takes listeners along on her deeply personal journey through a colonoscopy—from overdue preps and uncomfortable vulnerability to lived wisdom, existential humor, and life-saving outcomes. In true “Ologies” fashion, she demystifies the awkward, gross, and sometimes-fearful process of colon cancer screening. Equal parts confessional, field report, and community advice session, Alie’s mission is clear: to remove the embarrassment from butt stuff, get people talking about colon health, and, as she says, “save your life, one polyp at a time.”

Main Themes & Purpose

• Colonoscopy prep and procedure explained—warts, giggles, and all
• The importance of colon cancer screening, particularly for those with family histories
• Practical, crowdsourced advice and myth-busting about the process
• Destigmatizing butt talk and embracing bodily realities with humor and empathy

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Stakes and the Why (00:55–04:50)

• Alie explains her motivation: losing loved ones (including her dad) to colon cancer, and wanting to de-stigmatize the procedure.
• “1 in 16 people in America will get colon cancer and 0 in 16 like talking about it.” (01:57)
• Colonoscopy talk is embarrassing, but necessary; owning it makes it less so.
• “Something is only as embarrassing as you let it become.” – Jared Sleeper’s advice via Alie (03:30)

2. Deep Dive: Colonoscopy Prep 101 (04:55–14:50)

• Reading prep instructions: Alie discovers her year-old kit and explores the daunting details—fluid volumes, ingestion schedule, flavor packets.
• “You've got to drink this whole thing. Oh, no.” (06:00)
• Explanation of why prep is so unpleasant (hyperosmotic solutions, taste, and the famous “read-a-newspaper-through-it” guideline).
• Practical tips: start a low-fiber diet a week before, avoid red/purple dyes, expect accidents (“no farts are to be trusted”).
• “A clean exam is the best way to ensure a high-quality procedure.” (12:45)
• History tangent: John D’Ardern, 14th-century proctology practices, and emergence of modern colonoscopy (Tokyo University, 1969).

3. Field Work: Bar Stool Butt Opinions (15:30–24:00)

• Alie brings a recorder to a bar to gather real-world perspectives and advice.
• Encounters mixed responses: confusion, awkwardness, but also earnest, detailed support from one patron with chronic gut issues.
• Advice Goldmine: Pedialyte mocktails, seltzer water to mask taste of prep, replenishing electrolytes, bone broth for comfort (17:19)
  • “Cut it. I still cut it. I make kind of like a mocktail about it with seltzer water...” – Bar Patron (17:44)
• Insight about last meal: lighter is better to ease the prep.
• Discussion on the cultural stigma around butt health, public education, and sexual health overlaps.

4. Bonus PSA: Anal Play, Stigma, and Health (20:53–24:30)

• Breaks down how medical colon prep isn’t required for sexual activity, and offers tips for safe, gentle, cleanliness (douching, fiber diets).
• “You don't need medical grade colonoscopy prep for butt fun... these long-held stigmas against parts of your own body could kill you if you're too shy or ashamed to get a screening.” (22:47)
• Urges listeners not to link medical procedures to sexual identity or shame: get checked, save your life!

5. Prepping for Prep: Shopping and Emotional Readiness (24:31–26:44)

• Alie recounts awkwardness at Target (including spotting an ex with his perfect family).
• Stockpiling essentials—seltzer, electrolytes, flavorings, soft toilet paper, diapers.

6. Taste Test: Surgeon's “Borg” and Flavor Hacks (26:46–30:55)

• Comparing colonoscopy prep to Gen Z’s “Borg” (Blackout Rage Gallon) drinking trend:
  • The gallon jug, electrolytes, choosing a name (“Moira Schitz”).
  • Taste testing flavor packets: crystal light lemonade (best), prescription lemon (weird), unflavored (salty plastic), mio flavor (“like gas station bathroom cleaner”).
• “The fear was definitely worse than the flavs. Just me and a medically issued gallon jug of salt water that I’m cradling in my arms.” (29:12)
• Hot tip: broth to supplement and alternate tastes.

7. Day Of: Procedure and Results (31:00–36:34)

• Pre-procedure: Alie at the hospital, donning a gown and (unneeded) adult diaper.
• “My gown’s very open in the back, commando underneath it. I could keep my socks on. That rules.” (32:06)
• The sedation: Quickly knocked out; mild awareness of the procedure, humorous dream imagery (“gentle dream about curious aliens”).
• Polyp found and removed, revealed later to be precancerous—Alie credits colonoscopy with likely saving her life.
• “Your girl did her homework, drank her Borg, had an intestinal exorcism, and then saved her own life by getting that thing plucked like a little lint ball before it turned into a colon poltergeist.” (35:27)
• Emotional reflection: post-procedure meal (breakfast burrito and banana pancakes), immense relief, gratitude, and encouragement to listeners.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On embarrassment:
  “Something is only as embarrassing as you let it become. When you’re embarrassed, people get embarrassed for you. But when you don’t give a fuck, no one feels bad for you.” —Alie Ward (03:30)

• On prep necessity:
  “You've got to drink this whole thing. Oh, no.” —Alie Ward (06:00)

• On prep taste:
  “It tastes like salty plastic.” —Alie Ward (28:47)
  “That's not good. I don't like that. That tastes like licking velvet. It's got a viscosity that doesn't please me.” —Alie Ward, on flavor packet (29:21)

• On community advice:
  “I make kind of like a mocktail about it with seltzer water…get Pedialyte...has tons of flavors.” —Bar Patron/Guest (17:44)

• Sex ed and shame busting:
  “Being afraid of your own butthole is a senseless deprivation of free fun...these long held stigmas against parts of your own body could kill you if you’re too shy or ashamed to get a screening.” —Alie Ward (22:47)

• On colonoscopy’s benefit:
  “Your girl did her homework, drank her Borg, had an intestinal exorcism, and then saved her own life by getting that thing plucked like a little lint ball before it turned into a colon poltergeist.” —Alie Ward (35:27)

• Reflection:
  “Ask not what your butt can do for you, but what you can do for your butt. Get screened if you need to. Drive a friend to theirs. Eat well. Get your checkups. Treat your bod like the friend that it is.” —Alie Ward (36:44)

• Heartfelt signoff:
  “I remember him saying…‘Man, I saw a sandwich I ate in 1973,’ and it made me laugh and I thought about that and I hope that stays with you. So if you need to get a colonoscopy, do it for my pop. I miss him every day. You can do this. You got this. We’re behind you.” —Alie Ward, talking about her late dad (38:55)

Key Timestamps

• 00:55: Alie’s personal connection, risk stats, opening honesty
• 06:00: Reading and reacting to prep instructions, anxieties surface
• 08:45: Why the taste is terrible, science behind colon prep solutions
• 12:00: “Read-a-newspaper-through-it” myth/history
• 17:19: Crowd-sourced colonoscopy tips from a bar patron (“mocktail” method)
• 20:53: Discussion of anal play, cleaning, and stigma
• 24:31: Target shopping experience; prepping for the prep
• 26:46: Taste test: colon prep solutions and flavor hacks
• 31:00: Day of procedure, hospital psyche, nerves, details
• 35:27: Finding and removing precancerous polyp—relief and life impact
• 36:44: Motivational reflection, practical takeaways, direct encouragement

Flow & Tone

• Candid and funny with a strong dose of empathetic realism
• Practical, step-by-step, but laced with personal and communal storytelling
• Pushes listeners to overcome embarrassment for the sake of health

Takeaways & Action Items

• Don’t put off colonoscopy if you’re eligible—especially with family history
• Prep is daunting, but manageable with planning, flavor hacks, and community wisdom
• Replace shame with curiosity and self-care. Talk about your butt—it could save your life
• Bring humor, vulnerability, and a little science to every journey, even (especially) the uncomfortable ones

This episode is a must-listen for anyone dreading their first colonoscopy, those supporting others, or just fans of TMI storytelling that matters. As Alie says—down the hatch, out the hole, and onward to better health!