Ologies with Alie Ward — Zoohoplology (ANIMAL DEFENSES) with Dr. Ted Stankowich

Aired: February 19, 2026
Guest: Dr. Ted Stankowich, Professor of Biological Sciences at California State Long Beach, Evolutionary Biologist & Animal Defense Mechanisms Expert

Episode Overview

This lively, knowledge-packed episode dives into the study of animal defenses—why critters have spikes, sprays, scales, and more—and the evolutionary logic behind them. Host Alie Ward tours the lab and mind of Dr. Ted Stankowich, a leading "zoohoplogist," to understand the many wacky and wondrous ways animals defend themselves, from skunks to pangolins, armadillos to horned lizards, and even humans. The conversation is rich with oddball anecdotes, evolutionary insights, and practical tips (like fixing skunk spray stink!), all delivered in Alie’s signature humorous tone.

Main Topics & Key Insights

1. Meet Dr. Ted Stankowich & The Birth of Zoohoplology

• [00:00–05:34]
  Alie introduces Ted, rattling off his impressive academic creds and local fame among LA biologists. Ted is a major player in animal defense research and helped coin the term “zoohoplology” (zoo–animal, hoplon–armor).

“So Zoohoplology. It is. It combines zoo animal with the Greek root hoplon, which means arms or armor. So animal armor and defense.” — Alie Ward [01:35]

• Ted’s lab tour description features 3D-printed whales, robot coyotes, and skunk pelts—setting the wacky stage for the chat.

2. Ted’s Animal-Loving Roots & First Experiences with Wild Critters

• [06:00–08:07]
  Ted grew up as a “nerdy kid” in Whittier, not especially outdoorsy, but car trips and national parks with his parents inspired a love of nature and science.

“I was a nerdy kid who liked his books and liked to go to the museum and got into biology in high school eventually, and then made a career out of it.” — Dr. Ted Stankowich [06:09]

3. Global Defense Hotspots: Where and Why Defenses Evolve

• [08:07–10:14]
  Regions with high biodiversity, openness, and large predators (think tropics, savannas) drive evolution of notable defenses.

“You see more defended species in areas that are more open, more visually exposed to predators and where there are larger predators that can kill you.” — Dr. Ted Stankowich [08:22]

4. The “Danger Zone”: Who Needs the Best Defenses?

• [09:06–10:14]
  Mid-sized animals (1–10 kg) are in an evolutionary pinch: too big to hide, not big enough to be safe—so they innovate the wildest defenses.

5. Weapons, Armor, and the Great Menu of Defense

• [11:14–12:32]
  From cryptic camouflage to speed, spikes, sprays, and toxins, animals have a menu of evolutionary tricks:

“Most animals are cryptic. They are camouflaged. They want to avoid being seen at the start. That’s the first line of defense.” — Dr. Ted Stankowich [11:30]

• Ted describes his own PhD work: scaring deer to study their escape choices ([12:51–15:06]), using life-sized cutouts of mountain lions, tigers, and deer.

6. From Deer to Skunks: Ted’s Evolution as a Researcher

• [15:14–16:55]
  Ted’s career shifted from deer to coloration and finally to skunks—where he found a relatively unstudied animal and started exploring predator-prey interactions and warning coloration.

7. How Predators Learn About Dangerous Prey

• [16:55–19:14]
  Are predators wired to avoid warning colors, or do they learn? Both—Coyotes and dogs exposed to skunk models/sprays show varied, often hilarious responses.

“Some got sprayed one time in the face by skunk oil and never again went back. … Some got sprayed nine times and kept going back for food.” — Dr. Ted Stankowich [17:29]

8. Why Not All Animals Evolve Spikes or Smells

• [22:53–25:32]
  Defense evolution is constrained by what traits a lineage already has:
  • Spiky mammals: modified hairs (porcupines)
  • Stinky mammals: developed from anal glands (carnivore communication)
  • Armor: evolved from bony plates (osteoderms)

“I don’t think we can really assign a rhyme or a reason to it. I think it’s just what you have available as your building blocks.” — Dr. Ted Stankowich [22:53]

9. Brains vs Brawn: The Cost of Carrying Armor

• [25:32–26:42]
  Animals with elaborate physical defenses (armadillos, skunks) tend to have smaller brains—tradeoff of energy spent on armor vs smarts.

“So the more you invest in your defense, the, the dumber relative you tend to be.” — Dr. Ted Stankowich [26:38]

10. Vulnerability of Humans & The Psychology of Armor

• [27:00–29:22]
  Humans went the “big brained, tool-using” route instead of physical defenses. The conversation turns philosophical (and delightfully nerdy) about how wearing artificial armor might change our own behavior and sense of safety.

11. Listener Questions Segment: Defense Deep Dive

Time-stamped Q&A ranging from serious science to hilarious trivia.

a. Do Animals Eavesdrop on Each Other’s Alarm Calls?

[34:09–35:11]
Yes—animals gather public information from alarm calls and even use deception.

“They will learn to give the alarm calls of other species in their area and give false alarm calls … and the other animal … might fly in and grab it and take it.” — Dr. Ted Stankowich [34:29]

b. Does Playing Dead Work?

[35:11–36:52]
“Thanatosis” can be a last-ditch defense, sometimes succeeding—in opossums and fainting goats alike.

c. Are There Scent-Based Alarm Systems in Nature?

[37:19–40:22]
Yes, especially in fish—chemical cues warn others. Skunks may also “waft” as an area-wide warning, but more research is needed.

d. Skunk Oil: Deterrent or Attractant?

[41:11–41:57]
Predators usually avoid skunk oil and stripes, but scavengers will eat around skunk glands, and hunters sometimes use skunk oil in lures.

e. Do Coyote Vests Protect Pets?

[44:02–45:33]
Probably! Spiky vests deter chomping, especially if covering the neck—a prime attack target.

f. Defensive Diarrhea & Flatulence

[48:26–49:43]
Snakes can “fart” to deter predators; mammals may also “lighten up” for escape, but most don’t weaponize poop.

g. Blood-Squirting Horned Lizards

[49:43–54:01]
Muscle contractions in their eye sinuses let horned lizards shoot blood up to four feet—disgusting and chemically deterrent to predators.

“That would be like you being able to, say, like, spit the entire length of a bowling lane.” — Alie Ward [50:41]

h. Venomous Mammals: Slow Lorises, Platypuses, Shrews

[54:01–56:02]
Slow lorises’ elbow gland secretions and platypus venomous spurs are among rare mammal poisons, usually working to taste bad or wound attackers, not kill prey.

i. Oscar-Worthy Animal Acting & Altruism in Defense

[56:33–58:49]
Killdeer and other birds “fake injury” to lure predators away from nests—a parent’s risky (but evolutionarily sound) sacrifice.

j. Butt Armor: Wombats and Pink Fairy Armadillos

[59:01–61:17]
Armored butts plug burrows against attackers; the pink fairy armadillo’s tiny pink butt-plate might be the cutest defense in the animal kingdom.

k. Are Animal Defenses Automatic or Intentional?

[62:41–63:36]
Depends—many are automatic, but spraying/aiming, erecting quills, etc. require conscious action.

l. Leftovers from Our Primal Defenses

[63:37–64:33]
Human piloerection (hair standing on end), sweating, and “screaming almond” amygdala-driven fear responses are ancient defense holdovers.

12. Practical Advice & Fun Facts

a. What To Do If Sprayed by a Skunk

[66:44–68:17]

“Tomato juice will NOT work… you want to oxidize the sulfurous thiols in their spray, where if you use hydrogen peroxide, baking soda, and liquid dish soap in a mixture… that solution will oxidize those stinky chemicals and your animal will no longer smell.” — Dr. Ted Stankowich [66:46]

Recipe:

• 32 oz (1 qt) 3% hydrogen peroxide
• 1/3 cup baking soda
• 1 Tbsp dish soap
  Mix fresh, scrub into fur, repeat as needed. Do NOT store the solution, and avoid water as it can worsen the stink.

13. The Joys & Challenges of Studying Defenses

• Best Part: “Doing science is like going out to play. … Living a life of expert exploration and discovery ... is deeply, deeply fulfilling.” — Dr. Ted Stankowich [post-68:17 note]
• Worst Part: Small research field, little funding, rare collaboration.

Notable Quotes & Moments

“Now, before he was a full professor ... Ted was a California boy. He grew up southeast of LA in hilly Whittier...”
— Alie Ward [05:34]

“The more you invest in your defense, the dumber relative you tend to be.”
— Dr. Ted Stankowich [26:38]

“Hiding, climbing, throwing things — oh absolutely. Throwing objects at threatening animals for sure.”
— Dr. Ted Stankowich [64:05]

“Dogs don’t listen to those same behaviors ... as long as you respect [skunks] and can read their behavior, they don’t want to spray.”
— Dr. Ted Stankowich [65:42]

“Human hair dye is part of a mammalogist’s science kit more often than you would suspect.”
— Alie Ward [43:10]

Fun Fact Lightning Round

• Pangolins’ scales are made of keratin, like fingernails.
• Armadillos’ and sloths’ ancestors both had bone plates under the skin (osteoderms).
• Horned lizards shoot blood from their eyes, and the blood contains ant toxins to repel predators.
• Some snakes “fart” to scare off attackers (cloacal popping).
• Parent birds and mammals will risk their own lives—sometimes Oscar-style acting—to save their young.

Useful Timestamps for Reference

• [02:49] — Whale skeleton/Robot coyote lab tour
• [12:51] — Deer escape behavior/PhD research
• [15:14] — Armadillo balling/conglobation
• [16:34] — Predator learning, skunk/coyote studies
• [22:53] — Why some species evolve spikes, others smells
• [25:32] — Defenses vs. brain size
• [29:19] — Humans in armor & psychology
• [34:09] — Animal alarm calls and shared warnings
• [44:02] — Pet coyote vests: do they actually help?
• [48:35] — Defensive pooping and farting in snakes
• [49:43] — Horned lizard blood-squirting explained
• [54:24] — Slow loris venomousness and other venomous mammals
• [63:37] — Human defense mechanisms, evolutionary leftovers
• [66:44] — How to de-skunk a pet: the recipe and myth-busting

Final Thoughts

Alie and Ted’s conversation is packed with humor, affection for animals, and a vibrant curiosity about all things spiky, smelly, and strange. Whether you want practical advice for skunk encounters, evolutionary context for why your cat is so squishy, or a reason to Google “pink fairy armadillo,” this episode arms listeners with fascinating tidbits and a deeper appreciation for nature’s creativity in survival.

Follow-Up Links:

• Ted Stankowich on Instagram @drtedstankowich
• Support the Pangolin Crisis Fund — pangolincrisisfund.org
• Ologies Show Notes & Merch

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