In today’s episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common (and confusing) questions for people with anxious attachment: is it me, or is there something genuinely not right in this relationship?

When you’re used to second-guessing yourself, it can be incredibly hard to know whether your fears and insecurities are coming from your own patterns—or from dynamics that would leave anyone feeling unsafe or unsettled.

In this episode, I explore why this question is so difficult to answer, the role of self-doubt and emotional invalidation, and how to find a more grounded, balanced perspective. I also share some clear examples of behaviours that are likely to create insecurity in any relationship, regardless of your attachment style.

We cover:

Why “is it me or them?” is such a common source of rumination
The role of self-doubt and self-invalidation in anxious attachment
The middle ground between dismissing your feelings and being led by them
Why relationship dynamics are almost always co-created
Examples of behaviours that are objectively difficult to build a secure relationship around
How inconsistency and unpredictability activate anxious attachment patterns
The importance of zooming out and looking at the big picture
When anxiety is a signal of deeper relational misalignment

Resources

Free training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment & Feel Secure in Life and Love

#247: Is It Your Anxious Attachment... or the Wrong Relationship?