Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)

Summary

Podcast Summary: On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Episode: Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Release Date: May 14, 2025

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Introduction

In this heartfelt and humorous episode of "On Purpose with Jay Shetty," host Jay Shetty sits down with renowned comedian, actor, and podcaster Bert Kreischer. The conversation delves deep into Bert's personal battles with his inner critic, his journey to overcoming anxiety, the relentless pursuit of approval, and the immense pressure to be perpetually funny. Their candid dialogue offers listeners an intimate look into Bert's life, blending laughter with profound emotional insights.

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Early Life and Comedy Beginnings

Bert Kreischer opens up about his early days, revealing that he wasn't always the class clown everyone knows today. In fact, he describes himself as "painfully serious" during his childhood and adolescence. His initial foray into comedy was unintentional; he believed his antics were "cool" rather than funny, misunderstanding the impact they had on others.

Notable Quote:

"I was so serious about losing my virginity... it was such a tragedy that that story became... a comedy of tragedies for me."
— Bert Kreischer [12:43]

Bert recounts his high school experience at an all-boys Catholic school, where storytelling became a currency among his peers. It wasn't until he gave up sports in college that others began to recognize his comedic talent, setting him on the path to his illustrious career.

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Relationship with His Father

A central theme of the conversation is Bert's complex relationship with his father. Raised by a father who epitomized stoicism and traditional masculine values—"men don't cry"—Bert describes moments where he longed for his father's approval but often felt misunderstood.

Notable Quote:

"I think my dad was just doing the best he could. But he didn't have all the answers for me and not being able to tell me exactly what to do made him very uncomfortable."
— Bert Kreischer [28:17]

One poignant story involves an anxiety attack Bert had at age 10, grappling with the realization of his father's mortality. His father's response—remaining unemotional and urging him to continue with the game—left a lasting impact on Bert, influencing both his personal and professional life.

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Parenting Style

Drawing parallels between his upbringing and his approach to parenting, Bert emphasizes the importance of fun and laughter in his marriage. He shares anecdotes about playful interactions with his wife and daughters, highlighting a departure from his father's rigid discipline.

Notable Quote:

"Our marriage is based on fun and laughter. It's probably the funnest relationship I have in my life."
— Bert Kreischer [06:16]

Bert acknowledges that his daughters have taught him new ways to connect and discipline, moving away from the authoritarian style he inherited. Their interactions showcase a blend of humor, empathy, and mutual respect.

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Coping with Anxiety and Mental Health

Bert candidly discusses his struggles with anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and intrusive thoughts. He shares his journey of seeking therapy, battling substance use as a coping mechanism, and developing healthier strategies to manage his mental health.

Notable Quote:

"When anxiety came up, I just was like, yo, I have anxiety. I have really bad anxiety. I have OCD."
— Bert Kreischer [72:41]

He emphasizes the importance of small, incremental improvements—"Let's do today just a little better than we did yesterday"—as a mantra to navigate his mental health challenges. Bert also highlights the significance of open communication with his family, particularly in supporting his daughters through their own anxieties.

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Evolving Comedy and Emotional Storytelling

Bert's approach to comedy has evolved to incorporate raw personal experiences, allowing him to connect deeply with his audience. He discusses the vulnerability involved in sharing emotional stories on stage, such as the loss of his grandmother and witnessing his father's rare displays of emotion.

Notable Quote:

"I have jokes and stories that make people cry and laugh at the same time. There's a real beauty in that."
— Bert Kreischer [45:05]

His latest Netflix special, "The Machine," exemplifies this blend of humor and emotion, receiving overwhelmingly positive feedback for its authenticity and relatability. Bert reflects on how these honest moments not only resonate with audiences but also facilitate his own healing process.

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Final Five: Rapid-Fire Insights

Towards the end of the episode, Jay Shetty engages Bert in a "Final Five," a series of quick questions designed to elicit brief yet insightful responses.

1. Best Advice Received:

   "Don't take anyone's advice. It's the best advice."
   — Bert Kreischer [83:47]

2. Worst Advice Received:

   "Worst advice I ever got was, you should start wearing a shirt."
   — Bert Kreischer [84:55]

3. Parenting Similarities and Differences:

   "I parented my kids the exact way my dad parented me. What's different is my kids are smarter than I was, and they told me I was doing it wrong."
   — Bert Kreischer [86:54]

4. Something Surprising About Him:

   "People would be bummed out if they heard my inner punitive dialogue."
   — Bert Kreischer [89:37]

5. One Law Everyone Must Follow:

   "State-mandated happy hours where everyone spends time socializing and connecting with their community."
   — Bert Kreischer [95:54]

These responses offer a glimpse into Bert's philosophies on self-reliance, authentic parenting, personal introspection, and fostering community connections.

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Conclusion

This episode of "On Purpose with Jay Shetty" masterfully intertwines humor with deep emotional honesty, showcasing Bert Kreischer's multifaceted personality. From his humorous tales and comedic triumphs to his poignant reflections on fatherhood and mental health, Bert offers a relatable and inspiring narrative. Listeners are left with a profound appreciation for the balance between laughter and vulnerability, underscoring the podcast's mission to foster happiness, health, and healing through meaningful conversations.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• "I'm constantly seeking his approval. I think probably could be said for my career."
  — Bert Kreischer [29:31]

• "My family see me. When I get ready for a flight, it's like I get physically ill."
  — Bert Kreischer [77:37]

• "The least you can do is take a second and listen to someone."
  — Bert Kreischer [57:18]

• "I've never done this before... One comic making people cry, but making them happy cry."
  — Bert Kreischer [58:48]

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This comprehensive summary captures the essence of Bert Kreischer's interview on "On Purpose with Jay Shetty," highlighting his personal struggles, triumphs, and the wisdom he's garnered along the way.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[B]

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and. And today I'm sitting down with one of the most entertaining and unstoppable forces in comedy, Bert Kreischer. From being named Rolling Stone's number one partier in the nation to becoming one of the highest grossing standup comics, Burt has built an incredible career as a comedian, actor, podcaster, and entrepreneur. With six Netflix specials to his name, Burt's latest special, lucky, was number three in the top 10 most watched TV shows on on Netflix. Burt continues to sell out arenas and is also the co host of Two Bears, One Cave, one of the top comedy podcasts worldwide. Burt's energy, storytelling, and ability to connect with audiences is unmatched. And I can't wait for you to hear it. Welcome to On Purpose, Bert Kreischer. Bert, you know what's funny?

[A]

What?

[B]

I still remember the flight we were on together and we sat down next to each other and. And I'm going to sound like such a douche for saying this, but I have to say, you were the nicest person in the world. And you were so kind. And you were like, I can't remember how you started the conversation. Maybe you can. But you were like, I really like your stuff. Yeah, I love what you're doing. And I was the idiot who's living under a rock. No, it was like, I think I know what you do. It's really cool. Like, but I don't know. And then I came back and I told my team. I was like, I'll sit next to Bert Kreischer. Like, you know, we're texting. He's such a nice guy. He was so wonderful. And they were like, you met Bert Kreischer? They were like, he's amazing. He's funny. And I was like, I'm the idiot who doesn't know. And it was just one of those moments where, like, you were so kind. You were so endearing. You were so sweet. And I was really touched by that interaction. I never in a million years thought the number one partier in the world and me would have something in common.

[A]

So you've got a weird thing that, like, usually only, like, Reese Witherspoon or Jennifer Aniston get, where you're strikingly attractive. So when I sat down next to you, I was like, whose eyes are these? And then I was like, wait, I know him. I was like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. This is Jay Shetty. I've listened to so many of your interviews. You're so good. You're so good. And so, yeah, I was so excited. And then I get told by, like, I'm friends with a professional wrestler, Cody Rhodes. And he said, you know, when I met you, I've never seen more of a pro wrestler personality. Like, you explain yourself within a sentence and then explain why you should like me. And I'm not like, but it's. Yeah, I'm a talker on a plane.

[B]

And you were so funny already. And I was like, oh, this guy's hilarious. Cause you were like, you know what? Like, you're good, but I'm a pretty big deal, too, you know, you're cracking. And I was.

[A]

That doesn't sound like me.

[B]

And I was cracking, but it was endearing. Like, I want to put it out there. Like, I'm not trying to overcompensate, but it wasn't arrogance. It was like, I was laughing with you, and it was just. So you just broke the ice. And I was like, this guy's amazing.

[A]

I text him, I'm such a fan of yours. I really am.

[B]

Well, now I am, too. So that's why I wanted you on the show.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

When this opportunity came up, I was like, bert's the best. And then I got to watch the special, too. And I was just like, I really wanted to get inside your mind. I was like, I really want to know, you know, the person behind the amazing success that you've had and the wonderful, endearing person you sit next to on the plane. I was going to ask you. You've probably had some crazy plane stories. I want to know, what's the craziest plane story you've ever had? Seeing as that's where we met, I.

[A]

Got a good one. All right, I'm going to say real names, too. I sat next to a woman first class when I was just married with kids. Like, I had Isla and Georgia, but they were still really young. And the woman was coming back from Tibet, and she was, like. Had the beads on and henna all over. Hot. Attractive. Probably a little older than me, Maybe. I'd say 43. I was 30, maybe 6 at the time. And we started having drinks, and we're talking, and then she says, what are you doing when you land in la? I said, I'm going home. She goes, don't come to my place. Let's have sex. I said, what? She goes, I've been. I'm out of divorce. That's why I went over to Tibet. I'm a little lost, but I'm just looking to get. And I went, okay. I said, listen, I'm married. And so you got the wrong guy. I go, but I got the right guy for you. She said, really? And I said, trust me. Can you just trust me? So we land, and I call Mike Young. He's a real name. I go, mike, you want sex tonight? And he was like, with you? I go, no, I got a beautiful woman, 43 years old. And he goes, yeah, give her my number. She gives her a number, they meet at the Comedy Store, they go back to her place, they have sex. They've never talked again. And I was like, boom, man. Slam dunk. I got great ones. I sat next to Ric Flair one time, and we both drank identically. We both ordered drinks for our wives and ourselves and then drank our wives drinks and then drank our drinks. And I was like, ooh, Ric Flair and I drink alike. I had a girl walk me to my room in soho the other night. She was like, hey, I'm gonna come to your room. I was like. And I got her to the door, and I said, listen. I was really drunk. I go, listen, it's very sweet of you, but I'm married, and I'm happily married, and I don't cheat on my wife. And she had this weird look on her face. And I woke up the next morning, I called my wife. I told her. I go, I just. I'm such a great guy. And then there was a note under my door, and it was like, bert, I wasn't trying to have sex with you. You were too drunk. You couldn't remember what room you were in and you didn't have a key. I just wanted to make sure you got home safe. I was like, oh, I shut down a good Samaritan.

[B]

How did your wife react to stories like that when you're, like, calling her out?

[A]

I've been doing that our whole marriage. Our marriage is based on fun and laughter. I mean, for real, it is probably the funnest by far. It's the funnest relationship I have in my life. We joke nonstop. We're in couples therapy right now, and as we walk out, I decide who won or who lost. Like, it's just a blast. And I've been doing that ever since we were a young married couple. I'd text her, I go, just do you know I'm getting jocked. And then I send a picture, and Leanne's like, she's got a lazy eye. And I'm like, oh, man. Yeah.

[B]

And she gives it back to you too?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Her and my daughters are just bull. Like, bullies. Like, they've never. They. They called. They call me Baby Walrus. They. They never. They bust my balls harder than anyone I've ever met other than my two sisters.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The women in my life run my life.

[B]

Isn't that the best? Like my wife, we just did this video, and it was planned by my team, but we did this video where my wife rated my looks on the red carpet for the last seven years or however long it's been.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

And, oh, dude, I've got some embarrassing red carpet looks. And my wife does not hold back in this video. She just goes for it. And she's got so much banter, and she's got so much sass, and it's like, all the comments are like, she's a savage. I'm like, yeah, you think she looks cute and all this stuff, but this woman can, like, go in and it's. And. And I can. I mean, I can. I can attest to the fact that those are terrible looks.

[A]

Baby Walrus started our chat thread, Baby Walrus. And it was pictures where they thought I was cute, and it's, like, the worst pictures ever. And it's like, one of them is me on a surfboard covered in, like, in sunscreen, and I just am sitting crisscross applesauce on a. On a surfboard, and I look fat, and I got a hoodie on. It's so bad. But it's them sending pictures where they think I look cute, but I look like an idiot. Yeah.

[B]

And so are they playing you or they think you look cute?

[A]

I mean, the picture on Baby Walrus is horrible.

[B]

Let's see. We're going to have to get this for the edit as well as everyone on YouTube.

[A]

It's the one of me on the surfboard.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I see.

[A]

And they're all just pictures of me looking horrible.

[B]

Oh, God, the worst. We'll get back to the family in a second. But I wanted to. Were you always the class clown? Was this always natural for you? Were you the guy who could make everyone laugh and get attention? Was that who you were?

[A]

No, I was like, dare I say, like painfully serious? Like, I mean, I always was funny, but I didn't know. I thought what I was doing was cool. And from the outside looking in, it was. And it was funny. So I didn't realize that I was being funny. I think a lot of comics have this. I just told the story in therapy the other day. When I was in first grade, I played second base. I'm really into baseball. I was really into baseball growing up. Played second base, fly ball to me. Bases loaded, fly ball to me. I catch it and then I spike it and I take my shirt off and I start dancing. Now, my dad was livid. He was like, what is wrong with you? But everyone laughed and I thought what I was doing was cool. And then people were like, yeah, but they just see this six year old, seven year old dancing shirtless in second base. And so my whole life, I think I was always trying to be serious. I dressed up as KISS for the talent show. I was dead serious, like, you're gonna watch me kill it out here. And I remember being in the thing, I had a guitar, car didn't have strings. I was gonna air guitar. And the kid looks at me and he goes, the kid next to me had a violin. And he goes, you play the guitar? And I said, no. He goes, what are you going to do? I said, just rock out. He was like, you're just going to go up there and dance? And I was like. And when he said it, I was like, this sounds silly. Yeah. And then I just went out and just air guitar and danced in my mom's tights, no shirt, her belts around my chest, white face paint that me and Brian Callahan put on. So, yeah, I think. And I think I was that way all the way through high school. I don't think I was very funny in high school, although I learned how to tell a story in high school. It wasn't until I gave up sports in college that People started saying I was funny.

[B]

What made you learn how to tell a story? In high school, going to an all.

[A]

Boys Catholic high school. It was the best. It was the best, man. I'm saying the best. Your currency was, could you hold a table? Wasn't chicks, wasn't, did you look good? Could you hold a table? And so for lunch you'd have a table, your boys 12. And I would practice my story. Coming from religion to the table, I'd be like, all right, so we did a beer run, right? And I'm driving, Cayman comes in, he dives in, a dog grabs his leg. I take off. That's. And I'm practicing the story. And then I get there and they'd be like, hey, tell us about the fight. And I'll be like, okay, gotta pivot. Here we go. And I remember the first time I set a line that, like, worked well. I said, dude, he got knocked out. I mean, this punch started in Miami and ended in Washington state. And they were like, oh. Like, it was just. It was like storytelling was our thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And if you could tell a good story, like beach week, you came up to the room, everyone wanted to know if you hooked up with that chick and you had to have a story about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I remember one guy came up, older kid, and he was like, yeah, I didn't have a condom, so I used a plastic bag. And we're like, what, like just wild stories.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then when I got to Florida State, that's when I started realizing I was funny.

[B]

I went to an all boys school too, but what I realized was that a lot of the guys had imaginary girlfriends. So a lot of the stories were just made up.

[A]

Oh, Jesus.

[B]

And when you'd figure out that Felicity wasn't real because that was an American girl's name off a TV show and not a girl's name in England. Like, you'd never. There's no one I've ever met in England called Felicity.

[A]

No.

[B]

And then one of our guys was dating a girl called Felicity. We're like watching too much American Pie. Like, that's like the feeling we'd get.

[A]

Girls were a perfect example. I was so painfully serious about losing my virginity. I mean, I was dialed in. It was my only focus. And then when I did, it was such a tragedy that that story became. I remember sitting down and they're like, bro, tell the story. And all of a sudden there's like three deep. And the story I'm have told it on, this may not be the right Setting for it, but I'll just say it was fast and I did it wrong. And, I mean, and there were, like, dudes standing three people deep to hear this story. And then, you know, we had two lunches. So the next people coming, it was Ty Rodriguez. Like, tell it again. And, I mean, everything was, like a tragedy, like a comedy of tragedies for me.

[B]

And you've never reconnected back with this person?

[A]

The woman.

[B]

The woman?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know?

[A]

Yeah, I know her very well.

[B]

No way.

[A]

That's Tampa, though. I know her. I know her brother. Her dad just recently passed. Her dad was a legend. Her dad was a legend. I got to say this. And, you know, she cheated on me at prom with my best friend, and we had to go spend the night at her house. Now I'm like, I'm a really sensitive guy. And I was so humiliated that instead of going back into the house where they dropped us off, I went out into her car and I said, I'm just going to sit in her car. I didn't have a car to get home. I didn't have any way to get home, so I sat in her car. I said, you know what? Screw it. I'm going to sleep out in this car. And I laid in the backseat of her car, and her dad just comes out and knocks on the window. He's like, boxers or whatever, and he's like, buddy, this isn't how it's done. I was like, what? And he goes, I know you're hurting right now. Come in the house. Trust me, I'll make it comfortable. I said, they know I've been out here. And he goes, oh, we all know you've been out here. He goes, just walk in the house and sleep inside tonight. I'm gonna give you five minutes. So we went in, I waited five minutes, and I walked in the house. And very slick. Her dad was like. Was like, bert, what can I get you to drink? Would you like a beer? And I'm, you know, 17. And I was like, oh, I would love a beer. And he was like, great, Come on, we'll go sit outside. And just made it very smooth. But, yeah, still know her.

[B]

Wow. That's epic. Yeah, that's epic. I remember breaking up with a girl, and I was just upset that her father used to have Manchester United season tickets, and he used to always take me along. And I remember when I broke up with her, it was, like, harder breaking up with her dad than it was with her, because we were, like, having this bromance moment of, like, supporting the same team. And it's just when I think back to times like that, think about how, like, those moments felt so big then.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now when you look back, you laugh at them. Right. Like, it's at that moment, that humiliation. Was that, like, the biggest humiliation you'd had at that point in your life?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And I've had bigger. I've had bigger. But, yeah, that was, like. That was tough because I thought I was cool, you know? And I think that's a little bit where my comedy is. I always come out the fool a little bit. You know, I'm always getting myself into something bigger than me, and I always think I'm doing the cool thing or the smart thing, and I. I always screw it up.

[B]

I read that your dad was an interesting figure for you growing up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he had, like, a certain take on life of, like, men don't cry. Boys don't cry. They don't show emotions.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that true? What was that? What's that like? Because I think we hear about it now, and it sounds like almost like a character because of where society's kind of moved into now. It's like. But that was very real.

[A]

Oh, very real. My dad. My dad's a great dad. I love my dad. But he just was like, hey, you don't cry. I was 11 years old. I was playing catcher, and I got hit in the mouth of the baseball bat, and I lost, like, 26 teeth. And my dad came over and he's like, okay, don't worry. It was my birthday, by the way. And I was like. He's like, don't worry, you're okay. Mom's gonna take you to the dentist. I need you to go to shortstop. I was like, what? He goes, you're not dying, and if I sub you out of the game, we forfeit the game. So finish out the inning at shortstop. And I remember being like, what? I've been injured. And he goes, yeah, go finish shortstop. And they hit a ground ball to me at shortstop. I caught it through it at first, my dad goes, I'm really proud of you. Go to the dentist. But my dad just. He just didn't. It was not. He didn't hit us, you know? But, like, he just was like, I remember his. When I got into comedy, he told me really clearly, buddy, eat shit, cash checks. That's how the world works. Eat shit, cash checks. His dad was in World War II. He stormed, like, Omaha beach or Normandy. And his dad never talked about the War sat in the garage, watched Mets games, listen to Met games, and drank beer. And so my. And my dad lost his dad at 13. So I think my dad was just doing the best he could. But, yeah, he told me. I mean, I remember. I remember it like an older. I remember getting anxiety attacks. This is how flat my dad was. One day, I'm laying in bed. It's like after David Letterman. And I'm laying in bed. I had to be 10 years old, and all of a sudden I have this very crisp realization that death is real. And I went, hold on. I go, one day you're going to tell me my dad's going to die. And I went, oh, my God. And I started having a real panic attack. And I went into his room and I woke him up. My dad doesn't wa. Easily. He's like, if you wake my dad, he's like, what the. You know? And so I scared me. I woke him up, and I was like, dad, are you going to die? And he goes, what? I said, are you going to die? And he goes, yeah, you are, too. Go back to bed. And then I went, wait, I'm going to die. I didn't think I going to. I knew you would die, but not me. And that was my dad. I had kids with panic disorder, and I was so not my dad with them. I was so like, yo, I got you. You're gonna be fine. Like. But, yeah, my dad just. He was just trying to do the best he could. Stuck into a house that he couldn't really afford, making ends meet. He's got three kids. Didn't expect the third one. He's a lawyer. I don't think he ever wanted to be a lawyer. I mean, I'd say that. I don't know what he'd say, but I wouldn't say. He, like, loves his job, but it's his job and he does it. But that was his. Do not cry. Do not cry. And when I got older and we got into a something and he saw me, like, well up, he'd be like, oh, you better not cry. And I'd be like, cry. Might explain why I cry so much. As adult now.

[B]

So you just hold it back.

[A]

I tried my whole life. And then I remember the first time seeing him cry. It was when I graduated Florida State and they didn't let me graduate. Two teachers failed me because I was written up in Rolling Stone magazine and they thought I embarrassed the school, so they failed me. And I had to drive up to Tallahassee and they told me the administration said, just go talk to the teachers. And I went to drive up to Tallahassee, and my dad walked me out to the car. It was like 6 in the morning, and I was getting in the car to drive Tallahassee, and he started crying. And I'd never seen him cry. And I was like, what is this? And he was just. And he's like, when someone with your kid. I was like. I drove in silence. No music, just in the dark. Just. What did I just witness?

[B]

Did you ever talk to him about that?

[A]

No.

[B]

Still till this day, no.

[A]

My dad's an interesting guy. He's changed a lot. The older he's gotten. He's way more sensitive than he was when I was a kid. Joey Diaz gave him marijuana one time on accident. He gave him, like, a handful of marijuana popcorn. It was the first time my dad had ever had marijuana. Easter morning, kids are searching for eggs. My dad eats a handful of popcorn. I go, buddy, that's weed. And he goes, what? It's popcorn. I go, no, there's weed in the popcorn. He goes, how do they put weed in the popcorn? I go, dad, it's called an edible, and you just ate a lot of it. And so he goes, well, what do I do? And I grabbed a handful, and I said, I'll go with you. We're gonna both eat weed. And we both ate weed. We did a podcast that day. And then everyone leaves, and it's me and my dad, high as crap, drinking whiskey at, like, five in the afternoon, smoking a cigar really high. And I leaned over to him. I go, why don't you like me? Ooh, I'm gonna get emotional. He just goes. He's like, I love you. You just make me uncomfortable. He was like, I love you, and I'm afraid you're gonna die. And so I don't know what that does, but I'm afraid you're gonna die. I go, I'm not gonna die. And he goes, you don't know that. He goes, I lost my dad when I was young, and I'm terrified to lose you. And I don't understand you. I don't understand your lifestyle. And I said, well, how can we fix this? And he goes, I want to get you a cardiologist. And I said, okay. And he goes, you do that. I go, I want you to feel more comfortable with me. And he was like, I can get you a cardiologist. I can do all the tests. I can pick all the tests they do. And I said, yeah. And he goes, okay. He Had a cardiologist Monday morning for me, Dr. Kadan. And they did the CT scan, they did the stress test, they did all the tests my dad wanted, and everything came back clean. And my dad's like, no, you'll go to him every six months. And I said, yeah. And our. I want to say, from that day on, our relationship has gotten so much smoother. I mean, I've forgiven him for stuff that he's did, and we're just a lot. A lot closer now.

[B]

It's incredible, isn't it? Like, our parents try and hold us back from seeing their pain, but actually seeing their pain is the only thing that kind of penetrates and make you go, oh, wait, they're a human, too.

[A]

Oh. I found out my dad was human when I was 21 years old, and I remember finding that out, and I didn't understand it. My parents split up, and I was so mad at my dad, I didn't want to talk to him. I wanted nothing to do with him. And my Uncle Jerry called me, and he goes, when was the last time you talked to your dad? And I said, it's been a while. And he goes, well, that shit's over. He goes, you call him today? He's your dad. No, no, no, Jerry. I'm mad at him. And he goes, yeah, you just found out your dad's a human, okay? Your dad's a human. He's a regular man. He's not some superhero. So you call him and look, you don't have to say, I love you. Just call him, see how he's doing, and just touch base. I did, and that was a period, you know, that was a growing period at that. But, yeah, he's a pretty great dude. I'll just say this, you know, a lot of people will be at his funeral. That's like the testament for, like, a great man.

[B]

Yeah, that's a big deal.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, it'll be. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. He obviously means so much to you.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I think everyone's dad does, don't they? I mean, for all our differences, and we have a ton. A ton. If you met me and met him, you would not know we were related. He's pretty quiet, does not want to get on stage, and sincerely doesn't want you to get on stage. I mean, he just saw me do stand up for the first time.

[B]

No.

[A]

At the Amelie.

[B]

Yeah. No. After all these years.

[A]

After all these years, I did the Amelie, which is the arena in Tampa, and I said, yo, if you're gonna, you should come and see Me, here, I understand, like, comedy clubs, but you should come to the arena. It's a big deal. Dad, he got there, and I don't think he realized what was happening for real. Like, he knew I was doing a show there, but he called me, and he goes, wade Boggs is here. Wade Boggs was like our hero playing baseball growing up. I said, yeah, I know, and put him in your box. And he goes, no, buddy, he's here. Do you think he knows you? And I said, daddy's at my show. He goes, I just saw Mike Alstott, football player. I go, yeah. And he goes, do these people know you? I said, dad, I'm the reason they're here. And then he came backstage, and Derek Brooks, who's a legend, played at Florida State, played it at. At the Box, is backstage talking to my dad. My dad's staring at Derek Brooks, going. And he goes. And Derek goes, can you believe how far Bert's come? He's doing the Emily. And he goes, I was at his first show at Potbellies. And Derek Brooks leaves. My dad goes, buddy, Derek Brooks knows who you are. I was like, yeah, I know, dad. We just spent time with him. He knows who you are, too, now. But, yeah, my dad just. He just. That was the first time he told me, saw me to stand up.

[B]

What did he say?

[A]

I got to be honest with you. I think it makes him uncomfortable. Like, I think he kind of half looks and half. Like, I don't think he. I don't think he laughs a lot at it. I don't know. I mean, he says. He goes, you're good. Like. But he. I make him uncomfortable. I had a great Shaq joke that Shaq wanted me to put in the special. It's, Dare I say, borderline racist. But Shaq and I talked. It made us laugh. And Shaq's like, you got to put that in special. And my dad's like, that does not go in the special. And I was like, dad. Shaq says, it's okay. And he goes, I don't give a shit. I am not comfortable with that joke. So I took it out. Shaq's like, you took it out because your dad.

[B]

Yeah. What?

[A]

But I got a better Shaq joke now.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Oh, yeah?

[B]

What's the bad Shaq? Jack.

[A]

I can't do it. I don't think your audience wants to hear it. Go see me on the permission of Party World Tour starting in September.

[B]

There we go.

[A]

That's pretty aggressive.

[B]

Oh, that's fun. That's fun. People can look forward to seeing that. But whatever. You know what I'm hearing about your relationship with your dad, I think it's so interesting where we just talked about that unlock of you figure out your parents are human and you also get context of their humanity. Like you were saying, his dad died when he was 13 years old and he saw that and then he was scared of losing you. Like, I remember my dad took me to his. The home he grew up in in India. And his home was the size of this room, his home. So the kitchen's in a corner. There's. By the way, there's five kids that grew up in this house.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's a bed over here. We get there outside, there's bats, cockroaches and rats everywhere. Because he grew up in like this slum, like, area. Disgusting. I'm 9 years old when I first go, whoa. And then they shared a toilet with like 20, 30 families. And I remember going there at nine years old and my whole perspective of my dad completely changed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because all of a sudden I had like a reference point. Now, my life wasn't luxury in London by any means, but it wasn't that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And when you see like bats and rats and cockroaches at nine years old, which, like, freak you out, you think that's how your dad just walked to the toilet, walked back to his house. He was the youngest of five kids. And all of a sudden you just get, like a completely different perspective on the man you're looking at. And it sounds like you had that moment as well. And I guess my question is, it sounds like it's not something you had to reconcile through a conversation. Like, it's not like you've sat there and therapized it out or fixed it, but there's a resolution that's almost happened between both of you where he can come and watch you on stage even when he hasn't for all these years. Like, would you say there's been healing? You said there's forgiveness from your side. Like, what does that look like when there isn't a conversation? Because I think today we've got so much about. You gotta have the conversation.

[A]

Yeah. No. You know, I think for my dad, a lot of it was he always had the answer. You know, my dad's the kind of guy that when I was a kid, the Iraq war started and I came home and I was like, I was against war because I knew that's what hippies were about. And I wanted to be a hippie. And so I thought that's what the right answer. I'm against war. And my dad's like, no, you're an idiot. Why don't you go to your room until you realize what an idiot you are? And then when you come down, I'll explain to you why you're an idiot. So I went to my room and I was like, I don't know why I'm an idiot. Like, what did I. And everyone should be against war. I came downstairs, I go, I don't know why I'm an idiot. And he goes, okay. There's a lot of interesting things about this war. Number one, it's the first televised war we've ever seen. We're watching them go to war, and it starts like a football game. And me and you have the opportunity to watch this. Number two, this man, Saddam Hussein, is a monster to his own people, and we are going in to get rid of him. You do not know any of the politics, so shut your mouth and sit down and watch the war. And my dad was like that with everything. Have you ever said an idea? To this day, if I say something, anything political, my dad takes the opposite side and will tell me. So in a weird way, it never gave me a foot to stand on politically. That's why I don't talk about politics on stage. Because whatever I would say, my dad would tell me I was wrong. He wanted to show me. I think he was protecting me from looking foolish or protecting me from being the guy at a party that was a know it all. And, you know, my dad kind of flew under the radar always. And I think when I started getting successful, there was a part of my dad where he no longer had an answer for me. He no longer had the solution. He couldn't put me in the right direction. When they fly because they're older, I send them through a special entrance at the airport. It's a little expensive, but it's easier for them. And my dad had a broken hip and got knee problems. My mom's a piece of work. Mom's like, me, okay? And he gets really upset. He's like, buddy, I don't need this. You can't afford this. And I go, I definitely can afford it. He's like, no, you don't know. So one day I had to send him, like, my bank statement and be like, I can afford to put you through there. And he was like, what the you like? He just. I think in that it's not like the, you know, the younger lion taking over the bigger lion, but, like, me, like, Me not letting him pay for meals, that makes him uncomfortable. Like, that's who he's been. He's been the leader of our family. And I'm not saying he's not still our leader. He is. By every stretch of the means, he is. However, I think not having all the answers for me and not being able to tell me exactly what to do and be confident in his decision made him very uncomfortable, I think. I don't know.

[B]

But you never. It didn't seem like you were searching for his approval at any point.

[A]

I was. Oh, my God. That's all I've been doing my whole life. My whole life. He didn't like my long hair, got a flat top, came into his office, and he was like, you look like an idiot. And I was like, God dang it. Like, all I've ever wanted is that man's approval. That's it. That's it. Entirely without a doubt. I just like when he says, and he says very often, how proud he is of me. It doesn't miss me. It hits me in the chest, and it makes me feel great. And the fact that he'll call up and he'll be like, buddy, we went to the Macaroni Grill. You know, I say my last name and they go, are you related to Burt Kreisler? They knew you were Buddy. I got a table right away. They gave me, you know, they do the bacon there. You know, the big bacon. My dad's like that. He loves it. And I think he kind of loves my. Whatever celebrity I have. Cause it trickles to him. And now, like, when he goes to. Like, when he goes to, like. He went to my special. Him and my mom sat backstage. They didn't go in the. They sat on chairs on side stage. And he's deaf. And, like, not deaf, but he's losing his hearing. So I'm doing the show, and I hear him say. What did he say? I'm like, jesus, dad. He said he saw her suck his dick. What? She lost weight, Albert. He saw her give her a. Leigh Ann gave him a blowjob. And I'm like, will you two shut up? But, yeah, they. Yeah, I'm constantly seeking his approval. I think probably could be said for my career. I think the reason I'm into comedy is I'm searching for approval. I want people to like me. I do. I want people to have a good time, and I want people to go, you were fun. I don't need to be the best comic, but I want the people that see me to really have had a great time. And like me.

[B]

When was the first time you felt like you got his approval?

[A]

Will Smith. Yeah, Will Smith. Will. I got a deal at like 26 years old. I've been doing stand up. On my 26th birthday, I was in New York and I was just partying. I wasn't doing stand up. I'd been there for a couple months and I got hammered the night before and it was my birthday and my phone rang at like 8 o' clock in the morning, 9 o' clock in the morning, and I saw it was my dad, caller id. And I said, you know, I'll answer it. Let him say happy birthday and I'll go back to sleep. I answer it and he says, you are a tremendous piece of shit. And I'm like. I go, dad? And he goes, yeah, yeah, it's your dad. And he goes, you are worthless. You have no humility. You're doing nothing. He goes, I just perjured myself in court because of you. The judge said, al, how's your son doing? And I said, great. That is a lie. You are not doing great and you never will do great. I have failed you as a father. I gave you no humility. I taught you no life lessons. You never had to work for anything. Things came easy to you. And I'm telling you. And I said to him, I go, it's my birthday. And he goes, I know what day it is. He goes, I gave birth to you. We were there when you got born. And he goes, I'm telling you. And I was like, dad. I go, well, okay, so what do I do with this? He goes, nothing. He goes, I'll foot the bill, be a party boy. And I was like, well, I want to. I don't want you to feel this way about me. And he goes, no, you should not want to feel this way about yourself. And I said to him, what can I do? He said, well, if you're serious about comedy, then you'll go to that club tonight and you'll do whatever you can to get on stage. You'll go to that man and you'll say, my name is Bert Kreischer. I'd like to be a stand up, I'll clean up, I'll mop up, I'll flip burgers, I'll stand out. I'll do whatever you need, but I need an opportunity. I said, I remember saying to him, I go, I can't do it today, tonight because I have a party planned. He was silent. He just goes, you have a party. He Goes, you don't deserve a party. What are you throwing a party for? You're a failure. You go to that club tonight. You take yourself to dinner. I want you to write down some goals. And then you, after that dinner, you go to that club and you tell whoever you need to you'll do whatever you can and you'll do it for free. And I said, dad, that's not how it works. I remember him very clearly saying, hey, first, I'm a young black kid in Harlem. That's how it works for him. Do you know why? Because he has humility and he knows how to get what he wants. That's how it works for him. It doesn't work for you because you're white and you feel like everything should be given to you. And I went, okay. So I said, all right, I'll do it. So I didn't. I took myself to a restaurant on 7th and Bleecker, and then I wrote down 26 goals that I had planned for that year. So I was turning 26. I went to the Boston Comedy Club. I met a guy named Lewis Schaefer. And I told him exactly what my dad said. My name's Bert. I want to do this. Any advice? Anything you do to get me on stage. And Louis Shaffer said, you should move back to Tampa. And I went, what? He goes, you're not going to be a comedian in New York. You don't have what it takes. And I went home almost, like, victorious. I was like, so, dad, this is how it works. I told you. I was right. I called him the next morning. He goes, how did it go? I said, not good. This is exactly what he said. And he goes, perfect. This is what I want you to do. You go back tonight, and you say the same sentence as if he never said it to you. And I said, okay. So I said, well, what do I do if he says the same thing? He goes, you're going to do that every single night until there's a point where you're going to break him. And he's gonna go, fine, I'll give you a job. So I went back that night and I went, hey, Louis, my name's Bert Kreischer. I want to be a standup comedian. I'm from Florida. He goes, didn't I tell you to move back to Florida? I go, listen, here's the deal. My dad called me a piece of shit yesterday. I feel like a piece of shit. I need an opportunity. I go, I'm going to be doing this every night for the next year, as long as you keep saying this. And he went, fine, if you can bring in 20 people, I'll put you on at the end of the night.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And I was like, for real? And he goes, yeah, you can go on after. Right before Godfrey. And I was like, okay. And, man, I brought in 25 people. Someone got heckled. Karen Burgreen got heckled by four Puerto Rican guys I brought in because one was going to jail the next day. And I was like. I said. And Louis Shafer comes out. He's like, where's a comic? And I was like, no one's here. And he's like, you're on. Let's go. Put me on stage. And frat boy Burt came out. And I lit these four Puerto Rican guys up so hard because I knew that guy was going to jail. And I. I mean, I was like, hey, man, have fun tomorrow. Don't drop the soap. The place is going nuts. And I was like. I was like, can I give you some advice about jail? I was like, suck it. Before you. And, I mean, they. It was so great. They walked out of the room, the place went nuts. And I was like. And I got a job. Louis Shaver's like, you can do this every night. Six months later, Will Smith discovered me. Will Smith discovered me. And my dad was floored. He was floored. We watched the Fresh Prince on Monday night. Every Monday night. It was a six figure development deal. And I remember that was the first time my dad didn't have an answer. And I said, what do I do with this money? He goes, I don't know. I've never gotten a paycheck like that. He goes, buddy, I remember him stuttering like, I can't tell you. I don't know. He goes, let me hook you up with Bob Kazarian. I still remember the guy's name over at Merrill lynch. And we'll figure it out. And that was when my dad was like. He was like, you met Will Smith? Will Smith taught me how to pitch movies and pitch TV shows. And he was like a blessing in my life.

[B]

Yeah. That's beautiful. I didn't realize we had Will in common either.

[A]

Will's the best. I mean, look, I love Will.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. One of my favorite people.

[A]

He's one of my family. To me, he is the sweetest guy in the world. He was so good to me. He gave me great advice. We're about to pitch abc Jamie Tarsus, God rest her soul. And I drove over from the Valley with him and J.L.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Jail.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And James Lassiter.

[A]

Yeah. And I. And I had to piss, and Will came in and he goes, I'll go to the bathroom with you. So he sat at the stall right next to me at abc and all. Any guy knows that the sound of a man's urine hitting a toilet sometimes indicates how big their. Their. Their dick is. And he had a fire hose. I mean, it was like. And I got. I couldn't pee. I got. I got gun shy. And Will says to me, can I tell you everything you need to know about Hollywood? But I'm so in my head going, pee, pee, pee. I didn't hear a word. I didn't hear one word. And then he goes. And then he stops peeing. I realize if I can't pee next to Will Smith, I can't sell a show next to Will Smith. I start peeing, and all I hear him say is, be yourself. That's it. That's the only thing I heard. And then I went into the room and Will was like, bert used to party hard or something. I was like, yeah. You guys ever try to knock yourself out? And they're like, huh? And we used to do that in college, and you had to do it on the side of a. Like, put your head against something, because if you just hit your head, it's not going to happen. And I knocked myself out, and Will's just like. And we sold a sitcom that day.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

Yeah, he's the best.

[B]

Yeah, he is the best dude. It's like, as I'm listening to you, I'm just like, there's. It's so interesting because I feel like that moment that you told me about baseball with, you know, you and your dad and your dad telling you, like, on your birthday, just go play and then we'll sort it out later. What was the power of that? Like, what was the good thing about that? And then what was the hard thing about that? Like, there was good, obviously, that came from it. This work ethic, this ability to turn up, the ability to push through pain. But there must have been some pain that stayed, which searched for that approval. But what was the good and the bad? Because it sounds like you've been able to process both.

[A]

You know, he had a mentality, you shouldn't cash checks. And when I was at Travel Channel at the very tail end, I was just hoping to get renewed. And I knew they were changing presidents, and I had lasted, like three or four presidents, but every time we went to a new president and it was money and I needed money. I had a family. I was ignoring standup, I was ignoring the podcast, all the stuff I do now. I was ignoring all of it. And I was at the beach with my dad. We were having a cigar and a glass of wine, and he goes, so, what's the deal? What's our plan? I think I was 42 years old, 43 years old, looking for my dad's approval. And this is so my dad. I go, you know, buddy, eat shit, cash checks. Thinking he'd go, that's my guy. And my dad started crying. He goes, oh, I think I you up. He goes, eat shit, cash checks. Means is for guys like me with no talent. Guys like you need to. You need to go after your talent.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And he was. He was crying. And, you know, Rogan had just said that to me too. He had just had that conversation with me. And my dad's like, if you don't go for it now, you're going to regret it. He's like, do it. Because I had this long standing offer from Showtime, Gary Garfinkel, God rest his soul, to do a special, and I kept pushing it to do travel Channel stuff. And he goes, buddy, you should do it. You should. Hey, follow your dreams. So I did the Showtime special. No one watched it because I took my shirt off. I remember them saying, if you take your shirt off, you're giving the reason to change the channel. But what's fascinating is the thing that gets them to change the channel back in the day where you were Caesar and you'd be like, no, no. Is the exact opposite for the Internet. You see a guy with no shirt on on the Internet, you're like, what's this? And you click it. And I posted the machine story and it went viral. And it was. I remember my. But my dad gave me this, like, insane thing of even if you're sick, you show up. Even if you're. Even if you're hurt, you show up. I think it's my punitive way that I work out is that if I'm hungover, I work out extra hard. I was hungover. I flew all. Drank all day yesterday in New York. Flew here last night. This morning, I got up at 8, got in the sauna for 30 minutes, got in the gym. We did abs. Who the wants to do abs? Ran, lifted weights and sweated out. But that's my dad's mentality is like, you get up, you do your work no matter what. That was the lesson. I mean, my takeaway from being 11 and getting hurt, my dad going, you finish it. You don't let anyone down. You don't. You get. You finish the game. You know, I had a showcase for ICM one time. This is just my dad's mentality. And there was a guy that went. Opened it, and then the next guy went on was a guy named Earthquake. Do you know Earthquake?

[B]

No.

[A]

Unfollowable black dude who destroys. Destroys. His name's Earthquake. I mean, just. And he's Earthquake because he leaves you the room in an earthquake. And I watched all my friends, I won't say their names, but all my. All my white friend comedians panic. No one wanted to follow Earthquake. And they just came to me. They're like, you want to go up after Earthquake? And I just. My dad would be like, yeah, that's your job. Do your job. And I went up after Earthquake. And he had a joke. His last joke was about his name Earthquake. I forget the joke, but I knew my first joke was about my name, Bert. So the joke was, was my name is Bert. I know you're thinking, hot, sexy name. Do you do porn? No. I said, bert's the last name you want to hear during sex. Just someone. Chick on top of you in the dark going, ah, ah, ah. And then I go, call me Earthquake. And the place exploded. But, you know, here's the thing, and this is my dad's. My dad's mentality is if you don't get on stage, if you don't show up to work, all the stuff that could possibly make your life great just disappears. And that's been my mentality this whole career is you show up no matter what. You show up. You got an audition, you show up. They want to meet you at a general meeting. You still don't think it's right for you, you show up. And that's definitely the way I've taken the road. Dude, let's do the road. Make sun. Make hey while the sun shines. Get out there and grind.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And that's what it takes. I mean, I feel like comedy's like, there's a new comedian every month that's taken off. You've had, like, a long standing career. It's hard to do that, to keep reinventing yourself, keep coming back special after special, success after success. It's hard to do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It feels like it came from that. For me, home isn't just four walls. It's where I find peace, where I reconnect. And with the weather warming up, Radhi and I have been spending more time outside turning our outdoor space into a little sanctuary of its own. We got a few pieces from Wayfair, some earthly tone chairs and a table where we can share tea and these soft lights that make evenings feel magical. It was all easy to find, delivered fast, and it didn't break the budget. Wayfair really does everything. Whether you're looking to host, relax, or just create a space that feels like you. So if you're dreaming about making your outdoor space more intentional, more comforting, more home, Wayfair is the place to to start shop a huge selection of outdoor furniture online this summer. Get outside with wayfair. Head to wayfair.com right now. That's W-A-Y-F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.

[A]

I I 100%.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, a lot of my friends, like, just like the pandemic hit and my brain was like, that doesn't mean we can't do standup. And they're like, no, the country's shut down. And I went, I'll figure it out. And so I came up with a type of touring outdoor comedy festivals where I took drive in movie theaters and I plugged into their system. We showed it up on the big screen, we shot it with four cameras. All the feeds went into the car so everyone could stay socially distant. And I did, I think I did 30 cities. I think I maybe did 30 cities. 60 shows, 62 shows. I toured all through the pandemic. That's just the way my brain works is like, just cause you say no to it, doesn't mean, look, you gotta do it, you gotta work. Don't just take the foot off the gas.

[B]

What I love about the earthquake story too, it's like what your dad said, if you didn't put yourself under that pressure, you wouldn't have found that great new take.

[A]

If you're a dad right now and you're listening, this is the only takeaway you need. My dad, whether it's true or not, always told me you love pressure, buddy. When all the chips are on the table, you perform your best. I don't know what it is about you, but you love the pressure. You just love it. And I'll tell you, my whole baseball career, if we were down man on first and second, we're down by two runs. That's when I performed, when we faced the fastest pitcher we ever faced. That's the guy I hit the best off of. And I'll tell you is in standup, I've always done best when the most pressure's on me. I need to do secret time. First show.

[B]

I bomb.

[A]

I'm only doing two shows. I bomb. I bomb. I hadn't bombed with this hour ever, and I bombed. The crowd had had to wait in the rain. We had a power shortage. It just. It was horrible. And I'm nervous. I got one more show. This is my first Netflix special. I got one more show and I'm sitting in the green room and Leanne just echoes my dad. She goes, well, you know, you love pressure. This is when he's gonna perform the best. Sit back, everybody. And man, that show. I mean, best stand up show I've ever had in my entire career was that one show that was murderous.

[B]

Wow. People say with comedians, obviously, there's such a defense mechanism with humor and comedy to mask pain and challenges and all that kind of stuff. I wonder. And you've said before as well, like, I usually, you know, laugh through pain. It's like, what's a pain that you couldn't laugh through?

[A]

I hesitate to even say this, but I've been very lucky. I've been very lucky. I haven't had a lot of tragedy in my life, and I can laugh at just about anything. I laughed at my grandmother's funeral. I laughed twice at my grandmother's funeral.

[B]

Tell us.

[A]

I started crying. My dad had a rule like, don't cry in front of your kids. And I started crying. And this is before we put Priscilla down. I started crying. He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, stand up. It's him and my Uncle Jerry. And my dad goes, buddy, pulled together. I was like, I'm upset. And he goes, why? I go, because your mom is in a box up there. And he's like, yeah, she had a great life. You celebrate her life. You don't cry. Can't let your girls see you cry. Then they're going to be freaked out. I was like, dad, it's just hard looking at her. And he goes, no, no, no, no, you're fine. I go, well, she. They have her. She's not smiling. And he goes, are you a f. Cking idiot? He goes, do you want her smiling in that box? Do you have any idea how creepy that is? And I started laughing. And then he goes, there you go. All right, you're out of it. Good, let's go. So then at the end of that funeral, everyone leaves my dad and my Uncle Jerry. Ugh. I mean, this makes. They go, hey, come on. I said, what? And they go, let's go say goodbye to Grandma. And this was them saying, it's okay to cry. Oh, my God. I've never seen two uglier cries in my life. These men let go of years of trauma. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. Right before she died. This is the hardest I've ever watched. These two men laugh. We go to the hospital. My grandmother's in congenitive heart failure or whatever. So we go to the hospital. Grandma's in the bed. Uncle Jerry and my dad are in the corner. And they're hiding them, their faces, because they're crying. They're hiding their faces behind the curtains, okay? And they're really emotional. And I. And I'm not. For whatever reason, I'm not in that moment. And I go, hey, Grandma, how you doing? And she goes, ugh, my back hurts. That's. That's heart failures when your back hurts. And I go, well, do you want me to rub your back? She goes, I would love that, birdie boy. Rub my back. So I start rubbing her back. I go, I love you so much, Grandma. I go, I think you're gonna make it out of this. And then I go, wait, I think you might have dropped a tissue behind your bed. Cause I can feel. I think there's tissue falling off. And she goes, that's my skin. And my dad and my uncle go from crying to laughing hysterically. And my dad's going, he's kicking him out, going, he's rubbing skin off her back. He's rubbing skin off her back. And my Uncle Jer just. And I'm watching these two curtains shake. And I'm just rubbing skin off her back, going, I love you, Grandma. Yeah, I laugh. I can laugh through just about anything.

[B]

Oh, God. When was the first time you let your daughter see you cry?

[A]

I start, okay, I came home, I was on the treadmill. Leannen's in the room with the girls. And this is in Priscilla's third knee surgery. Priscilla had five knee surgeries. On her second knee surgery, they realized the other knee was bad too. They were gonna have to do another one. And the guy goes, listen, you're 15 grand into this dog. I think it's just. I think we need to put her down. And I went, what? He goes, I can't promise that these are gonna last, but, like I'm telling you, the one that we already fixed, that's Pat again. We gotta do that again. So she's asleep. I can put her down right now if you'd like. And I went, well, hold on. And I went, oh, my God. Give me a Can you give me a second. And he goes, yeah, yeah, give me, like, go talk to your wife, but call me soon. So I start crying and I'm trying to hold it together, and I walk in the room and the girls see me crying and they start laughing and they go, oh, Mom, Dad's crying. And Leanne goes, girls, if Dad's crying, we're all about to be crying in a matter of seconds. She's like, this isn't funny. And I go, they want to put Priscilla down. And George R. La What? And then pulled it together and we didn't put her down. We got two more. We got those two knee surgeries, then two more knee surgeries. And. Yeah, but they've seen me cry a lot now once the floodgates open. Dude, I cried at the Avengers movie. When Spider man died, I was sobbing, crying, and Isla's mocking me. I cry at movies real quick.

[B]

I do, too.

[A]

And they will. And they just. You just watch them. They don't even watch the movie. They just watch me and stare at me and giggle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, that's why I find you to be such an interesting, fascinating person. Because, like, you got this larger than life personality. You've got this party of background, and then, like, you've got, like this soft heart.

[A]

Oh, I'm like, the biggest.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And it's like. And even when I met you, I could just tell immediately, I was like, you know, this guy's got the softest heart. And at the same time, if I saw you, I wouldn't necessarily have that, you know, perception.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's accurate. I don't think anyone. I think people think I'm a one thing. And then when they find out, the one that always shocks everyone is, I've only had sex with six women. And they're like, what? And I was like, yeah, I'm just. I wasn't that guy. Like, the time I lost my virginity, that changed my life in that moment, I went from, okay, I'm not cool guy that could just bang chicks. I'm super sensitive guy that needs you to get me. Cause I'm not sure I do this right. Like, my wife goes, that's why my wife takes those phone calls. And she knows I'm never gonna cheat. She knows I am a wreck. I am a wreck. But, yeah. And so everyone's like, really? You've only had sex with six? I go, yeah. Cause in college, I'd go to a bar and I was just hoping someone would get me. Like, I wanted someone that wanted to watch Fletch three times in a night.

[B]

How does she get about, obviously, all of the exposure of her life and her sex life as well? What's, like, allowed? Where do you need permission for? What do you get away with without any.

[A]

She says, as long as it's funny.

[B]

Oh, wow, that's good.

[A]

She goes, as long as it's not mean and it's funny. I'm in. I remember the time I realized she was game for anything. She farted during oral sex, and I made a joke, and she started crying, and I said, what are you crying about? I'm the one in the fire hole. I'm gonna shit in my mouth. You're crying. And she said to me, you're definitely telling this on stage. And I wait. I said, what can I. And she goes, well, yeah, obviously, if I did this, someone else has done this. I'm not the only one that ever did it. And it's funny. You should talk about this on stage. And I did. And, man, it was, like, a killer bit for a while. But, like, yeah, she. She watched this hour, and her note was, I'm cool with everything you're saying. I need to know the way you're saying it has love in it. Like, it has to have a smile in it. Because I was doing. When you do material a lot, you get bored of it, and sometimes you don't show the sparkle in it the way you did when you wrote it. And with this material, I mean, making fun of a woman because she's getting older and she's going through menopause and she's aging. And if you don't say it with love or a smile, that was her exact word. There needs to be a smile and a little bit of rascal in your voice, like, you need to say. And so she was really adamant about that.

[B]

I love that. She's like a comedy coach.

[A]

Oh, she's. I mean, look, she's not funny. Let's be very clear. I take offense when she tells the people at the party I'm the funny one at home. I go, hang on. My comedy bought the house. Let's be real, okay? She's a. She's a gangster. She's awesome. And same with our girls. She's kind of monitors the material and. And runs. Runs it by with them with her and talks to them about it. And, you know. Yeah.

[B]

Do they think dad's really cool or Dad's human?

[A]

Oh, human. They don't think I'm cool at all. They do not.

[B]

When did that. When did it go from cool to human? Or was it ever cool in the first.

[A]

I don't think it was ever cool. I don't think it's. No. You know, I had a period of where Georgia, I could tell, thought I was kind of cool. Like, Georgia had this, like. We took her on fully loaded one year, her and her friend Daisy. I got this great picture at the end of the night. I'd tell the machine, and then I'd bring all the comics on stage, and I'd have them bring me a beer, and I'd kill a beer, and I'd spit it in the air. And it was a fun moment. Way to close the show. And it was always a really cool picture. And one year, I call all the comics out, and then everyone starts walking off, and I'm saying goodbye, and Georgia comes out. I got this great picture. And she throws her arm in the air. Like, she just did a stand. She didn't stand up. And I was like, what are you doing? She goes, I just wanted to see what it felt like. But I think they think I'm okay. I don't think they think I'm cool. In all honesty, if I didn't ever go to their college ever again, they'd be very comfortable with that.

[B]

Well, why do you turn up to the college? You mean to drop them?

[A]

No, like, parents weekend. Parents weekend. Or, you know, we went and looked at colleges. I wanted Georgia to go to Boulder, and so we went to Boulder, and this kid yells out the window, the machine. And then all of a sudden, word got out on campus, and kids started running and finding me. And I watched this kid, my child, lose interest in a school very quick. A great school, One of the best schools in the universe. I love that school. And she was like, yeah, I'm not going here. I was like, what? She goes, I'm not going to a place where you have fans. I was like, baby, I think that's going to be tough. And then she was like, I won't go to Florida State. I won't go to Florida. I'm not going here. Not going to Georgia. I'm going. I'm going to find my place. And so I didn't go look at schools with her. And the next two schools she looked at, she loved. She got into both of them, and she chose one. And same with Isla. Isla. Would they hate when I get recognized. Last night we flew in, and paparazzi was waiting for me at the airport, and Georgia was just like. Like, she walked in and, like, stood by a wall and was like. She was like, can we just. Mom can make this stop? And I was like, I don't. I'm not rude. So I'm like, I'm gonna talk to them. If they want to talk to me, I'll say something to them. I'm not gonna be there forever. But, yeah, they. I think they would be cool if I wasn't famous.

[B]

How do you deal with that? Like, with. When you're raising kids, You've been doing this for a long time. They've probably been exposed to it since they were kids. And, like, how have you had that conversation with them? Because obviously, it's still not easy for them.

[A]

We had a moment. We were skiing. It was a very luxurious thing to do. It's not lost on my kids because we didn't always have money, but we were going skiing, and Georgia was having a rough time. Just. There was something going on with Georgia, by the way, we didn't know this, but we all had Covid at the time. And so George is having a rough time, and she has a meltdown. And she's, you know. You know, what a junior in college, high school at the time. She's having a meltdown. And I'm talking to her in front of where we're staying, right by the lifts, and we're both in our ski outfits. I'm holding my snowboard. She's got her snowboard, and she's crying. And I'm trying to talk to her and help her out with this thing she's going through. And these two dudes are like, oh, shit, the machine. And I just look in her eyes, and she's like. And I was like, what's up, guys? And they're like, can we get a picture? I go, I'm kind of doing a thing, like, real quick. Real quick. And I'm like, it's easier just to take the picture than to. And so I take the picture. She goes, I understand that this allows us to do this. She goes, it would be nice just to have my dad sometimes. And I was like, I know. And it's. Sharing your time with fans is what is difficult for them. And I'm not a good guy at, like, saying no. Like, I don't. I've seen my friends do that before, and it always rubs me wrong where I'm like, just take a picture with it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I feel the same way. Yeah. It's like a. It's almost like this is the reason why you get to do what you love every day. And the least you can do is.

[A]

Least you can do is take a second and listen to someone.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm assuming with you as well, people have great stories. Like, that's how I feel. Like I get to talk to people who just have amazing stories to share and life changing moments. And I'm like, I feel like if I didn't sit there and listen to that, it almost gives me fuel to keep going and, you know, keep moving because, yeah, I hear amazing things. I'm sure you do too.

[A]

Oh. So, I mean, you know, you forget, you know, a little bit of what we do is talk. We talk. You know, there's someone right now that probably has a weird relationship with their dad and is hearing this and it's going. You know, there's things that we hope it's funny too. But, you know, like, doing the biggest one I always got was you got me through the pandemic because, you know, we put out content for them to distract themselves with. A lot of people didn't have big houses to stay in during the pandemic. They were in an apartment and they're just like, this is miserable. And I get that a lot. I get, you know, right now the one I'm getting is, you know, you know, we just put our dog down. You. I've never, I've never laughed and sobbed at the same time. Thank you for letting us process and. But, you know, the least I can do is take a second and talk to someone who wants to say hi to me.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, I mean, that, that's something that you do quite uniquely. I feel like the ability to make someone laugh and cry. Even like, as we've been talking today, I'm like having like a really emotional moment with you. And then you're like, making me crack up at the other end with like, your grandma's funeral, like, being at the hospital. And there's a real beauty in that. Like, have you ever sat and thought about, like, was this the first time in this special that you got extra emotional and got people to. Was this like one of the first times or.

[A]

Yeah, I've never done this before. I mean, I don't mean this, like, cocky, but I don't think. I don't think there's a lot of comics, that's what I'm saying, that are doing that. And I didn't know if I should do it.

[B]

What made you do it? Why did you go there?

[A]

It was ready. I did that story before Razzle Dazzle. I was gonna do it at the end of Razzle Dazzle. And I just thought. I don't know. It just. It felt weird to me for that material. That material. It felt weird. And then. And I was. And Georgia called me one time on stage. I was on stage, and right before I released Razzle Dazzle. And she goes, what are you doing? I said, I'm doing standup. She goes, oh, are you telling the Escape Room story? And I was like, no, why should I? She goes, absolutely, dad. You remember you almost shit in Papa's mouth? And I went, oh, yeah. And then she kind of broke down the story on stage, told it. I went, that's my closer. And I was like, good. I'll get made fun of if I do this dog story. Everyone's gonna make fun of me and say, I just. I can. I'm thinking of it too much. And then I do this special, and everyone I was working with was like, are you seeing what's happening in the room? And I was like, no. Cause you can't really see anything. And it's an arena. And they're like, yo, we're out there. And they're like, grown men are sobbing, crying. Like, people are holding each other and laughing and crying at the same time. They're like, this is different. Like, I remember a dude I really respect I brought with me on the road. He's like, that has to be your closer. He's like that. He goes, I don't know. One comic making people cry, but making them happy cry. Like they're crying for something they love, and then they're laughing, and you end on a laugh. He's like, you have to do it. I just didn't know if it was working. It was like what you said about writing a book. You sit with it for four years. And I shot this in July, and it just came out this March. So I've been sitting on this special, and I just was like, I am gonna get destroyed. I just started in my head going, like, no one's gonna like this. Everyone's gonna make fun of this last story. They're going to go, oh, bird always cries. That's all he does. And I put it out, like, the first day, it was trending at number two. And I went, which I'd never trended over six. And I was like, oh, that's weird. And I went into my stories where people, like, mention you, and it just looked like a straight line. And I was like, whoa. And I was like, I only got one story. I only got one person mentioning me. And I hit it And I hit it. And I was like, oh, my God. I couldn't get the line to go away. And I was like. And it was all about this story. Everyone was just sobbing, crying. People were sending me pictures of their dogs. They were holding their dogs. They were filming their husbands crying. They were. I mean, it was so cathartic for me. And I'll be very real. So you get on Netflix on a Tuesday, you find out if you trend on Wednesday. I did press all Wednesday morning from 6 in the morning till 9 o' clock. I don't know if anyone's liked the special. I don't know if it's trending. I don't know any of that. I go and take a nap and I'm waiting for an agent or someone to text me. Like, I figured, I said to myself, if it just trends in the top 10, I'm going to be happy. Look, I'm 52. Maybe there's guys doing it better than me, younger than me. I expect them to just blow my doors off. Just please tell me I have another year of doing stand up. That's the way your head's thinking. And I took a nap. I woke up and I got a text from a younger comic I really, really like, Ricky Velez. And he just said, yo, man, you're killing it. This is a great special. I've been a fan of yours for a while. I'd love to hang out next time I'm in la, not do a podcast, hang out. I was like, that's cool. I like this guy. This guy's doing what I was trying to do at his age. He's doing it way better than I'm doing it. So I was like, oh, nice. I was like, he liked the special.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

I was like, nice. A young kid liked the special. And then my texts blow up. And that's when I went into my stories and I saw it. And as I'm watching the stories, people are saying, I started sobbing, crying. Just out of gratitude, out of just sitting there going like, ugh. The thing I did is good. It's not horrible. It's not horrible. People don't hate me. Ugh. I was just sobbing, crying in my bed. I was like. And then Leanne comes in from her workout class. She's like, what's wrong with you? She just walks in. She goes, you're training at number two. And I was like, what? I didn't even look at Netflix. And then I was like. And so I was like, whatever, I'm good. My first day was Good. And then it's been like that every day. The response has been crazy. People really are connecting with that last story.

[B]

Yeah. Talk to me about what you just said now. That. That inevitable embracing of insignificance and irrelevance that everyone goes through. Like that idea that one day, oh, yeah, no one's going to care about me. No one's going to care about you. No one's going to care about 99.9% of everyone who's relevant, current, whatever trending we want to call it. And there's that thing that creatives go to where you see them holding onto their last bit of relevance and significance, and it's painful to watch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you understand it because you go, well, wait a minute. I really liked. No matter how much we say, like, you know, Ellen, Ellen said something that I love. She goes, I used to always say I didn't care what people thought. That's when everyone thought I was amazing. Like, you know, it's like, it's really easy to say, I don't care what anyone thinks when I'm the number one person in the world. But then when you actually are not, number one, number two, number three, number four, you start getting down on that list. You'll be on number 10. Now, you do start caring what people think, especially, like, what you said, the new God, like. And especially when the new God has respect, that's a beautiful thing. But when the new God's kind of like, you know, living how you were when you were the new God, who has that overconfidence, that arrogance, how do you think about that? Like, how have you reflected? Have you thought about that at all?

[A]

That's all I think you gotta remember, I didn't. Like, I was just gonna be a journeyman comic. Like, I wasn't supposed to be successful. I did Travel Channel, and I thought that was gonna be my life. And then when I got let go from Travel Channel and my special didn't do well, the machine didn't do well, and I'm getting fat shamed by Tommy, I was like, okay, I remember saying, are we cool with this? Can we do this? Like this at this level? Like, I was the guy at the store when people would talk to me, more successful comments would talk to me. They'd look over my shoulder waiting for someone better to talk to. I was a nice guy, people liked me, but I wasn't relevant to them. And so they were like, ooh, that guy's. Oh, that guy's 28 and he's killing it. Give me one second, Bert. I want to go talk to him. And I was like, am I cool with that? I remember one time coming off stage, not wearing cool sneakers, wearing dad jeans, and seeing a young comic murdering it in the car that my wife and I had seen in. We had looked at that brand car, and he had the car they had in the showroom. The car was like, $220,000. And I was like, oh, how? How can he afford that? So I wasn't supposed to be successful. And I was cool with it. I was definitely cool with it. I was like, I can just do comedy at Funny Bones. I love comedy. I'll keep putting out specials, maybe. You never know. Look, Rogan's a good friend. I can always do his podcast. You know, that's how my brain worked. I had my podcast, but no one cared. And then I had a conversation with my dad. I got let go from Travel Channel. I had the conversation with Rogan and him and Tommy. I remember them both saying, like, don't worry. We can help you get ad sales. And I was like, okay. And then I posted the machine story. And then all of a sudden, it went, like, crazy. I mean, I'd never experienced that before, like, genuinely viral. And then all of a sudden, I started selling tickets, and I was like, whoa, Holy crap. This is crazy. Just selling out, not looking at ticket counts, just going in and knowing everything's clean. And so I really, honestly had kind of already let go of all of it. But there's a part of me that remembers, oh, it was cool when they. I remember getting. Right before I got let go on Travel Channel, I got into a town car. They got me a town car for something. And I remember getting in and going, this is the last town car I'll ride in. I was like, I should really enjoy this. So I kept always saying that every time I went to theaters, I was like, I probably won't do theaters again. You only do theaters once. Really? I'll go back to clubs, but enjoy this. This is the Chicago theater. Let's go for a jog tonight and watch the sunset. And then, yo, this is crazy. I'm doing the Beacon. I probably. I'm not going to sell two shows at the Beacon ever again. So really enjoy this. And I brought my girls that I grew up with in Tampa up out to my bus, and we hung out. And then when I started doing arenas, I didn't even know I was gonna do arenas. I didn't know I was doing an arena. I was in Green Bay, and I was like, I'm doing an arena. And they're like, yeah. And I was like, whoa, I gotta really enjoy this. And so I, every step of the way have been like, I gotta enjoy this. But then, you know, I take nine months off, wait for the special to be released, and I did it again. Am I cool with not being relevant? Am I cool with not being the thing, the shiny object, and maybe going back to clubs or going back to theaters? I remember I texted my manager today. I go, hey, guys, I don't need to do arenas anymore. I love theaters. Saw Kevin Hart did a theater. I go, there's no shame in doing a theater. You can see a lot of you make more money than an arena. And then the special came out and I was like. It was just, like, a relief. I was like. I was like, I can breathe. I can breathe that. Oh, my God, that is like. And. And then we were on a call today, and they're like, yo, you know, doing arenas again in the fall, starting in September. And I told them, I said. And I said to them, I said, you know, hey, when we book out 20, 26, I don't have to do arena tours. Like, I don't have to be holding on to something. I'm cool with doing some clubs and doing some. Some theaters and doing some outdoor venues. I'd like to do the Gorge again, but, like, I go, let's shake it up, you know? And they were all like, really? I was like, yeah. I don't know. I don't care. Like, it's. But that it's. I've watched it go away for people. It sucks. You're right. Watching someone hold too tightly. That's why that song. Hold on loosely by 38 special, so great. Hold on loosely and don't let go because if you hold too tight girl, you're gonna lose control. You're gonna. You're gonna. It's a great song.

[B]

It's a great song.

[A]

Hold On Loosely.

[B]

No, I love that.

[A]

Yeah, that's a great name for a special. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, it is a good. Yeah, it is a good name. I love what you're saying, though, that I was. I was driving to one of my clients homes the other day, and this is someone I grew up watching. Huge fan of, someone that I coach and work with. And I was driving to his house and I walked in and, you know, it's like. It's like a mile drive from the gate to even get to the house. And I was just like, I have to live in the moment that I cannot believe. And now I've been working with him for seven years. So I've driven to this house, like, every day for years. But I was like, it loses its value when I stop being grateful for it. As soon as it becomes familiar, like what you're saying. I love what you just said. I love, love, love what you just said. Because as soon as greatness becomes familiar and excellence becomes familiar and all of this stuff becomes familiar, you lose its value. And then when you lose it, you don't. You never got to experience it. So you realize you never had it in the first place. Cause you were just running after it like you were chasing the whole time.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You never held it. And what you just said is you held it for that moment.

[A]

I still hold it.

[B]

Yeah, you still hold it.

[A]

I just signed up when I did the Machine, my producer, Cale Boyder, he's one of the greatest guys. Like, guys happens to be a great movie producer. And I was like, yeah, I'm going to not drink and not. I'm going to be clean. I'm going to work out, I'm going to eat clean. I'm going to look good. And he just kind of looked at me and was like, hey, man, that's not who I hired. He's like, look, if I know who you are, like, if you're not having fun, you're not going to. It's going to show up on screen. But if you're having fun, it'll show up on screen, like if you were having fun. And he goes, I can't tell you the movie's going to be a hit. I can't tell if it's going to be a flop. You never know. But what I can tell you is you probably only get to make one movie. So enjoy this process. Have fun. And, man, I had so much fun making the Machine. It was the experience of a lifetime. Because every day I was like, I will never make another movie. I will never have another movie where I don't have to memorize lines because I say whatever I want to say. Like, it was like, the greatest life experience of my life. But, yeah, that's how I look at every project is, this is probably the last one I'll do. You know, I thought, I know I have one more special with Netflix. Like, I owe them one. And I go, that might be my.

[B]

Last one, but that only makes it better, though.

[A]

So the cool thing about a special, and you don't get to experience this, and I don't think some comics think about this But I think about this. So I take this material that I create about 18, 24 months out, and I take this and I work it and I play with it. And at a certain point I get bored of it and I reinvent it and I come back to it. But I play with this for two years. I work on this same stuff. And when I do my last taping, I did six shows and on my last taping, I was present and I said, this is the last time I'll say these words. Oh, it's like I give them the universe, they'll never get them again. And I get so emotional saying that. But you know, you're so. Your material is who you are. And I can't. And I go, this is the last time I'll say this word, this wording and this cadence, and it's just so. But with a band you never do that. And then sometimes you tell a story like the machine, and you've been telling it now for 15 years. And I'll still tell it. I'll still tell it. Listen, I was. That story changed my. I sat in the Ryman Theater. There's a woman named Angela Johnson, brilliant comic. She's got a great nail salon bit. I was with Arj Shafir and Nate Bargazzi. None of us were working very well. None of us were making money. She had sold out the Ryman and they were chanting for this nail salon bit. And I said to the Lord, I said, lord, give me one bit that people give a shit about. I'll tell it until the day I die. And he was definitely listening. He was like, I got you. I'll one up it. I'll make it a 12 minute bit. You're gonna make a movie out of this bit. I got you. And that's my nail salon bit.

[B]

You've always been so open about mental health and like talking about anxiety and. And you know, that's a big priority for us here as well because I find that so many people in their journey never get to share that people don't get to see that within people. You've talked about anxiety, intrusive thoughts, like, why were you comfortable enough to open up about that without thinking people are gonna pick at that. Look at that. Weird. Your peers kind of. Where did that get you, get that courage and confidence?

[A]

I think it was stupidity, I think. I mean, I just was like, you know, when I got in the business, I was like, 100% transparency. I was watching comics as a character and I was like, that doesn't seem Fun. So you're gonna pick a character, and then you're stay a character your whole life. I was like, I'm gonna be Burt, and I'm just gonna be Burt, and anything I think I say, and I'm gonna live by the sword, die by the sword. This is my thing. And when anxiety came up, I just was like, yo, I have anxiety. Like, I have anxiety. I have really bad anxiety. I have ocd. I have intrusive thought. I have struggled with thought. I don't know. I don't think I have depression only because I just. I think people that have real, real depression think it's insulting for me to think the thing I go through is depression. I know what it's like to have anxiety. I had an anxiety attack driving in college, and I didn't know what it was. I thought I had a brain tumor. And then the first time I was explaining it to someone, and, I mean, this is probably 27 years old, 28 years old. I was explaining it to someone, and they were like, oh, you get anxiety attacks. I went to a therapist, and she said, I have a fear of flying. I don't know if you noticed, but I have a fear of flying rituals. I do when I fly. She said, well, yeah, you have anxiety. Let me give you Xanax. Then I took Xanax, and I was like, oh, my God, is this what regular people feel like? I was like, are you kidding me? And then I developed a problem with Xanax, as many people with anxiety do. And my wife went right when we had Georgia, she said, yo, you're done taking Xanax. Like, I'd taken it. I'd been using it on and off for, like a year. And she maybe a little more in Leanne's. Like, you're done with Xanax. You can have one if you need one. But it can't be your go to every night. It can't be the way you put yourself to sleep. And then when we started doing podcasts, I just was like, I don't know. I was like, I just be open and honest. You know, I have ruminating thoughts where I just chew a thought over and over again.

[B]

What's been the most recent panic attack this morning?

[A]

You want the one this morning? A great, great comic Nick Thune was telling me about when he quit drinking, and he said he was having a liver failure and his back was hurting. And this morning, I woke up on my side and my back hurt. I went, that does it. You partied too much. Your liver's Failing. Your liver's failing. And I started going through thoughts I could not stop. And I have a saying when I go. When I start having anxiety or ocd, I go, be like a shark. Get out of bed and start moving. Second you start moving, things start helping. And I go, get in the gym, get in the sauna. Let's get in the sauna. Let's get in the sauna. Let's sweat some stuff out. It's just back pain. Trust me, you would have other symptoms, but I can't connect with it, and it just. It goes on and on and on, and I just obsess about it, and I bring it up to almost everyone. I've brought it up to everyone I've seen today. And then I go, no boos. No boos anymore. I'm done for a month. I'm gonna cut off for a month. That does it. And then I come up here and I see your house, I go, all right, bottle of champagne. What's it going to hurt? Right? But I have a saying with life. Whether you're dealing with anxiety, ocd, eating, drinking, masturbating, whatever your little thing is, my saying is, and it kind of calms me down, let's do today just a little better than we did yesterday. That's all we got to do. Just a baby step. Little better than yesterday. And if we have a bad day today, realize tomorrow we're going to have. We're going to do better. We have an opportunity to do better tomorrow. And so I've been stuck in that mindset today, and I said, let's just get. Let's do a little bit better today than we did yesterday. And so that's where my head's at. But, yeah, they've got. I've had. Really. And, you know, my daughters have anxiety and Leanne doesn't. They have sleep anxiety. They both had sleep anxiety when they were young. So Georgia would wake up and think she was dying. And I remember I was so glad I had anxiety then because I could help her. Leanne's like, just go count sheep. I go, let's not count. We're not counting. That's the worst way to deal with this. Just because if you. It's shutting your brain off is the thing you need to do. If your brain's just going after it, you're screwed. And so. But Leanne's also gangster. She got both of them into therapy immediately, and this therapist helped them immensely. But now George and I can text about anxiety and talk about it, and, you know, it's the best thing about it is when you know other people have it, you're like, oh, so I'm not broken. I'm not crazy?

[B]

Definitely not.

[A]

Yeah. And that's the greatest feeling. And it's, you know, look, my family's seen me. When I get ready for a flight, it's like I get physically ill. I start feeling my head getting tight. I feel this. And they're like, hey, you just have an anxiety. And then to try to recognize it, sometimes it doesn't help 100%, but you can breathe. That's one other one thing I always say, like, wait, I'm breathing. I'm still breathing. And I just take deep breaths, and I'm still breathing. Crazy anxiety. Scuba diving.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I mean, definitely trying to breathe. And scuba diving is hard enough.

[A]

I mean, probably one of the biggest pan attacks, panic attacks I ever had were scuba diving in a thunderstorm in Fiji at 90ft.

[B]

Yeah, that would do it.

[A]

And I'm. And we're in a tin boat, and I'm just like. I get in the water and we start sinking, and I realize very quick, nothing I like is down at the bottom of this ocean. And I start kicking up to the top, and my dive instructor just grabs me, grabs my bc, grabs my thing, puts it in my mouth, like, just holds it there and just going like this. And I sunk with this Fijian woman who looked like Junior Seau. She was a big woman. And she took me to the bottom of the ocean, and I was like. And then. But, you know, I got through it. You get through it. You always get through it. No one dies from anxiety.

[B]

You've developed enough coping mechanisms.

[A]

I don't know if I have, and I don't know if they're healthy. I know alcohol has been a big coping mechanism of mine. Yeah. The first time I learned I could sleep without drinking, like, you know, because you do it from 22 to, like, you know, 30. And then one day you're like, I gotta try to go to sleep without a cocktail or a glass of wine. First time I did that, I was like, whoa, I can fall asleep. Shut up. Oh, my God. I've got enough tools to shut my brain off. Yeah.

[B]

And that relationship feels healthier now with alcohol.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I mean, look, let's be real. Alcohol's poison. Everyone knows that. It's not good. You shouldn't do it. But I'm also not a Mormon. I like to have a good time. I like to get loose for alcohol. For me, it's not even the Buzz, I gotta be honest with you. It's the letting loose. It's the celebration. It's the, hey, do you want to do a shot? And you go, oh, I definitely want to do it. It's the permission to party. It literally is. I mean, I named that tour this because when someone's like, hey, man, when someone likes a joint, you're like, you want that? That's like, yo, let's do it. Let's get after it. I love when people crack open a bottle of wine, crack open a drink and go, hey, you want one? It's the funnest thing in the world when flight attendants say to me, can I get you something to drink? I love that because they don't always say that, but when they do, I go, this is gonna be a good fight. I said, I have a speech that people passed around, but it is like a first kiss. When we got married, Leanne goes, I said, does it bum you out? You'll never have sex with anyone. She goes, no, absolutely not. I said, me either. I said, I think I'm good just having sex with you. She goes, what really bums me out is I'll never get a first kiss. No, for us, that's the worst, because we gotta do the kiss. All the anxiety's on us. We gotta wait the whole night. Does she wanna kiss me? Is she gonna kiss me? Should I take her? Should I do it in the car? Should I do it when we walk to the car? When should I do it? Oh, no, that was the wrong time. That was wrong time for a woman. It's just this excitement of, like, when's it gonna happen? Is he doing it now? When's my present show up? And that's how I feel about shots.

[B]

Well, what's the whoop telling you? I see you with the whoop on.

[A]

So I'm crazy. I'm crazy neurotic. Okay, so I check all of it. My favorite day in the year is what? December 30th, when they post our scores. I love whoop. And I have found that if I am overly hydrated, my heart rate is lower. So every night before I go to bed, I drink four liquid deaths. 19 ounce liquid deaths. I drink four of them. I pee in the middle of the night, but I drink four of them. My heart rate's around 56 beats per minute. And that's after having a bottle of water, wine, or some porosos. And so I'm wildly hydrated. And that is my key for my whoop. It also, you know, for Me. It also tells you how hard to work out. I love that. I love a goal because, you know, when we did the first sober October, we were all trying to set goals of how hard we can work out. And that when you see the top of the mountain, you know where you have to go. And so you go, all right, I'm not done. I'm getting back on the treadmill. I'm going to get on the assault bike. Okay. Here we're gonna do the ski erg for. We'll do. And, like, I love that, like, right now, I've already hit my goal. My goal was, like, I slept horrible last night. My goal was, I think, at 10, and I'm at 9.6. But if it wasn't, go to the gym, hit the skierg 10 calories 10 times, and we'll see. You just get there and get him a minute break. Yeah, I like that shit.

[B]

I love it. I love whoop, too. It's great to measure. You need it.

[A]

And then they measure your steps, and you're like, yo, whoop. How long have you been doing that? I didn't send this in. You just turned something on. Give me my old step. I want to know what my old steps were. Yeah, yeah. When I started measuring steps was the very first. I got a Fitbit, the little one you put in your pocket. And, bro, that changed the game for me. I was like, I'm into fitness tracking. And then when they sent these to us for the first second sober October, buddy, I've been. This thing does not come off my wrist unless I do a special. I take it off. You're gonna need to pay me for that. Whoop.

[B]

Yeah, we should figure that out.

[A]

Yeah, they used to. They still do. They still. They're pretty good to us.

[B]

Yeah, I love that. But it has been. I mean, you are literally the best time buddy.

[A]

You're the best interview I've ever done. You're so good at this. I feel so present.

[B]

It's crazy, but you're so much fun. You got to realize this is, like. There's good chemistry.

[A]

What we should do is we should do a double date. Your wife and my wife.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

And then my wife's gonna go, shut the up, Bert. Let him talk.

[B]

I can't wait to be here. No, honestly, we have to hang outside of this. Like, I'd love that.

[A]

I've got your number.

[B]

You're. And we end every episode with a final five. These questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I May ask you to elaborate because I think you're going to give me some awesome answers. So question number one is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

[A]

Don't take anyone's advice. It's the best advice. But sometimes everyone's advice is so built up with their bullshit. I remember posting a dance video, and everyone's like, why would you do that? Sold out my tour in seconds. I'm so glad I didn't listen to anybody.

[B]

That's a good story.

[A]

Don't take anyone's advice.

[B]

I love that. I fully agree. The amount of publishers that told me not to call my book Think Like a Monk, that was my first book. And they were like, don't call it that. No one wants to think like a monk.

[A]

They're telling. They're giving you advice based on their failures.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

And you're not them.

[B]

Totally. And then the data. Which is. Which is already in the past. Yeah, Right.

[A]

Having said that. But Joe Rogan gave me the best advice ever. And he just said to me, just a little high, little drunk in the back of the store. He's like, you need a Netflix special. And I was like, yeah. He was like, no, you need one. I was like, I don't know how to get that, Joe. And he goes, be undeniable. And he just walked away. I was like, the fuck does that mean? I wrote in my joke book, and I just tried to figure it out. Then when you are undeniable, you're like, oh, that was great advice.

[B]

I love that. Question number two. What is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?

[A]

Worst advice I ever got was, you should start wearing a shirt. If I had worn a shirt.

[B]

Who told you that?

[A]

I won't say her name, but someone that worked at Showtime. She said, hey, you should wear a shirt for this. Trust me, no one does it without a shirt for a reason. You should wear a shirt. And I was. And I almost did. And then she said, how about this? You do one with a shirt, one without a shirt, okay? And I said, well, then we can't cut them between them. She goes, yeah, we'll use the one with the shirt. Do not do it without a shirt. And I was like, I don't know. I remember thinking, I'm a little different. Like, I want to do it my way. Like, I know that. And a lot of people were like, why would you not wear a shirt? My dad. Why would you? Buddy, put on a Brooks Brothers coat, a tie. Look sharp. And I was like, nah, I'm gonna do it shirtless. And thank God. I mean it. Like, I think that's been my. I mean, that's how some times people just go, oh, I didn't recognize you with a shirt on.

[B]

That's so good. You know what? But when you came in today and I buzzed you in and I saw you without your shirt on, I was like, he's gonna do it without a shirt. I love it. I love it. I was like, he's gonna do with that shirt. I told the team. I was like, he's come without a shirt. He's gonna do it. And then you came out of the car.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then your team had your shirt. And I was like, oh, okay.

[A]

People would turn on. My breasts are just too meaty. I'm at the point now where my breasts hit my stomach. You don't know what that's like. It's sad. I look good standing up shirtless, but sitting down shirtless. I like a melted candle.

[B]

Dude, it's great. I love it. I was so. I was like, guys, he's gonna do it with his shirt.

[A]

I can answer these last ones shirtless, just. Just to really be brand friendly. God, this is a nice shirt.

[B]

It's a really nice shirt. I really like it.

[A]

I don't know. You look great, bro.

[B]

You look great.

[A]

Oh, thank you.

[B]

Yeah, it's like, wow, we're getting. Oh, there we go.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We're getting the full experience. I love it.

[A]

Now I'm like, okay, what's our next question?

[B]

You're amazing. I love this. Question number three is, what's different and similar about the way you parent your kids and the way your dad parented you?

[A]

Oh, I'll tell you what's similar, Okay. I parented my kids the exact way my dad parented me. What's different is my kids are smarter than I was, and they told me I was doing it wrong. Dude, I was a raise your voice, raise your voice kind of. Dad. Girls didn't. I remember the biggest fight we ever got with girls. They took the collars. They like, when our dogs are naked and we have bull masters, I go, girls, the second you take the collars off, I can't control that dog. And they let both the dogs out, and they chased a woman, and I couldn't get them to the collars. And I came in and I started yelling at my girls. And Georgia goes, just so you know, when you get to here, we know there's nowhere else you're going to. And I was like, what? She goes, the threat's over. This is as bad as it gets. And I was like, what? She goes, you're not gonna hit us. So it's not working, all right? And I was like, oh, shit. And I realized, oh, it's not working. You can't just go like that. Does it? I'm not. Because this is as bad as it gets. I go, okay, where does it go from here? And then Georgia took the car with her friends in it. You're not allowed to do that. And she was like, here we go again, lan Carter. And I said, yo, come home right now. She drops her friends off, she comes home, she sits, and she's like, all right, do it like. Like that. I go, hey, it's just unsafe. Can you do me a favor? Just write like, a thousand words on why you think that I'd be upset about this? And she started crying, and she goes, wait, you're not gonna yell at me? I went, no. I go, it doesn't work. You said that it doesn't work, and it doesn't work. You're still doing bad things. So, like, just write a thousand words and then give it to me. And she started sobbing, crying. And she was like. She goes, I think you're turning into, like, a really great dad. And I was like, really? And she goes, dad, you understand me? Dad, it didn't work. And then she wrote a thousand words, and it was all a thousand words. Why she loves me and doesn't want to let me down. And I went, oh, shit. Yeah, I love my dad, but he didn't do that.

[B]

Wow. Do you think having the daughters change you? Like, that was.

[A]

Yes. Those two kids. Those two kids are just incredible kids. Really incredible kids who get it and get me and not perfect. Trying to plan a trip to Hawaii, and both of them want to get jobs this summer. I'm like, what are we talking about? If my dad said Hawaii, I'd be like, yeah, I'll quit my job tomorrow, dad.

[B]

Yeah, I love that. Question number four. You're such an open book. What's something people don't know about you they'd be surprised to hear?

[A]

I think if people heard my inner dialogue sometimes.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

I think people would be bummed out for me.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

You know how you say, like. You say, like, the things sometimes you say to yourself. You go, I forget the quote. But it's like, you know, what would you say if someone was saying that about your daughter?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you go, I beat that person up. Why would you let them do it to you? Sometimes my inner dialogue can be really punitive. And I think if people heard, would break their heart a little bit. And that's the one thing I tried better to change about myself is my inner dialogue, to be more positive about myself. But at the same time, that punitiveness is the thing that drives me a little bit. Where I go, don't let them. If they think that about you, you change. You do better. You get that, does it? Let's get in the gym. Let's write. Let's read that script. Let's do that movie. Let's challenge ourselves to do that. Let's go back on tour, let's take time off. I think that inner dialogue, as unhealthy as it may be, I bet if most people heard that inner dialogue, they'd give me a hug and go, I do the same shit.

[B]

Yeah, definitely. I think we all do it. I do it. We all do it.

[A]

Just look in the mirror and then you should be happy. Look at these crystal blue electric eyes.

[B]

Oh, man. I think we're.

[A]

It's.

[B]

There's so many. I. I think you're spot. There's so many. And by the way, it is that you. You're somewhat trained to be driven. And you know that that level of setting that standard high.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is what lets you rise and keep going. Otherwise, we would have sat here for 10 minutes and walked off. Right. Like, what? There's no need.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So there's that, and then there's the compassion. And that's why I've seen the best performers in the world. They have high standards, but then they have high grace. And it's like, if you have one or the other, it doesn't work. If you have high standards and you have low grace, you can't actually keep to those high standards. And if you have low standards and high grace, well, then you'll never get anywhere.

[A]

I'm always blown away by guys with crazy confidence. And I'm like, is that real? I go, people just talk wild shit. I'm like, yo, I'm actually a good comic. I'm better than. I'm legit. But you believe that about yourself. I'm always blown away by that.

[B]

But you have to. You have to. There was this great. Federer gave this. Roger Federer, the tennis player, gave this amazing commencement speech last year. And he was saying that he's only won something like 60% of his points in his lifetime. And he was saying, the best thing I have to do is lose a point and then forget about that point. Like, I gotta move on, because otherwise I'M gonna lose the next point. Lose the next point if I keep thinking about that last loss. But he goes, I've lost a ton of points in my life. He goes, my skill is not to not lose points. My skill is to be able to leave that point that I lost in the background to go win the next point. And I feel like that. That's. That compassion. That's that grace of, like, just move on. Next one. Like you did with your next special. The first one didn't work out. Next one, like, let's see what can go.

[A]

So, yeah, it's crazy. I think that's. Yeah. I don't know who I'd be with if I. Like. I sometimes toy with the idea of getting on Prozac or something. And then I go, but wait, I don't want to get rid of the. Maybe that's my mom. I told her I was gonna get on pros. Like. She goes, oh, honey, those are your nooks and crannies. What? My mom has zero anxiety. Zero anxiety.

[B]

Wow. I love that.

[A]

My dad called one time. He was calling me on FaceTime. He goes, hey, buddy, I want to just tell you that I love you. I'm going into surgery tomorrow. I go, okay. I said, was it a crazy surgery? He goes, no, but you know. You know, just want to. You know I love you. And I hear from my mom in the background, go, sometimes they don't wake up.

[B]

Up.

[A]

I was like, wait, Mom, What? She said, sometimes they don't wake up. So your dad may not wake up. He may die. And I'm like. I look at my dad's eyes, and he's like, I live with this woman.

[B]

Oh, God. Last two questions. All right. Where am I? Let's do. Okay. Yeah. So has there ever been a joke or something you said in a roast or something like that on stage where you're like, yeah, I went too far. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow.

[A]

Yeah. Every podcast I do.

[B]

Because you're sensitive, too.

[A]

That's your thing. Oh, I never want a joke to hurt someone. I remember I told a joke one time about black women. It was a good joke. I would have stood by it, had a fan not come up to me as a black woman, she was really pretty. And she said, hey, man, I'm a fan. And I was like, cool. She goes, I just want you to know that that joke kind of hurt a little bit. And she goes, and I know that wasn't your intention, but it didn't make me feel like I was still part of the team. I felt like I was now an outsider. And I went, ooh. She goes, yeah, I know. She goes, I didn't. I wasn't thinking about being black until you said that. And then when you said it, I realized I was like, I'm the only black woman in there. And I went, oh, that's not my intention. And she goes, I know. That's why I'm telling you.

[B]

Wow, that's beautiful.

[A]

And I was like, yeah. And I remember. But you don't realize that when you do comedy, you're just trying to get laughs, right? Yeah. And the one time I didn't believe a guy was blind and he was blind. I really regret that I didn't. Tommy told me he wasn't blind. He was lying. And I tested him, and then he got up and he was really blind. And I was like, wow, he. He's really blind. And they're like, he got blind two days ago. And I was like, oh, God. So he wasn't. It was. Yeah, that was. I. Hey, I could. We could do a podcast on regrets. I've been doing this 25 years. I regret a lot. Oh, my God.

[B]

What about. What about when you said your daughter? See? And they're like, dad, stop being a misogynist.

[A]

They told me. They go, yeah, Dad's just a misogynist. And I went, no, I'm not. And they went, have you ever watched your standup? And I was like, yeah. And they're like, do you hear the way you talk about Mom? And I was like, yeah, but that's Mom. And they're like, dude, dad, you're a wild misogynist. And then Isla was like, could you just write a joke for women? Like, to make the women feel, like, better than the men? And I was like, I can do that. And then I wrote it. And they didn't like it.

[B]

They definitely didn't like it, but maybe that's coming. Maybe you're moving in that direction.

[A]

Maybe. I don't know. I don't know what my direction is. Now that I have this crying joke at the end, I feel like everyone's gonna be like, what are you gonna make us cry about next? And I'll be like, oh, God, hope my dad dies. So I buried my dad. They're like, here we go. Oh, God.

[B]

Final question. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

[A]

The law I would make. I really dig siesta in Spain, but Not everyone's a napper, but I like that concept that there's like, I would do state mandated happy hours. Like state mandated happy hours where you had a. At 5 o' clock when you got off work, you couldn't go home. You had to go to. Everyone had court appointed bars and you had to go to these bars and you don't have to drink, but you gotta spend time and talk to people in the community. Like, you gotta go there and people can drink and it's only an hour, it's one hour. But everyone goes and everyone has to go and be social and just be connected to. That's what I think's so cool about London we were talking about that is the pub energy. You guys got that. And I think that in America, if we knew, like, I was like, oh, we gotta wrap this up. We gotta go to Chili's real quick. And you're like, oh, you go to Chili's too? I go, well, this week I'm going to Chili's. And then we went to Chili's and you're like, we should get a drink. I think that would be awesome. And I would definitely do comedy at those shows. I would love that. Court appointed mandated happy hour comedy shows.

[B]

There we go. No. First time ever we've heard that on the show. So it's a good answer. I love it. Beau Kreischer. Lucky special's out. Crushing it. This is so much fun, buddy.

[A]

You're the best. And thank you for. Thank you for listening to me tell you how important I was on that plane. I'm so glad I said that in.

[B]

The best way possible. I was like. I was like, he is. I already know he's funny. Because I was like, no, normally if someone said that, you just. It wouldn't land. But you said it in the most sweet, endearing way.

[A]

I was like, I wish I had recorded that.

[B]

I know that was.

[A]

I wish I recorded that because I would love to hear what I sound like talking about myself because I know what it. I know it comes from a good place, but especially, like, if I see someone I recognize, I get overwhelmed.

[B]

You were amazing. You were so nice. And then you mentioned Tom Segura and I was like, oh, yeah, I know Tom because my videographer works with Tom. And so I was aware. And then. Yeah. And I knew what Two Bears was, but it was one of those weird situations where like, we just. But we hit it off, man.

[A]

Dude, you're here. What's crazy is I had you. I had videos of you saved in my YouTube. You sent them to me and I was like. I was like, I haven't watched. I watch you. I relax. I sit back and listen to your interviews.

[B]

You're too kind, man.

[A]

Dude, you're the best.

[B]

I want to come to your next special, next live. I'm there in the audience.

[A]

Double date first.

[B]

I'd love for that. That first. Okay, I love it. I'm in. Jake, I love it. Thank you, bro. If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Will Smith on owning your truth and unlocking the power of manifestation.

[A]

Anybody who hasn't spoken to their parents or their brother. Brother, call them right now. Don't think you're going to have a chance to call them tomorrow or next week. That opportunity with my father changed every relationship in my life. You're listening to an iHeart podcast.