Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

Summary

Podcast Summary: Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

Podcast Information:

• Title: On Purpose with Jay Shetty
• Host: Jay Shetty
• Guest: Hannah Berner
• Release Date: March 19, 2025

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Introduction

In this inspiring and candid episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty, Jay welcomes Hannah Berner, a multifaceted comedian, podcast host, and former athlete. Known for her sharp wit and resilience, Hannah shares her transformative journey through multiple career pivots, emphasizing how setbacks became stepping stones to her success.

Hannah's Background and Early Ambitions

Hannah opens up about her childhood ambition to become a professional tennis player. Despite her parents' skepticism and never actually playing the sport, her athletic spirit was evident from a young age.

Hannah Berner (04:41): "I think I always was delusional. Like, I always was, like, bored without having, like, a dream... I just wanted to challenge myself and chase something."

Facing Setbacks: Getting Fired from Multiple Careers

Hannah discusses her experiences of being fired from various roles, including video production and reality TV. Instead of viewing these events as failures, she frames them as opportunities for self-discovery and growth.

Hannah Berner (07:20): "You don't have to sugarcoat it. No, it's funny, I recently was like, 'self-sabotaging,' but my body's just like, 'This isn't for you.'"

Transition to Comedy: Finding Her True Calling

After leaving the sports and entertainment industries, Hannah ventures into stand-up comedy. Contrary to her fears of experiencing performance anxiety similar to sports, she discovers a newfound calmness on stage, reaffirming her belief in following her true passion.

Hannah Berner (18:54): "When I have a mic on stage, I know exactly what to do. And it turns out that's where I can be my most myself."

Performance Anxiety and Inner Peace

Hannah delves into the concept of performance anxiety, comparing her experiences in tennis to comedy. She highlights the importance of listening to one's intuition and finding calm amidst chaos.

Hannah Berner (09:06): "What some people might call anxiety, I see as my body's way of protecting me."

Overcoming Adversity: Building Resilience

Reflecting on her journey, Hannah emphasizes how each setback taught her resilience and self-awareness. She shares her philosophy of quitting when something doesn't align with her true self, rather than persevering out of obligation.

Hannah Berner (10:40): "Find your calm. The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Shetty."

Insights on Relationships and Self-Worth

Hannah explores the interplay between self-confidence and self-worth, particularly in the context of personal relationships. She advises prioritizing genuine connections over superficial appearances.

Hannah Berner (38:20): "The person you're with directly reflects how much you love yourself."

Pursuing Purpose and Creativity

Throughout the conversation, Hannah underscores the significance of pursuing what truly resonates with one's heart. She encourages listeners to embrace their passions, even if they seem unconventional.

Hannah Berner (74:15): "Do things you're not qualified for and see what you're capable of."

Advice to Listeners

Hannah offers practical advice for those feeling stuck or uncertain about their next steps:

1. Listen to Your Intuition: Trust the signals your body and mind provide about what's right for you.
2. Embrace Change: View every setback as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.
3. Prioritize Genuine Connections: Focus on building relationships that support and reflect your true self.

Hannah Berner (77:25): "Find your wave. If you like volleyball, join a volleyball league. You can't just sit around hoping, like, be you and they will come."

Fast Five: Quick Insights from Hannah Berner

At the end of the episode, Jay and Hannah engage in a rapid-fire segment where Hannah shares quick insights:

1. Best Advice Received:

   "The world is your oyster. You just are. There's a cloud right now."

2. Worst Advice Received:

   "People who think they know better about your life than you."

3. Something People Don’t Know:

   "I'm really messy. I have trouble keeping the home together."

4. Last Person DMed:

   "My co-host Paige. We share funny videos from the shows."

5. One Law Everyone Must Follow:

   "Children should have more mental health education in schools."

Conclusion

Jay Shetty wraps up the episode by highlighting Hannah's remarkable ability to turn challenges into triumphs. He praises her for her humor, resilience, and the profound insights she offers, encouraging listeners to embrace their own journeys with courage and authenticity.

Jay Shetty (85:25): "You've reminded me of this great book that I read a long time ago called Flow State... We've got to constantly find a space where your challenges and your skills meet."

Key Takeaways:

• Embrace setbacks as opportunities for growth.
• Trust your intuition to guide career and personal decisions.
• Prioritize genuine relationships that reflect your true self.
• Pursue passions relentlessly, even if they require unconventional paths.

Notable Quotes:

• "Find your calm. The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Shetty." [07:20]
• "The person you're with directly reflects how much you love yourself." [38:20]
• "Do things you're not qualified for and see what you're capable of." [74:15]

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Connect with Hannah Berner:

• Instagram: @hannahberner
• TikTok: @hannahbernercomedy
• Podcast: Giggly Squad & Burn a Phone

Follow On Purpose with Jay Shetty:

• iHeartRadio: On Purpose
• Apple Podcasts: On Purpose
• Website: Jay Shetty

Transcript

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

Hi, listeners. It's Emily Tisch Sussman, host of the podcast she Pivots. This March, we're honoring Women's History Month with episodes from powerhouse governor Gretchen Whitmer. I fell in love with public policy, and that's kind of when I pivoted. Then later, we dive into the rise of women's sports by hearing how sports investor Carolyn Tish Blodgett is shaping the industry. Come join us and listen to Sheep hibbets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Jay Shetty]

Mi Genosa Wilmer Valderrama Jose Freddy Rodriguez, host of the new podcast Dos Amigos. In this series, we candidly reflect on our careers, life, art, and everything in between. And each episode emanates from our very own speakeasy, and it features us talking about pivotal moments, hilarious anecdotes, and invaluable collaborations that helped us become who we are today. Listen to Dos Amigos Thursdays on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

Hey, you guys, I'm Katherine Legge. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events. Tune into my new podcast, Throttle Therapy with Katherine Legge, an iHeart women's sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You you can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Jay Shetty]

Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience on purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q and A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshedi Me Tor and get yours today.

[Hannah Berner]

I wasn't happy and I was burnt and I just felt like a punching bag and I also was getting really bad performance anxiety. Right before I did my first ever standup set, I thought, oh no, I'm going to start getting those feelings I would get before a match of just like dread and shame and stand up. I went on stage, and I felt a calmness I hadn't felt before. It's kind of like, why try to fit into something that isn't right? So I urge people to find their calm. The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Shetty.

[Jay Shetty]

Jay Shetty.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

The one, the only Jay Shetty.

[Jay Shetty]

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. I am so excited for today's guest. I was a guest on her show probably just over a year ago. We had the best time, and if you haven't listened to it, I hope you will after this episode. Today's guest is someone that is known for being hilariously funny, extremely witty, someone who's got the ability to make you think, laugh, and all of the same at the same time. Her name is Hannah Berner, one of the most influential rising comedians of this generation. She has two hit podcasts, as if one wasn't good enough, Giggly Squad and Burn a Phone, which have garnered over 100 million combined downloads. Hannah's video series, Hannah on the street has earned over 350 million views, and Hannah was named one of Variety's top 10 comics to watch in 2023. She also just finished touring her solo standup routine to sold out theaters across North America and Europe and will embark on a Club Giggly national tour with co host Paige desorbo. The duo will release their book, how to Giggle, A Guide to Taking Life Less Seriously via Simon and Schuster on April 15, 2025. So lots to look forward to. And most recently, Hannah debuted her first Netflix comedy special, We Ride at Dawn, which premiered at number two on the platform and is streaming now. Welcome to the show, Hannah Berner.

[Hannah Berner]

I think people got everything. I have nothing left to say.

[Jay Shetty]

That's it, that's it.

[Hannah Berner]

You've lived.

[Jay Shetty]

You've lived. That's it.

[Hannah Berner]

No, thank you for that. I appreciate it.

[Jay Shetty]

It' so fun. Like, when we met last year, I was learning. So all of my team are huge fans. Like, huge fans. And I was learning so much about you through them. And they were just like, this is amazing. You know, and. And just to see the incredible journey you've been on over the last 18 months is amazing.

[Hannah Berner]

Thank you.

[Jay Shetty]

And I was going to start about asking you, like, have you always been this confident?

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, my God. I think I always was delusional. Like, I. I always was, like, bored without having, like, a dream. Like, at like 7 years old, I wanted to be a professional tennis player. And someone told my parents, like, she's too late to start. My parents told me, like, you can't be a Professional tennis player. Someone told us that. And apparently I cried all day. Like, what kind of passionate little 7 year old was like, how dare they tell me I can't do that? And then I just was like, that's my dream. I just always wanted to, I wanted to be like different and great in some capacity, which could be very ego now that I'm looking back. But like, I just wanted to challenge myself and chase something.

[Jay Shetty]

Had you ever played tennis before?

[Hannah Berner]

I. I go, I still haven't played tennis this day. No. I was like, I was an athlete. I was an athletic kid. And I think like I was the Serena generation. Like, seeing Serena, I was like, why can't that be me? It was always kind of like, yeah, why can't I do that? I don't know if it was intrinsically. Like, my dad definitely instilled a lot of belief in me and I just always was like, why can't me? Especially in like spaces that I felt like I didn't belong. Whether it was like male dominated spaces or just like, like places that I didn't think easily I could get into. I even my dad has a story that we were ice skating once when I was like six and all the girls were in the middle doing the jumps. And then everyone else is like scared, holding the rink on the outside. And I was like, I want to go to the middle. And he was like, you've never ice skated before. And I'm like, put me in the middle, coach. So I just always had that attitude and it's, it's hard to always be chasing like lofty goals. But I think that's like the high that I like.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, that's dope. I mean, that's such a great mindset. I mean, you reminded me of me ice skating when I was young. I was, I was like, I'm so.

[Hannah Berner]

Bad, by the way.

[Jay Shetty]

I could skate then and I couldn't stop. Like, I didn't know how to slow down so I would just fall when I had to stop. And now it's like I'm the guy holding the side going.

[Hannah Berner]

As you get older, you're like, this is an insane hobby to have.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, there's so many things that can go wrong.

[Jay Shetty]

Totally. I've seen people like break their teeth and chip them and I've seen fingers flying, fingers flying. I'm like, I don't need that to happen at this age. But it seems like you've channeled that into your career. Right? Like that energy, it's not like it got lost somewhere yeah. But before we get to that, I wanted to ask you a few more things, because when I was looking into parts of your journey and what you've talked about, what you haven't, there's a lot of lives.

[Hannah Berner]

And like a cat.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. You've lived so many lives, but I feel you've been amazing at pivoting. And you've been like, what I. What I like to think of, like, an expert in quitting. Like, you've been good at.

[Hannah Berner]

You can say firing. You can say. You don't have to sugarcoat it. No, it's funny, I recently was like, dming an astrologer as you do, and she was like, you're really about, like, rebirth, and you're all about, like, things falling apart and then coming up like a phoenix. And I was like, why couldn't I have something easier be my purpose? But I've. Yeah, I. When I outgrow something or don't feel right, like, I. I get out of it. And sometimes people get out of it for me when I don't have the balls to be like, this isn't my space anymore. But, yeah, I've been. I had to quit. I quit tennis. So I felt like a loser, even though I spent my whole life pursuing it. And I played number one for the University of Wisconsin, full scholarship. Like, externally, people were like, she's successful. Where in my head I'm like, I'm a loser failure because I didn't win Wimbledon. And then I'm like, why did I do all that? And then I got into. Eventually got into video production, and I got fired from that job. And then I did reality TV and I got fired from that. And now I have a Netflix special. But it really. Where some people might be like, oh, like, you're getting fired. I really was like, I was finding myself every time. And the more you are connected to yourself, the more and honest you are with yourself and in tune with yourself, the more spaces might not be right for you. I've never been good at just, like, blindly following. I don't like being fake. I can't pretend to be happy. Like, my body will reject situations. Same with, like, relationships. Like, I can't. The second I'm like, this is not right for me, I like, blurted out, like. Like, it needs to come out.

[Jay Shetty]

How will your body tell you that? Like, what's the anxiety?

[Hannah Berner]

And it's funny, at first I was like, oh, no, do I bad anxiety? And I've talked to people and they're like, no, your intuition's actually really good. You just have to listen to it. But when you question it, that's when you like, I've been in places where I'm like, I must self sabotaging, but my body's just like, this isn't for you.

[Jay Shetty]

That's so powerful. I love that you said that. Because I think we don't connect those two things. We see it as, oh, I'm having anxious feelings, I feel nervous.

[Hannah Berner]

Your body's protecting you.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, totally. But it is signaling something. It's telling you something.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. Because I feel like we can lie to ourselves a lot. Especially when you're, like, mentally strong. And in tennis, you have to really suppress your mind. You have to be like, I'm not nervous, I'm not tired. I'm so ready for this match. And you have to, like, numb your inner thoughts. And as I got older, I realized, wait, I have to start listening to my inner thoughts because they're actually right. And with tennis, I realized looking back, all the success I have now is because of the tennis training I had. It really was part of who I am now. Like, just because you lost a dream doesn't mean that's not going to make you better at something else. It's not like, oh, that was a waste. Which I love to tell people. But also like, I love divorce, I love firing, I love leaving places that aren't right for you. And I feel like so many times you think you have to stay. I think the coolest part about life is tomorrow I could wake up and say, I don't wanna do this anymore. And there's such a beauty in that.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. Why do you think we project that expectation onto a dream? Like, if you think about it, when you think you're gonna become a tennis player today, you're a comedian. You've lived a million lives in between. I'm sure you'll live a million more and you'll keep evolving. But a lot of us, like you said, we just stayed glued to, I could have been, I should have been, if only I would have been. And that way we never shift our lens. What allows you to be so positive about going? Let me trust that that isn't for me and I don't fit in here. If people are listening and watching and they're thinking their first dream hasn't come true, or they failed at their first dream, how do you start believing in a second dream?

[Hannah Berner]

It's so funny because everything is perspective. Like, even me joking. Like, I did that, that was a waste and I didn't win Wimbledon. And you laughed like, it's funny, but then it's also like, kept me up at night.

[Jay Shetty]

Sorry.

[Hannah Berner]

But I was like, when I was little, I was like, the fact you didn't win Wimbledon, you're a piece of shit. Because that was 20 years of putting your heart and soul into this dream. But when I, when I started doing comedy, my career like ascended like abnormally fast. And it's, I tell people, I'm like, it's because I had a career before this to prepare me. And I approach comedy the way I approach tennis, but like healthier tennis. I was very hard on myself and I had the work ethic, but I didn't always practice smart. I was very like, negative self talk. And with comedy, I'm now like, re coaching myself in a new way. So I'm like, when you go on stage, you're going to be positive you're not a loser when you mess up. And I get to speak to myself the way I wish I was spoken to in my past career. And I see so many people who are like, sad because they're ending something and I'm like, you're gonna be so good at the next thing. And also there's a lot of shame that comes with, like, when you didn't accomplish something you wanted to. But these are all just your own games you're playing in your head of what you should be. Because if I look back, I actually, my first love was like, acting and being goofy. Like, I love drama class, I love painting, I loved creating. But I happened to be super athletic, and that was where I was kind of pushed towards. And looking back, I'm like, wait, I didn't think you can make money doing what you love. I thought you had to be like a tortured athlete who was just like, on the grind. And for anyone who's feeling kind of not having a purpose right now, think back to what you loved when you were a kid. And I know it sounds crazy, but, like, you can still be that kid and have that joy before society told you all these things that you should do to be successful. And I kind of realized tennis, there were too many rules. And I, like, don't enjoy playing by the rules. Like, I don't like staying in the box. And tennis was all about, like, hitting in the lines.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And stand up. I think I love because, like, I go on stage and no one can tell me what to do. And it turns out that's where I can be my most myself.

[Jay Shetty]

I love that you would have been that player smashing the Rackets.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, I've done. I've broken rackets. I've definitely, you know, had, like, coaches that wanted me to change stuff about my game that I would try, but I didn't really believe it. It was a lot of, like, just trust your coach and don't listen to yourself. And it really. It made me who I am. And I actually couldn't watch tennis for years after. I was very, like. It was like an ex boyfriend. Cause it was the longest relationship I ever had.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

So. But now I, like, love tennis. Like, I have it on all the time. I played a lot this summer to get fit, and I was like, wait, It's a part of me, and it makes me who I am. And me calling myself a loser is just. That's a perspective you can take or you can be like, by the way, I actually was really good at tennis back in the day. Isn't that cool?

[Jay Shetty]

I can relate to you in so many ways. Like, my life's so different. But as you're speaking, I feel exactly the same way. Like, I think even when we sat on your show, I was talking about how leaving being a monk felt like a divorce at the time.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Jay Shetty]

And because I felt like I was getting married, it was a commitment. It was something I was really excited about. And then now it's been 11 years since I've left the monastery. And I am so happy I left. And I couldn't agree with you more that I, too, have lived so many lives in between that and this. I went back into the corporate world. I worked in a massive corporation with 500,000 employees and all of what that looked like. And then I worked at a media company. I was at HuffPost for briefly. And so there's. I've lived so many lives, and I couldn't agree with you more, that I've just constantly tried to move closer to who I really am and align with how I want to express myself, who I want to be.

[Hannah Berner]

And you can't just know it.

[Jay Shetty]

You can't.

[Hannah Berner]

You have to go through those trials and tribulations. Like, I tried entertainment in so many different ways. Like, I worked at a company. I did reality tv. Like, I did a lot of things that I did it, and I was like, doesn't really feel right, but I do like parts of it. So then you grow, and you just take what you learn. That's why anyone who's having a tough time in their 20s, you're supposed to have a tough time. Like, the 20s, everyone's flailing, and you take that time. So by the time you get to 30, you're like, oh, first of all, I'm tired. I'm too tired to be like upset about things. And two, I kind of know what I like and what I don't like.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. Is it true that I. I heard somewhere very briefly that you were hit by a car?

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Is that, is that like, I. Because I couldn't really. I was trying to.

[Hannah Berner]

I don't like, say it that much because I don't want people to think I stopped tennis cause I got hit by a car. But my last year at University of Wisconsin, I was playing number one for the team and I kind of had this idea that if I had a great season, I would then go pro. And this season it was, it was going pretty well.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

And.

[Hannah Berner]

And then right before, like the Big Ten tournament, I got hit by a car going to practice. And it was like 7am University of Wisconsin. It was like zero degrees. I had a big parka on and a guy hit me with the car and I'm lying on the ground and the first thing I thought about was like, tell my coach I'm going to be late because I'm going to be in trouble. Because, like, he's going to be like, why is she not here? Like, I was so. It's almost culted. Like, you're just so obsessed with this team and, and doing your best and winning. And I recovered after a couple months, but I wasn't like my sharpest and I lost. This is very sports talk, but I lost five matches in third set tiebreakers. So it basically means like, I, like one or two points were the difference in five matches. And if I had won those five matches, I would have like won all these awards. I would have probably gone pro. And for whatever reason, like, these are really just these minuscule moments. I. I didn't win those matches. And I remember being like, I think the universe, like a person can only take so much. And I. But the thing is, I could have kept playing tennis and I would have been fine, but I knew there was more happiness in life that I just wasn't living. And I wasn't happy. And I was burnt and I just felt like a punching bag. And I also was getting really bad performance anxiety. And what's cool about the performance anxiety is that I thought I would have it in comedy too. And I didn't. Like, right before I did my first ever standup set, I thought, oh no, I'm gonna start getting those feelings I would get before a match of Just, like, dread and shame and. And, like, judgment day. Like, whatever happens is gonna. There's a lot weighing on it. And stand up. I went on stage, and I felt a calmness I hadn't felt before. So I urge people to find their calm. It's kind of like, why try to fit into something that isn't right? And I do think I was playing for other people besides myself. I wanted my parents to be proud of me. I wanted my peers to think I was cool. And that's all, you know, when you're younger.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. Yeah, I. I like that idea of moving towards your calm. I mean, it's the same in relationships. Yes. Like, I had.

[Hannah Berner]

You're so right.

[Jay Shetty]

One of my friends. She's gonna hate me for putting it out anyway. One of my friends messaged me the other day, and she was just like. Just went out. This guy, he was perfect. We had the same values. He'd be an amazing dad. But I just didn't feel it. And I was like, dude, did you feel peace? Did you feel calm? And she was like, it felt so peaceful itself. Felt so calm. I was like, you should at least give it a second date or a third date. Like, you don't just write it off. And it was so interesting to me how we're so averse to things feeling aligned. Like, we have this kind of allergic reaction when something feels aligned and something actually feels.

[Hannah Berner]

You almost feel guilty when something comes easy. You're like, that's not how it's supposed to be. The dating stuff is so funny because I have a friend who, like, loves dating, like, drummers who were in jail. Like, that's her thing. And she's gorgeous and, like, such a catch. But she loves these, like, projects to take on. And she recently met this guy, and she was like, I love him, but, like, I feel like he needs, like, a neck tattoo or something. And I was like, let's just take a breather, keep seeing him. Because, yeah, there was this addiction to tennis that almost wasn't that healthy. Like, I was addicted to the drama and the. The Just, like, the anxiety, it was provoking in the highs. And I was actually still able to find those highs in comedy that was just, like, less torturous to me.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, I really like that comparison between the two, because obviously you were brilliant at both. And it's hard to decipher. Like, I meet a lot of people who are like, jay, I could do this or I could do this. Which one should I do? It's, like, a very common question that I Get like, I'm passionate about this, and I'm passionate about this. And what I hear what you're saying to kind of decipher and divide the two is, well, maybe you're addicted to this, and maybe you have a lot of affection for this over here. And go with the thing that feels less overtly stressful.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Less dramatic. Less. Like, the high is really high and the lows are really low.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Jay Shetty]

Right?

[Hannah Berner]

Yes. I mean, I'm kind of obsessed with. And by obsessed with, I mean, I heard about it once, and I like it. Stoicism. Because that was not my life. It's like, especially as an athlete, as a tennis player, you're, like, losing all the time. You're. Or you're like, I'm the greatest that ever never did this. Or you're like, I suck. I need to quit. And I think what I realized with tennis, and it was hard to admit, but I actually did not like the competition. But I thought that was just a problem that I had to overcome. I was like, you're. You're just not doing it right. And. But all the girls around me would be like, I actually hate practice. But, like, I love the competition. And the competition is literally what it means to be a professional athlete. When it came to comedy, some people will be like, I hate going on stage. I live for the stage. Like, I'm more uncomfortable at, like, a group dinner. But if you give. Because I'm like, when do I talk? Do I do less? Do I do more? But when I have a mic on stage, I know exactly what to do. And it's corny to say, but, like, go towards your purpose and go to. And the calmness is where it's like, oh, this is where you're supposed to be. It's almost like with friend groups. Like, you know when you're with people and you just feel like I'm saying everything wrong, I'm awkward. Oh, my God, I hate myself. I'm so embarrassed. You could say those same things with the right people and you would feel, like, comfortable. So I feel like that with careers. So going back to your question of which one should I do? I literally did not like competing, but I liked. I was so comfortable with the idea of being a tennis player and overcoming this. This performance anxiety and getting to the next level. And it's like, if you're going to do something for a long time and be good at it and want to be successful, you have to like it. That sounds so simple. People come up to me, they're like, I want to start a podcast. What should I do? And I'm like, do something that you would do for free and talk about for years.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

You can't just do it because you're like, oh, I want to see my face on a chart that's not there. You won't make it. There's no longevity in that. They are also my people. I was going through a hard time with reality tv, actually, and I started doing stand up and I would tell people what I'm going through. And the standups were just, like, making fun of me and seeing it through their lens. I suddenly felt safe, I felt calm, and I started to relate to them. I'm like, wait, I think, like, these people. Finding community is a huge part of my happiness. Where tennis is very lonely. Yeah, everyone was my competition. And comedy's lonely too. But. But I was able to find a community within it. It's interesting. I'm like, figuring this out right now as. As you're. As I'm speaking because people will say, like, it's not about money, it's not about fame. It's about community. But I'm a pretty. Like, I don't love partying, socializing, but comedy. I almost accidentally found people who accepted me, which I think has overall helped my day to day, like, happiness.

[Jay Shetty]

You've reminded me of this great book that I read a long time ago called Flow State. It's all about flow, and it talks about this idea that come Speakers, musicians, athletes, experience flow State. Flow State is defined as when your skills meet the challenge. So when your skills and challenge are perfectly aligned, you experience flow. But what most of us experience are the opposite. So we experience our skills being above our challenge. So we feel bored and frustrated and kind of lethargic. Or you experience where your challenge is way above your skills, and then you feel depressed and you feel annoyed and you feel angry, out of control. And so we've got to constantly find a space or find the thing where your challenges and your skills meet. And I've always liked that idea. And how does competition look like as a comedian?

[Hannah Berner]

To me, it was like arts and crafts. I was like, we're all just painting. And like, I like your painting, you like mine. And I think some. Some comics get really into the comparison game because it's easy to be like, why did they get picked for that? Or they get picked for that. And I think I don't have an ego with comedy, because I'll be honest, I have an ego with tennis. Tennis was my everything. So comedy to Me was something I. No one even anticipated me to be in. So I have a lot of gratitude. And it's almost like because of my failure with tennis, I'm able to have such a nice outlook in the comedy space every now and then. You know, I do have that, like, tennis voice that comes in. I remember before I shot my Netflix special, it started to hit me the result voice that I dealt with tennis, which was like, oh, your whole career is riding on this and comedy. I consider myself in a flow state because I'm not trying to be perfect on stage. It's about my energy. It's vibes. I always say people don't remember the joke you said. They remember how you made them feel.

[Jay Shetty]

Yes.

[Hannah Berner]

But then for the Netflix special, I felt like, oh, my God, this is like, a final. Like, I have to get every word right. And the perfectionist, like, tennis players started coming back. I, like, called my therapist. I was, like, getting a beta blocker. Like, I was. I started to get this crazy anxiety, and I feel like it was almost like, if you want to get to the next level, you have to face those demons that you thought you could just, like, leave by going to another career. I'm still the same person who was having trouble with tennis, so I was able to kind of battle some demons. I remember a quote that I loved that was like, what if you let your dreams come true? And I remember being like, I think you're not the same girl, actually. You've grown, you've matured, you're safer mentally. And right before I went on, I was very nervous. Right before I went on, I was like, you're in control and your skills are ready for the moment. And I felt the same with Fallon, where I was like, you could go up and fumble all your words and blank out. Because that was what I would do on the court. I would. Anything I was scared of, I would do, like, oh, no, I hope I don't double fall. I double fall. Like, it was so frustrating, and comedy has been a way for me to, like, just, like, a new avenue for me to express myself in a much more, like, safer, positive place.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

But I have the same, like, drive and work ethic I think I had with tennis.

[Jay Shetty]

I really love the way you've analyzed both, and I think anyone who's listening right now would gain so much from it, because I think so many people are doing this mental exercise in their head.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Like, the pros and cons of, like, if I stay in this job, what's it going to feel like, if I quit my job, what's it going to feel like? Or if I. If I start a podcast as the example you gave, or if I do this, what's it gonna feel like? And the truth is, this is what you've gotta move towards.

[Hannah Berner]

And I also think we're told a lot, like, keep chasing your dreams. Push through, don't quit. So I'm not telling everyone to quit, but I actually think that, you know, when you're supposed to get out of something. And I think I knew it with tennis, when the winds, I was feeling nothing. It was like a drug where if I lost, I'd feel horrible. And then the winds, I wasn't even getting the highs anymore. So in my head, it's like, why am I doing this if I'm not even getting a high anymore? And I think that's when I knew, like, we're not even chasing anything anymore. We're just. We're just trying to stay afloat. And that's when you know, like, oh, the love is gone. And I also tell people, like, when they're confused about jobs, relationships, I'm like, and if you made the wrong decision, go back. Then no one's like, there's no police that are policing your decisions of being like, oops, I messed up.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And sometimes when you give people the freedom to be like, you can go back. They leave.

[Jay Shetty]

Freddy Rodriguez, host of the new podcast Dos Amigos. In this series, we candidly reflect on our careers, life, art, and everything in between. Each episode emanates from our very own speakeasy, and it features us talking about pivotal moments, hilarious anecdotes. And then I said the word yes.

[Hannah Berner]

That's when I knew.

[Jay Shetty]

That's when I knew this might just work. And invaluable collaborations that helped us become who we are today. That was one of the rare movies that I saw in the movie theater when I was a kid, and then I got to work with him and tell them how much I loved it. Plus, the door stays open for perhaps a third amigo. Listen to Dos Amigos Thursdays on the IHI radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

Calling all nine Niners. Now streaming, it's the More Better podcast with two episodes of Brooklyn Nine Nine Fun. Hosts Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Fumero welcome two friends and former castmates. Don't miss Gina Linetti herself, the talented Chelsea Peretti, as she sits down to laugh and swap stories.

[Hannah Berner]

Like Andre would always be like trying something. They're like, do less, do less. Do Less all the time. But then some of the biggest things were the biggest hits, like Vindication, remember.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

And the 99 nonsense continues in the next episode as the More Better amigas sit down with Joe Latrulio, AKA Detective Charles Boyle. There'll be more laughs, more conversation, more stories from the set, and More, More Better. Both episodes are now available.

[Jay Shetty]

You felt safe enough to throw out a bad idea, right?

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

I mean, that is the key because.

[Jay Shetty]

You'Re definitely not throwing out good ideas. Ideas all the time. I mean, that's just not how it works.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

Listen to More Better with Stephanie and Melissa on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Get emotional with me, Radhi Devlukia. In my new podcast, A really Good Cry, we're gonna talk about and go through all the things that are sometimes difficult to process alone. We're gonna go over how to regulate your emotions, diving deep into holistic personal development and just building your mindset to.

[Hannah Berner]

Have a happier, healthier life.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

We're going to be talking with some of my best friends.

[Jay Shetty]

I didn't know we were going to go there. I'm there.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

People that I admire when we say, listen to your body, really tune into what's going on. Authors of books that have changed my life.

[Jay Shetty]

Now you're talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy.

[Hannah Berner]

Right.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

And basically have conversations that can help us get through this crazy thing we call life. I already believe in myself. I already see myself. And so when people give me an opportunity, I'm just like, oh, great, you see me too. We'll laugh together, we'll cry together and find a way through all of our emotions. Never forget, it's okay to cry as.

[Hannah Berner]

Long as you make it a really good one.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

Listen to A really Good Cry with Radhi Devlukia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, what's really great is that it sounds like you evaluate things as how you feel about them. And so I wonder, what's your relationship like with wanting to be liked?

[Hannah Berner]

I am a people pleaser. I mean, I think to be a comedian like you, you want everyone to have, like, the best time ever. And that brings me joy. I think I have to thank reality tv because my reality tv, my biggest fear was to be perceived not who I was. But when you're 26, you don't know who you are. Like, I remember I'd go into social situations and I put a lot of pressure on myself to be like, I want everyone to think I'm really funny, and I'm really nice, and I'm. And I care about them, and I'm smart and I'm. And it's like, putting so much pressure on myself every time I'd interact. I wanted to be control of everything. I was like, a type A student and achiever. And reality tv, you give up control. My first two seasons were good. My third season, I experienced what people, like, tell you could happen, which is, like, you lose the narrative, and they're not showing your perspective anymore. They're showing it through, like, other lenses. And it was my biggest fear to be misunderstood. Like, there's one thing for tennis or comedy for people to be like, I don't like how she played. I don't like her jokes. But to be perceived based on, like, things that didn't actually happen was very painful for me. And I think I realized I also didn't have the heart for it. Like, I was too sensitive to be in a show that was about kind of like, who's good, who's bad, who are we rooting for? Like, WWE type stuff where I was like, it really is like, sports for women of being like, let's who we're gonna root for this season? Who. Who actually sucks that we didn' and that energy was. I. I was not good with it, and I got fired. And at the time, I was like, I got a talk show from it, and I was like, you just up your chance. And also, I was confused because I was like, I was engaging with everything. I was responding to everything. I did everything everyone wanted me to do. So the math wasn't mathing my, like, tennis mind of, like, I worked hard, I'm doing well, and I got fired. If I didn't get fired, I wouldn't have a Netflix special. I also would probably not be in a healthy marriage, and I also would probably not feel like myself. So if it was also when I got fired, I laugh, but, ooh, I got a fire in me. And I think it goes back to that rebirth thing. I realized the one thing I can control that I'm so proud of myself is that I can handle adversity. The stuff I went through with tennis, it was. I went through some bad stuff, like, yips, like, Simone Biles type stuff. Not to that level, obviously, but I will bounce back, and I don't care what people try to do to me or what happens to me, the cream will rise. Like, I'm kind of annoying where, like, I'm all about justice, and I want everything to be in the right place and for everyone to be treated right. That's not life. But you're not a victim. You have to again, have the perspective of like, just cause I failed, just cause I got fired. That doesn't have to define you. So I kind of got this silly idea where I was like, okay, I got fired from reality TV show and didn't feel like my. I was shown to be who I was authentically. What if I became like the biggest comedian I could be? Which again, not a normal thought. Someone should have. But that's. I always think big. Like that's how I've always thought. I really like, put the head down and was so motivated by the firing. Like, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't fired. And it wasn't like a. These people. It was like, I hear you, I see you. Let's find a new outlet. Even. I remember after tennis when I just discovered comedy, I felt like a horse that was like walking around lost. And then finally they put me in my lane and I was like, I found my lane. So I just wanted to find my lane. And then I could go, yeah. And finding your lane is, is very fun because you're just like self exploratory.

[Jay Shetty]

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[Hannah Berner]

Well, it was during COVID I think it was kind of like, you're not coming back. And I think it's hard because with a lot of people, your whole thing is about your story, which is, like, the ebbs and flows of evolving. And Bravo's very like, we'll break you down. We'll build you back up. So I. They kind of were like, and this is the end for you. So then it was like, really in my court, to be. No pun intended, but to be like, where do I take this from here? And I learned a lot about, like, production reality and unscripted stuff that definitely helped me, like, do fun stuff and will help me do fun stuff later in my career.

[Jay Shetty]

Wow.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And how many people on this Zoom?

[Hannah Berner]

I think it was me and two people.

[Jay Shetty]

Okay. Okay.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

So it's quite intimate.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was. And it's also. You're getting fired for, like, being you. It was pretty hurtful.

[Jay Shetty]

Did you cry?

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. And also, you felt like you lost all the friends who the show was about. It basically was like, no one wants to be friends with you anymore. Looking back, it was such a blessing. And people kept telling that to me. They were like, you're so lucky. This is for a reason. And don't you hate that when you're.

[Jay Shetty]

Going, it's the worst when you're in there.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes, this is for a reason. And I'm like, I need to make money. Like, I lost both my jobs. Like, I was on a talk show too, and I was just like, I have nothing. And I have a guy who I'm engaged to who in my head was like, why would he want to be with me when I'm a failure? Because whenever I used to win and do well, people loved me more. So this was a really, like, pivotal moment of, like, I had to love myself and believe in myself because, like, no one was gonna fix it.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. What's the difference between self confidence and self worth? And. And how did you work on the latter?

[Hannah Berner]

I think I realized that my power is how I deal with adversity. It's not avoiding adversity. And I think for people who deal with that in relationships, I realize, like, when you marry someone, you're dating someone, you're dealing with their life, which is full of ups and downs. So when someone's with you, it's not about being perfect and an easygoing and cool girl. Like, that's what I Wanted to be. But, like, realistically, I just got fired, and you're finding someone who's going to be with you through the highs and lows, and no one's life is perfect, and no one's relationship is going to be perfect. Who's going to be in the trenches with you? And, like, I found my person to be in the trenches with me.

[Jay Shetty]

How did you stop yourself from letting any bitterness or revenge mindset creep in?

[Hannah Berner]

I do want to say I fully do have a revenge mindset, but my revenge is never to hurt people. They're already hurt. They're hurting you. Obviously, they're hurt if they tried to hurt you. It's like the classic quote. But, like, you being mad at them is just like you adding venom to yourself. And they clearly don't give a about you because they hurt you. I realized that people's hate towards me was because they saw something in me, and I almost took it as a compliment, honestly. Getting fired is. There's some star power to, like, there's a. And I'm not telling everyone, you know, get fired because you'll find your purpose. But it's like, I listened. I wasn't, like, trying to undo the past. I was like, I can't change what happened. I can only change going forward. I think great athletes are like that. Like, you make a mistake, and instead of harping on the mistake, that's not going to help you in this next point.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And I dealt with a lot of depression, a lot of, you know, questioning why, why, why me? I wasn't just, like, completely, you know, strong out of it, But I do think I have a lot of gratitude now. I even, like, I went to some, like, hotel recently, and someone was complaining about, like, how the hotel sucked or whatever or something happened, and I was like, I remember when no one would have even booked me to be able to stay at this hotel to perform.

[Jay Shetty]

Absolutely.

[Hannah Berner]

So the lows actually have given me the mindset for success, but also the.

[Jay Shetty]

Right seeds planted in those lows. Because in one sense, that's what I was getting at, that if you had planted it out of this bitterness. I'm gonna show you.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Jay Shetty]

You know, you. You'll realize how great I am when you do it from that perspective, which. Which is natural, by the way. I'm not even judging anyone who has that intention. It's just that if that's the seed you plant, then even if you make it to that hotel or make it to that podium or make it to a Netflix special, you will never go Sleep happy. Like, it's just not possible.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. That's what I meant by, like, they never liked you. They're not gonna like you. Like, everyone's dealing with their shit. But I do have to say, I don't forgive people. I'm not gonna be friends. Like, I learn from situations, but I also feel like my particular situation, like, I was on a show about friends getting drunk and starting fights with each other, and I wasn't fitting in, and people kind of turned on me, and I was like, that's actually a compliment that, like, you weren't thriving in that environment. The friends that I've been able to make recently, like, I found the most smart, powerful, inspiring people, like Ali Reisman. Has she been on this pod? You have to have her on. She's incredible gymnast who was like, the captain of the Olympic team was like, hey, I love your special. I'd love to get coffee. And I was sitting there talking to this girl, feeling so, like, lucky that I can even, like, understand how her brain works and be connecting with her again. You go back and you're like, thank God I got kicked out of where I didn't belong.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. You reminded me of a commencement speech that Fedra just gave, and he was talking about.

[Hannah Berner]

I love.

[Jay Shetty]

He was talking about how he's only won 80% of games in his career, and he's only won just over 50% of points.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Jay Shetty]

In those games.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Jay Shetty]

And so he was like, I have to get so used to losing a point.

[Hannah Berner]

I always say, as a tennis player, to win 6, 4. 6, 4, you lose 40% of the points.

[Jay Shetty]

Exactly.

[Hannah Berner]

And it's. And I do think that tennis mentality helped me. Like, when something bad would happen, I'd be like, yeah, that's part of the ride.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And I also do love storytelling. That's why, like, this pod is so fun for me. I love when bad things happen because I am that person. That's like, I can't wait to go on a podcast one day and be like, I was fired and sad, and then I. I rose from the ashes. And I do think people connect with me because they see, like, okay, if she can do it, I can do it. And that's what I want people to feel, because it's. It really is just your mentality. When you get up in the morning, you're just like, I'm not gonna let that past pain define me.

[Jay Shetty]

When you're putting it into comedy, where's all the content coming from, the storytelling?

[Hannah Berner]

Well, the funny thing about comedy is I Definitely never wanted to be a stand up comedian. And I think it was a blessing in a way that, like, I very have my own distinct voice and way I am on stage. Like, I wasn't ever trying to copy anyone else. I didn't even think I was gonna get a Netflix special. So when I did, I was kind of just like, cool. And then I've been joking. I was like, what do you do next? Do another Netflix special. Like, how many Netflix specials does a person need? But it's been an interesting moment creatively because with a stand up after you do your hour, the material's burned, they call it. So unlike a singer who can like do that. You write great hit and you could do it forever. Like my, my hit is like my great hit. I love my like gun joke or my queef joke. I can't do that anymore. So now I'm doing these new material shows where it's basically like watching your favorite athlete start as a beginner. So I'm literally on stage being like, cankles. Are cankles funny? Do we like cankles? And I've had some insecurities being like, this is difficult. I went from a tried and tested, like, hour that I know every single moment what will happen and the laughs I'll get to being just like, feel, feeling naked on stage. And my husband's been inspiring because he's like, you don't even know, like, this special is gonna be better than the last one. So I think with comedy, I like that. It keeps me on my toes. It keeps me. I don't feel completely like I got this all the time. And I think it keeps me motivated because I feel so. I'm constantly learning about myself and challenging myself. Last week I even, I went on stage just with a bunch of papers, which I've never done before, and just was like, let's see what happens. So look, maybe I'm sick in the head as we're talking it out and I'm saying it out loud, but I like to put myself in uncomfortable positions and see how I can get out of it. I think that's what crowd work is, which is something that I've taken accustomed to.

[Jay Shetty]

I actually think it's the only mindset, like, if you know what you're going to do every month, you'll end up living the same year again and again and again.

[Hannah Berner]

And part of me is jealous of those people. I do have to say there are maybe some like neurotypical people that are like, I want to just like, like, I Want to go to work, I want to enj my friends, I want to go home. And I'm so thankful for this life. And I'm envious of those people. Like, I wish that are you actually. Well, I think that they actually are fulfilled. And then there's people like me who need some crazy shit to like feel alive all the time. And I definitely am neurodivergent. Like I'm realizing now, like, I do think I have ADHD in like a powerful way. Like when I'm doing a joke, I could like know what crowd work I'm gonna do next. And I'm also gonna do a callback to this joke. Like I have a bazillion tasks open in my head and I need constant dopamine hits. But it's, it's made me a creative and, and a performer. So I think like both ways of life. Like, you know, you see a kid and you're like, this kid is happy, chilling. And you see a kid that's just running around being chaotic and you're like, they're just different vibes.

[Jay Shetty]

Totally. Totally. Yeah. And I feel like everyone's needing to balance out by doing the other.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Jay Shetty]

Someone who lives crazy, a crazy life. Like you can find more joy from relationships and the simple things. And someone who's living a more, as you called it, a neurotypical life also needs to find new goals and things to grow towards because both end up feeling out of balance and out of sync.

[Hannah Berner]

Are you good at vacationing?

[Jay Shetty]

I really enjoy it. I wouldn't say I'm good at it in the sense of I, I don't. Like, I could go years and probably did in the beginning and then I got a bit better at it and then probably got bad at it again. Yeah, I'm okay at it.

[Hannah Berner]

I'd say I've recently like this summer, after the special, I was like, like, take some time. And like you're, you wake up and you're like, what are we doing?

[Jay Shetty]

Oh, I'm good at that. Oh, I'm good at that. Once I'm there, I'm good.

[Hannah Berner]

Once you're there, you're good. I have, I find with vacationing or like giving yourself breaks, especially as an entrepreneur. Cuz it's always like when you're not working, you're just not like making money or whatever. You'll be like, okay, let's relax. And then it takes you like four days to relax. Then you're finally relaxed and it's like, we got to go back home. And you're like, oh, no.

[Jay Shetty]

So, yeah, I'm really lucky. I can, like, lock into any mode that I'm in. That's good immediately.

[Hannah Berner]

Well, you meditate more than me.

[Jay Shetty]

Correct. But. But finding the time to get away. That's what I was thinking.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, I was like, you have to prioritize yourself. Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

That I'm not. I'm okay at that. Like, sometimes I'm good at planning it out, sometimes I'm not. I'm good at starting my year off right. Like, I always make sure that I start my year off in India, back at the monastery, taking time out. And I've done that every year religiously for the past seven years or whatever it is, Maybe even more now. And that, to me is like, I'm good at doing that.

[Hannah Berner]

I heard that Dua Lipa always takes July and August off. I also could have started a rumor there, but I heard that, and I was like, Dua Lipa is always, like, crushing it. And part of me, like, loved that. Not me. It's like, European or something. But I'm realizing in this life that, like, no one's gonna make you take a break. And you actually have to have the self love, even if you think you don't need it to be. Like, you do need to have balance. And I'm a workaholic, and I love the highs of it. But I've also been working on, like, also when you're relaxing, like, don't be mean to yourself. Don't spend the whole day relaxing, being like, you should have gone to Pilates. So. So it's you. Yeah. Creating the right narrative in your head of, like, that you're in the right space at the right time is kind of what I've been working on.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. Now that you've started a crazy rumor about Dua Lipa, now you're interested.

[Hannah Berner]

You're like, okay, now I was gonna.

[Jay Shetty]

Ask you, what's the craziest rumor you've ever heard about yourself?

[Hannah Berner]

I mean, honestly, the biggest rumors were, like, stuff that would happen on reality tv because, like, there would be scenes where the back of my head would say something to someone, and I was like, that was not what the response was. So it was like living with, like, moments that just didn't happen that you had to kind of just like, own. I didn't really own it. I would be like, no, it didn't happen. Everyone's like, shut up, stupid. But I think my support system has been really great, and I took it for granted. Or I just. I have very small support Systems. So I never thought that I was, like, special in any way. But now I'm realizing, like, it really is quality over quantity. Like, I always have that one best friend. My mom and my dad, my brother and my husband, maybe a couple other friends, depending on the time. And I thought, like, you're kind of a lonely bitch. But then these people are so special that I can call at any time, and they get me so well that I'm realizing more like, oh, they got me through that. Like, I could not have done it alone.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

My poor mom, the call she has to take.

[Jay Shetty]

That's. That's so wonderful to hear, though. And it's. Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? Because I think as things grow, also, you realize the different values of your community as well. As you get older, you realize the value that they play in different. You go through more, you grow more. And so you rely on them for more things. Like, when you're a kid, maybe they helped you move to college, or maybe they. You know, it's things like that. Whereas when you grow up, you're like, no, I just called you and cried. And I remember, for me, it was like my mom saying something. I was going through a tough time, and I don't really call my mom for advice. I never have. Yeah, she's always been loving and supportive.

[Hannah Berner]

It's very guy of you. Like, my brother will call my mom, like, once a month, and I call her.

[Jay Shetty]

I'm that guy.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm like, I'm eating chicken nuggets.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jay Shetty]

That's my wife.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

My wife would call her mom, like.

[Hannah Berner]

Six times a day.

[Jay Shetty]

And I never. I literally call my mom once a month. And I remember my mom just, like, once, like, we were on a call, and I didn't tell her things were hard, but obviously she's my mom. She can sense that things were hard. This was, like, seven, eight years ago. And she just said, like, one of the most motivational things to me ever. And she never does that. So, like, I'm not used to that from her.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And it was about me and about something in my past. I'll tell you off camera later. And it was just one of those things that I was like, no way. Like, I didn't even know we had that relationship. Or you just gave me, like, a really big gift in my. I was just turning 30 maybe, like, at that time, and I couldn't believe that she said that to me then. And so I would never have realized that if I wasn't going through that. Point in my life.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Jay Shetty]

And she didn't sense it. So I didn't see the value my mom could offer me.

[Hannah Berner]

It's so funny how heavy a mom's words could be.

[Jay Shetty]

So heavy.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, I remember I was intent, like tennis craziness. And I called my mom and I just was like, just dark. And my mom was like, you're not being yourself. And I was like, who? What do you even mean? And she's like, like, you're a light hearted, funny, silly, like, goofy girl. Like, that's who Hannah is. Like, I don't know who this is right now, but I'm just, you know, trying to figure out who I am as an 18 year old. And looking back, I'm like, she's so right that I was. I was turning into someone I wasn't because I was just forcing things.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

I also think with friendships and relationships in your 30s, you start being like, I don't have time to force things. And also, why would I force anything? Like, me and you, for example. Like, I feel like if I was like, I need J to like me. And like, was obsessed with, like, connecting with you, who knows if that would have worked? But, like, we naturally hit it off and we have a friendship where, like, I feel like sometimes people will be like, if I. If I ask them to get coffee and I do this. I live my life. Kind of like, put your energy out there and the right energies will come back.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Three authentic relationships are better than thousands of people that you're like, they wouldn't be there for me when I need to bury a body.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

I'm still trying to get you to. Like, I was trying. Like, I do messaging.

[Hannah Berner]

No, I do think it's just. There's vibes. There's good vibes.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. Yeah. No, for sure. And. And I. And I couldn't agree with you more. There isn't. I think tactics and hacks and things like that get you very. Don't get you very far with humans. Like, they work on things, they work on tools, they work on strategy and projects and things like that, but they don't really work well with people.

[Hannah Berner]

I also find with dating, I used to be like, if I construct the perfect text message, he's gonna realize that I'm cool. I was so into. I'd get nervous and be like, if I say this, or like, I wasn't funny enough. And looking back, you're like the emoji or not. Emoji did not change. Like, it's funny because my husband, he met me Going when I was in the middle of this like insane reality TV time, which arguably, like I was crying more than I've ever cried before. Like, that' not what it's like being with me. I'm, I have other issues, but crying was not a thing. So it's talk about like someone loving you at your worst. It's almost like he saw me as like an open wound and he loved me through that. So I joke now I'm like, first date, get in a fight. Like, like start crying, tell him all your trauma and like, if he can't with it, be on to the next one. Why are we pretending to be perfect for three years and then realizing you hate them?

[Jay Shetty]

Absolutely.

[Hannah Berner]

I really thought that like, if I was perfect, perfect things would happen to me and that's just not the game.

[Jay Shetty]

So we've talked so much about like your confidence in these places. How do you apply to your love life? Like, what was that like in relationship and dating? Were you as analytical, were you able to make sense of stuff or in that area, were you like, oh my.

[Hannah Berner]

God, it's so funny how everything's so similar. I was like tennis where like, even when I was like, could not hit a serve, I had this confidence that I could still win. And I did win a lot. But like I always, I joke like I always think everyone loves me. Like I'm, I'll have friends, I'll walk into a room. Like I, I have reverse bi dysmorphia. Like I think everyone's attracted to me and. But I just had this confidence that no matter what was going on, like that I'll fall in love and I'll have the most amazing relationship and everyone's attracted to me and wants to be with me. And that was just what I put into the world. But I also had an ego with it where like I realized that I would go after emotionally unavailable guys because I wasn't ready. I was like, no one's rejecting me. Like, no one's rejecting me. And I'd go after like really good looking men who I didn't respect emotionally so that if it didn't work out, I'd be like, he's stupid. Like, obviously I didn't like him. Or like they wouldn't make me laugh or like I liked having hot men around me. And it is kind of, I always like male dominate spaces. I'm wearing a tie right now, but I kind of like, I thought it was powerful to be like a girl that like could date a lot of hot guys. It's like, I didn't want to be fully seen either. And I finally, like, my husband is a guy who very good looking, but I really respect emotionally. And he sees me and he calls me out on stuff and is okay with all the things that come with me. And it was like, scary and vulnerable, but it also felt really safe because I think it was with the right person. I have been in relationships where I felt confident, like, this guy on paper is like, everything someone would want. Like, girls probably look and go like, oh, yeah, he's great. But I didn't feel like myself. And I'm proud of myself. I got out of a relationship when I was younger that, like, other people were like, why would you leave that guy? Because when I was alone at night, I didn't feel like I was being able to be myself with him. And I got out of it and I realized, your partner, if they're not an asset, I don't mean it like they have to make everything great in life happy. No, if they're not enhancing and supporting you and who you are, there's no reason to be in a relationship. Yeah, someone said something kind of powerful, that the person you're with directly reflects how much you love yourself. Even though I was, like, dating and confident, I wasn't, like, really putting myself out there fully because I didn't know if someone really saw me, they would be scary if they didn't love me. So I was like, well, I don't love them. I don't need them. But I honestly think having a bad relationship that hurts your mental health is so nice. Because bear with me, you start realizing, I don't want to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship. It's too risky if someone is bringing me down. Like, I'd really, really rather be single 100% of the time. So once I got in that mentality, like in my late 20s, when the right guy finally came, I. I knew it. Because I wasn't just dating to date.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

Have you ever wished for a change but weren't sure how to make it? Maybe you feel stuck in a job or a place or a relationship. Join me, Emily Tisch Sussman over on she Pivot, where I explore the inspiring pivots of women, dig deeper into the personal reasons behind them and leave you with the inspiration you need to make your next pivot. Every Wednesday, I sit down with women like Kamala Harris, Vanessa Hudgens, and armchair expert host Monica Padman. This march, we are continuing to uplift women in honor of women's History month with episodes from powerhouse governor Gretchen Whitmer. I fell in love with public policy, and that's kind of when I pivoted. Then later, we dive into the rise of women's sports to learn how leaders like sports investor Carolyn Tish Blodgett and former Gotham FC champion turned coach Michelle Bedos are shaping the industry. Come join us and listen to she pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all, it's your girl, Cheekies. And I'm back with a brand new season of your favorite podcast, Cheekies and Chills. I'll be sharing even more personal stories with you guys, and I know a lot of people are gonna attack me.

[Hannah Berner]

Why?

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

Are you gonna go visit your dad? Your mom wouldn't be okay with it. I'm gonna tell you guys right now. I know my mother and I know my mom had a very forgiving heart. That is my story on plastic surgery. This is my truth. I think the last time I cried like that was when I lost my mom like that, like, yelling. I was like, no. I was like, oh. And I thought, what did I do wrong? And as always, you'll get my exclusive take on topics like love, personal growth, health, family ties, and more. And don't forget, I'll also be dishing out my best advice to you on episodes of Dear Cheekies.

[Hannah Berner]

So my fiance and I have been together for 10 years. In the first two years of being together, I find out he is cheating on me, not only with women, but also with men. What should I do?

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

Okay, where do I start? That's not love. He doesn't love you enough. Because if he loved you, he'd be faithful. It's going to be an exciting year, and I hope that you can join me. Listen to Cheekies and Chill Season four as part of the My Cultura Podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Hannah Berner]

It was a moment that should have broken me, but just because of how I was raised and my bullishness and.

[Jay Shetty]

Arrogance, to want to be great hardened me.

[Hannah Berner]

It gave me a platform to to be so singularly focused on greatness.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two time Women's World cup champion and goalkeeper for the US Women's national team. In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed.

[Hannah Berner]

Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

An iHeart women's sports production on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, I feel like so many of the people I know right now are just struggling with dating. Like, I'm sure you have loads of single friends, too, Or. Yeah, right. You were just like, jay, can you introduce me to someone? Or, I don't know how to meet someone. I'm on all the apps. I'm doing this, I'm doing that. And it feels like it's just the wild, wild west for people. Like, it's so hard.

[Hannah Berner]

I know.

[Jay Shetty]

At least that's how it seems.

[Hannah Berner]

I know my advice. I really do joke about it that, like, first date, if you go back to his apartment, like, hide his remote and see what his true character is like. Because I really feel, especially in la, everyone's hot. And I'm like, I could get along with a hot person for months before I, like, realize what's going on. And I think life is so short. It's like, you can convince yourself that so many people are great for you, but, like, stop lying to yourself and immediately just be like, do you feel like yourself with them? And is it someone that you want to sit on the couch with for hours? Let's stop with the Instagram bullshit. Let's stop with how it looks aesthetically and find someone that's good for your soul.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Because your relationship is like a mirror where, like, it's a voice that you have to listen to for the rest of your life. Make sure that voice is someone you want to talk to. And, like, they create the vibe of your life.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

I love quitting. I love getting out of stuff. If you're not with the right person, like, there is a right person there. Get out. Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

No, but I think you're so right that the halo effect so strong. Like. Like, we can stay with someone off of, like, the tiniest thing. Like, people will stay in a relationship because someone's hot, because someone makes lots of money, because someone's really good at one thing. And it's so easy to do that because the halo effect is so powerful. You were saying in a very sincere way, like, do you want to listen to their voice for the rest of your life? And I was just thinking of someone going to me. I really like the Sound of his voice. And it's like you're just attracted to the sound of someone's voice, but not really the content of what they're saying or who they are or what you're talking about someone's soul. And it's. It's so hard for our brains to detach from that which is pleasurable to that which is actually.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, my God, you're so right. I loved having a crush. I would make it up. He would just have to show, like, a little bit. And I was like, I love this. I wanted to wake up with that high, like, is it gonna text me? And then you finally, like, meet him, and you're like, oh, my God, this is not it. It took me a while. I would really just be like, as long as he's tall, I could figure this out. And then I remember feeling like I was assigning my soul to the devil. I was like, you deserve better. And I do think, like, you love yourself. The person you're with is showing how much you love yourself. You deserve the best. Also, as someone who's just got married, like, I do have to say, when you're growing up, you're like, who's my soulmate? Who's my soulmate? And not to be a Debbie Downer, I believe there are soulmates. I don't think at all that there's one person. I really think of marriage as, like, a best friend in that it's very similar to friendships. You know, when you meet someone, like, I'll meet a girl, and. And immediately I'm like, where the f CK has this bitch been all my life? She's amazing. I'm obsessed with her. And you'll have a couple of those kind of relationships in your life. And that's how I feel with men as well, romantic relationships. So it's like, the person I'm with right now, he's so right for me. He's amazing. I do think there's other people in the world that potentially I could have married and had that I haven't met. So it's like, you create your own adventure, and you find the person that's right for you in that moment. People will be mad, like, why'd I marry this guy? And I'm like, maybe he was right for you in 1997 or whenever it happened, and he was perfect for you in that time. So stop putting so much pressure on this, like, one insane thing. It's like, no, it's. It's vibes, and it's like finding your best friend yeah. And you'll have a lot of beautiful relationships in your life.

[Jay Shetty]

What were some of the surprising challenges that came up in marriage that maybe you didn't expect?

[Hannah Berner]

I do have to say, my husband has a joke. He's a comedian too. He actually has a really good bit about mindfulness that I feel like you would like.

[Jay Shetty]

Oh, I love it.

[Hannah Berner]

It's been sent it to you.

[Jay Shetty]

But, yeah, please do.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, it's just about how mindfulness he jokes about. Back then, it was just like watching precipitation go down. He's like, you can't even sit and take a shit without, like, scrolling. Like, mindfulness used to just be existing. I butchered that bit. But it's about that.

[Jay Shetty]

You're now doing his bit.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm doing his bit. But he. He has this joke about marriage, how he'll tell people, like, we don't spend a lot of time together because I'm on the road a lot. He's on the road. And how people like 35 and under are like, oh, that must be really hard. But that people 35 and over, like. Like, you guys are gonna make it. So, like, we never get into that, like, roommate situation where you start feeling like, oh, this is just a roommate that I have that lives with me. It stays kind of exciting because we don't have that routine. Our. Our careers are very kind of crazy, and we're really good at communicating. I think the funny thing about marriage is that dating is a lot of chasing. There's a lot of, like, are we gonna get engaged? Are we gonna get married? What is this gonna be? And then you become. Reminds me of life where, like, if you don't love the journey, there's no point to it. And you realize, like, oh, this isn't about getting the ring. Like, this is just about finding someone I wanna be with with him. It's like, we're married. We're not. I'm not playing any more games. The games are over. And I liked kind of being like, what's gonna happen? And. And there's no game playing. That's your person.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. I remember reading a study that talked about how what we really get addicted to at the beginning of a relationship is stress and excitement.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Jay Shetty]

So the excitement of. I just texted them. The stress of will they text me back, yes, you get Dickens excitement of, like, I just told all my friends about this guy. The stress of. I don't know if he's talking about me to his friends. And so that keeps you. It's what you're saying the game Keeps you going. And then all of a sudden, when you actually end up with someone, then it's just peaceful. Yeah. And then everyone go, wait a minute. There's no excitement anymore. It's like, no, no, no. You were just addicted to stress.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Jay Shetty]

Like, it's not.

[Hannah Berner]

And I do have to say, the peacefulness of marriage has been really nice for me in terms of, like, dating actually was really time consuming and stressful. So I feel like I'm able to focus more on my career and being myself. I used to, like, not be able to enjoy friends sometimes because I'm sitting there thinking about a guy or we're at dinner and I'm just like, I don't really care about this. Cause, like, so and so hasn't texted me back. Where now I have this, like, comfort of, like, I have my person who's my sidekick and there for me, and I can actually be myself more, which has been really nice. When I was single, I was boy crazy and I was, like, putting it on a pedestal. So I've. I've done that and been that. I think once you realize, you just. You don't want to force it.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

My ultimate dating tip is that do the things you love and it'll attract people who will love you. Where it's. I tell people, like, I know this is corny, but, like, if you like volleyball, join a volleyball league. You can't just, like, sit around hoping, like, be you and they will come.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. The baseball field. As they say, if you build it, they will come.

[Jay Shetty]

For men, I think it's similar. Like, all the most successful men that I've spoken to have all said that their success came when they committed to one woman.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And then they actually had time and energy to build everything else, rather than the exhaustion of thinking that it was cool to date multiple women or have affairs or whatever they thought it was when they were growing up.

[Hannah Berner]

Again, distress they're addicted to.

[Jay Shetty]

Exactly.

[Hannah Berner]

But I do have to say, to be a little positive, my parents have a really beautiful relationship. And, like, they still, like, they flirt, they love each other, they make each other laugh. And in my relationship, like, I still. My friend makes fun of me, but, like, I still get butterflies with him. Like, I do have it. It's not, you know, we're two years in, it's early. But I found someone who keeps me, like, excited.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

So that's possible. It's not like, oh, you meet someone and then you're just like, yay, we're bored. No. Like, I found someone who he definitely is emotionally. Like, we say, like, our love language is laughter.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

So we're making fun of each other and it's like we're constantly playing the game of how can we make each other laugh.

[Jay Shetty]

Absolutely. Yeah. We. We banter all day, me and my wife. So important when we're around.

[Hannah Berner]

You guys have a really fun.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Dynamic.

[Jay Shetty]

Laughter is our love language for sure too.

[Hannah Berner]

It has to be.

[Jay Shetty]

We always feel like when we're around people or new couples, they're like, do you have. Have issues with each other? I'm like, no, no, no. This is just. This is who we are. Like, we're constantly bantering and that's. That's our way of showing love to each other and it works for us. And I'm. I can also get really emotional. Like, when Ravi's traveling or whatever. I'll literally be like, there's no light in the house. Like, I'm just like, I get fully. Like, I'm like, no, the house feels different. Like, it's not the same because I'm so used to just walking back there, seeing her, giving her a hug, whatever it is, even in, in the workday. And then when she's traveling, I'm like, no, where is she? But I love the idea of missing her.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes. Yes. I was gonna say it makes you not take for granted them being there when you wake up.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And we also are very good at communicating. Like, we'll be on the phone like all day, even if it's just like a two minute call to be like, this thing happened to me.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

It's just natural. And I joke, like, be with some. Your relationship is a conversation you have for the rest of your life. Like, do you want to have it? I saw like a random, probably a TikTok about how the person you marry is the person that's going to be with you when, like, your parents pass away. Like, who do you want to be with you in those hard times? It's not. Who do you want to be in the wedding photo with you?

[Jay Shetty]

Mic drop. Yeah, that's real. No, that's so real. That's the realest thing ever. It's. And then I wish, I wish more people would internalize that, because that is exactly what it is. And having. And I have a friend who, who was with this partner through the loss of her mom recently. And it was the hardest thing for her. And he was, he was the best partner I think she could have had during that time. And she.

[Hannah Berner]

She needed him. And I realized I needed my husband. During my hard time. And I also think that trauma bonding is real. Obviously trauma bonding can be bad, but like, I think we are so much powerful of a couple because early on we were dealing with so much adversity that now when something happens, like, we're so easily able to handle it. So when things happen to you when you're in a relationship, it's actually going to show you if you're in the right relationship, which is awesome.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. I wanted to pivot slightly because I feel like you, you pointed out your tie earlier and I think this is a great outfit.

[Hannah Berner]

Thank you.

[Jay Shetty]

We have to talk about it, but, you know, I feel like your whole career, from day one, it's been operating in a male dominant. Like even, I mean, this article headline was so. This from 15 years ago. New York Times, she plays with boys and rivals. Don't like it.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Jay Shetty]

Crazy, right? And it's like 15 years ago. Even now, like comedy's definitely more male dominated. Has been.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And I think it's a really interesting thing because I've been speaking to a lot of my male friends recently, either married or have girlfriends, long, long term relationships. And a lot of the women they're with feel really scared about pivoting careers, feel scared about changing their identity, about how they're perceived in their small community of friends. And these aren't people who are saying, I want to be really famous or I want to be really rich. It's just people thinking like, like, maybe I don't want to be a doctor and maybe I do want to do this or maybe I do want to be a yoga instructor or maybe I do want to do fitness or whatever it is. It's people making just genuine choices. And it's funny because when I'll talk to my guy friends about it, they've all done it. And it feels really easy for a guy to like, somewhat change his perception and identity. Whereas for women it feels a bit harder. If you had to say something to them, what would you say to women who are feeling like it's hard? God.

[Hannah Berner]

Two things. One, I do think that women do have, like, they have the biological clock in their head where they're like, okay, if I switch this and then I have kids at this time and then I'll be behind. There's. They're dealing with like that kind of stuff. I do have to do a shout out to my parents. I think I was raised a very. I don't know if it's unique, but I was raised very, like, genderless Like, I wore whatever clothes I wanted to wear. I. My dad really treated me. I wouldn't even say like a boy. Just like I was never said I was pretty. It was about, like, being hardworking. And I think growing up, as I got older and people started to be like, you're a girl, you're not allowed to do that. I was like, that's hilarious. And I'm gonna show you that that's not true. And I think even like, wearing the tie, I joked that, like, it makes me feel people are, like, listening to me more. Like, I could say things I don't know about. And people are like, she sounds like she knows what she's talking about. And I love playing with the gender roles. Cause I think they're socially constructed in a way. But I also do realize now that I'm. I'm 33 and some male comics, their careers are popping off like mine, where I'm like, if I want to have a kid, I have to do it in the next couple years. How is that going to affect my trajectory where they cannot have. They don't give a f about that. And I'm used to being like, there's no difference between me and you. But then I realized, like, oh, shit, there is differences. But I like to be in terms of, like, my feminism. People get confused thinking that feminists are like, men and women are equal. Equal or not, we're very different in so many beautiful ways. And like, we want equal opportunities, but we're gonna go about it our own way. So it's finding, like, what is your superpower as a woman? And I do think with women, this is good. Women love to be over prepared and overqualified for things before we do it. I'm working on this new bit about, like, I say a lot of men are pilots because no woman would just wake up and be like, I could fly a plane. Like, she would have to be like, so good at flying planes to finally be like, can I fly a plane?

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And then I joke, like, if women flew planes, we'd literally be lost all the time and, like, need snacks and stuff like that. But anyway, there's. It's multifaceted. So I think with women, stop waiting to be like, over prepared to do something.

[Jay Shetty]

Good advice.

[Hannah Berner]

And I think so many men will just be like, a little bit confident and be like, I'll figure it out. Where women, like, even at job interviews, I feel like men will be like, I'll figure it out where girls will be. Have to be so over prepared to Even go into the interview, like, even when I was like a sports reporter for a second, I had to show that I knew sports so well to even get in the same room where like a dude, they just assume he knows it because it's like sports. So for girls, I'd say do things you're, you're not qualified for. I was not qualified to get a Netflix special, but I did it. If you looked at my resume, you'd say that girl should not have a Netflix special, But I did and it was top five on Netflix. So I think for the girls, don't wait till you're overqualified. Challenge yourself and you gain confidence when you're able to do something you didn't know you could do.

[Jay Shetty]

That's great advice. I love that. And you're spot on. I remember looking at the studies a few years ago. He literally said that if a guy looks at an application and he can do 4 out of 10 things, he'll apply. And if a girl looks at it and she can do 8 out of 10 things, she won't apply.

[Hannah Berner]

I literally have chills. I have chills because that is so true. And women are so competent, but I guess they like, there's like a safety thing with it. I do have to say something about experience. They did a study somewhere. I swear this wasn't from TikTok, but a study about like doctors and how some new doctors were actually better than doctors who had like 40 years of experience because they were actually like fresher, more open minded, more up to date. And just how, like, just because someone has more experience with you doesn't necessarily make them better than you at something. Yeah, my advice for like job interviews is I would go in and be like, I don't have the years experience you want, but this, these are all the ideas I have of what I'm gonna do. So don't wait till you're overqualified. Like do things you're under qualified for and see what, what you're capable of.

[Jay Shetty]

So needed. That's great advice.

[Hannah Berner]

I love that.

[Jay Shetty]

I love that. Hannah, if your younger self was to look at you now, if you were to go meet her and she saw you having the Netflix special doing what you're doing today, touring. What, what do you think she'd say?

[Hannah Berner]

She wouldn't imagine it, but I feel like she'd be like, that's awesome. I do think there was a time when I was like 24 and I was like in sales or something and one of my cousins said like, he was gonna Move to LA to be an actor. And I remember getting, like, a guttural jealousy that I was, like, not expecting. And looking back, I was like, why are you jealous that your cousin's moving LA to do acting? That's insane. You don't even wanna be an actress. But deep, deep down, I did. And I, like, didn't admit it to myself. Cause it's, like, a lot to admit that you want to be a performer or want your dreams. It's scary to say what dreams you want. For anyone who's feeling, like, a jealousy towards something, that's the universe telling you you want to do it.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And it's crazy that years later now, like, I'm getting into acting and I tried so hard to fight it, but the universe was like, you're not doing that. You're not doing that until I got in this lane. I like to say, even though I've never surfed, it's like surfing where, like, when you find the right wave, it's going to feel easier and you're gonna love it. It's gonna be fun.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

So, like, find your wave.

[Jay Shetty]

That jealousy point is so clear. I feel like we're living at a time where it's so scary to share your dreams with someone else because you're scared it might remind them that they're not chasing theirs. And you're scared that they may react and tell you not to chase it because they don't believe in you. And the truth is, they never had the strength to even give themselves the worth to chase theirs. And then at the same time, you're scared of hearing it because it might remind you of the doubt you already have in your own abilities and the fears you already have and the insecurities you have that it's not possible for you. And it creates a really messy situation in society, I feel, because you have less people wanting to chase their dreams, less people rooting for them, and less people admitting what their dreams are. And that feels like a really bad place to live, where dreams are becoming buried deeper and deeper and deeper inside someone's soul and, you know, never get seen.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Jay Shetty]

And so if someone's feeling that and they're feeling that jealousy, which you so beautifully said could be a sign or a signal that that's what you want to do, what would you say is the first three steps someone should take? If they think they have a crazy dream, they may never have done it before. They don't really get it, but they. They feel that deep inside of them, it's always Been there.

[Hannah Berner]

I was always obsessed with successful people. Like, I'd look at, like, Rihanna and I'm like, what is different about her than other people? And. And it. When you strip it down, it always starts with, she tried. Like, 80% of it is being like, I want to be this and I'm going to do it. And then I like to literally sit down and, like, say something crazy, like, okay, I want to get a Netflix special. Then I literally go backwards of all the things you have to do together. Okay, to get a Netflix special, you'd have to perform in front of someone at Netflix. How do you do that? You'd have to. To be selling out theaters. How do you do that? You'd have to get jfl. How do you get jfl? You'd have to go in the clubs. How do you get in the clubs? You'd have to start writing. How do you start writing? By doing it tomorrow. So then it's like you literally have the path, and it starts so small, and I think so many people don't want to go through the whole path. And then when you think about it, it's like, you just have to. To go do it. It's actually a lot less overwhelming when you think, I just have to write tomorrow than be like, I have to get a Netflix special in two years. But realistically, I got a Netflix special in, like, five years of comedy, plus Covid, which is crazy. But it's because that wasn't the plan. It was just I wanted to be myself and have fun doing comedy.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, it's so funny. Seven years ago, I had a production company reach out to me from la. They'd seen my first ever video that had gone viral and they loved it. And they'd reached out and said, we want to build a TV show around you. And so I was like. Like, I couldn't believe it because I just started creating content and, yeah, had a viral video, and I thought that was cool enough as it was. Anyway, I, like, flew to LA on my own dime. I didn't have a lot of money, then sat down, had meetings, went back and forth, worked on creative on top of my day job, came back to pitch it again on my own dime. Like, I was trying to figure out how I was going to do it. We pitched it and no one wanted the show, but I built loads of great relationships. And so I built all these great relationships at streamers. Production companies became really good friends with some of them, but no one liked the show idea that we had. And it's. And it's so funny because I always look at that and I go, I'm so glad that an idea that I didn't fully own, that wasn't fully mine got rejected, because then I built this.

[Hannah Berner]

Even though at the time, you probably were like, I didn't make it.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, at the time, it was just like. It felt like everything was going. Not everything was going wrong, but that. That was the big moment, and I fumbled it somehow.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And, like, right.

[Hannah Berner]

It was like I felt like I fumbled.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, you just felt like you just dropped the ball. Yeah. You were like, that was my moment, and that's it.

[Hannah Berner]

When life has, like, so many moments, one of my favorite things to tell people is especially, like, video creation. People will be like, what if I told you the 15th video you post is going to go viral? How quickly would you post the next video? I kind of am obsessed with the gritty work. It was this concept, I think, like, with tennis, people would say, like, all right, when are you practicing? When people. People aren't watching, are you practicing in the rain? Like, that type of, like, sports stuff. So I feel like, yeah, people will go and do the flashy stuff, but I think I get ahead because I'm doing this boring stuff that people don't want to do. So when you realize, like, oh, someone got a Netflix special because they did the little tedious things that are actually anyone could do, it's just people don't want to do it. So it's like, put your head down and, like, you can accomplish anything. Anything.

[Jay Shetty]

Well said, Hannah. It has been such a joy talking to you. Honestly, I'm so much fun. I love.

[Hannah Berner]

This is actually, like, the. I love talking about.

[Jay Shetty]

I mean, I'm. I'm like, we have to do this again.

[Hannah Berner]

I feel like a motivational speaker, but just through, like, queef jokes. But, like, I actually feel connected to you because I love, through my jokes, like, inspiring people to see the world differently, even though it's not that serious at all. But I do love, like, motivating, and I love coaching, and I love making people inspired in some way.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. Well, I think everything you shared today has been super powerful. I know my community is going to love it more.

[Hannah Berner]

You bring it out of me.

[Jay Shetty]

Oh, no, I love it. You brought it. You brought it. We end every episode with a final five, the fast five that we asked to all guests. So, Hannah Burna, these are your fast five. Question number one. What is the best advice you ever heard or received?

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, I like this quote that says, even when it's raining. The hoop is always there not to give like more sports quote, but it's basically like you're not seeing it, but you're actually okay. And. And the world is your oyster. You just are. There's a cloud right now.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, I love that. Second question. What is the worst advice you ever heard or received?

[Hannah Berner]

Probably people who just think they know better than you about your own life and like telling you based on their own experiences when you're completely different to be like, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Well, you're not me. So.

[Jay Shetty]

Question number three. What is something you think people don't know about you?

[Hannah Berner]

People probably, probably would not be surprised. They heard. But I'm like, really messy. Like, I have trouble keeping the home. Like, okay. And I. But I lean into it and I'll be like, I'm a creative, but like, some of my friends are so organized and I'm so jealous of them. But like, I will always go to edit a video before like putting the dishes away. And then I will never put the dishes away. So I'm kind of like, don't have my shit together in the home.

[Jay Shetty]

I love it. Question number wait, what's Dar said?

[Hannah Berner]

Are you a Leo sun, Virgo moon, But clearly just about work and Scorpio rising.

[Jay Shetty]

Okay. Oh, wow. You know all of it. Wow. All right. Question number four. Question number four. Apart from your, apart from your astrologer, was it that you dm? Who's the last person you dmed?

[Hannah Berner]

It's probably Paige, my co host. Because after the show we see all these like funny videos from the shows and I'll send it to her and be like, that was funny. That was cute. So we're just like enjoying when we get home looking at all the stories.

[Jay Shetty]

I love that. And question number five. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

[Hannah Berner]

I think children should have more mental health in schools. Like, I think it should be a law that kids should learn, start learning more about like happiness. Mindfulness meditation. Like, I don't know why that wouldn't be in the curriculum when that's like the most important thing to having a happy life.

[Jay Shetty]

Mental Health by Hannah Banner.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, mental health.

[Jay Shetty]

I love it.

[Hannah Berner]

Get the kids, start em young.

[Jay Shetty]

I love it. Everyone go and watch. We ride at dawn right now. And if you don't follow Hannah already, make sure you follow her across Instagram, TikTok and all of social media. Hannah, I'm so excited for us to continue our friendship.

[Hannah Berner]

Thank you for having me.

[Jay Shetty]

Honestly, you are so much fun to talk to. If you ever want to just.

[Hannah Berner]

I might have to open for you on one of your live.

[Jay Shetty]

Oh, my gosh. I would love. Oh, my God. I would love that. You're so kind.

[Hannah Berner]

People would be like, okay, you're so kind to.

[Jay Shetty]

Oh, my gosh. That's an honor. I love that. That's such a kind offer. That's so sweet. I'm going to take you up on that.

[Hannah Berner]

We'll. We'll see if your. Your team allows it.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, it was up to Elena. She'll definitely allow it. Had a burner, everyone, as you can tell, not only hilariously funny, Got so many great insights, thought wisdom. I mean, you can drop the mic today. Thank you, Hannah. Amazing. And I really hope we get to hear you do more tennis commentary, more sport commentary, like all of it. Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah, I'm excited to see it.

[Hannah Berner]

I think I work for espn.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, I love it. Anna Bernard, thank you so much.

[Hannah Berner]

Thank you.

[Jay Shetty]

So grateful. If you love this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships. People should be compassionate to themselves, but extend that compassion to your future self because truly extending your compassion to your future self is doing something that gives him or her a shot at a happy and a peaceful life.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

Calling all nine 9ers. Now streaming. It's the more better podcast with two episodes of Brooklyn nine nine fun. Hosts Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Fumaro welcome former castmates Chelsea Perez and Joe Latrulio for one episode each. To laugh and swap stories like Andre.

[Hannah Berner]

Would always be like trying something. They're like, do less, do less all the time. But then some of the biggest things were the biggest hits, like vindication. Remember?

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

Listen to more Better with Stephanie and Melissa on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Kristen Davis, host of the podcast Are youe a Charlotte? The incredible Cynthia Nixon joins me this week for a conversation filled with memories and stories. I didn't even know Cynthia could have been Carrie. When I first read the script, they.

[Hannah Berner]

Asked me to read for Carrie, as I think they asked you to read for Carrie. And then I did.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

And they were like, yeah, not so much.

[Hannah Berner]

You can't miss this.

[Emily Tisch Sussman]

Listen to Are youe a Charlotte? On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all it's your girl, Cheekies. And I'm back with a brand new season of your favorite podcast, Cheekies and Chill. I'll be sharing even more personal stories with you guys, and as always, you'll get my exclusive take on topics like love, personal growth, health, family ties, and more. And don't forget, I'll also be dishing out my best advice to you on episodes of Dear Cheekies. It's going to be an exciting year, and I hope that you can join me. Listen to Cheekies and chill season four on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.