Podcast Summary: On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Episode: How to Move On When You Still Miss Your Ex (4 Hard Truths That Will FINALLY Set You Free)

Date: November 14, 2025
Host: Jay Shetty

Episode Overview

This episode dives deeply into one of the most challenging emotional journeys: moving on from an ex-partner when you still miss them. Jay Shetty compassionately unpacks the psychological and emotional blocks that keep people stuck after a breakup, shining a light on four persistent myths and sharing actionable steps for healing. The episode is structured to guide listeners from understanding their feelings to embracing practical steps towards self-recovery and personal growth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why You Can't Let Go (03:24–07:10)

• Missing the Feelings, Not the Person:

  • Jay explains that post-breakup, people often romanticize the good times and forget the negative aspects.
  • "You don't miss them. You miss who you thought you'd be with them." (Jay Shetty, 04:32)
  • The pain isn't just emotional—it becomes physical because the brain is wired for attachment, often likened to addiction due to dopamine and oxytocin.

• Loss of Shared Identity:

  • The sense of loss stems as much from losing the ‘us’ as the individual.
  • “It was never just about you. It was about us.” (Jay Shetty, 06:00)

• The Search for Closure:

  • People replay memories, seeking closure that rarely satisfies.
  • Healing begins when we shift focus to regaining feelings of being seen, chosen, and valued—but from within and from new sources.

Quote:
"We don't get addicted to people. We get addicted to how we felt around them—wanted, seen, and chosen. And now that they're gone, your brain is chasing that feeling, not the person."
(Jay Shetty, 07:15)

The Myths That Keep You Stuck (17:50–27:30)

Myth 1: Time Heals Everything

• Time alone does not heal—what you do with it matters.
• “Time doesn’t heal everything. Healing happens when you stop waiting to feel nothing and start learning to live with what still hurts.” (Jay Shetty, 19:22)
• Remaining focused on your ex (social media, old photos, etc.) keeps you tethered to the past.

Myth 2: I Just Need Closure

• Closure is not about explanations from your ex, but about coming to peace within yourself.
• “Closure is realizing you may never get the apology, but you’re done waiting for it.” (Jay Shetty, 21:35)
• The pursuit of closure from another is a reflection of self-worth insecurity.

Myth 3: If I Move On, It Wasn’t Real

• Moving on does not negate past love; seasons change for everyone.
• Jay shares the Buddha’s wisdom:
  • “When you like a flower, you simply pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it every day.” (Jay Shetty quoting Buddha, 23:10)
• Real feelings are invested in daily, not just during milestones.

Myth 4: If They Came Back, It Would Work

• Wanting them back is often about avoiding pain, not genuine compatibility.
• “You don’t miss them. You miss hope. But hope without change is just another heartbreak waiting to happen.” (Jay Shetty, 25:45)
• Revisiting a broken relationship without change leads to the same outcomes.

How to Actually Heal (27:35–31:15)

1. Stop Feeding the Fantasy

   • Romanticizing the good only stalls recovery.
   • Block reminders—out of sight, out of mind is an act of self-care.

2. Feel Without Dramatizing

   • Acknowledge sadness without letting it define your identity.
   • Journaling prompt: “What did this relationship teach me about my needs, not my worth?”

3. Rebuild Your Rituals

   • Heartbreak disrupts structure. Create new daily patterns (walks, gym, friends, therapy) to anchor yourself.
   • Identify three daily trigger points and fill them with positive routines.

4. Shift the Question

   • Change “Why didn’t it work?” to “What version of me was I becoming while trying to make it work?”
   • “A healthy relationship is where both people want to make it work.” (Jay Shetty, 30:10)

5. Let Pain Become Purpose

   • Use the pain to evolve and not to harden.
   • Practice the art of kintsugi: “Knowing that those wounds only make you better for the future.” (Jay Shetty, 30:58)

What To Do When You Slip Back (31:16–32:35)

• Slipping back is normal and part of a nonlinear healing process.
• Instead of reaching for the ex, text a friend, or create new experiences.
• “Missing someone doesn’t mean you’re meant for them. It just means they occupied a meaningful chapter of your life and your heart hasn’t caught up to the ending yet.” (Jay Shetty, 31:28)
• The most important commitment is to yourself—remember who you were before and trust in who you're becoming.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Validation:
  “What you’re worried about is not what other people think of you. You’re worried that what they think of you might be true. It might be what you think about yourself.” (Jay Shetty, 22:15)

• On Self-Renewal:
  “The reason you broke up in the first place is that there’s something deeply rooted that disconnects you. You didn’t break up over nothing.” (Jay Shetty, 27:12)

• On Letting Go:
  "Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go of them. It's letting go of the future you built with them in your mind." (Jay Shetty, 31:20)

• Empowerment to Listeners:
  “You're not weak for still feeling. You're strong for still showing up. You're not behind in your healing. You're right on time for your transformation.” (Jay Shetty, 31:32)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:24] – Why you can’t let go: The role of attachment, chemistry, and identity loss
• [07:15] – Chasing feelings, not people
• [17:50] – Four myths keeping you stuck
• [21:35] – The truth about closure and self-acceptance
• [23:10] – Investing in real love daily (Buddha story)
• [25:45] – The futility of wishful ‘if only they came back’ thinking
• [27:35] – Concrete steps for healing
• [31:16] – How to respond to setbacks and revisit your core self

Final Thoughts

Jay Shetty’s empathetic and practical advice helps listeners reframe heartbreak as a transformative journey. The episode is a compassionate companion for anyone struggling with the lingering pain of breakups, offering both perspective and practice to move from missing an ex to rediscovering oneself.

If you’re in the midst of heartbreak, Jay’s words will remind you: “You don’t have to get over them today. You just have to focus on getting back to you.” (Jay Shetty, 31:35)