← On Purpose with Jay Shetty
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
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- [00:02]
Jay Shetty
Sometimes life can seem hard and tough to navigate, but what may seem like the smallest tasks, such as getting out of bed or even brushing your teeth, should be celebrated as a win. And State Farm is here to help you celebrate all your wins. The State Farm Personal Price Plan helps you create an affordable price just for you. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the Personal Price Plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability of amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. This new year, why not let Audible expand your life by listening? Explore over 1 million audiobooks, podcasts, and exclusive Audible originals that'll inspire and motivate you. I've been listening to Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss Listening on Audible can help you reach the goals you set for yourself. Start listening today when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com purpose or text purpose to 500500 that's audible.com purpose or text purpose To 500500 Please welcome aboard the Johnson family.
- [01:20]
Stefan Speaks
The whole fam's here for the Disney Cruise. So you know we came to play and listen.
- [01:25]
Jay Shetty
The adults are gonna have a ball.
- [01:28]
Stefan Speaks
First we're chilling in the infinity pool, onto massages at Sense's Spa, then gliding into Star Wars Hyperspace Lounge for a toast. We're even gonna kick back with Mickey on Disney's private island. That's how we get down cause Disney Cruise Line is where we came to play.
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Jay Shetty
These are the nine things you need to know about love.
- [01:51]
Stefan Speaks
The Number one Health and Wellness Podcast.
- [01:53]
Dr. Joe Dispenza
Jay Shetty Jay Shetty.
- [01:55]
Laurie Gottlieb
The one, the only Jay Shet hey.
- [02:00]
Jay Shetty
Everyone, thanks so much for tuning back into On Purpose. I appreciate it so much. Today we're diving into one of the most important topics in all of our lives. Love. And love isn't just about romantic relationships. It's about understanding ourselves, building meaningful connections, and growing into the best versions of who we are. So in this special compilation episode, I've gathered wisdom from some of the best minds out there to help you navigate love with with more clarity, confidence and purpose. Number one, how do we know if someone is wasting our time? Whether it's a relationship that feels stagnant or a connection that just doesn't seem to be going anywhere, we need to recognize the signs to break it down for us. We have Stefan Speaks, Relationship coach, speaker and best selling author. He's helped millions navigate love with honesty and self awareness. Let's Hear what he has to say.
- [03:00]
Stefan Speaks
So to me, again, I think it always starts with self. And you have to be honest with yourself about why are you still here? Why are you holding on? What's really driving you? Because just using an example, let's say you're a woman, and the only reason why you're holding on to this guy is because he's a nice guy. You don't feel like starting the process over with somebody else. So even though you're not feeling it with him, you figure, let me try to make it work. You're wasting your time. This is where you're setting yourself up for disaster every single time. So if it's not born out of a true connection, love, a genuine desire, you really like this individual? Of course, there's always things we have to work through. But is the foundation strong enough for us to say, okay, we can make something special here? And I think once we are honest with ourselves, that kind of helps answer the question. Because sometimes we get so caught up trying to analyze the other individual that it's like we get in our heads, and now we're missing the mark on what's really important here. And we can't always say for sure what's going on with them. I will say that in general, if this person isn't willing to talk about things, they're wasting your time. If they're not willing to address or correct things that have been talked about, they're wasting your time. If you guys aren't on the same page about what you want and where you want to go in life wasting time. So there are some things I think we can just look at and say, listen, this is pointless here. But a lot of times, and I have to say this, especially for women, women's intuition is extremely powerful. I'm a huge believer in it. And I feel like women know very early this isn't it, but they rationalize reasons to convince themselves to give this man a chance. And this, again, is a waste of time because it just doesn't work. I've seen people turn what should have been maybe a couple weeks of dating into years of being married to someone they were not happy with, all because they did not listen to themselves from the beginning. They knew what it was, but they just could not accept it for what it was.
- [05:02]
Jay Shetty
I mean, I love that it's such an important reminder. Trust your intuition and be honest with yourself. Sometimes we overanalyze the other person instead of checking in with our own feelings. Now let's go even deeper. Number two, how do we know if what we're feeling is true connection or just chemistry? Stefan explains the difference.
- [05:27]
Stefan Speaks
Are you even being yourself or can you be yourself with this individual? If you're presenting your representative, then this is not a real connection. This is them falling for that person that you're presenting, but that's not real. So to me, you should be already being yourself, but with that person you have a connection with. It's a more natural flow. We don't have to. We just feel so much more comfortable around them. I think in addition to that is when you. When you find yourself all caught up in the moment and caught up in that chemistry again, you have to ask yourself, what am I really attaching myself to? What am I. What do I really like about this individual? What I find is that when it's really about chemistry, we're still on the surface. You don't really know about them yet.
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Laurie Gottlieb
You.
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Stefan Speaks
You just know. You guys had a good time, maybe you had fun at this event. You guys were able to talk about a lot of different things, which is great. Which is going to also be important if there is a connection. However, do you even know what kind of relationship they want? Do you know what kind of life they want to live? You know, are you guys really on the same page? I think connection is our paths align, our purposes align. So for us to align, we have to have a deeper understanding of where we're headed and can we head there together. So that's why I think, though you may feel it or you may feel like you're feeling it, you have to do your due diligence to dig deeper to find out, okay, is this just I got caught up on the surface or there is something real here? And I think once we ask enough questions, because I think that's the other big problem. We have this experience where we feel this chemistry. We're so excited, and now we're afraid to ask questions because we don't want to blow up the fantasy.
- [07:11]
Jay Shetty
Yes.
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Stefan Speaks
You see what I'm saying? We're just like, no, no, I want to keep believing this is. So let me not ask anything. Let me not run this person away. Let me not rock the boat. But that's going to be what tells us if this is real or not.
- [07:22]
Jay Shetty
I think for so many people, you set unrealistic expectations in who you are.
- [07:26]
Stefan Speaks
Yes.
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Jay Shetty
And that's hard to come back from.
- [07:29]
Stefan Speaks
Absolutely. And that's why it's so important for us to know who we are so that we can present the real from the jump you know, because again, a lot of times people, you know this idea that we're always changing. Yes, I do think we're always evolving. But some of the big shifts that you see is not because that's just the way life is. It's because you didn't take the time to figure yourself out first. And then you got with this person and now you want them to adjust. Now, thank God for you. She was able to adjust. But there's a lot of people that they can't handle that. And now everything falls apart from there. So that's why. Yeah, we have to be very careful with what we're presenting from the beginning.
- [08:06]
Jay Shetty
That's pure gold. Chemistry can feel intense, but it doesn't always mean long term compatibility. Now let's shift gears. Number three, maybe you're single and wondering, am I behind? If you've ever felt that way. This next guest is for you. Laurie Gottlieb is a psychotherapist, author of maybe youe Should Talk to Someone and a relationship expert who's here to remind us why being single at 28 or any age is not a bad thing.
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Laurie Gottlieb
You are exactly where you need to be. If you are doing the work, if you're not doing the work, you're going to be behind. And what I mean by doing the work is if you are not in a place where you want to be with a relationship, you have to understand why. So are you examining what has not worked yet? Why, if I, if I am single and I don't want to be single, what can I be doing differently? And so I think that's the important work. So you're not behind it all. In fact, you're probably ahead of people who are in relationships who have not done the work and maybe aren't in the right relationship or are in a relationship that's not gonna last or isn't going well.
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Jay Shetty
Why is it that we struggle to actually do the work? What does that look like?
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Laurie Gottlieb
I think it's so much easier when we talk to our friends. And, you know, I've talked about the difference between idiot compassion and wise compassion before. Idiot compassion is you say to your friend, look what happened on this date, or look what happened with this person. And they say, yeah, you're right, they're wrong, and we never learn or grow from that. Right. Because yes, there might be something that the other person did, but also, what was your role in that interaction? A relationship is all about relating. So what was your role in the dance that you're doing with this person? And what you get in therapy is you get wise compassion, where we hold up a mirror to you and we help you to see something about, you know, what your role is. Maybe something you haven't been willing or able to see, but that's so important. So you don't repeat these situations where you're in this pattern. And then you wonder, why do I keep ending up with a person who doesn't listen to me, or a person where I don't feel seen, or where I can't be myself, or where we have a lot of volatility, or where this person's really avoidant? Why am I always with people who avoid, or what makes me avoid? And I don't talk to the person about what I want or what I need. So that's the work that's really important. So you're not behind if you're single at 28. It's part of the process. If you're doing the work, you're much closer than you've ever been to finding the person that you want to be with.
- [10:38]
Jay Shetty
I love that perspective. It's not about timelines. It's about doing the work. But why do we resist the work? Number four, why is self awareness so hard? Laurie's got some powerful insights on how understanding our patterns can help us build better relationships.
- [10:56]
Laurie Gottlieb
We have this saying, we marry our unfinished business. We date our unfinished business, too. So if you, let's say earlier in your life, you were around someone who, you know was neglectful, somebody who drank too much, somebody who lost their temper, somebody who wasn't honest, somebody who wasn't reliable. We think when we're dating as adults, like, I want the opposite of that. I want someone where I feel safe, secure. There's trust. But what happens is unconsciously, again, if we haven't done the work, our unfinished business, we actually. Our unconscious says, oh, you look familiar. Come closer. So on the surface, they don't look like that person. But then when you get to know them, you're a month in, you're three months in, you're six months in. You think, wow, that person reminds me of someone. This person feels so familiar. And that's why I was drawn to this person. It turns out this person is very much like what I grew up with, is very much like the person who hurt me growing up. So if you do the work, you're able to see, oh, that person. I see why I'm drawn to them, but I'm not drawn to them in a healthy way. And then if you do even more Work. You're not even drawn to those people anymore. Now you're drawn to healthy people, stable people, flexible people, emotionally generous people, people whose values align with yours. That's who you're drawn to. So you have to do the work.
- [12:17]
Jay Shetty
Is there a healthy way of future tripping with the person? Is there a collective, collaborative future tripping? Like, what does that look like?
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Laurie Gottlieb
I think the future tripping is being in the present. And what I mean is what's happening now is what it's gonna look like in the future. So instead of imagining, oh, this person will change in this way, or we're gonna have this kind of life, but you don't know if the other person wants that kind of life if you're not talking about it now in the present, you don' how does this person treat me now? What is it like when we're together? The biggest indicator would be, we had a disagreement. How did we get through it? That's what your future is going to look like. We didn't agree on this. We were frustrated with each other. We had a difference of opinion. How did we repair that rupture? We talk a lot about rupture and repair. Everybody's gonna have ruptures. You have it with your family members, with your friends, with your coworkers, with your parents, with your children, especially with your romantic partners, because we have misguided notion that we shouldn't have a rupture with them because we're so in love and we see each other and we see eye to eye. But of course you're going to have ruptures. It's not so much whether you're going to have a rupture, it's what do you do with it and what does it look like? So if you have been dating for, let's say, six months and you haven't had a rupture, you guys are not going deep enough. You guys don't know each other well enough. You're still on your best behavior. You have to be able to be yourselves. That's going to tell you what the future looks like. So stop the pretending. Be yourself. Be what you want your future to look like. Act like you want your future to look like. See how the other person acts and see what happens between the two of you. And a repair would look like something like, oh, I didn't. You know, we're having a disagreement right now. Why don't we take 15 minutes and let's come back when we're not so heated and let's talk about that or you know, you made a mistake. You know what? I've been thinking about this. You know, say you have an argument. You say, we're not going to talk for a few minutes, let's go cool off, whatever. You call them back and you say, you know what? I thought about it, I was wrong and I'm so sorry. Here's what I did, and I wish I had done it this way. And that's great. If your partner can do that or if you can do that right? And then if your partner then can accept that without shaming you, if your partner can say, I really appreciate that and I wish that I had reacted differently in this way and how can I be more supportive in those moments? That's beautiful. That's your future. But you have to see it in the present. You can't imagine what the future is going to be. You have to actually live it in the present and say, oh, now I know it's going to be just like it is right now.
- [14:57]
Jay Shetty
Now that's a wake up call. Sometimes doing the work means facing things we'd rather avoid. But that's the only way to grow. Number five, what if we keep attracting the same type of relationships over and over? Dr. Joe Dispenza, neuroscientist, researcher and expert on rewiring the brain, explains how we can break free from those cycles and attract relationships that truly align with us.
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Dr. Joe Dispenza
Typically, it usually takes a crisis or a disease or a diagnosis or a trauma or a loss or betrayal for a person to really decide, is this really who I want to continue to be? So my message is, why wait for that, right? So there's nothing wrong with saying, I want to be in a relationship. I want the following things in a relationship from this person or what might be my ideal relationship. I think people have an image in their mind of what they like or what their type is or whatever. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But I think what people are really looking for is connection and joy. Like people should be in a relationship, the reason they should be in a relationship is to be overjoyed to be with the person that you're with, right? You want joy in your life. For me, it would make sense then if the person got very clear on what they wanted, then they should start on the journey to become that very person. They should really work on being that very person that they want. So there would have to be some change that they would have to make in order to be worthy enough to create a person that they would attract in their life. And we cannot attract anything in our life that we feel separate from trusting. In a future that you can't see or experience, you have to lay down the very thing you use your whole life to get what you want to trust that something greater could happen. And that's not something that's very easy. So I like the idea that it, that it wouldn't happen in a, in an. On a date that was from an app. It could happen in a bank, it could happen at a seminar, it could happen in the grocery store, you know, in a way that you least expect. Right. And I think that when we get to a point where, where we're so happy with ourselves, we're no longer looking because we feel like we already have it. I think that's the state where people.
- [17:33]
Jay Shetty
Attract an equal, become the person you want to attract. When we focus on our own growth, the right relationships naturally follow. Number six, what about manifesting love? How do we stop chasing and start aligning? Joe shares why joy and presence are the key to attracting the right partner.
- [17:54]
Dr. Joe Dispenza
We're conditioned in a way to like, okay, I need something out there. I need the experience, the proof, I need the event to occur. And the end product of that event or experience is called an emotion. The emotion takes away the lack or separation from not having it. So we're waiting for the event to occur to take away the feeling of separation or lack. And actually that's not, that's not the healthiest way to create. And actually we should feel the emotion of the experience before it happens. So that if you're feeling the emotion of that future before it happens, truly feeling it, you wouldn't be looking for it, you would only be looking for it when you felt separate from it. Right? So can you maintain that state? Because the only way you're going to believe in that future is you have to feel the emotion associated with it.
- [18:46]
Jay Shetty
So good.
- [18:47]
Dr. Joe Dispenza
The moment you feel the lack and the separation, you're going to believe in the past, past. And there's a story that goes along with the past that has everything to do with it. Dating is hard, or finding a person or whatever. That is the story that we tell ourselves that we actually accept, believe, and surrender to as if it's the truth. Right? So that's exactly what programs the subconscious mind into a belief. Right? So the default is so seamless to lose that vision or that belief in the future. The moment we start feeling the emotions of lack or survival in the past. Right. That's the moment we can't see that future any longer because we would be looking at that future through the lens of the past and we would doubt that that future could actually exist.
- [19:36]
Jay Shetty
That really resonated with me, the idea that we're not searching, we're aligning. It's a whole new way to look at love. I'll be honest, managing money has always been something I've had to stay mindful about. It feels like everywhere you turn, someone's trying to make you spend. That's where Acorns comes in. Acorns is a financial wellness app that makes it easy to start saving and investing for your future. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you get started with the spare money you've got right now, even if all you've got is spare change. Sign up now and join the over 13 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $22 billion with Acorns. Plus, Acorns will boost your new account with a $20 bonus investment offer available at acorns.com that's a C-O R-N-S.com P R P O S E to get your $20 bonus investment today paid Non client Endorsement Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns tier 6 compensation provided investment involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor view important disclosures@acorns.com purpose sometimes life can seem challenging and overcoming problems can seem impossible. But when you focus on your problems, it can keep you from seeing the good in your life. One thing that helps me when I need a change in perspective is acknowledging the small wins in life. I encourage my team to pay attention to small wins because it helps them see positive outcomes and the steps that they're achieving on the road to a bigger goal. Use the power of small wins to shift your outlook and you will start to see positive changes. State Farm is also there to help you find personal wins and celebrate the small things in life. The State Farm Personal Price Plan helps you create an affordable price just for you. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the Personal Price Plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. Part of living mindfully is finding joy in the little things, but when it comes to health and wellness, these little things. These discoveries are literally everywhere. I discovered a delight that I'm so excited to share with you. It's Vitacost.com not just because it's a destination that is everything you need for wellness, supplements, organic food, herbal teas, clean beauty, ecohome essentials. It's because if you're looking for trusted advice for inspiration, they have it. Living well isn't just about having the tools, but learning the best way to use them. Vitacost has thousands of articles from health experts, naturopathic doctors, dietitians and recipes for every lifestyle. Whether you're gluten free vegan keto or just need help with healthy meal plans, Explore the nearly 40,000 healthy essentials@vitacost.com and find the trusted resources you need on Vitacost's blog. The upside to start living your best life now, I've partnered with Vitacost so listeners of on purpose can get 20% off their first order with code J20. Head over to Vitacost.com J where you'll find meaningful learning and wellness for everyone. Right now, number seven. Once we find someone, we often overthink it. Is this the one? Is there someone better out there? That's where Matthew Hussey, relationship coach and New York Times best selling author comes in. He's been coaching people for years on how to make love work without the mind games.
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Matthew Hussey
Sometimes we're wanting something else because there's, you know, the person that's in front of us isn't compelling enough. There really is something lacking in that relationship. But I do think we have to ask ourselves what, what are the things I really must have for an amazing relationship? I'm not a, you know, there's the one out there kind of a person. I've never been that way. If you look, anyone looks back through my videos and you know this because we've spoken about it back when I was single, you know, I've never been a person who believes in the idea of the one. So I think that it's finding someone that we've, you know, we look at what's really important to us, not what's important on an egoic level. Because I think a lot of the things that make us question whether this person is right for us are ego based. I don't think they're based on how we feel around this person. We worry. Is this the kind of person my friends think that I should be with? Do they look the part? Are they my, my normal type?
- [24:42]
Jay Shetty
Do they make the right amount of money?
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Matthew Hussey
Yeah, like, is this. Does has this person come in the package that I had always told myself they would come in? And those things can be really, really limiting. And they can have us, like, constantly trying to optimize for some version of something that we think we're supposed to be with, which is a very dangerous way to go about finding love. You can't optimize for human beings. You can optimize for a lot in life, but you're dealing with people. By the way, even if you let go of this person, you're going to find someone else who's also imperfect. And they might, okay, this person scores a seven in this area, and they score a nine, but guess what? They score a three in this other area that you didn't even know was great in this relationship because you took for granted how amazing that person was in that way. Like, it's very dangerous to optimize in that way in our love life. And I've come to really believe in life that if you find a connection that has all the right raw materials and you both have the same level of commitment, then you can build something extraordinary together. And actually, the extraordinary is the thing you sculpt together. It's no different from a career. When we think of what's our. Like, what are we worried about in our love life? For so many of us, it's that we're going to settle. Yes, I'm going to settle for the wrong person. Well, I think we can actually start to reclaim the language of settling and make it into a very positive thing that what if it wasn't settling for? What if you decided to settle on. Because when you settle on someone, there's a power to that. It's like you resolve to say, I'm going to settle on this. I have to argue that the benefit I have gotten from the pain that I didn't choose has been no less valuable than the benefit I've gotten from the pain I did choose. In fact, actually, I think the most valuable pain I've ever had is the pain I didn't choose. And when you realize that, you can kind of almost, I think, look at some of the worst moments of your life as like, a menu of pain. And beside the item on the menu is the very specific, unique benefits that can only come from this kind of pain. And you can kind of imagine yourself choosing, like, retroactively choosing that pain, which is a very valuable thing to do, because I was told by a psychologist about an experiment on rats where one rat was on a wheel and was Just given, you know, like the free rein to just run whenever it wanted to run. There was another rat. This was rat A. Rat B was connected to that wheel. He was on another wheel that was connected to rat A's wheel. And anytime rat A chose to run, rat B had to run. Right? So both doing the same amount of exercising. But at the end of the experiment, rat A shows all the positive markers of exercise, and rat B shows all the negative markers of stress.
- [28:04]
Jay Shetty
Oh, wow.
- [28:07]
Matthew Hussey
Same amount of exercise. What's the difference? Well, rat A chose to run. Rat B didn't. Anyone who doesn't choose you cannot be for you. They. If they don't see you. Like, what is a relationship? It's someone sees you, they accept you, and they want that. That's. That's the most beautiful part of a relationship. So if someone doesn't see you and accept you and want what they see, then this relationship is missing the most beautiful part of any relationship. It shouldn't even be, you know, it shouldn't be desirable at that stage, because it's not. It has failed the fundamental test of what makes a relationship worth having. We're not talking about a person who, you know, in at least the case I feel we're talking about the person who was taken from us by life. We're talking about a person who's just walking around somewhere, still existing on the planet, but choosing not to be with us. That should lose its romance to us, you know, and to say, well, if that's the other game we play is if it was a different time in life, if they were a bit older, they would have been ready to commit. If they had been in different phase where they weren't so busy with their work, they might have had the space to really give to this relationship. But they said their work isn't allowing them to. It's like we go through all these scenarios where it forces us into this sad love song of right person, wrong time. And that's a really pernicious story. That's a very dangerous story because it takes what belongs in the realm of science fiction and brings it into our reality.
- [29:56]
Jay Shetty
That's such a fresh take. Stop looking for perfect. Start building something real. Number eight. Sometimes love isn't about holding on. It's about letting go. And no one explains that better than James Corden, comedian, talk show host and actor. He shares a powerful analogy about love and letting go that I know will stick with you as it has with me. Most of us are conditioned to believe when you find something good, hold on to it forever, make sure it lasts forever. Because you never know.
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James Corden
Well, then you're a kid with a balloon. Yeah, Right. And you go and hold. I'm never. I'm never ever gonna let this balloon go. Right. And ignoring for this, for a second the environmental impact of letting a balloon go, let's talk about it just metaphorically, you know, that you go, oh, my God, this is my balloon. I'm gonna hold this. But I'm never, ever, ever, ever, ever gonna let go of this balloon. In fact, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna tie it to my wrist so it can't disappear. Cause that happened to me once before, and it. You know what I mean? I'm going to just come. You know, that's it. And then slowly, that balloon will just wilt and it will run out of the thing that made it great. And it will just then be. Then it's tied to your wrist and you're dragging it behind you. Right? And actually there's something quite beautiful. And again, environmentally, I'm not encouraging this. We didn't. We didn't know about this when we were kids. When you let go of a balloon, it's magical. Magical. Look. And then you see it and you're like, oh, my God, I used to have that. I used to hold on to that. And look at it now.
- [31:35]
Jay Shetty
Look, it's just flowing.
- [31:38]
James Corden
That's amazing. And then you go, well, now I haven't got a balloon. And then you go, well, maybe I'll get another one. Yeah, maybe there'll be another balloon. And maybe it'll be a different shape or it'll be shinier or whatever it is. Like, you've got to be able to let go of stuff to make new things come in. You've got to have the space and the time to encounter something new. A friend of mine, a year ago, maybe less, had his heart broken in the most brutal circumstances. It was his first love, first girlfriend, and they broke up. And he was just not in a good way. And this was his first real, proper, serious girlfriend, Certainly the first time he'd been in love before. I just found myself saying to him, I was like, this is great. This is great because you really only understand what love is once your heart's been broken. You understand how tender it is. And I was like, and you understand it now. And what's. You're looking at this all wrong. You. You get to do it again. You get to do this again. You're going to meet someone else and feel all these feelings and perhaps you'll go into that relationship learning what you've learned from this relationship and that will then feed that relationship in a different way. And like. And he's just met someone, right?
- [33:29]
Jay Shetty
Yeah.
- [33:29]
James Corden
And he's like, oh my God, this is amazing. And I'm like, yeah.
- [33:33]
Jay Shetty
That balloon again.
- [33:34]
James Corden
Yeah, that's it. That's it. And so again, I think it's expectation is the thing that makes us hold onto stuff. If you can just ebb and flow with stuff, you're gonna find it so much easier to take. The good, the bad, and the everything in between is just all being good for you.
- [33:54]
Jay Shetty
This next conversation is really close to my heart because it's with someone who knows me better than anyone. My wife Radhi. She's not just my life partner, she's an incredible nutritionist, chef, and advocate for conscious living. Over the years, we've learned so much about love together. What it means to grow as individuals while staying deeply connected as a couple. How to love fully without losing yourself in the process. Radhi shares her wisdom on maintaining a strong sense of self while being in a loving, supportive relationship.
- [34:29]
Radhi
People think that time is the investment, like the amount of time you spend with someone is what the investment is. This person is willing to spend two hours with me, but this person is willing to spend 15 minutes with me. That must mean the two hour person values me more, loves me more, cares for me more. But what is the quality of those two hours? What is the quality of those 15 minutes makes such a difference? And I think, you know, I've just been so used to that concept that that's what I always, you know, related to this friend or this relationship. This person wants to spend the most amount of time with me. That must mean, you know, that person loves me more. And so I think that's something I've really changed because you can feel so much more fueled from a 15 minute interaction with someone and loved with presence than you can with, you know, two hours of someone's distracted time. And that's something I'm still working on as a person of being someone who's present. I think it's something I've really, you know, I've been up and down with it. There are different times where my mind can just, you know, go everywhere and do everything and not even be in the same room as everybody else that I'm in the room with. But I think it's something that I know it's some, it's, it's. I want to be working on and something I want to be improving on.
- [35:42]
Jay Shetty
I think a lot of people love people being dependent on them.
- [35:45]
Radhi
Definitely.
- [35:46]
Jay Shetty
Because it gives them a sense of significance.
- [35:48]
Radhi
Definitely. Especially if you don't know what you're doing in your life or if you feel like you're a bit lost helping other people. And although that's a great thing when you help other people, but the intention behind it and what you're receiving from it can make a huge difference in how you actually feel about it. So, like, if you're helping someone through intention of genuinely caring for them, genuinely helping them, or are you helping them because it fuels you into feeling valuable and therefore, like, for me, I remember it used to be just a way that I would throw myself into so I didn't have to think about what I was doing in my life or how to figure out my own things. It was just, oh, this is great. I need to be doing this. This person needs my help. I need, like, create this space for myself in their life because then I don't have to think about all the important stuff I actually need to deal with. So was the easier option and more of a selfish option. But I think that's a value that I have changed.
- [36:41]
Jay Shetty
I really hope that you got lots of value from that. That's why we're doing these compilations. I want to make things simple, seamless, and practical for you. Love isn't just about finding the right person. It's about becoming the right person. And through all these incredible conversations, one thing is clear. Self, awareness, growth, and intention are at the heart of real love. I really hope this episode gave you clarity, perspective, and inspiration to approach love with more purpose. If something resonated with you, share it with a friend who needs to hear it and pass this on to someone else. I'll see you next time on On Purpose. Hey, everyone. If you loved that conversation, go and check out my episode with the world's leading therapist, Lori Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating. If you're trying to figure out that space right now, you won't want to miss this conversation.
- [37:38]
Laurie Gottlieb
If it's a romantic relationship, hold hands. It's really hard to argue. It actually calms your nervous systems. Just hold hands as you're having the conversation. It's so lovely. Lovely.
- [37:51]
Jay Shetty
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- [38:27]
Laurie Gottlieb
This podcast is supported by BetterHelp, offering licensed therapists you can connect with via video phone or chat. Here's BetterHelp head of clinical Operations Hes Yu Jo discussing who can benefit from therapy I think a lot of people.
- [38:43]
Radhi
Think that you're supposed to be going to therapy once you're like having panic attacks every day. But before you get to that point, I think once you start even noticing.
- [38:52]
Laurie Gottlieb
That you feel a little bit off.
- [38:54]
Radhi
And you can't maintain this harmony that you once had in relationships, that could.
- [38:58]
Laurie Gottlieb
Be a sign that maybe you want.
- [39:00]
Radhi
To go talk to somebody. There's always a benefit in talking to someone because we can all benefit from improved insight about ourselves and who we are and how we behave with other people. So if you're human, that's like a.
- [39:13]
Laurie Gottlieb
Good indication catered that you could benefit.
- [39:14]
Radhi
From talking to somebody.
- [39:16]
Laurie Gottlieb
Find out if therapy is right for you. Visit betterhelp.com today. That's betterhelp.com when it comes to playtime. Never let your squad down. Unlock elite gaming tech@lenovo.com Push your gameplay beyond performance with 13th gen Intel Core processors. Upgrade to smooth high quality streaming with Intel WI Fi and maximize game performance with enhanced overclocking. Win the tech search and head to Lenovo.com.