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Jay Shetty
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Khloe Kardashian
God, I've been through so many things that at this point I would rather not feel than feel, because feeling is too much for me to handle.
Jay Shetty
All right, we're ready.
Khloe Kardashian
I am Khloe Kardashian. Khloe Kardashian, everybody.
Jay Shetty
Khloe Kardashian.
Khloe Kardashian
There would be times that I was like, I don't even want to go out to the grocery store Because I feel like I know what they're thinking about me. And that was scary to me because I've never been in a dark place for that long.
Jay Shetty
You've always taken care of others. Have you discovered anything about why you've seen yourself take on that role in so many relationships in your life? How do you even find the courage to trust again? The number one health and wellness podcast.
Khloe Kardashian
Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty.
Jay Shetty
Chloe. Welcome back to On Purpose.
Khloe Kardashian
I'm so excited to be here.
Jay Shetty
You came on the podcast in 2019.
Khloe Kardashian
Okay, that's crazy.
Jay Shetty
Which is six years ago.
Khloe Kardashian
Yeah.
Jay Shetty
We just launched at the beginning of that year, and you were such an important part of helping the show get to where it is today.
Khloe Kardashian
Thank you.
Jay Shetty
So the kind words you were just saying to me a moment ago about the show are so much because of you.
Khloe Kardashian
Well, thank you.
Jay Shetty
And I'm so grateful to you, your beautiful and wonderful family, who've just been so kind to me over the years, your mom, who I adore, Kendall and Kim, who've both been amazing guests on the show and people I've got to spend time with off screen as well. And it's just, you've all been so wonderful to me, so I'm deeply grateful and deeply touched. Well, in love.
Khloe Kardashian
Well, we all adore you. We really, really do. And you just have this energy about you that everyone feels safe in talking with you, and that's a testament to the success of your podcast, obviously. But everything that you do, it's so. From the intensity of your soul, and it's beautiful. And you don't even realize that you're being recorded when talking with you.
Jay Shetty
So.
Khloe Kardashian
Yes. I'm so honored to be asked to be here again.
Jay Shetty
Thank you. And the last time we were together, we were on your podcast.
Khloe Kardashian
Y. Yes.
Jay Shetty
Which I'm so excited about. I can't wait to talk more about it.
Khloe Kardashian
I cannot even believe that you. Yes. I am so grateful that you agreed to do that, but you were my second guest, and the fact that you did that and did it just. Sure. Of course. Like, you never ask questions. I'm like, this is brand new. We've never launched or aired yet. Thank you. Like, it was. You're so generous and so kind.
Jay Shetty
No, I loved it. It was so much fun speaking to you and you using your platform to talk about important topics and themes and vulnerability. And then my favorite thing is we were in India just around this, like, kind of coming around this time last year.
Khloe Kardashian
Yes.
Jay Shetty
And being with you in India and getting to take you to the monastery that I stayed at for some time.
Khloe Kardashian
And what an experience.
Jay Shetty
It's so beautiful to have that with you. And so thank you for letting me have that experience with you as well.
Khloe Kardashian
And I don't know when this airs, but the India episode for us, I think airs next week. So people are going to get to see that insight and see a little bit of where you practice and just what a beautiful experience that was for us.
Jay Shetty
Yeah. You both were so gracious and kind and curious and I was so in awe of just how wonderfully respectful and thoughtful and the fact that we were on a crazy schedule at a crazy wedding and you guys somehow managed to wake up to go to a temple. It's pretty impressive.
Khloe Kardashian
That was such. We could not miss that opportunity, especially to go with you, I mean, to where you practice. I mean, that still. That's a pinch me moment.
Jay Shetty
You're the best. Well, Chloe, this week on the episode when we're recording this, at least it's your 40th birthday and that was soon after you got back from India last year.
Khloe Kardashian
Yes.
Jay Shetty
And I wanted to ask you, like, what it felt like turning 40.
Khloe Kardashian
I know so many people dread turning 40 or just getting older, and I am the complete opposite. I probably talked about my excitement in turning 40 for at least three years prior to turning 40. You know, my 30s were challenging for me, as I really do think when I reflect back, that they are challenging for most people. I think your 30s is that especially for women, because that's sort of when people feel like, oh, their biological clock is ticking, they should be married or have kids by this age. And the truth is people are getting married a little later, they are having kids later in life, and a lot of women are focusing on what their careers should be. And so they're sort of putting the family stuff on the back burner. At least that's what I've noticed. And for me, I had my kids, I had not so many great relationships in my 30s and in my younger 20s, but a lot of career stuff wasn't going the way that I envisioned and hoped and planned. And I really just wanted to get out of my 30s. I was like, I feel good, I have my kids. And that's my wonderful, beautiful takeaway. And still, I also do believe that any of those experiences, they really are formative. And no matter how traumatic and horrible they are, you don't think that in the moment, but later on you do get to self reflect and be like, okay, I needed that for some Reason. But going into my 40s, I was skipping and leaping and hopping into them.
Jay Shetty
How did you imagine your 40s were going to look when you were younger? And now that you're moving into them, how close are they? How different are those visions?
Khloe Kardashian
So I don't know if you've ever seen this meme, but it's a meme of the Golden Girls. And I think those ladies were in their 40s or early 50s when they're ushered away somewhere in Florida at, you know, have to live together because they're so old. And then they do side by sides with, like, a bunch of women in their 40s now, beautiful women. And the comparison, you're like, why was I so afraid? But the representation that we had when we were younger was very different than what the 40s are. We're 50s now. I mean, Gabrielle Union, I don't exactly know how old everybody is, but Jennifer Lopez, you see all of these gorgeous women, and you're like, wait, I think they're 40s, 50s. What am I afraid of? And it's not so much even about the aesthetic, it's the liveliness that these women and the passion that these women have for life that you're like, that doesn't seem so bad.
Jay Shetty
Yeah. I think you're so right, what you just said now about how everyone has a tough 30s to 40s. I think it's really interesting when you're going in your 20s to 30s, you have a really high expectation, and then you kind of get brought down to reality. I think everyone has a tougher twenties than they imagined. You're having the pressure, the pressure of what it should be, the pressure of starting work, the pressure of a relationship.
Khloe Kardashian
But you put these kids in college and they're supposed to, what is your major? What is your minor? And then if you go awry from that when you graduate, it's like, then what did I pay for? But how many times have you changed your mind about something in life? Right. And so have I. So, yes, I believe in college, I believe in that, if that's the right step for you. But I also think it's. People need to know how okay it is to not necessarily know what you want to do when you're 20 years old.
Jay Shetty
Absolutely. Such great advice. I mean, I look at it in my 20s, I first became a monk. I then left and worked in consulting. I then left and did media. And then since then, I've done video content, podcasts, wrote books, like.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
Just things that I would never have imagined if someone told me at 18, Jay, this is what your life's going to look like. I wouldn't believe them.
Khloe Kardashian
Yeah.
Jay Shetty
And I think something you said that was really important, that when you get into your 30s, there's almost like this grounding effect as well, where you start to ask yourself, what do I really want in life? As you get into your 40s, you're almost living that of, like, what's really important? What really is my priority? Am I clear about what I want? Whereas in your 20s, you don't know. And how could you?
Khloe Kardashian
You don't know. And you also have that arrogance in your 20s that no one can tell you anything, but people have to go through that. Like, I don't. I get it. And I also get now when adults were like, they sort of roll their eyes at somebody in their 20s, and it's rare that most people in that age are so definitive at what they wanna do. And if they are, great. And that is just this old soulness in them, I would say. But also, when I've. I've only been in my 40s for a few months. But it's crazy how quickly that you're sort of like, you feel so solid in who you are or the things that maybe made you insecure or doubt yourself, you sort of just let it go. And I don't know what that switch exactly is. I just know that it's that grounding term that you said. You feel so solid within yourself, and you're like, it's okay. And I know life is gonna work out. I know everything is gonna come how I envision it because I have that drive and desire to. But I've stopped limiting myself to. It had to be done before I turned 40. When I was younger, society definitely put on me, or not just me. I think a lot of people. But now life expectancy is longer. I think we prioritize our health from within so much more. And people realize, okay, it's not all about just having babies and getting married by the time you're 23 and then just coasting the rest or figuring it out now, it's like, let's figure out what we really want at our core, and then the rest will sort of unfold.
Jay Shetty
Yeah. What would you say? Because I feel like we have such an amazing community of young women and women who listen to this show, and so many of them, I know, are thinking, Gee, I'm 30 years old, I'm not married. There's so much pressure. I'm not in a serious relationship. What words of advice, wisdom, insight, or lessons would you share with them in that period of their life where the societal pressure, the parental pressure, the personal pressure, the pressure of what's happening all around them on Instagram, Instagram, TikTok, social media, how should they think about navigating that?
Khloe Kardashian
Number one, it's something I had to learn myself, is comparison is the thief of joy. It takes everything out of anything that you're doing. If you're constantly comparing what you're doing to somebody else because somebody else is only showing you their highlight reel anyway, we have to remember that what we're doing is probably someone's looking at us and they're like, damn, that's an amazing highlight reel. Like, I want that. But we're so conditioned now to constantly want more and more and never be satisfied. That makes me sad for my kids. And I always try. I have so many nieces and nephews, and three of them are the exact same age. It's my daughter and Kylie's daughter and Kim's daughter. And sometimes that's challenging because they each want the same thing all the time. And I. I sort of like that. Cause I like to say, like, not just cause someone has that doesn't mean you get to have that. And those are smaller lessons, but you learn that later in life so much bigger. And you can be inspired by others or motivated by others, but the jealousy or the comparison is something that we. Or I have had to even retrain my brain to not always look at someone and be like, well, why don't I have that? Or how can I get. Like, it should be more from a motivational way as opposed to an envious way. But I also think, do you want to be married and have kids? Because that's what you were taught as a kid that you're supposed to do. Do you want that and a career? And which one do you want to have come first? And do you not want a career and do you just want to be a mother? Like those. Whatever the answer is, is all okay because it's your life. But sometimes I think that we live a life so much for other people and we forget to check in with. And it's okay if you had a desire in your 20s and now you're in your 30s and you're like, wait, I actually don't want that anymore. And I changed my direction. And it's okay to admit that to yourself.
Jay Shetty
Yeah, I think you've raised so many important points there. One of them that resonates with me is I always say to people, the only way you can purify envy is study. What I mean by that is when you study someone's success, you get motivated by it. When you envy someone's success, you get demotivated by it because you feel it's not for me, I'm not gonna get that. When you study it, when you look at how they started, when you look at the challenges they've gone through, when you look at the ups and the downs, all of a sudden you realize you get so much inspiration that I can do it too, right? That that person's had a very normal human journey. And maybe I just don't see that because I'm only seeing the success. I'm not seeing the story.
Khloe Kardashian
And I think I get a very interesting take on that because I do that with me and my sisters. And so when I look at all of my siblings, I know so in depthly also their struggles and how many companies we've all started that have failed, where so many people that you look up to, you don't hear every little thing until they're at the top and then they're telling you this was how they got here, their success story. And sometimes you're like, okay, but you're here now. And it still seems unobtainable. But for me, I do get. I'm very lucky for my positioning because even though I see my siblings and I see all their success now, I remember how much stuff we tried to do and, you know, throw spaghetti on the wall, and it just didn't stick. But I don't know if outsiders would see that looking within our family all the time. I think if you can, you know, go back and Google back 2008, whatever, you'll be like, oh, they did that and where's that company? And so everyone has their failures, but I wouldn't even call them failures.
Jay Shetty
What's the biggest lesson you're taking into your 40s? Something that you've been carrying with you into this time?
Khloe Kardashian
I talk to myself a lot, so I like to be really intentional. And I like. I understand and I teach my daughter that happiness and positivity and all of that is a choice. And so what I like to is be very intentional with my days, my jobs, the things that I choose to do and spend time on. And not in a, like, smug sort of way, but I wake up a lot and I'm like, I'm just in either a melancholy mood or I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I'm not a nice person today, and I'll look myself in the mirror and I will have a back and forth talk with myself. And I'm like, no, I'm happy today. I'm choosing happy. But so much of that came, really when I was in my 40s, maybe my last 39th year, because I realized how much of a dark cloud I felt was surrounding me in my 30s. But, yes, things happen to me, but it's also my responsibility to choose how I respond to those things. And I think because of social media maybe as well, that I let so much of the noise make me even sadder or make me feel like I was less worthy, less of a person that I needed to be so crumbled and embarrassed about what happened to me. Where, yes, I probably would have had those feelings, but maybe not as long as I did because that narration was going on for so long. And so I finally was sort of like, screw every. Every dark noise I'm hearing. And I'm going to say every day, no, I am worthy. I'm worthy of a happy, beautiful, positive day. Being intentional in that way. And it's funny, when I wake my kids up every day, I'm like, we're going to have a happy day because we choose to have a happy day. But embedding in them those small little affirmations, I mean, I'm 40 and I need it. So, you know, I think it's a good thing.
Jay Shetty
Yeah, I can agree with you more. I always say to myself, like, I can't make. Like, the day doesn't have to be great to me, but I can make the day a great day.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
Because they be ups and downs. It could be someone says something, someone could be mean to me, someone could cut me off in traffic, someone could do whatever it may be to me, but I get to choose how I respond. I get to choose how I react. And it makes such a difference. One of the themes in the show this year has been all of you talking about shedding the burdens of the past. And I think that's such an interesting thing because I think as you get older, you start to notice what you've been carrying with you. Right, right. And you've had longer to carry it with you and now you're more aware.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
What was some of those things that came up for you and you were like, I think these are things that I've been holding onto that I need to shed. What are some of those burdens?
Khloe Kardashian
I'm not a victim to this, but I do feel like I was, in a way, victimizing myself. But again, it sort of was more from the outside noise. I hate that I allowed other people to have that much control over the way I viewed myself. But I would say just from my past dating history. And a lot of them ended in cheating or there was just. They weren't great situations at the end. But, yes, I think even in the most private of times, if that happened and nobody publicly knew about it, there's still shame within your family. You feel embarrassed. Like, how you know, what did I do? You always make it about yourself. And that's okay, because hopefully you will get stronger and reflect and not make those same mistakes again.
Jay Shetty
But.
Khloe Kardashian
And for me, they happened repeatedly. And I was like, okay, this is about me. I'm either not paying attention, I'm sweeping something under the rug. Like, I really wanted to be so aware of what I was doing and let that go. But let. Let the guilt and the shame of that go. Because I quote, allowed it to happen more than once. And I'm saying that because I didn't allow it to happen. But the narrative out there was like, well, you get what you get, you know? Like, I should have known better. And yes, I probably should have, but I needed to learn that lesson. I know I carried so much shame and guilt where there would be times that I was like, I don't even wanna go out to the grocery store and look at someone in the eyes. Cause I feel like I know what they're thinking about me. They probably don't know who I am. They probably never heard this story. But the shame, this cloud that was I felt following me everywhere, that I. I don't know if it was even that big to other people. But I definitely felt like I was constantly surrounded by a gray cloud. I would limit myself from doing a lot of things and seeing a lot of people because I was. I felt such shame where I was like, intentionally, no, I'm gonna let this go.
Jay Shetty
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Khloe Kardashian
Well, the interesting part is, I think the very first time it happened, I didn't do that. And that's okay because it's done.
Jay Shetty
Yeah.
Khloe Kardashian
And I also had to forgive myself for that. There was a time that I was felt very guilty. Like, why did I even stay? Why am I not forgiving myself? I would blame myself for everything. And then the second time, you know, my surrogate was still pregnant with Tatum and the people didn't know yet that I was having Tatum, but I felt such shame that it was happening again because I knew I knew better.
Jay Shetty
Yeah. I mean, as I'm listening to you, I'm just thinking about the amount of people that are probably listening to you right now thinking, chloe, I had that fantasy, too. And you had the courage, even though at one point, as you said, you were kind of why did I stay that long? Or why did I keep doing that? And you had to forgive yourself for that. But I think a lot of people don't know how to know when something's no longer serving them. And as I'm listening to you, I'm listening to someone who's saying, I finally got to a point where I realized this fantasy wasn't serving me, it was keeping me here. We can't speed it up.
Khloe Kardashian
No.
Jay Shetty
We can't rush ourselves to it. You can't be forced to it.
Khloe Kardashian
No. And that's what I mean. I think people also need to be patient with themselves. Like if they don't. If you're not feeling accountable in some of the actions that you're making or some what someone else is doing to you, that's okay. There will be a day that you will wake up and listen. If I was watching me when I was in my 20s, I would be judging that person too and being like, she's so stupid. It's going to happen again. I don't blame people for their judgment. I think with life comes great wisdom and life experiences. And if my story helped anybody else feel less alone because it's such an isolating feeling. You feel like you're on this island and it doesn't happen to anybody else. And sadly it does. And I know so many people that stay longer than I did. And not that it's right, but you have to let go when you really feel like you're ready. Or I think that person will always feel like, well, what, what if? And this. And I really just like to live my life in this. No, I, I'm, I'm solid in that action. I'm solid in that choice that I made.
Jay Shetty
You're making such a powerful point here, and I really want everyone to take it home as they're listening. Like, you can only learn on your own timeline. You can't learn on anyone else's. You can't look at someone else's pace and say, oh, I should have done it like that.
Khloe Kardashian
And why aren't they doing it like that?
Jay Shetty
Why are they doing it like that? And I think we just don't. It's really easy to look at someone else's life, whoever it may be, our friends, our family, people on the screen and think we know how perfectly they should live. Yet we all know how hard it is to make one decision in our own life. And what I've learned from ever having any training and learning from my spirituality and non judgment was just that everything you judge in someone else you won't fully understand until you have to go through it yourself.
Khloe Kardashian
I know.
Jay Shetty
And as soon as you go through it yourself, you wake up and you go, I cannot believe I judged someone else for how they were navigating a divorce, a breakup, a marriage, whatever it may have been.
Khloe Kardashian
And trust me, I was that person.
Jay Shetty
All of us.
Khloe Kardashian
Yes. When I was younger, I used to. You either read something and you have a comment about it or one of your friends or family members, and. Yes. And then you live your life and you go through it and you're like, okay, I get it a little bit more. Yeah.
Jay Shetty
How did you learn to forgive yourself? Because I think that is sometimes harder. And if I could say this, just from the moments I've been fortunate enough to spend time with you and connect with you, and thankfully, they've always been very deep. And so even though we haven't spent lots of time together, I feel when we have, it's always been deep time.
Khloe Kardashian
Yes.
Jay Shetty
It's always a meaningful conversation or an exchange. And as I'm sitting with you here today versus six years ago, the first time, and every time I've seen you in between, I feel you've got more and more peaceful.
Khloe Kardashian
Thank you.
Jay Shetty
Just in your presence.
Khloe Kardashian
Thank you.
Jay Shetty
You've always been wonderful and kind, but more and more peaceful in yourself. And what I see is someone who's become a master in forgiveness. Your superpower is your ability to forgive.
Khloe Kardashian
Thank you.
Jay Shetty
To forgive others, but even more importantly, yourself. And so I'm really intrigued about yourself part. Because forgiving other people is one thing, but letting yourself say, hey, I moved at the right time, I moved at the right pace. I don't need to hate on myself. And not getting out of it sooner or not seeing it sooner, that requires so much inner forgiveness. Walk us through that.
Khloe Kardashian
Gosh, that's a deep one, Jay.
Jay Shetty
It is.
Khloe Kardashian
It is.
Jay Shetty
You're the one who's lived it.
Khloe Kardashian
I mean, oh, my gosh. Well, I am not always kind to myself, and I think I am my biggest bully and critic and all of those things at times. And it is much easier for me to forgive others than myself. I will say that forgiving myself has really been more of the last three years of my adult life. But I was so great at giving other people grace, forgiveness, making, like, not excuses for them, but just, like, always coming to their defense, no matter how wrong they've done me, because I feel like it's not my place to judge them and I don't know everything they're going through and that type of thing. And then one day I was like, but why don't I give myself the same energy that I'm giving so freely to other people? And a lot of it comes through my prayer and my relationship with God. And just know, like, I really had to also say to myself that this isn't about me, what these people have done. It's not just relationships in so many different levels. And there are times that you feel like, okay, what is it? Why do so many people take advantage or lie, cheat, steal, whatever it is? You can be angry, you can have your feelings, but sometimes you feel like, oh, it must be me. Cause it's happened so many times. And that's also why I feel like boundaries are so important to set. And I never had boundaries before. And I think that was a big thing. But I think a lot of that is releasing it. And just knowing that that's not your burden to carry.
Jay Shetty
I think that's what it is. We start to believe deeply that there's only one problem, and that's us.
Khloe Kardashian
Right?
Jay Shetty
Right. We walk around thinking that it's all because of me. It's because of my weakness, it's because of my flaws, it's because of whatever else it is. And we completely. That there's anything else to it.
Khloe Kardashian
Well, because then also if you're like, well, that's not because of me. Like, when people say it also in that way, they're like, well, you know, like, if everyone says that whatever, then it has to be you, too. So there's that fine line. There is a fine line in that for sure. But I think when you're just aware and when you're solid in yourself, I really do think it's okay to release those things. And if you are doing the work, if you're. And the work doesn't have to be therapy, like, with a actual therapist, if you have a group of friends, and if those people really are unbiased and not judgmental and you can go to that, do that for me. I really enjoy writing. It's not for people to see. It's just. It's a form of expression for me. And I feel like I'm really getting this energy out of my system.
Jay Shetty
Wow.
Khloe Kardashian
And sometimes I'll write, and I'm like, I'm tearing this up. So no one ever sees it. And I don't even know what I'm going to start writing. I'm like, I just got to get this on from pen to paper. It's such a release. And sometimes that's the, quote, therapy that I need or the conversation that I need. A lot of the times it's the gym, it's whatever. But once I get to that point that I'm like, okay, a light bulb goes off, I'm like, yes, I could have done things differently, but I'm not the reason why this happened to me. Like, there's really no excuse for certain behavior. But, yes, I probably could have handled things differently or saw things differently. But, you know, I think people have to be fair and not just play the victim, but not also play that they're this champion and this crusader. There definitely has to be. There's a good and bad to all of us if we want to admit it or not.
Jay Shetty
Absolutely. And I think it's that it's being able to accept that I was weak, but I am not weak. Right. There's a difference in that language, even in the way you're speaking about it. There's a difference in I made a mistake versus I am a mistake.
Khloe Kardashian
Exactly.
Jay Shetty
And I think as soon as it becomes internalized to believe that that's who I am, that's who I've always been, and I won't be anything else, then we don't allow ourselves to say no. It's almost like looking back at an outfit of yours and going, God, I don't know why I was wearing that. Right, right. And you're like, why did I wear that? Like, those two things don't even go together. But, you know, you're not your clothes.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
So you forgive yourself and you go, okay, that was a bad day, and I'll wear something else today, and I can make sure that it makes sense.
Khloe Kardashian
And you're able to laugh about it.
Jay Shetty
Exactly.
Khloe Kardashian
Yes. And the same sentiment should be held for our past mistakes. Like, haven't you ever done anything? And then it mortified you where you were so angry at yourself, and then five years later, you will hysterically laugh about it with your wife or whatever.
Jay Shetty
Yeah. And that's the best.
Khloe Kardashian
Yes. And that's how I think most of our failures, mistakes in life should be. Sure, at the moment, they're horrible, and they make you feel really bad. But how beautiful is it when you have so much growth from that and you're a completely different person in a beautiful way? And then you look back and you can laugh at that, at something that made you sob, cry in a corner, and you were in a fetal position. You didn't want to see anyone. And then you're like, no, okay, I had a bad moment. It's not a bad life. And I could move on and be stronger and better. But sometimes we let those moments consume us and we never get out of them. And for me, that's a place that I never want to be because I felt like I was in that for a few years. And that was scary to me because I've never been in a dark place for that long of a place of shame and guilt and all of that. And then finally I just said to myself, okay, enough. No one wants to be around someone. And you're like, how's your day? Fine. And not that I was that person, but internally I felt like I was that person. I love being happy and joyful and like, life is so great if you look for the good.
Jay Shetty
You just hit on something that's really important. I think a lot of people kind of get into that lull, like that feeling of a long period of I don't see light at the end of a tunnel. And was it like that for you? I mean, you're so committed to the work, whether it's your prayer, your journaling. We were just talking earlier when you came in about how you need a few hours every week just by yourself.
Khloe Kardashian
Yes.
Jay Shetty
And that's a practice that you've maintained with children, with your businesses, with your responsibilities. That carving out that time so important to you? Talk to me about that. About like, how much the work helped you. Even in the darkest times, were you able to maintain it or.
Khloe Kardashian
I mean, the work is what got me out of the darkest times. I think it's really easy to turn to God or whoever your higher being is. It's really easy to turn there when you're in this low time and like, get me out. And you know, and you just think magically they're gonna send you a ladder and like pull you out of this ditch. But yes, he will maybe give you signs and tools, but you have to do the work. He can give you the recipe, but you gotta put all the cake mix and everything together and bake the cake. And I think so many times people expect it just like to be magic. Get me out of there. And they don't wanna do the work. Cause the work is scary. Being alone is scary with the self reflection and writing and all that. Cause you're like, oh, I have to face myself. And that seems a little daunting. And people like to distract and not come to terms with who they are. For me. And again, being in my 20s, I did a lot of distracting. It's fun to distract, especially at that age and you don't have kids and you can do whatever. And so I remember that after my divorce or even when my dad died. My dad died when I was 19. I remember going out every night because I was an avoidant. Let me avoid these feelings. If I'm not feeling them, they're not happening. Well, that didn't work too well. I remember losing all my hair, gaining so much weight, hyperventilating, like when I would be alone when I got a divorce, very similar. Let me go out, let me party, drink, hang out with new guys. What does that get me? You know, I realized, okay, these ways of coping didn't work for so many years that when this time happened, and maybe a little help of COVID it was around 2022, 2021, 2022. But still, things were still sort of locked down a little bit. And I just said, no, I'm not gonna date anyone now. I have kids too. I'm not going to a club, like what am I doing? But having to face myself and intentionally be alone, intentionally do the work intentionally. Every day I wake up at 5am because I need that alone time to have my coffee, do my prayers, listen to my Bible app, like whatever it is that makes you whole, I need that. And I know when I don't have that, how different my day feels. I like to set my intentions for the day or my workouts, the clarity I get, just whatever it is, everyone's gonna be different. If you need to be outside, you have to decide that. But it did take me a long time of doing other things and seeing how horrible those things served me. For me to find, okay, this I like. And yes, it's easy for me to go and date a man and be an avoidant and distract these real feelings. But then what? The same thing is probably going to happen to me again because I don't know what I'm doing and I'm just willy nilly going through life and what, because somebody's cute or this. I'm not paying attention to the core of people and even to the core of myself. And I just started listening to myself and finding the things that really made me feel whole but alone. And I know so many of my friends cannot be alone because they don't want to hear their own thoughts. They don't want to start working on themselves. And I'm not judging that. But I know how amazing it is to be alone with myself and to like who I am.
Jay Shetty
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Khloe Kardashian
You'Ve.
Jay Shetty
Probably been hearing about AI everywhere and we all need to be mindful of the tools we trust in this new chapter of technology. Claude is the if you know, you know AI assistant that just feels different. While other AIs often sound like robots, Claude is being created with special research that informs its character, meaning that Claude just gets it when it comes to empathy and emotional intelligence. That's why millions of people are turning to Claude for parenting tips, dating advice, mindful habits like journaling, budgeting, and so much more. Claud has been thoughtfully crafted by Anthropic and its team of researchers whose mission is to design the most capable and secure systems that place people at the center. You can try Claude for free today at Claude.com that's C-U---E.com Sometimes life can seem challenging and overcoming problems can seem impossible. But when you focus on your problems, it can keep you from seeing the good in your life. One thing that helps me when I need a change in perspective is acknowledging the small wins in life. I encourage my team to pay attention to small wins because it helps them see positive outcomes. Outcomes and the steps that they're achieving on the road to a bigger goal. Use the power of small wins to shift your outlook and you will start to see positive changes. State Farm is also there to help you find personal wins and celebrate the small things in life. The State Farm personal price plan helps you create an affordable price just for you. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighborhood, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer, availability, amount of discounts, and savings and eligibility vary by state. I'm so glad you talked about that, because I think that's one of the challenges we have today in the world is our inability to be alone. And again, I come at it from the same point of view as you. It's not about being judgmental. It's coming from a place of compassion and empathy that you can't break a pattern if you simply avoid it.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
And pretend it doesn't exist. And when we're alone, we're breaking the pattern because we have to look at those assumptions. We have to look at all those beliefs. We have to look at the hardwired truths that we're living by. And we've got to look at. Wait a minute. Every decision I make, where in the past did that seed get planted? And I'm now eating the fruit from that. And what seed do I want to plant today? Because I want to eat a different fruit in the future. Otherwise we keep eating the fruits from the past and never plant any new seeds.
Khloe Kardashian
I understand how difficult it is to change your mindset. Your mind is a muscle. I get it. And we are humans by nature. Like, they love a routine. You find comfort in that. I totally get that. So I'm not saying, oh, it's so easy. Go ahead and do this. No, but it's little practices every day.
Jay Shetty
Yeah. I always say to people, there's two questions you have to ask yourself. The first is, are you someone who seeks discomfort? Or someone who needs to build confidence? So if. If you're someone who needs to seek discomfort, you should start with the hardest thing first. And if you're someone who needs to build confidence, you should start with the easiest thing first. Because some of us want to wake up in the morning and jump into a cold plunge.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
Because that sets us up for the day. And some of us just need to wake up and make our bed.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
And if we do that now, we feel we can do harder things and all of us are one or the other. And the second thing is, are you an extremist or are you a balanced person? So for someone like me, I'm really good at being extreme. So if I make a decision and a commitment, I can be really extreme and cut it out. Tomorrow, my wife is more balanced. If you asked her to eat one tiny piece of chocolate a day, she could do that. Me, I could eat the whole bar and the whole box or nothing, because that's who I am as a person. And so it all comes back to what you're saying, that when you're spending time alone, you get a real sense of who you are. And then you get to make better habits and decisions for yourself, for you, as. As we're talking about all of this and your commitment to the work, your commitment and continued commitment to it. Why was traditional therapy a path that you wanted to go down and take part in? As you mentioned, why was that something that you opened the door to?
Khloe Kardashian
So for me, I never really thought I needed to go the conventional route. Kimberly was also anti therapy for her own reasons. And I wanna say maybe two years ago, maybe a little bit longer, she started seeing a therapist that she really, really liked. And she just suggested I meet with her. And I actually really liked her. Like, I really enjoy speaking with her. This might sound silly, but she is, you know, she's like, from our neighborhood. Like, there's so many things that she gets us on. And I also love how chill she is. Like, at the beginning, she would. When I would talk to her, she was like, I think I need to see you three days a week. And I was like, three days a week? And I remember telling Kendall, and Kendall was like, are you. I've never heard of someone seeing a therapist three days a week. I. Or do you need to go to a mental institution? Like, are you okay? And I was like, oh, my gosh, is that not normal? And we started talking, me and the therapist, more and more, and she was like, okay. I think you're like, you're actually really self aware and you're great. I just, I had this little hump that I think I needed her a little bit more. Maybe because I was just getting started, I'm not sure. And I love that she's also very chill. She's like, call me when you need me. She checks in on me by tech. She's more like a friend. And you just feel. I feel like I could trust her. And that's very rare for me. And I also think because of her relationship with Kim, she felt like more of a friend as opposed to this traditional therapist. And that's not bad or good. But because of my experience with past therapists, I didn't want something that was very traditional because I couldn't trust that. So I don't see her on a weekly basis anymore. I know when I need to see her, I will, but we do our check ins every now and again. But I honestly feel like I'm in such a good place and I also don't think that there's one which way that people can or need to get any help or life coaching, if you will. I think that it's not a one size fits all. I think everyone, whatever you're willing to try, try it and whatever you feel like really speaks to your soul, then that's, that's the way to go.
Jay Shetty
Yeah, definitely. Yeah. There's such a value when you can trust someone in speaking to someone who's not connected to your life.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
And almost doesn't feel the pressure to remind you that hey, you're doing great or like you know that that's trying to fill all those other ways. But the thing that stood out to me is, you know, you talked earlier about the romantic relationships where your trust was broken. How do you even find the courage to trust again?
Khloe Kardashian
That's really hard. And I, it took me over 10 years to see a therapist again. And so many people be like, I think you need therapy. And I was like, well I'm sure I do, but I don't feel comfortable talking to anybody. And definitely at first I would talk to her so monotone, so matter of fact she would even say, you don't have emotion when you're speaking. And for me, I had to turn off the emotional switch in me. And I would tell stories very. Because they are matter of fact when I'm giving you the facts. But it was more like I'm. It wasn't me, I'm just reading off somebody's life story. And one of our activities or homework assignments basically was me writing some like from the mini traumas to the big traumas in my life and writing them down. And the more I would write them down, I was like, this is ridiculous. Like how many mini to major traumas there are. And then we would go line by line and talk about them as opposed to just being like this happened and this and throwing everything under the rug. She wanted to dissect everyone. Not to be nosy, like not for. I felt it like there's some people I meet with. And I'm like, I do not trust this person. I'm not gonna give them anything. And she really worked hard to earn my trust. That made me feel safer with her. And just to sort of get why I am so dead about some of the things that I should probably be crying about if I'm telling somebody this story that I'm telling. But the trust took a long time. But I will say, because I trust all of my siblings with everything in me, that normally, if it is an introduction through them, my guards do go down. And Kim has had her own crazy things that she's not very trusting with either. So for her to trust, I was like, okay, I think I'm a little safe here. Yeah.
Jay Shetty
What did you find about that? Because I think that's so true for so many people who go to therapy that when you first go, you do recount your life as if it's a biography.
Khloe Kardashian
Right?
Jay Shetty
Right. You talk about it as if it's another person.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
Because we have disassociated and disconnected some of that emotion as a protective mechanism, as a mechanism of not internalizing all of it. What did you find when you started to kind of go through the less salacious parts and these more? And to be honest, I also imagine it's rarely those moments that are the really defining moments. The defining moments happened much earlier with the unseen things. What did you discover as you started to. Almost, as you said in your words, you were dead. How did you become more alive to the emotion of those moments? What did you discover?
Khloe Kardashian
Well, I remember I would just, like, I wrote everything down, and I would read them as if I was reading, like you said, somebody's biography. And I'm like, okay. She would just keep asking me, you don't have any feeling when you read these? And I was like, well, yeah. And I would start laughing, and she's like, okay. Well, not laughter. Cause I would feel so uncomfortable. And then that's my nervousness. And I realized once I would be like, okay, sort of get my own ego out of the way. Like, I had to strip myself down. And it took a few times, like, she didn't want me to cry and relive this. She just was more fascinated how I was so numb to so many things. And it really made me more sad for myself because I felt as if, God, I've been through so many things that at this point, I would rather not feel than feel, because feeling is too much for me to handle. And what is life if you don't feel things? Like, I Want to feel. I do want to feel sadness, too. Like, I love feeling joy and happiness. But then why am I so. I get. I know why I'm so okay with that feeling. But also, grief is also a beautiful thing. Cause it's an expression of love. And I think being sad or hurt means that there was once something or someone that you valued and cared about so much. And those were things that I had to learn and be like, it's okay. You're safe here. So it really just taught me to remind myself, like, we don't have to be numb to everything. And I use humor as an escape, as a defense mechanism. I do love to laugh, and I do love humor. But I realize in really dark situations, I do tend to make a joke of it at some point. That's just my personality. And I have to remind myself it's okay to cry or it's okay to have feelings. That doesn't make me weak. And that's not even a thought I'm having. Like, oh, are they gonna think I'm weak? But whenever I do cry, I tend to apologize afterwards for some reason.
Jay Shetty
Have you figured out why?
Khloe Kardashian
No. I should probably ask her about that.
Jay Shetty
No. Well, I think partly it's because we're. I mean, you probably know it as a mother, I think whenever we were crying as kids, most people just said to her, it's okay. Don't cry. Yeah, it's okay. Don't cry. Whatever it was, right? And not that our parents had bad intentions or anything like that. It's a natural thing to say, but it's like, I think we've always been made to feel like if you cried, it was almost wrong, or it wasn't needed or it wasn't necessary.
Khloe Kardashian
And what's so weird, my mom cried. Like, I wish I was more like that. She cries at anything and everything. Like, but happy.
Jay Shetty
Yeah.
Khloe Kardashian
Yeah. Like, I'm like, I don't know if I've cried happy tears ever.
Jay Shetty
Yeah.
Khloe Kardashian
Like. But I wish I was that type of person that I'm like, oh, my goodness, the joy. Like, I wish I had a little bit of that. She maybe has too much. I wish she could sprinkle a little onto me. But I. And we're all different.
Jay Shetty
I'm that person. I can, like, get teary twirling. If I get asked to speak at someone's birthday that I love or someone's wedding or whatever it is. I am just holding back tears. I've had the opportunity to officiate some weddings, and whenever I'm officiating I'm just literally going, jay, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. Because I just. When I see people in love and I see, you know, all the families.
Khloe Kardashian
And that's my dream.
Jay Shetty
Yeah.
Khloe Kardashian
To cry a little.
Jay Shetty
It's like I'm holding back the whole time.
Khloe Kardashian
Yeah. No, that's my dream. To be like, I. I have a heart, I have emotions. This is beautiful. Like, I wish.
Jay Shetty
But you're so expressive with your words.
Khloe Kardashian
I know.
Jay Shetty
I feel like every time we talk, we've connected, whether we're messaging or whatever it is. You're so expressive. You're so loving through your words.
Khloe Kardashian
Thank you.
Jay Shetty
Like you would feel that. And that's so natural and genuine to you. So it is there.
Khloe Kardashian
And I feel all those things. Like I'm probably too expressive with words sometimes, but maybe it's because I'm not a great. I don't cry very often at all. And maybe that's why, I don't know, sometimes I turn on a sad movie just cause I'm like, get the tears out and sometimes they don't come out. Like there's what is wrong with me.
Jay Shetty
Yeah. My wife will look over at me because I'm crying in every movie and she's like, how are you crying at this? Like nothing's even happened here.
Khloe Kardashian
You're like, I know it's gonna happen.
Jay Shetty
Yeah, exactly. It's so. It seems like one of the things I noticed with you is you're such a rock for your family, for your children, even for your ex partners. Like, you've been such a rock. And in one sense, it seems like one of your patterns is you've always taken care of others and other people. Have you discovered anything about why you've seen yourself take on that role in so many relationships in your life?
Khloe Kardashian
Yeah. Well, it's definitely my love language. And I. I'm such a maternal person. I've always been that person. And no one's ever said this to me. And my parents are so loving and so incredible. But I used to feel. But I still love, like, I still love taking care of people, but I used to feel like I wasn't worthy of like so many other things. But I knew if I took care of someone or was support, like, then maybe I'd be worthy of them loving me back. And that's how I used to feel. And I don't know where that came from, but it's almost like I have to earn my place in this person's life. So if I'm there for them, then maybe, like, that's enough. Because what else do I have to offer was how I used to feel when it comes to all the kids. I was very. Not by my family, but by other people. I was always talked about my looks, always told that I was chubby. No one ever believed that I was my sibling's sibling. They would always say, oh, like, where'd she come from? Or she's related to you. From, like, teachers. I remember so vividly. And that feeling of being always compared to them, but always not good enough to be considered their sibling. And I don't think these adults maliciously knew what they were doing. But it was so impactful that for children, I will do everything to include them, for them to never feel like that. And for adults too. But, like, with kids, I don't play and I never want someone to feel the way I did. And so I want to be that rock for everyone. And, you know, I think also having so many brothers and sisters, you know, we were raised with my stepdad's kids too, being in and out. We had four step siblings, so there was eight of us, and then at one point, 10 of us. And there's a lot. And sometimes people just don't feel as seen as others. And parents are doing the best that they can. And so I always have just wanted everyone to feel seen and supported and from every sister and exes, like, it's just. I feel like they're always in our lives, that God puts people in our lives for a reason. But I don't know, it's a part of me that I actually really love about myself because we've talked about it in therapy. She thinks I give my love. What did she say? I don't wanna mess it up. She's like, I think you give your love to others because you've never really felt that love yourself. But I know I've felt that from my parents. It's mainly from outside people that I've never really felt real, genuine love. It was like, oh, they'll take me because they wanted Kourtney, Kim and Rob or whatever. Like, I always had to. Like, I was always the funny one. Cause I felt like that was how I would get attention. Because it wasn't because, oh, she's so cute or this or that. Because people always made such a point to tell me how much I did not look like them or things like that. So I. I felt like, well, those were the things that people praised me on. So let's keep them up.
Jay Shetty
This is an advertisement from BetterHelp, we've made real progress in how we talk about mental health, but there's still a stigma around that holds people back. So many avoid therapy because they're afraid of being judged. But when we don't get the help we need, it doesn't just affect us, it impacts our relationships, our work and our communities. This Mental Health Awareness Month, let's remind each other that asking for support isn't a weakness, It's a strength. BetterHelp has been connecting people to licensed therapists for over 10 years, with a network of credentialed professionals across a wide range of specialties. It's fully online, serving over 5 million people worldwide, and you can switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Getting help isn't a sign of weakness. It's one of the strongest things you can do. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. We're all better with help our listeners get 10% off their first month@betterhelp.com Jaystop3 that's betterhelp.com Jstop3 you've probably been hearing about AI everywhere, and we all need to be mindful of the tools we trust in this new chapter of technology. Claude is the if you know, you know AI assistant that just feels different. Different. While other AIs often sound like robots, Claude is being created with special research that informs its character, meaning that Claude just gets it when it comes to empathy and emotional intelligence. That's why millions of people are turning to Claude for parenting tips, dating advice, mindful habits like journaling, budgeting, and so much more. Claude has been thoughtfully crossed crafted by Anthropic and its team of researchers whose mission is to design the most capable and secure systems that place people at the center. You can try Claude for free today@claude.com that's c l a-u d e.com sometimes life can seem challenging and overcoming problems can seem impossible. But when you focus on your problems, it can keep you from seeing the good in your life. One thing that helps me when I need a change in perspective is acknowledging the small wins in life. I encourage my team to pay attention to small wins because it helps them see positive outcomes and the steps that they're achieving on the road to a bigger goal. Use the power of small wins to shift your outlook and you will start to see positive changes. State Farm is also there to help you find personal wins and celebrate the small things in life. The State Farm Farm Personal Price plan helps you create an affordable price just for you. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. Yeah. And it is such a beautiful thing to be able to say I love this about myself. And yes, maybe it's made me over give or over love or overshare or whatever it may be. But at the same time there's a beauty in this. Helps me be an amazing mom, helps me protect these children, like, which is such a beautiful gift. And I think sometimes that's so true that our greatest gifts and our greatest superpowers come from how we were loved and what we experienced or what we had or didn't have. And it starts figuring out how that superpower can still live in our life and not trip us up. I think as time's gone on, as we start to set boundaries, a boundary should never put a boundary on your ability to love. It's a boundary to protect you from loving the wrong person.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
And there's a difference in that. Right. You wanting to share love and give love should never be limited but who.
Khloe Kardashian
You choose and not a bad thing.
Jay Shetty
And not a bad thing. And not a bad thing. And I think we all can become closed hearted and, you know, darker and bitter about it because of what we've experienced. But I love that you've held on to that. And I think the biggest challenge for a good hearted, good person is that we believe everyone loves the way we do.
Khloe Kardashian
Yes.
Jay Shetty
And then when they don't, we feel hurt by it. And then we can become closed and unloving. But that's the biggest loss for the world. It's the biggest loss for our lives because as you said, there's so much joy. If you can feel joy in being that person, it's a beautiful thing.
Khloe Kardashian
People are always so surprised that I'm not more cynical when it comes to love. And they always ask, do you ever think you're going to get married again? And I go, yes, I hope I'm going to get married again. I think marriage is the most beautiful union that there is. And I love that. I love family. I mean look at our family. We can't get away from each other. And I love every aspect of love, whether it be just for a friendship love or like I value that respect and that secrecy and that loyalty and whatever it Is. And people are always surprised that I believe in love. I probably am more joyful now, especially with love, than maybe five years ago.
Jay Shetty
Wow.
Khloe Kardashian
And it's because I feel like I know how to control myself more. Where before, you know, you just give things so freely. And I love giving love. I love loving myself, loving my family and others. But I feel like I'm a little bit wiser with maybe whom I give it to so innocently.
Jay Shetty
I think the amazing thing about love is we think love is also something we only feel when we receive it.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
But love, you actually feel it when you get to give it.
Khloe Kardashian
Yes.
Jay Shetty
There's like a joy in giving love that isn't there even in receiving it.
Khloe Kardashian
I could not worry more like I cannot accept gifts from people. I feel so uncomfortable. But giving somebody a gift I love and I get so excited just for. Cause I like to give really thoughtful gifts. It's just the joy that you give to people I love.
Jay Shetty
Yeah.
Khloe Kardashian
I just love. And I do have a problem where I love people. I was one of those kids. My mom was like, I could never leave you alone. You would just go talk to everyone. But I've always been a people person, so. And I never want to see people in pain. I want to be that love and support for someone if and when I can.
Jay Shetty
Yeah. It's beautiful. I mean, speaking of marriage, obviously recently on the show, you had Lamar on the show, and I believe it was the first time you'd seen each other in nine years.
Khloe Kardashian
Almost 10 years.
Jay Shetty
Almost 10 years, yes. I wonder why did you feel now was the time to reconnect? And was it you who initiated? Was it him? Where did that come from?
Khloe Kardashian
So, yeah, Lamar and I. The last time I saw him, I believe, was 2016.
Jay Shetty
Wow.
Khloe Kardashian
And never spoke nothing since 2016. If my memory serves correctly, I was actually at super bowl last year, the one in Las Vegas, and my best friend Malika was there and she was staying somewhere else, and she ran into him in a hotel lobby and they both just started like crying. Cause they were really close and just embraced and they exchanged numbers. And so that's how the first intro happened. And for Lamar, when we divorced, Lamar was not in a good headspace. But Lamar's a seven foot tall man. We had all this custom furniture, and he was like, just get rid of it all. I don't want to just sell the house. And I'm like, what? I didn't know what to do with that. So for years I kept a storage unit of all of his furniture. Thinking one Day he would want it. And years ago, before I had kids. Thank you. Well, it's his and expensive, and he's a big guy. Like, you're gonna want it. And I remember he was. Before I had tru. I think I was just pregnant. I was like, you know what? I just. I don't need to hold on to this storage unit anymore. And he said, throop. His friend, who will go unnamed, said, give him the storage keys and he'll take it for me. And I was like, cool, Fine. I did. So when I found out later down the line that this friend of his sold everything that was in the unit, and without Lamar knowing, and that broke my heart, because I was like, I saved these things for years. I could have got rid of it then, but these were his belongings and memorabilia from all of his sports stuff and whatever. So that broke my heart. When I moved from my last house during COVID I think it was 2020 or 2021. I didn't think. I have had a thing of Lamar's. I found Lamar's sixth man of the year trophy. I found his. His mom passed away when he was 12, I believe I found stuff of his mother's. They were all in my attic. Jewelry, all this stuff. And I. I held onto it, and I said, I'm never going to give this to somebody else unless it's Lamar. I'm gonna hold onto these things because now I don't trust his people around him. And when Malika reached out, when Malika told me she saw him, I said, that's so weird. I just found his mom's driver's license last week. And I was like, okay. She's like, why don't you give it to him? I was like, let me think this over. And it took a few months for me to want her to reach out, to say, like, do you want to meet up with me? Cause I wanted to do it. I didn't want to just drop it off. I didn't. I wanted to see him and make sure still, that he was doing okay. And at the time, I didn't have any feelings. I was like, yeah, let's hang. Let's come over. Let's go to Malika's house. I didn't want to do it in public where it would be a big spectacle. I didn't want to do it at my house because my kid's there. And he knew about the cameras. He picked the time of the date. I never would have ambushed somebody about that. And he picked the time of the date. He flew in for it. And it's so weird when I thought I was totally cool, and when he came in, he was so nervous, and I was trying to reassure him, like, we're fine and whatever. And there would be times in our conversation that I started getting these feelings. I don't know if they're triggers or. Because we've both experienced a lot of trauma together, Lamar and I, and there would be either little, little mannerisms or things that would flash me back to 10, 15 years ago, and I didn't realize how triggered I was getting from Lamar.
Jay Shetty
What did it bring up for you? And was it useful in giving more closure? Did it feel like it moved it on, or was it kind of like pulling you back? Because I'm thinking about all the people in the world who have the courage, first of all, to even not talk to someone for nine years, because that's hard enough as it is, but then to kind of throw yourself back into it that much time later.
Khloe Kardashian
Well, I could only say this because he. I would never tell somebody else's story, but I'm saying this because he said it on the episode. We didn't talk for 10 years because after his. After his overdose, Lamar couldn't walk or talk. And he had a significant amount of seizures and strokes and needed to be rehabilitated. And I helped him through that journey. And then when he was at a decent place, he started using again. And he said that on the show. That's why I'm saying it now. And from that moment was when I was paying for a house for him to be in. I was taking care of him, and I said, I can never see you again. Not that it was anything ever romantic. I love Lamar with all my heart. Even today, I love, love, love him. And I know he was, like, one of the greatest loves of my life. It just. Other circumstances took over, but. So I really, sincerely wanted the best for him. When he started using again after such a horrific accident, where he, in my opinion, is a miracle that he is alive today, I couldn't understand how someone would go and do that again. And I get it's a disease, but it felt like you punched me in my stomach. And I put so much of my life on hold to take care of this person, just for them to be like, that's fine. Like, I'm not sure how he felt about himself. It made me feel that he had no respect for his own life and for anything that I did for him as well. And so from that moment on, I said, no, I'm not speaking to this person anymore because it does nothing for me. There's no benefit in this. I felt more like I would be taking care of him but being lied to. I had so many negative thoughts. So that 10 year break, as sad as it was, it wasn't that hard for me because I it was, but it was sad. And I thought about him all the time and always wanting to make sure he's okay. And then when I saw him, like I loved seeing him, it was great. It was really sad. At the same time seeing someone I thought I would never outgrow, I realized how much I outgrew him and that made me sad. But I wonder, if we were still married, would we have grown together? And there were so many things that made me wonder even more. Like would we have grown together? If we did stay together, would this have stopped? Or would that be always be needing to be fed but you can't live your life in the what ifs of it all. But it definitely made me sad because I just felt like we were two totally different people and I never thought we would get to that place. Yeah, I'm happy for him. I am so happy that he's sober and he's doing these great things with his life and those are things that anyone should be rooting for. I'm also proud of him for meeting with me because as much as scary as or as nerve wracking and yeah, scary as it was for me to meet with him, I could only imagine how he felt because we left on really bad terms on his end. So I'm sure it was scarier for him.
Jay Shetty
Does it make you feel like there's more healing for you to do in regard to that relationship like resentment, anger or that the forgiveness that you had is kind of felt more concrete?
Khloe Kardashian
I don't have any anger or resentment. I really, really don't. And I don't know if this is a bad or a good thing, but me and all my siblings, my mom could be on the fence with this one. But definitely me and my siblings, when we like, we will be mad in the moment and curse someone out and yada yada, you give us a year and we're like, we love that person. What do you like? We don't ever hold on to that bad stuff and we don't know if that's necessarily good because sometimes you need to remember what people are capable of. But we're like, oh, but they're great. And we'll recite these great things. But I also think it is A beautiful thing. Cause I wanna remember the good. I know what you are capable of. But I don't need to hold on to all of the stuff that happened too. Cause I also feel like that was their journey. That was for them to experience and go through. And I was just a bystander. Yes, I went through it as. But that journey is really for that other person.
Jay Shetty
I'm mind blown, honestly. I mean, it. It's just. And. And I believe you so deeply. I can. I can feel it just sitting with you in. In your presence. But it's so hard to do what you're saying for just in general. And people always say forgive and forget, but I think for you, it's forgiven. Don't forget.
Khloe Kardashian
Yeah, no, it's forgiven. Don't forget. And I think so much of it is empathy. I think that that's huge, Chloe.
Jay Shetty
It's huge. Like, I want. I really hope you.
Khloe Kardashian
Thank you.
Jay Shetty
I really hope you allowed that. To sit with you and take that in today of just how huge it is.
Khloe Kardashian
Well. Cause most people say, oh, cause you're so weak.
Jay Shetty
No, I think of it, and I.
Khloe Kardashian
Think it is a strength. Like whenever I remember when Tristan's mother passed away, and Tristan has a brother that's disabled, and his mother was. Amari is Tristan's brother's name. Tristan's mom was Amari's sole caretaker, and she passed away. Tristan's house was under construction. We had all these crazy rains. His roof caved in. Tristan and I were not speaking at this time. Like, there was not a chance I would speak to him. And when Andrea passed away, I remember having Amari and Tristan move in with me. Because, yes, he could have gone to a hotel, but Tristan and Amari both needed to be not isolated. They both lost their mother. Amari needs special living arrangements, caretakers. There's a lot that comes with Amari. And so I was like, live here. Your kids are here. I got so much crap for that. And I'm thinking, do you guys think this is weak? I wasn't speaking to this man 15 minutes ago. And now I'm offering to give my house here. And that to me, takes so much more strength. And also to walk around the house in front of my kids and smile because I'm not fighting in front of my kids. I don't do stuff like that. And with Lamar, for Lamar, when his accident happened, his overdose happened at a brothel. And he. You know, it's not like I showed up at the hospital, not because I'm weak, because I was strong. And I needed to take care of him because who else would have? And I think people don't realize how much strength comes in those things. And it doesn't mean I forget, it just means there's something bigger here that's going to take precedence. And I need my moral compass says I need to show up and honor that. And that's just mine.
Jay Shetty
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Jay Shetty
Don't ever let anyone tell you it's weak. It's so not weak. It's. It's so powerfully strong. And you can see it in your heart and just that. A heart full of compassion and empathy and context and understand. I mean, you did that for Amari, right? The. The other situation, it's like you're going. If you're not talking to someone and you're going against all of this, but you're recognizing that there's someone here who's vulnerable, unable to care for themselves.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
And yeah, Tristan could have got a.
Khloe Kardashian
Hotel, but, you know.
Jay Shetty
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Khloe Kardashian
But with Amari and then. And I wanted Tristan to be with his brother because I've been with that family for years. But Amari knows he just lost his mother. He needs to be around his brother. And there was so many things. But. Yeah, No, I think. I think where some people call it weakness, they don't realize how much strength goes into putting your own personal feelings aside for the betterment of somebody else.
Jay Shetty
Yeah. And the biggest thing is you're. You're better off because of it internally. And I think that's ultimately what no one sees apart from you, is you have to go to. When you're. When your eyes close at night and you go to sleep, you go to sleep with that feeling of what you did and how you felt.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
And if you were in bed that night going, I should have done this, I should have helped. I wish I did this, but I've got to look strong and I don't want to be weak. Right, but then you're weak. You've just, you know.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
Stayed up all night trying to solve this issue in your head.
Khloe Kardashian
Yeah.
Jay Shetty
Yeah. No, it's huge. You brought up your beautiful children, who I love. Seeing you with. And they're adorable.
Khloe Kardashian
Thank you.
Jay Shetty
The cutest. And I was just thinking that being a mom for you is just such, it feels like such a natural role. As you said earlier.
Khloe Kardashian
It's my favorite thing that it's your.
Jay Shetty
Favorite thing and it comes across and seeing all the kids together and everything. What do you hope as they grow up, do they learn about you and see in you? What's your hope for them to understand about their mom?
Khloe Kardashian
Oh my gosh, I wish. My phone's in the other room. But I dropped True off at school today and they each wrote something about someone. And True wrote, I love my mommy because there's kindness in her soul. And she's six and I help her do her homework, which both were sweet. But the sentence, there's kindness in her soul, I was like, what a profound thing to say and a deep thing for a six year old. So beautiful. And that makes me feel, you know, like that I'm doing something right. That they don't love their mommy because she gives me presents or this or that. Like, I try to be as present with my children as possible. We all have our phones. We all. I'm not saying I'm never on my phone, but when we do have our time, I want to be on the floor with them playing games. I'm not just going to buy them all these games. And that's what they care about. And they care about just the routine, the memories, the dinners, the little things. It doesn't have to be all day every day. I know everyone's working and everyone's juggling a million things, but if you Even only have 30 minutes with your kids, make sure to put your phone down for the 30 minutes because your kids will remember that. And that 30 minutes, you can build such a connection. And me and my kids, we talk and they take baths together, both of them, and that's our time. And how loving both my kids are with each other that I take such pride in because I always hear stories about, you know, and I don't think I was that nice to my brother when I was little, but. But I just want them to know that this is a house of love. And like for me, love is the foundation. Love and faith is the foundation for everything.
Jay Shetty
That's so beautiful. I mean, it shows. I mean, that is such a profound thing for a six year old to write, isn't it?
Khloe Kardashian
I got it this morning. I took a picture of it this morning. I was like, show me later. I am, I was shocked. Like, what a deep Thing to say.
Jay Shetty
Yeah, it's so sweet. We were talking about earlier society's expectations and pressures as you were growing up. And as you said, it's so much harder on children today.
Khloe Kardashian
Yes.
Jay Shetty
Because of the access. Right. Before you knew what your class was doing. Today, you know what the whole world is doing.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
There are also kids that the whole world knows what they're doing.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
So it creates so many. How do you. What does it look like when you're thinking about this and you're figuring out how they navigate the world that they're growing up in? What are the thoughts that come to your mind?
Khloe Kardashian
We went to a restaurant the other night, and the waitress kept calling me by my name. She was like, chloe, do you want another drink? Whatever. And True was going, how does she know who you are? And I go, oh, I just come here all the time. Which I don't. But they don't realize that we're on TV or anything. Like, they don't know the difference because I'm. We're not talking about it. And I just think that's.
Jay Shetty
That's impressive.
Khloe Kardashian
I think that's so funny to me that she's like, how does somebody know your name? Or she'll say, why do they want a picture with you? I go, maybe she likes my hair. Like, I always try to say, like, something and brush it off. I don't know. I don't want to make a big deal out of it, you know, for my kids. True. She has an iPad that they can watch shows or whatever when doing her hair. But I have limited iPad time. And I tell her she can't have a phone until she's 12. And who knows if I'll keep that. But that's. I don't think kids need it. Other than that. I think they have these amazing phones that are just for calling now. I forget what they're called.
Jay Shetty
Yeah, I know you do.
Khloe Kardashian
But there's no Internet access. And so I'm like, yes, if you. You know, you could have one of those phones, but just to call me. But otherwise, why. I don't want you looking at these things. They're not on the Internet. Like, she's not on Instagram or TikTok or that kind of stuff. I don't think that's necessary at this age. I think it's really damaging. But I try to not be on those things when I'm around them. Like, we'll film videos and I post them later, but we just think we're making, like, dance videos. But I try not to be on those things around them because they see that.
Jay Shetty
Yeah.
Khloe Kardashian
I picked up the phone and we were at a red light. And True was like, mommy, no texting and driving. And I was like, oh, my gosh, she's right. I was at a red light. But she. They will also remind you, if you're doing anything illegal, they love to yell at you, but. But I don't know what the world looks like for that. I'm not someone that, like, covers their faces and does all that. I feel like. Like I don't want to not be out with my kids and. Or feel like I have to hide them. I feel like that would make my kids more anxious or ask more questions. If my kids ever wanted to do something on TV or anything like that, we would talk it through. But I don't push it. I don't necessarily want them to, but if they want to, then we can talk about it.
Jay Shetty
Yeah. You were also saying that dating something that you'd be open to at least one day in your 40s.
Khloe Kardashian
I think you said I have 10 years.
Jay Shetty
Yeah. That's amazing. And I was thinking, like, this idea of dating as a mom is. Is hard, I'm sure, like, with time and energy and effort and everything else. Like, how does that even fit into that wheelhouse as you're thinking about it? For all the mums out there who are thinking about dating in their 40s, which is very real.
Khloe Kardashian
I don't know if I'm the best one to ask because I. I genuinely. I have young. My kids are younger. And so I am loving that I get to have so much time with them right now. And there's gonna be a time that no matter how much they love me, they're not gonna want to be with me. You know, they're like, I wanna be with my friends. And yes, that's gonna hurt. But I get it. I was that kid. And right now I'm truly happy and I don't feel lonely. I've, Like, I'm so fulfilled with work and my kids. And once they're asleep, like, I get a little bit of alone time and then I go to sleep and I start again.
Jay Shetty
Listening to you. I'm thinking, like, there's such a. Just even what you're saying and just being happy with where you are happy with yourself. I wonder, does the evolved, the version of you that's been doing all this work, how do you think about the right partner now versus how you used to think about it? And then, you know, the quick version before, like, how is that impacted what you look for, what you think about?
Khloe Kardashian
What I do love is that now I'm. I am forced to take my time with someone. Where before I would love a good love bombing. I'm like, you left me.
Jay Shetty
Okay.
Khloe Kardashian
Like. And I would just like, roll with it. Where now I think we could, you know, mildly love bomb. But I. I can't do much about it because I do love the love and the affirmations. I do love all that. I'm not going to deny it. But I have to move slow because of my children. And that is a good thing for me. I am so used to my routine right now. I'm such a structured person. I don't do a lot of socializing unless it's with my same group of people. And someone said to me, why don't you throw like an event at your. Not an event, but like, I host a dinner at my house once a month and have your friends invite another friend. And not even about for romantic reasons, but just for the fact because dating is a skill. Or even socializing. Like, my social battery is empty all the time because I'm not used to using it anymore. If it's not in the daytime. I'm like, you want me up past nine? That's crazy. Like, to me, I'm like, how do you stay awake? I have to get used to staying up a little later, entertaining people, hanging out. So I loved that idea of like, maybe once a month having a little dinner party with my friends. If it's a group of people, I don't mind if they are around my kids. Cause it's a group and just meeting people. It could be romantic if someone brought someone that I was like, okay, like this person. Or it could just be me, you know, sharpening the tool of socializing with people again.
Jay Shetty
But see, I love that idea because I think you've just hit on something for a lot of people. I think so many people almost, we do the extreme. So one extreme is we're love bombing. We get love bomb. We love it. It doesn't work. But then the other extreme is we get so comfortable being alone.
Khloe Kardashian
Yes.
Jay Shetty
That we don't even know how to engage with others. And I think we kind of oscillate between these two things where we just go back and forth.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
As opposed to, I love what you're doing, which is, hey, let's create an opportunity for a connection, whether it's romantic or not.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
And I'm practicing my skill. It's not going to feel like this really daunting thing now when I have a conversation with someone and it kind of keeps it fresh for us. And I think that's so important for people because we get so confident and comfortable being alone.
Khloe Kardashian
Totally. Because that was me. I have been alone for three years and I love it. Like, I'm scared and I'm like, okay, I have to. I love this. Maybe too much where that worries me because I could do this for another 5 years and be so happy about it, but that's not normal. Like, I need to push myself. And for people that. If you don't want to bring people to your home, you guys could, like, do this at a restaurant and have it be a monthly thing or every other month thing. Like whatever's workable for your schedule. I just loved that lesson. And I can't do it weekly. Like I would love to in my brain, but that's too much social battery for me. So I'm like, I could do once a month where I just have a little gathering at my house. And it is a skill that I want to work on.
Jay Shetty
Yeah, I love that for you. That's such a great idea. It's brilliant.
Khloe Kardashian
You might be invited to one.
Jay Shetty
Oh, I'd love. Let me know when. I'd love that. I'd love that. That'd be so much fun. No, that sounds beautiful. Beautiful. And one thing I've noticed about you throughout this whole conversation that I admire so deeply is you just lean into discomfort. Just lean into it.
Khloe Kardashian
Oh, my God.
Jay Shetty
So hard to do.
Khloe Kardashian
Wow. I didn't think of that.
Jay Shetty
You just lean into it. Whether it's the discomfort of forgiveness, the discomfort of moving on, the discomfort of accepting where you are, the discomfort of raising a family, the discomfort of people seeing you as being weak, the discomfort of dealing with external judgment you just lean into. Where does that come from? Where did you see it? Where did you experience it? Now that. Seeing as it sounds like it's the first time.
Khloe Kardashian
Yeah. No, my wheels are turning right now. I don't know. I mean, I sound like a broken record, but so much of it is my faith.
Jay Shetty
Yeah.
Khloe Kardashian
And. But also. It's beautiful, but it is. But I was raised in such a faith heavy household. My mom and my dad. Faith is the foundation of everything. And my dad, we went to Sunday school every Sunday. Like, everything was always about faith. Prayers every night, prayers before food. And I think when you're just raised that way, you learn to rely and lean on your faith whenever you need to. And I'm someone that it's so Easy to rely on faith when you're struggling and when something's bad. But, yes, I go to God when I'm struggling, but I go to God so much more when I'm happy, because I am so grateful. And I'm telling him, thank you for bringing me out of that spot. And I think so many people forget to go to your higher power when you're in the best of times, because that's when he wants you to acknowledge him too, not just when you need him. That's easy. Like, don't just call me for help. Like, I want you to call me, too, when you're joyful. And there's so much greatness going on. And so I. I do the same. And I think the more that you talk about greatness, the more greatness then surrounds you.
Jay Shetty
Yeah, I think. I think faith is just such a underestimated part of life.
Khloe Kardashian
It's sad. I was watching the Academy Awards the other night, and I barely heard anybody thank God. And at the end, Adrien Brody, he was, I think, one of the last speeches, and the very first thing he said was, I just want to thank God. And I don't know. That just made. I was like. It was sad to me that not that many people lead with faith anymore, and not that you have to, but it was a big thing that I noticed.
Jay Shetty
We get scared now. There's, like, this worry, and I feel like things are coming back around again. It almost feels like there was a time when you almost couldn't talk about it because you'd be judged for it, or there'd be connotations or.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
You know, things like that around it. And I definitely felt that as well, where it's just like, okay, and. And I think now that's coming back around where I think a lot of younger people in the world today are turning towards spirituality and faith and.
Khloe Kardashian
Oh, I love hearing that for that.
Jay Shetty
Which. Which you're seeing in trends and conversations where I think people are having to look for higher purpose and higher meaning now because it's really hard to find meaning and purpose around us.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
And I think what. What you talk about it so beautifully is that it's a conversation. It's real. It's natural, it's good and bad. It's. It's not like this ritualistic.
Khloe Kardashian
Right.
Jay Shetty
Process. There's a genuine relationship.
Khloe Kardashian
Yes.
Jay Shetty
That exists there, which is what we're all looking for as well.
Khloe Kardashian
Yeah.
Jay Shetty
Yeah. Chloe, it's been such a joy talking to you today. Honestly, I love every moment I get to spend with you. You have just reminded us of how we can be strong in tough times, how you can look back on your life and move forward, how you can reflect and still feel so much growth and that we shouldn't be scared to do the work and that we can be scared, but then we still have to follow through. Yeah, and I'm so thankful that my community and I get to learn from you and sit with you and really dive into so much stuff that people have seen play out for them publicly. But to really understand how you've been processing it behind the scenes is really a gift. So thank you so much.
Khloe Kardashian
Well, thank you, Jay. It's so easy to talk to you and I love and adore you and being in this safe space. So thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable and feel so safe with you. Thank you.
Jay Shetty
You're the best.
Khloe Kardashian
Thank you.
Jay Shetty
Thank you. If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Kendall Jenner on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing your inner child.
Khloe Kardashian
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Jay Shetty
Oh, that's me.
Khloe Kardashian
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Podcast Summary: On Purpose with Jay Shetty Featuring Khloé Kardashian
Episode Title: Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Release Date: May 5, 2025
The episode opens with an acknowledgment of Khloé Kardashian's significant contribution to the podcast since her first appearance in 2019. Jay Shetty expresses deep gratitude for Khloé and her family, highlighting the supportive relationship they've built over the years. Khloé reciprocates the sentiment, emphasizing the comfortable and safe environment Jay fosters, which encourages genuine and vulnerable conversations.
Notable Quote:
The conversation shifts to Khloé's recent milestone—turning 40. Contrary to societal fears associated with this age, Khloé shares her excitement and reflects on the growth she experienced in her 30s. She discusses the societal pressures women face regarding marriage and motherhood, noting a shift towards prioritizing careers and personal fulfillment.
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Khloé delves deeper into societal expectations, particularly concerning women's biological clocks and the pressure to achieve certain life milestones by specific ages. She emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and recognizing that it's okay not to have everything figured out in your 20s and 30s.
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Khloé addresses the detrimental effects of comparison, especially in the age of social media. She discusses how constantly comparing oneself to others can lead to diminished self-worth and emphasizes the importance of celebrating small personal victories instead.
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A significant portion of the conversation revolves around forgiveness—both of others and oneself. Khloé shares her journey of overcoming guilt and shame from past relationships and the importance of setting boundaries to protect one's emotional well-being.
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Khloé discusses her experiences with therapy, highlighting the challenges of trusting therapists and the transformative power of self-reflection. She emphasizes that therapy is not a one-size-fits-all solution and underscores the importance of finding a therapeutic relationship that feels safe and supportive.
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The episode takes a deeply personal turn as Khloé recounts her reconnection with ex-husband Lamar after nearly a decade. She shares the emotional complexities of meeting him again, the challenges of forgiveness, and the strength required to move forward without harboring resentment.
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Khloé reflects on her role as a mother and the values she instills in her children. She emphasizes the importance of presence over presents, creating meaningful connections, and modeling kindness and empathy.
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The discussion moves to Khloé’s approach to dating and relationships in her 40s. She shares strategies for building meaningful connections without overwhelming her social calendar, highlighting the importance of intentionality and self-awareness.
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Faith plays a crucial role in Khloé's life. She discusses how her religious upbringing has provided her with strength and resilience, enabling her to lean into discomfort and find gratitude in both challenging and joyful times.
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In the concluding segment, Jay Shetty commends Khloé for her unwavering strength and authenticity. He highlights the importance of embracing vulnerability, setting boundaries, and fostering genuine connections. Khloé reiterates the value of forgiveness, empathy, and intentional living as pillars of a fulfilling life.
Notable Quotes:
Embrace Personal Growth: Turning milestones like 40 can be opportunities for self-reflection and embracing who you are today, rather than adhering to societal expectations.
Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledging and celebrating small victories can shift your outlook from what’s lacking to what’s abundant in your life.
The Power of Forgiveness: Forgiving others and oneself is crucial for emotional healing and moving forward without carrying the burdens of past mistakes.
Importance of Boundaries: Setting healthy boundaries protects your emotional well-being and fosters balanced relationships.
Therapy as a Personal Journey: Finding the right therapeutic relationship is essential for effective healing and self-discovery.
Modeling Values Through Motherhood: Being present and intentional with your children teaches them the importance of love, kindness, and empathy.
Intentional Relationships: Building meaningful relationships requires intentionality, especially when balancing personal life and parental responsibilities.
Faith and Spirituality: Leaning on faith and spirituality can provide strength and resilience during challenging times, fostering gratitude and intentional living.
This episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty offers an intimate glimpse into Khloé Kardashian's personal journey of healing, self-discovery, and growth. Through candid conversations, Khloé shares her struggles with societal pressures, the impact of therapy, the importance of forgiveness, and the profound role of faith in her life. Jay Shetty facilitates a heartfelt dialogue that not only highlights Khloé's resilience but also imparts valuable lessons on navigating life's complexities with grace and purpose. Listeners gain actionable insights on embracing their authentic selves, setting boundaries, and fostering meaningful connections, making this episode a cornerstone for those seeking personal growth and mental well-being.