← On Purpose with Jay Shetty
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- [00:00]
Jay Shetty
This is a iheart podcast. Guaranteed human.
- [00:07]
State Farm/Indeed/Other Advertisers
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- [00:55]
Jay Shetty
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- [01:29]
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- [01:32]
Jay Shetty
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- [01:33]
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- [02:00]
Jay Shetty
Laila, you came here today because there's something you haven't shared.
- [02:06]
Layla Taylor
It's something that I have known since I was little. It's just something that I honestly didn't really know how to formally address for a long period of my we're only on this earth for however long we are here, and I'll be damned if I'm not able to be fully who I am.
- [02:29]
State Farm/Indeed/Other Advertisers
Hey everyone.
- [02:29]
Jay Shetty
Welcome back to On Purpose. My guest today is Laila Taylor. Many of you know Laila from her show the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, where she shared her journey through motherhood, divorce, dating, and navigating faith in Utah. Today, she's opening up about experiences she hasn't fully shared before and a journey. Journey that brought her into a new chapter today. Please welcome Layla to On Purpose. Layla Taylor, welcome to On Purpose.
- [02:57]
Layla Taylor
Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here.
- [02:59]
Jay Shetty
I am so grateful that you're here today. People know your work, they know parts of your story. They see you on tv. But you came here today because there's something you haven't shared before. And I wanted to give you the space and ask you what's on your heart.
- [03:17]
Layla Taylor
Yeah, it's just something that I honestly didn't really know how to formally address for a long period of my life. And that it's. I'm gay and I'm bi and date women and men, and it's just. I think growing up, I didn't fit in for a lot of reasons. In my childhood, I grew up in a very predominantly white area, and being a little black girl, I already stood out so much to my peers and. And kind of took that on a lot more than I feel like I realized. And I always kind of had these thoughts, and I kind of laugh about it now because I would be watching shows like Pretty Little Liars, and I would watch, like, Shay Mitchell kissing a girl. I was like, wait, like, why is that, like, hot? But I didn't know, like, what those feelings were because I didn't have queer representation around me of, like, I could look at it and be like, okay, like, this is normal. And it wasn't necessarily that I had parents or I was. I was Mormon at one point, but I didn't necessarily have that pressure to not do that. I just didn't have people around me that modeled that. And it's just. It's just something that I, for a long time, didn't know if it was just a phase or something that, you know, maybe I'm just curious and I would just kind of underplay it for a long period of my life. And I don't know, I just feel like I'm finally in the era that I. I'm over not being truly myself, and I'm over not showing every part of Layla to the world. And, yeah, I'm very proud to be bi, and I'm very proud now to be out. And I hope that if anyone's in a situation that I am as well. That for a long time there, I didn't know if I could come out and truly be myself. I hope that they can feel safe to do so and proud to do so.
- [05:07]
Jay Shetty
First of all, I'M so happy for you.
- [05:08]
Layla Taylor
Thank you.
- [05:09]
Jay Shetty
I can't imagine how good it feels to share it out into the world. This is the first time you've talked about it publicly, right?
- [05:16]
Layla Taylor
Yeah, I haven't addressed it. Yeah.
- [05:18]
Jay Shetty
Why was now the right time for Leila to share this?
- [05:21]
Layla Taylor
Honestly, I went through a breakup at the beginning of this year, and I feel like for just a long period of my life, I was constantly living my life for other people, whether if that was, you know, being a mom or I was in a marriage. At one point, I was married, and I just feel like I was always fulfilling other people around me, and it honestly just caused me to never really focus on myself and never be able to, like, really just sit alone with who I am as a person and my feelings and kind of just really get to the root of why I felt certain ways, and I just kind of always just pushed it aside, and again, just. I was just like, oh, this is like a phase. Like, you're not actually attracted to girls. Like, you're just. You're drunk at a party and you kissed a girl. Like, it's no big deal. Like, you're not. You're not gay, Layla. Like, just ignore that. And I just feel like I just never was in a place that I feel like I could truly, authentically focus on it. And I think, honestly, that breakup was, like, a blessing in disguise because I feel like now I've been fully able to just focus on Layla and. Yeah, just focus on who I truly am.
- [06:17]
Jay Shetty
How does it feel to actually say it out loud and get it off your chest?
- [06:21]
Layla Taylor
Good. Honestly, I just feel like it's like, girl, this should have happened forever ago. I don't know why for so long, I was so afraid, but it. I mean, there are people that are probably gonna judge me, and there's people that aren't gonna be supportive of it. And luckily for me, like, I'm in a position that I'm surrounded by so much love and so much support, and I. I haven't told a lot of people around me that I am. So this is. Honestly, they're going to be finding out for themselves on this podcast, and I know that they're going to be nothing but supportive, though, and I know that's not the case for everybody, and I'm so grateful that I am in the position that I am, that I can truly be myself and feel the love and support, and I just wish that was the same for, like, everyone.
- [06:58]
Jay Shetty
Yeah, you're so right.
- [06:59]
Ray Porter
Who.
- [06:59]
Jay Shetty
Who was the first person you told
- [07:01]
Layla Taylor
My best friend, Kate.
- [07:02]
Jay Shetty
Okay.
- [07:02]
Layla Taylor
Yeah. We were actually on a trip together for Miami Swim week, and I was getting texts from somebody, and she's like, who's. Who's this person, like, texting you and calling all the time? And I was like, oh, like, it's no one. At first she thought it was my ex. And I was like, no. Like, no, I. I. I'm. I don't circle back with exes. It's not an ex. But I was like. And I finally was like, hey, like, Kate, I have to. I have to tell you. Like, it's a girl. Like, I'm. I'm bi. And she's like, oh, my gosh. Like, I'm so excited for you. Like, that's amazing. So I. She was obviously the best person for me to tell first because she's just. She just knows me so well. And, yeah, she was very supportive.
- [07:35]
Jay Shetty
It must be so relieving when the first person you tell actually sees you.
- [07:40]
Layla Taylor
Yeah. Yeah.
- [07:40]
Jay Shetty
Right.
- [07:41]
Layla Taylor
I feel like she's like, okay, awesome. Like, cool. I don't know. I just feel like she didn't really, like, care. Not in a bad way, but she's like, okay, awesome. Like, I'm glad that, you know, you're happy. That's all I care about.
- [07:51]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. Have you shared this with any of the other cast members of Secret Lives?
- [07:55]
Layla Taylor
No. We've been kind of not in a bad place, any of us girls. I know that there's some friendships that are, like, in different places than they have been in the past, but I think right now we've just been kind of a little separate since just, you know, going on that pause from filming and everything like that. So I just haven't seen any of them in person, and I feel like me coming out, it's not really, like, a text of, like, hey, I'm by. I feel like I kind of want to see them in person, to, like, let them know so they might see this before, and then I'll talk to them in person the next time I see them. But, yeah, right now, no one. No one from the group knows.
- [08:25]
Cal Penn
Wow.
- [08:25]
Jay Shetty
How do you hope they'll react, or do you have no expectation?
- [08:29]
Layla Taylor
I think supportive. I don't think that anyone would not be. I think that I lucked out with, like, a cast that we all have our things and we're all supportive of each other regardless.
- [08:41]
Jay Shetty
That's actually amazing.
- [08:42]
Layla Taylor
It's awesome. I'm really. I'm lucky for the group of girls that we have.
- [08:45]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. That's incredible. Tell me about the first time you've realized you were into both men and women?
- [08:50]
Layla Taylor
I feel like I can't, like, necessarily pinpoint those kind of, like, those memories. I said that I was, like, watching for hours, and I was like, okay, like, huh? Or just, like, you know, again, like, I would have, like, drunk moments. I would, like, kiss a girl, but I would get always. Just downplay it. But it wasn't until recently, actually, that the girl that I'm talking to right now DM'd me. And then we met up and we hung out, and it was just kind of like that first kiss of, like, it wasn't. This wasn't like, a drunk moment. Like, this was me intentionally going into a moment, knowing how I felt about women. And the first time, you know, actively dating a woman, that I was like, okay, like, this is what I want to do also. So I think it was, like, that moment that it wasn't just like, a ooh, gotcha moment. And, like, this is where I want to be.
- [09:33]
Jay Shetty
Wait, did she just send you a dm, hoping that you were.
- [09:35]
Pharmaceutical Advertiser
Yeah.
- [09:35]
Layla Taylor
Yeah. So I actually. I liked one of her tiktoks that it was like. I don't even know what it was. I think it was just something. It was a thirst trap or something, and I, like, liked it. And she ended up just sending me, like, eye emojis, and I was like, hey. So I don't know. She just went on a whim. She told me. She's like, I didn't know if he works. I feel like, on my page, you can't, obviously. I feel like no one would know that I am into girls. Obviously not until now. She just kind of went on a whim, maybe like, a gut feeling, and I'm. Yeah, I'm really glad she did. So.
- [10:02]
Jay Shetty
That's awesome.
- [10:03]
Bombas Advertiser
Yeah.
- [10:03]
Jay Shetty
Wow, look at you. That's like, you know, you haven't even got out there yet. That's amazing. Did you talk about sexuality growing up? Like, was that a conversation in your family, in your home?
- [10:12]
Layla Taylor
No, not at all. I think, honestly, that's one of the reasons why I probably got pregnant at such a young age. I got pregnant when I was 19, and I feel like it wasn't necessarily something that they were voided because I feel like there was, like, some moments that they would make small little comments, but they never really sat me down, like, ever had, like, a talk about anything. So I kind of just figured out everything on my own.
- [10:32]
Jay Shetty
Wow. When you look back now at that time, what do you wish little Layla had that was different?
- [10:40]
Layla Taylor
I think just a little bit more support. I think I spent a lot of my childhood hiding things from my parents because I was just really afraid of, like, their reactions. Just even small, small things. Like, I lost my virginity when I was 15, and that was something my parents probably still to this day don't even know. And I was very, like, terrified to tell them, like, little, small details. So even like, these. When I started to, like, have these feelings and have, you know, these thoughts, I would have never gone to them in a million years. And I think that's honestly probably why for such a long time, I felt like I had to stay closeted because I just didn't have the support system around me that I wish, you know, as a child that I did have.
- [11:14]
Jay Shetty
And was that around the same time as Mormonism came into your life as well?
- [11:18]
Layla Taylor
Yeah, so I converted to the church when I was 16.
- [11:21]
Jay Shetty
Wow. What was it about losing your virginity at 15 and converting at 16?
- [11:26]
Layla Taylor
I feel like I kind of went through, like, a. I don't even know, just, like, a phase that I was kind of rebelling a little bit from, like, probably, like, 14 to, like, right before I converted. And I don't know, it just kind of set me back on track for, like, a second, but I was still kind of doing. I was still, like, sleeping my boyfriends in high school and stuff like that. But it almost just kind of gave me a little bit of, like, a moral compass I feel like I didn't necessarily have before.
- [11:49]
Jay Shetty
I can relate to some degree because I got deep into spirituality when I was 18 years old, and I obviously went and lived as a monk after, but it became part of my life so young.
- [11:59]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [12:00]
Jay Shetty
I have such a love for the wisdom I learned, and I have such a love for my teachers, but I'm not as much of a fan of the institution.
- [12:08]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [12:08]
Jay Shetty
And it's just a really interesting experience as I've got older and older and older. I'm older than you, but as I've got older and older and older from that stage, it's just I have such an interesting relationship at that time in my life, and I'm like, what it. What was it that you were seeking, apart from rebellion, what were you seeking at that time that Mormonism met or. Or made you feel?
- [12:29]
Layla Taylor
I think, for me, one of my biggest things, just having a very messy childhood where I didn't have that family consistency that, like, a lot of families did have in the Mormon Church. I feel like I spent a lot of times at my friend's houses Kind of avoiding what was going on at home. And I feel like a common theme I would notice of them was how strong their families seemed together. So I think just being 16 and being young and kind of optimistic about the world, I was like, hey, like, I'm missing that one thing that would make me have a happy family one day, and that's being Mormon. So I just. It was. Everyone around me is Mormon. I think 98 of my school was enrolled in seminary, which is like an hour block in your schedule that you can go and, like, learn more about the church. So everyone around me is Mormon. Just like, all that I knew. And I just thought that that was. That was the way that you're supposed to live life.
- [13:14]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. When you look back on that, what. What are the lessons that you feel have really improved your life, bettered your life, Things that have stayed, and then the things that you're like, I need to unlearn that, need to leave that behind.
- [13:26]
Layla Taylor
I honestly, I feel like I didn't really take a lot away from my experience being Mormon. I think I would go to sacrament meetings and I would try my best to, like, attend, but I just feel like my heart was never fully in it. I was really only just there to fit in and to just have one less thing that people would notice was different than my peers. You know, like, already being black and like, you know, having these thoughts in the back of my head of, like, liking girls but not wanting to admit it. It was just, like, one more thing. And I was like, hey, if I check this box off, I'll fit in a little bit more with everyone around me. So I honestly, I don't feel like I really took a lot out of going to church. I truly would just show up to say that I was there and, yeah, like. But it pulled me out of a really dark place. I was dealing with a lot of mental health issues in high school and obviously dealing with things at home. So it gave me a lot of pur. To kind of keep going and to have motivation that it was going to work out. So I am grateful for the church in a lot of ways, just because it did pull me out of that dark place that I honestly don't think I could have pulled myself out of on my own. Obviously, there's a lot of things within the church that, I mean, now being openly gay, like, obviously that's not something that they're supportive of. So there's a lot of things that, like, I don't love and I wasn't obviously aware of them. At the time when I was little and converting. But I'll always be grateful for the positive impact it had on me.
- [14:39]
Jay Shetty
It's such a natural experience when we're in our teenage years to just want to fit in.
- [14:42]
Layla Taylor
Yes, exactly.
- [14:43]
Jay Shetty
Like, just want to belong. To find a place where you don't feel different.
- [14:46]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [14:46]
Jay Shetty
You don't feel othered. You don't feel like there's something hard to understand about you. And you mentioned then. I know you've talked about it on the show as well. Being a black woman in predominantly white areas, white experiences. Talk to me about what that experience was like for you. Like, what were the questions in your head or.
- [15:07]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [15:07]
Jay Shetty
What were the things that you were struggling with, grappling with internally?
- [15:10]
Layla Taylor
I think I just didn't have a lot of black peers around me. So it's just all I saw was just pretty blonde girls with blonde hair and blue eyes or green eyes. And I just think being young and very impressionable, that's what I honestly, for a long time thought that that was the definition of beauty. I truly thought that that was what I needed to, like, look like to fit in and for guys to like me and all those things. And it was just so sad. I remember one of my, like, worst experiences in high school is one night I actually attempted to bleach my skin, which is so sad that I even. But I just thought I had to do all these extreme just to fit in. And I just wish that someone would have just told me that I was pretty and that I was worthy regardless of what color my skin was. And just because I don't look like people around me doesn't mean that I'm any less than them. Honestly. No. But being a mom, I feel like having little boys of my own that look up to me, I'll make sure that they have those affirmations about themselves that, like, I wasn't taught and it's just honestly taught me how to be a better mom.
- [16:08]
Jay Shetty
Talk to me about the process of even trying to bleach your skin. Like, how did that even come about?
- [16:13]
Layla Taylor
I just. On again, me just being little. I was like 10. I thought that if I drew a bath and I put a bunch of bleach in it and then I sat in the bath and scrubbed, it would like, cause my skin to lighten. I just think I. I was just very young. I didn't know how that would work. But just anything I could possibly do to like, fit in, I wanted to try to do. I mean, even just like my hair, I Went onto this on my show of Me kind of just finally, like, owning me, being black and experimenting with my hair. But my whole entire life growing up, my mom taught me that my curly hair was just hard to manage for her. So the second that she could, she started straightening my hair. And that's all I knew for a long time was just, okay, just straighten your hair. Like, don't. If it starts to get curly, like, straighten it really quick again. Like, you don't want people to know that your hair is, like, actually naturally curly and has texture. And it's something that I hid for a long time. So I just think any part of myself that would show that I was black, I was so afraid to. And that breaks my heart to say, but I think it's caused me to do a complete 180 now being. Even though it did take me 25 years to get to this point, that I'm so incredibly proud to be black and to represent a huge community of the world on the show. I feel like I'm in such a unique position being the only black cast member, and I'm just really, really proud to be able to represent. A lot of people talk to me
- [17:24]
Jay Shetty
about that journey from. Was it a sense of shame?
- [17:27]
State Farm/Indeed/Other Advertisers
Was it?
- [17:27]
Jay Shetty
Or was it just a sense of feeling othered and different?
- [17:31]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [17:31]
Jay Shetty
And then how do you even get from going there to actually developing a sense of, as you just so beautifully said, a sense of pride, a sense of representation, a sense of I actually am standing for something, and that's more important than fitting in. Talk to me about that journey that you've been on.
- [17:47]
Layla Taylor
I mean, it was hard. I think, again, I would just shy away from anything that made me feel different. And I honestly think the biggest shift for me was having my own kids because they're a quarter black, but either which way, they're still black. And I don't want them to feel the things that I felt and just seeing them and, you know, seeing how beautiful they are and, you know, I want them to be proud of themselves and proud of every single part of themselves. And I can't do that if I'm not proud of me. And I think that was where the big shift for me happened. And, yeah, I mean, it was a hard thing. I remember the first time I wore a wig, I was like, oh, my. Take it off. Like, I hate this. Like, just. It felt so foreign to me. But I think the more I've been doing it and the more I've just been fully just loving myself, I, like, love It. And I love, you know, just owning me fully.
- [18:35]
Jay Shetty
I love hearing about how your kids have inspired you to. To want to stand on your own.
- [18:39]
Just Food for Dogs Advertiser
Yeah.
- [18:39]
Jay Shetty
Two feet and really represent who you want to be and what you believe in and for them to experience that. And it's fascinating how when you're caring for a little person, there's almost like all of these lessons and reflections that almost make sense almost immediately.
- [18:55]
Layla Taylor
I feel like it just honestly alters the way you just handle life and you go forward and just. Yeah, it changes the way you think about a lot of things.
- [19:04]
Jay Shetty
You got pregnant at 19. What was your emotion like when you first find out?
- [19:10]
Layla Taylor
Oh, terrified. I actually have kind of like, it's funny now in the moment. It was not funny. I was obviously not being safe with my boyfriend now or ex husband now. And I knew what, you know, what potentially happen if we weren't being, you know, safe. But I didn't think it was a possibility that I would actually be pregnant. And I went to an urgent care because I thought I had some type of weird stomach bug. And they're like, is there a possibility that you're pregnant? I was like, no, there's. There's like literally no way I'm pregnant. Like, I. No, no, that wouldn't happen. And they ended up testing me. That's how I found out. I was in an urgent care on my own by myself in Provo, Utah. And it was the most terrifying day of my life at that point. I didn't have a lot of family support. I was kind of not isolated in Utah, but my boyfriend, the time was like, all I really like, had. So when I found out, I was like, okay, like, I don't know what I'm going to do at that point. Like, I didn't know if, like, I should move forward with pregnancy. I don't know if I should put the baby up for adoption. I didn't know if I should marry this guy, date this. I didn't know what to do. I think I had so many questions in my head and didn't know how to proceed, but I. They changed my life, both my kids, for the better. And I'm so, so grateful to be their mom. But it's definitely a terrifying experience to get pregnant when you don't really have the support around you at such like a young age.
- [20:26]
Jay Shetty
How did you decide that marriage was the option and not to actually open yourself up to other experiences or explore.
- [20:34]
Layla Taylor
In my head, I felt like I almost messed up some steps by getting pregnant before we were married. That I was like, hey, at least, like, let me give my family, like a chance of us being together. I think coming from a broken household and experiencing divorce and kind of the very toxic dynamic my parents had growing up with each other, I wanted the opposite of that for my kids. And I think just being so terrified of being a single mom, I was like, okay, like I, I have to marry him. And now I'm a single mom. So obviously that didn't, you know, pan out exactly how I was envisioning it to. But I'm still happy that we gave it a shot. I think that obviously, you know, divorce isn't easy and it's not fun, but if we wouldn't have gotten married, I wouldn't have had my second baby. So I think everything happens for a.
- [21:26]
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- [22:27]
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- [23:08]
Jay Shetty
It feels like you've lived so much life.
- [23:10]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [23:10]
Jay Shetty
In like such a short amount of time. Whether it's conversion, whether it's Becoming a mom, whether it's moving from dating to marriage, like, there's so many. I mean, when you look back on it now, do you kind of go, God, how did I even do all of that?
- [23:25]
Layla Taylor
Oh, yeah. Sometimes I'm like, I don't know how I'm still standing, but I think it made me who I am. I wouldn't take back anything that I've experienced in my life. I feel like, truly, I've been put through those challenges to be able to help other people. I say this all the time, but I feel like having a platform, you're put in a position that you can use your platform for good or bad. And truly, if I'm able to just help one person by sharing my story, I feel like that's why I do what I do. And, yeah, I'm just. Everything has led me to where I am today, and I wouldn't change a thing.
- [23:55]
Jay Shetty
Yeah, you've said that at one point, your marriage became manipulative.
- [23:58]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [23:59]
Jay Shetty
Was that something that was always there and you kind of ignored it and didn't notice it? Was it something that kind of came later on?
- [24:06]
Layla Taylor
No, unfortunately, we had a very toxic relationship from the start. I just think that we never really knew each other on a deeper level. I think it was very surface level for a long time. And then when we got pregnant, it was just kind of. We felt like we had to get married, like I said. And I just think we never had the proper foundation of a relationship to be able to, you know, withstand being married and, you know, taking on challenges that you obviously occur. That occur when you're married. So I think it was always there, But I was so scared of being a single mom that I was like, okay, this is. This is what I have to do. Like, make your husband happy. You know, take care of the home, have the babies, take care of the babies. And that's kind of all that I was doing for that time that I was married. So I just think I ignored everything
- [24:48]
Jay Shetty
you were saying a few moments ago that you didn't want to be a single mom. That's why. And you were like, I deserve to give this a shot. Which is why you got married.
- [24:55]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [24:56]
Jay Shetty
I can't then fathom how hard it was when you're like, well, this isn't working. It's toxic, it's manipulative, but the only other option is being single. What was the final straw that made you go, no, it's okay to accept this fear? The reason I'm asking is there's a beautiful piece of Zen wisdom that says that we rather accept the pain we know than the pain we don't. And so the pain when you have right now, when it's toxic and manipulative, it's like, well, that's better than leaving and being alone. And a lot of people stay in jobs, relationships with parents, family for so much longer. Do you think you stayed too long? And what made you shift finally? What was it that really made you go? I'm willing to accept the uncertainty.
- [25:41]
Layla Taylor
I honestly, I don't think I stayed for too long. I feel like I truly wanted to step away from the marriage knowing that I gave it my all and attempted as much as I could to, you know, put in place more healthy coping mechanisms when they're going through fights and, like, all these things, I feel like I just wanted to make sure that, like, I really gave it my all. And I think my final shot was just the word divorce would be held over my head a lot. And I think he just knew that that was my biggest fear. Coming from a broken household and seeing that happen in front of me as a little girl, I think that that was just terrifying for me, that concept. And it was kind of a way to get me to fall into line of, like, where I think he wanted me to behave. And I think he just said it for the final time that I was like, I can't keep begging you to stay with me. I know my worth, and I know that, like, I am a good partner, and if you can't see that, then, like, it's okay. And I'll always have a place for him in my heart. I think that he is a phenomenal dad, truly one of the best dads I've ever, like, seen. And witnessing him love my boys is amazing. But I think in terms of just us working out as a partner, it just wasn't for us. But, yeah.
- [26:46]
Jay Shetty
What was his reaction when you told
- [26:47]
Layla Taylor
him that, like, the re. He was actually the one that brought it up. And normally I would kind of fight back. And I was like, no, don't do this. Like, let's talk this out. Like, let's go to therapy. Let's do this. Let's do that. But he just said it for the final time that I was like, okay, yeah, like, you're right. Probably go pack your stuff, and we'll start to figure out, like, the next step. So I think his reaction wasn't what he expected me to do. I think he normally. He was just used to me just begging and groveling and wanting this to Work and all the things. So I think when I finally was like, you're right, like, let's. Let's make this happen. I think it probably caught him off guard. But, I mean, I think he had to have known deep down, like, enough would have been enough at some point.
- [27:25]
Jay Shetty
Gosh, when you finally left and were a single mom, how did it feel compared to how you thought it would feel to be free?
- [27:33]
Layla Taylor
I think there was so much good around it. Like, I wasn't in a toxic relationship and, you know, like, me and my baby's got, like, this fun little night routine that we would do every night. But there was also so much hard things that came at the beginning of my single motherhood journey.
- [27:47]
Jay Shetty
Tell me about this.
- [27:48]
Layla Taylor
Yeah, I didn't. For a little bit there, I didn't have an income. This was before the show came to be and before I started making money on brand deals. And there was time periods that I was borrowing money from family, and I would be grocery shopping, and I would buy 30 worth of groceries for the whole week, and my kids would get food, but I would eat, like, their scraps after they ate because I couldn't afford to buy that. And I was getting eviction notices flopped on my door. And this was right around the time that we started filming for the show. So while all this was happening behind the scenes, and I was terrified to let anyone know because I was so embarrassed that I was, like, mad at myself. I was like, you should have just stayed married. At least. At least married, you had food on the table. At least married, your lights weren't getting shut off. At least married, you could pay your rent. So it was almost like a shame thing that I was, why did you do this? You should have just stayed with him because now look at you now. And I was trying to almost keep up a facade because I was just embarrassed to tell the girls. I don't honestly even think that some of them know this to this day, of, like, how badly I was struggling at the beginning. And then I was showing up to filming every day, trying to stop a smile on my face, not letting anyone know what was happening behind the scenes. So I think, yeah, my start of single motherhood was not good. And I'm very, very grateful to be in the position that I am now. I can't even put into words how grateful I am for the show and for the people around me. Like, my team that, you know, they believed in me from the start and have been by my side throughout all of this. It. Yeah, it was definitely a Rocky start. But grateful for it, though. It taught me a lot.
- [29:16]
Jay Shetty
God, I had no idea.
- [29:17]
Layla Taylor
Yeah, that.
- [29:18]
Jay Shetty
I mean, you're saying it with a smile on your face right now, but,
- [29:21]
Layla Taylor
yeah, I think it just taught me a lot. And it caught me to be very, very grateful for what I have. I will never, ever take for granted the position that I'm in. I think it will never feel real. Even just doing small things, that coming today to do this podcast and being able to, like, buy a flight for myself, that's something that, you know, when I was at the start of single motherhood, I wouldn't have never, never been able to do. And, yeah, I just. I am just so, so grateful. And I feel like that's why I'm able to look at it, you know, positively now, is that I've seen how hard it can be, and I'm just really grateful that I got to the other side.
- [29:56]
Jay Shetty
Talk to me about a night during that time, which was the worst night. Like, the memory that when you think about it, you were at rock bottom.
- [30:05]
Layla Taylor
I don't even know. There's just so many nights that I would just sit there just thinking and questioning how I was going to keep going for the boys. And there's times that, like, I was debating just texting my ex and be like, hey, like, I need you to, like, take the kids and I might need to go move in with my sister. Like, I just. At that point, I didn't know how to continue on the road that I was on. And it was scary because all I wanted to do was just be a mom for them and to show up for them, because that's what they deserve. They're innocent little babies. They deserve to, like, not have to worry about where their next meal was coming from.
- [30:34]
Cal Penn
And.
- [30:35]
Layla Taylor
And it was hard and scary because I just also just didn't want to tell anyone around me because it was just a lot of embarrassment, and I shouldn't have been embarrassed. I wish I would have asked for help from more people, but I think I'm such a not prideful person, but it's just so hard for me to ask for help. I think growing up, I never asked for help from, like, my parents for small things. When I was dealing with my mental health issues, I really had no idea. When I was dealing with my eating disorder issues, I had no idea. So I think I've just been, like, ingrained since a little girl to just kind of, like, shut your mouth and suck it up and it'll maybe work out. And, yeah, I think Just. Yeah, there was just a lot of nights of just. I didn't know how I was gonna move forward.
- [31:11]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. I mean, I. I feel like we don't realize how easy it is to end up in a position like that and how difficult it is. And that's why so many of us will stay longer in relationships or wherever we are, because the alternative is a path that you're like, why did I do this to myself? Like, why am I putting myself through this pain? When did you start to be open to the idea of dating again and meeting someone new? And how were you starting to navigate that?
- [31:39]
Layla Taylor
Honestly, I dated pretty quickly after me and my ex separated. I think for a long period of my life. I used to seek validation and other people really bad. And I think it was almost like because I had those, you know, those abandonment wounds that I, you know, suffered from from when I was a little girl. I just put my self worth into how other people viewed me and how other people perceived me. And I think I would put that a lot into my partners. So I just feel like I never really knew how to be alone and that honestly, it would, like, scare me. Like, I don't have someone that I can, like, rely on all the time. Not even just like, you know, physically or like, you know, financially. It's more just like emotional. Like, I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. I didn't want to be alone in general. And I think I would just always jump into relationships and I feel like I would see comments on life people like, oh, just she's in another relationship other every other season. Like, I actually, like, you guys are right for that. Honestly, there's a long period of my life that I just felt like I couldn't be alone with myself. And that's, you know, that led me to not be able to be authentic to me because I didn't know who I was for such a long time.
- [32:45]
Jay Shetty
Do you think you feel more comfortable being alone now?
- [32:48]
Layla Taylor
Oh, yeah. I feel like I honestly value my alone time. I feel like that's how I've been able to come, you know, to the conclusion and, you know, finally accept that I am bi. And I wouldn't have been able to do that if I was with somebody. So I really do value my alone time. I feel like it's given me a lot of perspective and just, yeah, being able to find out who I am.
- [33:07]
Jay Shetty
What was it about being alone that gave you that confidence to look within and actually be comfortable with saying that out Loud.
- [33:14]
Layla Taylor
Yeah. I think, again, just not living for other people and just being able to fully focus on me. And I don't know, I just feel like. Yeah. Just not having to do things for other people's approval, I feel like, really helped me.
- [33:30]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. It's only when you switch off all the noise from outside that you can actually hear your inner voice. And then when it gets louder, you realize, oh, that's what I should have been listening to all along. Not listen to all of these other opinions and ideas and expectations and everything else everyone wants me to do. But you're so right. You have to find that alone time. And I often ask people how many months in their life they've actually spent alone.
- [33:55]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [33:55]
Jay Shetty
And when I say alone, I don't mean dating, pursuing with some. I mean where you weren't thinking about that.
- [34:02]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [34:03]
Jay Shetty
And it's quite shocking to me that if you speak to an adult, they'll be. They'll be like, weeks. Like, people are constantly looking for relationships or in one, and you don't actually get the space to do what you just said.
- [34:15]
Layla Taylor
100. Yeah, it's. It's hard to be alone, and it's hard to be, like, alone with your thoughts and to be able to just feel emotions. Especially like, post breakups, there's people that, you know, rebound and do those things to kind of, like, you know, mute those thoughts that you have and all those things. And yeah, I just think that's fairly. It's really good to be alone sometimes.
- [34:34]
Jay Shetty
One of the storylines on the show is this idea that you're not satisfied by your male sexual partners. Was that difficult to say out loud? Like, were you scared to?
- [34:45]
Layla Taylor
I honestly, when I said it in the moment, I was just. I forget that the cameras are there half of the time, and I'll just be like, oh, I'm just like, with my girls. And I just shared something. I didn't think it would have the impact that it did until the season came out. And I had so many DMs of women being like, I haven't. And thank you for sharing this and making me feel less, you know, alone in that situation. And, yeah, I just didn't think it was going to be such a big thing for me to share. And probably a good thing that I didn't realize that in the moment because then I probably been like, oh, my God, no, wait, cut that. But I'm. I'm glad that I did because I feel like it opened up a really big conversation for people that have dealt
- [35:20]
Jay Shetty
with that talk to me. About that wider conversation, because I think it's almost like all those men are going to feel terrible about themselves. Obviously.
- [35:27]
Pharmaceutical Advertiser
Yeah.
- [35:27]
Layla Taylor
I mean, it wasn't. I did get some comments like that of people being like. Like, I feel so bad for her exes. And, like, that wasn't my intentions. Like, of course. Throw them under the bus. Yeah. And be like, yeah, you, like, never made me. It was more of just like, kind of breaking that taboo that I think especially. I don't know if everyone feels this way, but I think for me, dating men for so long, I would view sex as I needed to make sure the man always was pleasured every single time. And, like, I don't really matter as long as, like, they're good and taken care of. Then, like, it's good. And, like, that's all in my head. I thought sex was for such a long time, and it opened up that conversation. I feel like a lot of people felt the same way.
- [36:06]
Jay Shetty
And, yeah, it's such a fascinating conversation because of how patriarchal society has wired us, how porn has wired us. And a lot of that is so wired that way and geared that way that sadly it naturally ends up resulting in how we feel sex is in real life. And I think men are kind of trained in that way and conditioned to think that. And then, like you said, women end up getting trained that way.
- [36:32]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [36:32]
Jay Shetty
And then you end up in this position where until someone calls it out.
- [36:35]
Layla Taylor
Yeah. And I didn't realize that it was, like, a thing. I just. I was like, I. I didn't even know what it felt like. Cause I have never experienced that. And knowing that, like, people are like, oh, no. Like, my boyfriend makes sure that every single time I do, I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, I. I just never experienced that because I just didn't think that that's how it worked. And I think it also relates back to what I said earlier. Like, I didn't have, like, the birds in the bee conversation with my parents. Like, I didn't know how any of that worked. And I think that probably led to that as well, of me just having, like, this preconceived idea of what sex was in my head for such a long time.
- [37:10]
Jay Shetty
It's almost like when you were pregnant from having sex was the first time you actually, Honestly.
- [37:15]
Layla Taylor
Yeah. Because, like, I knew what it was like. I know, like, how sex should, like, end, but, like, I just didn't know, like, the details, I guess.
- [37:23]
State Farm/Indeed/Other Advertisers
Yeah.
- [37:23]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. Sex education in America obviously isn't doing anything not great. Yeah. It's cool. Like, it's. I think about that all the time. I'm just like, how is it that it's taught so poorly in schools and no one really has a clue?
- [37:40]
Layla Taylor
Yeah, I didn't get any sex ed classes growing up.
- [37:42]
Jay Shetty
Oh, you didn't? Not at all.
- [37:43]
Layla Taylor
Not one.
- [37:44]
Jay Shetty
Yeah.
- [37:44]
Layla Taylor
So I think it just.
- [37:45]
Jay Shetty
Is that because of where.
- [37:46]
Layla Taylor
No, I think maybe where I grew up.
- [37:48]
State Farm/Indeed/Other Advertisers
Yeah.
- [37:49]
Layla Taylor
I was, again, like, very predominantly Mormon. And I just think that again, people. A lot of people think that if you don't address it, then, like, people won't be curious about it. But I think, if anything, it, at least from me and my perspective being, you know, very young and having sex for the first time, I think it made me more curious, if anything. So I think me going now, being a parent, like, I want to address these things with my kids and address and be like, we're all going to have those urges and like, this is what you do if you're in this situation and, like, teach them how to have safe sex and all the things. So, again, I think all my experiences in life have just really led me to rewire my brain on how I want to be a parent and hopefully, you know, other people, same thing. Because I think, yeah, my faults, not that they're faults, but I think those experiences have led me to want to kind of do things differently.
- [38:34]
Jay Shetty
What's the Mormon approach to sex?
- [38:36]
Layla Taylor
Don't have it until you're married.
- [38:37]
Jay Shetty
Okay.
- [38:38]
Layla Taylor
Yeah. Yeah. But then still kind of the point of sex a little bit when you're Mormon is just to procreate.
- [38:43]
Jay Shetty
Right.
- [38:44]
Layla Taylor
Not really for the enjoyment.
- [38:45]
Jay Shetty
Right.
- [38:46]
Layla Taylor
I don't know, maybe some people would, like, argue differently with that. But I know, like, a lot of members of the church that don't even have, like, toys or like, they. Things like that. Like, they. It's just literally just to make babies for some people, which is unfortunate because I think it's, you know, a great thing.
- [38:59]
Jay Shetty
And do people actually follow through with that? With, like, are there. Are people in the church actually stay strict to that?
- [39:06]
Layla Taylor
I think so, yeah. Like, there are a lot of people I know, you know, the first time they have sex is when they get married and they get pregnant really fast and all the things. Which I also think is, you know, that's what we're taught is to just make babies.
- [39:20]
Jay Shetty
So I saw in a lot of religious institutions the opposite. Where it was, there was the rule of no sex before marriage, and then there was the same as what you're saying, only for procreation. But the majority of people were still having sex. They just wouldn't tell anyone.
- [39:33]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [39:34]
Jay Shetty
Then there was, like, this shame and guilt attached to it. And everyone's pretending.
- [39:38]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [39:38]
Jay Shetty
But saying that they're not. Because that's what the standard is. And it's fascinating to me how you kind of get stuck in these anti. Authenticity loops.
- [39:48]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [39:48]
Jay Shetty
Where you think you're being authentic because you're trying to live up to this ideal.
- [39:52]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [39:53]
Jay Shetty
But then no one's actually living up to him. We're all pretending we are. So I've always found it so interesting how humans. Because this isn't about. It actually isn't about religion or God. It's. It's how humans can gather to kind of set a standard. And people either pretend to live up to the standard or they don't know what to do with it.
- [40:12]
Layla Taylor
Yeah. And they fake it. Kind of. Keeping up with the Joneses. I feel like it's like a phrase that we have in Utah that everyone, you know, we all have our secrets and, like, our things that we don't share. And it's just kind of to keep it. That facade that you, you know, are this perfect member.
- [40:28]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. When did you let go of that wanting to be the perfect member?
- [40:32]
Layla Taylor
I haven't been active probably for four or five years now. But when I was married, me and my ex would go sometimes, like, here and there, but we weren't really active members either. It was, again, kind of the same thing to kind of keep the facade up and, you know, keep with what we thought we had to do. But when we separated, I was like, okay, like, I finally am. Like, I'm able to not have to keep up this facade that I know that I truly don't believe in. Which was. Yeah, that was nice.
- [41:01]
Jay Shetty
How did you decide that you were finally ready to start dating women?
- [41:04]
Layla Taylor
I don't know. Like, there's like an exact moment that I remember, like, it just, like, dawned on me. I think just. It felt right.
- [41:13]
Jay Shetty
But did you feel like there was. You said earlier, like, there was this sense of, like, you. You should have done this the whole time. Like, is there a sense of, like, lost time or that I held myself back?
- [41:25]
Layla Taylor
I think everything played out how, like, it was supposed to. I think. Obviously, I wish I would have, you know, came out a lot sooner, but I also think I was going through so much that it would have been still swept under the rug like it did for so long. I just think a lot of things just were not more important in that moment, but just took precedence A little bit, like, becoming a single mom and, like, things that I dealt with in childhood and all those things. I just think it just never felt like the right time to, like, just dive into it. And I think, honestly, just, like, the concept of coming out in general is just kind of something that I've never really understood. And obviously, like, I can hold space for people that, like, are taught either in their homes or, like, in their religions that, you know, love is between a man and a woman. But I think the concept that we're all just born straight is something that, like, I've never been able to fully, like, conceptualize. Conceptualize and coming out and just having to say, like, I like girls and boys is just. I never could see myself, like, sitting down at a podcast and saying this. But I also understand, like, the position that I'm in, that there's so many people that look up to me and maybe, you know, resonate with my story and if I can help someone feel just more comfortable to be able to be true to themselves, then I want to do that. But, yeah, I feel like I just never could picture myself, like, coming out in this way. I just thought that maybe I would just show up with a girl one day and people would be like, oh. And I'd be like, yeah, what if?
- [42:45]
Pharmaceutical Advertiser
What about it?
- [42:46]
Layla Taylor
But, yeah, so I just think I just never had, like, an idea in my head of, like, when it was going to happen. I just think I just always thought it was going to happen at some point.
- [42:53]
Jay Shetty
What was your, like, biggest fear in your mind with what it would feel like to come out? Like, what was the thing that you were like? I keep getting close. Yeah, I'm about to say it. I'm about to act on it, but I. This keeps blocking me.
- [43:05]
Layla Taylor
I think it was just so foreign for me because I, you know, dated for men for so long, my whole entire life, and that's all I knew. Like, I obviously had, like. Like, you know, experiences with women, but, like, I never in depth, you know, got to know a woman on, like, a intimate level and all those things. So I think for me, for so long, it was just very foreign and scary. But I think, you know, you can't get over that without getting through it. And I think I just was like, hey, like, you know, that you are. Stop being, like, scared of, like, the what ifs and, like, the unknown, and just, you just got to dive in.
- [43:41]
Jay Shetty
So what surprised you about dating women compared to men?
- [43:45]
Layla Taylor
Oh, my gosh, everything. Not, like, surprise me, but, like, already just, like, more like, emotionally aware about certain things and very patient. I feel like at least who I'm talking to right now, she's just been very understanding and kind of letting me take this at my own pace because it is just still foreign to me, and it is so, so new. And, yeah, I just think the level of, like, understanding and just, like, being there for me. Yeah.
- [44:13]
Jay Shetty
How do you feel about certain people who may disagree, may not be happy about it, may have different views? Like, I'm sure you've thought about that and had to think about it.
- [44:22]
Layla Taylor
Oh, for sure.
- [44:23]
Jay Shetty
So public and.
- [44:24]
Layla Taylor
Yeah, I think I have tried to, like, play by the books, you know, in certain ways. I feel like looking back on, like, my experience, even on the show, I feel like season one and season two, I tried so hard to do everything right, and I still had people that hated me. And now, you know, being more vocal and being more outspoken, I still have people that hate me. And I just think we're only on this earth for, you know, however long we are here. And I'll be damned if, like, I'm not able to be fully who I am. And if you don't like that, then that's okay. And I can understand if, like, you were raised a certain way and you have certain values and standards maybe. But I think for me, I just. Yeah, I just. It shouldn't bug you if people choose to love whoever they want to love. I think it's just. It's nobody's. Nobody's business at the end of the day.
- [45:08]
Jay Shetty
Yeah.
- [45:09]
State Farm/Indeed/Other Advertisers
Is there.
- [45:09]
Jay Shetty
Is there any of it that does affect you or get through to you? I know. I know. For me, there's always. There's always something that kind of just, like, creeps through, and you're like, oh, man. Like, I just. I wish. Like, I always say, I wish I could sit everyone down and tell them what my intention was and how I feel and who I am, and if they got to spend, like, an hour with me, then maybe they'd feel different. But is there anything that ever just, like, gets to you sometimes and you're like, oh, this keeps me up at night?
- [45:37]
Layla Taylor
I think the only insult that people can ever say to me that, like, actually, like, is like, oh, that hurt a little bit. Is anything to do with parenting? I think that's, like, the one thing that I'm, like, I'm so protective over my baby. So that's something that, like, I didn't get growing up. And I think that's the one thing that will always just kind of hit home as if someone says something about like my parenting, I think everything else, like looks, say what you want to say. Now if I'm being gay and that offends you, say what you want to say. But I'm like, my babies, don't say anything about them ever.
- [46:04]
Jay Shetty
Yeah, I feel, and I feel like the Internet is good at talking about everyone's babies and mothering mothers, like motherhood and parenting.
- [46:11]
State Farm/Indeed/Other Advertisers
And motherhood.
- [46:11]
Jay Shetty
I feel like I get. It's so. I can't imagine how hard that is as a mom or a dad or a parent. Like, I can't imagine how difficult that is because everyone's kind of telling you like this the right way and that's wrong. And yeah, I mean, that seems exhausting.
- [46:25]
Layla Taylor
I think, think parenting is just, it's such a one off experience for every single person. Like every child is different, every parent's different. And there's no textbook for how to parent properly. There's no textbooks of how to handle situations, of, you know, how to just be a parent. It's hard. It's, it's challenging every single day. It teaches me new things about myself that I didn't even know before. And yeah, I think that's the one thing that I'm like, just parents, we're doing our best. And ultimately, just as long as your kids health and, you know, mental health is being protected in the day and they're happy and healthy, that's all that matters. Think about it.
- [47:10]
Just Food for Dogs Advertiser
When it comes to your own food. You can walk into a restaurant, see what's being made, and know exactly what you're getting. But with dog food, most brands keep that completely hidden. Just Food for Dogs does the opposite. They've built their entire brand around open kitchens. You can actually walk in and watch them prepare your dog's meals with real human grade ingredients like chicken, beef, carrots and peas cooked right there in front of you. No mystery, no behind the scenes, you're not allowed to see. That kind of transparency is rare in the pet food world. And it's a big reason they've become the number one vet recommended fresh dog food, earning trust from pet parents who want to feel confident in what they're feeding. When a brand is willing to show you exactly how your dog's food is made, it says a lot about the care, quality and standards behind every meal they produce. Nothing to hide, everything to love, go to justfoodfordogs.com and get 50% off your first order.
- [48:09]
Jacob Goldstein
This is Jacob Goldstein from what's yous Problem?
- [48:12]
Pharmaceutical Advertiser
Business.
- [48:12]
Jacob Goldstein
Software is expensive. And when you buy software from lots of different companies, it's not only expensive, it gets confusing. Slow to use, hard to integrate. Odoo solves that because all Odoo software is connected on a single affordable platform. Save money without missing out on the features you need. Odoo has no hidden costs and no limit on features or data. Odoo has over 60 apps available for any needs your business might have, all at no additional charge. Everything from websites to sales to inventory to accounting. All linked and talking to each other. Check out odoo-o o.com that's o d
- [48:51]
Cal Penn
o o.com hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Matt massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.
- [49:18]
Ray Porter
I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo yo yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story. If I don't, don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great cuz it served the story. People will say like oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like yeah dude, me too.
- [49:50]
Cal Penn
Listen to Iray the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [50:07]
Jay Shetty
You've mentioned that for your kids right now. You've talked about health and mental health a couple of times. Like what do you do for yours and your kids? Health and mental health? Like what are the priorities?
- [50:17]
Layla Taylor
Definitely a lot of affirmations. I didn't really hear a lot of that growing up. I feel like I honestly had very negative self worth. I don't think I know I had very negative self worth for a long time because I felt like I heard the opposite a lot growing up. Even just small things. Like my mom would be looking in the mirror and she'd say oh I'm so fat or, or this or my dad would, you know, mean comments to my mom. So I just felt like I never heard positive self talk about themselves or others around them. And I think my biggest thing for my boys, that we do, like, affirmations that, like, I have them sit in front of the mirror and say, like, I'm handsome and I'm smart and I'm loved and I'm cared for and like, all these things that kind of just like, set their mind already of just being grateful and loving themselves. I think that that's just so important and that honestly can set you up for success in your life in so many ways, whether that's, you know, your career path, school, confidence in sports, you know, confidence in relationships, Just so many things. I just think that uplifting yourself is so, so important and so undervalued. And I just think that that's like, my biggest thing with my boys, that I just want them to love themselves and love everyone around them and just be good people.
- [51:21]
Jay Shetty
That makes sense. And when you said self worth, I was wondering. Talk to me about the moments in your life where you experienced low self worth.
- [51:29]
Layla Taylor
A lot of it stemmed from, like I mentioned, just growing up, just being the only black kid in a room full of 30 students, and I'm the only. Only kid there that's black. I think that triggered a lot in me, just not valuing myself and my individuality. But I think also I struggled with an eating disorder throughout high school, and then it resurfaced here about probably a year ago. And I feel like I'm kind of in remission from it right now. And I'm really, really proud of myself for getting that to that point again. But I think I've always had a very jaded perspective, you know, my worth and my image and all those things. And I think I'm finally in the position that I am realizing that, like, again, those. Those negative self talks can affect my children, and they view their mommy as beautiful and kind and, you know, all these good things. And I want to be able to say those things about myself back. And I try to look at myself as like, a little girl that I would never, like, see a little girl standing there and be like, you're ugly or you're fat or no one likes you at school. Like, I would never do that. So I try to talk to myself as if I was like, that little girl.
- [52:36]
Jay Shetty
I have such a concern for young women right now, especially in terms of what they're exposed to online, the name calling, the criticism of women's bodies. It just. It just feels like we. We're going backwards.
- [52:53]
Jacob Goldstein
Yeah.
- [52:53]
Jay Shetty
Like, we haven't gone in the right direction. And I Can't imagine what it feels like to be a mom and have kids, and whether they're young boys or young girls or young children that are having to grow up right now and be exposed to all of that, I'm like, I'm sure you feel so protective, but also, what do you do?
- [53:09]
Layla Taylor
Yeah, I think it's inevitable, but hopefully setting them up with the right tools to handle those things properly, I think, is what I'm trying to do for my kids, I think. I don't think I would have maybe not experienced the things that I. I would have or I did. I mean, either which way. I couldn't change the circumstances of where I grew up, but if I had those, you know, coping mechanisms that were healthy, I think I would have been able to overcome those a lot better than I did. So I think just being able to instill those in my boys and, you know, and everyone, I think that that's how you get through those things is just being able to have the proper tools to handle them.
- [53:43]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. It sounds like you're investing in all the right stuff.
- [53:45]
Layla Taylor
I mean, you can hope, right.
- [53:48]
Jay Shetty
What I find phenomenal is just. It just shows us that as soon as you feel responsible for someone else, you realize how valuable it is, what you put in your mind, your body, and everything else. Yeah, right. Like, that's what it comes from. As soon as you realize that your actions affect someone else, you start to take so much more accountability and responsibility for everything you eat, consume, read, listen to.
- [54:13]
Layla Taylor
Yeah. Honestly, Even though. Even on that, too, like, having a platform as well, I think that there's so many, you know, young women, men that watch our pages and watch the show, and I wouldn't want to affect them and have my poor choices affect them as well, and they, you know, mirror those. So I think being in the position that we are, all of us women on the show, I think that, again, using our platforms for good is. It's beneficial for, like, a lot of people.
- [54:40]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. What's your. If you could say this is what I want to use my platform for right now, what would you say it is?
- [54:46]
Layla Taylor
I think owning single motherhood and being proud to be a single mom. Owning being a black woman, Owning being a woman and now owning being a bi woman. So, yeah, I think just being truly authentic to, like, who. Yourself. I hope that that's what people take away from my page.
- [55:05]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. Have you spoken to your. Your partner and potentially even your children about your new relationship?
- [55:12]
Layla Taylor
They aren't really involved with it right now. I think, obviously, I'M still kind of exploring and kind of trying to navigate this, so. Until I feel more steady. Because it's not like I'm gonna change my mind. Like, I know that I am. I think I'm just gonna kind of just handle it on my own. Until. Yeah, until the time feels more right.
- [55:34]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. And. And what's co parenting like in the situation you were talking about how your ex is a great dad and so good to the boys. Like, what does that setup look like for you right now?
- [55:43]
Layla Taylor
We're just finally in a place that the emotions have died down. You know, the initial adjustment period of, like, getting into a good swing of things with co parenting has finally, like, set in. And I think that at least I can say from my behalf, I just. I want the best for him. Um, and I think we're in a really good place with co parenting, that we just. We want the boys to be happy, and we're doing that, you know, coincide next to each other, and I think that, yeah, we're in, like, a good rhythm, which is nice.
- [56:11]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. If there's someone who's listening right now and they're struggling to come out, they're struggling to leave a toxic relationship, what would you say to them?
- [56:22]
Layla Taylor
I think for me, personally, I think I've just been in survival mode, like, my whole entire life, whether if it was surviving my childhood, surviving becoming a single mom, surviving now single motherhood, surviving my eating disorder, surviving just all these things. I just feel like I've just constantly been in fight or flight, and life is not meant to just be survived. You're supposed to enjoy life, and you're supposed to live it to its fullest. And I think to do that, you have to be authentic and fully yourself. And it's scary, and it's hard to do that. But who are you living your life or if it's not for yourself? And I. You know, it took me 25 years to fully be completely proud of every single part of myself. And I wish it happened sooner, but I think everything happens for a reason. So I just think if you're out there and you're. You're afraid or you're scared, be more scared of not being who you are, I think is, like, my piece of advice. Yeah.
- [57:16]
Jay Shetty
How old are you now?
- [57:17]
Layla Taylor
25.
- [57:18]
Jay Shetty
You're very wise and strong.
- [57:19]
Layla Taylor
Thank you.
- [57:20]
Jay Shetty
You're so coherent. I'm like, what?
- [57:22]
Pharmaceutical Advertiser
Like, how.
- [57:23]
Jay Shetty
Like, how did you just say that? Like, thank you. It's unbelievable how much life you've squeezed into 25 years.
- [57:28]
Layla Taylor
I know. I'm Like, I need a little bit of a break. I don't know. I'm like, a little bit less. Less challeng. I'm just kidding. No, I'm. I'm grateful for everything that I've gone through. I think it made me who I am.
- [57:38]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. But also, it's like you're saying, I wish I learned it sooner, but I'm like, 25 is pretty early to have.
- [57:45]
Layla Taylor
No.
- [57:46]
Jay Shetty
I know some of this.
- [57:46]
Layla Taylor
There's so many people out there that are 65 and they still haven't come out. So I think I'm very grateful that I felt safe enough at this point to do that, and I hope that for everyone.
- [57:58]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. Did you talk to other people who had come out and asked them about their experience? Like, have you. You.
- [58:03]
Layla Taylor
No, not really. Honestly, like, no one really, like, knows. I just think, again, like I mentioned earlier, I think my thing was for a long time, I just. I didn't know how to do it, and I just thought that one day I would just date a girl and just be like, hey, this is. This is my girlfriend, and just, you know, see how people would react there. But I. The platform that I have just, I want to be able to help people that are in similar situations. And I think that's why I wanted this too happen the way that it is right now, to just be able to help people.
- [58:32]
Jay Shetty
Are there any other friends that you know that have come out or people that you.
- [58:35]
Layla Taylor
Yeah, I have so many friends that are in the community as well, and the people that, like, I do know have been, like, nothing but supportive and just, like, so excited, and they're just like, you're connecting with another soul. It doesn't matter if they're a guy, if they're a girl, it doesn't matter. We just want you to be happy.
- [58:50]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. What are you most excited to do now that you're out and, oh, my gosh. Able to say, I love make out
- [58:57]
Layla Taylor
with her in public and not have someone be like, what is going on? Is that Layla from Secret Lifes with a girl just. Yeah. Just be able to be, like, fully me and own it.
- [59:07]
Jay Shetty
I'm sure after this, hopefully you feel safe. And, you know, I think. I think that's what I always wish for people when they're making big changes in their life and making these moves, is that people feel safe. I think that's something everyone deserves for their choices. When people are not breaking the law or doing something wrong or it's almost like, can people just feel safe for their choices? That are true to their soul and their heart. And I really hope, Layla, that you feel safe.
- [59:31]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [59:31]
Jay Shetty
And that, you know, you get to explore the life and experience the life that you really, really want.
- [59:35]
Layla Taylor
Thank you. I appreciate that so much.
- [59:37]
Jay Shetty
Leila. We end every episode of On Purpose with a final five. These questions have to be answered in one sentence.
- [59:42]
Layla Taylor
Okay.
- [59:42]
Jay Shetty
And so, Leila, these are your final five. Question number one. What is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
- [59:49]
Layla Taylor
Your love for yourself has to be stronger than your desire to be loved.
- [59:53]
Jay Shetty
That's great advice. Who told you that?
- [59:55]
Layla Taylor
I think I just saw it on, like, Pinterest, actually. But I feel like it's, like, it's a really good one, and I think it applies to a lot of things.
- [60:01]
Jay Shetty
So say it again.
- [60:02]
Layla Taylor
Your love for yourself has to be higher than your desire to be loved.
- [60:05]
Jay Shetty
That's great. I love that. Great piece of advice. That's an awesome one. Never had it. Uh, second question. What is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
- [60:13]
Layla Taylor
I think it relates probably back to what we were talking about earlier, that I used to be in a toxic cycle of constantly, you know, putting my worth into other people and being in a lot of relationships. I think one cheesy saying that when you're going through breakup, I feel like people throw this around, like, casually. They're always like, the best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else. So that one, I'm like, oh, my gosh, no. Take time to yourself, girlfriend. Pick up a book or something, a hobby. I don't know.
- [60:39]
State Farm/Indeed/Other Advertisers
That's great.
- [60:39]
Jay Shetty
That's awesome. What a great answer. Okay, question. You're killing these.
- [60:44]
Bombas Advertiser
Thank you.
- [60:44]
Jay Shetty
You're killing these. People usually struggle with that one. That's a great answer. Question number three. How do you define a good friend?
- [60:53]
Layla Taylor
I think someone that loves you through
- [60:55]
Jay Shetty
all stages, every phase of life and.
- [60:58]
Layla Taylor
Every phase of life. Yeah. Every chapter, every challenge. Just everything. Yeah.
- [61:01]
Jay Shetty
Hmm. Question number four. I'm gonna add two parts to this. Repeat after me and finish. This is about overthinking. So repeat after me and finish the sentence. I think I think too much about.
- [61:14]
Layla Taylor
I think I think too much about perception and how people view me.
- [61:17]
Jay Shetty
Is that something you're still working on right now?
- [61:20]
Layla Taylor
Yeah, I think that's something that, like, in the space that we are in, I think that's something we see every day. You know, people's opinions of us, and it's hard to not take things to heart, but. But I'm just. Yeah. Stepping into an era That I just want to be authentically me. And you either like it or you don't. So.
- [61:38]
Jay Shetty
Yeah, good for you. I love that. Okay, fifth and final question. We ask this to every guest who's been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
- [61:48]
Layla Taylor
You're not allowed to convert to Mormonism until you have a greater understanding.
- [61:54]
State Farm/Indeed/Other Advertisers
Wow.
- [61:55]
Layla Taylor
Just kidding.
- [61:56]
Bethany Frankel
No, that's.
- [61:57]
Layla Taylor
No, I like.
- [61:57]
Jay Shetty
No, like, you can't. No, I like the idea that you can't. Can't. I. I get the point you're making is you can't make a commitment to something without actually knowing enough about it. Yeah.
- [62:07]
Layla Taylor
Yeah.
- [62:08]
Jay Shetty
Because was it. Was it. Are you. I'm assuming it was easy.
- [62:12]
Layla Taylor
It was five lessons you have to do, and then you disagree at the end if you want to. And I had no understanding of a lot of things. I feel like I get the question. A lot of, like, oh, do you not. Did you not know about the history of, like, this? About that? And I was like, no, they did not teach me that in my lessons. They were teaching me, like, very minimal. So, yeah.
- [62:30]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. I mean, that's all history everywhere. I feel like everything they teach. Yeah, that's. That's a good answer. Layla Taylor, thank you so much for your time, your energy. I'm so grateful you came all the way here. I'm thankful to have this conversation with you. I feel so lucky and appreciate so much that you chose us to share this big news. And as I said, I really hope you feel safe. I hope you feel. Feel the love of our community and everyone else that sees this podcast and hope you feel the support. I know that the GLAD Awards in LA are my favorite event of the year.
- [63:02]
Pharmaceutical Advertiser
Yeah.
- [63:02]
Jay Shetty
Like, the Community is just unbelievable. I know every year when I go to that event, or every time I have been. Sorry. Not every year. Every time I go to that event, honestly, the community is just the most fun. I don't know if you've ever been.
- [63:14]
Layla Taylor
No, never.
- [63:14]
Jay Shetty
So I will be there. I hope you get to go. Yeah. Yeah. It's awesome. Awesome. Thank you so much.
- [63:18]
Layla Taylor
Thank you.
- [63:18]
Jay Shetty
Thank you. If you're feeling inspired by this episode, you won't want to miss my conversation with wicked's Cynthia Erivo.
- [63:26]
Layla Taylor
We are afraid to let a person go, and we need to be okay with letting people go. We don't know what path people are walking on when they walk into our lives. We might just be a stepping stone in their path, just like stepping stones in their life.
- [63:39]
Pharmaceutical Advertiser
Eczema. Is unpredictable, but you can flare less with evglis, a once monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema after an initial four month or longer dosing phase. About four in ten people taking mglis achieved itch relief and clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks, and most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing.
- [63:58]
MGLIS Lebricizumab LBKZ a 250mg per 2ml injection is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies. EBGLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to Epglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with Eglis before starting ebglis, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection.
- [64:32]
Ask your doctor about ebgliss and visit ebgliss.lilly.com or call 1-800-LilyRx or 1-800-5-5979.
- [64:40]
Bethany Frankel
This is Bethany Frankel from Just Be with Bethany Frankel. Let me be blunt. Most dog food is junk. It just is. And I'm not feeding junk to Biggie and Smalls. That is why they eat just food for dogs. It's real, 100% human grade food with ingredients I actually recognize, not mystery pellets pretending to be healthy. And once I switched, the difference was obvious. Better digestion, better skin, more energy. Dogs who actually feel good instead of just surviving day dinner. Here's the thing you care about quality. You make an intentional choice to be healthy. So why are you gambling with your dog's health? So let's think about our furry babies. Go to justfoodfordogs.com right now and get 50% off your first box. No code. Just try it. Because once you see the difference, you're not going back.
- [65:26]
Jacob Goldstein
This is Jacob Goldstein from what's yous Problem? Business software is expensive. And when you buy software from lots of different companies, it's not only expensive, it gets confusing. Slow to use, hard to integrate. Odoo solves that because all Odoo software is connected on a single affordable platform. Save money without missing out on the features you need. Odoo has no hidden costs and no limit on features or data. Odoo has over 60 apps available for any needs your business might have, all at no additional charge. Everything from websites to sales to inventory to accounts hunting, all linked and talking to each other. Check out Odoo at o d o o dot com. That's o d o o dot com.
- [66:10]
Pharmaceutical Advertiser
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.