Simone Ashley: “Self-Belief Changed My Life”

Summary

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Podcast Summary: On Purpose with Jay Shetty \

Guest: Simone Ashley
Episode: "Self-Belief Changed My Life"
Date: July 29, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and engaging episode, Jay Shetty sits down with British-Indian actress and rising music artist Simone Ashley for a vulnerable conversation about self-belief, personal transformation, friendship, love, and the winding paths of career and self-acceptance. Through humorous anecdotes and candid reflection, Simone shares how her deep-rooted self-confidence propelled her through uncertainty, rejection, and the unique challenges of navigating identity, success, and relationships—offering wisdom and hope for listeners seeking meaning and belonging.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life Transformation and the Power of Self-Belief

• Simone details her journey from uncertainty during the 2021 lockdown to starring roles in Bridgerton and The Little Mermaid, and later her foray into music.
  • “Five years ago...I was really worried...I just need one thing...I got a call for Bridgerton literally the next week.” (03:17–04:10)
• Her self-belief was unwavering, even in moments of scarcity or rejection.
  • "Since I was a kid, it was written. I would never, I've not once said if it doesn't work out...it was written that all my dreams within my career were gonna have opportunity to come true." (35:49–36:11)

Notable Quote:
Simone: "My self-belief changed my life and it colored my world. So when I give it to someone else and they don't want it or they're scared of it or it's too much for them...I find it really hard to not let it shatter my worlds. And that's okay." (35:49–36:12)

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2. Navigating Identity, Representation & Bullying

• Both Simone and Jay discuss the realities of growing up Indian in the West—feeling awkward, experiencing bullying, but maintaining confidence and love for their identity.
  • "I was always really confident in myself...anything that felt like a hindrance wasn't because of my culture or my heritage." (07:06–08:04)
• The profound impact of representation and how Simone consciously navigates her place as a cultural role model.
  • “It's amazing. I really want to just spread good in the world, and especially women...help women feel like their dreams are possible.” (11:03–11:45)

Notable Moment:
Simone describes being stopped by young women on the street, thanking her for representing their culture. She reflects on newfound intentionality in how she holds that responsibility. (11:03–12:26)

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3. Friendship, Envy, and Building Community

• Simone credits her supportive community—especially her girlfriends in New York—with helping her grow and thrive.
  • “Back in 2021, if you told me these are all the people...I would just be so happy.” (03:17–04:10)
• Discusses the destructive power of envy in friendships, recounting a lesson from her mother about non-materialism and the importance of celebrating friends’ wins.
  • “Envy isn’t really something I’ve ever had much experience with...it’s not something that has been in my mind too much.” (17:55–18:15)
  • “A good friend is...wanting your friends to win...that’s real friendship to me.” (18:15–19:22)
• Advice for building community in adulthood:
  • “If you put it out there, then you’ll find it. But you know that, that took me some time to get to that place...to be so confident...and to just go out there and throw myself out there.” (20:55–22:10)

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4. Solitude, Loneliness & Social Media

• Discusses the difference between being alone and being lonely, emphasizing the importance of solitude as an act of strength.
  • “There’s a difference between loneliness and being alone...Solitude’s the strength of being alone.” (23:35–24:22)
• They critique how social media distorts perceptions of connection and feeds insecurity and loneliness.

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5. Romance, Single Eras, and Manifesting Love

• Simone reflects on the importance of her “single era” for growth, self-focus, and learning to enjoy stillness.
  • “Being single...you really get to know yourself. When the noise stops, I think it's really important to take that time and trust it and sit in the discomfort of it.” (25:21–25:54)
• What she seeks in love:
  • Simplicity, joy, mutual support, and someone for whom “doing life with me” isn’t complicated.
  • “I really believe in myself and I believe I deserve that kind of love...and that self-belief has led me to where I am in my career.” (29:30–30:08)
• The importance of finding someone whose “frequency” matches hers.

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6. Handling Rejection at Work vs. in Love

• Simone compartmentalizes professional rejection versus personal vulnerability:
  • Professional rejection only “touches the surface” because her core self-belief remains.
  • In relationships, giving her self-belief to another—and having it unreciprocated—feels emotionally exposing.
  • “Rejection or disappointment professionally...just touches the surface. Rejection in my personal life, you are giving them your internal belief.” (35:49–36:12)

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7. On Music, Creation, and Vulnerability

• Simone discusses releasing her debut EP, Songs I Wrote in New York, and the rawness of music compared to acting.
  • “My music, it was all me. It was so exposing, and I felt so nervous. I was quite a difficult person to be around for those few weeks.” (47:10–47:54)
• Songs like “Free” are rooted in overflowing happiness and gratitude, while tracks like “Tragic Romantic” playfully nod to heartache.
  • On “Free”: “It was all about gratitude...sometimes we have experiences or meet people that bring [happiness] alive...I wanted that memory to just live forever.” (51:17–53:57)

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8. Timelines, Comparison, and Trusting Your Path

• Simone is candid about feeling like an anomaly among family and peers—choosing a nontraditional timeline compared to her brother, who is settled with marriage and a child.
  • “Sometimes that can feel a bit scary. But I think you just...gotta trust your journey. Don’t compare and despair.” (62:09–62:45)
• Both she and Jay stress that everyone’s trajectory is unique and that forced timelines can unravel hard-earned contentment.
  • “It shouldn’t be a race to success...it should be a race to just finding peace and happiness.” (65:12–65:29)

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9. Embracing “Nearlys,” Letting Go, and Making Peace with the Unknown

• Both reflect on the disappointment of coming close to big opportunities (“the nearlys”).
  • Simone highlights how every rejection opened a better door, and that patience is needed both in love and work.
  • Jay shares a personal story of missing a TV show deal, which later enabled him to create his own successful show.
  • “If it’s meant to be for you, it will happen. Also, careful what you wish for. Sometimes...you might really want something and you get it, and it could really mess up what happens in the future.” (68:58–70:22)

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10. Final Five: Rapid Fire Wisdom (80:01–80:59)

• Best advice received: “Be kind.”
• Worst advice: “That person will always be there.”
• On resilience: In hard moments, she lets herself “wallow” but dreams big and moves forward through music, movement, and hope.
• Law for the world: “Be respectful.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On friendship:
  “A good friend is...just wanting your friends to win, wanting them to just have their flowers and have their moment that they’ve deserved...feeling such pride, joy, and love for a friend when they achieve all that, that’s real friendship to me.” (18:15–19:22)
• On breaking cycles of pressure:
  “It shouldn't be a race to success...it should be a race to just finding peace and happiness, and that can take place at so many different places in everyone's life.” (65:12–65:29)
• On manifesting love:
  “That self-belief has led me to where I am in my career, and I think maybe I've had experiences where maybe there's a mismatch in that capacity. I think it comes from a place of self-belief. If you believe that you deserve all those things, that happiness, that joy, you will make it happen.” (29:28–30:08)
• On happiness:
  “If there's anything I do want to share with people is to inspire them to practice remembering the happy moments and being grateful for them. Because that's your light in the dark.” (78:12–78:50)

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Important Timestamps & Segments

• [03:05–05:12] – Simone recounts how Bridgerton changed her career overnight.
• [07:03–09:53] – Navigating identity, bullying, and confidence as a British-Indian woman.
• [11:03–12:26] – Becoming a role model and representation.
• [17:55–19:22] – On envy and defining real friendship.
• [25:21–27:16] – Growth during her “single era” and manifesting love.
• [35:49–36:12] – Simone’s ethos on professional vs. personal rejection.
• [51:17–54:22] – The power of music, “Free” and musical vulnerability.
• [62:09–65:29] – Navigating timelines and family comparisons.

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Tone & Style

Conversational, warm, and honest with uplifting humor. Simone and Jay connect over shared backgrounds and vulnerabilities, crafting a raw yet optimistic portrait of personal growth. Both balance practical advice with philosophical insight, remaining accessible and empathetic throughout.

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Transcript

[Jay Shetty]

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[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

So tell me about what are the three top recommendations in New York that I shouldn't miss this week and people shouldn't miss?

[Simone Ashley]

Bangkok Supper Club was a vibe.

[Jay Shetty]

It was great.

[Simone Ashley]

We were gonna go to Franchat but I shifted because I wanted something else. But Friendchat is.

[Jay Shetty]

You landed from London last night. Why did you shift away from friendship?

[Simone Ashley]

I was feeling summery kind of vibes. I just really wanted chicken and rice and I think it's got good veggie options as well. So yeah, I got recommended to go there before and all of my friends that have gone there have been like, it's one of the best third place can't Think off the top of my head. There's so many.

[Jay Shetty]

Those are two good ones to start. Last night was good. So your recommendations are good. Hey, it's Jay. I don't know what your day's been like, but I was just thinking about you for a minute, and I hope you're being a little patient with yourself because you deserve it and. Yeah, I'll talk to you soon. Simone, Ashley, welcome to On Purpose.

[Simone Ashley]

Hi. Thank you for having me.

[Jay Shetty]

What's the biggest difference in your life over the last five years? Like, if you look to your life where you were five years ago, personally, professionally, you. You looked at it today. What are the biggest shifts you are noticing?

[Simone Ashley]

So five years ago was 2021. We were just coming out of lockdown, and I was really worried because, like many people, lockdown left me in a place where, especially as an artist, I didn't know when the next paycheck was coming in and what was going to be happening with my work. So I was kind of smiling through it. And I remember January 2021, I was sat in my friend's apartment and I was like, I just need one thing, like, whether it's a commercial, I'll do a toothpaste commercial. I'll do anything. And then I got a call for Bridgerton literally the next week. And I was filming A Little Mermaid as well at the time. And, yeah, then life completely changed. Then I was filming the whole of 2021 Bridgerton. We filmed for, like, 10 months because we were filming during COVID Personally, over the past five years, I've definitely grown so much, and I'm really proud of that. I think I've really taken upon reflecting on myself and trying to grow into the woman I want to be. My community of friends has just. That's one of the best things that's happened. Back in 2021, if you told me these are all the people that are going to be in your life, I would just be so happy. And especially my community of girlfriends since moving to New York has just expanded. And that's something that's been so important for me. My relationship with my family has really grown and deepened. And I think that for me, the more maturing I've experienced, the deeper my relationship with my family's got. Yeah. So personally, I would say that. And professionally, it's been waves. So many exciting things. But I would say the past few years. Foot's been full on the gas.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Simone Ashley]

On the floor and just going with it.

[Jay Shetty]

Now I'm just staring at your teeth going, you should do a two face commercial.

[Simone Ashley]

Oh, really?

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. Have you done one yet? Is it coming? That's all I'm thinking about now. Like you've come. I completely ignore manifest it, everything you said since then. I know you've talked about this before, but talk to me about getting that call for Bridgerton. When you're in this moment in your life that feels like, I don't know when my next paycheck's coming, I don't know what comes next. Hopefully I get a toothpaste commercial. But then you get this incredible opportunity which did you know then how big it was going to be?

[Simone Ashley]

I didn't. I. I remember because the first season came out at Christmas, so December 2020. It was very visible and everyone was talking about it and, you know, Reggae, Jean Page, Phoebe Dynevo, they were everywhere. Even though I'd done sex education, I'd never really been at the forefront or the lead of a show like that. And I didn't. I didn't understand it at all. I was just so excited about the character and the storyline and that I had to go and do horse riding, training and all these things. So it was only when it came out that I really started to understand how it was gonna change my life, I guess. And to be honest, only lately, the past two years or year, I've really been able to have a clear understanding of all of those things. I've always been someone that's first and foremost drawn to the craft and everything else is just a bonus. And now I think the more experience I've got and the more variety my ambition has, I want to do loads of other different things. Now I'm really understanding and it's fun to, like, learn and explore different factors of what the work can do.

[Jay Shetty]

What was it like growing up Indian and wanting to be an actress?

[Simone Ashley]

It was a question that never entered my head, really. I never had this narrative growing up that, oh, I'm an Indian girl. Even though, you know, my mum practiced Hinduism when I was growing up and my family in California had a really intimate relationship with their culture, culture and their religion. I just saw what was in front of me in my life. And, you know, me and my brother, we grew up westernized in England, between England and California, and it was something that never really entered my head. I always loved the color of my skin. I always had this confidence in myself. And I think anything that felt like a hindrance wasn't because of my culture or my heritage. It was. Maybe I was a bit of an awkward teenager or I didn't, you know, I. I wasn't growing into myself like the other peers around me were. So I guess to answer your question, I just. I felt like any other young teenager.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, I can relate to that, actually. When I was growing up in London, I felt like I never saw. I was. I was bullied for the color of my skin growing up in primary school, but I didn't really understand why. Like, it didn't make sense to me. And so I don't think I internalized it that much. And I felt like I grew up believing I could do anything or be anything. And I. My color of skin is an advantage or a disadvantage. It just felt like who I was.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And even though I was bullied for it, or even though sometimes it felt like I was experiencing racism, it. It became something that I was so confident and comfortable about. And so as I'm listening to you say that, I'm like, how did you get that balance right? Like, how did you feel confident and comfortable in your skin and happy about the color of your skin and at the same time not make it your full picture? If that makes sense.

[Simone Ashley]

I guess my personality or things that I was drawn to. I spent so many summers in Californ, so my skin was always exposed. I was always wearing summer dresses or shorts or, you know, clothes you would wear in California in the summer in London. And I loved it. I never wanted to shy away from that. I think brown skin's so beautiful and I think many people do feel that way. That was something that took my headspace more than anything else. And, yeah, similar to you, I did get bullied sometimes, but no one could ever say or do anything that made me believe that what they were saying was true. And I think my mum's so beautiful as well. She really is. And I know it's a biased thing to say, everyone thinks I'm beautiful, but my mum really is just stunning. And that was a great example for me, looking up to her, just, you know, she's got much lighter skin than me, but I still had a great example of just loving the color of my skin.

[Jay Shetty]

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[Simone Ashley]

It's amazing. I. I really want to just spread good in the world, and especially women, help women feel like their dreams are possible. And if I can do that with my work, then I feel so satisfied and so happy. So when. When girls and women stop me and say things like that, I feel really proud. The narrative I had as a kid was slightly naive. I was just, like, so unaware of any inhibitions that maybe the rest of the world could have put on me and the career that I was choosing to do. And, yeah, now I'm a grown woman. It took me a few years, but I do understand what I represent, and I think I can articulate more now what I want to do with that and how I want to hold myself. And I think I just want to shed positivity on it and also just have it as an open door. I don't think the color of your skin, your culture or heritage should ever be something that corners you or stereotypes you or puts you. Puts you in a box. So I try to make choices in the work that I do that helps elevate that. That belief. And, yeah, I also celebrate it. I don't really overthink it too much. I think I just follow my heart with it, and I think it just comes from first and foremost. As a kid, I just always loved the color of my skin. It wasn't anything that I second guessed at all.

[Jay Shetty]

I love hearing that. I hope that everyone who's listening to that, who's been feeling a bit uneasy or feeling a bit uncertain about how they fit in and where they are, even hearing you being an awkward teenager, tell me a bit about that. Actually, like, you can't see it. Simone, we don't believe you.

[Simone Ashley]

So I'm. Yeah, I'm awkward. You've seen me be awkward before.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, I've seen you before. Fair.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah, totally.

[Jay Shetty]

You're still awkward.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah. Like, we went bowling like a month ago and I was so like, that

[Jay Shetty]

was the worst game of bowling I've done in my entire life.

[Simone Ashley]

I did pretty well.

[Jay Shetty]

You actually did really well. Yeah, you actually did pretty well. I was impressed. That was the worst game. And I was so embarrassed because I was with all your friends and I was like, this is the worst. How am I having my worst game of bowling when I'm out with all your friends?

[Simone Ashley]

It's good to humble you.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, that's exactly how it felt. I was like, this is humiliating.

[Simone Ashley]

I was awkward then. And then the moment we went, I was like, oh, this is fine. I overthink. When I was a kid, I had certain experiences growing up in my household that made me want to escape reality, I guess. And I also went to an all girls school, which is just dynamite for any kid, any young girl growing up. It's. That's the deep end. And, you know, you're surrounded by young girls that maybe come from very privileged families or have older sisters that they can borrow clothes and makeup from or girls that are already dating boys. And it's like a minefield of, like all these different milestones that you reach as a teenager. And I think I was just so awkward. And I was really quiet as well and very observant, and I still am like that. But I think I truly believe anyone in this world can be a superstar. And when I say superstar, like the most confident, popular, for a better word, or the best shiny version of themselves if they're within the right agency of people. And I think I was just trying to. I was just not in the right environment for me. And actually leaving home young and starting to find my community, I found myself in places where I could be myself even more. Yeah, I think I was just awkward because instead of being a teenager sometimes, I actually was just constantly thinking about my career and what I wanted to do. So maybe that was just unrelatable for certain people.

[Jay Shetty]

Do you look back at that now as a strength or do you feel like that made you miss out on being a teenager?

[Simone Ashley]

I think in some ways it was maybe slightly isolating, but, you know, it made me who I am now. And I wouldn't say I'm missing out on anything because I have such a great community of friends and experiences now. And I'm still friends with some of the girls that I grew up with. But having that like wolf pack that you like go through prom and university and all those things with, I never really had that because of the career that I chose because it just took me so far and wide at a pace that was so maybe slightly unrelatable. I think I would regret it if I felt like I was lacking something.

[Jay Shetty]

Now it's interesting hearing about your experience of an old girls school because I went to an all boys school and I'd look back at it and go, I felt like there was no pressure on us because we didn't have girls to impress. Like I can imagine if we had girls at school, we'd all have dressed differently, we would have acted differently, we would have put in more effort, but all of us would just kind of come to school not caring.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

About anything. And there was almost like a freedom in it. Now when I look back to some degree, I mean, I'm sure there's all sorts of studies on whether boy schools and girl schools are good for people or development. And I don't know enough about it. But what I do know for me is at least it felt like there was no pressure and there was freedom and there was something nice about that at that age especially. But I wanted to go back a little bit because you were talking about growing up and even the home environment not always feeling as comfortable. And I wonder, one of my favorite questions to ask people is like, what's a childhood memory you have that you feel has defined who you are today?

[Simone Ashley]

My mom has really strong values and she would always tell me stories that taught me those values. And one particularly was about not being materialistic. My mum grew up in like a small village in the south of India, right. Where it didn't matter what you wore or who you, what you did, how much money you earned, like your currency was your kind and just who you were as a person. And I think my mum very much instilled that in me. And she always raised me and my brother to just have good values to share, to not be materialistic. And there was a story she once told me about when she was a kid and I think me and my brother were fighting over something like a piece of cake. It was, it was definitely some form of food. And she was like, you know when you, once you've eaten it and you swallowed it, like it's not food anymore. It's not, it's just mulch, it's nothing. So what are you guys fighting Over. And I'll never forget that. It just made me kind of grow up not feeling possessive or precious over things. And this isn't something that I think she meant to instill in me, but I think it eventually evolved into me not being envious of people, especially my friends. I think it's really hard to have friendships with people if you're feeling envious of them. And I've experienced that vice, like reverse, and it's hard. Envy isn't really something I've ever had much experience with. It's not something that has been in my mind too much.

[Jay Shetty]

You're so right that envy destroys friendships.

[Simone Ashley]

It does.

[Jay Shetty]

I've had both experiences of it, or even seen it, where people have said they lost a friend because they admitted they were envious, or they've lost a friend because they know their friend was envious of them, whether it was about their relationship, their money, their career, whatever it may be. What, for you, defines a good, good friend?

[Simone Ashley]

Someone that's honest with you. And even if it's slightly uncomfortable to be honest about something, I think the. The term friend is an ongoing heartbeat. No matter what happens above that. For me personally, my friends are there for me, even if I'm having a really hard time and I can be so annoying and I don't stop talking about something, or I just can't seem to get through something, or I'm just not the best version of myself. But they're still there and they're supportive and they accept me. Even at my worst, when I have my wins and my moments of celebration where I want to bring everyone together, they show up and they're there. I think a good friend is. I guess it's the polar opposite of envy. It's just wanting your friends to win, wanting them to just have their flowers and have their moment that they've deserved, whether it's finding true love or a career milestone or whatever, something small, something big, whatever it is, feeling such pride, joy, and love for a friend when they achieve all of that, that's real friendship to me.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, it feels like you were saying that since moving to New York, your group of girlfriends feels really like that.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah, I think I've found in New York, particularly girls, him, my. My friends, we're all in similar age groups, like late 20s, early 30s. And it is kind of that Sex and the City narrative of, like, trying to find love in a city like this. And it's always the conversation we talk about whenever we're all hanging out, or my girlfriends, we. We encourage each Other to be fit and healthy, to go out and have fun, to go and take a rest to do, to. To live our best lives in this city. And that's been so amazing for me, especially coming from like an all girls school where I felt so awkward and out of place and that. And quite unrelatable. I think growing up is learning how to relate to people and finding universal languages between people, no matter how different you are or how different your backgrounds are. And I think especially for women to just annihilate competition and to just support each other. And it's all like, oh, I feel the same way or that's happened to me before, or I feel insecure about these things or awkward about these things. And it's just so, it's quite cathartic.

[Jay Shetty]

How do you find those people? How do you get there? Because I feel like people listening to you right now, they're like, that's what I want. Like, I really wish I had that. But I'm surrounded by people who are envious or shoot down my dreams or don't make me feel like I can achieve anything. Like, how do you attract people like that? How do you find those people in such a big city like this?

[Simone Ashley]

I don't think there's any algorithm to it. I was in London for like 10 years and I still go back on and off for work and to see family and friends. I had many years to really grow quite a small but strong group of friends who are literally like my siblings. I met them whether it was through work or through partners. I dated or whatever it might be in New York. When I moved here last year, I knew nobody and I was starting to film Double Wears Prada and I got very lucky, actually. I got introduced to one of my friends, her name's Savannah and she's just like a firework. She knows so many people, she's very social. And she literally took my hand and was like, we're gonna go out like every other night. Whether it's just for a dinner or you're gonna come and meet this person, we're gonna go to this concert and you just gotta come and meet people. And I just got lucky and fell into a group of people that really felt like open, armed community. It was something I manifested. I just said yes to everything. I tried to bring people together or if I was going out to the gym or something, I'd invite my girlfriends to go. And I think it's just if you put it out there, then you'll find it. But you know that, that Took me some time to get to that place as a, as a person to be so confident within myself and to, to just go out there and throw myself out there. I guess anyone listening who is feeling lonely or wanting to make more friends or wanting to build that community, you know, I, I feel lonely all the time, but I think there's a difference between loneliness and being alone. Sometimes I gotta get out my head and be like, I'm not lonely just because I'm traveling on my own or like, whatever, and actually practicing gratitude of, oh, I do have so many people that love and care about me. Social media is the worst. Social media will make you feel like the loneliest person. There's a culture of wanting to show that you're, you're busy, you're surrounded by people, you're loved, you're with a crowd of cool people having this awesome evening and everything's quite perfect. And you know, social media is the worst for that because I might be on my couch after like a 14, 16 hour day exhausted, and, you know, maybe none of my friends are out and about or whatever. I didn't get invited to something. And you see something on social media and it makes you feel like a loser, but it's not real. I've matured enough to know that it's not real and it's not, it's nothing to take personally, if that makes sense.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, no, that's huge. It's huge. And I, I love hearing you say that because I'm sure people look at your life and think, I wish I had that and I wish I could do that. And she's living in New York and. And then you start to realize that it is all in our tough, in our head and half on social media where we have completely confused being alone and being lonely. And I was remembering when I was doing some research on that, there's this amazing writer named Paul Tillich and he wrote about how there's a difference between being in solitude and being lonely. And he was like, it's really interesting. In the English language we always say I'm alone. We never say I'm in solitude. And solitude's the strength of being alone. Solitude's the joy of being alone. And being alone is the pain of being alone or the stress of being alone. And he said, we just don't use that word. And so we just think alone means lonely.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Therefore, lonely means sad, depressed, disconnected, away from everyone else. And I think that reframe that you just put out for people is really important. And like, you Said you just finished a long work day or a work week, and you go on social media and you see everyone having a great time, of course you're going to feel, yeah. And everyone's only posting the best moments of the week. Like, no one's going up there and going, I'm, I'm alone today, you know, or some people are. But you're not seeing it as much. I think it's so like friendships and adult friendship seems to be such a big theme in the world right now. Whether I'm reading a substack, whether I'm on TikTok, whether I'm on Instagram, the conversation around finding adult friendships is huge. But from that also the romantic perspective, you just said you kind of, you know, sex and the city vibes, New York girls that are dating. I've heard you say before, you're entering your single era. And I wanted to know, what have you learned about yourself while being single that you didn't know about yourself when you were in a relationship?

[Simone Ashley]

Being single, I think it's such a important time because you really get to know yourself. When the noise stops, I think it's really important to take that time and trust it and sit in the discomfort of it. For me, I guess it became quite specific over this past eight months because my life became so work consumed since January. I didn't stop traveling and shooting, doing press, filming, releasing music. So it was really important for me actually to be single and to prioritize myself and my work. I'm someone that I'm like, I can do it all. I can have a relationship and this career and do it all, and I probably can, but I just had to

[Jay Shetty]

trust that you can for sure. Yeah, yeah, you can, you can.

[Simone Ashley]

I know I'm the friend that's like, if your birthday's in three months, I know what I'm gonna get you. I'll organize it. And it's a joy for me. Right. So I don't think it was a problem about, like, capacity. I just think maybe it was just about practicing stillness and kind of connecting to what we were saying about feeling left out. Or if you see things on social media and you feel like you're alone. I always try to go back to, like, what do I believe in? And it really strengthens me and my values and what am I believing in right now? What are my work priorities, what are my friends or whatever. It just kind of makes you a bit more confident and comfortable within the silence. But manifesting is a real thing. Like when my cup is full and my batteries are fully charged and I'm feeling healthy and happy and I'm glowing. And I can only achieve that if I have had space to be on my own. And when I. When I've reached that level, things come to me.

[Jay Shetty]

What are you trying to manifest right now in love?

[Simone Ashley]

Manifesting love itself to be really simple. And I think that is, you know, someone that I can experience joy with, someone that I can be myself with, someone that I can learn something from and learn about myself from. I really want to meet someone that believes in my dreams and has dreams of their own where they're not afraid to. To step in and just go for it, you know? And when I say dreams, I'm not like, oh, my gosh, like, big house on, like, some awesome piece of land and like, all these kind of things. It's much simpler than that. I think it's just finding someone that doesn't see it so complicated to do life with me, where it's just, you have an amazing connection, an amazing friendship, and just is curious and excited to give that a go. But also, Jay, like, I don't know. I'm also. Maybe I'm at a point as well now where I'm like, I don't know. I think it's going to be a surprise to me what lands.

[Jay Shetty]

I love that line you use because I've never heard someone say it like that. The idea of someone who doesn't find it complicated to do life with me, like, that's such a great way of putting it.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Like, I think we're all looking for something that feels a little bit simpler. Not that it's easy. I think, just to be clear that I don't think relationships or love or any of that is easy. But you want it to be a bit simpler. You want it to make sense because the rest of life is so chaotic and crazy and intense and full of pressure, and you want to come home to something that feels a little bit lighter than that and deeper as well. Not. Not lighter in the sense of it doesn't have any gravitas or depth.

[Simone Ashley]

It's a joy to make time for my friends. It's a joy to make time for my partner. It's a joy to organize things and plan around my work schedule. I'm the type of person, when I. When I wrap at work, I'm so excited to go home to my partner and see them, share, like, my day, spend time with them. Everyone's like that. When I say I'm the type of person that everyone feels that way.

[Jay Shetty]

No, not everyone, I think, but I

[Simone Ashley]

think that to, to have that joy and excitement, to make time and make memories and all of those things, it comes from a place of capacity. And I think I. I just really believe in myself and I believe I deserve that kind of love. I believe I deserve that kind of life. And that self belief has led me to where I am in my career. And I think maybe I've had experiences where maybe there's a mismatch in that capacity. I think it comes from a place of self belief. If you believe that you deserve all those things, that happiness, that joy, you will make it happen.

[Jay Shetty]

We're manifesting it right now for you right here on purpose. This is, this is the moment that we're going to come back to. Okay. When it all happens and you say in this moment, you locked in, you channeled, it's an important part of all of our lives. Like it's such a real thing. And you are looking for someone who has a frequency match with you. And that frequency of generosity, that frequency of reciprocation, that frequency of the joy and the excitement that you're saying that you want to feel for someone when you go back, for someone to receive that and for someone to give that back.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And that requires you to live in that at all times. Because then you'll know.

[Simone Ashley]

Yes.

[Jay Shetty]

It's like if you're already living in that when you go to meet someone or see someone, you'll know where they stand and how they feel and whether they're meeting you there or not. And this idea of, you know, everyone's always being honest with you.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And sometimes we're like, oh, they're not being honest with me because they're not telling me what's going on. And it's like, well, that's their honesty. Their truth is they're not telling you what's going on because that's who they are. And so everyone's always being honest with you. If you only saw it that way.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

No one's actually being dishonest because they're showing you what they can give, who they are and where they're at right now and that's all they can give you.

[Simone Ashley]

It's something I still struggle with, to be honest because it's almost like I. I have like a piece of cake that's just the best I've referenced cake. And I'm like, oh my gosh, it's so. It's delicious. It tastes so good. This is the best cake ever. If someone's not willing to try, I find it really hard because I'm like, if you did, I think you'd really like it. I've got to like so stupid what I'm trying to say. I think I still struggle with understanding where someone else is at with their journey of self belief and space within their heart. Has nothing to do with me. Yes, you're my friend, my brother. I've been on the phone to having conversations about this before and that's something that I still struggle with. To just not take it personally or make it about me. And I think, you know, sitting here saying this now, it makes sense and it resonates. But it's. It's something.

[Jay Shetty]

It's this episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for Sponsored Jobs. Indeed Sponsored Jobs helps find quality candidates when you need the most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications or location. In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you. Companies like yours made 27 hires on Indeed. According to Indeed Data Worldwide. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who Check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit@ Indeed.com podcast. That's Indeed.com podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire. This is a job for Indeed. Sponsored Jobs. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp's 2026 State of Stigma report surveyed 2,000Americans and revealed that 85% of Americans believe getting support is wise, yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so. Like, think about work. How many companies actually offer time off specifically for mental health? So yes, seek help, but encourage the people in your life to get help too. If you or anyone you know is worried about feeling judged, try BetterHelp. It's one of the largest online therapy platforms with a vast network of fully licensed therapists who follow a strict code of conduct. And because everything's online, they make it easy to match with their therapists. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] JSTOP3 that's better. H E L p.com JSTOP3 this episode is presented by State Farm. We spend so much energy becoming the best version of ourselves, building better habits, showing up more fully embracing Mindfulness. But sometimes the most purposeful thing you can do is just handle the thing you've been putting off. If getting your insurance sorted has been living on that list, State Farm is there to help you choose the coverage that's right for you. Go [e-mail] or use the easily accessible app to get help from one of their over 19,000 local agents. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Simone Ashley]

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[Jay Shetty]

What do you think's the difference between like a failure at work? Because that we can take personally, but it seems like you don't. And then you've got a failure or rejection in relationships. And we take, we take that much more personally, all of us, I think.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And so talk to me about the difference for you in both of those. Like if you have a door shut on you at work or an audition doesn't go well. I feel like being an actor. All I ever hear from all my actor friends is just like, God, I thought I was gonna get this project and then it didn't work out. But talk to me about the difference between failing at work and failing in life or love almost. And of course it's not failure, but at least that's how it feels.

[Simone Ashley]

Rejection.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. Rejection, yeah.

[Simone Ashley]

Disappointment, yeah. Since I was a kid, it was, it was written. I would never, I've not once said if it doesn't work out. I've never. Oh, I've said it now but like as an example. But I never that thought. I wouldn't even let it enter my mind. It was written that all my dreams within my career were gonna have opportunity to come true.

[Jay Shetty]

That's so powerful.

[Simone Ashley]

I love that it came from self belief. I just wanted it so much and I knew that I was capable. That was very internal. So anytime I got rejected or someone didn't believe in me professionally, it just, it touched the surface. It didn't erupt my internal belief at all. Sometimes I'd just be like, well, they're dumb to not see like what I'm capable of. And like I got rejected so many times from like agencies or casting directors or whatever directors When I was in my early 20s. But I never worried about it because I was just like, well, I know that the right people are going to see my vision and it did happen. And it's, you know, in no way have I achieved everything that I've wanted to. I've got a long way to go and it makes me feel badass and confident. And so it's something that no one can take away from me. It's something that I probably should practice applying to my personal life. But the difference is the whole thing I was saying about it just touches the surface. Rejection or disappointment professionally, when it's your personal life, friends or a partner that you love, you are giving them your internal belief. I'm sharing my belief with them. If someone doesn't understand that, rejects it. For me, it's very emotional. I find it hard to just be like, oh, it didn't really affect me or it just touched the surface because it's something that I don't give very often. And when I do, my self belief changed my life and it colored my world. So when I give it to someone else and they don't want it or they're scared of it or it's too much for them or whatever it might be, which is totally fine, I find it really hard to not let it shatter my worlds. And that's okay. I used to see personal Simone and professional Simone as two different people. You've said this before like you've got your avatar and whatever. And actually maybe something that I should try is just seeing it as one person. Like that confident, badass, unstoppable kind of attitude I can have. Maybe I should just apply it more in relationships, but relationships really soften me. If I love someone, I want them to be part of that self belief.

[Jay Shetty]

I loved what you said, that relationships soften you, love softens you. I think that's why we want it. It's because you don't have to be this badass, focused. You don't have to be that way in love. You can use some of those skills and tools, but really what we want to do is just rest and be embraced and be held and hold back and be at peace. I was telling you this last night. I was talking to a client the other day and I was like, do you believe you'll be a billionaire? And they were like, yes. And this is a female client. I was like, do you believe you'll be a billionaire? And she goes, yes. And I go, do you believe that there is the biggest, boldest, most beautiful Love out there for you. She was like, I'm not sure I love what you said. I think love, we all want it to be soft, but it's the belief needs to be as strong in it existing and it being possible as we do in our career goals or our dreams or whatever it may be. It's like, can I hold the same belief for my love life? Even though my love life will look very different because it will be softer, it will be peaceful, it will be less driven. Folk. You don't want your love life to be like, no work, no.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And so I think, yeah, that. That balance is really, really easy to hear. What's something that you used to value in a partner but you don't value anymore? Someone may say, I used to value someone who was always there for me and now I actually value a lot of interdependence where, like, they don't need to always be there. They're going to be busy sometimes, I'm going to be busy sometimes. And we've realized that that's what life actually looks like. Or something more superficial. Like, I used to value someone who always picked up the bill on the first date and now I don't because I want it to be an equal partnership. That's a more superficial example. Or on the deepest level, it's like, I used to value someone who believed in my dreams, and now I don't want someone who believes in my dreams. I can believe in my dreams, but I want someone who's cheering me on while I'm doing it.

[Simone Ashley]

I think humans are. They're so layered. And the people I've fallen in love with, I've also fallen in love with their flaws. So, for example, oh, I used to really value the funny guy, and now maybe I don't want to go for that, but actually, I can't honestly say that because I was so proud to be in love with someone so funny and so charismatic and actually maybe deeper beneath that they were quite anxious and quiet or shy or slightly insecure or whatever it might be. And. But it wasn't something that I saw as like a. Oh, a red flag. I just thought it was a beautiful thing. I think I just definitely value someone who no one's perfect, but who has a relationship with themselves. That's healthy. Because I think if you can understand yourself, look in the mirror, understand who you are, or you're just willing to sit with the discomfort of your own journey and expanding who you are, all these different things, I think those are the kind of people I really can click with because that's life. And I think that's something that I've learned ever since my early 20s, but only because I decided to do that for myself. I wanted to grow, I wanted to be a better version of myself. There were aspects of myself that I wanted to get rid of. So I'm kind of reverse answering the question in a way.

[Jay Shetty]

No, but I hear what you're saying. You're saying that I want to embrace someone's flaws and the parts of them that they're still exploring and understanding. And at the same time you need someone who's working on that part as well and aware of those parts as well and trying to, because ultimately you can't carry those forever by yourself. And I think a lot of people do that in long term relationships where they think they're making space for their partner's flaws, but actually they're just carrying them. And then eventually that weight breaks them down because they go, well, I can't, I can't do this without you because they're yours. And if you're not going to carry them and only I'm going to carry them, well, then I'm carrying myself and you.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And then eventually that's going to wear away and I'm not going to be able to hold that much weight.

[Simone Ashley]

That's something I've had to learn because my stamina can like overtake and be like, I'll do it, I'll, I'll carry, I'll carry both of us. But again, that comes from a place of self belief of like, I've done it, I've done it for myself and I'll show you, I'll show you how good it can be. And going back to your values question, like at work, when people ask me, oh, what's your dream project? Or what's on your bucket list? And I always say, okay, here's a rough example of what I'd love to do in music or in my movies or other, other things. But there's never going to be the perfect project like with the dream director, dream time, dream location, dream cast, all these things. And then for it to get greenlit and financed and for a pandemic not to happen and all these things. It's never, I don't believe it's ever like going to happen like that. It's, you meet opportunities and you surrender to it and you open yourself up to it and you're like, oh, this, this is kind of my dream project for all these different things. It may not have this one thing that I wanted in it, but it's still amazing. And I think I'm like that when it comes to meeting people. I get taken by surprise quite a lot. And I think for me, first and foremost, it's born out of a connection. And I am quite drawn to people that are quite different to me in a way. Yeah. So I guess it's hard for me to even list, like perfect scenarios or things of a person might be. I think my values will always be kindness, you know, a zest for life. I think that the opposite of depression is creation. Right. So, yeah, it's like, let's create together. Let's. Let's go on this journey together. Let's create a home together, a family together. Let's create experiences with our friends together. Even like this Sunday and we've got no plans. Let's create a cozy day together. Let's. That's making something like you're moving forward in life and you're building and you're. You're just going forward, but it's the opposite of being stagnant and not giving something a go. And I definitely am drawn to people that are like, let's just do it. Let's give it a go.

[Jay Shetty]

I think about that all the time. I'm like, really what you're looking for is a co creator.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Is not feeling like either of you are carrying everything or all of it, but that you're co creating. And there's so much magic when that happens. I wanted to ask you, obviously, you released your first EP this year.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Called Songs I Wrote New York. I got to hear it early on. You were sending me stuff, so I was like. I was like, this is incredible. And I wanted to ask, what was it about? Was it New York that brought that out of you? That you've always been a singer, you've sung since you were young. But was it like. Was it being in New York, was it certain experiences? What brought that out of you to do that here and to obviously name it Songs I Wrote in New York.

[Simone Ashley]

So it was something that was in development for about three years. Fraser T. Smith really reared me and developed me and really, like, guided me into songwriting and helping me discover and develop the kind of sound I wanted. And he always had that belief in me and that patience with me because I was in my lyric writing and my songwriting. I think I was trying quite hard to be bombastic, to be edgy in my lyrics or to be a poet and all these things, which is fine. That's Part of the exploration. But when I moved to New York, something happened where everything in my lyric writing and what was coming out of my heart just felt so simple. And suddenly it just became a story and a narrative that a lot of people could relate to. And it was a narrative I was so proud of. Moving to New York was a massive turning point in my life. It really helped me find my confidence in a larger way. I was meeting new people in. You know, summer in New York was just. It's the perfect setting to write music for me. And I got very lucky working in the studio with Dan and Tolu, who are musicians I wrote my songs with. One of my songs with New York got me out of my head, because my body will always have better ideas than my head. And it really. Every time I'm in New York, I don't stop. And it's a. Which is a good and a bad thing. But when it comes to making music, it just. Everything felt so instinctual.

[Jay Shetty]

It feels like these songs are so personal, Especially someone who knows about your personal life. But I'm like, when you listen to the music, it feels so raw. Like, did it ever feel scary?

[Simone Ashley]

So scary. So I. I've never felt so nervous in my life.

[Jay Shetty]

Really?

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah. Yeah. Everything you've done, out of everything I've done, when a movie comes out, the studio. The studio will protect me. Well, if something goes wrong, it's on. It's. Usually it can be on someone else, or if it's on me, then I don't know. I've. I've been quite protected. I'm not perfect in any way. I'm not flawless. I'm. I'm sure I've had quite a few bodies of work that have come out where my performance is and maybe up to scratch, but my music, it was. It was all me. It was so exposing, and I. I felt so nervous. I was quite a difficult person to be around for those few weeks.

[Jay Shetty]

Was that because the music was also so personal? Was that a big part of it?

[Simone Ashley]

I was scared it was gonna be misunderstood, but anyone that listened to it was, like, what are you talking about? Like, this is so positive. I think it was also. I was releasing at a time where I was still on a journey of finding my peace with certain things. So I think it was a. It was a mixture of that.

[Jay Shetty]

So Freeze. My favorite song.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

I picked out a lyric from Tragic Romantic.

[Simone Ashley]

Diane Warren wrote that.

[Jay Shetty]

Oh, no way.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah. I didn't write Tragic.

[Jay Shetty]

Okay.

[Simone Ashley]

But we. I'm interested to hear.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, this is a Lyric, though. But, I mean, you put this in there, so red flags look like roses to me. I keep wanting what I don't need Keep running to what I should run from it's always the same old story I'm good with what's not good for me. Why. Why was that an important lyric to have in there, then? Even if Diane wrote it, there was

[Simone Ashley]

a kind of tongue in cheek atmosphere around these lyrics, Right. And I think the title, Tragic Romantic is quite dramatic, and I think it was kind of a like, well, here we go again. Another one bites the dust kind of thing. We were talking about this earlier that, like, maybe addiction's a strong. Too strong of a word, but just that I love falling in love and I love that journey. And my heart's gonna get broken, but it's worth it for all the highs. And, you know, I overlook the red flags because if. Even if I get one petal of the rose, it's worth it. I don't think it's something that I practice in my daily life now, but I think there was something quite tongue in cheek about it that I felt a lot of people could relate to, especially my community of women. Tragic Romantic was. I'm. You know, it was something that I felt nervous about. It's an amazing song, and I was. I'm so honored that Diane gave it to me and I worked with it on her. But I always want my message to be positive for young women and to have positive morals and lessons and values and Tragic Romantic. I. There are aspects where I was like, I don't have to take it so seriously. And it's a story, and it's a chapter of a story.

[Jay Shetty]

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[Simone Ashley]

Free's like one of my favorite songs. Every time I talk about it with people, about the story of the writing and the message behind, just makes me feel this really delicate kind of happiness. I wrote it with Dan and Tolou within like four hours. And I remember the day so vividly. I think it was on a Monday. And I went in the studio and I was telling them about this experience that I had over the weekend and I was just so full of happiness and I was like, here, you have some happiness. You have some happiness. Like, it just felt so. It was just overflowing. And so we started writing the song and they were so excited that I was sharing my story with them. And Dan, when we got to writing the middle eight, the bridge of the song, I'll never forget it, he sat down on his chair and he looked at me and he was like, you know, the real acid test for writing a love song like this, like Free is if you can write down the lyrics on a sheet of paper and read it out almost like it's a speech to this person. Maybe it's your wedding day or whenever it might be and you're just saying the lyrics as if it was a speech and it makes sense. And something just clicked in my head as soon as he said that and it freaked me out as well. Like this experience was so fresh. And there I was in the studio making this very confessional song. And though the lyrics are incredibly simple, when someone listens to it, it's very easy listening, soulful, warm, I hope. And lyrics are so simple. But Free was about. For me, it was all about gratitude. I was saying this to you last night at dinner. I think in day to day life, happiness can remain quite dormant within ourselves. And sometimes we have experiences or we meet people that just bring it alive and remind you of it. And it was just one of the best, happiest experiences of my life. And I was so proud of it and I was so proud of myself, of how much love I had to give and that I saw and believed in. And Free was about documenting that so that happy memory could just, just live forever. Like gave it wings and it could just live forever. And then I ended up writing quite a good song. Like, my whole team were like, damn, this is. This is a Good song. I was. I was with a band doing live rehearsals the other week, and they've worked with, like, some pretty, pretty big artists. And they were like, this is a good song, girl. And I was, like, so proud of it because it came from a place of just pure, pure love.

[Jay Shetty]

I love that. Yeah, you feel it when you hear it. And I've loved all the acoustic versions you're posting on TikTok too. Yeah, it's great. It's great. It's great to just see it, like, in that raw version of you just hanging out at home and singing along. And it's what has allowing yourself to sing and share your voice and write done for you differently than acting? Like, what does it do for you as a person, as a human?

[Simone Ashley]

I think I've kind of made my own opportunity to have space for my voice to be heard in the film industry. I'm still working really hard and grafting to get to projects which I know will happen for me where I can really showcase what I'm capable of. And I have had many opportunities like that, but there's even more that I can do. And sometimes it can. It takes time because like we were saying, it's finding the thing that perfectly aligns at the right time. But with my music, singing came before acting. For me. I was singing since I was like 6 years old. I love it so much, and I never wanted to look back and feel regretful that I didn't make it happen. And I have a team of people that really believe in me and I've been working with people that really believe in me. So I'm very lucky in that sense. But, yeah, it gives me more opportunity to use my voice creatively because I know myself more than anyone, so I'm not limited in that way.

[Jay Shetty]

I respect you so much for doing it. I think it's so easy to get caught in our lanes.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And we are living at a time when multi hyphenates can exist and people are doing more than one thing. But still, I feel like it's so easy for people to label us and for us to label ourselves and say, this is all I am. And if I pivot, then people won't take me as seriously in this area. And I completely disagree with that because it's almost like if you've already achieved what you've achieved, the joy is in trying everything you always wanted.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And I often say that to my team, where I'm like, I'm already living in bonus land. I want to do everything. Like, I Want to try stuff that my childhood self couldn't believe I'd have an opportunity to do this because otherwise I'm going to regret it at the end of my life. I'm going to look back. No one's going to remember me anyway. And so no one's going to care. In a good way. In a good way. I mean, in like a genuine way. Like most people are not going to remember the biggest musicians of all time after 100 to 200 years. Like, you just won't. You know, when you look at history, like the only people that really lasted in history are like Buddha, Jesus, Krishna, Muhammad, like, you know, you look at like religion and spirituality or people who changed the world or the Stoics from 2000 years ago, but you don't really remember people beyond certain time periods. And it's a good thing to remember because it takes the pressure off. And you go, oh God, I can do so many things.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And I should do what my heart's calling me to. No, I'm not saying do things because you can. I'm saying do things because you've always known that that's who you are. Which is, which is what you're saying. We have a game for you, Simone.

[Simone Ashley]

Okay.

[Jay Shetty]

This game is called would you rather Dating game?

[Simone Ashley]

Okay.

[Jay Shetty]

So we want to find out because we are trying to manifest this for you today on the show. Okay, so Dating Game, would you rather. Simone, Ashley, are you ready?

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah, I'm ready.

[Jay Shetty]

Would you rather date someone who has never been in a serious relationship or someone who just got out of a 10 year relationship?

[Simone Ashley]

I'm gravitating towards dating someone that has been in a long term relationship.

[Jay Shetty]

Yes.

[Simone Ashley]

But again, who knows?

[Jay Shetty]

It's a game. It's a game. No, no, go on. I'm gonna let you philosophize. No, I like, I like it when you become a philosopher. So go on.

[Simone Ashley]

No, I mean, you never know. You could date someone that's never been in a long term relationship and it could be dynamite. It could be the best thing ever.

[Jay Shetty]

Cool.

[Simone Ashley]

What do you think?

[Jay Shetty]

I think I gravitate towards someone who knows what commitment looks like too. If it's time, if it's been enough time. Yeah, I think that's a really important part of that answer because if it's immediate, then that's unhealthy. But if it's been enough time, I gravitate towards the answer because I just feel like that person knows what it looks like to commit and grow and build.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And as experience, it Depends what age you are as well. We're talking about, like, people in their late 20s, mid-30s. I think that's. If you haven't had a long term relationship, what's the reason? And again, there could be a really good reason.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And that's fair, too. Would you rather be with someone who falls for you very quickly or someone who takes things extremely slow?

[Simone Ashley]

I think, look, falling very quickly. I think I'm someone that does that and I gravitate towards that. I think it's about choice. If it's two people making a choice and it's like, I feel this, I'm ready. Let's go for it. I think when it's like, you fall quickly and then someone's like, oh, I don't know. I'm changing my mind now. Like, I don't know. I've got a very big open heart, so. It's hot. I don't know. This game is hard.

[Jay Shetty]

You're doing great. There's no. There's no right answer. The good thing about the game is there's no answer.

[Simone Ashley]

Okay.

[Jay Shetty]

All right. Would you rather date someone who plans every date six weeks in advance or someone who prioritizes being spontaneous?

[Simone Ashley]

Spontaneous.

[Jay Shetty]

Oh, but you're the planner, though.

[Simone Ashley]

You were like, I'm the planner, but I. I really gel well with people that are spontaneous because it. It gets me out my head. So you're gonna plan. Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Their gift six months in advance.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah. But, yeah, I love spontaneity.

[Jay Shetty]

Would you rather date someone who knows exactly what they want or someone who's totally open to where life takes them?

[Simone Ashley]

Totally open.

[Jay Shetty]

Would you rather be with someone who wants to spend every free moment together or someone who gives you lots of independence?

[Simone Ashley]

Lots of independence.

[Jay Shetty]

Why?

[Simone Ashley]

Because I need that with my lifestyle. I. I can't.

[Jay Shetty]

Oh, they're texting you every moment going, Simone.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Where are you?

[Simone Ashley]

No, because I think it's attractive as well if someone is like, I'm doing my thing because I. I think then suddenly I feel responsible.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Simone Ashley]

And that's not cool.

[Jay Shetty]

We're just. We're just giving clues to the public. That's what we're doing here. This is like, we got a lot of people who watch the show, got a lot of everyone. Got a lot of celebrities, got a lot of athletes, got a lot of music, you know, so we got it. We got to get this out. Yeah. Would you rather date someone who insists on talking through every disagreement immediately or someone who always needs a night to think first?

[Simone Ashley]

It depends. Again, it's all I'm like, let's talk about it. It's not that hard.

[Jay Shetty]

I mean, let's talk about. Yeah, yeah. Would you rather date someone who's your biggest cheerleader or someone who's your most honest critic?

[Simone Ashley]

Biggest cheerleader?

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Simone Ashley]

Like, I've got so many people that can be my honest critic. My friends, my team. Like, you don't have to bullshit me. But, yeah, be my cheerleader. 100.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, you're right. You can find other people to do the other one. That's the point. You can find people in your life who'll be really honest with you, but you want your partner to have you.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Would you rather be the one to say I love you first or have your partner say it before you?

[Simone Ashley]

My last experience, I. I wasn't the one to say it first, and I kind of like to laugh. I was like, okay, cool. Protects you.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. So that's the way we go. And then do you say it back immediately or do you wait.

[Simone Ashley]

Oh, it's all within context, Jay. It's all within context. But, yeah, I mean, look, if I felt the same way, then. Yeah. Or eventually.

[Jay Shetty]

Eventually. So you'll make someone wait. Someone could say, I love you, and you, like, literally wouldn't say anything to them for seven days.

[Simone Ashley]

No, no, no, no.

[Jay Shetty]

Okay.

[Simone Ashley]

Within con. It's all within context. But okay, let's say in this. In this moment, if someone. If I was with someone, I felt the same way, and they said I. Yeah, I'd say it, but.

[Jay Shetty]

Okay, we're just throwing it out there. Throwing out there. I'm just. I'm just being a big brother, you know, like, helping you out here. That's. That's what we're doing.

[Simone Ashley]

I appreciate it.

[Jay Shetty]

So I think one thing I wanted to talk to you about was this idea that I feel people feel, especially like you're 31 now. You said, and it's a. Turning 30 is a big deal for people. And I feel society social media has made it an even bigger deal for people. One of the biggest things I think people worry about, even when it comes to envy, comparison, friendship. One of the biggest themes is timelines. And I think we all had a timeline when we were growing up or we saw timelines around us. Figure out your dream job by 30, get married by 35, have kids by 40, and maybe that's all pushed back by 10 years, maybe 10, 20 years ago. That was even five years earlier. Whatever it may have been, talk to me about how you handle comparing timelines with friends. Family and people around you.

[Simone Ashley]

Not perfectly. In my family, I'm somewhat the anomaly. My brother, he just had a baby.

[Jay Shetty]

I know. Congrats.

[Simone Ashley]

Thanks.

[Jay Shetty]

He's so cute.

[Simone Ashley]

Thank you. We've got opposite lifestyles, right? Like, he got married, got the dog, had a baby, all of those things. And I'm so, so proud of him and happy for him, and he set such an amazing example. I've just moved to New York and I'm making movies, making music, traveling all over the place. And sometimes that can feel a bit scary. But I think you just. You gotta trust it. You gotta trust your journey. You gotta have faith in your journey. Don't compare and despair. I think it's hard as a young woman as well. You know, the 30s are all like, when are you gonna have kids? Or all these kind of things. I think in my moments of where I'm feeling low, I can put pressure on myself and be like, wow, not the next person. I've got to be really careful. I've got to do all these things. I've put a timeline on my years and, like, set out a plan. But when I'm feeling the best version of myself, I just let it go. And I'm like, so, so much gratitude for the life I have. And I just manifest it. Trust it, trust it, trust it. And my time will come for my personal life or the dreams I want to have. Personally, that'll happen when it's meant to happen.

[Jay Shetty]

I've seen people who got married early, then had kids late, and seen people who got married late and had kids immediately.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And I've seen people who crushed their career and then found love late. And then I've seen people who found love in their 20s and then figured out their career at 40. I feel like the timeline thing is such a messy indicator of success.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Because anything can speed up, slow down, or 180 at any point. And you see that with people at all stages. Like, you know, when I watch your career trajectory, it's incredible. Like, it's so awesome. I'm such a proud friend. And just watching you just achieve all these incredible things and do them so phenomenally well. Carry yourself with grace. Put yourself out there. I met your friends. They're amazing people. Like, just. There's so much of your life that you've got, right. And I think sometimes people usually rush the last piece of the puzzle, and that can almost crumble everything because you already work so hard to build all these facets of your life up. And what you just said when you Trust yourself.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And you trust yourself on the last piece of the puzzle. You start recognizing it's not the last piece. There's always going to be more pieces that keep getting added to this beautiful picture that you're building. But when you think, oh, gosh, this is the last piece, I need to figure it out, you just try and, like, squish anything there, and then that can start to affect and disjoint everything else. And so I think it's so fascinating, whether it's career, whether it's love, whether it's friends, whether it's family. Like, I've seen people who found love, who have a great career, and then they're doing therapy with their mom at 60 years old, and that's what's healing their. Their whole experience. Right.

[Simone Ashley]

It shouldn't be a race to success in terms of having. Settling down, finding a person, marriage, career. I don't think it should be a race to success. It should be a race to just finding peace and happiness. And that can take place at so many different places in everyone's life.

[Jay Shetty]

Have you ever lived that experience of getting to a place where you're like, this is it, and then it wasn't? Because I imagine. Yeah, you've talked about this idea of, like, nearly.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Talk to me about that.

[Simone Ashley]

The nearlys are the ones that really I find hard to process and to make peace with and to understand and to let go. Because again. Cause I'm such a dreamer, and I'm like, well, why not? Like, we had all the ingredients, like, it was a nearly. But again, if we apply it to what I did in my work life, you know, it took me some time to really understand this, but if I didn't get a job or if it was a nearly, I really learned quite quickly that it was opening doors to something else. And when it came to work, it's so. It's so easy to understand that and accept that. And it. And it happened. For me, there were so many things in my early 20s I nearly got. And I'm so glad it didn't happen. So glad it didn't happen. Because if it did, I think things would have been. Been maybe a little bit more complicated or different. Yeah. I think in my personal life, because you just want it. I want it right now kind of thing. So when it's a nearly, it's hard to practice that acceptance and patience.

[Jay Shetty]

Is there a particular example you can think of?

[Simone Ashley]

I could count on, like, forehand the amount of projects in my early 20s where I was like, I got to the final rounds, or I got to the screen test, or I flew over and did the chemistry read and it was like, oh, my gosh, I was dreaming about it and I was imagining what it was going to be like and I could taste it and I didn't get it. I look back and I'm so glad it didn't happen because things that did end up changing my life, I probably wouldn't even been available to do them. When opportunities don't happen, it's giving space for something else. And it's kind of an annoying thing to say because everyone says that and it's really hard to trust it and believe it, but from experience, work wise, oh my gosh, that I. I put money on it.

[Jay Shetty]

Nine years ago, I got contacted by a production company in la, which I lived in New York at the time where we are right now. And they were like, jay, we want to produce a TV show with you. We'll go and pitch it out to all the big streamers and production companies and everything else and come and do it. So I was like traveling to LA on my own money, which I didn't have a lot of at the time. I was coming up with a sizzle reel, coming up with a deck, figuring it all out on top of my day job. Flew out when I did meetings, came back, flew out, went and did pitches. And I remember being in a meeting with Netflix and Netflix turned down my pitch. This was nine years ago and I would never have started on purpose if they didn't turn it down.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Because I would have got this show. Maybe it would have run for two, three seasons.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Obviously I wouldn't have been in charge of it. It wouldn't have been my show. I wouldn't have owned it. And now I'm like, now we're back on Netflix and it's just so.

[Simone Ashley]

But.

[Jay Shetty]

But it's like, it's my show. I own the show. It's. I get to decide who I sit with, I get to decide who I talk to, I get to decide what it looks like, everything. And I'm like, wow. Like that moment when I got rejected,

[Simone Ashley]

it felt like you couldn't see all of this.

[Jay Shetty]

I couldn't see all of this. I had no idea. And I was like, oh, well, who knows? Like, maybe I'm not made for this in this way and whatever. You could tell all these stories and then you go, no, actually that Shining was the, the best. Nine years later, it's the best thing that ever happened to me.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And I think it's so hard because we kind of live in these little tiny cycles of, it's the worst three months of my life, it's the worst six months of my life. And it's like, actually, if you zoom out.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

You look at life and you keep working and you keep focused, things will work out and make more sense.

[Simone Ashley]

If it's meant to be for you, it will happen also. Careful what you wish for. Sometimes. I nearly wasn't able to do bridgeton because before the pandemic started, before everything shut down, I was on Little Mermaid. I have quite a small role in that. So proud to be part of that production. But, yes, I was one of the Mermaid sisters. Really small role. I had, like, one line, but they had booked me to film in Sardinia the spring summer of 2021. And because of the pandemic, like, things got delayed and delayed and delayed. And when I got Bridgerton, they said no. I think they kind of. They didn't actually look into the details of it of, like, what Bridgerton was, the scale of my character, like, how big it was for me. No one knew who I was. No one really cared. And they said no. And luckily, my manager at the time and my team really eloquently fought for it, and they were like, this is gonna change her life. You gotta let her go over, like, two days filming somewhere in summer. You've gotta let her. And, yeah, they thank God Rob Marshall let me do it. And. Yeah. And so careful what you wish for. I say that as an example of you might really want something and you get it, and it could really mess up what happens in the future.

[Jay Shetty]

Those are those sliding door moments. Yeah. That's why you've got to be so intentional in those moments and be really careful about what you're really trying to build.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Because in one sense, one's bigger in the. In the Little Mermaid feels bigger in the moment, but then one's bigger for you.

[Simone Ashley]

Yes, exactly.

[Jay Shetty]

And it's better for you and what you're building.

[Simone Ashley]

And be careful to not emotionally react to desperation, which is a really human thing to feel. There is no shame in feeling desperate. Like, as an artist, I feel desperate all the time. Like, all the time. Hungry all the time. And I think, you know, look, we're talking purely about work. I think I'm in a very privileged place to sit here and talk about this. But when you're desperate and you really want something and you're hungry for something, sometimes you can make decisions that, in the long term, don't Suit you. So that's something I've really learned with work as well.

[Jay Shetty]

What would you say to someone who feels behind in life?

[Simone Ashley]

I think, you know, you could say the things like, be grateful for what you already have, or that's gonna come for you. Just believe in yourself, work really hard, and it'll happen for you. But when you feel behind in life, it's something that's quite deep. Feeling behind in life comes from a place of maybe you have to practice what life really is, you know, practicing. How can you just be, you know, and not have all the things that make you feel successful or confident or in control? How can you just be and be okay with it? Because I don't think there's an answer to that. I think we're always going to go through feeling behind, feeling like someone's got something better than me, feeling disappointed, and there's no quick fix. Because sometimes things are out of our control, and sometimes you just got to be. And if you can be okay with that and be at peace and be happy with that, no matter what's going on, which is really hard, I'm not perfect at all. But that's what my answer is. My real answer would be, the biggest

[Jay Shetty]

problem with feeling behind and looking up is that one day you'll be ahead and then looking over your shoulder. And both positions are just not great to be. Whereas if you learn to just be where you are and recognize. Let me get comfortable with this. Let me understand me then. Whether you're ahead or behind, it won't matter to you whether you're number one or number 100 on the list. It won't matter to you because you were comfortable in your own skin. And if you're number one, one day you'll be number two, and one day you'll be number three. And if you're number three, one day you may get to two or one, and that's always gonna just move and change.

[Simone Ashley]

Exactly. But I think to that point, maybe you do get to a place where you have all the things you want, but you're not happy. So even if you are feeling behind in life, like, how can you find. What does happiness mean to you? You know, how can you find happiness without all the things to fix it?

[Jay Shetty]

What's the biggest pressure you've had to let go of in your 30s?

[Simone Ashley]

I was gonna say, I think getting married. But I don't. I don't feel that pressure at all, to be honest, from my family or anyone. I can make it feel like a pressure when I'M feeling frustrated or I feel like there's, you know, something I'm doing that's stopping myself. I think it's a. It's a want and a desire to find someone. And I think you like, I'm trying to be careful to not turn that into pressure.

[Jay Shetty]

I love the answer. Because what's interesting is you can want the same thing, but it can either feel like a pressure or it can feel like a pursuit, something you're excited about. The desire part that you just mentioned there. And often what we do is we go, I want it. I don't want it. Right. So we oscillate between, like we think. The point is, if I want something too badly, whatever it may be, work, career, love, we go, okay, I better go to the other end and not want it. And it's not that it's actually going from, how can I turn it from being a pressure to a pursuit and a desire and an excitement and joy and abundance. Because I'm. It's okay to want it. I'm not wrong for wanting it. And I think sometimes we make ourselves feel, no, no, no. I shouldn't want it. I should just forget about it. And it's like, no, no, no. How do I purify it?

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Want it from a place of abundance and joy and bliss and excitement as opposed to wanting it from pressure. Desperation, stress, frustration.

[Simone Ashley]

Exactly. It makes me think you've seen Shawshank Redemption.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, of course.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah. I can't remember the quote, but there's that quote about time and pressure, because the whole story's about them chipping away, and it's taking time. And in terms of geology, like pressure to get through this wall.

[Jay Shetty]

Geology is the study of pressure and time. That's all it takes, really. Pressure and time.

[Simone Ashley]

His dream was the escape.

[Jay Shetty]

Yes.

[Simone Ashley]

So it always inspired me. And it remind. What you were asking me reminded me of that. Because if that's my dream, then how do we take time and pressure and not make pressure this bad? Dark word.

[Jay Shetty]

Simone, it's been such a wonderful time talking to you, as always. And we get to do this. I'm lucky. I get to do this offline with you all the time.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

But the last time I saw you, apart from last night at dinner, was I got to come to the premiere of Devil Wears Prada, too, which I'm such a big fan of the first one. And so you giving me that opportunity to come and crash with your team and. And come to the premiere that you were such a big part of the movie was Unbelievable. The movie was awesome. I loved it. I thought it was like a brilliant sequel. It was so awesome being at the premiere, being with you, seeing you be celebrated and, you know, and you living off of crazy little amounts of sleep. I had no idea how you didn't even get to go to your own after party and had to run to London.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

The next morning. But I mean, being a part of that, you've talked about it so much. I've seen so many of the interviews. It must have been so special. Now when you look back on it, because the movie's out and of course it's going to go out on streaming soon, but now that the movie's already out, when you look back on an experience like that, what do you remember?

[Simone Ashley]

Changed my life, changed my world, professionally and personally. I remember every detail of that experience. I remember everything. I just felt so proud to be part of something of that caliber with that cast and to be working with David and Aline and just one of those experiences and moments in my life that just. I really. I've never felt so present in my life. Best. Best experience of my life professionally. But my world around me, moving to New York and what was happening to me around that time, the happiest I've ever been in my life, so forever. So much gratitude towards that. I remember getting the call. So many people have asked me, like, oh, apparently there's this video of you when you get the call of having. Getting this movie. And we started talking around this time, our friendship was just, like, starting to grow, and I was going through a few experiences, and when I got this call, I was just so happy and I was very emotional. And I've never shared the video with anyone, like, because I just. I find it a bit. We're doing that, but I'll give it to you.

[Jay Shetty]

Oh, please.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

No way.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah, you can do what you want with it.

[Jay Shetty]

No way. Oh, my God.

[Simone Ashley]

Wow.

[Jay Shetty]

You haven't shown it to me before either. No, No, I don't think you've sent it to me.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah, no, because it's really emotional. It's a lot. But. But I remember that because happiness was just surrounding me that year and very, very grateful for it.

[Jay Shetty]

Well, once I've seen it and once we talk about it, I'll decide what

[Simone Ashley]

I do with it.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. That is very sweet of you. And I. That's. That's. That's beautiful. I remember what a challenging time it was, and so I can't imagine. And it's always like that in life. Like, there's one door opening another, closing another. You're trying to break down another. You know, it's. And I've always felt like, as your friend, like you've just navigated it well as best as you can as a human, really, it's, you know, and. And your mission so clear of how you want to inspire others and help others. And I think that keeps you.

[Simone Ashley]

But I think to that point, like anyone listening to this, I speak a lot about these amazing moments and how happy I am or I was and the gratitude towards it. But that is something I want to emphasize. Like, my life is not that all the time. I'm a young woman going through the journey of a young woman, you know, and there's ups and downs and there's fails and there's moments of darkness. But if there's anything I do want to share with people is to inspire them to practice remembering the happy moments and being grateful for them. Because that's your. That's your light in the dark.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, I. I always say that we remember the bad times more than the good times because when something bad happens, we cry for a month. And when something good happens, we celebrate for a day.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And that's why what you're saying is you've got to shift it.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

It's like, we're just not good at, like, if something good happens, we, like, have one night and then it's over and then back to work tomorrow. But if something bad happens, you're, like, talking about with your friends. It defines like, like three months of your life, and that's why you remember it more. And I love that. Reframe and shift for you, Simone. We end every interview of on purpose with the final five. These questions have to be answered in one sentence maximum. Okay, so, Simone, Ashley, these are your final five. Question number one. What is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

[Simone Ashley]

Be kind.

[Jay Shetty]

Second question. What is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?

[Simone Ashley]

That person will always be there.

[Jay Shetty]

Describe in one sentence each of these people. Meryl Streep, icon. Anne Hathaway, icon. Emily Blunt.

[Simone Ashley]

So funny. Icon.

[Jay Shetty]

Stanley Tucci.

[Simone Ashley]

So funny and cheeky. Yeah. Simone, Ashley, your friend.

[Jay Shetty]

I was expecting. So funny and icon and awkward. Yeah. So funny. Icon. Awkward. That's. That's yours.

[Simone Ashley]

That's my.

[Jay Shetty]

My answer to yours. Question number four. What helps you in your hardest moments?

[Simone Ashley]

I'll wallow and feel about myself, but to get me out of that, I'll dream big. I'll go back to all the things I Have coming up and just listening to music or going on a run or something and just dreaming big. I'll live in my dreams for a bit, and that kind of takes me out, and then that's my mission. Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Fifth and final question. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

[Simone Ashley]

Be respectful. I don't know.

[Jay Shetty]

Being respectful would be great.

[Simone Ashley]

You've had so many people on here that probably said something really, like, profound.

[Jay Shetty]

No, no, people do both. Like, people say, be kind and be like. People say that. And then people come up with, like, you should be locked out of your phone for the amount of minutes you use it and things like that. Like, people come up with, like, yeah, more technical stuff. It's up to you. It doesn't matter.

[Simone Ashley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Simone, thank you so much. Honestly, this was incredible. I can't, can't to see you again. I'm so glad that we got to do this and kind of. I feel like it's a time capsule of our friendship. I feel like we can come back to this in, like, 10 years and 20 years and look back on it and be like, yeah, look what happened from, you know, this conversation, that conversation, and I hope you'll come on again absolutely. In the future. But honestly, I'm so proud of you, so grateful that you exist, so excited to see what you'll continue to do in the world, the path that you're saying, the example you're setting for so many young women across the world and myself and people like myself, so inspiring. And thank you for being so raw, real and true. I appreciate you deeply, truly.

[Simone Ashley]

Thank you. Thanks so much, Jay.

[Jay Shetty]

Thank you so much.

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