The Simple Question That Makes Every Decision Easier (Use THIS Daily Framework To FINALLY Get Unstuck)

Summary

On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Episode: The Simple Question That Makes Every Decision Easier (Use THIS Daily Framework To FINALLY Get Unstuck)
Date: June 12, 2026
Guest: Melissa Wood

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EPISODE OVERVIEW

In this heartfelt and insightful conversation, Jay Shetty welcomes wellness leader and creator Melissa Wood to discuss her journey to inner peace, the daily frameworks and practices that help both of them stay grounded, and how to become “unstuck” from cycles of overwhelm. Together, they explore how to find stillness amid chaos, break generational cycles, make aligned decisions using Jay’s “Seeds and Weeds” framework, and nurture love and connection in long-term relationships. This episode is rich with practical wisdom, moving anecdotes, and tangible steps for making every choice—big or small—more intentional.

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KEY DISCUSSION POINTS & INSIGHTS

The Origin of Inner Peace

[02:24]

• Melissa Wood reflects on the chaos of modern life (“we live in such a chaotic world... to be able to drop into yourself, it's the reason I know I’m here”), and asks Jay where his sense of inner peace began.
• Jay Shetty credits his mother:

  “I really believe that a mother’s love can be the greatest shield to all of the challenges, stresses, pains, and pressures that a kid can go through growing up.” [03:18]
  He shares how his hardworking mother shielded him from life’s pains—even taking on the “wounds” herself—and gave him the foundation for his own resilience and peace.

Stillness in Chaos

[05:53]

• Jay explains his mother’s spirituality was largely ritualistic when he was young, but her relentless work ethic and “getting on with it” in the face of constant difficulty inspired him (“she was the breadwinner... did everything... I don’t remember her complaining”).
• A pivotal moment: Jay’s mother quietly tells him he’s “good at dealing with stress” because she herself experienced great stress when pregnant with him—giving him a sense of inherited resilience.

“Sometimes the peace doesn’t always come from peace. It comes from knowing how to be still in chaos... I think it's giving people the skills and tools to know how to be still in a chaotic atmosphere that creates peace.” – Jay Shetty [08:47]

Developing a Practice of Stillness

[09:02]

• Jay’s stillness practice began at age 14 by listening to his inner voice (“stillness was the ability to say, this is where I stand… that’s real stillness”).

• Quote:

  “There’s the external stillness... But to me, real stillness is I’m immovable in my spirit and immovable in my conviction.” – Jay Shetty [09:17]

• Melissa reflects:

  “It's standing so strong in who you are and what you believe... being with self... actually really going inside to the depths of your soul.” [10:51]

• Jay notes that the inner voice can be “really quiet” at first due to years of ignoring it, but “it gains confidence, and then it gets stronger... as you follow it.” [11:53]

• He suggests we each must learn the unique “characteristics” of our true voice, noting for him, it’s often when “no one agrees with me.” [12:57]

Seeds and Weeds: A Framework for Decisions

[23:05]

• Jay explains his daily “Seeds and Weeds” practice:

  “When I’m making choices every day, I ask myself whether that choice is a seed or a weed. Am I planting a seed that will one day turn into a beautiful tree... Or am I planting a weed which will eventually strangle the newborn tree...?” [23:05]

• “Seeds” are rooted in purpose, love, joy, duty, accountability; “Weeds” in ego, jealousy, comparison, anger.

• He recommends writing these out and categorizing big decisions to see intent clearly.

“Am I getting into this relationship because I’m scared of being alone or because this person is compatible with my values and vision?” – Jay Shetty [26:46]

• Both Jay and Melissa emphasize there’s no “right or wrong decision”—it’s about honestly recognizing intent, making room for learning and growth, and not being afraid to “pull the weeds” when needed.

Breaking Cycles and Prioritizing Self-Care

[19:21, 20:23]

• Jay asks Melissa about overcoming the guilt and shame women especially feel when prioritizing their mental well-being.
• Melissa shares:

  “It is from not growing up in a happy home that I… will do anything and everything in my power to bring love and happiness and joy and fulfillment into… my home. I know I have to work extra hard… It’s this daily devotion to myself, to my family, to my team, to my community…” [20:23]

• Both agree that nurturing their inner world is a non-negotiable, not only for personal growth but also for their loved ones.

Speaking Kindly to Ourselves and Our Loved Ones

[31:53]

• Jay observes how easily we “start creating our own drama and stress” by lowering our frequency to match others (e.g., gossip, complaint) and highlights the importance of raising our frequency by how we speak to ourselves, loved ones, and especially partners.
• Melissa notes the transformation possible by becoming aware of “the words that you use to the person that is the closest to you” and how that reflects our own growth. [32:02]

Meditation Practices for Real Life

[39:31]

• Jay shares an impactful lesson from living as a monk:

  “Don’t look for peace to create peace. Find peace in the chaos, because then you’ve really found peace.” [37:59]

• They discuss the importance—not of escaping chaos to meditate, but developing the skill to “meditate on the train” of life.
• Melissa: “These are the things that keep you together,” emphasizing respectful communication in relationships. [39:49]

Jay Shetty’s Daily Meditation Tools

[40:06–59:31]
Jay breaks down three core meditation practices:

1. Breathwork

“Your day is dictated by the quality of your breath… Every emotion under the sun is connected to your breath. So if you learn to navigate your breath, you’ll know how to navigate life.” – Jay Shetty [41:25]

• Guides listeners through an inhale/exhale for a count of four, aiming to synchronize body and mind and reduce anxiety.

2. Visualization

“What I’m visualizing is the process to get [to where I want to be]. I visualize how I want to show up, what energy I want to walk in with… You get to already live there with that person the way you want to.” [47:47]

• Jay recommends visualizing not just success, but the actions and mindset for the day ahead—even rehearsing the next morning’s routine to reduce resistance.

3. Mantra Meditation

“Sacred sounds are considered to have frequency and potency, to connect you to your higher self, to connect you to Source… When you hear certain music, it makes you dance, cry, nostalgic... When you speak or listen, you can then visualize, you can see, you can experience.” [58:03]

• Jay practices the repetition of Sanskrit mantras (like “Aum,” “Krishna,” “Rama”) out loud, which connects him to purpose and a sense of being an “instrument in service.”

Surrendering Your Plan for a Greater Plan

[60:43]

• Jay says he never could have imagined the path he’s now on.

  “What I’m living today is so far beyond my imagination… Our biggest mistake is that we think our plan is good… Not realizing that there is a far greater, far better, far more profound plan that exists for us.” [60:43]

• He encourages starting small, being grateful for each step, and believing that there’s more prepared for us than we can imagine.

Love & Relationships: Learning Not to Change Each Other

[70:25]

• Jay shares the greatest lessons from his marriage:

  “If someone loves you, they never use your wounds against you… I can’t think of a moment where I felt judged by my wife. And that is so freeing.” [70:25]

• He contrasts “judgment” (the desire to control/change) and “challenge” (mutual growth), arguing that true love means full acceptance and becoming a safe place for one another.
• Both reflect on how, rather than force change, inspiring by example is the healthiest way to introduce growth in a relationship. Their own habits—Melissa’s wellness practice, Jay’s commitment to mental and spiritual growth—have positively influenced their partners, but without pressure.

“If you just did it and you did it committedly for yourself, that person is going to feel inspired.” – Jay Shetty [78:05]
“Most of us are acting like parents, and our partners act like kids. And what does that do? That takes the love, it takes the romance out of the relationship…” – Jay Shetty [79:35]

Jay’s Ultimate Desire & Legacy

[65:46]

• Jay’s deepest desire:

  “To use up everything that I’ve been given in the service of others... If I could use every gift that I’ve been given in the service of others, that would be my deepest joy.” [65:46]

• His greatest earthly joy: time with his wife (“She is joy personified... anytime I’m with her, I feel it gives me the greatest joy.” [66:41])

Closing Reflections—What’s the Point of It All?

• Both Melissa and Jay emphasize the importance of love, gratitude, appreciating the journey, and doing “the work” for oneself and others.

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NOTABLE QUOTES & MEMORABLE MOMENTS

• Jay Shetty: “Sometimes the peace doesn’t always come from peace. It comes from knowing how to be still in chaos... that’s what my mom did, not consciously or intentionally, but simply by watching her work and watching her move…” [08:47]
• Melissa Wood: “It is from not growing up in a happy home that I… will do anything and everything in my power to bring love and happiness and joy and fulfillment into… my home.” [20:23]
• Jay Shetty on self-talk: “You become more like what you critique. You become more like what you compare. You become more like what you complain about. And all of a sudden you realize you’re becoming all the things you didn’t want to be.” [31:53]
• Jay Shetty: “Don’t look for peace to create peace. Find peace in the chaos, because then you’ve really found peace.” [37:59]
• Jay Shetty on visualization: “I don’t visualize how successful [a day] is. I don’t visualize it being the best thing I’ve ever done. I visualize how I want to show up, what energy I want to walk in with.” [47:47]
• Jay Shetty on relationships: “If someone loves you, they never use your wounds against you… to not have [judgment] at home, that is so freeing.” [70:25]

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IMPORTANT SEGMENTS & TIMESTAMPS

• [02:24] – The search for inner peace and origin stories
• [05:53] – Jay on his mother’s example and the true meaning of resilience
• [09:17] – Stillness as conviction and the emergence of the inner voice
• [23:05] – The Seeds and Weeds framework for intentional decision-making
• [31:53] – The power of self-talk and relationship dynamics
• [37:59] – Finding peace in the chaos: Jay’s lesson from monkhood
• [40:06] – Jay’s three daily meditation practices (breathwork, visualization, mantra)
• [60:43] – The greater plan: Letting go of fixed outcomes
• [65:46] – Fulfillment, service, and the power of love in relationships
• [70:25] – Navigating long-term love: growth, acceptance, and safe spaces

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TONE & LANGUAGE

The episode is deeply personal, compassionate, and vulnerable, blending wisdom from both ancient spiritual traditions and modern mindfulness. Jay’s language is gentle, metaphorical (“seeds and weeds,” “planting in the garden of your mind”), while Melissa’s style is earnest and emotionally transparent, sharing her struggles and growth in real-time. Both are focused on empowering the listener to “do the work,” prioritize self-care without guilt, and embrace the unpredictable journey of life with open-hearted courage.

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FINAL TAKEAWAY

The “simple question” of this episode—Is this a seed or a weed?—serves as a daily guide for making more intentional choices. But beneath every tip and framework is a deeper call: to listen to your true self, find stillness within chaos, honor your growth, and make love—both for self and others—the center of your life.

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For listeners seeking further inspiration:

• Jay is touring in 15 North American cities with "On Purpose," interviewing surprise guests and building community.
• Both Jay and Melissa exemplify the empathetic, human wisdom that draws millions to the show—inviting everyone to “start small,” plant their seeds, and trust in a greater plan more beautiful than anything you could imagine.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Jay Shetty]

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[Melissa Wood]

We live in such a chaotic world and there's just this buzz of energy going on. I mean, I live in New York City and you can hear, you know, sirens constantly. So to be able to drop into yourself is. It's the reason I know I'm here, and the reason that I've been able to build and bl. Blossom in the way that I have. And I think, like, the more that I've gotten to know about you and your story, I. I feel that is, like, the one thing in people that they struggle with the most, they, like, battle with is. Is finding this, like, inner peace within themselves. And I. You know, I'd love to know where the seed of this all really came from for you.

[Jay Shetty]

If you ask me about inner peace, my honest answer is my mom. And I really believe that a mother's love can be the greatest shield to all of the challenges, stresses, pains, and pressures that a kid can go through growing up. And so my childhood was not easy by any means, but I feel like my mother's love was this protective shield that when I look back on it, I think, how do I not have any cuts on me? And how do I not have any scars? And where are my battle wounds? And the beautiful part of that is you realize your mother's love protected you. Then you also realize that maybe your mom took some of those wounds for you. And that's the hardest part, because as you grow up and you want the people around you to also feel peace and also feel love and also feel joy that they helped you have. You realize you can't always control that. And so the seed of peace for me is definitely my mother's love. I think everything that's good about me is because of how my mom raised me, and all the credit goes to her because, yeah, she's. She loves me more than anything in the world, and I still feel it today.

[Melissa Wood]

I love your mom. Your. Your love for your mother, it's. It's so real. And as a mother myself, I'm like, that is. I think when people are like, what is your, like, greatest wish in life? It's to have my children talk about me the way you talk about your mother and your parents. Like, it's just. You know, I think when you look at. Just like, what's the point of it all? You know, and to have the people that we're literally bringing into this world to feel that, because I didn't feel that. I hope and I pray that everyone feels what you felt. And I know that's why I feel so much passion about the way that I parent. Because I want to break a cycle. I. I have broken a cycle. And in your home, was your mom a meditator? Was she like, what were. Where did all of this grounded, like, mama bear energy come from. For. From her.

[Jay Shetty]

You know what it was? She was the hardest worker I knew. And so she woke up earlier than us. She'd do her prayers in the morning. But at that time, spirituality and religion to me were very ritualistic in how it was practiced at home. We did it on a particular day. It didn't have meaning. It didn't necessarily have a spirit. It didn't really have depth. I guess to some degree at least, or at least from the outside in, it didn't feel that way to me. But I think for me, I just saw my mom working hard. I saw her making a fresh breakfast, lunch and dinner for my sister every day, dropping us to school, picking us up from school, going back out to work, coming back home. She was the breadwinner of the family. She did everything. And to be honest, I think that's where I get my work ethic from, is watching my mom just work so hard at life when it wasn't really handing her out any favors, or it wasn't giving her the best opportunities, or it wasn't like things were lining up for her. But I don't remember hearing her complain. I don't remember her making a big deal out of it. Just remember her getting on with it. And, you know, I think I remember once when I was going through a bit of a tough time, and I don't talk to my mom about that in that way. Our relationship today is very much a in with her. She asked me what I ate. I tell her I love her, and she'll ask me a bit about something that's happening in my world, which she doesn't fully understand. And it's a sweet interaction. But once I remember telling her that it was a really stressful time. And I wouldn't usually say that to my mom. This was around seven, eight years ago. And she said to me, she goes, well, you're really good at dealing with stress. And I said, what do you mean? And my mom doesn't give me pep talks either. And she said, yeah, when you were in my stomach, you went through a lot of stress. Like, I was under a lot of stress. She goes, you're really good at dealing with it. And that, like, I remember just, like crying that day because I. I almost had no idea what she meant, but I also know what she meant. And there was so much in that coded message that she shared with me, and I felt so much strength and resilience from it, from that reminder, and at the same time felt, you know, sadness and pain from the fact that she'd undergone so much at that time, but it gave me such a boost. And so I think it's not. Sometimes the peace doesn't always come from peace. It comes from knowing how to be still in chaos. And I think sometimes we're hoping that if we create a peaceful atmosphere, people will learn peace. And I don't think that's the case. I think it's giving people the skills and tools to know how to be still in a chaotic atmosphere that creates peace. And I think that's what my mom did, not consciously or intentionally, but simply by watching her work and watching her move, I was sure that that's how she got through chaos. Does that make sense?

[Melissa Wood]

It totally makes sense. So how did you create your practice of stillness? And I want to know what it looks like. Yeah, like the real end.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really believe that my practice of stillness came from in the beginning, listening to my inner voice. And I probably started listening to my inner voice when I was around 14 years old. And I remember that very strongly because there were expectations from my parents, from family, and I disagreed with them or my inner voice did. And I was strong enough and courageous enough at the time to stand up for them. And I felt that's what stillness really was. Stillness was the ability to say, this is where I stand. This is how I feel. This is what's important to me. This is what I value. That's real stillness. There's the external stillness of what we think of a calm ocean or a calm lake. But to me, real stillness is. I'm immovable in my spirit and immovable in my conviction. That's real stillness. I stand up for something. There's a beautiful quote from Martin Luther King where he said that if you can't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. And so stillness to me is that ability to say, I'm here. And at that time, it wasn't serious. It was me telling my parents I didn't want to study sciences. And, you know, you're arguing over what. What you're gonna focus on at school. It wasn't deep, but it was the seed of learning how to be still

[Melissa Wood]

that gave me chills.

[Jay Shetty]

Right?

[Melissa Wood]

Like, I've never really thought about it in that exact way, but that is exactly what it is. It's. It's standing so strong in who you are and what you believe. And regardless of all of this stuff and the opinion shopping, it's like, you know, when I think of it, it's like being with self, and it doesn't mean that it needs to be quiet or anything. It's actually really going inside to the depths of your soul, which I know you can literally do anywhere. I do it, you know, on a park bench, in an Uber, on an airplane. When you learn how to do that, it's something that it just, like, sharpens these intuitive tools within yourself, and you can tap in. Like, I mean, right before I did it, like, I'm just like, okay, like, just do it. Go in. Like, it's. It is something that we all have the ability to do.

[Jay Shetty]

Absolutely. Yeah. It's not. And. And it's. When you first start listening to that voice, it's going to be really quiet, it's going to be really soft because it's been ignored for so long. It's been shunned and put aside, and then it gains confidence, and then it gets stronger and it gets louder and it gets more courageous and it gets more powerful. And so when you first start listening to that voice, which is what makes you immovable in the beginning, it may be a bit shaky, the voice might even be a bit shaky, but it will gain strength as you listen to it, as you follow it. And I think for me now, my practice means being able to reconnect with that voice in and amongst all that noise. And I think it's about giving that voice a personality, a character, a name, a identity that makes it easier for you to recognize it, because as you get older, there's more voices. There's your voice that is true to you, but that's buried in the voices of everyone's expectations, and that's buried in the voices of society, and then that's buried in the voices of social media. And then that's buried in the voice of your boss, your team, your friends, whatever it may be. So your voice that you're saying gives you stillness is clouded by all of this noise. And so hearing it and identifying it becomes the biggest challenge. And so for me, I usually know that it's my voice because. And this is true for me, and it may not be true for others. And you've got to find the characteristics that are true for you. For me, usually no one agrees with me, and that makes me go, yeah, that's. I know my voice is not really agrees with me, too. Yeah, right. And it's like no one agrees with me. Most people are probably going to think I'm crazy or don't really vibe with it, and I'm probably going to have to go against the grain. There's going to Be some resistance. That's what I found with mine.

[Melissa Wood]

One. Other percent.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. Other people will say, oh, I feel lots of flow and I feel lots of opening doors. Mine's the opposite. I've always felt that my voice means I'm now going to have to break down doors and, and fight my way there. And that's just what's worked for me. And I'm just more prepared for it now because I've done it so many times. And, And I mean, we can talk more about. And I'm happy to talk more about more of the stillness that we'd assume is stillness too, if that's important. Well, I can definitely do that.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah. I mean, I, it's all so important. I love just. You know, my, my favorite thing about having a conversation with anyone who just has mastered the mind and continues to be on this quest. Right. Because you can master the mind one day and then you wake up and you're like, and sis, you gotta get back to work. It's like this, never ending. And I will honestly tell you, here in my 40s, I'm like, is there ever gonna be a day where I just wake up and it's like, you know what? You can just skip this day for me. I can't. I. I have to continue to quite literally, like, get. Go to work inside myself. Because it has opened up a world beyond anything that I thought could have ever happened for me. And with knowing that, it's. It's shifted and changed everything inside of me. And to be able to experience what it shifted in other people, I'm like, this is my work, you know, and it's, it's what has created other beautiful things in my life. But there's actually nothing more important in any day to me. And I. And I really mean this. And I'm a mom and I'm a wife, but I can tell you that taking care of my mind first comes. Comes before anything else. And if, If I don't, things are just different. I'm just more reactive. I'm not who I know my, like, purest, highest self to be. And it's. It's just this, you know, it's this never ending, like, beautiful journey of literally opening my eyes every day and realizing that even when I don't want to do it. You know,

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[Jay Shetty]

How did you do that when there's such a societal conditioning for women, especially to forego their own needs for the family, children, partner. I feel so many women feel that. And then it comes with the guilt of I'm putting myself first. What was it for you that. What, reframe helped you do that? Because I think so many people want that. They need it. But then the shame, the guilt, the conditioning kind of becomes overwhelming. And it's especially true for women way more than it is for men. Like, so where, by the way, that's true for my mom. Like, when I look at my mom's life, everything I was saying, my mom sacrificed everything for being a nurturer, and I've reaped the benefits of that. But at the same time as now an adult son, all I want is for my mom to have taken out time for herself.

[Melissa Wood]

Right?

[Jay Shetty]

Like, that's what my wish was. So I wonder, what was the reframe for you that helped you get to that conviction of you being so clear that your mind is your first priority?

[Melissa Wood]

In, like, complete honesty, it's hard to even say without choking up. It is from not growing up in a happy home that I, like, will do anything and everything in my power to bring love and happiness and joy and fulfillment into, like, the energy of my home. And I think when you. When you grow up in a house where there's just mental struggles and. And mental illness and just mental health, you know, it's. It's a. It's a battle. And for me, it's just knowing that I could so easily shift in that gear. Like, that is my natural state. I can go there so quick that I know I have to work. I have to work extra hard. And it's not even about hard at this point. It's. It's about this devotion. It's this daily devotion to myself, to my family, to my team, to my community, to any person that I interact with, because I. I know that I want to wake up and operate at a frequency that is at a vibration that I never felt growing up. I. I didn't really know that that was what people felt at home. So it's. It's so, like, deep. You feel it? It's so deep in my soul that it's. It's like I. I do it when I don't want to do it because of that.

[Jay Shetty]

That's beautiful.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

It's really special. Thank you for sharing.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah. So what does your practice look like? Because you're so wise and, you know, it's. It's easy to look at someone like yourself and just think, like, oh, you have it all, like, look what you've built. Like, you're the, you know, top health and wellness podcast in the world. You're the. But I think when you, like, strip back the layers of just being a human, like, we. We all have these inner struggles and these things that we're up against, and some look different for others. So. So what is it with you? Like, what, What? And how do you devote to yourself to keep coming back and just stay so connected to yourself and your purpose?

[Jay Shetty]

One of my favorite practices that I do on a daily and weekly basis is called seeds and Weeds. And so when I'm making choices every day, I ask myself whether that choice is a seed or a weed. Am I planting a seed that will one day turn into a beautiful tree and bear fruit, give shade to others, and be a beautiful place to rest? Or am I planting a weed which will eventually strangle the newborn tree in its infancy and kill all the things that are good in my garden? And that simple practice is a practice of evaluating intentions and actions. So when I'm saying yes to something, is my intention, my ego, and is my action aligned with that? Or when I'm saying yes to something, is my intention, joy, and purpose, and is my action aligned with that? And by the way, I've made mistakes on both of those. And you only learn by planting a weed and a couple of years later, feeling the weed grab a hold of it. And even if you did it unconsciously, by the way, sometimes it's not like you consciously made a bad choice. You subconsciously, you unconsciously, you unintentionally did it, but that's why it happened to teach you to raise, to you. So now it's very clear to me that I think of seeds as purpose, love, joy, commitment, duty, responsibility, accountability. Those are all seeds. Weeds are ego, jealousy, anger, comparison, lust, illusion. These are all weeds. And we have the ability, just by pausing, to know which one we're watering and which one we're planting. And so I will visualize myself unweeding my garden of my mind. I'll literally visualize myself grabbing hold of the root of a weed and pulling it out in order to dispose of it from my mind, because that's what it takes. And visualizing myself. And by the way, I'm terrible at gardening, so I have no idea why my brain works this way. But. But the idea of planting a seed very deeply in the soil and making sure that it has sunlight and water and everything else that it needs. So to me, that practice has been one of the game changers in my life because it's something that I can always be honest, and that's all that's required.

[Melissa Wood]

So are you sitting in a meditation first?

[Jay Shetty]

When I first started this, I would do it on paper. And so I would literally draw a line down the middle of the page, and on one side write seeds, and one side write weeds. I then made a list of categories of what seeds are to me, which I just named to you, and then a list of what weeds are to me. And then I would look at the next choice. So the next deal, the next partnership, the next career venture, whatever it may be. And then I get to be honest with myself. Sometimes I would honestly put in the weed and still do it because I was being pulled but recognizing it was a weed. And sometimes I'd be like, no, it's a weed. Can I upgrade my intention to a seed? Can it be improved? And so it gives you a real map of being able to figure it out. It's almost like looking at a garden and going, well, do I want to plant rose bushes over there? Do I want to plant, you know, whatever else it is? And I like the idea of doing it on paper and writing seeds and weeds on either side and having a list of seeds and a list of weeds and then looking at every choice. That's a big choice, a career choice, a relationship choice. It's almost like, am I getting into this relationship because I'm scared of being alone or because this person is compatible with my values and vision?

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Am I staying in this relationship because I'm settling for less than I deserve, Because I'm scared if anyone will ever love me? Or am I staying in this relationship because I believe we can make it work?

[Melissa Wood]

Right?

[Jay Shetty]

Every single decision, you know, whether it's a seed or weed.

[Melissa Wood]

Yes.

[Jay Shetty]

But because we think of our decisions as final and fatalistic, we don't talk about them in the right way. Whether. Whereas. Whereas when you think about a seed in a weed, you realize it's something that can be grown and cut. And so all of a sudden, you approach your life, you realize a seed has a long journey, and so does a weed. So if you catch a weed when it's only got to 50% of your garden, you can still take it out. It's not a decision that can't be changed.

[Melissa Wood]

I love that so much. I'm definitely going to start thinking about that when I'm like. In that, you know, when you're just like. But I. But hold on a second. And I think the thing that I've learned in this place, when you're maybe not feeling certainty, Right. Because we live in such an uncertain world. But the way to really gain certainty is to trust and to go with the thing and to give it a hundred percent of what you have.

[Jay Shetty]

Yes.

[Melissa Wood]

Right. Because that's how you're going to. Like, certainty is going to come through whether you made the right decision or the wrong decision.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. And I don't think there is a right or wrong decision. I think there's too much pressure on making the right or wrong decision. But I think that you can choose to make something work for you and make something right if you desire to. I think the wrong decision is just a harder decision. It may come with more discomfort, it may come with more stress. And therefore we think, oh, I made the wrong decision. But sometimes that leads you to your greatest growth and your greatest lesson. And I think as you're smiling to that, it's like, I think there's a beautiful quote that I love, and it says that I've never seen a strong person with an easy past. And it goes back to what we were saying about children or about raising someone, that by overprotecting and by over coddling, you create something weak. You don't create something strong because it never had to build the resilience or the strength to fight off anything that was bad for it. And so by allowing yourself to make mistakes.

[Melissa Wood]

Yes.

[Jay Shetty]

But then from that mistake, taking strength can transform everything.

[Melissa Wood]

Everything. As you just said that, it's. I feel like I've, you know, really been in this space of being so conscious of my vocabulary because shifting and really listening to the words that I use have really helped me realize, like, wow, I was holding myself back for so many years because of the. The limited beliefs that I was just saying every single day. So as soon as I said that, I swear to you, I was like, there is a different way to say that. But, like, that's a beautiful thing. Right? Because I think about all of the, quote, unquote, like, wrong decisions, if you will, that I've made have without a doubt made me the strongest, most resilient version of myself and also made me realize it's not. It's not. It's not wrong. It's the path that you had to take to get to the right thing for you. Right?

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, as you were saying that, I was just thinking how many people downplay their wins in order to make other people feel comfortable? How many people will complain about their day just because they know it Will make other people feel better.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

How many people will lie about or even make up a relationship issue they have in order to feel more relatable to everyone else? And it's really interesting how quickly we all start creating our own drama and stress and pressure in how we talk to ourselves, because we think that's what makes us connect with everyone around us. If someone's gossiping or if I match their frequency now, we can connect over something. If someone's talking bad about someone. If I join in now, we can connect about something and we all do it. I do it too. But it's what you're saying, it's like, wait a minute, are we raising our frequency? Are we lowering it? And to me, that goes back to making a choice. Because every time you lower your frequency, that becomes your frequency. You become more like what you critique. You become more like what you compare. You become more like what you complain about. And all of a sudden you realize you're becoming all the things you didn't want to be.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And it is all about how we talk to ourselves, I think. How we talk to ourselves and how we talk to people we love.

[Melissa Wood]

Yes. Oh, that's a big one.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Melissa Wood]

Being able to recognize the words that you use to the person that is the closest to you. I mean, I feel like that has been one of my biggest awakenings this year too, that, you know, when you're. When I'm like in my zone or just like meditating. That's like one thing for me. Like when I'm. I. It's very verbally communicated in my home because everyone wants mom to meditate because when mom walks in. Oh, they're like that. My children, I mean, my husband's like, you didn't meditate yet? And listen, I know people are like, but it shouldn't it completely like, change the person that you are? Yes. Actually, trust me, you want this.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Melissa Wood]

So it's. It's a known thing and I can feel my. Myself. If Noah interrupts me, I'm just like, like the fire. But I'm just softening those edges and learning that, like, there's a way to not be so snappy.

[Jay Shetty]

The future won't wait. And neither should you. That's why American Public University offers master's programs designed for momentum, affordable, high quality and flexible. So you keep moving forward with career relevant programs in business, healthcare, education, IT and more. You can gain skills you can use right away and the confidence to power your next move. American Public University made for what's next. Learn more at Apu Apus Edu.

[Podcast Advertiser/Host Voice]

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[Jay Shetty]

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a happy place, they built it. Join them and see for yourself. Visit celebrity.com, call 1-800-celebrity or contact your travel advisor. Ship to Registry, Malta and Ecuador. You're reminding me of an experience I had when I lived as a monk for three years. There was a one train journey we went on that was around somewhere between two to three days. It was a journey from North India to South India. And when you're a monk, you don't. You travel generally by train, especially when you're in a country and with a backpack, right? With a backpack, yeah, totally. And it takes like two to three days to get to the south. We were going on a pilgrimage. And so I get on this train and, you know, I'm born and raised in London. Like the the tube in London is amazing and the trains in London are amazing and the Trains in India, when you're a monk, you're not. There is no such thing as coach. It's like whatever's less than coach. And I'm not kidding you, I got on this train and I went to use the restroom. And for anyone who's been to India back in the day, and that train still had it that way, the. The bathroom is not a toilet that you'd find in a western home, right? It's a hole in the floor, I've heard. And I walked in and it was the whole bathroom. And the train was so filthy. We just got on the train, it was so filthy that I decided to fast for two to three days because I didn't want to use it. I just didn't want to go in there. So I'm on this train and the train's chaotic. I thought I had a seat, but there is no assigned seating. Everyone's sitting everywhere. There's people sitting on the floor, there's people sitting on the chair. And I told my monk teacher, I said, I think when we stopped, because it was a long haul train, the stops would be like 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes at a station. They weren't these quick stops. And so I said to him, I said, you know what? During the next, you know, time on this train, I'm going to get off the train, meditate somewhere near the station, and then jump back on the train. And I just want you to know that. And he asked me why. And I said, well, because it's more peaceful. Like, I would jump off and I'd find somewhere in the corner of a station, I'd say it's more peaceful than the train because the train is just chaotic. There's people everywhere and there's nowhere to sit. And he saw me do this a few times, and then he sat me down and he said to me, he said, jay, do you think life is going to be peaceful like the stop or chaotic like the train? And I said, I think it's going to be both, but I think it's gonna be more like the train. And he said, yeah, that's why you need to learn how to meditate on the train. And it was just a really great lesson because that idea of just I was looking for peace to create peace. And his point was, don't look for peace to create peace. Find peace in the chaos, because then you've really found peace. And so I remember meditating on that train in the middle of crowds, people getting on and off, people sleeping where I was meant to be. Sitting. And that's what's given me the ability to. What you were just saying. To meditate in the back of an Uber, to meditate on a plane, to meditate wherever you are, because that's the skill you were trying to develop. And so I think sometimes when I'm being disturbed during meditation, I see as the best thing that could happen, because that's the test of can I really lock in.

[Melissa Wood]

It's so true. And, like, you know, when you're, like, real. You know, every time I meditate, I'm not transcending energy, but sometimes you. You really are. And I specifically, in that very moment was. But I chose to see what my husband needed. And I. I really. It's such a vivid moment because I saw a version of myself that I've created show up in a way that I've always wanted to. And it's. It was so subtle. But I do think in relationships, especially, like, these are the things that keep you together.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Melissa Wood]

Respectfully talking to your partner. And, you know, I feel like there's, like, I want to go in two directions with you right now, because I'm like, okay, I want to think more like a monk, but, like, how does a monk meditate? Is it tm like, tell me exactly how do you meditate?

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. So I have three meditation practices. You'll be aware of some of them or maybe all of them. The first is breathwork.

[Melissa Wood]

Yes.

[Jay Shetty]

And I think you and your audience and community will know so much about this, and it's as simple as that. For me, breath work is how I start my day, because to me, breath is at the core of everything. I remember when I was at my first day of being a monk, and I was watching a young monk teach these children monks how to do something at their first day of school. So I went and watched, and I asked him what he was teaching them, and he said, I was teaching them how to breathe. And he said, what did you learn on your first day of school? And I said, 1, 2, 3, A, B, C. I don't know. And he said, well, here we teach them how to breathe because we believe that the only thing that stays with you from the moment you're born to the moment you die is your breath. And he said, your breath is connected to every emotion you experience in life. So what changes when you're happy? Your breath. What changes when you're sad? Your breath. What changes when you're joyful? Your breath. What changes when you're crying? Your breath. And he said, every emotion under the sun is connected to your breath. So if you learn to navigate your breath, you'll know how to navigate life. He was 10 years old and I couldn't believe just how powerful it was. And so to me, our day is dictated by the quality of our breath. For anyone who works out, you know, if you're breathing right, you can lift heavier, you can push harder. If you cold plunge, you can stay in there longer. You can deal with so much, your body can push it to limits if you're breathing properly. The athletes that we all admire can push themselves because they're breathing properly. The musicians who sing at the top of their lungs or play wind instruments beautifully can do that because they're breathing properly. Your breath, whether you look at it through science or spirituality, is deeply connected to human performance. If you're out of energy, you can change it with your breath. So true, right? You can transform everything.

[Melissa Wood]

Everything.

[Jay Shetty]

And so to me, starting your day with breath work is life changing. And, you know, whatever practice you do for me, it's usually aligning my breath and my body so it's breathing in.

[Melissa Wood]

Can we do it?

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, absolutely. Oh, I'd love to.

[Melissa Wood]

I just literally felt it.

[Jay Shetty]

Of course, let's do it. I love it. Yeah, absolutely. So. And I'm always being careful because I don't like to tell people something they already know and doing and stuff. So I'm just being mindful.

[Melissa Wood]

I just love it.

[Jay Shetty]

So what I like to do is, what I find is, when you wake up in the morning, we all experience one of two things. Your body's ahead of your mind, so your body's running around and your mind is saying, I wish we were still in bed. Or you're experiencing the opposite. Your mind is racing around and your body's saying, I wish we were still in bed. So this practice aligns your body and mind. You're now bringing them both together so that they can be collaborative partners for the day, rather than live in this stress and tension the whole day competing for your energy and your attention. And so it's as simple as we're going to take an inhale, I'm going to count, and we're going to inhale for a count of four, and we're going to exhale for a count of four. It's as simple as that. And the goal is, is to align your personal pace of counting for your breath with your breath. So you're aligning your breath and your body, you're breathing in at the same pace as you're counting in your mind. So Breathe in for a count of four. And out for four. Inhale to 3, 4. Exhale, 2, 3, 4. Remember, in your own pace, at your own time. Inhale, 2, 3, 4. Exhale, 2, 3,4. Aligning your breath and your body. Not letting your mind run ahead or your body feel like it's being left behind. The goal is not to do this for as long as you can or as expertly as you can. It's to inhale at the same pace that your mind counts and exhale at the same pace that your mind counts one last time. Inhale, 2, 3, 4. Exhale, 2, 3, four. And so that simple practice is how I like to start my day. Because your body and mind are competing all day. Your body's saying, I wish we were still in bed. Your mind's saying, I wish we were doing more. I wish we were more productive. Your body's saying, I wish I had more energy. So you're constantly living in this inside your head where there's this competition and here you're just saying, hey, I see you both. Yeah, I feel you both.

[Melissa Wood]

I love how you, like, align the two like that. Because I love, like, I mean, I, I do and I share so many different versions. But the way that you, like, as soon as you said, like, aligning and not letting the, the pace of your breath, like, be. Let your body be with it. Like, you could feel an immediate, like just alignment.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. If you think about anxiety in your mind, what happens? Your breath gets shallower and it gets faster. So that means your mind is directly connected to your body. Now what's happening is your mind is moving fast. It's forcing your body to move fast, but that's not helping your body because we know shallow and fast breathing is not ideal. So now we're trying to deepen our breath, we're trying to slow it down. And so when we're trying to bring both into alignment, you end up being able to do that as your day shifts and changes. So if there's anxiety, there's stress, you're able to remember, oh, wait a minute, I just need to bring them both back into alignment at a slower pace. That's actually going to help me.

[Melissa Wood]

And so I love that it changes everything. I mean, it's changed my life. It's just like the one practice and I've been really deepening my nasal breathing. So I used to. And I still do a lot of breath work with, you know, in through the nose, out through the mouth, or just many different cycles and series of breath work. But I find that almost like the softer, just like, deep, long, slow inhale through your nose, and then that slow, long, deep exhale out through my nose. Wow. Like, just like the subtlety of just, like, dropping in, deep dive and, like, really breathing into all of your diaphragm.

[Jay Shetty]

Yes.

[Melissa Wood]

Like, yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And sometimes, if it helps people, I always say, put your left palm on your stomach, and when you breathe in, feel your stomach come out. And when you breathe out, feel your stomach go in. That's how you know that you're doing it right, if. If there is a right. And that definitely helps. For sure it does. Because we're all breathing up here in our chest and our heart.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

There's only so much you can breathe in when you're using that part of your body. So I'll usually start with that. The second form of meditation that I love is visualization. And I practice this almost on a daily basis. And the reason this is so important to me is because I think today, when we think about visualization, people think about visualizing the result or success or the podium or where we want to be. And those things are beautiful. But that's not what I'm doing. What I'm visualizing is the process to get there. So I'll visualize what I have in my day. So I knew I was going to see you today. I knew I was going to see a few other people today. And I'll visualize meeting that person. If I've seen them before, I'll visualize them in my mind's eye. If I've never seen them before, I'll visualize wherever I'm going a bit more generically. And I visualize how I want to show up. I don't visualize how successful it is. I don't visualize it being the best thing I've ever done. I visualize how I want to show up, what energy I want to walk in with. Because I find what you're doing is almost a dress rehearsal in your mind. But you don't get to do that in life. Life isn't a dress rehearsal. You have to live it in real time. It's always life. And when you're living, always live, you can kind of just run from one thing to the next. So when I visualize my day, I get to already live there with that person the way I want to. So when I walk through that door, I'm living in that space. So I've had the time to rehearse. I've had the time to prepare myself. I'VE had the time to prime myself, to set my intention of who I want to be and how I want to show up. And now I don't leave a space thinking, I wish I said that. I wish I wasn't so rushed when I walked in. I wish all those regrets that we have, all those things we should have done, could have done, would have done, you've tested them out in your rehearsal, and you may not deliver them perfectly as you did in your rehearsal, but there's a presence, there's a priming. And I find that that takes, like, three minutes to do. But it's one of my favorite things. I'll do it before I go on stage. I'll do it before an interview. I'll do it before a meeting. I'll do it before a presentation. So this is something I recommend. Everyone does it, and you're just visualizing where am I going to stand? How am I going to walk on? What do I want to be thinking about when I walk on? And I found this to be especially useful for things you find difficult. I remember a few years ago, a client of mine said to me, tomorrow we're going skydiving. And this was at a point in my life where I never, ever wanted to go skydiving. And I didn't want to look like a chicken. So I said, yes. I said, sure, we'll go skydiving tomorrow. I felt the peer pressure, and I succumbed to it. And so that day, I watched videos of people skydiving, and I watched on YouTube, now you can search everything. So I'm watching people going up in the plane and jumping out. And every time in my visualization, I felt sick. I literally felt it in my stomach.

[Melissa Wood]

I can't right now.

[Jay Shetty]

And. And I literally experienced it. And what I found is, on the seventh time of visualizing it, I didn't feel sick again. And the next day when I went up in the plane and jumped on the plane, I didn't feel sick at all. Because you've primed your body through visualization to have that experience when you look at the best athletes in the world. I had the honor of interviewing Lewis Hamilton, who drives a car at, like, 180 miles per hour or whatever it is he visualizes the night before not winning and being on the podium and lifting a trophy. He visualizes taking each turn. He visualizes how fast he's moving in that moment. He visualizes how it feels in his body when he takes a turn at a certain speed. He's not doing this now. He Has a simulator and things like that. But he's doing this with his eyes closed for years while he's training. When you look at David Beckham, who scored so many iconic goals in his career, he would visualize kicking a ball in a specific way so that it curves in a perfect way so that it hits the top corner of the goal. He's not just visualizing winning the game, it's visualizing his process. And so I encourage people to visualize how you want to wake up. I often ask people visualize and rehearse at 7pm the night before how you want to wake up. So go through your morning. So imagine it's 7am, 5am, 6am, whatever time you want to wake up. When you wake up, what do you want to feel when your feet hit the floor? Maybe your bedroom floor is too hard and you actually want a nice cushy rug to make you feel more comfortable. Maybe you want your slippers right there. Maybe when you walk outside, you actually gonna. Every day you convince yourself not to work out because your workout clothes are not already ready, your sneakers are not already ready, placed at the door that you're gonna go out to the gym. If you rehearsed that before in your visualization in the night before or even a week before, you're now primed to know how your mind's gonna trip you up at every step.

[Melissa Wood]

Oh, I'm so here right now.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, so you can anything. So I'll do that with clients. I'll literally walk through their morning routine with them at night or the day before, the week before, and go, what are you going to wish was there? What is your mind going to say when you're in the bathroom brushing your teeth? Let's write a post it note that tells you the exact opposite so that you can prime your mind for it. Because we can train our mind.

[Melissa Wood]

Oh, absolutely. I was so like what you just did for me because we all have our process, right? And I think like, this is the beauty of these moments, to be able to connect with people who just make you think differently. That's what I think life is all about. And surrounding yourself with someone who just gives you that. Like, you just gave me so much inspiration for even just like before the podcast, I think before speaking is a big one. I always say a prayer and I get really, really grounded in myself and I find that that helps me move with love. It helps me move literally, like with my heart. And I just, I felt like what you just painted because it was so vivid for me that can help you just set it up in a way where like you don't have to be so scared of it.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Melissa Wood]

You know, because like waking up the next, that's like a big thing for people. Like getting out of I think that's the hardest thing in the world for people to master is getting out of bed earlier than you want to.

[Jay Shetty]

The future won't wait and neither should you. That's why American Public University offers Master's programs designed for momentum, affordable, high quality and flexible. So you keep moving forward with career relevant programs in business, healthcare, education, IT and more. You can gain skills you can use right away and the confidence to power your next move. American Public University made for what's next? Learn more at apu Apus Edu

[Podcast Advertiser/Host Voice]

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[Jay Shetty]

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[Jay Shetty]

a happy place, they built it. Join them and see for yourself. Visit celebrity.com, call 1-800-celebrity or contact your travel advisor ships registry, Malta and Ecuador. And. And you have to rehearse it when you're not getting up. Because when you're doing it in the moment you're getting up, your mind's going to beat you because everything you didn't spot because you didn't rehearse is now going to come at you whether it's the thought in your head. So the first thought in your head is, I'm going to snooze, right? Remove the ability to snooze. Keep your alarm clock on the other side of the room. Now, you knew that the night before, so you set it up so the next morning you had to wake up to turn it off, right? So you figured that out. So you're not losing in the morning to your mind, you're actually winning and owning your mind and getting that. So that's my second practice of visualizing. And then the third practice, which is the longest part of my practice, is mantra meditation, which is the repetition of sacred sound. And so in the Vedas and the teachings of the east, sacred sounds are considered to have frequency and potency, to connect you to your higher self, to connect you to Source, to connect you to God and divinity. And those names, those words, they're almost like affirmations. They just happen to be in Sanskrit, which is an ancient Indian language, one of the oldest languages in the world, if not the most. And that connects you back to the beginning of creation. So when you think about when we hear the word Aum, which everyone's so familiar with today, Aum is considered the starting syllable of the universe. It's considered to be the first ever sound that existed. And so when you're chanting that mantra, which many people do, that mantra reconnects you to that inception, to that beginning, to that moment. And so there's a. The way I like people to think about it is when you hear certain music, it makes you dance. When you hear certain music, it makes you cry. When you hear certain music, it makes you nostalgic. Sound takes you back and sound reveals images. When you hear a song, you can remember a party you were at, you can remember a moment you shared with your partner, moment your child was born, whatever that sound does. So when you speak or listen, you can then visualize, you can see, you can experience. And the name is the beginning of that. And so I'll practice. Mantra meditation is the core part of my practice.

[Melissa Wood]

And you say, like, oh, it will be, or is it internal?

[Jay Shetty]

It's loud enough so that I can

[Melissa Wood]

hear it so it's. You're putting a sound down.

[Jay Shetty]

Oh, no, I'll repeat it with my own. Okay, yeah, I'll repeat it with my own lips. And it can be different names. There's so many different names in our tradition of Krishna is the name for the divine, which is the name of the all attractive. Rama means the reservoir of all pleasure, which is another name for the divine. And so these are all beautiful names that could be repeated and that connect you to that. And what you're basically saying is, use me in your service. That's the request of the prayer, is use me in your service. Use me to do your work. Make me a true vessel and instrument in your hand and allow me to, you know, experience you every moment of every day. And that's the real request, the real intention behind it.

[Melissa Wood]

Have you visualized yourself before you got to where you are today? Like, have you known that this was going to be your. Your power and your strength?

[Jay Shetty]

I hope this helps when I say it to people, because I don't think I've had different moments in my life where I had different dreams, but I don't think I ever believed it was possible. And what I'm living today is so far beyond my imagination is what made me realize that there is a far greater plan for each of us than we even know. And you think your plan is good, and that's your biggest mistake. Our biggest mistake is that we think our plan is good. And so we hold on tightly to our plan. And when life doesn't go to plan, we think it's going wrong. Not realizing that there is a far great. Not realizing that there is a far greater, far better, far more profound plan that exists for us. But you only get it if you let go of yours. So at one point, my master plan was to live as a monk for the rest of my life. And when I left, it was the most embarrassing, humiliating, challenging thing that I had been through for myself.

[Melissa Wood]

Why?

[Jay Shetty]

Because I had told my family that this is what I was going to do for the rest of my life. And my family had warned me and said, when you leave, no one's going to give you a job. When you leave, it could be the worst decision you ever made. You're going to waste three years of your life. You're going to be behind everyone else, whatever it is. And when I left, I felt that all of that was true. When I left, I was rejected from 40 companies. No one would give me an interview, let alone a job, because, surprise, surprise, who wants to hire a Former monk. Like, what are your transferable ideals? Sitting still or being silent? You know, if I would love to, yeah, I would love to come and work with you, but that wasn't an option. Like, companies in 2013 were not thinking about this. So when I came out, it almost felt that everything those people said when I went in was true. And I had to sit with that and reconfigure that. And so I hope it helps people to realize that I didn't have this vision for myself. So even if you don't have a vision for your greatest self right now, it doesn't mean it's not possible. And I don't want you to think you have to dream big or think big in order to kick it off. I would actually suggest you to start it small. When I started this, I was grateful if two people showed up. And that's what it was like for many, many years. When I did my first ever talk, zero people showed up. And then the second time I did it, zero people showed up. And I just practiced my talk in an empty room. And then the third time I did it, two people showed up. And then the fourth time was 10. And for years of my life, 10 years before I ever made a video, the largest audience I potentially had was, if I was lucky, 100. And that was incredible to me. That was mind blowing. Like, that was so special. It wasn't this feeling of, oh, 100's not enough. And I think that's kind of where we've got to now, where you're so overexposed to these numbers, a million and billion and, you know, tens of millions of views and tens of millions of downloads that you don't even have the opportunity to be grateful for. 10 views. I come from a time when I was just grateful if one person turned up. And I think that's what the universe reciprocates with that. When you're grateful that one person turns up, you get the opportunity to serve a hundred and you get the opportunity to serve a million. But if you're constantly living in my vision's bigger, I want more for myself. I'm not convinced that that leads to a happier, more fulfilled journey. It may lead to success. But even today, when I'm speaking to large groups of people, I'll often just remember speaking to a group of three people in a room, because that's how I want it to feel. Even if it isn't my reality anymore. I want everyone in that room to feel I'm looking right at them and I'm there with them because I am. And I could do that in a room of three. And so I have to recreate that for myself.

[Melissa Wood]

That's so powerful. When I started, it was in my living room, on my phone. And to this day, every single time I film anything, I still feel that that's, like, that's where I am. And, like, I'm. I'm still connecting to, like, you know, that smaller community at that time. Because I think when you move through life from this true state of appreciation and gratitude for, like, what it is right now, the abundance that comes. And I. I mean, clearly, right. It's like looking at what you're doing in the world, the guests who you have had these incredible conversations with, you know, it's like, I would wonder. I'm like, what. What is your. Like, what is your deepest desire? Like, what is something that in this moment in your life right now, is bringing you the most fulfillment?

[Jay Shetty]

My deepest desire, genuinely, is to use up everything that I've been given in the service of others. Like, if I could just completely, completely run dry and empty and leave it all, that would be perfect. And that if I could use every gift that I've been given in the service of others, that would be my deepest joy. Because I feel like I've been given so much. I'm so fortunate, and I feel a responsibility with that, but I feel the need to reciprocate with that. And that isn't to say my life's been easy or it's been a straight path or any of that, for sure, but there's. There's a feeling I have of I have a lot to give, and. And I want to be able to give it all. And then what's bringing me the greatest joy right now? I mean, nothing brings me the great, great joy than being with my wife. I love her. She's just.

[Melissa Wood]

I love her. I was ending with her.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, my. My wife is like, I. She is Joy.

[Melissa Wood]

She's Joy.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. She's joy personified. And so any moment I get to see her smile or get to hang out with her or get to just, you know, be with her, that's like magic. And I'm lucky because. Yeah. It's just. She's always like that. And she hates when I say that because she's like, I'm not always like that. I'm like, no, you are. To me, at least, I have more mood swings than you do. And she's just. Yeah, she's just so steady in her joint. She works for it. It's not. She. She has practices, she has habits, she has everything else. Like, it's definitely comes from her amazing parents and upbringing and everything, but it also comes from her investment in wanting to do that. And so, yeah, anytime I'm with her, I feel it gives me the greatest joy from a work point of view. I get the greatest joy from constantly trying to see what's possible. I live in this. I live in this ultimate realm of possibility because I come from, as I said earlier, not believing anything was possible to now living like, well, let me see what's possible. And so I get the greatest joy from trying things that are so far out my comfort zone, that are so far reaching, that are things that I only could have dreamt off once upon a time or maybe wouldn't even have dreamt of. And now I'm like, well, it's all bonus world. Like, when people say to me, like, oh, don't you just. Aren't you happy with what you're doing? I'm like, yeah, I love what I'm doing, but there's more to give and there's more to experience and there's more to live, and so why not? And it's not safe. It's risky and everything else, but I love it. That's what life's for.

[Melissa Wood]

Like, it's fun.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, it's fun. Yeah. I love feeling nervous.

[Melissa Wood]

I love.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, I love feeling that.

[Melissa Wood]

It's the best feeling in the world when you're like, I don't. Like, someone's like, but what if. And you're like, but why not? Why not just test it and try it?

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. And you don't feel that at the start. And that's fine. Like, at the start, you're just like, all right, I just need to start small and figure it out. But then once you've done that, I think you have to get to a point where you just go, well, now let's just give everything a go, you know? Yeah.

[Melissa Wood]

That's. What beautiful answers. I love your wife. She is such a radiant being. I've never met her, but I know.

[Jay Shetty]

I can't believe you guys would love each other.

[Melissa Wood]

Love each other.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. You guys would definitely. I feel like I want you both to meet. Yeah, I want you both to meet each other and be friends. I think you'd be great friends.

[Melissa Wood]

We need to. The last time she was here, we. We. Our schedules couldn't connect. But we will. We'll make. You'll make it happen?

[Jay Shetty]

Yes, I will make it happen.

[Melissa Wood]

But that's just so beautiful. I mean, it's. At the. At the end of the day, it's all about the love that we have in our life and the love that we have to share and the love that we have to give and the love that we experience with the people closest to us. You know? I mean, you wrote an entire book on the lessons of love. Can you just give us. You've been with your wife for a long time.

[Jay Shetty]

We've been together for 12 years and married for nine.

[Melissa Wood]

It's a long time through marriage. And just, you know, I think the longevity of being with someone for so, like, it's like you. You start. You literally marry so many different versions within those years.

[Jay Shetty]

Right.

[Melissa Wood]

I mean, my husband had no idea what he was getting himself into. None. I'm like, did you think? He's like, no. He's like, I knew there was greatness, but, like, I didn't know it was gonna be this great. Which is. It's a beautiful thing.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Melissa Wood]

Like, how does. How do you stay so connected with your wife?

[Jay Shetty]

This is reciprocal and mutual, and that's why it's so powerful. The first is when you love someone. And if someone loves you, they never use your wounds against you, so they never use your vulnerability as a weapon. So if you've opened up to them, they don't use that to shut you down. If you've shared a deep part of yourself, they don't expose it in a shallow way. If you've shared your heart, they don't treat it harshly. If someone loves you, they say to you, I know you told me this was sacred, and so I'll hold it gently. And when I think about my wife, I can't think of a moment where I felt judged by my wife. And that is so freeing. It is the most freeing thing in the world, because I think everyone in the world is judging you constantly. And to not have that at home, that doesn't mean she doesn't want me to be better. Like. Yeah. It doesn't mean she doesn't want me to be better at things or doesn't want me to improve or doesn't challenge me. Yeah, she does all of those things. And she. She checks me. She humbles me. She does all of those things.

[Melissa Wood]

I can see her doing that.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. For sure. She roasts me. I mean, my. If any. I haven't seen any of mine in my life. Everyone knows she is not scared to do any of that, but I never feel judged by it.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah, that's different.

[Jay Shetty]

And it's different. It's different judged means I want to change this about you, I want to control this about you. I really dislike this about you. And it's a pressure that we carry in our relationships that pushes someone away, doesn't bring them closer. So that's been a big one for me. I've always felt that. And, and then, by the way, it's the same for her. I don't judge her either.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Another thing that's been really beautiful that's leads on from that is if someone loves you, they won't try to change you. They accept everything that you bring. They may not love everything, but they accept it. And what they really try and do is they really try and understand how that makes you you. So I'll give an example. If I was less ambitious, I think I'd be less attractive to my wife because she married me because that's who I was. That's my drive. Now, I'm not saying she's attracted to my ambition, but she's attracted to a version of me where ambition is core to who I am. So even if that's not what she's attracted to, that makes me who I am. And when I think about my wife, family and connection for her are what makes her who she is. And so in the first few years of our marriage, and even now, my wife will take any opportunity she can to fly back to London to be with her family. And I know that's her number one priority. And I don't want to change that. I don't want to compete with that. I don't want to compare that to something else because that's what makes her who she is. And I think often in relationships we take away what makes our partner the person we first fell in love with. We want to change the very thing that made them attractive to us in the first place. It's like if someone was with you and was like, I don't want you to do all this meditation stuff anymore. It's just not. It's just woo, woo, like it doesn't make sense to me. It's like, well, wait a minute, that's who I am. Right, Sorry, was that. Yeah, Peace. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Because that's who you are.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

But if someone just suddenly sprung that on you because they're like, well, now I'm just tired of hearing about it and it's not enough. And, and I think everyone's experienced that version of that where a part of their identity was being questioned or taken away as opposed to being thought about. And I think People go through this with their careers where you married someone who was a full on career person. That's who they are.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

They're not suddenly just going to slow down and shift all their priorities. And if you want that, then you can't have the other part of it too. That's who they are. And so I think a lot of the time we get into relationships wanting to change our partners, and they get into a relationship with us never wanting us to change.

[Melissa Wood]

I feel like.

[Jay Shetty]

And it's like, they're like, please don't change. And you're like, please change. And then you're like, wait a minute, like, why are you trying to change me? And they're like, why don't you want to change? You know, it's. And the truth is you're never going to change anyone anyway, so why waste your time?

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah. First of all, what you said, it was so deeply hurtful about your wife. And I feel like with me making the, like, oh, I didn't even mean to like, interrupt that moment because it was so beautiful. And you, you can really feel that when you're in a partnership with someone who has your, like, your full embrace right now. On the flip, everything you just said has been me in every single relationship that I've been in. Even with my husband, I can own that. However, through my own transformation and being able to like, see my stuff and to see that control is something that has always stood in the way of, of everything for me and, and really surrendering to it. And like, you know, I'm in wellness, I married someone in nightlife. Like, you don't get more polar opposite than this. Okay? And, you know, here I am and I'm like, well, why aren't you meditating and you're staying out so late? And then you, you do have to have these moments where I'm like, well, I knew this.

[Jay Shetty]

Yes.

[Melissa Wood]

So what you just said. I wanted to change him, he didn't want me to. And then, then I bought Blossom like this butterfly. And I have gotten to this place where it's still a daily practice of not, not saying something in that moment. Because what is it that I'm trying to say? Change the way in which. And I think and know that is why I've been with my husband for 15 years. Because I've been able to recognize that for a good half of our, you know, partnership, I was very much fully thought that I could just get him in a meditation pose and like, this is going to be it now. The more that I let Go. And I don't nag and I don't passive aggressively say things. I used to be like that. Still, you know, we still work on the moments where it's coming out. He meditates totally. He's doing the things from his own free will. And I think that that's like the dance, right, of being the embodiment of what you would love to see within others that you love.

[Jay Shetty]

Totally.

[Melissa Wood]

Right.

[Jay Shetty]

When I, when I met my wife, my wife has always had a great commitment to working out. And when we met I was like, I've, I'm mastering the mind, I don't really care about the body. And, and she's a dietitian, nutritionist, you know, ayurvedic health counselor. Like, like she's totally about food, nutrients, body, like everything. And she never made me feel bad that I didn't work out. All I saw was someone who worked out five days a week, seven days a week, committed to it, invested in her mental health, and it was just inspiring. And she also presented it to me in a way that would reach my goals. So she'd always say to me, she said, you really care about being efficient and effective and productive. She said, if you worked out, you'd be so much more productive, your mind would be on another level. And I was like, yeah, I'm sold. Like, if it can help me do that, then I'm in. And so I started working out consistently because I could see why it helped me reach my goals, not her goals. And I think often when we're encouraging our partners to do something, we're like, well, if you meditated, you'd be calm like me. And they're like, well, you're not calm right now, so I don't even believe you. And I feel that happens a lot in personal growth and self development where people will say, oh, my partner doesn't meditate and they don't pray and they don't work out and they don't take care of their own health and they don't do all of this. And it's like, well, you just sound like you're complaining and nagging and actually if you just did it and you did it committedly for yourself, that person is going to feel inspired like your husband is. And I'm sure seeing him has inspired you in certain ways to become a pass. Right? Exactly right. So you've seen that in him. And by the way, it's same for me and my wife as well. It's not just one way. This happens both ways.

[Melissa Wood]

Right.

[Jay Shetty]

And so I've become healthier because of my wife. I check every ingredient list because of my wife. I know, I know so much about health that I didn't know because of my wife. I work out five times a week because of my wife. But she never had to force me to do it. And if she did, I probably would have been turned away because all of us have a little kid inside of us that doesn't want to do the thing we're told to do. So most of us are acting like parents. Our partners end up acting like kids. And now we're also playing that role. And by the way, what does that do? That takes the love, it takes the romance out, it takes the connection out. Because now you're mirroring parent child. Whereas if you just set the example, they get to either rise to that or they choose when they want to. And now your partners. And so when you're mimicking parent child, you're taking out romance, love, attraction, joy, all of the stuff that actually made you fall in love in the first place.

[Melissa Wood]

Oh, it's so true. It's so good.

[Jay Shetty]

It's, it's real. And by the way, of course, like, me and my wife are passive aggressive. We, we, we, yeah, digs all like, oh, of course we're real, we're human. But judgment I put at a very high. I feel like your partner has to be a safe place where they could be everything they need to be in front of you and with you.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Again, not that, not if it's exploitative, abusive or of course, like those are very obvious boundaries. But I want to be able to admit my weaknesses to my wife and not feel judged for them, you know, like that, I need that. Like, who else am I going to go to? Yeah, if I can't go to you, where am I going to go?

[Melissa Wood]

Then? What are you doing?

[Jay Shetty]

What are we doing?

[Melissa Wood]

And I think that that's like just a life moment to look at. With everything that you're doing, by the way, with like where you're spending your time, what your doing for your career. If you're not loving it and you're not feeling a way that you want to feel, like you visualize when you wake up in the morning, then what's the point, you know?

[Jay Shetty]

And it comes with lots of hard conversations. I've.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah,

[Jay Shetty]

I've always said to my wife that I never want to live a day without love. And so if she ever falls out of love with me, just tell me, because I can't bear to live without love. It's just not what I've signed up for. I really believe I deserve love. I really believe I'm worthy of love. And it's something I want to have for the rest of my life, and I don't want to waste any time not feeling it. And it's hard. It's a hard conversation to have, but it's real.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Because that's what I want in life.

[Podcast Advertiser/Host Voice]

I wouldn't.

[Jay Shetty]

It's almost like I wouldn't compromise on my career. I wouldn't compromise on that trajectory. I wouldn't compromise on anything in that space. So why are we doing in love? It's like the deepest part of life.

[Melissa Wood]

It's the meaning of it all.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah.

[Melissa Wood]

Well, Jay, I have to say, you know, you meet so many people in this space, and you are just one of those humans that when you can, like, sit in a room with you, you know, some people, it's like. And I. I absolutely love everything you're doing, but you imper. Like, I'm just like, you're even better. If it could even be like, you're just so. No, I really mean that. I. I loved this conversation. And whenever I think about a guest and I. I don't even love outlines and things because I. I really want. It happened here today. And I think it's just better than anything that I could have prepared for or planned. And you're just so pure, and I just love this.

[Jay Shetty]

The same is true for you. And I'm not just saying that because we're here, but, you know, when you're running around doing lots of this stuff, there's very few people that just have the ability to make everything slow down, and you do that. And I felt that sitting with you today. I want to do this with you offline lots more.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And I don't know. Yeah. I just feel like you were able to create an energetic space and force field around us today that I've definitely felt just being with you here. And it's just such a genuine, sincere, calming place to be. And I felt so natural and comfortable and raw and vulnerable in a healthy way. And. And it's a beautiful energy that you've crafted and curated here. So thank you for doing that and thank you for giving me this opportunity. How lucky are we that we get to do this and call it work? And thank you to everyone who's been listening all the way up until now, if you're still listening, because you give us the opportunity to do this. I feel so grateful that people care to listen and Care to connect? I hope this has reminded you that you're. What's planned for you is way greater than your plan. And sometimes just taking a tiny, small step forward is enough.

[Melissa Wood]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And that we're all human and still figuring it out. Me included. I. I haven't got everything figured out, and not everything's perfect, but just trying to plant more seeds, that's all I'm trying to do. And watch out for those weeds.

[Melissa Wood]

So beautiful. You. You planted such a seed in me today. You just posted something on Instagram and I was like, oh, hold on. He's going to 15 places. And then I swiped. And you're actually going to how many? Because I was like, how are you? Is it 15?

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, you're right. 15. Yeah.

[Melissa Wood]

Is it?

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, it's 15.

[Melissa Wood]

Okay. Because I was counting and then I was like, did I get lost? Like, how are you doing all of this?

[Jay Shetty]

No. Two years ago, we went on a world tour and nearly did 40 cities across the world.

[Melissa Wood]

40?

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. This is 15 across North America and Canada. And I'm so excited because I feel like, you know, it's been six years of on purpose. Millions of people been listening. Hundreds of millions of people have been listening. And it's. I feel like we're seeking community and connection right now. And I'm excited for the feeling people are going to have that you're going to walk into a room full of thousands of people, which can usually be anxiety inducing or challenging, but everyone there is listening to the same podcast, and you're going to have something in common with everyone sitting next to you. And sometimes that doesn't even happen. That doesn't happen in many places. I think podcasts are really special in that way that you look left and right and you'll be able to ask someone what was your favorite podcast? And everyone will have an episode or a time of the podcast that helped them. And the fact that I get to tour the podcast. So I'll be interviewing 15 surprise guests in 15 cities. I'm so excited for it. So at New York. In New York, we're at the theater at msg.

[Melissa Wood]

I'm coming.

[Jay Shetty]

Yes, I would love for you to be there.

[Melissa Wood]

I'm coming.

[Jay Shetty]

Definitely. Please come and join in la. We're at the Greek Theater. And then we're going to Chicago, Vancouver, Toronto, Dallas, Colorado, Miami. Dallas.

[Melissa Wood]

There's San Francisco.

[Jay Shetty]

San Francisco's on the list. Seattle, Chicago, Boston. Yeah.

[Melissa Wood]

Is there anywhere you're not going?

[Jay Shetty]

Well, we'll try and do more, but we're Starting with these 15 it's incredible.

[Melissa Wood]

You're such a powerhouse and I'm excited for people to feel this.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, we find a feeling because there's just like. It's different. It's different.

[Melissa Wood]

It's a vibration like you leave feeling shifted.

[Jay Shetty]

I'm excited.

[Melissa Wood]

I'm so excited for you. Congratulations.

[Jay Shetty]

Can't wait to see you there.

[Melissa Wood]

I'm coming.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah. Love to everybody.

[Melissa Wood]

Amazing.

[Podcast Advertiser/Host Voice]

If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how to change your life by changing your brain.

[Jay Shetty]

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[Jay Shetty]

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Giving ourselves the time and the room to try new things. Well, it turns out our feet benefit

[Jay Shetty]

from more space too.

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[Jay Shetty]

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for my toes, so they're comfortable, they keep me balanced and seriously, my feet actually feel stronger.

[Jay Shetty]

I've even started running more because of it. And honestly, I didn't expect to notice it this quickly, but from my first walk it just felt different, lighter, more natural.

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[Jay Shetty]

walks and it genuinely makes getting out there feel easier.

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[Jay Shetty]

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That's a L T R A running.com. stay out there.

[Melissa Wood]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.