On with Kara Swisher: "Comedian Tig Notaro on Laughing Through Grief"

Published: December 1, 2025
Host: Kara Swisher
Guest: Tig Notaro (Comedian, actor, director, producer)
Main Theme:
A candid, moving, and resonant exploration of how comedy can coexist with grief, as Kara Swisher and Tig Notaro discuss Tig’s new documentary, “Come See Me in the Good Light,” finding joy after tragic news, the shifting landscape of comedy, and the lessons learned from death, legacy, and living authentically.

Episode Overview

This episode dives into Tig Notaro’s creative process, particularly her work on the new documentary about poet Andrea Gibson, and reflects on the intersection of comedy, grief, and life’s purpose. Through personal stories and sharp wit, Tig and Kara explore the power of vulnerability, the evolution of standup comedy, and the importance of curating a meaningful life—before tragedy forces you to reconsider your priorities.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Story Behind "Come See Me in the Good Light"

[03:41 – 19:11]

• Tig’s Introduction to Andrea Gibson

  • Met in early 2000s via a political/social activist group (Vox Feminista).
  • Gibson described as the “rock star of poetry” due to their powerful, humorous, and moving performances.
  • “Andrea felt very familiar just looking at this person… from the gay world, comedy, music, but a poet. That’s interesting. …Andrea went on stage and just annihilated the room.” (Tig Notaro, 04:37)

• Genesis of the Documentary

  • Sparked during conversations about Andrea’s podcast production.
  • “Steph just casually said, I feel like Andrea's life would make a really interesting documentary… I couldn't even believe it hadn’t crossed my mind.”
  • Immediate action: Tig reached out to filmmakers, and Ryan White and Jessica Hargrave quickly committed.

• Capturing Andrea and Meg’s Story

  • The film keeps focus on Andrea Gibson and their wife, Meg Fowey, both poets.
  • The approach: “Show, don’t tell”—the documentary is a fly-on-the-wall view, avoiding conventional talking heads or celebrity commentary, even from star producers like Sara Bareilles, Brandi Carlisle, and Glennon Doyle.

• Moments of Humor in Grief

  • Noted for “preciousness,” yet Andrea and Meg could find “the most inappropriate laughs"; nothing was off-limits.
  • “That’s such a sweet spot… that’s what I’m desperate for in my relationships with anybody.” (Tig, 07:52)

2. The Impact of Illness, and the Awakening It Brings

[09:29 – 17:11]

• Parallels between Tig’s and Andrea’s Journeys

  • Tig: “I don’t understand who I was even remotely before 2012, before my diagnosis. …It’s sad that a lot of people can’t get that awakening until something horrendous happens.” (10:03)
  • Making the documentary during Andrea’s illness opened Tig “on a whole different level. Very, very life changing.”

• Sundance Experience with Andrea

  • Emotional and atypical, with Andrea present despite illness; the film won Festival Favorite.
  • “The death isn’t really the point, it was the life.” (Kara, 14:45)
  • “Life is the point.” (Tig, 14:47)
  • The group spent most of Sundance together in an Airbnb, cherishing small moments rather than traditional schmoozing.

3. Grief, Presence, and Transforming Your Life

[22:13 – 33:31]

• Reliving Tig’s Cancer Diagnosis on Stage

  • Kara plays the famous “I have cancer. How are you?” set:
    “Diagnosed with cancer feels good.” (Tig clip, 22:36)
  • Tig didn’t directly connect her famous set to Andrea's concert, saying: “I realize now I was in deep denial when Andrea was ill. …I think there was maybe a level of disassociation…” (Tig, 23:04)

• Audience Question: How to Love Life Before It’s Too Late?

  • Pulitzer winner Geraldine Brooks asks: “How can we have that feeling before it gets to the end?” (24:42)
  • Tig’s answer: “You have to just really... find ways to very honestly show up and experience your life the way you want it to be… I was missing it and I want to be present for it.” (Tig, 25:21–27:57)
  • Kara adds, “Now death time waste me, essentially.” (28:07)

• Taking Control and Walking Out

  • Tig shares a story about quitting high school out of conviction: “I quit. I’m done. …[The coach] had to just get out of my way and let me go. And I—I was like, oh, my gosh, I can do it.” (29:56)

4. Evolving Relationship with Grief and Spirituality

[30:32 – 37:45]

• Experiencing Grief Differently with Andrea

  • Describes being present at Andrea’s at-home death, which was filled with chosen family and exes: “It was so beautiful. …I felt like I was on mushrooms for months after Andrea died…” (Tig, 32:22)
  • The loss led to feelings Tig hadn’t had before, describing both a spiritual opening and being haunted by Andrea’s words and work.

• Signs from Andrea After Death

  • Tig’s story about coincidental Shania Twain performances (“Looks Like We Made It”) in London—Andrea and Meg’s song.
    • “I walk into town, this guy's singing their song… I filmed the back of [my sons’] heads just watching this man sing it… Next day… woman with gigantic harp sits behind us… first song she starts playing—Shania Twain.” (Tig, 35:47–37:19)
  • Meg’s reaction: “It looks like Andrea followed your family to London and is giving us the okay to do our project together.” (37:45)

5. The Shifting Landscape of Comedy

[38:03 – 49:19]

• Legacy of Talking about Tragedy in Comedy

  • Kara: “The NYT credits your Grammy nominee Live as a turning point…”
  • Tig: “There was no big plan… I loved standup so much and thought, I want to do this one last time. …I felt so compelled to share the reality.” (38:27)

• Comedy’s Personal Turn

  • Talk of “bro comedy” versus deeply personal, low-joke-count specials (e.g., Gerard Carmichael, Mike Birbiglia):
  • “You have to really be behind what you're saying… the most authentic experience possible.” (Tig, 45:11)

• Tig’s Current Standup Approach

  • Only tours one weekend a month, valuing family time and “work-life balance.”
  • “I’m a real weirdo… I just show up five minutes before I walk on stage… I'm very removed, but I think I’m okay with that.”
  • “I don't need to own the world or Hollywood. …I want to maintain this tremendous life that I have.” (Tig, 54:42–55:12)

6. Handsome Podcast and Political Existence

[47:41 – 49:54]

• The Joy and Lightness of Handsome Podcast
  • Co-hosts: Fortune Feimster and Mae Martin.
  • Less explicitly political, more about “joy and lightness” and authentic friendship; by existing and being out, they are “political” (Kara, Tig, 49:40–49:54).

7. Projects, Acting, and Creative Control

[49:54 – end]

• On Acting (Star Trek, The Morning Show)

  • Preparation: Tig based “heinous tech chief of staff” on a memorably abrasive figure from her past.
  • “I'm more so identify as a comedian… I was relieved that whatever I was going for seemed to [work].” (Tig, 50:28)

• Future Goals

  • Loving documentary producing, values collaboration and working with good people over showbiz status.
  • “My wife and I have co-directed… but I just… want to maintain the life I have.” (Tig, 55:12)

• Upcoming Project: All Lesbian Action Film

  • Following her viral turn as the “sexy” pilot in Zack Snyder’s Army of the Dead, Tig pitched a “hot lesbian action” film to Snyder.
  • “What if we just went for it and everyone's a hot lesbian and just…” (Tig, 58:26)
  • Working title: “Deviant.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I always say that everything was so precious to Andrea, but then also nothing was too precious… You could watch Andrea annihilate a room to tears, then have the most inappropriate laughs afterward.”

  • Tig Notaro [07:52]

• “That’s the thing—life is the point. Andrea didn’t think they were gonna be able to go to Sundance… but last minute, Meg and Andrea drove out from Colorado… We spent our whole weekend in the Airbnb… having tea, laughing, and sitting by the fire.”

  • Tig Notaro [14:45]

• “I don’t understand who I was even remotely before 2012, before my [cancer] diagnosis. And that cracked me open in a way that it’s sad that a lot of people can’t get that awakening until something horrendous happens.”

  • Tig Notaro [10:03]

• “I have cancer. How are you?”

  • Tig Notaro (performing) [22:36]

• “You have to just really... find ways to honestly show up and experience your life the way you want it to be.”

  • Tig Notaro [27:57]

• “Sometimes grief is the fastest route to truth.”

  • Andrea Gibson poem, quoted by Kara Swisher [31:14]

• “I love a harp. But it’s like, how is our tea going to go…? The first song she starts playing was Shania Twain.”

  • Tig Notaro [36:43]

• “I just want to maintain this tremendous life that I have… I want to be surrounded by good and good people and whatever that brings.”

  • Tig Notaro [54:54]

• “Picture this poster: Hot Lesbian Action. Come on.”

  • Tig Notaro (on her film pitch) [58:27]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:41 – 19:11: Tig on Andrea Gibson, the documentary, and the power of humor in grief
• 22:36: Tig’s iconic “I have cancer” standup moment
• 24:42: Geraldine Brooks’ question on loving life now
• 29:56: Tig’s story of quitting school
• 31:14 – 37:45: The process and impact of grieving Andrea, experiences of “contact” after their death
• 38:03 – 41:20: Tig’s legacy and the shift in comedy
• 46:54: On balancing standup with a meaningful life
• 49:40: Handsome Podcast and the “politics” of existence
• 50:28: Character choices for “The Morning Show”; acting versus comedy
• 54:42 – 55:35: Tig on creative goals and collaboration
• 58:26: Describing the “hot lesbian action” movie pitch

Summary Takeaway

This episode is a full-hearted meditation on how art, humor, and tragedy mix in unforgettable ways. Tig Notaro draws lessons from deep grief and turning points in her life, all delivered in her signature dry, wry style. The conversation is peppered with laughter and surprising moments, but remains steadfastly honest about life's shortness, the necessity to be present, and the political power of simply living openly. At its core, the episode celebrates the transformative effect of friendship, art, and authenticity, and reminds listeners—often to comedic effect—that the real point is to embrace life before it’s too late.