Podcast Summary: "Sarah Silverman on Being Wrong – and Treating Trolls with Kindness"

Podcast Information:

• Title: On with Kara Swisher
• Host/Author: Vox Media
• Episode: Sarah Silverman on Being Wrong – and Treating Trolls with Kindness (from ReThinking with Adam Grant)
• Release Date: December 26, 2024

1. Introduction to Sarah Silverman and Her Career

Timestamp: [02:07] - [04:23]

Kara Swisher introduces the episode by highlighting that it features Sarah Silverman, a multifaceted comedian known for her roles in Saturday Night Live, Seinfeld, Broadway, late-night TV, and Disney animated movies. Adam Grant, the host of Rethinking, expresses his admiration for Silverman's ability to blend humor with deep thought.

• Adam Grant: "Her latest HBO special, Sarah, Someone You Love, cracked me up. I was excited to talk with Sarah about courage, compassion, and her shockingly effective approach to engaging with jerks." ([02:38])

Silverman reflects on her comedic journey, emphasizing the importance of finding joy in life over legacy.

• Sarah Silverman: "My experience of life is more important to me than the idea of legacy... I'm trying to really find joy in life and if I can be funny as well, that's great." ([02:07])

2. The Genesis of Boldness in Comedy

Timestamp: [04:23] - [07:13]

Adam delves into Silverman's bold comedic style, seeking to understand how she developed the courage to tackle difficult topics.

• Adam Grant: "One of the things that I've admired most about you, Sarah, is your boldness. You say things that I would be afraid to think, let alone speak. And I want to know how you got that way." ([04:09])

Silverman recounts a childhood experience where her father taught her to swear, leading her to find joy in shocking adults without facing their anger.

• Sarah Silverman: "I found this gift I had been given by my father where I could shock the grownups, but they would not get mad. It created a monster and a skill." ([04:23])

She further explains how facing ridicule head-on taught her that acknowledgment and inclusion can diffuse potential negativity.

• Sarah Silverman: "If it's mentionable, it's manageable... Like Mr. Rogers, because they became my friends. They laughed at me, and they saw that they could laugh at me in front of me." ([06:19])

3. Engaging with Trolls: A Story of Compassion

Timestamp: [07:13] - [15:07]

A pivotal moment in the conversation revolves around Silverman's unique approach to handling internet trolls. Instead of responding with aggression, she chooses empathy and understanding.

• Adam Grant: "Sarah, a few years ago, I got to see a different side of you when you replied to an Internet troll." ([07:13])

Silverman narrates her interaction with a troll who insulted her, leading to an unexpected and compassionate relationship.

• Sarah Silverman: "He called me a cunt... I clicked on his profile and I read some of his tweets, and I saw that he had severe back pain. So I responded. Just connecting with him... we developed this friendship." ([07:13])

Adam is intrigued by her ability to see beyond the insults and connect on a human level.

• Adam Grant: "I can't even imagine wanting to engage with this person." ([08:00])

Silverman emphasizes the importance of understanding the pain behind aggression, referencing her father's struggles and her own resources to cope with anger.

• Sarah Silverman: "I recognize it... I can find a way in. I feel connected to that because I recognize it." ([08:16])

She shares another encounter where she transformed a confrontation into a positive interaction through kindness, likening it to "pro social jiu jitsu."

• Sarah Silverman: "I said, hold on... can you believe this? We were enemies, and now we're best friends." ([15:07])

This section underscores Silverman's philosophy of responding to negativity with empathy, aiming to transform interactions rather than escalate them.

4. The Psychology Behind Kindness and Empathy

Timestamp: [15:07] - [22:13]

Adam explores the psychological foundations of Silverman's approach, likening her methods to psychological theories that advocate for meeting aggression with empathy to defuse it.

• Adam Grant: "There's a foundation for it in psychology... you're diffusing it by countering their expectations, making them feel seen and understood." ([19:12])

Silverman reflects on the effectiveness of gestures of care, questioning whether it's a form of manipulation but affirming its positive outcomes.

• Sarah Silverman: "I find a lot of success in gestures of care. And, you know, is that a form of manipulation? Yeah, maybe." ([20:51])

Grant suggests that Silverman's approach could inspire broader societal changes towards more respectful and compassionate interactions.

• Adam Grant: "It seems like an investment in creating a more respectful community or at least planting those seeds of a different kind of behavior." ([21:54])

Silverman acknowledges the potential risks but maintains that the benefits of spreading good energy outweigh them.

• Sarah Silverman: "Good energy is also catchy. It may be a couple digits less catchy than negative energy, but that means we need more of it." ([22:13])

5. Personal Relationships and Vulnerability

Timestamp: [22:13] - [25:19]

The conversation shifts to Silverman's personal relationships, emphasizing the importance of having a "challenge network"—friends who can both support and candidly critique.

• Sarah Silverman: "That's the only person you care about making laugh... I have three sisters... I have a relationship that's strong enough where somebody can just call you out directly." ([25:19])

She shares a poignant moment where vulnerability in relationships provided strength and understanding.

• Adam Grant: "You sold me on that. That is such a good example of a friend, not just being a support network, but also a challenge network." ([25:32])

This segment highlights the balance between compassion and accountability in personal connections, fostering growth and resilience.

6. Upcoming Projects and Personal Reflections

Timestamp: [33:09] - [35:54]

Silverman introduces her new tour, "Postmortem," which delves into personal loss and grief with humor and honesty.

• Sarah Silverman: "It's called Postmortem because it's actually about my dad and my stepmother who died a year ago... I'm on tour during the election." ([33:09])

She describes the emotional complexity of performing her grief, finding solace and healing through comedy.

• Sarah Silverman: "I was like, oh, this is really good... I ache for them. But it's really nice, too." ([33:24])

Adam acknowledges the depth of her work, appreciating her ability to find humor amidst tragedy.

• Adam Grant: "I love Sarah's observation that energy can't be created or destroyed, but it can be changed." ([34:24])

7. Lightning Round: Personal Insights and Predictions

Timestamp: [27:31] - [32:55]

In a lighter segment, Adam and Silverman engage in a rapid-fire exchange, revealing personal anecdotes and opinions.

• Worst Advice Received:

  • Sarah Silverman: "Only babies cry." ([27:36])

• Best Advice Received:

  • Sarah Silverman: "Don't learn to protect yourself from that because love is worth risking that kind of pain." ([28:04])

• Unpopular Opinion:

  • Sarah Silverman: "I'm right now enjoying Call of Duty... I find joy out of this." ([28:55])

• Prediction for Comedy:

  • Sarah Silverman: "Comedy always finds a way... There's just such brilliant stuff out there." ([29:35])

• Personal Question Answer:

  • Adam Grant: Shares his experience of being a shy kid and the impact of a friend stealing his basketball.
  • Sarah Silverman: Comments on the lasting impression of seemingly trivial childhood events. ([31:01])

This segment offers a glimpse into Silverman's personal philosophies and future outlook, reinforcing her resilience and adaptability.

8. Conclusion and Closing Thoughts

Timestamp: [34:46] - [35:54]

As the conversation winds down, Silverman reflects on the therapeutic nature of her comedy, especially in dealing with personal loss.

• Sarah Silverman: "I have no idea what I was saying... Please let things. Please let this be menopause and not dementia." ([35:44])

Adam wraps up by appreciating the depth and refreshment brought by Silverman's insights, emphasizing the importance of her compassionate approach.

• Adam Grant: "I love Sarah's observation that energy can't be created or destroyed, but it can be changed." ([34:24])

Key Takeaways:

• Empathy Over Aggression: Sarah Silverman's method of responding to negativity with understanding and compassion can transform hostile interactions into meaningful connections.
• Personal Growth Through Vulnerability: Embracing flaws and being open to being wrong fosters stronger, more authentic relationships.
• Balancing Humor and Grief: Using comedy as a tool to navigate personal loss offers both healing and a way to connect with others.
• The Power of Positive Energy: Spreading good energy, though less immediately attention-grabbing than negative energy, has the potential to create lasting positive change in communities.

Notable Quotes:

• Sarah Silverman ([06:53]): "You can use that force, their own inertia or force."
• Adam Grant ([19:32]): "Is there a risk that you're reinforcing the behavior?"
• Sarah Silverman ([25:32]): "That's the only person you care about making laugh. It's a massive relief to be. To realize I'm wrong."

This episode of "On with Kara Swisher" offers an in-depth exploration of Sarah Silverman's unique approach to comedy and life, blending humor with profound empathy. Listeners gain valuable insights into transforming negative interactions, the importance of authentic relationships, and finding joy amidst personal challenges.