What Makes A Man? Richard Reeves on Addressing the Struggles Facing Boys and Men

Summary

Podcast Summary: "What Makes A Man? Richard Reeves on Addressing the Struggles Facing Boys and Men"

On with Kara Swisher, hosted by Vox Media, delves deep into pressing societal issues with influential voices across various sectors. In the episode titled "What Makes A Man? Richard Reeves on Addressing the Struggles Facing Boys and Men," released on August 14, 2025, Kara Swisher engages in a candid conversation with Richard Reeves, the founding president of the American Institute for Boys and Men and author of Boys and Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It.

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1. Introduction to Richard Reeves and the Modern Male Crisis

Kara opens the episode by introducing Richard Reeves, highlighting his significant contributions to understanding the challenges faced by boys and men today. She mentions his extensive work, including his collaboration with Scott Galloway and his pivotal book that sheds light on alarming statistics surrounding the male malaise—a term Reeves uses to describe the profound struggles impacting men’s lives.

Notable Quote:

"I was one of 12 people to receive that [Melinda French Gates] [00:46:49]." – Richard Reeves

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2. The Dichotomy of Cultural Narratives Surrounding Men

Reeves outlines the conflicting narratives that men face in contemporary society. On one side, progressive movements emphasize the flaws of masculinity, introducing terms like "toxic masculinity" and highlighting deficiencies in male behavior. Conversely, the reactionary right attributes men's struggles to feminist overreach, advocating for a return to traditional gender roles.

Notable Quote:

"I've realized there were some gender gaps that are really strongly going the other way now. So take higher education...we're losing 40,000 men a year." – Richard Reeves [09:38]

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3. Education and Employment: The Growing Gender Gap

Reeves delves into the educational disparities where boys lag behind girls in K-12 education systems, leading to wider gaps in college enrollment. He emphasizes that this gap isn't due to intelligence differences but rather the educational structures that inadvertently favor female behavioral norms, resulting in higher GPA scores for girls despite similar standardized test performances.

Notable Insights:

• Male Teachers Decline: The percentage of male teachers in K-12 education has decreased from 33% to 23%, limiting male role models in classrooms.
• Vocational Opportunities: There's a pressing need to encourage men to enter caregiving professions like teaching and nursing, which are traditionally female-dominated.

Notable Quote:

"GPA measures different skills...it's not that boys aren't dumber than girls." – Richard Reeves [15:06]

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4. Cultural Redundancy and the Identity Crisis

Reeves introduces the concept of "cultural redundancy," where men feel their traditional roles as providers are obsolete in modern society. This sensation fosters an identity crisis, leading to feelings of irrelevance and diminished self-worth among men. He argues that redefining the role of men to encompass not just economic provision but also caregiving and emotional support can alleviate this crisis.

Notable Quote:

"The true cause of male malaise isn't lack of labor force participation, but cultural redundancy. Men feel they're no longer needed." – Richard Reeves [27:01]

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5. Political Engagement and Democratic Strategies

The conversation shifts to the political arena, where Reeves criticizes the Democratic Party for neglecting the issues facing men, which contributed to young men supporting Donald Trump in the last election. He underscores the importance of Democrats addressing men's issues not in a zero-sum manner but through inclusive, solution-focused initiatives like increasing male teachers and mental health support.

Notable Quote:

"If you're going to have someone come out and say, we need a campaign for more male teachers...we need a mental health service that really reaches our young men because this crisis of suicide among our young men cannot happen." – Richard Reeves [46:21]

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6. Social Media and Male Body Image Pressures

Addressing the impact of social media, Reeves discusses the emerging pressures on men related to body image, similar to the well-documented struggles women face. He highlights the rise of "looks maxing" and "embodied dysmorphia," where men feel compelled to achieve unrealistic physical standards, leading to increased mental health issues.

Notable Quote:

"The idea that you won't get a loving partner...unless you've got these biceps is a myth. It is an absolute anti-women myth." – Richard Reeves [40:33]

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7. The Role of AI and Digital Companionship

Reeves explores the potential consequences of AI companions, questioning whether they could exacerbate male isolation rather than alleviate it. He cautions that while AI might offer temporary solace, it could further discourage genuine human connections, thereby intensifying loneliness and mental health struggles.

Notable Quote:

"With AI, what I worry is that it'll be just good enough to feel like it's filling the vacuum, but never good enough to actually fill the vacuum." – Richard Reeves [54:09]

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8. Advice for the Next Generation

Concluding the discussion, Reeves shares heartfelt advice for young men entering adulthood. He emphasizes the importance of agency, self-initiative, and the courage to form meaningful relationships. He advocates for redefining masculinity to celebrate men’s unique strengths without perpetuating harmful stereotypes.

Notable Quote:

"Having agency...these young men are looking for this guy's doing stuff. Stuff. What the stuff is, is kind of less important." – Richard Reeves [58:38]

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9. Conclusion: A Call for Inclusive Support

The episode wraps up with a mutual understanding of the necessity to support both men and women in evolving societal roles. Reeves calls for a balanced approach where efforts to empower women do not overshadow the equally critical need to address men's challenges.

Final Thoughts: Reeves underscores the urgency of addressing the male malaise through comprehensive policies, educational reforms, and cultural shifts that affirm men's value and foster environments where both boys and men can thrive.

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Key Takeaways:

• Balanced Focus: Addressing issues faced by both genders is crucial for societal harmony.
• Educational Reforms: Making education systems more inclusive and supportive of boys can bridge existing gaps.
• Redefining Masculinity: Embracing a modern definition of manhood that includes emotional intelligence and caregiving roles.
• Political Responsibility: Political parties must acknowledge and actively work on men's issues to garner broader support.
• Mental Health Awareness: Increasing awareness and support systems to combat rising male suicide rates and mental health struggles.

This episode serves as a compelling examination of the multifaceted challenges facing modern men and boys, offering insightful perspectives and actionable solutions to foster a more inclusive and supportive society for all genders.

Transcript

[Kara Swisher]

Look at you in your smart glasses.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah, I'm trying to look clever. Trying to look more intelligent.

[Kara Swisher]

Very much so.

[Richard Reeves]

It's on.

[Kara Swisher]

Hi everyone from New York Magazine and the Vox Media Podcast network. This is on with Kara Swisher and I'm Kara Swisher. In recent weeks, I've had a number of conversations about how young people are navigating the world with smartphones, social media, and now artificial intelligence. I'm going to continue along those lines with my guest today, Richard Reeves, the man my pivot co host Scott Galloway calls his sensei and Jedi Master. Okay, that's weird, but Reeves probably deserves some of that credit. He is the founding president of the American Institute for Boys and Men and he's the author of several books, including his seminal work of Boys and why the Modern Male Is Struggling, why It Matters and what to Do About It. The book highlights some disturbing statistics about the crisis they're facing, which we'll get into in our conversation. Reeves says they are all signs of a, quote, male malaise that is having life and death impacts. This issue has become a major talking point since the last election when more than half of men under 30 voted for Donald Trump. Reeves has criticized Democrats for not adequately addressing these issues and effectively ceding the floor to right wing social media influencers. I don't know Reeves as well as Scott does, but I met him years ago, three years ago, and I've thought a lot about his theories. There's a lot of what's wrong with men stuff around and I think he's one of the more interesting voices in the sector and there are more to come and a lot more. And in fact, Scott has a book on this coming out in the fall. I'm looking forward to talking to Richard about the identity crisis Boys and Men are facing and the solutions he's proposing. I also want to hear what he thinks about smartphones and social media and whether AI will exacerbate the situation. Our expert question today comes from Lauren Greenfel, award winning artist and documentary filmmaker of the Emmy nominated FX series Social Studies, whom I had on the show last week. If you have boys in your life like I do, I have three sons and one daughter. This is a must. Listen, stay with us. Support for this show is brought to you by CVS Caremark. Every CVS Caremark customer has a story. And CVS Caremark makes affordable medication the center of every member's story. Through effective cost management, they find the lowest possible drug cost to get members more of what they need because lower prices for medication means fewer worries. Interested in more affordable care for your members? Go to CMK Co Stories to hear the real stories behind how CVS Caremark provides the affordability, support and access your members need. Support for the show comes from Chevrolet Life has a way of dropping a lot of tough questions along your path, but when it comes to going electric, the Chevy Equinox EV is a no brainer. Loaded with advanced tech like a massive 17 inch diagonal center, touchscreen, Equinox EV will help keep you connected it. Plus, with bold athletic styling and starting at $34,995, you'll get great looks and a great value. Learn [e-mail] Equinox EV the manufacturer's suggested retail price excludes tax, title, license, dealer fees and optional equipment dealer sets final price.

[Richard Reeves]

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[Kara Swisher]

It is on hi Richard, thanks for coming on. On.

[Richard Reeves]

Hey, thank you for having me.

[Kara Swisher]

I think the last time we ran each other we were in Aspen in a cab, right? Something like that sounds right.

[Richard Reeves]

Yes.

[Kara Swisher]

Yeah. And you had just gotten this huge.

[Richard Reeves]

Amount of money from Melinda French Gates. Yeah. It's definitely the most surprising email I've ever received in my career, which was an email from Pivotal Ventures, Melinda French gates, offering me $20 million to spend on supporting boys and men. I was one of 12 people to receive that. There was one other man, Gary Barker, who runs Ecwamundo, and it's part of Melinda, but also Pivotal Ventures view that there is nothing incompatible between focusing on the remaining challenges of women and girls, but also doing more for boys and men. And so I saw that it was obviously it's massively important just in itself, but it's also very important as a signal and as a symbol of the ability to move past that zero sum frame that I think we've been stuck in for too long.

[Kara Swisher]

And you had not expected this. Right. It wasn't an application or anything.

[Richard Reeves]

It was just. It was. It was out of the blue. I think it was more out of the blue for me and honestly, more surprising probably for me than for some of the others who. There are some just amazing women doing all kinds of work around the world included in that group, and I've gotten to know some of them, and I think everybody was pleasantly surprised, but I think I was shocked and honestly didn't quite believe it to start with. But what I'm seeing is a number of women's groups and women's leaders are actually in some ways now at the forefront of saying we've also got to do stuff for boys and men, as long as we do it in the.

[Kara Swisher]

Right way, which we're going to talk about. I'm glad to finally interview the man my pivot co host Scott Gallery calls Yoda.

[Richard Reeves]

I've heard him say that. Yes.

[Kara Swisher]

Yeah. And you, you've been the leading voice on struggles facing boys and men, which is an issue Scott talks about a lot. He has an upcoming book about the issue, Notes on Being a Man. So as his, I guess, Jedi Master, I guess that's if we're gonna put him in the Luke Skywalker role, which we won't. Tell me about how it works for boys and men in the US Right now in Star wars. Obviously there's a light side and a dark side, and there's a lot about that, the light and dark side of men, particularly in the Force. So talk to me about how it works right now for real Bo and men here in the U.S. yeah, I.

[Richard Reeves]

Think particularly for boys and young men, they're in this quite difficult cultural moment now, where on the one hand, for, I would say for the last 10 years or so, on quite a strong narrative, more from the progressive left. I'm using these terms very broadly, has been to point to the ways not in which men have problems, but the ways that they are a problem. So that would be consistent with terms like toxic masculinity and mansplaining and the incredibly positive work of something like the Me Too movement, which was nonetheless quite deficit based. It was based about like, what's all the things that are wrong with men. As actually President Obama said recently on Michelle's podcast, he said that, like, we've done a really good job of saying what's wrong with men. We haven't really done a good job of saying what's right. But on the other side, there's this kind of reactionary right side, which is Saying, yeah, young men and boys are struggling. And that's the fault of all these feminists and the women's movement who've kind of overrun everything and think masculinity is the problem. And what we need to do is go back. And so I feel like a lot of young men are in this space now where they feel like the left has turned its back on them or.

[Kara Swisher]

Are chastising them or pathologizing them and.

[Richard Reeves]

Saying what's wrong with them. But the right is then saying, yeah, we can save you, but only by turning back the clock on women. Right, let's go back to the days when men were men and women were women. And actually, neither of those prescriptions land with the vast majority of boys and young men today who are struggling in school, struggling in the labor market, struggling to find their place in the world. And so I do think here, this is an area where just having a better conversation about it that is not zero sum, rooted in facts and solutions, focused is key. And I'm pleased to see that it's starting to happen now.

[Kara Swisher]

As you know, like Scott, I have sons. One. I have three. One little one who's three years old and two in their 20s. So I think a lot about this. It's been a few years since your book of boys and men first came out, but since the past election, masculinity seems to become a huge talking point. It continues to be, actually, even after the election, because there's this continuing struggle going on. For those who haven't heard of your book yet, briefly walk us through your central concerns and what changes you've seen, if any. And for the sake of conversation, I'm gonna assume we're talking about cisgender, heterosexual, sexual men.

[Richard Reeves]

Yes, yes. And I make that clarification at the beginning of the book, which upset some of my conservative reviewers, who sort of rolled their eyes at that. I think they rolled their eyes at the use of the term cisgender.

[Kara Swisher]

Oh, for goodness sake. But gay men are different. But go ahead.

[Richard Reeves]

It was important for me to say, look, I realize there are these issues for this kind of minority of men, but let's not ignore that was happening to most men. And really, the reason I got into this in the first place was I was studying education and the economy at Brookings. I was at Brookings for 10 years doing this. And I just gave these data points. And I saw when the pandemic hit, for example, that the male college enrollment rate dropped seven times more than it did for women. I didn't see that Getting very much attention. I also saw, obviously, the death rates were much higher for men and so on. And by this point, I'd started to realize there was just a lot of data points that suggested there are some gender gaps that are really strongly going the other way now. So take higher education, which I know you have some interest in, where the gender gap on college campuses now is a little bit wider than it was in the 1970s, but it's the other way around. Wages. This is something you and Scott talk a lot about. Wages for working class men especially have basically been stagnant for decades. The male suicide rate has risen, especially most recent among young men. One of the stats that's really been troubling me recently is the fact that the suicide rate among men under 30 has risen by almost a third just since 2010.

[Kara Swisher]

Wow.

[Richard Reeves]

We're losing 40,000 men a year. The risk of a death from suicide is four times higher among men than women at every age group. And that is not in any way to take away from some of the issues that we're seeing among particularly teen girls and young women in terms of mental health. It is just to say that there is a different mental health crisis unfolding among kind of boys and men. You seeing these statistics? And then, candidly, what I thought was happening was either these hard facts, I think they are hard and important facts, weren't getting attention, or they were getting the wrong kind of attention. They were being used as evidence of a war against men, a conspiracy against boys. Right.

[Kara Swisher]

We're making them kill themselves by telling them they suck.

[Richard Reeves]

Yes. It's because of feminism and misandry. Right. Which is the opposite of misogyny. It's because these people hate men and boys and don't care about them is why they're killing themselves and doing badly in school. And unfortunately, without a really good answer to that question, that actually became quite a believable story. And frankly, too often, mainstream institutions were too silent on this issue, and not because they hated men, but because they thought, actually, we're still focused on women and girls. Hold on a second. We've had 10,000 years of patriarchy, a couple of minutes of stuff going the other way. You're all panicking. And so, like, it felt like it was going to distract from the work of women and girls. And I think that was a fatal mistake.

[Kara Swisher]

So talk about what's changed from your book from a couple years ago. Is that it? It's the continued decline, but it's been a few years since that.

[Richard Reeves]

It has. And we have Seen some things getting worse, like the mental health stuff more generally, but the suicide rates, especially among young men, and obviously the pandemic effect was huge in different ways for men and women. We've seen the gaps in education continuing grow. But what I would say is that the response is now coming. So we're seeing a lot of higher education institutions, including historically black colleges, really acting now. We did some work showing that there are now the decline in men at HBCUs. These historically black colleges has been so sharp that there are now as many non Black students at HBCUs as there are Black men at HBCUs. Right. We have a thing, a higher education male achievement collaborative with a bunch. We're up to 35 institutions working on this now. And then we've just seen it really since the election. A number of leaders on the Democrat side, starting with Governor Wes Moore, Governor Gretchen Whitmer, who I think Scott had on quite recently, and then just very recently, Governor Gavin Newsom in California signing executive order to actually do some really kind of serious work around some of these crises in mental health education and service for boys and men. And so what we're seeing now is a sort of thoughtful response from policymakers.

[Kara Swisher]

So you've argued a lot of this gets set in motion early on when boys start at school. And the big issue obviously is biology, which continues to factor all the way through their education. Talk to me about your arguments now and solutions. And I'll just very briefly tell you, I spent a lot of time discussing this when my sons, my older sons were younger because the movement and the physicality was, especially with my older son, was really profound comparatively, and it was completely biological. I don't know what else. He couldn't still for a while, for a little while, that change. And the solution we had was I said, why don't you just let him run around the playground three times and then he can come and sit in? Which worked on some level. Now, that's just one mother's story. But talk a little bit about what gets set in motion early on for boys.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah, well, of course, what happens when you start talking about this is you have one mother's story, which turns out to be the story of millions of mothers and parents. So you put data to something that people are living is a truth. And so what we see is that boys are behind girls throughout the K12 education system for sure. That's why we see this gap in college. And they're particularly behind is sort of verbal skills, literacy skills, some of these behavioral challenges which you just mentioned just skew much more male boys just grow up a little bit slower.

[Kara Swisher]

Can I just interject? I didn't see it as a behavioral problem. It's just that's the way he was. And the way school is taught is control. Right?

[Richard Reeves]

Yes. Yes, I've just done exactly. What I'm going to criticize educational institutions do is to sort of turn this into a problem. Right. And I think at some level what's happened is that in the education system, inadvertently, we've ended up treating boys like malfunctioning girls.

[Kara Swisher]

Yes, that's exactly right.

[Richard Reeves]

We have an implied female default about how long you can sit still, what your attention span is, what your verbal skills are, et cetera. And then we judge boys against that. And of course, they're found wanting, so that's why they're excluded and suspended and diagnosed with ADD at much higher rates, et cetera. And so that's a problem in that the education system has become inadvertently much less boyfriendly because it just has this default assumption. It's like, well, the default student is a girl. And that's one of the reasons why I've suggested that actually boys should have at least the option to start school later, just because they are, especially when you hit adolescents, they are about a year or even more behind in the development of these critical skills, which are about organization, executive functioning. And so it's very interesting to me that there is a massive gender gap in GPA in high school. Massive. Like two thirds of the top 10% are girls, Vice versa at the bottom. But there isn't really a gender gap on SAT or ACT or most of the standardized tests. And the way I interpret that is that the boys aren't dumber than the girls. There isn't an intelligence gap between girls and boys. But GPA meas. Did you do your homework and turn it in? It measures these different skills. And so it's intuitive to me that you'd see this much bigger gap in GPA because that does require these kind of life skills, soft skills, whatever you want to call them. And that just puts boys at a disadvantage all the way through. And then I'll just add two more things. One is the lack of male teachers, which has gone from 33% men in K12 to 23% men and falling. And so there are fewer men in. In teaching than there are women in stem, which is not to say we don't need to do more for women in stem and especially tech, where you've done so much good work, but. But nonetheless, I think it is just as much of a crisis that we're just emptying the men out of our classrooms, partly because these behavioral issues that you just talked about, which is just, we know male teachers just react a little bit differently because they can sort of put themselves in the shoes of that boy in a way that is just harder for female teachers to do. And I'm not blaming, in any way female teachers. Also, the other thing about male teachers is not only that they react a little bit differently in the classroom, it also helps to break gender stereotypes about education. I worry a lot. The education starts to code female when the girls do better. All the teachers are female. The girls go to college. At a certain point, you can't really blame boys for looking around and saying this feels like a very female endeavor. In just the same way that if all the engineers are men and all the professors are men and whatever, then as a young woman, you'd be like, this whole engineering thing seems to be coded quite male. But it also, I think it just helps us to break gender stereotypes about the roles of men and women and to kind of send the message to the next generation that this is perfectly appropriate and to set really good role models. So it's interesting that men in K12 are much more likely to be coaches after school. Right. About a third of them are coaches, which is about four times as many as the women. Now, that could be because the women have got childcare responsibilities that the men don't have. So I just want to add that caveat. But it is nonetheless true that when you get male teachers, you get male coaches.

[Kara Swisher]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Richard Reeves]

And you get male role models. And when I think about these online figures and what the best antidote to some of the more reactionary online figures are for the boys. You know how I think about my son who is a fifth grade teacher in Baltimore City, 6 foot 4. He coaches the girls middle school soccer team as well, after school. Loves his soccer. A lot of his kids are Hispanic, and he has a lot of Real Madrid supporters. And his students, he's an Arsenal fan. So when they played, obviously they had to watch the game in class. And I just sort of think about the message that those kids are getting in his class. Of course, most of their other teachers are female, but I'm like, this is a thing that dudes care about. Dudes care about learning. Dudes care about books. He's a role model. And if I go online later and see some other guy telling me how to be a man, I hope instead they'll think about my son, right?

[Kara Swisher]

My son is thinking of becoming a teacher too, which is funny.

[Richard Reeves]

Oh, amazing. I hope he does.

[Kara Swisher]

I know. I'm wishing him that way. I think he'd be a wonderful teacher. We'll be back in a minute. Support for this show comes from Deleteme. Here's what data brokers do. They compile things like your name, contact info, Social Security number, home address, even information about your family members and sell it online. This can lead to identity theft, phishing attempts, and harassment. But now you can protect your privacy with Deleteme. Deleteme says they make it easy, quick and safe to remove your personal data online at a time when surveillance and data breaches are common enough to make everyone vulnerable. I can attest to this. I use Delete Me. I take things down all the time and I was shocked to see how much of my information was out there, especially since I'm so careful about privacy. I love their dashboard. I think it's very easy to use and I get lots of updates for all the things they found. And I have to say, data brokers are very creative. I wish they would apply their skills to something nicer than stealing your information. Take control of your data and keep your private life private by signing up for Delete Me now at a special discount for our listeners. Get 20% off your delete me plan when you go to JoinDeleteMe.com Cara and use the promo code Tara at checkout. The only way to get 20% off is to go to JoinDeleteMe.com Cara and enter code Kara at checkout. That's JoinDeleteMe.com K-A-R-A code Kara support for this show comes from Sixpenny. In life, there are times to be frugal and there are times to invest in pieces you'll love for years to come. If you're in a stage of life where you're outgrowing the cheap prefab furniture you've had since your roommate days, consider six Penny Sixpenny is reimagining luxury at home with extraordinarily comfortable slip covered furniture for living, dining and sleeping spaces, plus distinctive tables and accent pieces. Their furniture is completely customizable and made by hand at their own factory using all natural linens and cottons, lofty cushions overstuffed with ethically sourced feathers or recycled fibers, all without the use of harmful chemical coatings. Perfect for spending an entire weekend. And because they design and produce their furniture in house at their own function, factory is a truly direct to consumer operation since launching in 2017, Sixpenny has been featured in Architectural Digest, the New York Times, Wirecutter, Time and more. You can visit sixpenny.com kara for a leisurely browse through their impeccably designed pieces and perhaps even order yourself some free swatches. That's s I x P-E-N-N-Y.com Kara Support for on with Kara Swisher comes from Groons if you've ever gone down the Internet rabbit hole of trying different nutrition solutions, you likely found a bunch of weird conspiracy theories that range from eating everything you can find to starvation. Thankfully, there is a product that can help improve your skin, gut health and immunity without the crazy ideas attached to them. It's called Grundes. Grunds are a convenient, comprehensive formula packed into a daily snack pack of gummies. Gummies. It's not a multivitamin, a greens gummy or a prebiotic. It's all of those things and then some for a fraction of the price. In a Grun's Daily Snack Pack, you get more than 20 vitamins and minerals, 6 grams of prebiotic fiber, and more than 60 ingredients. They include nutrient dense and whole foods, all of which help you out in different ways. For example, Groons has six times the gut health ingredients compared to the leading greens powders. It contains biotin and Nia cmi, which help with thicker hair, nails and skin health. They also contain mushrooms, which can help with brain function. And of course, you're probably familiar with vitamin C and how it's great for your immune system. On top of all, Groons are vegan and free of nuts, dairy and gluten get up to 52% off when you go to Gruns Co and use the code CARRA that's G R U N S.C O using the code KARA K A R A for 52% off. Speaking of these gender roles, according to a recent survey by the Young Men Research Initiative, when young men are asked what it means to be a man, the top answer was providing for your family. You've argued this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but that is since it's becoming harder to do. Like now it's harder to buy a house than it was 20 years ago. It's creating an identity crisis for boys and men, and Scott talks about this a lot. If you can't keep up, you feel shamed and then with shame comes rage, et cetera, et cetera.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah, I think that's a really good example of the challenge that both young men and young Women have, like in the modern labor market, in the housing market. Actually, just as we're recording this, Rahm Emanuel has a piece in the Washington Post where he's arguing about young men, but also about. He said it's a housing issue.

[Kara Swisher]

Yeah, I wrote him, I said, ah, so homes and hugs will save us. I was like, that's.

[Richard Reeves]

Well, if only he'd come up with such a good summary. But yeah, I mean, actually Gretchen Whitmer pointed out that like, young men are least likely to buy new homes now. And so I do think it's connected to these structural factors. And that actually it allows me to make a separate point. And then I'll come back to the main one, which is that one of the things that disturbs me about how much political energy is going on into young women blaming young men and young men blaming young women for their problems is that that energy could be much better spent on issues around economic justice, around the housing market, around the education system. So imagine a world where young men and young women, instead of being taught by each side to blame each other, were actually linking arms to demand a fairer housing market, to demand a better education system, to demand more opportunity together. But the point about providing is really interesting. I've come to think that the answer here is to sort of lean into that instinct, but modernize it.

[Kara Swisher]

It.

[Richard Reeves]

I was a stay at home dad for a while and I really felt like a provider, right. And what I do, I just kind of reconceptualized it around, well, my wife's working, but I'm going to get the kids to school, I'm going to organize and I'm going to allow the family. I was providing for my family in a different way. And I do think that men feeling a responsibility to be providing not only money, although that remains important, but other things, time, energy, love, you know, discipline, whatever.

[Kara Swisher]

Although that's a big societal shift because most people, when they see that, they don't think that, they don't think provider. They don't think it for women either. By the way, if women stay at home.

[Richard Reeves]

No, they don't. I think that's right. But so at least for now, rather than saying, okay, male provider, male breadwinner, dustbin of history, bye bye, don't need you anymore. Right. Rather than that, I think what we should be saying is your desire to provide for your family is a noble one. And that should mean, by the way, that you are a good prospect in the labor market. Because it could well be that, as has happened to me too There are certain points where the family needs you to be the breadwinner. Right. And so having that potential. Yes. But it also then allows us to expand through that and say, but yeah, how about a world where actually the best thing for your family is for you to be providing more care.

[Kara Swisher]

Right.

[Richard Reeves]

So that your wife. So expand it.

[Kara Swisher]

But there are the societal things that push against, still to this day, push against it. Even though men are much more participating with their children, it's still not the same. But interestingly, in your book you write, the true cause of male malaise, I believe, is not lack of labor force participation, but the cultural redundancy. So men feel they're no longer needed. Right. In the workplace and the home. I want to hone in on this a little bit. It seems like a lot of women want to share the workplace and share household chores and childcare responsibilities with men. But how do you change things so it doesn't feel redundant? I have to tell you, gay and lesbian couples don't have this problem to the same degree at all. I've noticed among my friends, and I have very different friends, talk a little bit about this idea of cultural redundancy that you were talking about.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah. So the worry I have is that if men start to feel as if they're not economically needed in the same way that their fathers were or their grandfathers were.

[Kara Swisher]

Right. Because women work and women have prospects.

[Richard Reeves]

Because women work and do that. And also they're not culturally needed because we don't actually think there's anything special about the way that men father, for example. And you can think of examples of same sex couples where they're saying, oh, well, that's a very heteronormative idea that we need dads. And so we don't need dads, so we don't need male breadwinners, we don't need dads. Maybe we don't need men to volunteer in the YMCA or Big Brothers, Big Sisters or Boys Clubs because they're all co ed. Most of the volunteers are women, so we don't need you for that either. And to get to a certain point where it's like, okay, so why do we need more mate, More endowed? Had a. Oh, man. Necessary.

[Kara Swisher]

I say that all the time. No, I'm kidding.

[Richard Reeves]

She said, she asked her mom and her mom said, well, we need them for procreation and to lift heavy furniture. Again, very fun, very funny.

[Kara Swisher]

Sounds like a Joan Rivers joke.

[Richard Reeves]

Sounds like a more endowed joke. Yeah. And so that's my fear, is that we end up sending These messages that because of these shifts in the economy in society, we're sort of saying to the guys, okay, we got it from here. Here, we kind of don't need you. And I really feel very strongly that being needed is just incredibly important to human flourishing.

[Kara Swisher]

Right. So you feel irrelevant. You feel irrelevant or pushed to the side in ways that you never had to think of. You were naturally the provider.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah, because it came naturally before the script was there for you. My dad didn't have to think about this. And when he became unemployed, he had to get another job. It wasn't like he didn't have to think about this in a way that we've had to and certainly our sons are having to the kind of need, need for men was sort of clear. And so how do we sustain this idea of needing men as men is needed and essential?

[Kara Swisher]

The same thing.

[Richard Reeves]

Essential gets harder because there are obviously going to be circumstances where you don't have men around. But it's hard to articulate this because you run the risk of. And perhaps I'm feeling particularly self conscious about this because of your situation. Right. So I'm now writing a lot about fathers, for example, the importance of fathers and father figures.

[Kara Swisher]

Right.

[Richard Reeves]

And of male role models and of kind of men and boys lives. But as soon as you do that, you're criticized for being a gender essentialist. No, in saying that there are some.

[Kara Swisher]

I think about that all the time. My brother is very critical to my kids, 100% or Scott. Scott. Oddly enough, one of my sons is really revere Scott. I don't know why, but he does. He's a wonderful, he's given him wonderful adv. Have to say.

[Richard Reeves]

And it's interesting, I don't know what you think about this, but I actually find quite often the same sex couples with children who mostly women actually don't need all that much persuading that having good male role models around is a good idea. Actually weirdly kind of others.

[Kara Swisher]

No, I think it's critical. It's absolutely critical. There's no question about it.

[Richard Reeves]

But I think we're a bit reluctant to say that. I think we're a bit reluctant to say like we need men and we need male role models and men, you know, because of some of the. The challenges we faced around getting to gender equality and the remaining challenges that we still have. I think there's been just this reluctance to articulate this positive vision for men for fear that it will somehow distract.

[Kara Swisher]

I also think it's important for my daughter to have positive male Role models too. I don't think it's just like guys and like learn to pee in the backyard. That's not it. It's a positive role model of men for my daughter, which I think is critical because as many people, I assume she's gonna be straight, right? So she has to have good relationships with men. So one of the solutions you talked steering men towards careers you call heal health, education, administration, literacy, which are teaching and nursing have traditionally been women's jobs and pay less. That's changing a bit. Healthcare is one of the few bright spots in this month's dismal jobs report. For example, so how do you get men to see heal jobs or even being stay at home dad mainly if they have to decouple the idea of being a provider from being a breadwinner. As you mentioned.

[Richard Reeves]

It's interesting you talk about the jobs report. I think it's fascinating that you're seeing this real gap emerging, particularly among graduates, but more generally in male employment and female employment right now. And that does seem to be because of this growth in healthcare and social services. And they skew very female. So what that means is that men are missing out on some job opportunities there. So there is just a straightforward labor market argument here. There's also, I think, an argument which we touched on earlier about it's good for patients and students to have a representative workforce. I don't think it's a good idea if all the nurses are female. All the nurses are male. Right. Because they're going to be serving male and female patients. Same with teachers. And some of these areas have shortages. It's interesting that nursing is the only one to have seen a slight increase in the share of men and also the best paid of all of those professors. So pay is clearly a factor here. But I think the solution is to some extent is to decode these professions. So it's interesting. Early years education has always been seen as quite female. Right? And it's incredibly female. Like we have twice as many women flying fighter jets than men teaching kindergarten as a share of the occupation. Right. And that hasn't really changed. That's not a new thing. But high school, high school teachers used to be very equal, but that's where all of the drop is now. You're down to one in three in high school now and that's where the drop is happening. So you hit these tipping points with occupations. You might have seen some of this in your own work around STEM and tech and so on, that there is some very interesting economic work showing that at a certain point, point around 30%, an occupation just codes as more male or female.

[Kara Swisher]

It does.

[Richard Reeves]

Once you get past that point, you start to see this is. I mean, I think this is consistent with what you find in other areas too. Right. When you get the female share up to a certain point, it seems to then get much easier to attract certain women because it's no longer seen as a male profession that they're going against the grain. Well, the same's the other way around, which is why 23% of teachers being men. Problem. 20% of social workers are male men. 20% of psychologists are men. And so what's happening is they are becoming more female professions. And you're at tipping points now where you're going to have to have scholarships and outreach programs, just as we have for women in stem. We need them for men in heel.

[Kara Swisher]

How do you shift that?

[Richard Reeves]

Well, I look at organizations that have done effective work for women into STEM professions. So take something like the Society of Women Engineers. They've done a fantastic job of advocacy. There are scholarships for women into engineering. There are convenings, there are clubs in schools, there are campaigns. Same in science. Like a picture of scientists changing the images of scientists, et cetera. This hasn't happened by accident. There's federal money to support these initiatives.

[Kara Swisher]

Well, no longer, but yes, yes, okay, not today.

[Richard Reeves]

There has been. And a lot of philanthropy. I mean, we mentioned Melinda French Gates earlier, but she's also put huge amount of money into, you know, scholarships, convenings and advocacy for women into STEM and in particular into tech. Hallelujah. Now show me the equivalent efforts to get men into early education, into education, into healthcare, into social work, into social services, and they just don't exist. But they will, because it is just as much of a problem that we have a massively gendered care workforce and education workforce as it is that we have a gendered tech and engineering workforce. They are both problems and we can deal with people both.

[Kara Swisher]

So if you could start over from scratch today, what would be your ideal definition of what it means to be a man?

[Richard Reeves]

I really like this distinction between immature and mature masculinity. Right. So that's what I'm talking about here when I say being a man. Right. I don't like toxic and non toxic. No one really sensibly likes those terms anymore because I see a lot of the problems that we see in kind of men. They're really problems of immaturity. They're really problems of just like kind of not growing into that role. And Boys don't become men just with the passage of time. It does take work, it takes cultural work. It takes rites of passage more strongly for men than does for women just because of their reproductive role. And so what I see, I see mature masculinity. I being a man is the point where you are contributing more to the tribe, to the group than you are taking, that you can give more than you get. There's a certain point where, whether that's energy or food or money or whatever, it's where actually you, you're a generator of a surplus, right. You're generating more of whatever the thing is that is needed than you need for yourself. And that could be security. I mean, it could be like right now, it could be that you're taking a lot of risks on the Ukrainian border. Right. But one way or another is that you're giving more than you get. I think that's the best definition.

[Kara Swisher]

So mature.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah. When you say he's a grown ass man, right?

[Kara Swisher]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But one of the things you use is, so we should distinguish between the manosphere and the brosphere, explain those differences as you see it and who are the poster man for each. Would you say like Andrew Tate versus Theo Vaughn? Jordan Peters? I don't know. Where does Scott fall? Elon Musk?

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah, Scott. Okay, Well, I put Scott in the bro sphere for sure, along with people like Chris Williamson. I would put Theo Vaughn in there, explain them first.

[Kara Swisher]

So we know how you're putting people in.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah. Okay. Well, I mean, I'm doing this kind of of a little bit off the top of my head. So I think the manosphere should be restricted to the kind of misogynists. Right. To the Andrew Tates, to the folks who are peddling and profiting from misogyny. Misogyny, partly because the term manosphere, a bit like toxic masculinity, if we're not careful, just gets broadened. I actually had a conversation with Gavin Newsom for his podcast and I called him out a little bit. I sort of said at one point, Governor Newsom, you said all these guys online like Jordan Peterson, Andrew Tate and Joe Rogan, and you just can't do that. You can't lump people like that together and be taken seriously by anybody under the age of 30. For a start. Jordan Peterson is one of the fiercest critics of Andrew Tate. I have my own differences with Jordan Peterson, and Joe Rogan is a whole different thing. So I think that the bro sphere is my attempt to describe men who are online talking about issues around men and masculinity in a good faith way and not in a misogynist way. It doesn't mean that they're all going to pass every progressive test. Right? Scott wouldn't pass every progressive test, although he's obviously very left on many issues. But Chris Williamson, Theo Vaughan, Joe Rogan, et cetera, who I just think to just lump them together is to do an injustice to them and to the people that follow them. We should be encouraging those conversations because.

[Kara Swisher]

That'S what we do now. We reduce everything, don't we? Not. Not in just that area. It's everything. And people are much more nuanced than that. So every episode we get a question from an outside expert. Let's listen to yours. Hi, my name is Lauren Greenfield and I'm the filmmaker of social studies. My question for Richard Reeves is what should boys do about the aggressive targeting of body image pressures to them on social media? It used to be more difficult for girls with the body image pressures and the idealized images, but now social media seems to be targeting male body issues so strongly, whether it's the Caucasian body image or having big muscles or working out all the time. So how do you think this is affecting modern masculinity and what should boys do about it? It's a really interesting question. I interviewed her recently and she talked about that and I hadn't thought about it, but of course there's enormous amounts of pressures around male how they look now than ever before. And girls are used to it. Right, thoughts about this?

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah. So there's this term online looks maxing, and it's a serious issue. There's incredibly fast rise embodied dysmorphia issues among boys and men. It's actually one of the issues that my institute is really digging into. We're commissioning research on it right now to understand it better because it's growing very fast. That is not to say that it's at the same level or is the same extent of problems that we already have for girls, but it is trending that way and it does seem to be related to the conversation we're just having, which is this visual online world and this sort of the myths of perfectionism that are propagated by the manosphere types. And here I'm using the term my way, which is that they will say, look, unless you're 6 foot and ripped and also, by the way, you have to make great money, et cetera, then you are not going to get a girlfriend. Right, women.

[Kara Swisher]

The 2080 thing.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah, the 2080 thing, it's so pernicious and it's anti male. They say they're about empowering men. They actually end up disempowering men and making these men feel about themselves. Right. Just as women have historically been made to feel that way by these same. These same interests. So the honest answer is I don't have a good answer at this point other than to raise the awareness of it among parents and public health officials etc, to say this is a real and growing problem. And to boys, I suppose just to try and break this myth, which is the truth, is that of course it's important to take care of yourself. Of course it's important to try and be healthy. But the idea that you won't get a loving partner, assume you're straight for the purposes of this argument, you won't get a loving girlfriend or partner unless you've got these biceps is a myth. It is an absolute anti women myth. Don't fall for it. Other than saying that at this point I'm not quite sure the best way to go and I think it's. It's Lisa Damara is doing good work on this, the adolescent psychologist who's an advisor to us. And so we need to learn a bit more. But the main message of our parents is like don't fall for this crap. That you have to have a perfect body to find a wonderful woman. That is just misogynist bullshit.

[Kara Swisher]

Yeah, it is very anti male actually.

[Richard Reeves]

Very.

[Kara Swisher]

So I just had Lauren on the show last week together with Jack Thorne, the co creator of Netflix adolescence and New York Times writer Matt Richdale talking about the effects of social media on young people of all genders. I'm curious, did you see adolescence or social studies? And if so, so what did you think? Adolescence obviously specifically looks at a young teen man who thinks about this 80, 20 rule, et cetera, and ends up devastating results.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah, so I mean a couple of things. One is what I think adolescence does a good job of is just exposing people to this world that they might not otherwise be aware of, that their sons and others will be aware of. And some of the myths that are being propagated. I think this sort of speaks to a difference. This technological shock that we've had is actually, I think the way I think about this is that it's the very relational nature of social media has actually had certain impacts for girls around body image, as we mentioned, but also now for boys, but also bullying, online bullying. Whereas for boys it's more about isolation. It actually kind of displaces other activity. And so it makes them more isolated because of course he's actually bullied online very badly by the girl kind of in question. That's good. What's bad is if people take what is obviously a work of fiction and overstate how much those things are actually happening in kind of real life, it's generated a little bit of a moral panic. There was even moment where the UK government was talking about showing adolescents in every school, which is a terrible idea which I think thankfully has died.

[Kara Swisher]

Yes, it's a terrible. The kids will laugh at us.

[Richard Reeves]

Terrible idea because the boys will see that coming. I mean, violent crime rates are generally down. And so what you don't want to do is to say to every boy you incel. Yeah. That there's a monster being formed in every bedroom where a boy is looking at the screen that will just drive more of these boys away from the conversation.

[Kara Swisher]

Is there a difference between boys and girls? You said boys are more isolated, girls are more. More bullied.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah, that's my sense of it. I mean, actually, Scott and John Haidt and I just had a conversation about this on his other show and John Hight has a chapter on boys in his book the Anxious Generation. And the way I think he would agree with this is that with girls the harm is more direct because you're getting this bullying, you're getting this relationality, these body image issues. For the boys, I think it's a bit more indirect in the sense that it's displacing other things. So you can spend so much time on porn or gaming or scrolling or YouTub that that's not as directly harmful to boys. But what it is doing is it's taking away from the other activities. So the in real life stuff. And so it's more of a displacement effect for boys. So in other words, if I'm the parent of girls, I'm really, really anxious about what she's looking at. When I'm a parent of boys, of course, I'm also partly worried about that, but I'm more worried about how long he's doing it and what else he could be doing instead. And so I think it's as what I mean, it's actually weirdly more isolating for boys. It's the very relationality of social media that makes it so damaging for girls. But in some ways for boys, it quite often goes the other way and it pulls them relationality, which is damaging in a different way.

[Kara Swisher]

We'll be back in a minute. Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start.

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[Kara Swisher]

Collagen, smoothies and cold plunges, Pilates classes and fitness trackers. But what does it actually mean to be well? Why do we want that so badly? And is all this money really making us healthier and happier? That's this month on Explain It To Me, presented by Pure Leaf.

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[Kara Swisher]

Let's move on to politics, boys and men have become political issue. It's the political issue. You and Scott have both criticized Democrats for not speaking out about the issue. Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Walsh, who seemed to be the epitome of the kind of man you want to see more of, a former teacher and coach, a family man, public servant. Why did that not win young men over where Trump did? Who was. I mean, I don't again, I also don't like to use the word toxic masculinity, but he's like the dictionary version of a toxic man.

[Richard Reeves]

Well, I think it also speaks into this immaturity point as well. There is a certain teenage energy around some of these kind of reactions that you see on the right. Some of it just feels like immature to me. But as far as far as the left is concerned, I think the Democrats had an opportunity to talk about this issue in a really solutions focused way. And I actually wrote this, I said, look, if you're going to have someone come out and say, we need a campaign for more male teachers, we need a Coach for America program to get more men. We need men to step up in terms of service. We need a mental Health service that really reaches our young men because this crisis of suicide among our young men cannot happen. And by the way, we're going to do all this stuff for women as well. Waltz would have been a good person to talk about that. But he didn't, he didn't, he didn't, he didn't say anything like what I just said. That was the problem. Not who he was, but what he didn't say. What they didn't say throughout the entire campaign. And then of course now because of the gender gap we saw among young voters, they just lost young men the last election. Now of course I think a kind of pennies dropped on the Democrat side and you're seeing serious people take it seriously. But, but up until the election, candidly it was like banging your head against a brick wall. Everything I've just said about male teachers, male suicide, et cetera, you couldn't get a mention of that from anywhere in the Democratic party.

[Kara Swisher]

So that said, there were Bernie Bros and there really are Bernie Bros. There are some up and coming leaders in the Democratic Party who are doing well with young voters and men like Zoran Mandani, my sons adore him. Like there's something he's doing that is very attractive to them and it's not cuz they're particularly left wing or right, you know what I mean? Like, it's just his messaging is really hit with all young people and young men. Who else are you seeing in the Democratic Party could bring young men back to the fold? You mentioned Governor Newsom's executive order in Westmore and does it have to be a man necessarily?

[Richard Reeves]

I don't think it has to be a man. In fact, I was very impressed with the way that Governor Whitmer used her own long standing support for women as a way to insulate herself against the criticism that by focusing on men she was somehow going over to the dark side and she'd become an overnight misogynist. She said, look, I'm increasingly worried about men. She's instructed her own administration to work on that. So women have that advantage. They're harder to immediately paint as a potential misogynist. But I also think that there is something about men being a kind of the kind of guy that men can look up to. And it's interesting around Mamdani is like even men who don't agree with him politically, young men are like, they admire his authenticity, they admire his courage. He very much seems his own man, to use that very old fashioned phrase. And they like that. It's one of the things they like about some of the people on the right, including people like Trump, is that agree or disagree. And there's no real shift in policy views. He seems like his own man, and there's something about that. That's one of the reasons I think Bernie has been so consistently popular among young men. But you are seeing politicians like Wesmore really doing the young men's research initiative that you mentioned earlier. They've polled on this and they have found him doing really pretty well among young men, too. And I think that's probably partly because of what he says, but also I think as a former paratrooper, a father, etc. Etc. He occupies an imaginative space, too. That's probably important for the Democrats. The Democrats need to talk about it.

[Kara Swisher]

Is there anybody else you mentioned? Newsom's trying, trying his best, but are there others?

[Richard Reeves]

Newsom's just put out the most comprehensive executive order on boys and men. And what I like so far about what all these Democrats are doing is that they're not really performing around it. They're not challenging JG Vance to a debate about what real masculinity is. They're not doing culture war stuff. What they're doing is they're governing around it. And in the long. I actually think if they can credibly say two young men, look, we've noticed we care about you. And here are all the things we are doing. Here are all the campaigns that we're running. And they went on substance then, because the problem that the right has had is even if they have managed to make young men feel seen and heard and like, they haven't done a lot for them, they haven't done anything. I think that's how you win, is by saying either side could do this. It's just to say, we see you, we like you, we're worried, we're concerned about you, we need you, you. And here's all the stuff we're doing for you. It's just that that's an open goal, I think.

[Kara Swisher]

Or we're going to do for you, in Mandani's case, like, even $8 halal is like, oh, I'd like that. Or, you know, I'm going to get you better housing, I'm going to get you all the things.

[Richard Reeves]

It's substance.

[Kara Swisher]

Yeah.

[Richard Reeves]

So I think, like, if we can, if we can agree that the problems of boys and men are real, that tackling them doesn't mean not also doing work for women and girls, that we rise together, then the next step is do Something about it. And very interesting how many governors now are saying, we are actually going to do more to try and attract more male teachers. And if it works and they start to publicize them, I think a lot of families, boys, men, mothers and fathers will be saying hallelujah, thank you. Because that's not a partisan thing. That's just, oh, you've noticed and you're doing something about it.

[Kara Swisher]

I'm going to shift over to artificial intelligence, including bots, and sort of impact on jobs. Could it level the playing field in your mind, for example, in the job market, or will it exacerbate job losses? Because these are all the jobs that men tend to dominate. A lot of the jobs are being targeted in that regard.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah, I think anybody looking at this has to just say they don't know. And there are many people who look much harder at it than me. I'm struck right now, as we discussed earlier, that we're seeing that actually healthcare and social care of these areas that actually still growing. And at least to some extent they are not going to be as easy easy to AI, but we'll see long run. I feel like a lot of the jobs that are most vulnerable to AI right now could be things like paralegals, administrators, healthcare finance administrators, type things and they spew quite female. And so actually I think it's quite possible that at least in this kind of more immediate term that it could affect women or I think we just don't know what the effects are going to be generally and we certainly don't know what the gender effects are going to be. But I think one thing we can be reasonably sure of is that can care is going to require humans. And so for me, what that does, it makes it even more important that we try to break down the gender stereotypes about caring professions.

[Kara Swisher]

Absolutely. So one of the things I just mentioned was the AI companions. You know, the first time it got a lot of attention was in the sci fi film her, when Joaquin Phoenix falls in love with his AI operating system voiced by Scarlett Johansson. Do you see this as a way to fill the friendship void for men, which you've written about, or does that lead to more. More, as you said, isolation and maybe more suicide? More. And I have interviewed the mother of the young man who committed suicide who was using character AI and got too close to his bot and was suggesting suicidal ideation to this young man. Allegedly. Do you see that as a good thing or cause men. The friendship men thing is real. Right. And this idea of man keeping. You saw that new York Times thing. Women feel they have to do. Man keeping. There's got to be a way for men to have more friends, Right? Because women from every statistic have more friends, have more emotional connections, have less of a need for an AI friend, right?

[Richard Reeves]

That's right, yeah. I mean, the joke is that the men are going to fall for AI girlfriends, but the women are going to want AI husbands who listen better and are more empathetic. And I have one friend who's already trying to. No more man keeping.

[Kara Swisher]

Yep.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah, exactly. So it's very interesting to me how gendered even that discussion is, but I worry that it will be an apparent solution, a real problem. So the problem of lack of male connection is real. The problem that it's actually still that male spaces are not necessarily celebrated. And so there's this suspicion, skepticism, which we've got to get past, because actually finding ways for men to spend time, not least with each other doing something, because men usually have to do something to spend time together is incredibly important. And with AI, what I worry is that it'll be. Be just good enough to feel like it's filling the vacuum, but never good enough to actually fill the vacuum. And so in that sense, one of the problems is the better the technology gets at blunting our feelings of loneliness and making us feel less lonely, the worse the isolation gets because we then don't feel motivated to get up and get out and go and make real friends.

[Kara Swisher]

Because it gives us enough, right?

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah, yeah. And so in a sense, it's like just good enough to be really bad.

[Kara Swisher]

Right. So that you don't make those connections which are critical. Because men, Men without connections are much more dangerous than women without connections. It's historically and everything else that's correct. Two last questions. Of all this data you've seen recently, what has intrigued you the most? You now have all this money to study different things. What do you think is the most important thing to study right now?

[Richard Reeves]

We've mentioned one which is body image issues. An obvious one. One is what's happening to men around education, especially higher education. We don't still quite understand what's happening around the male enrollment problems in higher education. Quite understand why men aren't going to college. We have theories, we don't really understand that. So digging much more deeply into that, because that's a huge issue. Understanding how more vocational forms of learning would be important. I think understanding and researching the narratives around fatherhood, that's something. Something I'm already investing in, which is. I just think it's very important that the stories that we tell about fathers and their roles is hugely, hugely, hugely important. And what's happening with male teachers, like what's the bottleneck? What's the pipeline? What works to get more men into our teaching and caring professions? I think that's an incredibly important research frontier. And the last thing I'll say is that this whole area of service, which a lot of the Democrat governors we've talked about have mentioned, but what's happening with the decline in. In the number of men stepping up to be volunteers in big brothers, big sisters, ymca, et cetera. I think this issue about men feeling like they're needed is important. There's this famous phrase that, you know, I think Hillary Clinton made it famous, which is that it takes a village to raise a child. I think that's true, but we need to be important to add that some of the villages do have to be men. And work shows that kind of when there are communities with men involved, the boys do better. And so there's something about service.

[Kara Swisher]

Don't you think probably all the panic around pedophiles is part of that? That the right.

[Richard Reeves]

I think it's part of it. And I understand that safety is paramount in those organizations. I totally get that. It's a bit like the fear of abduction, stopping people from letting their kids play outside. I get it. It's important. But like all of these things, we have to hold it in tension with the costs of not doing it. It is a problem. It's one of the reasons why men don't do it.

[Kara Swisher]

Agreed. I just think the right has stoked the pedophile qanon thing in a way. Way that's infected everyone.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah, that is. I mean, I just, I mentioned that my son is, you know, my son's a teacher and I was. He's only done his a year and I asked other male teachers for advice to give him going and especially as a male teacher in his case, fifth grade. And the most common advice was we'll make sure that the classroom door has a window in it.

[Kara Swisher]

Yeah. Incredible.

[Richard Reeves]

It does. And that's important. But it was very interesting to me that that was the most consistent theme.

[Kara Swisher]

Well, the assumption is, is every man is a rapist. Right.

[Richard Reeves]

Which is not the case. It's really, really worrying.

[Kara Swisher]

Yeah, I can see it. I can see it. And even as a parent, you do it and I'm always like slapping myself to stop it. And I know it's cause it's the infection that comes. And not to belittle the problem of pedophilia, which I think is probably more prevalent in lots of ways, or child abuse, but I think it does affect men in a lot of ways more than we realize. So based on everything we talked about, if you were giving one piece of advice to my Gen Z sons who are just about to the job market, the marriage market, the housing market, what would it be and what advice do you have? For me, as a parent of boys, I think I'm pretty good at it, but I don't know. What do you think?

[Richard Reeves]

I'm sure you are. The thing that's most important is to have the. Feel the wind in your own sails. My mother's Welsh, and there's a word in Welsh which is hwyll, H Y W L hwyl. And what it means is literally that, like, having the wind in your sails, having agency. And I actually know some of my own sons, they're kind of making distinctions between the people who have agency and the people who don't. And in a sense, what you're doing, as long as it's positive, is kind of less important than that you're doing it and you're under your own steam. And so I think that's the thing I've always thought about my own sons is like, they're doing their own thing. And I think what both young men and young women are looking for, and I think young women are looking for in young men, assuming they're straight, is this guy's doing stuff. Stuff. This guy's about stuff. And what the stuff is, is kind of less important. And what we want these young men to kind of feel is our joy in them, our appreciation of them, not despite being men, but because they're men. Right. And the unique gifts that that brings to them. And to celebrate their maleness, if you like, without in any way saying that's somehow better than or dominant than I. I use this line, which. Which is that. And again, this assumes that my sons are straight, which is. And so I said, look, I wanted them to have the courage to ask a girl out, the grace to always accept no for an answer, and then the responsibility to make sure that either way she got home safely. And I think that's okay. Like, I'm aware that there's stuff we could argue about. And then, okay, it was like your agency, you totally recognize you have no sense of entitlement or rights over women or anything like that, but also a sense of, like, being protective of people who are more vulnerable than you. Like, that's not horrible. That's not horrib of masculinity. And I want all of our young kind of boys and men to kind of feel like we love them for that. We don't pathologize them for that.

[Kara Swisher]

Yeah. I'm remembering the first time my son got drunk. You know, the ninth grade drunk thing. The only way I made him feel bad was like, there was a girl there. And I said, did you protect your friend who was there also drunk? Because girls are much more. And he felt so bad.

[Richard Reeves]

So bad. Actually, Obama was good on this recently, too. This protective instinct thing. Again, you have to modernize it, but we should be modernizing these masculine instincts.

[Kara Swisher]

Protect your friend.

[Richard Reeves]

Protection's good, right?

[Kara Swisher]

Yeah. Yeah. And what advice for me is one of the things I've learned as a parent of boys is how vulnerable men are, really, when I think about it, like, they're much more so. Honestly, much more so than my daughter in a lot of ways. And that was a real revelation.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah. Ruth Whitman's book, Boy mom, is very good on this, too. The boys are a little bit bit more fragile developmentally and so on, too. And I use that word advisedly because I don't want them to hear that the wrong way, but right. But that actually, like, if anything, boys need a bit more attention and love, not less, to grow. And I think that's right. And we've not kind of realized that very often enough, and we have to do it in the right way. But to make again, it's come back with a point we've had earlier, which is that in order to sort of succeed in getting closer to gender equality, we've got to make our sons and daughters feel like we've got our arms around both of them, we've got both of their backs. And I think that we haven't quite done a good enough job of that with our boys and young men recently. And parents, I think, are really like you. Absolutely. We're doing the best we can, and we're helping our boys feel great not only about being humans, but feel great about being a boy or a girl. It's amazing.

[Kara Swisher]

Yeah, absolutely. Anyway, Richard, thank you so much. The work you're doing is really important, I think, and I really appreciate you taking talking to me. On with Kara Swisher is produced by Christian Castor, Roselle, Kateri Yocum, Megan Burney, Lissa Sop and Kalyn Lynch. Nishat Kurwa is Vox Media's executive producer of podcasts. Special thanks to Rosemarie Ho. Our engineers are Rick Kwan and Fernando Arruda. And our theme music is by Trackademics. If you're already following the show, you have the the wind in your sails. If not, man up or woman up. Whatever you want to do. Go wherever you listen to podcasts, search for on with Kara Swisher and hit follow. Thanks for listening to on with Kara Swisher from Podium Media, New York Magazine, the Vox Media Podcast Network, and us. We'll be back on Monday with more.