In this conversation, Shaun sits down with adoptee and author Jay Barbanel to explore the complexities of identity, belonging, and healing through adoption.

Jay shares his unique story—from being adopted out of Costa Rica with his brother, to the traumatic separation that followed, to his later-life journey of rediscovering his roots. Through therapy, self-reflection, and a courageous search for answers, Jay reconnects with his biological family and ultimately redefines what “home” means.

This episode offers a nuanced look at adoption as both beautiful and painful, and encourages listeners to embrace the full spectrum of the adoptee experience.

Key Themes & Takeaways

Adoption is both beautiful and painful It doesn’t have to be one or the other—both can exist together in a healthy, meaningful way.
Identity is always evolving Jay describes identity as a “revolving door”—something that changes as we choose what to hold onto.
The importance of owning your story Every adoptee has a right to their full story—even the hard parts.
Reunion is powerful, but emotionally complex Jay’s search for his biological family was life-changing, but also overwhelming and deeply intense.
Healing requires openness and support Having safe people (friends, family, therapists) is essential when processing adoption experiences.
Home is not always a place Home can be people, relationships, or even the understanding you develop of yourself.

About Our Guest

Jay Barbanel is an adoptee, speaker, and author of Finding Tico, a memoir that explores his journey of identity, trauma, and reunion.

Born in Costa Rica and adopted at age 3, Jay spent much of his life believing his adoption story was closed—until adulthood, when unexpected discoveries led him on a powerful search for his roots and reconnection with biological family.

He now shares his story to help others navigate identity, belonging, and personal healing.

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