Podcast Summary: Overcoming Distractions – Thriving with ADHD, ADD

Episode: Uncovering Emotional Dysregulation in Women with ADHD with Dr. Gilly Kahn
Host: Dave Greenwood
Guest: Dr. Gilly Kahn, Clinical Psychologist and ADHD Specialist
Date: February 1, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode tackles the often-overlooked topic of emotional dysregulation in women with ADHD, inspired by guest Dr. Gilly Kahn’s newly released book, Allow Me to Interrupt. Host Dave Greenwood and Dr. Kahn explore how ADHD manifests differently in women, the unique challenges faced by women professionals, and strategies for managing ADHD-driven emotional difficulties. Both stress that emotional dysregulation is a crucial part of the ADHD experience for all genders—yet, systemic bias and misconceptions still leave many women underdiagnosed and unsupported.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Gendered Experience and Diagnostic Gap

• Biased Diagnostic Criteria
  • Dave notes the stereotype: “us boys were ripping apart the classroom… girls might have just been kind of staring out the window” [05:10].
  • Dr. Kahn passionately objects:

    “The ADHD criteria is written mostly for and on boys...it doesn't represent men well either because it's focused more on children. But it's definitely biased in terms of the sex that's represented and the sample that was used to develop the criteria.” ([05:57])

  • Misperceptions in public and professional settings stem from research instruments based on male-centric criteria, resulting in late or missed diagnoses for many women [07:07-07:48].
• How ADHD Presents in Women
  • Girls display more inattentive symptoms—often mislabeled as “daydreamers” rather than recognized as having ADHD [08:22].
  • Reactive or emotionally expressive girls are frequently written off as "rude” or having personality flaws, referencing the “Taming of the Shrew” stereotype [09:41].
  • This misunderstanding leads to many women receiving an ADHD diagnosis only in adulthood, often in their 30s, 40s or 50s [05:09, 11:08].

Emotional Dysregulation as Central to ADHD

• Why It’s Undervalued
  • Traditionally overshadowed by behavioral symptoms like impulsivity or inattention, emotion regulation issues are now recognized as core to ADHD—especially for women [04:24].
  • Both men and women experience emotional dysregulation, but the intersection of hormonal cycles, societal pressures, and career demands makes women’s experiences complex.
• Real-World Professional Impact
  • Dave emphasizes that “every week isn’t the same for a lot of people,” challenging the idea that ADHD is just “being distracted, late, or losing keys” [18:36].
  • Emotional ups and downs—sometimes exacerbated by criticism or workplace stress—can affect everything from productivity to retention in demanding roles.

Hormones and the ADHD Experience

• Monthly Cycles and Symptom Variability
  • Dr. Kahn gives an unfiltered description of the menstrual cycle’s impact on ADHD symptoms:

    “...there’s the follicular phase, and then there’s the luteal phase, which is the last two weeks of the month. That’s where things start to go downhill, because your body’s kind of like, ‘fuck you because you didn’t get pregnant’…estrogen and dopamine are kind of like best friends…when estrogen goes up, you have more dopamine…as you're getting into the luteal phase…your estrogen is decreasing...if you have ADHD already, then that’s going to look like you’re going to feel like more of a mess compared to the average.” ([14:25-15:40])

  • Symptoms intensify near menstruation, during perimenopause, and after childbirth (linking to postpartum depression) [17:27].
• Compounding Realities for Working Mothers
  • Managing both career and children is significantly harder for women with ADHD, due to the cognitive and emotional demands multiplied by fluctuating hormones [17:27-18:36].

Overlapping Medical Issues

• Chronic Pain, Migraines, and ADHD
  • Women with ADHD experience higher rates of chronic pain, migraines (linked to estrogen fluctuations), and risks of conditions like PCOS [19:54-20:44, 24:47].
  • Lifestyle factors (irregular eating, poor sleep, chaos) further worsen these comorbidities [21:25-22:02].

Chronic Stress and Burnout

• Vicious Cycle
  • ADHD’s inherent tendency toward procrastination and overwhelm breeds chronic stress. Unmanaged, it leads to greater health issues, strain, and emotional exhaustion for both genders [22:02-23:46].
  • External life changes—parent illness, the addition of children—may trigger new or previously unnoticed ADHD symptoms, requiring new strategies [26:58-27:50].

Strategies for Managing Emotional Dysregulation

• Multimodal Approaches
  • Medication: Stimulants or targeted hormonal interventions (e.g., continuous birth control for women with pronounced hormonal symptoms—always under medical supervision) [24:47].
  • Therapy and Coaching: While not for everyone, professional support helps develop adaptive responses to stress and emotion regulation [29:37-30:56].
  • Self-Compassion & Planning: Dr. Kahn advocates working with not against your fluctuating capacity:

    “During the weeks when I’m feeling like I’m doing well, I capitalize on that time… during the few days where it’s harder for me, I’m allowed to take it easy because I’ve already done the difficult stuff.” [25:19]

  • Practical Environment Changes: Adjusting work hours, seeking out help for caregiving, or taking deliberate steps to reduce demands (“takes a tribe…may be better for you to cut down on your hours or to change the obligations” [28:43]).
  • Intentional Control vs. Reactive Living

    "You've got to exert some agency over your present circumstances...because I think a lot of people with ADHD...we just respond to certain things rather than try to be a little more intentional." – Dave [30:30, 30:56]

Professional Life and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)

• Understanding RSD
  • Dr. Kahn introduces RSD, describing it as “extreme sensitivity to perceived or actual criticism by others” [32:30].
  • This is especially debilitating in high-visibility workplaces (“if you struggle with regulating your emotions and with executive functioning issues, then you're going to need privacy. Finding a time to go to the bathroom or step outside or sit in your car and just decompress...” [33:19-34:24]).
• Self-Awareness and Self-Compassion
  • Recognizing RSD is the first step—“give yourself a chance to step away…allow your big emotions to come down and then decide...what do I have control over?” [33:19]
  • Dave highlights the tendency to ruminate following criticism:

    “A lot of us in the situation you described, that would literally like, control us for two or three days…it's completely taken up too much space in your head.” ([34:58])

  • Dr. Kahn emphasizes: “Or even just let yourself feel your feelings.” ([35:26])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The ADHD criteria is written mostly for and on boys...it doesn't represent men well either because it's focused more on children.” – Dr. Gilly Kahn [05:57]
• “You know, as long as the criteria remain as they are and they're not representative of women too, and adults generally, then there's going to continue to be this chain reaction of misunderstanding because even the providers are confused.” – Dr. Gilly Kahn [12:00]
• “Every week isn’t the same for a lot of people.” – Dave [18:36]
• “Estrogen and dopamine are kind of like best friends…” – Dr. Gilly Kahn [14:59]
• “During the weeks when I’m feeling like I’m doing well, I capitalize on that time…and then during the few days where it’s harder for me, I’m allowed to take it easy because I’ve already done the difficult stuff.” – Dr. Gilly Kahn [25:19]
• “You’ve got to exert some agency over your present circumstances…because I think a lot of people with ADHD…we just respond to certain things rather than try to be a little more intentional.” – Dave [30:30]
• “I write a lot about in my book…rejection sensitivity dysphoria, RSD…people with ADHD tend to display this extreme sensitivity to perceived or actual criticism by others.” – Dr. Gilly Kahn [32:30]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:34] Emotional dysregulation relevant to men as well; book background
• [05:10] Stereotypes in ADHD presentation, gendered school experiences
• [07:07] Diagnostic bias and research flaws
• [13:02] Hormonal cycles and professional life for women with ADHD
• [14:59] Relationship between estrogen, dopamine, and ADHD symptoms
• [17:27] Hormonal events across a woman’s life (e.g., PMS, postpartum, perimenopause)
• [19:54] Comorbidities: Chronic pain, migraine, and ADHD in women
• [22:02] Chronic stress, domino effect of ADHD overwhelm
• [24:47] Strategies—medication, hormonal support, self-compassion
• [30:30] Taking agency over your own situation vs reacting passively
• [32:30] Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria in the workplace
• [35:26] Letting yourself feel your emotions, practical self-care

Final Takeaways

• Women with ADHD face unique and amplified challenges at the intersection of misdiagnosis, hormonal realities, and professional demands.
• Emotion regulation is not a secondary or “lesser” ADHD symptom—it’s central and should be acknowledged in treatment and self-management.
• Late diagnosis is common, but self-awareness and intentional strategies—ranging from medical to environmental—can restore agency and quality of life.
• Workplace struggles like RSD are legitimate and widespread—self-compassion and permission to pause are powerful tools.

Resources

• Allow Me to Interrupt by Dr. Gilly Kahn
• Dr. Kahn’s website: drgillicon.com
• Instagram: @drgillicon

The episode blends evidence-based insight with real-world relatability and encouragement, making it invaluable for women and anyone navigating the complexities of ADHD and emotional regulation at work or home.