← Parenting in a Tech World
Parenting in a Tech World
Dr. Carrie Mackensen on Brain Science, Tech Boundaries, and Raising Resilient Kids
00:42:25
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- [00:00]
A
Today we are joined by Dr. Carrie MacKenzie, a clinical psychologist turned parent coach and founder of Successful parent. With a PhD in individual family and child psychology and 25 years of clinical experience, Dr. Carey brings both professional expertise and real world experience. As a mom of two boys, she's become a trusted voice in helping families navigate one of the biggest challenges of our time. Raising emotionally healthy, resilient kids in a screen saturated world. Through her substack newsletter, parent coaching and speaking engagements, she blends neuroscience, attachment theory and practical tools to help parents set healthy tech boundaries and build stronger family connections. Today, we'll be diving into her journey from clinical psychologist to parent coach. The science behind why screens are so impactful in developing brains and. And what's new for successful parent. All right, Dr. Carey, I. This year, like 2026 has been the year of Dr. Carrie MacKenzie. Like, I'm like, you know how you just like, meet people and you're like, yep, you're my people. And I'm just like, all in.
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B
I felt that way about you when I met you and the whole group of women, we got together.
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A
My people, yeah, 100%. And so I was like, we need everybody to hear about what you're doing, what you're about. Because honestly, I needed it. My son's 17. I wish, I wish I could go back in time and like, meet you back then when he was like 3, 4, 5. It would have been, would have been better for all of us. But can't go back in time.
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B
We can't.
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A
We can only help the people that we can help moving forward. So for anyone who doesn't know you yet, like, I, you know, obviously, fangirling, um, let's get them up to speed about why I'm fangirling. Share about your background and what led you from clinical psychology to parent coaching.
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B
First of all, I want to say thank you for having me. It's a joy to sit down with you, always enjoy talking with you. My journey is a bit backwards, going from clinical psychology into parent coaching. I have a PhD in individual family and child psychology. As you mentioned, I've served as an attending psychologist at Cedars Sinai Hospital. I had a private practice in Beverly Hills in Manhattan Beach. I served as clinical director of addiction treatment programs in Beverly Hills, eating disorder treatment programs in Rancho Palos Verdes. I've taught, I've done the gamut of the clinical spectrum, and I truly love psychology. It's so applicable to life. But here's what I started noticing. A lot of families, they weren't troubled families. There Was no pathology going on. They were capable, loving parents who simply needed some basic guidance on how do I understand what's going on with my child right now? What's happening in their brain? How do I help them tonight? And so I wanted to shift from clinical psych to parent coaching. Clinical is about treatment. Coaching is about clear guidance and empowerment.
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A
I need help now. That's the sentiment from so many parents. They don't have time to wait three weeks just to get in to see a specialist. Nor do they even realize what they're dealing with. The addiction science, the brain science, the dopamine, the addictive algorithms, and we'll get into all of that. But we need more parent coaches with your background, and you might be the only one, at least that I'm familiar with, so in demand. And your impressive clinical background. I mean, you just referenced Cedars Sinai, but that, you know, big deal. Big deal. Residential treatment programs, private practice in Beverly Hills. Do you recall a time when you realized that digital devices were at the center of what you were seeing in kids?
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B
Yes. It was 2014. In private practice, I had parents coming to me describing kids who were emotionally explosive. Now, kids have big feelings because they don't have a fully developed prefrontal cortex to help calm those emotions down yet. That's our job as a parent. Right. But what the parents were explaining was much more than when I first started going into schools in 1997.
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A
Wow.
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B
Additionally, they were describing kids who, they had a one track mind. They, they wanted to be on their devices. They lost joy with other things in life and something that the other people had not connected for them. That I think I was able to do because in my practice, I really slowed parents down. I don't think we can fully understand what's going on with a kid unless we fully understand what's going on in their environment. So I would ask parents, walk me through your child's typical day from when they wake up until they go to bed. And the same pattern continued to show up hours upon hours on digital devices, whether an iPad, a smartphone, video games. Now the time. We didn't have any research. So if I'd known you when your son was three, we didn't have any research. That's fair. That showed what these interactive screens were doing to the developing brain.
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A
Yeah.
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B
But because I'd worked in the field of addiction, I started noticing the way these parents described their kids was very similar, eerily similar to the way parents describe their kids when they checked them into my rehab. Wow. So I said to this Family in my practice. I don't have any research to back this up, but I have a hunch your nine year old son, out of control. Great parents, great family. He's been to multiple psychologists, diagnosed with adhd, questionable oppositional defiant disorder, medicated. And not improving is the key. I said, bear with me. Would you be willing to try a digital detox? They're like, what is a digital detox? Never heard of this. Dr. Carey. So we want to remove all the devices from your house because he's spending hours upon hours every day and I'm curious to see what happens when we pull that back and replace that time with more of your presence and real world activities. Now, they were skeptical, but this particular family was on the verge of ruin. The parents were about to divorce. It was very stressful. So they said, we'll do anything. Yeah. I won't sugarcoat it. The first five days were rough because they didn't just remove their nine year old son's iPad and video games. There was a 13 year old daughter who had her smartphone and then their younger son was 6 or 7, also on an iPad. We removed everybody's devices.
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A
Smart and painful.
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B
It was painful for them. And day five, they were about to throw in the towel. I said, stay in there a little bit longer. Two days later, glimmers of hope. Okay. Kids were getting along a little better. Their son was responding to them more positively. That gave them enough juice to go a little bit longer. At the end of week two, they called me up and they said, Dr. Cary. And I could hear the tears in their, in their eyes. Their voice cracked. We got our son back. He's back. Their son didn't need a diagnosis. He needed the devices removed. Now that particular boy eventually got off his ADHD medication in place of all the time he was spending on screens. Started playing guitar. Took up running with his dad. That love for running eventually led to a partial scholarship to college. Real life skills. The family healed. And so after that family in our own home, I had a two year old and a newborn at the time. I said, we're not getting iPads.
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A
Yeah.
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That was the proof I needed. And then I continued to do it with families after that. Kids didn't get just a little bit better. Many kids did a 180 from where they were before the digital detox.
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A
Dr. Carey. I've heard this story before and I'm still like, I'm trying not to cry because I can relate to it personally.
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B
Yeah.
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A
And so many families are dealing with this.
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B
Yes. It's Rampant.
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A
Oh, my gosh. Okay, so can you help parents understand why these screens affect children much like alcohol or drugs? What's happening in the brain? And not only help parents understand, but maybe help them help their kids understand. Hey, this is why we're having this much trouble, right?
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B
I like to simplify the brain. Yes, Neuroscience is very complex. There's a lot of academic jargon and simple, basic, easy, allows you to understand it and then implement strategies to work with it. Okay, so I like to divide the brain into two parts. Very complex system. Let's split it up. We have our emotional brain. That's the middle part of the brain, the limbic system.
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A
Girl, do I.
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B
We all do. And we know our kids do. And that's the part that's really well developed in our kids, their emotional center. This is the part where their reward center is that dopamine that we've all heard about in relation to these devices. This is where fear, anxiety, big emotions come from. That's one part of the brain. The other part of the brain, the thinking brain, the prefrontal cortex. This is what we as parents are trying to develop. Yes. This is what allows our kids to pay attention and sustain focus, to control their impulses, to manage those big feelings, to think about other people and make good decisions. This is what we want to help our kids develop. Screens. Interactive screens, where your child is tapping, swiping, clicking. They simultaneously rev up the emotional brain while shutting down the thinking brain. Why does that happen? Blood flow. These screens hijack that emotional brain, cause an inordinate amount of dopamine to flood the brain. So that's where the blood flow goes. So it shunts blood flow away from the thinking brain. So when parents try to reason with their kids, when they're having a meltdown around not getting more screen time or being able to use their screenshots, they're trying to reason with someone whose thinking brain is temporarily offline. This is why interactive screens are causing our kids to do that Jekyll Hyde thing. It's not your child, it's your child's brain on screens.
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A
So for parents like me who have a 17 year old and have not made all the right choices with regulating and detox. Is it too late?
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B
It is never too late. So our brains also have. Here, I said I'll simplify thing. Here's an academic jargon word for you. Here's your 10 cent word. Neuroplasticity.
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A
Oh, praise Jesus. Sorry, but like, I'm just so happy about that.
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B
Neuroplasticity means the brain is moldable, it's changeable. So for any parent out there listening, if you think it's too late, devices have taken over. My kid is so emotionally dysregulated, there's no hope. There is hope. There is always hope. And what the brain does is what the brain becomes. Now, if your kids have been on these devices a lot longer and, and they've been really engaged and they've had more extreme content, it may take a little longer for those dopamine levels in the brain to reset to real life. But it is possible. And you get your kid back and your kid gets to then reach their full potential, feel good about themselves and thrive. It really is a win win.
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A
Have you seen families that have older children that are maybe at a place where they can actually be bought into this as well and not be forced?
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B
100% great. Yes. And so when I work with families, I'm mostly working with the parent. Yeah. So my goal is to guide the parent to enforce these things with their kids regardless of age. Yeah. And to your point, when they're older, you gotta have the buy in. Yeah. And explaining the brain science to kids, helping them understand that not only are these screens hijacking their brain and limiting their potential, getting in the way of what they want to achieve in life, you want to explain that to them, but you also want to explain how it's working. But you know what really gets kids to buy? In the fact that they feel that they're being used by billion dollar tech companies. Those companies know they're harming the developing brain and they do it anyway.
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A
They do it anyway.
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And they're doing it for profit. They don't care about the kids. And when kids get that, they don't want to be somebody's punk.
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No.
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They want to stand up and say, wait a minute, I'm in charge of my destiny. I'm in charge of my life. I'm not going to make some tech bro rich up in Silicon Valley. Right. I want to be the captain of my own ship and create my own success and wealth. And spending seven hours a day on a device is going to limit me. So I work with parents to know how to talk to their kids to get their kids to buy in. I also go into middle schools and I talk with students themselves. And I have great stories about after getting kids buying themselves, they come back to me and they're like, Dr. Carey, you inspired me. I got off social media for the full week and I'm feeling so much better. I read 400 pages in my book. They feel the difference and that's the key. So it's really important that we don't come in as parents and just say don't do this, don't do that, because I. Because I said so.
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A
Yeah.
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B
That never worked.
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A
No, it doesn't.
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B
Didn't work on me.
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A
Nope.
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Doesn't work on our kids. Right. We want their buy in and if they experience for themselves how they feel better with less screen time, then they're motivated. So. So when I guide parents on how to have this conversation, I start with something really simple. Tell them we're going to do an experiment. This is not a forever thing.
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Right.
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This is a science experiment. We're going to try it out in our home. We're going to try this out for a week.
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A
And by we meaning it's not just a you punishment.
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B
That's right. Yeah. And it's not punishment at all. Right, Right. We're leading with curiosity, but I like to tell parents this isn't about punishment, it's about protection.
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A
Oh, that's good. That's a good one. So I have been open about the fact that I've worked at the intersection of parenting and tech basically my whole life, yet I've made mistakes with my own son. And I'm grateful for your vulnerability as well. Because as both a psychologist and a mom, you have been open about your own 12 year old at the time secretly playing video games during history class at his phone free school. So what did that experience teach you? How did you handle it?
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B
I want to lead by saying no one is immune to this. To your point, I study this for the last year and a half. I've been writing a book on this subject. I give talks on this. And these digital devices are engineered to capture, to hook, to pull our kids in. That is not poor parenting. That is not a lack of willpower on a child's part. It's a really good product design.
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A men.
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It's an uphill battle. And so I'm not speaking from some pedestal of perfection. I'm a parent. There's no such thing as a perfect parent. And you know what? When it comes to our kids, the goal isn't perfect kid either. It's a growing kid. One who's learning.
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Authentic.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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And we want to shepherd them through that. And in this new digital age, that means educating them. The irony of the story you're referencing is I was on his school campus the week he got caught.
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Oh, crap.
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Talking to students about the harms of interactive screens. And how video games are addicting. And then my own 6th grader gets
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called into the principal's office, like, okay, cool.
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Or downloading an extension on his school Chromebook to play video games in class. Now, how I handled it. I'm very fortunate to be at the school that my kids are at. They are really intentional. They're really great at guiding and helping kids. They put some consequences into play, and we followed their consequence. And then at home, I didn't start by scolding him. I got curious. Yeah, Brady, what happened? Yeah. And he said, oh, mom. He said, I sat in history class for over two weeks watching so and so in front of me.
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Come on.
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Playing video games.
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Right.
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He said. And then at lunch, I heard from this other friend and this other friend and this other friend, by the way, it was over two dozen kids who had done this. Okay. Social contagion is real.
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Yes, it is.
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And so is the pull of these devices, of course. My son says to me, mom, I knew it was wrong, and I did it anyway.
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Been there.
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He's not a bad kid.
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No.
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He's got a brain with that emotional accelerator, but he doesn't have the brakes yet. And he had this device sitting on his desk. It's not fair to the teacher in the front of the classroom, expecting them to police everyone. And how do you expect a student to see that level of temptation day in and day out? It's a lot. I had compassion for him. And then how did we handle it at home? We put in an additional consequence that had to do with screen time, because I believe in consequences, which makes me a little unusual as a psychologist. I don't think consequences are bad. I think it's important that they're not pejorative in the sense of being physical or overly punishing, but really logical. Consequences. Consequences. Consequences that match what happened. Right. Because that's how we learn. Yes. I'm speeding on the highway, and the cop pulls me over. I don't say, oh, I'm. I'm having a bad day. And he says, you know, forget it. He says, sorry to hear you're having a bad day. Here's your ticket. Right. And that's what helps us learn to stay in the boundary. So again, it's not about punishment. It's about protecting our kids. Because when they're at school, they're there to learn, not to play video games that actually get in the way of learning because it pulls blood flow away from the thinking brain, Remember?
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A
Yes. And, you know, a few moments ago, we were talking about the social media trials. And as you're talking about school Tech, I'd be remiss not to bring up our colleague and friend Nikki Petrossi of Scrolling to Death. We'll hopefully be able to see her after we wrap filming because she's been covering the trials. She and Sarah Garner. Yeah. Phenomenal really. If you want the details, go listen to the Heat initiative and Scrolling to Death's podcast on that. But the fact that kids were given unfettered access to technology from their schools is also not our fault.
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B
No.
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As parents. And you have the right to push back. Especially because the data shows that children's educational outcomes are declining, not improving.
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B
Right.
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Scores are worse. Reading comprehension skills, worse. Social emotional skills and strengths worse. Yes. So I think over the next year we are going to see so many schools revert back to actual handwriting, et cetera.
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B
I hope so, because as ed tech has gone up, scores and behavior have gone down. There's a clear correlation there. And our kids are too important to ignore that 100%.
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A
Like what are we even doing here? So outside of just the educational lie that somebody was sold, you can't expect any kid to pay attention when they can just chat with their friends or download games or view pornography.
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B
There's an interesting statistic. When a laptop is open on a desk, a child is off task for 24 to 38 minutes.
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A
Wow.
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B
During that one hour class.
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A
Oh my gosh.
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B
I relate. Can you relate? Of course. I mean, when I'm sitting there, I'm supposed to be editing my book and then I get a text message and then I can go and check email. You know, that's what the brain does. There's nothing going wrong here. And the tech companies know that. And they are in the business of getting more eyeballs on their products for longer. And they know the brain science totally. And so it's no parents fault, you know, it's no child's fault.
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No.
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If we want to put the blame somewhere, the tech companies know exactly what they're doing. But not all tech is bad either. I like, you know, to acknowledge it's really beneficial in a lot of areas. But I'm very passionate about protecting kids because they're in the most pivotal period of brain development. When we were younger, our brains developed in the analog world. That's how our brains were meant to develop.
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A
Yes.
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Nowadays our kids brains are being wired in this digitally dysregulating world and we're ending up with really emotionally dysregulated kids. The highest rates of anxiety, depression, self harm suicide in recorded history, disordered eating and eating disorders perfectly paralleling the wide adoption of the iPad, smartphones, social media, and video games with persuasive design. So we really want to protect our kids during this pivotal period of brain development at home and school. So, yes, we need to advocate to
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A
our schools, your work is going to change lives for the better. It already has, and I'm just so grateful. If you are feeling anything by listening to this or watching this, please share with one other parent right now. The more parents that band together and hold firm and do what's right for our kids, the better our kids are going to be. And the more it'll be a social norm, the more our kids aren't going to be like, well, I'm the only one. How about let's not make them be the only one.
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B
That's right.
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A
So do the right thing and just. Let's fast forward.
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B
Yes. Community action.
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A
Yes.
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B
Find your people.
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A
Find your people. One of your core messages is that successful parenting is about balance, love, and attunement with firm boundaries. That sounds so lovely. But like, when you're stressed and your kid's mad, how does that apply when parents are trying to set limits around screens?
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B
Yes. Balance. When you're fried is not the first word that comes to mind. Let's get real. Nope. I'm a mom too.
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A
Yeah.
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B
And I want to. Again, perfection is not the goal. Taking action is imperfect. Action is better than being paralyzed. By this sense. I've got to do it perfectly and I don't know where to start. I tend to have more of a knee jerk reaction with my kids. And I'll spot something off, you know, really quick. Yeah. Okay. That's all right. Notice it. And then we can, we can pull back.
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A
I'm sorry, it's about. I'm laughing because I, like, I just got a flash of like, wanting to just ninja kick the iPad out of my kid's hand. Just like, I hate this thing. Let me get a hammer and smash it.
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B
I think most people, parents relate to that quite honestly. Right. So balanced parenting has to do with our approach to parenting overall, not just around screens. Think of it this way. We all believe if we're the warm, kind, loving, attentive parent, we are a good parent. If we are strict and we're setting limits and, and we're firm now, we're the bad guy. We're a mean parent. And I think we need a paradigm shift because boundaries, structure, and limits is not mean, it's loving.
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A
Yes.
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B
It protects our children. And would you mind if I worked you through a little exercise I do with parents to help them reframe what boundaries are?
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A
I would not mind.
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B
So when I work with parents, I often hear really skillful parents who, you know, show up at work and they have no problems going toe to toe with difficult clients in the business world.
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A
Yep.
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B
But when it comes to their eight year old demanding more screen time, they crumble. This is very common. Any parents experience this, it's normal. And we can fix that. Right. You want to confidently lead because a lot of parents think, think boundaries are mean and they don't want to be the mean parent, the mean mom. So humor me if you would, Titania. I'm here and everyone listening. If you're not driving, you could.
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A
And I'm going to close my screen too, so I'm not like distracted by the next question I'm thinking about asking you.
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B
So let's close our eyes and I'm going to walk you through a little visual.
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A
Okay.
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B
If you're afraid of heights, it's worse. You're standing at the top. I have a really high canyon over a thousand feet below the earth beneath you. 600ft across the canyon is the other side. You have to get there. Good news is there is a bridge.
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A
Okay.
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The bridge is only about 2 1/2ft wide and there's no railings.
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A
Oh, gosh.
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B
But you have to get across. So you step out onto that bridge with no railings. Now I notice my hands start to sweat. That's the galvanic skin response. Okay. You might notice your heart starts to be.
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A
Oh, it's there.
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B
Or your breathing changes. This is our nervous system in a state of fight or flight survival mode.
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A
Wow.
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B
Step back, get on solid ground. We're safe. Nobody's gonna fall. Now I want you to imagine that same bridge. Suddenly there are 6ft high railings, steel railings, secure railings on both sides all the way across the bridge. Yeah. Secure. You can't fall. You know it. Plus, there's a confident guide leading you who has crossed this bridge countless times and invites you to come across with me. So you step out onto the bridge. How are you feeling now?
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Completely chill.
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B
It's very different. Wow.
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A
Wow.
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B
You can notice the sky. You can listen to your guide. You can have a conversation. Those railings are the boundaries a parent set for their kid. Their kid might not like the boundaries in the moment, but for our children, boundaries are those railings. They allow their nervous system to downregulate. They help them feel safe and secure. And it opens them up to be able to take in your guidance, learn and engage with their environment. Boundaries are not mean. They are protective. They are essential and they are loving.
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A
I hope those of you listening and watching went through that because it is so powerful. I literally. I felt. I felt my heart rate increase and I felt my breath become more rapid. I'm like trying to get my breath now. Like, I was. I was on the bridge with no railing. It was terrifying. It was like Indiana Jones level, like, terrifying.
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B
That's Hollywood.
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A
There you go. And that's where we are.
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B
Wow. So when it comes to. I went off on a tangent, but when it comes to that moment when your kid is freaking out over screen time and you're vacillating between. I don't want to be the mean parent by setting boundaries. Remember this. Your boundaries are helpful to your child. They allow them to move forward and get to the other side of that canyon. They allow them to grow up and reach their full potential. So boundaries are not me. This is important, too. Love, emotional attunement, connection without boundaries leads to entitled, indulged, troubled kids. Similarly, strict, firm boundaries without warmth, love, and emotional attunement, that's really harmful to your kids, too. It's. It's too much. Yeah. It's that balance. It's easier said than done. But when parents are in doubt, take a step back, calm yourself down, and there's no argument. You just say to your kid, I love you. Screen time is over. I see. I hear that you're upset about that. My answer is not changing. Let's find something to do that doesn't involve a screen period, period. And guess what they do. The more consistently you do that, the easier it gets at first. You're going to get that pushback.
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A
Yeah. Just one more minute. I just. I just want to see what's coming up. Like, the excuses are endless.
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B
Yeah. Or you're the worst mom ever.
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A
I hate you.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Yeah.
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B
That's hard.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Just. Especially when it comes to your kids. As parents, we have never loved anything or anyone so much or felt so responsible for anything or anyone. So our emotional stakes are high and it makes it harder to stay grounded in the moment. So our own self care, some breathing, taking care of ourselves really helps.
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A
And here's the thing. You know, a lot of kids, they've been conditioned to not be okay with being bored. And it's like you need to be, in addition to everything else you're doing in your life, the activities director.
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B
Right.
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A
It's okay for your Kid to be bored.
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B
100% Titania. I'll take it a step further. It's not only okay for them to be bored, it is essential. Think of Albert Einstein.
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A
Right. Thank you.
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B
Isaac Newton. Would they have come up with these brilliant theories and inventions if they'd had digital devices entertaining them constantly or just
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A
every moment of their day planned?
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B
Right. Downtime is not only okay, it's really important. It's where creativity grows from. And creativity is not just about, you know, painting, drawing, arts and crafts. Creativity. Is that out of the box? Problem solving.
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A
Yes.
- [32:36]
B
Deep thought thinking. That's the space where we get our real sense of self. Yeah. Where we introspectively think about what matters to us and what we want to do. We want to give our kids that space that's helping them develop from the inside out, rather than the fire hose of social media or video games or the digital world telling them what they're supposed to be. Yeah. Yeah.
- [33:02]
A
100%. As. Oh, my gosh. As I'm listening to you, I'm just, like, just cheering on the inside. I think we're both former cheerleaders. Yep. Yep. So, like, that's like, rah, rah, Big, raw. Like, and it's not just about pom poms. Like, no. But like, it's like, dude, I mean, everybody needs to hear this. If you are watching this and you are a journalist, a television producer, someone who organizes conferences for major corporations, events where moms gather and dads gather, you are part of a school district. Like, Dr. Carrie Mackensen can come and speak, can join virtually, can be in the studio, like, she's amazing. And help me help get her message out to every parent, because every parent needs to hear this. We need the encouragement. We need the guidance. We need the confidence to be the parent. You cannot be so afraid about being your kid's friend. The. Did you forget to be their parent? And I'm telling myself this right now to myself.
- [34:15]
B
And first of all, those were really sweet words to the audience. I promise I did not pay her,
- [34:21]
A
but not at all.
- [34:22]
B
Titania. Check is in the mail. I feel the same way about bark and everything you're doing. That's why I always advocate to every family I work with. And when I have speaking engagements, I'm always recommending bark because it doesn't have to be all or nothing. We're not saying become a Neanderthal man and live in the caves and ignore tech.
- [34:45]
A
No wifi.
- [34:45]
B
Not the world we live in. There are safe alternatives. And bark is that solution where your Kids can have talk and text, pictures, music, feel part of their friend group, so they aren't the only odd man out. Right. While you have those railings, those boundaries that keep them safe.
- [35:06]
A
It's safer tech.
- [35:08]
B
It's safer tech.
- [35:09]
A
And that's what's so great, is, you know, before the bark phone and the bark Watch, the options weren't great.
- [35:15]
B
No.
- [35:16]
A
And the A in Apple truly is for adults. I have a MacBook. I'm wearing my Apple Watch, my iPhone, and my AirPods are somewhere. I love Apple.
- [35:28]
B
You're an adult.
- [35:29]
A
I'm. But I'm an adult.
- [35:30]
B
Yeah.
- [35:31]
A
Apple does not prioritize child safety. And until they do, I can't in good conscience recommend that your child's first device is anything Apple, even an Apple Watch. It's not safe.
- [35:41]
B
It's not safe on our kids.
- [35:43]
A
No.
- [35:44]
B
And A. And AI is also for adult. We'll save it for another podcast. I just gave a talk to middle school students about your brain versus AI. AI is great.
- [35:55]
A
Yeah.
- [35:55]
B
I use it in my work. It can be really helpful. However, when kids are using it before they've wired their brain for problem solving and thinking, they're putting the cart before the horse. And there is a critical period of brain development. And if they miss that window, they're limiting their potential.
- [36:15]
A
What is that window?
- [36:16]
B
Well, the brain is going to continue to develop. Right. The thinking brain doesn't fully attach to the emotional brain. I call the thinking brain the brakes. The emotional brain. The gas. The gas pedal is there without the brakes, fully in line until about age 25. So that's a really important period. But I think if we can get kids to high school to around age 16, that we're doing them a real favor. If they need to use AI, the parent should be sitting there and it. And it should be blocked. Otherwise, because you want your kids to struggle. You know, identity and the ability to problem solve is not something you download.
- [36:55]
A
Oh.
- [36:56]
B
It's developed through the struggle, through trial and error, falling down and getting back up again. Why would we want to shortchange our kids?
- [37:06]
A
This might be the best episode we have ever recorded.
- [37:11]
B
Really?
- [37:12]
A
For real?
- [37:12]
B
Oh, stop. It's just important. I mean, it's important stuff.
- [37:17]
A
It's the most important. If you need to focus on something with regards to parenting, this is it. This is the thing. Get this right.
- [37:26]
B
Yes. And that's why, you know, there's so much more to parenting than just monitoring tech.
- [37:32]
A
Yeah.
- [37:33]
B
But what I explained to parents is that it is the lowest hanging fruit on the parenting Tree. You cannot parent a digitally dysregulated brain. That's like trying to work with someone who's actively using drugs without them first getting sober. Psychotherapy doesn't work. So when parents are trying to interact with their kids when they're digitally dysregulated, the best parenting skills in the world fall flat and parents feel like they're failing. But it's not the parent they're dealing with. A digitally dysregulated brain.
- [38:09]
A
You have given us so much hope. Really tangible next steps for those who want to keep following you, keep learning from you. Where's the best place or places for them to go?
- [38:27]
B
My website, by the time this airs, is probably going to be back in functioning because we're doing a full reworking of it. Successful parent.com if parents do nothing else but go to successful parent.com and download my free. It's free. It's a healthy tech guide for families. I share the science. It's broken up by age and developmental stage and they can follow those steps and implement them in their home. So, successful parent.com as I'm trying to get people off tech, follow me on Instagram.
- [39:04]
A
Right? Right. Story of my life.
- [39:07]
B
SuccessfulParent. And then we're working on a YouTube and Facebook that's growing slowly but surely. But go to successfulparent.com and Instagram. SuccessfulParent.
- [39:25]
A
Awesome. We'll make sure to link to those in the description. And everywhere we share this, we are going to share clips on social tag. You, y', all, please. I cannot stress this enough. Please, please, please. It's not about me or our podcast, which you could like and subscribe. It certainly wouldn't hurt. We wouldn't be mad at that. But share this content or just go to Dr. Carrie MacKenzie's profiles Successful parent and share her content. Every parent needs to hear. Hear this. And the Sooner the better. Dr. Carrie Mackensen, thank you so much for being here. Is there anything that we did not cover that you wish we did?
- [40:04]
B
You know, I think talking about the attachment piece is really important.
- [40:07]
A
Go for it.
- [40:08]
B
So I'll sum it up really quickly. Sure. I. I said if parents do nothing else but download that guide tonight, that's great. But the other thing that's really important, it's not just the device use of our kids. It's our own device time. And so if parents, when they get home, when they're spending time with their kids, find a parking spot for your device, set it and forget it. Because when we are fully present with our kids, not only do they feel it and they end up behaving better, but we get something called oxytocin. We get a healthy level of dopamine. We get those feel good feelings. That helps make parenting sustainable because it's not easy being a good parent. Right. And so we need that. And what you're describing is really collective action. It takes a village. I don't want any parents to beat them up themselves up. There's no shame in the parenting game if you know, and I've made lots of mistakes in my home. But we can learn from them and we can just talk openly about them, because when we come together and we start sharing, we can also come up with solutions together. And so let's collectively have a paradigm shift in our world.
- [41:25]
A
Yes.
- [41:26]
B
Where these devices came on strong and hard. They're really exciting and enticing. No shame in the parenting game. We all got sucked by them. Sucked in by them.
- [41:36]
A
Sure did.
- [41:36]
B
But let's just move it back toward balance, right?
- [41:40]
A
Yeah.
- [41:41]
B
Using them as tools rather than the device using us. And stealing time away from what matters most, our kids, our relationship with them. Because that's the biggest protective factor in this digital world. You, the parent, are your kids best protection, and you always have been.
- [42:01]
A
Mike drop. Dr. Carrie Mackensen. Your beauty and your wisdom shines through. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, everybody, for watching Share this content.