← Parenting in a Tech World
Parenting in a Tech World
Dr. Nidhi Gupta on Calming the Noise, Screen Time, and Reclaiming Your Life
00:27:20
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- [00:01]
A
If your phone feels louder than your life, this episode is for you. Dr. Nidhi Gupta, physician, author of Calm the Noise and founder of the Freedom foundation, joins us to unpack how tech is shaping our health and what we have to do to take our lives back. From science to soul. This conversation is all about finding calm in a world that never stops scrolling. Doctor Gupta, thank you so much for being here.
- [00:36]
B
Thank you for having me.
- [00:39]
A
Okay, so for anyone tuning in who doesn't already know you, and they should, can you share a little bit about yourself, your background and your area of expertise?
- [00:47]
B
Absolutely, Titania. I'm a pediatric endocrinologist here in Nashville, Tennessee and the founder of Freedom Foundation, a non profit organization that is committed to helping us reclaim three things. Our time, our attention, and offline joy. My book, Calm the Noise is really the natural extension of that mission. Currently, my expertise is leading digital wellness trainings for parents, teachers and students and workplaces. We also partner with schools to help them reduce all of the unnecessary tech in classrooms because we want students attention back in the room and where learning happens. At the heart of everything that we do here at Freedom foundation is one simple purpose. Helping us retrain our brain to learn how to use our tech as a tool, not as a 247 source of distraction, entertainment, escape from boredom and anxiety. Because when we start using our tech as escape and entertainment, that's when it becomes addictive.
- [01:56]
A
You are, you are speaking to my soul. You are an endocrinologist, which is incredible, especially being a woman in my mid-40s. I'm really paying attention to hormones. But I'm so curious to know how your background in endocrinology has influenced your work with tech.
- [02:15]
B
So interesting you asked that, Titania. My work in endocrinology was the catalyst for for what I do now in digital wellness. And it just blows my mind because in 16 years of medical training, I had never imagined that my path of endocrinology and the path of tech addiction would cross so dramatically. Yet here we are. So this is how it all unfolded. Four years ago, I left what many would consider a dream job at a major academic center. Why did I leave? I needed to focus on the growing epidemic of of screen related health conditions that I was seeing in my patients every single day. As a pediatrician working with families closely, I was seeing firsthand the impact not just on their mental health, but on their physical health as well, which is the aspect of screen time that often gets ignored. The impact on their physical health. So let me share with you a few patient Stories that pushed me to dive deeper into this subject. For example, Riley. She's 17. She developed a bed sore from sitting for hours after school, completely immersed in virtual reality, sometimes even sleeping. In that word. Jose is 11. He is up late into the night. Doing what? Your guess is as good as mine. Playing video games and watching shorts while he's snacking mindlessly. He's now gaining significant weight and developing diabetes.
- [03:47]
A
Oh.
- [03:48]
B
Alison is 15. She spends about 40 to 50 hours on social media every week. And she tells me with a shrug of her shoulder, what's the big deal? My friends spend way more time than this, and honestly, I believe her. But Alison is showing signs of eating disorder and she is in denial. These are Titania. Just three kids from one small town in Tennessee. But 40% families across the nation argue about screen time. And I see it play out in my clinic every single day. So, yes, my path of endocrinology, whether it was destined or not, it crossed with tech addiction. It opened the doors to teaching about digital wellness.
- [04:30]
A
Yeah. Wow. It's so fascinating. Just this morning, we pinged our data science team because of a report that recently came out, essentially showing that smartphones, you know, unsafe smartphones, are not great for kids, which we all know that, but specifically we wanted to find out how many. How much of the danger was happening overnight. And we found that over 10% of bark alerts were being triggered between midnight and 6am you know, digital dangers don't sleep. And if kids aren't sleeping, it is a problem for their physical health. And man, I wish I would have been introduced to you while I was writing my book Parental Control, especially during the chapter of How Tech affects Our Brains and Our Bodies in addition to our spirits. But we're talking now, and so that's wonderful in your mind and expertise, what does the constant notification culture do to our hormones and stress levels?
- [05:37]
B
It completely hijacks our hormonal balance. It dramatically increases our stress levels in many ways. It basically turns our nervous system into a humming engine that never shuts off. We are becoming increasingly addicted to dopamine, and there are two major culprits in screens and processed foods. Now, given the context of our conversation today, I'm going to focus on screens. And this is what I'm about to share comes from my research about screen time and digital wellness, but also what I'm seeing in my clinic, practically with my patients and their families every day. So whenever phones ping all day long, it sets off a whole domino effect in the body. This is how it plays Out. Number one, sedentary time increases. You would think, yeah, more screen time, so you're sitting around more, so you're gaining weight. But it's not as simple as that. That's just one component of it. Sedentary time increases. Number two, exercise gets procrastinated because the mind sees movement as boring and as a chore compared to the rewards that we are getting from the online content we, which I call digital noise. Number three, when we eat while we are watching our screens, the brain does not register fullness. It leads to mindless overeating. Number four, consuming screens before bedtime disrupts the quality of sleep and quantity of sleep. And we now know this without a doubt that absence of proper sleep does not let us make good choices the next day, whether it is health choices or food choices or choices in general. The biggest hormonal shift to Tanya is dopamine desensitization. So let's dig into that a little bit because that is what gets missed a lot of times. Dopamine desensitization. What we found from a research study is that kids or even grownups who are constantly exposed to the dopamine of their screens over time, the pleasure sensors in their brain do not find the same, same screens engaging or pleasurable enough. Then the brain has to turn to something else to get the same level of kick or even a bigger kick. Where do adolescents in that research study, where did they get those kicks from? From drugs, from alcohol, from porn? What I'm seeing commonly is the hits of dopamine coming from high sugar, high salt, high fat, calorie, dense, processed foods. And this is not just theory. This is not an assertion. We have data to Support this. Between 1990 and 2021, obesity rates have increased by 160% in boys and 190% in girls. And if these trends continue, Titania, I'm bracing myself for it. By 2030, about 30 to 50% of American youth will struggle with obesity. So, yes, constant notifications are not just annoying. They are quietly reshaping our hormones, our food choices, our relationships, and our life.
- [08:51]
A
To that point, this generation's life expectancy is scheduled to be, you know, lower than the generation before it. And given what we know about science and health, that just shouldn't be outside of environmental factors that we might not be able to control. But we can control this. That's the hope in this episode, is that we have the power to change this, and we'll get to that soon. I also want to speak to the fact of dopamine Desensitization. I try to encourage parents to help their children understand that when they spend time on a device, on a screen, on a game, the dopamine spike their brain is getting, I'm going to make this up like 10x, right? And you don't now get that same joy from Lego or reading a book or playing with your friend in a fort. And so you're up against a lot. Right? And we need to recalibrate our brains that we're getting joy from the things that matter versus the things that are making us unhealthy.
- [09:49]
B
It is the theory of what are you going to let win? Are you going to let win? The dopamine that you're getting from online content versus the serotonin, the oxytocin and the endorphins, the mood lifting hormones that you might be getting from offline world, those are joys. Dopamine is pleasure. So I talk about, let's figure out who we are going to let win in this battle of offline joy from serotonin versus online pleasure from dopamine.
- [10:19]
A
Oh, wow. Wow. This is so good. This is so important. Now, you founded the Freedom foundation, which is a nonprofit organization intended to help families reclaim their time and their attention and purpose by reducing screen time. Can you tell us please, more about that?
- [10:36]
B
I can talk about Freedom foundation all day. Titania. The foundation was really born out of passion initially to push back against the status quo. It grew from my desire to be countercultural in how we all think about screen dream use. And most importantly, it was born out of my need, my concerns as a mother to protect my own children's childhood. And I realized that many families were craving that same support. The name Freedom, which is spelled with a ph instead of an F, is a playful twist on the words phone and freedom. But even though the name suggests phone, our mission is not anti technology. Right now, we are on zoom. It's happening on my Apple device. I have a smartphone. I'm not anti technology. Our work at Freedom foundation is all about retraining the brain to use our devices as tools, not as escape, not as entertainment. So how do we make that happen? At Freedom foundation, we lead educational campaigns all over the world, from India to Colombia. We collaborate with Wired Human in advocacy efforts to preserve online safety. Our priority right now is reaching as many communities as possible and to empower them with the tools for life, technology, balance. And for anyone who wants to learn more about Freedom foundation, because like I said, I can hijack the whole episode talking about Freedom foundation, please visit Reconnect Export Reconnect Expert for more information.
- [12:15]
A
Awesome. We'll make sure to share that link and any others in the show notes and anywhere anybody's watching or listening to this. You said you're a mother. So many of these things resonate with my heart as a mom. My son is almost 17 and there's a lot I wish I knew when he was younger and I wish I could do over and I can't. I'm just curious, you know, if you care to share how old your children are and maybe any mistakes that you made along the way or just how how your work has impacted your parenting.
- [12:57]
B
My daughter is 10 and my son is 5.
- [13:01]
A
Wow.
- [13:01]
B
They're like a piece of my heart walking all around.
- [13:05]
A
Yes.
- [13:06]
B
When my daughter was born, I was not working in digital wellness world at that time. After her birth, that's when I started the observations. So it was a mix of personal and clinical observations that led me down the path of digital wellness. In the beginning, I used to see a lot of other parents prop devices in front of their kids while feeding them, and I think I might have done that too in the first couple years of her life. But then something in my brain told me that this is not right. This is not how it is supposed to be. And that's when I started looking at it from a research perspective, from a science perspective. I was still not completely rescued from my own addiction to my smartphone. So one day after work, I found myself lost in doom scrolling, completely forgetting that I needed to pick my kids from school.
- [14:00]
A
Oh my gosh.
- [14:00]
B
And that's when it hit me. That's when it hit me. That screen time is not a kid problem. It's a human problem. We all need to repair our fractured relationship with tech if we want to save the next generation. That's when I started making a lot of intentional changes for our family, a lot of which I teach when I teach about digital wellness.
- [14:23]
A
Amazing. Thank you for sharing that. Let's talk about Calm the Noise, your book that serves as a truly practical guide to help families reduce digital distraction and strengthen mental health.
- [14:37]
B
So Calm the Noise, like Freedom foundation, was born out of my desire to protect my children's childhood. Calm the Noise was born out of my own addiction to my smartphone before I ever taught digital wellness. We've all been in this same boat before. Like one fine day, it hits us. For me, it was losing myself in doom scrolling and forgetting to pick my kids from school while they were baking in the hot Tennessee afternoon. I was like, all right, this is not right. Something's got to change. That's also when I realized that I wasn't doing this, but I see a lot of other people do this. Every time we reach for our phone while driving, we are silently telling the kids in the backseat that this is okay and when they get behind the wheel, they will model exactly what they do. So my question is, who is the architect of a child's digital habit? The adults around them. So in Calm the Noise, through stories, through cartoons, through humor, I share practical strategies that families families can start applying right away. The goal of the book is to guide people to minimize the need for dopamine and to create opportunities for serotonin and oxytocin and endorphins so that they don't find themselves reaching for those sneaky smart devices right before going to bed.
- [16:01]
A
Oh, I love that. It's so needed. We'll make sure to link to that resource as well. In addition to what you've outlined through your personal experience, your work at Freedom foundation, your book Calm the Noise, is there any other advice you'd give to adults who are trying to navigate their own screen time and struggles and concerns that absolutely do impact our children's observation of how they should be acting in the world?
- [16:30]
B
Yes, Titania. In my book I outline four foundational steps. Steps for beginners or for anybody who has already started their journey of digital wellness. Four foundational steps that are valid for any age. Now, before I share these steps, I will say that they might sound simple and some people might already be doing them. But with more understanding of how the brain works, I hope these steps seem more powerful than just over simplistic. So number one, turn off non essential notifications. Calm the dings, the budges, the badges, the banners. Basically calm the noise. Most of our stress is not from the phone itself, but from the interruptions that the phone brings. Step number two Physically separate yourself from your smart devices for at least 60 to 90 minutes a day. While awake, it feels like cutting the cord. It sounds easy. It's the hardest step to physically cut the cord from a device that we are in a relationship with, almost in a relationship with. Number three, delete your most time consuming apps, including browsers if needed. And for many people this would mean social media apps, video gaming apps and streaming channels. Fourth and the last one. Now I will clarify on that. I am not advocating that people go delete their social media accounts. I mean that would be idealic and that would be fantasy. But for now I am hoping for deletion of social media Apps and accessing social media through a browser, either on your phone or on a desktop with an appointment with social media, that this is my appointment for 25 or 30 minutes once a day with media, social, social media. I check it and then I'm out of there.
- [18:21]
A
Yes.
- [18:22]
B
Last one, embrace boredom, which allows focus to thrive. Boredom is our brain's default mode and we've got to let our brain go into that default mode so we can reset.
- [18:36]
A
Now, this might not be something you want to cover and that's totally fine. But I know that for children with ADHD in particular, boredom is an outsized issue. Right. For a neurotypical child, boredom can actually spark creativity and resilience and independence. But for parents of kids who are neuro atypical, it feels like even an extra hurdle. Right. And can you speak to that or do you prefer not to?
- [19:09]
B
Oh no. I'm happy to share about ADHD because the work with screen time is so interlinked with onset of ADHD and progression of adhd, we are still waiting for more science to validate the concerns. But what we have learned so far is that screens and ADHD are a vicious cycle. For example, a child who might be susceptible to developing adhd, if they have more screen time, it is likely, it might might likely increase their chances or increase their symptoms of adhd. Second, someone who has ADHD or might have ADHD would also have higher chances of getting addicted to screens.
- [19:51]
A
Yes.
- [19:52]
B
So it's hard to tell in some situations what came first. Screen addiction or adhd. Chicken is one, which one is feeding what.
- [20:01]
A
Right.
- [20:02]
B
Exactly. Yeah. I'm always skeptical of what will happen if we leave it to the big tech or what will happen if we just let kids use their willpower or teach them responsible use before a certain age, because their prefrontal cortex, which is a part of the brain that helps with self regulation and impulse control, it's only about 50% developed by the time they are 18 and almost fully developed by mid 20s. So expecting these teenagers and adolescents to use the force of their willpower against the world's most persuasively addicted technology is just not neurologically realistic.
- [20:44]
A
I'm so grateful that you brought that up. That's a really important point. To help empower parents who are feeling overwhelmed by this and honestly to help give some grace to the children who have such an outsized responsibility now that they weren't meant to carry. And so that leads me to our next question, which is, if a family could only implement three rules tonight, what
- [21:10]
B
should they Be all right. Number one. And these are the three rules that I find personally very useful. So that's why I think and they are easy to do and they can be implemented tonight and you might start seeing gains tomorrow. Number one, get a real alarm clock. Stop using your phone as an alarm. Get a cheap non fancy $12 alarm clock on Amazon. It is the easiest way to keep the phone away before going to bed and first thing in the morning.
- [21:42]
A
Yes,
- [21:44]
B
we are a regular wristwatch to tell you the time, not a smartwatch. Now why does that matter? Before I started wearing my good old fashioned analog wristwatch, I used to check my phone about 40, 50 times and just to see what time it is. And then I would get sucked into the chaos of notifications on the screen. By the time I would be done dealing with those notifications, I would lose track of time. I didn't even remember why had I picked up my phone. So we are an analog wristwatch to cut out those cues of notifications. Why not a smartwatch? Because a regular watch tells you the time and you don't get sucked into the chaos of notifications. The smartwatch tells you the time and it tells you your messages. It tells you your steps and your stress level and your neighbor's birthday and everything else you know. It tells you the noise. You don't need that noise. And the third one, delete time consuming apps from all mobile devices at your home. This is the fastest path to reclaiming your day.
- [22:53]
A
I love that. I love that. I will say full disclosure, I was thinking about like man, how would I track my steps if I just went back to my old watch? And so anyway, the struggle is real even for those of us who know that this is a better path. And speaking of that, how do you detox without swinging to extremes?
- [23:17]
B
Oh my goodness, Tidanya, that's such, such an interesting and important question. And I have to remind myself all the time. And I have to remind people as well. I'm not perfect. I try my best to walk the talk as much as I can, but I'm also human and I'm raising kids and I'm living in a tech saturated world just like everyone else. So I have to constantly remind myself that my digital wellness matters. So besides the guidelines that I've shared earlier today, I'll tell you a few more that I do myself, which might be a little bit harder. But if you think about it intentionally, it might shift your perspective around digital wellness. So I do not check email on my phone. I just do not have email on my phone. I deleted that three years ago and I found that I was not sucked into my phone about 90 or 100 times a day just to check an email. I check email two or three times a day on my desktop and then I move on. Then I have a paper planner. I do not use the phone calendar. And the third and the most important, I avoid social media like plague. I try to prioritize sleep and I try to spend my evenings with my children. And I make space for yoga. So it doesn't need to be extreme. I don't think it's extreme. If the listeners think this is extreme, I'm sorry. But it does require small, consistent efforts that leads to big changes.
- [24:55]
A
So I so relate to all of those. Those changes. But I will say, for me, it is important for the message and the education that I'm trying to get out there to have a social media presence without personally spending so much time, you know, doom scrolling and getting sucked in. And so if people want to connect with you digitally. Right. You can't meet everybody in real life. Are you on social media? Can they still connect with you and learn from you that way?
- [25:28]
B
Absolutely. Our social media home is on LinkedIn only. Dr. Nidhi Gupta on LinkedIn is the handle for Freedom Foundation. We'll be happy to engage with you. You're welcome to follow us on LinkedIn for good, rare updates.
- [25:43]
A
Wonderful. I love that. Yes. Let's use tech as a tool to educate and empower and authentically connect, but not. Not to suck people in, right? Yeah. The most precious resource that we have on this planet is time, and we're losing too much of it to platforms that don't care and are monetizing our lives. Well, Dr. Nidhi Gupta, before we close, is there anything else that you would like to share that we haven't covered today?
- [26:15]
B
Titania? We must, as humanity, create the possibility of digital wellness. It requires patience, it requires persistence. It is doable, and the rewards are profound. We can together create a world where technology enriches rather than engulfs, where every moment counts and where connection happens in real life, not just online.
- [26:45]
A
Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for your time with us today. We'll be sharing this far and wide. And, you know, we can't do everything all at once, but if you can just do a few small, small things that, that Dr. Gupta suggested, you and your family will be healthier and happier as a result. So thank you so much for your time today.
- [27:07]
B
Thanks for having me. Titania. Sam.