Jen Davidson on Keep Talking, Life Lesson Lunches, and Staying Connected When Kids Pull Away

Summary

Podcast Summary: Parenting in a Tech World
Episode: Jen Davidson on Keep Talking, Life Lesson Lunches, and Staying Connected When Kids Pull Away
Host: Titania Jordan (CMO, Bark Technologies)
Guest: Jen Shoemaker Davidson
Date: June 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on how parents can stay meaningfully connected with their kids—especially teens—even as they become more independent and often pull away. Guest Jen Shoemaker Davidson, author of Keep Talking: Conversations with Our Kids When They Want Us Least but Need Us Most, shares her journey as a parent, the origin and impact of her “life lesson lunches,” and candid insights from both her family and her new book. The conversation unpacks frameworks for authentic connection, managing the growing distance digital life and adolescence bring, and practical tips for keeping the lines of communication open.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Jen Davidson’s Parenting Journey and Book Origin ([01:02]-[04:02])

• Career Path Shaping Parenting:
  Jen began in hospital administration, worked as a massage therapist at the 1996 Olympics, then shifted to operations and finance. The variety taught her adaptability, resilience, and the importance of pursuing what “fills your cup.”

  “It also showed them that nothing is forever. And if something doesn't serve us, we can find a new passion and move on.” — Jen ([01:43])

• Life Lesson Lunches:
  Filled with anxiety as her kids neared adulthood, Jen created “life lesson lunches”—one-on-one, intentional sit-downs focused on critical topics from making mistakes to finding passion.

  “…they didn’t necessarily have to talk, but they definitely had to listen and they could eat, and I had their undivided attention.” — Jen ([03:23])

• Book’s Unique Origin:
  Her adult children, Emma and Luke, were the driving force behind the book, asking her to write down her lessons for future generations.

  “Mom, you’ve got to write down our life lesson lunches. Like, we want to make sure that we have that information when we’re raising our kids.” — Jen ([04:12])

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The “Keep Talking” Framework and Approach ([05:25]-[07:59])

• Framework Pillars:
  Jen’s book is grounded in four pillars: connection, encouragement, wisdom, and understanding.

  “If you keep those four pillars kind of in mind in your parenting, it really brings you to what's important.” — Jen ([05:49])

• Flexible Reading:
  The book isn’t meant to be read in strict order; parents can jump to the lessons that resonate. It’s about intentional practice more than rigid rules.

• Addressing Quick Fix Culture:
  The expectation of “fast fixes”—driven by social media—contrasts deeply with the gradual work of meaningful parenting.

  “You can’t expect things to change overnight. And social media has really...negatively impacted our perception of the work and the time it takes for the things that matter.” — Titania ([07:06])

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Vulnerability, Mistakes, and Hard Conversations ([07:59]-[09:42])

• The Power of Sharing Mistakes:
  Jen found the chapter about mistakes the most personal to write, highlighting the power of humanizing parents in their children's eyes.

  “When we share our stories with our kids, it humanizes us...coming to terms with the fact that we’ve made mistakes...That’s everything. Because they know they have a soft spot to land, and that is ultimately what we want.” — Jen ([08:01] and [09:02])

• Consistency Pays Off:
  Staying present even when things are tough is vital. Her daughter’s words in the book’s foreword validated Jen’s approach.

  “I was building the plane as I was flying...She never forced her way in, but she never left my side...That’s what I wanted to do. And it landed.” — Jen ([10:10])

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Staying Connected When Teens Pull Away ([09:42]-[11:40])

• Accepting Developmental Distance:
  Adolescence means kids are supposed to pull away as they build independence. Parents shouldn’t take it personally, but need to remain emotionally available.

  “Developmentally, they are supposed to pull away from us...We need to take a little bit of a step back and don't match that intensity.” — Jen ([09:45])

• Emotional Regulation for Adults:
  If teens are angry or aggressive, Jen suggests parents take a step back rather than react in kind, modeling calm and resilience.

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Authenticity, Social Media, and Co-Parenting with Adult Kids ([11:40]-[13:45])

• Navigating Social Media as a First-Time Author:
  Jen discusses the learning curve of marketing and author branding, especially as a parent sharing family stories.

  “My kids are going to think I’m super cringy...It’s hard...But social media, the comment section, that's rough.” — Jen ([12:17])

• Support from Her Children:
  Despite initial concerns, her kids have been supportive—even offering practical advice about dealing with online negativity.

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Practical Advice for Difficult Conversations ([13:45]-[15:41])

• Starting Small and Naming Needs:
  Jen recommends parents explain to their kids why these talks matter to them and specifically what kind of small connection would mean a lot.

  “Tell them what you would like. Like if I could just have some eye contact, a minute a day. Share something about your life...If we give them some tools to let them know that this is hard for us too, then they look back and they see, oh, yeah, this is hard for mom too?” — Jen ([14:22])

• Don’t Walk Away:
  Consistency is essential, even if your child seems uninterested.

  “Don’t walk away. This is the time where they need you the most...Stay consistent. Let them know you are there and the conversations will come. Trust yourself.” — Jen ([15:26])

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Parenting Perspective: Self-Regulation and Adaptation ([15:41]-[16:28])

• Emotional Maturity:
  Parents must “zoom out,” keep context, and focus on being the calm and mature counterpart, even in heated moments.

• Trust in Relationship:
  Parents are the experts on their own children and, with time and intention, can rebuild or sustain strong bonds.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I was building the plane as I was flying.” — Jen, on improvising through parenting ([10:12])
• “We don’t always have to be on the side of the door that they're at. But if they know that we’re on the other side of it, ready when they are, that’s everything.” — Jen ([09:16])
• “These are our kids. We brought these people into this world. We can’t abandon them.” — Jen ([15:19])
• “My kids are my credentials, essentially.” — Jen ([11:34])
• “Let’s use social media for good. Share about it, talk about it, buy it for a friend.” — Titania ([17:13])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Jen’s Career Path & Parenting Values: [01:02]-[02:28]
• Birth of Life Lesson Lunches: [02:32]-[03:49]
• The Book’s Family-Driven Origin: [04:03]-[05:25]
• The Four Pillars Framework: [05:38]-[07:02]
• Discussing Mistakes with Kids: [07:59]-[09:23]
• Navigating Teen Independence: [09:42]-[11:29]
• Marketing as a First-Time Author: [11:56]-[13:45]
• Advice for Difficult Conversations: [13:45]-[15:41]
• Emotional Maturity and Parental Self-Regulation: [15:41]-[16:28]

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Where to Find Jen

• Across all major platforms; links available through her website: Jen Shoemaker Davidson ([19:02])

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This episode provides heartfelt, field-tested advice for parents at every stage—especially those feeling the sting of adolescent distance. Jen’s practical frameworks, warmth, and lived experience leave listeners with both actionable strategies and an abiding sense of hope and encouragement.

Transcript

[A]

Today's guest is Jen Shoemaker Davidson writer, parenting advocate, and mom of two grown kids who somehow talked her into writing a book. That book is Keep Talking Conversations with our Kids when they Want us least but need us most.

[B]

Oof.

[A]

I'm feeling that right now. It's a warm, no nonsense guide to staying connected with your kids even when they're doing everything they can to push you away. Jen built her approach the old fashioned way through years of real parenting, not a clinical textbook. And the results speak for themselves. Today we're getting into what the book is actually about, the very personal reason her kids asked her to write it, and what she's learned on the other side of launching it and them into the world. Jen, thank you for being here. Thank you for writing this book.

[B]

Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here and share my story.

[A]

Yes. Yes. So, yeah, my son is now 17 and it is. We are in the real phase of all this. And when I was reading your book, that, that life lessons lunch part, I was like, that's brilliant. That's brilliant. That just might be the way I can reconnect with him before he goes off to college. So anyway, not that this is just an episode of me fangirling over you. Let's back up to your first winding career path. Hospital administration, massage therapist at the 96 Olympics in Atlanta, shout out to the ATL, operations and finance. How did all of that shape the kind of parent you became?

[B]

Yeah, I think that when you are out in the world working at all, you learn pretty quickly how to read a room, read people, you build your listening skills. At least we hope people learn these skills. And I think that being able to stay at home with my kids and pivot from job to job, that served me at the time not only taught me a lot about life and what I wanted to pass down to my kids, it also showed them that nothing is forever. And if we, if something doesn't serve us, we can find a new passion and move on and really be in tune with what is filling our cup and doing what we wanna do to build the life that we want.

[A]

There you go with another life lesson.

[B]

It's always a life lesson.

[A]

I know. So before we talk about the book, let's talk about life lesson lunches. What were they and how did they become such a cornerstone of how you parented?

[B]

So when my kids were in high school, I started to panic and I thought to myself, I have so many things that I want them to learn and I want them to be Contributing members of society. And I want to make sure that I launch them in a way that they will be successful. And so I started making a list of the things that I wanted to teach them and. And. And ideals that I wanted to instill in them and things that I wanted them to understand about real life because they are sheltered. I think kids, to a certain extent, don't realize how cruel the world can be. And I wanted to prepare them the best I could. So I started with my daughter, and I would take him out to lunch one on one, and I would sit down and say, today we're going to talk about mistakes. Another one might be, how do you know what you're passionate about? Sex. Like, all the different things that I thought were super important. And they didn't necessarily have to talk, but they definitely had to listen and they could eat, and I had their undivided attention. And over time, it became this intentional practice to connect with my kids and share stories and communicate in a way that I never realized would be so impactful.

[A]

Oh, gosh, I love that. And so, you know, the origin story behind your book is unusual because your kids, Emma and Luke, now in their 20s, asked you to write this down so they could use it when they became parents.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

What was that moment like when they came to you with that?

[B]

Yeah, so we came communicate a lot as a family, obviously. And storytelling is, I think, the ultimate parent hack. I think we can teach so many lessons in our stories, and it shows our kids where we came from, that we were once their age, and they can learn a lot from us. We are our kids biggest resource. And I think a lot of parents aren't utilizing that. And in that thread, I was very close to my parents, and I've lost them both now within the last 10 to 12 years, I guess. And I realized that I was too late to get all the stories my dad used to tell us when we were kids, and, you know, the recipes and some of the family questions I had for my mom, and we talked a lot about that, the missed moments. And they kind of panicked and said, mom, you've got to write down our life lesson lunches. Like, we want to make sure that we have that information when we're raising our kids. So, you know, get it on paper. And I had a friend who said, have you thought about writing a book? And I said, no. And I went to my kids and they're like, write the book, Please write the book. So here we are, and we're on the other side of it. And now it's there forever for them to use. And I thought, why not? Everyone can benefit from this. So I hope people read it and start. Start connecting with their kids.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. So when a parent picks up, keep talking like I did, feeling like they're losing their kid like I do, what do they find inside?

[B]

So, first and foremost, it is my lived experience with my kids, and it's a framework. I had this. These sort of four pillars that I kind of followed through all of my parenting that was like connection, encouragement, wisdom, and understanding. And if you keep those four pillars kind of in mind in your parenting, it really brings you to what's important. And so I use that as sort of a framework. And the chapters are the most important lessons that I thought were the best for the meals. And I These are things that have continued on. We still have life lesson lunches to this day. They just look a little different. And so I talk about how to get ready to talk to your kids. Make sure you're in the right frame of mind, kind of give some tools on to check in with yourself, read a room, know whether or not your kid is going to be open to a conversation. A lot of prompts and takeaways. I think right now people need just kind of like a quick fix sometimes. This book is not necessarily meant to be read in order. Not every lesson I taught is going to resonate with everyone. And it will just give you a framework to focus on that intentional practice of connecting with your kids. And if you keep that in mind as you're raising your teens or any age, you will just add your stories to the conversations and you won't even realize how many lessons you're teaching them.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. You touched on something that I have been having realizations around lately with regards to diet and exercise and weightlifting in particular. Is that quick fix? Right? Like, I'll look on Instagram reels and I'll see somebody go from not so cut to cut up. But it took them a year, two years. Right. You can't expect things to change overnight. And social media has really, I think, negatively impacted our perception of the work and the time it takes for the things that matter. So keep talking. Covers, you know, know, really genuinely hard territory. Handling silence, avoiding the perfection trap, mastering the apology. Did any of those feel particularly extra personal to write? I know you said they're all personal experiences, but there was one that, like, hit the hardest for you.

[B]

Yes, I think talking about mistakes, because when you have your kids, I think everybody needs to have that Talk with their partner, like, what are we going to divulge? What are we going to admit? You know, I. I think when we share our stories with our kids, it humanizes us and coming to terms with the fact that we've made mistakes. We screwed up. What happened? Who was there to help? Who did I go to? That was one of those moments where I thought to myself, I want my kids to know some of the things that I did. I want them to know the things that I went back and told my mom, you have no idea that I did this. But things could have gone completely sideways. Thank goodness they didn't. But they were like, oh, yeah, she did some of the same things we did, and she kept things from her parents. And you can sort of little by little, show them that if they are going to make a mistake, big or small, coming to you and creating that habit of, oh, I'm here for you. You know what? The door is always open, and our kids are going to push against us, and we don't always have to be on the side of the door that they're at. But if they know that we're on the other side of it, ready when they are, that's everything. Because they know they have a soft spot to land, and that is ultimately what we want. We don't want our kids out there trying to navigate this big stuff by themselves. And so admitting my mistakes and having those conversations were probably the most impactful.

[A]

Oh, my gosh, this is so amazing. And you, you know, we just talked about staying connected even when kids push back and parents start to feel irrelevant. What is the. The biggest mistake you see parents make in that moment?

[B]

I think sometimes we lose sight of what it was like to be a teenager. Developmentally, they are supposed to pull away from us. That is how they learn to be independent and we take it personal. It hurts. It doesn't feel good. And we need to take a little bit of a step back and don't match that intensity. Because if they are coming at us super aggressive and angry, sometimes it pays so much. Like, back to you, if you can just pull back and say, you know what? I'm going to come back. We're going to circle back. I'm not going to have this conversation with you right now. We're going to wait till everybody calms down. You know, you hear a lot about people saying, regulate yourself. I didn't have. I didn't have that word when I was raising my kids. That's not something that I thought about. But when I look back What I did was, is I would sit with them in that moment and it's awkward and it's uncomfortable and silence is hard, but it tells them that they're important, that we're taking the time and that we are here. And parents, I mean, I fought non stop with my daughter through high school and she ended up writing the foreword to my book. And what she said in there, which was, I mean, ultimately, I don't, I couldn't sell a book, it wouldn't matter because having those words was everything. Because I didn't realize putting in the hard work and staying consistent was going to matter so much. I mean, I was building the plane as I was flying. I mean, like that's kind of the way it was. And she said she, she never forced her way in, but she never left my side. I mean, those are her words. And honestly, I couldn't have said it better because that's what I wanted to do. And it landed.

[A]

I'm not gonna cry. I'm not gonna cry. I'm not gonna cry.

[B]

My kids are, my kids are my, my credentials, essentially.

[A]

Wow, Jen. Okay, so as somebody who has co authored one book and then solely authored another book, the marketing side, after you write a book is a whole nother podcast.

[B]

Yes, for sure.

[A]

What's been the biggest surprise for you about being a first time author without like a major pre built platform?

[B]

Yeah, I mean, you know, they drill it into you when you decide to write your book, who's your audience, build your platform, all the things. Well, my, why was a little different. You know, I didn't set out to be, you know, a content creator, but unfortunately social media is the nature of the beast and not having a ton of experience with it. And then of course, as you know, 50 year old woman, you know, 54 almost, I, I had to address the fact I was going to be getting on a camera and dealing with that and you know, and then my, my kids are going to think I'm super cringy and it's. What are their friends? You know, it's just this whole conversation and it's hard. And I went to my kids every step of the way and they were so supportive. And you know, first of all, they had to get on board with sharing their stories. And every time there was even something that was a little bit like, are you sure you want me to put this out there? They're like, yes. But on that same token, they were like, mom, let us read the reviews. Like, which I'm lucky, I haven't gotten any Bad reviews. But social media, the. The comment section, that's rough. And. And you wouldn't believe the things people comment on. And my son just sat me down. He's like, mom, people want to be heard. You have to ignore the haters. They're gonna say it. Just don't even read it. And Emma was. Introduced me to the brick. I mean, she is very good about intentionally setting her time aside, and I can lock that out. And I just don't even touch my phone. Like, the kids were very, very helpful in making me feel like I wasn't as alone in it. Because who knows? Social media and some of those pressures, more than anyone, our kids, because they've been living with it for a lot longer than we have.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I love these student become the teacher moments.

[B]

Always. Yeah. That's the goal, isn't it? Like.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty amazing. Yeah. So for a parent listening to this who's been meaning to have a harder or multiple hard conversations with their kids, but they keep putting it off. What's your advice for just starting?

[B]

Start small. Set your intention and let them know. You know, I. I sometimes think parents feel that their kids push them away. And we don't. We don't go to our kids and say, look, I get it. You're going through something. This is what you're supposed to be doing. You're pulling away. You're learning your independence. But on that same time, I'm. I'm going through something too, and I miss you. You are no longer my little kid. My. You know, you're not spending all your time with me and give them what you want. Tell them what you would like. Like if I could just have some eye contact, a minute a day. Share something about your life. Tell me a story about a friend. If we give them some tools to let them know that this is hard for us too, then they look back and they see, oh, yeah, this is hard for mom, too, and we might get a little more. But if we don't tell them and we fight with them and we match their energy and walk away when they walk away, we're never going to have those opportunities. These are our kids. We brought these people into this world. We can't abandon them. And I would just tell every parent, don't walk away. This is the time where they need you the most. There is no question. And it might not come in the form of a conversation where they jump on your bed and spill everything to you, but stay consistent. Let them know that you are there and the conversations will come. Trust yourself.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I get it. I've been there. I'm still there, right? You know, you are angry, you are frustrated, you are hurt, you're anxious. And all those emotions lead to thoughts and then lead to actions that don't help to further the relationship. And so you have to dig deep. Dig deep and then zoom way out to see the 30,000 foot view of like, they are this age with this developmental stage and milestone. And you are this age and you have to. You have to be the mature one, you have to be the calm one, you have to overlook a lot of things and always be there for them no matter how hurt you are.

[B]

Right? And sometimes we don't recognize them. They seem like they change overnight.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And I would just remind all parents, you know them best, right? And you have everything inside you that you need to connect with your kid. You just have to take the time and let them know that is what you want. And I do truly believe that. When we say that to our kids and we let them know, please, like, give me something little, you know, anything, I'll take anything. Then they know that we are there when they're ready to share something.

[A]

Parenting in a tech world Podcast listeners, viewers, followers, if this episode has moved you as much as it has me, let's band together and get Jen's book. Keep talking, like, trending. I mean, we can do this. We can absolutely do this, right? Let's use social media for good. Share about it, talk about it, buy it. Buy it for a friend, Suggest it for your book club. Drop it, you know, as a note to your librarian. I mean, if there's one book that I am so grateful I read in 2026, that will have lasting implications for my relationship with my child, besides the Bible, it's this one.

[B]

So thank you. Thank you so much.

[A]

Yeah, for real. So anyway, I'm so stoked. I mean, you were so gracious. I probably reached out at like 2am I don't know if it was an Instagram DM or I think through your site or like, I was like, found the book, love the book, found you. And you responded and I was like, oh my gosh. So thank you. Thank you for coming on my bus not once, but twice because we had some Internet issues the last time. So, like that. I just really, really appreciate it and thank you. This book has helped me so much and it's going to help so many families.

[B]

And I think for your viewers in particular, dealing with all the tech stuff, this is the perfect opportunity to ground yourself and get in the trenches with them so they know that you can keep an eye on everything that's going on.

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[B]

You can make a big deal.

[A]

Yeah. All right, so people that like to follow people online and want to keep up with what you're doing and where you're going, would you say Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube, or. You're not in.

[B]

I am on every platform.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You can find all the links on my website, which is just my author name. Jen Shoemaker Davidson. Yeah. Come find me.

[A]

Great. All right, team, let's drop all of Jen's contact info everywhere. People can access this, and I hope to see you on all the major morning shows.

[B]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

[A]

Thanks, Jen.