← Parenting in a Tech World
Parenting in a Tech World
Selma Blair on Parenting, Privacy, and Raising a Kid in the Public Eye
00:38:15
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- [00:00]
A
Selma Blair is an iconic actress, author and advocate whose impact spans film, television, fashion and activism. Known for unforgettable roles and cruel intentions, Legally Blonde, the Sweetest Thing and Hellboy, she has also starred in acclaimed films such as Storytelling and A Dirty Shame. After courageously sharing her diagnosis with multiple sclerosis in 2018, Blair became a fearless voice for disability awareness. Her journey was powerfully chronicled in the award winning documentary Introducing Selma Blair. And her best selling memoir, Mean Baby earned widespread acclaim. Honored by Time Magazine, Glamour and the Hollywood Reporter, she was named Woman of the Year by the state of California in 2022. And in 2025, her hometown of Southfield, Michigan declared May 16th Selma Blair Day. Now Blair continues to expand her creative and entrepreneurial footprint. And in addition to her return to acting, she has emerged as a true boss. A collaborator with apparel brand Mercia and a creative force behind a new eyewear partnership with Benny's Eyewear. Blair continues to create, inspire and lead with authenticity, innovation and strength. Live in la. Not live. We're not live. But it feels like I'm alive, I'm alive in la.
- [01:28]
B
I have to change it to that.
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A
Thank God for that. But here with Selma Blair, which is surreal. And you're a mom to a 14 year old and you have an only. I have an only. He's 16. And I'm so curious to know how your approach to parenting has evolved as technology and social media have become so such a central part of not only our lives, but our kids lives.
- [01:53]
B
I know it's like hard enough to deal with it on my own. I think I am lucky that my son's youngest years, when I was most vulnerable to kind of online predatorial thoughts, fears, all those things I was around all the time because one, I was sick for a while and then it was that blasted Covid time. So he had three years of school on Zoom. The only way to talk to kids was on that. So that those years that we've passed, now those were the most precarious for me. Now it's changed. Then when I got wiser, it changed that. I definitely became very protective with parental controls. But now I use it to track him. Now I use the phone. I'm like, make sure you have your phone with you charged. You know, make sure you have your phone charged and with you. And that to me is such peace of mind, you know, knowing where he is. I don't know what I would have done before that going into these teenage years. But it's been different things. You know, every kid Is different. Every family is different. Every situation of when you allow them to use devices are different. But for us, it's. Now I really have the peace of mind. I use it to track him.
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A
It's so funny. You talk about the location tracking. Literally on the way to the studio, I called my mom just to mess with her because I love to do that.
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B
And.
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A
And she was talking about tracking my location.
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B
Yeah. Does she? She should.
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A
She tracks my. I'm 44.
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B
She's like, you drove too fast just now.
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A
Yeah. She's like, I saw you pass like, the Beach Boys Memorial or something. I'm like, I'm on the highway. You know more about where I am than I do right now. But yeah. So it's cool, right? And I'm glad she couldn't track me when I was in high school.
- [04:01]
B
I know my son has no idea what he's in for that I am. That I track him now, you know?
- [04:07]
A
Right, right. And on that. But we have to be responsible with that tracking. Right? Like, that is a gift to help our kids in terms of, like, safety emergency. But like, please, parents listening, don't show up. Just show up when your kids are like, on a date or like, you know, like, don't like that parent.
- [04:22]
B
Please don't. I did do a drive by once, but I didn't. But I didn't tell him and I didn't get out, but I did just to make sure. But I do. I'm very lucky that my son does care about his safety. Yes. He was the one when he was young that schooled me when he was like, playing like, Fortnite or games or whatever it was and schooled me that, like, I'm like, oh, who are you talking to? Because I was home all the time then. And he's like, I think it's a man with a voice changer. And he's like, I'm just going to mess with him. And I was like, get off with that person. But he was the one that was like, no, people can change their voices and talk to you. And he's caught those people out and like, stop them and like, gotten kids off the phone. Like, this person is asking us questions. A girl this age would never ask us this questions. Get off. Like, he was very like, he really enjoyed kind of the game of outsmarting. You know, what he thought could be.
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A
That's so great to be able to have those open and honest conversations with your kids about, like, hey, right? That's so smart that he wanted the
- [05:24]
B
information he gave me Some information. Those were things that I didn't know. And, you know, I thought, oh, parental controls. I can hear him. But no, I'm like, wow, you're talking to a girl that's really young. Should you be talking to her? You know, you're 12. She sounds 6. He's like 60 maybe. I was like, get off these creep shows.
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A
So smart. I love that.
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B
Yeah, it was interesting how, how savvy he was. Yeah.
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A
I think our kids are a lot smarter than sometimes we give them credit for because they have access to so much more information than we did.
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B
It's very different than what I knew. You know, we wandered around, we might have been lovingly neglected just because, you know, it was a different time in the 80s. But now if you lovingly neglect your kid thinking, oh, you know, they can't explore outside the same way in la, that's more dangerous at a young age, you know.
- [06:10]
A
Yeah. So it's, it's interesting too, thinking about the words of Jonathan Haidt and the anxious generation, saying, you know, we've done a really great job of overprotecting our children in the real world, but. But under. Protecting them online, and that's where we come in at Bark Technologies is to help surface that delta of what you think your kids are encountering and then what they really are encountering or expressing.
- [06:35]
B
I think it's so excellent. I mean, really, if it weren't the COVID years and the mom sick years that I was right there, I mean, it would be that, that would be my go to. Like, I wouldn't be able to survive without knowing. I mean, really, there is always like myself or a caretaker listening in. Because we could then. Yeah, I mean, also because we could because we were at home. You know, there had to be someone. So now, I mean, absolutely. It's the Wild West. It's bigger than the wild west. And I, I wouldn't know how to navigate it without help like that.
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A
How, how did you wrestle with the screen time aspect of those Covid years? Because that was so hard for me.
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B
It was, you know, it was weird because he. The screen time in the COVID years. Yeah. I do remember talking to other moms and we're like, we're all in this together. They're all on the phone with each other. It was the only way to socialize. They really was very strict. Here in la. You couldn't even have pods. Like, it was just you. They were, they were totally alienated from their age group, from anyone except for a parent. So he might have Gotten a little more, A little more screen time than the average bear. But he also was on screen time all day with school. So he didn't want to be on it as much. He wanted to go, you know, play with me or, you know, his other caretaker at the time, you know, like he. I was lucky that I had an energetic boy that didn't want to be on it as much, you know? You know, but I think the COVID times really were remarkable. Like, I do not know, they were on a lot. They were on a lot. And all the other parents were in agreement, you know, so what do you do? You know, and there was no trouble in that time, but it's like this is a habit now that's set up. But he was mostly talking to his friends and then using it to find, you know, find out, you know, things on YouTube about how to fix things and, you know, fix his bike and things that were totally appropriate and great and what I like computers for. But no, I have a lot of friends that have girls that had a much harder time. For some reason in the COVID times,
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A
probably knowing what we know now about the algorithms that plays a large part in it around self esteem and acceptance and body image and filters.
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B
Right.
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A
I couldn't imagine being an 11 year old, a 13 year old, a 17 year old, and having that constantly inundate me. I mean, if you look at, you
- [09:16]
B
really have to know your own kid. And we don't know their inner workings at that time because they're formulating it and they'll go off on these computers. I mean, my son, again, he was such a toughie and he was very, you know, he just thought, oh my God, kids. Like, I think it's funny, if someone bullied me, I'd, you know, bully them back and get off. You know, he's like, and. And if it bothers you, then, gosh, that's your problem. I'm like, hey, Tuffy, like kids are growing up. Sorry you got it all figured out. But like, that would have terrified me personally as, as a young girl to be receiving, you know, it hurts as a grown up. Yeah, yeah, I'd like, I'd like, you know, my lawyer to put parental controls on my, on my social media because, you know, it's like you can't help to be a human being and react to things. And I wouldn't want to blame my kid involved in something because God knows we've all gone down, you know, a dark alley of, of the web that you've been like, why couldn't I just use better judgment and walked away. But like, it's, it, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's so pervasive.
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A
It is. When you look at my, my go on my Instagram, go to my Explore page or whatever, 80 to 90% of it is like, before and after videos. It's like, are you a woman in menopause? Here's how to eat more protein.
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B
Oh, my God, I have weights. I managed to make my algorithm so, so, like, so neutral. But it's so much exercise that I'll never do. You know, it's always those ones, like five minutes of this and up and, you know, like, all the qigong and I'm like, I'll do that. But now I feel I have that thing, like when you buy an exercise bike and use it as a clothes hanger. I have all these, in my algorithm, all these exercises I'm going to do to do bookmarks, but they're bookmarked. But, yeah, my son's algorithm, because he was into sports. It was sports stuff and fixing stuff. But again, I do know a lot of young girls that are having a lot of body images that it's, you know, it's way more than the Seventeen magazine. We have. Way more. You know, that's one thing. But now it's comparison and weight and beauty and, you know, the things they have. So in that way, you know, for this family, I am grateful that my son didn't care about, like, comparison shopping at all.
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A
That's so.
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B
But he is a consumer. Yeah, consumer. Yeah.
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A
I mean, the links I get from my son, it's like, can I get this supplement? You know, And I'm like, where did you see it? Like, tick tock. I'm like, okay, let's ask your pediatrician, right?
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B
We have had to have the talk about Tick Tock shop. I'm like, no more. No more. I don't, I don't. I don't know what's happening from the tick. Like, my credit card won't even. I have, like a stop on my credit card.
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A
Good.
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B
No. TikTok Shop.
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A
Yeah. No, I don't know if you're getting.
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B
Cause you don't know what you're getting. I don't know what's in it. Where is my. Yeah, it's just. So there are some things. And he gets it. When I had to explain, you know, this is to support you and dad. You know, when we both say, these are the things we cannot do, he did get it. No problem.
- [12:19]
A
How has it been because so many of our families that we support at Bark are, you know, in dual households? Has that been challenging at all? Are y' all aligned on technicals again?
- [12:32]
B
Every family different. We're a dual household. I think Arthur might have had a phone a year earlier than some of his friends because I wanted him to have a phone and dad wanted him to have a phone. You know, we tried the watch at first, but then he was allergic to it, you know, just to. So he could call, like, say, okay, I'm coming, you know, so it's very limited, but we did let him have phone. But the only numbers in it that he could call were mom, dad, and grandma, and so he did have that. So we could monitor him between pickups or at school, make sure that no one left him. So that was a safety that I was really grateful for, and I like technology for that. I felt much more comfortable. And as far as I know to this day, he did not get in any trouble with it and honored it because he knew it would go away.
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A
Yeah. So you and I had the, I think, very fortunate experience of being born in and growing up early on in a time where things were really analog.
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B
Right.
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A
And then we, you know, experienced in our 20s and 30s and 40s, this massive shift to online uber connectedness. Now we can ask ChatGPT to basically do everything for us.
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B
Right?
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A
So we have this unique experience straddling those two worlds that most people will not.
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B
Right.
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A
Given that, what do you think are some of the most important things for somebody with our perspective to communicate with this next generation who thinks they know everything?
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B
Well, they listen to us. My God. Anyhow, like, would they even listen? We're still parents. Like, are they gonna listen? You know, I think the thing that I miss most with my kid is. Is having, like, outside walking time or doing things with my mom that seem to really slow down my own algorithm of my own brain. And I think the kids miss out on that a lot because that phone's in the pocket. Even if they are doing something that's active, it's like an instant. An instant pacifier with going back to what's comfortable of a phone or something. I know it is strange. You know, I pine for the days when it was simpler, but it is part of it. And all the other parents, too. They're like, well, my kid is. My kid is this. You know, it's not for me, all this, all of this. But it is for them. And I just learned to navigate it with things like bark, with things like These conversations, and they can be embarrassing conversations for other parents because, you know, a lot of people, there is, you know, there's work obligations, there's, you know, there's things where, you know, people feel such guilt about having a phone babysitter. Right. Which in my case, when he was young, it wasn't because there was someone around because of circumstances, but. But the phone babysitter can be amazing too. There's a lot of things just if we still have to be the ones steering them.
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A
Yeah.
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B
In that, in that room. And yeah, I rely on tech companies that have our kids best interests in mind, the parents best interests in mind. Because all these outside influences between school and what they teach in schools and, you know, might not agree with all that. All the things coming in online. I don't want someone else raising my kid.
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A
No one does.
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B
So I have to have a really open communication about, you know, and I did have it little like with predators and, you know, people gave me books, you know, about don't touch my body and blah, blah, blah, you know, and all those things. And he'd kind of giggle, but he took it. He took it. He was, he was really serious and protective about it with other people.
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A
Good. That's something that's so important for any parent or caregiver, listening or watching is you've got to have those constant conversations with them.
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B
But also try not to feel so much shame as a parent, too, because hard things do come up because it is a world so far outside of what I can compare my childhood to, because I didn't do these things. I didn't have access to this information. We had an encyclopedia and a movie theater and Saturday morning TV and the library. So I'm grateful too, that he does have so many ways to learn things. But, yeah, I have parents that I've even guided through before. Before my kid went through a similar experience where my friend had called me and said, I'm terrified my son has just found inappropriate content. Then later it happened to me. You know, you have your moments and you're like, oh my God, I thought he was too young. And then you have to deal with it when you have to deal with it. And again, every household is different and parent how they want to. How they want to do it. But I don't think there isn't. I don't think there's a parent out there that wants to. That I would know, that wants to harm their child. Like we want, you know, to find the safe ways for them to navigate when they do have the Access. But it's important for us to take control, because I know that this child and my own were really traumatized by something they saw. And it was like, I had to be the parent. I had to show I wasn't upset. I had to show that he, we were gonna, we're gonna get through this. And it's normal for him to be frightened by this, and he's not in trouble. And it's up to me as the parent, to protect him from this. And I didn't know this yet, and, you know, that's kind of how I guided my friend. And then, like, two years later, I'm saying, it's my own son. I was like, and it's hard because you're emotional. I was like, you want to show, like, tears for your son? Like, I let this. And it's like, no, he has to feel safe somewhere. There's so much information. So we, we, we have to be. Even if we let something lapse, we have to pick up that ball with a lot of parental strength, I feel, to heal it so that they can feel safe and that we're gonna have their backs and have the right protections in place 100%.
- [18:33]
A
You know, the first three years of my son's life, I was such a helicopter parent, and it was driven by my own anxiety. I would see bad things that could happen, and I had to protect them from everything, right? And I realized in hindsight now, letting him fall down would have been better for him. Build some resilience, get thicker skin. And so how do you, how do you do that in the digital world? How much do you let them access? And there's just so much more, you know, that the violent.
- [19:01]
B
You're gonna find your tolerance spot real quick. You're gonna find out, you know, as soon as your kid has a strange question or is looking strange or asking different questions, you know, I found out right away because I, I also saw what he saw on his. Because I look at it every, you know, every night before bed when I'm turning it off. But his shame and fear of having seen that. And, you know, I, I, I did talk, you know, I was glad that I had that conversation with my friend earlier, whose son was ahead of mine. And I had to remember my own advice. You know, what my mom would say if I got in a pickle? You know, that my mom would say, it's okay. I'm your mother still, and I got you, and it's okay. You know, we're not gonna let this happen again. Mom and dad are gonna protect you better. And this is how you help protect yourself. And we're putting this on. And the reason you have to get off is cause of this and that, you know, and he, he really did get it. Cause he was really traumatized by, by inappropriate content.
- [20:03]
A
And it's just so easy to stumble upon. Good kids make bad choices. But even the kids that aren't even looking for stuff, it really is just 1, 2, 3 clicks away. The rate at which children experience graphic, sexual or violent content online. Misinformation, suicidal ideation, cutting, disordered eating. There's over half a million.
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B
I know. Now we hear these chatbots and they're like, kids are falling in love with them and strange things that are really, really horrifying to the parent.
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A
They're horrific.
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B
Yeah, horrific.
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A
And I mean, God, those things I
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B
didn't even realize, I mean, I did by then, by the time he was on Snapchat. And he knew because I've always said you have to be careful. I don't want people to know where we live. Yeah, not just for you, Arthur. For me too. Because we need to protect ourselves. So he's, he's ev. He's even said to me, like, make sure yours is off. You're responding. That might be, you know, he's very protective of me probably because, you know, you know, I'm kind of this open person and I can overshare sometimes. And he's, he wants things. He, you know, he's a helicopter child. I love that.
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A
I love that.
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B
No, he's not really, because my mom would say, no, no child should worry about their parent. That's not fair. That's not fair.
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A
Right.
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B
But he does. In this world, there are things I don't know about technology. And he's had to be, you know, the one, you know, in my, in these years now that he's older, like, dude, mom, that's not safe, you know, and I'm impressed. But if this had all come along now, if I had, had my kid now, I don't know what I would do without the help of technology to
- [21:47]
A
help monitor it so that like, it's like I teed up the next question. You just like knew it telepathically. But basically what I'd love to know is if you could go back in time to Selma, mom of a five year old, you know, if anything, what would you do differently? I'll start to give you some time to think about the question because I know I didn't give that to you ahead of time. You know, I would do so many things different because I made all mistakes. I wouldn't be on my phone all the time in front of my son.
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B
Right. He wouldn't let me.
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A
Yeah.
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B
He wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me be on the phone. Yeah.
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A
Yeah.
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B
So I was lucky. And I was like, oh, I don't want him to emulate this.
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A
Yes.
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B
But if he was on the phone, we would be on it together. We played games together. I liked it. I was tired. I love that strawberry shortcake kitchen, you know? Like, I don't know. And he did, too. Sorry. But you know, we did that. Yeah. That was one perk of me being sick. I was with him every second, so his screen time was in front of me, so it was, like, pretty limited. He's like, ugh, sick. Hanging out with mom.
- [22:52]
A
Yeah. You had a unique, unique situation.
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B
I did have a unique situation. I mean, yeah. I guess what I would do different, I mean, maybe not let him fall that first time and let him find, you know, a pop up. He was too young. I had no idea that those things could come online. I had no idea that without searching things that you didn't have to be 18 or like, that there'd be checks. Like, that was shocking to me, and I'm sure there are a lot of parents that have fallen into that, and that is not acceptable. So, you know, sometimes you do have to hit a rock before you realize how serious, you know, the hit can be.
- [23:28]
A
Yeah.
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B
And that was it for us. And he really. He really did understand the gravity of that. Like, it was very uncomfortable for him and he wanted to stay safe. And now he's just. Now he's like, today I asked him about his algorithm. I'm like, is it weird? Like, is it comparison? He's like, what? It's just bike parts. Like, my algorithm's just bike parts. Like, what do you want me to do? Like, so that's good for you.
- [23:53]
A
The fact that you're even talking about that with him, though, is so progressive, and I think more than a lot of parents are doing because they don't quite know how. It's kind of like when your kid gets home from school and you say, how was your day? And they say, fine. And you're like, I guess it was
- [24:07]
B
fine to get a little more specific.
- [24:09]
A
Exactly. You got to go deeper, be more creative, think about different things. To ask, who did you sit with at lunch?
- [24:14]
B
Oh, I'm always on Filter. I'm like, what creep show did any. What creep show is on your thing? Who are you talking to? Because there's a time when. When they're playing games online. When they're older. Yeah, that, that, that. But he was always very savvy about it. I just was very lucky. And I'm very lucky that he's not into body comparisons yet, although he is working out a lot now, so that will come too. Probably. Like, this person's building muscle in this way, but he does talk to me, you know, about that stuff.
- [24:40]
A
I know this podcast isn't about your health journey, but I do want to say, like, I am so grateful that you are healthier.
- [24:50]
B
Thank you. Thank you. It's been a couple years, relapse free. And that was another thing. Social media was wonderful for me in the beginning with that. I used that. And my son did see the kindness of strangers that supported me and that I supported. And he also saw that it was a nice thing. And he has no interest in socializing on Instagram or. Nor does he have that. I'm. You know, he doesn't want it. He's not a girl, but he's like, bike stuff on TikTok. And you know, that that's. That's the challenge now. As they get older, they don't want you to see what they're posting, you know, because it's private. And it's like, I'm not giving my mom that my TikTok handle. I'm like, really?
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A
Really?
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B
Yeah.
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A
For my son.
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B
You're not getting certain things.
- [25:41]
A
Yeah. He was like, probably. I don't want to speak for him, but probably a little embarrassed that, like, his mom is like the online safety mom. And so he didn't want me to follow him.
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B
I'm not allowed to follow him. Or comments.
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A
Right.
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B
I have to. I have to. I'm a c. I'm a blind copy.
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A
You're a lurker?
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B
I'm a lurker, yeah.
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A
Silent stalker. That's me. I will heart certain things that my son posts only if it's a story, because then people can't see it. But, yeah, it's very. It isn't. I am now finally allowed to follow him. And I. Oh, my God. I know.
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B
I win.
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A
Well, one day long journey.
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B
Oh, my God, journey. But everything, like, everyone's watching these kids now. Like, school is watching the kids, what they do on the thing. You know, it's like, just. I don't know.
- [26:27]
A
Great. A great tip from a mom. I was telling you yesterday, probably not applicable to our. Our boys because they're a little older, but. But she was Talking about some that was going down. Please just bleep that out in the text with a bunch of boys, maybe like 11 years old. And she was like, that's my phone. I pay for the phone. I went into the chat and I was like, this is so and so's mom. I want you to let you know that we're looking at his text, and what husband said is not appropriate. We have talked about it, and you all need to talk to your parents about it. And I was like, love it.
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B
Perfect.
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A
Yes. Like, why are we so afraid to be the parent?
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B
No. I'd come right into the room and I'd listen, and I was like, guys, his mom's in the room, and his mom's coming in the room again, and what you're saying is inappropriate. And I'm calling, you know, I'm calling Avery's mom.
- [27:16]
A
Yeah.
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B
And. And I did.
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A
Get over it.
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B
Yeah, get over it. Because she doesn't want you talking this way either. So now they probably whisper, but whatever, it's fine. But yeah, I did. I'm. I'm. I'm a little unfiltered. So I did those embarrassing things. Like, I was not afraid. I was not afraid of my son. Now I am. I'm like, oh, you want this, honey? Yeah, like, he's the prince.
- [27:39]
A
But, yeah, part of my relationship with my son basically now is just buying him the things he sends me links to.
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B
I know. That's my thing. That's what I'm just embarrassed of. That's the thing. I'm like, okay, send me the link.
- [27:50]
A
Yeah.
- [27:50]
B
I'm like, and then still love me. And then it's. Yeah, I'm like, oh, I'll be your best friend. Yeah, it's not. It's not cool. But, you know, he's. He's. He's. He's pretty in check with the spending.
- [28:03]
A
That's gish when it comes to your. To your son, who you've described as just amazing and brilliant, intelligent and kind and caring. Did you have a specific age or milestone in mind for introducing technology, Covid aside? Or was it more about readiness and trust?
- [28:21]
B
Every. Right. Well, this was for me because, of course, every family situation is different, and I don't think there's a one size fits all. For us, it was when he was going to be, you know, at dad's and for dad when he's at Mom's. And we as parents wanted. We wanted him to have the phone. We gave him a phone before he even asked for it because we said this is what you're gonna use it for. And now I'm glad they do have the rule at school where there's no phones in school, because that was. That was troublesome to me, thinking these kids are on these phones. Like, thank God the schools. Like, that's something I agreed with.
- [29:01]
A
Yeah. New York City school lunchrooms now are loud again because kids are talking to each other.
- [29:06]
B
It's so important.
- [29:07]
A
I mean, beautiful.
- [29:08]
B
It makes me so happy that, you know, he just didn't trick or treat online this year. We, like, you know, had friends over and they talked, and, you know, they're learning to talk again. There was. There's been a real kind of. We had a real hiccup there, I think, with COVID that was unlike. Unlike most times with. With allowing them, like, unlimited screen time, it seemed, because that was. That was social life in school.
- [29:36]
A
Yeah, it was already a hornet's nest.
- [29:38]
B
Days are gone. Yeah.
- [29:41]
A
It's like somebody came along with a bat and just hit the hornet's nest. Here's Covid.
- [29:44]
B
Yeah, it was really interesting, but, no, he's. He is a pretty. Pretty responsible kid, but I'm sure I'll find out about it soon enough if he isn'. Yeah.
- [29:53]
A
Well, to that point, what's your perspective on how social media algorithms shape how young people see themselves in the world around them?
- [30:02]
B
Right. I think, because I have a boy that doesn't care about the algorithm, like, really, it's like I just search for what I want to search for. I'm not looking at something people put on my page. I don't care what people think. I wasn't like that as a kid. Um, and I still look at things and I'm like, oh, God, I want to lose 10 pounds. Like they did, and they were already thin.
- [30:27]
A
They did in five days.
- [30:28]
B
This menopause gut is really bad. You know, like, there's real things that you do. Like, comparison is. What do they say? Like, the comparison is the mother of discontent or something. But, yeah, steals your joy. But then, on the other hand, how would you know it's possible if you didn't commit.
- [30:45]
A
Oh, my gosh. I'm living this, Selma.
- [30:47]
B
This is my life living this. So I get it. I get it. We have to able to think for ourselves. We have to teach that to our children, you know, to trust and have some trust in their ability to think for themselves. And for myself too. It is a wild world to have access to fans or haters or any of the things that come with social media and technology.
- [31:16]
A
It's no secret that this generation faces new pressures around mental health, bullying, online comparison. What do you make of that and what gives you hope?
- [31:25]
B
It breaks my heart what I'm hearing on tv or what friends have told me, or the way one friend of mine that I kind of mentor. Young girl. Yes. She's in the thick of it with eating disorders. I mean, really in the thick of it. And there's been so much different shifting on body image and acceptance. And you'd think, you know, that so many different types are accepted more than. Even when I was a kid. I don't know, I just try to lead her a little bit, you know, on the health side, and that she needs to feed her brain. And if you don't want to gain weight, let's come up with recipes and things that are going to still be good for your brain. Because this is. This is. You're in a. You're in a vortex. Yeah, I haven't dealt with it with my son yet because he hasn't had it. He doesn't care. And then he just. Now he's in an age where he's like, I wanna get out on my bike. I wanna be with my friends. He doesn't have the comparison thing yet, but I do think it's heartbreaking. And, I mean, it's like sixth grade to, like, the millionth degree, you know, like the one year everyone gangs up on you that you remember for the rest of your life. That can happen for so long, so many years on social media and seeing really kind of grown teenage boys commit suicide over, you know, an AI relationship is. I'm in it with you. Like, what?
- [32:58]
A
No. When we became parents.
- [33:00]
B
How do we help? How do we help guide these kids that this isn't real.
- [33:06]
A
Yeah, well, we have to let them know a. That it's out there. Right? We can't be afraid to talk about the really hard things with them. Let them know we're a safe place, there's no judgment, and navigate it together, learn together. That's what we're literally doing. We're learning this tech together, right?
- [33:23]
B
And it's important that we have kids that will talk to us. Just hang out in the room then until they talk. Like, you know, I don't even ask how his day at school was. Now I just take him silent and, like, just hang out. And I'm like, oh, my God, did you see this shirt? Until, like, he forgets I'm his mom a little. And then he starts talking. Then he's like, you're still in my Room. I'm like, well, thanks. I got enough information. Thanks. But I can't ask. How was your day? Like, I get zero.
- [33:54]
A
Nothing.
- [33:55]
B
It has to be like, oh, my God, these jeans are so cute. Oh, my God. I wore these when I was a kid. 28 inch wide. Like, yes, yes.
- [34:03]
A
It's all back again.
- [34:04]
B
And then, like, you know, I have to just learn to hang with my kid a little more and then it kind of comes out.
- [34:10]
A
I love that. I was playing Mario Kart with my son the other day, and I was like, this is the best. This is the best because we're together.
- [34:17]
B
Right.
- [34:17]
A
And, like, I kept falling off the course and that's fine. Like, right, we're together.
- [34:22]
B
I mean, I loved Atari as a kid. I loved those things. I'd play that in my room forever. I get the games. But, yeah, he does invite me to play all the games he's playing and, like, come on, hang out my room.
- [34:33]
A
Yes.
- [34:33]
B
The answer is yes. The answer is yes.
- [34:36]
A
Oh, I love that.
- [34:36]
B
Yeah, it always is yes, you know,
- [34:38]
A
at Bark, we help to protect over seven and a half million children across the nation, which is wild to think about. We have an app that monitors social media, text, email browsing, a smartphone, a smartwatch. And the issues we've been able to alert parents to when their children are in imminent danger.
- [35:00]
B
Right.
- [35:00]
A
Whether is regarding their mental health, suicidal ideation. We've identified school shooting threats.
- [35:06]
B
Wow.
- [35:07]
A
Predators talking to kids. And then lesser issues just around, you know, not lesser, but bullying, profanity, like you just don't know. You can be sitting next to your
- [35:19]
B
child and not even know what he's typing.
- [35:21]
A
Right. Because you're looking at your own phone.
- [35:23]
B
Right. That's so true. And I do, I thank Bark so sincerely for, you know, being out there in front of this. Because this is. Technology is amazing. It's the way of the future. It wasn't my past, and I don't always understand it, but it is incredible. There's incredible things he's learned, too. He's learned how to fix, you know, I've learned how to fix my refrigerator.
- [35:52]
A
Yes.
- [35:52]
B
You know, that I've watched, I've saved money. There's things he's learning. There's things he's learning in school, above and beyond that he gets interested in and. And can research. And I've had, you know, there's incredible opportunities online. There's things that he will take advantage of in the future that I can't even fathom. So it's important, you know, I never want to Keep him off of it. I want him to be savvy and to know, but it is hard. And all of us mothers and fathers have these same questions with each other. What do we do? And is this normal? And. And again, I come back to thanking, you know, the outliers, the ones that are first, the, you know, like Bark that's making it a safer world for our kids to navigate and for parents to help them make better decisions and for us to be more aware of what's going on, because. Right. Life can change in an instant, and it can be something found online, and I'm very, very aware of that. And. But just being aware isn't enough. I want to be aware, you know, of what he's in, and I want him to be able to talk about it. And I think it's amazing that Bark has, you know, opened this up to also create, you know, a support system between the parents and their own child to help take responsibility and protect them. Yeah.
- [37:18]
A
The most important thing that you can do for your child is to build that relationship with them. We don't know what's happening tomorrow with tech, but tech is not inherently bad or good.
- [37:29]
B
Right.
- [37:30]
A
It's a tool, and so it's.
- [37:31]
B
And it's a major tool, and it's sometimes too big in the hands of our kids and parents that aren't as savvy or have the time. We're living our lives and, you know, trying to be our best parents. So I do. I do think tools of monitoring are essential.
- [37:49]
A
Yeah. Well, Selma, thank you so much for joining me today, having this conversation and being the beacon of light and hope and positivity that you are in this world.
- [38:02]
B
Thank you so much. Thank you. You.