A Clear Roadmap for When Your Kid Breaks a Rule

Summary

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Episode Overview

Title: A Clear Roadmap for When Your Kid Breaks a Rule
Podcast: Parenting in the Screen Age - The Screenagers Podcast
Host: Delaney Ruston, MD
Guest: Dr. Tammy Fisher Hewson (PhD in education, school counselor, and author)
Date: April 20, 2026

This episode explores practical, thoughtful strategies for parents to handle situations when their child or teen breaks a rule, particularly in the context of digital life—such as device misuse, secret app purchases, and dishonesty about homework. Delaney and Dr. Tammy focus on the concept of consequences, how to frame them as earned privileges, ways to engage youth in the process, and the importance of a collaborative approach between parents, schools, and the kids themselves.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Rethinking Consequences: Privileges, Not Punishments

• Every Action Has Consequences (02:12)
  • Dr. Tammy emphasizes that all choices in life have natural consequences—positive or negative.
  • Quote [Tammy, 01:53]: “You earn the privileges of life by making all the good choices that you make. When you make these good choices, you earn the privileges.”
• Framing Device Use as a Privilege (02:29)
  • Moving from a mindset of device time being a basic right to something earned through responsible behavior.
  • Quote [Delaney, 02:29]: “We have a hard time as parents thinking of things as privileges as opposed to thinking more of, oh, of course you're going to have this device time...”

2. The School-Parent Partnership in Setting Consequences

• Teachers' Perspectives on Behavior (03:20)
  • Dr. Tammy references a national survey: second only to smaller class sizes, teachers want more guidance for parents on teaching appropriate behavior and less undermining of school consequences.
• Unified Approach (04:39)
  • Schools and parents must collaborate to provide consistent, meaningful consequences—and not “rescue” kids from facing them.
  • Quote [Tammy, 05:37]: “We do our children no favors by rescuing them from consequences. If we don't allow them to experience consequences of their own choices and we rescue...we make excuses...that didn't happen.”

3. Involving Kids in Designing Consequences

• Why Have Kids Set Their Own Consequences? (07:49)
  • Especially valuable with teens, as it promotes independence, self-reflection, and true ownership of their actions.
  • Quote [Tammy, 08:39]: “If this happens, then this is it. And instead of the adult who would do it in the beginning...they tend to be more harsh with their consequences. Teens tend to be more lenient.”
• Process Tips: Lead with Curiosity, Not Judgment (09:24)
  • Ask open-ended questions, stay curious about motives, and avoid shame.
  • Quote [Tammy, 09:24]: “I'd try to lead first with curiosity, more curiosity, less judgment...I'm trying to raise a kid of moral value who actually considers the consequences of their actions and makes good choices.”

4. Concrete Family Scenarios & Solutions

a. Secret Snap+ Subscription with Parent’s Credit Card

• Mom’s Approach (06:21–11:26)
  • Daughter suggests deleting the app for the subscription duration and blocking further downloads without consent—consequences she chose for herself.
  • Mom feels good about the outcome, and the daughter responsibly accepts the boundaries.
  • Quote [Delaney, 11:26]: “She suggested she delete Snapchat from her phone for the duration of the subscription of snap... Plus we changed the setting on her phone to not allow her to download apps without parental consent. I agreed. It seemed relatable, reasonable and respectful.”

b. Lying About Homework Completion

• Using Curiosity and Natural Consequences (14:05–17:22)

  • Begin by expressing disappointment, then lead with questions about what got in the way, and collaborate on solutions.
  • Emphasize natural consequences, like poor grades or extracurricular restrictions.
  • Offer kids a “menu” of possible next steps, including some extreme options to provide perspective.
  • Quote [Tammy, 15:22]: “The natural consequences: you get these poor grades...absolutely, I would say, well, what do you think...you've been dishonest with us, and what do you think makes sense moving forward?”

• Extreme vs. Reasonable Consequences (17:01–18:34)

  • Kids sometimes suggest harsher punishments than parents would, which can allow the parent to “be the good guy” and teach moderation.
  • Quote [Tammy, 17:34]: “A lot of times kids will make their consequences much more extreme than parents...I would honor the bravery...but you can earn back this privilege and actually learn the skill...Let’s ease in.”

c. Forming Attachments to AI Companions in Video Games

• Approaching Resistance and Safety Concerns (19:13–21:52)

  • If a teen is upset and refuses to engage, sometimes a firm, loving restriction is necessary—often with outside counseling if needed.
  • Lead with empathy, acknowledge the loss, and seek extra support if the parent-child relationship is strained.
  • Quote [Tammy, 20:56]: “To have fake relationships that feel so real to our kids...it requires a much more tender carekeeping. That is a time when you might need to step in...lead with love, and you are going to remove that from them.”

• Adult Regulation & Not Taking It Personally (22:38)

  • Parents must stay emotionally regulated, remembering consequences are about the child’s well-being, not the parent’s feelings.
  • Quote [Tammy, 22:38]: “So having that understanding, educating ourselves around that is so important that we take that slow, deep breath, that we keep ourselves regulated...What we're doing is for your well being. And don't expect your child to hear that message in that moment. But they will.”

5. Leaning on the Village: Support Systems for Parents

• The Value of Parent Community (23:25–24:24)
  • Reach out to other parents, school staff, counselors—a “village.” Resist the impulse to rely only on online or AI resources; real conversations bring wisdom and support.
  • Quote [Delaney, 23:25]: “Clearly talking with each other should always be the first step whenever possible.”
  • Quote [Tammy, 24:24]: “Absolutely nobody does it in isolation...just use me. Let's talk this through...having that...phone away for a week for a seventh grader...is not going to feel empowering to that child.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Every choice you make in life has a consequence.”
  – Dr. Tammy Fisher Hewson [01:53]

• “We do our children no favors by rescuing them from consequences.”
  – Dr. Tammy Fisher Hewson [05:37]

• “Lead first with curiosity, more curiosity, less judgment.”
  – Dr. Tammy Fisher Hewson [09:24]

• “I would honor the bravery with which to take a significant consequence...that takes a lot of ownership.”
  – Dr. Tammy Fisher Hewson [17:57]

• “If you told me you want to go to college and if you're going to be at college, you got to manage your time and your schedule. That's the purpose. I don't want to just take things from you. I want you to see you earn things.”
  – Delaney Ruston [18:50]

• “You have to break up with your AI bot. It's like being ripped away from that. So it requires a much more tender carekeeping about that.”
  – Dr. Tammy Fisher Hewson [20:56]

• “Nobody does it in isolation...use the village.”
  – Dr. Tammy Fisher Hewson [24:24]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Framing Consequences as Privileges – 01:53–03:02
• Parent-School Partnership & Undermining – 03:20–05:37
• Letting Kids Propose Consequences – 07:49–09:59
• Snap+ Subscription Scenario – 06:21–12:07
• Homework Dishonesty Scenario – 13:42–18:34
• AI Companion Gaming Scenario & Emotional Regulation – 19:13–23:25
• Parent Support & Community – 23:25–25:19

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Practical Takeaways

• Approach consequences as opportunities for growth, not just punitive actions.
• Communicate that privileges are earned through responsible choices.
• Engage teens in designing fair consequences to foster ownership and independence.
• Use a menu of possible solutions to let youth understand the spectrum of responses.
• Lead with curiosity and compassion, especially when trust is broken.
• When emotions run high or issues are complex (e.g. AI companions), consider professional support.
• Lean on other parents, schools, and communities as part of the “village”—parenting isn’t done alone.

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This summary distills the advice and real-world examples discussed by Delaney Ruston and Dr. Tammy Fisher Hewson, offering a clear roadmap for thoughtful, connected parenting in the digital age.

Transcript

[A]

Hello, I'm Delaney Rustin, primary care physician and creator with Lisa Tabb of the four Screenagers movies. And this is Parenting in the Screen Age, a show about discovering the best ways to help our youth and ourselves navigate a rapidly changing digital world. Today, we're diving into the topic of how to handle it when kids and teens break rules. It's about practical approaches to deciding the consequences for when youth make poor choices, when their behaviors aren't okay. And I'm delighted to have on today's show my guest, Tammy Fisher Hewson, who has a PhD in education and is in her 42nd year in the field. She started as a teacher and now for many years has been a school counselor. And she's the author of two wonderful books, Fearless Parenting and There's Always Something Going Right. We explore consequences for scenarios such as a teen who isn't spending to be interacting with an AI companion, but has started doing so while playing video games, a teen who secretly subscribed to SNAP plus using a parent's credit card, and a youth lying about homework. We also talk about how important it is for parents and schools to be working together when it comes to student discipline. Let's start.

[B]

Tammy, it's wonderful to have you on the show.

[C]

Hi. Thanks, Delaney.

[B]

I'm super excited to talk to you about consequences, a topic that really is underappreciated. How complicated it is for parents often to know what to do when rules are transgressed or behaviors have come out of nowhere that are not okay. And what is a fair consequence. And I wondered how you think about the big picture.

[C]

Well, every choice you make in life has a consequence. Everything you do. You don't drink enough water in the morning and you go for a run, then you're gonna get dehydrated and have problems. That'll be a consequence of the choice you make for not drinking enough water. You get to bed early, you feel better. Every choice we make has a consequence to it.

[B]

Everything has consequences.

[C]

Kids earn the privileges of life by making all the good choices that they make. When you make these good choices, you earn the privileges. And rather than thinking, I'm taking something away from somebody because they broke the rule, you just didn't earn that opportunity because you made this choice.

[B]

We have a hard time as parents thinking of things as privileges as opposed to thinking more of, oh, of course you're going to have this device time or that. And your work is about helping people to understand that our behaviors allow us at times to have certain privileges. Or maybe we're not responsible enough or it's not really makes sense for us to get that privilege.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Have you seen parents really change that mindset into a sense of privilege? It's simple and yet complex.

[C]

That's a good way to put it. It is complex. I have absolutely seen parents come around to it because it is kind of an aha moment. Oh, I've been looking at this all wrong. I've been thinking that the way I frame this is that I've got to take things away from them instead of actually educating the child that you're working with, the children that you work with that. No, look at your. You earn these things. We earn the opportunity for these privileges by the choices that we make. It's really interesting that we're talking this because I just read an Ed Week article that was done by their research center and they did a survey with like almost 6,000 teachers nationwide talking about behavior of kids. They asked what if anything would have a major positive impact on your students behavior and ability to manage your classroom. And so they could select all they wanted. And slightly above 63%, which was one of the highest percentage listed of that they said smaller class sizes. But the very next close to it at 58% of the respondents said instruction for parents on teaching children how to behave in ways that are appropriate for school. And the next one was limiting parents ability to undermine consequences when their children get in trouble for misbehaving. So that's that parent partnership where the school. I'm right in the middle of it. I'm right in the weeds of it right now with a pretty significant issue at my school where some of the parents are like, but he didn't mean it or it wasn't. It's more harmless than you think or the other person made him do it. So that's what undermining means.

[B]

Parents are calling the school.

[C]

There are multiple parents involved in this, multiple students. So one of the parents is like, yes. In fact, one of the parents I met with last week came to me and wanted the consequence to be more dire. That device should be removed for a month. I kind of helped them pivot that what they could do at home was just help their kid understand the concept of why the rule exists. And so she's helping the kids kid read the school rule book and understand the device use policy and really partnering because she knows she's the first educator of her kid. And so if she isn't continuing to partner with us about the purpose behind that, I mean rules are generally not arbitrary in Schools, I can't say always not arbitrary, but generally not arbitrary. We've taken significant amount of time to really explore to make our consequences be restorative with this.

[B]

Tammy, I'm assuming it wasn't just using in school this. We don't have to go into the specifics of the situation, but it was what they actually did via their device.

[C]

Yes, absolutely. Yes, exactly. Yeah. We do our children no favors by rescuing them from consequences. If we don't allow them to experience consequences of their own choices and we rescue and we make excuses or we say they didn't, that didn't happen. When we're partnering with a school, this is the most important partnership we have as our kids are being raised is the partnership we have with our schools. We have a shared, the educators have a shared goal. We are student advocates all around. And when consequences are delivered at school or we need a partnership from the parents to follow through, then the parent leaning in to try to understand the purpose of that is really important. And tying it to the concept, oh, my kid made a choice. This was the outcome of their choice. They can handle it.

[B]

Yep, got it. This idea of consequences came to me this week as a friend wanted to go for a walk to talk about her teen daughter who has a Snapchat account. And unbeknownst to the mom, the daughter decided to upgrade to Snap plus and put onto the mother's credit card because that was the primary credit card. The app didn't show that there was a monthly charge until after six months. And she basically brought this up to her daughter that she ultimately realized this was going on. And she could tell by the daughter's response that this was going on. And we talked about this idea of having the daughter say what she thought the consequences should be. And before I say what happened, I want to dive a little bit more into this because this is not intuitive, this idea of having kids first bring up what they think the consequence should be. Now, in an ideal world, there might have been some like pre planned if this behavior leads to this issue or breaking this rule, but obviously there's so many scenarios, we often don't have it pre planned. Can you speak a little bit about that? Why? Putting it on the teen to think through and say their idea of what a consequence should be is really effective, really important.

[C]

It is really important, especially as you move to teens. Right. Because they're so much closer to independence. And if, if we're the adult doling out the, the whatever the outcome of the choice that they make, then they never Actually learn to, to own their choices in a way that's authentic. Right. So then this goes out. If I'm always washing my kids clothes, then they never learn that when clothes get dirty, they don't automatically get cleaned like you have that their choice to not do their laundry means that they may have some dirty underwear they're wearing twice a week. Or it's really critical that you have these important conversations with their kid in

[B]

that situation of them coming up with the consequence because then that helps them in life to get building a brain that thinks, oh yeah, if I do

[C]

this, the if then plan. Right. So that's really what we're talking about. Like you're making if this happens, then this is it. And instead of the adult who would do it in the beginning. Although honestly, young kids can do this really early on. They tend to be more harsh with their consequences. Teens tend to be more lenient. It gets them in that, in that role of understanding that all choices have an outcome. And you're planning that if then plan. If this happens, then this, then you're in that negotiation role. And I think about that person. So I'm dying to know what they thought of because I know immediately what I would want to have them come up with. But I think the conversation is also such a valuable life lesson.

[B]

Before I tell you what happened, what would you want the conversation? Some tips for a parent in that scenario, if you were that parent, it

[C]

doesn't feel like such a nefarious thing that she did as much as like I'd want her to have a conversation about why she thinks I might be surprised and did she think that I would never find out about this? So I'd kind of just be curious. I'd try to lead first with curiosity, more curiosity, less judgment, and just leaning in to try to figure out because I'm trying to raise a kid of moral value who actually considers the consequences of their actions and makes good choices. And I know my kids are not always going to make good choices, but I'd want to be curious about why they would believe that I wouldn't ever find this out. Right.

[B]

And why they didn't think to ask.

[C]

Right. And what made me, am I, am I not approachable? So there's some self reflection on that too. Right. Was this an impulsive choice she made because she was so desperately wanted this advanced version of the app, or was it really thought out and then once she did it, was there any level of guilt that she might have? I would try to have a conversation around it. That removed all shame because I as a teen made mistakes and then I would move from there to go, okay, well now we're in this position. I don't know how much the app is. Let's say it's $30 a month. That seems.

[B]

No, it's only 3.99amonth.

[C]

Okay, good. All right, well, that's much more approachable. Yeah. Yeah. So what's. So this is how much money. What. How do you think this should be handled? And I would hope my team would figure out a way to pay it off. Right. So that we would do it. And then. But then I think the next plan is like, and do you want to keep this? Is this something you want? So then if that's the case, how do we want to then. Then. So that there can, there can be a light. So it's all, it's like a relational approach to conflict. So there's. You will have conflict with your kids, your kids will break rules. But if you're leading with a relationship at the forefront of it and you're coaching your kid around that, you model how they can also own a poor choice without being ashamed. We have rules and we have boundaries and we have to be clear about why we have them with K so they don't feel arbitrary to kids and increases the buy in to why we have it.

[B]

Here's what happened. And the mom allowed me to read this part of her text that she had sent me. She had already been thinking about what her consequences should be. She suggested she delete Snapchat from her phone for the duration of the subscription of snap, which was May 4th. Plus we changed the setting on her phone to not allow her to download apps without parental consent. I agreed. It seemed relatable, reasonable and respectful. So interesting. It didn't come up about the repaying the money, but they figured that out and I know that the mom feels good about the outcome.

[C]

The daughter took responsibility and accepted it and accepted the boundary. And yeah, it was managed in a way that was respectful.

[B]

That does come up about charging things. Video games, loot boxes. There's a lot that can happen on the charging the credit card.

[C]

Oh my gosh. Like with Alexa, I have a four year old grandson and like one time he was liking one of some show he liked and he was having Alexa like play it and then it was like, do you want to upgrade to something? Alexa was asking and my 4 year old and I'm in another room in the kitchen and he's like, yes. And I'm like running down the stairs. No, no. So, yeah, we're interesting.

[B]

Yes, absolutely.

[D]

Before we dive back in, I wanted to let you know about our four Screenagers documentaries, which focus on helping kids and teens navigate the challenges of this digital age. We created these films to be screened

[A]

in schools and at community events.

[D]

Over 20,000 hosts have shown them thus far. Along with the movies, we provide discussion guides, promotional materials, and other tools so that you can easily organize a truly impactful event for your community.

[B]

And if your school wants to use

[D]

the movies in the classroom, we have options for that too, along with a full curriculum of lesson plans designed for various grade levels. To learn more about the movies or inquire about becoming a host, visit screenagersmovie.com there's a link in the show notes. Now back to the show.

[B]

Let's say that a 12, 13 year old has been saying they've been getting their homework done, and then ultimately you find out that they haven't been doing their homework. What would be a way to approach that as a parent? Let's say you're the dad. You've found this out through word of mouth of the teacher or whatnot, and this 12, 13 year old has been saying this to you?

[C]

Yeah. I would want to acknowledge my feelings around it, which would be disappointed. We're always disappointed when our kids are not honest with us. And then again, I approach the same way I just mentioned. I'd kind of want to be deeply curious and try to keep anger out of the conversation because if you're trying to get your kid to own the choice they made, you have to create a safe space. That's another. We had a whole nother podcast why Kids lie. It's like a lot of times kids are not telling the truth because it doesn't feel safe to tell the truth. So we want to do that and we'd want to explore, do they need more help? Are they just impulsive? What structures might need to be in place about that? But again, it would be a leading conversation. So why do you think that you haven't been getting your homework done? What you think has been getting in the way for you to be successful? Successful at this task? Okay, so it would be a leading question.

[B]

A leading question, meaning, like just a leading curiosity question.

[C]

Why do you think that you have.

[B]

Okay, you're not leading the witness to a certain place. You mean leading like you're leading with questions?

[C]

We're leading with questions. Yeah. We're not leading with a lecture of doom and gloom. Yeah.

[B]

Would you then ask that 12, 13 year old. What do you think should be there's a natural consequence that you're not getting your work done?

[C]

Well, yeah, the natural consequences. You get these poor grades if you're, if you're in middle school and you're in a sport you can't play with poor grades. So there's some natural consequences that happen there automatically. But absolutely, I would say, well, what do you think you've been dishonest with. With us. And what do you think makes sense moving forward? Right. Okay, so what. So it's. We're all about the next moment of success with anything that happens. It's like you want your kid to be successful, so you want to. How can you help your kids see it themselves as successful? So you identify the barrier that's keeping them from being successful. And you might have to create supportive boundaries. Right. That they can't manage their time well. Right. Sounds like you can't manage your time well. What are some tools you think we can do to help you manage your time well? You give them that driver's seat to come up with those outcomes within that boundary. But not all kids are going to be skilled at that. So then you have choices. I think that's the key part. Right. So they made a choice, but then there's choices. Like a little smorgasbord menu of here's some things. You could start with a really extreme thing. Well, it sounds like you can't be on your device until the end of the school year, which is not a reasonable choice. But you go really extreme with your menu of choices up to the point. Well, it sounds like maybe right after school you'll be coming home and showing us your planner and we'll walk through what you have to do and we'll have preserved time. And then when you're successful at that, then you'll have your 30 minute of screen time. So that would be like the ideal outcome or choice. Right. And a partnership. But you start with a bunch of extremes. So the kid can see, oh, there's multiple pathways that I can choose based

[B]

on my power, their choice. And ultimately. And you're saying if you kind of do a more extreme than you would, then it puts it in perspective, the one that you actually fall on.

[C]

Right, I like that. Yeah. And they're actually then leaning into that one because they're like, oh, it could get a lot worse. I think I'm going to stick with this one. So.

[B]

Well, that brings up the point that particularly kids, but sometimes teens too will say, well, I shouldn't Be able to use my iPad for a whole month.

[C]

A lot of times kids will make their consequences much more extreme than parents. So coaching parents to understand that really then you get to come out as the good guy. Well, that seems like a big, a big consequence for your one mistake. That feels like something that would happen if you did this repeatedly.

[B]

Is there something in particular you would say when they over consequence themselves?

[C]

Consequence themselves. Well, I would honor the bravery with which to take a significant consequence like that's a pretty heavy outcome for the mistake that you made. That takes a lot of ownership. Right. And accountability. We want our kids to be accountable and responsible. I think though that you, you can earn back this privilege and actually learn the skill of moderating your time and managing your time better. If we allow you to have access to your device, we co monitor it together and then pretty soon you earn your independence to monitor it yourself. So let's ease in. Right.

[B]

So maybe we're gonna have a week where it's more involvement with our monitoring.

[C]

Right, right.

[B]

That you show us.

[C]

You might monitor it. We have the time thing. There could be a timer, things that

[B]

we, we look at your homework, make sure you've fin before any other, that you've earned other things.

[C]

Yep. You speak to it. We want to have those conversations, the why behind why. We have the rules. Right. Four years from now you're moving out of my house. And if you told me you want to go to college and if you're going to be at college, you got to manage your time and your schedule. That's the purpose. I don't want to just take things from you. I want you to see you earn things.

[B]

What if we learned that a kid is playing video games and we thought they were playing with friends, but they're actually often playing with an AI companion in the video game. And that makes us concerned where we do the right things of getting curious and understanding why we explain we're worried about the safety with that about attachment disorders and that's really concerning. So we could talk about those things. We had had a rule that we didn't want you to be with AI companions or charact because of things where we don't feel it's safe. Say it's a female who's 14 and we ask what they think should happen and they cross their arms and they're just mad and they're like, you don't know this. It's totally fine that I'm doing this. So let's take that scenario and also the fact that it's gonna be very hard for us to monitor if they're going back on that.

[C]

On that device.

[B]

Yeah, on that device. Doing the same behavior on the device.

[C]

Yeah. I think back to that parent that I mentioned that actually did lean in and wanted more stricter consequences. Her option to take the district's policy and have their son read through the policy and then write a short paper about it, I thought was just like a really good way to educate, because I think that's the piece that's missing here. You're dealing with developing adolescent brain that's being rewired right at that moment and not really understanding why the flags. Red flags are over and how concerning it is for a developing brain.

[B]

And so to have these relationships with these.

[C]

Yeah. To have fake relationships that feel so real to our kids. And so we have to have compassion around what that's like, because what we're basically saying is you have to break up with your AI bot. It's like being ripped away from that. So it requires a much more tender carekeeping about that. And that is a time when you might need to step in and they're not going to agree with your consequence, but you're going to lead with love. You're going to lead with your relationship and your knowledge about them, and you are going to remove that from them. And you may need to get them connected to a counselor so that they can explore the two of you. You might need a third party in that conversation that helps them understand, bridge the gap that might happen because they're going to be really angry. They're so good at the silent treatment until they need something. And so I feel like that's the time when bringing in a professional can be very helpful for parents to not feel like they're doing this in an isol.

[B]

Yeah. And in that scenario, then if they're just too mad, it's not gonna help to say, hey, let's listen to a podcast about the fears of this, or let's do that. It's just gonna feel like learning is punishment, and we don't want that. And so at this point, we're saying we're so concerned about it, we are suggesting that we restrict for the next week or two your access to this and for us to look. Look deeper about your friendships, what other friends you can be with, and maybe as things cool off a little bit in a week, then, like, really don't want you to feel like this has come out of nowhere. Can we read this short article together about some of the consequences of these type of relationships.

[C]

Right. Because there are so many, unfortunately so many stories out there. People's real story, not just the research around it, but people's real voice voices. You're absolutely right, Delaney. There's no way that an angry kid can listen to completely rational things. But so that's when regulation of the adult is so key. You just can't take the broken rule personally. It really is not about you. So having that understanding, educating ourselves around that is so important that we take that slow, deep breath, that we keep ourselves regulated, that we have somebody we're talking to partner. And we're constantly thinking, I am about my child's way well being. What we're doing is for your well being. And don't expect your child to hear that message in that moment. But they will.

[B]

I still feel because I've been through it a lot. Of course, for every parent, what the consequences should be. Clearly talking with friends is worth the time and energy to talk with caring adults that you feel are wise. There are resources out there. I don't want to promote parents going to chatgpt and others to do it because it takes away from the ability to be a vulnerable village and to actually talk to another parent. We learn from each other and we get closer through the struggles. Now obviously there are going to be times when adults are turning to AI bots to get ideas of just like they would to the Internet to get ideas of reasonable consequences given different situations. But clearly talking with each other should always be the first step whenever possible.

[C]

Yeah, I love the word village. Absolutely nobody does it in isolation. I work just working with a. In fact, he just stopped by here. He's a single dad and was having some parenting challenges and was really overboard on the consequences. It was absolutely taking the phone away for a. Not going to get to see friends only because it's like if he knew what to do, he would be doing it. He didn't have the tools and he wasn't using the village. And I just made it really clear with him, can you just use me? Let's talk this through. And ever since then he's been very much leaning into the partnership and understanding how important it is and heard me when I said, yeah, that you're a phone away for a week for a seventh grader who is an only child is not going to feel empowering to that child. So having that. So I suggested the same path. It's like sit down with your daughter and say what makes sense to you. And that's what they did. Which is kind of cool.

[B]

And let me just assume here that it wasn't free reign that she got to have her phone all the time.

[C]

Yeah, absolutely fantastic.

[B]

Tammy. Thank you so much. It's been wonderful talking with you.

[C]

Always is. Delaney. Thanks so much for the opportunity to chat.

[E]

What a gift that you tuned into the show today. The Screenagers podcast and movement is all about learning together how we can best help our youth of all ages, our communities and ourselves best navigate our rapidly changing digital world. Make sure to follow slash subscribe to the podcast to get each episode automatically

[B]

and the more subscribers, the easier it

[E]

is for others to find us. And if you give it a like and write a review, even just one sentence, that helps even more. Check out screenagersmovie.com to get resources for each episode and loads of free other resources. Learn about our four Screenagers films and find my weekly parenting blog, TechTalkTuesdays. And be sure to use the search bar to find many topics you might be wondering about among hundreds of my past blogs. Finally, I love hearing from you, so email [e-mail] what ideas do you want

[B]

to hear for future episodes?

[E]

Today's show was produced by the following people people, me, your host Delaney Rustin, Lisa Tabb and sound editing was done by Alan Gofinski.