No More Phones in the Bedroom: One Mom's Challenge

Summary

Episode Overview

Podcast: Parenting in the Screen Age – The Screenagers Podcast
Host: Delaney Ruston, MD
Episode Title: No More Phones in the Bedroom: One Mom's Challenge
Date: November 3, 2025

Main Theme:
This episode focuses on the challenge of removing smartphones from the bedroom, particularly for parents who find themselves slipping into unhealthy habits around nighttime and morning phone use. Dr. Delaney Ruston interviews Lisa, a mother of two teens and a new parent coach, as she embarks on the “One Small Change Challenge”—a commitment to keep her phone out of the bedroom for improved sleep and morning routines. The episode explores the practical difficulties of changing technology habits, especially when parents themselves are struggling to model the behaviors they want to see in their children.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Problem: Phones in the Bedroom

• Lisa’s Story:
  After years of strictly keeping phones out of bedrooms for all family members, a temporary move led to everyone sleeping with their phones. Upon returning home, Lisa struggled to break the new habit, even as her teens successfully resumed the household rule.

  • “I'm finding when I wake up in the morning, it's the first thing that I'm checking.” – Lisa (02:19)
  • Checking phones immediately in the morning causes delayed rising, inefficient routines, and morning “scrolling” that interferes with starting the day.

• Sleep and Wellbeing Impact:
  Lisa recognizes the phone habit is undermining her sleep, exacerbating age-related sleep issues, and wasting valuable time.

  • “Even just the brightness of the screen…it feels unhealthy.” – Lisa (02:58)
  • She acknowledges the behavior has no meaningful benefit and is mostly habitual.

Attempts and Obstacles

• Previous Solutions:
  Lisa purchased an alarm clock with white noise to reduce reliance on her phone for sleep and waking—yet the habit persisted, especially for checking messages if her teens were out late.
  • “I need white noise to sleep…So my alarm has white noise and has my alarm. So I don't need to use the phone.” – Lisa (03:34)
• Barriers:
  • Situational exceptions for emergencies.
  • The gradual slide from reading and gaming before bed to unnecessary morning use.

The DARTS Method for Change

Dr. Rustin introduces the DARTS framework (06:38), developed in “Boosting Bravery,” as a guide for behavioral change:

1. D – Determine a Doable Target/Goal
   • Lisa’s goal: For two weeks, put the phone in another room (preferably the office, not the bathroom as that sends mixed signals to kids) every night, except when her sons are out late.
     • “I think a goal of moving it to the bathroom may be like a good start.” – Lisa (08:12)
     • Delaney's push for the office: “I'm questioning a little bit if that might, as a parent, be sending a little bit of the wrong message…as opposed to the office.” (09:01)
2. A – Arrange for Success
   • Lisa will charge her phone in the office with other electronics and line up a new bedtime read for her Kindle.
     • “I just finished such a good book…Now I'm going to have to arrange that before I go to sleep what my next book's.” – Lisa (10:35)
3. R – Reiterate Reasons
   • Lisa’s motivating reasons (“stick them on the fridge”):
     • Better sleep (“I just turned 50, so sleep's a huge…battle,” 11:11)
     • More robust and efficient morning routine.
4. T – Treat (Reward Yourself)
   • Lisa struggles with this but agrees the reward is experienced in improved mornings (workout, less rushing).
     • “I feel like the treat will be you got a great workout in and you still had time to spare.” (14:35)
5. S – Support
   • Accountability via podcast appearance and possibly recruiting friends for a group challenge.
     • “Just send a…group text to many of them and say, hey, are any of you struggling with the habit of having a device with you in your bedroom?” – Delaney (13:03)

Modeling for Kids

• Lisa notes an irony: her kids now model better phone behavior than she does, due to the strong expectations she and her husband originally set.
  • “They're actually better at it than we are. And that was partly because that is what we role modeled.” – Lisa (12:56)
• Dr. Rustin encourages Lisa to bring her sons into the process as healthy modeling of how adults, too, face and work through tough habits.

Reflections on Behavior Change

• Both agree that changing tech-related habits is difficult, even when we understand the rationale.
  • “If it were so easy, you would have already done it.” – Dr. Delaney Rustin (16:44)
• Lisa is candid about the challenge: “It seems like such a simple thing. Right. So just take the phone out of the room. Like, you've done it. Why is this so hard?” (16:29)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Habits:
  “It's an amazing magnet to the bed in the morning if one starts to do those activities in the bed. Don't you agree?” – Delaney (02:48)
• Remembering Exceptions:
  “I actually remember the time that you left it downstairs. Like, that's how it sticks out in our brain because we become so habituated.” – Delaney (05:33)
• On Role Modeling:
  “Modeling not just the change itself, but the why and the how is a true gift.” – Delaney (00:45)
• On the Psychology of Change:
  “There's a lot of reasons why it just becomes a habit and there's what makes sense and it hasn't ruined your life…You benefit from it. So that's the part of the brain that just keeps coming up with reasons why just to keep doing that.” — Delaney (16:57)
• On Parental Struggles:
  “I feel like it's more of like a problem for now, me and my husband rather than them because they're actually better at it than we are.” — Lisa (12:56)

---

Important Timestamps

• 01:59 – 02:48: Lisa outlines how the phone returned to her bedroom and her struggles with morning phone use.
• 03:28 – 04:49: Discussion of attempts to break the habit; using the phone for white noise and emergencies.
• 06:38 – 08:44: Introduction and step-by-step breakdown of the DARTS method.
• 09:01 – 09:19: Delaney questions Lisa's first pick for phone placement, guiding her toward modeling best practices.
• 10:35 – 11:11: Lisa and Delaney discuss preparing for success and articulating motivation.
• 12:37 – 14:13: Delaney and Lisa brainstorm practical supports and the power of group challenges.
• 15:10 – 16:12: Recap of Lisa’s DARTS plan, with Lisa restating her personal reasons for change.
• 16:29 – 16:55: Reflections on why simple habit changes can feel so difficult.

---

Flow & Tone

Warm, supportive, and candid. Delaney takes a coaching stance, gently probing Lisa’s real-life obstacles while affirming the commonality of these struggles. Lisa is open, reflective, and honest about the gap between her parenting ideals and her adult habits, making the conversation highly relatable to parents everywhere.

---

Actionable Takeaways

• Try the DARTS method: Determine a manageable goal, arrange your environment for success, regularly remind yourself why you’re making the change, provide small rewards, and seek social support.
• Model tech changes openly: Involve children in your own struggle and learning process. This builds credibility and mutual empathy.
• Start with “one small change”: Even seasoned parents and experts backslide—incremental, focused efforts can yield significant progress.
• Leverage your community: Challenge friends or family members to join you for added motivation.

---

Next Episode Teaser

The following episode will feature updates from Lisa and from Hilary and Tori (from the prior episode) about their One Small Change Challenges—offering listeners real-world results and reflections on shifting tech habits at home.

Transcript

[A]

Hello, I'm Delaney Rustin, primary care physician and creator with Lisa Tabb of the four Screenagers movies. And this is Parenting in the Screen Age, a show about discovering the best ways to help our youth and ourselves navigate our rapidly changing digital world. In the last episode, we introduced the One Small Change Challenge, which is all about making a small but meaningful change related to technology use in our lives. I interviewed two moms, Hilary and Tori, about changes they wanted to make around their phone use. I also taught them the darts method to help guide their efforts. Today, I'll be talking with Lisa, a mother of two teenage boys, one 17, the other 15. She works in financial services and has recently become a certified parent coach. Lisa is looking for help with a specific phone habit she's not too happy about. But before we dive into our conversation, I want to let you know that in next week's episode, we'll hear from all three women about how their One Small Change Challenge went. It's going to be really interesting, so I hope you'll tune in to that one. Also, I want to invite you to consider taking on your own One Small Change Challenge. It's been really fun hearing from so many of you who are indeed doing this challenge after hearing about it in the last episode. So ask yourself, is there something you find yourself doing on your phone, computer, or other tech device that you wish you did less of or maybe not at all? Whatever you decide to work on, talk to the young people in your life about it. Your kids, your students, your team. If you're a coach, whoever they are, let them know you're trying to make a change. Change is one of the hardest things we do as humans. And modeling not just the change itself, but the why and the how is a true gift. When we invite kids to help support us through that change, it's even more powerful. Now let's get to my interview with Lisa.

[B]

One thing that's really bothering me is sleeping with the phone next to me. I was very, very strict on that. In this house, we all would put our phones in the kitchen at night and go upstairs and go to sleep. And about a year and a half ago, our house was flooded and we had to move into a rental for many months. And so we just. Just the way it was set up there, everyone kind of started sleeping with their ph using. We also use white noise, so using it for white noise, using it for alarm. But then when we moved back in, I kept that habit, and now I need to get rid of it again because I don't want it anywhere near me when I go to sleep. And I'm finding when I wake up in the morning, it's the first thing that I'm checking. And I'm not getting up and getting out of bed and doing what I need to do because I'm starting to check email scrolling a little bit, seeing what's going on and that's delaying my morning schedule.

[C]

And it's a real thing. It's a. It's an amazing magnet to the bed in the morning if one starts to do those activities in the bed. Don't you agree?

[B]

Oh, I think it's terrible. I think I know it's terrible. And I still don't let my kids sleep with it in their room. So they're good at taking it out of their room at night so they're not busy scrolling or up late. But like I'm also having trouble sleeping from time to time given my age and where I'm at. And so starting to look at the phone in the middle of the night or even in the morning, even just the brightness of the screen, even though I lower it, it's. It feels unhealthy.

[C]

What have you tried so far? You want to get back to when you didn't have the phone in your room when you slept?

[B]

So I bought a new. Like an alarm clock that has white noise because I like to listen. I need white noise to sleep. So my alarm has white noise and has my alarm. So I don't need to use the. The phone. The only time now is if my kids are out at night, then I want to have the phone next to me for in case I have them on emergency bypass. And so that if they call. Cause we don't. I guess we don't have a home phone anymore. So if they call then I want to have the phone there.

[C]

What's some things that go through your mind as you're taking the phone into the bedroom at night? Let's start with that.

[B]

So I will. I actually now play some games at night, which is not good. I also read. I read right before I go to bed. So the last thing I do is read on my Kindle. So that wouldn't be like the phone wouldn't be the last thing. I think it's more for the morning just to have it there to check what's going on to see if I got any texts. But like if we're all home, I don't need to have it there. There. Like I think there was one night I went to sleep early and forgot it downstairs and it felt much better. It does not need to be there. And generally I don't even change my day around if I get, you know, if I get a text or a message at work and I'm checking it at 7am versus 8am, it really won't make that much of a difference.

[C]

And 0 to 10, how much do you want to change? 10 being you really, this really is something you do want to change or zero actually. You really actually don't at all want to change.

[B]

This, I think right now I want to change is like an 8.

[C]

So the things that you like about it is it's just become. You like playing games things at night and you really like having it in the morning even though you kind of don't like having in the morning.

[B]

Yeah, I really don't. And it's not really like again, it's not like helping me get my day organized. It's really just putting me off schedule. And especially even worse on the week, weekends actually, because I may then go on like Instagram and scroll for half an hour.

[C]

I love the fact, which is so universal that you actually remember the time that you left it downstairs. Like that's how it sticks out in our brain because we become so habituated that it's like, oh, wow, how different. I actually didn't have it that night in my bedroom. Can you just say a few more reasons why you want to change? I've. I've heard a couple in what we've talked about sleeping better. You just particularly feeling stuck in the bed in the morning because you start being on it and just that whole idea of checking a screen, the absolute first thing. Is there any other reasons? Did I capture most of them?

[B]

Yeah, I think also like eyesight, like I noticed my eyes have gotten worse. So I just, I feel like it's just not a healthy thing. And I guess I've already said this, but anything I'm really doing on it, I'm wasting. I feel like I'm wasting time and it just feels like it's unhealthy and it's. Yeah, I'm not like sleeping as well. And I know all of that.

[C]

We're going to apply something that myself in creating a program with other people called Boosting Bravery. We came up with this acronym that works very well. It's called darts. So if you think about a target, Darts so you can remember the actual image of a dart going towards a target. And it stands for D, which is determine a doable target or goal. A is arrange for success. So really putting things in place that it's going to make it easier to do the things that we want to do. Because habits are so strong, if we don't arrange for success, we're going to, after this initial motivation, fall back into old ways. R is to keep reiterating the reasons why we want to make this change. T is treat. The brain learns really well from positive reinforcement. And then my favorite is s support. And that is having accountability, reaching out when things aren't going well. And in this case, for screenagers, for this work, modeling to our kids, our work in life to try to change and improve situations. So getting your sons to be involved in this change can be really great. So what seems like a doable goal here? It's really for two weeks, and then we can check back in.

[B]

I think even just a goal of moving it. So that's not on the night table. Right. So if I do need to check it for some reason or I do want to check it first thing in the morning, it's at least not in bed. It's not keeping me in bed. Bed. I'm up and I'm going out and I'm getting ready. I think a goal of moving it to the bathroom may be like a good start. Another goal for me, I think, is as I'm starting on this journey of parent coaching is like, if I'm going to coach to do these things, then I want to be able to do them myself and know that they're. That they are doable. And I know that's worked for me before. So I think it's just like pulling the trigger and just saying, okay, it's time to change.

[C]

So far, so good. Why the bathroom?

[B]

I think just probably what I used to do was put in the kitchen, and I may not make it down to the kitchen for, you know, 45 minutes or something in the morning. So I think just having a bit closer on the same floor as the bedroom. So either it would be the office or the bathroom.

[C]

Here's my thought pattern. We already know teens and people go to the bathroom with their phones. And I'm questioning a little bit if that might, as a parent, be sending a little bit of the wrong message of that being a place to hold it as opposed to the office. That's just what's going through my mind. And I don't know how that resonates with you.

[B]

I think that's a great point. I think the office is probably a better spot. We've got all the chargers here. It's where all the electronics are. And it's down the hall from my room.

[C]

Yeah, that's where I keep mine, by the way. Now. Okay. Are you an all or none kind of person?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

You want to do it every night? Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Probably not on the weekends if the kids are going out because then I'll want to have the phone near me.

[C]

Perfect. Okay, sounds good.

[B]

Well, actually my husband, who now sleeps with the phone next to him and is on it all the time, which he also never used to be, I could also just change it and say call him if you really need us and you're in this emergency, then call him because he's got his phone on his side.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

And then not have my phone.

[C]

Yep. That's great. So you. Do you want to try it through the weekend? Yeah, it's actually, I think two weeks. It would only be one weekend. I guess we have to define the two week dates. When do you want to do your start date?

[B]

Now.

[C]

Okay. Tonight. Perfect. Okay. So two weeks from now. Okay. So then a is for arrange. So in this setting how when you have that urge or the habit of bringing your phone into your room, do you know exactly where you're going to plug it in? In the office? Yes, we kind of went through that. Okay. And you have your Kindle. You know what book you're reading yet do you have a good book to make sure it's pulling you towards?

[B]

I just finished such a good book, so I will. I know, I hate finishing books. Finished such a good book. And so now I'm going to have to arrange that before I go to sleep what my next book's.

[C]

Yeah, get a new book. That's arranging for success. Ultimately is having those things set up for reasons. Something that I recommend is to actually put them on a three by five card. Three reasons, let's say on the refrigerator. So if you were going to write reasons, one word answers or a few, it can be a sentence. What would you say for some reasons you're just going to put on the refrigerator or however you decide to do it.

[B]

Better sleep. I just turned 50, so sleep's a huge, you know, battle. So better sleep, like why do something that's gonna impact your sleep? And then I would say also really more robust morning routine, which I really need because I got a lot on the go and don't want to waste time checking out what's going on on my phone.

[C]

Great. Two wonderful reasons.

[B]

Yeah, perfect. Great.

[C]

Okay. And then treats. Our brains learn from treats. They're those little reinforcements. So you're gonna get the reinforcement obviously of sleeping. Although I'm not promising a good night's sleep, but I do think it's important at the next morning at breakfast, you just do some little high five something with your kids to say, I did it again. I feel better. Or allow yourself, maybe there's a chocolate covered raisin you love you just that next morning it really on a very subconscious and conscious level. And the other thing is at the end of the week to treat yourself to something a little more. Whether that's put on the list that you're going to call a really good friend that you haven't talked to, that always makes you feel good. Or maybe it's make a special meal that you haven't made or you get to pick the movie or whatever it is. But to really again celebrate, to really reinforce that you're doing this work.

[B]

I don't know, I'm struggling with that one.

[C]

We can come back to the treats. I'll let you pass on this and see if you can think of one. And then s is support. So how do you think talking to your sons and husband about this, how can they support you and how much do you want to tell them or do you not want to even get them involved?

[B]

I mean, I feel like it's more of like a problem for now, me and my husband rather than them because they're actually better at it than we are. And that was partly because that is what we role modeled. So we kind of taught them along the way and now we've kind of gone back. So I would like them, I'd like them to see that. I don't know, I guess part of me is like, do I really want to bring attention to it if they're not noticing it?

[C]

I just want to offer that your saying to them you're struggling with. This is such a strong modeling of. It is human nature that we get into habits that we want to change and that this has happened. They're noticing, they know that you have it there. I'm a big proponent of accountability and you're just doing it right now being on a podcast. So I think you get an A plus for accountability. And another part of support is kind of doing this collectively. So another idea could be to reach out to a girlfriend or two. Just send a, I don't know, group text to many of them and say, hey, are any of you struggling with the habit of having a device with you in your bedroom? I'm going to do a two week challenge. Anyone interested in joining me oh, that's interesting.

[B]

I would love to see who says yes to that.

[C]

I'd be curious too. Do you think you'd be willing to do that and let us know when you're back on?

[B]

Yes, we'll see if I get any joiners.

[C]

So for anything come to mind for a treat, you can. Ultimately, your morning having done it is a treat in itself. Right.

[B]

I think that's what I was gonna say is that I think what happens with the wasting of the time in the morning or the not sleeping well is that I tend to not be on my healthy schedule. Right. I'm tired, not necessarily because of the phone, but I'm not getting up or I'm not like. Or I'm rushing through my workout because I have to get to work, but yet I wasted 20 minutes in bed that I could have actually gone on the bike. So I feel like the. The treat will be you got a great workout in and you still had time to spare. And I wasn't rushing to get to my desk or rushing to get to the office is kind of a treat unto itself.

[C]

Okay, let me just reiterate then, when we went over darts, D, A, R, T S, and you correct me if I don't get this right, you determined a doable goal, which is to have your phone out of your bedroom every night for the next two weeks. The arrange for success is it's going to be in your office and you're going to have a good book to. Actually, if you go to screennagersmovie.com and you use the search tool and put in book recommendations. I've written several blogs on some fantastic book recommendations.

[B]

Oh, great.

[C]

Okay. So that's the arranging and then for the reasons, you're going to put sticky notes on your refrigerator. And the reasons do you want to say? Because as a doctor, when I do a lot of motivational interviewing, it's really, we know the science. The more that you say the reasons versus I say it or they don't get said, it increases a person's motivation.

[B]

Better sleep and a more solid morning routine or more efficient.

[C]

I think.

[B]

I think it's efficient.

[C]

Perfect. And then ultimately, for the support, just

[B]

told my like, you know, girlfriend chat group, so I'll see if anyone wants to join me.

[C]

Perfect. So the goal now is in two weeks to get you back on, just to see how it goes.

[B]

I think that's great. I was interested to see how this would go because it seems like such a simple thing. Right. So just take the phone out of the room. Like, you've done it. Why is this so hard? But yeah, I think this is interesting and really important.

[C]

Good, good. And yes, what I always say to my patients, if it were so easy, you would have already done it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So it is not easy.

[B]

It's not easy.

[C]

There's a lot of reasons why it just becomes a habit and there's what makes sense and it hasn't ruined your life or anything like that. And there's things. You benefit from it. So that's the part of the brain that just keeps coming up with reasons why just to keep doing that.

[B]

The whole darts thing is interesting because the whole phone, this whole screens is such an issue. And I'll say it to my kids. I'll be like, you can't be entertained all the time. Like, that's not life. I keep on telling they're going to ruin their brain, which I think sticks a little bit. So I'm like, you just sit there and scroll all day. It is so bad for you. And they're like, I wasn't scrolling. I was doing this or I was doing that. But it's just breaking that, breaking those habits. I mean, if there are ways to break them that are doable, you and

[C]

I both know the meaningful things are the things that take work.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, Lisa, thank you so much. This has been really fun and I can't wait to talk to you in a couple of weeks.

[B]

Thank you. This is great. It was great to meet you.

[A]

That was Lisa sharing her commitment to keeping her phone out of the bedroom at night. We'll catch up with Lisa as well as Hilary and Tori, who I interviewed in the last episode to see how all three of them did with their one small change challenges. If you've taken on the challenge yourself or are planning to, I'd love to

[C]

hear about your experience.

[A]

Email [e-mail] and. And tell me about it. What a gift that you chose to tune into the show today. The Screenagers movement is all about doing this work together. If you want to learn how to spark collective action by bringing one or more of our four Screenagers movies to your school, workplace or other setting, visit screenagersmovie.com at the website. You'll also find my weekly parent blog, Techtalk Tuesdays, now in its 10th year, and use the search bar to get answers from hundreds of blogs and countless other resources on the site. Finally, I love hearing from you, so email me at delaneygreennagersmovie.com what ideas do you have for future episodes today's? Show was produced by the following people. Me, your host, Delaney Rustin, Lisa Tabb, Rebecca Tolan and Robbie Carver. Sound design and mixing was also by Robbing.