← Passion Struck with John R. Miles
Passion Struck with John R. Miles
The Power of Positive Habits: Simple Changes That Transform Your Life | Jon Gordon - EP 791
00:53:02
Bestselling author Jon Gordon joins John R. Miles to share the proven habits that build resilience, strengthen leadership, and help you overcome negative thinking. Discover practical strategies to create a more positive mindset and a life of greater purpose and impact.
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- [00:01]
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- [02:18]
John Miles
o o.com coming up next on Passion Struck.
- [02:22]
John Gordon
So here's the thing. Negative thoughts are always coming in. And when they come in, they will tell you things about yourself and your future that just aren't true. Negative thoughts are lies. And so many of us have them. Actually, we all have them. But are those negative thoughts coming from you? And I ask that knowing the answer is no. Who would ever choose to have a negative thought? Would anyone ever choose a negative thought? You wouldn't. But it comes in. And so when it comes in, you don't have to listen to it. Instead, you have to speak truth to it. You don't have the power of the first thought, but you have the power of the second thought. And this is really key to understand. And you're not the thoughts you think, you're the thoughts you believe.
- [03:04]
John Miles (Podcast Host - Narration)
Welcome to Passion Struck. I'm your host, John Miles. This is the show where we explore the art of human flourishing and what it truly means to live like it matters. Each week I sit down with change makers, creators, scientists and everyday heroes to decode the human experience and uncover the tools that help us lead with meaning, heal what hurts, and pursue the fullest expression of who we're capable of becoming. Whether you're designing your future, developing as a leader, or seeking deeper alignment in your life, this show is your invitation to grow with purpose and act with intention. Because the secret to a life of deep purpose, connection and impact is choosing to live like you matter. Hello friends, and welcome Back to episode 791 of Passion Struck. This month we're exploring what it means to flourish. Last week we started with Awakening. Whitney Otto helped us understand the stories that we carry in our bodies. Suzanne Giesman reminded us that staying connected matters most during life's hardest seasons. And in last Friday's episode, we talked about why flourishing begins with paying attention to the life we're living right now. This week we're focused on rewiring. On Tuesday, Nick Ortner joined us to talk about the emotional patterns we hold onto, why change is so difficult, and how our brains and nervous system can learn new responses. Today we're taking that conversation one step further because once we begin letting go of old patterns, we have to decide what we're going to practice in their place. The habits we repeat become the people we become. My guest today is John Gordon. John is one of the world's leading voices on leadership, teamwork and positive culture. He's the best selling author of more than 30 books including the Energy Bus, the Carpenter, the Power of Positive Leadership and his newest book, the Power of Positive Habits. His work has influenced NFL, NBA and college teams, Fortune 500 companies, school systems, and leaders around the world. What I enjoyed most about this conversation is that it isn't really about habits and the way most of us think about them. It's about becoming. John shares why he believes we often settle for what's good instead of pursuing what we're truly called to do, how choosing one word for the year can create focus and direction, and why comparing yourself to someone else's journey is one of the fastest ways to lose sight of your own. We also talk about purpose statements, the idea of reverse bucket lists, the importance of celebrating other people's success, and the lesson that transformed John's life. If you've ever found yourself wondering whether you're running your own race or trying to keep up with everyone else's, I think this conversation will resonate with you. Before we begin, if you're enjoying this flourishing season, please share this episode with someone who might need it. Make sure you're following Passion Struck on Apple podcasts or Spotify, and please subscribe if you haven't, and you can watch the full video version of today's conversation along with additional clips on our YouTube channel. Lastly, if you'd like to go deeper, you'll find today's companion workbook and reflection guide at my substack@theignitedlife.net now let's dive in with John Gordon. Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life that matters. Now let that journey begin.
- [06:35]
John Miles
I am absolutely honored and thrilled World Today to welcome John Gordon to pass Instruct John man, it's been a long time coming. How are you today?
- [06:43]
John Gordon
John I'm doing great and I'm honored to be on this podcast with you.
- [06:47]
John Miles
John. We're just getting to know each other, but I was a senior executive at Dell years ago and while I was doing that stretch, I started to look at Kill Wins ice cream franchises and I'm going here. I promise this will lead to something. But I had loved Kilwins growing up as a kid and they actually offered me the San Antonio market, the Austin market where I was living. But in order to get them, I had to wait for their supply chain to be able to build it out so they could support it. So my family, my parents and my brother lived in Chattanooga, Tennessee and they offered me a couple franchises there. So I said I'm going to try to make this happen. And unfortunately I could not convince any of my family members to go with the plan. They now regret it. I regret it because the darn franchises have about an 85% margin and gross between to 4 million a year. So I look back and think I could have been the ice Cream Man. But I understand you were the Burrito man when you were late 20s, early 30s.
- [07:53]
John Gordon
Yep, I was in the restaurant business in my 20s. Then I went to go work for a.com at 29 years old, thought I was going to get rich, thought I was going to make my fortune, had 100,000 shares and then the dot com company I worked for crashed. The bubble burst in the market. The company went under. I was one of the last people let go. But I'll never forget the day I was let go. I was terrified, fearful. What am I going to do for my future? How am I going to support my family? Well, I second mortgage my home and $20,000 credit cards. And on a wing and a prayer opened up the first Moe's Southwest Grill franchise in Florida. There were five Moe's opened and I think we were the sixth and they were all company owned stores. And we opened up the first franchise in Florida and just went with it and went for it and it was a scary ride. It was a scary time. It was a faithful time in many ways because I was praying every day to please get people in this store. I got to support my family, I got to feed my kids. My, my kids are tired of eating burritos every night because I can't afford anything else. It was definitely a wild and crazy time. But eventually opened up four MOE's, sold one off and then I sold three of them. In 2005, I asked myself, John, do I want to do this for the rest of my life? I have these number of stores. I can get to 10, I can get to 20. Just like you could have been the ice cream man, I could have been the burrito guy. And at all these MO's, ultimately I said, no, that's not what I really want to do. I want to be a writer and speaker. 1. I want to do this work. I want to make a difference. This is what I love. And yes, I can be very successful with the restaurants, but I have to let them go. So I decided to sell in 2005 with the goal of hopefully becoming a successful writer and speaker, which is what I really dreamed of and really wanted to do. And my wife was not happy about it. She said, no, we can't. We're finally comfortable because we were entrepreneurs. Always hanging on by a thread. She's like, we're finally comfortable and now you want to sell. I said I have to because what happens if it doesn't work? I said, there are no other options. I got to go for it. And it's funny because I talk about this in the new book the Power of Positive Habits. One of the habits is don't let the good get in the way of the great. I think so often we settle for the good, but we don't pursue what we truly want that will help us become great.
- [10:16]
John Miles
And there's a Lot of truth to that, isn't there? I love Jim Collins's book, but part of me, when I think about that sometimes I think we push too much to be great at the expense of being good enough. Do you think that sometimes happens as well?
- [10:34]
John Gordon
I think we can have this vision in our mind and this pressure of what greatness is supposed to be, and we wind up putting so much pressure on ourselves that we actually don't enjoy the journey and don't enjoy the process. I think it's about showing up every day and giving your best. And as you give your best and you become better on a daily basis, that is what leads you to great. So have a vision of what greatness looks like. Have a mission you want to work towards, but focus on the process. Focus on enjoying the process. Focus on bringing love to it every day instead of fear. Because love casts out fear. So the minute you focus on love, fear will dissipate and you won't feel pressure. You'll feel excitement and joy and passion and yet. And yes, it will be a challenge, but it won't be a chore. And if you do that day in and day out, I think that will ultimately lead to great, or at least the best that you can do.
- [11:36]
John Miles
John, this is your 33rd book. Hard for me to even comprehend that realizing how much effort goes into writing one of these. But you've been known now for years as being the positivity guy. But back at that time when you were starting Moe's, that was far from the realization that you have now. How did you end up closing that gap? Because that is something I think so many listeners face.
- [12:05]
John Gordon
Here's how my mind works. I'm so programmed towards the negative. I'm thinking about, man. What happens if John should have just could have done the Killwinds business? Man, that would have been awesome. He should have done the Killman's business. But then I also. The positive side of me goes, yeah, but he wasn't meant to do that. He was meant to do this. If it was meant to be, it would have been. And so it wasn't really meant to be. So there's a part of me that is naturally negative and pessimistic. And then I have this eternal belief and hope and optimism that keeps me looking forward, moving forward, ultimately staying positive on the journey. So I have both. But years ago, I was really negative and my wife threatened to leave me if I didn't change. This was when I lost my job during the dot com crash. I'm being negative. I'M blaming my wife for why I've not lived up to my dream or my potential. And she had enough of my negativity. She's that's it, Change or we're over. So it was a big wake up call for me because I wanted to stay married. And I began working on myself to become a more positive person. I began researching ways I could be more positive. And it's so ironic to me that I'm known as this positive guy when I'm naturally negative. My dad was a New York City police officer, undercover narcotics, and so he was shot a few times. He wasn't very positive. When I started speaking, my dad said, I can't believe people actually pay you to speak when you're a kid. We paid you to shut up. And that's the kind of mindset I grew up with. And I struggled with my mindset for a long time growing up and then also coming to a head with my wife. But. But I credit her because that began this journey of working to become a more positive person, a better person, a better father, a better husband. My quest to get better myself led to a mission now to help others get better. And yes, it is a mission. And now it's turned from positivity, I would say, to commitments, habits, and most of all, positive leadership. I'm really big on how positivity and leadership go hand in hand because a positive leader is the best kind of leader.
- [14:08]
John Miles
I talk a lot about habits on this podcast. I've had BJ Fog on Dr. Jed Brewer. I just released an episode with Eric Zimmer who's all about behavior, science and habits as well. What's different about your book than other books that have come out about habits in the past?
- [14:27]
John Gordon
That's a great question, John. Here's what I'll tell you. My marketing guy asked Chat GPT what's the difference between Atomic Habits and the power of Positive habits? I did not ask him to do this. He went and did it and he came back to me with this report. He said, I just want you to see this. I said, oh, let me see. He said, atomic Habits said that? No, Chat GPT said, atomic habits, which will help you build better habits. The power of positive habits will help you build a better life. So this is not a book on the science of habits. I state that very clearly in the introduction. Those books have already been written. There's the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. There's great books on there on habits. We know Stephen Covey wrote Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. This is 93 Habits. 93 is better than 7, John. 93 is much better than 7. And so with 93. I'm joking, by the way, but 93 habits. You implement even a few of these habits, and it's going to impact your life in a big way. And I selected these habits because I know that these habits will exponentially grow you as a person, as a leader, as a partner, as a friend, you name it. These habits will exponentially grow you and help you be the best that you can be. So I wanted to write a book on a collection of positive habits that if you can make these part of your life and put them into practice, they will really elevate you in amazing ways. And they've elevated me and they've elevated all the people that I've worked with over the years. These are like my greatest hits. If you read my weekly positive tip that I've been writing since 2002, I've been writing an E newsletter since 2002. Some of those tips made it into the book. Then there's habits that I discovered along the way that I began sharing with teams and organizations, sports teams and NFL teams and NBA teams, you name it. Because working with a lot of teams on these habits. And then more recently, I researched different habits that I thought should be in the book. What am I missing? What needs to be in here? What will help people? Especially some of the physical habits that I put in the book. And some of those things I'm doing now, like, I am now squatting like a child. I am squatting like a child every day. I couldn't even get past a chair on my way down when I first started, but now I can go all the way to the ground. That one habit has increased my flexibility, makes my legs feel so much more alive and young. I feel stronger and better. That one habit. So I put it all into the book. 93.
- [16:59]
John Miles
I happen to love the number 93. I graduated from the Naval Academy, and we're big on our class years, and I happen to be the proud member of the class in 1993. So there must be some connection there.
- [17:14]
John Gordon
Well, yes, definitely. And I graduated college in 93, but I didn't even remember that until you just said that. So what's interesting to me is I've been getting asked so many times, why did you stop at 93? Why not 100? Why not 200 habits? Why not 300 habits? And, yeah, I could have written a book with 365 habits and. But I don't know, when I got to 93 and I wrote the Final Habit there, I thought, well, that's all I got to say about that. I was just done. Like, all right, I'm done.
- [17:42]
John Miles
Your Forrest Gump moment.
- [17:43]
John Gordon
My Forrest Gump moment. I'm just done. That's it. Here we go. And I knew at that moment, I'm like, I'm gonna probably come up with other habits. And, John, the other day, I woke up from a great night's sleep. I'm sure you get ideas sometimes when you're sleeping for your books. And I woke up, and I had six habits that were in my mind. Literally. I saw them very clearly. That's how I write my books. I saw it, and I began taking notes on these six habits. And I'm like, why could I put these in the book? But 93 is perfect. And then I'll probably do supplements where I. I'll send out some free supplements to people who buy the books.
- [18:18]
John Miles
Incredible. Well, how about we tackle some of these? 93, I want to start out with this one. I understand, as you were going through this transition, buying Mo's, writing their first book, going on your journey of understanding God, that you used to walk around your neighborhood a lot, talking to yourself. So I want to understand, why should you talk to yourself, but don't listen to yourself?
- [18:42]
John Gordon
Yeah, because when I was doing that, my neighbors thought I was crazy, but I wasn't crazy. I was winning the battle of my mind. So here's the thing. Negative thoughts are always coming in. And when they come in, they will tell you things about yourself and your future that just aren't true. Negative thoughts are lies. And so many of us have them. Actually, we all have them. But are those negative thoughts coming from you? And I asked that, knowing the answer is no. Who would ever choose to have a negative thought? Would anyone ever choose a negative thought? You wouldn't, but it comes in. And so when it comes in, you don't have to listen to it. Instead, you have to speak truth to it. You don't have the power of the first thought, but you have the power of the second thought. And this is really key to understand. And you're not the thoughts you think. You're the thoughts you believe. So just because you have that negative thought, don't believe it. Don't agree with it. Instead, speak words of encouragement, words of life. And the more you do that, the more you walk in that encouragement, in that power and that strength. An example might be my wife a couple years ago. This is a True story. My wife was being really negative. I'm getting old, my body's breaking down. She said, I'm sore all the time. I work out, it doesn't work. I try to lose weight, it doesn't work. I'll never be like I was when I was younger. It's pointless. It's hopeless. I should just give up. And I said, honey, we got to stay positive. And she said, shut up, positive guy. So this is the woman who was always so positive and I was the negative one, and now she was being really negative. So, John, I go away for two days and I come back from a speaking engagement and she's as happy as can be. She's as positive as ever. Now imagine what I'm thinking. I'm home, she's negative. I go away for two days and come back and she's the most positive person on earth. And I'm like, what's going on here? Did you find a boyfriend or something? And she said, no. I had that health coaching call with Eve via Zoom. It's that company where they look at your blood and your genes and your DNA. And they said to her, we don't see this often. This is really rare. You have the genes of an Olympic athlete.
- [20:48]
John Miles
Oh, my goodness.
- [20:49]
John Gordon
So now she's walking around the house, I am going to win the gas. I am an Olympic athlete. Saying it over and over again. She goes, you want to play pickleball tomorrow? I'll crush you because I'm an Olympic athlete. The next day, she's meal prepping for her workout because she's an Olympic athlete. And something interesting happens. The pain goes away, the soreness goes away, the inflammation goes away and she starts feeling better and better, continually saying, I am an Olympic athlete and feeling that way and think, most importantly, thinking that way, which was causing the feeling that way. So here we are several years later, and she looks better and feels better than ever. Where the change begin in her mind and in her thoughts as a woman thinks she becomes as a man thinks he becomes. The thoughts you think and the words you say become the reality and the life that you are creating every day. So that's why you talk to yourself instead of listen. Don't listen to those negative thoughts that are program grabbing and creating a negative bad. You focus on those positive thoughts that encourage you, that give you life and strength and build you up to be your best you. That's what it's all about.
- [21:55]
John Miles (Podcast Host - Narration)
Before we get back to the conversation, I want to thank all of you for supporting. Passion struck. We wouldn't be what we are today
- [22:02]
John Miles
without the support of those who come
- [22:06]
John Miles (Podcast Host - Narration)
every single week and listen to this podcast. One thing John talks about in this episode is that the small things we practice every day eventually become the life we're living. That's one reason we've created companion workbooks for every episode in this flourishing series. Because listening is important, but putting these ideas into practice is where real growth happens. You can download today's free workbook and reflection guide@theignitedlife.net and if you're enjoying these conversations, please follow Passion Struck on Apple Podcast or Spotify. Subscribe and check out our full video version of this interview on our YouTube channels. Most importantly, if someone came to mind while you're listening today, share this episode with them. Now a quick break for our sponsors. Thank you for supporting those who support the show. You're listening to Passion Struck right here on the Passion Struck Network. Now let's get back to my conversation with John Gordon.
- [23:04]
John Miles
John Someone who I deeply respect is Marshall Goldsmith, and I've been lucky enough talk to him pretty frequently and have him on the show. And he has a book called the Earned Life. And when I think about that book, it's really this idea that you need to trust your big life plan. Creating the earned life why is it so important to trust your big life plan and to actually have a big life plan?
- [23:30]
John Gordon
That's one of the habits in the book, is trust in your big life plan. And no one has asked me a question on that one, so I'm so glad you did. And I love the concept of the earned life because, John, you know this, and I believe most people in their heart know that there is a bigger plan for their life. They're not meant to live an average life. They're not meant to live in misery, in chronic stress, in worry. So many people are going through life feeling chronically worried, chronically stressed and overburdened and overwhelmed. And we're not meant to go through life that way. And so when you wake up every day, it's important to remember, okay, there's a bigger plan for my life, and I trust in that bigger plan. Now you have to do the things that create that plan, that make that a reality. But that trust and that belief that you're here for a reason, that there's a bigger plan, will get you through all the adversity and all the muck and all the goo and all the challenges you will face along the way, because you're going to face those obstacles. There's going to be things that want to keep you in that mud. But if you could just trust in that bigger plan for your life, it gives you hope and it allows you to take one more step today to create a better tomorrow. I think a lot of times people just need that hope for one more step and one more day. And the trusting in the bigger plan, I believe, gives you that. Now, again, I don't. Some people say, some might say, john, that's delusional. I don't think it's delusional because I think. Well, I know the research is clear. Optimists believe in a brighter and better future and they have a competitive advantage because the research shows that they're the ones who actually succeed the most. And because they believe in a brighter and better future, they take the actions necessary to create it. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. So if you believe in a big life plan, you're actually going to take the actions necessary to create that bigger plan. Now will you get to that ultimate plan that you have? Maybe not. But the belief in it will take you much higher than where you are right now.
- [25:31]
John Miles
John, years ago, when I was first starting this podcast, I interviewed this gentleman from Australia who calls himself the bucket list guy. I know you know him. So my, my favorite thing that he talks about isn't the bucket list, it's the, the reverse bucket list. Have you ever heard him talk about that?
- [25:49]
John Gordon
Not the reverse one, I don't believe.
- [25:50]
John Miles
No. What he says is so many people want to create these habits, but they can't get themselves to get through this mental collapse of arsoning the things they want to accomplish. And he says what he has them do is do the reverse bucket list challenge, which is look back at your life and think about all the things that you've accomplished that you never thought in a million years you would have been able to get through. And when you start going through that reverse bucket list of what you've already accomplished, it gives you the confidence to then go out and conquer the things
- [26:27]
John Miles (Podcast Host - Narration)
you haven't done yet.
- [26:28]
John Miles
Does that resonate with you at all?
- [26:30]
John Gordon
Big time. Because we've accomplished so much and we've had so many wins along the way, and we need to be grateful for those wins. And it resonates with me because there's so much more I want to do, there's so much more I want to accomplish, and yet I need to say, you know What? I've written 33 books. I've had a huge impact on so many teams and organizations. I've lived a great life if I die tomorrow. I've lived a great life, and I accomplished more than I ever thought I would. Already at 55, I've done more than I ever thought I would. And so I need to be grateful for that and enjoy what I have already accomplished and feel like a success. Now. That should not make me complacent. It should make me feel gratitude. Grateful for what has been and who I am, but also having hope and excitement about what's coming. That's my whole approach, is like being grateful for what you've accomplished and what you have, but also being excited about what's coming your way. Because I just feel like I'm just getting started because we can't rest on our laurels and our accomplishments either. But we do need to smell the roses and enjoy the ride. And that's one of the habits as well in the book, is to make sure we. We enjoy the ride. Because sometimes we can be so busy, and I'm speaking to myself here as well, that we don't take the time to just enjoy what we've done and what we have and who we are and the people that we get to be with. I'm married still. Thank God she stayed with me. I have two kids that are healthy. Thankfully. I've had friends in their 50s and 40s pass away. I still get to live this life. My mom passed away at the age of 59. And so I need to remind myself, and we all need to remind ourselves that every day is a gift, not an obligation. So I do love that thinking of the reverse bucket list of what you've already accomplished.
- [28:26]
John Miles
The other thing it reminded me of was your habit number 15, run your race. Because to me, when we start doubting what we're able to do and the things we want to accomplish, often it's because we start comparing ourselves. Well, my podcast is great, but it's not Joe Rogan's. And. And I think the Reverse Bucket list shows you the race that you've already won. And to me, it helps signal, stay in your lane. Do the work that God put you here to do.
- [28:59]
John Gordon
I have to do that often, as I wrote in the book on that habit, I remember my son saying, hey, dad, you know this guy, Gary Vee? He has 6 million followers on Instagram. How many do you have? And at the time, I had like 30 or 40,000. And I felt like such a failure. It didn't matter that I had written all these books and helped all these people. I felt like a failure because I was measuring myself against this guy who was focused on Instagram, social media and had all these followers. And I'll never forget that feeling. And it felt horrible. And I remember reminding myself, just run your race. Just live your life. Do what you're here to do. That's all you can do. You can't be anyone else. You can only be you. And I love what Tim Tebow said to me one time. Tim said, wanting someone else's life, comparing yourself to them means that your life is an accident, because you're sitting there going, no, I was supposed to have their life. It'd be like you, John, saying, no, I was supposed to be Joe Rogan. I'm supposed to be him. No, you're not supposed to be him. You're supposed to be you. Now, can you learn from him? Can you get even more followers to your podcast? Of course. Can I write more books, make a greater impact? Can I do other things that get more followers to me on social media, like Gary Vay?
- [30:12]
Dana Susskind
Yeah.
- [30:13]
John Gordon
So you can learn from these people, but you're meant to run your race and focus on being the best you. And don't compare. When you compare, you despair.
- [30:23]
John Miles
Well, you absolutely do that. I struggled to do something a number of years ago. Have you. Are you familiar with Rory Vaden or A.J. vaden?
- [30:33]
John Gordon
No, I know. I know. Rory. Yep.
- [30:35]
John Miles
Yeah, Rory has this thing that he calls the one word exercise. And he was having me.
- [30:42]
John Gordon
Where do you get it from, John?
- [30:44]
John Miles
Jimmy page me. Me. You.
- [30:47]
John Gordon
Yeah, me. Jimmy and Dan Britton. Dan and Jimmy came up with it. And then. And then they're the founders, Dan and Jimmy, of the one word idea. They shared it with me, and then we wrote a book together called the one word that will change your life.
- [31:00]
John Miles
I want to talk about this because to me, it's changed my whole trajectory. I kept banging my head against the wall for seven months trying to figure out what was I supposed to use my superpowers for. And I kept going into the symptoms instead of the root of the symptoms. And it was one of the hardest things I had to do, but it's been on the backside of it. One of the most clarifying things I've ever done as well. And for a person who's not familiar with this, maybe you can explain why it's so clarifying.
- [31:33]
John Gordon
One of the habits in this book is to pick your word for the year. And it really is one of my favorite concepts and ideas on the planet. And I say that to you, John, because a lot of people are taking the one word thing and Taking credit for it. Now it's Jimmy and Dan deserve all the credit in the world because these guys over 25 years ago started doing a one word challenge to each other that they were going to pick a word for the year that give them meaning and mission, passion and purpose and help them focus on being their best. And then they went home, they shared it with their family, and everybody in the family came up with their words for the year. And then they made paintings of their words and put these words on paintings in the living room. It was so cool. So you can see it every day. And this is such a powerful concept because New year's resolutions fail, 99% of people will fail with their resolutions. But one word sticks. And that one word should be something that drives you, something that you can focus on, something that is sticky, something you can remember, and a word that you're actually going to live. It's not just a good word. It really is a God word, a word that is meant for you. My word this year is build. Last year it was dependence. Then it was whole. When I first started doing this, it was purpose. I knew my purpose needed to be greater than my challenges. When Dabosini won the national championship with Clemson football, he said my word all year has been love. Because he told his team their love for each other was going to make the difference. So I can't tell you what your word is, but there's a word that's meant for you. And picking a word is such a great habit to do because it is something you can focus on. It's so simple. And like I said, we lose goals along the way, we lose our resolutions. But you remember your word and it really does help you live with more power.
- [33:17]
John Miles (Podcast Host - Narration)
So let's talk about purpose.
- [33:19]
John Miles
One of the things I have is a purpose statement, but one of the things I do not do is read it every single day. And I probably should. I. And I'm going to go to Tim Tebow here for a second. I was watching him because I'm really fascinated with the work that he's doing to save lives, the way he's doing it of people who are being abducted. And he was giving his testimony to. To Congress and he did his purpose statement. The way he recited it to him, it was almost as if he had spoken in about a million times. It was so familiar to him that it just came right off his tongue like I've always hoped mine would. And I think maybe this is one that I need to start doing every day.
- [34:04]
John Gordon
Yeah, it's a really powerful habit I wrote about in the book. And Tim and I just did an event together called Training Camp. I have a training camp every year where I bring in all the best coaches from around the country to the event. They're the speakers, the audience is business leaders. And it's an amazing event. And Tim spoke and we talked about all they're doing to fight sex trafficking. And he really shared his heart and his purpose and his mission. This was only a few days after his dad died, and Tim was right there, still doing it. Tim and I are doing an event called a day with November 5th as well. November 5th. Just he and I and 100 top leaders. If anyone wants to come, check us out online. A Day with. And so Tim and I are doing that event. And so Tim and I, we get a chance to talk. And purpose is something that clarifies why you're here and why today matters. And if today matters, what will you do that matters? And for me, I say my purpose all the time. It's changed. It used to be to inspire and empower and encourage as many people as possible, one person at a time. Now with my company, it's to develop positive leaders who make a positive impact in every business school, team, organization, and community, to create a more positive world. And I say that every day. And we have a team meeting once a week. I recite it or I have a team member recite it. This helps us remember, like, why we're doing what we're doing and what our purpose is. Because there are days, John, I get up and I'm tired. There are days that I don't really feel like doing these things. There are days that I lose sight of it and I start to get burned out and stressed. And I even asked myself, why am I doing this? This is hard. For years, I was just writing and speaking, and now I have a whole team and organization focusing on developing positive leaders. And it costs a lot of money. It's a lot of infrastructure. The writing and speaking is just me going out there doing my speaking and writing my books, and that's it. And it's easy. You need one person to handle your speaking, and that's it. With this, you have a whole team and organization of customer service and customer success and making sure you have a sales team and you have someone in operations and then marketing. And so I have a team of 15 now. And I gotta tell you, it's not easy. And I have to remind myself, this is our mission. This is our mission. This is why we're doing It. And when I do, I'm no longer tired, I'm no longer questioning. I'm like, nope, I know the path forward. I know the why. So I know the way.
- [36:44]
John Miles
John, earlier today, I did something that I do on a habitual basis. That is, after I ate lunch, I took my two dogs for a walk. And to me, it's one of the. My favorite rituals that I do because it frees my mind up, gets me outdoors, gets me my mind off of the day's work and thinking about things around me. And one of the habits that you write about in the book is the power of taking a walk after meals. And this is such an easy one that anyone can do.
- [37:16]
John Gordon
I love it. It's so simple. Walking with your dogs is even better than just doing it by yourself. I don't have dogs anymore. I had dogs. I miss my dogs. But when I am home and not traveling or when I'm on the road, I'm taking a walk, like, wherever I am, whenever I can do it. If I'm in the airport, I'm taking a walk. Especially after you eat. Because when you're eating, if you don't take a walk, if you don't take a walk afterwards, all that sugar is now in your blood. And taking that walk gets the sugar from your blood and brings it into your muscles. So it helps create a normal blood sugar level. It helps improve your metabolic processes, enhances your health, your digestion, helps you burn more calories. So it's a great booster for your body and also your brain. And so many people don't do it. Think about how you feel after you eat a big meal, and then you just sit on the couch afterwards and don't do anything. You take this walk after a meal, you start to feel so good from this walk. You want to do it again and again. I'm addicted to it. Now I'm going after lunch, now I'm going after dinner. Now I just feel so much better after I take this walk after a meal.
- [38:25]
John Miles
One of the things I love to do is to read, and I've been in a speed reader all my life. It's one of the best skills that the Naval Academy taught me. And because of this podcast, I have over 100 guests per year on it. So I'm one of those people that I read their books like I did with yours. But reading books has been one of my secret weapons in the background because it exposes me to so many novel ideas, both from years ago and more recent. And this is one of the Key things that, that you write about is how much an impact it can have. Why is reading books so important?
- [39:05]
John Gordon
I couldn't agree more with reading. And I got to be honest, John. I want to read more than I have been. I used to read a lot. I don't read as much anymore. I get so busy running this business that is taking so much time and energy. So I want to get back to reading more. So I want to be honest and transparent on that, that it's essential, because that's where you get new ideas. That's where you read words that refresh, you, renew, you chart a path forward. The books in your life, I guarantee, have changed your life. The books that I've read in my past that have changed me, you're never the same after you read a book. And so hopefully you read good books because those good books will impact your life. And I hear from people all the time that have read one of my books, and they tell me how it's impacted them. And there's no better feeling in the world. But I get the feeling because I know the books that I read over the years, like Rich Dad, Poor dad, the Greatest Salesman by OG Bandino, Richard Box Books. Jonathan Livingston Siegel, Illusions. I can go on and on. John Ortberg, Soul Keeping, which is an amazing book. Donna Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. All these different books have impacted me in different ways. And so when you read a book, you're reading the words, but I also believe you're receiving the essence of what the author is sharing. That's why I'm against AI writing books. If you're going to write a book, write your book. Don't use AI to write your book. You write your book. My wife has Gordon Publishing now, so we are helping people publish their books. This is something she wanted to do. I really didn't have interest in doing it. She wanted to do it. And she's publishing a bunch of books now and loving it. But they refuse to do anything with AI because your words, your essence, is now being read by someone else and you're able to impact their life. So when you read a book, you'll be impacted by it again. It's going to change you. It's going to change the way you think. It's going to give you one new idea, perhaps one new habit, one new aha moment. Maybe it's going to give you inspiration to totally live your life in a different way. The people you meet and the books you read are the biggest impactors of your Life.
- [41:17]
John Miles
I want to talk about Shawshank Redemption. I have a point with this. So when I think about Andy Dufresne when he first gets into prison, he's all upset because he's a victim and he's worried about his own survival. But then you see a shift happen. He starts writing the weekly letter, trying to get books for the other prisoners. He does that scene when they're spreading the asphalt on top of the roof where he gets them to bring up beers and watches everyone else drink one. And he is just celebrating others. And then I remember when he finally gets more freedom than he's ever had, he starts playing the music for the rest of the prison to have a moment. And when I think about what he was doing, he was really celebrating others, celebrating their success. And I think there's so many lessons that you can learn from that movie, but I think that is one of my favorite ones from Andy is to put others in front of yourself and to celebrate them. Why is that so important?
- [42:23]
John Gordon
That was an amazing movie, by the way. I love that movie. My co author of the Coffee Bean, Damon west, always talks about it because Damon served time in prison. And so that's a movie that he always loved as well. But why is it so important to celebrate others? Because a lot of times we're not celebrating others. We want others to fail so we can feel better about ourselves. And what I've learned over the years is when you stop comparing and you actually celebrate the gifts and success of others, you actually start to experience more success yourself. You start to find your lane in your path. If you can't see that in others, you'll never be able to see it within you. And so I struggled with that years ago when I was writing and speaking. I was jealous of others who were more successful. And I began celebrating the success of others, of those who I was jealous of. And it's so funny, the more I celebrated their success, I then found my own. And I believe that's what happens now. One of the other habits in the book is encouraging others and catching what people are doing right. That comes from Ken Blanchard, of course, who wrote the One Minute Manager. And that's another great habit. Celebrate the success of others, encourage others, and then recognize others for their success. This takes it off. You focus on them and that makes you happier and it makes them better.
- [43:50]
John Miles
One of the things I saw you wrote about was energy vampires. And I call them the mosquitoes in your life. What are those? Energy vampires. Due to the life you want to
- [44:00]
John Gordon
lead, they suck the life right out of you, they drain you. I shared that term in the energy bus in 2007, popularized it. I'm not sure I came up with it. I don't know where it came from. Even the BG song, by the way, Jive talking talks about those who drain your energy, which is funny. I was listening to that song the other day. So that came out way before the Energy Bus. So there are people who steal your energy and they do it with their own misery, they do it with their own sob story, they do it with their just black hole energy that just trains you. And so you just got to be wary of them. And you can't let them drain your energy. Your positivity has to be greater than their negativity. And especially on teams, as you know this from the military, from protective forces, whether it's police or fire, it's about making sure that we are a team that works together. And one person can't make a team, but one person could break a team so that one energy vampire on your team could sabotage it. So so much of the work that I do is actually helping leaders build stronger teams by getting rid of the negativity and feeding the real positivity.
- [45:13]
John Miles
And lastly, I have to talk about number 93. So my episode that's coming out tomorrow is with this 82 or 83 year old young man named Walter Green who, while I was interviewing him, I. If I hadn't been looking at him, I would have sworn he was 25 because he had so much energy. But he started this movement called the say it now movement. Are you familiar with this?
- [45:37]
John Gordon
The say it Now?
- [45:38]
John Miles
His whole thing was don't wait until a person's funeral to tell them the impact that they had. Yeah, say it now and your habit 93 is create an amazing funeral. It's a little bit different description than what I just gave, but it's basically along a similar lines.
- [45:59]
John Gordon
I love the concept of say it now because we just were with my friend who had his 60th birthday party and people were in essence eulogizing him, but he was still there to hear it. They were talking about the impact he had on their lives and who he was. It was really special. And I thought people should get to hear this while they're alive, not when they're gone, because you don't really get to hear it. So I do love the idea of saying it now and making people feel special. But my idea of creating an amazing funeral is the idea that your funeral is going to be amazing because all the people that you impacted will be there. They'll be celebrating your life. They'll be meeting each other, they'll be telling stories about you and how you impacted them. And yes, you won't be there, but it will be an amazing funeral, which will have meant you lived and that you made the most of your life and you spent it investing in others. So that's my concept of an amazing funeral, is that everyone's there, everyone's celebrating, everyone's meeting each other, everyone's forming incredible relationships. They telling these amazing stories of maybe the books that they read or the talks they heard me give or the coaching advice I gave them, or meeting them on the airplane or on the street, because that's happened so many times where I've poured into someone and they will be at my funeral. And it's going to be an amazing one because I took the time to invest in others.
- [47:27]
John Miles
Thank you for sharing that, John. And one of the last things I want to talk about before I let you tell people where to find you is one of the most powerful things that I think you share is that it's service, not success, that began healing you and has kept you on the path that. That you've been on now for going on 20 years. Why does focusing on helping others transform us so deeply? And why do you so highly recommend it to others?
- [47:56]
John Gordon
Because life was never meant to be lived alone. Because in isolation and disconnection, you're miserable and powerless. But when you're connected to others and to God, you feel a true sense of power, of healing and wholeness. Relational psychology says we heal in a loving relationship. So when you're connected to others through the bond of love, there is happiness and joy in that relationship. When you're about me, not we, and you're a narcissist, you actually feel very negative and separate and disconnected from others, and you don't care about others. And you wind up actually being and feeling miserable. And this happens so often. So when you make your life about others and you take it off yourself, I believe you lose your ego and find the greatness in your life. True greatness is really about helping others be great. It's not about you, and I don't know about you, John, but when I focus on me and only me, I am pretty unhappy. But when I focus on others and remember it's about others and I lose my ego, man, I'm so much happier. So I take a daily walk of prayer, and while I'm walking, I just say, God, use me for Your purpose. Guide me towards my purpose. Have me be what you want me to be and have me do what you want me to do. Help me serve others and make a difference. I let go of my pride and ego because I have one. Obviously something drives you to want to be successful. We all have one. It's not a bad thing, we all have it. But you got to recognize you have it and don't let it dominate you. You have to make sure that it becomes subservient to the greater mission, the greatest service. And you also can't fake false humility either, right? You gotta truly be humble, knowing that everything you have is really not from you. If you really think about it all you've been given, all the success, all the opportunity, there was a greater power at work in your life. You didn't do it all your own. And anyone who thinks they're a self made man or a self made woman, I believe is delusional. When you see all the coincidences, all the good fortune, all the people that showed up, all the people that maybe bought your product and told stories about you early on that got you through that one challenge, that helped you avoid that one bankruptcy, you'll see an orchestration, a bigger hand on your life. And that should cause you to be humble and in humility. You recognize that other people are valuable and it's about serving those people as well and giving to causes greater than yourself. And the research is clear on this. People who are most energized when they're using their strengths and their gifts and their talents for a bigger purpose beyond themselves. And what's the bigger purpose than helping others?
- [50:50]
John Miles
I've heard Arthur Brooks lately as he was talking about his latest book, talking about a concept called moral beauty, but similar to your one word problem. The first place I heard this was Dacher Keltner and his research on awe, saying that when you witness people doing acts of moral beauty, either to others or themselves, performing an act of moral beauty, it makes you feel more alive than anything else that you could possibly do. So I think that's a great place to end.
- [51:20]
John Gordon
The best feeling in the world is someone read your book and you made a difference in their life and they reach out to you and they say, hey, this impacted my life. That's better than any bestseller list, is knowing you made a difference in someone's life.
- [51:34]
John Miles
Amen to that. John, where's the best place people can go? To learn more about this book and all your previous books, just go to
- [51:40]
John Gordon
Power of positive habits book.com that's powerofpositivehabitsbook.com it's long but go there and when you get the book, we're actually giving you a free positive habits developer which is where you put in your top three habits from the book and then it creates a customized 30 day plan for you to put these habits into practice. So just go there and my normal website is john gordon.com j o n gordon.com and you'll find me in all my books and all my writings and so forth there.
- [52:13]
John Miles
Absolutely. Such an honor to have you on today, John. I've you were on my top 10 list for so many years of guests I always wanted to have on. So thank you for doing us the honor of having having you on. Passion Struck John.
- [52:26]
John Gordon
That means a lot to me. Thanks for the honor of being on it. I love the name by the way. Passion Struck. That's pretty awesome. And also just love, love the difference you're making and the impact you're having. There is no comparison. You're on the right path, the right journey and I'm excited to see what comes next for you and your books.
- [52:42]
John Miles
Thank you so much.
- [52:43]
John Miles (Podcast Host - Narration)
That brings us to the end of today's conversation with John Gordon. One thing I appreciate about this discussion is that John kept bringing the conversation back to the person we're becoming. We spent a lot of time thinking about goals, achievements, and milestones, but John reminded us that flourishing isn't built in grand moments. It's built in the choices we make repeatedly, the people we surround ourselves with, and the willingness to keep running our own race instead of somebody else's. I especially loved our conversation about purpose statements, one word themes, and the idea of a reverse bucket list. Not just asking what we still want to accomplish, but taking time to appreciate what we've already experienced and who we've become along the way. Next Tuesday, we continue our Flourishing series with Dana Susskind and a conversation about
- [53:27]
John Miles
her remarkable new book, Human Raised.
- [53:29]
John Miles (Podcast Host - Narration)
Dana is a pediatric surgeon, a New York Times bestselling author, and one of the world's leading experts on early childhood development. In our discussion, we explore how human connection literally shapes the developing brain, why the first years of life matter so profoundly, and what it means to raise children and ourselves to flourish in the age of AI. We talk about curiosity, resilience, empathy, attachment, the danger of optimizing children for achievement at the expense of their humanity, and the uniquely human capacities that technology can never replace. It's one of those conversations that stays with you because in many ways it's really about all of us. It's about what makes a life meaningful, what helps people feel like they matter, and how we build a world where the next generation can truly thrive.
- [54:13]
Dana Susskind
All of these sort of things that we've optimized ourselves for. Now, AI can replicate it, not replicate, it can surpass us. But the one thing it can't do is care. Truly care. It can simulate care. And that's why people are flocking to AI. But it doesn't stay up at night worried about your child, how your child is doing the things that we as parents do just instinctively. And I think that caring, that connection is so critical for this next moment in time because it's actually that will give our children the best chance to, to thrive in the age of AI with these human edge skills.
- [54:53]
John Miles (Podcast Host - Narration)
If today's conversation resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it. And don't forget to download today's companion workbook and reflection guide@the UnitedLife.net until next time, keep practicing the habits that help you become the person you're called to be. I'm John Miles, and you've been passion struck. Until next time.