Transcript
Pastor Rick (0:02)
Hello, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope. We are so glad that you're here. You know, in this world, we all go through trials and we experience losses. But the good news is that God is always with you and you can never lose his love. Stay tuned today as Rick continues his series called the Key to Hope. And now we're going to jump right in with Rick. And here is the final part of a message called what's holding youg Back?
Pastor Tom (0:31)
How do you let go of your wounds? Well, if the only way to let go of your worries is prayer, the only way to let go of your wounds is forgiveness. Forgiveness. There is no other antidote to your hurt and pain. There's no other way you're gonna get past your past except through forgiveness. I don't care what kind of therapy you go through. I don't care what kind of book you read, what kind of mumbo jumbo seance you go to or whatever. It's not going to work. Because there's only one antidote to the pain of the past, and it is always forgiveness. You say, well, they don't deserve to be forgiven. Well, neither did you, and God's forgiven you. You don't forgive people because they deserve it. You forgive people for two or three reasons. Number one, God says to do it. Number two, God has forgiven you. Number three, it's the only way you let go of your pain. You don't forgive people for their benefit, you do it for your benefit. Resentment doesn't hurt them, it hurts you. You let it go only one way, through forgiveness. And you forgive so you'll feel better. Not so they'll feel better. It's so you'll feel better and you let it go. Look at what the Bible says in Ephesians, chapter 4. Well, first look at this verse in Job 18:4. Read it with me. You are only hurting yourself with your anger. You gotta release it for your own good. You've got to let it go. Now, what does the Bible say? Ephesians 4. It says, get rid of all circle that word, all bitterness. Don't hang on to. Well, I'm gonna hold back this grudge for leverage. And then when I get in my next fight, I'll say, yeah, but you did that. And you're holding back grudges for ammunition. Don't do that. Get rid of all bitterness. No more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, forgive one another as God has forgiven you through Christ. You pass it on. You forgive others. Why? So you can let it go. I want you to hear Tim's story of how a man dealt with all of the wounds he had received in life and learned the miracle of forgiveness, would you give him a warm welcome?
Tim (3:01)
My name is Tim, and I'd like to share with you how Jesus Christ has helped me to let go of pain, anger, and bitterness that I had developed as a result of some major wounds in my life. I was born an only child in Elyria, Ohio, and my dad had a passion for racing stock cars. And when I was four years old, I had the opportunity to see him race for the very first time. It was the only race I ever saw and ended up being his last because he died that day. During that short race, his throttle stuck and he crashed into the end of the wall on the oval track and the car exploded. My mom screamed hysterically, but at four years old, I didn't understand what had happened. During the next six years, I found my solace in food and became quite overweight. Being a fat kid was miserable because other kids were brutal. I can still hear their comments, and I remember the emotional wounds that I received. And so I learned to be an angry kid and express my anger often. My friend Stevie lived a few doors down from me, and one day we were out playing in the woods where his brother Jim was waiting for me. And he sexually abused me on that day. And when he told me he would kill me and my mother if I ever told anyone, naturally I believed him. And I carried that guilt and shame for years, never even realizing that it wasn't my fault. I never brought it up again for probably 25 years. Through it, I received another wound. After my dad died, my mom found her solace in alcohol, and within six years, she managed to drink herself to death. At 10 years old, I was completely alone, and all I had left was my dog, Molly. I went to live with my aunt and uncle on my mom's side, and during that time, they went in and cleaned out my house and either gave away or sold everything, including selling my dog, Molly, which I think hurt the most. And that summer, they left on vacation, leaving me with another aunt and uncle. And I thought when they came back that I would go and live with them. But after they came back, they never answered their phone. They never answered their door. And that was their way of saying, we don't want Tim here anymore. That summer, I bounced from one house to the next, and during a brief stay with one of my uncles, my own cousin threatened me with a knife, and he sexually abused me. And that day I decided I could no longer trust anyone. Everyone I'd ever cared about either left me, didn't want me, or abused me. And at age 11, I concluded that to survive, I'd have to take care of myself. When I was 19, I began a lifestyle of drinking, drugs and sexual encounters. Anything I could find to cover up my anger and my bitterness. I got married, but it lasted less than two years because I was running from all my pain. I asked for a divorce after having two secret affairs. And afterward I bounced from one relationship to another, trying to fulfill my own loneliness. But no one ever knew that I was hurting because I never let anyone get that close. I built an emotional fortress around me because of my hurt and rejection, and it gave me a false sense of security. But I was miserable and lonely. Then I moved to California and within two years I was married again. And three months after the wedding, I came to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I'd love to say that my inability to trust finally disappeared, but it didn't. In fact, because I had not dealt with my wounds, I found it hard to even trust God because I couldn't let go of control of my life. So instead of really getting to know and to love and trust Jesus, I simply became a Bible expert. I amassed a lot of Bible knowledge and felt as though I had the answers for everything and everyone except myself. I became rigid, self righteous, trying to please God in all the wrong ways. I was harsh, I was opinionated and felt that everyone else was wrong except those in my own little group. Of course, my own little group was me. During the next 21 years, I had three kids. I went back to school, I got two more degrees. I got involved in ministry, even became an ordained pastor and started a church. But with all the unresolved wounds, it was still all motivated by fear, distrust, and the craving to be recognized and accepted by somebody. Fifteen years into our marriage, my wife confessed to having had an affair. It was just another wound reinforcing my own feelings of rejection. I said I forgave her, but I never really processed the pain. I only stuffed it. I kept reading my Bible, but I was living in complete denial. Five years later, my wife asked for a separation. And six months after that she filed for divorce. As hard as I tried, I couldn't put the marriage back together again. Then one day I was in Diedrich's coffee, reading my Bible, struggling with my anger, and Joe from Saddleback Church walks in and he's wearing a Celebrate Recovery cap. I shared with him what I was struggling with and he invited me to celebrate recovery. And that Friday night, I went for the very first time. I wish I could tell you all the details of what happened next, but the bottom line is that Saddleback's Celebrate recovery program and God's grace saved my sanity and my life. It was there that I learned to forgive others. I learned to forgive myself and let go of my wounds. Pastor Rick's always talking about the value of being in a small group. Well, in my small group, for the first time in my life, I was able to open up to others and be honest about my hurts, my hang ups, my fears. My small group didn't judge me. They didn't give me advice, they didn't try to fix me. They didn't try to control me. They simply loved and accepted me. And for the first time in over 40 years, I felt unconditionally loved. One major breakthrough happened for me when I finally faced the pain of being sexually abused as a child. In my heart, I had always hated these two individuals who had done this to me. I held onto that pain and hurt. Yet during the recovery step of forgiveness, God moved me to forgive and to let it go. I wrote letters to both these guys, letters that I knew that I couldn't send, not knowing where they lived. But as I wrote to Jim, I began to detail all the years of wreckage and pain that he had caused from what he had done to me. But I explained that I was extending forgiveness to him whether or not he was ever able to acknowledge his sin or not. It wasn't about him now. It was about me and God. At that instant, I realized that I no longer wanted Jim to suffer for what he had done to me. And I began to weep. My anger melted away and I only felt compassion for him. And I began to pray for this guy who abused me, asking God to forgive him and not count a sin against him. In that amazing moment, God changed my heart towards someone that I had hated for over 35 years. And now in a coffee shop, I found myself weeping for his salvation. Only God can change a heart like that. Through God's strength, I found that in forgiving and letting go, there's true freedom. My life has undergone a transformation and God has given me miraculous hope through the power of forgiveness. I'd like to encourage all of you who are carrying hidden wounds to stop hiding them. Get involved in a small group where you can honestly face your unresolved hurts and your wounds in your life so you can be free from them. Don't let your past hold you back anymore. Let Jesus Christ help you to experience the freedom that comes through forgiveness and letting it go. Thank you.