Summary

In this episode, Andy sits down with Attia Qureshi, a coach and negotiation expert who is co-author, with John Richardson, of Never Settle. There's no shortage of great negotiation advice out there, yet in real conversations with real stakes and real emotions, that advice often fails to turn into action. This book tackles that gap between insight and habit.

Attia shares why emotions are not a distraction from negotiation but central to it, why getting clear about what you actually want is harder than it sounds, and how we leave value on the table without realizing it. You'll hear practical stories, from resetting a difficult relationship with a glass of lemonade to expanding the pie in a salary negotiation, plus small daily exercises for building resilience to rejection and learning to say no in a way that strengthens relationships rather than damaging them.

If you're looking for practical, doable ways to become a more confident negotiator and influencer, this episode is for you!

Sound Bites

"You can get more by caring about what the other person needs and building a strong relational foundation."
"People are not born amazing negotiators. They develop that skill over time, just like people are not born confident."
"You have to practice that small step out in the real world where the stakes are low and build that skill day after day, month after month."
"You and I have probably already negotiated half a dozen times today."
"When someone gives us something, we want to return the favor."
"New studies now show that 90 to 95% of decision-making comes from unconscious emotional processing."
"So many of us quit before we even start."
"But if we do have a goal and we do prepare for the conversation, our likelihood of success is double."
"A good negotiation doesn't always mean getting 'yes' at the end of it."
"I always tell my students, people can almost always help you. It depends on if they want to or not."

Chapters

00:00 Introduction
02:06 Start of Interview
02:17 Growing Up: Early Lessons in Conflict
07:10 Negotiation and Confidence Are Skills, Not Personality
08:04 Life Is Full of Everyday Negotiations
10:30 Why Negotiation Training Often Fails
12:30 Resetting a Difficult Relationship
17:20 Influence vs. Manipulation
22:33 Emotions, Fear, and Building Resilience
28:00 Using the Emotion Wheel
29:36 Getting Clear on What You Really Want
33:39 Expanding the Pie: Creating Value
40:50 The Power of Saying No
47:27 Teaching Kids to Negotiate
51:23 End of Interview
51:55 Andy Comments After the Interview
55:22 Outtakes

Learn More

You can learn more about Attia and her work at AttiaQureshi.com.

For more learning on this topic, check out:

Episode 157 with Dr. Robert Cialdini. Known as the godfather of influence, his name came up several times during today's discussion, making this a great follow-up.
Episode 412 with Scott Walker. A former Scotland Yard hostage negotiator who shares a lot of practical lessons about influence.
Episode 385 with Vanessa Patrick. She wrote one of the best books on how to say no, a fitting companion to today's conversation.

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Thank you for joining me for this episode of The People and Projects Podcast!

Talent Triangle: Power Skills

Topics: Negotiation, Influence, Leadership, Project Management, Reciprocity, Emotional Intelligence, Resilience, Saying No, Stakeholder Management, Relationship Building, Value Creation, Confidence

The following music was used for this episode:

Music: Quantum Sparks (Full Version) by MusicLFiles License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Music: Tropical Vibe by WinnieTheMoog License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license