Pillow Talks Podcast – Episode E232: "Trick or Treat: The Bedroom Edition"

Hosts: Vanessa & Xander Marin
Date: October 30, 2025

Overview

In this lighthearted Halloween-themed episode, sex therapist Vanessa Marin and her husband Xander dive into their recurring series—usually called "Smash or Pass"—with a seasonal twist: "Trick or Treat: The Bedroom Edition." The couple tries out trending, quirky, and sometimes downright bizarre sex tips sourced from the internet and their Instagram community, rating each as a "trick" (it doesn’t work or is awkward) or a "treat" (genuinely useful or enjoyable). True to their trademark candidness and humor, they give listeners both practical advice and plenty of laughs, referencing everything from ocean boners to Halloween candy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What is "Trick or Treat: The Bedroom Edition?"

• Vanessa explains that, just like in their "Smash or Pass" series, they experiment with odd, urban-legend sex tips so their listeners don't have to.

  "We will be the guinea pigs for this. We'll try out all the tips that nobody really wants to try but is kind of curious about." (03:06, Vanessa)

2. The Tips: Trick or Treat?

A. Hold Water in Your Mouth During Oral Sex

• Both found this awkward and unhelpful.
• Main issues: hard to keep water in the mouth, made the act clumsy, and no extra sensation for the receiver.
• Xander humorously debunks the “ocean boner” myth:

  "If that were the case, men would just be popping boners left and right in swimming pools or in the ocean." (06:01, Xander)

• Verdict: Trick
• (Discussion: 04:04–11:07)

B. Both Partners Wear AirPods and Listen to Different Sexy Playlists

• Felt disconnected and awkward—no shared experience, almost like having sex alone.
• Vanessa suggests playing with sensory deprivation for the curious, but not in this way.

• "It just felt like I was alone, having sex with you. We weren't together in the experience." (13:16, Xander)

• Verdict: Trick
• (12:05–15:41)

C. Switch Positions Every 60 Seconds ("Like a HIIT Workout")

• Too frequent; broke the flow and pleasure.
• Both recommend more natural switching—every 2–3 minutes instead.

• "Every 60 seconds is way too frequent...I felt like this performance pressure." (22:18 & 23:30, Vanessa)

• Verdict: Trick
• (19:42–25:49)

D. Gently Pull the Skin of the Penis Down and Hold Tight During a Handjob

• Useful for those seeking to decrease stimulation (or with foreskin), but otherwise limiting and less fun for the giver.
• The couple joke about “death grip” and size exaggeration.

• "As the giver of hand jobs, it's way more fun to be able to play with the whole shaft..." (32:42, Vanessa)

• Verdict: Trick/Candy Corn
• (30:15–34:29)

E. Striptease Through a Window, Timing Partner’s Return Inside

• Both ridicule the idea, agreeing that no one would stay outside long.
• Vanessa and Xander offer playful alternatives—lock the door for a real tease or make it a contest.

• "He's coming back inside immediately as soon as you start taking your clothes off." (35:10, Vanessa)

• Verdict: Trick / Borderline Hershey's Kiss
• (34:40–39:43)

F. Wrap Your Partner in Toilet Paper Like a Mummy

• Toilet paper impractical (rips, reminds of bathrooms, wasteful); wrapping with plastic wrap also didn’t work (got too sweaty).
• Alternative: If restraint play is appealing, there are better, sexier, less wasteful options (handcuffs, actual bondage gear).

• "Why do we need to wrap someone in toilet paper in order to have sex with them?" (44:31, Xander)

• Verdict: Trick
• (43:05–47:20)

G. Turn Your Bedroom Lights Blue (Supposed to Intensify Orgasms)

• No scientific basis for orgasm enhancement via light color, but colored lighting (especially red) was deemed fun and sexy.

• "Red light looks super sexy on the skin...if you have color-changing LED bulbs, absolutely play around." (47:43 & 49:26, Vanessa/Xander)

• Verdict: Trick for blue/light for fun
• (47:24–49:38)

H. Get Naked During an Argument to Short-Circuit Conflict

• Vanessa and Xander didn’t try this, but discussed it thoughtfully.
• Might diffuse minor spats, but risks trivializing serious issues. Could backfire if one partner feels dismissed or invalidated.

• "My concern...is that the signal this could send...is: oh, is this so unimportant to you that you want to have sex right now or that you're trying to distract me?" (54:39, Xander)

• Verdict: Trick (except possibly in very silly spats)
• (50:01–55:04)

I. Sexting While in the Same Room

• The first unequivocal treat—fun, flirty, can build sexual tension even when physically near, great for people shy about dirty talk.

• "You know that you could just go grab your partner, but you’re still doing something sneaky...it feels fun." (56:01, Vanessa)

• Verdict: Treat — "Peanut Butter Cup/Full-Size Snickers"
• (55:16–56:46)

J. Face-to-Face Cuddling for Five Minutes After Sex

• Sweet, connecting, and both highly recommended making post-sex connection intentional instead of jumping to clean up or checking phones.
• Especially valuable for building vulnerability and emotional connection.

• "Taking a couple of minutes right after sex when you have all these feel good hormones...is the easiest, quickest way to increase emotional connection." (58:43, Xander)

• Verdict: Treat – Sweet, meaningful, emotionally intimate
• (57:04–60:06)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "If that were the case, men would just be popping boners left and right in swimming pools or in the ocean.”
  – Xander, on why water doesn’t add sensation (06:01)

• “He’s coming back inside immediately as soon as you start taking your clothes off.”
  – Vanessa, on the striptease at the window tip (35:10)

• “Why do we need to wrap someone in toilet paper in order to have sex with them?”
  – Xander, about the Halloween mummy tip (44:31)

• “I would do face-to-face cuddling for five minutes with you whether or not we’ve had sex.”
  – Xander, on intentional post-sex cuddling (57:08)

• "Taking a couple of minutes right after sex...is the easiest, quickest way to increase just general emotional connection."
  – Xander, the case for slowing down post-coital rush (58:43)

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Intro & Series Explanation: 01:00–03:35
• Hold Water in Mouth: 04:04–11:07
• Different Playlists/AirPods: 12:05–15:41
• Switch Every 60 Seconds: 19:42–25:49
• Handjob with Skin Pulled Down: 30:15–34:29
• Striptease at Window: 34:40–39:43
• Toilet Paper Mummy Wrap: 43:05–47:20
• Blue Lights in Bedroom: 47:24–49:38
• Get Naked Mid-Argument: 50:01–55:04
• Sexting in Same Room: 55:16–56:46
• Face-to-Face Post-Sex Cuddling: 57:04–60:06

Tone & Style

• Playful, irreverent, and honest; frequent gentle teasing between hosts
• Conversational approach, with expert advice blended into real-life, often hilarious anecdotes
• Sex-positivity, affirming even failed experiments as learning opportunities

Summary of “Trick or Treats”

• Most internet sex hacks tested were “tricks” (awkward, clumsy, impractical, or silly).
• The treats were those that foster intimacy or playful connection—sexting, and cuddling after sex.
• The Marins consistently advocate for fun, communication, and comfort, prioritizing connection (not performance or gimmicks).

Recommendations for Listeners

• Don’t buy into every sex tip from the internet—most aren’t better than communication, creativity, and genuine connection.
• Experiment as a couple, but above all, make sure you're having fun and that the experience feels emotionally safe.
• Slow down and savor post-sex cuddling for increased emotional intimacy.

For more real, relatable, and often hilarious sex and relationship advice, listen to Pillow Talks every Thursday.