Pillow Talks Podcast Episode 194 Summary: "What Your Partner Wishes You’d Stop Doing In The Bedroom Part 2"

Vanessa and Xander Marin dive deeper into the nuances of bedroom behaviors that partners wish their significant others would stop. Building upon the overwhelmingly positive response to Part 1, this episode categorizes and dissects various habits and actions that can hinder intimacy and satisfaction in relationships. Through candid discussions and expert insights, they aim to foster healthier communication and understanding between couples.

Revisiting the Conversation Starter

Vanessa Marin (00:59 – 01:15):
"Today, we're revisiting the theme of what you secretly wish your partner would stop doing in the bedroom. This topic opened up many honest conversations between couples, proving to be a valuable tool for improving relationships without any shame or embarrassment."

Xander Marin (06:26 – 07:04):
"When you have a third party identify things or ask questions about them, it makes conversations between partners much easier and more natural. It's like having an objective mediator that brings up topics without the blame game."

1. Communication

Trying New Things Without Discussion

Vanessa Marin (11:53 – 13:16):
"Partners of men often mention that their significant other tries new things in the bedroom without prior discussion. It's crucial to ask each other whether you enjoy surprises during intimacy or prefer knowing what's coming."

Xander Marin (13:16 – 14:15):
"Having a conversation about what requires explicit consent and what can be a general blanket consent helps in setting mutual boundaries and expectations."

Stop Asking If I Like What You're Doing When It's Clear

Vanessa Marin (16:01 – 18:20):
"Sometimes, questions like 'Do you like this?' can be perceived differently. It's essential to distinguish between seeking genuine feedback and using such questions as dirty talk."

Xander Marin (18:22 – 20:02):
"Feedback during intimacy shouldn't be about stopping communication. Instead, it should focus on enhancing the experience for both partners."

2. Kissing

Kissing Loudly and Techniques

Vanessa Marin (28:19 – 30:52):
"Techniques like loud kissing or sucking on the tongue can be polarizing. While some find it passionate, others may find it uncomfortable or gross. It's vital to discuss and understand each other's preferences."

Xander Marin (31:11 – 32:28):
"Meeting in the middle during kissing — not too shallow, not too deep — can enhance the experience. Communication about the desired intensity and depth of kissing ensures mutual satisfaction."

3. Initiation

Not Verbally Communicating the Desire for Sex

Vanessa Marin (32:48 – 34:25):
"Verbal initiation, such as explicitly expressing the desire for intimacy, is crucial. Non-verbal cues can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or lack of clarity."

Xander Marin (34:27 – 35:58):
"Comfort with verbal initiation eliminates the need for awkward physical cues that offer plausible deniability. It fosters openness and reduces anxiety around rejection."

4. Foreplay

Desire for More Romantic vs. Dirty Talk

Vanessa Marin (42:38 – 43:38):
"Some partners prefer romantic foreplay over dirty talk. Understanding and aligning the desired mood and energy can significantly enhance the intimacy experience."

Xander Marin (43:38 – 45:57):
"Balancing different preferences, such as starting slow and becoming more passionate, helps in creating a harmonious and fulfilling foreplay experience."

5. Anal Practices

Inappropriate Techniques and Safety Concerns

Vanessa Marin (57:18 – 58:38):
"Certain anal practices, like swiping from back to front, can lead to severe health issues such as UTIs and must be avoided. Proper hygiene and techniques are paramount for safety."

Xander Marin (58:38 – 59:08):
"Expressing concern and promoting safe practices ensures that both partners feel comfortable and protected during intimate moments."

6. Finishing and Aftercare

Post-Sex Communication and Aftercare Needs

Vanessa Marin (56:28 – 57:26):
"Aftercare, like lingering and cuddling post-orgasm, strengthens emotional connections. Some partners may prioritize emotional intimacy over immediate cleanup."

Xander Marin (59:44 – 61:00):
"Balancing aftercare with personal needs, such as preventing UTIs, requires open dialogue to ensure both partners' emotional and physical well-being."

Conclusion and Insights

Throughout the episode, Vanessa and Xander emphasize the importance of open communication and mutual understanding in addressing and resolving bedroom issues. They advocate for couples to have honest discussions about their preferences, boundaries, and desires to foster a more satisfying and intimate relationship. By categorizing common concerns and providing actionable advice, the Marins aim to empower listeners to enhance their sexual relationships thoughtfully and respectfully.

Notable Quotes:

• Vanessa Marin (04:31):
  "We listened to this episode together, and we paused after each thing and just had a conversation like, does that bother you? Is that something you'd like me to stop doing?"

• Xander Marin (07:26):
  "It's like, if you're doing this, like, in the middle of sex, like, and your partner is not specifically told you they're into that, like, you're going to be taking things down a notch."

• Vanessa Marin (21:22):
  "We are obsessed with our dogs. And that's why we are so excited to tell you about today's podcast sponsor."

By addressing these common bedroom habits and fostering a space for honest dialogue, Vanessa and Xander continue to provide invaluable insights aimed at improving the sexual and emotional connections within relationships.