Podcast Summary: Pillow Talks – Episode 195: Giddyup, Cowgirl! Tips, Tricks, & Techniques For Maximum Pleasure

Release Date: February 13, 2025

Hosts: Vanessa Marin (Sex Therapist) & Xander Marin

Introduction to the Episode

In Episode 195 of Pillow Talks, hosts Vanessa and Xander Marin delve deep into one of their favorite and most versatile sex positions: Cowgirl. Recognizing that while many couples enjoy this position, it's also a source of self-consciousness and uncertainty for numerous women, Vanessa and Xander aim to demystify Cowgirl, offering comprehensive guidance to enhance pleasure and confidence in the bedroom.

Understanding the Cowgirl Position

Vanessa initiates the discussion by highlighting the popularity and unique benefits of the Cowgirl position:

"It is the best position for female orgasm. If you want to have an orgasm during intercourse, this is your best bet. The highest likelihood is setting yourself up for the most success." ([05:00])

Key Benefits:

1. Clitoral Stimulation: The Cowgirl position allows for enhanced clitoral stimulation, whether through self-touch, partner’s touch, or the use of toys. This direct stimulation is crucial for female pleasure, as the clitoris is the most sensitive part of the female body.

2. Control and Empowerment: The woman is in full control of pace, depth, angle, and rhythm, which not only increases pleasure but also builds confidence. This autonomy counters the common dynamic where men often lead interactions, which can inadvertently diminish female satisfaction.

3. Versatility: Cowgirl is adaptable to various sexual activities beyond vaginal intercourse, including anal sex and outercourse (a term Vanessa humorously coins as "playing hot dog"), allowing for diverse expressions of intimacy.

Overcoming Self-Consciousness

A significant portion of the episode addresses the self-consciousness women may feel during Cowgirl. Vanessa shares her personal experiences and societal pressures:

"I grew up in the 90s seeing all these, you know, Cosmo magazines when you're checking out at the grocery store that were like five positions to hide your belly bulge. And it was really drilled into me at such a young age of like, I need to pay attention to what my body looks like during positions." ([30:29])

Common Concerns:

• Body Image: Worries about how one's body looks from the top position, influenced by unrealistic portrayals in media.

• Movement and Technique: Uncertainty about the correct way to move, leading to feelings of embarrassment or fear of looking silly.

Xander offers reassurance and perspective:

"What I see is my wife having sex with me. It’s all the things that you were just talking about about, like, how it can help you take ownership and build confidence. Watching that is really sexy." ([15:27])

They emphasize that camera angles often distort reality, and in-person intimacy prioritizes connection over appearance.

Techniques and Tips for Maximum Pleasure

Vanessa and Xander provide a step-by-step guide to mastering Cowgirl, ensuring both partners can enjoy the position comfortably and pleasurably.

Getting Started:

1. Positioning the Partner on Bottom:

   • Lie on your back and relax.

2. Positioning the Partner on Top:

   • Kneel and climb onto your partner, facing their head.
   • Place one leg on either side of their torso.
   • Tip: Use pillows under the knees for added comfort and support ([39:04]).

3. Initial Penetration:

   • Use hands to guide the penis into the vagina if necessary, emphasizing that this is normal and nothing to be embarrassed about ([40:07]).

Movement Techniques:

• Grinding vs. Bobbing:

  • Grinding Motion: Focus on a back-and-forth or forward-and-back rocking motion rather than vigorous up-and-down movements, which can be tiring and less sustainable ([43:36]).
  • Clitoral Stimulation: Always ensure some form of clitoral stimulation, whether through direct touch, grinding against the abdomen, or using a toy ([54:15]).

• Angle Adjustments:

  • Small changes in angle (e.g., 15 degrees) can significantly enhance sensation.
  • Move hands around the partner’s chest, shoulders, or the headboard to find the most comfortable and pleasurable angle ([51:12]).

Enhancing the Experience:

• Use of Lubricants and Toys:
  • Applying lubricant to the clitoris can enhance slide and stimulation.
  • Incorporate small vibrators or clitoral rings to amplify pleasure ([53:00]).

Communication:

• Verbal Cues:
  • Encourage partners to communicate their needs, such as slowing down or changing the motion to prolong pleasure ([50:01]).

Variations of the Cowgirl Position

Exploring different variations can prevent monotony and cater to varying comfort levels and physical needs.

1. Reverse Cowgirl:

   • The woman faces away from her partner’s head, allowing for different visual and physical stimulation.

2. Captain Morgan Calgaron:

   • Involves placing one foot flat and one knee bent, offering a unique angle and sensation.

3. Upright Cowgirl:

   • Performed on a chair or sofa, with the partner seated upright, providing a different dynamic and level of intimacy.

4. Pregnant-Friendly Cowgirl:

   • Adjustments for comfort during pregnancy, ensuring that the position remains enjoyable without causing discomfort.

Addressing Male and Female Perspectives

Vanessa and Xander discuss the differing experiences and expectations men and women may have in sexual interactions.

For Men:

• Ending Control: Men might feel overwhelmed by the sheer control women have in positions like Cowgirl, potentially leading to premature ejaculation.

• Solution: Utilize variations like grinding and incorporate clitoral stimulation to help men last longer while ensuring women continue to receive adequate pleasure ([21:37]).

For Women:

• Achieving the "Zone": Encouraging women to reach a state of heightened pleasure where they're fully engaged and less self-conscious, aligning their experience with their partners who are often already in that state during intercourse ([32:45]).

Conclusion and Additional Resources

Wrapping up the episode, Vanessa and Xander emphasize the importance of experimenting with and mastering the Cowgirl position to enhance mutual pleasure and strengthen the emotional connection between partners.

Additional Offerings:

• Ultimate Sex Guide: A comprehensive guide featuring 42 tested sex positions with detailed instructions and tips to make intercourse pleasurable for both partners. Available in both written and audio formats for convenience ([57:33]).

• Bonus Resources: For listeners who order the Ultimate Sex Guide before February 16th, a "30 Days of Connection" bonus guide is included for free ([61:39]).

Notable Quotes

• Vanessa Marin at [05:00]: "It is the best position for female orgasm. If you want to have an orgasm during intercourse, this is your best bet."

• Xander Marin at [15:27]: "What I see is my wife having sex with me. It’s all the things that you were just talking about about, like, how it can help you take ownership and build confidence. Watching that is really sexy."

• Vanessa Marin at [30:29]: "I grew up in the 90s seeing all these, you know, Cosmo magazines... I need to pay attention to what my body looks like during positions."

• Xander Marin at [43:36]: "Cowgirl is actually about grinding, not about bobbing."

Final Thoughts

Episode 195 of Pillow Talks serves as an empowering and informative guide for couples looking to enhance their sexual intimacy through the Cowgirl position. By addressing both the physical techniques and the psychological barriers, Vanessa and Xander provide valuable insights that foster a more fulfilling and confident sexual relationship.

For more in-depth exploration, listeners are encouraged to check out the Ultimate Sex Guide available through Pillow Talks.

Stay tuned for more insightful episodes each week, packed with practical tips, honest stories, and expert advice to elevate your relationship and sexual well-being.