Pillow Talks: EPISODE 200 - "200 Episodes Later: Let’s Get Personal! (Ask Us Anything)"

Release Date: March 20, 2025

In the monumental 200th episode of Pillow Talks, hosts Vanessa and Xander Marin celebrate their journey with a special "Ask Us Anything" format. This milestone episode not only reflects on their extensive podcasting journey but also dives deep into personal anecdotes, listener questions, and significant business announcements. Below is a comprehensive summary of the key discussions, insights, and memorable moments from this landmark episode.

1. Reflecting on 200 Episodes

The episode opens with Vanessa and Xander marveling at the achievement of reaching 200 episodes. Their initial disbelief gives way to appreciation as they recount the consistency and dedication that propelled them to this milestone.

Vanessa Marin [00:37]: "This has been a really wild journey. 200 episodes. We've talked about so much stuff."

Xander Marin [01:07]: "I find that hard to believe."

They humorously ponder whether they might have inflated their episode count, but quickly acknowledge their relentless weekly schedule without breaks, attributing their success to Vanessa's stubbornness and mutual commitment.

2. Celebratory Gifts for Listeners

To commemorate the episode, Vanessa and Xander introduce two exciting initiatives:

a. Intimacy Quiz

Vanessa [02:27]: "We have a brand new and totally free intimacy quiz... to help you identify a starting point that's best for your relationship."

Accessible at vmtherapy.com five keys, this quiz is designed to help couples pinpoint areas to enhance their intimacy, simplifying the often overwhelming array of relationship advice available.

b. March Madness Sex Position Showdown

Embracing the spirit of competition, they launch a "March Madness" style tournament featuring eight sex positions. Listeners are encouraged to vote on their favorites through Instagram, with the winning position being featured in a forthcoming free guide.

Xander [07:32]: "We're putting eight bedroom positions head-to-head in the ultimate March Madness sex position showdown."

3. Listener Questions and Personal Discussions

The heart of this episode lies in the candid listener questions, each delving into personal facets of Vanessa and Xander's lives.

a. Shaving the Beard [10:17]

Vanessa inquires how Xander would feel if he decided to shave his beard. This prompts a heartfelt exchange about Xander's changing appearance and Vanessa's initial admiration.

Vanessa [10:16]: "Would you ever consider having an open relationship? Slash, do you want to consider it right now? Because I'm asking you."

They reminisce about Xander's honeymoon beard phase:

Vanessa [11:09]: "He is significantly hotter than the man that I married."

Their lighthearted banter underscores the couple's deep affection and playful dynamic.

b. Changing Perspectives on Sex Research [15:01]

Vanessa reflects on the evolution of her views, emphasizing growth and the importance of adapting perspectives over time.

Vanessa [15:02]: "If I'm looking back at the work that we did five years ago... I'm not cringing then I'm not growing enough."

Xander [17:15]: "I've changed my mind on scheduling sex... it’s been helpful for us."

They discuss the merits of planned intimacy versus spontaneous encounters, highlighting that what feels spontaneous often involves significant anticipation and preparation.

c. Hiding Being Jewish but Not Latin [25:49]

A recurring listener question probes why they conceal their Jewish heritage while being open about their Latin roots. Vanessa and Xander clarify their diverse backgrounds:

Vanessa [26:05]: "We are both half Jewish... but we don't practice it in any way."

They address the complexities of cultural identity and their decision to focus their content on sex and relationships rather than cultural or political activism.

d. Opinions on Circumcision [34:16]

Addressing a controversial topic, Vanessa voices her opposition to circumcision, equating it to genital mutilation and emphasizing the lack of medical necessity.

Vanessa [34:19]: "I think circumcision is genital mutilation... there's not any good reason to remove a portion of a baby's genitals."

Xander adds a nuanced perspective, acknowledging his own circumcision while supporting enhanced education and awareness.

Xander [40:48]: "It's not about judging that. It's not like you are bad because you've been circumcised."

This segment fosters an open dialogue about bodily autonomy and cultural practices.

e. Coping with Loss [43:58]

When asked who would cope better if the other died first, Vanessa and Xander respond with genuine emotion, reinforcing their deep bond.

Vanessa [44:11]: "I would be tore up too. I think I'd cope better."

Their heartfelt responses underscore the strength and resilience of their relationship.

f. Open Relationships [45:29]

Vanessa directly asks Xander about the possibility of an open relationship, leading to an honest discussion about jealousy, commitment, and personal preferences.

Xander [45:48]: "The work that I know would be required in order to successfully be in an open relationship... feels like a lot to me."

They conclude that open relationships, while valid for some, do not align with their personal values and happiness.

g. Couples Therapy [52:18]

Responding to a question about their participation in couples therapy, Vanessa and Xander share their positive experience and the benefits they gained, emphasizing the importance of clear communication and healthy boundaries.

Vanessa [53:54]: "We had a really great experience overall... some great tools."

They advocate for the value of therapy while maintaining transparency about their journey.

h. Recording While Annoyed [55:57]

When asked if they've ever recorded an episode while annoyed, Vanessa and Xander candidly discuss their challenges in maintaining professionalism and the occasional need to halt recordings during conflicts.

Xander [59:26]: "It's like an admission we are about to have a fight."

Their honesty highlights the complexities of balancing personal relationships with professional endeavors.

i. Speaking Time Dynamics [62:28]

Addressing concerns about speaking dominance in their podcast, they analyze their conversational balance, acknowledging areas for improvement and the influence of societal dynamics like men interrupting women.

Vanessa [63:06]: "You've really developed this confidence... you definitely are talking more than you have before."

They express a commitment to fostering equitable communication within their podcast and relationship.

4. Business Announcements and Future Plans

As the episode nears its conclusion, Vanessa and Xander unveil significant changes to their business model, signaling a shift towards more personalized and intensive support for couples.

Xander [69:50]: "We are totally changing our business... working more closely with people that want to be working on their relationship more regularly."

They assure listeners that affordability and accessibility remain priorities, inviting them to join their email list at vmtherapy.com for updates.

5. Celebratory Conclusion

Wrapping up the episode, Vanessa and Xander express immense gratitude to their listeners for supporting them through 200 episodes. They tease upcoming content and reaffirm their dedication to providing valuable sex education and relationship advice.

Xander [71:07]: "Thank you for listening. Thank you for being with us for 200 episodes. It really means so much to us."

Key Takeaways:

• Consistency and Commitment: Reaching 200 episodes underscores Vanessa and Xander's unwavering dedication to their podcast and mission.

• Personal Growth: Both hosts emphasize the importance of evolving perspectives, particularly regarding intimacy and relationship practices.

• Transparency and Honesty: The episode showcases their willingness to discuss personal challenges and societal topics candidly, fostering a deeper connection with their audience.

• Inclusivity and Respect: Addressing sensitive topics like cultural identity and circumcision with respect and without judgment highlights their inclusive approach.

• Future Endeavors: Upcoming business model changes aim to provide more tailored support for couples, maintaining their focus on accessibility and affordability.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Vanessa on Growth:
  [15:02] "If I'm looking back at the work that we did five years ago... I'm not cringing then I'm not growing enough."

• Xander on Scheduling Sex:
  [17:15] "I've changed my mind on scheduling sex... it’s been helpful for us."

• Vanessa on Circumcision:
  [34:19] "I think circumcision is genital mutilation... there's not any good reason to remove a portion of a baby's genitals."

• Xander on Open Relationships:
  [45:48] "The work that I know would be required in order to successfully be in an open relationship... feels like a lot to me."

• Vanessa on Business Changes:
  [69:21] "We have a couple final surprise for you...we are totally changing our business."

Resources Mentioned:

• Intimacy Quiz: vmtherapy.com five keys
• March Madness Sex Positions: Follow on Instagram at Vanessa and Xander.
• Email List Subscription: vmtherapy.com
• Dipsea Stories: dipsystories.com pillow (Promoted for enhancing intimacy through spicy audiobooks)

Conclusion

Episode 200 of Pillow Talks serves as both a celebration and a candid exploration of Vanessa and Xander Marin's personal and professional lives. Their openness fosters a sense of community and trust, reinforcing why listeners have remained dedicated for two centuries of episodes. As they look forward to future projects and continue to provide invaluable relationship advice, the Marin duo embodies the essence of authentic and educational podcasting.