← The Vault Unlocked
The Vault Unlocked
Why Presence Beats Performance in Leadership (Most Founders Get This Backwards)
00:42:29
Loading summary
Transcript56 lines
- [00:00]
A
We all live on A.I. now I do. I run half my day through it. But somewhere in all that speed, something is quietly going missing. The thing that actually builds trust, the thing that closes deals, holds families together, and makes people feel like they matter. Human connection. My guest today spent years on a Broadway stage, eight shows a week, learning how to read a room and move people in real time. Now she teaches founders and operators how to do the same thing off the stage. Her name is Renee Marino, author of Becoming a Master Communicator. We get into why your brain is moving too fast to connect, the two questions to ask before you ever hit send, and how to use AI to become more human, not less. Let's unlock it.
- [00:56]
B
And we're back on another episode of the Vault Unlocked. And today we're talking about a world where we're living in is all about AI and we want to make sure that is great, because I'm a lover of AI Think I live on AI but somewhere along the way, there's a concept that we're going to lose and forget this thing called human connection. And today we have Renee Marino with us, who is all about how do we keep the human connection in a world of AI Renee, welcome to the show. Hi.
- [01:30]
C
I'm so happy to be here and talk about this very important topic.
- [01:36]
B
I love it. I know just before the show, we were talking about your. A little bit of your past, of you being a broad. I'm going to call you a Broadway superstar. But it was interesting because as we're talking about that, you were saying how the audience is live, and every day or every evening, I should say, there's. There's something called connection. Right. You got to have this connection. The energy has this connection. So is that where you've learned about, like, let's say, this connection and starting to see how people are getting disconnected
- [02:04]
C
with AI 1 million percent. And I'll actually rewind from there, because where it really began for me was growing up as a little girl, Italian American in New Jersey. The most common place you could find me was sitting around the kitchen table with my family, eating, of course, we're Italian. Eating, talking, sometimes arguing, but nonetheless communicating and connecting. So that element of connection for me was just bread. It was bred into me. And I thought that it was the norm, right? Because I'm like, oh, I come from a family that if something was wrong, my parents would say four words to me that I realize now made such an effect on who I've become. Let's talk about it. So if I Was upset. If I happened to go to an audition and I didn't get called back, my dad would say, let's talk about it, and we would talk about it. And then I started getting into the real world when I went away to college and I started to see, oh, wait, this isn't the way everybody communicates. And I really got obsessed with understanding how people communicate and connect and why. And that really connected so well to me, being a performer, because being a live performer, especially Broadway, it's, it's all about connection. And as you shared, once you get into a show, you're on Broadway, it's the same show, eight shows a week, right. It can feel monotonous. You feel like, oh, I'm doing the same thing. But for me, it never, ever felt that way. Number one, I was doing, I was getting paid to do what I loved, my hobby. And number two, feeding off of the energy of the audience is what it's about. Because sometimes you get on stage and the, the audience is just really subdued and you're like, come on people, you got to get me through this two show day. But what you do is you, you find those other parts of yourself to bring forth to, to bring your best foot forward. But then other days it's so easy because you get out there, the audience is so pumped up, they're screaming, they're on their feet, they. And as you know, probably even getting, getting on stage now as a speaker, it's the same thing. You, you, you move forward through the energy and the connection of that audience.
- [04:14]
B
Absolutely. And I, I mean, the energy is what feeds everything. So speaking of that, you know, let's take a step back here. How have you taken all of this, this idea? And I love what you're saying. Growing up in an Italian, I grew up in a small little town, all Italian, so I know exactly what you're talking about. Uh, I was just, I was just thinking about that and made me smile. But how did, how did you take that and bring that concept into, like, whether it's in the business or your keynote speaking, and even how you're seeing that affect, like, you know, where we
- [04:43]
C
are with AI today, my journey has been so unconventional and I love that I, I have always done things differently than, you know, the powers that be say you should. Even when it came to, to pursuing Broadway, you know, I always followed my gut. And now what I teach, I have a seven step connect method. Step one is having that communication with yourself. Right. If you don't know who you are, what's going on within. You're not able to tune into that quiet voice of your gut instincts of your soul, because that's the truest part of you. And it's always guiding you with exactly where to go, what to say and how to say it. So for me, this was. This was nothing that I ever even thought that I would do. Like when it. When it comes to starting your own business or being an entrepreneur. I mean, quite honestly, Kayvon, I didn't know what being an entrepreneur even meant. But in 2000, around 2017, 18, I was doing my most recent Broadway show, which was Pretty Woman the musical, just like the movie. And I started seeing this need for help in the area of communication, especially with everybody on their phones, people forgetting how to make eye contact. If you call someone on a telephone, they're like, whoa, what is that? And I was like, wait a second, something's wrong here. Then we wonder why we have issues in our relationships when people are trying to have serious conversations through text messages. So one of my dreams was always to write a book. And I said, I need to write a book about this. And I know I want it to be about communication, but what part of communication, right? It's so broad. And then one day I happened to be at a restaurant with a friend of mine. We're catching up, we're chatting. And next to us, it's a family of five parents, a teenage son and two young kids under the age of six. And Kayvon, when I tell you none of them spoke for two hours straight because they all had their heads down in a digital device. And my heart sank because I thought to myself, they are missing out on these beautiful moments of connection to be tied to their phones. And that's when the light bulb went off and I said, I gotta. This is what the book needs to be about. So my book is called Becoming a Master Communicator. And the subtitle is Balancing New School Technology with Old School Simplicity. Because it's. Because it's all about, right, bringing in both worlds. As we say, AI is an amazing tool. It's an amazing resource to help us be more effective in our lives and our businesses. But if we're using that as the only tool, that's where we go arise. So it's about bringing in what I call those old school ways of communication. Face to face conversations, handwritten letters, making others feel seen, heard, and understood. So that's when I started writing my book. When that show ended at the end of 2019, my gut instincts were like, Renee, you're ready to activate your other gifts of speaking. You want to get this book published. And that's when I decided to take a course through Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosi, two of my dear friends and mentors now, of how to start my own business. And again, didn't. I didn't know where this was going. But I'm very much a person and I teach this now, like imperfect action, right? Take the freaking action. Even when you don't know what the next 10 steps are, even when you're afraid. So I take this course and a month later, the world shuts down and it's Covid. So it was divine timing. I wouldn't have been able to perform even if I wanted to. And through that, that time period, I got my first book publishing deal. I started teaching business owners and entrepreneurs how to get on camera and connect and communicate. And it's just taken off from there. And now it's amazing. I get to speak on stages all over the world and I get to work alongside Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosi and host their events and facilitate for them. So it's been such a beautiful journey and there's still so much more to go.
- [08:49]
B
That's a lot. I mean, I love it. Right. It's interesting when you say that I don't really talk about back in that. The COVID days. I, I'm. I'm. It's shunned. In my family, we did not talk about it, but I said back then, when air. When we were in the midst of it, and I said, there's going to be two. Two types of people. There's going to be the first type who's going to come through that, and they're going to look at this as a vacation, and they're going to look at this as a time to relax, you know, just let it ride out. And they're going to see themselves in a world that no longer exists and wonder why life is going to be hard. And then, and this is before I even knew anything. I just knew intuition, like my intuition just was like telling me this. And I said, the other group is going to take this as an opportunity to change, to evolve, to start asking the questions, what wasn't working and what do I want? What do I need? And when they come out of this, there's going to be two sides. And I love it because you just proved that, that you know that to be true. So I love that you said master communication. What does that mean to you when you say master communication? The master of communication what is that? What comes up for you when you hear that?
- [10:05]
C
The person who knows the right time and place to communicate what I call more directly face to face through a phone call, through zoom, versus knowing the right time and place to send that through an email, to send it through a text. I don't know about you, but I have seen more miscommunication and missteps happen because of an inability to decipher which way do I communicate. And people are getting it all wrong. We forget that text messages, emails, they were created for convenience, which is amazing. If I need to tell you I'm going to be five minutes late for our interview, I'm going to shoot you a quick text. But if I need to talk about my feelings and that thing that you said to me that hurt my feelings, I'm not sending it through a text message and I'll tell you. And I only know this through my own experience, right? The best teachers are the ones who have gone through it. And I unfortunately, have had a lot of issues with people in my own life that have been so close to me that just would never hop on a phone call or never meet me face to face, but yet will send me paragraphs of. Of feelings and ideas through. Through a text message. And I'm like, my thumbs don't go that fast, right? And you know what I see all the time is research has shown, and I did so much research for my book because of digital technology, because of all of the distractions that we have going on now, our brains have begun to speed up. I would hallucinate that you feel it. I know. I feel it every day. I'm like, okay, I'm answering a text and then I'm picking up the phone and someone screams around. And then I'm just writing an email. And because of that, we move so fast that we don't take a second when we're sending out that email to a very important person. To take the power of the pause and to do what I teach, ask two questions. Number one, would I be comfortable saying this in person?
- [12:07]
B
Okay.
- [12:09]
C
You write an email, everybody's so confident behind a screen. Oh, I'm going to say this right? I call it keyboard confidence. But asking yourself, would I be comfortable saying this same thing in this email or in this text in person? If the answer is yes, great. Send it. If the answer is no, rewrite it in the way you would be comfortable saying it in person. Because what that does is show true authenticity. Meaning you're going to get the same Renee through this Podcast, interview. The same Renee when you meet me face to face. The same Renee when you read my emails. And that's where true alignment comes through and trust is built. And then number two, does this message match me and my intention? This takes two seconds, right? Put these two questions on a, post it, and before you send out those messages, pause and ask yourself, okay, I just wrote this email. Does this message match me and my intention? Because what often happens because we're, our brains are moving so fast and we're doing 50 things at once. We send out the email and then we happen to read it back and we're like, oh, oh, that message does not match the tone I was going for. And then we're backpedaling, right? And we're digging ourselves out of the hole. Well, let's avoid all of that gray area of miscommunication by just asking those two questions. So, you know, what I, what I say that I teach is those, those simple tools that can be implemented right away to make a huge difference. And through all of the apps and the tools and the new systems and the processes, we have forgotten about the fundamentals, those, com, I call them the common sense communication tools that when we put into daily practice, make all the difference.
- [13:59]
B
It's, it's funny you say common sense because, you know, I, that's a quote. There's nothing's like, there's no such thing as common sense. Yeah, nothing. What is that again? There's no.
- [14:07]
C
Yeah, it's like common sense ain't so common is what I said.
- [14:10]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Common sense is not so common anymore, which I really, I mean, I, who knows? But it's interesting because what I, what I'm hearing from you is a master communicator for you is somebody who understands the modality to which they're going to use to communicate the message that they want.
- [14:29]
C
Yes.
- [14:29]
B
And then if we go deeper to that, they understand that by really checking off two main boxes. First, number one, whatever modality I use, would I use the same modality if I was sitting right there in front of that person? The answer is no. Change it. And then the second checkbox is, does this message convey the intention to which I really, truly want?
- [14:53]
C
Yes.
- [14:53]
B
So that does require a lot of slowing down, and it requires a little bit more of what I call is critical thinking. Thinking. So a lot of people, I, I feel, because of how easy technology is, I mean, even with Gmail, I don't write emails anymore. I, I, I write four words and then I have Gmail. You The AI right there takes my four words and turns it into an email, and I, you know, scan it quickly send it off, right? Like, the ease is. It's so out of hands, like, at our fingertips. The challenge is we get mentally lazy. I call it mentally lazy is where we have to actually stop things. Think critical, think, and then ask those questions.
- [15:34]
C
Yeah, you call it critical thinking. I call it consciously connecting.
- [15:38]
B
Consciously connecting, which I. Which I like.
- [15:42]
C
We don't do it like, we just don't do it like you just said. And there's nothing wrong with it. Right? Again, listen, I love technology more than the next person. I literally just got back from hosting Tony Robbins and Dean Grazios AI Advantage Summit, right? Where we had the best AI experts coming on, talking about the latest tools and applications. But here's the distinction. It's using AI to help you become more human. So the way I use it is to utilize AI, because I do. To handle the stuff that's out of my zone of genius. So I can stay in my zone of genius and be more me and connect in a better way. So when I see you in person, we could sit down, I'm making eye contact, my phone's away. That's what. That's what balancing those two worlds is about. And consciously connecting. The problem arises because most human beings, and it's human nature, right? It's easy to be lazy. It's easy to take the easy way out. It's easy to let Google write your emails. But just like, if we want to get in our best shape possible, we got to go to the gym every day. It's not always easy. So it's like, what is the work I'm willing to put in to do? What I feel is. Is the biggest part of being a master communicator, and that's helping others to feel seen, heard, and understood. Because, Kevon, that is all the human spirit wants at the end of the day, at the end of when we're on our deathbed, right? We just want to know that we felt that we felt something, and we made others feel something. So, you know, if we don't use it, we lose it. I mean, it's like a calculator, right? I, trust me, I'm the. Not the best at math. It's not my strength. But why? Because the minute I have to add something, I go to my calculator. Well, the same is true for connection right now. People don't have to connect. Trust me. The. The. Some of my. My friends, kids, and if you call them on the phone, it's intrusive. Right. They take that as intrusive because you need to text me and I'm like, no, no, we need to bring back those dinner conversations. We need to bring back human connection. Because trust you me, the people who are going to stand out in life, in business are the ones who are utilizing AI because we're going to be left behind. But who are the ones who prioritize that human connection and communication?
- [18:06]
B
So how do you, how do we. I couldn't agree more. But how do you change the beast? Because the beast is going. The beast is out.
- [18:17]
C
Yeah.
- [18:17]
B
And you, you just said it. And I, and I see it all the time. And I can only imagine if I'm not going to say the type of family, but I know exactly that family. It would probably was with all their kids into a phone. Okay, I live in Vancouver, so I'll just leave it there. And. Because we see it all the time, but that beast is left. How do you bring, how do you shake the families? Because the worst part is the parents are doing it like leaders of the family are stuck. And when you're talking about. I think about myself and I'm like, as much as I try to be conscious of it, I, I think, you know, if I put the 30,000 foot view on me in my own life, I'm like, man, I gotta, I gotta lock my, my, my phone up at dinner times. Like, you know, no phones at the table. Kind of. I was thinking we gotta set that rule. But it's, it's challenging when you're in. We live in a right now world. We live in a world where access to everything is at the finger at our fingertips and the pace at which things are changing and moving and how quickly people are. The expectation of, of communication to be effective. Fast is getting, is rising. How do you keep hold of this and still not lose this idea, which I totally agree with. Right. Of this conscious connection.
- [19:34]
C
Yeah.
- [19:34]
B
Because if we lose that, we lose who we are in society. I mean this is not, I don't think we're supposed to be.
- [19:41]
C
Yeah. One million percent, number one. Let's remember human beings are designed to connect. That's who we are. It's in our DNA. We are, we are there to connect through storytelling, through making eye contact, through hugs. Like the oxytocin that you feel when you hug someone. Like that is what we are wired for. So what does it take? It's a great question. It takes being the change we wish to see. And, and just like you and I are having these conversations now. And just like people reading my book, me getting on stages all over the world, it's about sharing this message. But not just that, because we can talk all day long, but until you put it into action. And especially for parents out there, I mean, your kids, they're watching what you're doing. Yeah. They're kind of listening, right? But there's something. Something called a relationship bias. You know, I'm sure your kids, like, you'll tell them something, and then they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then someone else on the outside will say the same thing, and they're like, guess what? Mom or dad? And you're like, I told you that, right? So it's not so much about what you say, it's what you're doing. So if you're yelling at your children for being on their phone, yet you. They walk in from school and you're like, yeah, hi, honey. And you're what I call, in my book, half listening. They're just following suit. The best leaders lead by being and not by telling. So freaking put it into action. It is that simple. And there's nothing for us to complicate. And that's. That's really the heart of what I do. Like, let's cut all the bs, Forget about, like, all the complexities of the world. Let's get back to simplicity. You know how you do it? You do it. That's it. Just do it. Be the change. Be the. Do the thing that you're telling others to do, and then you actually don't even have to talk about it. Trust me. My husband and I, when we were, like, starting to change our eating habits and we were doing these things, we would talk to our family about it. Okay? Deaf ears on deaf ears. Oh, here they go again. The weirdos doing all this functional medicine stuff and blah, blah, blah. Deaf ears. And then I said, you know what, babe? Let's stop talking about it. We're just gonna live what we do. And that's what we started doing. And you better believe. Sure. As sure as I knew it. All of a sudden, the question started. So wait, what are you guys doing? Like, what's that? Like, celery juice? Oh, wait, like, so what's that protein you're using? And I'm like, isn't it funny? Right? Because it wasn't when we were talking to them about it. It's when they were witnessing us getting up at 5am on vacation, coming up with the sun, like, meditating together, having fun, being energetic. And now it's like, huh, what's going on? But it never happens when we spoke about it. So my best piece of guidance is to do the damn thing we're trying to show others to do. And when we do that, that's the best example.
- [22:31]
B
Be. Well, it's the Mama McConnell, right? Be the change.
- [22:34]
C
You know, you see one of my favorite quotes, I have it in the book, right? Like, be the change you wish to see. Be like. And that's. That's such an important distinction, because I'll tell you a funny story, because this, this, this one really struck me. I'm a speaker. I have been, you know, blessed to be on some of the biggest stages in the world. And I hear a lot of speakers preaching about this authenticity, right? And then they get off stage, Kayvon, and they walk right past me and don't say hello.
- [23:05]
B
Yeah.
- [23:05]
C
I'm like, huh, that. That's funny. I wish the audience could see this moment, right? And for me, it's such a pet peeve, because I'm the person, like, who you're meeting right now. If we met in person, this is the person you're gonna meet. Except I'm definitely gonna hug you because that. I'm a hugger and a lover. So it always irks me. And there was one particular event that I just wrote about. I'm part of a book anthology coming out, and I'm right. This is part of my chapter. And I'm at this big, big business conference that I'm watching because I'm going to be speaking on the following month. And I'm in the VIP section, and it's my husband and I, and these two speakers who were just on stage, they did, like, a panel. They get off. And the one woman, it was a female and a male, and she compliments my dress. And we're making small talk, right? And then I said, oh, so what do you guys speak about? And they start telling me, and my husband and I are listening intently. And then they asked me what I speak about. And about not even a minute into me speaking, her phone goes off, a notification. The two of them check out, pick up her phone, start talking about the photo that just popped up. And he was like, oh, my God. So that's your husband and your dog. They literally, completely cut me off, go into a side conversation. And I turned to my husband and I go, I think it's time to go. We walk away. They the craziest part, they didn't even know I walked away. And I said, wow. And you better believe these Two individuals are on stage.
- [24:40]
A
Yeah.
- [24:41]
C
Speaking to the world about authenticity and how to build your business. And I said, huh, what a great example. What a great example of someone talking the talk but not walking the walk.
- [24:53]
B
I mean, we see that. I see that. And when I say everywhere, you try not to use universals, but I mean everywhere. I remember when I was. I've actually left the speaking circuit because of some of that. Like I was sitting behind a scene and I'm not going to mention the name, but I'm telling you, you know this person, person very well. And I remember him looking at another speaker who you know very well, and he said, watch what happened. I'll never forget. He goes, watch what happens at 10:12. So I went in and I went out. I went outside the front to watch because I was interested. And sure enough, what does he do at 10:12? He starts to cry.
- [25:35]
C
Stop it. Kind I, I have chill bumps, like.
- [25:42]
B
And I, that's when I was, I kind of was like, whoa. And same thing. The, you know, you gotta have abundance in your life. You gotta feel good. You got to be the best you can be, be the leader. But. And it's all fugazi. I'll tell you. Most of it is like I've been behind me.
- [25:58]
C
I love that word.
- [26:00]
B
I mean, it's, it's quite interesting. It's, it. I only bringing it up because we're, you know, we're talking about this, this conversation about authentic connection. And you know, when we first started Connected, I said my whole, my, my business was called the sales connection for a reason. Like sales people want the tactics. They want to know the one, the, the, the one liners, the objection handlers, the, the process. And it's like, ah, none of that matters. Like, none of that matters if you as a human or a salesperson or even a business owner. I'm just going to say this. If you're not truly connected to yourself and connected to what you're doing and connected to your product and connected to your service, there's no way in hell. No, no CRM, no AI, no. Oh, this guy has the killer one, one, one call script. That's not going to save you. Because when it comes to you speaking, even if you're speaking as you know, into the camera, speaking into ads, onto the Facebook, onto stages or one on one on a phone, there is this thing called connection. And if you don't have it with yourself, you can never create it with someone else.
- [27:06]
C
Amen. Amen, my friend. This is like, like I, like I Shared with you, right in my, in my, my seven step connect method. That's step one. That's step one of everything. If you don't know who you are. And I would hallucinate to say that these two people that did that to me, they, they don't really know who they are. You cannot know who you are if you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. You, you just don't. And you know, it's not like it's not their f. Maybe they just don't know that. They need to take time for themselves. And I would guess that a big part of this issue is, listen, our world of social media, these social media influencers, I can't stand that. I can't even stand that terminology because this is where I see it. So present people, I'll give you an example. It's like some women social media influencers that I see talking about why their skin looks so amazing, right? And they're like, it's because, you know the strawberries that I eat and like the food and I'm like, stop lying. You have Botox fillers. You may have gotten a facelift, which kudos to you. That's amazing. High five. Do whatever makes you feel good. But do not tell these young women, these young girls who are watching you that you don't have wrinkles on your forehead and your lips are twice the size that they were because you're eating clean. That is, that is inauthentic and it's dangerous. And this, I believe is why the rate of suicide has gone up, the rate of depression, anxiety. Because I'll tell you, growing up, if I had to deal with that, I don't know what I would do. We just had to deal with like, like the women on the COVID of magazines, right? Like Cindy Crawford. But for me it just, you know, it's kind of what I was talking about earlier, like this truth stretching. If you're going to call yourself a social media influencer, guess what? You have a duty to, to tell the truth. So if you are doing these things for enhancement, great, be honest about it. Like this is, this is what I don't get. It's like a friend of mine yesterday, my cousin, she and I are like best friends. We were talking about this because there's a lot of people we know that again are dishonest about the things they do. And listen, I get it, you don't always have to put your business out on the street. But if you are going to call yourself an influencer, right, that Automatically you have a duty to your followers. That's what I believe. Right. You, you better hold that, that platform as the precious, as the precious gift that it is because you have such a, like what A gift to be able to affect people, make it in a positive way. And you can only do that when you're being honest. But so many of us don't know who the heck we are because we don't take the time to wake up in the morning and leave our phones on the nightstand and instead of checking into what others are doing on social media, check in with ourselves and ask how am I feeling? And then taking pen and a piece of paper, part of that old school simplicity way of connecting and writing. Writing is one of the greatest ways to communicate and connect with ourselves. And so much gets revealed because research shows when we write we activate more parts of the brain giving us a deeper understanding of who we are and what's going on within. And think about Kayvon, how much more powerful that is to start your morning that way versus oh my God, I can't believe Kayvon just got that like oh my God, he just booked that deal. Oh my God, oh my God. And she looks so great and like, you know, I didn't send that email to that person. Then we wonder why we, we walk into our, our companies and, and we walk into our family gatherings and we're like at this high level of stress and we feel off centered. It's because we're not taking that time to communicate with the most important person in our lives first, ourselves.
- [31:04]
B
Well, I always take a look at like some of the most successful people I know again, you know, success leaves clues. We've heard that. And some of the most successful people I know, they don't have social media.
- [31:16]
C
Yes, they're hot and they're so much
- [31:18]
B
more peaceful and they're so much more peaceful and, and it's funny because people are like, well social media is my business. Yeah, guess what? There's still a way of you not having to be on social media and still make it your business. Like me, like I, I, I'm, I have my team that does my social media right. And I don't go, I, I'm limited on it because I even realized myself like you can get so, even being conscious and knowing the propaganda, knowing what it's meant to do, knowing that it hits your dopamine in every which way and it's killing you and it's making people depressed and all these things, even knowing you still get lost in, you can still get lost in it. So when I'm on it, I can see my ammo.
- [31:58]
A
Nope.
- [31:58]
B
And, you know, you shut it down. But unfortunately, kids these days, they just live on it. And this is the problem I think we're having. So, you know, we're talking about a lot of different things here, but, like, one of them is, I would say, yeah, if you want your business to last the test of time and actually have something of impact in meaningfulness, that starts with you, and you got to be connected to yourself. If these are. We're talking about children and the younger generation coming up, they haven't even stopped, I don't think, even once in their lives to actually. They don't know what connection is. Like, they really don't. They don't know what it is actually stop and think about what is life without my phone and all of this access. Again, that's why I asked, like, the beast is out. How do you change the beast? Right? Like, I. You can do yourself. You can be a leader of your own life in your own business, but how do we. How do you change it? Or create master communicators at scale where it's actually impacting more than just your own social circle?
- [33:00]
C
Yeah. Well, all we are, and Tony always says, as Tony Robbins, we're. We are a culmination of habits and beliefs. Right? Habits. We are habitual creatures. So simply put, start to create a new habit. Let me give you an example. I don't have children of my own, but my husband and I have our beautiful nieces and nephews who we love to death. And just recently, every Easter, we have them come sleep over for titi nay. They call me Titane and Uncle Mike's Easter egg diaroo. So they come slee, we get food, we dye Easter eggs. I get. They sleep over. It's so fun. So I have. It's my two 9 year old nephews, my 12 year old nephew, and then my 13 year old, a niece. So they come over. This was, you know, just right before Easter this year. And of course they have their iPads, which is great. But they know when we're sitting at the table, we ordered pizza, we have all these snacks. We're like, all right, iPads away.
- [33:56]
B
Mm.
- [33:56]
C
Let's go around the table. What's going on at school? What are you most excited about? And we. And you know, at first it's like, oh, iPad. But trust me, within two seconds we get them talking. They're so excited. They're like, oh, my God. Yeah. And then this happened. And then we were right. And all of a sudden, you, like, you see the change start to happen just because they realize, like, how much fun we're having. We're being silly. We're celebrating each other. Like, we're like, all right, everybody, give it up for Colton. All right, Frankie, good job. And we start to create this habit. So then before you know it, I'm putting the music on. We're having a dance party. The kids are, you know, going crazy. I have the rebounder. We're, like, having fun. And then I allow them to have their iPad for a little bit. But then before bed, it's like, yo, iPads, go away. And we played. Oh, my gosh. Do you remember this? This is so old school. But do you remember Mad Libs? Like, it's. It's okay. This was, like, old school. It was like this pad, and you ask, like, it'll say, like, give me an adverb. Give me a verb. Give me a noun. And then you plug it into this story, and it's so funny, like, because you don't know what the story is. So you're just like, noun cup. Right. But then it plugs into a story, and you read the whole story back, and it's, like, hilarious. I got Mad Libs for the. For my nieces and nephews. We did this for, like, an hour and a half. We were laughing. But you just. You start to introduce things to almost take their focus off of how great the. The cameras are and the screens are and look how great it is to be in person. So it's almost like just shifting that focus. And yes, sometimes it's hard, right? Sometimes they're like, but I just want to play this game. Okay, here's the limit. And you just create these boundaries. That way they're. They. They extend experience because that's what's important. They have to experience for themselves how great it can be to be physically active. You know, they all play sports, which is wonderful. But to understand how great it is when we sit around a table and we just talk about what's new and what's going on.
- [36:05]
B
Yeah, I. As you're. As you're saying that, I. It's. It's interesting because it's so true and it's so easy, yet it's so hard because if we're not consciously aware of this and we're not authentically caring about this, then we're not going to do these things.
- [36:23]
C
Yes. And you just said it, and I don't want to cut you off. I just Want to highlight this. That's the key. Which goes back, you said before we're talking about a bunch of different things, but we're really not. It's all the same core. Whether this is for sales tactics, whether this is for your family. The principles are the same. The core. Core is that human connection. Because if you want to be a great salesperson, you better understand how to make that person feel heard, feel seen. If you want to be a great parent, you better believe that child needs to see you being present and be present with them. It's all the same core. So what you just said is, is so important as. Let's just take the parent. If the parent isn't conscious themselves of what they're doing and they're making dinner and they're on their phones and they're like, yeah, honey, that's great. So great that then of course your son, your daughter, they're not gonna, they're not gonna follow suit with what you're yelling them about. They're gonna say, but mommy, you're on the phone all the time. But mommy, you. Every time we're in the car, I see you, I see you sending a voice note to someone, right? So it start, everything starts with us. And it starts with step one, communication with yourself. So if you're listening to this and you're like, you know what, I need to up my game as, as in I'm a real estate investor or I'm, you know, I'm an accountant, I'm a, B or C. Let me, let's make it simple. First step, let me check in with myself. Do I take time to connect within? Am I slowing down my breathing? Am I even figuring out if I'm doing what I even like anymore? Am I taking the time to really ask my, my daughter if she's happy and what makes her happy? It starts there because once you, once you become self aware, you can't be unself aware, right? It's almost like once you see that thing, you can't unsee it. So let's open up our minds, our hearts, and prioritize this idea of being more connected to ourselves. Because then inevitably that creates the domino
- [38:39]
B
effect as you're speaking. I was thinking the solve almost in all of this is be a little bit more present presence.
- [38:50]
C
Oh my God. Kayvon, you go on my LinkedIn right now. I've been doing a three week series on how to be more authentic and present in our communication.
- [38:59]
B
That's all it is, is just slowing down the chatter.
- [39:02]
C
Yes. Like, and Again, we complicate everything. We think we have to do so much, right? We have to do, do, do my. But my kids need this, my kids need that. Forget about doing. How about be, be with them, Be present. Let them tell them about their day and all the stuff that happened in the schoolyard, right? Be present with them. There is nothing more powerful. Just last night, this is funny, we're talking about this. I sent videos to my brother in law and my sister in law because I'm looking at old videos, which I love. I'm like, I just love reminiscing. And it was 10 years ago, me and my husband with our nieces and it was so cute. We're like, because we lived in California, because I filmed a movie out there. So we lived out there for a few years and then so we would stay with them like during the holidays. So me and my husband are just like, we have the music on, we're, we're all on the couch and we're like, we're like dancing together. And they're never like, come on Gianna, dance it out. And at the time she has to be like, I don't know, seven years old and she's so cute and she's singing and now she's, she's 16 years old, you know, this beautiful young woman. And I send them the video and I'm like, you guys look. And they're like, oh my gosh, Titi, like I forgot about this, right? But that video is so beautiful because it was just us being present. We were just present. We weren't showering them with these gifts, right? We weren't showing them the new car that we're taking them around and none of that crap matters if you are just present.
- [40:39]
B
Absolutely, absolutely. So as we come to an end here, because it's that time what we've talked so much and I just want. The vault unlock is always about that one thing. If someone can leave with that one thing they can implement right now in their business, in their life, in their personal whatever it might be, what's the one thing you'd say to them that they can take from this show from you, which has been amazing and love having you here, that they can actually instill in their life today that's going to make one, as Tony says, the 1 millimeter shift.
- [41:15]
C
When you wake up in the morning, take the first if, if nothing else, the first 10 minutes of your day to connect with you. If you believe in God, the universe, whomever you believe in, connect with that being and yourself leave that phone out of the room on the nightstand. And it's such a simple, powerful practice. And I'm telling you, start to bring back that. That writing. Writing is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. And simply ask yourself this one question. How am I feeling? Take 5 to 10 minutes to write the answer. Pen to paper. Allow your mind to just go. And you're going to see how much more peaceful you feel as you start your day. And then that just starts your day off on the right foot. So then when you open up your bedroom door and it's time to connect with your family, and you walk into your office and you connect with your team, you're doing so from a more aligned place because you've taken the time to connect with the most important person in your life first.
- [42:19]
A
You, um,