← podcasts Archives - Dana K. White: A Slob Comes Clean
podcasts Archives - Dana K. White: A Slob Comes Clean
455: Kids, In-Laws, Laundry and More Questions Answered!
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I’m answering your decluttering questions that were submitted at AskDanaKWhite.com If I want to declutter something but I also want to rearrange a room how do I avoid pulling everything out? How do I handle items that don’t fit into the desired contain...
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Dana K. White
Hey y'all. The Take youe House Pet course is on sale through Friday, May 2, 2025. We will be doing an all day declutter on Saturday, May 3rd. So this course is a course that I teach with dawn from the Minimal mom and Cass from Clutterbug. It is so much fun and thousands of people have truly taken their houses back as they worked their way through the course. To learn more about the course and the all Day declutter, go to aslob comes clean.com take that's slob comes clean.com take welcome to a Slob Comes Clean the Podcast. I am Dana K. White. I share my personal DES lobification process as I figure out ways to keep my own home under control. I share the truth about cleaning and organizing strategies that actually work in real life for real people. People who don't love cleaning and organizing. Thanks for joining me today. This is podcast number 455 and I'm calling it Kids in Laws, Laundry and More Questions Answered. I am answering some questions that were asked@askdanikwhite.com so I'm just. Y'all know I. I'm just always tell you whatever's going on. But anyway, I am working on my next book and I am a little overwhelmed. Okay, I'm just kidding. I'm a lot overwhelmed and my brain is at its container limit of things and so I need to plow through some of these questions that have been asked over@askdaniky.com anyway, so might as well do that with some of these podcasts. So there will probably be several of these. It just helps me to not have to come up with an idea because y'all have great ideas in your questions. So. All right, so I'm going to be answering those. Don't forget if you need your personal questions answered in real time, you need somebody to talk you through my process in your unique situation. Decluttering coaches.com lists all the coaches who are certified by me. They are trained by me in my process and I love them and I think that you will be very happy to work with them. Just so you know, I mentioned it a few weeks ago, but we have added a feature in case you've been before and you didn't have someone in your area and you were going to work with someone online and then you got overwhelmed looking through everybody's bios. We actually do have a first available virtual coach option now, so you can just fill it in and one of the coaches will claim you. So here we go. Let's answer some of these questions that people have asked. See, my accent gets stronger when I'm overwhelmed. So okay, here we go. If I want to declutter something, but I also want to rearrange a room, how do I avoid pulling everything out? For example, if I want to move my mugs into cupboard A, but that has my plates, which I will want in cupboard C which has stuff for cupboard B, et cetera, rearrange first even if you can't fit everything in, or empty one cupboard and move stuff into it. Just the empty cupboard A and then put mugs that fit, which then frees up the next cupboard, et cetera. Now at Verizon, we have some big news for your peace of mind. For all our customers, existing and new, we're locking in low prices for three years guaranteed on on MyPlan and my home. That's future, you peace of mind. And everyone can save on a brand new phone on MyPlan. When you trade in any phone from one of our top brands, that's new phone peace of mind. Because at Verizon, whether you're already a customer or you're just joining us, we got you. Visit Verizon today. Price guarantee applies to then current base monthly rate. Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers. Here is one of the things to remember, okay. Is that decluttering and organizing are not the same thing. It kind of sounds like you're organizing. I know you're rearranging, but let's think of it as rearranging slash organizing, okay? And that is a perfectly great thing to do. Decluttering and organizing are not the same thing though. And anytime you do want to do an organizing project, like if you're convinced that organizing is is the solution, the first thing to do before you do any kind of organizing is declutter. Like even the people who are out there teaching people how to organize, which I do not. I teach you how to declutter, but it achieves the purpose of organizing. But anyway that everybody's going to tell you the same thing. Okay? It is really truly the number one reason. I was just going on about my decluttering coaches, right? But it is the number one reason why even though, and a lot of you probably have had this experience. I know I had personally had this experience. I thought I need someone to come in and just organize it for me because I'm too overwhelmed. This was when my house was a disaster. I. Well, my mom would do that for me and it meant a lot to me and she was great at it. But the problem was she was just organizing it. She wasn't decluttering it because she was doing it for me, being helpful. And yet I had so much stuff. I had more stuff than I could ever possibly handle or fit into my space in any kind of way that I could actually maintain. I mean, it just. It just wasn't possible. But because she was doing it for me and it wasn't her stuff, she had to organize it. So this is what I hear from people all the time is, you know, I hired someone to come in and organize it for me. Well, they came in and they organized it for. For you or whoever the person is that's telling me this. And then it was just went right back to being a total disaster because there was no decluttering first. Because if someone's doing it for you, then it feels like, well, they are making decisions that are either ones that are different than the ones that you would make or whatever. Anyway, y'all know what I'm saying, right? Like, it's the reason why just organizing this stuff, it doesn't work. You have to declutter first. That's why I have decluttering coaches to talk you through that process, because I believe that's actually the hardest part. I also believe that's the most effective thing that you can do is declutter. So with this, it is so complicated, right? Like, my brain is already hurting a little bit today anyway because I'm so overwhelmed with stuff. However, I'm not even going to worry about all the. Go from this one to this one to this one. Basically, this is rearranging. And I so appreciate that you are wanting to do things with the no mess method. Here's what I'm going to say first, before you rearrange, declutter, go through each cabinet and go ahead through the process. If it's a small cabinet and all it has in it is mostly just the plates. Okay. It's not going to take you very long, but it's going to be so worth your time. Go ahead and declutter first. So go into the first one. So it said, let's see, I want to move mugs into cupboard A. Okay? So before you do anything, wherever the mugs are right now, start with the trash. Is there any trash? Is there anything that's like non mug and a trash? Or is there actually this one here that no one ever drinks out of? We don't even like it. And it's chipped and broken and jagged and somebody. I tell people, no, no, don't drink out of that one because it'll cut your lip. But for some reason I haven't taken out of there like that kind of thing. Go through the trash, go through the obvious donations. Are there any in here that actually. Yes, I can get rid of? Because what that's going to is it's going to get things down to the actual things that I'm going to need to rearrange where so many times when I'm like, rearranging is the answer. And so what I need to do is pull everything out and put them in all these places. It's so completely overwhelming. And we're planning that and we're thinking through that based on what is not actually reality. Because there are things that could go before that. Okay. So the first thing to do is to declutter each individual thing where it is. Go through the process. Go ahead. And, you know, I mean, obviously if you've got a humongous cabinet over here that you're going to put the mugs in, and you've got a teeny tiny cabinet where those are right now, then you're thinking, oh, well, there's going to be plenty of room for it there. That's maybe true, but a lot of my cabinets are very similar in size. Right. Like, so I've got. Where I have my plates and I have my mugs above that, and I've got cups and glasses and mixing bowls and things. They're all very similar in size. They may be a little bit different here and there, but for the most part they're pretty, pretty much, you know, that the same size. And so decluttering, each one is going to have value just beyond the fact that you're getting rid of the stuff that should be gotten rid of anyway. It's going to give you like some. Embrace the space idea here. Right, right. And if you think of it, if it's like completely shoved full and I'm wanting to move them over here. Okay, well, I'm gonna have to get rid of some anyway, so I might as well go ahead and get rid of my least favorites before I do any of that. So really work on that decluttering of each individual space and then as best you can do, one at a time. So if you wanna move the mugs over here where the plates are, okay. After you've decluttered each and everything so that we. We're not messing with and dealing with and taking time on things that have no business being there at all, then take the plates out and then put your favorite mugs in that one first until it's full functionally get to ob usably right and then get rid of the ones that didn't fit. Okay, and now where are the plates going to go? Okay, now that one we're going to take whatever wherever the plates were going to go out go. We're going to take the stuff out of that one and then we're going to put our favorite plates in there first until it, you know, is functionally get toably usably full and that's going to be the limit and the rest get done. And so I would go one at a time. I would not do the pull everything out but before you do anything, anything, anything declutter hello Hello. I'd like your advice on how I can coach my 13 year old daughter on how to keep her bedroom tidy. She shares a large bedroom with her younger sister and it's always a mess. By far the messiest room in the house as I strive to to keep our common areas tidy and organized. She is a pack rat. She sleeps with piles of pillows and blankets. Her clothes are strewn everywhere. Her dresser is covered with dishes. I'm taking this personally, right? Because it sounds like me and how I was as a teenager. But anyway. Her dresser is covered with dishes and trash and her drawers are stuffed full. She struggles with executive function and time blindness and I don't think she can see the mess. I grew up in a cluttered and chaotic environment, but I've learned strategies as a teen or adult helped me overcome some of the challenges. I want this for her as well, but I don't want to constantly nag her or make her feel bad for for not having developed these skills yet. In the meantime, every time I look at her messy room, I want to freak out and rage clean it. But I know that's not the right approach. You're right, that's not the right approach. I want her to learn to overcome her struggles, learn to keep a clean space and hopefully be a good roommate spouse in the future. Who better to help her with this than me who had these struggles too. But I'm a loss. Help me help her. Do you know what your mom really wants for Mother's Day this year? You A note? A phone call, A photo. This Mother's Day, give her a call and give her an aura digital picture frame. 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That's a U R A frames.com promo code clean Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Let's talk about or is it Data? At our house we say data and we don't like paying a fortune on our monthly data plans. You might think that's normal, but with plans from Mint Mobile it is not the norm. Premium wireless plans from Mint Mobile start at just $15 a month. That is a huge savings compared to most plans. Say goodbye to overpriced wireless plans and unexpected overages. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you. All plans come with high speed data or data, unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan. Keep your phone number and existing contacts. Maybe it's time to ditch your overpriced wireless and get three months of premium wireless service from Mint Mobile for 15amonth. No matter how you say it, don't overpay for it. Shop data plans@mintmobile.com slob that's mint mobile.com slob upfront payment of $45 for 3 month 5 gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 per month new customer offer for first 3 then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. Springtime has arrived and now there are lots of fun things to do outside in addition to all the things we have to do inside. And still I have to find the time to grocery shop and cook. I have really enjoyed using Hungryroot, where I can shop when it suits me and get healthy home cooked meals on the table in about 15 minutes. Hungryroot takes care of the weekly grocery shopping, recommending healthy groceries and meals suited to our tastes Nutrition preferences and health goals. They fill your cart. Start with personalized selections. It's like having your own personal shopper and nutritionist all wrapped into one. So I really like that Hungryroot analyzes my needs and picks snacks out for me while considering my likes and my dislikes. I love that they picked out my snacks from individually packaged hummus. Snacks I can grab to take to my office to popcorn and yogurt. It has truly helped me so much. I love Hungryroot. Take advantage of this exclusive offer for a limited time. Get four 40% off your first box plus a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com slob and use code slob that's hungryroot.com slob code slob to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Hungryroot.com slob code slob okay yeah, I'm glad that you understand that the freaking out and the rage cleaning is is not helpful. I know my mom tells the story of us having an argument about something when I was a teenager because not always perfect anyway. And her seeing my room in the background and like wanting to basically say another thing, you know about my room. And she made a conscious decision that the room was not going to be the breaking point. We were not going to lose our relationship over this room. I'm very thankful for that. Incredibly thankful for that. And she had tried all the things right? So there is part of it that someday she's going to have to learn on her own. But yes, there are absolutely ways that you can do this now. So here's the thing. Declutter. That is the thing as the person who relates to your daughter in this situation. That is the thing that my mother has a high clutter threshold, meaning she can keep a lot of stuff organized. So for her organizing was the solution for most of her things and yet she then would try to apply that to me and in reality I couldn't handle the stuff that she could handle. Okay, now that means decluttering is the answer. Go through the five step decluttering process together. Okay? Like work through that process together and remember that when you start with the trash and I recommend printing out the printable, you can get it@aslob comes clean.com 5 print it out and go through it and say let's start with the trash. Okay, get a black trash bag so you there won't be second guessing after it goes in the trash bag and go through that space even if you have recycling I recommend have a black trash bag and then dump that into the recycling. Right? Like that is very helpful to keep the second guessing from happening. So go through things. But remember, when you say, okay, let's start with the trash, she's the one identifying trash. And that's where it can be really difficult, especially if you tend toward getting really frustrated over this stuff. Right? Like let it be her who determines trash, because you're gonna get to everything eventually anyway. But you're teaching the process and you're also teaching that it doesn't have to be a tension filled relationship harming experience to do this. Okay? You are earning the trust and teaching her how to go through that. I know as the person who relates to your daughter that I use the first three steps of my five step no mess decluttering process, trash, easy stuff, and obvious donations. I use that on any overwhelming space anytime. Even if it's not clutter, even if it's just, oh, things are kind of out of control, okay, I grab a trash bag and I start throwing away trash. Like that is incredibly powerful. So go through the process. Okay, did you see any more trash? Okay, even if you see it, you move on to the next step. Is there anything here that you do already know what to do with it? Okay, let's just go ahead and do those things. All the same things I talk about for dealing with stuff and how it doesn't use emotion that works really well with other people. And so work through the decluttering process and then work with her on some five minute pickups and casually mention both while you're decluttering and while you're doing five minute pickups. So the goal is that in five minutes we can get your room back under control. And because I'm telling you, she, you know this, she doesn't want it to be a total mess where she can't find anything and things get lost and blah blah, blah. Like instead it's this, this is, this is our goal is that five minutes would be able to get this back under control on a regular day. Okay? So do those five minute pickups with her. And then know if we can't do it in five minutes, then we need to declutter some more. Okay. Like just to we till we hit this, this point where five minutes is enough, right? How to handle items that don't fit into the desired container, even if it was empty. For example, if you have a bookcase for kids books, but then they get given a large book, like a two paper size that just wouldn't fit even if the bookcase was empty? Yeah. I mean, this is tough, right? Okay, so let's look at it this way. Let's look at the individual book and what it is. You know, sometimes naming what this is with ridiculous detail is helpful to me. Right. Like I have a video where I talked about where would I look for a broken haircutter, like electric haircutter thing, like, and I have to say that, and then when I say it out loud, I go, you know, but for this situation, where would I look first for this book that is too big to fit on their bookcase? Is there a place where you would look for that? Is there another place where you have some of your more odd shaped kind of things? Would you look for that on maybe your family bookcase in a certain place? Whatever. The other thing you can do is maybe it doesn't fit. You know, it's like, is it, is it important enough to us that it does get a different spot? According to where would I look first for the thing that would not fit on this, this, you know, thing and not, not fit because there's too much stuff, but not fit because it just literally like won't go on the shelf or do we go, you know what? We don't have a place for it. But you know, there might be an option. If it's a two shelf thing, there might be an option for some, for some bookends on the top where that could be, you know, the place where it goes, it's here's the two shelf bookshelf that's waist high. And then on that, on the top there's bookends with, you know, the odd shaped books in there. It might be that, okay, this book, we love it and so we lay it on its side. Well, that takes up a lot more space. Not on its side on top of other books, but like we're gonna stack some of the books horizontally. And that actually means I keep fewer books. But if this book is important enough to us, then we give it that space. I hope that makes sense. All right, we are overflowing with kids books. What questions should I ask and have my kids ask themselves to decide which to keep and which to donate? Love this. Don't. Instead, if you are overflowing with books, then start with the ones on the floor and the ones that are piled up because it has overflowed and say, okay, are there any books on here that are on the shelf currently that you're willing to get rid of to make the space for this book? Take that out and put it in. If there's not a book that they're willing to get rid of. In order to make the space for this book that was on the floor, then the book on the floor needs to go in the donate box. So you have the donate box and then you acknowledge the reality of the space. So instead of pulling everything out and putting our favorite ones on there, let's just go ahead and start with the ones that are on the floor. Okay. Actually, it would be great to start with the ones that are on the shelf. Say, are there any here that you obviously want to let go of to create space for that? And then pick your favorite ones off the floor and, and see, now you know that this really is spontaneously answered. Pick up the ones off the floor and put those in those spaces that you've opened up and then continue going through the ones on the floor. And y'all, I have a children's book coming out. I think it comes out in the fall. I'm actually not sure, but I'm so excited about is the cutest thing I've ever seen anyway. But I picked so that one will not be clutter, that's for sure. But you pick up the one on the floor and you go, okay, so is this one that I would look for on the shelf? Okay, what one am I willing to get rid of to make this space for it? And then you just go through the process that way. I have a video, one of my one hour betters and it probably came out about two years ago, probably year and a half, something like that. And we do this with books and it really is a great, you know, visual demonstration of how that works. Okay, here's a great one. My in laws house is jam packed. We will have the burden of cleaning it out. They have trouble with step one trash. Do I keep trying to encourage the steps or simply accept this as my burden? I've already dealt with a huge house full of memorabilia on my side for the past five years using your amazing, amazing methods. Big thanks. Your methods work. Thank you. And I would say if they're having trouble with step one trash, we talked about this kind of with the. The teenage daughter, right. It is hard to not argue over trash, to not say this is trash. Right. Okay. But the key, when you are leading someone through the no mess process and the reason that it works so well when you are leading someone else through it, it's, it's, I believe, by far the best method for helping someone else declutter. The reason it's so powerful is we don't get caught up in arguments over what's trash. Okay. And you're not saying that you did, you're just saying they get stuck on this step. Don't get stuck, move to the next thing. I did a podcast a couple weeks ago talking about it is not possible to struggle with donations, with obvious donations. It is not possible to struggle with trash. Because when I'm saying trash, what I'm talking about is obvious to you and in this situation, obvious to your in laws. It's the stuff that's obvious to them. If it is not obviously trash to them, then that's not what we're talking about and we can move to the next step. Okay, Is there anything in this defined space we're working on, your entryway, whatever. Is there anything in this space that you do already know where it should go? All right, I'll take that stuff there for you. Okay. Is there anything in here that you. It's obvious to you you could go ahead and donate it, right? As you do those things, you're going to keep running across trash because you did that in the first place and they didn't see it before. But it's. Things start to reveal themselves as trash as you go through these other processes. Okay. And you've always got the trash bag and. Or recycling bin right there with you anyway. So I would say encourage the steps, but be a step skipper. Like that's a Seinfeld reference. Like, go ahead with the next thing. Like if you get stuck on a. There's. You can't get stuck on a step because if you're stuck, you just move to the next step. Right. It may mean that you're picking up things that in your mind are obvious donations or clearly are trash and asking the question, hey, so where would you. If you needed this broken hair clipper, where would you look for it first? And if they have an answer, okay, so you said you'd look for it here first, but it's full. So this looks like trash to me. Can I. Is this trash? Oh, no, no, that's not. Okay, well, is there any. So bring them then to that space and go through that process. The. The frustration and pain of going through that process of here, come with me to this place where you said you would look for it first, and yet there's no room. And yet you say there's no trash. Is there anything here? We gotta, we gotta make room for it. Go through that pain because it's going to. Then change how they feel later because I think sometimes when people are like, no, no, no, I'll know what to do with it later, and you go with that instead of going through all the way through that one item, then that's how we end up not actually making progress. Right? 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To learn more, visit 1-800flowers.com acast that's 1-800-flowers.com acast okay, we need laundry tips. We cloth diaper a newborn and have to be doing laundry every day, so laundry day isn't an option right now. An additional challenge is that our laundry is in the garage, far away from our bedrooms on the second floor. I feel like we're always behind on laundry and can't figure out a system. We have to do it, at least do at least one load a day and two loads every couple of days to keep up with the diapers. Our regular clothes can be included in some of those loads and kind of need to be. It feels like we always have overflowing baskets of both clean and dirty laundry. Okay, so what I would recommend is that you try laundry day with the goal of freeing up your washer for diaper laundry throughout the week. Okay, that is actually to me, one of the most unexpected perks. One of the most fun benefits of a laundry day is that if you have laundry day and you have a beginning and an end, okay then meaning all the clothes get gathered up and I've done other podcasts on it before. The first laundry day is no indication of what laundry day is going to be like. So you cannot judge laundry day according to the first laundry day. But you gather up all the clothes in the house, you wash all of those. You may be catching up from six months, a year, whatever, of things that never did get washed because you know you were having to do emergency loads all the time, whatever, but you, you work on those things and then you start laundry day again a week from the day that you started it before, even if it took you all week to do it. But that's when you're going to find out, oh, this is one week's worth of laundry. Because when I've gathered up all those clothes for that first laundry day, newly dirtied clothes, I'm not worrying about now. It's going to be a little different for you because you're dealing with diapers that do have to be dealt with. So throw those in with the, you know, whatever you can do do. It works. You know, I know people have different feelings on that, but however it works for you, do those along with those laundry loads that first week and anything that's newly dirty other than diapers goes into the hamper. It does not get added to those pile. That's how it ends up being a never ending thing, right? But then that second laundry day, so seven days after the first one, you do it again, you gather up all the clothes, but this time it's only one week's worth of laundry. And now it's mind blowing when you're like the difference between all the piles that I had last week when I gathered up every piece of dirty clothing in the house and this week where it truly is only seven days worth of dirty laundry, you're going to be shocked at how much less it is. Okay, that week it's going to take you so much less time. You're still frustrated because you were doing laundry all week before and now you're starting all over again. But this time you're actually going to be done in a day, maybe a day and a half, right? And then you're going to have an open washing machine, which means that you can do diapers whenever you need to do diapers without feeling like I'm doing diapers, but I'm also so behind on everything else and blah, blah, blah, like the, the fact that the washing machine is empty and available and not needing to be used is so incredibly powerful with these things like diapers or somebody pees in the bed or, you know, somebody throws up or just random things that get extra dirty and need to be washed right away. It is so incredibly freeing to just be like, yeah, I can just do that. Right? Like it's, it's just open and available. Right. And so then the beauty of that is you're going to experience that in that second week. And then the third laundry day is when you really grasp like, oh, this is how it has changed my life. Now I know what once one week's worth of laundry is and now I have experienced how much easier life is with, you know, having a laundry day. So that's what I would do. And as you do it, it's going to be a little bit different. Right. Because you have the diapers, the cloth diapers that you're doing that need to be done consistently. So as you have a few things that can go in with diapers and you need to do a load of diapers, go ahead and throw them in there. It'll just make laundry day easier. But having that mindset, having this finish line that you're either working to finish or you're working to get ahead on, like, like once you get that down, it just changes your whole perspective on stuff and laundry and how all that works. It's really incredibly powerful. So I would recommend that you try the laundry day with the goal of freeing up your washer and dryer dryer if you have one. I'm not sure. I think you do, but freeing that up so that you can do diaper loads whenever you need to guilt free and use those as like, oh, this actually makes it easier to do laundry day because I'm adding things to that. I think I have time for one more question. How do you do step one, trash. When there is, for example, a deep box of stuff or a precarious pile of stuff to go through and look for trash, I feel like I inevitably have to take everything out of the box and now it's in a pile on the floor or dismantle the entire pile and then I get carried away and start making mini piles and then I'm stopped following the steps and ah, I know you must have a way of doing this, but I can't figure out how it works when I do follow the steps properly. It's so helpful, but this has been a stumbling point for me. Thank you. Okay. Love this question. This is such a fantastic question. It is. You start with the trash that you can access without pulling everything out. Okay. Because you saw like pull everything out and then you make piles and then you're back in the situation of having made this huge mess that keeps you from wanting to declutter again in the future. Right. Like that's just the reality of this. So instead of that, if you are in a deep box of stuff, you get the trash that you can get without pulling everything out. You might be able to kind of sift and move and all that, but don't pull it out. Okay. And get all the trash that you can and then go with the next step. Is there anything easy that I can see right now and access right now without pulling everything out? Okay. And then I'm going to do the easy stuff. And then as you do something that's easy, you're probably going to see another piece of trash. Well, that trash thing can go in the trash or the recycling, Right? And then you keep on going with the next thing and the next thing. So it's, you know, there. Is there any obvious donations in here that I can get out? Because remember, every time we get out trash, easy stuff, or obvious donations, and then every item that leaves with the decluttering questions, we are reducing the overall volume of the stuff. Every time we reduce the overall volume of stuff, it's a little less overwhelming. We can access more, we can see more and find more trash. So that is my answer to that. Okay, this has been really fun. I hope y'all are okay with these. I. I really do need to catch up because I am really far behind on these questions that were asked there. And this gives me a way to do that. And it means that I don't have to come up with the whole outline because I feel like my brain might explode if I had to do that. Okay, I will talk to y'all next week. Bye.