← podcasts Archives - Dana K. White: A Slob Comes Clean
podcasts Archives - Dana K. White: A Slob Comes Clean
462: Advice for Spouses & Family, Mobility Challenges & Elderly Parents, Decluttering Sentimental Family History Items
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As always, I’m taking time off during the summer. This year, though, we’re trying something new! We’re sharing the audio of previous live Q&As that I did on YouTube. If you only listen to the podcast, this will be all new to you!
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Dana K. White
Hey y' all, did you know that we now offer an ad free version of the podcast over on Patreon? Well, we do. Go to patreon.comAslob comes clean to learn more. That's patreon.comAslob Comes Clean to find out more about listening to the podcast ad free. Welcome to A Slob Comes Clean, the Podcast. I am Dana K. White. I share my personal deslobification process as I figure out ways to keep my own home under control. I share the truth about cleaning and organizing strategies that actually work in real life for real people. People who don't love cleaning and organizing. Thanks for joining me today. This is podcast number 4 62. This is one of my summer podcasts because I don't actually record new content in the summer. So these are the audio from YouTube Live Q&As that I have done in the past. If you only ever listen to the podcast, you will never have heard this before. So I do want to make sure that you understand that the regular podcast will come back in August. But this is not a regular podcast, so the energy's different. The energy is different when you listen to the audio of a live show versus me just randomly talking into space in my office. Okay, I hope you enjoy this. This one is going to include things like advice for spouses and family. We all know that's a challenge, right? Mobility challenges and elderly parents and decluttering sentimental history items. So enjoy this Q A and I will talk to y' all later. Bye. First question. Every room is an explosive disaster zone. I hate it. With four exclamation points. I started with the most visible spaces, the entryway, but didn't get any further. What do I do when I go to take things to the place where I would look for them first and I can't physically get there like, say, a filing cabinet. I am also stuck at the entryway because I get sidetracked constantly. Plus, it's a dumping zone. How do I get my husband and kids 11 and 13 years to step up and take responsibility as members of the household and even help with your process to get further than the entryway? This episode is sponsored by Greenlight. Money doesn't grow on trees. How many times did you hear that growing up? It's true. Money does not grow on trees. But saying that doesn't actually teach much about saying, saving and budgeting. Help your kids learn this important lesson in life. With green light, parents can help their kids and teens build confidence and good habits when it comes to money. With Greenlight's easy, convenient app, you can send customized allowance payments using the chores feature. And you can get money to your kids when they need it, even when they're away from home, all while keeping an eye on their spending and their saving. So Greenlight worked really great. When I was paying my daughter for jobs that she did around the house, my favorite feature was that I could set up the system and then that system just kept working for us. Start your risk free greenlight trial today@greenlight.com clean that's greenlight.com clean to get started. Greenlight.com clean okay, so it kind of feels like they're two unrelated questions, but I think they're actually very related. All right, so. So the basic question is, what do I do when I go to take things to the place where I would look for them first and I can't physically get there? Okay, that is a common question that I get and I completely understand because I am here for the person who is very overwhelmed, which generally means you have lots of different things, lots of different areas of the home that need to be tackled eventually. So when you go to take something to the place where you would look for it first, there isn't any way to actually get to the place where you would look for it first. Okay. Or there is so much in that space that that won't even close. Okay. Here's how we stay focused on the place that we're working on without getting distracted and starting to work on this other decluttering project that needs to be done so that we can make real progress, real traction in the original space. Okay. This was my own story, right? Like, every space in my house was a complete and total disaster. And so I completely understand where you're coming from. So the first thing to realize is that our goal is to make real, true, actual progress instead of very likely what you've done in the past, which is a little here, get overwhelmed. Do you a little bit over here. Do a little bit over here and not really move the actual house forward. The key is in this situation is to not just add to the space where you would look for it first, but that is its own disaster. We're not just going to add to that. Okay. Because that's just moving this from this place and then sticking it over here. And yes, that's the place you would look for at first, but you're just adding it to the pile because that's just stuff shifting things moving around, not stuff leaving the house. If this is something you would look for first in that file cabinet. But you can't get to the file cabinet because there's a pile. Things need to leave that pile, right? But because we're working on this original space, just remove something to create the space and not leave that pile any worse. It's frustrating because you're like, ah, but this is how we actually move the house forward, right? Like, I am not going to leave that pile any worse. So I'm going to remove something trash or an obvious donation. A duh donation. Okay? Those are the things I'm going to look for because they require no emotional energy for me. And I'm already feeling all the emotional because I'm like, oh, this face is. Okay, what can I remove that's trash or an obvious donation to get it out of this space so that when I do leave this item as close as I can to. To the space where it needs to go, as close as I can get it. I'm not going to leave that space any worse. I'm not adding to the mess there. I am one for wanting, giving it some space, getting some trash or an obvious donation to then take back to the space that I was originally decluttering. Because that's where my trash bag and recycle bin and donatable donate box are. Right? And so that's where those things need to go. Those things are going to leave my house either in trash or donation. And. And that space is not any worse than it was before, okay. Because I didn't just add to the pile. I took something out and then this space I'm working on that I've come back to because that's where my trash and donation stuff is. That space is better. Like, it is full on better. That space is not any worse, which means my house, mathematically is better, right? Okay. Because I haven't added over here. This space has. Has maintained its level. And then this one is better. So my whole house is better. Okay. I feel like I am getting into a lot of math these days, y' all. In our Patreon group, I have. It made me laugh so hard. So we've got like quite a few mathematicians in there. And. Which I'm like, what? And somebody is working on figuring out the actual mathematical formula for dishes math. And it just delights me. I have no idea what she's talking about as far as, like the factors and blah, blah, blah and all that and exponents. And I don't even know if I'm using right words. And. And like people are contributing and they're like, well, but if this, If X equals. Anyway, it just makes me laugh so much. But this is math, right? Like, it's the. Here's my whole house. Here's the amount of stuff in it, right? I'm working on this space, an item from this space. Maybe I just need to do a whole math book where other people come up with formulas for these things. But this space, something is gone. That's decluttering, right? But I want my whole house decluttered. So I move this item to its actual home where I would look for it first. And then I'm going to negate that addition of the thing by removing something from there that's going to actually leave my house. So my whole house is moving forward, which means less stuff anyway. Okay, but then we've got this question here that was all put together on how do I get my husband and kids to step up and help? Also focus on your stuff first and what you can do. Okay? The reality is, and this is what I had to realize in my own home for my kids, that every time when I had tried to get going on my house and make changes and I would try to bring everybody in with me from the beginning, like, come on, guys, come on, let's do this. Let's help. I had to realize that I had created an environment where my kids could not picture what it is I was wanting to achieve in our home. Because their normal was our house not having the dishes done was our house being stuff stored everywhere, like that was normal for my family. And I had created that normal. And so to ask them to change that, they didn't have a frame of reference for what it was that I was wanting. And if you're in a situation where you can't get to the file cabinet because there's so much stuff in front of it, then that's the situation that your family feels is normal. I'm not saying they love it. I'm not saying they're fine with it. I'm just saying they don't have a frame of reference of what you're going toward. That's part of the reason why I advise that you start with your own stuff and neutral stuff first. Start working on it without and let go of this. I wish they would work on it, too. And it's hard. Oh, my word, it's so hard. It is so hard. But just focus on what you can do and what you can accomplish. Work on your own things first so that then they start to gain the frame of reference for what it is. That you're going for what your vision is for the home. Okay. Because if this is what they've lived with, then they can't see what you're seeing in your head as your goal being, okay, so go ahead and really start working on those things. That is the answer to how do I get my husband and my kids to help? And it is to work on your own stuff first. Okay. It's not transactional. It's not a. I'm doing this so that they'll start working. I'm doing this because this improves my house. But also, that's how we get other people on board. Right? Okay. There's something else, too, that was. I think it was said in the original question. Let me look real quick. Oh. I get stuck in the entryway because I get sidetracked constantly make sure that things are leaving, things are leaving the house, Things are final destination. There has to be less stuff in my house because of the situation that I'm in. There needs to be less. So really go hard on the trash and donations. Knowing that I'm in a situation where I can't even get to the file cabinet, things are going to have to leave my house. This is not a matter of organizing. This is not a matter of rearranging. Organizing and rearranging are not going to solve this problem. And the only thing that's going to solve this is decluttering, which means stuff actually leaving my house as I do that, and I focus hard on the trash and the donations. That means I'm doing a lot without ever leaving this space, which prevents the sidetracking. Right. Like, I am just going really hard on things that their final destination is the donate box, the trash bag or recycling bin. Right? Like, that is their final destination, which means I don't have to leave this space, which means I'm making a lot of big progress. Okay. The other thing, too, on the entryway is to remember as you work on the entryway, that's the visibility rule. Okay. Go hard in the entryway. Like, if it's. I never get past that. Okay, we'll go back to the entryway and, like, declutter it even more ruthlessly. And even more ruthlessly. Right? Until you get to the point where you're like, oh, okay, there really is nothing else left to declutter here. And then when you get inspired to declutter, declutter again sooner because you're seeing that progress, you go back to the entryway anyway. Even though you're like, wait, I went so ruthlessly before that it really is down to like nothing in there. Okay, go back there anyway this time because you really, truly decluttered so far down to where it only had what it actually had to have in there. Now, the only stuff that has gathered in there since I decluttered it is trash and easy stuff. Right? It's stuff that's just kind of drifted there that you're going to be done with in a much shorter amount of time. Probably, you know, 15 minutes where it feels like it's back to being decluttered. It's really not. It's just back to. It's just had some trash and easy stuff end up there. Okay, you deal with that. It takes 15 minutes and then you go to the next most visible space and that's how we start building momentum. Okay, but because of the all the different things in this question, I'm going to say go more ruthless on the trash and donations and commit to the I'm going to worry about my own stuff first because that part of what I'm doing is changing my house to create a vision that then the people in my house can catch. They don't know what it is you're going for if this is their normal that that they've been living in. All right, next question. I need more words. You've talked about time as a container, but I need more. How do I know when I need to declutter more physically versus when to declutter my commitments or even when to declutter my expectations? I've decluttered a lot, but my house is still a mess. Some of this may be because I am still above my clutter threshold, but I think most of it is because I'm not consistent on the dailies or the weeklies I have doing the dishes down that took way longer than 28 days, but it's now going well and I do five minute pickups but it isn't enough. I am definitely project minded. I tend to let housework pile up and then spend a day to get it all tidied and cleaned. I recently left a full time job to be a stay at home homeschooling mom of three kids ages 2 to 9. I'm active in my church. My kids do one extracurricular. I do secretarial work for a small business part time. Everything else existed before I left my full time job and I thought it would be easier with that change. In your recent podcast you talked about. Oh, a quote from Lillian Gilbreth. So. So this is not reset at the point when I'm doing this and I can't remember what the quote was. Maybe I should need to reset my standards. Okay, so there's a lot here, right? Like, I think a lot of this comes down to the expectation that this was all supposed to be easy once I became a stay at home mom. And somehow it's not. The things I would really focus on here is you said you got dishes down. Make the five minute pickups consistent. Like, work on that being the next thing that I try to do this every day, maybe multiple times a day with the goal of the 5 minute pickup lets me know if I'm under my clutter threshold. If a five minute pickup is not enough, I'm not under my clutter threshold. I need to get rid of more stuff. But she's also specifically asking about when do I need to declutter my commitments. You decluttered a big commitment when you became a stay at home mom. Okay. So I would really focus in on these dishes every day. And five minute pickup with the goal of five minute pickup isn't doing it. I need to get rid of more stuff. So really focus in on that decluttering of stuff using the no mess method. So that it's not a, okay, I'm going to do this for 30. You know, sometimes it's. It's that idea of, I'm gonna do this for 30 minutes every day. I'm going to declutter for 30 minutes every day. Which gives you this feeling of, oh, that's what I'm going to be doing. So it's okay for me to pull everything out. No, no, no, no, no. I'm going to declutter for 30 minutes every day. Or you know what, I'm going to declutter for a minute right now. And I use the no mess process. So it doesn't matter if I get distracted. Does it matter if life happens and I don't get back to it or I just sh. Emotionally and mentally and I'm like, I can't do anymore. Whatever. So focus it. Make sure you're using the no mess process and you're decluttering hard to free up the time that you want to spend on these other things. That doesn't mean that you don't declutter commitments too. But decluttering the stuff is going to make the commitments easier and it's also going to help you reveal to you which commitments need to go. But I would really zero in on that hardcore. Getting stuff out of the house that's going to make it all Easier. It's going to make the five minute pickups actually, you know, work and be the thing. And it's also going to give you more clarity on, you know, which commitments need to go. Okay, this one. I'm just going to read this part of the question. I'm not going to go into all of it. Okay. Any advice or encouragement for those who spouses don't understand that it takes time to change and that it's okay that people's brains work differently. This is hard. It can feel like, okay, it sounds like maybe you're not getting the encouragement that you want or there's still frustration on their part. Keep going. Declutter more stuff. The more stuff that is gone of your own stuff. Because I know in the original question there was some mention of. But then he also has his stuff. Just worry about your stuff. Declutter more things. But I'm also going to say this might like work, work hard on the decluttering and go hard on that. But there are times where marriage counseling is, is the thing that you need to do. Okay, maybe there's some frustration and there's some, you know, things aren't being understood and blah, blah, blah. That communication, those communication issues could be something where counseling is in order. Okay. And where, yes, the getting rid of stuff is always going to be helpful. But also there are some other things that play there where you need to go in on that. Okay. What is your advice for graciously dealing with gift givers in your family? My family loves big Christmases and tends to go overboard with trinkets and big gifts. As I've been using your method, I've noticed most of the things I'm decluttering are from my closest family members given as gifts. I don't want to be ungrateful for their generosity, but also don't want to clutter up my house. Also, how do you handle gift giving when the person receiving your gift has so much stuff already and you don't want to contribute to the problem? Thank you. Your books have really helped me. Okay, so what I would say here, because you also talked about like, you know, how do you deal with gift givers in the family, but also how do you handle gift giving when the person receives your gift has so much stuff already? It's possible the people giving the gift don't understand the clutter threshold and all that kind of stuff. You know, like there's. This is all related. First thing I would say is be the example of giving, experience gifts giving, you know, and talk about how as you do that and make it something cool, right, like that they're actually going to be excited about. But give an experience gift. You know, I know I gave. Course it also was, I think in Christmas of 2019, so we all know what happened there. But, you know, I gave, I looked up for my great nieces and nephews. I looked up a animal sanctuary or something nearby where you could get something where they could go like. Like a season pass or something like that. A year's where they could go and visit. And then it was a place that had picnic tables and stuff like that. So I'm like, I. I gave that as their thing, you know, like look up an experience gift in their area, something, make that the thing that you give. And then maybe that opens up the conversation of, you know, how you're. You're trying to have less stuff in your house and you. So you were looking for experience gifts that, you know, because you're starting to understand, okay, maybe that's the direction that we want to go. Like, open up the conversation through your own generosity of. Of giving those gifts. And then as far as graciously dealing with it, I think you're on the right track in that you're like, you know, it's given out of love. You don't want to be ungrateful. So you say thank you. And then as opportunities come up that are not in that moment, right? Like, the time to talk about this is not December 24th. It's more like February, you know, like some way find ways to bring up conversations throughout the year of the fact that you're decluttering your house, the fact that you're getting rid of things and trying to do that. And, you know, and then as conversations about gifts happen, you know, like, wow, I think it would be great to really focus on experience type things or, or whatever, that kind of thing. I think it's. The key is sometimes we don't think about it until we're in that moment, but then that moment is not the time. So it's like being purposeful about when to have these conversations so that you can kind of lead into, hey, so Christmas is coming up. And you'll know because I've been talking about it all year, how I've been trying to, you know, really declutter it in my house. So I have some suggestions. We're grateful for whatever. The kids love it, you know, But I do have a couple of suggestions. If you wanted to try some experience stuff, here's some things that would be an idea this episode is sponsored by Greenlight. Money doesn't grow on trees how many times did you hear that growing up? It's true, money does not grow on trees. But saying that doesn't actually teach much about saving and budgeting. Help your kids learn this important lesson in life. With Greenlight, parents can help their kids and teens build confidence and good habits when it comes to money. With Greenlight's easy, convenient app, you can send customized allowance payments using the Chores feature, and you can get money to your kids when they need it and even when they're away from home, all while keeping an eye on their spending and their saving. So Greenlight worked really great. When I was paying my daughter for jobs that she did around the house. My favorite feature was that I could set up the system and then that system just kept working for us. Start your risk free Greenlight trial today@greenlight.com clean that's greenlight.com clean to get started greenlight.com clean as summer approached, I decluttered some things from my closet and updated my wardrobe. So in the summer I am all about wool and flowy dresses. But I realized a few of them weren't as favorite as they used to be. So I did some one in one outs and I ordered the Tinsel jersey fit and flare dress in dark olive from Quint. 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As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out with better help our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com clean that's better. H-E-L-P.com clean how would you make your rules accessible to people with mobility challenges? I have pots and getting up and down off the floor or going up and down stairs can make me dizzy to the point of having seizures. I'm really struggling with the take it to its home right away ruled, but want to declutter and make progress, make real progress without feeling overwhelmed. Can you make this work for people like me? Yes. So I do want to say that I hear from people on a regular basis with a huge range of mobility issues and energy issues, things like that. Who will tell me your process works for me? Because I have these issues. And the reason that they say that is that the part of the process that changes everything for them with these issues is they know they're going to get exhausted anyway. So being able to make progress in small amounts of time with whatever energy you do have is incredibly helpful for them. Okay, so. So changing the mentality from big decluttering projects to oh, I can do one thing all the way and maybe that's all I can do today. And that actually moves my house forward so much better than trying to do the the big prep things of pulling everything out and sorting into big piles and then my energy's gone and actually now I'm discouraged and it's so much worse. Right. So the teeny tiny bits of progress count and really add up to big changes in your house. That mindset shift is big. But as far as this, I would say really go hard on the trash. If you have a recycling routine already established, great, go with that trash, recycling and donations because there's no movement needed for that. Right. Like, so. So really say mobility is a challenge for me, which means that a house with a lot less stuff to manage and deal with and have to move and deal with in the future is going to be better. So, like, I'm going to go harder on the trash and the donations. Okay. The other thing I would say, as far as. Because you specifically mentioned the up and down is a real challenge, really work on what can I do in this situation that does work for me with the physical limitations that I face? Okay. So, like, we have. I did one probably. It was probably in August or no, probably September of last year maybe, where, you know, I was. The person I was working with specifically had, you know, long Covid. Had or had Covid multiple times and. And was just coming off of one of those, and she was like, I just physically can't move. So we only did what we could do while she was sitting in one place, not moving, not getting up, and still made a lot of progress. So it's that instead of changing the way you're doing it, saying, what can I do with, you know, being in one spot, and then giving yourself permission to skip the things that you can't do, but go ahead and do the things that you can do while you're staying in one place, and that will take you so much farther. We got so much done that day. Right? And then in the moment where you do have the ability to do one thing, do that one thing, but then keep going and doing lots of things in the. I'm sitting in one spot. Okay. My husband and I are moving my elderly parents into our home this summer. They haven't moved in 40 years and have a lot of storage and clutter and downsizing stuff is hard. Okay, you're moving them into your home. Think and establish. Okay, Designate. This is their space. Okay. So they gonna have a bedroom. Will they. Is there a space where they can kind of have their sitting area? And then really think of that space, establish that space as the boundary, the limit. Okay. And I know this is hard because there are all kinds of relationship and emotional. And this is so hard. All those types of things factor into this. But like, we were talking about math at the beginning. Like, think about it kind of mathematically, like, okay, so are they going to have their own sitting area with their own tv? You know, do you. Are you in a situation where you, you know, they can have one bedroom as their bedroom and one bedroom that's kind of their private space? You know, is that Is that how you're wanting to do things or is there not an availability for that? And it's going to be their stuff coming into the living room with us, you know, because what you can't do and things stay under control is just bringing all of their stuff into your house. That's not possible. Right? Like that's just beyond the limits of the physical space. And so figure out what the space is. Are they going to have a bedroom and then their living space is going to be combined with your living space or whatever. And think about it mathematically and like, okay, so this, this space that we have, this living room and their spaces, their stuff is going to come into it too. And they've each got a recliner or they have their special couch that they love or whatever. It's like, is there room to one for one it? Or do we just, you know, are we willing to one for one it? Like, how is this all going to work? And then think of it that way. Everything that's coming from their house is going to have to have a actual space. And so really go hard on the packing purposefully for the container. Like you might. If they're going to have the equivalent in your house of a one bedroom apartment, then look up the, the recommended number of boxes that somebody would pack for a one bedroom apartment. Maybe the recommended number of boxes somebody would pack for a dorm room. I don't know. This is off the top of my head, right, for a dorm room because you know, they're not actually going to bring all their kitchen stuff in because you've already got the kitchen stuff. But you know, like really think of that and then use those containers of those packing boxes as the. Okay, let's put your favorite things in here first because this is the amount of space that you're going to have. Because we're all making different. You know, you've, you've cleaned out the room so that they can bring their stuff in. Okay, so that's you doing that. You've maybe cleaned out another room that's going to be their little sitting area and, and really go hard on the, this is the space that we have. That's what we're going to pack. Let's pick our favorite things and then everything else is going to have to go, which is really hard. Right? This is hard. It's a hard, hard time of life. Okay? I sometimes grab a big black garbage bag only to fill it a little because life happens. I then find myself with a half full trash bag living on my floor. What do you do with the supplies in between? So, so what I will do is if there's a space where I'm ongoing working on decluttering it, I'll. I'll just leave it in there. Like, if it's a space where I'm like, I go in, I work for a little bit while I can and the trash bag is not full, well, I'm going to leave it there because space is already not perfect. And then I'll go back in. It's already there. A lot of times what I'll do is take that bag and go put it with, you know, use that for my next kitchen trash bag or whatever. You know, just keep adding track because it's trash. So I mean, keep adding on there. But yeah, like if you're moving around from space to space, like you finish this space completely, but there's only a little bit in that trash bag. What's the next space where you're going to work on and go ahead and take it there to be ready for that? This may be too specific, but what are your thoughts on air fryers? I'm worried about buying a gadget that will take up space, but it seems like there may be enough benefits to make it worth it. I mean, I think that's very personal as far as, like, you know, do you have enough things that you cook that you're like, oh, I really like this air fryer recipe for this. And I really like the air fryer recipe for this. We have one. A lot of people love him. My son loves his. I bought him one when he moved into an apartment. He uses it all the time. Right. So I. If it's something that you use, then it definitely deserves space. But if you are going to be bringing it into your home, just like anything else that we bring into our homes, use the decluttering process before you even bring it into your home. As far as, okay, where would I look for it first? Well, I would look for it, you know, when it's put away. Right. And not just living on the counter. When it's put away. Where do I look for it first? Okay, go to that space right now and say, well, what's in this space? Am I willing to get rid of these things in order to bring the air fryer in? And that may very well make you realize, oh, that's where my. I'm picturing my own. That's where my punch bowl and my. Whatever. Yeah. And my cupcake holder. I don't use those things. Those can go. I'd much rather have an air fryer so I can give it that space. Or you may realize, oh, actually, there's really not anything in there that I don't consistently use. Okay, I'm gonna do without the, you know, so it. Go through the process as you do this. I have all your books. I've read and loved Giving God the worst of me. Which book would you recommend I read next? Okay, so you have all the books you've read. The very short little Giving God the worst of me. Here's what I always say. I recommend if you. If you are completely overwhelmed in your home, like, oh, my word, it's just a disaster all the time, read how to manage your home without losing your mind. Okay. If it's okay. I've got things under, you know, as far as, like, you know, dishes and laundry. Those things are under control, but oh, my goodness, the clutter is making me bananas. Decluttering at the speed of life is what I would read there. Visiting my aunt across the country in a few weeks will be helping her declutter to downsize. Her home is neat and tidy, basements and closets full. What can she do ahead to help get ready? Okay, so it sounds like she is wanting your help, which is great, but you're also like, well, her house looks nice, but she knows she has more stuff than she wants. The main thing I would say is if she's asking, you know, like, what can she do ahead of time to get ready? I would say make sure she's got the supplies as far as, you know, trash bags and donate boxes. And then starting with her most visible space, like, she could get rid of, you know, maybe she doesn't have a lot of trash, but say, just look for trash. If you have any trash, go ahead and get that out. And then go ahead and start putting things that are already, like, you've just been meaning to get rid of it. Your obvious donations. Start filling up donate boxes, and then we'll come in and then I'll help you, you know, go even deeper. But yeah, anything you can get out of there. Like I always say those first three steps of the process. Trash, easy stuff that has an established home somewhere else. And duh, obvious donations. Getting those out of there means that once you get down to the stuff that is hard decisions, it's less overwhelming because it's not like, mixed in with these things that actually aren't hard decisions. Right. So, yeah, have her, you know, just tell her any of these three steps that you want to go ahead and work on that would be great. I'm 25, I live in the UK and I'm working towards saving up for your coach training. Oh, I love it. Thank you for changing my life. Well, I. You've changed your life. You've done all the work and that we are loving, loving having the coaches. If any of y' all aren't sure what she's talking about. Decluttering coaches.com is my website, so sometimes people are like, how do we know which ones are your coaches? No, no, I own DeclutteringCoaches.com. it's my website, and everybody there is trained and certified in my methods. Okay, so there's a cute little map feature, and you can click on the map, and then we've got a little globe over here that says international coaches click on your location, your state that you're in, and it will tell you the coaches that are in your state or if there are coaches in your state. And most of the coaches there also do virtual coaching as well. Like, if you've seen my one hour better sessions where I coach somebody virtually, that's what they're doing, using my process there. Now, they may do all kinds of different things, and so just tell them I found you through Dana, so I really, you know, I want you to use her method. And they. They've all agreed that, yes, they will use the method when asked. And most of them use the method all the time anyway because the method works. Right? I have decluttered some clothes that I don't want or like anymore. However, my mom wants me to keep them in my home for her to wear when she comes to visit me. What are your thoughts? I do have the space to keep them in another closet in the guest room she stays in, but I feel like it is stuff shifting. She has indicated that she is not going to be able to visit me this year. Should I just store them for an entire year? Okay, so I think there's a difference here between storage and them having a home, right? Like, if. If it's a guest room, like it's defined as a guest room and your mom is a guest who comes there, then that is the limit to how much stuff you can do. And it doesn't have to be the whole closet because maybe you also use that closet like I do in my guest room for your Christmas stuff, whatever, you know, like, that's fine, but it's like, what portion of that guest room closet are you willing to give for stuff that makes it easier for your mom to come visit you? Um, I don't, I wouldn't consider that stuff shifting. Right. Like, if it's not something that you have to manage, you know, like it's one thing where, okay, if she's going to do this and then I have stuff I've got to manage and deal with. But if it, if it's a situation where it can go just live there and it's not going to mess anything up, then I think that that might be guilt that you're taking on that you don't necessarily need. As far as, oh, is that just stuff shifting? No, no. I mean, but it's also a limit. Like it's not just, oh, everything you get rid of, keep it for me and I'll wear it when I'm there. No, it's what can fit in this amount of space that isn't going to mess up the actual, you know, ability to function and the, you know, stuff that you do need to be doing. It's like, no, no, I, I've got this much space. So, you know, if you happen to think of the five things that I, that you like the best, I'll keep those five things. I'm not going to keep every single thing that I'm going to get rid of because you might want to wear it when you're here. But, but I'll, I'll keep the best of that stuff. Now at Verizon we have some big news for your peace of mind. For all our customers, existing and new, we're locking in low prices for three years guaranteed on MyPlan and my home. That's future. You peace of mind and everyone can save on a brand new phone on MyPlan when you trade in any phone from one of our top brands brands that's new phone peace of mind. 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I totally understand what you're saying. So. So my story is that I figured out this process by working on my house. So I don't know if y' all. I know sometimes people are just YouTube watchers, but I. So my. My website is a Slob Comes clean dot com. And if you go there, you can go read from the beginning. I think it's under, like, get started or welcome it. It will, you know, explain to you how to read from the beginning. I was like, I was just writing about it anonymously in the beginning because it was my deep, dark secret, what I was doing. And so that way you can really see the timeline of as I was figuring. Figuring it out, I was figuring out by working on it in my house. So it's. It's kind of not this figured it out then, did it? Which actually, for all the years when I wasn't making progress, it's because I was trying to figure it out first and then do it. And it was actually the doing it and the figuring it out all at the same time that really changed my house. But the life happening stops me from working on clutter. Totally, completely understand that. And I would feel like, okay, life happened again, and here I am back in the same situation where everything is difficult, and I just gave up on that. And I was like, I'm not gonna. You know, I'm just gonna keep going. Right? And to remember that. What I started to realize is I really started getting stuff out of my house instead of the stuff shifting I'd been doing before. That's when my progress was unback trackable. Not that life didn't happen and that dishes didn't get out of control again and all that, but the stuff getting out of my house was what made my progress so sustainable. So really working on that. I don't know if I answered that question very well. Okay. Oh, I love this. Says, I wanted to thank you, Dana. My best friend's mother passed away. I'm so sorry. And thanks to your method, I could help her with cleaning out the flat when she was not only grieving, but totally overwhelmed. Thank you for saying that. I mean, I think it's always good for other people, too, to be the ones to explain this, but I had to remove emotions from my decluttering process. My decluttering process is developed as I figured out how to take emotions out of decluttering Right. Because it was too hard when I was using emotions to declutter. But that also, that's why it's works so well in working with other people and in these types of situations. Thank you. By the way, listening to audiobooks while cleaning has been a huge game changer for me. It's like ADHD body doubling for chores. I love that someone says would love for more folks to join Dana's crew of decluttering coaches. Then in my area I'd pay for help with my limitations that only get worse as I get older. Yes. I mean our goal is to build it. We're working on building up those decluttering coaches because this is a real, real need that people face and that's why I love having them so that people can get the help that they need when they need more than just understanding how to do it, but they actually need the physical help to do it. So hopefully we will keep on checking and seeing if there's anybody in your area coming up because we're always getting new coaches. Where do we see if there are decluttering coaches in our area? I've had friends offer to help, but that is too embarrassing. Okay, so go to DeclutteringCoaches.com and at DeclutteringCoaches.com this is what you're going to see. You're going to see the US Map, which it used to say looking for a coach outside the U.S. but people don't read. Right. So, so we did a little, little visual, you know, shape of the globe here. And so that's your international coaches. But yeah, so what you'll do is you'll click on. This is clicking on, you know, you click on your state and it's going to bring up here the people who are in your, your state. Okay. So that's how you find it. Decluttering coaches dot com. It's also at a slob comes clean dot com. You're going to see there's something up there that says decluttering coaches and that'll take you to declutteringcoaches.com sorry if you've answered this before, but after the all day declutter on Saturday, which she's talking about was a take your house back thing, I realized that I cannot handle those super big storage totes anymore. I was wondering if I should declutter them and buy smaller, more manageable ones that I can handle without help from my husband or son to help me. Thoughts? The first thing I would do is start, is keep on decluttering everything you can. Because I think what you're going to find more likely is that you'll actually just be able to get rid of a lot of them. Okay. So instead of thinking, oh, I need smaller totes, declutter the stuff to get rid of the totes. And then over time you're going to find what it is that you actually need in the size that you need. Not that you may not need smaller ones for the totes, but for the most part I don't have a lot of totes anymore. Right. And it's from the decluttering. Let's see, I heard that if it's not an immediate yes, get rid of it, I ended up regretting and then buying a lot of things back again. What would be a better quick clutter question? Well, I don't say if it's not immediate yes, get rid of it. That's not my thing. And so the better quick clutter question is, if I needed this item, where would I look for it first? And then if you don't have an answer to that, if you have an answer to that, go take it to the place where you would look for it first and face the reality of that space. Is there room for it? If there's not, am I willing to get rid of something else to make the room for it, which helps me make that. Okay, so it's not because to me I'm like. Was usually my answer. Right? Like to. So the immediate yes, I totally get where you're from. Frustrated here. Right. So it's a logic fact based process to say where would I look for it first? Is there room for it in that space? What am I willing to get rid of in order to let go of this? I'm not willing to get rid of any of that stuff. So I would love to keep this thing. It might be an immediate yes. And yet there's no space for it in my home. I'm gonna let it go. If I don't have a place where I would look for it first, then I have the logic fact based reality that I would never go looking for this. So I'm going to get rid of it. Which means when I have to replace it, which is maybe 2% of the time, like 98 times out of 100, I'm never going to end up ever thinking about that item again. But when I do have something I have to replace, I can rest in the fact that I would have actually gone out and bought it again anyway. But this time I'm buying it Again, as a replacement, not as a buying it. Because I have so much stuff in my house, I don't even know what I have. And I'm just adding more and more and more and more. Okay, so it's the fact based. So the. The immediate. Yes, get rid of it. That's not my question. I don't use that. Okay. I think I'd like to be a declutter coach, but I'm still in the process of decluttering myself. Yes. So I get a lot of. Especially back when we first got started, people were like, oh, but my house isn't perfect yet. And I'm like, y' all, my house isn't perfect yet. Okay? And so I get it. Like, I get what you're saying. And I had my own years of coming to terms. Y' all. Y' all know that, like, we talked about a minute ago, that this all started with the blog as I was trying to figure things out, and people were like, teach us how to do it. And for two and a half years, I said, no, I'm not teaching anybody anything, because that doesn't make any sense. Why would anybody want to learn from me when I, you know, this is the least natural thing in the world to me, Right? And then over time, I realized, oh, actually. And I realized this because people kept telling me I can very well serve the overwhelmed because I understand what it's like to be overwhelmed, and because I have figured out in my own home what actually works. And so it gave me the confidence to say, okay, I can tell you what works. I'm never going to tell you how to have a perfect home. I don't pretend to. And so because I don't pretend to, I don't feel the need to hide the fact that I don't have a perfect home. Right? Because I've never promised anyone that you'll get perfection if you follow my way. But I can tell you with absolute confidence how to go from, oh, my word, I don't know what to do to, yeah, okay, I get it now. This works. This process works. So I have to brag on. Am I bragging on myself? I'll brag on one of my coaches. But anyway, so we met, and she was talking about. And maybe I've told you this story because I tell the same stories a lot. She was talking about, you know, when she first went into her first client's home, she was overwhelmed, just completely overwhelmed. It was a very difficult situation. And she just told herself, nope, I'm gonna follow Dana's Five step process because she had been trained in that and she knew it and she knew it worked because she'd used it in her own home. Right? And so she just started following the process and she was like, and we did it. Like, we did it. We got the situation to what it needed to be. Like we achieved it all. The process works. I hear this from my coaches all the time. They're like, I start to get overwhelmed and then I'm like, no, no, the process works. So I stick to the process and the process works every time. And she just said, she's like, now I go into homes and I'm like completely confident. I'm like, we're just going to follow the process. The process works. Process works. Okay. So, yeah, I love hearing that. Because it works. It works. I know. Because it works in my house. Help letting go of the I must sell everything to recoup cash because I'm poor mindset. Especially here in the uk we've new app for selling. I'm still a single parent with limited time help. Yes. The best way to do this, to get. Because you just said, how do I let go of the I must sell everything to recoup cash because I'm poor mindset? Here is the way that you do this. You pick the thing that you are most confident is worth something and will sell and you sell that one thing. The problem is when you're like, I have so much stuff, I need to sell this stuff. Oh, my goodness. And it's overwhelming. Sell one thing, go through the process. You talked about a new app. Go through the process with that one thing. What is going to happen will be one of two things. Either you will now know what to do to sell that one thing and then you're going to. It's not going to be overwhelming and intimidating to you anymore and you're like, oh, okay, yeah, I know what to do. And then you're free to actually start selling the things that have been sitting in your house because you're like, I need to sell things. But how? Wait, what? How's that going to work? And then they just sit there. That's what you don't want. Okay, so sell the one thing to learn how to do it to then free you up to actually start doing that. Or what honestly happens more often than not is you start, you sell one thing and you realize, well, that was a big old waste of my time because I spent five hours working on that and I made. Well, you're in the uk, I made three pounds. I thought I was going to make a lot more or I'd go through all that and it never sells. Whatever. And that is the breakthrough that you need to then just let go of things. Okay, but so. So go ahead and carry it all the way out to go through the learning process. Right? Maybe just me, but I find myself fixated on areas that have been a mess for years, only to remember, thanks to you, they are already done. So then I have a hard time shifting to another area. Really. Go hard on the visibility rule. What is the visibility rule? Start in the most visible space first and declutter hard there. And then when you get inspired to declutter again, be like, oh, that space is. I've already done that space. Go back to that space, get it back under control in a couple of minutes and then be like, okay, what's the most. The next most visible space? The next most visible space. Instead of like, okay, where should I start? That was me. That's the reason I came up with the visibility rule. Because my whole house had started as a disaster. And so it was always like, there's so many things I could do, I don't even know where. So I'm like, how am I going to start? I need a way to prioritize. I'm going to prioritize by visibility. After reading some of your books, I am still not sure what to do with sentimental items and ancestor photos that I don't want to necessarily necessarily display, but I can't get rid of yet. Okay. With anything even. And maybe even most importantly, well, anything. So anything is anything, right? Go through the process. Ancestor photo. Here's an ancestor photo. If I needed this ancestor photo, where would I look for it first? Because if it's going to be in your house, it needs to have a home and it needs to have a home where you would look for it first. Okay, so this photo of my great, great, great grandfather, where would I look for it first? Okay, I go to that space and I put it in that space. If there's no room for it there, something else has to leave, which then maybe becomes that, oh yeah, actually I can get rid of the third grade picture of so and so that. Whatever. I'm not going to give a reason why, but you know what I mean? Like, okay, that's deserves space less. But you may not even get to that point. It may be that there's room enough. So it's like this. But this is the place where I would look for it first. That's where it needs to live. Okay. And if there's no room for it in that space, then something else that's less important than an ancestor photo needs to go to make room for the ancestor photo. So, yeah, just follow the same thing. Dana, I would love you to explain your term, the head explosion here. Yeah, I mean, this is basically just no item, no physical item is worth my head explosion exploding. And so if something makes me feel like my head is going to explode, like, I think the. The thing that I came up with this rule for was I had a belt that I was like, oh, but I love that belt. But I had just realized that every time I wore that belt, I guess the way my seat belt hit or something, it caused a hole to form in whatever shirt I was wearing. Okay. Like, somehow this belt had. Because I guess I was wearing it to keep my pants up and the shirt was untucked over it, whatever, but it was causing a hole. And I was like, but it's a good belt, and I really need a belt. But it causes a hole. But it's a good belt. But any really. But it causes a hole. But. And I went, okay, it's not worth this. It's gonna go. And I was just like, if it makes me feel like my head is gonna explode, like, I don't. I don't know, what should I do? I'm going to let it go. Now. There's also the option to skip it and move to the next thing. What you don't want is for something for me to just fixate and spin out on one item. Saturday, I ran into two boxes of my Dad's World War II stuff that will be a big project. How do you approach a box that really needs to be emptied so you can see everything that there is to deal with? Okay, so the first thing I do is I. Well, I follow the process. Okay, so here's the box. And it's not that you can't. I mean, y' all do whatever you want to do. Do whatever works. If you have space, you know, do whatever you want to do. Right. But you're asking me, how do I approach that box? How I approach that box is I look at it and I go, overwhelming. And I say, is there any trash is there that I can see and access easily before you know that. Before. Without taking everything out of the box. Right. Okay, so is there any trash? And a lot of times it'll be like, oh, actually, yeah, this is just something that was, you know, shoved in here or whatever. And it ends up being, is there anything easy? Is there anything that I already automatically know exactly what to do with it. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to get those things out just to reduce it and go through that. So remember that. I mean, it's a process. It's the rules that I have. It's the only way I can guarantee that you declutter without making a bigger mess. But it's not like you can't do whatever you want to do. It's your house, it's your stuff. You do it. It. But as far as like. But I always say, I'm like, I can't guarantee that you can declutter without making a bigger mess if you don't follow the process. So there is a way to follow the process in this situation, you know? All right, this is fun. Don't forget a couple of things. We've talked a lot about decluttering coaches today. I have 54 maybe certified coaches at this point. And so go see if there's one in your area or if there's somebody who you can work with virtually. Declutteringcoaches. Com. Everyone listed there was trained and certified by me. Okay, I will talk to you all later. Bye.