← podcasts Archives - Dana K. White: A Slob Comes Clean
podcasts Archives - Dana K. White: A Slob Comes Clean
464: Digital Photos, Decluttering Clothes After Weight Loss, and Household Challenges with “Where Would I Look For It First?”
00:50:10
As always, I’m taking time off during the summer. This year, though, we’re trying something new! We’re sharing the audio of previous live Q&As that I did on YouTube. If you only listen to the podcast, this will be all new to you!
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- [00:00]
Dana K. White
Hey y' all, did you know that I train and certify decluttering coaches who can coach you through decluttering your home using my no Mess decluttering process? Go to declutteringcoaches.com to find one of my coaches near you if there isn't a coach near you yet. Most of my coaches also coach virtually, and we've added a first available virtual coach feature on the site. All coaches listed@declutteringcoaches.com are trained and certified by me. Welcome to A Slob Comes Clean, the Podcast. I am Dana K. White. I share my personal des lobbification process as I figure out ways to keep my own home under control. I share the truth about cleaning and organizing strategies that actually work in real life for real people. People who don't love cleaning and organizing. Thanks for joining me today. This is podcast number464 and this is one of my summer podcasts. I have not put out podcasts in the summer ever before, but I am doing that this summer. So what I'm doing is I am sharing with you the audio from previous YouTube lives, which are question and answer sessions. So if you watch me on YouTube, you might have seen this before, but if you only listen to the podcast, this will be all new to you. Also, just I know at some point I'm going to have to quit saying this, but I feel like, what if they only listen to one, y' all? There's a different energy with a live video than there is in a podcast. So if you're like, wow, what is wrong with her?
- [01:27]
Listener/Caller
That's what it is.
- [01:28]
Dana K. White
All right, so this one, I'm talking about digital photos, decluttering clothes after body changes, household challenges, and you know, with where would I look first? Because, you know, that's one of those things that we all struggle with. And I'm kind of going into that. There's clear and lots more things too. So if you would like to ask questions for Future Q&As, you can go to AskDan White.com and submit your question there. But I also just want to encourage you to check out my decluttering coaches if you need personal help. If you need someone to guide you through my no mess decluttering process, you know, I've got coaches. They are trained in my method by me. They are certified by me, and they are listed according to where they are. We have coaches not just in the US but also coaches in Canada, Australia, and all over the world.
- [02:27]
Listener/Caller
So go check out, see if there's.
- [02:28]
Dana K. White
A coach in your area if there's not one in your area. Most of my coaches also do coaching virtually, so that's something that you should check out. It's at declutteringcoaches.com okay, here you go.
- [02:42]
Listener/Caller
What do you do when a lot of the clutter is caused by those items not having a home or the place where it would make sense is already full with things that have emotional meaning to another family member? Six years ago we moved to a house that belonged to my husband's parents. All their belongings remained in place, not leaving any available space for our things. We didn't intend to move there, but we couldn't find another place on time once we we moved. I was too busy taking care of our child with special needs and my husband was too busy working all day. So over the years our items just piled and piled on every surface. I've been trying to declutter, but it feels that a lot of things that are taking the very limited cabinets and storage spaces are things that I just keep shuffling and tidying only because they are not mine to decide and my husband wants to keep a lot. I feel like we have so many things that we don't need or use but but I don't want to be insensitive telling my husband to throw or donate things that belong to his parents and grandparents. I am a very recent follower but have been joining YouTube and purchased your book in audiobook form so I can list them while trying to catch up with dishes and daily tasks.
- [03:47]
Dana K. White
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- [05:08]
Listener/Caller
All right, so first of all, I just want to acknowledge that this is a lot, right? Like, this is. This is a really tough situation. I don't know the exact podcast numbers, but I have actually had at least one conversation with someone who's very much in the exact same situation that you're in, which means moving into a home that have belonged to family members that was completely and totally furnished and then bringing their stuff in. Okay, so maybe somebody can find that one or you can email and I'll have my assistant look it up. But it's tough. This is a tough situation. So I don't want to pretend like, oh, just do this. Like it's a long process, like where you are right now and where you want to be. Those are really far apart and it's going to be a long process to get there. Okay, here's the thing that I would remind you or, or tell you, okay, if you're, if you're still new around here, like I said, these are not, you know, questions from yesterday or anything, but the, the first thing that I would say is, you know, because so the, the, the succinct version here, we'll answer that first and then we'll kind of bring on. Okay, but what about your unique situation and that you're in this house that was full of stuff from his parents and it sound question that the parents don't live there anymore. So I don't know if they've passed on or if they're in assisted living or something like that at this point, which adds a whole nother layer of emotion to it. Right. For your husband. So. So as far as just the question as the succinct version here is, what do you do when a lot of clutter is caused by items not having a home? First answer to that is we give items a home with my first decluttering question. And that question is, if I needed this item, where would I look for it first? Okay, we are not going to come up with the best spot, the most logical spot, if that works for you. That's exactly what you should be doing. But if you're here with me because you're like, I've tried so many times to get organized and it's just. It just never works. It might be because you're doing the thing of really coming up with a great spot from all this thinking, and then you never actually think of that spot again and you've lost this item. You can never find it. Okay? So we give items a home according to where I would look for it first, meaning not thinking it's going to be there, not being confident that this is its home. Because if it had a home, then it's already left during the easy stuff part of my decluttering process. Okay. When I talk about my decluttering process, I'm talking about my five step progress, only progress, no mess method. You can get a. A copy of just the five steps to carry around with you by signing up for my newsletter at a slob comes clean.com 5. Okay, but first step is trash. The second step is easy stuff. Stuff that has an established home. But when we get to the point where things don't have a home, we ask, where would I look for this first? And that becomes its home. Okay? The place where literally, I have no idea where this item is. I. I don't know where it is, but I need it. And I go looking for it. And that's the drawer I look in first. That's its home. Okay? And as you do that, it's a. You have to have a way, right? Like you need a way to determine the home. You just said things don't have a home. Okay? This is how we're going to give it a home. It's the method that we do that. And the beauty of it is that when you do look for it, even though you're like, oh, no, I don't know where this is. The first place where you look most of the time is the place where it actually is. If you put it in the place where you would look for it first. Okay. Every time that happens, you gain a little more confidence in yourself and in this method, and it becomes easier to go, where's the first place why I would look for this? Okay. You know, like, it's. It's icy right now. We just. We needed to use the hose, and so we had to take off the little styrofoam cover from our faucet thing outside. And so it was going to freeze again. It's just not always cold in Texas. Just have these weird, you know, times where it is. We Needed. And I was like, don't forget, honey, that. That we had to take that off when we, you know, needed to use the hose the other day. And he was like, oh, no, where is it? And I said, well, when you took it off, I offered to put it in place where I would look for it first. But you said that you wanted to put it in the place where you would look for it first. I said, I don't remember what that place was, but go look in the place where, you know, you asked yourself, where would I look for this first? Go look in that place. And it was in there. Like, it was in the exact spot where he had put it. So, like, he didn't have confidence necessarily that he was going to find it. He thought, oh, no, where in the world did I put that? And I just reminded him, remember, ask yourself where I would look for this first. Which he was actually looking for it. But because that's the same question he had asked himself when deciding where it should go. He used the where would I look for it first? It was actually there. Okay? So all of that builds confidence and. And eventually, over time, gets things in your house to all have a home. Right? Because everything I'm going through, I'm. I'm asking myself that question. But then the second part of this is the place where it would make sense is already full with things that have emotional meaning to another family member. So if we take out the. The things that have emotional meaning to another family member, we say the place where I would look for it first. We're not asking ourself where would make sense. We take that out of the equation because that helps. That makes us overanalyze. But if the place where I would look for it first is already full, well, then I have to remove something in order to create the space for this item. Okay? That's how I make my house overall continually get better and better and better. Okay? As I'm giving something a real home, and I'm creating space for it in that home by taking out, ideally something that is trash or duh, donations, okay? That's ideally what I'm going to remove to create the space for that. But you added in the layer of emotional meaning for another family member, and you explained that it's a big deal. Like, this was a house that was completely full, did not have room for your stuff, and it's your husband's family and all these other layers. Okay. That we have there. So in your situation, the thing I would remind you is that our goal is Better, right? You said that your stuff has just piled and piled and piled up on top of these surfaces because of the unique and difficult and honestly traumatic it sounds like situation that you are in in moving into this home. Okay? Remember that less is our goal and better is our goal. Okay? Like we are just going to focus on it being less. Those first three steps of the decluttering process are non emotional, require no decisions to be made. Okay. And steps one and three are things leaving the house. Step one is trash. It is great to just start with trash. Like, just start with the trash. Just do that. Like say, okay, I. There is so much to do and yet I am overwhelmed. There's going to be so much to deal with down the line. And that's part of what's happening here for you, is that you know that there are really difficult decisions that are going to have to be made, conversations that are going to have to be had, major changes in thinking and all this kind of stuff that's going to have to happen. Don't think about that all, all of that yet because you're going to have to do the trash anyway. So just start with the trash that's yours and visible and is not something you have to think through. Is this trash? Just start with the trash and say this surely can't make that big of a difference when there's so much to do. And yet it does. Okay, so just do that. Anything that's easy, meaning it does actually have a real place. Go ahead and take that out of there and then look for duh, donations and just do that, do that over and over and over and this space is going to start to get better. Because here's the thing. If you will start this in the visible space, then your family, including your husband, is going to start to experience the house changing. And I can't guarantee it and I can't even explain why exactly, but as people start to live in a house that, okay, there's actual space, this house is more under control, I can see it improving. It starts to change how we think about things. Okay? The problem for you that makes this so difficult is that legitimately the places where things would go are its own huge daunting issue. So go ahead and make what progress you can make without worrying about any of that yet. Okay, yes, you're going to get to it. But if you can make visible progress with just trash and easy stuff and donations, getting stuff out of the house, if you will just do that before you ever get to the actual putting, you know, creating Homes and all that kind of stuff with the decluttering questions. As you just do that part, your house will start to change, and it will give you some experience. It will give you some perspective that might be difficult to have right now as you're looking at the overall daunting project. Okay. All that to say it's going to be a long, long haul. But it has to start with the trash, right? Like, it has to. And do that in the visible areas, the stuff that's just yours or neutral. And that before you ever get to those really hard decisions about dealing with his. His parents stuff. But it's hard. I'm not saying it's not hard. It's hard. Okay, here's a good question. Do you have questions you ask yourself before deciding if something should be trash or donated? Okay. Case in point. A shirt I don't like because the sleeves are too long. Should I donate it because someone else might have longer arms? Or should I just trash it because it's out of proportion? Okay, so as far as the. Do I have questions I ask myself before deciding if something should be trash or donated? I really don't. I just look for trash. And when I say trash, I mean, like, things I don't have to ask myself questions about. Right. Okay. So I'm gonna just get rid of that. I think. What more what you're asking here is, when I get to the donation stuff, how do I decide if maybe something is actually trash instead? As far as this specific question, a shirt you don't like because the sleeves are too long. Are the sleeves too long? Like that shirt that Denise made for Theo? Do you know what I'm talking about? You know, like, the fashion shirt. I know we're not supposed to talk about the Cosby show anymore, but y' all remember what I'm talking about, right? Like, so, like, are we talking, like, the sleeves are six feet long, or are we talking the sleeves are a little too long? You know, like, because in that case, if the shirt is perfectly fine, but I didn't like it because my arms didn't work for it. Yes, I would absolutely donate that if. If it's a complete factory reject that I purchased at a store that sells factory rejects back when I was obsessed with insane, crazy bargains for pennies, and surely I can do something with that. And now I've come to the point where I've realized, yeah, I can't, then that might be tr. But as far as, like, analyzing, is this absolute perfection for every situation? No, I don't I'm just going to go ahead and donate that. Okay. So I think it might feel like maybe you're overanalyzing and maybe you need to just go with some instinct. I'm going to pull out the trash. Okay? I'm going to pull out the, you know, easy stuff that has established homes. I'm going to do that. You know, like, let yourself use the process and don't get stuck. And remember that if there is an item that overwhelms you because you're like back and forth, skip that item. Either decide it's head explosion. So I'm just gonna throw it away because I got to get it out of my house, but I feel too guilty about donating it. Okay, then throw it away, that's great. Or it's head explosion. And yet I can't bring myself to throw it away. But I also can't say, okay, skip it, move to the next thing. Because as you get this space decluttered and you experience, oh, wow, it's so much easier to maintain. It's easier to manage my entire life when I just have less stuff to deal with. Then it is going to, it's going to look different to you and you're going to have the bandwidth to maybe look at it differently and think differently. All right, next question. How do you tackle all those digital photos, sometimes thousands stored on devices and computers? Okay, so I'm just going to tell you that I, for myself and this is what I recommend and I hear works for so many people, specifically people will say, I followed your five step process. On my digital clutter on my photos, I just followed the process. Why? Because I need a process. Because I look at that and I just feel overwhelmed and stuck. So instead I say, I've got to work through this. So I'm going to start with the trash. I mean, like that works, right? If you can say, I'm going to go through my photos and I am just going to get rid of trash. Well, especially digital, y' all. How many times did we take 15 pictures? Click, click, click, click, click, click. Which is not even that the sound that it makes anymore. But you know what I mean? I take 15 to hopefully get one. Well then I've got 15 of the same picture. Okay? Just going through and saying, I'm just going to delete, delete, delete the trash. There's something about that that says I don't have to do this perfectly. I don't have to deal with every single picture as I see it and go, okay, is this one where instead I'm just going to go through and say trash. Oh wait, there are 15 of the same one. This is my favorite. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click on the other 14 and get rid of those. You know, and just doing that is going to significantly reduce what you're dealing with. It also helps your brain start to realize what you actually have. Right. What am I actually dealing with? And then go through and say, okay, easy stuff. Is there anything that has an established home? Do I already have some folders or whatever that I need to go ahead and put these things? Obviously. Okay, I've got a family vacation to New Zealand. I've never taken one of those, but I sure would love to. Family vacation to New Zealand. I already got a folder for that. Oh, okay. I'm going to make sure those go in there, those are easy. And just start to reduce the overall volume of stuff that you're dealing with and then you get down to your really difficult decisions. But even before you ever get to the decisions, you have dealt with trash, which has significantly reduced the amount of stuff that you're going to deal with in a very non emotional way. Okay, so yes, you're going to have to go, okay, how does this step apply to this situation? But I promise you're smart enough to do that and you, you can figure out how to do that. Okay, there's also, and I'm sure people can give examples in the comments of apps and things. There are apps out there. I just don't, I haven't used any enough to really be able to say, oh yeah, this app, blah, blah, blah, can do that. But I know, I've heard of apps that make this process easier. So I hope some people will share some experiences that they have with that.
- [20:52]
Sponsor (Greenlight)
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- [21:54]
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- [22:24]
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- [23:09]
Listener/Caller
We moved from a 4100 square foot home to a 1700. Okay, just to be clear, if you are living outside of the US and you're picturing square meters, just know that this is not at all square meters. Okay? Because one time I had somebody leave a review of one of my books. I think because I had Talked about like 1700 square feet was our first home that we had and they were like they could not believe that I was worried about clutter in a 1700 square meter house. And I looked up how much that was and it was like, it was like 41, 000 square feet or something humongous like it was, I think the example that they gave was what's that guy who I don't know, my kids call him the goat. That quarterback that the cowboys just beat anyway, whatever his name is. Tom Brady. Yes, that's him. Anyway, and it gave like his mansion house as an example of something that big. And I was like, well no wonder they thought it was interesting. So we're talking about square feet here, not square meters. I had started the. Okay, this is the back to the question. Sorry. I had started the decluttering process before we moved, but not close to where we needed to be. Now everything is stacked in the garage and or basement with only a wide walking path. We are literally moving stuff to get things we need and then of course not put back but stacked on top. Words of wisdom on how where to start to be Able to take it there now, when there isn't a defined space yet. I feel like I have to take stuff out to rearrange this. That stops any progress I may have even started. We do have small overhead storage, so when I find my Christmas stuff, I put it there. I just don't have an empty space to delegate different things we find. I am so thankful I found you and eager to be able to use my garage. Okay, so you have moved to a home with a lot less space as far as, like, things don't have a defined space. You gotta have a space for things. And as things come out of the box, one item at a time, it needs to go to a real place in your house. I determine that place the same way I always do, which is, where would I look for this first? Which feels a little weird in a new house. I just moved, you know, a little over a year ago. It is something that. It feels a little ambiguous. And yet there is. I mean, like, in this house, if I needed a stapler, where would I look first for a stapler? I mean, like that right there. I mean, that's how I use it. I mean, that's. That's the process that I use to determine where something is going to go. It's always, where would I look for it first? Even in this home where I. There isn't a place where I've ever looked for it before, but it's. Where would I look for this first? That's its home. Okay, so go ahead and take it there now to this place. And even if it's not perfect, you're going to be so much better off if you give it a real home. And then this whole, like, I feel like I have to pull things out. I'm not sure if you mean from the box or if you mean from the home. But, you know, sometimes if you packed a bunch of stuff together from the living room, okay, well, then take the box to the living room. But every item that comes out has to go into a real place. And then anything that didn't get a real place, it needs to be donated and gone. And that. And it's just working little by little. And saying I am. Even though it's overwhelming because it feels so overwhelming, but you are. You're in a better situation because you have all that stuff in the garage as opposed to spread out all over your house. And then try to decide. It gives you the opportunity to say, okay, one item at a time, even if it means bringing a box in the house. But one item At a time, I'm going to give it a home. Give it a home. Give it a home. If there is not a real home in this house, it needs to go. And that's how you're going to take advantage of. Of the moving process for decluttering to make your new house so much easier to manage than it used to be. Okay. Okay. Do you have a certain thought process or questions when you're out shopping to avoid cluttering with impulse buys? Do you ask your two decluttering questions to be more objective on what you're buying? Okay. So the number one way to change how you shop to avoid bringing clutter into your house is to declutter. First of all, when you are obsessed with decluttering, it's amazing how you just don't go shopping as much. Like, even though I used to. And for me, shopping was garage sales, which meant I was getting stuff for pennies on the dollar and bringing it into my house at an insane, crazy, amazing, intense rate. Right? Okay. So I would bring the stuff into my house, and that was what got me into my clutter situation. As I was decluttering, it was like that was my focus, and I just naturally stopped going as much. But even when I am out after having decluttered, not that you have to be done, but just the process of decluttering meant that I found all these things and got rid of all these things that at one point I had shopped for. So I got rid of a ton of decorations. I got rid of a ton of my kids toys. I got rid of so many things that were the same things I was seeing in a shop. Right. Like, or in a garage sale. I was seeing more throw pillows and kids toys and all that kind of stuff. And so because I had been decluttering stuff like that, that stuff started to look different to me. I saw it as something that was going to be future clutter, blah, blah, blah. So that's the number one thing, is to go ahead and declutter instead of trying to analyze that. Just get stuff out of the house so that you also start to identify. Oh, that thing that I thought was really cool. And then I put it up on Facebook, Marketplace, and nobody wanted it. And I was like, wait, what other people aren't as excited about this? Blah, blah, blah. It changed how I looked at things because I used to buy things thinking, oh, I love that. And if I can't use it, well, then I'll just sell it because people will be so excited to get it. Blah, blah. It all of that experience changed how things look as far as asking my two decluttering questions to be more objective about what I'm buying. Not so much that as far as. Except for, you know, where would I look for this first? Meaning, you know, I need to know where this is going to go in my house when I bring it home. And it's really comes down to the container concept, meaning everything has to have actual space to be in my home. And if there's not space for it, I've got to remove something else. So as I bring it, you know, if I'm going to bring it into my home, I'm going to have to get rid of something else. So I have to be able to picture where it's going to go and what's going to need to leave in order for it to have space for that. But through the whole decluttering process, I started knowing what I had, knowing where it was, liking the way my house looked, which meant I was much less likely to think that this thing was going to make me love my house. It was like, I really like how my house looks. Clicks. So if I'm going to bring that in, I'm gonna have to have a space for it. I'm have to get rid of something, but I've already gotten rid of a bunch of stuff, and I'm kind of down to what I really like. And so it just changed that process for me. So it's more about where is this going to go in my house according to where I would look for it first and what, you know, what am I going to have to get rid of in order to create space for that. So it's more the container concept that I use in that than asking the decluttering questions, if that makes sense. So, all right. Answering where I would look first was really hard when I moved until I got used to the flow of my new space, I think. Yes. But I think some of that comes from going ahead and putting it in. Like, I. I moved some things. So I like specifically my kitchen, where I asked myself, where would I look for this First I put it there. And then as time went on and I was in my kitchen and I kept looking in this cabinet right here. I don't know why I did that for such and such thing. Then it was like, okay, well then I'm gonna move it there, because that's where I am actually looking for it first. But it was better than for me to just be stuck and not put things away. Try not to think too hard. About trash or donate and declutter. Otherwise we'll keep everything. Yeah. Just those things are supposed to be pre decision. Okay. Those are before you're starting to make decisions in the process. And so just go ahead and keep getting stuff out. That is. That. That's easy. So don't know where to start. Start with the trash. Start with the trash. That's the. That's the first thing to do because it will immediately make progress. Focus on better. Change your goals to. I'm going to make this space better, which means it's literally not possible to fail if you do one thing. If you throw away one piece of trash, that makes it better. Okay. So. And I know that's a very short version. I'm not acting like, oh, it's just. Just throw in trash. No, I get it's much more than that. But that's where the books come in. Okay. Is they go into all the different details. They're available at libraries as well. So, you know, you can ask your local library. Let's see. Better to declutter one room at a time or a little in each room. So I follow the visibility rule, which I made up and I named it a role. But basically it is. It means that that's how I prioritize decluttering. I start in the most visible area first and I work on that space. It's up to you if that, like, start with your visible surfaces and everything first. It's up to you whether or not you then go inside the cabinets and drawers in that room or if you move to the next room. Okay. And work in the visible clutter in the next most visible space in your home. But I use that partly just because I'm like, I need to have a definite way to prioritize my projects. And so that's how I prioritize it. The benefit of it is that you see your progress that you're making. It inspires you to then keep going. Like you. You increase your decluttering energy as opposed to decluttering in a teeny tiny space over here that you never see and then being like, oh, well, what's the point of all that? My house doesn't look any better. Right. Okay. How to start to declutter clothes if you need to lose weight, but it is too slow, so you need several sizes. Unleft is already donated. This is a hard question. So remember, the container concept takes the difficulty out of the questions. Right. So we say, this is the space that I have in my clothes storage area. Whether that's Drawers or closet, whatever. This is the space that I have to devote to clothing. Top priority needs to be what I actually can wear right now, right? So if I have the space to have what I need to wear right now for the actual size that I'm in, and I have a little bit more space, okay, then I. That's how I make those decisions. So I say, you know, I'm going to take things out, giving top priority to the. The stuff that actually fits me right now, being easily accessed, get toable, usable. Okay? So it can't just be crammed in there. I'm going to do that. And then any other space determines how much I can keep for these other possibilities. Okay? So, like, I'm gonna keep a few things for the next size or whatever so that when I realize, oh, my goodness, these pants are falling off, I. In the US Pants are your trousers. Just in case some of y' all are thinking something else and you don't live in the US but in that moment, I'll have, you know, a couple of pairs of pants, and then I can go, I don't know, to the thrift store where I donated my other stuff. Remember? This is something I love to tell because it made me just go, that is so smart. And I. It's Tish Oxen, writer. She doesn't really write about this stuff anymore, but she. I heard her one time say that she views thrift stores as a free storage unit. Okay. Meaning she will donate something to a thrift store knowing that if she ends up not as a free storage unit. Sorry. She views thrift stores as storage units so that if she ends up needing that item in the future, she can go into a thrift store and get a very similar item. Because thrift stores always have lots of clothes, Right. She can get a very similar item for super dirt cheap. Right? For very, very, very cheap. So it's like, I'm gonna go ahead and donate these things knowing that if I need them in the future, I can go get a pair of trousers or pants for $3. Let's see. Any advice about the gifts you buy ahead of time? I have ton of Christmas stacked in the corner. Okay. If something deserves space in your home, which, if you are someone who buys gifts ahead of time, that's great. And that's, you know, that deserves space in your home if it's not taking up the space that you need to live your everyday life. Right. So give it a real spot. A real spot is not stacked in the corner, Right. It needs an actual shelf in your closet, whatever, and you that will help you determine, oh, I can't buy Christmas gifts ahead of time because I literally don't have a shelf available in my home for that. Or it might make you realize, oh, that shelf up there has all this stuff that I stored at one time, and now I realize I don't need or care about any of that. That can all go. Because the Christmas gifts that I buy ahead of time deserve a space in my home. But that space that doesn't take up room that you need for your actual everyday life, that space is the limit. So that determines how many Christmas gifts you can buy ahead of time. Once it's full, then, oh, okay, well, I actually should donate that item because I ended up finding this item that I like better and this space is the space that it is, and I can't keep more than will fit in that space and my house ever even possibly be able to stand or control. Okay. Because I have to just like blame the space for that.
- [37:37]
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- [38:39]
Listener/Caller
My partner has adhd, so he's always leaving a debris trail. So I put it where I would look for it first because he always asks me, but then he is annoyed too when it's not where he dropped it. I mean, there's always the, you know, things that you deal with. I would make sure that you are dealing with your own stuff first, which, I mean, you know, there's nothing in here that says that you haven't already done that. But maybe even asking him, hey, where would you look for this first? And, oh, well, if this space was. Was cleared up. But see if there's a way. And I know it can always. It's interesting dynamic, but if there's a way, hey, let's do a five minute pickup together. No, I really do just mean five minutes. You can maybe even make it a two minute pickup together. Let's do this two minute pickup together, this five minute pickup together, so that you can start, you know, kind of doing that together as far as. Okay, well, where would you look for it first? Well, if, you know, if this space was where we could actually have people over or whatever, where would you look for it first? And. And then figuring out for your partner what the places where he would look for it first. Okay. And just remembering that. And you didn't say this, but, you know, like, debris trails are things that people like me leave. The five minute pickup is the way that we keep that from being something that just builds and builds into total mess. Your question, where would I look for this? Has helped my husband start recognizing that what he was holding is trash. Praise God and pray for your progress and your help. I love it. Yeah, I've actually heard this from a lot of people. If someone has a hard time identifying trash, even though you know for a fact that the thing they're holding in their hand is trash, but saying, okay, let's get rid of trash, they don't see it as trash. Asking the question, where would I look for this first? Is actually very helpful for those who can't identify trash. So even just going on to that question, oh, okay, where would you look for this first? Oh, that's trash. Like, it's amazing how that question will kind of trigger for some people when it comes to common areas with roommates. How should organizing those areas be handled when it seems like they don't want to put in the effort, but are okay with you doing it? Declutter, right? So organizing versus decluttering. If organizing isn't working, declutter less stuff, Less stuff, less stuff, less stuff. Because something that doesn't exist in the home can't get out of control. And we, we declutter down to the clutter threshold of the lowest clutter threshold person. Okay, Clutter threshold. Not meaning what I can stand to be out and cluttery meaning what can I handle? How much stuff can I handle without it getting out of control easily? Like, what can I Easily keep under control. So just declutter more, Declutter more, declutter more. Which I know is its own dynamic there because, you know, it's roommate stuff or whatever. But it's. Yeah, I mean, but it's tough. I mean, roommate situations are, are difficult. How do you get over the emotional block when the space you are supposed to declutter is full of things that you need to decide if you want to keep or not? So I do not ask myself if I want something because that's an emotional block for me. I will always say I want it. I mean that's. I mean, maybe I've changed a little bit more now, but like especially there in the. I mean like I. The answer is always yes. Like why would I have it in my house if I didn't want it, right? So instead I take any of those, like, should I keep this? All that. I don't ask any of those kind of questions. Instead I ask where would I look for this first? So even if it's something that in my mind I'm like, should I really keep that or not? I. I take that out and I said, well, where would I look for this first? And if I have a place that pops in my mind of where I would look for it first, I go ahead and I take it to that space. And then when I get there and there's no room for it, I say, okay, what am I willing to get rid of in order to make the space for this? That generally will trigger to me, is it something worth keeping or not? But I'm never asking myself the question, is this worth keeping? Instead I'm saying, okay, if I would look for this first here, what am I willing to get rid of in order to make the space for this? And then I realized, well, I'm not willing to get rid of something in order to make space for this. Okay, well then it needs to be donated because it's not that important to me. But I've revealed that through these non emotional fact based, space based questions. As opposed to just sitting there and staring at it and saying, should I keep this or do I want this or whatever, I just don't ask those questions. If I ask myself the question, where would I look for this first? And I don't have an answer, that's when I ask myself the second decluttering question. If I needed this item, would it ever even occur to me that I already had it? Okay, which generally it wouldn't because I didn't have a place where I would go Looking for it. And then I let it go. Okay. Because I realized, wait a minute, I didn't even know that I had. I wouldn't even go looking for this now before. It's not that I maybe didn't forget about it, but if I had a place where I would go looking if I needed this item, then yes, I'm going to go take it to that spot. Okay. But this is how I work through all of this without using emotions. And then it comes down to the container concept. Let's say I have, you know, let's say I'm looking at a stack of books and I think, oh my goodness, I've got to go look through every single book and analyze. Do I want to keep this? Do I not want to keep this? Oh, but so and so gave this to me, but I kind of hated it and blah, blah, blah. We take that out and we just say, okay, well, this bookshelf is where I would look for books. So I'm put my favorite books in there first. And then by the time it's full, I've already identified which ones I like the most because those are the ones that my favorite ones went on there first and the ones that I don't like as much. Okay, well, those are going to go because they might be great, but I don't have the space. So I'm taking that pressure off of me of making value decisions. And instead I'm blaming the space that I have. Because the fact is, if I try to keep more stuff in my house than actually fits, there literally is no hope of my house ever being under control. Like, it's just not possible. If I try to put more stuff in there that can actually fit. Specific tips on decluttering with little kids. Yes. This is where sometimes people like you just always say the same thing I do because it doesn't change. And here's the beauty of it. You know, one of our decluttering coaches has been using my method with decluttering clients for a long time. Decluttering coaches.com is where you can find the people trained in my method. But she had already been using this, so she was excited to officially get certified in it. And she specifically works with moms of young children. And she's like, I teach them, I coach them on the five step process. Because the beauty of my five step process, which you can get a printable of it at a slob comes clean.com 5. The beauty of the process is that you only make progress, which means if you will follow the process you can literally get distracted, step away at any time, and your space is only better than it was before. Because you never put yourself in a situation where when life happens, which life happens a lot, completely unexpectedly, all the time when you have toddlers, right? Like, it's constantly a distraction, a distraction, distraction. But you can step away at any time and your space is only better than it was before. And that is why the five step process works so incredibly well with children. Because also because you are never going to put yourself in a situation where you're worse off than you were before. And you can't stop because you are only going to make progress and only progress. It does not matter how much time you have to devote to decluttering. You can declutter in any amount of time that you have as few as 15 seconds to throw something away, right? And then you get distracted. Okay, I've made progress. I threw something away. No, I didn't do near as much as I wish I could have, but I did something. And that mentality change is the thing that changed my house. That mindset shift is the thing that changed my house and has changed so many other people's houses. But it works so well with little. When you have little kids, because you are just acknowledging that distractions are going to happen. And so I'm going to do things in a way where I will still make progress even when distractions happen. So if the kids are quiet, which, you know, with toddlers, you have to be a little nervous when it's quiet, right? But if the kids are taking a nap, I can start decluttering on a space. And because I'm only going to make progress if they wake up after three minutes, great. But if they sleep for an hour and a half, I will have made huge progress. Okay, so. Or if I work for 15 minutes and then I go, I want a nap today, too. Okay, take your nap. You have not put yourself into a situation where you're worse off than you were before. Okay, how did you finally decide to buy a bookshelf? I'm guessing you're a patron because I talked about my bookshelf that I bought today. Okay, so I purchased a bookshelf today that has been in my cart for, I think since Thanksgiving of 2021. Because we moved into my house November of 2021. And I remember after Thanksgiving being like, I want a bookshelf for that spot. And it was expensive and I didn't buy it. But then I had done something where I'd gotten a nice little check and I was like, I'm gonna spend that on. We'll spend that on this bookshelf. So, finally decide to buy the bookshelf. It was partly because I didn't. I was not trying to fill my house up. You know what I mean? Like, I lived with it for a while. I. There is so much value in decluttering, getting stuff out, and then living with the space being decluttered, that then eventually you go, you know what would be actually helpful in here as opposed to, I'm gonna buy this thing to solve all my problems. That never worked, right? Like, I used to be a shelf observer obsessed person. I always thought if I could just get the next shelf or the perfect shelf for this space, all my clutter problems would be solved. That never worked, right? Like, it never worked. My husband would be like, oh, my word. When I would come home and say, hey, can you come with me and pick up this shelf that I bought at garage sale? I've already paid for it. Come on. He was like, no, not more shelves. I've gotten rid of so many shelves over the years. But I lived with it, this space, having absolutely nothing in it for a long time. And then I finally realized, okay, I really do need a shelf for these books and these items in this specific spot. But it came from just waiting and just living with it for a while and just saying, I would rather have nothing, then get the wrong thing. And then eventually I felt confident. Now, who knows? I might have bought it and I might be donating it in a month if it doesn't work. But anyway, I use the container concept with my boyfriend's kids because their toys were overflowing their bins, and it worked amazingly. They're four and five. I love hearing that the container concept works so well with me and with children, I mean, and it's because it takes the power struggle out. There is no power struggle when the container is the bad guy. This is a. I am honoring the fact that you love your stuff. Here is a cool space to put it in. Put your favorite things in first, and then when it's full, then it's. You know, you'll have to decide that. Or not really even decide, but when it's full, you'll just have to accept that it's full and the things that didn't fit in there need to go, okay. And then the other thing along with that is when they have a favorite thing, you always get to say yes. You don't get to say no. Remember, you already filled up your thing. You don't have to say that. You just say, sure, of course you. Oh, that is really cool. Of course you can keep that. All right, what are you willing to get rid of that's in the container now in order to make space for it? Oh, you're not willing to get rid of anything. Oh, man. I know it's hard, but you don't ever have to say, well, you know, you. You got to get rid of it. You're never saying, no, you never play with that. Whatever. It's whatever they want to put in the container first. That and then you let the container be the limit and the bad guy. It's amazing how well it works. Head explosion rule. Could you please explain what you meant? Basically, it's just a way for me to tell myself if I am finding myself spinning out, going back and forth and back and forth on an item, I'm like, okay. I mean, although I'm keeping this because I do love it. I love this mug. But. But it. Everything I drink out of it tastes weird. So there's some. I'm not saying that about this. Okay. I'm just saying, like, hypothetical. I love this mug. I love a mug. It's so cute. And so. And so gave it to me, but I can't stand to drink out of it. And actually it has that crack in it. And that crack. I read that thing about how that can, you know, hold bacteria. And so I never actually drink of it, drink out of it. But then I feel guilty. But then. But I love it, but I feel guilty. I give myself permission in those situations to say, no physical item is worth my head exploding. I'm going to get rid of it. And it's like that. Just if I'm going back and forth, I say, not worth it. It's not worth it. I am not willing to have my head explode over a mug. And so I'm gonna get rid of it. So it's just a way to release things and let things go because I give myself permission of that. I know I'm really bad at stuff shifting. Any ideas on breaking the thought pattern? Yes. Use the process. Use the five step process and know that if you are truly following the five step process, you will be actually dealing with each item as you go. Because you are not putting yourself. You're not not saying, I have to finish decluttering this space in the next 30 minutes. You're like, I'm going to make this space better. And it is better for me to deal with one item at a time. Making final decision by Final decision. Even if it goes more slowly than I wish it would, it is better for me to do one item at a time. Final decision by final decision, using the five step process that is in the books, but is also, you know, at the aslab comes clean.com vibe. I am going to use that, that process to make final decisions. And eventually it's going to change my house. I will change my house by making real decisions and acting on those real decisions and putting things in their final home or giving them away, you know, getting them out of my house if they don't have a place to be. My house will actually change if I do that slowly as opposed to just moving things around. My house is never actually going to change. Okay. Don't forget, if you, I mean, like libraries have my audiobook. Some of them have the CDs, some of, you know, hoopla Overdrive, Libby, all those different library apps where you can check out books, digital books, most of them have my audiobook. If they don't, just because it's on hoopla one place doesn't mean that your library has necessarily purchased it for their hoopla system. But request that they, they get it. I mean, librarians tell me all the time they love it when people request a book. So request the book. And sometimes that will mean that it is your first in line, possibly unless other people have requested it too. But really, truly, you know, and, and they're available. I don't, I'm not saying they're only at libraries. Like, they're literally everywhere. You can buy an audiobook. You can get my audiobooks. Dana K. White. Just search. Gotta put the K in there or you won't find it. But they're, they're everywhere. So there you go. All right, I will talk to y' all next week. Make sure you go to, go to declutteringcoaches.com if you want to hire a coach or be a coach and go to askdanakwhite.com to ask questions for future lives. All right, I will talk to you all next week. Bye.