[Rerun] Ayo Edebiri

Summary

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Podcrushed [Rerun]: Ayo Edebiri

Podcast Hosts: Penn Badgley, Nava Kavelin, Sophie Ansari
Guest: Ayo Edebiri (Comedian, Writer, "The Bear," "Big Mouth")
Release Date: June 10, 2026
Theme: Reliving the awkwardness and self-discovery of middle school years, from body changes and heartbreaks to identity and cultural navigating, through the candid, hilarious, and sincere lens of Ayo Edebiri.

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Episode Overview

This episode of Podcrushed brings comedian and actress Ayo Edebiri to share her middle school experiences—focusing on everything from navigating puberty and periods to growing up as a Black daughter of immigrants in predominantly white spaces, all while mining the humor and vulnerability inherent in those formative years. The conversation threads through identity, family, faith, first crushes, and the search for belonging, with Ayo’s characteristic blend of sharp wit, self-awareness, and honesty.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Early Adolescent Anxiety & Perfectionism

• Ayo describes her anxious, perfectionist middle-school self:
  • Was deeply invested in school grades to the point of tears over a B+.
  • Quote:

    "In sixth grade, I got my first B plus on a report card and I went to the teacher after school and cried... I need to get an A minus or I won’t go to college." (04:03)

  • Teacher reassured her: "It’s really not that serious. Just for next time... it’s really not that serious at all." (05:42)

2. Conscious Decision to be 'Funny'

• Humor as a survival/social acceptance strategy:
  • Ayo decided to cultivate funniness in response to feeling misunderstood and wanting to fit in.
  • This involved deliberate choices, right down to buying sneakers to appear “cooler”:

    "I basically feel like I made a conscious decision to be funny... I’m gonna buy a pair of sneakers, and I’m gonna, like, make jokes in class and I’ll, like, still work hard, but, like, that’s what I’m going to do." (05:50)

3. Puberty, Periods & Body Changes

• Late bloomer experience:
  • Did not get her period until 16; shared the anxieties and stigma surrounding puberty milestones:

    "...I had a friend who got it when she was 10... both of you feel like you’re crazy, and you’re like, I should be getting this on my 13th birthday." (06:54)

• First period story:
  • Hilariously visceral and honest recounting of her first period during a jog with her dad, confusion in a sandwich shop, and the lack of supplies at home.

    "I pooped out the front. What is this brown? Blue? And then I was like, oh, no." (09:41)

  • Her father’s nonchalant reaction:

    “His back is towards me, and he’s like, I heard you got your period. And I was like, no. He’s like, you were not supposed to know that. ...Well, it happens.” (11:10)

• Period code with a friend:
  • They texted just a single period “.” to each other as a secret signal when it happened. (08:12)
• Learning to use tampons:
  • Learned late, sometimes from American Girl books or friends; tells the story of teaching a friend who “almost passed out.” (13:02)

4. Race, Identity, and Cultural Belonging

• Growing up in Boston as one of few Black students in private school:
  • "My church... those were all Black people... but I ended up going to a predominantly historically white institution." (17:54)
• Wrestled with external and internal perceptions of Blackness:
  • Faced questioning of authenticity from peers and the navigation of “not Black enough” sentiments.

    "Black people who are like, no, you’re not Black enough. And I’m like, what do you mean? ...You're telling me no." (17:54)

  • Tried to “catch up” via music research:

    "I would, like, be, like, writing these things down and, like, immediately going to... LimeWire and... download as much music as possible." (18:41)

• Realization and language around microaggressions and injustices came gradually:
  • "I just remember feeling like, oh my God, like I’m learning about racism and I’m learning about my life." (20:41)

5. Faith & Evolving Spirituality

• Very religious upbringing, later becoming disillusioned with organized religion:
  • Transitioning to New York, searching for a new church but feeling spiritually exhausted and distant from her community.

    "I think I consider myself a spiritual person. ...I just became very, like, internal." (23:17)

  • Discusses “backsliding”—a Christian term about losing faith.

    "...I became very, like, internal. ...Are they judging me? Because now I'm living in New York and ... I'm doing improv at night." (24:06)

6. Crushes, Heartbreak, and Early Relationships

• First big crush:
  • Story about a classmate named Bill, who "origami’d me a heart out of a dollar," preserved for years as a token. (27:55)
  • Joke: “I’m gonna be Mrs. Bill.” (27:55)
• First church boyfriend via classic intermediary "his brother asked me if I’d date him":
  • Lasted a few months until he left for a girl who promised a kiss.

    "He was like, yeah, so this other girl said she’s gonna give me a kiss, so..." (30:08) "I have been cheated on. I have been wronged... I’m gonna listen to secular music. I’m so heartbroken." (31:16)

• Awkwardness and self-consciousness about attractiveness and sexuality:
  • "I didn’t really feel very... pretty... the boobs weren’t in yet, you know?... and then even when they were, I was like, these are hideous." (31:23)
  • First kiss was as late as age 15 or 16—"a spin the bottle game with a friend." (32:32)

7. Pop Culture, Nostalgia, and the Search for Identity

• Writing innocent fan fiction:
  • "It wouldn’t be romantic... Hilary Duff and Avril Lavigne, like, go to the mall and, like, have a good day." (33:50)
• Mall culture and music tangents:
  • “Had to hit the South Shore Plaza... I bought [Vanessa Carlton's] album at, like, the last Sam Goody in Boston.” (34:59)
• Family story about Martin Scorsese almost filming in their house and missing out on meeting Leo DiCaprio due to a piano lesson.
  • “You think I came to America for you to tell me Martin Scorsese is coming to town? Get off my porch.” (35:28)
  • "Did my fricking annoying neighbors end up getting a picture of Leonardo DiCaprio? Yes. Yes, they did." (36:14)

8. Emotional Health, Therapy, and Self-Compassion

• Outline of how comparison and internalized sadness flowered in adolescence:
  • “I remember being a really happy child. And then around those middle school years, I think comparison started to kick in a lot.” (39:08)
  • Ayo describes becoming more reserved, internal, and anxious in eighth grade.
  • Therapy was not part of the household; "a therapist is somebody who, like, takes you away from your family." (41:50)
• Reflection on changing cultural attitudes about mental health:
  • “There are people who are public figures who even speak about mental health... so much has changed, I think, for the better, in terms of just being able to speak about this stuff.” (42:51)

9. Advice to Her Younger Self

• What would you tell middle-school Ayo?
  • Give her a hug (unfamiliar in her family), tell her it’s okay, and to talk to someone.

    "You will learn how to hug people... Rain boots are not gonna have a moment, and neither are newsboy hats." (44:17)

  • Emphasizes that life doesn’t instantly resolve at adulthood:

    "I was so desperate for this idea of, like, X will happen and my life will change. And now I feel like you realize a lot of times when you get what you want, that’s when you’re like, ‘Oh my God, what now?’” (46:01)

  • Acknowledges how impressionable and sensitive we all are during those years and how even throwaway comments shape us.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On being a late bloomer:

  "I had a signal with a friend, that was when we both got our periods we would send each other a text message that was just a period. Oh, really secretive and cool. Would anybody know?" — Ayo Edebiri (08:12)

• On friendship tokens and crushes:

  "He origami’d me a heart out of a dollar. And I saved it until I was, like, in high school... I’m gonna be Mrs. Bill." — Ayo Edebiri (27:55)

• On feeling out of sync with puberty:

  "I didn’t really feel very, like, pretty. ...the boobs weren’t in yet, you know?" — Ayo Edebiri (31:23)

• On fan fiction:

  "Hilary Duff and Avril Lavigne, like, go to the mall and like, have a good day. ...My fan fiction was like, the people that I think are cool having a good day." — Ayo Edebiri (33:50)

• On missing Martin Scorsese and DiCaprio:

  "You think I was born yesterday? You think I came to America for you to tell me Martin Scorsese is coming to town? Get off my porch." — Ayo’s Father, as channeled by Ayo (35:28)

• On seeking happiness and social belonging:

  "...I was starting to get sad and anxious and I didn’t understand why. ...I started to fundamentally think, like, oh, maybe I will not be as happy as other people. Or the people who are happy... are the people who, like, have $100 to blow at, like Hollister." — Ayo Edebiri (39:08)

• On growing out of middle school and pop-culture ideals:

  "I had this idea that like when you grew up and you had a top down car and you lived in Greece and you shared a pair of pants with your four best friends...That’s what I thought that growing up was. ...now I feel like, you realize a lot of times when you get what you want, that’s when you’re like, oh my God, the world. Like, what now?" — Ayo Edebiri (45:57, 46:01)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [05:50] – Deliberately deciding to be funny to navigate middle school.
• [09:41] – Ayo’s hilarious and raw story about getting her period for the first time.
• [13:02] – Learning tampon use and teaching a friend who almost faints.
• [17:54] – Growing up Black in a white Boston private school, and wrestling with “authenticity.”
• [23:17] – Navigating faith and spirituality post-religious childhood.
• [27:55] – First crush and the origami heart.
• [30:08] – First heartbreak: boyfriend leaves Ayo for a promised kiss from someone else.
• [33:50] – Innocent fanfiction as self-expression.
• [35:28] – Martin Scorsese knocks on the family door (and Dad’s iconic response).
• [39:08] – On happiness, sadness, therapy stigma, and mental health.
• [44:17] – Hugging her younger self, and a lament about rain boots and newsboy hats.
• [45:57-46:01] – Realizing life doesn’t tie up neatly like a coming-of-age film.

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode captures Ayo Edebiri’s humor, quick wit, and candor about the most awkward and foundational years of life. It’s both laugh-out-loud funny ("I pooped out the front. What is this brown? Blue?") and poignant in its vulnerability, as Ayo and the hosts unpack the micro-traumas and triumphs of adolescence. The stories about body changes, family quirks, social identity, and insecurity are widely relatable—delivered with the affection and cringe-respect only hindsight can provide.

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For those who didn’t listen:
Expect generous humor and heartfelt honesty as Ayo and the hosts recall middle school highs and lows—the pain of being “different,” the awkwardness of growing up in your own body, and the realization that adulthood never quite brings the instant resolution teen movies promise. It’s a love letter to weird, anxious, striving, hopeful adolescents everywhere.

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Transcript

[IO Adebri]

Lemonade. One day there was a knock on the door that was like, hi, we're scouting for a movie. Would you be interested in using your home? Actually, it's going to be directed by Martin Scorsese. And my dad was like, you think I was born yesterday? You think I came to America for you to tell me Martin Scorsese is coming to town, Going out, Get off. Get off my porch. And so my dad was like, no, absolutely not. And my daughter has piano lessons, so you got to do, though. And they were like, if you wait, like an hour, we will let you meet Martin torsi and Leonard DiCaprio. And I was like, y', all, are you. Like, you must think I'm an idiot. I gotta take my daughter to piano. This is podcrushed, the podcast that takes

[Penn Badgley]

the sting out of rejection one crushing middle school story at a time, and

[Sophie Ansari]

where guests share their teenage memories, both meaningful and mortifying.

[Nava Cavillin]

And we're your hosts. I'm Nava, a former middle school director.

[Sophie Ansari]

I'm Sophie, a former fifth grade teacher.

[Penn Badgley]

And I'm Penn, a middle school dropout.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

We're just three Baha' is who were

[Nava Cavillin]

living in Brooklyn, wanting to make stuff

[Sophie Ansari]

together with a particular fondness for awkward nostalgia.

[Penn Badgley]

Well, I struggle with nostalgia. I'm here for the therapy. Today we have a. A very special guest. Her name is Iowa Deb. Well, Sophie, why don't you introduce her? Because you're the one who even brought her on.

[Sophie Ansari]

Yeah. So IO Adebri is our guest for today. She is a standup comedian and writer. She's the voice of Missy on Big Mouth, and. And she plays Hattie on Dickinson. She's actually. I mean, I feel like every week she's in something new. She's.

[Penn Badgley]

She's in the Bear on fx. I'm telling you, probably an Emmy nomination in her future very soon.

[Sophie Ansari]

She and I actually went to college together at nyu, and this was our first time seeing each other since college. And I feel like this episode was really special for me because we both acknowledged that we wished we had hung out more in college, which was really sweet and felt kind of like a middle school moment. She did amazing on this episode. It's one of my favorites. So without further ado, let's get into it.

[Penn Badgley]

Just a reminder, we've changed the format.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

We're putting the stories at the end.

[Penn Badgley]

So if you want to hear me doing that narration bit, it's, it's. It's. It's particularly poignant. It connects to IO's story. It's about periods and you said that.

[Sophie Ansari]

Periods.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Periods.

[Julia Louis Dreyfuss]

Hi, it's Julia Louis Dreyfuss here, and I can't wait for you to hear our new episode of Wiser Than Me with Cyndi Lauper on Amazon Music. Cyndi may be a girl who just wants to have fun, but for 40 years, she has brought playfulness and a dash of punk to some serious activism. We talk about her lifelong LGBTQ advocacy, her astonishing music career, and pick up a whole lot of wisdom along the way. Listen now only on Amazon Music included with Prime.

[Hasan Minhaj]

I'm Hasan Minhaj, and I have been lying to you. I only pretended to be a comedian so I could trick important people into coming on my podcast. Hasan Minhaj doesn't know to ask them the tough questions that real journalists are way too afraid to ask. People like Senator Elizabeth Warren. Is America too dumb for democracy?

[IO Adebri]

Outrageous.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Parenting expert Dr. Becky. How do you skip consequences without raising a psychopath?

[Nava Cavillin]

That's a good question.

[Hasan Minhaj]

And astrophysicist Neil Degrasse Tyson.

[IO Adebri]

I have never done drugs ever in my life.

[Dr. Susan Swick]

Okay.

[Nava Cavillin]

You Muslim?

[IO Adebri]

No.

[Hasan Minhaj]

Okay. We'd love to have you listen to Hasan Minhaj doesn't know from Lemonada Media, wherever you get your podcasts.

[IO Adebri]

When I think of me as like a very underweight, like 12 year old being like, so, dad, like, you miss church, and I just want you to know, like, I hope you don't go to hell. Like, I was like, really? That was like, my vibe. And I was like, evangelizing to my dj. It's a very strong vibe. It's a very strong vibe. And very strong in that way. And then, like, really sensitive in a lot of others. I loved reading. I was very, very anxious about school, and now I'm like, oh, IO. You had anxiety. But I wouldn't be like, so wound up about school and getting good grades. In sixth grade, I got my first B plus on a report card and I went to the teacher after school and cried. His name was Mr. G. He lived in Cape Cod and would commute to school every day. What did you trailer van? He, like, used to work in the army.

[Sophie Ansari]

No, when. When you cried. I mean.

[IO Adebri]

Oh, he literally. Well, he. He used to, like, be in the army. He was like this huge, enormous, like, bald man who looked like Mr. Clean. And I like, you know, like this, like, four foot child is like, please, I can't get it. Be blessed. I need to get it minus or I won't go to college. And he was like, I don't think that's true, but if you want, I guess you can do extra credit. And I, like, did, like, three extra credit projects in order to get an A. And he was like, just so you know, like, it's not that serious. Just for next time. It's really not that serious at all. But that's kind of like who I was.

[Penn Badgley]

Okay, but this. This must have been around the time you were realizing you were funny, right? Or when was that?

[IO Adebri]

It's weird to accept. Explain. Okay. But I basically feel like I made a conscious decision to be funny. I feel like I was always weird. And I feel like I always, like, liked to try hard and, like, work hard. But I remember, like, in seventh and eighth grade just being like, I don't like how I feel people are treating me. And I feel like I don't like how people are perceiving me. So I, like, have all the know how to be funny. So I'm, like, going to be funny. And like, eighth grade, I was like, I'm gonna buy a pair of sneakers, and I'm gonna, like, make jokes in class and I'll, like, still work hard, but, like, that's what I'm going to do.

[Nava Cavillin]

Like, those were two separate goals.

[IO Adebri]

The sneakers were related in my head to this idea of, like, I really wasn't wearing sneakers. I was wearing sort of, like, flats. And I was like, if I wear sneakers, people will know that I'm cool. And then if people can perceive me as cool, cool, then they'll be able to perceive me as funny as well. And I was like, okay, I'm making jokes. And I had this history class in eighth grade, and I was like, I'm good at history. So this is, like, the class in which I'll make jokes and really a scary child. And I remember I was like, all right, I'm making jokes now. This is what I do. Like, I make jokes. And the coolest girl in my school was like, you've been funny lately. And I was like, all right. Fuck, yeah, we're in foreign. It's a crazy age. And I feel like you feel like there are these benchmarks. I mean, like, even, like, getting my period. I didn't get my period until I was 16, and there was nothing wrong with me. That's just sometimes people don't get it until they're 16. But I had a friend who got it when she was 10, you know, and it's like your. Both of you feel like you're crazy, and you're like, I should be getting this on my 13th birthday. Exactly. And that is what I am. And that is when I'm a perfect woman, you know? Like, I don't know. It's. It's. It's. It's interesting.

[Nava Cavillin]

It's so weird because periods, we've evolved, but they were, like, so stigmatized. But it was also among girls, like, a thing of, like, getting your period.

[Sophie Ansari]

I was, like, pumped to get my periods.

[Nava Cavillin]

I got mine when I was 12, and I was so proud that, like, I got.

[IO Adebri]

You should subconsciously. Yeah. I'm jealous of you. No worries. I had a signal with a friend. That was when we both got our periods. We would send each other a text message that was just a period. Oh, really secretive and cool. Would anybody know? Okay. Very, very secretive. It's, like, the red one, too.

[Nava Cavillin]

The red dot.

[IO Adebri]

Yeah. So we just sent each other. Well, this is pre emoji. This is.

[Penn Badgley]

I was gonna say it must have been pre emoji.

[IO Adebri]

This is pre emoji. This is, like, around the time the era of the Sidekick, of the Motorola razor, of the LG Chocolate, of the LG slide. Keep going.

[Penn Badgley]

I like the specificity of this.

[IO Adebri]

So I would immediately go to the Verizon store in the mall and cry because my parents wouldn't buy me a phone. And for a really long time, I would either text on my mom's phone. Embarrassing.

[Penn Badgley]

Or is that why you needed the code?

[IO Adebri]

Yeah, yeah, it was. We would send each other a period, and when I got my period, I sent her the text, and she was like, what? I was like, I got my period. And she was like, oh, oh, oh, congrats. It was so long. So much time had passed. And she was like, what?

[Sophie Ansari]

You were waiting.

[IO Adebri]

A code? I was like, I must send the text.

[Nava Cavillin]

Yeah.

[Sophie Ansari]

Okay, so wait a second. When did you get your period for the first time? Do you remember that day at all?

[IO Adebri]

I got it when I was jogging with my dad. We went on a jog, and I was having these, like, horrible stomach pains. And, like, I just felt like I was gonna poo, to be honest. And I was like, what is wrong with me? And my dad was like, push through it. Push through it. Come on, come on. Push through it. And I was like, we need to stop. I feel like I'm going to die. I'm going to the. To the bathroom. Like, we need to find a bathroom. We went to this horrible, small, small sandwich shop that's now closed. And it's, like, was run by this one guy who would take 50 minutes to make one sandwich. I don't know why we went there. Boston is a trap. And I Was like, in the horrible, stinky little bathroom. And I was like, I pooped out the front. What is this brown? Blue? And then I was like, oh, no. And I immediately, like, wadded up toilet paper, obviously wearing leggings, so there's now disgusting lump underneath. And I'm like, father, we must go home. And he's like, my sandwich didn't come yet. It takes 40 minutes. We have to drive home now. And so we went home, and immediately I went to the bathroom, and I'm rifling through the cabinets for anything. Anything. At that time, my mom also had me when she was, like, 40, I think. And so she was past it. She was past it. So there were no benefits. And I'm like. And so I'm like, mother. And she's like, huh? I have to cut my period. And she's like, oh, you didn't get that yet. I know I didn't get that yet, lady. Like, I need this from you. I need pets. So she's like, all right, just, like, stay in the bathroom or whatever. Meanwhile, I want to die. I feel like this is the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life. And, like, truly, at the point, that was the most excruciating physical pain I'd ever experienced in my life. And we didn't really have. Have painkillers in my house, so I just was, like, drinking hot water and, like, writhing on the floor. And then I hear a knock, and I'm like, oh, my God, yes, it's Helen with pads. Let's go. I open the door, and it's my father. He's like. His back is towards me, and he's like, I heard you got your period. And I was like, no. He's like, you were not supposed to know that. And he was like, I was gonna find out anyway. And I was like, what is that even supposed to mean? Whatever. And he was like, well, it happens. And he closed the door. It happened. Literally, the father of a daughter. It happens. And then my mom brought me a pen. And then I was like, this is awful. This is what I've waited for. You're kidding me. Yeah. And then cut to now. And the perfect woman. Yeah, here we are. Yeah, but wouldn't wish it on. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[Sophie Ansari]

You know that. I mean, so relatable, so visceral. The wadded up toilet paper.

[IO Adebri]

Ah. Just really intense. Who told me?

[Nava Cavillin]

Actually, I remember the most popular girl in school taught me how to use tampons. And then I taught my mom how to use tampons.

[IO Adebri]

I. Well, I was like the late bloomer. And I learned how to use tampons, I think, because of either my mom or an old American girl doll, sort of like book that was left lying around. Whatever. If you know about the book and you know that it's scarring, then you know. But I remember I taught my friend who I was like, oh, this is a friend who also, like, she had sex, you know, like. And I was like, oh. Like, she was like, I don't know how to use a hand bun. And I was like, what do you mean you don't know how to use a tampon? You've had sex? And she was like, I've never used one before.

[Nava Cavillin]

Wow.

[IO Adebri]

And I taught her how, and she almost passed out. She was like, this is horrible. This is, like, horrible. Yeah, well, some just girly things.

[Penn Badgley]

I recall having had asked my mother what a tampon was, because they were, like, in her purse and stuff. And I don't recall what she told me, because what I understood of it was what I'm about to tell you, which is what I told all of my friends.

[IO Adebri]

Oh, no.

[Penn Badgley]

I thought somehow that it was, like, food for the eggs.

[IO Adebri]

No.

[Penn Badgley]

What?

[IO Adebri]

I don't know where I thought that

[Penn Badgley]

was going to be. No, it's like. It's like I knew there were eggs involved somehow.

[IO Adebri]

It's so wrong.

[Penn Badgley]

Like, in my mind, it's like, what does eggs mean? What does it mean?

[IO Adebri]

We're in the region, actually.

[Sophie Ansari]

I mean, the fact that you even knew a period had anything to do with, like, with eggs being released?

[Penn Badgley]

Yeah, sure.

[Sophie Ansari]

I mean, that's pretty sure.

[IO Adebri]

I don't want. I don't want to celebrate it in any way.

[Penn Badgley]

I want. And I. Yeah, I don't recall, like, who told me that I was wrong, but definitely nobody knew I was wrong when I first was telling you. And then. Yeah, I don't. I don't. I don't remember how that story really ends, but that. That was me. That was me mansplaining in. In. In. In end of fifth grade.

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[Dr. Susan Swick]

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[IO Adebri]

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[Penn Badgley]

Refreshers contain caffeine. Copyright 2026, the Coca Cola Company Sprite is a registered trademark of the Coca Cola Company.

[Sophie Ansari]

Having, like, known you and also, like, watched you in interviews and things like that, I know that you grew up in Boston, which is white.

[IO Adebri]

Very white. Yes, yes. Yeah.

[Sophie Ansari]

And, yeah, I wonder, like, what was that like for you in middle school?

[IO Adebri]

Yeah, it was interesting because my church, like, growing up, my church and my. My friends, my church, those were all black people. Those were all people who were also, like, immigrants and like, kids of immigrants. And so I feel like I had, like, a bedrock of that. Yeah, I ended up going to, like, a predominantly, like, historically white institution and went to, like, a private school before that was, like, Catholic and, like, quite white. And like, that was just. Yeah, a lot of it. And had, like, you know, weird experiences when I'm in, like, seventh grade and starting to meet new people. And then there's, you know, like, black people who are like, no, you're not black enough. And I'm like, what do you mean? Like, everywhere else, I thought this was, like, authentic. Like, I thought this was my personality. You're telling me no. So I guess you're not so simply wrong. And I think there was like, a huge kind of like, internal crisis for me also. Like, both my parents are immigrants, so I think their relationship to blackness in this country is different than if you are, like, you know, have roots in, like, slavery or like, generations back of people who have lived here and immigrated here or what have you. And so their relationship to blackness was different. And I remember, like, I would watch, like, the VH1. Like, I love the. Or, like, you know, behind the musics or like, whatever, like, history of, like, rap. And I would, like, be, like, writing these things down and, like, immediately going to, like, LimeWire and, like, trying to, like, bounce, download as much music as possible or, like, being like, we're only watching TV one. We're only watching bet. Like, I need to catch up. It's UPN only, like, I need to do my research. Like, this is not authentic. The way that we have been living is not authentic. Okay? Like, we're just here. Like, we just don't want you to, like, be. We were just watching, like, Baby and Goliath. Like, we didn't even know if it was that serious. So, yeah, I think there was like a kind of wild, kind of like a crisis moment. And then also I would have moments, you know, where even my dad would be like, oh, you're saying, like a lot. And like, you're like going to school now with all these like white girls from West Roxbury or what have you. And now you're like, oh my God. Like, and I. Then I would be like, is that not how I talk? Like, how do, how am I supposed to talk now? Like, what do I sound like? But I also wonder if there's like a thing to our sort of generation and maybe this is wrong or whatever. But as I was growing up, we were starting to learn about things like injustices and microaggressions. Remember where I was when I learned that? And being like, oh, I guess this has happened to me. And now these are things that I feel like are much more in our cultural language.

[Penn Badgley]

Totally. Yeah.

[IO Adebri]

But I just remember feeling like, oh my God, like I'm learning about racism and I'm learning about my life. And I'm realizing, like, these things kind of apply to me. And I don't like it when somebody is like saying my hair is like crazy, you know, Or I am being like, oh, I straighten my hair. I don't think it means anything. Does it mean anything? Like, these sort of things are. We're starting to all bubble up around that time. I don't really think they would be fully explored in my mind until like, college, to be honest. But like.

[Penn Badgley]

But the seeds were planted.

[IO Adebri]

Yeah, for sure.

[Penn Badgley]

I mean, I'm just enough older than you, just a couple years, you know, that like, I feel like that wasn't in the, in the cultural lexicon until I was like in my late teens.

[IO Adebri]

Yeah.

[Penn Badgley]

And it's different. It's like, I feel like, I mean, especially as like a young white boy, I feel like I was kind of dying for more space for that conversation because I was conscious of it. But to like, you know what, like, how much is a 13 year old white kid gonna miss thinking about white privilege and the terms that we talk about it now, or all these, you know. So it's interesting to hear your reflections about that time. Like you like, you like that term microaggressions. I also remember when I first heard it and I was. I just would have loved to have heard it earlier.

[IO Adebri]

It's weird. It's. It's weird. I don't know. And then it's like, interesting. I think about after I graduated high school, like seeing kids who are younger than me, like, fully versed in it and being like, I'm old, I'm 18, but I'm old and, and you know, Also, I grew very religious, which I think had a lot of really beautiful parts of it. And then there are also some parts of it where it's like I was. I was a little bigot. And, you know, I just, like, honestly, like, I had just to your dad, only to my mother. But like, I. Because I was in my head, I wasn't exposed to these things. And I had a friend who I remember, like, I remember being in like, ninth grade and being like. Like, I don't really know any gay people. You know, my friend being like, I'm gay and being like, oh, my God. Okay, I guess gay people are cool. Like, I know one and you're my friend. But like, that feeling of, like, learning, I think it just was happening as we were growing up. And that's kind of like an interesting thing to reckon with. Especially when I think about, like, my parents and I talk to them and I'm like, you don't understand anything. And they're like, everything was the same until 10 years ago for us. It's so interesting.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Interesting.

[IO Adebri]

The changes we were experiencing were different changes our bad. Just give us a second to catch up.

[Nava Cavillin]

Aya, you've mentioned a few times that you grew up religious. And I'm just curious, sort of like, what has your evolution with that been? What's kind of your relationship to spirituality now?

[IO Adebri]

Yeah, I think I consider myself a spiritual person. When I first moved to New York, I was trying to find another church. And that was like, very exhausting spiritually and really draining because I was like, I want find a place that feels cool and young like I do. But also, I don't want to be in a church that's like. And nothing matters. Like, we're not even reading the Bible today. And it's like, wait, what? Like, hold on. Come on. There's gotta be like a middle. And then. Yeah. And I just felt. And I just felt kind of like sad by that. And then I think I just was like, I don't want to feel like I've like, stepped away. Cause there's like that term like, backsliding that I feel like has such a.

[Sophie Ansari]

I've never heard that.

[Penn Badgley]

Yeah, I've never heard that either.

[IO Adebri]

It's very Christian, very Christian term. But it has such like a harshness almost. And I remember being younger and being like, oh, she backslid. You know, like. And so I just was then like, oh, my God, like, would somebody say that about me? And I think I just became very, like, internal. And then, you know, my really close friends and family I felt kind of like distant from them almost. And then it became this thing of like, oh, are they judging me? Because now I'm living in New York and like, I have a Twitter and, you know, and I'm doing improv at night, you know, like, are they judging me? Do they think badly of me? Oh, I wear jeans now. I only wore skirts. Yeah. So I started wearing pants to school also. Like, in high school, I would wear

[Penn Badgley]

them pants and sneakers.

[IO Adebri]

I remember meeting you and you are Baha'. I. Yeah. And I remember being like, oh, this sounds cool. And everybody who is like Baha' I is like, they're cool.

[Penn Badgley]

And I know. So I first started meeting Baha'.

[IO Adebri]

I.

[Penn Badgley]

Mean, I was much later, I was not like, in college. I had a very, a religious, like, kind of anti religious upbringing. So for me, it's interesting to hear your reflections about, like, because I don't know those terms, religion and spirituality, they're. They're different. They have different baggage, they have different meanings for people.

[IO Adebri]

Different baggage, for sure.

[Penn Badgley]

And even for me, it's like I now am kind of redefining religion for myself because it's like I came to it through this totally individual pursuit of spirituality that had nothing to do with organized religion as I understood it.

[Sophie Ansari]

Like, to hear you say that when you met me and like, heard that I was a Baha' I and that you had that impression, feels really like healing to me. Because as a kid, I mean, the Baha' I faith is relatively small, and most of the time people don't know what it is. And it's kind of like something that is another element of like, making you an outsider.

[IO Adebri]

It's very. It's not hard to imagine like a fifth grader being like, you're Baha'.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

I.

[IO Adebri]

What's that? That's weird.

[Sophie Ansari]

Yeah.

[IO Adebri]

I don't know what it is, therefore, it is weird.

[Sophie Ansari]

And one thing we've been talking about on the this podcast is like, now that we're all doing this and like, going back into our musical experiences, it's like I find myself wanting to like, reconnect with people I knew in middle school, who I haven't talked to since middle school and just like rehash that time. Like so much happens and is said to you and that you say that has an impact on you for a long, long time.

[IO Adebri]

Yeah, for sure. There are things that I don't like about myself based on literally, it's just like somebody said this to me once and they do not remember it. And I'm just like core memory, my personality How I view myself. It's interesting. You're so. I don't know, sensitive at that age and so impressionable. Like, at those ages, your brain is like, what is happening? What is going on? Everything is changing. I am getting taller at night.

[Penn Badgley]

Only at night.

[IO Adebri]

Only at night. There was a night where I grew. I remember.

[Sophie Ansari]

Yeah.

[IO Adebri]

I woke up, and I was like, I'm an inch taller. I was like, this is weird. Yeah. A lot of body stuff. A lot of body stuff. Yeah.

[Nava Cavillin]

So thinking of, like, intense things that happen at that time, let's add in our best.

[Penn Badgley]

Yeah, let's keep going.

[IO Adebri]

Gorgeous segue. Loveliest voice in the world. So thinking of intense things that happened at that time.

[Nava Cavillin]

One of the things that a lot of our users write about is not users. We have a website that a lot of listeners have written about is crushes. Like, their first crush. Their first time being rejected.

[IO Adebri]

The first time they saw me, finally, I've been waiting.

[Nava Cavillin]

Spill the tea.

[IO Adebri]

My first big crush was my friend. And literally, I say his full name. His name was Bill. And it started in fifth grade, at the end of school. At the end of the school year. Yeah. He origami'd me a heart out of a dollar. And I saved it until I was, like, in high school, I think, because I was like, he loves me. He origami me a dollar. A heart out of a dollar. Bill, this is literally my husband. And I was like, I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be Mrs. Bill.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

This is it.

[IO Adebri]

We're locking it down. And then my friend Michelle was like, he's learning how to origami. Like, girl, get it together. He's just making shapes. Like, it's really not that serious. But he was like, my first big crush. And I was like, I'm gonna be Vietnamese now. Like, this is, like, mine. This is, like, my husband. This is my life. Like, I need to prepare. And obviously, nothing happened, but he was, like, my first big crush. I just thought he was the best. And then, I mean, how well did

[Penn Badgley]

you know him, though? I'm curious, because often, you know, crushes are like, you don't really know.

[IO Adebri]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nava Cavillin]

Your voice went up.

[IO Adebri]

I mean, he was like, wait, are you telling the truth? Are you gonna tell the truth?

[Penn Badgley]

You need to hand it to me.

[IO Adebri]

I'm still in love with Bill. I catch the first flight to Boston. Humiliating. And honestly, knowing my friend, somebody will listen to this, and somebody will tell Bill. Hi, Bill. We did. We talked a few months ago. My voice is getting so hot.

[Nava Cavillin]

Slide into her DMs bill slide into her DMs.

[IO Adebri]

Hot.

[Penn Badgley]

Sweating.

[IO Adebri]

Honestly. Okay. We knew each other probably since 3rd or 4th grade.

[Nava Cavillin]

IO can I interrupt to just ask, what were you like once you realized you had those feelings? How did you act around those choices?

[IO Adebri]

In my head, I feel like I was very like, whatever, I'm cool. I don't have crushes at all.

[Sophie Ansari]

Whatever.

[IO Adebri]

We're all friends. But then my first boyfriend was a guy that I went to church with. Oh. And he. Oh, my gosh. No. What happened is his brother asked me. Oh, yeah, that's classic. Yes, Classic. His brother asked me, and I was like, tell him I say yes. And then we met him, and then I went. And we were like, okay, we're boyfriend and girlfriend now. Bye. And I was like, so religious and, like, so chaste. And I was like, I love our little courtship. Now we are 12 and 13, and we will be dating, and then we will get married, and that is when we will kiss. And then, like, three months later, he was like, yeah, so this other girl said she's gonna give me a kiss, so. And it was like, a girl that I kind of knew, and I was like, oh, yeah. Like, it's fine, whatever. Like, I'm just one of the guys. Like, no big deal. And then. And then they d. And everybody's like, yeah, they're, like, making out. And I was like, oh, cool. That is really cool.

[Sophie Ansari]

I mean, we're laughing.

[Penn Badgley]

I'm laughing at that age. I feel like that's at the level of, like, infidelity, betrayal, 100%.

[IO Adebri]

I was like, I have been cheated on. I have been wronged. And then I was like, whatever. I'm gonna listen to, like, muse. I'm gonna listen to secular music. I'm so heartbroken. But that was, like, my big heartbreak. And then kinda after that, I. I just was like, well, I just am not meant to date anybody. And I also was like, it's quite awkward. And then especially, like, in getting older, like the seventh, eighth grade years, I didn't really feel very, like, pretty. I didn't really feel like, you know, listen, the boobs weren't in yet, you know? And then even when they were, I was like, these are hideous. I'm deeply ashamed of these. Hate these. Wait a minute. This is what came. No, no, no, no, no. This is what everyone's been talking about. No, no, no. We're doing. We're doing. We're keeping it. We're sweater. I definitely had crushes. I know. Those are the years where I'm Sorry, I'm fidgeting. But I know those are the years where everybody's like. And I was like, raging, raging, horny, horny, horn, horn. And I just was like. I was like, I was not. I really just was like, hasn't really kicked in yet. Okay, well, everybody's really embarrassed about things. Not me. I'm just kind of reading my books, praying, thinking,

[Sophie Ansari]

I wish I knew you in high school.

[IO Adebri]

I don't think so. I don't do. Yeah. Like, my first kiss wasn't until I was like 15 or 16 and it was like a spin the bottle game with a friend. And then I was like, that was my first kiss. Yeah. But then. But I didn't really, like, start dating until like college. Even then I felt like, oh, my God, this is so, like, I missed. I should have been marrying more people on the playground. Like, I should have really kind of. I should arrest it all.

[Penn Badgley]

I love this idea that you can get to college and feel like you're so not you, like all.

[IO Adebri]

But I think a lot of us

[Penn Badgley]

arrive to that age and feel like we're so inexperienced because of this preconceived notion of what it is to be. You know, you see, basically, I mean, what we often touch on here. Cause this is what I've been doing for most of my life, you know, making movies, tv. Like, you see these images of people in college who were being played by like 27 year olds who were like, yeah, well, I mean, I'm in a polyamorous relationship and it's like, wow, that's so evolving.

[IO Adebri]

I recently, I filmed a movie last year that, like, hasn't, whatever, but I filmed it last year where I played a high schooler senior in high school. And I was like, oh, my God, like, I'm part of the problem now. This is so exciting.

[Penn Badgley]

I'm not gonna deny that.

[IO Adebri]

I mean, it distorts child's view of what they should look like. Like, Oh my God. I also. Wow. I can't believe I was writing fan fiction about celebrities. But it literally would not be like, it wouldn't be romantic in any way. Going through the rap show. No, it was like I would write fan fiction that would be like Hilary Duff and Avril Lavigne, like, go to the mall and like, have a good day. That's so sweet. It's simple. My fan fiction was like, the people that I think are cool having a good day. That's so sweet. So what a. What a sad, giant, crazy fantasy. Two people having a nice time.

[Penn Badgley]

And I believe this.

[IO Adebri]

Microsoft Word. Eat this up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who else did I love? I loved Natasha Benningfield. Vanessa. Oh, no, now I forget her last name.

[Sophie Ansari]

Carlton.

[IO Adebri]

Vanessa Carlton. A thousand miles at the piano. I bought that album at, like, the last Sam Goody in Boston at the South Shore Plaza. Yes.

[Sophie Ansari]

And back at it again.

[IO Adebri]

Back at it again at the South Shore Plaza. You know, I had to hit the South Shore Plaza. Come on.

[Nava Cavillin]

Maybe they'll sponsor this podcast.

[IO Adebri]

Yeah, yeah, it's still there.

[Penn Badgley]

Sam Goody.

[IO Adebri]

Yeah, Sam Goody will sponsor.

[Penn Badgley]

The first CD I bought was at a Sam Goody. But that was, like, in the heyday of Sam Goody.

[IO Adebri]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This was like, kind of the Sam Goody was dying around there. Yeah. Because itunes was starting to happen, even though I was like, can we please put the credit card in the computer? Like, no, they'll find us.

[Nava Cavillin]

You know?

[IO Adebri]

Oh, another. Wow. Okay, this is a random story, but just related to my dad being like, they'll find us. One day there was a knock on the door that was like, hi, we're scouting for a movie. Would you be interested in using your home? Actually, it's going to be directed by Martin Scorsese. And my dad was like, you think I was born yesterday? You think I came to America for you to tell me Martin Scorsese is coming to town, Going out. Get off. Get off my porch. And so my dad was like, no, absolutely not. And my daughter has piano lessons, so you gotta go. And they were like, if you wait, like an hour, we will let you meet Martin scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio. And I was like, y' all are. You must think I'm an idiot. I gotta take my daughter to piano. Do I play piano today? No. And did my fricking annoying neighbors end up getting a picture of Leonardo DiCaprio? Yes. Yes. Yes, they did. And obviously, I'm really over that memory.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Obviously.

[IO Adebri]

Obviously. Dang.

[Penn Badgley]

Works didn't go up sipper like this.

[IO Adebri]

No, it stayed low. I am heated. I am still upset about this one. Yeah. But anyway, I think maybe that inspired the pivot to entertainment industry. I'm like, I need to get my moment. I need to avenge this moment and just meet Martin Scorsese and have him look at my childhood home.

[Sophie Ansari]

Maybe he'll be a pod Crush listener.

[IO Adebri]

It might seems likely.

[Penn Badgley]

Listening to the I think I was born yesterday. Sophie, come on.

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[Penn Badgley]

That age, the seeds of identity seem to really start blossoming.

[IO Adebri]

Start growing for sure.

[Penn Badgley]

I'm curious, like, for sixth and seventh and eighth grade IO, what did you think made people happy then? Not, not, not to. Not like you wanting to people please and make people happy. But like. Or maybe that's part of it, but like, how would you have defined happiness then? Like, what, what. What was the, you know, like, what's the thing you thought life was about getting? And how has that surprisingly remained the same or evolved to now?

[IO Adebri]

Well, I know I wanted to marry Leonardo DiCaprio.

[Penn Badgley]

Not Bill.

[IO Adebri]

Not Bill. I wanted to marry Leonardo DiCaprio. And maybe there was a time when I had a chance. Now I think I'm a little too old, but

[Penn Badgley]

I think he'd laugh at that.

[IO Adebri]

We're never gonna meet each other. Yeah, I know that. I wanted to marry Leonardo DiCaprio for sure. And I wanted. I don't know. I remember being a really happy child. And then around those middle school years, I think comparison started to kick in a lot. And I think also things that now I am very aware are biological chemical. Because of my family history, I was like, starting to get sad and anxious and I didn't understand why. And I think I started to fundamentally think, like, oh, maybe I will not be as happy as other people. Or the people who are happy and seem like they have everything together are the people who, like, have $100 to blow at, like Hollister. And I don't have those things. And so I had moments of happiness with friends and family and different groups or whatever, but I Think it was the beginning of a period of a lot of stress for me. And when I look at pictures of myself at that time, sometimes I get so emotional because I can see little me being kind of. Cause when I was a kid, I was so talk to everybody. Oh, I was talk, talk, talking on the street. My mom has 80 stories. And then you said this to this woman, and then we had to pull you away. And then as I started getting old, I think I did start getting a little more internal, a little more reserved and a little more cautious. And I think, yeah, I don't know, I had moments of happiness, but I wasn't really sure what it meant. And now I would tell little me it's okay to talk to somebody about these things. Like, just so. Yeah, so like, internal. And also was very like, okay, I can just like, pray about this for like an hour and maybe it'll go away or I'll just like, journal and I won't really, like, talk to anybody about it because I think I still was aware that people perceived me as like a happy kid and I didn't want to change those perceptions. And I like, have a memory of like eighth grade, like, oh my God, so heavy. I have a memory of like calling my best friend and just crying and being like, I don't know why I'm crying, crying. Like, do you, like, ever get like this? And her being like, not really. And me being like, oh, okay. Like, I think this is kind of like who I am now or whatever. Like, I have to be like, goofy, silly. And then like, then I just. Then there's like, nobody to really talk about. And also, I think growing up both religious and first generation therapy was not like a word in our house. And like, a therapist is somebody who like, takes you away from your family, you know, like, that was like my personal perception of. Of like, mental health and like, well being and stuff like that. So is that an answer to your question?

[Penn Badgley]

Yeah, no. I mean, what. There's a couple things I heard. I mean, so for. It's funny because for me growing up, like, very much not having religious upbringing, a therapist did also sound like. It was like a. It sounded like something. It's like, oh, so you have problems?

[IO Adebri]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Penn Badgley]

So I mean, there definitely was a general stigma. Of course, that was also, again, like, the difference of like 4, 5, 6 years every generation now is actually significant. So, like, I did have a bit more of a, like that prototypical American.

[IO Adebri]

Like, it's 100%.

[Penn Badgley]

Those archetypes were very, very Firmly, like, in the minds of youth, whereas they are not so much. They're just not the same now.

[IO Adebri]

No, I mean, it's, like, huge to think about the fact that I think there are people who are public figures who even speak about mental health. Whereas, you know, all the Britney Spears stuff in the documentary was happening. I very much remember being like. Like, was she crazy? You know, and, like, that's, like, fodder for jokes. And, like, that was just the. That was the time that was, like, how it felt. And it's like, so much has changed, I think, for the better, in terms of just being able to, like, speak about this stuff and even being able to be like, oh, I am sad.

[Sophie Ansari]

I wonder you touched on this a little bit in your answer to Pen's question. But if you were to be able to go back and give Young IO any advice and not. I think the other day, Penn said this in a really nice way, like, not. Not to change anything about what happened throughout your life. But just, like, if you could say

[Penn Badgley]

anything to her, encourage.

[IO Adebri]

Yeah. First, I would definitely give her a hug, and she would be like, we don't hug in this family. And I'd be like, I know, but you will work through. You will work through that. You will learn how to help hug people. And then I would be like, hey, this, like, rain boots phase is really. It's actually, like, not gonna be it. Rain boots are not gonna have a moment, and neither are newsboy hats.

[Penn Badgley]

Wait a second. You were wearing both of those?

[IO Adebri]

Yeah.

[Penn Badgley]

At the same time.

[IO Adebri]

Oh, my God. And vest. Our senior year, we. We had a day where we dressed as ourselves in seventh grade. And I showed up, and everybody immediately knew. Skinny jeans, graphic T shirt, vest, newsboy hat, rain boots.

[Sophie Ansari]

I totally had a vest. And even when I was in college, I had these, like. Like, at nyu, I had, like, yellow rain boots. And I was like, these are cool.

[IO Adebri]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have been trigger. Here we go. But I really have been disturbed by the, like, vest revival. I've been, like, really, Like, I, like. I cannot participate. I wash. I feel joy and love for everybody who is finding this beautiful and connective to themselves, but I literally cannot touch that movement. It is. It is. There is something dark that I have not resolved with myself. But that was, like. That was my uniform. I impressed kind of a friend. My friends in 8th grade all got me newsboy hats as a birthday gift, and I cried. I was like, this. I am. I'm seen by these people. These are the best people I know. They all got Me newsboy hats. They all bitched in and went to Aldo.

[Penn Badgley]

Oh my God.

[IO Adebri]

And they all got me newsboy hats. Oh, children, children, children. If you knew the magic of the mall. But yeah, that was so that would be first order of business. And that is prescriptive. But I have to tell her. And then really, I know it's so cliche, but I really would just be like, it is going to be okay. Like I feel like I had this idea that like when you grew up and you had a top down car and you lived in Greece and you shared a pair of pants with your

[Nava Cavillin]

four best friends, I wonder where you got that idea.

[IO Adebri]

And so novel.

[Penn Badgley]

What was that? Oh, I just realized that was.

[IO Adebri]

And you know, and like randomly your hair is straight and blonde now and, and you're dating a guy who you, who you think is 17 but is actually played by a 35 year old man. When all of that, you know, it's like, that's what I thought that growing up was. And like things got wrapped up and your life was like awesome. And it's like, no, it's like, it's like it's a journey and like there's ups and downs and blah, blah, blah, life, life, life. But I just really think I did not process that as like, as a child, like I was so desperate for this idea of like X will happen and my life will like change. And now I feel like, I don't know, you realize a lot of times when you get what you want, that's when you're like, oh my God, the world. Like, what now? I definitely don't know what's going on. I definitely don't know what I want. I definitely don't know what's left and what's right.

[Penn Badgley]

And so there's a need for cultural spaces to give expression to those thoughts. Because you know, if everyone at that age and most ages are having these thoughts, it's like that space for cultural expression. Because the irony is that once I got that reference, I actually realized I know the people who are part of

[IO Adebri]

that reference very well.

[Penn Badgley]

And I can tell you that all those people at that age were having the same thoughts.

[IO Adebri]

If you told me that at the time, maybe you should go back in time. That's what I'm doing. Neither that's a shot child. Because she would be like, I am

[Penn Badgley]

making this podcast to atone for my sins. 11 year old Aya would be like, this guy's righteous.

[IO Adebri]

I would be following you, brother. Be like, wait a minute, what we got there? We got there.

[Penn Badgley]

That's one that has never happened. I've gotten a lot of nicknames, but that's not one. Pentecost. Well, thank you for coming. Thank you for coming into our home here.

[IO Adebri]

This is so nice. I'm so glad I got to chat with you all. I really feel. I feel so nice. Oh, I'm gonna listen to Philip Glass on the way home.

[Penn Badgley]

Today's story is all about periods. Don't miss it. Period. You guys, I'm going into the seventh grade. I'm doing it. It's gonna be my year. I'm 12 years old, living 45 minutes outside of St. Louis in a little town in Illinois. It's 1993, and I'm so excited to go back to school. I've got my favorite homeroom teacher, and my best friend is in my class.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Life is pretty good.

[Penn Badgley]

So I walk in on the first day of school and there he is, the Jesse Cooper in my home room. Jesse is popular, cute, funny, and everybody agrees. And as the weeks go by, I, Crystal Johnson, am somehow becoming friends with him. What a dream come true. Like the other day, he passed me by in the hallway, smiled at me, and I melted. Anyway, I'm walking towards my locker and I spot Jesse. So I smile coyly as I open my locker. But see, now I'm trying to balance eye flirting while surreptitiously reaching for a Mac. Not just any old maxi pad, one of those classic 90s thick granny panty maxi pads. And what I fail to notice is that my backpack is open and it's tilted downwards. Not one pad, not two pads. All of my maxi pads came crashing out of my bag. Cascading, waterfalling tlc. Just as. As Jesse walks by my locker, what do I do? I throw myself over them, using my body as a shield to hide the pile of maxi pads littering the floor in front of mine locker. I'd like to remind you that we're in the 90s right now and people are not woke about periods yet. Nobody is celebrating that ish. You hide your monthly visitor like you hide an std. So here I am, sprawled out on the hallway floor covering those pads like a dog covering the hole he's used

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

to bury his body.

[Penn Badgley]

And I snap out of it. I look up and whose eye is the first to catch mine? The Jesse Coopers, of course. He keeps looking at me. Half pity, half amusement. Aw, Jesse. At this moment, I pray for the earth to split open and swallow me whole. No dice. So I bolt up, pick up all the pads in one fell swoop. Shove them in my locker and I sprint to the bathroom only to discover that in all the commotion, I have completely bled through my underwear onto my pants. What? You want more? You want a punchy ending? Okay, fine. I bled to death. Bye.

[Sophie Ansari]

Podcrust is hosted by Penn Badgley, Nava Cavillin and Sophie Ansari.

[Nava Cavillin]

Our executive producer is Richie from Stitcher.

[Sophie Ansari]

Our lead producer and editor is David Ansari.

[Nava Cavillin]

Our secondary editor is Sharaf and Twizzle.

[Sophie Ansari]

Special thanks to Peter Clowney, VP of content at Stitcher, Eric Eddings, Director of lifestyle programming at Stitcher, Jared o' Connell and Brendan Brines for the tech support and Shruti Marathi, who transcribes our tape.

[Nava Cavillin]

Podcrust was created by Nava Kavilan and is executive produced by Penn Badgley and Nava Kavilan and produced by Sophie Ansari. This podcast is a ninth mode production. Be sure to subscribe to PodCrushed. You can find us on Stitcher, the SiriusXM app, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you if you'd like to submit a middle school story, go to podcrush.com and give us every detail.

[Sophie Ansari]

And while you're online, be sure to follow us on socials or we're telling everyone that your mom still walks you to the bus stop. You don't want that. It's oddcrush spelled how it sounds. And our personals are Embadgley, Ava, that's Nava with three N's, and scribblebysophie. And we're out. See you next week.

[Nava Cavillin]

No, it's so funny. Do it. Just do a take with it. Just do a take with it. I'm gonna do my joking, you do yours. We'll both laugh.

[IO Adebri]

Okay, wait, can we keep that in the. Can that be the Easter egg at the end? I'm gonna do my joke. You do your joke, then we'll both laugh.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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