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poetic technology
Hosted by Parul Bansal · EN
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like turtles hatching 🐢🧘🏽🌈✨
Aug 28, 202200:09:26Tap to summarizeHi! I am Parul. My ancestors are from South Asia, I was born on Turtle Island in Tkaronto, and I currently live on the island of Bali in Indonesia. I use poetry, prose, poetic frames to unravel entanglements of our thoughts, feelings and experiences. Call it an evolving decolonization practice that is liberating the many intelligences our existence contains.☝🏽 I read you this newsletter, or you can read it yourself! 👇🏽a thought on resistance resistance of breaking out of a patternof doing something new of holding yourself tenderly it is not unsafe, it is just unfamiliar beyond the fears calcified within there is wonder a beautiful place beyond the layers of painof desires to escape breathe deepas I tell you a story of me, and of you you are of ancient origin a craton of the earth stabilityis your birthrightit is found deep within the crust of the earththe essence of your bodystability is not a stateit is a knowingsurviving cycles of merging and rifting of continents of self meridians of energy in the bodyholographic to the energy of mother earth like a vast musical instrument we must harmonize the frequencythat is out of tuneout of balancethere is a discomfort perhaps you feel it that unmistakable stain a subtle anxiety of a new terrain the rawness of disbelief in the happenings around us in the existence and fullness of our reality the evident gaps in oneself is a mirror of the fracturesin our cities in our systemsin the untethered feeling of separationthe creeping of loneliness piercesour worthinessoscillating between self acceptance and self resentmentdarling, i know you may be tiredtired of breaking and mendingit may feel endlessi assure you these are simply chapters know that you are held in love through this journeyfor the love of the sun who will never leave your sideas long as you open your eyesthe love of the earthwhose moist surface is ready to hold all of what you unearth for the love of the moon and starswho reflect the expanding universe it is but in a place of lossthat we recall the very nature of impermanencethe hidden beauty of luminosity in lossis blindingat times we look away yet the light has come to wash awaythe loose layers of selfthe facade of beingthat cracks at this brightness giving space for lightto recede the borders of our armourthis memory is braided into youthis feeling is sunken in and forever you shall walk different imagine healing oneselfalso heals and holds the other this is not a fallacyimagine the boldness of your being at full essence orchestrates healingfor the sounds of our thoughtsour dreamhopesdisillusions are the sounds that make all realities gently rock the feelings of resistance for they want to unravel at your tender touchthe lightest touch gives the greatest gifts and the magic belowit wants to flow like a river along the mountainside a redwood treeso deeply rooted in thee intertwining yourself like the mycelium of the earth the treasure that we can see the brightness that you can beas magical as we can seeMuch love 💙💛💚Parul // @parulbee This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit poetictechnology.substack.com
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letter 017: so... are you the sun?!?! 💁🏽♀️☀️👀🤯
Aug 21, 202200:08:56Tap to summarizeHi! I am Parul. My ancestors are from South Asia, I was born on Turtle Island in Tkaronto, and I currently live on the island of Bali in Indonesia. I use poetry, prose, poetic frames to unravel entanglements of our thoughts, feelings and experiences. Call it an evolving decolonization practice that is liberating the many intelligences our existence contains.☝🏽 I read you this newsletter, or you can read it yourself! 👇🏽In my last letter I wrote about gentle, deep healing. How ancient practices of Ayurveda offer detoxing tools that soothe and reset all your bodies — spiritual, mental, physical, emotional. They had thousands of years to fine tune these practices and develop an ingenious method that sits alongside the nervous system, the centrefold of your beingness.Somehow old wisdom has been pushed aside because science > ancient knowledgeI know I did not embrace Ayurveda as a kid. I rejected “home remedies” my mom offered me because they were not scientifically backed. Weird things like: * Put your first morning spit on the stye of your eyelid. | This works omg.* Add kala namak (black salt that is infused with sulphur and smells eggy) on your fruit, especially on hot days. | This mineralized salt supports water absorption aka electrolytes on a hot day. Necessary.* Eat 10 almonds soaked overnight before you go to school. | Soaking nuts releases more of its nutritional value. I was questioning this wisdom. Wisdom curated over 1000s of years.TBH it came from a place of rejection of my culture. I know it. It was when being Indian wasn’t cool, and assimilation was in style. It was before the woke era and pre-social media. As much as social media causes terror on our mental health. It is also a place where individuality, culture and ancient knowledge are now being celebrated and shared. Fast forward two decades. In the process of exploring ancestral history for Our Ancestral Futures, a project where I am collecting Vedic indigenous wisdom and sharing it back in the form of poetry, I was offered this nugget from one of the ancient Vedic bodies of knowledge:“Even if people have been doing it for thousands of years, if there is no logical reason it should be abandoned.” — Mahabharata, 12th book, 257 chapterF**k yes. Take that people telling me what to do for the sake of tradition. Don’t tell me to do it because everyone else before me has. Side story: I was the ‘but why’ kid growing up. I would ask you a question like why is the sky blue, and follow up to your answer with why… at least 5 times. My parents and old people around little me were not fans of this line of questioning. Maybe I was a reminder of the fact they may have been following something with little understanding?Little did I know asking why several times is a great tool for developing your idea or finding the root cause. It is actually a technique called the five whys. Coming back to the quote. It makes so much sense. It is natural. It is organic. It is human nature. Questioning things from a place of genuine curiosity is not a quality that is rewarded in school or in some parenting styles. But it is a quality that supports the evolution of the human spirit and demonstrates a desire for deeper knowledge. In my previous questioning I was coming from a place of rejection, a place of wanting to belong. This is where intention matters. Coming from an emotional basis of curiosity vs. rejection creates different ripples, different openness, and different results.Rewind for a hot sec to 3500 years ago. lol The Vedic era in South Asian history was a fruitful one. It took place during 1500BCE - 600BCE. BCE stands for Before Common Era or Before Christ, time as we know is a colonial measurement, more on this later.It was the birth period of Ayurveda, of most major spiritual texts that India is known for such as the Bhagavadgita, Upanishads, and Rigvedas. It is known as the “mantra period”, and was the era when the Vedas were composed and orally transmitted. These are just a few cute highlights. This era is essentially the foundation of Hinduism and Buddhism. Two spiritual philosophies that are mistaken for religion. Behind the concept of religion there is spirituality. Spirtual practices help us understand who we are and give space for our purpose to reveal itself. Enter the ‘but why’ line of thinking. Also known as jijñāsā ( जिज्ञासा ) in Sanskrit, which means an inquisitiveness that goes beyond questioning, a deep desire to know.Perhaps this is why many people, including myself, feel spiritual, but not religious. Religion is more constructed and binary, whereas spirituality has movement and flexibility.No disrespect to religion. Many people in my life are deeply religious. In my early 20s I felt confused about the relationship between spirituality and religion. I grew up in a religious and spiritual household, and we had many religious figures moving through our home. I asked them all the same question:What is the relationship between spirituality and religion?I got a variety of responses, even some who scoffed at my ‘ignorant question”. The best answer I got is from my now spiritual advisor. He shared:“Spirituality has many vehicles. Religion is simply one of them.”That was close 12 years ago. The answer still echos in my body, especially when I feel religion being pressed upon me via tradition I don’t fully resonate with. The philosophy of Vedanta: “We work in harmony with everything that is here.”It is not praying at the dinner table for ourselves, rather it is praying from the beginning of the entire cycle of food. Everything is envisioned as part of an ecosystem. In Vedanta:everything is youyou are everything seed nourished by the sunis the plant that feeds your bellythe sun lives through youso are you the sunradiantly alive composed of star dust cosmic connector grounded into this earthtoes rolling in soilas it grazes grasseyes caught in the light of a candlefire of your soulflickering in the wind finding rest on the horizon the ocean embodies your bodystrong and fierce gentle and calm you are everythingeverything is youand, orin the words engraved on Harry Potter’s snitch in book 7: I open at the close love 💙💛💚Parul // @parulbee This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit poetictechnology.substack.com
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letter 016: a soulful unwrapping 🎁❤️🔥
Aug 14, 202200:09:06Tap to summarizeHi! I am Parul. My ancestors are from South Asia, I was born on Turtle Island in Tkaronto, and I currently live on the island of Bali in Indonesia. I use poetry, prose, poetic frames to unravel entanglements of our thoughts, feelings and experiences. Call it an evolving decolonization practice that is liberating the many intelligences our existence contains.☝🏽 I read you this newsletter, or you can read it yourself! 👇🏽A conversation I find myself having often is around Ayurveda, specifically of cleansing and detoxing. Perhaps it is because in Indonesia they put sugar in literally everything. They also fry a lot of foods in low quality oils. I am not judging, but I am noticing the havoc its wreaking on my digestive systems. #weirdpoopsThere are a lot of reasons for people to cook this way. I don’t think they are intentionally desiring to be unhealthy. Frying foods may be a way better to preserve food in a humid climate. Sugar is a fast energy. It is a simple carb that your body processes really quickly. Adding sugar to foods is a way to fuel up when you don’t have a lot of money. There are always broader climate-socio-economic reasons to eating the way you do, whether you realize it or not. It is easy to be quick in judging the cooking methods, or someone’s knowledge of health. You do not have to be explicit to unconsciously create a superiority complex because you may know better. When doing affordable housing advocacy work in Toronto I noticed judgement and negative stigma on some peoples’ housing situation. Like an immigrant family living in a 2 bedroom apartment was seen as insufficient when it may just be the way they know. They do not need to graduate to more or bigger. Or a person living in a rooming house (a very cheap room rental supportive for those straddling the poverty line) is seen lesser then to a nomad living in a co-live space (which is also just a kitchenless room you rent in a building). These conversations and suggested changes create a lot of space for shame and judgement. This is complex and has many layers associated to the reason for these differences in living and our pattern to judge. It could be a cultural difference of eastern or western living, systemic oppression and access to wealth accumulation, or perhaps a reflection of shame and judgement that we hold for ourselves being projected outwards.treat every person like they are preciousbecause they are treat every person like it’s not the first or the last time you’ve metbecause it’s unlikely we’ve lived lifetimes to meet in this moment Late last year I did an Ayurvedic cleanse. It is called a Panchakarma. It is one of the deepest detox, healing protocols one can do in Ayurveda. Definition: Ayurveda is an ancient Indian healing system that dates back to the Vedic era 1500 BC-600 BC. This practice considers the whole body as an integrated system and uses natural/plant centred remedies. I joked that it is called Panchakarma because it punches your karma. Feels like a metaphor for the socialized understanding of the western experience of detox and cleansing as a rigorous, painful, challenging, laborious experience; a true testament of will. TBH this sounds akin to productivity and the qualities of a “successful” person in a capitalistic society. This Ayurvedic cleanse was different and unexpected. The protocol starts with a diet, where you eat kitcheri (rice and lentil dish cooked in Indian spices) for all your meals and only drink warm/hot liquids for 10 days prior to any treatment. This food brings softness and warmth to your digestive organs. Imagine the feeling of hugging your insides, or being under a warm-cozy blanket when you are cold. That’s what eating easily digestible, warm food does for your body, offers a tender nurturing. I noticed how much I protested this diet. Worried about the soft foods turning my body soft lol. And it probably did, but deep healing may require that. Soften, reshape, build with a deeper foundation; finding a different strength. the gentlest tugunwinds the ball of woolif done righta pull in a directionshifting the course of life seeking places where energy grows revealing in the marvel of unseen currents provoking a flowof unknown satisfying mysterious longings unraveling the human experiencewith a gentle tug With a softened digestive system and a warm body I entered into my 5 day Panchakarma. Every day I received a 4-handed massage called Abhyanga, then warm oil was poured in a continuous stream on my forehead called Shirodhara, and finally a steam to soak in all the oils nutrition. The oil was blended specifically for my body’s composition to bring balance. With balance I experienced more groundedness in my nervous system and I noticed my emotional and mental bodies quiet.I didn’t know one could experience such depth through gentleness. This was hardly what I imagined a cleanse to feel like. It offered me so much loving attention to give my frazzled nervous system a chance to bend back into itself.It was a soulful unwrapping. It was like all the parts of me that felt fragmented or separated from one another finally had a place to reconnect. I felt whole. “I believed I wanted to be a poet, but deep down I just wanted to be a poem.” — Spanish poet Jaime Gil de Biedma I was simply being and noticing throughout my Panchakarma. Offline for a week. It was a reminder of how simply being is healing in itself. I noticed how doing this cleanse and the being began to blend, but being > doing.Though the world doesn’t really value being. There is always a doing that needs to follow. This creates tension in the beingness. Then I came across Francis Weller’s work…“What was learned was not meant for us alone, but was meant to be tossed like seed into a fertile mind, a waiting community, a hungry culture.”… and his work shares how culture is created by trauma. We can create new culture with more whole versions of ourselves. That our relationship to food, housing, and cleansing is part of one giant circle of being, and in the openness to plural ways of being we find healing. This experience inspired me to slowly allow the waters of life to shift my currents. I think this newsletter is a way to bring others into my waters, so we can share, rejoice and cry in one another’s beingness. i feel potent enough for life to find me my essence is thick my being is proud of all it’s becomingsscattered broken pieces still lie awakethough they do not occupy as much spaceMuch love 💙💛💚Parul // @parulbee This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit poetictechnology.substack.com
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letter 015: we are fermenting till we are yogurt 😦💆🏾♀️
Aug 7, 202200:12:51Tap to summarizeHi! I am Parul. My ancestors are from South Asia, I was born on Turtle Island in Tkaronto, and I currently live on the island of Bali in Indonesia. I use poetry, prose, poetic frames to unravel entanglements of our thoughts, feelings and experiences. Call it an evolving decolonization practice that is liberating the many intelligences our existence contains.☝🏽 I read you this newsletter, or you can read it yourself! 👇🏽culture of meis the culture of youi ferment the old and the new creating an abundant form of the futuremelded together giving space for the third mefor you— homemade yogurt In my last few letters I have been writing about the dynamics of food and our relationship to it. Below, like a good biology graduate, I have summarized key points in equation like statements:food culture food creates culture culture creates food culture = sense of belonging food = sense of belonging sense of belonging = home 🔥 therefore: culture = food = home = belonging food = our body = health our body = our bodies = mental, physical, spiritual, emotional, astral bodies = koshas food = ecosystem, Mother Earth, the environment therefore: ecosystem = food = our bodies = health food = our mental health In my last letter I wrote: Food is more than food. It includes all of the stories and structures that bring people to a specific moment in time. Growing up in North America in the 90s our relationship to food was unbecoming. Microwaveable dinners, pizza pops, pop tarts, ego waffles, snack packs — the era of packaged food felt like it was at an all time high. Deliciously addictive, nutritionally depleted, insulin spikes that look like a heart attack.I remembering begging my mom to buy me Michelina’s microwaveable fettuccine Alfredo for lunch. I wanted to be like the other kids. I didn’t want the nutritionally abundant home cooked food that she was lovingly making for me and my siblings every day. (😥 sorry mom!) Yet somehow cereal slide by as a healthy breakfast option. And TBH I don’t think Kellogg’s made cereal from anything but corn starch and sugar.Wild times. And a total disconnection to food. 🙁This is the exact opposite of now. As I sip organic, sustainably sourced pu’er tea made with water from a spring close to an active volcano in Bali. Yes that sounds ridiculously specific, or so hipster it hurts. I have no idea. But what is true for me now is I am obsessed with the quality of everything that I put into my body. Food is more than food. It includes all of the stories and structures that bring people to a specific moment in time. The underlying tone of this statement can be translated in many ways, including a person’s mental health. The connection between severe cases of mental health and food was made to look cool in the 90s. For example, child friendly TV shows showing body dis-morphia like bulimia or anorexia, usually portrayed by a popular girl throwing up in the school bathroom, or eating just vegetable sticks for lunch. I don’t recall any help or solutions being presented on these TV shows. However I did receive the underlying message: to be cool means you have to be beautiful, skinny and with perfect (white) skin. And we wonder why young girls and women struggle with feeling worthy, enough and demonstrate type A personality traits. Emotional influence. if I had no fear, what would I do? if I extinguished the should if I allowed myself to not be held by the container of my identity if I totally unraveled and felt into every version of existence, whether I aligned with it or not. to see a fuller scope of my reality to celebrate every way of living, of life to actually be judgement free indulging in the darkness indulging in every form of reality that feels too far from me what would I be? how could I be? why can I not see from this seat of existence? because I am choked, on my identity of who I believe I am to be without really thinking of me. so who shall I be? At a very young age the socialization and demands from the female body were nudged into a particular direction that fed the male gaze and western beauty standards. 😡The notion of nudging has been studied in linguistics. It is the use of certain language patterns, whether intentional or not, to provoke certain behavioural responses. Naturally, corporate America and the forces of marketing used ‘the nudge’ to encourage capitalistic agendas that were/are parallel to the American dream aka to being the popular girl in that show. This demonstrates the sub-conscious narratives playing in our heads without us even knowing. It is not far fetched to say that we do not know what some of our own thoughts are. Of course this feeds into our relationship to our body. Body positivity has been one of the most healing journeys I’ve ever been on.When I lost most of my hair due to alopecia. I hated my body. I was so mad at her. I didn’t trust her anymore. It is the worst feeling to not like the skin you are in. It factors into every element of existence. It was unbearable; and no external solution, no one else’s voice could penetrate this shield of body negativity. Scaffolding is moving slow. Building a foundation that doesn’t look like the game jenga. I wrote love letters to different parts of my body every day for a year. Words are powerful influences on our emotional body through our intellectual body.Words also confuse our cellular intelligence. In Ayurveda they talk about how the body knows what it needs to heal, all you have to do is listen. If it needs rest it will ask. If it needs food it will ask.This subtle listening has become very confused due to our unclear relationship to food. Does my body need a cinnamon bun, or is it just addicted to sugar? Or perhaps it is craving sugar, but truly the signal is confused and my body needs fast fuel because it is protein depleted and needs energy. Likely the second statement is more accurate. Our DNA tells our cells our desires. If you have a mild allergy to food, our body’s response will tell us we do not like that food. It is a brilliantly intelligent design. But the question is, whose voices are talking to you?Secretly telling you that you are fat, which is pushing you into a cycle of sad. Then the hormones released (or not released) due to your sadness crave a pick me up like alcohol or sugar. Then a furious cycle begins. 😓Or, telling you that you are not worthy and this feeling suppresses your desire to connect with yourself and your body. In the act of suppression you loose your appetite and do not eat. But what you are really doing is telling your body and yourself you do not matter. So you don’t give it any attention through food or any other kind of noticing.It is a psychological disaster, and our physical bodies carry the burden. Food is also powerful, it influences our emotional body through our physical body. Food has the ability to power you up, slow you down, bring you joy, make you feel irritated, etc. If you have ever paid attention to how you feel after you eat or drink something you will notice a change in how you feel, most commonly in your level of tired. This kind of noticing brings you body awareness. Food causes a reaction in the body. This reaction can impact your hormonal balance, your neurological response, your blood pressure, and a million other parts of your body. Foods cause inflammation in the body, which has been linked to chronic illness and mental health issues.Our bodies are smart AF. A reaction in one part creates a ripple effect for the rest of the body to adjust. A by-product of that ripple effect is an emotional response, even a subtle one. Being aware of food feelings is one step into living a life for your body, rather than for society.Body awareness is your conscious observation of how different activities make you feel both physically and emotionally. Awareness and noticing is always the first step to healing, to being, and to seeing who you truly are. Your body is on your team, and your noticing is a gift you can give yourself. there are pieces of you grieving pieces that you didn’t know you were holding fragments of pains that do not ache so consciously for they sit in the crevices of our being for those pieces serve you as a magnifying glass bringing your attention your gaze to a place that needs your tenderness your touch your softness your breathe breathe deep acknowledgement: this letter was inspired by the beautiful souls in my life, or adjacent to me, that suffer from mental health woes and/or body dysmorphia, and their su...
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letter: 014 Cinnamon bun life is the best kind of life 👀 🤤
Jul 31, 202200:08:26Tap to summarizeHi! I am Parul. My ancestors are from South Asia, I was born on Turtle Island in Tkaronto, and I currently live on the island of Bali in Indonesia. I use poetry, prose, poetic frames to unravel entanglements of our thoughts, feelings and experiences. Call it an evolving decolonization practice that is liberating the many intelligences our existence contains.☝🏽 I read you this newsletter, or you can read it yourself! 👇🏽I love cinnamon buns. Markville mall, a mall close to where I grew up smelt like cinnamon buns. Sometimes after school we would get a lucky surprise from my mom and gorge on cinnamon buns. Bliss. I moved home after gradating from university, and I decided to run a marathon. I would run around the cinnamon bun mall every Wednesday for my 10k run. So I ate a cinnamon bun every week. It tasted better than my dreams, each and every time. A few weeks ago, I found gluten free, vegan cinnamon buns here in Uluwatu, where I live. Sold at a place called Salad Lab, which makes it even better. It brings me so much joy and nostalgia. I have a long history of bun life.i am on the road to my perfection i don’t need correctionplease don’t try to chance me i’ve been so patient baby every now and then i smell fire burning i am coming alive [adapted from the song Coming Alive by Two Together]Then, a few weeks ago, crazed with finding gf buns, I ate 4 of them in one week. It was a delicious adventure before the compound tremors of sugars shook my body.Aftermath: Visible noticing of low energy levels, weird dreams, moody irritable attitudes and sugar cravings magnify a million fold. An incredulous reminder of how food and mental health are so tangibly connected. Example interlude: Someone I love cut dairy out of their diet, and it changed the landscape of their mental health so significantly they were able to come off of medication. It changed their lives. Their body was able to bounce back to its natural equilibrium state, self-healing. As beautiful as this is, it is also not surprising and is absolutely horrifying when considering the mass production of milk and “fortification”/ manufacturing of milk that brands boast. (Link to previous article.)Food is a continuum of physical growth and nurturing the bodies. In yoga, Ayurveda and spiritual sciences of India it is known that there are 5 bodies called koshas:* annamaya kosha (physical body)* pranamaya kosha (life force/ breathe body)* manomaya kosha (mental body)* vijnanamaya kosha (astral body/wisdom)* anandamaya kosha (bliss body)This ancient knowledge weaves together our spiritual and mental continuum in a way that is so complex it is simple. We are intertwined beings where a nudge in one place ripples through all systems. We can see how we are all connected:ecosystem’s health = our physical health = our mental health our questions invariably shape our answers What is our truth when it comes to food?I mean our ability to grasp our own truth is a journey of self discovery. Even upon “arrival” to this self-knowing it is likely that our truth is usually accessible on the best of days, where sight with your eyes, ears and heart is at its utmost clarity. Many of us dilute our truth. Our truth in relation to food is not always straightforward.In the moment before an edible experience I usually ask myself:* Do I really want this?* What purpose is this serving?* Is this serving the best version of me?* Is there something else, aside from hunger, that is provoking this choice?When eating that 4th cinnamon bun, I asked myself these questions and in retrospect I was 1000% justifying a psychological desire of fulfillment, rather than a biological readiness for more sugar. This cinnamon bun binge is also a classic modern experience. We have normalized binging, especially Netflix. (My current Netflix binge is Peaky Blinders.) Where we have a crazed need to consume all of a show, or eat all the things, until we feel sick or restless. It plays right into the hands of consumerism and materialism. This crazed need for more is akin to the 7 cardinal sins that scaffold the confession aspect of Christianity. But more on this in a later letter.I was mentally pacifying an emotion through food. A normalized emotional tactic. Where I denied my bodies to share its cellular intelligence with me by overriding my truth.Food is more than food. It includes all of the stories and structures that bring people to a specific moment in time. Food is remembering. Food is nostalgic.Food is home.And tbh I was eating my feelings of home. What feelings, if at all, have you been eating lately?“If you intensify and complete your subjective emotions, visions, you see their relation to others’ emotions. It is not a question of choosing between them, one at the cost of another, but a matter of completion, of inclusion, an encompassing, unifying, and integrating which makes maturity.” — Anaïs Nins Much love 💙💛💚Parul Auntie // @parulbee This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit poetictechnology.substack.com
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letter 013: Thanks Auntie! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Jul 24, 202200:11:19Tap to summarizeHi! I am Parul. My ancestors are from South Asia, I was born on Turtle Island in Tkaronto, and I currently live on the island of Bali in Indonesia. I use poetry, prose, poetic frames to unravel entanglements of our thoughts, feelings and experiences. Call it an evolving decolonization practice that is liberating the many intelligences our existence contains.☝🏽 I read you this newsletter, or you can read it yourself! 👇🏽what doesn’t seem obvious upfrontis a journey full of risks ripples through your life in unknown patterns intersecting with you at the most obscure and most obvious moments I started a pop-up Indian restaurant in a small beach town at the height of the pandemic with my friend Marlon because we so missed Indian food.It was the longest I hadn’t seem my family. It was the longest I had gone without Indian food. It was the quietest, weirdest time in the world.Riddled with uncertainty, there in the darkness lies possibility.It was called Thanks Auntie.Established June 2021 in Nosara, Costa Rica. I/ Only Indian food can fill my belly… I am my dadLiving in small towns in Costa Rica, Indian food was far from abundant. Six months later, I could feel ancestral urges for Indian food and spices in a way that I have never experienced before. Probably the same feeling my parents have when they /need/ Indian food literally 2 days into a vacation. #IYKYK When I was 11 (circa 1997) I went on a Euro-bus-trip with my family and my Bua’s family (Dad’s sister). My dad and Bua found an Indian restaurant in Paris that was literally closing and convinced the owner of their desi need for “good” food, food that filled their bellies and their hearts. This desire for Indian food was at first one for my tastebuds, but it grew to be more than that…It helped me heal my relationship to my culture and upbringing. Bringing forward sweet memories of my mom’s food and Ayurvedic wisdom that was common tongue in many Indian households. Like drinking warm haldi dood (translation: turmeric milk/ appropriated name: golden milk) before bed, especially when you’re not feeling well. Another memory. Park picnics. Where a causal 40 Indian people gathered (essentially 5-6 families) and the aunties would bring a dish each creating a delicious, huge buffet of food. Feeding all of us, with space for second and third servings, plus we always ended up sharing with other park patrons, who were super excited and grateful for it.In so many ways this desire for Indian food helped heal some of internalized racism that I, and we as third culture people, naturally embodied due to the pressure too assimilate, whilst living in North America. This was a bittersweet remembering. Because my mom’s food was thousands of kilometres away, and tbh I didn’t really know how to cook Indian food. Yet I missed it so so much.Then two things happened:* A new found friendship with Marlon, the only other South Asian person I encountered living in Costa Rica, who also happens to be from Toronto. So much sharedness.* I found a pack of garam masala in a grocery store. Critical ingredients for a surprising upcoming (ad)venture. all you need is a little momentuma nudge of outside encouragement, in any form for an idea to turn into a seed for that seed to sprout into a plant an unknown fruit tree II/ Spice for our life please! Six weeks into my friendship with Marlon, I proposed that we cook Indian food for each other with a singular pack of very expensive garam masala. Naturally this leap frogged to let’s cook for our friends, to let’s cook for everybody*! Ridiculous proposal for 2 non-chef people digital nomads. Within 24 hours this little idea got real when (1) a friend’s friend (Sonia!) was coming from NYC to Costa Rica and offered to bring us spices and (2) we were invited to host weekly dinners at a very popular vegan supper club. So we took this sign from the universe and planted the seed. Marlon and I moved into together, and started a self-directed 4-week ancestral, culinary, artist residency. As we explored cooking healthy (vegan, paleo-ish) Indian food for our community and our hearts. And so began our exploration into Auntiehood and spice life. (*Everybody = for the people in the small surf town we live in called Nosara that has just over 1000 person population.)There is so much that happened in our Thanks Auntie journey. Like good millennials, we documented this for the internet archive that is our lives.listenwatchour journey in summary 30 days 4 dinners hosted 4 unique menus 4 locations 130+ people fed over sold all events cooked in commercial kitchens in jungle kitchens in our tiny little home kitchen at a hotel at a supper club at two different restaurants broke records broke hearts revived the spice in life #auntiepower #thanksauntieIII/ Auntiehood is an act of care. We called our restaurant experience Thanks Auntie. Because aunties represent care in so many cultures, including parts of South Asia. In my experience growing up in Punjabi culture — auntie is any woman that is older than you / closer to your mom’s age. So aunties held the maternal space in a home and community, usually the embodiment of a generous and knowledgeable spirit. Auntie’s represent care. The universal currency of care is food. Food is medicine, according to Ayurveda. Care is soul filling. So it is totally normal for an auntie to try to feed you, and usually overfeed you! But auntie wants you to know you are cared for. Auntiehood is the linchpin of families and communities. (See picnic story in earlier section as an example!) It is care for the whole, like an ecosystem based approach: If I'm caring for my community, I can't neglect the plants or the animals. I can't neglect the children or the elderly. Auntie's hold it down. They loop in our ancestors and our future through food, remedies and rituals. So many of us have benefited from that unspoken care of women, who's work is mostly thankless and silent. Thanks Auntie was paying homage to all the care we received from the maternal figures in our lives. We wanted to embody that generous spirit to offer to our community and each other. It seemed that being away from home it wasn’t just food that was missed, but the maternal care that feels unconditional. In our journey a few things became clear. Auntiehood is a form of care from the belly to the heart. Auntiehood is not a gendered experience. Auntiehood is a movement. A movement of care. It seems we are stronger and more gentle than we let on. We need more care in our lives. More care for ourselves, for each other and for Mother Earth. Now more than ever. Thanks Auntie! 🙏“Care is everything that is done to maintain, continue, and re-pair ‘the world’ so that all can live in it as well as possible. That world includes… all that we seek to interweave in a complex, life-sustaining web.” — quote by Joan Tronto in Matters of Care by María Puig de la BellacasaMuch love 💙💛💚Parul Auntie // @parulbee This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit poetictechnology.substack.com
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Letter 012: Resilient bodies- bodies that break and mend 🌎🥺🪡🙏🏽
Jul 17, 202200:11:42Tap to summarizeHi! I am Parul. My ancestors are from South Asia, I was born on Turtle Island in Tkaronto, and I currently live on the island of Bali in Indonesia. I use poetry, prose, poetic frames to unravel entanglements of our thoughts, feelings and experiences. Call it an evolving decolonization practice that is liberating the many intelligences our existence contains.☝🏽 I read you this newsletter, or you can read it yourself! 👇🏽I am obsessed with food. At least 50% of what I do on the internet is look at recipes and food things. I dream about the meals I want to make. I have been watching the Food Channel since I was 9. I almost always have homemade snacks in my bag. Half my suitcase when being nomadic was (super)food related. I started a pop-up Indian restaurant called Thanks Auntie. I kiss my vegetables before I put them in the fridge. Food saved and changed my life when I fell sick with an autoimmune illness. Food is medicine for the soul, for the heart, for the body. (Many delicious threads to pull. So this will be a lil mini series of letters re: food.)If we let things that are fragile break,do we create space for more resilience?What is resilience? Is it being adaptive? Is it being regenerative? Perhaps resilience is measured by bounce-back-ability. But I imagine when you bounce “back” it is often a different location than where you once were. If you bounce to a more optimal placement I would define that as post-traumatic growth. (Though I am not assuming that resilience, adaptive, regenerative moments are triggered by a traumatic event.) Mother Earth, nature, ecosystems they all have a bounce-back-ability, resilience, adaptive, regenerative way about themselves. You can see it in a way a forest conducts itself. We humans call it a Panarchy cycle. Definition: Panarchy cycle is “…a conceptual model that describes the ways in which complex systems of people and nature are dynamically organized and structured across scales of space and time. A panarchy is a set of nested adaptive cycles…”. It offers a way to look at interconnected systems that operate at different scales. Definition and image below from Plant and Soil Sciences eLibraryThis concept is used to discuss ecological resilience. Now, imagine a forest (which is a complex system). It is lush, has many organisms symbiotically living amongst each other, like fungi and trees. [conservation state]. Then lightening strikes a tree in the forest and starts a forest fire [release state]. Finally the fire simmers with the rain from a thunderstorm, spreading out the debris, seeds and living organisms across the forest area allowing for unique interactions that weren’t present in the conservation state [reorganization state]. The forest is ultimately different after the fire, and some organisms are thriving whereas others may not be, even though they may have been dominate before. This disallows one species to dominate for an extended period of time [exploitation state]. (Adapted from Jennie Phillips work)Thus keeping ecosystems in check and balance. This concept has become a popular design tool; taking lessons from nature’s regenerative tendencies. This is especially important when trying to reverse the significant impact humans have had on the behaviour of the natural world, also known as the Anthropocene era. The spiritual version of this concept could also be known the cycle of death and rebirth.The human body is far from fragile. Like the forest, it is complex, regenerative and naturally self constructed system. Imagine each of your cells (like trees in a forest) are individual autonomous “beings” that collectively create your body. It is f*****g brilliant. Our cells are interdependent and connected through our cellular cycles. Though we are still a giant porous sack of cells. Impacted by environmental factors: chemical, physical, emotional, and energetic. Similar to Mother Earth, toxic chemicals in one geo-region can and will impact geographies well beyond a catastrophe. We see this in the pollution of our soil through industrialization of the food industry. The most known pollutant guised as a pesticide called Monsanto aka round up has poisoned North American soil and leeched into our water systems. With the increase in toxicity of this pollutant we’ve seen a rise in many diseases such as leaky gut syndrome, gluten intolerance, autism, type 2 diabetes, and various autoimmune conditions. You can listen to more on this here, watch a documentary called Kiss the Ground and a Michael Pollen Netflix series called Cooked. Anyone that has had a health journey that is elusive to western medicine would have likely already done this kind of research. Because they have had to help their bodies heal and the explanation and resolution was not easily visible. They had to find their own resilience. I know this because I am one of those people. I “have” an autoimmune disease called alopecia. I don't resonate with this diagnosis because the premise of an autoimmune disease is that your body is attacking itself. Now, why would my smart body want to hurt itself? Like Mother Earth managing the disposal of pollutants caused by humans. My body is doing the same — managing the pollutants that humans before my time have left for my body to soak up. However, this health journey has provoked me to open my eyes to the macro reality: if the earth is sick, my body will be too. It has made me resilient. It has made me knowledgeable on how to care for my body. It has allowed my personal actions to be aligned with the Earth’s healing. Like understanding the immense value of supporting local farms, eating organic, and not supporting mass industry, businesses, farming techniques. Chronic illness creates people who are more resilient. (Akin to many Buddhist philosophies around suffering.) By allowing your body rest from the pollutants, your body can use its resilience to naturally bounce forward, instead of backwards. Our bodies are a great example of post-traumatic growth in this breaking and mending. A Japanese pottery process called Kintsugi is the mending of broken pottery using gold lacquer. The idea is that breaking and mending is more beautiful than any whole “perfect” object. Creating a beauty so unique that it cannot be compared to any other. Similar to the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi, which is an embracing of the flawed or imperfect.Is that not the definition of people?The collection of our trauma, scars and idiosyncrasies is what builds our character, our personality, our strengths. Our imperfections is what make us perfect. The “old world” says that mistakes are shameful and are shunned. The old world being the embodiment of the American Dream, the post World War 2 mentality of perfection, gender roles, nuclear families. This is still seen in the instagram influencer posed lifestyle shots. Glamourizing the bliss of “perfect everything”. Leveraging the definition of perfect that is held together by ideals of success that white western society constructed, such as beauty standards, vacations and luxury goods. (Living in Bali I get to see the constructed identities of many popular influencers. Yay! 🙃)The new world, the world of today and tomorrow, desires imperfection aka realness, authenticity, and the moments of life that are truly full of s**t. What is in the way is the way. Giving us permission to break and have real world examples of how to mend again. #mentalhealth Liminal moments where everything is possible and impossible within ourselves.What is liminal? Autumn is that liminal space between beauty and bleakness balancing the edges of unease as cool air approaches longing for the warmth of the sunTransition moments give us energy.in the layers autumn bringstend to your harvestthe fruits of your labour are left for the summerand autumn harvest brings forward heartinessheart filled nessan earthy densityborn in the ground feel your grounded-nessLike the health of the Earth, we need to honour the soil and honour our bodies. I wish for you infinite growth in whatever direction you choose, in whatever trauma you face. Post traumatic growth, healthy coping mechanisms and care is before us if we ask and reach. Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. So too will we, and mother earth.Much love 💙💛💚Parul // @parulbee This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit poetictechnology.substack.com
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poetic sunday: honey maker in the sky ⭐🐝
Jul 10, 202200:01:32Tap to summarizeHi! I am Parul. My ancestors are from South Asia, I was born on Turtle Island in Tkaronto, and I currently live on the island of Bali in Indonesia. I use poetry, prose, poetic frames to unravel entanglements of our thoughts, feelings and experiences. Call it an evolving decolonization practice that is liberating the many intelligences our existence contains.☝🏽 I read you this newsletter, or you can read it yourself! 👇🏽stars are raining on the roofclouding the sky and we are still herewondering why we are the only living beingsin the galaxythe audacity to believe that to be truethat just because you can’t see doesn’t mean there isn’t more just the way a flower growsbees visionfluorescent patterns targeting where nectar grows for honey makers visions of their need so you see we see differently no matter where we goor who we are me and you will never find truthsince your view of reality is made of lessons and feelings a perspective that grew shaped by time even when i think your mine and i know all there is to knowwell i am not youi believe with my mindmake stories of the truthand here we are a reality of realities invisible visibleof the many beings Coexisting we aren’t alonewe never areyet there is only one youand you are alone in your truth song in the audio is Zucht 2 by Machinefabriek thanks for reading!find me on the internet and say hi 🙂💛 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit poetictechnology.substack.com
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letter 011: home lives in your nervous system 🙆🏽♀️💫🥲
Jul 3, 202200:09:50Tap to summarizeHi! I am Parul. My ancestors are from South Asia, I was born on Turtle Island in Tkaronto, and I currently live on the island of Bali in Indonesia. I use poetry, prose, poetic frames to unravel entanglements of our thoughts, feelings and experiences. Call it an evolving decolonization practice that is liberating the many intelligences our existence contains.☝🏽 I read you this newsletter, or you can read it yourself! 👇🏽pre-letter guide: This letter is a collection of poems, prose, and quotes. Each collection brings forward an energy, an intention. Non-linear by design, allowing space for all your intellects (emotional, intellectual, intuitive) to wander in the paths that serve you in this present moment.the complexity lies in the intricacywhere one moments startsthe other endsheld together by trustthat all of this lifeis truly meant to beas you area tapestry weaved so delicatelyMany of us seek community solely to escape the fear of being alone. Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape. — Bell Hooks it’s hard to rememberin a city so big it is difficult to surrenderdrowning in street lightsendless flow of noise and light transmuted to different stories in different bodiesno central focusno beating hearteach pocket, each neighbourhood an amoeba with mildly porous boundaries firmer boundaries in the minds eye that east and west separated by a river of concrete, the 405 and all its car heatdivisions we create are illusions we meet the connection that we seekis in the peak of the isolation that we meet an inner begging to be seen when everything feels torrential tormenting terrifying glacial epidermis horizons dimmed but then you get to seethe light within Made for societySomething I don’t want to be, you’ll seeOnce I’m freeI was raised to be a womanI was raised to please a manI don’t understand why I have to sacrifice everything that I am — from the song “Balance Doubt” by hapi & Cellar Doorit is hard not to fall to your knees when thinking through all the moments you’ve survived Everything is waiting for you by David WhyteYour great mistake is to act the dramaas if you were alone. As if lifewere a progressive and cunning crimewith no witness to the tiny hiddentransgressions. To feel abandoned is to denythe intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,even you, at times, have felt the grand array;the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowdingout your solo voice. You must notethe way the soap dish enables you,or the window latch grants you freedom.Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.The stairs are your mentor of thingsto come, the doors have always been thereto frighten you and invite you,and the tiny speaker in the phoneis your dream-ladder to divinity.Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into theconversation. The kettle is singingeven as it pours you a drink, the cooking potshave left their arrogant aloofness andseen the good in you at last. All the birdsand creatures of the world are unutterablythemselves. Everything is waiting for you.Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.The uprise in awareness of emotional health allows us to believe that we are not delusional or “crazy” for feeling deep grief and sadness when we feel disconnected from others. It is called primal panic. This is when you need to be connected to people in order to survive. You find safety in emotional connection. And you experience danger or threat in emotional disconnection. Society values people who are independent and self sufficient. But really — who the f**k is independent? There are no islands of people. Your plate of fruits, vegetables, proteins is international. It is likely not from your backyard (but if it is that is so, that is beautiful), it is unlikely all grown within 100km of your home. You’re out of season orange. The apple you crave in the tropics. Is from all geographies.Self sufficiency is a fallacy. It is propagated by capitalism. Since individualism is a highly lucrative business. When everyone needs their own everything. Your emotions are your power. Your feelings are valid. Our need for connectedness is real.Interconnected is simply a fact. It is felt the ground we share.The planet we live onDo everything for your nervous system. (I do.)Your nervous is where your groundedness lives.It is your internal home.It is your compass to now.what does your nervous system do when you come into a familiar spacea place you know where everything goesdoes staleness arise?or uniformitybanin sentiments is this a feeling you despise? where does one repairwhen there is no home to be thereholding you the container of your existence outside the skin you need some resistance from the external flow of things a safe place to recollectto piece together versions of you that need mending and rest as the tides of the world ripplechaotic waves in your bodythere is a need to protect to find a safe cornera Homesafety in familiar to manage all that lingersnewness uncertainty where your heart can heal your nervous system can mendfrom the ruptures of the worldbecause it feels like there is no endHome has been a fluid space. how do you be tall when the earth below your toes keeps moving and rolling, over and over. how do you be tall when inside your energy feels small? how do you be tall when all you want to do is crawl up in a ball?with courage from the sun. holding from the moon. gazing to the stars. you realize you are brighter than you think you are.With the heat of the day. Caressing your face. Life force energy washing you, bathing you with the light of life. How can you not acknowledge the wonder of life. When the sun turns seeds into trees. Photosynthesis. to be in a place for long enoughto sit still for awhileto find that inner earth to ground into the now Much love 💙💛💚Parul // @parulbee This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit poetictechnology.substack.com
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letter 010: what is home? standing on cross roads 🏠💙🧳🌎🦦
Jun 19, 202200:10:02Tap to summarizeHi! I am Parul. My ancestors are from South Asia, I was born on Turtle Island in Tkaronto, and I currently live in Indonesia. I use poetry, prose, poetic frames to unravel entanglements of our thoughts, feelings and experiences. Call it an evolving decolonization practice that is liberating the many intelligences our existence contains.☝🏽 I read you this newsletter, or you can read it yourself! 👇🏽So I signed a 1 year lease in Bali…It has been a long while since I actively chose to commit to a place and space for a duration longer than a few months.A definition of commitment issues is feeling the suffocation of freedom when making a long(er) term decision. Commitment issues is often a misdiagnosis when following non-traditional living patterns. From outside my body, and in the eyes of others, my migration patterns may look sporadic, spontaneous, or even jagged.Despite me growing up in the same home for 25 years, the nomadic characteristics I embody has no visible catalyst. Though the inquiry of what is home and what does belonging mean has been the core thesis underpinning the work I do and art I create. A little summary of my living patterns:* I haven’t lived in one place longer than 1.5 years since I left for university.* I have not resided in Canada longer than 10 months since I was 16, with the exception of 2013 & 2018 (personal implosion years) and 2020 (global pandemic).* I have been known to take mini-retirements. This is when I work intensely for 1-2 years and travel/live elsewhere for 3-7months. I have done this several times. In 2020 I decided I wanted to live in Asia. Tired of the monotony of western living, I desired to live in a place that embodied qualities of community, culture and care, and chaos. The lack of distinct, visible organization of space allows for more possibility. Chaos and creativity are inextricably linked. So, I got rid of my place. I packed all my belongings.Preparing myself to fly April 2020 to Bali. Readying to depart Canada for an unknown period of time. However, the universe had other plans, for all of us. Cancelled flights.No place to live. Global pandemic, an uncertainty of a different kind.So I decided to be nomadic in the city I grew up in, Toronto. Hopping sublet to sublet. Living with a beautiful variety of friends. I lived at 7 different intersections over the course of 10 months, until finally I decided to hop countries. List of intersections I lived at: King + John // Montrose + Dundas // College + Dovercourt // My Parent’s House // Lansdowne + Dupont // Queen E + Broadview // Danforth + Pape // Costa Rica Each move refined and decreased the amount of items I brought with me. Slowly defining what I need to feel at home. * Kitchen: my spices, superfoods, tea strainer, measuring spoons, vitamix blender, instant pot, my breville tea kettle, a few mason jars* Bedroom: fabric to decorate my space, crystals, incense, candles, little notes to self, a few key books, floor cushions / yoga mat, clothes(I am really getting into the details here, but I feel like the details offer insight and avoid abstraction.) As the amount of things I could travel with became smaller and smaller, my definition of home became looser and more specific simultaneously. I found more versatile ways to feel a sense of home, which is a beautiful, spacious knowing to have of oneself. Home for me is my room to cocoon inHome for me is running 🏃♀️Home for me is cooking and sharing meals 🍳Home for me is the smell of incense, a hot cup of tea, a comfy place to sit and read/write. 📓Home for me is sitting in a cafe sipping coffee or wine writing, lost in thought. ☕Home for me is when I am hidden under my hood with a scarf tucked around my neck whilst in my emotional space. (Very cat like 😽)Home for me is sitting next to a crackling fire, feeling all toasty and warm. 🔥Home for me is when my nervous system finds ease, wherever that may be.As you may, or may not, know, I have worked in the city / real estate sector for over a decade. Thinking about city dynamics and housing rights is engrained in me. Housing is a basic need for human life. Shelter is foundational to everyones physical, mental and emotional health. Yet the commodification of housing has created a very fucked up dynamic (to say in short). Denying people basic rights to live. Movements in Canada, and cities across the globe have been activated pushing forward housing as a human right. Check out the work of former United Nation’s Special Rapporteur of Right to Housing Leilani Farha and a film she is in called Push.i don’t know wtf moving somewhere means i mean i just live here, for now.living is just living what does moving mean?i guess bringing a big ass pile of stuff?maybe it’s bringing all your stuff?i guess we all just assume that we have lots of stuffenough to be like m-o-v-i—n-g a f*****g ordeal a pain in the ass if you would.but what if you had less stuff?is that when we say we are travelling?to some, there is a clear line between moving and travellingbut increasingly the line is blurring. the housing and hospitality industry are converging,the pretext of co-live spaces, or airbnb for that matteris that you can live anywhere, everywhere, anytime.the sticky part is you begin to feel like a commoditybeing extracted for rent — the smallest amount of square footage to feel comfortable enough while they suckle your monies.Wait, isn’t that parallel to what long term renting feels like?however long term renting feels more precarioussince the person renting has an aversion to moving desiring a sense of permanency, a static state of living. here gives a space for insecurity housing insecurity ownership evokes this sense of minea truer notion of permanence a sense of safety and security that cannot be revoked*. (arrow down to paragraph) perhaps we desire stillness and permanence in our external world in hopes to bring quiet and peace in our internal world.a home for all our stuffall our hobbiesall our fashion all the things we would need during different seasons, different emotional states, different life stagesi get it*Revokedon Turtle Islanda place we now call North America the city you reside in is born on stolen land so even your purchased land is not really yourshow can it be? when it was never meant to be sold promises broken, treaties unfulfilled, dismissing, dismantling Indigenous peoplesfor the sake of your sense of safety and security (arrow to here)oh yah, and wealth accumulation we want and need monies to livesomehow (more complicated story) we have tied home and moneyintertwined in a knot so tighthome is where the heart is and we’ve sold our heart falling to the guise of safety and security our hearts vision is impairedobscuring our true needs. uncertainty is the only certainty.Thinking about home is not a simple life task.If you feel its importance to yourself and your familystretch that out to history and society. Find where you sit on the spectrum of privilege and feel gratitude.Share support to those who need more care.Be mindful where you reside.Much love 💙💛💚Parul // @parulbee This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit poetictechnology.substack.com
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