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Deep Reads: His wife was dying, his federal job crumbling. It tested his faith — in God and Trump.
00:30:16
One federal worker was rejected three times from the administration’s early resignation offer. Would he blame the president he voted for?
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- [00:00]
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This podcast is supported by Pharma. Did you know that America is the only country in the world where half of every dollar spent on brand medicines goes to entities that don't make them? It's true. Learn more@phRMA.org Middlemen hi, I'm Hannah Natenson.
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Hannah Natenson
This is Post Reports Weekend. This story is part of a Washington Post series called Deep Reads. It's part of our commitment to narrative journalism. I'm a reporter on the Politics and Government team, and what you're going to hear in a moment is a story about one federal worker, a Trump voter, who tried to take the Trump administration's resignation offer four times as his wife was dying. I'll be narrating it, and instead of me just reading the quotes every time, you'll also hear some audio I gathered during my reporting in Pahrump, Nevada, and you'll hear the subject of the story read aloud from his diary. This story is really about a test of one man's faith in God and in Trump. Okay, here's the story. Edward Brandon Beckham looked at his dying wife, opened his computer to resign from the government, and found he'd missed a deadline he never knew existed. Since December, Brandon, who goes by his middle name, had been on leave to care for Mikel, his wife of 21 years, who was sick with colon cancer. Under the terms of his leave from the Federal Bureau of Land Management, he wasn't expected to check his work email. So Brandon, 45, never saw the offer from the Trump administration saying federal workers like him could resign and get paid through September. But he heard about the resignation program on the news in mid April. He decided to take it. Now, staring at his computer, Brandon read that he was too late. The offer had closed three days before. Brandon looked at Mikhail across the living room in her hospital bed. She was asleep. Surely, he told himself, the new government run by President Donald Trump, the man Brandon voted for, wouldn't penalize him for missing a message. He composed an email to his bosses just after 5pm as my wife is continuing in hospice and I am her continuing caretaker at this time, I am formally requesting that I be placed on administrative leave until a deferred resignation date of September 30, 2025, Brandon wrote. Considering my circumstances, I respectfully request that I be allowed to participate. End quote. That spring, Brandon was among hundreds of thousands of federal workers weighing whether to abandon public service. Trump had taken office vowing to slash the federal bureaucracy, then entrusted the task to billionaire Elon Musk and a newly created cost cutting team called the Department of Government Efficiency. In a matter of months, Musk and his US Doge service wiped out hundreds of thousands of jobs, billions of dollars in spending and the job security that once distinguished government work. Of America's 2.4 million federal workers, nearly 4 in 10 registered to vote had, like Brandon, cast ballots for Trump, according to a Washington Post Ipsos poll. Brandon liked Trump's vision for the country, which he thought reflected his own conservative values, and believed the president had a good shot at ending the Russia Ukraine conflict. But as the days passed, Brandon was becoming convinced that the Trump administration's treatment of government employees was wrongheaded and cruel. He saw large scale firings, emails he felt were harassing, and strict return to office mandates. If he was unable to resign, Brandon would be required to report to a federal building in Las Vegas, more than 70 miles away. Round trip. It would cost him three hours a day. With his three children, for whom he would soon be the only parent and sole provider, Brandon felt like he was witnessing two painful deaths his wife's, of course, but also that of his career. In his darkest moments, Brandon turned to his Bible and next to it, his leather bound diary.
- [04:17]
Brandon Beckham
God is in control that nothing we're experiencing escapes his attention or slips out of control of his hands, brandon wrote.
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Hannah Natenson
In early March, citing the writings of Christian missionary Elizabeth Elliot. I believe this underlining believe twice, which.
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Brandon Beckham
Scares me all the more.
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Hannah Natenson
Why was God doing this to him? Why was Trump doing this to him? Brandon wrote.
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Brandon Beckham
I think he is going to let me fall and break and I'm scared and sad at the impending destruction.
- [04:51]
Hannah Natenson
Four days after Brandon submitted his request to resign, a human resources officer responded. The email read, per the department, you cannot be considered for this since you missed the application window. Until January, Brandon had felt hopeful about his professional future. After a decade bouncing between agencies from lawyering at the Small Business Administration to handling contracts for the Defense Department, he'd found stability at the Bureau of Land Management. He loved his remote job, distributing funds to fix farm fences, clear hiking trails and remove rural brush. He saw chances to rise. In December, he'd been accepted into a graduate program in resource management at the University of Idaho. His supervisor had suggested he apply for a Congressional Leadership course. Pahrump, where the family moved in 2021 after stints in Idaho and Maryland, was working out well. The children, Elias, 21, Hannah, 18, and Gabriel, 14, liked school, and their new friends, Brainon and Michele, owned a home mortgage free. They joined a local church whose pastor and congregants they adored. Michele's Cancer meant it couldn't last. Still, the doctors were astonished by her resilience. Michele was feeling good, she told Brandon. Her appetite was strong. At times, she felt so healthy, she'd turn to him and ask, are you sure? God hasn't cured me for a while. Trump's victory in November seemed another blessing. Brandon, a lifelong Republican who had voted twice for Trump after writing in rick Santorum in 2016, didn't always like how the president spoke. But he believed what he said. Trump would stabilize and strengthen the American economy. Brandon thought he would be a dominant leader on the world stage, forcing countries into peace agreements and trade deals. Brandon liked the president's plan to streamline government and eliminate waste, fraud and abuse, too. Then the Trump administration fired tens of thousands of probationary employees without justification. Musk instituted a weekly email requirement he said was necessary to see if lazy federal workers had a pulse. Federal employees mental health declined precipitously. A few died of stress or by suicide. Trump removed protections for public lands, leaving Brandon convinced that the president cared little about his agency or its mission. And every day, Brandon felt as if he read another article about Doge culling more jobs in a bid to automate the workforce. In February, Brandon applied for a clerkship at a local courthouse. He was rejected without an interview, which stung. His pastor told him to pray about joining the staff of Calvary Chapel, Pahrump Valley. So he did. The ministry had always been his ultimate goal, but now it didn't feel right. Brandon couldn't save other people's souls, he told himself. He couldn't even save his career. And he couldn't save Mikkel. One night in early April, he guided Mikkel to the bathroom to empty her colostomy bag. She watched, shivering. Her face looked gray. Brandon took off his denim jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. Mikkel caught his hand, brought it to her lips, and kissed it. The next day, he wrote in his journal what he remembered her saying.
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Brandon Beckham
She told me today, I was thinking, and I remember going on walks with you. Those were nice. I realized we're not gonna have those walks anymore. We're not gonna have those walks anymore.
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Hannah Natenson
Brandon, wiping away tears in the bathroom, knew she was referring to strolls the couple took at Boise State University, where they met. As he wrote in his journal the.
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Brandon Beckham
Next day, this is too hard and an emotional tragedy to bear. And I realize that I'm not strong enough in my human capacity.
- [09:11]
Hannah Natenson
He hated watching Mikael slip toward death. But it would be worse. He knew, to miss it because he was driving to and from an office in Las Vegas. So when the government rejected his first resignation attempt, he took less than two hours to try again. Brandon tapped out the email on his phone, sitting on the couch next to Mikel. This time he applied both for the April resignation program and an earlier one offered in January. He attached a screenshot of Trump administration guidance saying agencies could offer, quote, reasonable extensions, end quote, to workers who missed the deadline due to approved absence, end quote. Brandon wrote in one message, quote, please note, I am not seeking to be adversarial, end quote. That night he sent another my request for extension is based on my being on approved leave because my wife of 21 years is dying. He added, quote, this is exactly the type of request that objectively would fall within the characterization of reasonable end quote. One morning in late April, Brandon's daughter Hannah walked over to Mikkel's hospital bed to help feed her the first of 32 daily pills, cut in half for easy swallowing. But Michele wouldn't wake. Still warm, she was gone. That evening, after funeral home personnel had taken his wife's body from the house, Brandon opened his laptop. He planned to tell his bosses about the death and request bereavement leave. He saw an email waiting. The message said, you are expected to return to work in person at BLM Southern Nevada District Office, end quote. It gave a Las Vegas address where Brandon would have to report on a full time basis starting on your first scheduled workday the week of June 15th, end quote. 2 days later, his phone rang with an unknown number. When he picked up, the caller introduced himself as a human resources officer at blm. I just wanted to let you know they're denying it, brandon remembered the officer saying about his request to resign. Do they know my wife passed? Brandon recalled asking. No, I told them that the officer said. Dude, brandon said, that's like sick cold. I know, the officer said. I'm just the middleman. That evening, Brandon tried to apply for deferred resignation for a third time. He emailed a handful of the most senior people he could think of, including the BLM chief of staff and a top human capital officer. Brandon asked to be let into the first offer or the second. He didn't mind, which Brandon wrote, I have 10 years of service with the federal government. This is a very cold response. I just want to focus on caring for my three kids right now, focus on the details for my wife's memorial service, end quote. Over the next several days, Brandon's request was forwarded through layers of management. Reading the chain later, Brandon noticed One administrator's signature, its words colored neon red and blue, quote, do all the good you can in all the ways you can, for all the people you can, while you can. End quote. A week after Mikhail's death, still waiting for an answer, Brandon opened his laptop again. He had received little sympathy, but perhaps it would help to show some. He wrote, quote, I understand this to be an issue far above everyone's pay grades. I don't view this as having anything to do with the blm. End quote. He bolded the sentence, then typed another. I understand it to be an issue of policy and discretionary decisions being made at a much higher level. End quote. Recently, he'd been wondering how high much of Trump's presidency wasn't working out as Brandon had hoped. Trump's immigration policies were scaring Gabriel, who came home from school talking about Hispanic classmates who expected to be deported. The president's tariffs had also upset the 14 year old. He'd planned to launch a website selling his own line of clothing, sweatpants, tees and sweatshirts, branded Love Inspo. But Trump's trade war meant Gabriel couldn't calculate prices and shipping rates, so he'd had to delay. Brandon didn't like Trump's attitude toward the Supreme Court either. The court had ordered the president to facilitate the return of Kilmar Abrego Garcia, a Salvadoran man living in Maryland who was wrongly deported to El Salvador. But Trump had declined to do so. Brandon, who earned a law degree from the University of the District of Columbia, found this disrespectful. Trump was ignoring both the court and the man's due process rights, he felt. Abrego was returned to the United States in June, then arrested again and now faces new deportation proceedings. Maybe Brandon thought for the first time he had made a mistake in voting for Trump. But he wanted to believe the results would justify some temporary pain. On May 1, the government rejected his third attempt to resign in a two sentence email. Quote, the request for consideration of acceptance at this time has been denied by the department. End quote. The next day, Brandon pulled out his journal.
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Brandon Beckham
I have serious concerns about President Trump's commitment to ensure.
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Hannah Natenson
He wrote, then broke off three lines lower. He started again. I'm c. But crossed it out. He wrote two lines beneath that quote, I'm begin. I'm beginning near the bottom of the page. He finished the thought.
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Brandon Beckham
I'm disappointed in this administration, specifically President Trump's failure as a leader to investigate, ensure.
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Hannah Natenson
He added, that Trump was, quote, abandoning.
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Brandon Beckham
His commitment to ensuring that the common person is protected.
- [15:44]
Hannah Natenson
Fifteen Days after Mikel's death, Brandon's phone buzzed with a call from the funeral home director. Finally, he thought it was time to pick up his wife's remains. But that wasn't why the woman was calling. We haven't been able to verify Mikhail's insurance, brandon remembered her saying, stumbling slightly over the words. So we haven't cremated her. Brandon almost dropped the phone. He told himself not to picture his wife's body lying in storage. When he could speak again, he asked, why not? Well, I've called two to three times a day, the director said, but we haven't been able to get a hold of opm. OPM was the Office of Personnel Management, the government's human resources arm. Michele had been a federal worker, too, employed by the same agency as Brandon. Because of that, Brannon had told the funeral home staff her government life insurance could cover the cost of cremation. But the funeral home had to hear directly from OPM to verify the coverage. And OPM wasn't picking up the phone, the director told him. Brandon hung up and tried OPM himself nine times, he said a robotic recording suggested he try again later. On the 10th ring, another automated voice said Brandon should expect to wait 10 minutes. 45 minutes later, a human being answered. Brandon thought about the time he'd called OPM during the Biden administration, when his wife first became too sick to work. Someone had picked up immediately, he remembered, and helped him negotiate Mikel's early retirement and disability benefits. Now the woman on the line sounded tired. Brandon thought. She promised someone would look into the matter and reply to the funeral home, but no one did so. On May 8, 16 days after Mikhail died, Brandon charged $1,729.60 for her cremation to his credit card. It was more than he made in a week. Funeral home personnel confirmed Brandon's recollection of the phone call and his cremation purchase and said they never heard back from OPM despite repeated attempts to reach the agency. Asked about the incident, an OPM official who declined to give their name said the government paid all life insurance benefits due to Brandon following McKel's death. OPM does not pay for expenses like cremation directly, the official said, although family members of the deceased can use federal life insurance payments to cover such costs. The OPM official added in a written statement that call wait times is unfortunately an issue we're frustrated with and predates this administration, end quote. The official noted the agency is working to create a more efficient system. A few days later, Brandon got Ready to drive by himself through the desert at sunset. On Spotify, he clicked to a list of speeches from President John F. Kennedy, whose eloquence he found soothing. Scrolling, Brennan pressed play on the president and the Press, an address Kennedy gave to newspaper publishers 64 years ago. Brannon backed the car out of his gravel driveway and started driving, the mountains looming purple over his shoulder as he passed a gas station, then a casino. Kennedy declared, no president should fear scrutiny from the press. No president should fear public scrutiny of his program, for from that scrutiny comes understanding, and from that understanding comes support or opposition, and both are necessary. Brandon recalled a clip he'd seen recently in which Trump called an NBC News journalist a, quote, jerk, end quote. On tape, Kennedy said, this administration intends to be candid about its errors, for as a wise man once said, an error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it. Brandon hit pause. Trump's treatment of the federal workforce was clearly an error. He thought the president had delegated authority to bad people, especially Musk and the young engineers running Doge, who didn't understand or care about the government and the people who made it function. But Trump had a lot to manage, Brandon thought. He probably didn't know about everything Musk and Doge were doing. Suddenly, Brandon thought he knew why God was testing him. It was his job to help Trump correct the error before it became a mistake. As soon as he got home, he sat down to resign a fourth time. He addressed this email to the Secretary of the Interior and to Stephanie Holmes, the department's acting chief human capital officer, who, he'd read had run human resources for Doge itself. These people had power, Brandon believed, so he asked them to use it. He wrote, quote, please have some compassion on my situation, end quote. He attached a copy of his wife's statement of death. Almost two weeks later, the day before Gabriel's graduation from eighth grade, Holmes replied to say he could resign. She wrote, quote, please find attached an agreement for your review and signature, end quote. She signed off with kind regards, end quote. Brandon's prayers were answered, he thought. He opened the PDF. He had been accepted into the second resignation offer, which placed most employees on paid leave starting in late April. As Brandon understood it, he sat back, relieved. Under that schedule, he would receive what amounted to four weeks of badly needed back pay. Brannon had run out of paid leave a few weeks earlier, so he was barely due to make any money in May. It was a blow, given his family was almost wholly reliant on his roughly $80,000 a year income. But the pay provided under the resignation program would cover the missing month, signaling financial salvation. As he kept reading the document, though, he felt his chest tightening. Even though Brandon had been asking to resign since April 12, the department would count his resignation as taking effect more than four weeks later, meaning his paid leave wouldn't start until May 21 at the earliest. He was out a full month's pay after all. Asked about Brandon's resignation attempts and the details reported in this story, the Bureau of Land Management declined to comment. The White House referred common to opm. Holmes did not respond to a request for comment. Around the same time, Brandon's oldest son, Elias, finished his shift as a part time janitor at Walmart and walked to the cereal section, where he picked out six 32 ounce bags of colossal Crunch and Dino Bites. He crossed to another aisle and grabbed three 24 packs of ramen. It would be enough, he figured, to feed his family for two weeks. A few days before, Brandon had pulled him aside to tell him he'd run out of paid leave, Brandon had said, I only got paid $900. You're probably going to have to help pay for some things. They never talked more about it, but checking their pantry, Elias saw Brandon had purchased a ten dollar bag of food for the family's three dogs instead of the usual $50 container, and four rolls of single ply toilet paper instead of the typical 36 pack of Cottonelle. Now, looking at his own grocery cart piled with cereal and ramen, Elias, the liberal in the family and the only one who didn't believe in God, wondered again about Brandon's admiration for Trump. The president's policies were hurting them, Elias thought. Why couldn't his father see it? Brandon had begun taking Elias on drives recently to run errands or just ride through the desert talking. Elias suspected his father missed driving with Mikel. Elias missed her, too. But in her absence, he was opening up more to Brandon, and his father was listening. Elias wanted to become a firefighter, he'd recently confided. Brandon promised to take him to the gym so he could get in shape for the job. Brandon shared how discouraged he felt by the government's repeated refusals to let him take the deferred resignation offer. Elias told him to keep trying. Most conversations eventually turned to politics. Brandon brought up whatever the president had done that day, seeking his son's opinion. Elias often responded by asking questions. Do you still believe that? Do you see Donald Trump any differently now and again and again? If you could do it over again, would you still vote for Trump discourse was the way to change his father's mind. Elias had decided. His dad, Elias realized, was like him. He didn't want to be told what to think. Elias was making progress, he thought. Brandon kept saying it was unfair to revisit the election with the benefit of hindsight. But he also said that if he'd known Trump would do illegal things, he wouldn't have voted for him. Dear Father God, we come to you.
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Brandon Beckham
This morning with heavy hearts.
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Hannah Natenson
The day of Mikhail's memorial service dawned hot and dry. Inside the chapel decorated with flowers from Home Depot and a handmade quilt, her three children made it through their speeches without tears. But Brandon, reading from a piece of paper, couldn't get past the sentence that started, quote, love never fails. When his father broke down for a third time, Elias rose and walked onto the stage. He held Brandon in an embrace that lasted almost a minute. He stayed there, one hand on his father's shoulder, until he finished that love.
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Brandon Beckham
Never fails, that it comes.
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Hannah Natenson
After both men sat down, Calvary Chapel's lead pastor took the lectern. McKell was a fighter, he said, who had finished her race. He'd been thinking about what she would have said today if she could have spoken. Then he addressed Michele's husband and children one by one. The pastor told Brandon, we haven't finished our race. Our course isn't complete, so we continue to fight the good fight, because that's the exhortation that I believe McKill would give us. End quote. Brandon nodded. He thought about all his attempts to resign. He'd sent another email the morning before McKell's service, accepting the government's offer, but urging Stephanie Holmes to do what he saw as the right thing and grant him the April back pay. He'd quoted Kennedy's speech about errors and mistakes. Brandon had written, quote, if my case is any reflection of the general way some federal employees are being treated by this administration's leadership, then I pray the administration learns from what I've endured and properly corrects errors that are being made so that these errors do not become willful mistakes that tarnish the legacy and leadership of this administration. End quote. Brandon was fighting, he thought, just like Michel would have wanted. The pastor looked at Elias. He said, you, mom's prayer in her heart was that you would come into a personal relationship with Jesus. End quote. Elias kept his face blank. He had expected this. He didn't like the pressure, but he was used to it. A few hours after the service, Brandon got in the car, asking Elias to ride with him. As they drove Past fast food chains and mobile homes interspersed with stretches of desert, Brandon started talking about Trump. On the campaign trail, he said the president seemed controlled and statesmanlike. But now, back in office, he was attacking people. Brandon said he needs to adjust in some significant ways, like how he leads. They reached the outskirts of town. Passing a sign listing the distance to Las Vegas, Elias thought about what the pastor said that morning. It was true that his mother wanted him to believe Jesus Christ died for mankind's sins. But it was also true, Elias thought, that she liked her son the way he was. She liked how he treated other people with dignity. She liked that Elias accepted those from different backgrounds and ethnicities. That he thought was another way of being Christian. He considered a moment. Then Elias said something he hoped would make his mother proud. Donald Trump is really good at finding what people want and like sticking to that, which is obviously why he won. But I almost feel like that's a little bit dangerous, don't you think? Someone who's willing to just say what's popular. Brandon paused. He guided the car onto a mostly empty highway. He said again that Trump needed to make changes to temper himself, end quote, which would help not only his reputation, but the country. Still, Brandon said the president's fundamental approach to everything wasn't wrong. Brandon told his son, quote, I think what I'm saying, the point I'm making about how he's bringing in his business mentality, that is who he is. You know what I mean? He is who he is. There's a genuineness to that.
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Brandon Beckham
Like, there's a genuineness to that.
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Hannah Natenson
You know what I mean?
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Brandon Beckham
It's like he is who he is.
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Hannah Natenson
It was too soon, Brandon felt, to give up on Trump's vision for America. The President was a strong leader, making difficult decisions as he fought for a better future. Some people were going to suffer along the way. It was okay, Brandon decided, if he and his family were among those hurt. Trump, he told Elias, still had his support. The next morning brought a final email from Holmes. The government would not grant Brandon's plea for back pay. Thanks for listening again. My name is Hannah Natenson. I narrated and reported this story. Bishop sand produced the audio for this piece.
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