I Got My Own Trench Coat FT. Kiki Said So

Summary

Pour Minds Podcast: “I Got My Own Trench Coat” Featuring Kiki Said So

Podcast Information:

• Title: Pour Minds Podcast
• Host/Authors: The Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts
• Description: Two single Houstonians, Drea and Lex P, navigate life, friendships, and dating while discussing hot topics over their favorite wines. The podcast resembles a fun, therapeutic session with friends, encouraging listeners to join the conversation and unwind.
• Episode: I Got My Own Trench Coat FT. Kiki Said So
• Release Date: July 4, 2025

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1. Introduction and Guest Spotlight

The episode kicks off with Lex P and Drea introducing their special guest, Kiki Said So, a seasoned podcaster and entrepreneur. Drea hypes Kiki as a "pioneer" and "OG of the podcasting space," highlighting her multifaceted roles as producer, director, writer, and "podcast queen."

• Quote:
  Drea [02:08]: "Ms. Entrepreneur, a producer, director, writer, a podcast queen, the certified napper herself, Ms. Kiki Said So."

2. Evolution of Podcasting

Kiki shares her journey in podcasting, starting almost a decade ago with her show "Cocktails." Initially created to provide herself with hosting opportunities, the podcast evolved from discussing her tumultuous love life to a more structured format with a co-host since 2017.

• Quote:
  Kiki Said So [04:20]: "We just talk about our love lives, relationships, sex lives over drinks. It’s supposed to be funny and light."

Kiki contrasts the early days of podcasting—characterized by "winging it" and minimal direction—to today’s landscape, which demands polished visuals and content due to the rise of video platforms and clickbait-driven trends.

• Quote:
  Kiki Said So [06:30]: "It was before all of these platforms popped up... but I love what I do as far as hosting and producing."

3. Repeating Outfits and Fashion Pressures

A significant portion of the conversation delves into the pressures of maintaining a unique wardrobe for podcast recordings and social media presence. Kiki and Drea discuss the backlash they receive for repeating outfits, reflecting on societal expectations and personal preferences.

• Quote:
  Drea [11:01]: "Let me tell y’all how I messed up so bad... I got on my same little dress."

Kiki defends her choices, emphasizing comfort and practicality, while Lex P humorously acknowledges his tendency to wear the same athleisure outfits regularly.

• Quote:
  Lex P [12:09]: "I wear the same clothes. Now, if we talk about stepping out, that’s different."

4. Dating and Parental Guidance in the Black Community

The trio discusses the lack of open conversations about dating and sex within the Black community. They highlight how outdated parental advice, often centered around fear and protection, fails to equip young individuals for modern relationships.

• Quote:
  Lex P [19:15]: "Do you feel like your parents taught you how to date?"

Kiki shares her experience of absent paternal guidance, relying instead on materials like romance novels to understand relationships. Drea reflects on her mother's emphasis on independence, yearning for more balanced teachings about partnership and love.

• Quote:
  Drea [25:48]: "We need to teach about partnership, be open to love. We don’t teach that in the Black community at all."

5. Impact of Social Media and Cancel Culture

Kiki and Lex P explore how social media has influenced perceptions of relationships and fueled a culture of instant judgment and cancellation. They discuss the challenges of managing one's online persona and the repercussions of past tweets resurfacing.

• Quote:
  Drea [30:15]: "Remember that negative comments... It's like a cancer."

Lex P shares his strategy of deleting old tweets to avoid backlash, while Kiki emphasizes the importance of context and intent behind statements.

• Quote:
  Kiki Said So [56:58]: "And what you mean? And why are y’all digging up old tweets?"

6. Relationship Expectations and Standards

The conversation shifts to societal expectations in relationships, critiquing traditional gender roles and advocating for partnership over outdated norms. They use examples like the iconic trench coat gesture to illustrate changing dynamics.

• Quote:
  Lex P [35:30]: "Men used to work hard for women. Now men feel like they’re supposed to be the prize too."

Drea and Kiki express frustration over unrealistic expectations and the imbalance in how men and women are taught to approach relationships.

• Quote:
  Drea [36:30]: "Carry yourself and do it yourself. Balance is needed."

7. Navigating Content Creation and Public Image

Kiki and Lex P discuss their experiences as content creators dealing with public scrutiny, criticism, and the pressure to maintain a consistent image. They emphasize the importance of authenticity and resilience in the face of negativity.

• Quote:
  Lex P [77:10]: "How do y’all feel about being in this space with cancel culture? Do you ever feel pressure to not be yourself?"

Drea underscores the value of understanding different perspectives while advocating for open communication and personal boundaries to handle negative feedback.

• Quote:
  Drea [78:28]: "Don’t judge us by our... personal experiences. We have all been through something."

8. Favorite Music and Bops

The hosts transition to discussing their favorite music, highlighting memorable albums and tracks that resonate with them. Drea reminisces about The Dream’s "Love Hate" album, while Kiki introduces her upcoming project, the "Exo Man Podcast."

• Quote:
  Drea [102:50]: "You need to listen to the Love Hate album by The Dream. It’s a history made in 2007."

They also share personal anecdotes about recording music with friends, blending humor with genuine enthusiasm for their favorite artists.

• Quote:
  Lex P [105:58]: "But we’re just having a good time and being ourselves the whole time."

9. Conclusion and Upcoming Projects

In the closing segments, Kiki promotes her new show, "Exo Man Podcast," detailing its release schedule and encouraging listeners to support and engage with her additional projects. The hosts reiterate their commitment to fun, authenticity, and fostering a supportive community.

• Quote:
  Kiki Said So [116:02]: "I really hope that when you guys check out the new show that you really enjoy it and leave lots of comments, nice ones."

They end the episode with a light-hearted musical segment, showcasing their camaraderie and the entertaining dynamic that defines the Pour Minds Podcast.

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Notable Quotes:

• Drea [19:15]: "Do you feel like your parents taught you how to date?"
• Kiki Said So [04:20]: "We just talk about our love lives, relationships, sex lives over drinks."
• Lex P [35:30]: "Men used to work hard for women. Now men feel like they’re supposed to be the prize too."
• Drea [78:28]: "Don’t judge us by our... personal experiences."

Timestamp Highlights:

• 00:00 - 02:34: Introduction and setting the stage for Kiki's guest appearance.
• 03:11 - 07:05: Discussion on podcasting evolution and Kiki's role in the industry.
• 11:01 - 14:15: Fashion debates and the pressure of repeating outfits.
• 19:09 - 37:24: In-depth conversation on dating, parental guidance, and relationship standards.
• 56:00 - 91:58: Exploration of social media impact, cancel culture, and content creation challenges.
• 102:50 - End: Favorite music, upcoming projects, and concluding musical segment.

Conclusion: This episode of Pour Minds Podcast offers a rich, engaging dialogue covering a wide range of topics from dating in the Black community, the evolution of podcasting, fashion pressures, to the challenges of navigating social media and cancel culture. Featuring insightful and humorous exchanges between Drea, Lex P, and guest Kiki Said So, the episode provides both entertainment and valuable reflections for listeners navigating similar experiences.

Transcript

[Lex P]

This is an I heart podcast.

[Drea]

So I think it's circumstantial. So I think if it's the first time y' all had sex and he didn't make. Unfortunately, though, it is a body. It is a body. But, like, if, like, I'm having sex with my man and he before me, that didn't count. Give me some more. You see what I'm saying? So, like, if he said, oh, babe, we just had sex this morning. No, we didn't. I didn't. I didn't finish. But if it's like the first time, you can't say, oh, me and him never had sex like that.

[Kiki Said So]

Why not?

[Drea]

I mean, you can. Who was there to see it?

[Lex P]

Were you there?

[Kiki Said So]

You can say, unless it was a time where I had a third party witness, baby, I don't care what y' all said. There's no proof.

[Drea]

What's up, y'? All? It's your girl Lex P. And it's.

[Kiki Said So]

Your girl Dre and Nicole.

[Drea]

And you are tuned in to another episode of Poor Mind, where a drunk.

[Lex P]

Mind speaks sober thoughts.

[Drea]

We got a guest today. We got a guest today. So here's the deal.

[Lex P]

Having to do intros on episodes where we. With our friends. Cause I be like, this kinky. We could just have a ball. But they don't gotta be professional.

[Drea]

Yes. Cause I gotta get an intro. You know they love the intros. Let me get my girl. And they don't know me.

[Kiki Said So]

They know y'.

[Drea]

All.

[Kiki Said So]

Hello. I need some help, girl.

[Drea]

Everybody remote. What that man say? Shut up, girl.

[Kiki Said So]

Shut up.

[Drea]

Shut up, girl. Cause let me do it. What I do.

[Lex P]

Go ahead, Go ahead.

[Drea]

Thank you, K. Okay, so let me say this. First of all, this is our girl. Y' all know, we talk about her so much on the show. And this is one of. I really will say this. When it comes to black women in this space of podcasting, I can truly say she is a pioneer, an OG of the podcasting space. When I say, when I first met you, it was so inspirational to me. I learned so much from you. You know what I'm saying? So we gonna give her her flowers and give her her respect. Ms. Entrepreneur, a producer, director, writer, a podcast queen, the certified napper herself, Ms. Kiki said so.

[Kiki Said So]

That was so beautiful.

[Drea]

You know what I'm saying?

[Kiki Said So]

The way you hype me up. I'm ready to come out. And rappers, honey. Yes.

[Drea]

And you did have a track. Oh, I forgot. You did.

[Lex P]

You did have a song.

[Kiki Said So]

I did. What was my song?

[Drea]

Drip. And you ate Drip. Drip was a hit too. We need to. We're gonna put the link in the bio. It's a run up stream.

[Kiki Said So]

Add it to your.

[Drea]

Yes. So let me just say I think we can all speak for this. Like when we say like coming to work, especially when you have like guests and you gotta be professional, you have to and you know, you gotta turn it on. So one thing that I love, I love when we have these episodes of People who are friends in real life, it's like we finna have a ball.

[Lex P]

Yeah, that's what I see.

[Drea]

This is what Poor minds is about.

[Kiki Said So]

It's less pressure. You don't have to worry about pulling teeth with conversation. Yes. I love it too.

[Lex P]

We don't have to worry about if we gon have good kids, chemistry or mesh. You know, you already know the vibes.

[Drea]

Yeah, you know the vibes. So Keke, just for, you know, the younger. Cause we have a young crowd now. The girls be tuning in. So for the younger people, can you just tell us, you know about cocktails, give us a little history, you know, about who you are and Ms. Keke said so.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah. So cocktails, you're your discussions is a podcast that I started almost 10 years ago. And it was, it started off as just one, a way for me to create an opportunity for myself. I went to school, I had plans to be like on radio and television hosting and doing things like that. And I wasn't getting the opportunities I wanted. So I started the show and what better to talk about than my jacked up love life, right? And it was just like I was going on bad dates, I was in very crazy situations and a lot of times I was just in it for the plot. But you can't really say that in the moment. Anyway, fast forward. I come up with the idea to start a podcast after listening to the read.

[Drea]

Yes.

[Kiki Said So]

And I just kept going and kept going. I went through a few lineup changes and now I have a co host who has been with me since 2017. And we just talk about our love lives, relationships, sex lives over drinks. And it's just supposed to be funny and light. I mean sometimes we be crying and sometimes it's serious, but it's really just supposed to be look at the life that you live and the choices that you make and find a way to laugh at it. I was talking to everyone earlier. I was like, you know when people write in for advice because we do advice as well, it's kinda like, are they hoping for real advice? Like you need to seek better help, right? I'm cracking four minds, four mine. Uh huh. Because we are like making a lot of this and this is for entertainment. But sometimes every now and again I feel like people really do need help. And I have to remind myself that like people are tuned in and especially like anyone who found us or stuck with us through the pandemic. People don't be having friends in real life. They know for whatever reason. And sometimes it's those online connections you have. So when they seem like they might do something crazy, I'll go ahead and give real advice. But usually like it's just if you want to hear a funny response. And then I've been doing that since, well, it launched in 2016 and so here we are in 2025 and still going. And then on June 17, I was trying to remember the day. I have a new podcast called the Exo Man Podcast that is launching. I'm really excited about that one. That one is different. I am interviewing people and it's not gonna be so serious to where you won't be entertained, but it's definitely a more serious. No, I'm just Kiara Walker. Cause I mean business when I come in there and we need to get to the root of how they're feeling and what's going on. No more of the As a man you should. As a woman you should. I just want the black men to feel safe and open up. I got them crying and everything.

[Drea]

Oh, I love it.

[Kiki Said So]

And I can't wait. And some of them real fine, y' all just need. I mean, just watch a fine man crying.

[Lex P]

I'm tuned in, vulnerable.

[Kiki Said So]

I got you.

[Drea]

Woo, woo, woo. Go ahead, go ahead.

[Lex P]

So do you ever consider yourself now like a OG podcaster?

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah, and sometimes I just consider myself old mood.

[Drea]

I feel you on that, the way.

[Kiki Said So]

Those knees be cracking and stuff. But yes, I do feel like I'm an OG podcaster. I am so old with the podcasting. It's like before all of these platforms popped up, before everybody was rushing to do video and setting it up because we started off with just audio and the industry has changed a lot. But I love what I do as far as hosting. I love producing. I want to do more of that. I am really passionate about creating content and finding different ways to tell stories. I love it. But yeah, I'm old and I don't plan to go anywhere.

[Drea]

Yeah. And I think I know you have like a breath of fresh air because I know doing your show, like you said, you get to interview. So it's not. I don't gotta talk about me, my business.

[Kiki Said So]

That's probably my favorite part.

[Drea]

Oh, my God. Cause don't get it twisted, Poor minds is my shit.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Drea]

When I get to be on Lovelex P and I get to talk about y', all, it's different. I don't got to talk about me and what I got going on. So I know you just have, like, a breath of fresh air with that.

[Kiki Said So]

It is nice.

[Drea]

So kind of piggybacking off of what Draya said, too. Like, how do you feel about the podcasting game? When you first got into it versus now?

[Kiki Said So]

It was like being out in the wild, wild west. I was cowgirl Walker, if you will.

[Drea]

Okay.

[Kiki Said So]

Now, there wasn't a lot of direction. There weren't a ton of people trying to teach you, show you. It was just kind of winging it a lot of the ways. And fortunately for me, I had that background in broadcasting. I already knew how to do all of the editing. I knew about a lot of stuff from the jump. I needed to refine those skills, don't get me wrong. But I knew about it. It was different. I felt like it was less pressure. Yeah, less pressure is probably the biggest thing. You don't have people in the comments or leaving reviews telling you how to do what you do when they don't do it. And sometimes it's like, I know that people want to be helpful or whatever they feel. Maybe they just do feel like talking shit, you know, I get it. But you don't know. And so, like, just shut up sometimes. That wasn't a thing. And then, like, the pressure to look put together. I could roll out of bed. You wasn't gonna see me. You gonna see the same picture that I took a year ago, and that was just gonna be it. It's just different. And then I see a lot of, like, people regurgitating the same things over and over again and saying things and doing things for clickbait. That's the part I don't like. Yeah, yeah.

[Lex P]

Everything is for the clicks these days, for sure. And I agree with you 100%, because at one point, we were like that, too. Like, we always pretty much had the visual element, but at one point, we just didn't give a damn. Like, we just used to roll out of bed.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

And record.

[Drea]

Why? I mean, we did they know. They, like, maybe not you, but that we know.

[Lex P]

Lex, we know. Well, I will say, but even with me, like, I definitely. I feel like I never just rolled out of bed to record, but I definitely put way more effort in now, like, I used to be repeating. I was gonna wear the same shoes I was supposed to reass in a. I didn't give a damn. Who cares? Because we're sitting in my apartment recording. We just giving y' all the content. Now I feel like, you know, we have to pull up, we have to be polished, we have to have a cute outfit on. Hair got to be done, makeup got to be te. Everything has to be together because all of those elements matter when it comes to somebody clicking on the video, which is something where back in the day, like you said, that did not matter if the content was good and it was funny word of mouth. People hear about the. The podcast, they're gonna watch it. Now. All of these other things are a factor that, you know, didn't used to be a factor back then.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah, everybody gotta be a Of that.

[Drea]

Color looks really good on you. Thank you. And your hair, the style, I'm loving it. Damn.

[Lex P]

Thank you.

[Drea]

But I say that to say. Cause I just made a video on TikTok, and it kind of got a little traction because I was saying, let's bring back favorite outfits. Let's bring back repeating outfits. If I buy something, I wanna be able to wear it, you know, three, four times a month sometimes. Let me repeat myself. But no, I said that. And it was so many people in the comments, like, we never stopped. Why do you care? Why do you care? And I had to explain people because I'm not known in the TikTok world. I said, hey, I have a platform. Not on TikTok, but on YouTube. If I wear something too much, they're gonna be like, lex, you got that on again? Lex, what you got on? And I feel like, do y' all feel that pressure? Like. Cause I know me and you. Sometimes I will call Dre and I'll be like, dre, did I wear this already? Like, did I have that on already? So how do you feel about repeating outfits?

[Kiki Said So]

Oh, I'm gonna do it each and every time. I don't give a good guess.

[Drea]

On cocktails.

[Kiki Said So]

Yes, on cocktails. I'm wearing my favorite outfits now. Not multiple times a month. Cause it's a week.

[Drea]

Well, yeah, not a month.

[Kiki Said So]

But I am gonna repeat my outfit. I bought them. And I'm gonna wear it until these fashion nova scenes bust.

[Drea]

Okay, I'm not wearing it yet. And I'm not big. Sorry.

[Lex P]

I'm just about the seams king.

[Kiki Said So]

I mean, that's only gonna be about three times as fashion. Right, Right.

[Lex P]

I'm gonna go get a Few wears.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah, but that's a good thing about fast fashion is, like, when you and you do want to not wear the same thing. Sometimes I will try to mix it up or change my hair up, but I've been supposed to take these braids out. Yeah.

[Drea]

Ok.

[Kiki Said So]

So we're just gonna see. And I'm pretty sure I wore this on cocktails already, so. Hello again. But I do try a little bit. But if I'm repeating something, I'm repeating it. Usually the more casual fits. Yeah, that's my little. That's how I look.

[Lex P]

Okay, I'm gonna repeat a outfit. I don't give a damn.

[Drea]

Yeah, well, you don't repeat outfits. I do very.

[Lex P]

In real life. Yes, I do. Because I feel like on a. Because I feel like on a normal basis, I wear the same shit. Y' all are both of my friends. Y' all know if y' all hit me up and y' all like, oh, let's go to lunch, nine times out of 10, I'm gonna have on some athleisure.

[Drea]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

Yeah, I wear the same clothes. Now, if we talk about we stepping out, that's different.

[Drea]

I'm have on my same little dress. Bitch, you had that on last week. Shut up, girl.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah, I buzzed. I was mad this weekend because when I was packing, I went to Dallas and I really wanted to wear my favorite dress. And it's not from Fashion Nova, so I can get more wears out of it. I was like, God damn. Every time I go somewhere, I want to put on this same outfit. I've got to be stopped.

[Lex P]

Cause it's like, you look good in it.

[Drea]

Why not? It's flattering.

[Lex P]

And I feel like now that I've started investing in, like. Cause I still love fast fashion, don't get me wrong. But, like, I definitely have started investing in my wardrobe more over the past, I would say, two, three years. So certain outfits, like, yeah, this cost me a coup. You're gonna see it again.

[Drea]

Okay, let me tell y' all how.

[Lex P]

Spread or I'm gonna sell it.

[Drea]

Let me tell y' all how I messed up so bad. So when I recorded the last episode of Cocktails, when I did that with y', all, I was like, okay, this is way before tribal Queens was gonna drop. I'm safe. I'm good. But then, like, y' all waited a couple weeks to drop it. So I had on that same blue dress. They dropping travel queens clips with my orange hair. Cocktails dropping clips with my black hair. I got that same fuck ass blue dress on I remember the dress was cute.

[Lex P]

The dress. That's what I'm saying.

[Kiki Said So]

And you know what's funny? I almost bought that dress, and I was gonna wear it that day.

[Drea]

I got it all day.

[Kiki Said So]

Yes. But I'm glad my order didn't come in.

[Drea]

Listen, I got it in orange, too. I wore it on. We just did Bank Show. I wore it on bank show when I did it. So y' all gonna see it again. I'm tired. I am tired when I tell you I spend so much money just buying stuff. Cause I'm like, I don't wanna repeat this. I don't wanna repeat this. So I feel like, honestly, I'm about to start going back to the episodes from, like, 2023. What I had on. Bitch, it's about time I run that dress I had on with Crystal Renee. It's been about two years.

[Lex P]

Yeah, it's been a minute.

[Kiki Said So]

The recycle girls say we need to be doing that anyway. Cause we clogging up the oceans or something. I don't know. We doing something wrong. Cause these clothes don't degrade. It's just messing up there in the mother.

[Drea]

Little seal got on my little booty shorts. Mm.

[Kiki Said So]

It's just taking up space, girl.

[Drea]

Why?

[Lex P]

I don't know.

[Kiki Said So]

You saving the clothes.

[Lex P]

I don't know why my repeating clothes.

[Kiki Said So]

I was about to say the singer.

[Lex P]

She said a little seal.

[Kiki Said So]

Oh.

[Drea]

Ooh. I got on my booty shorts. Not.

[Kiki Said So]

Could you imagine somebody put that down.

[Lex P]

Put a picture of Seal with some booty shorts.

[Drea]

Cute.

[Kiki Said So]

But I used to love me some silver did.

[Drea]

Oh, that was space J.

[Lex P]

That was my mama's song.

[Kiki Said So]

That was a good one. And what was I singing about? Cause I had to be in, like, kindergarten or something. I was little.

[Lex P]

That's probably, like, y' all bitches is old.

[Drea]

Who the fuck is still right?

[Kiki Said So]

He got that seal. I know his face.

[Drea]

Shut up, girl. I'm finna try to tell you that all episode, she said, Jariah, please.

[Kiki Said So]

What? That's what they do. Who?

[Drea]

The fucking seal. Oh, my gosh. Okay, let me tell y' all something real quick. And then we gonna move on to the first topic, okay?

[Joseph Reeves]

Show me how good it could get today, God. And show the rest of the world what we already know. It can't get no better than being hella black, hella queer, and hella Christian. My name is Joseph Rees. I am the creator and host of Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian, a fully black, fully queer, fully human, fully divine podcast that explores society, culture, and the intersections of faith and identity. Listen to hella black, Hella queer, hella Christian to hear conversations about what it means to sound the way you look.

[Lex P]

I think what I've had to make peace with is that every iteration of my voice is given to me by God and I love it.

[Joseph Reeves]

Books that validated our identity.

[Lex P]

The library now for me is a safe space as someone who is writing books that they're trying to take off.

[Joseph Reeves]

Of shelves and how we as black queer folks relate to our Christianity. Listen to Hella black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Drea]

I went to the park the other day, right? Like, we had a little family day at the park. And I'm watching these men hoop. You know, men love to go to the park and hoop.

[Lex P]

They do.

[Drea]

They love to be like, yeah, you know, hoop dream. Yeah, I could have went to the league, but shit, I told my Achilles and shit didn't happen. Work out for me. Mind you, these the same niggas that want to be online talking about Angel Reese and how she came. Let me tell y', all, I saw y' all at the park. Y' all cannot hoop. You fucking stink. And these be the same people that get online and really feel like if they did a one on one with Angel Reese, they would beat her. I mean, they throwing up brick after brick after brick. I said, auntie, finna lace these shoes up and show you how it's done. It was so goddamn bad. I mean, I just think the audacity sometimes. And I don't wanna make this a man versus woman thing, but I think it's so crazy that some men really think that y' all could take a one on one with Angel Reese and win. After what I saw.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Drea]

You know what I'm saying? I'm talking about y' all n s that be playing at the rec and at the park. It wasn't given.

[Kiki Said So]

Not at the ymca Boys and girls club.

[Drea]

You know what I'm saying? You know, I was not impressed. Would y' all, like, get the ick if y' all went and seen your boo play at the park and he couldn't hoop?

[Kiki Said So]

Yes. Cause why am I even here?

[Drea]

I'm weak.

[Kiki Said So]

Why am I watching you play basketball?

[Drea]

Yes. And you can't do nothing.

[Kiki Said So]

And you can't even play. There's no snacks. You're supposed to take me to a basketball game.

[Drea]

You know what I'm saying?

[Kiki Said So]

Is there a snowball truck or snowball?

[Drea]

Guess what I Say, I love me an athletic man. I'm not saying you gotta be, you know, LeBron James, but if you going out there hoop, don't embarrass me.

[Kiki Said So]

Go have boy time. Go have your guys time. This is a guys night out or something.

[Drea]

Cause why is you missing a layup?

[Lex P]

Yeah, I will say, if you not good, don't invite me.

[Drea]

Don't invite me.

[Lex P]

Don't invite me. Because as soon as we get into it, I'm gonna be like, yeah, that's why your ass suck at basketball.

[Kiki Said So]

Move.

[Drea]

Move.

[Lex P]

You wasn't getting no motherfucking shots. You was right there. You couldn't even get the layers.

[Drea]

Free throw's looking like Shaq.

[Kiki Said So]

Mm.

[Drea]

Can't make nothing.

[Lex P]

As soon as we get into it, I'm gonna remind you, you actually follow.

[Drea]

The yellow brick road. Dorothy, get him outta here. You know what I'm saying? I get vicious and mean.

[Kiki Said So]

I see, I probably would have just got distracted and left. Cause it was gonna be boring.

[Drea]

Well, see, but that's what I was saying. But when he good and we get hoop. See, I turned into. Bring it on. Yeah.

[Kiki Said So]

I could be a cheerleader.

[Drea]

He's a G. Said, stop.

[Kiki Said So]

You know, I was a cheerleader back in the day.

[Lex P]

I could do that.

[Drea]

I forgot you was a cheerleader. You know what I'm saying?

[Kiki Said So]

Good time.

[Drea]

I love a good observation. So, yeah, man, y' all need to kind of hush on the Internet when it comes to the woman athletes. The female athletes and things like that. Cuz y' all not. You cannot get on a tennis court with Serena. It's not happening.

[Lex P]

Just hush, period. When it comes to women, that's what y' all need to do.

[Drea]

Shut up.

[Lex P]

We being honest.

[Drea]

Yep. Yep. That's what we gonna tell them. Shut up, girl.

[Lex P]

Cause you sounded like a girl.

[Kiki Said So]

Let's go.

[Lex P]

You talk about the girls, and you sounded like one, too.

[Drea]

Yay.

[Lex P]

Mind your business.

[Drea]

Mind your business. Okay, so y' all ready to get into the first topic?

[Kiki Said So]

Yes.

[Drea]

Look, we already deep in this thing. Y' all know we get the chatty. Go ahead, Dre.

[Lex P]

Okay, so for the first topic, I really want us to talk about, you know, did your. Do you feel like your parents taught you how to date? Because I feel like talking about dating in the black community with your parents was just so taboo. They used to make jokes. Well, I know my daddy. He used to make jokes when I was like, 10. Like, oh, you're not gonna date until you 21. You're not gonna date till you 25. You never gonna have a boyfriend. Like, it was always just such a taboo thing to talk about. Especially sex, too. Like, I feel like a lot of our parents didn't prepare us for having sex and getting out into the world and dealing with men. So do y' all feel like y' all parents prepared y' all for that, or was it even something that y' all talked about in y' all households?

[Kiki Said So]

Absolutely not.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Kiki Said So]

They did not prepare me for nothing. So my mama got pregnant with me when she was in college. So a lot of my conversations with her about dating, sex, relationships and all that was just don't get pregnant.

[Lex P]

Right, Right.

[Kiki Said So]

But she was always reading them freak nasty books in her book club, so I would read some of them too.

[Lex P]

So little Zayn book.

[Kiki Said So]

Zayn. She even liked the historical romance Beverly Jenkins. Yes. So I was reading all of that. I wanted the slavery sex and the present day sex. I'm happy to know how it was going down. I'm trying to see how they used to do it, get creative.

[Lex P]

You know, that silver ride.

[Kiki Said So]

And then when I got for real.

[Drea]

Life, it's for real life.

[Kiki Said So]

Okay. If your man been fighting freedom all day.

[Lex P]

What we said Pale, pale moon is.

[Drea]

What it's giving you Shot. Jah. It was funky in there.

[Kiki Said So]

And where is it?

[Drea]

That civil rights dick. That slavery dick.

[Lex P]

No shame. I was watching Sinners and sisters.

[Kiki Said So]

I was watching sinners again last night. Cause you can rent it at home now.

[Drea]

Ooh, I'm finna watch it as soon.

[Kiki Said So]

As I get home. And that scene where a girl had walked in and she was about to get her cootie cat 8. I said, I know it's funky in there. Talking about you. He wanted a taste. He just wanted a taste. You gonna get more than that. And you gonna be tasting it all night. It's gonna stain his nose, his upper lip, and everything else. A scent to remember. But yeah. So anyway, I'm getting away from things. It's a scent to remember. But I was reading the stuff and I was learning about sex from there. My dad, I think he still looks at me as a child, My actual dad, I can't go to him for advice about anything. And I wouldn't. Cause I think that he doesn't make good choices. He's very much like the young guys, and he's not young. And then my grandfather, he would try to instill in me to find a man of God and all of that. But I wasn't trying to hear that back then when I was younger, and it just sounded too grown. Too mature. And nobody was really having real conversations, just how to flirt or how to realize somebody likes you, like before it gets too serious. Even the introductory things. There were certain expectations that I had either been taught from movies or TV or just social things. And I'm forming my expectations from all these different things, but nobody is telling me how to really interact. It's certain things like money, conversations, stability. Do they have kids or not? You in high school, you in college, you don't want somebody with kids. You know, little things like that. But nobody is talking about how to handle things together. And fast forward to now. My mom is divorced, but I think her and my stepdaddy go together. So I don't know what's going on there. And I'm like, yeah, I do be doing a lot of things that I see you do. Like, just weird stuff and I didn't learn.

[Drea]

And you know what also I think is weird too, with our genera. Like, we always thought like, this was a scene on Bad Boys. If y' all remember, like when the boy comes and picks up the girl for prom and the dad is like at the door with a gun, you know what I'm saying? Like, I just think that's corny and it is. Cause to me it's like, yes, you wanna protect your daughter, but this is a moment to say, you know what, let me pull him to the side and have a real conversation. And you know what I'm saying, if he can speak, well, you know, see the things that are important rather than be like, oh, I'm gonna scare you. And like. But I know it's supposed to be a joke, but people start taking that stuff literal because on social media that was going viral a few years ago with like men in the background with a gun and their daughter in front of them with like their prom dress on, like.

[Kiki Said So]

And that is wild.

[Drea]

That's not the proper thing to do to like, we're not having conversations, we're just like, oh, be afraid of my daughter. Then on the other end, we're teaching the young boys, like, oh, yeah, you pull a woman you supposed to be fucking. You supposed to be. It's okay to be fucking. Like, no, it's not okay. Like, we never have healthy conversations about sex and things like that, right?

[Lex P]

Which is so crazy to me because, you know, you have that on one end. But then with little girls, if you wear short shorts or if you're wearing like a two piece swimsuit, people are over sexualizing you. If you're a little curvaceous or you're curvier than you should be for your age. And now you fast. Yeah, we get the stigma of being fast. But then they're out here telling the young boys to go fuck girls. To go girls and to go get it. So it's like, what are they supposed to be doing?

[Drea]

It doesn't make sense at all.

[Kiki Said So]

Or that, like, okay, boys are supposed to get experience, and you're supposed to do this, and girls are supposed to maintain their virtue. So who y' all supposed to be experiencing? Who y' all supposed to experience? I would like to know.

[Drea]

It's a complete unbalance. But I think that unbalance shows in our generation. With our dating now, like, it's so apparent that we do not know how to date anymore because our parents. I'm not gonna lie, like, when it comes to my mom, like, my mom was married. My dad passed away when I was very young. So growing up, my mom was just always like, you don't need a man. Be independent. Do this on your own. But if you do have a man, make sure he sets you up. Which nothing is wrong with that. But her independence was so forefront. It was just like, my mom didn't have no tolerance for bullshit, which is not a bad thing. But I do believe, I wish that my mom would have dated more and been more out there and given herself and, you know what I'm saying, And had that experience of finding love again. But she was so closed off to it. Cause she's like, nope, nope, this is it. You know, I had my husband, that was me. And I'm just like. So I never really saw my mom really, truly being in love. You know what I mean? So I think with that, I don't want to say don't teach women how to be independent, but I think as much as we need to, hey, nobody's coming to save you. But also, we need to teach about partnership, be open to love. We don't teach that in the black community at all.

[Kiki Said So]

You know, I was talking to my mom about that because I have a brother who's 23. And just looking at how I'm the oldest, looking at how I was brought up as a girl versus him, I would think it would be flip flopped. All of the talk about being independent, being on your stuff, it's like being the oldest daughter, that's pressure. Because you have to do everything first. Your parents are figuring it out first. And I'm not mad at them. They're not gentle parents, but it's a gentler form of parenting. They're giving him more room to figure out what he wants to do. And he still ain't got it figured out, but we just gonna keep him on the prayer list. It's just so much softer. But I was like, When I was 23, I was living here in Atlanta, trying to figure it out. I had already gone to college. I did everything the right way and thinking that that was right. And I guess they learned that you don't always need to do it that way, but it's just like, it's very different. I also think that instead of teaching the women to be so independent, we just need more balance, like you said. And something I had asked a lot of the men on xo, man, I asked them the ones with children, and I asked them about what they're teaching their sons about love and relationships and dating and all of that. And what were you taught? A lot of them weren't taught at all, like, what we're saying. They're like our age and older. And then some of them are teaching their kids certain things, and then others don't have them yet. So they're trying to figure it out. But yeah, it's like, y' all gotta talk to them about that. Some of them are still avoidant. And, yeah, I asked my brother, like, where are you getting your advice from? Cause you're making bad decisions. And he's like, well, I don't know. It's a bunch of. I don't know why everybody don't know. And it's 5011 of us. Yeah, please call me more.

[Drea]

But that was such a good example that you said, because they're teaching us to be independent and provide for ourself and do that. But they don't teach the little boys that. It's always, oh, give him grace, girl. He trying to. Oh, he don't gotta.

[Kiki Said So]

He's gonna figure it out. You can figure it out. Make sure no girl is using you. But then you telling me he ain't gonna goddamn. And I'm like, you, ma', am, are the problem.

[Lex P]

I think it's the Internet too, though. Cause I think even if you wanna be somebody that wants to. To really fall in love and you want to be a lover boy or a lover girl, you have all of these podcasts and all of this information on the Internet that's making you be like, okay, well, like, I don't know, cuz I don't want to get played. Maybe I need to protect myself. Maybe I do need to be a player. Maybe I do need to date Multiple women instead of just settling down with one person. Cuz I am young, so I feel like a lot of the time it's all of this propaganda that's being put out as well that's affecting the youth. And I feel like we didn't have that. Cause on the end day I was young, I was dumb as hell.

[Kiki Said So]

I was still be dumb sometimes.

[Drea]

Dumb as hell. But I also, I wasn't worried about.

[Lex P]

No nigga playing me.

[Drea]

Yeah, I'm getting played.

[Lex P]

I'm playing.

[Drea]

I was just having fun. We was all playing. Yeah, I do agree. Cause I think that sometimes like I'm gonna just use y'.

[Kiki Said So]

All.

[Drea]

For example, like if I'm a consumer and I'm listening to a Dre or I'm listening to a Keke, I need to listen to what y' all are saying from yalls experience. But I also need to understand that my life is my experience.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Drea]

So I can't say what Dre is saying. Hey, you know what? I'mma be outside. He played me. But maybe I do have a good man. I do have this situation that it could work out for me. You know what I'm saying? So I think a lot of times when we see people on social media, take what I always say, Lex P went through that, so you ain't got to go through that. But also take my experiences lightly though. Yeah, your situation could be completely different. Because at the end of the day I always say I do wanna be married, I do wanna have kids. Like that's what I want for myself. So I think you do need to look at your goals and what you want in life and not only surround yourself with people with the same likeness, but also do things that are conducive to getting there. If you really want to be somebody's husband and you really want to be somebody's wife, I don't think you need to be watching red pill content or content of people being like, leave em. Don't do this. That's not conducive to what you're trying to get at. You know what I'm saying?

[Lex P]

But how do you escape it?

[Drea]

Cause I feel like you open up a book, you get off.

[Kiki Said So]

They also can't read. It's something else I discovered. Or do simple math.

[Drea]

Simple math, you know what I'm saying? Tune into practice, you're going to be whooping they ass. Okay. You know what I'm saying?

[Kiki Said So]

They don't know phonics, so they can't sound it out if it wasn't on their Sight word flashcards, y', all, we are doomed. We gonna be working forever.

[Drea]

You know what?

[Kiki Said So]

Saying I'm. Yeah.

[Drea]

So I think sometimes you do have to. I enjoy a lot of people's content, but I enjoy the content and I log off.

[Kiki Said So]

And I also think that people need to remember, no matter how a show presents itself, everybody's here for entertainment. This is not pbs, okay? This is not you can. It's infotainment. So when anybody speaks on their dating experience, nobody is giving you a full documentary of their lives. You're only gonna get bits and pieces. So remember the things that we can laugh about now, we're talking about them and we can make a joke or whatever, but you, you got to stop taking everybody's things that you see on the Internet, especially when you don't even watch the whole show as like fact or like, this is how it always is. Sometimes people are just playing. If you read more books, you start catching on to jokes.

[Drea]

Go ahead.

[Lex P]

No, I was just gonna say. And I think it's just very interesting because when you look at other cultures, they teach their daughters how to date, who to date, like where to find the men, what you should be looking for in a partner, what you should be looking for in a man. We're just not taught those things.

[Drea]

Yeah, they don't, we don't talk about it because.

[Lex P]

And it's okay for them to look to men as a form of financial security too. Like, whereas with us, we're looked at as gold diggers because we want a man that's financially stable.

[Drea]

And then they, they raise their, their boys to be providers. Like, this is what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to be a leader. You're supposed to take care of the household. And I'm not a person who really believes in gender norms like that necessarily. But I do believe in partnership. So whatever works for their culture, they're teaching partnership. And that's something I do believe in. Like. Cause honestly, I'm not gonna lie, as I've gotten older, I'm like, okay, I don't wanna be a woman. I don't wanna be a stay at home mom. I wanna be a boss. I wanna be a provider as well for my household. Like, there are certain goals, I'm reaching on my own. But imagine if I had somebody who was equally yoked. Imagine the shit that we could do together, you know what I'm saying? So I say, because I think so. Like, this is an extreme example, but like, look at Jay Z and Beyonce. Do you think they're talking about 50.

[Lex P]

50.

[Drea]

No, they're not. Because it's. It's beyond that. And I think a lot of times we have to think beyond that. But we're sitting here talking about, if you going to send a man a drink or not or who paying a.

[Joseph Reeves]

Rent, show me how good it could get today, God, and show the rest of the world what we already know it can't get. No better than being hella black, hella queer and hella Christian. My name is Joseph Reeves. I am the creator and host of Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian, a fully black, fully queer, fully human, fully divine podcast that explores society, culture, and the intersections of faith and identity. Listen to Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian to hear conversations about what it means to sound the. The way you look.

[Lex P]

I think what I've had to make peace with is that every iteration of my voice is given to me by God and I love it.

[Joseph Reeves]

Books that validated our identity.

[Lex P]

The library now for me is a safe space as someone who is writing books that they're trying to take off.

[Joseph Reeves]

Of shelves and how we as black, queer folks relate to our Christianity. Listen to Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Drea]

What are we talking about?

[Kiki Said So]

Why do you think that we seem to do that? Do you think it's like fear based and it's like you teach your daughter to be independent and not to look to anybody, but if you are going to have somebody, they need to come with this because you don't want them to be taking care of somebody else because maybe you seen your friends or your mother do that for somebody or do you feel like people get caught up in looking at numbers and like, okay, there's so many women and not enough men and having this fear that the black men don't want us anymore or that there's just simply not enough or you're gonna have to do something else?

[Drea]

Yeah.

[Kiki Said So]

Why do y' all think that that continues to be how it is?

[Lex P]

I know what it is. For me, it's just the sense of, bitch, I'm not leaving here with nothing. I might get played, but at least I'm leaving here with something.

[Kiki Said So]

No, I mean with teaching your child something thing.

[Lex P]

What do you mean?

[Kiki Said So]

Like, like, like how we were talking about parents teaching their children how to date. Why do you think that we teach the women one way and the boys another and give us different. Yeah. Giving people different expectations. But I do get leaving here with something.

[Lex P]

Yeah, I want to leave here with something. But also, I just think America in general is rooted in misogyny. So that's why I feel like for generations and generations, literally since the beginning of time, women were taught that, like, oh, you have to present a certain way to get chosen. But the problem is back in the day, men used to work hard for women. Men used to work hard for women. I've seen something the other day. I think it was from Lavelle. We had him on the show recently. He was doing a stand up comedy tour or whatever and he was basically saying, like, back in the day, men used to be very chivalry. They used to work hard for the women. Like, okay, it's a puddle of water right here. Let me throw my coat down. Let me throw my trench coat down.

[Drea]

So you can walk over it.

[Lex P]

Men have lost that these days. Like, I feel like back in the day, women were the prize. Now men feel like they supposed to be the prize too. But again, I think America is just rooted in misogyny and it's just been passed on from generation to generation.

[Drea]

So I do agree with that because in the same breath, because, you know, like, men used to do all that, but now we're in a generation to where they have taught us so much to be independent. If a man do try to throw his trench coat down, I got my own trench coat, ho ass nigga. Cause I'm a provider and I can do it for myself.

[Kiki Said So]

Not me, baby.

[Drea]

I don't wanna know. I know, but I. Trench code. No, I'm not saying y' all are like that. But they teach us, don't let that man put his trench coat down. Because then he gonna feel like you owe him some pussy and this and that. So do it yourself. They teach us to do it ourselves and don't. But I'm saying that's where society is now. So that's where the conflict comes from. You know what I'm saying? Men feel like, well, I don't want to do that. Cause one, a lot of you niggas can't afford a trench coat. But that's another topic. But if he can, we want to throw the tree.

[Lex P]

I go to a thrift store, you.

[Drea]

Know what I'm saying?

[Lex P]

But thrifting ain't the expensive day.

[Drea]

But I'm just saying, like the women we were taught specifically, that's how my mom taught me, don't do it yourself.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Drea]

You know what I'm saying? Like, carry yourself and do it yourself.

[Kiki Said So]

But Never say to do it myself. Except for, like, working. She was like, make sure you have your own. She was always teaching me about an exit. In hindsight, I know why she did that. I knew what was going on in her life. But at the time, she's like, you just never want to be so dependent that you find yourself stuck. But she is very much. She's like, that's man's work. She don't want to take out no trash. She don't want to fix nothing. She don't want to read instructions. When she orders something on Amazon to put it together, she will literally wait for somebody to come do it. It's just different. One thing I think the men have done successfully, and I wish we, as women could do it. They're able to switch things, these things up. Like how you were talking about how they used to be so chivalrous. They are able to come together and form. Yes. And they just. They stick to it.

[Drea]

We are not women. We are not. I'm cooking, I'm cleaning. Well, I'm not, and I'm not. And that.

[Kiki Said So]

And then we want to fight with each other instead of being like, okay, girl, you can be on the cooking squad, and I'll be on this squad, you know? Well, I would be on the cooking squad.

[Lex P]

But, yeah, I mean. And I feel like a lot of the time, us as women, as a generation, as a whole, we be failing to realize, like, we. The reason why the. Is like that. Now, the standards. Yeah, the standards are not the same as they used to be because like Kiki said, we can never stick on to one side. So it's like some of us is over here tired as hell, and we like, y'. All. Y' all ain't doing enough. I'm not with you. I'm not giving you no pussy. I'm not going on no dates with y'.

[Drea]

All.

[Lex P]

I'm not responding. Going into no DMs, I'm not entertaining nothing. And then you got the women over there that's still like, well, shit, I need my coochie scratch.

[Kiki Said So]

And then that's gonna be me. So they gonna leave and come over here. And she's like, whoa, baby, somebody's gotta rub this thing on out, you know? Yeah.

[Lex P]

Or we're not on one accord.

[Kiki Said So]

It has to be that. But it's like, if I do that and you do that, we don't have to talk about each other. Girl, you just do it up. I'm gonna stay. If we're holding it down over here, you hold it down over there.

[Drea]

Do what you gonna do.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah, I don't know what that is, but, yeah, I've noticed that even a couple of times I've asked the guy, so what do you think about guys who do this? And they be all of them. Well, I think that's a little sassy to be gossiping about what another man is doing. I don't like to speak on another man, but we those bitches be over there doing. And I will say that.

[Drea]

And I think it goes back to how we are raised. Because, you know, you grew up in a two parent household. Parents are married. Like your dad showed you what a man is supposed to do.

[Lex P]

I grew up.

[Drea]

Like I said, my dad passed away. My mom didn't bring men around. I knew one man that my mom dated my entire life. When my mom passed away and we was at her memorial, a man showed up. He said, yeah, I used to date your mom. Who is you?

[Lex P]

Where did you come from?

[Drea]

Where did you come from? So it was shocking to me.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Drea]

So growing up, it was very much giving. Like I said, your experience. Is your dad teaching you? No. A man is supposed to do that. A man. But on my end, it was, no, do it yourself. Pick up yourself and get it yourself. You know what I'm saying? So that's where a lot of the back, the. The disagreement in our community comes from.

[Lex P]

And I hear that from a lot of women, you know, that I have conversations with that didn't grow up with a male present in a household. Sometimes I think that that's the difference. Because, for example, with me, I don't never. I have never really just felt pressured by men to do anything because I'd be feeling like, if you making me feel pressured, I'm gonna walk away. The. You're weird. Because certain things to me are just the bare minimum. Like a man being nice to you, a man taking you on a date, a man courting you properly, a man treating you with respect. That's the bare minimum. That's what you're supposed to do. Like, my dad raised me with the standard to feel like if a man can't do more for you than what you're doing for yourself, why are you dealing with him?

[Kiki Said So]

I did get that lesson.

[Drea]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Kiki Said So]

Now, my dad didn't really teach me anything, but my mom was married to my stepdad forever and they got back together. Well, he didn't. He gonna be mad when he did. What y' all be calling him? Professor. Professor Ogley.

[Lex P]

Cause he do look like Professor Ogley.

[Kiki Said So]

He does.

[Drea]

We do call him Professor. Professor Ogley.

[Kiki Said So]

But I didn't really learn anything from dating from him. But my stepdad did teach me a lot. And my grandfather. That's who I started. That's who I always think of, like, my default dad that I think of as my grandfather. And he did teach me a lot of things about how a man is supposed to treat a woman just by being that example. Not a ton of conversation about it, but truly leading by example and making sure that he was always thinking about his family and that he was a man of his word and things like that. And those are things that I would look for, and they don't be doing that. That's why I like being single.

[Drea]

And I think that's where that's been the hardest thing for me. Like, I'll say hello, just kind of letting my guard down and letting the men be. Cause I'd be like, you know what? I'll just do it myself. Get out of my way. Get out of my way. And then I get the ick. I get turned off, and then you're gone.

[Lex P]

So I feel like you really like that.

[Drea]

I feel like we're going out based on casual dating.

[Lex P]

Yeah, But I was just gonna say, like, based off of the three of us being friends, I feel like you're the nicest one.

[Drea]

No, I'm extremely nice.

[Lex P]

You're so nice. And I feel like you're very soft and, like, womanly. Like, I wouldn't look at you and be like, oh, she be stiff on niggas.

[Drea]

No, it's not that I'm stiff on n. But I will say that's something that I learned. Like this, like, my last situation I've been in, if you told my ex what I do for the man I'm with now, he'd be like, you're lying. No, she doesn't. She's very much like, okay, forget it. I'm gonna handle it, and I'm gonna do it. This is something that I've just now learned through just learning how to step back and let a man be a man. In my past situations, it was very much like, oh, I'm not asking him for nothing. I'm not doing. I'mma handle it. Cause let me show him that I am deeply.

[Lex P]

That is true.

[Drea]

I was very. Now I'm a lot softer now in this situation, because I'm just like, okay, this is what I want to do with my life. And this is more conducive to what I want. You know what I'm Saying, but this is something that's still hard for me. Very hard, because I'm just like, let me put my trench coat down. Can I cut myself?

[Lex P]

Can I ask y' all this, though? Cause I think that was a really good point that you made. Because now that you said that, I do. When we were younger, you were that way. Why do you feel like women are like that? Like, they're so afraid to ask a man for certain things or ask a man for what they want or what they deem valuable in the relationship. But men are straight up going to ask us for what they want. They going to ask you for some. They going to ask you if they want you to cook. They going to ask you if they want you to go pick something up for them, Whatever it is. You know what I mean? They're going to ask you for what they want. Why us as women are we so afraid to let a man know what it is that we want? If we're not happy in a relationship, is it fear of being lonely or the man walking away? Or, like, you know, what is it for y'?

[Kiki Said So]

All? For me, it's a fear of disappointment. And, like, either not getting what I want is one option, but the other, which is worse to me, because I'd rather you just tell me no or whatever the response is gonna be. If it's not gonna happen, I don't want you to tell me that you will, and then you won't. Then it's gonna send me down a Mariah Carey wall sliding shower experience where I'm just like, okay, what are all the signs that I miss now? I gotta let him go. I'm sad. I will let him go. But I'm sad about this. I'm wondering, like, why did I waste my time all these things, questioning myself about, what is it about me? I didn't like it. I have become more comfortable in my older, wiser years to share what it is that I want. And if it's not that, like, okay, but you won't get what you want, right?

[Drea]

Yeah. And I, too, think that it's from societal pressures. We get online and a girl be like, oh, if you can't get this out your nigga, you not that girl. You just not that girl. And sometimes when you ask a man for something and he doesn't give you what you want, it's not that you're not that girl. That's just not your person. Or he just cheats. No, but let me say this. Some niggas just be.

[Lex P]

It ain't Even about being a person, some niggas just can't beat him.

[Drea]

But what I'm saying is if a man doesn't want to do something for you, that too. But what I'm saying is that has no testament to who as a woman, you know what I'm saying? A lot of times a woman be like, okay, well, I asked him this and he didn't do it. Maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm not pretty enough. And we blame it on ourselves. So a lot of times women don't ask men for they want out of that fear of rejection. Cause I will say that when you.

[Lex P]

Already giving him some pussy, it's.

[Drea]

I mean, that's what I'm saying, child. But that's why I say it's the fear of rejection. Cause we don't. Cause we always. When you get online, what they say, oh, no, is not in my love language. If a man tells me no. If a nigga tell you no, he don't like you.

[Kiki Said So]

And I am so tired of the made up love languages too, y'. All. Some of that stuff y' all be saying is not a. There are five. There is a book with a. Y' all need to read the book. Y' all ain't read nothing. People need to talk about all these random things.

[Drea]

Birkin bags is my love language.

[Kiki Said So]

What the hell is that?

[Drea]

Shut up, girl.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah, and it's not just about what you get. It is how you show it. But anyway, that's conversation for me.

[Lex P]

I'm a childish show. And people bring out different versions of their selves depending on who they're dating. Like, one person could get a whole completely different version of you than another person.

[Kiki Said So]

Person.

[Lex P]

Depending on how y' all vibing and if that's your person or not. I just think it's childish, though, when women try to put theirselves against other women based off of, like, things. I think that's where the yeah. Made up love language has come from. Absolutely, cuz I feel like it makes some girls feel, like, superior.

[Drea]

Yeah. Cuz they be thinking, oh, this man paid my rent. And your man don't pay your rent. Oh my gosh, I could never. But maybe her man loves her. And that man paying your rent is like a penny in a bucket to him.

[Lex P]

I look at it like maybe he can't pay. Like everybody is. Everybody's situation is not the same. Right, Right. So sometimes, like, yeah, one girl, her man might be paying her rent because he can't afford to.

[Drea]

Right.

[Lex P]

This girl's man May not be able to afford to do that. That doesn't mean that he doesn't love her.

[Kiki Said So]

Exactly.

[Lex P]

It's just that he can't afford to do it.

[Kiki Said So]

And if it's your rent, why you can't pay it? That's what I would like to know, sis, what's going on? Because we need to talk about that at some point. Why?

[Drea]

Y' all ain't got no money.

[Kiki Said So]

We gotta have some accountability. What's going on?

[Lex P]

What's going on?

[Drea]

Talk about it.

[Kiki Said So]

Because it's like, we can demand things from everybody else, right? And a tough lesson that I had to learn for myself, right? It's like, okay, you want somebody to treat you a certain way, but do you even treat yourself that way? And if you think that you do, how do you do that? You say that you care about yourself with the way you eat, the way that you act, your habits. You're not taking care of yourself. You're not doing a lot of the things that you want to do. You don't have to spell that out for somebody. They can see it, they can smell it. They know what it is. So it's like when you not really tuned in and doing what's best for you, other people notice that. Why would you ever expect anybody to treat you better than you treat you?

[Lex P]

That's just crazy.

[Kiki Said So]

And so to your rent every now and again, you know, things happen. Totally understand, right? So if you fall on hard times, but, like, the expectation that somebody that's a bit entitled, that's a lot.

[Lex P]

It is expecting that. Like, we've had conversations when we were younger, and it was people that I used to, like, work in the clubs with girls I used to be cool with when I was younger. They used to have the expectation up on meeting someone on the first date. Oh, you need to pay my rent. Like, I think it's different if you get in a relationship and that's what your man wants to do for you, if he wants to help alleviate some of your stress. Sometimes with y' all have a real connection. Connection. And y' all have a real rapport that's completely different. But meeting somebody on the first date and having that be an expectation, it is. It's like where your money is. If you didn't meet him, was he gonna get paid?

[Drea]

I don't know.

[Joseph Reeves]

Show me how good it could get today, God. And show the rest of the world what we already know. It can't get no better than being hella black, hella queer, and hella Christian. My name is Joseph Rees. I am the creator and host of Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian, a fully black, fully queer, fully human, fully divine podcast that explores society, culture, and the intersections of faith and identity. Listen to Hella Black, hello Queer, hello, Christian. To hear conversations about what it means to sound the way you look.

[Lex P]

I think what I've had to make peace with is that every iteration of my voice is giving me by God, and I love it.

[Joseph Reeves]

Books that validated our identity.

[Lex P]

The library now for me is a safe space as someone who is writing books that they're trying to take off.

[Joseph Reeves]

Of shelves and how we as black queer folks relate to our Christianity. Listen to Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Kiki Said So]

That's a mess.

[Lex P]

You might have heard me, and it pays right? Me and my sister.

[Kiki Said So]

Nothing wrong with paying rent.

[Drea]

Now, Dre, her rent getting paid regardless. Cause she's a hustler. She got that bag. She got that check on her.

[Lex P]

I mean, and me and my man are in love. That's another thing, too. Like, I mean, it's. You know what I mean? I think that it. That stuff matters. Like, if you're in a relationship, like.

[Kiki Said So]

Do you see a future with this person?

[Lex P]

Or are you gonna try to get.

[Kiki Said So]

And if you're just gonna be trying to get things, stop doing it to men who are working. Y' all need to go find those scammers. A lot of them have already been deported. Now, back in my day when I was fresh and hot in these Atlanta streets, a lot of girls had those expectations because they was running them tax scams. The Africans was running them tax scams. I had me one, and a few other people had some, too.

[Lex P]

Okay.

[Kiki Said So]

You know, and so they are no longer in the country. I be seeing them post in Kenya, which is some of the.

[Drea]

Not only that they desperate. They texting. You talking about.

[Kiki Said So]

No, I said they're posting the zebras and giraffes. Cause they done got sent back to Kenya.

[Lex P]

That's what they'll buy.

[Drea]

Well, maybe that, too. That, too.

[Kiki Said So]

Maybe.

[Drea]

But I'm saying.

[Kiki Said So]

But people are, I think, also like, dealing with somebody who is scamming for money. They are stealing.

[Lex P]

They are.

[Kiki Said So]

Dealing with them is a lot different from dealing with somebody who is earning their money. No matter how they go about. Well, it does matter if they are truly earning their money and not stealing it in some shape, form, or fashion. That's different. Like, they work for that. They earn that. You just Want to blow through it. It. I think they done really cleared house on all of them a few times. I was hoping they was going to be able to get back.

[Drea]

Is not hitting them.

[Kiki Said So]

Ain't nothing. They don't want to accept cards. Nowhere in America do I go. Except for Atlanta, where you walk into somewhere and they got signs up about no cash app cards, no gift cards, no this, no that. I'm like, y' all have accept dry.

[Drea]

They don't even accept Amex in some places, cuz, you know, Amex don't.

[Kiki Said So]

The clubs don't want to take Amex. I learned that one time back. What was that club I love? Oh, Aroma. Rip to Aroma.

[Lex P]

It's Rip to Aroma.

[Kiki Said So]

Them jerk wings had a time up in there. Okay. But anyway, yeah, the clubs don't take it. Cause it's very easy to dispute. Y' all gotta stop scamming.

[Drea]

Stop the scamming. All right, Ty, what we drinking today? Okay. I love that top.

[Lex P]

Thank you.

[Drea]

Very cute.

[Lex P]

You girls are so tropical.

[Drea]

We are.

[Lex P]

And even the cocktail is a little bit tropical, too. So this one we're gonna call the XO Man. All right. We have some reposado tequila. We have some Campari, some lemon juice. And then we have Simonan stone fruit syrup. And then we garnished it with a beautiful orchid. So everyone has, like, a different flower. I think I tried to match the outfits a little bit better. And so this is the XO man in tribute to Keke's new show that is dropping. And I want to just take the time to personally thank Keke, because without.

[Drea]

Keke, I wouldn't even be here.

[Kiki Said So]

I was just about to say and shout out to you. Hu.

[Lex P]

Real hu. In the village.

[Kiki Said So]

Okay.

[Drea]

Tell us a story.

[Lex P]

She knows it better than me. I actually just learned it a month or so ago when we did the Travel Queens premiere.

[Kiki Said So]

So I can't remember if it was you, Lex, or you, Drea, but we. Me and Ty have a friend, Domino.

[Lex P]

Shout out to Domino.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah, shout out to Domino. He's a chef. He has some sauce. Sauce Spas. Anyway, we were talking one day and we ran into each other at homecoming. Talking, talking, talking. And at the time, we had a girl who was making drinks on our show. And he was like, if you ever need somebody else, I know a girl. This is my homegirl, Ty. She's really, really good. So I was like, okay, well, we were still using that other girl. And we didn't know she was gonna quit, but we were still using that other girl. And then we Were talking.

[Drea]

It was me.

[Kiki Said So]

It was you. And I was like, oh, I know somebody. My friend Domino had actually told me, I'll connect y'. All. And so, yeah, it was from that. And I was like. I was telling her. I was like, you know, it's better that it worked out that way. Cause I love this setup for you. It's been great watching it.

[Drea]

They love Ty down, baby.

[Kiki Said So]

Yes, they do love Ty.

[Drea]

If there's an episode without Ty, where is Ty?

[Lex P]

She is a part of the Poor Minds crew.

[Drea]

I mean, they like his. Ty is on the couch.

[Kiki Said So]

She's here. She.

[Drea]

Right now.

[Lex P]

They want to know Ty life's story.

[Drea]

They want Tati. Bet they do.

[Kiki Said So]

She like, I'm just making.

[Drea]

So how long have you been with us now? Now?

[Lex P]

Two and a half years, I think was a December 2023.

[Drea]

Yes. That is crazy. It was like.

[Lex P]

It was when we first moved to.

[Drea]

This studio, and it wasn't like, oh, we tried you out. Then the three months went up, was like, okay, let's try somebody. I was like, stop. Yeah.

[Lex P]

And then crazy, too. Cause full circle moment. Kiki and Medina were the first guests that we had when we moved to this studio.

[Drea]

It was echoing.

[Kiki Said So]

I didn't have voice. I was hoarse.

[Lex P]

But.

[Kiki Said So]

But you know what? It's come a long way. He looks very cute. And I love recommending other people. I don't like trying to keep everybody from me in my back pocket if I see an opportunity or even a better opportunity sometimes, you know, when people recommend you for stuff, you just never know what could happen. So anytime somebody's like, oh, I know somebody can do this, I try my best to put them in the best place. Even if I would rather use them and say, okay, I know something is better. It's gonna be better. I like to do that. I think it's important. Okay, Shout out to the Kiki connection facts, because she. Right.

[Lex P]

It would not be a tie on poor Mines if it was not for Keke recommending her.

[Drea]

Yeah, I totally forgot about that.

[Lex P]

Okay, I got you right here.

[Kiki Said So]

It does. And it also pays to speak up about different things that you want to do.

[Drea]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Kiki Said So]

Because you never know who's listening, who's watching. And it's like, oh, I didn't know you wanted to do that. I got you.

[Drea]

Did you ever think that you would kind of be in this kind of situation, though, like, doing bartending on or not tv, but you know what I mean? I wanted my own show.

[Lex P]

It's literally on my past vision boards, like the podcast Setup and all of this stuff. I had a title and everything, but I just. It takes so much commitment to have different topics, all of that. So that is where I just. It didn't click for me. So that's why I say everything aligns perfectly. Because for that opportunity to even come up a year after I did that vision board, it just shows that you just to want walk in your purpose and everything's gonna come to you as necessary. So you have to manifest it.

[Kiki Said So]

It's feeling like a big Bravo clubhouse.

[Lex P]

It's feeling the vibe.

[Drea]

All right, to our second topic. We wanna talk about content creator experiences. Okay. Because a lot of time, you know, before content creators were well known or some content creators now are considered celebrities, we were regular people. We used to say crazy things, have crazy moments, have a breakdown. Calling people names, doing things.

[Kiki Said So]

I used to love to get drunk and get on the Internet.

[Lex P]

I used to love to talk about people on Twitter.

[Drea]

A popular moment. And I don't mean to bring it up, because I love you, girl, but I gotta use you for an example. When SZA had her big, big break was when she came out on Rihanna's album Anti, and she had a song on there. People started digging up her old tweets and she was like dissing Rihanna. And SZA replied in response to that, was like, hey, do y' all realize during that time I was jealous of her because I wanted to be her? I felt like she had all the things that I wanted. And instead of just giving her her flowers, it came out in hate. And she was like, so I'll take that. But, you know, I was just talking shit. Who knew that I was gonna end up in a studio with Rihanna? So do y' all think that we should be held at, like, a higher standard for our old tweets? Or should people just be understanding like, hey, they used to be human. No. Or it's not used to be. We're still humans.

[Kiki Said So]

I think it depends on what the tweet is.

[Drea]

Okay.

[Kiki Said So]

Talking shit about Rihanna is one thing, but other things that can be, like, deeply rooted in real hate. Like racist things and stuff. Some stuff you're not coming back. At least for me.

[Drea]

Yeah.

[Kiki Said So]

There are certain things I think that we can grow, we can be immature, we can do all kind of things. Sometimes you're just talking shit cause you feel like it. Sometimes it's fun to get those words off your chest, you know? And I don't think that we should be held to a higher standard. But I also don't think we really get to choose. It's really up to everyone else. People do, but I think that it's not very productive. And what's the point? What you mean? And why are y' all digging up old tweets?

[Drea]

That's what I feel.

[Kiki Said So]

I want to know who's on the digging committee.

[Lex P]

People be having too much time on their hands. It done been times where, like. Like, I've had tweets that have went viral. I remember, okay, one time I had tweeted something about loving black men and, like, only wanting to be with a black man. And this is, like, what's wrong with that? But this was, like, maybe like a year ago, I guess, when I was, like, younger. Maybe, like, six years ago, I had tweeted this. My last Negro relationship.

[Kiki Said So]

Why can't we look at tweets and laughs sometimes, you know?

[Lex P]

But.

[Drea]

But it's so funny.

[Lex P]

That is funny because, mind you, I'm tweeting about, like, black love and, like, loving black men, and then somebody goes and they finds this tweet, and they like, this you.

[Kiki Said So]

Yes.

[Lex P]

And I'm like, yeah. I mean. Cause to be honest, this is my last Negro relationship. I still feel that way. However, black love is beautiful, but. But for me, this is my last Negro relationship. So I just. Just feel like sometimes people have to look at other people as humans. Like, you used to tweet a lot of crazy, too, when you were probably 23 and 24, but the spotlight is not on you. Nobody is digging up your old tweets. I agree with you when you said if it's something racist or if it's certain things, political views, all of that, nine times out of 10, yeah, I probably can't turn a blind eye to that because you probably still feel that way. You just more quiet about it now. But when it comes to, like, talking about celebrities or saying and shit about how people dress or, I don't know, just young, dumb shit, we were all. It's trivial. We were all doing it. I used to be tweeting about how Drake couldn't dress back in the day. I did now.

[Drea]

Drake said now why am I in it, shawty?

[Lex P]

I did. I used to be like Drake. So fine. But, like, why he be wearing them big T shirts all the time?

[Drea]

It was the style.

[Kiki Said So]

He was wearing them big T shirts, like nightgowns. He was.

[Drea]

He was.

[Lex P]

And I. I've since deleted all the tweets, but.

[Kiki Said So]

And that's a shame she even had to do that.

[Lex P]

But I feel like we're in a position now. You have to. And I feel like you're being oblivious if you don't go back and delete a lot of your old stuff. If you have a Twitter that's more than, like, 5, 6, 10 years old, you need to. I did a whole sweet girl. I searched every celebrity name I could think of and deleted everything because I just don't have time for it. We've seen it happen too many times.

[Drea]

Well, there was an incident recently where a man, he was murdered by his girlfriend, and everybody was like, oh, my gosh. Cause he was black and she was white. This happened in Georgia. And everybody was like, oh, my gosh, she needs to be arrested. Jail her up. Till they started digging up his old tweets. Right? And this is what I have to ask y'. All.

[Kiki Said So]

This is like that one in Miami, huh? Yes.

[Drea]

The same one with the OnlyFans model. So they digging up old tweets of this man. He's like, oh, I wouldn't piss on a black woman. I wouldn't. I would rather burn in hell than hold a black woman's hand calling us monkeys and everything under the sun. Everybody's like, oh, you on your own. Rest in. They said, literally, rest in preference.

[Kiki Said So]

You know, that was clever. I like that.

[Drea]

I didn't say it now. I didn't say it, and I'm gonna.

[Kiki Said So]

Stand on it, because that was funny.

[Drea]

But I will say so in the same breath. We're saying, don't judge us by our.

[Kiki Said So]

Well, I already said racism is not racism.

[Lex P]

Clues adore.

[Kiki Said So]

You know, we feel strong about that. Now, wait a minute.

[Lex P]

I don't play that.

[Drea]

So I do think that it's a line, like you said. I agree with you. If it's something about, like, you talking about Drake shoes or, you know, like, if somebody tweeted something old about me, like, oh, Lex, wigs was crunchy. They was. You didn't tell a lie.

[Lex P]

What about if somebody had, like.

[Drea]

But if you talking about, oh, my gosh, Lex looks like a monkey with big lips. Hold on now. That's a different area. That is. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

[Kiki Said So]

I would just be very afraid if the DMs were unleashed. All the group chats, all of the things that I send in private.

[Drea]

Drea, I was looking at messages the other day. So y' all know what I do now, right? This is what y' all need to do. Every month, I delete my DMs with my friends just in case I get hacked.

[Kiki Said So]

Oh, but I like to go hacked.

[Lex P]

See, the Funny, Drea. Me too.

[Kiki Said So]

I have to let it go. Yeah, we get hacked.

[Drea]

In fact, we're fucking cooked.

[Kiki Said So]

Me, too, bitch. And I didn't even.

[Drea]

Barbecue rib, bitch. We out of there.

[Lex P]

Well, because me and you, I feel like all of us, though, to be honest, the three of us.

[Kiki Said So]

Oh, really? We don't take nothing.

[Drea]

Be you and Tiffany's group chat.

[Lex P]

One of the unsetties.

[Kiki Said So]

Wait a minute. Me and my mama's group chat? Cause she gets unleashed in public.

[Lex P]

Yeah, she do our group chat that.

[Drea]

I'm in with your mom. Well, you know, she goes in.

[Kiki Said So]

She does.

[Lex P]

She.

[Drea]

Ma is a. She goes in, so. Yes. Well, maybe not. I'm not gonna lie. I don't do it every month, but, like, every. Like, I probably do it, like, three out of me and Kelly.

[Kiki Said So]

Now, see how you exaggerate that from a month to six.

[Drea]

I lie. Why can you Till she be lying.

[Kiki Said So]

Is this on the calendar due to.

[Drea]

Like, every six months? Probably, like, twice a year. I do delete.

[Kiki Said So]

So every now and again.

[Drea]

Every now and again. Cause I had a while where I kept getting locked out of my account.

[Kiki Said So]

Oh.

[Drea]

And I was like, somebody is trying to hack my shit. Me and Dre, we already get canceled every other day as it is. Mm.

[Kiki Said So]

I be seeing it somethin. I'm like, dang, what they do now.

[Joseph Reeves]

Show me how good it can get today, God. And show the rest of the world what we already know. It can't get. No better than being hella black, hella queer, and hella Christian. My name is Joseph Reeves. I am the creator and host of Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian, a fully black, fully queer, fully human, fully divine podcast that explores society, culture, and the intersection of faith and identity. Listen to Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian to hear conversations about what it means to sound the way you look.

[Lex P]

I think what I've had to make peace with is that every iteration of my voice is given to me by God, and I love it.

[Joseph Reeves]

Books that validated our identity.

[Lex P]

The library now, for me is a safe space as someone who is writing books that they're trying to take off.

[Joseph Reeves]

Of shelves and how we as black queer folks relate to our Christianity. Listen to Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Kiki Said So]

Girl, you can't take a joke.

[Lex P]

Sometimes we just be existing to be honest.

[Drea]

Sometimes. Let me tell y' all what. It happens like this. Let me tell y' all what.

[Lex P]

But I feel like maybe because you Know us, you be knowing it's a joke. Other people be taking the things we say at face value, and they be so offended.

[Kiki Said So]

That's why they gotta.

[Drea]

That's not what I said the other day. I literally tweeted, oh, Cardi, did your big one. Always let him post you before you post him.

[Kiki Said So]

I seen that all over the Internet.

[Drea]

Oh. They was like, everybody's, you're 40. Chimp chatter. You dirty. They said, chimp chatter.

[Kiki Said So]

What the hell is that?

[Drea]

They called me a monkey.

[Lex P]

They said, that's racist.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

That is racy chimp chatter. They said, chimp chatter is crazy.

[Drea]

They said, you are a dirty slut, just like Cardi. I said, well, I'm in good comfort.

[Kiki Said So]

Cause they was having a ball on that boat.

[Drea]

But, I mean, it was. I mean, Am I almost 40? Yes, I am. But I was just. We're just having a conversation. I'm commenting on something because at the end of the day, I'm a woman first. And we have all witnessed what this woman has been going through for years. So. Yes. Do I know anything about her man that she's with now? No. They be like, oh, but he ho. He got kids. He got newborns. All I want is women to have a good time and get out of a rut that they in. That's what I'm clapping for. She's having a good time. It's hard, and he's looking good, and he fun as hell. Let the girl have fun. Who cares?

[Lex P]

He is.

[Drea]

Who says she's gonna go off and get married tomorrow? That's not what we saying.

[Kiki Said So]

Nobody said that.

[Drea]

Nobody ever let the girl.

[Lex P]

And we not rooting for that either.

[Drea]

You know what I'm saying? But it's like when we try to show girl power. I got called. They said, chip chatter.

[Kiki Said So]

That was so nasty.

[Lex P]

And so that was very mean. That was very fussy.

[Drea]

Chimp.

[Lex P]

But that's why we were talking about earlier. I had to take like, I deactivated my Twitter because I just feel like.

[Drea]

I did, too, after you told me that. And I caught. Literally, you told me, and you went.

[Lex P]

Viral, and they was on your ass.

[Drea]

I'm at chimp.

[Lex P]

Yup.

[Drea]

Cause Dre is usually the villain. So I was like, oh, well, I'm good. But the funny thing is, I don't.

[Lex P]

Even be being a villain. I just be tweeting my thoughts, and people get offended. And a lot of the time, it's not even directed personally towards other people. It's just my opinion. But I feel like, because I'm the messenger people just be like, oh, this stupid ass bitch.

[Kiki Said So]

Yes.

[Lex P]

She thinks she's above us all.

[Kiki Said So]

The last thing I saw with you where they was done with your ass was the watch thing. I made sure I took my Apple watch off and put it into my bag and put my other watch all on. Yeah, but guess what? But it was crazy.

[Lex P]

You ain't got it on with that dress.

[Kiki Said So]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah.

[Lex P]

Both of y' all changing the world.

[Drea]

All three of us. All three. All three of us.

[Lex P]

We made off proper jewelry.

[Kiki Said So]

I do get it, because I saw a wedding photo, A bridesmaid. A bridemaid, as Nene would say. And she had. She didn't even put the decorative band on. She just had that black band on. And I said, well, this looks very thick and gym esque at a wedding. And you have on a gown with this rubber band on your wrist, like. Like, I don't know, sometimes. Yeah, you weren't wrong.

[Drea]

It's just a message I saved the.

[Lex P]

Girls, and they don't even know they need saving. And they be getting mad at me.

[Kiki Said So]

They do.

[Lex P]

And it's like, fine, don't take my.

[Drea]

Advice and wearing it white. Somebody is.

[Lex P]

I mean, with your ball gown.

[Drea]

I searched poor mine's the other day too, and I always retweet the positive comments, but it was some girl who was like, I can't believe poor minds has gotten so popular. Y' all love listening to dumb bitches. And I was like, damn.

[Lex P]

But then it also be like, well, who else should have got popular? You? Probably not.

[Drea]

But again, poor minds, we have fun. What's wrong with black women having fun? This is not meant to be like anything deep, intellectual. Can we have a good time?

[Kiki Said So]

It's in the comedy category. God damn it, Liar.

[Drea]

Oh, we right next to Adam Sandler.

[Lex P]

We really are, though.

[Drea]

No, I wasn't being fooled. No, I know this.

[Lex P]

I know I be shaking, right?

[Drea]

We are Theo Vaughn.

[Lex P]

We are. And that's what I'm saying. And that's why we. What?

[Drea]

Top 60.

[Lex P]

Oh, every week. Exactly. Top 60 comedy podcasts. Apple podcast. But I'm just saying, like, I think if anything, that's why people get so upset, because we've had such a good time and we've been ourselves the whole time. And they like, I can't believe these bitches made it this far.

[Drea]

How dare you. And I laugh.

[Lex P]

Bitch.

[Drea]

Bitch. How dare you laugh. What Nikki said broke. People should never laugh.

[Kiki Said So]

Damn.

[Drea]

Black women should never laugh. That's how they feel.

[Lex P]

And they Be mad at us. Cause we ain't broke no more.

[Drea]

And we still laugh, laughing. Bro, when I tell you, I thought y' all was with me when I got rid of my $3 n, they was with me.

[Lex P]

When it became visible that she didn't.

[Kiki Said So]

Have free, it was like, now, wait a minute, wait a minute, hold on. She ain't lying.

[Drea]

I said, God damn, I thought we was upgrading together.

[Lex P]

But why y' all think that black people. I'm not even going to say black people. Let's just say minorities. Cuz I don't want to pinpoint black people.

[Drea]

No, it's definitely not black people.

[Lex P]

But, like, why do y' all think minorities are like that as a whole? Like, we're rooting for people until they make it or until they start doing something significant. It's like, yeah, them my girls I'm fucking, they so fucking funny. And then as soon as you make it to that point, they're like.

[Drea]

Cause you said it earlier. Because a lot of times people feel like it should have been them.

[Kiki Said So]

It's almost like they trick themselves into thinking that they're good people because, oh, well, I'll let you do this with me. I'll bring you along for this because I'm in a better position. But when those tables turn, which they usually do, they don't like it. Energy shifts. Now they're jealous. And now they're questioning, why are you and not them nitpicking every little thing you do? I think it's something that is really and truly internalized. And it has nothing to do with whoever they're talking about. It's really them.

[Lex P]

They ain't even that funny.

[Drea]

And I'll say this, I don't think. Okay, well, turn it.

[Lex P]

Don't laugh.

[Drea]

From my personal experience, I don't think it's like a minority thing. I think that's more of, like a character flaw. Cause I'll say this.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah, I agree.

[Drea]

90% of our audience is black, right? So, of course, 90. My critique, 90% of the time is gonna come from black people and black women. So it's not them. Because I realized that when we did the Australian thing with them, it was some people in the comments, like, why she so loud? Cause, bitch, I'm loud. That's just who I am. I can't help it. That's who I am. So I think it's more of a character thing. Like, if you don't like somebody, don't tune in, don't comment. Cause I will say I don't like when People try to pinpoint, oh, black people. We only do this to each other. It's really not that. Because if your audience is 90, 95% black, that's where your critique is gonna come from.

[Kiki Said So]

Now, I don't really interact with a whole lot of others across the board, like in any aspect of my life. I'll just be honest. I do like a lot of British comedies and things like that when I'm watching it on the telly, but outside of that, I don't know. So I only see stuff really online and they be doing it a lot. I don't know if I could say one is more than the other. I don't know. I don't know why we are so hard on each other, though. I do think it is basically rooted in jealousy though. Even if they don't really feel like it, or just trying to validate themselves by putting somebody else down. I hate when people feel like they have to do that or even when somebody is paying you a compliment, but instead of just paying you the compliment, they give someone else a dig or they make a dig at something you had done before. Oh, this is so much better than that. Instead of just saying, you look nice today. I don't know what that's about. It's just like. It's a weird, mean, girlish kind of thing. But the boys do it too.

[Drea]

Draya. But let me ask you this though. When you hit your global status with views and everything you wanna do right, who do you think is gonna hate on you more? Black people or white people?

[Lex P]

To be honest, black people.

[Drea]

I disagree wholeheartedly.

[Kiki Said So]

You think so?

[Drea]

I know so.

[Lex P]

What do you think, Keith?

[Kiki Said So]

I was gonna say black people too. Why do.

[Lex P]

Yeah, why do you say no?

[Drea]

I say no because I think a lot of like white women, they cannot stand to see some, especially a black woman, be ahead of them. I think when all the think pieces start and this and that around things that you do is gonna come from white women.

[Lex P]

I think that that happens a lot in the United States, though. I think when you travel more and you go places outside of here, it's not really like that. I think that black women, we be our own biggest enemies a lot of the time. We always against each other instead of trying to come together. Because I think we look at a lot of things like it's a competition, which if we really gonna get deep about it, I think it stems way back from slavery, the Jim Crow laws. All of these things are reasons why as black women, we look at each other as competition. And we just can't be happy for one another because it's like your success means my downfall, when in reality that's not what it means. We can all come together and do things collectively, but it's like, even with us, like. And I'm sure Kiki, because I was going to ask Kiki too. I'm sure she deals with this well. I know you deal with the same things. I've seen y' all comments too. People are always putting us against each other as black women. Me and you are doing something together. Kiki and Medina are doing something together. But people can't help but try to put us against each other. And it's like you said, 95% of our audience are black women. So guess who it is in the comments. That's black women. I can't speak to what white women are gonna do when that's not our audience yet.

[Drea]

I guess I'm.

[Lex P]

I'll talk about it when I get there, but I guess because I see. I'll chat with y' all when I get there, right?

[Drea]

I guess because I see it like, just like, for an example, like, we can talk about, like, the things that are going on with, like, big, big celebrities. But like I said, a lot of times when I'm scrolling, I be ending up on the side of TikTok. I know I'm not supposed to be on, but it be a lot of times I be seeing what white people be so bold on there.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Drea]

So bold on there. And like I said, I feel like when it comes to Beyonce showed it with Cowboy Carter, them white women showed they ass. Beyonce's biggest hater is white women, period.

[Lex P]

You feel like it's. I mean, I don't know. That's why I feel like I say figure because I know a lot of black people personally that have no reason to think that Beyonce doesn't deserve all of the, like, praise that she gets. But they're still like, I think she overrated.

[Kiki Said So]

And that's somebody you cannot trust.

[Lex P]

And that's somebody you can't trust.

[Kiki Said So]

Me, That's a character flaw right there.

[Lex P]

Other than the fact that everybody else loves her. So it's like. Well, let me just say I feel like she overrated. I don't really feel like she that great. I was having a conversation with one of my elders. I won't say who. Somebody in my family. And they were just like, you know, Beyonce. But I just. She don't give me that feeling that Aretha Franklin and Patti LaBelle and Anita Baker. Those were Singers, like, I'm not saying that she can't sing, but I'm just saying, like, she's not on their level. And she don't make me feel like that deep down in my soul the way that they used to make me feel when they came out with albums.

[Kiki Said So]

What were they feeling? Sorrow.

[Drea]

Well, I don't think that's hate. I think that's just an opinion.

[Lex P]

Staying with that weak ass verse is.

[Drea]

Somebody saying, this is not country. She does not deserve this. She sucks. They didn't say she sucks. They just said, I don't get that same feeling. So it's a difference between critiquing somebody and having an opinion and just flat out being a hater and being mean.

[Lex P]

Just because I would like for black women to be our allies because we all black. I would love that. However, not the allies.

[Kiki Said So]

You and I. I would love for.

[Lex P]

Us to be allies, but. Cause we're all black. But at the end of the day, like, I just feel like hate be coming from everybody. It goes back to what y' all were saying earlier, which I think y' all both made a really good point. It's more of a character flaw.

[Drea]

Yeah, yeah. Than a race thing.

[Kiki Said So]

It's definitely something internal. I hate that we feel like there can only be one, even. Like, whether people are pitting y' all against each other or like, it's like, oh, well, Keke, how do you feel about poor minds doing this? I feel great. Those are my friends. I am so proud you of. What else would I feel? Do you think I'm supposed to feel like I should be doing what they do? We're different people. It is in people. And whether they think it or they want you to think it, I don't know what it is. But we've got to collectively get out of this mindset that there can only be one or two or three. There's not room for more people. The Internet is big. It's not going anywhere. I hope. And there's room for everybody just to do so many things. Do you only buy one lip gloss? Do you only watch one show? Do you only wear one outfit?

[Drea]

Cause I don't only buy one brand of can of beans.

[Kiki Said So]

Yes, I'm talking to you.

[Drea]

I like a variety.

[Kiki Said So]

What beans you like?

[Lex P]

You know sometimes that you buying cans already, Let me know. You ain't even a real bean connoisseur.

[Drea]

See, that's why. Cause you didn't even let me finish.

[Lex P]

The bag of beans. So that's why not for the baked beans.

[Kiki Said So]

Take all Day.

[Drea]

I didn't let me finish.

[Lex P]

You right?

[Drea]

I said it depends on if I'm doing like a red beans and rice. Bagged beans. If I'm doing a baked beans, can of beans, you need a variety.

[Lex P]

Anybody that's making baked beans with bagged beans, you are too deep in the game for me.

[Drea]

You're nuts.

[Kiki Said So]

You gotta be 87.

[Drea]

You a real saying, we like a variety of things.

[Lex P]

You know what I'm saying?

[Drea]

Saying certain things for certain situations.

[Lex P]

Well, I do have a question though. How do y' all feel about being in this space that we're in and everybody with the cancel culture? Do you ever feel pressure to make sure, like versus back in the day when you first started doing cocktails, you could speak more freely now. Do you ever feel the pressures to where you feel like you can't be yourself because you can't really say what's on your mind all the time out of fear of being canceled?

[Drea]

Ooh.

[Kiki Said So]

Sometimes. Or having like some sort of backlash for sharing my opinion. Cause when I share it on something that I consider light, people be real mad. It's like, imagine if I really let something out. Or like, you know, you might have a slip of the tongue and say something not exactly how you mean it and it get misconstrued. I've been working at communicating better, but. But you know, one day at a time. Y' all still don't know what words mean, so that can be difficult. But it's hard. And it's like, okay, you want to make sure that you get your point across, make sure that you deliver and you're talking. But then it's like, eh, I probably shouldn't say that cause they gonna be too mad.

[Drea]

But I think people also don't consider people's experiences. Like, I feel this way because I've been through something, so how can you cancel me or take that away from me? This is what my experience is.

[Kiki Said So]

It ain't even always my.

[Drea]

If a woman sits on a platform and says, I hate men, all men are bad. And they're like, oh my gosh, this stupid girl's gonna leave. Y' all don't know what she's been through in her experience with men. Y' all don't know what her dad, her uncle, her brothers, or any experience with men that she's had. So you have to understand where people are coming from. So I think we're coming from in a society now. A closed minded point of view. I don't agree with her. Cancel it.

[Lex P]

I think people want you to lie, though. Cause I think I've said this before on the show. Show, like, people have said, like, they'll be like, oh, I feel like Drea acts like she's perfect and she hasn't been through anything versus Lex. I feel like, you know, she tries to understand different people's perspective, which is fair. I do feel like you try to understand different people's perspective.

[Joseph Reeves]

Show me how good it could get today, God, and show the rest of the world what we already know. It can't get. No better than being hella black, hella queer, and hella crazy Christian. My name is Joseph Rees. I am the creator and host of Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian, a fully black, fully queer, fully human, fully divine podcast that explores society, culture, and the intersections of faith and identity. Listen to hello Black, hello, Queer, hello, Christian. To hear conversations about what it means to sound the way you look.

[Lex P]

I think what I've had to make peace with is that every iteration of my voice is given to me by God, and I love it.

[Joseph Reeves]

Books that validated our identity.

[Lex P]

The library now for me is a safe space as someone who is writing books that they're trying to take off.

[Joseph Reeves]

Of shelves and how we as black queer folks relate to our Christianity. Listen to Hella Black, hella Queer, Hella Christian on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Lex P]

With me. It's not that I haven't tried to understand the perspective. I just ain't been through that. Yeah, so what do you want me to speak to? Do you want me to lie and be like, oh, yeah, I've been through that to make you feel better when I haven't.

[Drea]

So I don't think they expect you to lie. I guess what they mean so more is like, hypothetically. I guess what I try to do is like, let me try to put myself in their shoes and see why and understand why they did that. Sometimes I feel like you don't have.

[Lex P]

In their shoes, though. I said, sometimes I feel like, but sometimes I have.

[Drea]

So. And this might be a little bit extreme, but, like, if, like, somebody says, oh, I lived under a bridge. Have I lived under a bridge? Absolutely not. But maybe I can understand their circumstances that got them there. Because I try to take myself out of Lex P's shoes and look, okay, what went on? What is there? So I don't think necessarily is, oh, I've been through that. Cause I haven't been through a lot of shit. But I guess I just try to be understanding just because I have been through some things that people are like, how the fuck did you get there? You know? So I don't think it's necessarily. But some. That's the beauty of life. Everybody's brain works different. I don't want people to think like me. I don't want. I think that's what brings interest to the show too. Why would y' all want two people who sit here talking about exactly the whole time?

[Kiki Said So]

That's boring.

[Drea]

I agree.

[Kiki Said So]

I agree. I try to look in all aspects of my life, put myself in somebody else's shoes, try to understand how they get there. Sometimes I really just be confused because, bitch, how did you get here? How? There are so many things you could have done. Like, if you said, have I slept under a bridge? Yes. I would have been like, now, Lex, you know, there's a few things you could have did before we got to this point.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Kiki Said So]

But I do try to understand.

[Lex P]

That's where I be.

[Drea]

Yeah. That's how she.

[Lex P]

Mitchell bridge.

[Kiki Said So]

Mm. I would've sold a few things.

[Drea]

Cause sometimes that's how I be.

[Lex P]

I'd be like, well, she always playing devil's advocate.

[Drea]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kiki Said So]

And that is difficult. But. But it's also, like, I think we all across the board, the listeners and the hosts, we gotta be okay with people just not liking it. I wish that some people who don't like it would just go away.

[Drea]

Shut up.

[Kiki Said So]

You know, and shut up. But it's like, hey, this is my opinion. This is my take. And if you don't like it, if you feel away about it, that's okay. This isn't for you. The sooner we all realize that everything ain't for everybody, the better. But it is hard. And then, like, even when it comes to thinking about people wanting to cancel you based on your opinion or how you treat stuff, I just really feel like people be slow because sometimes I think that they read too deep into things. I think that they don't understand. They're not paying attention. I don't know what's happening, but something upstairs is not clicking.

[Drea]

I think that's the beauty of conversation. That's the beauty of humans, that we don't think. Like, I'm not gonna cancel somebody because they don't think the same way as me. How ignorant is that, for sure? That's how you learn. That's how you understand people, and that's how you have the skill of conversation. A lot of times people get mad because when people come sit on this couch, they're like, oh, well, Dre, And Lex should have fought back. I am not here to change your way of thinking. I am here to just listen to you talk and be like, oh, you think this way. I think this way. This is not. I'm not here to, like, educate somebody. Poor minds is not here for that.

[Lex P]

And whole time, I don't even be caring how nobody think. That's just your thing.

[Drea]

Exactly.

[Kiki Said So]

I was gonna ask y', all, have y' all ever said something and as soon as it came out of your mouth, you kind of had a little regret whether it was you misspoke and you knew that it didn't come out like you meant it and you thought you might offend somebody that you didn't intend to. Yeah.

[Drea]

Oh, absolutely.

[Lex P]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Drea]

There's been some.

[Kiki Said So]

Did people say something about it or. We cut that out.

[Lex P]

Well, at this point, yeah, we just be cutting shit out.

[Drea]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

Cause right after I say it, if I know I said something, I like, oh, let me text Shay right now. Time stamp.

[Kiki Said So]

I be saying something. So it pops up in the trans. Cut this.

[Lex P]

Cut this out. Make sure I do.

[Drea]

So.

[Lex P]

Yeah. But when we were younger, for sure. Because, you know, back then, we didn't have the luxury of having people editing our videos and stuff like that, so we would just upload stuff. And I don't think, even back then, I knew that you could cut YouTube videos once they were up.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

So I remember we had a specific video and we had said something about, like, the LGBTQ community or whatever. We ended up having to get it cut.

[Drea]

Cut out.

[Kiki Said So]

Y' all was talking spicy.

[Lex P]

Well, it wasn't that we were talking spicy. We said improper term. An improper term.

[Drea]

And there was. Oh, go ahead.

[Lex P]

I'm sorry. No.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

And I was just going to say we had somebody on the show who is part of the LGBTQ community, and they were just like, yeah, y' all need to take that out if y' all can. Cause we sent him the episode and he was like, yeah, y' all need to take that out.

[Drea]

It was a story I told, too. Um, shout out to Jerome.

[Lex P]

I knew it was him.

[Drea]

I knew. Baby Jerome. Can I say.

[Lex P]

I say Jerome name, But Jerome do be.

[Drea]

No. Jerome, but. Cause one thing I love about him is, like, he's not here to cancel us.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah.

[Drea]

He's here to educate us. And I think that's how everybody should be. Instead of calling somebody ignorant and saying, you want to cancel them, educate them on why.

[Kiki Said So]

But if they are ignorant. Yeah, educate them. Because maybe people are ignorant when it comes to things like that. Like the terms and stuff and using the words. For me, it's important to use the right words.

[Drea]

Yes.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Kiki Said So]

That is how I feel. So when I learn something, I want to use the words. Because to me, it's like it's nothing to give somebody respect by calling them the name that they are asking to be called. It is very simple. I don't like when people mispronounce my name, Kiara. They'll say other things and it's just like, yeah. And it's like, I done told you my name, Drea. What does it cost you to do that? I don't care how you feel about it.

[Lex P]

People call me Drea. Drea. He be kicking me the fuck.

[Drea]

Burn my soul off. And you know what's crazy? I know y' all gonna talk about me in the comments. I get people's name wrong, and I'm not kidding. I fuck people's name wrong.

[Lex P]

You said it earlier.

[Drea]

I'm bad. I can't help it. I'll be country. I'm stupid, I'm slow. I'm a little. When I see a name, I say it how I see. You know what I'm saying?

[Kiki Said So]

But when they correct you, yeah, but.

[Drea]

I'm telling people, no. I be wanting people to correct me. Correct me. I be like, ooh, I be trying, y'.

[Kiki Said So]

All.

[Drea]

I really be trying. I promise.

[Kiki Said So]

Honest mistake. I'm okay if somebody says something to me to let me know. But when y' all just don't like it. Cause we got a difference of opinion. Well, girl, I don't like what you had to say or what you did either. Because there are some things I feel very strongly about. And I will block you.

[Drea]

Yeah.

[Kiki Said So]

And I won't talk to you. I don't care who you are. Are.

[Lex P]

But you know what? It be like, I don't even know what you did, cuz I didn't know that you was here. Actually.

[Drea]

Even if people, you know, I'm tired.

[Lex P]

Of, like, they be so irritated. Cuz if you have such a strong opinion, go start your own platform.

[Drea]

It can't.

[Kiki Said So]

I just think maybe they did and you just.

[Lex P]

Maybe they did and we don't know about it. Exactly. So that's what I'm saying. Like, sometimes I just be feeling like when it comes to people, you just don't have to be. Versus spewing negativity.

[Drea]

And I'm not gonna lie. That's why I always say I think poor minds. We have reached a space where, like, sometimes people will tune in. Like some. It's gonna Be people that tune in today that are here for Keke. Like, I hate poor minds, but I love Keke. I'm support. But I think that's why I be having a ball over at Love Lex P. Cause they know what Lex P is. They know I'm loud. They know I'm messy. I don't have to hear that because I saw a TikTok today of this girl, and she was making fun of Keke Palmer. Cause she was like, the gag. Yes. The gag is Keke is so loud. She's so this. She's so that. It's like, why are people. Girls with a lot of personality people. If you get on. If we get on your nerves so bad, just don't watch. Stop trying to make girls with big personalities dim their lights or tell them to shut up. It's very rude. It's not nice. I think we need to think of a name for that. You know, they got fat, phobic, homophobic personality. Phobic. Let me be loud in peace.

[Kiki Said So]

Or maybe it's just sensitive ears.

[Drea]

You know what I'm saying?

[Lex P]

Maybe that, too. Maybe that just be. You know?

[Drea]

But don't listen. If you were listening to Keke Palmer and you don't like loud people, why the fuck are you tuned in?

[Kiki Said So]

Or turn the volume down? I like Kiki. I agree she is loud, but I like her.

[Drea]

That's what I'm.

[Kiki Said So]

Literally. And I think it's just.

[Drea]

She has a.

[Kiki Said So]

So I listen to her on a lower volume, some of the other ones, and it's great. My ears be hurting. You are loud, you know, But I would just turn it down. Turn it down.

[Drea]

Y' all know. Y' all know what the fuck going on, Bitch, I'm loud. I got to scream. I got to get my pointed. Same thing with Wendy. Wendy is loud.

[Kiki Said So]

I miss Wendy.

[Drea]

That's what I'm saying. Stop. She was loud. Love people for who they are. And if you're not a fan of them, please just stop. Stop talking about. Cause I hate when people say, I love you, Lex, but I love you Draya.

[Kiki Said So]

But.

[Lex P]

But hoes can keep their butts when it come to me.

[Drea]

That's what I'm saying. Leave me alone. Stop trying to change people.

[Lex P]

You don't even got to say nothing.

[Drea]

You don't got to say nothing.

[Lex P]

I love to block people, though. That be my.

[Kiki Said So]

I like to block people.

[Lex P]

I love blocking people. Like. And I don't care if it's from YouTube.

[Kiki Said So]

Welcome to the block party.

[Drea]

I love.

[Lex P]

Yes. Because at the end of the Day.

[Drea]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

You are a viewer, but you one person. Guess what?

[Drea]

You're being mean.

[Lex P]

Good luck finding the next one.

[Kiki Said So]

Well, I done blocked on mama before my cousins.

[Drea]

Oh, yes, we did. Oh, yes, we did actually, bitch.

[Lex P]

Draya just blocked your ass, though.

[Kiki Said So]

You gonna have to log in from the burner account.

[Lex P]

Y' all be weird sometimes.

[Drea]

Y' all be weird.

[Lex P]

They be mean.

[Drea]

I think the worst thing, like talking about people's looks. Cause you know, you can't help that now. Some things you can't help, you know, with the luck of doctors and things. But personality is people's personality. Stop telling people they're wrong for who they are. Like, that's just so Nat. Like she was just going in on the video and it was just a.

[Kiki Said So]

Lot about you being loud.

[Drea]

No, about Keke Palmer being loud.

[Lex P]

She said, I thought it was about you.

[Kiki Said So]

I thought we had went back to you. My bad.

[Lex P]

But no, I mean, I do feel like you could change things about your personality. I think people could change whatever they want to change. You can change things about your personality. But I think when people are complaining about things that aren't necessarily harming them. Yes. You just don't like this about this person. You should just stop listening. Yeah, it's not like, oh, they have misogynistic views. Or it's not like they're putting out ass propaganda and making women feel like, oh, you don't need to be a wife anymore. Being a wife is so 1963 or whatever the case may be. Like, if a person just doesn't like you for who you are, don't listen. But some people do need to change their personalities.

[Kiki Said So]

Actually, some people do need to do some character development. Now, I also think that there are people out there who want so badly to be liked. That's a different type of character flaw to me. Because those people, it's like they're constantly changing their personality. So when I see critiques about that, I understand that. Or when I'm watching something, like different shows, reality shows, for example. And I feel like a housewife walks in and she flip flops depending on who she's sitting at dinner or lunch with. That is something where I can understand somebody saying something about their personality. But again, just don't watch.

[Lex P]

Cause you don't know, talk about it like your friend.

[Drea]

Exactly. Like, if I see somebody on a podcast and on this podcast, you this way, and on that podcast, you that way. Well, who are you?

[Kiki Said So]

Yes.

[Lex P]

Consistency across the board. If people don't like you cause you just consistently who you Are. Well, you don't like me. You just don't like.

[Kiki Said So]

I like me. Like, last week, I'm gonna be mean. This week, I'm gonna throw a little shake on Shawns.

[Drea]

I'm loud on cocktails. I was loud in Australia, and I'm loud everywhere.

[Kiki Said So]

And I'm a lie when I see you.

[Lex P]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kiki Said So]

Anyways. Yeah, I just think people gotta calm down with being so critical of everyone else about things that don't really matter.

[Drea]

Let's just have a good time.

[Kiki Said So]

Y' all don't wanna have fun no more?

[Drea]

No, they don't. They really don't.

[Lex P]

Which is sometimes I feel like why we got into. Because we were all just having fun, and it was fun. Sucking the fun out of it.

[Drea]

I be like, ooh, it's so nasty. So rude.

[Kiki Said So]

I used to feel that way with friends, and that was how I landed on the topics for the show. Because when I would talk about my dating experiences or my sex life, I was feeling a lot of judgment. And I wasn't even doing nothing too wild with Cocktails before cocktails, just in my life. Because when I started Cocktails, I had all of the. All of this history to share stories about. So it wasn't even in real time, but it was like talking to my friends from college or friends from high school. Some people would be entertained, and other people were like, oh, we need to do this. Cause you'll never get married. You never get this, or you never get that. Well, girl, everybody's not trying to collect four husbands by 30. You know, like, all of us are on a different path. And I'm just having fun. I'm trying to figure things out. What's wrong with that? So it was nice to start a show. And at the time, it's like, okay, I'm in this period of, like, feeling liberated and trying to figure myself out, but being okay with where I'm at as far as, like, my sexuality was concerned and being single and just really enjoying that so that I'm not waking up one day and regretting it and turning into God knows what in the middle of a marriage. You know, it was nice when people started listening. And then I realized, oh, there's lots of other people out there like me. And. And it was easy to look at the good stuff and tune out the bad stuff. Sometimes it's just like, those negative comments. I hate that it does that. It's like a cancer. Cause you can have 2,000 positive comments, and you see those three that stick out that are just nasty. Yeah, it does. I be crying.

[Lex P]

You be crying?

[Kiki Said So]

Well, not in the comments, but just like when people.

[Lex P]

But not in real life. Yeah, in real life, I've definitely cried over, like, the comments.

[Kiki Said So]

I'm cussing you out.

[Lex P]

Friendship. Yeah, friendship. But like. Like, when it comes to the comments, it don't even make me cry. It just be like, fuck you, weak ass house. Cause y' all stupid as fuck and y' all can't do what the fuck I'm doing. Fuck you, bitches.

[Kiki Said So]

I would probably. If I read that, I would read it in that voice.

[Lex P]

Yeah, Facts, facts, facts. But then I be like. But at the end of the day, like, for real, though. Fuck y'. All.

[Drea]

Yeah.

[Kiki Said So]

Blocked.

[Drea]

Yeah.

[Kiki Said So]

Crying.

[Lex P]

Not for my feelings to be hurt. For real, like, let me just block her. Because if I see your comment, I.

[Drea]

Mean, next week, it's gonna be a problem.

[Lex P]

It's gonna hurt my feelings.

[Drea]

Yeah. Like, I think people feel gaming with.

[Kiki Said So]

Whatever they choose to say and how they act. I remember this girl, she had DMed me. This wasn't initially. It wasn't to be mean. She wanted some help or something, right? So she sends me a GoFundMe and I can't remember what was going on. I think this was one of the. This happened to be a time when my grandfather got really sick before he passed, and I forgot about the message. I'm sorry, but I wasn't in a position to really help her right that second. I'm trying to help my family. She sent me an old, nasty message, and then she was like, don't even bother responding. I wonder if she watches y' all show.

[Lex P]

Probably a girl.

[Kiki Said So]

But she was like, after all I've done for you. I was like, wait, what? By watching the show, like, that's a trade off. You were asking for help and you don't know what I'm going through. I say all that to say, like, she sent me this long message, told me I gave her my ass to kiss and all this other stuff. And it was just like, well, hey, actually, if you would have caught me at a different time or just sent the link again, I probably would have sent you some money. She blocked me, but I was like, you never know what somebody's going through. So when people are on there writing these being comments and saying all this stuff and asking for stuff, and then you cuss me out because I didn't donate. I didn't cause you to go through what you was going through. You're not sick. You made a bad decision. I won't tell all your business, but you made a bad decision.

[Lex P]

I don't know who you talking about.

[Joseph Reeves]

Show me how good it can get today, God, and show the rest of the world what we already know. It can't get. No better than being hella Black, hella queer, and hella Christian. My name is Joseph Reeves. I am the creator and host of Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian, a fully black, fully queer, fully human, fully divine podcast that explores society, culture, and the intersections of faith and identity. Listen to Hella Black, hello, Queer, hello, Christian. To hear conversations about what it means to sound the way you look.

[Lex P]

I think what I've had to make peace with is that every iteration of my voice is given to me by God, and I love it.

[Joseph Reeves]

Books that validated our identity.

[Lex P]

The library now for me is a safe space as someone who is writing books that they're trying to take off.

[Joseph Reeves]

Of shelves and how we as black, queer folks relate to our Christianity. Listen to Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian. On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Kiki Said So]

Now, see, she gonna be in the comments. I'm sure she is.

[Drea]

You know what?

[Lex P]

That's the thing about it.

[Kiki Said So]

You never know. And so when I see people. Cause I've seen people leaving comments on stuff that y' all do or just talking about anyone, I'm like, y' all don't realize these real people, like, you're watching a character on a show, but the character is attached to a person.

[Drea]

They don't be giving a date.

[Lex P]

They don't care.

[Kiki Said So]

But we supposed to care about everything that they think matters and don't.

[Lex P]

Cause they want. Cause we the only ones that don't respond.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah, it is.

[Lex P]

It's very unfair.

[Drea]

All right, so now it's time to get into the bed.

[Lex P]

Oh, this is a good topic.

[Drea]

Go ahead.

[Lex P]

Oh, okay. Does sex count if you didn't finish? Because personally, I don't think it does.

[Drea]

I think it's circumstantial.

[Lex P]

I think it's circumcised.

[Drea]

I hope it is.

[Kiki Said So]

It better be.

[Lex P]

Better be. Why you want that turtleneck, that little.

[Drea]

Duck butt all up in there? Caught up all in there. The reason I say it's circumstantial, because if it's.

[Lex P]

They gonna say we penis shaming now.

[Kiki Said So]

Oh, they say that. Body shaming. I'm always height shaming. Oh, yeah, y' all niggas be short, and that's just what it is. Cut that. Hey, I'm not saying some of y' all Too.

[Drea]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

I don't want a short king necessarily, though. No, medium height, I was about to say. You was about to say what?

[Drea]

Your boo is not he medium height.

[Lex P]

He's like five nine.

[Drea]

No, he's not. I'm five nine.

[Kiki Said So]

She said that like, he's Craig. Really? Nine? Cow was that? Oh, you was being serious, Cap.

[Lex P]

He like five eight in his shoes.

[Kiki Said So]

He five nine.

[Drea]

But that's one. No, he five eight.

[Kiki Said So]

For real. No, when you said five nine, that part, I was like, that's in his shoes.

[Lex P]

Oh.

[Drea]

But anyways. Anyways. So I'm not gonna lie. I think it's circumstantial. He's tall to me.

[Kiki Said So]

He is. She is very gorgeous to me.

[Drea]

Do y' all remember that meme?

[Kiki Said So]

No.

[Drea]

Okay, nevermind. Anyway, moving on. So I think it's circumstantial. So I think if it's the first time y' all had sex and he didn't make you nut. Unfortunately, though, it is a body.

[Kiki Said So]

Mm.

[Drea]

It is a body. But, like, if, like, I'm having sex with my man and he came before me, that didn't count. Give me some more. You see what I'm saying? So, like, if he said, oh, babe, we just had sex this morning. No, we didn't. I did not.

[Lex P]

I didn't finish.

[Drea]

But if it's like the first time, you can't say, oh, me and him never had sex like that.

[Kiki Said So]

Why not?

[Drea]

I mean, you can. Who was there to see it?

[Lex P]

Were you there?

[Drea]

You can say.

[Kiki Said So]

Unless it was a time where I had a third party witness. Baby, I don't care what y' all said. There's no proof. I need receipts, timelines, screenshots. Because what?

[Lex P]

I agree.

[Kiki Said So]

No, it's deleted. I just.

[Lex P]

I don't know.

[Kiki Said So]

It just.

[Lex P]

Who are you? I don't remember you.

[Kiki Said So]

Unless it was just, like, it was still very, very enjoyable. And I want it to count. It will count. But if I say no.

[Drea]

No, it never happened.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah, I'm real good. I can get real, Dula.

[Lex P]

My body, my choice.

[Kiki Said So]

Exactly.

[Drea]

Come on, Queen.

[Lex P]

If I say it don't count, bitch, it don't count.

[Drea]

Cause who gonna tell?

[Lex P]

Who gonna know besides me and you? It's your word against mine. But I do hate unless you got footage.

[Drea]

Yeah, that like, when men nut, it's like it's done. Like the sex and it's like. That's so upsetting.

[Kiki Said So]

That is so rude. Because you need to get down there and do something else. You need to be like preacher boy. I just wanna taste it. That's what you. You need to go down there and do something.

[Lex P]

I'm leaving here with something.

[Drea]

You go to work on that pale moon. You feel me?

[Kiki Said So]

Mm.

[Lex P]

Musty pussy and all.

[Drea]

Yeah, I don't care.

[Kiki Said So]

You should have got it when it was fresh.

[Drea]

Your bad. Your bad.

[Kiki Said So]

I came here fresh. I'm ready to go.

[Lex P]

I'm just kidding. Actually, guys.

[Drea]

I thought we would have. No.

[Kiki Said So]

Cause I do want you to have it. Whether it's musty or it's fresh, you just need to get it.

[Drea]

You know, different scents, a little mustache pheromone. Sometimes I done took.

[Kiki Said So]

I medicated it for you.

[Drea]

You only been walking around the house a little bit? Sometimes I've been. You know, I'm thick. Them thighs done rub together a little bit.

[Lex P]

It's not musk.

[Drea]

It's musk. There's a difference.

[Lex P]

With a K. It's musk musk.

[Drea]

It's seasoned, that pussy musk. The little pussy musk don't ever hurt nobody.

[Lex P]

Pussy musk sounds like a great fragrance. Somebody need to. We need to trademark that.

[Drea]

When I walk, when I wait, say, delete this part. Delete this. Delete it.

[Kiki Said So]

Okay.

[Lex P]

Could you imagine you'll come out with pussy musk.

[Kiki Said So]

I wonder what it would smell like.

[Drea]

What? Pussy musk?

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah. Like, okay, if you get your pussy moment bottled up, but then you spray it on somebody else. Cause you know how everybody. The body chemistry.

[Drea]

I think Erykah Badu did that, though.

[Kiki Said So]

She did.

[Drea]

She did her pussy. It was like a candle that, like, smelt like her or something.

[Lex P]

Erykah Badu. Pussy on my neck is crazy.

[Drea]

It was an instant.

[Kiki Said So]

I like pussy on my neck. Has a tight pussy on my neck.

[Drea]

I like that.

[Lex P]

We some innovators.

[Kiki Said So]

Yes.

[Drea]

I like that. So, yeah, I do think. I'm not gonna lie. Like, if I caught a body, I caught a body. Even if I nutted or not. But, like, when it comes to, like, somebody I'm seriously dating, if you didn't make me nut. No, you need to give it up again. Cause that didn't count. That session didn't count, period.

[Kiki Said So]

Mm. Well, I just.

[Drea]

Like.

[Kiki Said So]

If I didn't finish, it does not count. And, I mean, he could say the same thing. I don't know why you wouldn't. I would think your dick is broken.

[Drea]

Okay.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah. Cause, like, what. I'm just.

[Drea]

I'm not mad at that.

[Kiki Said So]

I'm not very good at a lot of things when it comes to dating, but when to. It comes. When it comes to that, I am.

[Lex P]

Very confident all right, let us know.

[Drea]

How y' all feel in the comments. I'm curious. Does sex count if you didn't finish?

[Lex P]

Yeah, I don't.

[Drea]

So now it's time to get into the bop.

[Lex P]

All the bops about, about, about, about.

[Drea]

You know, I never do throwbacks. I never do throwbacks. So I wanted to do a throwback this week of one of my favorite artists. And I never really talk about him anymore just because he hasn't dropped a project in a long time. I was listening to the Love Hate album by the Dream. Mm.

[Kiki Said So]

Mm.

[Lex P]

Y' all felt that everybody in the.

[Drea]

Room was like, mm. Do y' all realize, like.

[Kiki Said So]

Cause he had some hit.

[Drea]

He ate his songs meshed into each other. Yeah. The transcript said, you need a doctor on standby. Ooh, baby. Like, they blended together. He was telling a story. They not doing it like that no more. She Needs My Love is one of the best songs ever. Um, the Dreams pin is just. I don't think we've seen anything like that since the pin.

[Kiki Said So]

The ear.

[Drea]

I'm telling you everything.

[Kiki Said So]

I think that is the beauty when people who really produce and write and sing or perform, whichever they do, I love it.

[Lex P]

I love it.

[Kiki Said So]

It's just. It's different when you know how to do it all versus you putting out somebody else's stuff. Cause then you can always put that extra.

[Drea]

Yes. She Needs My Love is one of my favorite songs from that album. Purple Kisses was a bop. Fast Car. I remember the first time hearing Fast Car. It gave me Prince Virginia. Oh, my gosh. This is such an album.

[Lex P]

I'm about to listen to the album.

[Drea]

It's so good. And people always talk about, I love your girl. Cause they said that was about Nivea and it was his diss to Lil Wayne. Imagine a nigga singing about you and everybody in the club. This is Lil Wayne during his Fuck that nigga. Everybody was saying that. You know what I'm saying? Like, LA Dream was giving us hit after hit. This is an album with no skips. So for the youngians listening, y' all need to go listen to the Love Hate album by the Dream. It came out in 2007. History was made.

[Kiki Said So]

It was.

[Lex P]

I got to Nivea Queen.

[Kiki Said So]

Have y' all had Nivea on the show?

[Drea]

I want to. Not so bad. Shout out. Shout out to Nivea.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah. Because Nivea got some stories on her.

[Drea]

I need, and I need them.

[Kiki Said So]

I just thought about that she be living life, and she seems like such a sweetie.

[Drea]

She does.

[Lex P]

She does seem she does all right.

[Drea]

What y' all been jamming?

[Lex P]

So I've been in my Afro Beats bag. We going to DY December this year. We have to, y'.

[Drea]

All.

[Lex P]

We have to be in Legos. So my bop is with you. Featuring on my L by DeVito.

[Drea]

What you know about Oma?

[Lex P]

I know a little something something. But, y', all, I love this song. It's just such a good vibe. Like, I feel like it's giving me summer vibes. It's giving me. I need to be in Legos later.

[Kiki Said So]

I out.

[Drea]

What you want to be?

[Kiki Said So]

I'm telling you, I've never been.

[Lex P]

And they got a little dance to it. I'm probably doing it wrong.

[Drea]

That's a. That's the old dance.

[Lex P]

That was Burnable Child.

[Drea]

It wasn't even that song.

[Kiki Said So]

Another hit.

[Lex P]

It was a. Oh, no, it wasn't that song. It was. No, it was that, though, everybody.

[Drea]

It was before Sh.

[Lex P]

But they was doing it today.

[Drea]

They was. But I can't remember the song right now.

[Kiki Said So]

Chad, do y' all be watching those DJs that's on YouTube at the parties? I'm gonna.

[Drea]

They be like, live streaming.

[Kiki Said So]

It's not even. Well, I. Maybe originally it's live streaming, but some of the. I think something's called, like, One Bedroom or something like that.

[Lex P]

Yes, I do. I watch those when they in the club and the ones when they be at home just mixing.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah. So over the weekend, my friend was showing me some because they were getting into an argument about Amapiano versus Afro. And so they were playing the different playlists. I wish I could remember, but I heard that artist that you on my lane.

[Drea]

Yeah, he's fine on there.

[Kiki Said So]

I never know anybody's name. I just be vibing and moving my hip.

[Drea]

Y' all need to listen to Fire Boy dml. He's good, too. The Afro beats. Okay.

[Kiki Said So]

Let me add him to my.

[Lex P]

Putting that in my nose.

[Drea]

He's got some bops. He's got some bops.

[Lex P]

See, that's why I love Keke. Cause we is really. We get each other. Cause she got herself as her screensaver, too.

[Kiki Said So]

Okay. Cause, baby, what?

[Lex P]

Cause who else would you have?

[Drea]

Why?

[Kiki Said So]

People think it's weird. This is a bad bitch picture right here. I was Cowgirl Walker.

[Drea]

Okay. That's so crazy. This one.

[Kiki Said So]

I wish I still had this so I could wear it to the concert. But, yeah, I got a few pictures of me.

[Lex P]

Cause who else would I have? It's my phone.

[Kiki Said So]

It's mine. That way, if it's lost you know who it is, you know who it belongs to.

[Lex P]

Maybe it'll switch up.

[Kiki Said So]

I got Whitley, but she ain't gonna be on there. She don't even post for pictures.

[Drea]

What you been jamming?

[Lex P]

What you been listening to?

[Kiki Said So]

Beyonce. Two Hands to Heaven from Cowboy Carter. That has been my jam. Other than that, I've been listening to sad songs. But Two Hands to Heaven, I love that one. It feels good when the weather is nice and you roll the windows down and just driving down the road. I love it. And yaya.

[Drea]

That's such a cowboy car. Such a good album. It is. So I'm starting to like. You know, when you listen to an album, when it first comes out, you running in the ground, then you move on. Now I'm back to Cowboy Carter. Cause, of course, the concert is coming up. Yeah.

[Kiki Said So]

Thank you for paying.

[Drea]

Oh, my gosh. Levi's jeans is so good.

[Kiki Said So]

Oh, that is a good one.

[Lex P]

Tyrant.

[Kiki Said So]

Oh, wait, I got somebody else, y'.

[Drea]

All.

[Lex P]

I can't wait for the concert.

[Kiki Said So]

Tyrant is my. Did y' all see her riding that bull?

[Lex P]

I said, I did y' all work on this?

[Drea]

She has been cracking me up on this tour.

[Lex P]

She's so funny.

[Kiki Said So]

She's a hoot.

[Lex P]

Hilarious. I said, she gives me a Lex. Beginning of tour versus the end of tour.

[Drea]

She was like, come on, wrap it up. What does this mean?

[Lex P]

Wrap it up.

[Drea]

Yeah, she's.

[Lex P]

But at first she was, hey, y'.

[Drea]

All, that's how we be. First day. I was like, hey, last time. We're like, all right.

[Lex P]

All right, bye, everybody.

[Kiki Said So]

The last person I wanna say who?

[Lex P]

Ivy.

[Kiki Said So]

Everybody, calm it down.

[Lex P]

Calm down.

[Kiki Said So]

It's a dude. Did y' all see the video? His name is Belly Gang Cushington. He reminds me of if my little cousin grew up and leaned into being black versus the other side, right? Cause he a red hat. He stopped traffic on the highway. It was a viral video. The music is good. So if y' all want some rap music, A little hip hop bop.

[Drea]

A little hip hop bop bop.

[Lex P]

Is he from Atlanta?

[Kiki Said So]

I think so. But he got this one song at the beginning is right. Hip hop.

[Lex P]

Hip hop bop is nuts.

[Kiki Said So]

Actually, he gonna be on the song about some beats. Yes, he is good. I don't know the names of the songs, but I think I listen to everything that's under popular. But. But it's Belly Gang Cushington. He look a little white, but he is not white, y'. All. He's mixed. Cause he do be saying the N word. So just fair warning.

[Lex P]

But y' all know he's white.

[Kiki Said So]

He's like a black white.

[Drea]

But he.

[Lex P]

Well, when I seen his photo, I was thinking that. I was like, he drunk.

[Drea]

He played that ski.

[Kiki Said So]

But that's why I said, my little cousin. Cause you're Lil Walker.

[Drea]

Okay. All right. We gonna give him a pass. We gonna give him a pass.

[Lex P]

And another bop Drew.

[Drea]

Oh. Oh, really?

[Kiki Said So]

Okay.

[Joseph Reeves]

Show me how good it can get today, God. And show the rest of the world what we already know. Know it can't get no better than being hella black, hella queer, and hella Christian. My name is Joseph Reeves. I am the creator and host of Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian, a fully black, fully queer, fully human, fully divine podcast that explores society, culture, and the intersections of faith and identity. Listen to Hella Black, hella Queer, Hella Christian to hear conversations about what it means to see sound the way you look.

[Lex P]

I think what I've had to make peace with is that every iteration of my voice is given to me by God. And I love it.

[Joseph Reeves]

Books that validated our identity.

[Lex P]

The library now, for me is a safe space as someone who is writing books that they're trying to take off of shelves.

[Joseph Reeves]

And how we as black queer folks relate to our Christianity. Listen to Hella Black, hella Queer, Hella Christian on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Kiki Said So]

Now, before y' all get crazy. Cause I know y' all comments be crazy. This was just something fun.

[Drea]

It's fun.

[Kiki Said So]

Me and my sister were doing her husband. He actually does rap. And I've been listening to some of his new music.

[Lex P]

It's all right.

[Kiki Said So]

His name is heavy, but he was making music. So she just wanted to do this for her birthday, so he was annoyed. But he helped her write us a song. And we went to the studio and recorded it. We had our cameras.

[Drea]

It was so cute.

[Kiki Said So]

We wore our sunglasses and our sweatpants. We double cupped. We had to double cup Styrofoam things. But we ain't had no lean or nothing. We just had tequila. Cause we were regular girls and we got chicken wings. Cause we just felt like that would just add to, like, the vibe, the.

[Lex P]

Razzle dazzle, the rapper vibe.

[Kiki Said So]

And it was a good time. I wish we would have made a music video. Maybe we'll do it.

[Drea]

Y' all still got time?

[Kiki Said So]

We do. Cause ain't nobody really heard it.

[Lex P]

Put us in the video.

[Drea]

I'm gonna be in the background like this.

[Lex P]

I'm gonna be twerking, period.

[Kiki Said So]

But it's available everywhere and you can even add it on Instagram. I'm finna I didn't know he was gonna do all that.

[Drea]

I thought he was gonna video drip period drip. So we're gonna get into our favorite segment of the week. Make sure you email [e-mail] if you want your question answered on the show. And if you are a Patreon member, you know you can put that in the subject line and you get to skip the line.

[Lex P]

Absolutely.

[Kiki Said So]

Patreon is the VIP line.

[Drea]

It is.

[Lex P]

Okay.

[Drea]

You ready? Yep.

[Lex P]

Want me to read it?

[Drea]

Yep. Yep.

[Lex P]

Hey ladies. I have a best friend that I've known since college. Once we graduated, we've been l in separate states but will still maintain a close friendship. The easiest longdistance relationship I've ever had. TBH. But a few years ago she and another guy friend of mine got into a relationship from the beginning. I said to leave me out of it. I will be a listening ear to her concerns but would try to give her advice from the perspective of him being just another you deserve better child. Move on. But in the nicest ways because that's still my but also going to need nig. He was her first and only serious relationship and he ended up breaking her heart a year later. She missed coming to my city one year to help Wait, what? She miss coming to my city one year to help celebrate my birthday. Okay.

[Kiki Said So]

Because the heart should have known a.

[Lex P]

Birthday was involved because the heartbreak was fresh and my city reminded her too much of him which I understood and forgave. However, even years later, she always reaches out on his birthday just to talk and will say subtle things that hints at insecurity or validation seeking of the women in their city compared to the women in mine. Take jabs at the type of people out here. Etc. We're grown so it's not like I could have stepped out of their connection in the very beginning. That girl was smitten. What would y' all recommend? Being the best way to handle this.

[Kiki Said So]

Sis must live here and her friend lives somewhere else where it's very different. Yes. That's kind of fucked up. I would feel away if my friend was acting like that and I'm just like did he put a root on her? Like why is she so messed up about this one year relationship? You can't come and celebrate my birthday and you can't come to this city because it reminds you too much of him. You need to go outside and touch grass, ma'.

[Drea]

Am. And I also think that you just need to communicate that with her. Hey, you know what? I don't like this. This makes me feel uncomfortable. We underestimate the power of communication. So open your mouth and tell her. I've had situations. I've been in a similar situation like that. And it was just like, hey, leave me out of it. You know what I'm saying? Like, I value your friendship. And I value your friendship. This didn't work out. But I have to take a step back and you know. But you're not gonna make it's years later. Yeah. So I think you need to have a conversation with her. Cause it sounds like you don't wanna end the friendship. It sounds like you care about her. So I think you just need to be vocal and tell her how you feel.

[Kiki Said So]

Yeah. Hopefully when you tell her how you feel and that, you know, these things bother you, make it. I would even say make it more about your friendship and less about this guy. It's like you are holding onto this idea of your former relationship and. And I'm still your friend. I'm the one who's still listening to you. But you won't even spend time with me. Like, are we really friends or am I your therapist again? Betterhelp.com poorminds because that's where you can go for that. Not this. That's not fair. And it doesn't feel good when you're always the one who has to listen to somebody else's drama or their issues. And you will give whatever to your friend. You help them through stuff. You are supportive. You show up, you do all of that and it's not reciprocated. And you should just let her know you. You don't feel like she cares about Yalls friendship enough for you.

[Drea]

And I think it's okay to tell people, hey, I think you can be a better friend to me. That's okay. And a true friend is going to receive that information and change because they love you. You know what I'm saying?

[Kiki Said So]

She might honestly not realize it. She might just really have been through the ringer with him and just to in her stuff and nobody's saying anything. Mm.

[Drea]

I agree. All right, Kiki, good luck.

[Lex P]

How can they find you girl? And tell them about your new show? Tell them the air date again and everything.

[Kiki Said So]

Okay. So you guys can follow me every all the social media platforms. Ike said so. K I K I S A I D S O My new show Exo man podcast is dropping on Tuesday, January Tuesday, June 17th. That's gonna be the audio and Then Wednesdays will be video. So the 18th, and then every Thursday is a new episode of Cocktails Dairy Discussions. I also have a book club and other little things. So if you don't mind listening to my voice and you want to connect more, there's so many different ways to listen to me, see me, and connect with me. I really do enjoy talking to nice people online, you know, and so if you just go to my Instagram, Kiki said so or kikisaidso.com you can find all of that stuff there. And I really hope that when you guys check out the new show that you really enjoy it and leave lots of comments, nice ones, and tell them how much you love me on there, cuz this was not an original idea. I have been hired to do this job and I would like to.

[Drea]

Don't you love it?

[Kiki Said So]

Yes.

[Drea]

Don't you love it?

[Kiki Said So]

Yes. It's different, it's fun, and I'm excited about it. This one again, I'm just talking to beautiful black men.

[Drea]

Love it.

[Lex P]

We can't wait to tune in. I'm excited.

[Drea]

Yeah, me too. I'm excited to see you, like, in the interview.

[Lex P]

Me too, cuz.

[Drea]

You are. You do so well at that interview.

[Lex P]

You do. And I feel like, as your friend, too, like we've been knowing about about it for a while now.

[Kiki Said So]

So y' all have been working on.

[Lex P]

This since last year.

[Kiki Said So]

We have put in work.

[Lex P]

I can't wait to watch and I can't wait to tune in. And y' all make sure y' all support my girl and tune in next week.

[Drea]

Bye, y'. All. Bye, y'. All.

[Lex P]

Little Chris.

[Drea]

Yeah, man. Oh, I'm early. Oh, my bad.

[Lex P]

It's on.

[Drea]

It's on. Okay, here I go.

[Lex P]

You know we had to do it again, right?

[Drea]

Right? We have my okay.

[Lex P]

Want you to sing to these, man. I guess I'm up first. Let me at them, baby.

[Drea]

How you doing? Hope that you're fine Want to know what you got in mind and I got me feeling like Jod C Girl, I can't leave you alone Take a shot of Hitch Patron and it's going to be on VR Bre Too crowded I'm about to about to end up calling it a night she should I'll let you girl to the shaking scene Pull up be be shotgun to the GT with me she said I'm ready to ride I was like, yeah. Cause once you get inside you can't change your mind don't mean to sound impatient but you got a promise, baby.

[Lex P]

Tell me again now we the east side born voice.

[Drea]

Tell me again my baby Lovers and fans. Oh, I got it.

[Lex P]

Oh baby, oh yes, tell me again.

[Drea]

Make sure you're right. Oh, before we be lovers and friends. Oh, it's a good look, baby.

[Kiki Said So]

Oh you do?

[Drea]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

Sometimes I want to be your love lovers? Sometimes want to be your friend? Sometimes wanna hug your whole hand? Slow dance while the record spin open up your heart? Cause you said I made you feel so comfortable Used to play back then are you all grown up like Rudy Huxtable? I could be your butt, you could beat me up Play fight in the dark so we both make up? I do anything just to feel your butt why you got me so messed up? I don't know but you gotta stop tripping.

[Kiki Said So]

Be a good girl.

[Lex P]

Not turn around and get these wig with me. You like it like that you don't have to fight back. Here's a pillow bite that and I be set in separate plays so on all these separate days your legs could go they separate ways.

[Drea]

And friends Always a good look, baby. Tell me again this is an I heart podcast.