The Facade FT. Melyssa Ford

Summary

Podcast Summary: Pour Minds Podcast – "The Facade" ft. Melissa Ford

Episode Information:

• Title: The Facade FT. Melyssa Ford
• Host/Authors: Lex P and Dre Nicole (85 South Media)
• Release Date: October 11, 2024

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Introduction to Melissa Ford

The episode kicks off with hosts Lex P and Dre Nicole warmly welcoming Melissa Ford, a renowned model and television personality known for her significant impact in the music video industry.

Notable Quotes:

• Lex P [00:34]: "One of my personal favorite additions has been this beautiful lady... We got Melissa Ford in the building."
• Melissa Ford [01:15]: "I'm coming to do Poor Minds... You guys are just so unapologetically you and just fun."

Melissa Ford’s Early Life and Passion for Reading

Melissa delves into her childhood, highlighting her voracious appetite for reading and her fascination with words. This rigorous self-education laid the foundation for her articulate and intelligent persona.

Notable Quotes:

• Melissa Ford [02:31]: "I was a little bit of a nerd... I used to read the dictionary and the thesaurus for fun."
• Lex P [03:35]: "That's crazy."

Transition to Modeling and Music Videos

Melissa recounts her entry into the modeling world, detailing her collaborations with prominent figures like Director X and Hype Williams. She emphasizes the camaraderie among video models and their role in shaping beauty standards.

Notable Quotes:

• Melissa Ford [07:09]: "My first real video was, like, the Canadian Rap All Stars... X determined that I was his muse."
• Lex P [22:00]: "We was there. We was out there."

Impact of Corinne Stewart's Book on Video Models

A pivotal moment discussed is the release of Corinne Stewart’s book, which criticized video models and unfairly lumped them together, leading to widespread judgment and stigma. Melissa explains how this affected her mental health and compelled her to speak out.

Notable Quotes:

• Melissa Ford [27:29]: "The hammer came down. It's so interesting."
• Lex P [27:32]: "It was so messed up."

Mental Health Struggles and Coping Mechanisms

Melissa opens up about her battles with depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideations resulting from the negative portrayals and personal challenges. She shares her journey through grief after losing her mother and the steps she took to find peace.

Notable Quotes:

• Melissa Ford [32:11]: "Fucking dying over here... depression and anxiety did not result off sometimes in, like, suicidal ideations."
• Lex P [85:08]: "I lost my mom as well. ... navigating this life with no parents is a different type."

Defending the Image of Video Models

Despite the stigma, Melissa discusses her efforts to defend the integrity of video models through panels and public appearances. She highlights the importance of representing themselves as multifaceted individuals beyond the "male gaze."

Notable Quotes:

• Melissa Ford [31:31]: "We are multifaceted. We're not just that."
• Lex P [35:32]: "She knows what she's talking about... can't fake being educated."

Personal Growth and Future Endeavors

The conversation shifts to Melissa’s personal growth, her resilience in the face of adversity, and her upcoming podcast, "Hot and Bothered with Melissa Ford," aimed at addressing menopause and empowering women.

Notable Quotes:

• Melissa Ford [127:24]: "I am actively going through perimenopause... navigating this life."
• Lex P [138:37]: "Make sure y'all follow Hot and Bother with Melissa Ford."

Closing Reflections and Mutual Support

Hosts Lex P and Dre Nicole commend Melissa for her transparency and strength. They emphasize the importance of creating safe spaces for women to share their stories and support one another.

Notable Quotes:

• Lex P [133:33]: "You are a vessel. You are on the right path."
• Melissa Ford [137:56]: "I rock with her. I love what she stands for."

Key Takeaways:

• Resilience Amidst Stigma: Melissa Ford's journey showcases immense resilience in overcoming unfair stigmatization and personal trauma.
• Importance of Representation: The role of video models in shaping beauty standards and the necessity of authentic representation.
• Mental Health Awareness: Highlighting the significance of addressing mental health struggles and the benefits of creating supportive communities.
• Empowerment Through Storytelling: Melissa's commitment to empowering women through her podcast and personal narratives underscores the power of storytelling in healing and growth.

Notable Quotes (Timestamped):

• Melissa Ford [02:31]: "I was a little bit of a nerd... I used to read the dictionary and the thesaurus for fun."
• Melissa Ford [27:29]: "The hammer came down. It's so interesting."
• Melissa Ford [32:11]: "Fucking dying over here... depression and anxiety did not result off sometimes in, like, suicidal ideations."
• Melissa Ford [127:24]: "I am actively going through perimenopause... navigating this life."
• Lex P [133:33]: "You are a vessel. You are on the right path."

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Conclusion: In "The Facade," Melissa Ford candidly shares her life's highs and lows, offering listeners an unfiltered look into the challenges of navigating fame, mental health, and personal growth. Her story serves as a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the importance of authentic self-representation.

Transcript

[Lex P]

What's up, y'all? It's your girl, Lex P. And it's.

[Dre Nicole]

Your girl Dre Nicole.

[Lex P]

And you are tuned in to another episode of Poor Mind, where a drunk.

[Dre Nicole]

Mind speaks sober thought.

[Lex P]

We got a guest today.

[Dre Nicole]

We got a guest today.

[Lex P]

So y'all know I am super excited. Cause this has been a long time coming. So when was it that we did the Joe Budden podcast? How long ago was it?

[Dre Nicole]

Well, it was, like, almost a year ago.

[Lex P]

Yeah, it was almost a year ago.

[Dre Nicole]

Or if it maybe it has been a year.

[Lex P]

Yeah, it's been a while. It was a while. So we did the Joe Budden podcast, of course. And, you know, he's had a lot of turning chairs on the show. But one of my personal favorite additions has been this beautiful lady. If you don't know who she is, you're obviously living under a rock. And you don't know nothing about the original baddie.

[Dre Nicole]

Nothing about the culture.

[Lex P]

Yes, the culture. Okay. We got Melissa Ford in the building.

[Melissa Ford]

Hootie Hoo yoo.

[Lex P]

Oh, my God.

[Dre Nicole]

Thank you for joining us.

[Melissa Ford]

Oh, my God. Listen, I called up Chad. I called Chad. I was just like, I'm coming to Atlanta. I gotta do Poor Minds. I gotta come see my girls. I had so much fun when you guys came to the podcast.

[Dre Nicole]

Yes.

[Melissa Ford]

Just the fact you're women.

[Lex P]

Yeah, girl. You know, we don't get to get.

[Dre Nicole]

That feminine energy around you sometime.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah, you do.

[Dre Nicole]

I was like, yes.

[Lex P]

Come sit on this side.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah. And you guys were just such a breath of fresh air.

[Lex P]

Thank you.

[Melissa Ford]

You guys are just so unapologetically you and just fun. And I was like, I'm coming to do Pormont.

[Lex P]

Yes, you have.

[Melissa Ford]

Cause, you know, I like a little drinky drink.

[Lex P]

Okay. Period.

[Melissa Ford]

A little drinky.

[Dre Nicole]

Dr. We love one, too.

[Melissa Ford]

You already made me a Hooty Hoo.

[Dre Nicole]

One thing about Taj, you gonna make them drink, and they gonna sneak up.

[Lex P]

I wanna get into it. Cause we have a lot to cover today and so much that I wanna talk to you about. Oh, this is good. So I do wanna start, you know, from the beginning and your career, just in general. So how did you get into, like, the modeling video Vixen game, like, from the start.

[Melissa Ford]

Okay, so I'm gonna take y'all back. Yes.

[Dre Nicole]

Okay.

[Melissa Ford]

I'm gonna take y'all a little, like, very far back. So I was a little bit of a. Of a nerd. I don't know. I mean, maybe that's not a PC term anymore, but I'm calling myself a nerd right that's fine. You know, when I was a little girl, everybody wonders where I have this vocabulary from because I keep busting out these big ass.

[Lex P]

Okay. That's why y'all over there s O.

[Melissa Ford]

T S a t words and stuff like that. It's because when I was a little girl, I used to read the dictionary and the thesaurus.

[Lex P]

Oh, my goodness.

[Melissa Ford]

For fun. I was fascinated by words and their origin. So, you know, it just. That was. That was just me. So, like, I'd be up in my room reading the Encyclopedia Britannica. You guys probably know nothing about that.

[Lex P]

Oh, my God. Oh, no.

[Dre Nicole]

Okay. Oh, my mom had the set.

[Lex P]

Okay.

[Dre Nicole]

And they used them as.

[Melissa Ford]

And, you know, it just became part of the furniture.

[Lex P]

Yes.

[Melissa Ford]

But if you know about Encyclopedia Britannica, it collected the set.

[Lex P]

Yes.

[Melissa Ford]

And so I used to read that for fun. Or I used to read the dictionary for fun.

[Lex P]

That's crazy.

[Melissa Ford]

And so that is what helped to enhance my vocabulary. And then, you know, I was a voracious reader. Like, I just.

[Lex P]

Voracious.

[Melissa Ford]

I mean, by the time I was, like, six or seven years old, I was reading horror novels. And I would sometimes be reading two and three books at a time, and I would devour them inside of, like, a week. And I could read an entire book inside of, like, you know, 24, 48 hours.

[Lex P]

Wow.

[Melissa Ford]

Needless to say, I probably. I didn't have, you know, a whole lot of friends, you know, kids.

[Lex P]

She was spending time with Webster Friday night. Me and Webster finna chill, pretty much.

[Melissa Ford]

And so I loved the horror genre when I was, you know, seven years old. And then, I promise this leads into videos.

[Lex P]

Okay. Okay.

[Dre Nicole]

I love to follow the story.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

But I've never. And I've never really told this part of the story.

[Dre Nicole]

Okay.

[Melissa Ford]

So I loved the horror genre. And then one day when I was maybe about 8 or 9 years old, my mom took me to the bookstore, which is what we used to do. My mom was. I got my desire and my voracious reading, like, the appetite for it, from my mom.

[Lex P]

Okay.

[Melissa Ford]

And I discovered the true crime section in the library. And I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, this one. Oh, my gosh. But I'm also feeling a little shame.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

Why do I like this stuff? Why am I driven by, like, why am I. Why is my desire to read about the macabre and, like, just, like, the most deviant behavior of human beings? Why do I like this at 9?

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

I'm a weirdo, I'm not gonna lie.

[Lex P]

Because I'm like nine years old is kind of crazy.

[Dre Nicole]

It's kind of early, but we were literally just talking about this last week, I think on one of our Patreon episodes, how I read something somewhere where it said, people who like true crime, they're crazy.

[Melissa Ford]

Okay, that was crazy.

[Dre Nicole]

Like you a little throwed off in the head, if you like to watch. Hold on.

[Melissa Ford]

So wait, I'll get to that point. So fast forward, I'm like 11 or 12 years old, and I have gone to see New Jack City. So New Jack City and Silence of the Lambs came out at the same time.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

And so I went and saw New Jack City and then I snuck into Silence of the Lake. And when I saw that movie and I saw Clarice Starling, I was like, that, yes, is what I want to do with my life. I want to work for the FBI. I want to be a criminal profiler. I want to work in the behavioral science unit at Quantico, Virginia.

[Lex P]

I am.

[Melissa Ford]

So as a profiler, studying serial killers and the deviant mind, that was what I wanted to do in my life. I was like, I'm not weird.

[Lex P]

I'm not weird.

[Melissa Ford]

I have a drive. And so I had to focus. And this was it. This was it. And so when I went to. Enrolled in university, paid paying for it myself, working three jobs and stuff like that, I was. I was majoring in forensic psychology. That was.

[Lex P]

Never knew this.

[Melissa Ford]

Yes. So I really don't really talk much about it at all. I don't know why, but this is really part of the story. And then I get a call from Little X's people, who is now known as Director X. Yeah. And they were like, hey, Mel, do you know who Little X is? I was like the video director. And they said, yeah, and keep in mind, I'm like a bartender and like, you know, I got a little Coyote Ugly thing going on.

[Lex P]

Okay. So. Cause I'm like, how did they even know about it?

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah, that's what I was knowing.

[Melissa Ford]

I mean, like, I'm from Toronto and, you know, you're from Atlanta. People just know. People know. People know, people know kind of thing. So they knew me, but they also knew. Everybody knew me to be very serious and. And studious, you know, and so for me to get a call that, you know, somebody wanted to, like, hire me, and it's just for my aesthetic was why, you know, and they were like, well, because you're hot. And I was like, oh, all right, yeah, sure, I'll talk to him. Fine. And so we met and he was like, I want you to be the lead in this video. And so, like, my first real video was, like, the Canadian Rap All Stars. It was called Northern Touch, and it was.

[Lex P]

Oh, wow.

[Dre Nicole]

Oh, I'm about to go Google it.

[Lex P]

Me too.

[Melissa Ford]

And it was the Rascals and Shaw, Claire and Socrates and Cardinal officials shout out to my boys in Toronto. Boy, that was a million years ago. And so, like, I'm just, like, the main girl.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

And so X, at that point, determined that, like, I was, like, his muse. And he was like, listen, I'm gonna be big, and I'm gonna take you with me. And I said, yeah, all right. And then it was just, okay, whatever. And I went back to school and I went back to working my jobs. And then a year later, he calls me up. He was like, it's time. And I said, time for what? He was like, I told you I was coming to get you. And I was like, oh, okay. And he was like, I want you to do this video. And it was called the Belly Soundtrack, the movie Belly. So the song was called Tommy's Theme. And I think Tommy was played by Nas. Yeah. And it was the Locks and Made Men. And he was like, you're going to be one of my leads. I said, all right, cool. So they flew me out to New York and I did the music video. And then that was cool. And what an experience. And I just figured, okay, that. That was that. And then I get home, and three days later, this woman named Amber Jared calls me, and she said, hi, Melissa. I'm Amber Jared. I'm a casting director for Hype Williams. Hype would like you to fly to Miami to do the 112 Little Zane video anywhere, Anywhere, Anywhere above. And I was just like, hype Williams.

[Lex P]

He was going all everybody else.

[Melissa Ford]

And here's the kicker is, like, X was doing storyboards for Hype at that time. So, you know, it's kind of like, lend a hand to bring the next kind of the next one up.

[Dre Nicole]

Right, right, right.

[Melissa Ford]

But then they also had, like, this little competitive thing going on with each other where they would, like, use each other's girls for their productions and stuff. And so I flew to Miami, the first time I'd ever been there ever in life. And I did this video for Hype Williams, and it was just an epic experience. And then that, I guess, just started the video career. But I. I do have to say that my pride, my priorities were very, very, very much intact. I knew what side my bread was buttered on. I was a bartender. I Made pretty good money from bartending. Not like how bartending is.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

Like dudes would tip you with toonies in fucking Canada.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

But you know, so I went back to Toronto with the intention of. Okay, I am focused still on being this profiler. I'm focused on my studies. I'm paying for myself to go to university. So I'm working like three jobs. One of them is at a satellite TV company and everything like that. And so I would turn down a lot of videos as well. So like you would see me in Big Pimpin. But I also turned down Thug Life Is Mine, which was Mobb Deep and Nas. That was shot in like the South Pacific, you know, like Tahiti or something like that. And people were like, how are you turning that down? I'm like, I have school. Yeah, like I gotta go to school. I never really, it never really impressed upon me what I was doing was career making, you know, like it just was something to do and it was fun and it was travel and it was a way to kind of like, you know, validate your hotness.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

But then you get back into. You go back to the real world, you know, and I never lost sight of what the real world was for me at that time in my life.

[Lex P]

So I do want to ask you this question. Cause you were like emphasizing like how much a nerd you were and how you liked to read. But did you know that you was fine? Did you grow up knowing I was about to read? Yeah, like did you grow up knowing like, I'm bad as hell and I'm different?

[Dre Nicole]

Why did he call? Like, oh, okay, excuse me. Look at the material.

[Melissa Ford]

I had, I had an ugly duckling phase and there is no photographic evidence to prove it. So don't go looking for it. So, you know, I think that. I think that when you have a phase like that, like a really, really, really, really awkward phase, it has like an impenetrable effect on your self esteem. And it doesn't matter how fine you get, there's always going to be that little girl inside of you that had the acne or was overweight or had the afro, or you had a combination of all three. And you also didn't dress. You also dressed with like a big nose on your sweater. Please God, don't let me tell on myself. Okay, I was a mess, right? I was a mess. But you know, so I had that awkward phase and then the fluffiness melted away and then this little waist came in, these hips came in, this booty came in and I Was not prepared for it because I was not prepared for it. And I wasn't prepared for the reaction that I would get from not just boys my age, boys older than me, men following me in cars from the bus stop to my house, or just circling me on the block from my walk, you know, from the bus stop to school and stuff. That shit was terrifying. So I just. It just didn't. My brain had not caught up with my developed self.

[Lex P]

Right.

[Melissa Ford]

You know, and then because I developed like, voluptuousness kind of early. Like, I look like my mom, and my mom was Russian and Norwegian. She looked like a Viking, but she had a. She was 5 foot 10 and she had like a bare, like an hourglass figure. The only difference between our bodies is my ass protrudes. My. My mom was hips as a little flat, but she had like that little ass, waist, boobies. And you know, and she was tall with this long blonde hair. I mean, give her a hat with horns and send her out to fucking battle with the break. Yeah, she was a Viking, you know, but stunning, stunning woman. Yeah. It just. It didn't. I translated that as being fat.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

You know, the voluptuousness and the girls. And a lot of girls called me that growing up.

[Dre Nicole]

And so I. Oh, my God, we talked about this. That happened to me as a kid. So I used to get called fat all the time. I always go home crying, and my mom would be like, you're not fat.

[Melissa Ford]

I always wondered what it would have been to grow up in an environment like here where a big booty is a thing of beauty.

[Dre Nicole]

It would have been the same because I got called fat too.

[Melissa Ford]

Okay.

[Lex P]

It was also the era and the time too, because I had a cousin who was literally shaped like that. Very small waist, big butt, and people were constantly calling her fat. And as a kid, I would see people calling her fat in my family. And looking back on the pictures, I was like, she was fine as hell. But we consider to be like, thick now. And I think with you, whenever you came on the scene, to me personally, this is a big statement to make, but I truly feel like you really changed the beauty standard.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

For real. Because at that time, though, thick, it was like. It wasn't like that thick was just like if you had a little bit of hips and you had a little bit of curve, thick was like J.

[Dre Nicole]

Lo. Everybody used to call JLo thick.

[Lex P]

When you look back at pictures, JLo, like, had a nice face. She didn't have that ass. So it's like when we started seeing People like Melissa, it was like, this is what a body looks like. A real. So it really changed. Like, okay, this is what we want the thickness to look like.

[Melissa Ford]

It was weird to know at that time that you were. That you were kind of responsible for how women were. We're internalizing things. It's weird to know that, but also feel very self conscious. It's like, I don't know. It's like, I don't know. I've always struggled to articulate, which is weird as shit. I can't articulate it, but it's like. It's just. I knew I had a responsibility and I had to act. I really had to act. Like I knew I was the shit, right? I had to act like there wasn't a crack in the facade. You know, I remember when I was a kid and I was watching the Cosby show and Phylicia Rashad, you know, Claire Huxtable came on the screen, and I had never seen a woman like her before in my entire life. You know, just. She was this combination of, like, beauty and grace, but power and just fire and intelligence and academic smarts and just. She just was this combination, this powerhouse combination of a woman. I'd never seen anything like her before. And then what I appreciate about the Cosby show was the ilk of the woman that they decided to consistently hire. Lena Horne, Nancy Wilson. This is what you consistently saw from the women that came on. They were brilliant and beautiful and accomplished, and they were great and they were graceful and they were nurturing and they were all these things. And at 8 years old, I said, that is the woman that I want to be. And what I loved most about these women was you never saw a crack in the facade, right? You never saw a crack in the facade. So for me, it was always like, it does not matter what is going on on the inside. There can be a Category 5 hurricane going on inside, and I am losing my fucking mind, right? But on the outside.

[Lex P]

And you know what's crazy that you just said that because. What did I just say to you in the car on the way over here? Because how you looked at the Claire Huxtable, like, oh, my God, what did I say?

[Dre Nicole]

I said. I used to say she used to always say she wanted to look like.

[Lex P]

And when I would see you, and this is no. Cause I always talk about, like, growing up, how I felt about myself and how I would just be like, oh, my gosh, she's so gorgeous. And I remember, like, seeing you in these videos and being like, oh, my God, if I could just look like that and I could just carry myself like that. Cause, like, it was like it would be a video and you would just walk on and it was just like everything would just stop.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

Like, even the other girls that's supposed to be dancing and shaking ass, they look like, God damn. So it's crazy that you picked that.

[Melissa Ford]

Up because you exuded that there was times. The Shake It Fast video. Shake it ass, Shake it fast. You know the radio version when we're in all the masks at the masquerade party of the video. I was sobbing. I was. They had to pick me up off the floor because the costuming was so. Was so. We were so scantily clad, and I was so insecure about my body and what it looked like that I just would have these crying fits. I would just. I would. I was like. It was. I don't even know how to explain how the fuck did y'all deal with me, Right?

[Dre Nicole]

So crazy.

[Melissa Ford]

I would just.

[Dre Nicole]

You look so good.

[Lex P]

That's what I'm saying.

[Melissa Ford]

But then I. But then I wiped my face. I came out and yes.

[Lex P]

Always gave that. Yeah, very polished.

[Melissa Ford]

And you just never know because what would Claire Huxtable do? What would Lena Horne do? What would Nancy Wilson do? What would Halle Berry do? Like, I would ask myself these questions inside my head. What would these women who are the picture of composure and poise, what would they do? And I had to apply this to every experience in my life. So people are like, it's a fucking video, Melissa. But is it really? Is it fucking really?

[Dre Nicole]

I think it's life.

[Melissa Ford]

No. But not only that, music videos became one of the first ways that black and brown young girls saw themselves represented really, for the first time.

[Lex P]

That's true.

[Melissa Ford]

And that is how the beauty standard did change. So it wasn't just a music video. We weren't just video music models. We were changing. We were there. We were a fault line. And there was going to be a seismic shift. Nobody knew about it, though. And nobody really thought that we would be responsible for anything other than just being eye candy and just living through and for the male gaze.

[Lex P]

But I do think videos during that time, you all have to realize we used to be rushing off the bus. Cause it be like, oh, a video is premiered world.

[Dre Nicole]

It used to be a premiere.

[Melissa Ford]

World premiere.

[Lex P]

Yes, it was a premiere.

[Dre Nicole]

Now it just drop on YouTube. People like, oh, let me go.

[Lex P]

When you would see that world premiere. World world premiere on 106 in park, it was like, hold on, I gotta make it to the tv.

[Melissa Ford]

Yo, one of.

[Dre Nicole]

Sometimes it would be, like, in the middle of a program.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah, yeah. One of the funniest, like, moments of a world premiere was. And I think I just told this story recently, but I was shooting Cherchez La Ghost, Ghostface killer's video with YouGod. And, I mean, there was like, 50 girls there. And Gloria Velez was one of the, you know, one of the principal girls. And we just met each other on that set. We're watching the world premiere of Big Pimpin and find out we're both in that video. But she had shot the Miami part and I'd shot the Trinidad part.

[Lex P]

Okay?

[Melissa Ford]

And so. And then fast forward, less than a month later, we both get casted for song. Song remix. Ok. And so we're both leads in that. Just different participation. You know, I'm mostly in the beginning, and she's mostly like, middle and end and that sort of thing. And then we end up going on tour. Like, it just our lives, all of us video models. And I will. I refuse to call us video girls or video chicks or video hoes or whatever. We were. We were like the trifecta, you know, like, we were like the supermodels of the 90s, you know, the Christy Turlington, the Naomi Campbell, the Cindy Crawford, Linda Evangelista. That's who we were. And regardless, if anybody wants to give us that credit, you can't convince me otherwise.

[Lex P]

We was there.

[Dre Nicole]

No. Yeah, we was out there.

[Lex P]

We know what it was.

[Dre Nicole]

We remember. So I was gonna ask you, how was it on set a lot of the time with the other girls, especially considering that you had a relationship with Director X, so you were just automatically getting picked. Were girls going on auditions back then? And so do you feel like the energy was different on set because you were just automatically getting picked versus them having to, like, audition?

[Melissa Ford]

I don't think that you really knew that, though. Like, if you made it past the audition process and then you ended up on set, you're not thinking about the audition anymore. You're like, I'm here. Yeah, I got this shit.

[Lex P]

I don't care how you got it. I.

[Melissa Ford]

Exactly. So. But my personal circumstances, and I'm. And, you know, I'm pretty sure Glow. I call her Glow Worm. Her circumstances were different. There's a video model named Sasha. You know, she was huge. Her circumstances were different. There was no casting for us. Natasha, Ellie, who's now Natasha Maloney. There was no, you know, like, casting for her. She got casted.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

Picked, you know, There was girls that never hit the audition set. We didn't. We didn't have to. We got picked. And so, you know, I mean, there was my experience, there was a lot of camaraderie. In most of my experiences, there was a lot of camaraderie, especially if we didn't feel safe, because as a woman, naturally, we have to be hyper vigilant about our safety in every single circumstance. We're taught that from a very young age to be hyper vigilant about our safety, you know. You know, walking down the street, it's dark, walk with keys in your hand, you gotta have bear mace, you gotta have all this shit, you know what I'm saying? Like, we gotta worry about our safety. So in certain circumstances, when we felt like there was. There might be a little bit of a predatory vibe on set, we were like fucking beavers.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

You know what I mean? Like beavers, in order to, like, you know, not drown in the water, they sleep back to back. You know, you keep your. You keep six, keep your head on a swivel. I'm gonna take a nap.

[Lex P]

That is crazy.

[Melissa Ford]

And then wake up and then you do the same and I do the same for you. I'd see other girls just holed up in the corner with their school books because a lot of girls were just like me. They were. They were studying and they were studying to become other things. This was just like a stop on their journey and just a life experience, you know, something to add to their, like, you know, their mosaic of life experiences and stuff like that. So for me, a lot of the times there was a lot of camaraderie, especially when X and Hype did music videos because they hired a lot of the Canadian girls. So we all knew each other, like big pimpin on that yacht. That was a party. And then we took the party back to, like, Hype's house, and it was a massive house and we were. It just was.

[Lex P]

It was a vibe.

[Melissa Ford]

Oh, it was a vibe. It was a vibe. And it really was like. It really was, like, very familial.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

You know, it wasn't debaucherous like people think. And that's not to say that there was not that. Yeah, exactly. But a lot of times you could figure out from the song, the artist and the lyrical content what the shit was going to be like, what the energy on set was going to be. And you would just be like, yeah, I'm good. I'm good on that one.

[Lex P]

And I don't.

[Dre Nicole]

Well, I was just going to say, I think people wonder because a lot of the time, that's how it is today. So I'm just wondering if it was like that back then, too.

[Melissa Ford]

I mean, I think that people have different intentions now. You know, these. The age of social media. Like, you know, just how many women kind of elevated past being music video models and became other things? Me being maybe kind of the blueprint of that. I think that people kind of look at that elevation as something that they can achieve as well. And, you know, so that's just. That's a driving force for their motivation. Right. But, I mean, it's just. It's.

[Lex P]

It's very different.

[Melissa Ford]

It's just different. It's so. It's so different.

[Lex P]

Yeah. Cause I want to ask you. Cause I do feel like I could be wrong. Cause like I said, I'm outsider. Never been a video girl or nothing like that, but I felt like a shoot me. Shut the hell up.

[Melissa Ford]

Wait, what?

[Lex P]

Cause I did a video one time, and I was, like, coming out the wall, trying to be fine. This was in Houston back in the day.

[Melissa Ford]

You need to send that to definitely in a video.

[Lex P]

Before, I was trying to get my Melissa Ford on. It wasn't happening. It was giving. Let me get these jokes off, bitch. Cause getting out the water sexy is not easy, man. What?

[Melissa Ford]

It's not easy.

[Lex P]

Let me tell you. Side note, I got distracted at this video shoot. Mind you. Everybody in bikinis, fine. I was in that bitch doing diving in the pool.

[Dre Nicole]

I was drinking.

[Lex P]

I'm like, y'all kirk up. I'm the only one in the pool having fun. They was like, oh, my God.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

They was like, oh, hey, you like, girl. They was like.

[Dre Nicole]

I was like, I thought we came.

[Lex P]

To swim and turn up. So they just got me getting out the water, and I was just having a ball. But anyway, I did want to ask, because I feel like the shift in how people viewed video models came when Corrine Stephens dropped that book. Because I'm not gonna lie for me, I shouldn't have been reading that book. No, I was. But, baby, everybody had that.

[Melissa Ford]

Damn.

[Dre Nicole]

We was passing it around, trying to hide.

[Lex P]

Oh, my God.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah, we were. Everybody was doing that at a young age.

[Lex P]

You know, I viewed being a video model as one thing. But when after we read that book, I was like, oh, my God. This is what's going on. So I think that book really changed how a lot of people viewed video models because we started putting everybody in one category. Oh, she's doing it all y'all doing It. So talk about that change that happened after she dropped that book. Or was it even a change?

[Melissa Ford]

Oh, yeah, this. The. The hammer came down.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

It's so interesting. And we're watching it right now with Diddy. You know, where somebody was. You know, we watched this person who's been placed on this pedestal. You know, we just gave him like the Icon Award. Yeah, like the Global Icon award from the VMAs key to the City in New York. Just like, what?

[Dre Nicole]

And he got the Mirror Honorary Award.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah, like lifetime achievement. Exactly. So it's just like we're. We're what? You know, we're watching, like this kind of fall from grace. So it's just like the higher your pedestal is, when they kick it out from under you, that fall is hard, hard and fast, you know, and so, you know, we're just kind of like trudging along and whatnot. And by this time, I've pretty much exited stage. Left, right. Like now I'm a television personality. Like, my face is on the wall on 57th street, in between at 10th and 11th on the CBS building.

[Lex P]

Right?

[Melissa Ford]

My face, Tigger Free and aj. So I'm now a television personality. And this was part of my plan. I was. I was always going to take the exit ramp and. And go to do something else.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

And so when the book came out and suddenly I'm regarded the exact same way as the stories that she's telling, I was like, wait, wait, what? Right, hold on one second here. How. How Sway. You know, and I was just. I was furious. And then it was like the judgment was swift and in the opposite direction. And suddenly every single girl who had participated in a music video was responsible for fucking racial genocide. And I was like, wait, how did we do all of this? You know, oh, you are just responsible for the youth going wayward. And. Hold. What the fuck? And so. So at that time, there was also other shit going on with the music industry. Like, you know, just the labels and stuff like that. Napster and the piracy of music. So that was like a big thing as well, coinciding with that. So music videos and the quality of music videos and the quality of hiring just changed. So this was all like, you know, just like the tent poles of how shit got super fucked up. And so when the book comes out at the same time, everybody seemed to want to do a fucking panel. A panel on or about hip hop, the state of hip hop feminism and hip hop. And because people now knew that I knew how to string a sentence together and the fact That I was looked at as the blueprint. Everybody wanted me to speak on these panels to represent every single girl that had done a visit, a video. And I was like, wait, hold on one second here. I could talk. I could talk for that. Her over there, but her over there, I don't know.

[Dre Nicole]

They ain't got nothing to do with me.

[Melissa Ford]

I don't know her and what she did. But I felt this obligation to speak on behalf of all of us. But that is an enormous amount of pressure to put on somebody's shoulders. Like, I felt like it was my cross to bear to speak for every girl who had, like, the. Who went to these video sets to do an honest day's work for an honest day's pay, you know, who weren't there for the. For the fucking malarkey, you know what I'm saying? And the bullshit. So. And what I remember most from doing these panels was what the front. The first three rows of the front look like. And it was primarily women judge. Just me looking at me like, yeah, okay, yeah, and waiting for the bullshit that was going to come out of my mouth and how intimidating that was to already be judged before I can even say anything. Judged for another person's actions. Like, it was really. It was very unfair. But I didn't even have the vocabulary to even articulate how I felt about this thing. And to say, like, you're wrong and you need to change. I was just. I was trying to use my intellect to show people, look, we are multifaceted. We're not just that, we're not that right. You know, that was a choice. And I made my choices, and they do not align with the choices of another person. You wouldn't want to be judged for, you know, the actions of another.

[Dre Nicole]

Right?

[Melissa Ford]

And that went on for a really, really long time. And I kept showing up for these panels and, you know, just kind of crashing into walls, you know, trying to defend myself and bear this cross of judgment. Harsh, harsh judgment. And it really had a profound effect on, you know, my already kind of fractured self esteem.

[Lex P]

Right.

[Melissa Ford]

You know, but of course, yeah.

[Lex P]

Face, of course. The facade.

[Melissa Ford]

Of course, the facade. I ain't never shook. I'm fine inside. I'm like, oh, my God. Fucking dying over here.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

You know, and I can't lie and say that, like, you know, that depression and anxiety did not result off sometimes in, like, suicidal ideations. It was bad. Yeah, it was really, really bad. And, you know, sometimes I would just hide from the public and consume way too much alcohol and weed and you know, just as like a coping mechanism and stuff. It was. It was tumultuous shit that. That I went through. And I found myself throwing myself into. Throwing myself into other opportunities in order to really try to change the perception of me. Like, at one point, the center for Disease Control and Prevention came knocking, and they wanted me to start touring the country, talking to high school students and college students about hypersexuality. Was hypersexuality? No. No. What was it? I don't fucking remember. But something in that realm it was. It's basically like promiscuity in a culture. That was basically what the speech was that I was giving. And I was also, you know, meant to be giving this speech to make people aware of the prevalence of HIV and AIDS contraction rates in the African American community, that AIDS is not going away. It's not like, you know, I know it's not a cause celeb anymore, right? It's just like charitable art. You know, it goes through the ebb and flow of which the. What's the cause that we're celebrating now? And AIDS and HIV had kind of fallen out of, you know, fallen out of favor and stuff like that, just in terms of, like, you know, captivating headlines and stuff. But it was very. Like, the statistics were very, very high in our community. Like, they sent me out because, you know, I'm drawn a certain way. You're a certain way, exactly. So, like, I'm like, walking desire, right thing. And then I'm like, snap out of it. You know, to the boys, snap out of it. This cannot be what makes you make a decision about your sexual life. You know what I'm saying? You gotta protect yourself, because this can get you in trouble. And the ladies, I had a totally different directive as to what I would say to them. But they found my speech and the way that I would communicate to the students very, very effective. And so I jumped on that as a way to try to dismantle this negative way of thinking about me. Unbeknownst to me, other video models, like, you know, Buffy and Angel, Lola Love, and, you know, whomever who has expressed it in the past, they felt the effects of that book as well. Just to bring it full circle. I thought that I was alone, but I apparently wasn't.

[Lex P]

And I think now, where a lot of the video models are now, we can see that. Like, okay, like, even. I'm not gonna lie, whenever I saw you, like, when he added you on the podcast, I had no idea. I was like. When we left the interview, we Was like, damn. Melissa is really like. She know what the hell she's talking about. Like, she's very. But so I'm glad that you're on the platform now to show that, because you can't fake that. You can't fake being educated who you are and putting yourself out there. Because I think a lot of people who did used to kind of be on the set doing the crazy stuff, you can see where they are now, and it reflects that.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

You know, of how they were carrying themselves.

[Dre Nicole]

And I think, too, like, back in the day, being a video model really did catapult you into being able to do other things. Now I feel like not so much like, I feel like people be trying to get you with the. Oh, you're gonna get exposure. And then you really don't get any exposure. Like, back in the day, y'all were really getting exposure from being in the videos. And it really helped you go on to do the things that you wanted to do, you know, later down the line.

[Melissa Ford]

I mean, video. Doing a video. Almost guaranteed that black men's magazine and Keen magazine, right, King, and, you know, all the men's magazines would come calling. That they would come calling, and then they would give you, like, you know, a feature or whatever, if you were lucky and super, super, super popular, right? Then you'd get the COVID or whatever the case is. You know, Dayton and Adele, who were the founders of King, they tell a story about how their intention was to feature celebrity women on the COVID But then their mail bag was crazy with dudes who were a overseas fighting, you know, in the bullshit wars this country has fought. Thank you to our veterans, but. And also to the guys, you know, inside, incarcerated. The mail bag was thick, and they were like, can you feature. Can you put the girl from this video on the COVID Can you. The girl from this video, the girl from this. And they were like, wait, what? And so that's why shit changed so drastically in terms of who they started to feature on the covers. And I believe, if I'm not mistaken, somebody can correct me if I'm wrong. Me and Gloria were the first video models to appear on the COVID of King magazine. It was a double cover, and I was one and Gloria was the other. And that was. And that was fun. That was the story that I was gonna tell you. You know, I sat down and I was just like, oh, I feel a little nervous, you know, whatever. And you were like, oh, it might be all the people. I'm like, girl, do you know what my photo shoots used to look like, period.

[Lex P]

Because now that I think about it, I was like, yeah, you don't have.

[Dre Nicole]

To be like, you know what?

[Melissa Ford]

My photo shoots used to look like my photo. My diamond dealer would come by. My weed guy would come by. There was a dj, okay? There was liquor. And everybody from, like, Big tigger, Rashid, Wallace, Ebro, 50, Kanye, everybody, everybody came to my video set or to my. To my covers, because that was lit. And I like to perform.

[Lex P]

I know that's like, put on a show. Yeah, Todd, what we drinking today, girl?

[Dre Nicole]

All right, so for our guest, Ms. Melissa Ford, this one is called the Hooty who. Okay? And so this includes a little bit.

[Lex P]

Of blood orange, a little bit of.

[Dre Nicole]

Turmeric spice, a little bit of lemon juice. It's topped with some Prosecco, and then also a little bit of Pellegrino just to give us a nice, calm fall autumn fizz. So this is the Hootie Hoop. Cheers.

[Lex P]

What's up, y'all?

[Dre Nicole]

It's your girl xp, and it's your girl Dre Nicole.

[Lex P]

And we're here to tell y'all about a rewards program called Built. You pay your rent online, and you get points. I don't know about you, but I love getting some good points.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah, I love me some points. And you can get points for vacations. You can get points at hotels. You can even also use your points for studio classes, like, you know, working out, going to the gym.

[Lex P]

I like that.

[Dre Nicole]

I like that, too.

[Lex P]

You're gonna pay your rent anyway, so you might as well get rewarded for it. So what you're gonna do is go to joinbuilt.com Poor Minds. That's J O I N B I L T.com Poor Minds. Sign up, pay your rent on time, and get you some points, period. Earn points by paying rent. Right now when you join built.com Poor Minds, that's J O I N B I L T.com Poor Minds. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. Join built.com Poor Minds to start earning points with your rent payments today. What's up, y'all? It's your girl Lex P. And it's.

[Dre Nicole]

Your girl Dre Nicole.

[Lex P]

And we have a very exciting announcement today. We have a brand new show dropping.

[Dre Nicole]

Yes. So we have a brand new show dropping y'all, on Patreon. It's gonna air on September 2nd, and it's called Poor Chronicles. We're gonna be doing so much stuff on there. We're gonna be doing challenges. If you can't go To Bella. No shade. Where the hell could you go if.

[Lex P]

You can't go to Bella? No. What the hell? Can't stop.

[Dre Nicole]

We going to be doing. Talk to me. Chitchat with me. We going to be spilling a little tea.

[Lex P]

Oh, my God. No, you didn't. Oh, my God.

[Dre Nicole]

Everything y'all been wanting to see, we going to be doing it right here on Patreon.

[Lex P]

Yes. Y'all ask us for so much. Well, we f to give it to y'all every single Monday. And it's gonna be a time. Y'all know Poor Mars has grown into its own little entity. Well, we're gonna have a lot of fun still over here at Poor Chronicles, so make sure y'all tune in September 2nd. It's going down.

[Dre Nicole]

Thanks.

[Lex P]

I do have another question, and then I want to move on to, you know, more current times. So I do wanna ask you, because I remember, obviously, you've been asked this question a thousand times, but just for our audience. When the Game dropped that song and dropped the verse, everybody was confused because it was kinda like, are they beefing? Were they dating? Why was this, like, harsh slug? And it became so popular, like, everybody was saying, I know everywhere.

[Melissa Ford]

I know still to this day, people.

[Lex P]

Are asking you about it, though.

[Melissa Ford]

I know.

[Lex P]

What was the deal with that? Where did that come from? And how did you know the song was coming out? Like, what happened?

[Melissa Ford]

So I had only met Game once in passing. Like, really passing. It was when I was trying to solicit bet. Like, bet didn't just hand me a job, right? I had to prove that I knew how to walk and talk and chew gum at the same time, you know? So I found. I proposed ideas for me to. For me to showcase my talent as a host. And I said, you don't have to pay me. I'll pay my own way to get there. I'll pay for my own makeup. I'll pay my own hotel. Like, this is what it was like, okay? When you wanted to. When you wanted to work with somebody, your work ethic had to be so solid that you were willing to come out of pocket and prove your worth, prove your mettle, prove your talent without the promise of anything. That was how it was back then. I don't know what y'all are on now. Like, this entitlement bullshit, right? Yeah, but so I was. It was Spring Bling 2003.

[Lex P]

A time.

[Melissa Ford]

A time.

[Lex P]

I used to love watching Spring Bling.

[Dre Nicole]

And I used to wish I was older, man.

[Lex P]

What?

[Dre Nicole]

I was so mad that I missed that era.

[Melissa Ford]

It was a time it was.

[Dre Nicole]

Looked so fun.

[Melissa Ford]

It was. It was. It was so. It was Daytona. And, like, I interviewed, like, a. You know, just a bunch of people and whatnot. And then I thought that my day was over. And they were like, melissa, we just got word that we've got G Unit. You gotta interview them. And I was like, oh, my God. I was terrified. I was so fucking scared.

[Dre Nicole]

You're terrified.

[Melissa Ford]

They were so scary and intimidating. But I was just like, facade, right?

[Lex P]

She was gonna be ready. Facade.

[Melissa Ford]

I'm that girl. I don't know who y'all are. I was like, holy. I'm waiting. So they have me. They have me go there to, like, their trailer. And it's when it was JIU and it was game.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

Lloyd Banks. And I used to love me some Lloyd Banks. And.

[Dre Nicole]

And I used to love young bugs.

[Melissa Ford]

Thank you, young bucks.

[Lex P]

Yes, I did.

[Melissa Ford]

Oh, he protected me from getting shot in a club here in Atlanta one time. Yes.

[Dre Nicole]

That's a black king right there.

[Lex P]

Yeah. All the.

[Melissa Ford]

You know what I'm saying in terms of, like, all the weird, funny stories I've never said before. Right? Young buck kind of protected me from getting shot at a club in Atlanta.

[Dre Nicole]

That is crazy. Melissa, what the fuck?

[Melissa Ford]

I had a gun pulled on me. Anyways, listen, I'm diverting from the real fucking story here.

[Lex P]

We go to that later. But that was awesome. Yeah.

[Dre Nicole]

I want to go back to this.

[Melissa Ford]

Shit has been treacherous in this business. So, okay, so I get to the trailer, and the three of them are outside. 50's not outside yet. And so they get. And they're just like, oh, yeah. They're posturing and shit like that. And circling me like sharks. And I'm just like, holy shit. What the fuck?

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

And then 50 comes out the trailer. I promise you, These three stood at attention like soldiers. Don't get mad at me. Y'all know that. That's the way it was in the early days.

[Lex P]

Not dad coming outside. We gotta be quiet.

[Melissa Ford]

Suddenly, all the. All the. All the little.

[Lex P]

All that bullshit. Stop.

[Melissa Ford]

My new favorite word, because of, you know, my producer, is malarkey. All the malarkey.

[Dre Nicole]

Stop.

[Melissa Ford]

And I was like, wait, what the fuck is going on? And then 50 comes out, and 50 has, like, this ridiculous presence.

[Lex P]

He does.

[Dre Nicole]

He does. Wow.

[Melissa Ford]

And he just looks at you through your soul. Hey, what's up? I was like, I'm here to interview you. Nothing. I'm here to. I'm trying to do a job.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

And so literally, I don't even know how the interview fucking went. I don't remember, because it was just. It was so, so much chaos and it was so much adrenaline and I was just so breathless about, oh, my God, let me not screw this opportunity up. Because this is what I want so bad. I want to be a television host. I want to prove myself, that I'm. That I'm good enough and whatever else. This was like such a validation seeking moment for me. And so that happened. And then I got the offer from BET to start doing, you know, like, they were like, okay, we're going to hire you as on air talent. We're doing the photo shoot and this is the commitment and contracts and blah, blah, blah. And then the, you know, the commercials went out and then the billboards went out and I was like, holy shit, it's like happening. So this was. So this was 2004 when I, you know, officially got the job. And I'm on air talent now. I have a show called BET Style with Tigger and. And also they have me doing sports correspondence for a show that they had called Mad Sports. They just have me like everywhere. When you're on air talent at bet, they just threw you everywhere. And I was happy to do it all. And so to backtrack when to still get the kind of stink of the book and everything like that, after I feel like I'd made it through the doors and stuff like that, I was like, wait a minute. How are you pulling me back to this shit? Hold on. I thought that I elevated to this point past this point where I'm a part of the discussion.

[Lex P]

So the game just used your name?

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah, so fast. So I'm still at BET, and then I got a. It's like 2006 and I get a call from DJ Clue and he says, so that was the only moment that I had the game.

[Lex P]

Okay?

[Melissa Ford]

That was it. That was just that moment. I never, I never saw him ever again.

[Lex P]

So he was one of the ones that was at a 10 hut when 50 came.

[Melissa Ford]

I said, I mean, I dare you.

[Dre Nicole]

She said what?

[Melissa Ford]

She said, I dare you to contradict me. You know, it's true.

[Lex P]

Okay.

[Melissa Ford]

And so then I get a call from DJ Clue. He was like, hey, Mel, let me ask you a question. I was like, what's up? He was like, did. Did you ever diss game? Like, did he try and kick it to you and you dissed him? I was like, no. And he was like, you sure? Because I kind of had a reputation for doing shit like that.

[Lex P]

Yeah, yeah, you had a mouth on you.

[Melissa Ford]

I mean, I just wasn't really interested in shitting where I ate.

[Lex P]

Okay.

[Melissa Ford]

You know what I'm saying? So I just. No. So I was like, yeah, no, I know. I didn't shit on him or he tried to date, whatever. And I was like, why? He was like, well, he put your name in a song. And I was like, okay. I was like, is it good? And he was like, well, ooh, DJ Clue.

[Lex P]

Messy. I love messy people that give me the taste.

[Dre Nicole]

Me too.

[Lex P]

Cause he said, well.

[Dre Nicole]

And I was, send me the song.

[Melissa Ford]

I was just like, so wait, is it on a mixtape? He said, no, it's on the album.

[Lex P]

Oh, my God.

[Melissa Ford]

And I said, well, is it on, like, the B side? He was like, no, I think it's the next single. I said, oh. I said, send it to me right now.

[Lex P]

Oh, my God.

[Melissa Ford]

He sent me the song and I heard it and I was like, oh. I was like, okay, well, that's clever and stupid all at the same time.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

You know, Melissa Ford Honda Accord would do anything to go to the Grammy Awards type shit. I was like, okay. It rhymes. Okay, whatever, right? I was like, thanks, nigga. But whatever I did, I did not expect it to be the cultural, you know, fucking have the cultural footprint that it did. You could not have told me that that was going to happen because I really didn't know. I didn't understand who the culture and, you know, hip hop understood Game to be. I didn't.

[Lex P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

I didn't know. And that's not because he's not talented. It's just because. Because I'm not a nigga. You know what I mean? I'm a girl, and I wasn't. I'm listening to Little Dragon, you know what I'm saying? I'm listening to, like, 90s R&B. I'm. I might like, what I gotta do with this, you know, I'm listening to, you know, Reasonable Doubt, like nomadic, but, like, that's as far, like, you know what I'm saying?

[Lex P]

So it was just weird and kind of out of nowhere. And I think what made it so, like, everybody was talking about it because people still refer to that because they're like, oh, if you don't go down the right path, you're gonna end up like Melissa Ford and.

[Melissa Ford]

Right? And I was like, wait, I'm on the right path. Follow my path.

[Lex P]

Right?

[Dre Nicole]

You do want to follow my path.

[Lex P]

But it was tea at the time because we didn't. We, like, we saw you and we knew you, but we didn't know, it's not like how Instagram is right now. So I'm like, girl, you know, Melissa, Ford drive a Honda Accord and it was tedious.

[Melissa Ford]

And I never drove a Honda Accord, even though it's a great car and they hold their resale value. But that's not what I was driving at the time. I was driving an S550 champagne. And so just don't play with Usito.

[Lex P]

And I'm glad that you said that because you know what? I'm probably.

[Dre Nicole]

People be trying to play you. They be trying to play your top. Like, period. They stop trying to play on everybody top.

[Lex P]

On people top. Yeah, especially you. Because I do want to fast forward till now.

[Dre Nicole]

Well, I was about to. Yeah, because I wanted to ask you a question too, because you said like, you know, he just brought your name up out of nowhere. So I saw recently a model, another model brought your name up recently about something really old. And I was just wondering.

[Melissa Ford]

Hold that thought. Put it.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah, okay.

[Melissa Ford]

Okay, hold on one second. Here, let me. Let me finish this up.

[Dre Nicole]

Ok.

[Melissa Ford]

So he shows me, he sends me the song and I'm like, ok, well, this isn't. Whatever. Ok, whatever.

[Lex P]

Cold.

[Melissa Ford]

And then. And then I was just like, wait, what the fuck? Yeah, it caught wings and it flew the fuck off. And it just took off with wings. And suddenly I'm, you know, the book and then this. And it was just solidifying this fucking narrative that I'm not even responsible for. That has nothing to do with my truth. And nobody's fucking asking me whether this was okay with me. And I was like, wait, hold. Hold on here. What the fuck is going on? But then kicks in that whole never lost the facade, but now that's what we finna name. But now the facade. But now the facade is working to my detriment.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

Because now I have not developed a muscle to clap back. I have not developed the muscle of defending myself. I am caught in between the. I'm caught in between a rock and a hard place. Do I defend myself and it fall on deaf ears because people want to believe the messy narrative? Or do I just operate in a composed and poised manner and let my nonverbal communication do the speaking for me? And maybe it does not land or impact people right now, but eventually y'all motherfuckers will understand who I am and how false that belief was. Right? And it may not be right now. You know, being in 2006, 2007, now 20, 20 something. Oh, they know now you're ended a relationship that was very, very, like, near and dear to my heart. I was. I remember being on the red carpet at the BET Hip Hop Awards, and my boyfriend had just broken up with me because he could not deal with the amount of, like. Just amount of, like, conversation about me in such a negative way. And, you know, me and him are still friends. And he was just like, I was so immature at the time. I wish that I'd had the wherewithal to not do that to you, but I'm walking this red carpet. My heart is in a million pieces. It's smashed. I have been sobbing for hours. I was. I was on the plane crying so hard that the stranger next to me was rubbing my back.

[Lex P]

Oh, my God.

[Melissa Ford]

And I got to my hotel and I closed the drapes and I just lay in bed, and my publicist came in and she just sat. She was like, mel, baby, you just gotta give me a couple of. Cause I'm presenting. I. You just gotta give me a couple of hours. Please, Please, just find it in you. And I am a tenacious, resilient motherfucker. I found that. That steel core of strength that I have inside of me. I was so broken, but I was like, all right. And so I'm still. I'm still, like, tears stroll, strumming, streaming down my face in the car as we're approaching the red carpet. And she was looking at me and she was just like, oh, fuck, this is. And I just looked at her and I was just like.

[Lex P]

I got these.

[Melissa Ford]

Open the door.

[Lex P]

Yeah, yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

And I got on that red carpet, and every con, every question was about game. The thing that had just ruined the relationship with the man that I was in love with.

[Dre Nicole]

Crazy.

[Melissa Ford]

And I was just like, you know, it's a shame. And I just did my diplomatic. You know, Now I've been like, that stupid ass motherfucker. That would be. Right. Yeah. Right. But that was not me then.

[Lex P]

It was different back then, though.

[Dre Nicole]

It was.

[Melissa Ford]

It was.

[Lex P]

I mean, now it's like, you can't play with that because people have, you know, a voice to speak and a voice to talk. But, like, back then, like, going against somebody who was so big at the time, you just. You had to be quiet. You had to shut up and, like you said, put that facade on and keep it cute.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah. But even if you look at, like, the industry and how, like, that is just, like, a real snapshot into the misogyny and, Oh, I don't want to use the word patriarchy, but, I mean, you know. Yeah, but the misogyny that was of this business and how easily it was to malign a woman's character by doing absolutely nothing, by just literally just saying something, and you be in everybody taking it and running with it, and then it defines her for years and years and years and years. 15 years.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

20 years.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

What the fuck?

[Lex P]

Have you ever had a conversation with him?

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah, we're cool.

[Dre Nicole]

Oh, y'all cool now? That's.

[Melissa Ford]

I mean, look, why am I.

[Lex P]

Cause I was about to say, game. I beat your ass. I fight niggas.

[Melissa Ford]

We were at Floyd Mayweather's party of 2016, 2017, or something like that. And, you know, let me get another one.

[Lex P]

It's getting juicy.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah, we were. And actually, we'd had. We'd actually had more interactions than that. He would. We saw each other in 2008 or 2009. It was Gilbert Arenas, 25, 25th birthday, and it was in DC, this club called Love and fucking. Everybody was there. Everybody was there, and he was there, and he was just like, miss. Ms. Ford, this is me coming to you, like, walking towards me. This is me coming to you, telling you I meant no harm by that. It was just a song. I didn't know that it was going to have that effect on your life. And I was just like.

[Lex P]

I know. I would have been like, man, you got me fucked up. Oh, my God.

[Melissa Ford]

But that. That's still.

[Lex P]

And that's odd. Yes. But it's so crazy. I was hoping it was something behind it, where it was some tea where like, oh, he was hurt. You just being.

[Dre Nicole]

But it was literally nothing.

[Lex P]

But the crazy part.

[Melissa Ford]

Listen to that song. He talks about 30 women. Why does everybody just remember me?

[Dre Nicole]

Because you are the blueprint.

[Melissa Ford]

So that's where. That's where. Popularity. Yeah, absolutely. That's where the pendulum swings in the opposite direction.

[Dre Nicole]

Right.

[Melissa Ford]

You know, like, it really is a gift and a curse. Yeah. You know, and the pendulum will always swing in the opposite fucking direction. That is why I take praise and criticism with the same amount of skepticism. You know, like, I do not believe my own pressure. You know, right now I'm having, like, a moment where, you know, there's a lot of fucking energy around me, and I feel like the eye of a fucking hurricane. And, you know, even though I feel like a lot of it is, like, is praiseworthy, I feel very uncomfortable with it because I know how quickly the pendulum can swing dramatically in the opposite direction. So I. And I'm always cognizant of that, and I always want to be there, try to be as Prepared as possible for to weather that storm. And that is what 25 years in this business has taught me, how to weather storm.

[Lex P]

Right.

[Melissa Ford]

Because I have weathered some shit.

[Dre Nicole]

You done been through some shit right now.

[Lex P]

What was it that you was wearing?

[Dre Nicole]

Well, yeah, that's what I was gonna say. So going back to what I was about to ask. So, yes.

[Melissa Ford]

It was like, so much in the middle of all that, though.

[Dre Nicole]

It has been. It's been a lot for sure. But I wanted to talk about this because this was something recent, and I was wondering how you felt about it. Literally, when I seen it on the Internet, I was like, I wonder how Melissa feels about this, because obviously this is like some old. And it's not something that you ever put on front street, so you didn't even want it out there like that. So I'm wondering, how do you feel, like, when your name gets brought up in situations that. That happened many moons ago, that you never even publicized or wanted to be out there, and then someone is telling their side of the story and you're just caught off guard? Like, what the.

[Melissa Ford]

Well, I had a podcast in 2019 called I'm Here for the Food.

[Lex P]

Thank you, Ty. Sorry.

[Melissa Ford]

And I had her on as a guest.

[Dre Nicole]

Right.

[Melissa Ford]

And my intention of doing so was because it was very important for me to try to change a narrative that women don't get along, that women hate each other, that women are naturally catty with each other, that women will always choose niggas over their girls. I wanted. I don't like that narrative at all. You know, And I wanted to show and tell a story of a girlfriend and me who men have wanted us both, and we continue to choose each other.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

You know, like the. So what men want? Like, you know how guys have the code, bros before hoes. Yeah, but what's our code? You know what I'm saying? So that's what I was trying to. Poor bros. That's what I was.

[Lex P]

Sisters before that. Mr. You feel me? Okay.

[Melissa Ford]

You guys are so good.

[Dre Nicole]

This shit. Thank you. This is good.

[Melissa Ford]

So I really. That's what I thought was really important. And I thought that telling that story on my podcast was really impactful because no one knew it.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

It had never been said before. You know, my relationship with that huge megastar was not really public knowledge because we never walked red carpet and we never had pictures taken. And there's a reason for that. I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever wanted my merit or my achievement in this, in my career to be associated with any fucking man Amen, sister. Ever preach it, and they will. Every chance, every chance they get, they will associate your achievement and your success. Well, who did she fuck? Yeah.

[Lex P]

Come on, now.

[Melissa Ford]

It was very important for me to, you know, try to dispel all of that. All those bullshit myths and stigmatizations and stereotypes and stuff like that, because they made me fucking mad. And so we're telling this story, and I feel like we're telling this story in a reciprocal manner, you know, and as we both remember it to fast forward five years later.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

Hear a completely different version of the story and then not get a text, a call, a heads up, nothing. That this is happening. Guess what? I guess how I found out on.

[Dre Nicole]

The Internet with everybody else.

[Melissa Ford]

With everybody else. And getting calls and texts from people saying, you sure you guys are friends?

[Lex P]

Right?

[Melissa Ford]

And I was like, what are you talking about? And then I see. And I'm like, I can see why y'all are asking me that question, because now I don't understand either. I'm confused.

[Lex P]

That's ugly.

[Melissa Ford]

I'm confused. And I was just like. It was. That hurt. Yeah, that hurt and the facade.

[Dre Nicole]

Cause y'all weren't really.

[Lex P]

You have to, though. But, yeah, you have to, because people wanna see you crash out.

[Dre Nicole]

They do.

[Lex P]

They want. Because we've never had that Melissa Ford moment where she's like, what the fuck? I mean, everybody has a moment. You always keep it very much put together, but you haven't had your moment. So people want that so fucking bad.

[Melissa Ford]

But I won't. They want it. You're never going to see me airing somebody out on social media. You're never going to see me posting, you know, conversations that we've had in DMs or text. Like, I'm not doing that. No judgment. It's not my style.

[Dre Nicole]

What they say, you never gonna see my. You never gonna hear my side of the story. Cause I really don't care.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah, a lot of the times. Yeah. A lot of the times I've allowed people to walk around and carry on a narrative that paints me in a really, really bad. In a bad way. But I'm just like, time will tell.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

And the truth always comes out.

[Lex P]

It does.

[Melissa Ford]

And when people's actions are. And this is a broad stroke statement, not about what we're talking about. This is just a broad stroke statement of everything that I have experienced in this business. People's nefarious intentions will always come to fucking light. Always. We're watching it right now in real time. Their nefarious deeds will come to light every single time. And so that's why I just sit back and wait, because I just don't feel like I need to prove that I'm not that person. Because I know I'm not. I know I'm not. And the people that love me, no, I'm not. And they defend me. And maybe it's a small little village of people defending me, or maybe it's a fucking hive, which I got right now. Hey, Melodies. Hey, Mel. Hive, guys. I fucking love my hive because they're not superficial about the reasons why they like me. They are just like, I rock with her. I rock with her. I love what she said here. I love what she stands for. This is. I love that. You know, Like, I love. I love the reason why they rock with me. And the people who are like, she ain't my favorite, but that bitch will drop a gem every once in a while.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

Thank you. I appreciate the recognition. And you know what's up, y'all?

[Dre Nicole]

It's your girl xp, and it's your girl, Dre Nicole.

[Lex P]

And now that summer is over and we're entering the fall seasons, it's time to save your money and reach all your financial goals.

[Dre Nicole]

Yes, I love Chime because they have no maintenance fees fee, free overdraft up to 200, and you can get your money two days early with direct deposit. Yeah, I'll be needing my money on time right now.

[Lex P]

I need it right now. So Chime is going to help you reach all your financial goals, y'all. The holidays are coming up. All that good stuff you need to get your turkeys, your gifts, all. Everything on the list that you can get. Chime is going to help you get that. So what you're going to do is go to chime.com backslash poor minds. That's C A H I M E.com backslash poor minds, period. Make your fall finances a little greener by working towards your financial goals with Chime. Open your account in two [e-mail] backslash poor minds. That's chime.com backslash Poor Minds. Chime feels like progress. Bank services and debit car provided by the Bancorp Bank NA or Stride Bank NA members. Fdic Spot Me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Boots are available to eligible Chime members. Enroll in Spot Me and are subject to monthly limits. Terms and conditions apply. Go to chime.com disclosures for details.

[Dre Nicole]

Hey, y'all, it's Dre Nicole, CEO of Muse Beauty. Are you ready to take your Beauty brand to the next level. Well, I've got something special just for you. I'm introducing the keys to a successful e commerce brand ebook. In this guide, I spill all of my secrets on how I built Muse Beauty from the ground up into a global beauty brand serving thousands of customers from all over the world. From defining your brand vision to mastering marketing strategies, this book literally covers it all. Plus exclusive highlights and tips that you won't find anywhere else. But wait, y'all, it's more. Check out my curated vendors list featuring over 50 top suppliers in the beauty, fashion, and packaging industries. Whether you need cosmetics, accessories, clothing, or chic packaging, I've got you hovered. So what are you waiting for? Go to www.museveautycollection.com and get your ebook, your vendors list. Or you could bundle them both together. All right, bye.

[Lex P]

Brought this up because we saw a tweet where somebody said that y'all have to stop being delusional. A rich man isn't coming to save you. Statistically speaking, rich people date rich people. And, you know, like, this fantasy man that we have of being a boss with him and his partnership of us having vacation homes, having beautiful vacations and living this life, it's very unlikely to happen. So that's what I wanted to talk about. Like, do y'all think, like, we still can find that rich man that can, like. And when I say save, it's a broad statement. Cause I don't think we're necessarily looking for somebody to save us. Cause everybody on this couch, we make good money. We do well for ourselves.

[Melissa Ford]

The moments in which I needed saving, I had to say, hello, mama, y'all did.

[Lex P]

We passed that saving. But when I say saving, I don't know what she meant. I think she meant saving from, like, a situation, and you need help to pay your rent and pay your bills. When I look at saving, I just mean, like, save me from these streets. Save me from the. The piss in the dating pool.

[Melissa Ford]

Yes.

[Lex P]

Like you said, I want the same thing. I want somebody who wants the things that I want as far as living a comfortable life. And we're doing everything we never imagined.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah, that's really.

[Lex P]

Whatever that looks like to you.

[Melissa Ford]

So the rich. Okay, so I guess that means I'm rich. I'm not classifying myself as that right now. Okay. I'm not.

[Lex P]

Right.

[Melissa Ford]

I'm comfy.

[Lex P]

Yeah, but rich is different standards to people.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah. I mean, it's different things to different people. Like, I've worked very, very, very, very, very hard to be here. But I mean, I got my first credit cards when I was 42. Like, I mean, my story has been. Throughout this industry has been feast, famine, feast, famine, feast, famine. That's another reason why, you know, when the pendulum swings in my favor, I'm very, very, very skeptical and hesitant to, you know, just relish in that moment. And also, you know, just kind of start to believe the press, because I know just what it looks like when the pendulum swings in the opposite direction. And it's not necessarily public humiliation or embarrassment or whatever it is. Hard times falling on hard times and then trying to. There's nothing worse than being famous and broke. Nothing worse than that. Nothing worse than being famous and broke. You know, you cannot keep up with the Joneses. You can't keep up with the. With no. With the Tyrones.

[Dre Nicole]

Nothing.

[Melissa Ford]

You can't keep up with nothing. It's fucked up out there. And so, because I've gone from feast, famine, feast, famine, feast, famine, and now I'm, like, on this even keel, you know, and maybe this ascension as well, this nice gradual ascension, and that's comfortable for me. This is too much, you know, that's too much. But this is nice. Yeah, my hormones are doing that and my money is doing that.

[Lex P]

I feel you in that, though, because, like, I think it's the same thing with us. Like, I feel like whenever our show first became popular, I succumbed to that pressure of, like, oh, my God, I gotta show up in a brand new Chanel. I gotta show up with my Louis Vuitton. I gotta show up. And then I got some point like, who am I showing up for? Yeah, who the fuck am I doing?

[Melissa Ford]

All the people talking about you that really don't actually matter and don't have your best interest, don't give a fuck about nothing.

[Lex P]

And I know they still be talking. They be like, damn, Lex, you wearing that Chanel bag again? And is. And I don't give a guess how much my investments. The crazy thing is, you know what.

[Dre Nicole]

I'm saying, though, they don't even be having a Chanel. Like, they don't even be having it.

[Lex P]

Right.

[Dre Nicole]

They want you to show up in the stuff that they don't even have. But they feel like because you're in this position, you're supposed to have X, Y and Z. That is crazy. And I just feel like you're sending yourself on a downhill spiral. If you contribute to that mindset or if you play into that mindset, that people that have comments and people that are on the Internet have to say.

[Melissa Ford]

About it when I was in my 20s and 30s, you know, I mean, I dated. I dated a lot of, like, you know, rich and wealthy famous men, and nobody really knows because I didn't walk red carpets with these. You know, I'm saying, like, my private life was very, very private, you know, And. And there was always this assumption by these guys that my love language was gifts. So, you know, I just kind of, like, accepted them as what it was because I wasn't really in touch with what my actual love language was. My love language really is. The number one is quality time. It's just. It's quality time. Yeah. I want to be laid the fuck up, legs intertwined, eating fucking ribs, spilling sauce on our wife beaters, watching some serial killer shit on Netflix. Oh, my God. That is a. That is a dream. That is a dream scenario for me. And I. And I really never got that, you know, so it was like, the gifts. I'm like, okay, fine, if that's what you want to do. If you want to leave your credit card at Bergdorf's, you want to leave your credit card at fucking Intermix for me to go shopping whenever I fucking want to. Okay, fine. You know?

[Lex P]

And.

[Melissa Ford]

You know. Yeah, okay. Having all those things in my closet, the Chanel bags and all this stuff. And then there was moments during the famine, you know, when I wasn't making any money, I'm between guys or whatever the case is, where I'm looking at my closet, I'm looking at all this designer wear, and it's mocking me. It's mocking me because it's fucking useless. It's useless. And where am I going with this shit? Because honestly, I'm perpetrating a fraud by walking outside with this shit, acting like I got it, when I don't know how I'm paying my fucking rent.

[Dre Nicole]

A $10,000 bag. I ain't got $10,000 exactly.

[Melissa Ford]

Can I hang. Hand this to my landlord to cover me for the next six goddamn months.

[Lex P]

Oh, my God.

[Melissa Ford]

So it's just like. So after a while, I really like giving me those kinds of gifts. I was just. It's empty. I just know.

[Lex P]

I literally. And I'm not gonna lie. I'm so glad that I ain't gonna lie, though.

[Melissa Ford]

I'm not a gift horse in the mouse.

[Dre Nicole]

It's.

[Melissa Ford]

I mean, so if a Chanel bag just lands in my PO Box and they'll be like, don't get me wrong.

[Lex P]

But that's okay, though, because that's your love language. But what I'm saying is I'm so glad that we're having this conversation because we just put value in the wrong things a lot of the time. Because it's just like, I always say this. When you die and you're long gone, nobody's gonna be like, man, she had on that classic Chanel. Let me tell you, man, she had on this. They gonna talk about how you made them feel or what, you know what I'm saying?

[Dre Nicole]

I'm gonna pass this to my daughter.

[Melissa Ford]

But I also wanna tell you guys, you know, when my mom was on her deathbed, I arrogantly, with the best intentions, said to her, you know, because my mom lived a very simple life, very simple life. She. I said to my mom, I was like, mom, is there anywhere that you want me to go for you? Like, go for you in spirit? Anywhere in the world that you've never been and that you want me to go for you in spirit? And my mom looked at me and she said, no, I had a good life.

[Lex P]

Don't make me cry, please.

[Melissa Ford]

And so, okay, pull it together. Do a box breath. And so it was at that moment that I realized that my mom, in all of her simplicity, she woke up when she was retired. She walked the dog, she fucking walked the cat. She went to Aquafit, she had her hobbies, she had her book club, she had her circle of friends. My mom had a more fulfilling life that I did not. Traveling on private jets, hobnobbing with the biggest, the most A list celebrities. You know, just the closet filled with designer goods, walking red carpets, and I'm fucking suicidal half the time. And I realized at that moment, I was like, my life has to change or I'm not going to survive. I'm just not going to survive. And my mom figured it out. And I never talked to her about this. I never. Maybe I would have had a clue if I had talked to the woman about who she was outside of being my mom, you know? So from that, when my mom passed away, I started to think about life so differently. And it just was not about a fucking bag or shoes or just anything superficial. It was like, how do I. How do I live this the rest of my time here? It might be two years, it might be 20, it might be 30. How do I live this life with a sense of fulfillment? What does that fucking look like? Because apparently I don't have a fucking clue. Yeah, I am so sad and full of sorrow and dread. How do I do this? And so I had to move through grief.

[Dre Nicole]

God damn, that shit is hard.

[Melissa Ford]

And so the first two months after my mom passed away, I stayed in Canada, and I was living in. I was basically like a quarter of a mile away from a fucking forest, you know? And I would go to this forest five to six days a week, and I would run with my dog or I would just take my shoes off once I got to, like, this clearing and it was all grass and just, you know, just flowers and whatnot. It was like. It was almost like a Rembrandt painting. And. And I would just take my shoes off and then just walk and ground and connect with earth and just, I don't know, just try to, like, connect with my mom's spirit.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

You know, and just think about how. What does life.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

Desire. What does life.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

Sometimes I can get through this without.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

Most of the time I can't. So the next several years was me stumbling and falling and trying to figure out how do I, like. How do I, like, live a life that I'm, like, proud of and that's fulfilling to me, regardless of what anybody has to say about me and who they think I am? Thank you.

[Dre Nicole]

You're welcome.

[Melissa Ford]

And who do I think I am? Who am I to me?

[Lex P]

Right.

[Melissa Ford]

And I had to figure out so much shit. Like, I figured out I didn't even know how to see myself with. Through my own lens. I saw myself through the male gaze. So if I see myself through the male gaze and the male gaze, because I'm getting older, is tired of me.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

What then? What happens then? Who am I, and what does that do to my career? You know what I'm saying? Like, I did not fucking know. And I had to spend all this time, and it was so painful, but searching and searching and searching through just my therapy and my fucking shadow guide and books and hiking and talking to the universe and just curling up with my dog, who became my sense of emotional support and volunteering at animal shelter because I needed it so badly. I needed, like, true loving spirit so badly. And, you know, I came out. I fucking. That's why, like, I love who I am right now. I. Like, I fought so hard to become a woman. Like, I fought. I fought so hard to become her. Like, I just fought.

[Lex P]

Can I just say something because I'm trying not to cry because you don't know this. I lost my mom as well. So a lot of times, that journey and when you're still growing as a woman and you lose the woman that taught you everything, it's a hard journey and you feel lost and left alone. Like, you Gotta figure it out, Soul.

[Melissa Ford]

I remember it feels like you lost your connection to the earth. And that's why I kept fucking taking my shoes off and trying and grounding, because I was trying to find my connection to the earth. Because I felt like I was spinning around like a balloon that had been let go in the air. That's just what I felt like. And I felt like I was spiraling and nobody was there to catch me. And it's like I felt like I also had to suffer in silence because I couldn't reveal this level of vulnerability and pain. Because who was going to. Who was going to carry me?

[Lex P]

Right? Like, who was going to make it okay?

[Melissa Ford]

And my dad was already dead.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

So I.

[Lex P]

Same. Yeah, same. We are so the same. Because navigating this life with no parents is a different type. I don't. You know, you have your aunts and your uncles and your cousins that they want to be there. They want to be there, but you can't. You know, like, you can't. And I have. We have to figure it out. So when you said you were walking in the forest and you were just trying to do something to connect to her and feel to her. Mine was sleeping. Because the first two years, still to this day, I see her in my dreams. So I try to sleep to make me feel better, to find that comfort, you know? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know we don't cry on this show and stuff.

[Melissa Ford]

Do not. Don't you dare apologize. Do not apologize. Do not apologize for being human in this moment. This is fucking awesome.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

So I love that we're connecting on this, like. On this, like, here, for everybody that feels seen, feels like. Oh, my God. I know. I. Yes. This is a moment to not apologize. It's a moment to celebrate and rejoice.

[Lex P]

And I think for women, too. That's why I was so excited for, you know, just to kind of bring the moment back. It's important that we create a safe space for us because sometimes we don't have that mother to turn to or we don't have parents. And it's important that people hear our stories and understand that we are complex women and we're more than the outer shell. And even though we don't have life figured out, we're trying to figure this out, but we're trying to help people figure it out with us.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

You know, and I don't mean to get, you know, too emotional with everything, but I think it's important that we use our voices and let People know, like, we don't have this shit figured out out.

[Melissa Ford]

Nobody. I got. I got girlfriends who are 60, and they're like, I don't got figured out. I mean, I don't think we all. I don't think anybody ever has it figured out.

[Lex P]

And I didn't figure that out till my mom passed and I realized. You didn't have this figured out either.

[Dre Nicole]

No, it's hard. Like, grief is a hard space. Like, even with me, I haven't lost my mom yet, but I lost my dad. And so even with my mom, just, like, watching her navigate through losing my dad and losing her soulmate and. And it's just a crazy thing because it's like you just said, like, nobody has this figured out. Like, my mom is literally 74, and every day I feel like I talk to her, I'm learning something new about her. And she's also learning something new about herself every day since my father has passed away. Because for 40 years, that was, like. That was her life.

[Melissa Ford]

I think that that's amazing, though, that you have those kinds of conversations with your mom, because it took me way too long and too late to discover that my mom was a whole human being outside of being my mother. And I would have really, really, really liked to know that woman. I would have really, really, really liked for her to know that her only daughter was interested in knowing the woman that she was outside of being my mother and my father's wife.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

And whoever people thought her to be. Like, the things that I've learned now, you know, I just. I have to. I don't. I just have to reconcile that there's questions I'm always going to have that will never, ever be answered. And, you know, you going looking for your mom in your dreams. I was the opposite. I felt like she was gone. Like, spirit gone. Re. If you believe in reincarnation, gone and into, you know, husk done. Spirit into new self. And I was sitting. It was maybe a week or two, and I was sitting outside of my aunt's place. My. My mom's. My aunt's house. And she was not my mom's real aunt. She was her best friend. My mom's actual sister was. Anywho. And I was talking to a friend on the phone. I was like, I just think my mom is gone. Like, spirit gone. I can't feel her. And at that moment, this man walked through the gate in the backyard. I didn't know who he was. He was like, are you Melissa Ford? And I was like, yeah. And he Was like, this is for you. And it was a box. And I opened it up, and it was a necklace that I had asked the funeral home to make me with a pendant with her ashes in it. At that moment, it showed up, and I was like, oh, hey, Mom.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Dre Nicole]

That spirit is very alive.

[Lex P]

It's very real. You need it.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah. I feel like I feel my dad around me all the time. Like, I always say this, and it's always in the moments that I need him most. Like, I don't know. For, like, the past two years. My dad passed away in 2020. So, like, for the past. I would say two, three years. Anytime I'm at home, it's so crazy. And I'm feeling lonely, and I'm feeling sad, and I don't know where to turn. Like, it's always. Every time, it never feels like a butterfly that flies on my balcony at my apartment, and it stays there for, like, two hours.

[Melissa Ford]

Mine is hummingbird.

[Dre Nicole]

I'm not even kidding.

[Melissa Ford]

Mine is hummingbird.

[Dre Nicole]

And I'm just like, what the fuck? This is insane.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah. My dad and I just know, like.

[Dre Nicole]

I know it's my dad every time.

[Melissa Ford]

Do you. Is there something that she does?

[Lex P]

It's ladybugs.

[Melissa Ford]

It's ladybugs.

[Lex P]

It's ladybugs. But it's really prominent in my life.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

It's gotten to the point to where, like, if anything is going on, and I'm feeling lost. I just like. I pray. I'm like, can you please send my mom? I need. Cause it used to be like, I'm not gonna lie. The first year after my mom passed, I was crashing out so bad. She knows that. Cause she was there. But it was like my mom passed, and I still had to go on tour.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

Cause I was like, I'm not canceling this tour. Because I know that's not what she would want. And I know a lot of people were judging me for that. They were like, oh, my God. Go heal and go this. But I couldn't. I have to stay. I'm the type of person. I have to stay busy. So I particularly remember when we were in New York, and it was like a big moment. Like, we did Breakfast Club. We got this showed out show in Times Square. And I'm like, I'm doing everything I always dreamed of. And I'm making people laugh. I'm making people smile. And I was so empty. And I just remember getting back to my hotel room. I'm sorry. I was crying so hard and so loud. Dre, like, knocked on the door, she was like, what's going on? You know? So I think for me, I found peace. And because I remember after she left my room, I went to sleep and I had such a detailed dream. And every time, I know it's her because every time I have dreams about her, we're always in my childhood house that we grew up in. And she actually passed away in that house. So every time I dream about her and she's talking to me, it's a dream of us in the house. And I can tell when I'm dreaming about her just cause I'm thinking about her. Cause it'll be like us doing something. But when she's speaking to me, we are always in the house. I have so many dreams like that. So I found comfort in that. And I was in denial for a long time. I mean, you create fantasies. I was like, maybe my mom didn't pass away. Maybe she just like, I'm tired of this life. And she just faked her death and she's living in Italy or something. Like, you just do crazy things, you know? But I think like her coming to me in my dreams is like, hey, I'm okay. And once you're okay with that, you know, I found my peace. You know, I'm at times and I'm a numbers person. So I was like, okay, God willing, if I live to be, you know, in my 80s or in my 90s, that means I'm gonna live more life without my mom than I did with her. So I'm like, where do I find the peace in that? So like I said, I think me connecting to her, like in my dreams and just always feeling her presence and finding her presence, even though maybe sometimes her presence isn't there. I just feel it.

[Melissa Ford]

That's all that matters.

[Lex P]

Yeah. And that's what that.

[Melissa Ford]

That's all that matters. Yeah, all that matters. It's your. It's your personal relationship. It's your personal connection with her. And that's it. It is inex. It's. There's. There's nothing to be explained.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

And there's nothing. Nothing that needs to even be defined for anybody. It belongs to you. You know, and one of the reasons that I've chosen to be very candid about grief and pain is because it was a. It was. It was life altering. You know, I watched my mom die, and then my life changed after she died, you know, and. And I just want. I just. I just. Once you get a peek at the other side, though, it's almost like having The Cassandra Complex.

[Lex P]

Now what's that?

[Melissa Ford]

The Cassandra Complex is knowledge aforethought.

[Lex P]

Okay.

[Melissa Ford]

Okay. It's basically like your Chicken Little. The sky is falling and nobody believes you.

[Lex P]

Right.

[Melissa Ford]

That's what it's like getting a peek behind the curtain. And that's what it felt like. I got a peek behind the curtain watching my mom die. And so I saw everything at that moment. I saw how fragile life is. I saw how cavalierly we approach the concept of our lives and how. And how just arrogant we are about it.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

I saw how many people are uncomfortable with talking about death because they cannot deal with the concept of their own mortality and how ill fated of a decision that is. I saw it all. And I was trying. I felt like Chicken Little trying to warn everybody, you know, and it's like people didn't want to hear it.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

You know, people don't want to hear it because they don't want to be confronted with this shit.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Dre Nicole]

People don't want to talk about it, you know, but.

[Melissa Ford]

And I feel like people need to kind of get out of that mentality and start to have, you know, just normalized conversations like these.

[Lex P]

Because it's inevitable.

[Melissa Ford]

Because it's inevitable. And the worst thing to do is to leave your family unprepared for if something happens to you. Thank God my mom and my aunt handled the business of death.

[Dre Nicole]

Before I feel about my dad, my.

[Melissa Ford]

Mom and my aunt, these two women were like, you know, the moment in Sex and the City where, you know, Carrie's like, all fucked up. Cause of Big and shit like that. And Samantha and Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda, they were like, we got your apartment back. We got the movers there. We got this, this, this, this, this. That was my mom. That was my mom and my aunt. Everything was tied up in a pretty pink bow for me. Yeah, everything. My name was on everything. There was. There would be no probate. There would be no comp. There would be no complications in me filing for life. Life insurance. Everything was done so that I could just grieve.

[Lex P]

And that's important, too, because a lot of times when you lose somebody, you gotta fight your cousin, a little sister that you ain't know you had, and all this stuff. So taking care of that so people can really just grieve you and go through that. That's what helped me a lot, too.

[Dre Nicole]

And I wanted to say this as well. Like, it's so important, y'all. Like, you know, if you do still, if you're lucky enough to still have both of your Parents here, like, talk to them about their life. Talk to them about their story. Like, ask them questions. It's this book that my friend put me on. Shout out to my friend Elise. She put me on this book. It's called mom, I want to hear your story.

[Melissa Ford]

Oh, that's so beautiful.

[Dre Nicole]

Yes. And I bought the book for my mom for Mother's Day because she bought it for her mom for Mother's Day. And it's basically like a journal where your mom can literally write every. It asks her so many questions about her life from childhood through adulthood, and she can literally write in the book and talk about all of her experiences. And then it's like a keepsake that you can have whenever she does pass away or if something does happen to her. And it's something that you can always hold dear to your heart and you can read through for the rest of your life. And they also have one for, like, your grandparents. They have one for your father, for your grandfather. Like, buy that type of stuff for your parents and your grandparents if you're still lucky enough to have them in your life, because it's something that you can cherish forever. And it's like, I'm looking forward to being able to read what my mom writes in the book. And she told me she was so grateful that I bought it for her.

[Melissa Ford]

My mom was. My mom was a journaler and a scrapbooker, and I'm gonna just have to save this for my book because we will just cry our fucking off by keep going. But, I mean, my mom charted her illness before she. Even before she knew she even had it. And I'm reading it knowingly, in hindsight, with the inevitable was. Holy fucking stake to the heart.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

You know what I'm saying? But that journal is. It's just.

[Lex P]

It's so amazing we talk about journaling because journaling helped me through. Whenever I started journaling around the time my mom had passed, I journal through my relationships, my friendship. Whatever I have going on, I journal it. And honestly, even now, I go back and I look like I know exactly what I was doing two years ago. Today day, I can open my journal and tell you exactly what I did that day. And I'm so blessed to have that, because when I'm long gone, I'm literally going to have probably journals stacked up high. And people can be like, I know what Lex did for the last 40, 50 years of her life. And that's why I say journaling not only helps, is important because you can see your growth.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

You can see everything you're going through, but you can tell your story. Because we are so complex. We all have amazing, interesting stories to tell. And so, like, even me going through this journey with poor minds and how everything is going, like, I know we are here to entertain people, but we're still human.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

And we're still going through it. So people be like, oh, my God, Dre, Lex, y'all saw this. Y'all saw that, baby. We be struggling. We be going through it. It be. Sometimes me and Dre be on the phone, I be screaming and crying. She be like, I got you, friend. Or vice versa. Like, she be calling me, upset. I'll be like, hey, we going.

[Melissa Ford]

I'm really glad that you guys have each other, too, and that you guys have such a genuine love for one another. Because.

[Dre Nicole]

It'S hard.

[Melissa Ford]

No. Sometimes women, we got ego.

[Lex P]

Oh, come on. No, it happens constantly.

[Dre Nicole]

It's hard.

[Lex P]

Especially in this space, in the entertainment.

[Melissa Ford]

Space and the media. The media space especially. I was commiserating with my accountant, and she was just like. She was like, yeah. I find that women in media have a very difficult time sharing space with each other, and they're highly competitive, even though they don't admit it. And I was like, it's like, girl, who the are you? How do you know that? Like, what? Hold on one second here. And it's just sometime. We were having this conversation on. On the pod the other day about how men handle competitiveness in their relationships and how women handle competitiveness. And my assessment, personal assessment, is that competitiveness is seen as a very male characteristic. So men get to be very vocal about it. They get to acknowledge it. You know, they get to, you know, basically embrace their competitive nature. Women, we don't get to really admit that we are competing against one another. So when that happens, it manifests into some real gnarly shit, because there's no boundaries on what we're competing against each other for and with.

[Lex P]

Oh, she hates. She did. She mad because she.

[Melissa Ford]

Exactly. There's no clear boundaries on what this is, and this is obviously excluding sports. And I'm not even. I'm not talking about, like, you know, climbing corporate ladder, ambitiousness. I'm talking about, like, personal circles and stuff like that, you know, and it gets. It gets. It gets gnarly.

[Lex P]

It really. I mean, we've seen it. We've seen so many people fall out in the podcast world or just friends.

[Melissa Ford]

Why you think there's so many male podcasts out there?

[Lex P]

Because.

[Dre Nicole]

Why?

[Lex P]

And because they can't do it. And I think that's one thing about our show, why people love it so much, because they like. It's so nice to see black women who literally enjoy each other.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah.

[Dre Nicole]

This episode is sponsored by Better Help.

[Lex P]

What's up, y'all?

[Dre Nicole]

It's your girl xp, and it's your girl Dre Nicole.

[Lex P]

And y'all know we are here to tell y'all about betterhelp.com we are entering the fall and winter months, and y'all know this depression time. So this is the perfect time to sign up for your therapy session.

[Dre Nicole]

Yes. And what I always say I love about Better Help is that it's so easy and it's so convenient. You could literally do it from the comfort of your own home, or you could do it on the go. And they also are very, very affordable, y'all. So it's no excuse to not use Better Help.

[Lex P]

So all you're going to do is go to betterhelp.com poor minds. That's better. H L P.com poor minds. And you'll get 10% off of your first month. Overcome your fears with better help. Visit betterhelp.com poor minds today to get 10% off of your first Month. That's better help. HP.com poor minds. What's up, y'all?

[Dre Nicole]

It's your girl XP, and it's your girl Dre Nicole.

[Lex P]

Y'all know we have a segment on poor minds called item of the week, but do you have a product or something that you want to promote and you want it featured on Poor Minds, your opportunity is here, period.

[Dre Nicole]

If you have an item or you have a business and you want to get it promoted, we are now having slots available on the Poor Minds episode. So if you would like to get your product featured for item of the week, all you need to do is send an email to Item of the week pm gmail.com that's I T E m o F T H e W e e k p [e-mail], send us an email and we'll work it out. We gonna figure it out. Get your product, get your business sponsored and yeah, make you some money.

[Lex P]

We love to support a small business.

[Dre Nicole]

Now in a black business at that, but, I mean, they can be anybody.

[Lex P]

We don't discriminate.

[Dre Nicole]

Any business is welcome.

[Lex P]

Okay, so now it's time to get into the bed, Bow.

[Dre Nicole]

The bed. The bed. Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow.

[Melissa Ford]

I haven't been in the bed in a really long time, girl.

[Lex P]

Well, you getting our bed now. You getting our bed.

[Melissa Ford]

Okay.

[Lex P]

So far.

[Melissa Ford]

Knock my head into the headboard, please.

[Dre Nicole]

Okay, so for the sex topic today, we wanted to talk about the benefits of ignoring sexual tension. Because I think a lot of the time, especially I'll say this, I think in younger women, you know, you getting so, so much attention from these men and you don't know who to pick. You don't know who to choose. So sometimes if a dude give you a lot of attention or too much attention, you like, well, I like him enough. Let me put it up, poke it out. But you didn't need to. Because then five months later, three months later, you realize like, this nigga. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Melissa Ford]

And he's.

[Dre Nicole]

You already knew where I was going with it.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah, I mean, it was a four gun confusion.

[Lex P]

Because sometimes sexual tension, it's just supposed to be fun. A lot of times things need to be left at flirting and it get.

[Dre Nicole]

Less fun once you have sex.

[Lex P]

For example. Example.

[Dre Nicole]

We've talked about fun until y'all fuck work wives.

[Lex P]

Work husbands that's supposed to stay flirty at work to have fun. Oh, I look forward to seeing you at work. You supposed to go home and forget that. Y'all be taking stuff too far. I. Okay, so y'all know how they have like the radio morning shows, right? And they do these like calls and people be calling to try to figure out their relationship.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

So I was listening to one this morning and basically this guy had a work wife, ended up having sex with her, quote, unquote, falling in love. It was lust. He just want to get that little dickwit and he ends up leaving his wife for this girl. And then he's like, hey, I miss my wife. This bitch sucks. And he was like, I want to come home.

[Dre Nicole]

Oh, he. The work wife.

[Lex P]

He left his wife for the work wife and he got in a relationship with her and he, I don't wanna be here no more. Cause that's how you supposed to leave. Sexual tension needs to be left alone. Sometime.

[Dre Nicole]

It need to be tension.

[Lex P]

Let's flirt and take your ass home.

[Melissa Ford]

I mean, it just kind of. I feel like your response to sexual tension just really depends on what's lacking in your life and specifically in your sex life and your emotional life, you know? So I think that, you know, when it comes to sexual tension, a lot of times people feel very powerless to it based on how little attention they're being given by. Let's just say they're single, you know, or not even like they have another mate. Let's just say you're fucking single. And you have no responsibilities to anybody but yourself. Then, you know, you. You will reconcile some shit real fucking fast. Like, yo, I ain't been in the longest. I just want some.

[Lex P]

Right, right?

[Melissa Ford]

Like, oh, my God. You know what I'm saying?

[Dre Nicole]

Okay, Melissa coming out, right?

[Melissa Ford]

And then you. And you're like, God damn it. Why did I do that? Why did I do that? Because it's like the minute that that nut leaves, you're just like all the sin.

[Dre Nicole]

Post nut clarity.

[Melissa Ford]

Oh, my God. Post nut clarity.

[Dre Nicole]

Post nut clarity.

[Melissa Ford]

Be serious.

[Dre Nicole]

I think people be thinking this is just a man thing. No, it's us, too.

[Melissa Ford]

It's us too. I be like, it's us too.

[Dre Nicole]

It is.

[Lex P]

You be. Let that nigga yawn. You be like.

[Melissa Ford]

You be like, oh, my God, he's on your arm. He's like, trying to shoo your arm off to get that shit, like, gone.

[Lex P]

And then he be like, waking up in the morning, baby, get it.

[Melissa Ford]

Ew.

[Lex P]

Ew.

[Dre Nicole]

With that morning bruise, girl.

[Lex P]

But that's what I be saying. I realized that at a young hot ass grove, sometimes fun is just meant to be fun. Because we every. I think this is a human thing, though. A lot of people just put it on men that men like to chase the thrill. Women find a thrill in being chased as well. So once a man loses that thrill of chasing you, you honestly lose that thrill because you know he done got you. It's not fun no more. So we lose that thrill as well.

[Dre Nicole]

But what about when it's not fun no more?

[Lex P]

It's not fun. I'm not gonna lie. It' a lot of times where it's like, you know, I was flirting with a man so long, and it's like we fought. He. I finally let him hit, and I'm like, damn, that shit was weak. Your joke's really not that funny. Your dick really not big and low key. That restaurant you took me last night was trash. So it be like, why did I do that? It should have just stayed fun.

[Melissa Ford]

Flirty.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

And this could have been a cool, like, not my homeboy. We cool. We flirt and we had fun.

[Melissa Ford]

Hindsight is a bit. And you know, irony is its up, cousin.

[Lex P]

What's up, y'all? It's your girl xp, and it's your.

[Dre Nicole]

Girl Dre and Nicole.

[Lex P]

And we're here to talk to y'all about Mint Mobile dot com. If you are tired of paying crazy prices for your cell phone every month, we got a special deal for you.

[Dre Nicole]

Yes, man. Mobile is only 15amonth. Y'all heard that, right? 15. And literally, what I love about it too, is that you can take your phone number and you can go over there with them and you can also take all your contacts.

[Lex P]

Okay, I like that. I feel like it's a perfect plan if you have like a kid in school, you know, an older parent or somebody that just needs, you know, a phone that they can talk on. Yeah. So it's only 15amonth for brand new customers. All you're gonna do is go to mint mobile.com Poor Minds and sign up today. That's mint mobile.com Poor Minds. Get your phone, y'all, to get this new customer offer and your new three month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month. Go to mintmobile.com poor minds. That's mint mobile.com poor minds. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mint mobile.com poor minds 45 upfront payment required, equivalent to 15amonth. New customers on first three month plan only speeds slower above 40 gigabytes on a limited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. Your girl xp.

[Dre Nicole]

And it's your girl Dre in the call.

[Lex P]

And we are here to tell y'all about our brand new ebook and E course bundle. Pour into your pod.

[Dre Nicole]

Yes, y'all, we have been working on this for a while and we're so excited to put it out and give it to y'all because we know so many people have been asking us for such a long time about how to start a successful podcast and we have literally put all of the information that we have and everything that we've utilized into this one ebook.

[Lex P]

Yes, this is not your typical ebook because I know what a lot of y'all are thinking, but I'm telling y'all, we give y'all direct access to how we built our brand. It's not, no fluffiness and all that what I've read in ebooks before. This is an ebook that gets straight to the point and gives you all the direction you need to start your podcast today.

[Dre Nicole]

Absolutely. And you can trust that we are putting 100% good information, no filter into this book and it's to help you build your brand. And it shows you exactly how we build Poor Minds and made it into a six figure company.

[Lex P]

So make sure y'all head to poor minds.com to purchase your ebook or the E course. And we also have it available in a bundle for you, so you can get both poor minds.com pour into your pod. Okay? So now ignore that sexual tension. It's gonna get Your ass in trouble.

[Dre Nicole]

So now it's time to get into the box.

[Lex P]

Hey, Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. Okay, so I'm so excited.

[Dre Nicole]

We love our little theme song.

[Lex P]

Yes, we love a good theme. So the bop of the week is, like, songs and music you've been listening to. And this bop of the week is very, very special to me because my best friend is an talented singer and songwriter, and she's finally releasing her music. And if you are the type of person that's into, like, R and B, but with a good pen, like, think like a. If SZA and Summer Walker had a baby. That's what it sounds like.

[Melissa Ford]

Wow.

[Lex P]

It's so good. I'm actually send it to you because you're a music girl.

[Melissa Ford]

I am.

[Lex P]

And I think you are actually really enjoying it.

[Melissa Ford]

I am a musical.

[Lex P]

Her name is Chase C H A Y S E and she has a song called Honor, but hopefully she's dropped it by the time this is dropped. It's supposed to drop in the next, you know, week or two, but by the time this drops, it should be out. But either way, I'm going to put the link in the bio for y'all. It's such a good song. And, like, her voice is just different. I love when I hear a new artist and, like, you can establish their voice. Like, when we hear Beyonce, we know it's Beyonce. When we hear Summer Walker, we know it's her. She's not trying to sound like anybody else.

[Melissa Ford]

I love.

[Lex P]

That's what I love. And it's like, let's get back to good pen game. Billie Eilish. I seen a clip of her, and she was talking about the notes in her song, and she was getting, oh, I hit this note because this is going to hit this chord. And I'm like, oh, she really studied fucking music.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah. Like, she understands, like, instrumentation. Like, yes, that money long reminds me. Like, it gives me the same thing. Like, she is. She is a beast. Yes, she is a beast.

[Lex P]

And it's like, sometimes I never knew what that was, but, like, sometimes I'll hear a note and it, like, it hits something and you be like, oh, my God. It's like you hear a certain note and be like, it hits a little something in you. And my. And Chase has that. It's such a good song. So, yeah, Chase, honest. That's my bop of the week. I'll put the link in the bio. Y'all, please go listen and support. It's a bop period. Okay. What y'all been listening to?

[Dre Nicole]

What so, okay, so I really like this song. Beg him.

[Melissa Ford]

That was my Boba Louis, the other.

[Dre Nicole]

But then she also has this other song called Espresso.

[Lex P]

Oh, my God.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah. Oh, my good and so funny.

[Lex P]

That's some.

[Melissa Ford]

That I imagine myself on a yacht and like, in, like, French Riviera.

[Lex P]

Like her fourth album. Yeah, this is like her fourth album. Yeah, finally. She is so good.

[Dre Nicole]

She's so good.

[Lex P]

The pop girls are back.

[Dre Nicole]

The pop girls are back.

[Lex P]

Ray has a song called Diet Pepsi.

[Dre Nicole]

Yeah, no, I know what the song you're talking about. I'm ready for Britney and Christina again to come back.

[Lex P]

Well, Christina's back.

[Dre Nicole]

Well, what I'm saying is I'm ready for, like, new age, like Britney and Christina.

[Lex P]

Christina's back. Back with vintage.

[Dre Nicole]

Well, she is.

[Lex P]

She's about to.

[Dre Nicole]

She looks good.

[Lex P]

You know who else is back? K. Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan looks good.

[Melissa Ford]

Katie.

[Dre Nicole]

The girl's got a new doctor, and I want to know who it is.

[Melissa Ford]

Christina.

[Lex P]

I need that. Christina. I need that. Katy Perry dropped a new song, Fire.

[Dre Nicole]

But no.

[Lex P]

So Sabrina, the girls are back.

[Dre Nicole]

So Sabrina Carpenter, she has these two songs that I really, really love. You want to know what's funny? When my picture went. Went viral on Twitter yesterday, somebody had tweeted it and they said, this confirms my theory that Sabrina Carpenter looks like a skinny white version of you.

[Lex P]

Hey.

[Dre Nicole]

And then people were in the comments, like, I'm not mad at it.

[Lex P]

I'm not. I see it.

[Dre Nicole]

And I'm like, really?

[Melissa Ford]

I see what they're saying.

[Dre Nicole]

That is so.

[Melissa Ford]

It's not what I would have thought immediately, right off the bat. But now.

[Lex P]

Cabrino with a little hot sauce.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah. Little Sriracha.

[Lex P]

If Sabrina could cook.

[Melissa Ford]

Little Collins. Yeah, I see it.

[Lex P]

It's in the eye.

[Dre Nicole]

Not Sabrina Carpenter.

[Lex P]

Sabrina.

[Dre Nicole]

Mahogany.

[Lex P]

Hey, hey, I'm with it. And let me.

[Dre Nicole]

Like I said, Mahogany Wood.

[Lex P]

What's the girl's name? Is it Tate McRae? The Tate? The pop girlies. I'm so glad that they're getting back to being white women. Y'all are. I got tired of that era of them trying to rap like, no, no shade, no tea. But, like, when Iggy came out, all the white girls felt like, oh, let me be hood in the club.

[Dre Nicole]

Bad bitches.

[Lex P]

Why do you think Gwen Stein.

[Dre Nicole]

Stefani was the first? But she ate that, though. Like, she ate it up. And everybody else thought that they could do that.

[Lex P]

Gwen Stefani wasn't trying to. She was being herself. She's always been eclectic and different, and she wasn't Trying to sound black. No, she wasn't. An era where we've always been the blueprint. And. But the girls were feeling I gotta be hood. That's why they kind of canceled Katy Per Perry for a while. Cause she had that song with Migos and she went on stage going like this.

[Melissa Ford]

Like this insane.

[Lex P]

And Katy Perry is back.

[Melissa Ford]

She had to take a break, go have a baby.

[Lex P]

She had to go back to being a great white. Katy Perry is white as hell.

[Melissa Ford]

A great white.

[Lex P]

A great white shark. She's back to her white roots where she. And she's eating. Her music is really good right now. She's not trying to hop on a beat with Quavo. Can we drop some beats? She's not trying to do that no more.

[Dre Nicole]

However, though, Sabrina Carpenter just did a song with Lil Durk.

[Lex P]

But okay. But again, she's not trying.

[Melissa Ford]

She's still in her pop. She's still in her pop world. So that's just like a feature.

[Lex P]

It's a feature. It's a feature. So I feel like the girls are going back to features. Do your thing and let them hop on the track. Like, what's the song that just went gold or platinum with Moneybag and Morgan Wallen?

[Dre Nicole]

Oh, yeah.

[Lex P]

Moneybag wasn't trying to be country and Morgan wasn't trying to be ghetto. They just, hey, let's come together and make a hit song, a good song. Everybody needs to stay in their lane and do what they do. But that was a bop. Because Bed Kim is a great fucking song.

[Dre Nicole]

It's a hit.

[Lex P]

It's a hit.

[Melissa Ford]

So in this segment, do I come up with a song?

[Lex P]

Yes. What y'all listening to, Melissa?

[Melissa Ford]

It's this song called Woke Up.

[Lex P]

Okay.

[Melissa Ford]

And it's by this group called xg and they are from South Korea.

[Lex P]

O.

[Melissa Ford]

Is this.

[Lex P]

Is this K pop?

[Melissa Ford]

No. Oh, it's not K pop?

[Dre Nicole]

Are you a K pop girl?

[Melissa Ford]

I'm not. I'm not. But when you listen to this song, you are. I swear to God, your head is going to be like, wait, wait, who is this again? I promise.

[Lex P]

What's it called again?

[Melissa Ford]

It's called Woke Up.

[Lex P]

Woke Up.

[Melissa Ford]

And by this group called xg. And you, you are not going to believe what you are listening to.

[Lex P]

I can't wait till we listen. We finna listen to this on the way home.

[Melissa Ford]

Listen, I have a whole music appreciation page called Melodies Times Mel.

[Lex P]

Okay?

[Melissa Ford]

Because I love music in a.

[Lex P]

It.

[Melissa Ford]

I mean, we all love music. Yeah, but I mean, like, I. My tastes are global, you know, like one of my favorite groups is this group called Rupa and the April Fishes. And she is like the Sri Lankans Sade. She sings in Spanish, English, French, and Sri Lankan. And one of my favorite songs by.

[Lex P]

Her, I love when you do that. Cause you about to get in your.

[Dre Nicole]

Big bag to do that, too.

[Melissa Ford]

One of my favorite songs with her is called Les ab, and it translates into the Bees. And I don't really know what the fuck she's saying. I capture a few words here and there. But, I mean, it starts off with this solo violin, and then it becomes like this slow kind of flamenco kind of sound. And I swear, you definitely want to do shrooms or you want to smoke a little bit and then play this song. And you're just like, wait, hold on. What's happening here? Because the song just kind of, like, comes to you in, like, a wave, and it washes over you, and you have to, like, just kind of like, lean your head back and dip low. And just. Everybody gotta get quiet. Everybody just gotta get quiet. And then she starts to sing, and it is the most seductive, beautiful voice. And it just. It take. It grab. It reaches into your fucking sternum and it grabs your fucking soul, and it holds on to you. And you don't even realize that time has passed until the song ends. And you're like, what the fuck just happened? I might have had an orgasm.

[Lex P]

I'm finna. But you know what's crazy, right? I feel like we all need to.

[Dre Nicole]

Put that in our.

[Melissa Ford]

Let me get that song right now.

[Dre Nicole]

Cause I'm telling you, I always be like, okay. Time passing.

[Lex P]

But, you know, I'm so glad that you global music.

[Melissa Ford]

I do.

[Lex P]

So when I was younger, I saw an interview of people, and they were saying they learned English from listening to Michael Jackson. Yeah, it was so crazy to me, because I'm like, you're learning another language.

[Dre Nicole]

Mama say mama. Kusa is crazy.

[Lex P]

I have a strange fact that y'all are never going to believe.

[Melissa Ford]

That's crazy.

[Lex P]

There was a group called Tattoo that came out when I was in high school. They were a Russian girl group.

[Melissa Ford]

I remember that.

[Lex P]

All the things she said. All the things she said. So they had this song called They're Not Gonna Get Us. And because I was into all that type of music, and I looked up the song one day, and they had the original Russian version. And I knew that song word for word, Bar for bar in Russian. I know how to sing a whole song in Russian from music.

[Dre Nicole]

How would it go?

[Lex P]

I'm not gonna sing it. I'll sing it for you in the car. But I'm saying it's called Nas na na gonyat.

[Dre Nicole]

That was worth the try. It's called what?

[Lex P]

Nas na da goniat. And I can literally sing the whole song, word for word, bar for bar in another language.

[Dre Nicole]

Oh, I'm about to play Nas natgonye.

[Lex P]

Okay. But I'm saying. I don't even know what I'm saying. I mean, obviously I'm saying they're not gonna get us, but I knew what I was saying because I knew the English verse and. But that's what I'm saying. Like, that's how I never realized. I'm like, how are you learning another language from music?

[Melissa Ford]

It's easy when you apply music to it.

[Lex P]

Yes.

[Melissa Ford]

It's like, it's the way that we process information. It's just, like, when it's phonetically, it's just easier to process when there is, like, there's music attached to it.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

I don't know why that is. It's just the way that our brains are constructed. It's like. It's the reason why. It's the reason why. You know, when we hear, like, commercial jingles from, like, the 80s and shit like that, you know, people will instantly start singing it because it's just, like, it's fixed to memory because of song.

[Lex P]

Yes.

[Melissa Ford]

You know, it's a very, very, very powerful. It's a very, very powerful medium. Yeah, it's a very, very powerful medium. Just like, you know, just audibly being able to, like, you know, listen to song or speech or whatever the case is. But, like, global music is just. I don't know, Like, I just.

[Lex P]

Like.

[Melissa Ford]

One of my favorite groups is this group called Little Dragon. And they were. They're from Sweden, you know, and the lead singer is half Japanese, half Sweden, and she just bounces all over the fucking stage. Like, she's just like. I don't know what. Just like, this little pixie. And I'm, like, obsessed with that group and have been for, like, the better part of 15 years. But going back to the BOP, when you guys download this song, Woke up by this group.

[Lex P]

Yeah, I put that down because I want to hear it. You know what I love, too?

[Melissa Ford]

Xgxo. I want to make sure that. I'm saying. Hold on. It's xg. Okay.

[Lex P]

And let me say this before we move on, one thing I love about TikTok is TikTok.

[Melissa Ford]

No, that was Les Abe.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

TikTok by Rupa and the April Fishes.

[Lex P]

That's the.

[Melissa Ford]

That's the romantic, sexy one. This the one. The one woke up. I. You're not going to believe what you want.

[Lex P]

We got a bunch of things to do on the way home because I'm finna sing in Russian to you and we finna listen to y'all. I'm singing in Russian.

[Dre Nicole]

No, I'm not. When I say I'm not even gonna play that, it is.

[Lex P]

It's happening.

[Dre Nicole]

I'm gonna play what she said.

[Lex P]

But let me say something about Tik Tok, too. One thing I love about TikTok is they rehash the old music. So right now, nostalgia's having a. The dip is going viral. I put my hand up on your hip when I dip, you dip. We dip the. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Y'all remember that song? Wait, they don't love you like I love you my abs. You don't remember that song? It was like the point.

[Melissa Ford]

What year was that?

[Lex P]

That was like 2004 or 5. But anyways, that's going viral, right? It's a lot of, like, older songs that always, like, go virally. And I'm like, the kids, like, put.

[Dre Nicole]

A little umph in it. Yeah. Two years ago, remember, they had Billy.

[Lex P]

Vanilla going viral right now with that Menendez. And that was such a good song. Because people only know girl, you know it. Yes. So they only know that. But it's like the other Milli Vanilli song is going viral because of the show.

[Melissa Ford]

I forgot all about that song. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my heart is breaking. Oh, that was. Oh, it was a time to be alive. Yeah, it was a time to be alive. Pre 9, 11. When we weren't in a constant state of fucking the apocalypse, Terror of terror and catastrophe around the fucking corner. Yeah. And endless war and whatnot. Shit was good.

[Lex P]

Shit was good. Look, I may have been a teeny tie, but I remember having a good time.

[Melissa Ford]

Can I get another cocktail? I know we are about to, like, round the corner towards the end. Just put some pressure on that vodka.

[Lex P]

Can we sing that today?

[Dre Nicole]

There we go.

[Lex P]

Let's sing alongside. Okay, we got to move on now.

[Dre Nicole]

We gotta ask Melissa what she wanna sing. Okay.

[Lex P]

But come on now we got the rap. This has been the longest Poor Miles episode in ever.

[Melissa Ford]

Oh, shit.

[Lex P]

Episode 300 something. Record breaking. This is a record breaking episode.

[Dre Nicole]

Everybody over there looking like, wrap this up.

[Lex P]

I'm sorry, y'all, I'm having a ball. But like I said, this is what this platform is for. And we have been dying to get you on the couch. And we always want to give you your flowers because everything that you're doing, everything that you've done and we wanted to take our time today.

[Melissa Ford]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Lex P]

So now we're going to get into our favorite segment, the pour your heart out out.

[Dre Nicole]

Yes. So if you have any questions, you can send them to ask poor minds gmail dot com. Thank you. Ty a s k P o u r M I n d s atgmail.com. send us your questions, send us your testimonials because sometimes we be y'all life up. But that's all right too, because we growing and learning together.

[Melissa Ford]

You guys are so good. You guys are so good.

[Dre Nicole]

So is too o Lex, these is too long. Do you want to do one?

[Lex P]

I think we just need to read one question. Yeah. And we'll save the other one for next week.

[Dre Nicole]

We'll save two for next week. Okay, question number one, because this is a long one.

[Melissa Ford]

Okay.

[Dre Nicole]

I recently got into an argument with a man I've been seeing for over a year and a half. We have been long distance since he moved away a year ago. Over the last couple of months, we've gotten to a lot of arguments. The most recent one, a couple days ago was about me in the bedroom being boring when I was younger. I was touched for a while growing up and it affected me very deeply and still does. I don't like to perform oral sex and I'm also scared to initiate sex. It really hurt my feelings because he called me boring sexually and suggested I watch porn to feel more comfortable. But I honestly just can't get into it. He ended up calling me childish because of this and now we aren't speaking. I called him an for not understanding my trauma. What advice can you give? Or any tips? Do you think I'm wrong?

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah, you gotta. You gotta let go of him.

[Lex P]

Yeah. Because. Did she say that he knows her trauma? Does he know her trauma? Did she say that?

[Dre Nicole]

No, I don't. I don't think so.

[Melissa Ford]

But he doesn't even. He. But he. To me, he just doesn't sound like a safe space for me to even be that. To be that vulnerable. To talk about the reasons why she hesitates and why she doesn't find certain acts desirable. And that's. And that's like. That's really unfortunate, you know what I'm saying?

[Dre Nicole]

Because I feel like it tells you too. Like if you. If you say certain things to him and how he responds to certain things, then I feel like that lets you know that you can't let him know anything.

[Melissa Ford]

And also the fact that the relationship has now become long distance and there's more strife. A lot of times men, you know, they don't really like conflict with, with women.

[Lex P]

Right.

[Melissa Ford]

They will create. They will create issues so that you break up with them. And they don't got to be bad guy.

[Lex P]

So they don't have. Because they want to be the victim and they want to say, oh, she's a bad guy.

[Melissa Ford]

They just don't want to be the bad guy.

[Lex P]

Right.

[Melissa Ford]

You know, and that's just a tactic. And it gets made easier when they. There's distance between the two of you. So I mean, this just. This. The writing's on the wall. This is kind of like a foregone conclusion. And I would actually, I would advise her to go to therapy and see some really, really needed, deep rooted, like therapy to address those issues. And then maybe she starts to, you know, like the act of doing things that she, you know, gives her. Gives her hesitation right now. Because I mean, like, that's a lot of. There's a lot to be carrying around with you as an adult and not having dealt with it.

[Lex P]

Right. And I think like, sex should not feel like a job.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

Like you have to do to keep.

[Melissa Ford]

Not at all.

[Lex P]

Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. Like it's supposed to be a healthy thing.

[Dre Nicole]

Once you start feeling like you gotta a. The relationship is over.

[Melissa Ford]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lex P]

And you're doing it shouldn't feel like.

[Dre Nicole]

Something you gotta do. It should feel like something like you want. You want to do. Like I want to go home and his. Make love to my man and his.

[Melissa Ford]

Pleasure and your pleasure are of the same level of importance.

[Lex P]

She love to make love. I know that's right, sister girl. She meant that. She said you supposed to want to go home and make love. Freaking love. Drag can't wait. I know that's right. Queen bro. What the. You couldn't have.

[Dre Nicole]

Cause I didn't even say that.

[Lex P]

But no, you said make a lip.

[Dre Nicole]

You did say. Did she not say that?

[Melissa Ford]

She did.

[Lex P]

With her whole jest.

[Melissa Ford]

Go home and make love with her whole jest.

[Lex P]

God damn.

[Melissa Ford]

It was very sweet.

[Lex P]

Cause she thinking about it.

[Melissa Ford]

She like fat when we fucking. You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm asking Jerria.

[Lex P]

Like to make sweet, sweet love. Okay, y'all, we have to wrap this. Melissa, let's talk about hot and bothered and what people can expect from it, what we are looking forward to and all that good stuff.

[Melissa Ford]

Okay, Hot and Bothered with Melissa Ford. Yes. Because people wanted to. Why didn't she check to see if the name was already taken? Bitches. Do you know how many. There's a million podcasts out there? Do you think that I am the only person that has picked a podcast with a name that has been utilized by somebody else? Where the content is. There's a podcast called Hot and Bothered. It's about climate change.

[Dre Nicole]

Exactly.

[Melissa Ford]

There's that, you know, you can it do be Hot and Bothered and bothering. There is a bunch of podcasts that have the same name. It's all about the content that you deliver. It's all about whether it's compelling and it's engrossing and your audience feels loved and seen and educated and informed. And that is my plan. So. Because my lived experience right now is that I am actively going through Perry Magic menopause, and coincidentally, that shit kicked in right when my mom passed away. So I was like, is it grief? Is it perimenopause? Do I need to check myself into a mental institution? Shit was fucked up.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

So this is my lived experience, and I want to address the women and talk to the women that have been, you know, my supporters through the duration of my career. And they are, you know, 40s, all the way up into, like, mid-50s, close to 60s and stuff like that. But then I also have the demographic of women that is your ages that is looking towards me to kind of let them know what the fuck is on the horizon, what's happening, how do I handle that? Because nobody prepared me for this shit, you know what I'm saying? Nobody prepared my generation for what we're going through. And so I want to reserve the space for my younger audience to teach them what's coming down the pipeline, but also to address. Address their concerns and their lifestyles and what's happened. I can go down memory lane. It was not that long ago, and stuff like that. And then also, most importantly. Well, not most importantly. It's just all important is that I felt like by having a podcast with a name that was just about menopause excluded my men, you know, my male audience. And they are a huge reason as to why I am successful to this day. And I love them. I love them for their unwavering, undying support, and I want them to be a part of the conversation. So the conversations, the topics are going to be really fun, really engrossing, really educational, because if you got anything from this is you gonna learn something, you.

[Lex P]

Know, learn a few words, period.

[Melissa Ford]

And it's gonna be fun, it's gonna be informative, and it's going to be like, I never knew that you were going to walk away knowing something that you did not know. And I just needed to find a way to express to people that I just. I. We're all living this human experience, you know, and suffering through the human condition. And so hot and bothered is like, oh, my God. Hot, flash, hot and bothered. Or it's just like, ooh, I'm like, hot and bothered right now. Or it's just like, yo, I'm fucking hot and bothered by this motherfucking bullshit. It's all those. It's the complete and total umbrella. So it's hot and bothered with the one and only Melissa Ford.

[Lex P]

Because there's only one of you.

[Melissa Ford]

Because there's only one of me.

[Lex P]

And can I say this too? I'm so excited about this pod because I feel like one. You can get your shit off. But you have so many stories. You have lived a life and you are still standing and still doing very well.

[Dre Nicole]

I'm still here.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Melissa Ford]

People keep wanting. People would keep wanting to challenge me on that resiliency, want and that tenacity. You.

[Dre Nicole]

I.

[Melissa Ford]

A truck hit me, okay. And I survived. So I just. You can't.

[Lex P]

They want to doing this, right?

[Melissa Ford]

What?

[Dre Nicole]

I'm still here.

[Lex P]

She don't know that goddamn song.

[Dre Nicole]

But why?

[Melissa Ford]

Where's she?

[Lex P]

That's Gina from Martin had a song.

[Dre Nicole]

I almost need it.

[Melissa Ford]

What season I might have stopped watching.

[Lex P]

It wasn't a season. It wasn't on the season.

[Dre Nicole]

It was recently. She.

[Melissa Ford]

Oh, oh, oh, don't listen to this girl.

[Lex P]

Wait, why?

[Melissa Ford]

Listen, I'm Canadian. Sometimes I'm gullible. Like, whatever you say. I'm like, really?

[Dre Nicole]

She went on somebody's show. She went on the show and she performed.

[Lex P]

She was performing.

[Dre Nicole]

Oh, she did go on somebody's show.

[Lex P]

Oh, it was a show. I thought it was her show.

[Dre Nicole]

And that's how you don't know your.

[Lex P]

Sold out, sold out shows. Stop playing with.

[Dre Nicole]

She went on a show and she was performing and she performed her song.

[Melissa Ford]

I'm.

[Lex P]

I'm.

[Melissa Ford]

I'm.

[Lex P]

I'm still here.

[Melissa Ford]

Okay, well, we play that in the car on the. My girl Stace is in the back. She's just shaking her head like, no, we're not playing that in the car.

[Dre Nicole]

But it was a good song.

[Lex P]

Yeah, it was. It was a little bop. It was a little bop. Okay. But to close this out, like I said, I'm so glad that you're starting a Podcast. Because. Like your own podcast. Because there is a space here for women who wanna hear your story, women who can learn from you. And I feel like even us at our age, I feel like we teach the youth a lot of things, but there's still things that women my age, who do we look to? And I think you're a perfect example of that, because a lot of times people try to, like. Like, dim people stars and like. But you have to realize that. Can I tell y'all something? I know I'm about to get another topic.

[Dre Nicole]

Well, being a woman is hard, but.

[Lex P]

Let me say, I went on a deep dive last night. If you remember them shows, Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, all them shows, and this is no Shade, no Tea. But I was like, I went to a deep dive of all those women who were on those shows, right? And a lot of them are, like, homeless. A lot of them are struggling and they're going through it. And I'm not saying that to be funny. Even TikTok, girl, you find everything. And I go on people. What was the lady's name from in the house? The beautiful. And it's like, you see, because that Hollywood, the industry stuff is real. So the fact that you are still doing your thing, you have a voice, you're beautiful, you're healthy, you're alive. Yeah, a lot of these women are not even alive.

[Melissa Ford]

Fame is a hell of a drug. There ain't no methadone clinic, I'm telling you.

[Lex P]

So I think a lot of times people really have to give you. Even like Buffy. I found Buffy on Instagram the other day. Married.

[Melissa Ford]

She got her business, she exited stage left. She took her popularity, she manifested itself. She became an entrepreneur. She's successful, but she lives a quiet life. To me, she did shit right.

[Dre Nicole]

Exactly.

[Melissa Ford]

To me, she did shit right. She did shit right for herself. And that's the most important thing. That fame did not define her. Because that is what happens a lot of the time. Once you get bitten by that shit or you've had some kind of visibility, you feel like you have to keep on going, even though all the signs are pointing towards you. You should probably, like, you know, take the exit ramp. This might not be for you.

[Lex P]

Y'all remember that movie video Girls with Megan? Good.

[Melissa Ford]

I was in it.

[Lex P]

I know you were. You were.

[Dre Nicole]

I was.

[Melissa Ford]

I was Lala. And I was like, I was a bad influence.

[Lex P]

I know it.

[Melissa Ford]

I was a bad influence.

[Lex P]

I know.

[Melissa Ford]

You know, like, just a bad influence. But that's why I took the role, because I wanted to be the bad girl, like, you know, who was, like, snorting coke and shit like that. Here we are snorting powdered sugar. Me and Megan were fucking high on powdered sugar. And then we snorted coffee, mate. Oh, don't ever do that.

[Lex P]

Don't do that coffee, mate, Ever.

[Melissa Ford]

It was really fucked up.

[Lex P]

Like, they made y'all snort it for real.

[Melissa Ford]

Well, no, you know, we're method. We were trying to method at the time. We wanted this because we didn't know, like, the camera was, like, right here. So we wanted the line to, like, disappear and like that. And I was just like, oh, I'm dying. Oh, I'm dying.

[Lex P]

Somebody help me.

[Melissa Ford]

Like, want to rip my face off.

[Dre Nicole]

It was.

[Melissa Ford]

Oh, it's bad.

[Lex P]

That was a good movie. I remember when it came out, I was like, I don't want to be a video girl anymore. I'm gonna go to school.

[Melissa Ford]

That was good.

[Lex P]

And then you.

[Dre Nicole]

Good, good. And then you still.

[Lex P]

But no, I still came out. Still was hoing.

[Melissa Ford]

It was meant to be, but I went through that.

[Dre Nicole]

I felt that way, too. Then I was in a few videos myself.

[Lex P]

Still was shaking that ass. But your story is so important. Your story is so important. And when I tell you, like, you are a vessel.

[Dre Nicole]

You are.

[Lex P]

You are on the right path. And this conversation was really good for me today and for Dre. I know I don't want to speak for you, but.

[Dre Nicole]

No, it was.

[Lex P]

Yeah, like, great time.

[Dre Nicole]

It was every. Everything that I thought it was going to be, like, this episode was everything I thought it was going to be.

[Melissa Ford]

I'm going to leave you guys with one last story.

[Dre Nicole]

Oh, I love a story.

[Melissa Ford]

It's very little. It's just very little. It's just kind of, like, making me think about this moment in my life, you know, when I moved. When I moved to New York. My anniversary is September 11, but 2000, the year before the towers came down.

[Lex P]

Oh, wow.

[Melissa Ford]

I wish I'd saved my plane ticket. And I was as illegal as a. Let me not be stereotypical and racist. I was illegal, right? I was illegal. And I had no. I had no permission from my country to leave. I had no permission from this country to be here, to work here. But somehow I managed to get my cell phone. I got myself some bills, and I got myself an apartment. And so I'll cut the story short as to how I got the apartment and stuff like that. My landlord was a woman. It's. That's a whole other story I'll put in the book, because it's a really, really, really good fucking story. Because I have no. I had no credit. I had no way to prove that I would be able to pay this fucking rent. And this is this woman's house. It's a brownstone. It's the second apartment. She needs this to pay the mortgage. And there's no proof that I can give her that I will give her this money every single month. But there's a method to the madness as to how the shit went. So here I am. I'm in this apartment. I'm living in Bed Stuy. That's a whole other story too. But I'm living in Bed Stuy. And I have a mattress on a box spring on just like this frame from mattress1-800-massress.com. i've got these two, you know, just containers, you know, from Container Store, acting at. Has night tables. And I have a stereo that my friend who worked at Sony gave me because he could. He got me some shit. So that's my. And I have mosquito netting. So I'm like a little princess. And that's all I have in my fucking apartment. I have nothing else, you know. And I. I also had like a full length mirror. And I remember, like staring at my reflection in the mirror. And I'm just three, four months in and I'm starting to get so much attention. And I don't understand what to do with this attention. How do I monetize this attention? What does this attention? Am I a flash in the pan? You know? Like, I. I don't even understand American men. They just are trying to throw money at me and buy me things. And it's weird because Canadian men are not like that. So I told you they tip you with toonies. It's disrespectful. Yeah, a toonie is a two dollar coin, okay? I'm walking around with my pockets jingling and like I'm some janitor. It's boy. Anyways, I digress. That's a whole other story that's going to be in the Goddess. So here I am, I'm fucking staring at myself in the fucking mirror and I'm trying to visualize myself 10 to 15 years in the future. And I say, God, please send me, send me, me 10 to 15 years in the future. Tell me what to do Tell me what not to do Tell me who to date. Tell me, tell me just where to go. Tell me how to be. Tell me who I am. Like, just tell me. Of course that bitch, she didn't show up. I had to learn, you know, hard knock Life and whatever else, But I think that my purpose here, because I am child free and have never been married, but I am a nurturing, loving individual, and I love my fellow humans and I love women. And I want to be that version of myself that could not come to my younger self for y'all. Yeah, that's what I want to be. That is what I hope that I can be for the people looking for that version of themselves, the older version, the sage wisdom that can come to them and just say, oh, honey, not that. Yeah, that. And do it. And do it with, like, with calmness, in a peaceful manner. So you know that it's coming from a piece of love and grace.

[Lex P]

You know, I'm excited for you, and I'm excited for it because I. Like I said, I think this is your path. This is your journey. And like I said, for. Even for us, it's. We have such a young audience. And I literally went to get a wax the other day, and this girl was like, oh, my God, Lex, you. Andrea helped me so much, and I know how to navigate life. And we are all. It's a lot of women out here who have lost their mothers or who have lost their parents, and they need guidance. And that's why we create this space for us. And we weren't meant to do this. They don't want black women to speak out and say what our experiences are. But we have created this lane and we're in it and we're here. So it's very important that you're here. And I am just so grateful that you showed up for us. And this was an amazing episode.

[Melissa Ford]

It was. It was a foregone conclusion. It was always going to happen. It was always, love you, love you.

[Lex P]

Look, we friends now.

[Melissa Ford]

Girl, I know you ain't lit.

[Lex P]

They're like, who Your friends? I'm like, yeah, you know, me and Melissa Ford. Cool or whatever.

[Dre Nicole]

Like, girl, y'all ain't seen the episode?

[Lex P]

Like, that's my girl. So make sure y'all check out Hot and Bother with Melissa Ford.

[Melissa Ford]

We are debuting on November 1st. It is a Friday. And then every Tuesday thereafter.

[Lex P]

Okay.

[Melissa Ford]

It is a lofty. I did not want to put it out November 5th, because that is election day. And I was like, God damn it. This shit is gnarly.

[Lex P]

Yes.

[Melissa Ford]

You know, so let me just drop on the Friday, everybody just kind of like, like, you know, processes what's going on.

[Lex P]

They coming.

[Melissa Ford]

Exactly.

[Lex P]

They coming.

[Melissa Ford]

And then it's every Tuesday thereafter. That is the plan. And it's just. I'M I just.

[Lex P]

I'm.

[Melissa Ford]

I'm. I'm gonna feed the kids. Yes, I'm gonna feed the kids.

[Lex P]

Because we hungry, girl.

[Melissa Ford]

You know what I'm saying?

[Lex P]

We hungry. Well, thank you so much, Melissa. Make sure y'all follow Hot and Bother with Melissa Ford. Y'all go to musebeautycollection.com. get all your lip glosses. Y'all make sure y'all go to my personal YouTube. YouTube.com love love, Lex P. Poor Chronicles. Drop every Monday.

[Dre Nicole]

Every Monday. Also follow my personal YouTube channel at Dre and Nicole with three E's. And yeah, we'll see y'all next week.

[Lex P]

Y'all make sure y'all share the content. Like, subscribe, follow all that good stuff. And let me say this before we close out, y'all, there is one Twitter account that is connected to Poor Minds. It's P O U R Underscore M I N D S. Y'all are tagging the wrong Poor Minds page. If you see at Poor Minds with no underscore, that is a fake page. Do not follow that page. Okay? They blocked me, Andrea and the Poor Mods page on both. So we only have one Instagram, one Twitter, one Tick tock. It is P O. You are underscore in my NDs. All right?

[Dre Nicole]

And we got hella fake Facebook pages.

[Lex P]

Oh, the Facebook pages.

[Dre Nicole]

It's the our face. The crazy thing is our Facebook page actually have the least amount of followers.

[Lex P]

So if you on Facebook, the one that's ours got the least amount of followers.

[Dre Nicole]

The one that's not us got like 250,000 followers. Know it's fake.

[Lex P]

If you actually look at the content. Cuz the caption is like, whoever it is, don't speak English. Cuz their captions are like bomba cl. Should men. Should men pay bill? Should men pay bill? Yes. No. Check answer below. Block, block.

[Dre Nicole]

Like that's literally what the captions are.

[Lex P]

I like you. What that DDG Bomba Claw. I love that already. Come on.

[Melissa Ford]

Time on my hands since you've been away boy I ain't got no plans.

[Lex P]

No no, no, no yeah and the sound of the rain against my window.

[Melissa Ford]

Pane Sing it Melissa Is slowly It's slowly driving me insane Boy, I'm going down, I'm going down Cause you ain't around, baby My whole world upside down.

[Lex P]

Sleep don't come music boy, please believe me since you've been gone Everything's going wrong hey, why'd you have to say goodbye?

[Melissa Ford]

Look what you've done to me I.

[Lex P]

Can'T stop these tears?

[Melissa Ford]

From falling from my eyes?

[Lex P]

Ooh, baby?

[Melissa Ford]

I'm going down?

[Lex P]

I'm going down? Cause you ain't around? Baby? Baby?

[Melissa Ford]

My whole world upside down?

[Lex P]

Baby? Love? Going down?

[Melissa Ford]

Going down? Oh, somebody get me up?

[Lex P]

She was going down, but she gets back up?

[Dre Nicole]

Can I get a hallelujah?

[Melissa Ford]

Praise hands Back?

[Dre Nicole]

Get back up again? Get back up again? Get back up again.

[Lex P]

Man. Shout out to Melissa for we out this.