Men are more lonely, more disconnected, and more unsure of who they’re supposed to be than we’ve seen in generations. And while the data is alarming, what often gets lost is how this is actually showing up in real life: on dates, in relationships, and in the expectations men and women are navigating every day. In this episode, Danielle speaks with Dr. Gary Barker, a leading global researcher on men and masculinity, to unpack what’s actually going on. From the cultural forces shaping modern manhood, to how it’s showing up in dating and relationships. Plus, the surprising TV show Gary points to as a model of healthy masculinity. Gary also unpacks:

Why modern masculinity feels more confusing than ever
The loneliness epidemic among men, and why it’s getting worse
Why so many men feel blamed for systems like patriarchy and the Me Too movement
The difference between calling men out vs calling men in (and why it matters)
Why accountability alone isn’t working, and what’s missing
How men actually benefit from gender equality and a safer world for women
What role women play in reshaping masculinity, and where the line is
The emotional labor gap in relationships, and why women tend to carry more
The growing disconnect in modern dating, and why many women feel misaligned
How dating apps and comparison culture are changing expectations for men
The biological conversation we avoid: testosterone, male sexuality, and agency
Why men are also wired for care, connection, and emotional bonding (not just aggression)
The sources from which boys learn masculinity: mainly media, culture, peers, and family
Why pop culture (like The Pitt) is starting to show healthier versions of masculinity
Why no country, not even Scandinavian countries with progressive policies, has fully figured this out
What it actually looks like to raise boys differently in today’s world

The link between masculinity, violence, and school shootings in the U.S.

Follow Dr. Gary Barker’s organization Equimondo on Instagram

Book recommendation: Father Time by Sarah Hrdy

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