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- [00:00]
A
Sa. Hey, everybody. I am so blessed and excited to be here answering questions. Erica is going to join us in just a minute. She got held up in a meeting that went a little bit longer, and I am looking forward to seeing her just as much as you guys are. It's going to be a great time of answering questions. Now, I want to say this right off the bat. I want to thank you for the commitment to excellence that you guys have made in getting into the Word, learning the Word, growing in the Word. And I'm going to say this. Look, when you study the Bible, it brings up a lot of questions. I say this oftentimes to people that I'm not sort of laboring through it. And that's why we always encourage people to get into the Word to read it. And as you read it, all of those things begin to show up, and it is awesome. And. And to that, I'm going to just say we get hundreds, if not thousands of questions, and we always do our best to answer as many as we possibly can. As a matter of fact, in many of the summaries that I give, I try to answer questions, which is something that I think is really important to do, and we are doing more to sort of meet the needs with respect to that. But here's the thing that I think is critically important. As much of a commitment as you're making to get in the Word of God, the one thing that I need you to be able to understand, and this is, is just very, very critical, is that you need a church body. Okay. This is an Acts chapter two concept. And as questions come up, it's always good to have pastors and elders in your church that you can go to. We love taking the questions, and we're always honored to do it. And it's a huge blessing to be able to answer those questions. I love it. I've been doing it for close to 33, 34 years. But it's good to have that local fellowship, that church where you can go to people who are well endowed in knowledge of the Word that can come and not just give you an answer to a question, but can help you walk through applying your worldview, your biblical worldview in all the things that you're facing. And this is something that we try to do on a regular basis. We want to equip you to apply your biblical worldview in the world of politics. We want to equip you to apply your biblical worldview in literally everything that touches your life. It doesn't just extend to one area and then stop at another. It's all over. And, and I think it's so critically important that you understand that, that there's a practical aspect to this that is really, really important that we want you to hold fast to. And so much of it comes from the community that you give yourself to. And look just as much as the questions come up when you do the work, when you spend time in fellowship, those questions get asked in a way that's very thorough and reaches your very soul and your very heart because they're customized and we get lots of questions, especially the personal ones. And there are certain things that we can answer quite quickly, but they're never quite complete if they're not tailored to the specific circumstance that you're dealing with. That's why it's so important that you lean in to your personal fellowships and that you speak to these people who can better equip you. We're honored to do it, we want to continue to do it. But church fellowship is important. It's really, really critical to stay close to the church body and to be in fellowship with people that love the Lord and are like minded that you might just experience the fullness of everything that God has for you. So with that said, we are blessed to be able to serve you. Listen, I, I want to give one other quick announcement. A lot of people have asked about this, but my book is now available on paperback if you are interested. This goes over the first 11 chapters of the Book of Revelation. If you don't want to buy the book, you don't want to spend money on the book, I'll give you a little hint. You can go to james cadiz.com and listen to my teachings through the Book of Revelation. You get the same thing, but we've been really blessed. We actually hit Amazon's number one best seller list in 13 categories. Just, we're just blown away at the success of it. By God's grace and how good he's been. And there's a lot of great resources. I, I don't know where is but Charlie's book on the Sabbath, Holy Smokes, that thing is a. Oh, it's so good. Anyway, all of that to say there's a lot of resources out there. We want to put them in your hands. We want to equip you because God's faithful and what he's given us is amazing and we want you to have every bit of that. So with that said, let's pray. Let's ask the Lord to go before us as we get into this very important time in the Word. And I think Erica will be joining us, if she's not already there. She'll be joining us in just a few minutes. So let's pray. Father in heaven, we just thank you, Lord, for your word. We thank you, Father, for the opportunity that we have to dig in and to dig deep. And, Lord, we just pray that as we spend time going through these questions that you would be glorified and that, Lord, your name would be lifted up. We love you, Father, and we thank you, and we just pray that you would give us insight, that you would teach us, Lord, your word, that you would help us to understand what your will is in every single one of these contexts, Lord. And so just speak to us clearly, help us to apply it in our lives. And as we go through these, Lord, it truly is our desire to want to be drawn closer to you. So, Lord, we love you and thank you. We look to you and we ask these things. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. All right, well, with that, if we don't have Erica here, I am going to go over the first question. And Erica, you can feel free to just jump in when you get here, but let me go over the first question here. And this is more of a very practical question. And. And, boy, I gotta tell you, I'm here. Erica's here. Erica, how are you, sweetheart?
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B
Happy Friday. It feels like a Friday. Oh, man. Pastor James, I've missed you. It's good to hear your voice. It's good to see you.
- [10:36]
A
I love you immensely. And I want to just say how absolutely blessed I am that the ministry that God has given you continues to reach out in ways that the devil absolutely hates it. But you know what? God is so good and lots of lives are being changed. And, you know, there's a price to that. Unfortunately, you know it better than probably most people. But God's faithful. He's good, you know, and I can see it. I. You know, it's funny. I know you better than most, and I can see the joy of the Lord in your heart. Like, it's all over your face. I love it. I love the Forever Kirk hat. Is that like. Like something that's actually being sold right
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B
now, or is that, like, you know, me, the fashion. The fashion designer in me. We're always looking at different designs and stuff like that. So this might be coming out sometime soon.
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A
That has to be a proclaimed thing. I just love that we should put the proclaim insignia on the back that.
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B
I just love that this will probably be a Chart. This one will probably be for Charlie's store. I don't know if it's on the, It's. I think it's on this side where
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A
it's like, oh, there it is. The flag.
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B
Flag, yeah.
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A
Oh, I love that.
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B
Got to keep it going.
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A
Awesome.
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B
Got to keep it going.
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A
It's beautiful.
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B
But no, we're just, it's a refiner's fire right now, so we're just walking, walking through it. What do they say if you're, you just keep going through hell. You just keep going.
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A
You got to.
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B
What, what, what's the saying? Like? You got to get, keep. If you're going to get through hell, you just keep walking through hell. What is it?
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A
I, I don't know.
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B
That would be saying, oh, my gosh. Pastor James, There's a saying where it's like, if you're Kate, you know what
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A
I'm talking about, don't come to me because I botch those things up all the time. I mess those things up so bad.
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B
Something like, if you're gonna go, if you're going through it, you just got to keep going through it. I don't know. It was a famous quote. Sorry, guys, I botched it again. It's a Friday.
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A
Those quotes up. I'm, I'm way. I, I mess those things up all the time. My wife comes up to me and corrects me like, yeah, James, that wasn't the way the saying goes. My sister does the same thing. It's bad.
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B
I, I. Anyways, we're just, we're walking and lockstep with the Lord. Doesn't matter which, you know, direction he takes us in, as long as it'. Direction. But I do. The first question that I did see from Jamie, I thought it was, I thought it was really powerful. Do you want me to read it for you and then have you tap? Okay. So Jamie says, I am 34 years old and serve in the United States Air Force. Thank you for your service, Jamie. As a physician assistant in a primary care clinic. I have two small children under the age of four and a wonderful, hard working husband. Excuse me. Ever since Charlie's death, my faith has grown stronger and I have been enlightened to the role of, of a biblical wife. I feel called to set my career aside and be a homemaker for my family and minister in my home. My commitment to the Air Force ends next summer. The problem is that I have 17 years of military service under my belt and have about six years to go until I can retire and collect a paycheck for the rest of my life without working. I feel like each day that goes by is a missed opportunity to be with my children and with Jesus. Six years is a long time to go. Do I stick this out another six years or do I leave now? I. I pray every single day about this. Your wisdom is very much appreciated. It's a really stupid question.
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A
It is. And I gotta tell you, it's rooted in some very powerful stuff. And, you know, we know this all well, that time goes by so quickly.
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B
Time is a thief.
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A
It goes by so fast, I cannot. Like, it's so hard to be able to understand. My daughter just turned eight. You know, like there's so much that happens so quickly and you can miss so much. And I have a three year old. Many of you know this. I have a three year old. I have a five year old. I have an eight year old. Erica, you have a four and a. No, a five and a two now, right?
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B
No, do not rush it. No, do not do that.
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A
Four and a two.
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B
She'll be four in August. She's still my baby at three.
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A
Okay, Three.
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B
My son just turned two.
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A
Yeah, okay, okay, that's right.
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B
But Gigi yesterday. And I love this, and I will hold onto this forever. Gigi yesterday told my son, because he kept saying that he was 2 and she said, no, you are not 2 until you blow out your candles. So I might just keep the candles from them for birthdays. Like you're forever 1 years old.
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A
I gotta tell you, the picture that I sent you, well, technically it was today, but really was yesterday. Because at the end of my day, I couldn't help but to just not cry looking at that beautiful picture of your husband just holding your baby. And I. I gotta tell you, we're not guaranteed the time that we have, right? And every moment that we have is precious.
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B
Right?
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A
So, Jamie, look, here's. Here's what I would offer you, okay? First of all, six years is a long time. And the gap between four and 10 is significant. And what you do in this very formidable part of their lives is incredibly important.
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B
Right?
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A
And so what I would simply tell you is this. It's not a cut and dry go, leave the military, sit at home and do this honorable work. Because they're both honorable. The. The answer has to be founded in Proverbs, chapter three. Now, look, it's a really easy passage. It says very simple. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. This is verse five. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will Direct your paths. Now this is really important because what it's basically saying there in the Proverbs is that you need to trust God with everything in you every step of the way. Don't lean on your own reasoning. And basically every step you take, just acknowledge the Lord. And the promise is he will direct your paths. Now it's no coincidence that later on in verse 6 and 7, it says, Be not wise in thine own eyes, fear the Lord and depart from evil. Because that advice that you get in verse 5 is predicated upon the idea that your commitment to the Lord is steadfast. And in every situation it is. It's different. And you have to keep this in mind with Proverbs 31, because when we, we oftentimes deploy the term biblical woman, biblical mother, biblical wife, and it's really important to understand that the average woman will read Proverbs 31 and feel very convicted and feel very overwhelmed because they look at that proverb and they think, man, I can't, I. I just, I can't wake up in the morning and do these 150 things and then at the same time, you know, feed my family. You know, kill the chicken, cook the chicken, make the eggs. I mean, that's what you, what you describe. But there's a. So many important facts tied to this that you have to understand. Number one, and this is critical, okay? Proverbs 31 does not list the day in the life of bathsheba. Okay? Proverbs 31 is presumably, and I really believe this, I can make a very strong biblical case for this is King Solomon eulogizing his mother. So what he's doing is he is describing the different aspects of mom's life throughout the tenure of her life, as she raised him and grew up. The other thing you have to understand is the fact that it's very likely that Bathsheba had a staff of hundreds, if not thousands of people that worked for her. Okay? And the reason why we know this is because when we read through the Bible, we see that Solomon, in order to just feed his servants, had to kill thousands of animals every single day. So, so you know that he had a massive infrastructure, she had an infrastructure supporting her. And so it spoke of a woman throughout the tenure of her life. So the issue here is to recognize that the biblical woman is wherever God puts her, whether it be based on circumstances that get forced in some context, or, or whether it be simply a decision that you make based on instruction that God's given you. And this is why I think it's really critical that we're very careful to, to define what a biblical woman is based on a set of circumstances, because every set of circumstances is different. Now if you're in a situation where you can be at home and you feel led by the Lord and you have a wonderful, hard working husband, then by all means take the step of faith and do it. Especially if you feel called, as you say you do and you understand it, go do it. Because you will not regret the, the lifetime payment that you did not receive. And I think that there's a way that God works where he provides for all of these needs and he does a pretty remarkable job in doing so. So I just think that you need to be very open to the voice of God, hear what he says, and if you're not so sure, take the step of faith and then trust that God will direct you. Now if you go and take the step of faith and God shuts it down, well, then you know exactly what's going on. But the reality of it is, I think that no matter how you cut it, just acknowledge the Lord in every aspect of the decision and he'll bless you. I will tell you, just from a personal perspective, this isn't the Lord. This is just from a personal perspective. Time goes by quickly, very, very quickly. And we have three beautiful children. We hope to adopt a few more, and we're very excited about that possibility. But man, let me tell you, time goes by quick and, and the ability to be able to spend time with them during these formidable years are really, really important. So with that all said, I think you do what God leads you to do and he'll bless you no matter what the decision is, especially if you're acknowledging him and seeking him.
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B
And you'll feel that conviction on your heart too. I know, Pastor James, you know what that feels like, and I think it's something that you can just pray for and that when you make a decision and you have a peace about it, that's the Holy Spirit where it's like you're not constantly trying to battle back and forth with what to do.
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A
Amen.
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B
The next question's from Mary. How do you keep yourself rooted in Christ while working 65 to 75 hour weeks? And how do I keep myself from straying away from the church while in treatment for bone cancer? God bless you, Mary. We're going to keep you in our prayers. Caitlin, can you add her to our prayer request or prayer requests and praise reports list, please?
- [21:23]
A
Yeah. And Mary, we'll actually pray for you after I answer the question. Look, the way you keep rooted in Christ even goes back to the Proverbs passage that I mentioned. And that is in the work that you do, you give it all to the Lord. You, you make sure that God is integrated in every aspect of what you do. You be mindful of Him. You look to His Word, you spend time seeking Him. And you know, the way that you keep yourself from straying from the church while you're in treatment is you take advantage of the wonderful resources that God has given you. One of the best resources, especially if you're spending time at an infusion center or something like that, is to just open up your phone and watch the Bible studies that are being taught. Whether it be at your church that's doing online streaming or if you don't have something like that at your church. We Here at Bible in365 provide for you the links to our church services where you'll be able to hear the teaching of God's Word live and you'll grow from it, and you'll be very, very blessed by it. But stay close to His Word and stay in contact with his people. And, and hopefully you have some friends that are from your church that you're staying in contact with. You're sending texts to text chains, you know, going back and forth. Those things are important. And I can promise you that your pastors will be blessed to be updated by you on your treatment. And I think in many cases, most cases they'll actually come and visit you during some of those times.
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B
No, it's true. So you know, you know what that reminds me of, Pastor James? When you talk about having those good friends in your life, it reminds me of the Bible verse. You're gonna know this one better than I do. Where Jesus, where the guy, the guy is sick and all of his friends come around him and literally grab him and then they go to the roof and then they lower him down to where Jesus is from the roof, lower him down so Jesus can heal him. And it's like that's how, that's how important friends are. It's like they will take you where you need to go in order to be healed or in order to just, you know, lead you to Jesus. And that's the importance of friendships. What's the Bible verse to redeem myself. I did Kate, help me on this. I did find out.
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A
They claim that it's, it's, it's Mark and Luke. It's mark and Luke 1:12 and, and Luke 5, I think verse 17 or
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B
so, yeah, that's what I mean anyways. So that it's the importance of friendships. There you go.
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A
Well, and it's actually an amazing passage that you bring up. Believe it or not, it's actually very, very good. Because this man wasn't just any man. He was a paralyzed man. He was completely dependent upon others. He couldn't walk anything like that, you know. And his friends, as you said, show real active faith, right? They don't just pray for him and walk away. These are people who, who physically carry him to Jesus. So even when blocked by the crowd, they put a hole through the roof and will go through amazing trouble to bring him to Christ. They literally tear open the roof.
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B
Those are the friends I want. I want the roof terrors.
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A
Oh, I, I, I, the ones that'll
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B
bust open a roof for me to get to Jesus. That's what I want in my army.
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A
That's absolutely right. And you have to be willing to be disruptive. So what if it's costly? You know, you gotta be bold. That's exactly what they did. And it actually shows that real faith is willing to take action, you know, and even when it's inconvenient. Matter of fact, especially when it's inconvenient. That's what I just think. And Jesus, his response was awesome in that passage. He saw their faith. He literally saw it, and he honored it and he blessed them. And I think that there's something very, very important about that, especially in that realm, especially in that day. The consequences of that backfiring would be. Would be unreal. And I think that that's a question that, that has to be asked. It's, it's. I gotta tell you. Can I tell you a really funny story about Charlie? It's just, it's like a really funny story. You, you actually know this story. But I don't mind telling this because it's just so awesome. One day, Charlie calls me. This is years and years and years and years ago. And the reason why he calls me was because I was at this event where he was accused of being racist. You know, over, over some. It was, it was wrong. It was, it was a famous rapper that said something that was just not correct. It was a lie. And so he calls me and he says, james, this guy just. You were there, right? This guy accused me of being a racist. I said, charlie, look, leave it alone. Just leave it alone. Let me be the bulldog. I don't care. You know, I'm gonna go burn some bridges. Let me, Let me just Go handle it. Right. So I go do this show, and I. And I show the evidence and I defend Charlie, like, vigorously, okay? And at the time, I was on one of the largest radio stations in the country, one of the largest radio stations of the country. And I got kicked off the radio because I defended Charlie. They kicked me off the radio station, and Charlie called me and he says, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to get you kicked off. I didn't mean to get you kicked. I'm like, bro, like, don't sweat it. I don't care. Look, I am called by God to be that kind of friend to you. This is like.
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B
This is.
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A
We're called to fight the good fight. Well, let me tell you how God rewarded me. And I don't know if you. If you remember the story, I'll try to do it without getting, like. Without getting really emotional, but I got probably 35 calls, and I just kept ignoring it. Finally, from the same number, finally I picked up the phone. And as I pick up the phone, the person who picks up the phone says, hey, Pastor James, you don't know me, but I know you. I am the son of the man who used to own this radio station. And on behalf of my mom and my sister, I want to thank you for taking a stand for righteousness and doing the right thing. And just to thank you, I want to put you on all my radio stations for free. So I think, oh, okay. He's going to put me on, like, you know, 10, 15 radio stations. Turns out he owns 700 of them. So. So. So listen to this. This is amazing. So he puts me on for free, okay? And then I do a show where I say I hate abortion. And if there's anybody here that's listening to this that you want to abort your baby, you call the church, and me and my wife will adopt that baby. So, sure enough, we get word from a woman who heard us on the radio and wanted to take us up on that. And as you know the story, I won't get into locations or anything. Four months later, we're in the hospital witnessing the birth of my son, named after my dad, who died earlier that year. Now. Now, here's the thing. Here's the thing. The radio show that she heard me on, the radio station that she heard me on was the radio. One of the radio stations that that guy put me on. And so I wouldn't have my son if I didn't rip the roof open and drop the paralytic in the. In the Room.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Like if it wasn't for me, if it wasn't for Charlie, I wouldn't have my baby.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Like, like think about that. Like, it's incredible. It's such a, it's such an incredible thing. So wild. I, I, but like, that's the faithfulness of God.
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B
Amen.
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A
It's just, it's the faith. It's, it's, it's how good God is to us. And if we're willing to do that, if we're willing to take a stand, if we're willing to stick our necks out, especially in a world today that wants to make bonus points by just ripping on righteous people, my goodness, where is that going? You know? But to see the faithfulness of God and how he responds. God is so good.
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B
Amen.
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A
He's so good. And I remember it like it was yesterday, almost four years ago, just watching that happening, it's unbelievable. God is so faithful.
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B
Amen. Amen.
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A
Now I gotta blow my nose because I started crying.
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B
Sorry. Mary, we'll be praying for you. Thank you for your question. Our next question is from Sarah Louise. I am new to faith and just recently started going to church along with my three year old daughter. How can I incorporate faith into my everyday life? I shout a lot, which I don't want to do. I want to be calmer and more present and just be a better person and a better mom. I have been encouraged to pray, which I haven't done yet. Is this something I should be doing? And how often can I teach my child about faith in God? Answer every second you can.
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A
Yeah. Yeah. This is a great question. And perhaps one of the most phenomenal ways to teach your children is to see them cause you to be subject to the word of God. I think that that may be the most effective way to be able to minister. And I think that on, on many levels as parents, we think for whatever reason, we can't do that. We think that, you know, we can't be the type of people, for lack of a better term, that would, that would be willing or that, that, that would be effective in doing so. But I think that if you, if you fall short on a regular basis and you're in a position as a mom where you feel like you're not doing the job that you need to do and you're not praying, first and foremost you have to, you have to allow yourself to be seen by your parents or by your children as, as a parent to who subjects themselves to the correction of God's word. And then in doing. So there's at least three solid things that you can do in order to bring yourself to the goal of being able to raise your children. And, and listen, these three things are, are, are things that are very practical, okay? They're not like, they're not, like, difficult. If you just simply understand them within the context that they, that they were meant to be put in. And eventually it will get easier with time. Okay? So first and foremost, you have to start with humility like that. That's just critical. If you, if you're not willing to be subject to the correcting of God's word, you're not going to be able to correct them effectively based on the authority of God's word. Your kids have to see you correcting yourself. They have to see you when you admit you're wrong and you don't hide it. And, and when you show them that you're submitted to God's word and you're not above it, that it's the final court of arbitration, then it really changes things. So then here's what you do. First priority has to be your walk with God. If, if you can. Look, let me just say this. You can't pour into your kids the things that you don't have.
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B
Amen.
- [31:57]
A
If there's no water in the fountain, you're not going to be able to do it. So you have to set a consistent prayer life. But I think the perception of prayer is a difficult one for people to understand because they think you have to start talking in King James language and O, O thou. This thus. No, it's just a simple, Lord, I am tired right now. I need help. I'm frustrated. You need to be yourself and talk to the Lord. But perhaps the most consequential aspect of this is that you have to build intentionality in your walk with God. If, if you don't build intentionality, you're not going to be able to go anywhere. Think about it like this. In your job, you're intentional in the things that you do day in and day out. You're very, very intentional. You, you have a purpose. You get in your car. No one gets in their car unless they have intentionality in, in where they're going to go. It's the same thing. So you have to pray with your kids. Not just for them. You have to pray with them. This is something that I do with my children every morning and every evening. You have to talk about God, make God a regular part of your conversation, and you have to make spiritual conversations very natural. Again, the Point behind that is it involves intent, it involves creativity. You know, there's a big difference between forcing the conversation and making it feel natural. And that's looking for opportunities to do it. The best way, by the way, to do that is you read from a kid's Bible storybook and then let the kids start asking questions and automatically it does that. And then here's the other thing that I would tell you because this is where the big trap comes in. Whatever you do, make sure you're all about consistency and you stop worrying about perfection, okay? You don't need to be perfect. You just need to be consistent. Okay? Small daily habits matter way more than occasional big efforts. I tell this to people who, who like, want, you know, advice. In business, small daily habits will get you wealthy. Occasional big efforts will make you, it will send you to the poor house. And it's, it's because there's a spiritual principle, okay? Kids remember patterns. They do not remember one time moments. They never do. They always remember the behavior that is set into pattern. And here's the big one, right? You have to lead with grace and truth. So yeah, correct your kids, but do it with love. Don't just discipline behavior, point them to the Lord. Okay? And I'll give you a great example of this. My three year old, if he holds a glass in his hand, I cannot justifiably discipline him for breaking the glass. That's what three year olds do. They break everything in front of them. They're destructive. Okay? But what I can discipline my son for is picking up the glass when I asked him on multiple times not to. So if he's picking up the glass and I told him not to, I'm going to discipline him for picking up the glass, not for breaking it. I expect him to break it. And the big mistake that a parent might make is, you see, you broke the glass. You see what happened? Well, that's not fair because he's going to normally do that whether or not he's allowed to pick it up. If he has it in his hand, he's going to break it. What you tell him is you say, well, look, I knew this would happen, son, because at your age, that's what just happens if you feel so inclined to do it. But the issue is accountability has to be led with mercy. So you're not mad at your son for breaking the glass, but you are expressing disappointment in the fact that he disobeyed you and then you give him the punishment and you bring them back. You hug him, you kiss him and you move on. And it's. And it's really important. Remember, you're not just raising good kids, okay? Like, you. You don't want to just raise good kids. You. You actually want to raise kids who know God, who trust God and follow God. And they're not going to do it if you're not the window for that. And I think that's something. And one final thing that I would say that really, really helps. No matter what. I don't care if you sound like a broken record, do it at least 3, 4, 5, 10, 15 times a day. If you can bring your children in individually, hug them, kiss them, tell them you love them, embrace them, show them your love at random times. I do it with all my children, and I think it's. It's really beautiful. I spend a lot of time telling my girls how beautiful they are. And I spend a whole bunch of time hugging my son and telling him how proud I am and kissing him because I know it's going to go a long way later. I think if you do a combination of all of those things, you're going to be just fine.
- [36:21]
B
Yeah, let me. I totally agree. Sorry. There's so many good questions here that I. A lot of them. A lot. The next few deal with husband's position as a leader. So I might. I might clump Kayin and Haley's together. Kaylin's is. Is there any reading you can recommend for a wife on how to help her husband be a good leader? And Haley's is, my husband is having trouble being a leader. He won't read his Bible and be committed. I feel God is leading us to a specific place. My husband says he disagrees and feels God is calling him to lead, but we are to stay here. What advice would you give to me? So I guess that's twofold. You know, how the wife can support her husband as a leader and then. Yeah, her husband.
- [37:14]
A
Yeah. And I think all reading should start from the Bible just because it's the final court of arbitration. So, yeah, there's some good insight here. There's actually a lot that can be done. And look, the question is very loaded in many ways because we just don't know all the answers. We don't know, like, I don't know all the details related to what's actually happening. So let me just start with the basics because I think those things are important. Right. You have to start with the foundation. The. The Bible is the final authority on this, so you have to focus on passages that deal with marriage the roles within marriage and submission to God, like those are the. Those are the most important things to be thinking about. Ephesians chapter five is a really, really good example of this. This is one that men and women alike don't like to read, because In Ephesians chapter 5, I think it's around verse 22, it says, you know, wives, you're supposed to submit to your own husbands as unto the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. But then it goes on to say that. That husbands have an obligation to their wives, and that's very, very important. So therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, then wives ought to be to their own husbands in. In everything. That's a difficult passage to read to women who are looking for direction and what to do with their husbands. Okay, again, first, Peter does the same thing. It says exactly the same thing, in essence, to be subject to their own husband. And. And actually it's very interesting how it talks about the action of the wife winning over their husband without even anything other than the simple, pleasant conversation of their wives. And that's a very difficult thing to be able to understand in some context because it requires faith to do it, right? So the other thing that a wife does, and this is important, right, is that she respects his role. Okay? She helps him in. In his leading. And I think the big problem that happens is when you don't agree with your husband, it's really easy to go to him and tell him you don't agree and you take away his ability to be able to lead, and you just can't do that. You have to respect his role. And even when he struggles, so you don't. The whole idea is you don't compete with his leadership. If you try to do that, you're going to create a problem. You can't undermine him in tone or even in actions. You have to lead spiritually by example and not force. You can't pressure him into some godliness. Your consistency with God is going to matter more than any kind of lectures or dare I even say the word? Forgive me for saying this. Nagging. I'm not saying that you would nag. I'm just saying that this is. This is kind of an important thing to understand. You have to pray for him seriously. And that means. Is a word that I've been bringing up lately. Intentionality. You've got to pray very specifically. You have to pray for conviction of the Holy Spirit. You've got to pray for boldness in making decisive decisions. And you have to pray for obedience to the word of God because it's the only way he's going to make the decisions that he makes. And if he does it right, then his wife, you are going to be comfortable with him. You're going to trust him in the decisions that he makes, even if it doesn't make sense. And that happens with me and Nicole all the time. You can see it. I can see it in Nicole when she sees me make a decision that scares her or does it make sense? But she rests in the decisions that she sees me make because she knows that the end result is always going to be wonderful because she sees the leading of the Lord in my life. So this is the other part, and this is probably the hardest piece of advice that I give to people in this kind of situation, and that's this. You have to create an environment that encourages leadership, okay? That's not easy because that means you have to support his decisions even when they. They don't agree with you, okay? Especially when they're not sinful. So if he's making decisions that are not sinful but you just don't like, you've got to support him in it, okay? And you even have to affirm all of these small steps on a regular basis in the right direction. You can't. You. You have to let him make the decisions and experience that. And when he makes a decision, you can't subvert him in that decision. You have to say, okay, honey, what can I do to help us move in the direction you feel led for us to move into, okay? And the hard truth about this situation is difficult, okay? If he's not in the Word, he's not going to be leading biblically. And a man can't claim spiritual leadership while he's rejecting God's Word, I'll give you that. But the real issue here is it's not a small one. Okay? Now let me just say this. I think it's important and it's worth spending time answering this on the issue of disagreement about where God is leading. Understand this for a second, okay? God is never going to contradict his Word. If he's not seeking God through his Word, his leading is going to end up becoming questionable. Okay? I should. I should say that. But he still needs to be careful not to become controlling because there is a. A condition of submission between the two of you. So what she should do when that sort of tension is taking place, when that difficulty is happening, because I just lost track of the names here. You cannot follow him into sin. Okay? If there's anything you're going to note, don't follow your husband into sin. If a decision violates God's word, you have to obey God first. But you can't be disparaging about it. And you certainly cannot be belligerent about it. You just have to humbly explain that this is what's going on. Now, if it's not sin and it's disagreement, which oftentimes that is more the case. Look, this becomes a matter of trusting God with his leadership. You have to trust that God is eventually going to deal with him. Even if he's wrong, God has to be. You have to give room for God to correct him. And what's amazing is when God does correct him, he turns around a lot faster than when you're trying to correct Him. Okay? And that's, like, important. And finally, just do this. It's critical. Okay? Whatever you do, communicate clearly and respectfully. Don't communicate in a leading way. Share what you believe God is showing you and do it without accusation or any kind of disrespect. Say, honey, this is the way I feel. And then give it to the Lord to let him make that decision. Okay? And I think that there is some really, really, really good places to go with this. By the way, we did a series on marriage. I did a series on marriage. If you go to jamescadist.com, you'll be able to find it. I think it will really help you in this type of situation. And just remember this, you'll never be able to fix your husband. That's God's job, right? You can honor God. You can certainly live out your life for the Lord and pray for him moving forward. But just understand, your greatest influence on your husband isn't going to be pressure. It's going to be living intentionally as an example and living consistently. If you do those things, you will be in great shape. Now, in. In some cases, it's going to take a long time, okay? In some cases, it won't take a long time. You just have to trust the Lord to let God deal with it the way he wants to deal with it while walking humbly with the Lord. We had a situation where a woman came to me and was in staunch disagreement with her husband. Her husband told her, I don't want you giving money to the church. I work super hard for this money. I don't want you doing it. And she came to me and she said, I. I need to know what to say to My husband. And she was shocked to find out that I told her to do what her husband said. I said, go home to your husband. Tell your husband that your pastor said, don't give to the church if that's his leading and allow him to work with it. Well, make a long story short, he got saved through that counsel. So, you know, again, there's, there's a mechanic that's involved here that the example that you provide will, will change a lot. And that's what you have to do. Walk humbly with your God and allow your God to do the work that he wants to do and can do in that situation.
- [45:12]
B
Yep. No, I think it's beautiful going. I found out the quote that I was trying to say earlier about going through hell.
- [45:21]
A
You have to know. Yeah.
- [45:22]
B
Okay. So apparent. It's been fact checked that actually Winston Churchill did not say this, but it was. It's commonly attributed to Winston saying it. But it's. It, it's, if you're going through hell, keep going. That was it.
- [45:37]
A
Oh yeah.
- [45:38]
B
Somebody in the control room said, sounds like a Rodney Adkins song kind of, if you're going through hell, keep going. All right, back to the next question. Next question's from Gene. Does God want us to take care of ourselves before we take care of others, or are we supposed to take care of others instead? Are boundaries biblical? Are boundaries ever. Well, she repeated, are boundaries ever biblical? How do we know when we are doing too much for another person or when someone is expecting too much from us? I think often Christians, even moms, often neglect themselves to care for others because so many scriptures seem to say to think of others as better than self, go the extra mile, deny self, etc. Does God want us to take care of ourselves? And where in scripture does it say this biblically? What does it look like to love ourselves in a healthy way that God might want for us?
- [46:32]
A
Okay, that's, that's a pretty loaded question, especially when you start by saying, what does God want us to take care of ourselves before we take care of others? Look, there is a massive biblical precedent behind this, believe it or not. What's interesting is there's no real ambiguity here. Okay? It's very, very clear. Let me start off by just giving you a very short answer. The answer is absolutely 100% yes, boundaries are biblical. Okay? But I want, I want to explain this because this has to. The caveat has to be explained here, not in the modern self centered sense. Okay? Like I just want to say that right off the bat, biblical boundaries are about obedience to God, not protecting comfort. And we live in a world right now that protects comfort. And I think that's, I'm not saying that that's what you're asking about, Gene, but I think that what happens is we go out of our way to protect comfort in a way that's uniquely detrimental. So where do we start with this? Okay? Jesus himself is the best place to go to understand where modeled boundaries actually look. Okay? He didn't heal everyone all the time. He often withdrew from crowds. We can see that. Luke chapter five tells us this. He withdrew himself into the wilderness and he prayed. And, and it was interesting because people in that chapter, people were constantly demanding of him. They were pushing up against him, and he knew that he needed to take some time to rest and to pray. And look, we're called to serve others. But, but remember this. We're not called to enable sin or dysfunction. So we, you know, Galatians says that we're supposed to bear one another's burdens. That's very, very clear. Bear you one another's burdens and fulfill the law of Christ for every man. Listen it two, two verses later. I think it's two or three verses later. I think it's verse five. It says, for every man shall bear his own burden.
- [48:31]
B
Okay?
- [48:32]
A
So, so there's the balance there. And it means this. You help people with burdens that they can't carry, but you don't take responsibility for what they should carry themselves. See, people come to me all the time and they ask for business advice, and what they oftentimes are asking me for is a loan to get them out of a bad decision that they made. Well, if I can identify what they can't handle in that moment, I will help them with that. But I'm not going to carry all of it because it would destroy them. So denying yourself does not mean neglecting yourself. Denying self means rejecting sin and selfish ambition. I think that's a really important thing. By the way, I feel very hypocritical when I say this, okay? Because one of the things that denying yourself does not mean is it does not mean ignoring your physical limits or burning out or letting other people control you. And I kind of feel like a hypocrite in this because, yes, at one point I was 350 pounds heavier than I am today, okay? And I've lost a lot of weight. But I, I, I gotta tell you, I abuse my body. And I oftentimes doing it, I do it under the auspice of denying myself for others. So what good am I to my children if I'm dead? You know? So if I drive myself into the ground, it's probably not a good idea, but what is the proper view? Like, where would you go to find out what that means? Well, Jesus said it, you love your neighbor as you love yourself, so you can't love others. Well, if you're completely depleted, you just can't. If you don't have spiritual strength, you're not going to be able to love people. You're operating in resentment. When I go to people and I say, are you okay, brother? Are you okay, sweetheart? Do you need anything? I'm. I have no authority to do that if I'm not equipped to be able to take all the strength that God has given me and take the outflow and give it to them. So, you know, again, I feel like a hypocrite when I say this, but First Corinthians is a perfect example of this. First Corinthians, chapter six. And mind you, I have been taking extensive effort, making extensive effort to make my body healthy. I have certain limitations in that I have a nerve disease that affects my balance substantially. And there's other issues that I constantly deal with. But Paul said it. He says, wait, don't you know your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, which is in you? So this is First Corinthians, chapter six. So you were bought with a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are gods. That means taking care of yourself is not selfish. It's actually stewardship. Okay, again, I. I feel a little like, oh, hypocritical when I say that, because I push the limits in ways most people don't. And. And I think God's given me a capacity to be able to do that. But there are times when too much is too much. So this is how you know when you're doing too much. Okay. You have to. You have to ask yourselves these questions, okay? Are you stepping into areas that God never called you to carry? Okay. People come to me all the time and they tell me, james, I don't know how you can carry everything that you can carry. And I tell them the same thing every time I do it because God's given me supernatural ability to do it. That's why it feels easy.
- [51:37]
B
Yeah.
- [51:38]
A
So you don't step into something that you. That. That God never called you to carry, number one. Number two, this is really important. Are you enabling somebody else's laziness or are you enabling their sin? If somebody comes to me and says, james, will you help me with this? I won't do it if they're do. If they're asking me because they're lazy, or if they're doing it because they want me to enable their evil actions. So somebody comes up to me and says, james, will you lie about this? Or James, will you do this? Or James, will you do that for me? If I'm enabling one of those characteristics, I want nothing to do with it. I'm just not going to do it. The other thing that you have to ask yourself this is how you know if you're doing too much, are you constantly drained, like your energy is gone, with no time to spend with God to refill? And that's a big one, but perhaps the biggest one is are you serving out of guilt instead of obedience? Not to be conflated with conviction? Okay, so here are the boundaries. Say yes to God first, not people first. I mean, I think that's really simple. So you serve others joyfully. You can't have resentment when you serve people. If you have resentment, there's something bigger going on and you need to, you need to, to deal with that. Also by saying no. Sometimes you have to allow people to face consequences when needed. You, you, you walk with God is the most important thing. So loving yourself biblically, not self obsession, not self priority, none of those things. It's walking in obedience that right there is the key. Taking care of what God has entrusted to you and staying spiritually healthy so that you can actually serve other people who desperately need it. And I think that's really where it comes from. And I think the boundaries that are biblical, that exist. When the boundaries are biblical, it's when they are coupled with obedience, when they're coupled with wisdom that God gives you, and when they're coupled with being a good steward.
- [53:25]
B
Yeah.
- [53:25]
A
So I think that's, that's really important. And, and they're never about, never should be about avoiding sacrifice or discomfort. A lot of people, you know, are, are, are doing this because they want to avoid sacrifice or discomfort. And that's a bad reason. Right. And the perfect example is Christ, who obediently went to the cross, not willingly. Yeah, I think it's a great example.
- [53:48]
B
Amen. These next four questions, they're about toxic relationships. So I'm going to read all four of them and then we'll just answer them.
- [53:58]
A
Sure.
- [54:01]
B
Alvaro asks, how do I recover from fatigue due to constantly combating the negative influence of sin being practiced by others at my job and in the community on a daily basis. Shelley asks, how do I deal with family and friends in a Christian way when they are toxic, manipulative and narcissistic? I'm struggling with it and it's hurting my marriage a bit. I would appreciate your advice, Michelle. I recently had to cut off contact with my son's grandmother for sharing some things with my 9 year old son that my husband and I had chosen not to share with him. At this age, I am working on forgiving her, but I wonder if I'm doing this all wrong. I just feel so conflicted. Like, how do I protect my children from someone who is letting the enemy work through her and love her? How do we love people and protect our young ones? And then April asks, I'm in a group. I'm in a text group with three acquaintances from church. They frequently use this text group to complain about their husbands and children. We've read about how God responds to civilizations that would work to take the Israelites away from him. How can we figure out when and how long to work on bringing others towards Christ and when we need to remove ourselves from situations in order to guard our hearts? I know those all honestly deserve their own responses, but overarching of being. I mean it goes back to boundaries as well, but over. Just maybe blanket it over this so we can.
- [55:28]
A
Because we had to write down.
- [55:30]
B
And I just want to be able to.
- [55:32]
A
Yeah. And I had to write down a few names on this because there was a lot here. But I'm going to be as.
- [55:37]
B
I'll help you when we go back with who said what.
- [55:40]
A
Okay. I'm going to summarize this as much as possible and be as succinct as possible in being able to really address these because all of these are very, very important questions. Okay. So. So let's deal with this. Okay. Let's deal with what I would call the big. The big picture principle. This is what was going through my head as you were reading all of these. Okay. And I know that nobody watching this is going to take this the wrong way. Okay. So I'll just. I'm going to say it right off the bat. First of all, you are all called to love people.
- [56:13]
B
Yeah.
- [56:13]
A
Not to be controlled by them. You are all called to serve, not enable sin. Like that's just a given. Okay. You're also called. And this is a hard one. You're also called to guard your heart and your home.
- [56:28]
B
Yeah.
- [56:30]
A
I can't help but to understand or to share a passage like Proverbs, which is an Easy one, by the way, to know. And that is keep thy heart with all diligence. Why? For out of it are the issues of life. Okay, so let's talk about Alvaro. I think it's Alvaro. Yeah, Alvaro. Really quickly. He's talking about recovering from. From fatigue. Okay? First of all, just remember this, Alvaro. Don't ever forget it. You're not called to fix your environment. You're called to stand in it without being shaped by it. That's. That's the call that God has given you. So Jesus didn't burn out here, obviously, because he's God, but he regularly withdrew and prayed. I talked about this earlier, okay? He stayed anchored to the Father and not people. So practically just understand this. Limit unnecessary exposure when possible. Right? You got to deal with what you got to deal with. Just limit it as much as possible. Build daily intentionality in how you reset spiritually. Okay? Meaning make sure that one of your lunch breaks or two of your, you know, snack breaks, whatever they might be, are designed to get in your car, read the Bible, or do something that resets your focus on the Lord. That's critical. Okay? Remember, this conviction is God's job. It's not yours. So you're going to get fatigued if you try to become the Holy Spirit. Now, with respect to. I think it was Shelly talking about toxic. Is that the one that.
- [57:59]
B
Yeah, toxic and manipulative and narcissistic with Shelley.
- [58:02]
A
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, Shelley. Look, man, there's been a theme in this. We've been talking about this all day today, which is awesome. Like, it's the Holy Spirit. I think he moves in this. Look, loving someone does not mean giving them access to hurt you repeatedly. It just doesn't. Okay? You know, allowing manipulation to continue. That's not loving someone. Okay? Romans chapter 12. You know, I love Romans 12, by the way. Romans 12 was one of Charlie's favorite passages in the Bible.
- [58:32]
B
It was in our wedding. We. We.
- [58:34]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [58:34]
B
Romans 12.
- [58:36]
A
He was so infatuated with this the first time I ever introduced this to him. Like, sit down and talk to him. Like, what does it mean to be a living sacrifice? One of the things I told him is, I said, look, you learn what it means to be a living sacrifice by reading the rest of Romans 12, because it gives you the blueprint. Did you know in Romans 12 there are at minimum 25 tips? Not tips, commands that teach you how to get along with people. It's. It's just absolutely amazing. So Romans 12, 18. This is my favorite one. Right. Well, there's a lot of them, right? But Romans 12:18 says, if it be possible. I remember. I remember exactly. I think that was the phrase, if it be possible. As much as in you, as much as life in you. Live peaceably with all men. So the cr. The phrase here is, if possible, it be possible. So you got to be practical. You set clear limits on access and influence. Be kind, but don't be naive. Okay? It's like there's a. There's a big difference between being kind and being nice. Okay? I would say be kind. You don't have to be nice. Protect your marriage first. Whatever you do, protect your marriage first. Your marriage is the most important thing. Learn to use your husband as the tool that he can be to you to allow you to step into the covering that God designed for him to be.
- [59:57]
B
Yep.
- [59:59]
A
And I think that this is. This is really important, by the way. I'm saying this not because of the circumstances that are at hand, but I'm saying this because there's a reason why God tells us to protect the widows. Because the widows lose their covering. They don't. They don't have it. So they're now having to assume a new type of covering. And that covering can only be effective if the people in their life point them to Jesus and continue to defend them and love on them. Protect the covering that you have. Okay, now, with respect to Michelle. Boy, this. This one is so difficult. It's loaded. And I totally understand why you're asking this question, because you're talking about your grandmother or your son's grandmother. Look, forgiveness and access are never the same thing. They never will be. Okay, Romans 12. I think it's the next verse. It says, dearly beloved. I think this is verse 19. Avenge not yourself. Okay, so again, forgiver before God. But you can restrict access to your child. Your responsibility is to protect your children's spiritual and emotional safety. And that's not a lack of love. That's actually obedience. So you can love Grandma, but you don't have to trust her. Now, with that said, can I just beg you to talk to Grandma and just ask her, did you overstep because you felt like it was okay? Because this is our conviction, and if you're okay with that, let's move on. I don't want to hold the kids in front of you, not let you have access to the kids. Is it something that she could correct herself with? If it isn't, then, oh, well, like you. Move on. This is the terrible part about answering these questions. When you don't know the details about some of them. It's really hard to comment, like the concepts behind it.
- [61:47]
B
Right, right.
- [61:48]
A
Is this an exploitive thing or is this. Well, let me. You're nine years old. Let me tell you about the birds and the bees. You know, like, you just don't know. Like, is it, is it something where she took it a step too far? Meaning well, or was it truly an exploitive action?
- [62:02]
B
Right.
- [62:03]
A
So depending on that, of course. Try to work it out. The worst thing you want to do is take a grandma away from her children, like her grandchildren. But if that's what it takes, then you have to do it. Okay, Now, April, this one is tough, okay? And I'm going to say it because I am a part of certain small group. Well, let me say text groups that are terrible. One of them is a text group full of a bunch of pastors. I just have to limit myself in terms of how much I read those text messages because they're really bad. I know that sounds crazy, but, but let me just say this. If a situation is constantly negative, if it's dishonoring God or if it's even pulling you down, you're not obligated to stay in it. Okay? The most classic passage for this is First Corinthians, be not deceived. Evil communications, corrupt, good manners. It's simple. So stay away from that. Practically try to redirect the conversation first. If it continues and they don't want to listen, just step away. Guard your heart over staying socially connected. Guarding your heart's way more important than connectivity, social wise. I think it's really, really important. So how do you know when to step back? Because that can be a difficult thing. Right. You stay. When you're influencing others towards God, if they're listening, going, yeah, you're right. I really mean to. Do you know what? Look, if you're spiritually strong in the situation and you're influencing people, stay in it. It will revitalize you, it will encourage you. But you step back when you're being drained constantly or sin is being normalized around you. If they're normalizing sin around you, just get away. It's, it's, it's terrible. And here's the other thing. If it's affecting your marriage, your kids, or your walk, walk away from it. In our men's Bible study, men in the small groups are not allowed to talk negatively about their wives because we know it affects other marriages. We don't let that happen. It's, it's just they get Admonished, and then they're not allowed back in the group if they continue to do that. Why? Because I don't want other men thinking the same way about their wives. So the bottom line is really simple, okay? You're not called to absorb everybody's dysfunction. You're not called to fix every broken relationship. You're not called to stay in harmful situations. All of those things will. Will just completely tear at you. But what you are called to do, and perhaps this is the more important thing to be focusing on, because the Bible tells us to put off things, and then it tells us to put on instead. So this is what you want to put on. You want to walk in truth. You want to be. You want to be filled with wisdom in the way that you love people, and you need to protect what God has entrusted to you. It's really, really simple. You know, healthy Christianity is never going to be passive, ever. It's never passive. It's always wise. It's always discerning. It's always intentional, and it's always obedient. Always. Every single time. Because the Bible tells us that. So more questions. But I think. I think we tackled them.
- [64:51]
B
No, I mean, and it's one of those things, too, where not. Not having my husband puts it even more into perspective of, like, why would you want to talk trash about your husband to other people? Like, I never, ever talked about Charlie to other people for a multitude of reasons. One being, I just love him so much that. And if I had anything to say about him, I would just say it to him. Like, we would have a conversation if there was something that I really had to say. But I just loved him so much that no one deserved to know any of his private emotions or private conversations or. That bond as a married couple is so sacred and to feel the need to bash on it, you're also bashing on yourself. You guys are now one. You guys are a team. You've made a covenant with the Lord. So you insulting him is also insulting yourself and also insulting the Lord. And if. If there is an issue to be had, you know, air it out with your husband. But if you're just gossiping to your girlfriends about things that your husband does or things that, you know, it's just. It's. Quite frankly, it's. I think that's even just kind of. Not a lot. I mean, a lot aside from being trashy, just kind of sinful of just, why are you, the man that the Lord brought into your life to love you and to protect you and you're just complaining about him, and you're so blessed to still have him. You know, like, I don't have Charlie. I have him in my heart. I have him in videos and everything like that. But, like, you're blessed to have your husband. Like, don't complain about him. You made this covenant with the Lord and just. I don't know, just don't. Don't take things for granted.
- [66:51]
A
Yeah. Amen. Amen. You were. You were a great example in that area, and I get. I got to see that firsthand. It's a blessing. It was a big blessing to see how the Lord used the both of you to cause each other to grow in big ways. You know, I think about this with my wife all the time. You know, when I first met my wife, I had no idea how much she would end up blessing me. Our church would not be where it is. It has grown immensely. Pray for us. By the way, we're very close to buying a new building. It's an amazing thing, but we grew immensely, and it was because of the contribution of my wife. If it wasn't for Nicole, the church would not be where it is. And I. And I see the same thing with Charlie. I. I watched super growth happen when you and Charlie got married. It was amazing. Like, it was just, like, almost overnight. And God used you in a huge way. And I don't want to overstep any boundaries, but God used you in the same way. God used my Nicole to totally minister to me and cause the church to grow. And the church knows it, by the way. You know, everybody in the church knows it. You know, like, I changed when I married my beautiful bride 10 years ago, you know, and. And I think that it's very obvious, very obvious, the change in both of you when you got married, and to see the change in even the organization that if. If it wasn't for you and God using you in being the most important voice in his ear besides the Lord, you wouldn't see the kind of growth that you saw at Turning Point. And I think God does that. He does that in a very special way. And. And I. I, for one, am thankful that the Lord uses the marriage relationship to do that. I think it's very special.
- [68:35]
B
Amen. I totally agree. This next question's on on Brand, but Kate put a very big disclaimer in front of it. Make sure that I read it first before saying it. But this question's from Christina. She says I am a widow, and I get very confused at what the Bible says versus my Heart. People have told me my husband can't see me from heaven, yet I feel he does. And things have happened where I know it was him. However, if he does see me, wouldn't he be sad? When I'm sad, I know I'll see my husband again one day. And the Bible says there will be no marriage in heaven. So what will we be to each other?
- [69:22]
A
Okay, boy, there. That one. There was a lot to address there, and for a lot of reasons. Okay, first of all, can loved ones in heaven see us? There's no clear teaching about what that looks like. We read the fact that God will wipe away our tears one day. But what are those tears from? Are those tears from the happiness that we experience in knowing that we're in heaven where we are, or are they from what. What they see on earth? Like, there's. There are certain things we don't know, but. But we see passages in the Book of Revelation, for example, that give us an indicator that people can see some of the things that are going on. So there's. There's too much ambiguity to speak authoritatively on that. There's no direct verse that says, your husband is observing your daily life. We just don't. We just don't know. Okay. But what we do know is. Is important, and we have to understand the context of what's important. Okay. Heaven is a place of complete joy and peace. Revelation 21. It's one of my favorite passages that speak about heaven. It says, and God and I just shared it. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, no crying, neither shall there be any more pain or. For the former things are passed away. Now, I believe that at that point, it will be the end of the world. And we're going to see a time period that's all gone, and we're all going to be with our. With our loved ones. Okay. So if your husband were watching you suffer in real time, I think that would introduce sorrow and grief, which the Bible says is not present there. So biblically, it's probably safest to say that we have no evidence that he is watching you. That's not a bad thing, but we just don't know. Okay, now let me address the subject where it says, I feel like it's him. You know, things have happened. Look, feelings and experiences can be very real emotionally, okay? But they're never going to be a reliable source of truth. Okay. The Bible doesn't teach that loved ones communicate with us after death or sends signs to us. Now, let me tell you what's true. This is where it's really beautiful, okay? God comforts you. God can give you peace. God is present in your grief. He always will be. Okay? What I think God does in the beauty of what you had and what you continue to have is he allows circumstances to take place in your life that remind you not that your husband is intervening, but remind you that he's got your husband right now. Remind you of the fact that he's caring for your husband and that as your husband is enjoying the wonder of everything that exists in heaven, God is watching you in his stead. So when you look at things and you say, I just feel like my husband knows he's. I see signs or whatever, it's actually better than that. Your husband knows that God is watching over his precious wife. And God is giving you signs that that's happening. So you have to think about this. You know, would he be sad if you're sad? Well, look, no, because he's in heaven. He's not in a place of ongoing sorrow. He doesn't see it. He's experiencing the reward of everything. He's in the presence of God. He's experiencing the fullness of joy. And God is doing this work of comforting in your heart in a way that makes you feel like it's your husband because God is comforting you to tell you he's now your covering. Yeah, that's such a painful thing to. To try to describe it because loss is painful and it's really, really hard. Now. Will you know each other in heaven? Yes. I don't believe you won't. I believe there is a very strong series of indications that we will know each other in heaven. If you don't believe me, just read about the transfiguration. The disciples recognized who Moses and Elisha were. They knew it immediately. So you're going to know him and he's going to know you. Now, Jesus talked about the issue of marriage in heaven. And by the way, this should encourage you. Anybody who's a widow should love this passage. I Love this. Matthew 22:30, when he's speaking to the Pharisees, he says, for in the resurrection they neither marry nor. Nor are given to marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven, meaning marriage as an institution in its existence on earth ends. But that does not mean the relationship disappears. What it means is the role and structure of marriage actually changes. And what exists in heaven, what I believe is that it's even better. In other words, what you had on this earth that was so wonderful changes so substantly when you're in heaven that it actually is so beautiful. Because I actually believe that husbands present their wives before the Lord. You see that? You see an example. So what does remain? What remains? Well, we know this for sure. Relationships remain. God didn't say that relationship is broken. Recognition that that remains, connections even remain. All of those things are still there, okay? Especially the connection side. So look, it's. It's not husband and wife like in the earthly sense, but it's perfectly. There's this perfect union that you now have in Christ that I believe is the fulfillment of what could not be achieved on earth. So what you couldn't achieve on earth with pain and loss and separation now gets reconciled. So the relationship, believe it or not, becomes better, not less. We assume that it becomes less because Jesus says it's not like marriage on this earth. That's a terrible assumption to make. I actually believe that the relationship becomes better and more significant because everything is made complete in God. The Bible actually tells us that. So look, your hope is not in the signs that you feel or the feelings themselves or the experiences. Now, God uses that sometimes, right? You're hoping what God is like, literally. It's in what God has promised you. So God's given you these promises. That's where your hope is. Look, you are going to see him again. You will know him and you will know him in a better way. And here's the best part about it. You will know him without any kind of pain, any confusion, any. Any loss at all. I just think this is. This is just beautiful. Look, the Bible doesn't support the idea that he's watching you now, but do you really want him watching you now? You want God watching you right now? You want the one who can see all and know everything and act as the mediator. That's what you want. It does strongly support this. He is literally in perfect peace. You know, the. The day that your husband went to go be with the Lord, he heard it. Well done, good and faithful servant. He entered into the joy. And here's the best part about this. You're going to be reunited with your husband one day and your relationship will be whole in a way that is even greater than anything you've ever experienced here. That right now I can tell you, I can prove it beyond a shout of a doubt. It's better, not worse. Amen. So the. The idea of wanting to be reunited with your husband may be the single most glorious emotion that you're Experiencing because you know, in your reunification with your husband in heaven, it will be like something you've never experienced on this earth. And it's going to be so much better beyond your ability to be able to functionally articulate the glory of that moment. Because Paul couldn't even do. He said, it's illegal for me to speak of what I'm seeing up here in Evan. And I believe that that applies to the marriage relationship.
- [77:28]
B
That's beautiful. That's really well put. Our next question, I just have to step out really quick and then I'll come back. So if you finish this question, go to Patience right after, right under this. But it's an anonymous question. I was just reading the scripture about the blessing of Ephraim and Manasseh and I'm wondering, does this still happen today? And if, yes, how would you go about getting a blessing for your children?
- [77:53]
A
Okay. By the, by the blessing of Ephraim and Manasseh, I, I assume that what you're probably talking about is Genesis 48 and, and, and into 49. I assume that's, that's what the question is. So let's just talk about this. Okay. Jacob, he becomes Israel, gives a formal blessing to all of Joseph's sons. Okay. Now this is of course Ephraim and Manasseh, Ephraim being the younger one, Manasseh of course being the older one. So he intentionally crosses his hands as he's going to bless them. And of course it would make sense that Jacob would do this because Jacob was the younger who got the greater blessing. And, and you know, Esau should have gotten the greater blessing, but he got the lesser blessing. So it would make sense that Jacob goes to both Ephraim and Manasseh, Ephraim being the younger who gets the greater blessing, Manasseh being the older who gets the later blessing. The Bible says he crossed his hands and he made that. I look, I think that that was a prophetic, very spirit led blessing. It was also to some very covenant promises that were specific to Israel. That's very important to be able to understand it. Now does this kind of blessing still happen today? Well, not in the same way. Okay. That was a unique, very covenantal, prophetic moment. Right. It carried a very serious and important national and tribal implication that by the way, carries into today with respect to Israel. The principle does carry over. You can carry the principle over with this. And parents speaking blessing over their children, I, I don't think is something that's a negotiable. I think it's Absolutely biblical, like you should be doing it. Now. We see the biblical pattern in this, right? There is a biblical pattern for blessing your children, speaking life and truth over them. One of my favorite passages to think about this is Proverbs, chapter 18. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat of the fruit thereof. Now, I'm not saying that this is a positive confession where you speak to your wallet, you gonna get paid. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is you use the mouth to do what Proverbs says, and that's train up the child in the way that he should go. And when he's old, what's going to happen? He's not going to depart from it. So you can train them, you can speak life and truth into them. And perhaps the most important thing is what comes out of your mouth. For blessing is most accountable in prayer, that if you're praying for them constantly, you will bless them. I am a recipient of this, by the way. I'm a recipient of a mom who did this for me day in and day out. And so what does blessing your children look like today? That's. That's the critical question. Okay, first of all, it's not a ritual.
- [80:33]
B
Okay?
- [80:34]
A
And when I say that, meaning it's not the kind of ritual that you see in Genesis, chapter 48. I think it's a lifestyle. I think there's an intentional action that involves a level of consistency that you cannot walk away from. Okay? You have to pray over them regularly. That's part of the Ephraim and Manasseh type of blessing. You have to speak, I believe God's promises over their life. Now, this is more experiential. I think you can support it biblically, but my mom used to tell me all the time, even when I wasn't walking with the Lord, one day, you're going to be a pastor, James. God told me you're going to be a pastor. She used to say that to me all the time. I thought she was crazy, but she said it, and I'm so blessed by that. And then it says this. This is like, like important, the laying on of hands. We do this, we're told to do this. Even in the New Testament, we're told to do this. So you lay hands on your children, you ask God to guide and protect and use them, and you encourage them in one identity, only one identity. It's the most important identity. That's their identity in Christ. Like, Lord, I. I love you. I want my child to love you. Help them to understand all that they have in you. And by the way, there's no special formula, okay? I'm just going to say that right now, you don't do like there's not some ceremony or some special position you give them or even, dare I even say, like some unique prophetic moment. It doesn't work that way. The only thing that matters is that you're walking with the Lord and that you're pointing your children to him. That's super, super important. Okay? Remember this, and this is important, okay? The one thing you're not doing is you're not declaring their future in like some weird mystical sense. You're not controlling their destiny. What you're doing is you're entrusting their future to the Lord and for it. So this exact type of Blessing in Genesis 48 was unique to that, to that time. I want to say it's 48, either 48 or 49. But today, parents should absolutely bless their children. We should be doing this on a regular basis, but we do it through prayer. We do it through raising them up, through teaching them. We do it through our godly influence. And the most powerful blessing that you can give them is living a life that points them to Christ every single day. It's. It's perhaps the most significant way to bless them. So with that said, that's what I would say is the most important thing to walk away with. And it's a really, really good question. Okay, here's the next one. This is from Patience. What is a list of questions that couples should ask one another before marriage in order to ensure they are compatible? Well, you know, I have to ask Erica about this because I think Charlie wrote a book on this or was maybe in the, like in the process of writing a book on this. I have a premarital counseling program that I'm very limited in me personally doing it. I used to do it a lot, but I've taught a lot of my guys to do this and we ask hundreds of questions. And I think there's a lot of very, very important questions to be asking a lot of questions. Right, because there's questions that you ask in your walk with God. Those are the non negotiable questions. You're going to ask questions about conflict resolution. You're going to ask questions about money and finances, children and parenting. There's a lot of questions. Let me just like, like quickly run through them. And by the way, yes, many of these questions I have by memory because I Did this counseling for years and years and years and years. Okay, number one, are you both genuinely committed to the Lord? And if you are, great. If not, who's really carrying the relationship? That's an important one. Do you personally spend time in the word in prayer? That's a very, very important question to ask. What do you believe about major doctrines? You have to be lined up in a lot of that stuff. If you don't lined up in a lot of that stuff, you're gonna have a big problem. What does spiritual leadership look like to you? How important is church involvement? Those are the types of questions that you're going to have to ask. Why? Because we look at passages like Amos that says, can two walk together except they be agreed. You have to have the same kind of role, the same kind of vision. Not role, the same kind of vision, the same kind of understanding. It's super important. Now, speaking of roles, I. I should probably mention this. What does the husband's role look like? You should ask that question. They you should ask the wife, what does the husband's role look like? You should ask the husband, what does your role look like? You have to ask what the wife's role looks like. Vice versa. What is the expectation? Who are the one, who's the one that's leading and how are the decisions even being made? What happens when you strongly disagree? What's the court of arbitration that you go to? How do you. How do you resolve conflict? You know, how do you handle anger? How do you shut down? Do you explode? Do you communicate? Like, what do you do? Are you willing to apologize? Are you willing to forgive quickly? You know, how are conflicts handled in your family when you were growing up? You have to ask those types of questions. You know, are you a spender or are you a saver? That's a money question. Do you have debt? How will you budget? How are you going to spend the money? How will you combine finances? You know, what are your financial goals? What assets do you have? There's a lot of those questions that you want to ask. Parenting. Probably one of the most important set of questions to be asking. Do you want kids? If you do, how many? How will you know? You discipline them? What are your views on education? How are you going to educate them? I hope it's homeschool. You know, what values are most important to pass on? Those are all very, very important questions. Family boundaries. Another great question to be asking. How involved will extended family be? What are your limitations in discussing conflicts that you have with your husband or your Wife, are you allowed to go to your mother in law? The quick answer to that is no, you're not right. What happens if family members interfere? Are you willing to set boundaries to protect your marriage? Are husbands willing to tell their moms, you can't talk right now? This is me and my wife, you know? And remember, this is all based on Genesis, chapter two. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and do what shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be one flesh. So you have to ask those questions, lifestyle questions. Those are big ones, right? Where do you feel God is calling you long term? Like, where are you going to go? You both have to be aligned on that. Are you willing to relocate if needed? What does your daily life look like? Like, what does that look like? Do you communicate openly to avoid hard conversations, or do you just simply run away from hard conversations? How do you prefer to give and receive feedback? Like, how do you want to talk to one another? Are you willing to grow in communication? This is a big one, right? And I know that this sounds a little like, oh, this is edgy. You have to ask questions about sex. Okay, what are your expectations about intimacy in marriage? What does that look like? You know, are there any past struggles that you have to address? Were you stuck in pornography? There's a lot of these things that have to be looked at because if you were stuck in there, I almost always in premarital counseling, I stop at that moment and I work through some big issues in that context because it can dramatically affect the way your relationship goes in the future. Are you committed to, to, to purity in the marriage? Meaning, will you refrain from having sex or doing anything even remotely resembling sex with one another? Because if you're not willing to do that, don't get married because you're not going to sacrifice for one another, right? And then you have to ask yourself the question, what are the, like, the deal breakers? That's one of the big questions that I always ask when I do premarital counseling. You know, is there anything that you're, you know, unwilling to change? Or are there addictions or habits or patterns that, that we have to sit down and talk about? You know, are you both teachable? Are you both correctable? You know, what is a deal breaker? What are the deal breakers? You know, the big deal breaker that comes up could be the very thing that just completely destroys your marriage if you don't talk about it first. So there's a lot of other important things that you have to look at, and they really are Serious. Right. You have to, like, talk about, you know, interests, personality, chemistry. But that's not the compatibility lesson. Right. That just isn't the most important compatibility lesson is your values. Like, what kind of values do you share? What kind of direction are you receiving? How are you submitting to God? I would. I would argue that you can't have a Catholic marrying somebody who's a Protestant. I don't think that works. I think you're going to have a very different idea on how kids get disciplined. You can't have a Muslim marry a Christian. It just. It just doesn't work because you don't align. So the bottom line is you don't. Look, you don't need perfect agreement on everything, but you must be aligned in the things that actually shape life. And the biggest question is this. This is the most important question. Are we both fully committed to God and willing to grow? Are we fully committed to letting God speak to us, to cause us to deny one another, deny ourselves for one another? I do this the very first question, the very first statement that I make to people in premarital counseling. And I am hard on people in premarital counseling. I say this right off the bat. I say this. Are you prepared to die? That's the first question that I ask. And what I mean to that. That's not some morbid, vulgar kind of a question. It's basically, are you willing to die to self? If you can't die to self, you won't be ready for. For. For marriage. You just won't. You're. You're done, in essence. So these are very important things, but those are the questions I would ask. Erica, you stepped away. Did Charlie ever write that book on the questions to ask in marriage? I know that he was talking about that.
- [89:29]
B
We were gonna do it together. No. He and I put together, like, a shared note of questions that him and I were thinking of, but it never got finished. But it's on my list to complete for him.
- [89:44]
A
Yeah. I hope I didn't, like, break the.
- [89:47]
B
No, because I think.
- [89:48]
A
I don't know if that was a confidential thing that he told me. Okay.
- [89:50]
B
No secrets here.
- [89:51]
A
I just thought about that. I'm like, oh, man, did I just blow?
- [89:54]
B
No, you didn't. No, no. It's a work in progress. We did get a YouTube question that I think it's actually a really good one from the username. I am a Canadian. I am a Canadian mom they asked. Would praying the same thing over and over again mean lacking in faith and trust in God? Actually Especially if you feel that a certain point, you feel God heard your prayer or trust he heard it.
- [90:30]
A
That's a really good question, actually.
- [90:32]
B
I mean, it's interesting because I, I. The things that I consistently pray for is like, you know, you still. I still pray for my mom's healing. I still pray for my kids and their protection. So I think you can.
- [90:45]
A
I actually think the answer to. I think the answer to this is, is a little more complicated than people think. But it's very practical, and the answer is really simple. Look, I go to Luke, chapter 18. Luke says he's speaking a parable. That's what the Bible says. Jesus speaking parable. We don't really completely know to that end what he's actually saying, but he says this. He says men ought always to pray and not faint or not too faint. Now, the parable of the persistent widow. That's what they call it, right? It shows that you keep asking and that you don't give up. That's. That's what Jesus told the story of repetition could be a sign of dependence upon God. It could be a sign of, like, oh, my brain just blinked. Persistence. It can mean trust over time, okay? And, and like, that's a super, super important thing. But look, there's a wrong kind of repetition. Jesus actually said it. He says, when you pray, don't use vain repetitions as the heathens do, for they think that they shall be heard for such they're speaking. So you don't want to do mindless repetition. And by the way, it's not a condemnation. Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. I can't even come. Thy will be done on earth. It's not that, because there's lots of mindless repetition prayers that I oftentimes offer that I have to stop myself from offering. Like, it's the same prayer every single time. Lord God bless his food in the name of Jesus. You can say the same thing every single time. Get again and again and again. That's mindless repetition. In other words, you don't want to say the same words thinking that it earns some kind of favor. You know, Muslims do that quite a bit. Even the. There are some Jewish populations that actually do this. You don't want to treat prayer like a formula, okay? The difference is really simple, healthy repetition means it comes from the heart. It's relational. You're trusting in God while you're continuing to ask. That's beautiful. Look, one of the greatest examples that I can give of this was my grandfather who Was a pastor in Egypt for 65 years. Every single day he was alive since he became a pastor, he prayed that somebody from his bloodline, a son or a grandson, would become a pastor. And literally, almost to the day that he went to go be with the Lord. I became a pastor, or actually, I started getting involved in ministry. I became a pastor, you know, roughly a year and a half later or something like that. So that's beautiful. You know, trusting in God while you continue to ask, you know, unhealthy repetition. That's where it's really. That's where it can really get dangerous. Now, what if you feel that God already heard you? Okay, well, you can shift the prayer a little bit. You don't have to say the same exact prayer. You can just go from constant asking to trusting and surrendering. Like, lord, thank you for answering. I believe this. How do you want me to. You know, you can. You can change it so you can move from, like, you know, God, please do this, to, lord, I trust you with this, or your will be done. You know what I mean? Like. Like, it's a little different. You're still carrying the same relationship with it, but you're thinking on a completely different level. Now, we do have examples of people asking for the same thing multiple times. My favorite example of this is Second Corinthians where Paul says, you know, for this thing, I besought the Lord thrice. He said three times that it might depart from. He's talking about the thorn that was in his flesh. You know, then God answered him, and he accepted the answer. You know, hey, listen, Paul, my grace is sufficient for you. You're gonna have to. You're gonna have to live with it. And Paul accepted it. So there's a practical balance. Right? I think that for all intents and purposes, in terms of practicality, you should keep praying when the burden is still there. If God's put it on your heart, clearly you should be praying. Or if you feel like God hasn't clearly answered you, keep going. You can shift your prayer. If you have peace that he's heard you or you started to repeat out of some kind of anxiety. Yeah, definitely change the prayer. So that's what I would say. And I think it's a. It's a great question. It's a really, really good question.
- [94:23]
B
Totally. Going back to our list, we have a question from Peggy. Could you answer if eating halal meat is okay or not? I read that during slaughter, they pray to Allah for a blessing. I have co workers who cook delicious food And I've just learned about the slaughter process and would like to know the biblical answer. I'm assuming she's not Muslim, so I'm thinking she's like weirded out by the fact that this meat was blessed and dedicated to Allah instead of Jesus. So the guilt of eating the cooked lamb.
- [94:57]
A
And speaking of somebody who. My mom and dad were both born and raised in Egypt.
- [95:00]
B
Right.
- [95:01]
A
I'm very familiar with what happens in Islam and the prayer questions.
- [95:04]
B
Right up your alley.
- [95:05]
A
Yeah, yeah, I mean it really is. So the concern is, you know, is this meat offered to another God? And of course, Allah is definitely another God. As a matter of fact, it's really interesting little note on Allah. The Quran actually says, which basically in Arabic means that Allah is the chief of deceivers. Very interesting to read it that way. I mean, if their own Quran says, I mean think about that. Their own Quran says that Allah is the chief of deceivers.
- [95:37]
B
Can I just ask you really, like, this might be a controversial question, but just out of curiosity, you know, how, what are your thoughts on Christians reading the Quran? Not because they want to convert, but just to be able to understand, To under. I don't know how to put it nicely.
- [96:00]
A
I know what you're saying. Stay away from it.
- [96:02]
B
That's what I think too. I had someone recently be like, I read it because I was trying to understand the enemy's that are against us. And I was just like, I don't really feel like it's a book that's similar to the Art of War, but do you know what I'm saying? Like I just.
- [96:17]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [96:18]
B
If I'm gonna spend my time reading something spiritual, I want it to be the Bible. But I, I understand the sentiment, but I'm just curious because I know. Because you've read it.
- [96:27]
A
Yeah. Yep. Yeah, I have a lot of it memorized. Okay, so. So let me just simply say this. The Quran is not even a reliable book. Okay. As a matter of fact, let me take this a step further. Any extant manuscripts that we have of the Quran date to the Ottoman empire. You're talking six to 800 years after the existence of even Muhammad. And even the Hadith itself is already admitted by some of the greatest scholars in Islam to say that it does not speak of Muhammad. As a matter of fact, in the Quran itself, there are four mentions to what people believe is the name Muhammad. And it's not Muhammad, it's Muhammad, which means blessed one and very likely talking about Christ. So it's interesting to think about the Fact that there are 90,000, 90,000 variants of the Quran as we understand them with the extant manuscripts that exist. And it's a big problem. The scholars truly, truly are beginning to come out with the real facts that speak about it. So here's my thing. Why would you want to spend time believing a false book? I want to take it a step further, and this is really, really important. Islam literally bets on the fact that you're going to try to spend time familiarizing yourself with the Quran. And while you're doing that, it attacks the validity of the Bible. So if you want to learn how to better minister to a Muslim, get to know the Bible so well that you have the answer ready to give to them when the lie comes forth, because that's what they do. Most Muslims will not defend the Quran. They will attack the Bible. That's, that's exactly how it works. Because if, if you look, the Quran in many ways is indefensible. The problem is there's a lot of people that don't necessarily see that or recognize it, but it absolutely is indefensible. It's very, very difficult. One of their greatest scholars in the, in the Islamic world, Yasir Qadhi, who lives in, in Texas, basically said that Muhammad wasn't real. He said that by basically saying that the hadith cannot be, or the historicity of the hadith cannot be used functionally to establish the, whatever extant manuscript that we have of it. It's impossible. So even the scholars are saying this, the honest ones. And so like, look, this is my favorite passage for this. Romans chapter 16, verse 19. It says, Be innocent of those things which are evil. Be excellent in those things which are good. Do not allow yourself to be familiar with evil and allow yourself to be more familiar with the good. Believe it. But just bottom line, it's super important. Now with respect to eating food halal, okay, let me just say this. First Corinthians, chapter 8. This is probably the, the quintessential passage, right? As concerning therefore the eating of those things that are offered in sacrifice unto idols. We know that an idol is a nothing in this world. Okay? So what he's basically saying is the God it's offered to is not real. So the meat itself is not spiritually changed. So eat it. And, and in First Corinthians chapter 10, it says, you know, whatsoever is, is sold in the shambles that eat, asking no question for the, for the consequences sake. In other words, if you think it's been sold in the market where they sacrifice it to Idols, just eat it. Don't ask questions. Just go ahead and eat it. You don't need to investigate everything. Food itself is not what defiles you. So that's what it's saying. And you know, I mean, look, Paul says not everything is lawful or, you know, all things are lawful, but not everything is expedient. Okay? If it bothers your conscious, then don't eat it. That would be the, the thing that I would say. And of course, look, association is going to matter here a little bit too, you know, because if you're, if you're in front of somebody that might be stumbled by seeing you eat it, don't do it. Just, just leave it alone. You know, don't, don't participate or endorse in any of that action, especially if your heart and your conscious speak against it. Otherwise it's a false, it's a false God. So it has nothing to do with your food.
- [100:35]
B
Right. Or if, if you're in a position where they're watching you to take your first bite, you could just, you could pray for God's blessing over the food and then it'll snay the other stuff and just.
- [100:48]
A
Do you know how many meals I've had in, in Muslim countries with people who are Muslim? That I literally did the whole thing, you know, prayer, all of that. Okay. You know, I got a bigger God than that.
- [101:04]
B
All right, next question is from Laura. How do I get over my fear of submitting myself to God? I am afraid he's going to want me to do something that scares me, makes me suffer, and causes me to be unhappy.
- [101:17]
A
Yeah. Okay, so this is another really, really good qu. Oh, what did I just do? I think I just.
- [101:23]
B
No, that's Kate highlighting it.
- [101:26]
A
Okay. Yeah. This is the first time I've actually looked at these questions. Shame on me for doing.
- [101:29]
B
No, it's fine.
- [101:31]
A
That scared me. Okay, so I thought I just deleted all the questions.
- [101:36]
B
No, no, no.
- [101:37]
A
Oh, gosh.
- [101:39]
B
So you're fine.
- [101:40]
A
Oh, man, that was scary. Okay. What I was trying to see was the name of the person. I didn't see it because I just missed it. But anyway, look, just understand this, this fear is very common. Ok. The way that I used to hear it is like, what if I have to go to Africa? What if God tells me to go to Africa and go hang out in the, you know, somewhere where I have to eat spiders and, and, and all of that stuff? Okay, look, it's, it's, it's a common fear that virtually everybody has. You know, if I give God full control, then my life is going to get worse. And by the way, they have that feeling for two reasons. Okay? Not just what is God going to make me do, but also if I start serving the Lord, I'm going to be attacked. And we know this. We know how relevant this issue is. Now, the fear has to assume something. If you have the fear, it's forcing you to assume something is wrong with God. It assumes that God is harsh. It assumes that he's looking to make your life miserable or that his plans are against you. But the Bible says the opposite, right? The Bible says that God seeks goodness for you, that he wants the very best for you, and that God's not trying to ruin your life. He wants to make it better. So look, this is the part that is the most important part. And, and one that's really important that I want to clarify with. Jesus says, look, if any man will come after me, he needs to deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me. There's a word is daily. Like, you got to do it on a regular basis. So there, there's going to be discomfort, there's going to be stretching, there's going to be suffering, but that is for good. It's not like meaningless pain or just like some miserable life. The real question that you have to ask is, who do you trust? Do you trust yourself or do you trust the Lord? Because right now that fear is actually saying, well, my way will make me happier than God's way, which is impossible. And by the way, that's the core battle. We all feel that way in one way or another. What you have to do is recognize that God's way is a lot better. You know, I mean, think about it. Romans gives us the greatest perspective on this. He that spared not his own son. I would never, ever give my son up for anybody. Not one person. Not one person. But then what does he say? He that spared not his own son, it says, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? If God would give a son for you, you think he's going to hold back the bless the blessings, the best thing for you? No, he's got the best thing in mind. And so when you submit, understand this. It's not control and misery. It brings peace, it brings clarity, and it brings purpose. I think that there's something really special about that. That's the whole Proverbs, chapter three, verse five and six principle that I. That I just shared. Look, God may call you to things that are going to stretch you. God may even call you to things that are going to be very uncomfortable. But he will never call you to do something that is ultimately harmful or, or outside of his goodness. That's why the Apostle Paul said to live is Christ and to die is what it's gain.
- [104:43]
B
Yeah.
- [104:44]
A
So the fear is real and but understand you cannot believe the false picture of God. You're submitting to a father who knows better than you, who loves you more than you even love yourself, and quite frankly, who gave his son for you. So he's leading you somewhere better than anything you could ever design on your own. And that's very special. And that's the nature of, of the God that we serve.
- [105:08]
B
Amen. Okay, since we only have a few more minutes left, we're gonna take some questions on guilt and forgiveness. I will do some something similar like I did earlier where I'll just read them off and we'll go from there. One question's from YouTube from Patty if I pray for forgiveness for sins, I think God forgives me, but how do I forgive myself? Excuse me, I think I am stuck there. The next question is from an anonymous member of Bible and 365. How do you repent and feel confident in God's grace and forgiveness if you've been unfaithful in the past? I've changed my habits and no longer even recognize the person I once was. But is that enough? I pray about this frequently and still am so torn over it. Eliana asks. I hold guilt for past actions. I am truly conflicted between my guilt and my search for grace and forgiveness. God has not left me alone. I see it every day. His presence is with me. My heart feels comfort with repentance and daily prayer, but my brain doesn't stop. How do I find a better balance? Debbie says, I love God and I follow him with all my heart, but yet I find it very hard to know that God truly forgives me for my horrible sins in my life. Any suggestions on how to overcome this feeling? Two more Chris. I'm 49 and have recently rededicated my life back to christ after nearly 30 year absence from my faith. He has changed me more than I can express ever since. My question is how do I overcome those couple of stubborn sins that keep calling me back? I feel like I've given about 90% of myself back to Christ. However, I'm dragging the last 10% like a heavy burden that I can't seem to shake. And Finally Denise, another YouTube question. I'm experiencing deep grief and honestly feel just dead Inside and very numb. I want to hear from God, but I feel so disconnected even when I'm reading my Bible. Any advice? I want God to help me. I know it's a lot, but guilt and forgiveness all kind of, like, wrapped up into one.
- [107:11]
A
Yeah, yeah. And what I'm gonna try to do is answer each of these with maybe one or two sentences, because I think they're all very similar in nature. So, first of all, look, the Bible makes it very, very clear when it comes to forgiveness that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. That's what the Bible says. And this specifically speaks to Patty. And I got some of these written down, so I'm not gonna forget this specifically speaks to Patty. Because when you ask, how do you forgive yourself? That question becomes somewhat irrelevant because you don't forgive yourself. Biblically, you accept that God has already forgiven you. That's that verse that I just read. So holding on to guilt is actually rejecting what God has already done. So don't do that to the anonymous person you know, is change enough after unfaithfulness. That's an interesting question, but let me just simply say this. Real repentance is proven by changed direction, not perfection. So you're gonna mess up, okay? It's not about whether or not you mess up. It's about the fact that you're just changing direction. And if you're seeing that the direction is being changed, if your life is different, that is evidence that God has already worked. Second Corinthians tells us this. Old things are passed away. Behold, all things are become new. So you just have to hold on to that and recognize it. Now, Eliana, I think this one is a little more challenging, but I think you're going to appreciate the answer here because it speaks directly to the same thing that Charlie used to talk about all the time. I speak about it still on a regular basis. And that's this. Look, your heart feels peace, but your mind won't stop. Okay, well, your heart is aligning with God, and your mind is still catching up because it's tied to this body that we live in the flesh. So Romans chapter 12 tells us what happens here. You renew your mind daily with truth. Romans 12:2. Be you transformed by what? The renewing of your mind. By the way, I can say this confidently. Charlie used to talk about this all the time. That was the revolutionary verse that completely changed the way he thought about how his emotions controlled what the spirit told him to do right. And I think that's the perfect answer for you there, Ileana. Now, Debbie, so let me just say this. There was one line that you used here, and it says, I think the way it was written is I struggle to believe. I struggle to believe that God truly forgave me. Okay, look, that's a trust issue. It's not a forgiveness issue. Okay? God's forgiveness is based on his promise, not your feelings. Praise God. If you confessed it to God, be the glory, it's gone. Do not believe the lying emotion that's speaking to you, Chris. That last 10% I can't shake. Welcome to the battle of the flesh. Okay, can. Can I just tell you that you don't win by trying harder. You win by staying submitted daily. That's always the way it works. You cut off access points. You don't manage the sin, you starve it. If you want to know that, go to my Easter message that I did, where I talk exactly about this, where the apostle Paul says, the things I want to do, I don't do. The things I don't want to do, I do. Who will deliver me from this body of death? That's what he says. This death trap. And then he gives the answer. The very last verse of Romans chapter seven, he says, it is Christ Jesus. He's the one that delivers me from this body of death. And then he says this. When he comes to that realization, he says, there is now, therefore, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not according to the flesh, but who walk according to the Spirit. It's powerful. That's what you need to hold on to, Chris. Go to my study on Easter that I just did on Easter, you will actually love it, and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about. Now, Denise, this is one that is so, like, so common, it's not even funny. There's one phrase you put here that kind of, like, rings the bell. It's. I feel numb, and I'm. I think the word you use is disconnected. Look, numbness does not mean that God is absent. As a matter of fact, it often means that you're grieving deeply or that you're exhausted, but it doesn't mean that God is absent. As a matter of fact, stay consistent in the Word even when you don't feel like it. That's how you defeat the numbness that's lying to you. God is still working even when you don't sense it. And God promises that. Okay, now here's the overwhelming truth for Everybody, okay, Like, I want all of you to see this because of the commonality that exists, and that's this. If you've confessed and you've turned from sin, God's already forgiven you. It's really simple, okay? The issue now is believing it and walking in it. And that goes back to the Romans 8. One principle. There is therefore no condemnation now for those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not according to the flesh, but who choose to be submitted to the life of the Spirit. The bottom line is, and this is really, really important, guilt that leads you to repentance is from God. It's called conviction. Guilt that keeps you stuck is not. It's actually guilt in the bad way. At some point, you have to decide, am I going to believe what I feel or what God has already said? And I hope the answer in every single one of those situations is I choose to believe what God has already said.
- [112:18]
B
Amen. Our last question for the month of May until we come back together in June is from Danielle. I'm. It's a little bit lower. In the commandments, it says, honor thy mother and father. My mother and I aren't speaking due to her political and biblical views. She doesn't believe in anything. She is very dark with her views, very liberal, and talks very nasty about my biblical and political views. How do you honor your mother when she is a non believer?
- [112:51]
A
Oh, okay, great question. And there are ways to do it, believe it or not.
- [112:55]
B
Tough one to end on, but a good one to end on.
- [112:57]
A
It is. But. But I also think it's very, very encouraging because this is something that is. Is so. You know, Charlie would talk about this a lot because all the college students he would minister to would struggle with this. You know, they're learning, you know, their political. They're gaining some political insight. They're beginning to walk with the Lord. And then they got moms and dads, these college kids, that they just feel like they should just come some blessings in front of us. But let me just explain this. This is so critically important. Okay, first of all, we have to start with what honor actually means. You have to define terms. Okay, Honor. Let me just talk about what it doesn't mean. Okay? Honor does not mean agreeing with everything. It doesn't mean allowing disrespect or abuse. It doesn't mean having constant close access. What honor means is showing respect in how you treat and speak to them. It means recognizing their role as your parent. Okay? Exodus says this. It's one of the commandments, honor thy father and thy mother. Now, you can honor without agreement, okay? It's very, very hard at times. In some cases, it's easy. You're not required to agree with her beliefs. You're just not. Especially when they contradict God's word. Okay?
- [114:01]
B
You.
- [114:01]
A
You see this in Acts. You see this all over. The apostles say we ought to obey God rather than man. Okay, that makes sense. But here's the thing. This is where you might not like my answer, okay? But it's important because God will bless you for it. You have to honor in your tone and in your conduct. There's just no way around that, okay? Even if she's harsh or disrespectful, you don't respond the same way. You have to stay controlled. You have to stay respectful, and you have to stay very measured. Okay? Look, honor shows up in the way that you speak to them. It shows up in how you respond, and it shows how you carry yourself. It's really, really simple, and there's really no way around it. Like, I can tell you, I have an incredibly godly aunt. I have a lot of very godly aunts. But there are times where any one of my relatives. We also have some relatives that don't know the Lord. And any one of my relatives, they can say disagreeable things to my children. They can say things that I hate being said. But the bottom line is we still teach our children to love them. We still teach our children to enjoy being around them. We still teach our children to respect them. Why? Because they deserve that respect. Now I'm blessed because, like, I think about my mom's last living sibling, my aunt. She's incredibly godly. Like, she's easy to teach my children how to honor and respect. My aunt Amel, she's like. She's like. I mean, no one will ever be able to replace my mom, but I think I would lose my mind if she wasn't on this earth. Right? But, you know, if. If she says something that's disagreeable, that doesn't agree with the way we're raising our children, I better not hear any lip for my children. We're gonna. We're gonna roll with it, and then later we deal with it amongst our kids. So if she's constantly attacking your faith or. Or being verbally harmful, then it's appropriate to limit your conversations or avoid certain topics or even create distance if it's needed. But there's many ways you can still maintain the relationship without breaching those areas that would cause her to do those things. That's not dishonor. It's just wisdom. It's practical wisdom. Now you can honor her from a distance. You can, if that's what's necessary. You can pray for her. You can speak kindly about her to others. You don't ever put her down to other people. Right? You have to be willing to help if she's in real need. If she comes to you after all that nastiness and all that and says, I really need help with that, the fact few dollars or whatever, you take care of her. But the one thing that you don't have to do is you don't have to sit in environments where God is constantly being mocked or subject yourself to any kind of ongoing negativity. But you have to be really serious about what that looks like and what you're willing to stomach. Maybe the environment that you sit with her in may not be the same environment that you'd be willing to sit with her in with the kill with the children, but you have to understand what that looks like. So the goal here is to reflect Christ. It's not to fix her. If the goal is to fix her, then it's going to be miserable for you. You, you're not responsible for changing her. You're just responsible for representing Christ well and staying faithful to the truth. Those are the things that you need to do. And there is a practical balance. Okay? If communication is possible, you have to do it. You have to keep it respectful and limited. Yes, if necessary, limited. But if it becomes toxic in the most respectful way, step back without any type of hostility. Say I love you, walk away, let the space be. And learn how to create boundaries in a way that blesses them and honors them. Look, the bottom line is this. Honoring your mother does not mean tolerating sin or accepting abuse or compromising your faith. But it does mean treating her with respect and while remaining fully committed to God. Like you can't allow to cause your walk with God to be compromised. You can honor her and still draw very clear lines while glorifying God and doing the thing that God would have you to do. And you never know, it may be the very thing that leads her to Christ. So don't forget that.
- [117:38]
B
Amen. Beautiful. Okay, you guys. Well, that was our May Bible in 365 live Q A. Pastor James. Anything else before we sign off? Until we see you next month?
- [117:52]
A
No, other than I can be really long winded. I can't believe that it's been two hours. I know.
- [117:57]
B
I'm wondering if we should do like A timer or something so we can get. I don't know.
- [118:02]
A
You know what? We could. We could easily do that. We could easily do a time that might be interesting for me. Have them put up a timer. Every question. I could easily do that. That'd be. Matter of fact. The answers might be better.
- [118:15]
B
I think your answers are perfect. Okay, well, why don't you send us off into the weekend with a solid prayer and. Yeah. Just grateful for you. Grateful for the Bible and 365 family. We get all of your emails, we get all of your text messages. And I'm just grateful that we have thousands of you that are in our corner. And we're just honored to be reading the Bible cover to cover with you guys this year. It's really special.
- [118:39]
A
Yeah. And Erica, I want to say something because I think it's really important. I just want to say how incredibly proud I am of you and how proud I am of the way that God has been using you and how you've been glorifying God and the way you've handled everything. You really are amazing. And you know, I joke all the time in saying you're the most underestimated woman in the country, maybe in the world. But the reality of it is, God, I'm so blessed to see Christ in you. And I'm thankful for how God has been giving you the strength to just encourage everybody. And there's a lot of people I know that agree with me in that. So I want to take a moment to also thank the Lord for what you've chosen to do in this time. And I do really believe from the bottom of my heart that Charlie would be so incredibly proud of. I know we are, and we're really, really blessed. And it makes it such a blessing to be able to stand with you in times like this because you continue to show people that God is real through the way that you live. And I just. I just absolutely love it. And I'm incredibly proud of you for doing it. And I really, truly believe that God is in the midst of what may be one of the most amazing spiritual awakenings. I think that's just lingering on the corner. And I can't wait to see what the Lord is going to. So.
- [120:00]
B
Amen.
- [120:01]
A
Let's pray. Yeah. Father, in heaven, we just thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness. Lord. I thank you, Father. For everybody that's watching right now, I pray God that you would bless them literally in every way. Bless them spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, financially. Lord. Bless everything they touch, bless everything they hold to Lord, I just pray that as they fill their lives with instruction from your word that you would bless them for every decision they make related to it. So Lord, we love you and thank you. We look to you and we ask these things. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.
- [120:32]
B
Amen. God bless you guys. We will see you next month. Keep fighting the good fight.