Product Therapy – “Coaching Up”

Host: Christian Idiodi
Guest: Leah Hickman (SVPG Partner)
Date: September 4, 2025

Overview

In this episode of Product Therapy, Christian Idiodi and Leah Hickman tackle the under-discussed yet pivotal skill of “coaching up”—influencing and developing your manager or leader, especially when formal authority isn’t in your favor. They dig into how product managers and team members can coach disengaged, overconfident, or simply unaware leaders, the difference between “managing up” and “coaching up,” and share frameworks and tactics for creating healthy, high-impact manager relationships despite the frequent challenges of hierarchies and corporate culture.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why Coaching Up Matters

• Leaders often lack vital information from the ground and cannot possibly know everything. Product team members must help fill those gaps. ([01:28])
  • “We can't assume that the leaders know everything because it's impossible for them to.” — Leah ([01:32])
• True leadership is situational, context-driven, and not just a function of title. Product people sometimes need to "pull down" clarity and context from leaders, not just wait for it to be provided.

The Taboo of Coaching Your Manager

• Traditional hierarchy creates discomfort with “coaching up.” People assume leaders “should know more,” but this doesn’t reflect high-performing orgs. ([02:31])
  • “When you're in a position of leadership or in a management position, do your best to hire people smarter than you… it stands to reason that someone else might… value the coaching.” — Leah ([02:56])
• There’s a cultural reluctance to view manager–report relationships as bi-directional.

Managing Up vs. Coaching Up

• Managing up involves influencing for promotion, career, or image.
• Coaching up is about helping your manager see blind spots, missing information, and helping them grow (not about self-promotion).
  • “It's actually about helping someone get exposed to information that they might not be open to.” — Leah ([04:04])

What If Your Manager Doesn’t Coach You?

• First, ask directly for feedback and coaching—don’t just assume you’re being neglected. ([05:16])
  • “You need to be curious before you get frustrated.” — Christian ([06:49])
• Even high performers (the “rock stars”) need coaching.
  • The Usain Bolt analogy: Top performers still need coaches to get better at their craft. ([07:19])
• Model the coaching relationship you want: be open, request feedback, show appreciation for coaching attempts, and be explicit with the type of feedback or frameworks you find useful.

Types of Difficult Managers and Approaches

The “Always Right”/Know-It-All Manager

• These managers can be tough because their “rightness” often comes from insecurity or past expectations.
• Technique: Engage their expertise—ask for their help to break things down; this invites them to open up rather than defend. ([11:13])
  • “I would always go and ask them for help… you can get into a deeper conversation and it’s in a safer way than challenging that individual.” — Leah ([12:00])
• Address egos (theirs and yours): Use curiosity-led questions to share learning and reduce defensiveness.
  • “There’s no prize for being right in product work… confidence does not equal clarity.” — Christian ([13:32], [15:07])

The Disengaged or Reluctant Manager

• Explain the impact their disengagement has, as they may be unaware everyone is watching and mirroring their behavior. ([17:22])
• Approach: Name the pattern; start with positive intent; acknowledge the impact; offer structured ways to re-engage. ([19:27])
  • “You gotta name the pattern you’re seeing to that leader… many people don’t have that awareness.” — Christian ([20:06])
• If after direct feedback nothing changes, escalate as needed (“skip level”)—don’t allow organizational inertia to block team growth. ([21:34])

Tools, Tactics, and Frameworks

User Manuals

• Personal ‘User Manuals’: Document your manager’s preferences, motivations, communication style, priorities. Refresh as people evolve. ([24:06], [27:55])
  • “Every electronic in your house has a user manual... why not take time to deliberately, intentionally understand that one person [your manager]?” — Christian ([24:44])
• Use this as a discovery tool—regularly revisit as both you and your manager change (versioning over time).
  • “What happens if you have a user manual for someone that you worked with at version one and now they’re version five?” — Leah ([28:36])
• Encourage managers to write their own user manuals for their direct reports. ([30:08])

Working Agreements & Communication

• Establish clear one-on-ones, feedback agreements, and mutual expectations.
• Understand how your manager prefers information—email, meetings, informal chats, etc.

When NOT to Coach Up

• If the organizational culture won’t change, or a manager is persistently uncoachable (rejects all feedback, relies on fear, no improvement), reassess whether your growth is possible there. ([31:38])
  • “If the culture and the environment doesn’t support the change that is required, then that’s probably time to reassess…” — Leah ([31:52])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Doing the job is actually different than getting better at the job.” — Christian ([06:49])
• “The people who are the most receptive to being coached are the ones who are the rock stars.” — Leah ([07:55])
• “There’s no prize for being right in product work. That’s not what the discipline is around.” — Christian ([13:32])
• “Ask questions and actually listen… if you listen, people will tell you exactly who they are. But you have to listen.” — Leah ([33:30])
• “Shape the relationship with your manager. That’s not promised by your organization; you have to be intentional about it.” — Christian ([34:15])

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00 — Episode introduction; why “coaching up” matters
• 01:28 — The importance of sharing knowledge upward
• 04:04 — Coaching up vs. managing up
• 05:16 — What to do if you’re not getting coaching from your manager
• 11:13 — How to coach a “know-it-all”/always-right manager
• 17:21 — Addressing a checked-out or disengaged leader
• 23:24 — Tools for coaching up (user manuals, agreements)
• 31:38 — When not to coach up; knowing when to move on
• 33:30 — Final advice: Ask, listen, and intentionally shape the relationship

Actionable Takeaways

• Ask for coaching and feedback—don’t assume your manager knows what you need. ([05:16])
• Model coachable behavior and explicitly tell your manager what approaches are useful.
• Adopt a discovery mindset with your manager; build a “user manual” to understand what motivates them, how they communicate, what they value. ([24:44])
• Acknowledge and address patterns of disengagement or ego—start with positive intent, be honest, and escalate only if necessary.
• When organizational or cultural change is out of reach, protect your growth and consider moving on. ([31:52])
• Shape the relationship: it’s a shared responsibility, not just your manager’s job. ([34:15])

In Summary:
Coaching up isn’t about flattery or politics—it’s about fostering a culture of growth, learning, and clarity throughout the org chart. Product people, at every level, should engage managers with curiosity, directness, empathy, and a willingness to model the feedback culture they wish to see. Sometimes, you’ll make a leader better. Sometimes, you’ll discover it’s time to move on. Either way, you’re owning your development and shaping your experience at work.

For more resources and recommended reading, visit SVPG.com.