Proxy with Yowei Shaw: Episode Summary - "The Group That Gets It"

Introduction

In the December 3, 2024 episode of Proxy, titled "The Group That Gets It," host Yowei Shaw delves into the transformative power of support groups through an intimate conversation with Jason Yu. Jason, a former civil engineer turned counseling student and co-host of the Fidget Podcast, shares his personal journey battling Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRBs), specifically skin picking. This episode offers a profound exploration of why so many individuals suffer in silence and how finding a community that understands can be a pivotal step toward healing.

Jason’s Struggle with Skin Picking

The episode opens with Yowei recounting how an email from a listener, Jason Yu, inspired her to consider the impact of support groups. Jason reveals that over eight years ago, as a college sophomore, he began noticing unexplained cuts on his fingers, wrists, and hands [00:57]. Initially dismissing them as seasonal changes, he soon realized these wounds were self-inflicted, occurring subconsciously during sleep [03:20].

Jason Yu [03:35]: "The seasons are changing. I hope this goes away... I am doing something to kind of perpetuate these cuts."

Despite recognizing the behavior, Jason felt immense shame and chose not to confide in friends or family, rationalizing that others had it worse [06:10].

Jason Yu [06:12]: "I almost like didn't Want to know the truth... I was having a great time... I felt like I didn't deserve to have problems."

The situation escalated when, after a presentation, Jason experienced a severe episode of self-harm, leading to police intervention and a hospital visit [07:07]. This incident marked his first encounter with medical professionals regarding his condition, but without a proper diagnosis or effective support, his struggles continued unabated.

Discovering Community Through a Facebook Post

A pivotal moment occurred eight years later when Jason stumbled upon a Facebook post about trichotillomania—a related BFRB involving hair pulling [08:16]. This revelation was the catalyst that made him realize he wasn’t alone in his struggles.

Jason Yu [09:04]: "That was when it dawned on me. I was like, oh, yeah, other people struggle with this."

Encouraged by this connection, Jason reached out and arranged his first support group meeting at a local Starbucks, where he spent three hours engrossed in conversation with others who shared similar experiences [10:37].

Jason Yu [10:47]: "We talked as a group probably for three hours."

This marked the beginning of his understanding that support groups offer a safe space to share without judgment, fostering a sense of belonging and mutual support.

The Mechanics of Support Groups

Jason explains that support groups function like collaborative research teams, where members share strategies and offer feedback on managing their behaviors [17:39].

Jason Yu [17:39]: "It's not so much the picking of the skin itself. It's like, the urgency to pick is so strong... like good field data, right?"

He emphasizes the importance of viewing progress not just in terms of behavior change but also in increasing self-awareness and learning a "new language" to describe their experiences [14:06].

Jason Yu [14:06]: "Progress was whether or not my hands are healed. Progress was, look at how much awareness I have... learning a new language."

Barriers to Seeking Support

The conversation shifts to why many individuals choose to suffer alone despite the availability of support groups. Jason shares his insights, highlighting societal stigma and misconceptions about what constitutes a "valid" support group [18:48].

Jason Yu [19:11]: "She said, like, jason, if anything, I want him to feel more shame. I am actively trying to shame him."

He criticizes the prevalent use of shame as a tool for enforcing group norms, arguing that it is ineffective and harmful when applied to oneself.

Yowei Shaw [20:47]: "It feels like shame is useful for getting other people to fall in line with group norms, but when you use shame to make yourself do something, it's just, like, not effective."

Jason advocates for a broader understanding of support groups beyond traditional categories like addiction or grief, encouraging individuals to seek or even establish groups tailored to their specific needs [21:58].

Building and Facilitating Support Groups

Jason details the practical steps he took to start a support group, from securing a location at the local library to establishing community guidelines that promote respectful and constructive interactions [28:46].

Jason Yu [29:20]: "So I will say I'm speaking to, like, a peer support group... more like grassroots approach of starting your own."

He contrasts professionally facilitated groups with peer-led ones, suggesting that the latter offers a more flexible and personalized support environment.

Jason also addresses the potential pitfalls within support groups, such as individuals who dominate conversations with solutions rather than engaging in mutual support. He underscores the importance of maintaining boundaries and adhering to community guidelines to preserve the group's integrity [30:28].

Jason Yu [30:28]: "Don't give them that feedback... he never came back, which I'm not surprised by."

The Emotional Dynamics of Support Groups

The discussion delves into the emotional benefits of being part of a support group, likening the experience to learning a new language where members can express their struggles without fear of judgment [35:27].

Jason Yu [35:31]: "It's like, One push up, you're not going to notice your strength increase... there's no one thing that'll fix you, but a lot of things that can help."

He highlights the fluidity required in support groups, allowing members to move through different stages of their personal journeys while being supported by others in similar phases [33:42].

Navigating Challenges Within Support Groups

Yowei and Jason explore common challenges, such as "support group drama," where conflicts may arise from differing approaches or personalities within the group. Jason shares an example of a member who overstepped by attempting to fix others' problems, disrupting the group's dynamic [43:53].

Jason Yu [44:47]: "And so he never came back, which I'm not surprised by."

He emphasizes the role of the facilitator in maintaining a respectful and balanced environment, ensuring that the group's purpose remains focused on mutual support rather than becoming a platform for unsolicited advice or dominance.

Personal Growth and Ongoing Journey

Towards the end of the episode, Jason reflects on his personal growth, noting a significant shift from obsessing over his condition to viewing it as a manageable part of his life [48:06].

Jason Yu [48:06]: "I've gone through my journey where I had to obsess about it. Now I'm at this point where I can like put it in a box and just like leave it there."

Yowei commends Jason on his progress, highlighting how his boredom with the incessant focus on skin picking signifies a profound level of healing and acceptance.

Conclusion

"The Group That Gets It" is a compelling episode that not only sheds light on the isolating experience of battling BFRBs but also celebrates the empowering role of support groups in fostering community, understanding, and personal growth. Through Jason Yu's candid narrative, listeners gain invaluable insights into the mechanics, benefits, and challenges of support groups, encouraging those who suffer in silence to seek the camaraderie and assistance that can make all the difference.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Jason Yu [03:35]:

  "The seasons are changing. I hope this goes away... I am doing something to kind of perpetuate these cuts."

• Jason Yu [06:12]:

  "I almost like didn't Want to know the truth... I was having a great time... I felt like I didn't deserve to have problems."

• Jason Yu [09:04]:

  "That was when it dawned on me. I was like, oh, yeah, other people struggle with this."

• Jason Yu [14:06]:

  "Progress was whether or not my hands are healed. Progress was, look at how much awareness I have... learning a new language."

• Yowei Shaw [20:47]:

  "It feels like shame is useful for getting other people to fall in line with group norms, but when you use shame to make yourself do something, it's just, like, not effective."

• Yowei Shaw [21:58]:

  "Maybe a support group is the thing for you at that moment, but I don't think it's a cure."

• Jason Yu [33:42]:

  "It's so complex. Right. Maybe a support group is the thing for you at that moment..."

• Jason Yu [35:31]:

  "It's like, One push up, you're not going to notice your strength increase... there's no one thing that'll fix you, but a lot of things that can help."

• Yowei Shaw [20:47]:

  "Shame is useful for getting other people to fall in line with group norms, but when you use shame to make yourself do something, it's just, like, not effective."

• Jason Yu [48:06]:

  "I've gone through my journey where I had to obsess about it. Now I'm at this point where I can like put it in a box and just like leave it there."

Resources Mentioned

For listeners interested in exploring support groups or learning more about BFRBs, consider checking out the following resources mentioned in the episode:

• Fidget Podcast: Co-hosted by Jason Yu, this podcast serves as a support group in podcast form.
• Skin Picking Support Groups: Various peer-led and professionally facilitated groups are available; contacting local libraries or counseling clinics can be a starting point.
• BFRBs Information: Understanding Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors through educational resources and support networks.

Final Thoughts

This episode of Proxy not only highlights the personal struggles associated with BFRBs but also underscores the significance of community and understanding in overcoming such challenges. Jason Yu's story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the profound impact that finding "the group that gets it" can have on one's journey toward healing and self-acceptance.