Being absolutely sure you’re right should settle an argument, but somehow, it often does the opposite. Instead, things escalate, tensions rise, and before you know it, the conflict has taken on a life of its own.

For this episode, Yael welcomes New York Times bestselling author, trained mediator, and Good Conflict co-founder Amanda Ripley to unpack her book High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped, and How We Get Out, and the difference between “good conflict” that strengthens us and “high conflict” that feeds on contempt, disgust, and rigid us-versus-them thinking.

You’ll hear why high conflict makes us more error-prone while feeling more righteous, how group belonging and media incentives can keep the cycle going, and practical ways to interrupt the pattern like Gary Freeman’s three-question pause before speaking.

Listen to learn how to stay in the fight without losing nuance, curiosity, or yourself.

Listen and Learn:

The distinction between healthy conflict that helps you grow and the kind that quietly turns destructive in ways you may not notice
Why conflicts can quietly take over our thinking, shifting us into an us-versus-them mindset
Why do we get pulled into conflicts that drain us even when we know the cost, and what keeps us hooked?
How can even people deeply engaged with information find themselves pulling away from conflict, and what does that reveal about the hidden dynamics of high conflict
How you can recognize the early signs of high conflict and shift toward more productive, healthier conversations before things escalate

Resources:

High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped, and How We Get Out: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781982128579
Amanda’s Website: https://www.amandaripley.com/
Good Conflict Website: https://www.thegoodconflict.com
Connect with Amanda on Social Media:
https://www.facebook.com/amanda.ripley.35/
https://www.instagram.com/ripleywriter/
Amada’s Substack: https://amandaripley.substack.com/
Amanda’s article about high-conflict journalism, I stopped reading the news. Is the problem me–or the product?
Yael’s Substack post about how journalists quickly build connection
Builders Movement: an Instagram feed and website that offers “inspiration, tools, and ways to take action to rise above us vs. them and solve our toughest problems together.”

About Amanda Ripley:

Amanda Ripley is a New York Times bestselling author, magazine journalist, and co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company helping people reimagine how we fight. She has written three award-winning nonfiction books — The Unthinkable, The Smartest Kids in the World, and High Conflict — each following people through transformations to uncover what the rest of us can learn. Her most recent book, High Conflict, chronicles how good conflict metastasizes into something that consumes everything in its path — and, crucially, how people find their way out. A trained mediator herself, Amanda's work reveals that escape from high conflict isn't about being nicer; it's about learning to genuinely comprehend what you still disagree with. Her writing has appeared in the Atlantic, the Washington Post, and Politico Magazine, among others.

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456. High Conflict with Amanda Ripley