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- [00:00]
Mari Llewellyn
This is the Pursuit of Wellness podcast and I'm your host, Mari Llewellyn. Hi, guys. Before we get into today's IVF episode, I want to give a little bit of a trigger warning. We are talking about a lot of sensitive, intimate topics. Needles, medication, intimate details. And if you are sensitive to this kind of thing, I want to give you guys a heads up. If you are in a vulnerable emotional state or find this content unsettling, I recommend you proceed with caution or refrain from viewing. Hi, guys. Welcome back to the podcast. Obviously, you guys have been here week after week, but this is my first time recording since before Christmas and it's now January 14th, so feels wild to be back on the microphone, but it was really nice to take a break, um, especially going through IVF and everything else I was doing. It was just a lot of. A lot of energy put into that, so it was nice to have some mental breathing room. And I'm really excited to be back and talking to you guys. Before we hop into this episode, which will be all about ivf, I want to give you guys all the details, my full experience. I'm going to answer questions and be really transparent about it because, you know, I'm transparent about pretty much everything in my life. And I think IVF is a unique challenge that can be difficult to navigate if you don't have insight from someone else who's been through it. So I want to make sure I'm talking about it here. Before I get into that topic. I do want to talk about the LA fires. Obviously, that is at the front of my mind and everyone's mind right now. I truly could not believe my eyes watching what was unfolding in la, which is where I spent, you know, two years of my life. It's where we really grew Bloom. It's where our HQ still is and our team is. And it was really, really terrifying and heartbreaking to see everything unfold. So for anyone listening who's affected, my heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry and we're all thinking of you. I wanted to say the Bloom HQ in Venice has been turned into a donation zone. We have bottled water, pillows, blankets, towels, new or gently used clothing, toiletries, feminine products, canned goods, protein bars, power supplies, batteries, chargers, first aid kits, bandages, pet food supplies, children's toys. We have energy drinks, greens, Bloom merch. We have been driving them around to the firehouses in la. But you are also welcome to go to the Bloom office and pick these things up if you need them. Please check my story and the Blooms Instagram story for those details. And again, my heart goes out to anyone affected. It is so, so horrendous. So I had to touch on that before we hop, you know, we'll, we'll stay tuned on what's going on. All the places Greg and I used to go all the time are completely vanished. So what a wild thing to witness. Today's topic, as I said, is going to be my IVF experience. I am on day five since my egg retrieval right now, and I definitely want to talk about that specifically because that was a roller coaster. But I want to start from the beginning and talk about my IVF journey. If you don't follow me. On TikTok, I fully documented my IV experience on TikTok. I vlogged every single day of my injections and kept track of how I was feeling, doctor's appointments, the whole rundown. So if you do want to go watch that, it is very insightful and gives you a real look into a day to day routine on ivf. Overall, I have to say IVF was a lot better of an experience than I anticipated. It felt like a full time job because you are doing injections at the same time, exact dosages on a schedule, morning and night. You were in the doctor's office every day. So my number one thought was like, God, I'm so glad that I was able to take off time because I don't know how I would have kept up with it and my job at the same time. And I just kept thinking about people who maybe have corporate jobs or their teachers or nurses. And I've heard, you know, a lot of people now are able to talk to their bosses and get times off. But I just kept thinking, how would I do this if I had a regular corporate job or I didn't have Greg because Greg was the one measuring all the medicine. And when we got into the IVF journey, I said to Greg, you know, this is about to be really overwhelming for me from a physical standpoint. I just need you to take some of the mental load for me and handle the medication. So knowing that Greg came to almost every appointment where we were discussing medication so he could be sure he was on top of dosing, how much we needed because you cannot run out like that is not an option. We'll get into a little disaster we had with that. I have notes here because I don't want to miss anything and I want to make sure I'm giving you guys the full rundown. But overall, the first shot I took, which was on December 27th. I remember being really scared when I first saw the size of the needle and really intimidated. Let me backtrack a little bit. The first day of the injections, I remember I was kind of doing everything in that day. I knew I wouldn't be able to for a while. So I went to the barn, I rode my horse, I hung out with my friends, like, worked out, did all my favorite things. And I remember getting a phone call that day around 4 or 5pm from one of the nurses, and she said, hey, I just want to check in and make sure you have enough gonal in your fridge. Gonal is one of the medications that you take at night. Menopur and gonorrhea are the name of the two injections. And I kind of panicked and I was like, I'm not at home. I can't check for the gonorrh. I don't know. And she was like, well, can you come into the office in the next 10 minutes because we're closing and I have samples for you to take home. And I was like, no, I'm an hour away at the barn. It was a whole thing. So the first day of the injections was a little bit stressful. Got it figured out. On my way home, I went and picked up as per cream, which I heard helped with kind of numbing the area that you're injecting into. So you want to put the Asper cream on the lower part of your stomach. I had also heard about icing before and after, but honestly, I didn't find icing to be all that helpful. I'll get into those tips as I go along, but the first night of injections, we had to pick a time that we were going to stick to every single night for the next two weeks. So I wanted to pick a time that I knew I would be home, Greg would be home, we wouldn't be stressed out, rushing around, trying to get there on time. So we did my injections every single night between 8pm and 8:30pm Generally, we were landing around 8:15. We had a certain designated area of the kitchen that was for my medication. And every night I would put the asper cream on 15 minutes before. I remember the first night that Greg took out the needles. I was like, shocked at the size. I mean, it was like this big of a needle full of medication, two of them. And that really intimidated me. But Greg stood with me. I did the injection myself. I personally find. And obviously I'm not a doctor, I'm not qualified to say, but after Having done these shots day in, day out now for two weeks, I find injecting myself much better than Greg injecting me. I think that the anticipation is what makes it so much more stressful. And when you can also pick out your location and know, okay, this area is sore, I should skip that area. I'm gonna pick this spot and you pull the skin away and you want to keep the skin out and then rub in the medication when you're done to make sure it gets everywhere because otherwise you'll have a lump of medication under your skin. I just found doing it myself to be much better. I also found that distracting myself by filming tiktoks during it and vlogging. My experience actually really helped me get my mind off of it. Menopure is the medication that tends sting a little bit more. I will give you guys a heads up on that. Leaving it out for five minutes in the needle and then really taking it slow when you inject it is also very helpful. So those were the night shots that Greg measured every single night. I was also in the doctor's office every single morning for blood tests. And we chose to do this IVF cycle over the holidays, which I was very happy that I did because everyone was gone, work was slower. I wasn't getting a million texts every single day. I was able to really, like, chill and not have sort of, like guilt that I was missing anything because everyone was away from that context. Doing it during the holidays was perfect for me because I felt very relaxed. On the other hand, there were a couple occasions where the holidays made things more challenging. For example, we did end up running out of gonal. We were at the doctor's office one day for an appointment, and the doctor said, how much more gonal do you have? And it was at this moment that my husband decided to be very husbandish and say, oh, yeah, I meant to tell everyone. We ran out of ghonor last night and I looked at him and I was like, what? What do you mean we ran out of gonal? Like, why wouldn't you tell me that? We should have called the doctor right away. And the doctor was like, that's a big issue. You guys need to go pick it up today because you need it tonight. Poor Greg didn't even realize it was such a big deal. But, you know, I'm not. I'm not blaming him here, but that was the most stressful day of the whole IVF cycle for probably second most stressful day because we had been doing days and days of shots at that point and the whole cycle would have been ruined if I wasn't able to get that gonal. And we called the pharmacy and they were like, we're having an inventory shortage. We don't have any. We had to pull a million strings to get this gonal at the pharmacy I was using. And I don't know how we ended up getting it, because Greg drove there. He was on a million phone calls. He goes in, they're like, we don't have any. He's like, please check again. This isn't an option. We almost drove to Dallas to get it. They managed to find some in the back, and thank goodness we had enough to get through the rest of the cycle because that would have completely screwed everything up. But with, with that said, I'm still happy we did it during the holidays because it just allowed me to have a much more relaxing experience. I was in the doctors every day either for a blood test to check hormone levels or also an ultrasound to see how my follicle growth was going. If I was there for a blood test, I was in and out in 15 minutes. If I was there for an ultrasound as well, I was there sometimes for up to two hours because we had to wait for the doctor to do that. So that was interesting. And that was what kind of made me think. I'm so happy that I'm not on a tight schedule right now, because if I had to get to work, that would have been super duper stressful.
- [11:19]
Greg
You guys know by now Clear stem is my go to skincare brand. I bring my gentle cleanser every single place I go. I just travel to Dallas and it was in my bag. I also use the lip balm every day. I use the shampoo and conditioner. I use the body lotion. I love their serums and their moisturizer. It really is like such a safe brand for sensitive skin. I'm someone who struggled with breakouts for 10 plus years, and clear Stamp is honestly one of the only skincare brands that I actually trust. I have had hormonal acne. I've struggled with gut problem acne. I've had all types of acne, and I love the fact that they do not use skin irritants, parabens, phthalates, or poor clogging ingredients. And if you've dealt with breakouts, you know, typically acne products can dry out your skin and make it worse. But clear stem is gentle and easy on the skin. And I have seen such a big improvement in my skin over time. It was founded in 2017 by Danielle and Kaylee, good friends of mine. I absolutely love them. They've both experienced acne themselves and know exactly what should and shouldn't be in the products. I also love the fact that Clear Stem offers an acne lab test which is absolutely incredible. You can get individualized support from a nutritional therapy practitioner. I think getting to the root cause in blood work to see what's causing the acne is the biggest and most impactful thing you can do. That was how I really got to the root cause and from there I could add in skincare that was going to help me even more. So I highly recommend you guys check that out, discover the Clear Stem difference and experience clear, healthy skin for Life. Go to clearstem.com pow for 20 off your first order. That's C L E A R s t e m.com powder as you guys know, I transformed my life in 2017 through a dedicated weight loss journey. I lost over 90 pounds and reclaimed my mental and physical health. And as someone who fell in love with wellness and has continued to do so, I am always looking for ways to get deeper insights into my body and health. And that's where I found function. Function is an all in one health platform that starts with over 100 advanced lab tests covering your entire body. Heart, hormones, liver, kidney, thyroid, autoimmunity, cancer signals, toxin, nutrients and more. It really is a full deep dive into what's going on with your health. I also love the way that they deliver the information. If you've ever had lab testing done, you know that sometimes the results can be so confusing and you have to have a doctor to explain them to you. The way that functions send you the results is very comprehensive and they give you recommendations of how to move forward and improve which is so, so help. Especially for me. I'm going through a fertility journey right now. I want to see what's going on with my health and maybe you are too. Women's hormone health is so so important and this can be such a great way of checking in on that function. Health has added even more advanced add on tests that you simply cannot get from most doctors. They now have a BPA exposure test which detects harmful plastic toxins forever chemical exposure and the MTHFR gene analysis which I know many of us want to see. Lab visits are fast and convenient from one of their 2000 plus locations around the US and all of this is just 4.99 a year. That breaks down to a$37 per day for access to cutting edge health insights. You and Your family should join Function, skip Functions wait list and gain instant access at this link, which is ww.functionhealth.com a Mari Llewellyn M A R I-L L E W E L L Y N.
- [15:11]
Mari Llewellyn
So I started my shots on December 27th, and I took my last one Monday, January 6th. The morning shots were introduced on January 1st, and that is called centrotide. Centrotide prevents you from ovulating too soon. So the purpose of that your follicles are growing. We want to prevent ovulation because they need to time it perfectly in order to retrieve your eggs. So every single morning I started taking centrotide at 8am so at this point I'm taking a shot at 8am, two shots at 8pm and generally I'm headed to the doctor right after that morning shot. So again, my whole life was revolving around this. But I really didn't mind. For over a year now, I've been so desperate to get pregnant. I'm so ready to have a baby that this just felt productive to me. And hearing the results of my ultrasound and seeing the follicles, like it all was very motivating and I felt just very involved and very in touch with what was going on. Yes, I definitely had a couple tearful days. Like when you're pumping your body with hormones, obviously you get some side effects. As someone who's had acne for 10 plus years and finally cleared my skin, my biggest fear was, oh my gosh, I'm gonna get covered in acne. I'm sure of it. That didn't happen. I literally had two zits under my mouth and that was kind it. So that really wasn't that bad. I could tell emotionally and mentally that I was full of hormones. But again, like, I really wasn't that grumpy or upset. Like, it was far better than I anticipated. I think one of the hardest things was not being able to work out. Your ovaries are swelling to the size of oranges and it's a risk if you work out that they could twist on themselves, which I think is called hypertension. And that's really, really painful. So you don't want that to happen. So I actually haven't worked out, ridden my horse in almost three weeks at this point, which I'm definitely starting to miss. During my injection cycle, I was able to walk 10,000 steps a day. That was a goal I set for myself. And I up until the end when I was really exhausted, I was able to hit it every single day. And that really Helped me stay feeling fit and healthy and happy. And it was really helpful to get outside, get sun, walk with friends, like connect with people just to keep spirits high. As of right now, I'll get to this in a minute. But I haven't been able to keep up with the 10k steps. And towards the end of the injection cycle is when you feel you're most tired. I also wanted to add for anyone doing IVF and maybe they're traveling or have things happening, we did have a day of travel for my friend's birthday around New Year's. We ended up bringing the medication and needles and everything in a lunchbox. Kept it in a fridge in the hotel room. I was just very communicative with my friends and being like, hey, I need to be in my room at 8pm to take this injection. And everyone was super respectful of it, of course. And, you know, knowing I couldn't really exercise much or drink or anything like that. So it is possible to travel with the medication. I think I would set alarms on your phone. I would just be really communicative and just make sure that everything is like easy and you're not going to miss any of your injections. I missed one injection the morning of very first. That was the day we were supposed to start the center tide and Greg missed it on the schedule, called the doctor panicking. We were like, oh my gosh, did we mess everything up? And he was like, no, just take it now and then get Back to your 8:00am Schedule the next day so things happen. But it is a very exact schedule and dosing schedule. So just keep that in mind. And then when you're in the doctor, I would just say if you are doing this without a partner and you're the one measuring your medication and managing that, I would just be ready to ask a million questions. Don't be embarrassed, don't be shy, make sure you understand what's going on. Take notes, write things down, get your schedule in your calendar. Yeah, I would just say it is a complex thing, but you will make it happen. And I think anyone going through this is motivated to make it happen. And I, my heart also goes out to anyone doing it by themselves. I can't even imagine. And I think it's the bravest thing ever. So shout out to you guys. Obviously I want to be transparent about about ivf. I think it's important that we talk about it and I really appreciate when I see women speak on the topic. I just want to be careful with what I'm sharing in terms of certain numbers of things and embryo transfer dates and things like that, because it's already so anxiety provoking, hoping that the embryo will stick. And then having everyone know the transfer day and waiting to hear if it worked or not just really stresses me out, to be honest. So if I'm not sharing certain numbers and dates, that's why I just want to have some level of like, privacy. And if I'm, you know, if it doesn't work, I'm able to kind of deal with that mentally on my own and not have to answer questions on it. So I just want to preface that I'll share some of the numbers in terms of egg, like how many eggs they got and things like that. And not. I don't want anyone like comparing it. And I think going through it, it's actually difficult for me. Even when I hear other people's numbers, it's difficult for me not to compare. But everyone is so, so different. And I know people who have done one round of IVF or people who've done seven rounds of ivf, it's. It's really crazy. My last scan before my egg retrieval, I was told that I had 20 eggs ready to go, which was a really hopeful number. I felt good about that. I was given the trigger shot Tuesday night and my egg retrieval was Thursday. I was feeling very positive about it. I was excited. I couldn't drink or eat water, food, nothing after midnight on Wednesday. So I went in and I was there at like 7:30 in the morning. At first they didn't let Greg back there with me. And I was laying on the table like, like prepped for surgery. And I was honestly panicking about anesthesia. I really hate the concept of being out of control. And the anesthesia was really scaring me. So they let me get Greg back there. And also everyone else had their husband back there. So I'm not sure why I wasn't allowed to have mine. So I was like, please, can I have Greg? And I just want to say, like, I am so the person who's too polite to ask for what I need and want. And when I was back there, I just, I think I've definitely been working on my confidence lately in that, in that regard. But they like, they had a student nurse there who they asked if she could sit in on my surgery. And in the past, I for sure would have said yes. And I used to say yes to that type of thing all the time. But I said no because I was so anxious that I was just like, I just don't want that today. And I was proud of myself for doing that. That sounds silly, but, you know, usually I would have said yes to that kind of thing. But in this scenario, I was so nervous that I ended up saying no. And I also asked for Greg to be back there. And I was also just honest about being nervous to go under anesthesia. It was a 30 minute procedure. They wheeled me back there after doing, like, blood pressure and all, you know, putting a needle in me. They put fluids in me, I guess, which pump up the follicles. So I was laying there for a bit. The first person went, and then I got taken back there. They made me shift onto a different table. I was full blown panicking at this point. In my head, I was sort of silently just like, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. I don't know why. I think just that before period, going under anesthesia, I was just freaking out. Next thing I know, I was waking up back in that waiting room area and Greg was there and he just reminded me that I said this. I forgot, but apparently I was like, oh, my God. I was just riding my horse for hours. And he was like, what do you mean? I guess I was having dreams about, like, horses and ponies and stuff. And I was like, I was just in Ponyland, like, fully dreaming about riding horses, which is cute. Like, I'm glad I was having positive thoughts and I felt fine. Like, I couldn't believe it was over. They put me in a wheelchair and put me in the car with Greg, and I guess I was still pretty out of it at this point. We stopped and got. I was so hungry. We got a croissant and breakfast and went home. And I remember I was on the couch with a heating pad and FaceTiming friends and texting people and checking in. Next thing I know, Greg is grabbing me something. He was getting me like a tea. And I all of a sudden just felt super nauseous, super dizzy. And I was like, what is going on? And I went to go stand up and I completely lost consciousness. Greg said he heard a loud bang and came in the room and found me face down, which is why I have these scabs on my nose, if you can see them on the camera. So I fully, I guess, fainted. I came out of it so confused. I was like, why am I on the floor? And I just stayed on the floor for a while because I was so dizzy. I was like, if I stand up, I'll pass out again. And then. Okay, so this is definitely tmi, but I just have to share this, because this was the craziest thing. It was like, the second that I fainted, I was like, I'm gonna poop myself right now. Like, I'm gonna everywhere. And I was like, babe, I have to go to the bathroom. I have to go to the bathroom. I have to go to the bathroom. And I essentially crawled to the bathroom because I couldn't stand up. Managed to get myself on the toilet to go to the bathroom from there. Crawled to the bed. I'm laying in the bed. Greg's sitting with me. He was like, dude, you're scaring me. He was like, you're. You were completely white. White lips drenched in sweat. Like, basically looked like I was gonna die, and I felt like I was gonna die. So I'm laying in bed. I'm like, babe, I'm. I need to go to the bathroom again. And I guess now that I know what happened to me, it's called a vagal response, and it's technically a stress response where your blood pressure just drops. And apparently, like, pooping yourself is, like, a common symptom of that. I don't know. I don't know if I just, like, lost control of my bowels. I don't know what happened. Long story short, and I said, TikTok, I don't really care. I'm just gonna say it because I want to be honest. I am, like, I'm gonna sht myself. So I'm, like, crawling to the bathroom again and literally, like, passing out as I'm going. I can't even talk about this right now. I'm so triggered by it still. But I get in the bathroom. Couldn't get on the toilet. Absolutely not. I was like, I'm literally gonna fall on the floor. So I, like, am taking my pants off, completely sht. All over the floor, all over myself. I. I think this might be the lowest point of my life. So I'm covered in poop, and I'm like, greg, you cannot come in here. Like, you need to walk away right now. Like, this is the worst I've ever been. Poor Greg pulls me in the shower. I'm, like, on all fours in the shower. Greg had to hose me down. It was bad, guys. Like, I was so mortified that my husband was. Was hosing me down, like, covered in poop. I was like, this is insane. I ended up cleaning everything up. Of course. I was like, greg, I'm not. You're not dealing with this Like, I'm dealing with this. Like, this is horrible. I eventually get back in the bed. I sleep for an hour, wake up, projectile vomit everywhere. All over my bedroom, I just projectile vomit. I was like, what is going on? Is this normal? I called Greg. He was walking the dogs. He comes sprinting back, brings me a bag. I, like, can't stop vomiting. So anyway, that part was horrendous, obviously. And we call the nurse. They get me a nausea medication. But honestly, the doctor's office was not acting particularly alarmed. I think, unfortunately, I. I really should have directly contacted the doctor because he was. By the time he found out, he was pretty alarmed. But the nurses just kept saying, like, take nausea medication. They had prescribed me Tylenol, cold codeine at this point, and it wasn't working at all. So this is when the pain really started for me. And by the way, guys, I. For anyone listening who's about to do an egg retrieval, I don't want to scare everyone. I know it's uncomfortable. And people do say that I had a lot of messages from girls who went through the same thing. But I do think I had a uniquely bad experience. And I. I know a lot of people who found the egg retrieval to be quite easy. I think bloating is the number one thing that everyone experiences. And fluid retention. But this was when the pain started setting in and the swelling. So gradually throughout the day, I felt my abdomen. Like, it felt like I was going to explode. Like, no exaggeration, I could barely stand up. I couldn't move side to side. I couldn't reach for things. The pain was so excruciating. I couldn't really. I knew that that would happen, but it felt pretty extreme. It was to the point where I couldn't lay flat because I was having, like. It felt like I was getting electrocuted. The sharp pain that was going through my neck, shoulders, down my stomach, and I was like, why is it? I expected pain down here, but why up? Like, in my rib cage, Everything could barely walk. It was bad. So we end up calling the doctor, and he's like, I want you to come in tomorrow morning. And I could, like, barely get in the car. So I was, like, really struggling to even get to the doctor's office. And I was really nervous that when they did the ultrasound, they were going to have to go up in me because that's normally how they would do it. But they did it on top of my stomach. And he was like, okay, when you got home from your procedure, did something happen? Like, did the dog jump on you? And Greg was like, oh, well, she took a really hard fall on the ground. And he was like, that must have dislodged the ovaries or irritated them because it's leaking. They're leaking fluid and blood, and that's why you're feeling this extreme pain, because that liquid is hitting nerves up into your neck. So, yeah, I couldn't even sleep laying down. I had to sit up straight, so I basically got no sleep the first night. With that said, I'm on day four since that now, and I'm gradually getting better. I still feel decent amount of discomfort, and I'm definitely still swollen. Like, I. My face, my legs, everything. I have, like, 20 pounds of fluid on me right now. And I. I have to say, it's been a lot more challenging, this recovery than any of the injection cycles. Like, this has been really challenging for me. And I also think coming off the hormones and that hormone plummet has me far more, like, mentally struggling than I ever was during the injection, so. And I think also just from a emotional standpoint, I felt like my egg retrieval was, like, the end of my journey and I could get back to my normal life and work out and do all the things I love doing. And now I'm like, oh, okay. I'm really far away from doing that. Like, I fully had signed myself up for Pilates this week, and I was ready to go ride my horse again, and clearly that's just not happening. I have a little bit more of a recovery to do here. So, yeah, definitely not what I was anticipating. And I also don't want to freak anyone else out. I just wanted to be honest about my experience. With that said, we've had a couple phone calls from the fertility clinic about the embryos. Things seem to be moving the right direction. I'm really happy I have my period, which is what's supposed to happen, which means we can get back on the cycle and get ready to transfer hopefully soon. Knock on wood. And, yeah, now I'm just in this headspace of waiting, trying not to be incredibly anxious about the results. I think, you know, just hearing other people's experiences of failed transfers and having to do IVF seven times, like, that does scare me. I won't lie. I'm not sure if I can go through the egg retrieval again. Of course I will if I need to. You know, I'll do anything at this point. But, yeah, I've just been in this headspace of, like, really doing anything I can to manifest great results and stay positive and hopeful. That's where I'm at. I hope that was like good info. I want to take time to answer a few Q A questions that I asked you guys because you had a lot of questions. So let's, let's hop into that Q A.
- [32:08]
Greg
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- [35:26]
Mari Llewellyn
First question is, are you doing any sort of genetic testing on your embryos before implanting?
- [35:31]
Greg
Yes.
- [35:32]
Mari Llewellyn
Yes. That is a big part of this embryo process that they do at my clinic and I went ahead and called them to ask the exact genetic testing they do so I could tell you guys. It's called PGT Complete. It gives the parent of origin and lets them know what chromosomes are going to be affected and they will know if the embryos are normal or abnormal. They only transfer normal embryos and the biopsies take about two weeks for the result. My embryos as of right now are not at the point where they could be genetically tested. We're still seeing like how many cells are developing, which ones are progressing. Sounds like we have two really strong ones that are progressing and 11 that are progressing well. So the embryos will get grades of very good, good, whatever. How many months did you try naturally before doing ivf? I don't know when to give in and do it. Yeah, I know. I think that is a tough question to grapple with. I was trying for a year and a bit before I decided to do this and some people would consider that not much time. I think with mine and Greg's situation, we I was just finding it too mentally taxing, honestly. And I think going through this and just seeing how much it consumed my life. I was at the point where I was like, I would prefer to never go through this again. Have embryos on ice. Greg doesn't have to. I mean, Greg has also Been on medication for months now. So I think both of us were just like, we want to have kids now. I feel healthy now. My egg quality is good now. I also have pcos, and I just wanted to be mindful of that. So for me, it was the right time. Maybe for you it's not. I know people who wait until they're two years in. I just felt like mentally it was the right time for me. And it felt. It felt good even getting the process started. How does someone so healthy that makes such great lifestyle choice need ivf? I mean, number one, that's a very rude question, but I'm going to answer it anyway. A lot of people are having to do IVF right now, and I think as healthy as someone may be, like myself, we are unfortunately exposed to toxins everywhere we go. Maybe you go to the gym every day and they spray the machines with Windex. Maybe they are lighting fragrance candles at your work. Like, no matter what choices you independently make, in this world that we're in, we are exposed to so many toxins, we are taking all types of different vaccines. Who knows what could be the reason? But evidently this is happening to so many people my age that there is an epidemic with fertility. It's very interesting, and I've had a lot of experts come on and talk about this problem, but I would say for anyone listening who is struggling with infertility, don't let people like this make you feel like you're doing something wrong. It's such a judgmental question, and it's so inconsiderate. I can't believe someone's asking me this, but I wanted to answer it just because I think it's important for anyone listening to know that as healthy as you are, like, it's not your fault. It's amazing that we have options like this. And I'm really grateful that I was able to. To go through a process like this. How can family and friends support. That's such a great question. Honestly, the reason I was, like, able to get through it the way I did was because of the support I've had from family and friends. And I had people show up in such amazing ways, and then people who didn't really show up in amazing ways, honestly, or at all. But just having people reach out and say, how are you? Giving you a phone call, checking in. I mean, my team sent me flowers, like, it was such a beautiful thing. And I. I really felt the empathy from everyone in my life. No, I'm sorry, not everyone, but, like, a lot of people in my life. And I think it can be, like, a really isolating thing to go through you really, in your own head. It's a lot of hormones, so I literally just think checking in, sending a text, sending flowers, dropping off a cookie, whatever it may be, just feeling like you. You are thought of is really, really lovely. And I think post egg retrieval, especially when you're, like, literally injured, is, like, a really nice time to go sit with someone on the couch and just do nothing and order pizza or whatever it may be. Was there a direct indicator from the Dr. As to why you were a good candidate for IVF? Yeah, I feel like. Like, we were good candidates because a lot of our struggles were unexplained. Like, there was nothing wrong with my testing, nothing wrong with my egg count, nothing wrong with Greg's sperm, so. And we're young. With that said, it was, like, a good time for us to do it because I have a lot of follicles, a lot of eggs. Puts us in a good position to have, like, some really good options for embryos. And I think it's good that we started the process. Now, while I'm 30 years old, I kind of wish I did it a year ago, but I also don't think mentally I was in a place to do it a year ago. Is it scary? I'm a fellow PCOS fitness girly, terrified for the IVF process if needed. I do get that. I can see how it would be intimidating, and it's definitely a tough thing to go through. But again, like, kind of like how I mentally approach my fitness journey. It's something that you're like, I have been through so much already on my fertility journey. This is like a final push, you know, like, I just need to be tough now to be set up for the rest of my life and have the family that I want, and it's so worth it. And it's honestly a lot less scary when you're in the routine of it. You just feel productive and you're like, I am getting closer and closer to what I really want and what my purpose is in life. So it's a lot less scary than. Than you anticipate anything you wish people told you was easier or harder than you thought through the process, worse. I went into it with a very positive mindset. I think I was just excited to be doing something that made me feel more in control. I think when you go through fertility journey and you feel so confused all the time and, like, what am I doing wrong? Why isn't this Working IVF is a really beautiful, like, feeling of control. I would say that I wish I knew how tough the egg retrieval recovery would be. But at the same time, if I hadn't, like, if I had that information, I would have been anxious. So I'm almost happy that I was naive about it, if that makes sense. So, honestly, wouldn't change what I knew because I did go into it with a positive mindset. When did you start to feel uncomfortable? Really? Not until the last two days of my injections. I actually felt pretty good during my injections. And then, of course, post egg retrieval, definitely uncomfortable. A lot of people are asking about the cost of ivf. I think a lot of people are aware IVF is very expensive. A lot of insurances now cover it or, like, work health plans cover it, which is fantastic. My insurance does not cover it, unfortunately. So I think, and I want to be transparent about the price because we're talking about everything else, and that's a huge factor. I would say $20,000 was just the baseline, and then the medication, medication was added to that. So every time I got a new supply of medication, it was like $6,000, very expensive. I, again, so, so, so grateful that I am in the position to do this. I would say look into your insurance plan. I know a lot of them are covering IVF now, which is great, but it is crazy. Some people get babies for free. Some of us pay $30,000. Why do you bloat after your procedure? A couple reasons. They pump gas into you when they're doing it so they could see the follicles more easily, so there's gas. And then also, I think just a lot of inflammation post procedure. And then again, the ovaries are, like, leaking fluids, which I think is normal to a certain extent. And there's another reason. Oh, and then your ovaries are just, like, really, really swollen at that point, apparently to the size of oranges. Did you consider surrogacy at all? No. I, like, want to be pregnant myself. I want that experience, and I don't have any issues that prevent me from doing that. I think it's amazing that that's an option and people can choose to do that. I can also see myself being a complete control freak with a surrogate. Like, I would want to live with her. So I don't know if that's for me, but let's see. Going through it myself. No one talks about how long the process is. Yeah, it's long. I mean, not even just the injections. Like, you're Taking birth control before the injections to time your cycle perfect. You're in the doctor all the time. You're doing two weeks of injections, the egg retrieval, then you're waiting 60 days for genetic results and then you're doing the embryo transfer. And you take medication during the embryo transfer. Like it is a long process. I don't think I realized that either actually being more holistic. Does it scare you to take all these medications? Yes, that was a huge resistance. I had to ivf. Honestly, I was avoiding it for the longest time because I am someone who's like, like super pro, natural, anything. And I just felt like I didn't want to be taking all these hormones and it felt like anti everything that I believe in. I think that's also what's so amazing about modern day medicine is we can reach our goals with that. And honestly, this has really like opened my eyes to how beautiful it can be. And similar to my age pylori journey where I eventually had to take antibiotics. It's kind of funny that I keep ending up having to take medication when I'm avoiding it at all costs costs. But it scared me. But honestly, you just, you just push through it with feedback online. Do you wish you never shared your journey? No, I don't feel that way. I actually feel like I've seen so many women tell me that they feel so much more excited about IVF now that they feel like they understand it more, they feel like they relate to me or they feel like they've learned something like it. To me, it's so worth it to be able to share. And also, I'm someone who doesn't really have much reservation when it comes to sharing like personal info. Clearly I'm like talking about pooping myself on this episode. To me, it brings me a lot of joy to be able to help other people by talking through my experience. So no, I do not regret that. But I am trying to be more careful about sharing dates and stuff because I just don't want to deal with that pressure. I am taking a prenatal vitamin. I take a pack called an egg freeze pack. If you look it up online, you should be able to find it and it has everything you need in that one pack back. Can you select the gender once you have your embryos? So you can you have the option of saying like, oh, please put this gender in, please put that gender in. They can tell you what, how many you have of each. I am choosing, I think as of right now. Let's see if I change My mind, I'm choosing to not know the gender because a couple reasons I want to have that experience of a surprise, like a gender reveal. I really have always dreamed about that. That and I want to have that experience. And then also just being realistic and knowing that the first embryo might not stick like that is going to be devastating enough in itself that I don't want to know the gender. I think that will make it even more difficult if that makes sense, if I feel connected in that way. Are you doing a fresh or frozen transfer? A frozen transfer. Did the doctors mention OHSS syndrome by any chance? That's ovary Hypersenstein Stimulation syndrome. I was really worried about that when I first had that horrible reaction. I thought for sure I had that issue. He did an ultrasound. My ovaries did not twist on themselves. That was not the issue. They did mention it to me, but apparently it's very rare. Is it safe to take bloom greens during ivf? I did. My doctor said it was completely fine. I was trying to get as many nutrients in as possible. But I would ask your doctor. Just want to let you know you are an amazing person and thank you for sharing your story. That is very nice. Thank you so much. Are you attending church now because it's helping with your mental health refertility? Yes. I wasn't really going to talk about this too much because, I don't know, people always interpret things weirdly and, like, have different judgments about it. But, yes, I first went on Christmas Eve, which is when I feel like a lot of people go to a church here in Austin that my friends go to. And I just found that the sense of community and positivity and like, I found it to be very meditative. I haven't, you know, traditionally been a religious person. In England, I went to a religious school because that's kind of just what you do in the uk. And we went to church and we prayed and talked about God and things like that. But my family was never religious, so I just wasn't super involved in it. And yeah, this is my first time really going back and I have found it to be very healing and very meditative. And it's been really helping me get through this super, like, unknown time. So I've been going every Sunday and I really love it. And I'm so appreciative to my friend for taking me. A lot of people are asking me about IUIs, which means into uterine insemination. I used to call it like the turkey based method. It's essentially like, like the much More casual version before ivf. It's not even really comparable, but a lot of people try IUI first. Greg and I did three rounds of iui. Basically, they put you on letrozole to help the follicle stimulate, and then they try to time it perfectly with a trigger shot. They go in and put the sperm. What they say is they basically give the sperm an uber ride exactly where it needs to go. They clean it it. They basically just help the chances of you getting pregnant every month. What I will say about IUI is after hearing the statistics about it, it is not. It's not a likely solution. It definitely helps. And it's like, why? Why not? But it also is really difficult to time. Like, every time we'd want to do iui, we'd, you know, Greg would be traveling and we needed him for his sample, or I'd be traveling. Things need to be timed perfectly with your ovulation. The letrozole definitely was making me feel crazy every single month. It was mentally taxing is what I'm trying to say. With a likelihood that wasn't that high. I'm glad we tried it, but I kind of gave myself a limit. I was like, I'm gonna try this three times and if it doesn't work, I'll do ivf. So I think it's worth trying. I know it's worked for some people, didn't work for me, but I think it's worth giving it a shot before diving into the deep end with ivf. Okay, guys, I think I will conclude this episode here. I really hope it was helpful. If you are thinking of doing IVF or about to do ivf, I am thinking of you.
- [50:14]
Greg
You got this.
- [50:15]
Mari Llewellyn
My learning from this whole experience is just how strong women are and the things we do to get babies. Even going through pregnancy is just insane. So I have so much respect for everyone who's gone through this. And also just again, if you are struggling from the LA fires, no people impacted, please check out got the Bloom page. We have resources. Go to the Bloom office, pick up donations, and I love you guys so much. Reminder to subscribe and follow to the show. We post three times a week. I'll see you on the next one. Bye. Thank you for joining us on the Pursuit of Wellness podcast to support this show. Please please rate and review and share with your loved ones. If you want to be reminded of new episodes, click the subscribe button on your preferred podcast or video player. You can sign up for my newsletter to receive my favorites@marielewellen.com it will be linked in the show Notes this podcast is a Pursuit Network production brought to you by Michaela Phillips, Joel Contartese, Daviel Waldner, Jen Lauren and Mackenzie Meiselle. You can also watch the full video of each episode on our YouTube channel at Pursuit of Wellness podcast. Love you POW girls and POW boys. I will see you next time. The content of this show is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual medical and mental health advice and does not constitute a provider patient relationship. As always, talk to your doctor or health team.