← Pursuit of Wellness
Pursuit of Wellness
POWerful Moment: 006 - Tobi Pearce on Rediscovering Your Identity After Success and Finding Happiness.
00:14:04
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- [00:01]
A
Thank you guys for joining me for another powerful moment from one of my favorite episodes. This is a highlight clip to enhance your week. I hope you enjoy. So obviously you had a very successful exit with sweat.
- [00:13]
B
Yep.
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A
A 400 million dollar exit at age 29.
- [00:18]
B
Oh, I think it was two weeks before my 29th birthday, but no way.
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A
Okay, so you were still in your 20s, which is considerably young. What was it like to have that level of financial success at that age?
- [00:31]
B
Yeah, so going back into my very early twenties. So like I also, even before that, so I left home and I was working like two or three jobs, you know, kind of after high school, you know, making like $30,000 a year, $40,000 a year. And that was like a lot at that point. Like for me it was a lot, you know, to starting PT, you did about 150k in my first year, you know, and then three years after that did about 10 million. Right. So the, the curve of like find or like, you know, the financial, you know, like wealth generation or income generation was like quite aggressive early on. So I think like by the time I got to like actually selling the organization and you obviously got some money as a part of that, I think there was two things happen at the same time. Like one was, okay, well now kind of hit a point where that's never ever going to be a problem in my life unless I made a whole bunch of really bad decisions. Right. So presumably there's a decent degree of safety there. But then like outside of the money, what ended up happening, which, you know, I probably naively didn't really consider enough, was I had a massive identity crisis like almost immediately after doing the deal, because we, I'd worked very diligently in the background to set the organization up so that it would effectively run itself. So like by the time we sold the company, yeah, with a kind of grain of salt, I would really do about five significant meetings per month. And that would, that would pretty much run the company. Yes, I did other stuff in between, of course, but it was really five primary meetings per month that ran the company. So when we sold the company a few months later, my COO took my position and I was kind of out. And so like this after that, it's like, okay, well you're no longer the founder guy, you're no longer the CEO guy. You don't really have a job or a place to go. You don't really like, see all of the people that you love working with. You know, this, that and the other. It's like, well, who the hell are you? So, like, it all goes, you know, kind of just like, you know, disappears overnight. And I think for me, that was actually. It was a really valuable experience because it. It definitely helped me realize that although I loved the game, I had my own, you know, kind of like, blinders on in some regards. So those remarks before about, like, people take a lot of status in the CEO title, this, that, the other. That wasn't. I didn't necessarily have that. That wasn't it for me, but. But I definitely kind of unconsciously took status and being like, but I have a business.
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A
This is me.
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B
I'm hustling. The business is me. So there was no, in my mind, there was no fundamental differentiation between the company and me. The identity was quite shared. And it wasn't until after having gone through that process, I was like, oh, okay. That was a very risky position to be in. That was probably a very unwise approach on my part. And obviously this is part of the development journey as we get older and hopefully wiser. It's like that was like, the money part was actually a much smaller component of it for me than necessary. Like the identity piece.
- [03:19]
A
Yeah, that was actually something I was going to ask you about because I've had a lot of entrepreneurs tell me and Greg, that is the hardest thing to experience because your business becomes who you are, especially when it's bootstrapped. You were involved from the beginning. It's your child. It's everything that, you know. I mean, Bloom is like, the only real job I've had other than working the front desk at a gym, making minimum wage. So I don't really know anything else. How do you even begin to rebuild your identity after that? Because it's not like you necessarily needed to go work more.
- [03:54]
B
Yeah, well, it's like, who the hell are you? Right. Well, this is a question I asked myself, like, so, like. And I remember it was like, quite an interesting thing. Like, shortly after I had moved house and I didn't have any furniture in the house. I had, like, literally an inflatable mattress. And this was. I was, like, working out my last couple of months of, you know, kind of handover. And so I, you know, kind of finished up on the Friday. Yeah. And I went to, like, give this speech to the company saying thank you for, you know, your support and all this stuff over you know, the many previous years. Anyway, I, like. Like, I'm not typically a very emotional guy, like, in this regard, but, like, I was like, like, sobbing. Like, I couldn't even get Words out, like, you know, it was. I felt very embarrassed at the time almost because, like, I'd spe years or whatever working with all these people and like, never once having given like any emotion at all, you know, to being like, completely just like, yeah. Could not control, you know, the emotion. And we finished that call, kind of hang up and that. That's it. My job there is done. So I go away for the weekend, I get home, and then I wake up on my inflatable mattress on the Monday morning. And I'm like, so you just made.
- [04:56]
A
$400 million and you woke up on an inflatable mattress?
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B
Yeah, yeah. I don't attach much to things. You. You probably come to know that over time. But, like, this is so funny. So, so I wake up and I'll go to my favorite cafe, so go and have breakfast. And I was like, but I would. Normally my routine would be like, I'd go to the cafe and get coffee, go to work. And I was like, well, I'm not going to go to work. And I was like, so I go home, I was going to read for a bit. And I'm like, this is actually, this is, this is quite hard. This is kind of thing to do, you know, Fuck, I'm pretty lonely actually, you know, like kind of sitting here and like, what I do, you know. And so, like, you go through this massive. And for me, it was probably like a three to six month process. It was quite hard actually. Like, and my coach, you know, my psychologist I've worked with for sort of six or seven years, he said to me, he's like, toby, this presents you an incredible opportunity to get really good at being bored. And like, I didn't properly understand, you know, like, what that meant, you know, like, at the time, but it was excruciatingly painful for me. But yeah, like, literally it was months of like, kind of like meditating and, you know, journaling and talking to people and trying to figure out, like, what actually, you know, mattered to me. Like, because when you're in a journey like that, and I mean, you're in yours right now, like, it is, it is in many regards kind of a bubble, right? Like, you're in that bubble for a little while and it's hard to get out of the bubble, to like, kind of zoom out and get like, perspective and figure out, like, who are you kind of agnostic of the bubble that you're in. And so for me, like, I said that for many months being like, well, what do I actually even like doing yeah, because I would just work, like, because I like the game. I was like, well, I definitely love business and I want to be in business, but I don't want to rush into something because I want it to be good to do. But I was like, well, what I do in the interim. And I was like, oh, well, this was one of the things that led me to the position that I'm in now, which is sort of doing consulting and advisory with founders, is because I was like, well, I love the game and I love learning which game is learning to me. But then I'm like, I really like the idea of helping other people achieve similar success that I had, but without them having to go through all the pain that I went through. Yeah. And so for me, like, that, I mean, I personally don't like this word, but the idea of like teaching, if it was kind of weird using that word, but like, for me, that, like is. And you know, has been some of the most fulfilling stuff I've done in my career that I would have never, ever imagined. You know, in my time at Swear, I would have never, ever thought for one minute, oh, like, I'd love to actually help other people do that. It would have never occurred to me.
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A
That's kind of beautiful, though. And I do feel like a lot of the time we find purpose in the pain.
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B
Oh, absolutely.
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A
And I love that you've turned it into that. Rachel mentioned to me actually that we were talking about what do we like outside of our jobs. Like, that is such a common issue, I think, for entrepreneurs.
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B
Yeah, huge.
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A
And she said you've actually helped her a ton focus on her personal life as well as her career. How do you approach balancing the two?
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B
Yeah. So for me and for a lot of people who are first time founders that have engaged in you, you have this fear that if you kind of don't like, touch and control and be across everything, that the whole thing will blow up. Right. And this is an elaborated story. But, you know, an example, a friend of mine, you know, he's in his mid-40s, he's got three children and three daughters. And I was talking to him, you know, once about kids, and he's like, oh, yeah, you have the first one and you wrap them in cotton wool and you gently place them, you know, in the cot. And then five or ten times a night you come in just to like, listen to them or poke them to see if they're still alive because you're not sure if they're dead. Right. Because you have massive paranoia that, like, Something's gonna go wrong, right? You've left the hospital and you're like, what the hell is this little nugget? Right? You know, anyway, that obviously that all works out. And then you have the second kidney, like, oh, you just kind of bit sloppy, throw them in there, chuck a blanket over it, you know, they'll be all right, whatever. And he's like, tell you where the third kid, he's like, kick him down the hallway, that'll be fine. And like the same principles kind of apply in business, but it's really hard to get that perspective early on. Right. And so to your initial point, it's like, how do you kind of disassociate like you know, the business and personal life and, and whatever. You know, part of this is understanding. So like one, there is no disassociation. Like your identity is in some regard tied up with the business. But like two, understanding from an emotional standpoint, like if you're not on top of everything and you don't know everything and it's not all working and it's perfect this, that and the other, the baby will still live, it'll still survive, you know, like, and that's a very important mentality I think for you're found as early in their journey to have. It's like not everything has to be perfect. And it's part of that like emotional tension that makes it really hard for people to switch off. So they might work a 40, 50, 60 hour week, but mentally they work in 120 hours. Yeah, because it's freaking out about it all the time. And this is like what Rachel and I would talk about all the time. She's like, oh, she's like, you just are never worried. She's like, you were just never stressed about anything you just sent me five years ago. Yeah, it's crazy.
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A
You're in a position where you don't need to be worried.
- [09:43]
B
No, I have a very, very different perspective on it now. And again that's, I'm very grateful and fortunate of course, like to have that perspective. Yes. Part of that is having some money, but a huge part of that is actually learning, you know, it's actually having the knowledge and the perspective to be like, okay, well, oh, if your business dies, cool, you did it once, you do it again.
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A
Did that financial success change your view on success and happiness at all?
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B
Yeah, yeah, it did. And this is a fun aside, right? So like for if you're a first time founder who didn't come from wealth or you have a reason that Money is very important to you, and you want to build it. You spend your first half of many years trying to get it. You're like, you got to get money, got to get it, got to get it. And then you get it. Maybe you sell a company or you have a really big year profit or whatever, and you go, cool. And you go, well, fuck, I don't want to lose it now. Yeah. And then that becomes a really big problem, right? And the fear of not losing it is in some regards almost worse than the fear of trying to get it because you didn't have it, so you had nothing to lose. But when you have it, then you're like, oh, shit, I don't want to lose it. So it's a very different kind of mindset, right? Like, to go through and like, that in itself is a really interesting journey to try and have a guy. Part of the learning that even having money doesn't change your. But won't necessarily change your perspective or the fear with it. That's a journey. Like, you have to go through that journey to try to disassociate from the safety that it provides you. But I think even some of the earlier remarks. People will see success as money. Yes. They'll see success as a CEO job title or an entrepreneur job title or a big office or lots of employees or winning a business award or whatever. Right. You know, it's like, but like. And this is so cliche, but, like, if all that shit makes you really miserable, like, are you really winning? Yeah, like, because, like, I have lots of friends. You have a few friends who are, you know, billionaires, and they've got planes and yachts and this and that and the other and whatever. It's like, we've spoken about this many times. I'm like, are you any happier since having those things? And they're like, no. They're like, sure, I have. Like, it's more convenient. Yeah. Like, maybe my holidays are slightly good. They were here and now they're here. But it's like, but the importance of happiness doesn't come from those things. And I know some people would certainly argue that, and we're all entitled to our beliefs, but, like, having more money doesn't really make you any happier, you know, like.
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A
And I guess your level of normal is just different.
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B
Yeah, absolutely.
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A
You just adjust to the new normal.
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B
Yep, yep. Absolutely. In my position, you know, I. So I bought a new house shortly after, you know, doing the deal. And a few friends of mine were like, they're like, oh, man, you Got a new house, you've massively upgraded, and you're all right. I'm like, I didn't buy that with the deal money.
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A
You bought it before?
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B
Yeah. And they're like, well, what do you mean? I was like, well, I haven't spent any of the deal money. And they're like, what do you mean? And I was like, well, what would be the point in that?
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A
Have you bought anything crazy?
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B
No.
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A
Oh, my gosh.
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B
Not a single thing. Well, the most, like, literally the most crazy thing is a nice holiday, which.
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A
I think is amazing because it's such a good experience and memory.
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B
Yeah, yeah. But, like. And this is, like, part of the point too, right? You're like, yeah, I bought a. A slightly nicer, larger house at the moment. In that house, at least 50% of the rooms have no furniture. Still.
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A
Are you just a minimalist?
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B
I just. It's. That stuff's just not that important to me.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Like, and it's. It's really strange, like, you know, going the other way around. Right. Like, you know, when I was very early in the journey, it's like I had made about three or four hundred thousand dollars a year as a personal trainer and I bought myself a watch. Right. I didn't know anything about watches. I, like, I literally straight up bought that watch because I thought that that's what you did when you made money. It was a $15,000 Breitling. Right. I still have it. I never wear it, like, literally ever.
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A
It's cool to keep that, though.
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B
Yeah. Like. And of course, I was like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna buy, like, a set of, like, Louis Vuitton suitcases. Right.
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A
Because that's what you do.
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B
Because this is what you do. Right. Anyway, when I got them and I, shortly after that, discovered I'm like, yeah, they're nice looking and they're nice leatherware, but they're really bloody hard to use. Yeah. I was like, I have, like, a $300 Samsonite one and I use that. And I've got a July, you know, suitcase as well. They're great. I don't have to worry about damaging them. And, like, you can probably see I'm quite practical more than I am. Style is not my thing. I'm not, like, cool. You look great. Yeah. This is Rachel.
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A
I was gonna say, does Rachel help?
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B
Do you, like, do it? These are, like, cargo pants. I didn't even really know what they were until we met.
- [13:57]
A
Thanks for listening to this powerful moment. If you want to hear the full episode, click the link in the show notes. Love you guys.
- [14:04]
B
Bye.