In Day 132 of the Mussar Masterclass (p. 746 in the Orchot Tzadikim, Gate of Flattery), Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe explores permitted and forbidden forms of flattery (Chanufah). He begins with the positive: one should "flatter" one's wife to preserve shalom bayit—genuinely compliment her cooking, appearance, and character (not lying, but finding and highlighting her unique beauty and goodness, as every person has redeemable qualities viewed through the right lens). This extends to rabbis flattering students to encourage Torah learning, acceptance of rebuke, and mitzvah observance; creditors to ease pressure; and anyone influenceable toward good—using pleasant, positive words to open hearts rather than harsh confrontation, which often fails in our generation.

The episode contrasts this with forbidden flattery: validating the wicked (even for personal gain), excessive courtesy that implies approval, or building false trust to later exploit (genevat da'at – stealing the mind, e.g., pretending interest as a customer for air conditioning). Flattery closes doors of teshuvah by reinforcing evil without shame, brings divine wrath, blocks prayers, and perverts justice (e.g., lawyers overly friendly with judges). Rabbi Wolbe stresses strategic positivity (e.g., spotlighting a troubled student's strengths like tree-climbing to rebuild self-worth) while warning against neutrality toward sin—stand for Hashem's honor, distance from mockers of Torah, and avoid environments that normalize negativity.

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This Podcast Series is Generously Underwritten by Peter & Becky Botvin

Recorded at TORCH Centre in the Levin Family Studios (B) to a live audience on January 12, 2026, in Houston, Texas.
Released as Podcast on March 11, 2026
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This series on Orchos Tzadikim/Ways of the Righteous is produced in partnership with Hachzek.
Join the revolution of daily Mussar study at hachzek.com.
We are using the Treasure of Life edition of the Orchos Tzadikkim (Published by Feldheim)

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About the Host:
Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe, Director of TORCH in Houston, brings decades of Torah scholarship to guide listeners in applying Jewish wisdom to daily life. To directly send your questions, comments, and feedback, please email: awolbe@torchweb.org

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Listen More
Other podcasts by Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe:

NEW!! Hey Rabbi! Podcast: https://heyrabbi.transistor.fm/episodes
Prayer Podcast: https://prayerpodcast.transistor.fm/episodes
Jewish Inspiration Podcast: https://inspiration.transistor.fm/episodes
Parsha Review Podcast: https://parsha.transistor.fm/episodes
Living Jewishly Podcast: https://jewishly.transistor.fm/episodes
Thinking Talmudist Podcast: https://talmud.transistor.fm/episodes
Unboxing Judaism Podcast: https://unboxing.transistor.fm/episodes
Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe Podcast Collection: https://collection.transistor.fm/episodes

For a full listing of podcasts available by TORCH at http://podcast.torchweb.org
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Keywords:
#JewishInspiration, #Mussar, #MasterClass, #Flattery, #Chanufa, #Praising, #Rebuke, #LashonHara, #StandUpForTruth, #Ramchal, #ZealForTorah

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The Permitted Flattery [Day 132 - Orchos Tzaddikim | Flattery 6]